The Tim Dillon Show - 334 - The Tim Dillon Show

Episode Date: February 5, 2023

Tim shares his thoughts on Armie Hammer’s  first interview post scandal, the Chinese spy ballon, a possessed Pennsylvania girl who abdicated the throne and he laments the butter controversy ravaging his homeland. Bonus episodes every week:  https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow See Tim Live on the road: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows Merch: https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/ For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same. #TimGivesBack Bonus episodes: https://www.patreon.com/thetimdillonshow Netflix special: https://www.netflix.com/watch/81616382 SPONSORS: KEEPS: TO RECEIVE YOUR FIRST MONTH OF TREATMENT FOR FREE. THAT’S K-E-E-P-S DOT COM SLASH TIMDILLON TO GET YOUR FIRST MONTH FREE! K-E-E-P-S DOT COM SLASH TIMDILLON. ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐃: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon Tim Dillon Live Dates!: http://timdilloncomedy.com/#shows Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4wo... Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1wo... #TheTimDillonShow

Raleigh, Tucson, Phoenix, Monterey, Vancouver, Napa, Oklahoma City, Palm Beach, Englewood, Huntington, New Brunswick, timdilloncomedy.com. We'll see you out there. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon show. Army Hammer now coming back, uh, has an apology. I don't, I never understood what the big deal was with Army Hammer and why he was in so much trouble. I know that there was this sticky situation and people have used the

word rape and stuff, but from my understanding, he was just fantasizing about eating people, which is legal. You're allowed to fantasize about being accountable. It may not be a fetish that, you know, is widely accepted. And I'm not projecting, by the way, don't be like, well, this is, uh, you're projecting and you're, I, uh, I don't want to eat people. I'm saying that you're allowed to a guy like Army Hammer who like, if that's what gets him off, eating, imagining, eating a consenting adult.

Now, obviously people would go, can you consent to be being eaten? Um, yeah, probably, but also if this was in the realm of fantasy, like, if he never did it, if he never cut somebody up, if he never cooked human flesh, if this was just something that got him off, I don't understand why we are quote unquote kink, shaming someone who's into this. This is what they're into. We don't know why he's into it, although now he's, he's saying a youth pastor molested him and that's why he's into it.

He said he's been in a BDSM since 13. His words, not mine. And to me, I don't understand, uh, if it's in the realm of fantasy, why, because you got to remember Army Hammer is so attractive. Having sex with an attractive person, stop being interesting to him. Probably about, I don't know, 17 years old. Most people, it's a porn. Everything's about fucking someone hot.

That's the whole game of attraction. That gets your dick hard and gets your pussy wet. If somebody's hot, quite simply, big tits, big dick, whatever it is, that gets someone hot. Army Hammer's done that maybe thousands of times. He's bored with that. It doesn't get him going anymore because he's had those experience. The experiences that you dream of in your life, when you're sitting there in

your couch and you're waiting for a postmates or a Uber Eats driver to knock on the door and hand you Thai food that you slurp down and you get sticky and you watch, you know, the experiences in the back of your mind that keep you going, that animate you. He's done those, all of them, like a lot. He's bored. Anything you think about fucking on a beach, guarantee Army Hammer's done it. Fucking on a private art, he's done it.

Fucking here. Oh, look, we're coming in the Eiffel Tower is in a backdrop. Three women. How about that? Skipping threesomes, right to orgies. I'm Army Fucking Hammer. He's fucking everybody. He's fucked everybody from every race.

Brazilian women, whatever, Norwegian women, every race he's fucked. The only thing that will get him going now is the idea that he can eat one of them. That's it. That's the only thing that gets him off. Now it's the fantasy that one day he would eat a woman to possess them fully and completely as they would then live in his belly. And I'm not saying that that's the easiest thing to bring up at a dinner party. I don't end the Army Hammer.

I think it's a, it's not an easy fetish, but let's read some of these DMs he sent to people that are supposedly that bad. And then we'll look at his apology. Um, because I think he went down and he sold time shares and he's kind of like, you know, he's, he's been punished. I believe they also looked into the rape thing. They go, we don't know how if that case is really. And again, I believe all, you know, I believe all people who pay me.

So I, I don't know who's saying what and who's doing what. What I do know is that, um, Army Hammer was accused of rape. No good, but, uh, people have come out. I believe the authorities and said, yeah, it's kind of a, you just live to obey and be my slave. I will own you. That's my soul, my brain, my spirit, my body. Now, by the way, it's fun.

If you want to have a little fun, you know, when a post-mage driver contacts you and goes, I'm seven minutes away, send this, it's fun, send this. Would you come and be my property till you die? Again, nothing offensive yet, unless he's sending you to a black lady. Not good. If he's doing that, then that's not good. But if it's a, you know, if I wanted to cut off one of your toes and keep it with me in my pocket, so I always had a piece of you under my possession, hot.

Oh my God, that just made me so hard. It makes me confused as to why is that even possible? So hard thinking of holding your heart in my hand and controlling when it beats. That's hard to do. I am 100% accountable. I want to eat you. Fuck. That's scary to admit.

I've never admitted that before. I've cut the heart out of a living animal before and eating it while someone, here's the thing. Here's the thing. I defended a lot of this really before I read the text. I came out very pro him in the beginning. I didn't do a ton of, I don't really research the show. I don't do a ton of prep work. I never have in seven years of talking, I do everything as it happens on screen.

I figure things out. I read during the week and I talk to people during the week, but like, I don't do deep dives into these issues before they happen. I imagined that Mr. Hammer was kind of like, it was kind of like, ooh, I want to eat you. I want to put you in a smoothie, but I don't love this. I've eaten a live animal's heart before. Do we believe him? Do we think, do we believe him or do we think he's just trying to be cool?

Hammer had carved the letter A. Okay, so this is interesting. On January 25th, a 22 year old Instagram influencer named Paige Lorenz, another woman Hammer had dated after separating from his wife, told the New York Post's page six that Hammer had carved out the letter A near her vagina with a knife, licked a wound, proposed, quote, consuming her, and told her that he wanted to eat one of her ribs. I thought he was kidding, Lorenz said.

I, it didn't register to me. This was something he was serious about until he brought it up multiple times and seeing other woman would come out and say the same thing. And then it was like, wow, this is really scary. She said the incision was about an inch deep and engraved with the whole tip of the blade. And of course, his lawyer goes, that's not true. I mean, what if you want to eat people?

To be honest, like in our society, which is relatively permissive in many arenas, and I think that's good. I think people should be allowed to live as they want. But if you wanted to eat a person, if that was the, is there a way to do it safely where someone who has been, who has died could consent or maybe their family could get money so that people like army hammer with money, not the poor can indulge in this, but is there a way that people like army hammer with money can pay their families off to eat the, their corpses of their relatives?

To be honest, like that might be, is that a crazy idea? Like if let's say your son or daughter died in a, I don't know, motorcycle accident, could someone like army hammer go to the family and say, I will cover the funeral expenses and give you 150 on top, but I want to eat them. I want to eat your daughter. I'm going to need her body and I'm going to, we're going to consume her flesh. And can this be done safely? I'm just proposing things I think might make sense.

And like, man, when it rains, it pours. He also committed other acts of violence against me to which I did not consent. She went on, for example, he beat my feet with a crop. What? So they would hurt with every step I took for the next week. But do you understand how hot army hammer is? Get up a photo of him. Understand how hot you have to be a better one than that.

Even though that's not bad. He's got the porn stash. Do you understand how attractive you have to be to beat a woman's feet and carve letters into her without her caring? I mean, he doesn't even look, he doesn't look phenomenal there. What about to the left right there? That's maybe a little bad. Yeah.

I mean, it's a statement to how attractive he is that he was able to carve things into women and beat their feet. And then basically they're like, oh my God, he's just so weird. We love him. So now he's broken his silence. And I don't know if I'm going to support him, but I may. I may throw the full weight of the show behind army hammer or full, you know, the microphone here, the bully pulpit, the platform.

Are we going to back army hammer, even though he does, he has carved things into people and claims that he has eaten a beating animal heart. The thing about it, his statement that he released, by the way, he attempted suicide after this. So this whole idea of like, like that we're just going to pile on to this poor man. He said, hammer said in February, he attempted suicide while quarantining in the Cayman Islands. I just walked out into the ocean and swam as far as I could and hope that either I drown, was hit by a boat or was eaten by a shark. Then I realized that my kids were still on shore and that I couldn't do that to my kids.

He lost between $14 and $16 million alone as he was removed from multiple movie projects. My financial status is not only am I broke, I'm massively in debt. There was a point in all of this where I had to have a friend to help me buy groceries. But yet, and this is my favorite lie, I love, by the way, there's nothing better than this. And this is what everyone says after they've been through something like this. He wouldn't change it. He wouldn't change it for the world. This is my favorite. This is because it's to show that they've learned. This is what you have to do. You have to actually show that you've learned. This guy was one of the,

let's just put this in context. He was one of the biggest celebrities in the world. He was a movie star, beloved by the industry of Hollywood. He was a multimillionaire. He then was outed as being a cannibal and a rapist and sent to an island to sell time shares. And he wouldn't change a thing. He wouldn't change a thing. He says it made him a better person than a father to his children, made him a better dad. Being outed as a cannibal has made him a better father. He's around now to throw the ball with his kids. If someone came up to me and gave me a magic lamp and said, there's a genie in here, but it only gives you one wish. By the way, this is the biggest lie.

First of all, if there's a genie in a lamp that gave him one wish, he wants a woman tied to a fucking table in that Epstein little temple that they had on Little Saint James. This idea that, I mean, I love this though. Listen to this quote. I get it. You can't be after you've been outed as a cannibal. Honesties would fuck you. Honesty fucked him. He was too honest. He went out and said, I want to eat women. I can't believe I'm admitting that. I feel so close to you. I want to eat you. I want to put your toe in my pocket and carry it around. That's just me being me. That's army being army. And then the honesty is what really fucked him. So he can never be honest again. A guy like Army Hammer is swimming out in the Cayman Islands.

Maybe he thinks he's going to get eaten by a shark. Maybe not. But he can never be honest again. He knows that. He knows down deep. Honesty is the worst policy for him. It just didn't work. It didn't work at all. He let everybody know what he was into. And then they responded by ruining his life. So he'll never be honest again, ever about anything. Because by the way, those thoughts don't go away. You don't go away. If you're at a restaurant and you see an attractive waitress and she hands you a meal and you look at her forearm and you go, God, I just want to fucking bite into that. I just want to bite into this bitch's arm. That doesn't go away. I don't think it goes away. Maybe with some therapy. But still, it's a kink. It's a thing. It's just

something you're into. He goes, if somebody came up to me and gave me a magic lamp and said, there's a genie in here, but it only gives you one wish. If you rub this lamp, the genie will come out and take you back two years in the past and you can undo all of this. Which by the way, sounds great. I wouldn't do it, says Armie Hammer. He would not do it. I am now grateful for everything. And by the way, you have to realize, I don't know what publicist is working with him. Probably nobody. Like this is probably, this is probably the lowest, like he's kind of been written off and it's kind of sad. Well, I don't know what he actually did. I mean, he's doing some things that are not great, clearly the carving and all that and the beating. But this is not,

like this is what he, you know, it's still kind of arranged. Like this is a combat. He wants a comeback. This is what it's for. Otherwise, he'd just quietly learn all these lessons. He doesn't need to publicly tell people that he's a great dad. Who is that? Who are these people? Hold on. Let me take this. Hello? Hi, Aunt Carol. How are you? Thank you, my love. How are you doing? Thank you for the birthday wishes. It's okay. I forgive you. I know you're great. How are you feeling? Good.

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keeps.com slash Tim Dillon to get your first month of treatment for free, keeps.com slash Tim Dillon to get your first month of treatment for free. I'm now grateful for everything that's happened to me because as it says in the 12 and 12, which is the alcoholics anonymous, 12 steps and 12 traditions, pain is the touchstone of spiritual progress, Hammer says. I'm now healthier, happier, more balanced cannibal. I'm able to be there for my kids in a way I never was. I'm able to be there for my dad as he's dying in a way that I would never have been able to be. I'm truly grateful for my life and my recovery and everything. I would not go back and undo everything that's happened to me. Hey, if it's true, God bless, I would imagine that it is not because I think best case scenario,

you would not have any of that happen and then recover from being accountable privately if possible, but no one can prove he ate anybody. So what's interesting, this rape allegation that he's going through, and again, this is in the show where we're investigating rape claims here. Luis Gomez, there was, I mean, who I love, you know, Luis Gomez, I always say Luis Gomez because his name is Luis J. Gomez, but it's a way to disrespect him. But Luis, who's a great friend of mine and the proprietor of Gas Station Allegiance Gangs, everything, Luis, there was like open mic, there was an open mic rape claim and then Luis came to me and goes, we, and we started investigating it. It was very interesting. And we found all these weird things was like a weird,

true crime thing. And then Luis says we should do a show called Rape Dicks where investigators and we investigate rape claim, which we never did because the advertisers I don't think would have been in love with the idea, but just rape Dicks was going to be. So this woman is accusing a hammer of raping her for howling four hours, the stamina. But the actor says while he did have an affair with a consensual 24 year old, everything was consensual or consensual non, and by the way, everyone's shitting on Leo, who's a non-cannibal for fucking a 19 year old. He's not dating a 19 year old. What? I mean, the guy, listen, he's Leo the cap. Stop saying he doesn't respect women. He respects them, especially when they're young. I mean, it's not inherent that he doesn't respect

women. He's dating a 19 year old. He probably connected with her on a deep level that people don't understand. It's not, you know, you know, when you're Leo the Caprio, should you date an old hag? And I'm not saying that like, you know, I get it's a little bit of a gap to 19 and whatever he is, 60 or something. It's a gap. It's a generational gap. But the reality is, should you date an old, would it make everyone feel better to see Leonardo DiCaprio with a twice divorced vice president from New York City, who shoves her big ribeye steak feet into flats and gets off a subway and walks into an office and goes, get the fucking and she's just smells like garlic and she's like, and then she's drinking wine and she has three kids in all different colleges and,

you know, she's screaming at them all the time. And would it make everyone feel better to fuck her? Like, I don't know what, who do you, what would make everyone feel good? He's not, listen, Leo the Caprio, he's not on the same planet. You are dummies. I'm sorry to let you know that he's not on the same planet. You are. I think, and I've heard he just brings women in, he fucks them with headphones on. He puts headphones in his ears and fucks them. And then just is like, goodbye. And I think they signed an NDA. I think that's what he does. And I get it because it's like, you know, like, you know, like, I think it's after a while, it probably gets a little bit annoying being Leo the Caprio, just like, I just want to fuck these women and put my

headphones in and not deal with it. So apparently now he's found a 19 year old that he cares about and then he likes and he wants to date everyone's mad at him. Who should he date? What type of woman should he date? Like a 50 year old gal. Would that make everybody better to see, feel better to see Leo with like a graying old librarian that comes out and he's like, this is my, I love her, her passion for books. That's what I love. It's her passion for books. God, she's opened my eyes to so many things. Leo, he's going out. Is this his girl? Yep. Listen, what's good about, see what's interesting about this 19 year old is she looks 14. Now Leo, I mean, listen, he's in love. She's an Israeli model. He's in love with her. Do you hate love? Do you people hate love? They probably

talk about all kinds of interesting things. She's probably like fucking, you know, my father is in the military and the other day he, you know, they strapped a bomb to a Palestinian toddler and then he just kind of ran in. He ran and then he went on Leo goes, huh, Leo might have for the whole relationship. Maybe he has his headphones in. He doesn't know what she's saying, but I don't judge people as long as everything's legal and consensual. It's like, I don't know. Should he date an old hag? I know a lot of hags in my life. I know a lot of old female hags and I love them. I love them. I don't fuck them, but I love them. They're a lot of fun. They have great personalities, but Leo's maybe not into that because Leo probably doesn't have a personality either. That's the other thing.

People are like, well, what does he even relate to the girl about? What does he relate to anyone about? He's Leonardo DiCaprio. He's not cool like he is in the movies. He's just probably a dull guy who's just ready really to go to some other planet because he's done this one. There's nothing left for him to do. Back to Armie Hammer, who I feel I'm increasingly bad for now because he's going insane. This alleged rape was a scene that was her idea. She planned all of the details out, all the way down to what Starbucks I would see her at, how I would follow her home, how her front door would be open and unlocked and I would come in and we would engage in what is called, quote, consensual non-consent scene. A consensual non-consent. By the way, anybody who's

a famous actor doing this, be careful. Consensual non-consent scene, Hammer says, every single thing was discussed beforehand. I have never thrust this on someone unexpectedly. That was very part of the BDSM world, he said, the consent because you're doing things that are pushing envelopes. You're doing things that are beyond the realm of let's have missionary sex with a lights off, which again, Armie is bored with. You have to have that trust. You have to have that vulnerability with somebody. You have to have that aspect of I'm willing to give my control over to this person. And they're the ones that can stay, stop at any time. They're the ones that can set the boundaries. Angelova maintains that there is, there is in the region of 100 plus people that

Mr. Hammer has coerced in his sexual acts coercion and on term, but you know, so here's the thing with Armie Hammer. We wish him well. We apologize, but we have a Chinese spy balloon in America, so we can't devote too much time to this. We have a spy balloon. I haven't looked at this too much. And, but what this is, is a cartoon, what a cartoonish. This is like a nineties movie, like an early 2000s movie that we're being spied on with a balloon. And Joe Biden's like, we're going to, we're going to take care of this surveillance balloon believed to be from China and first seen above Montana is being tracked as it flies over the continental United States. The government has detected it and it's tracking its high altitude surveillance balloon that is

flying over the continental United States right now. Is this would try, I thought China was very sophisticated. I thought China was doing like a lot of corporate espionage and they had spies in this country that are born here, like my God son that will grow up and live here. Like, I thought China was doing this really high level shit. This is what they're doing. They're sending a hot air balloon. Maybe we don't really have to worry about them. This is what they're doing. They're sending a blimp to spy on people. I don't know. This doesn't seem to, I thought China was like, I mean, really like, like, you know, deeply entrenched in our security state with their spies and our defense industry and many and tech and corporations. But so Biden praises top gun F-22

fighter jet pilot who shot down China's spy balloon off the coast of South Carolina with a single missile after the president vowed to take care of it and the FAA closed airspace and three airports. So it's weird. It's like, it's, and then what is China? I guess we go to China and go, you have a fucking spy button. They go, oh, they go, we don't really know. We don't just, uh, it's just a hot air balloon. But this does, I'm not, I'm, am I, it's okay to be less worried about China now that this is the type of crap they're doing, like frat pranks. They're sending hot air balloons to spy on Montana. Maybe they don't really know what's going on. We tend to think China's like the biggest threat, but maybe they're not. We don't know. I mean, this, this

kind of makes me feel a little better about them, to be honest. The balloon, which was being used by the People's Republic of China. And now, by the way, here's what we're going to find out soon. It's our balloon, by the way. This is what we're going to find. This comes next. What comes next is that it is an American balloon that we've put up to stoke some cold war with them now, because the Ukraine's, that one's winding down, perhaps. So what we're going to realize is that we did this. This sounds like something we might have done. This sounds like an idea that comes out of our defense department. What have we put up? Let's do a balloon. You put it over Montana. And yeah, but we say it's Chinese balloon. We say it's a Chinese surveillance balloon.

They'll believe that. Oh yeah, they'll believe that. Yeah, they'll believe that. Let's see. Can we get a video of the Chinese spy balloon? Yeah, this, this is, and then someone shot it. Yeah, this is like 100%. This feels like it's 100%, something we've done. So it's a Chinese, we're going to say it's a spy, it's a spy balloon. It's a Chinese spy balloon. Well, Biden, yeah, I mean, you know, people are saying he's not tough on these things. So, you know, the reality is we can't ban TikTok, you know, but what we can do is put up a fake spy balloon and then shoot it down. Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh, they'll love it. It'll dominate the news cycle for two or three days, which is put up a balloon and then shoot it. And then, yeah,

we act like it's a big win. I don't know. Maybe, maybe it is China, but I don't know. I'd be so disappointed in China if this is the shit they're doing, the Chinese spy balloon. I just, I just hope, I hope that this is not what the case is. I do want to talk about a nice story because there is, there's very few nice stories out there now. And I want to talk about something that I do think is nice. There is a family. There was a family, a mother, a father, and a daughter. This is actually nice, truly. So if you want like some dark angle on this, there is none. It's a genuinely nice story where people do what they say. This was a family who had a suicide pact and actually did it. Like they actually followed through on it and killed

themselves. The mom shot the dad, the daughter shot the mom, and then the daughter shot herself. There's something really nice about a family that not only makes a plan but executes it. Did you guys find any of the YouTubes of her? Yeah. So this lady, this woman, her and her family all shot each other in a suicide pact. Where were they from? Do we know? Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania. They're from Pennsylvania, these people. And they're, they're big Trump fans and probably on the queue spectrum. And the, there was a note left by the mother saying there was evil mounting against the daughter. I think they believed that maybe the daughter was taken over by the spirits. And, but there's a YouTube of the daughter here,

and this is always creepy to watch somebody from beyond the grave a little bit. But let's check out this daughter because the mother has said there's evil being mounted against the daughter. Let's see why she would think that. Hello, everyone. Hello. I thought I should use this accent really. Hello, everyone. We're going to Elizabeth Dorb here, York, Pennsylvania, United States of America. I hope this travels the world. I really do. I hate the privacy being stolen, but I hope this rocks the world today. So yeah, please do. The mother was correct. Mother was correct. And the elimination was necessary. The mother was correct. The elimination had to happen. Whatever this is, we don't need that.

We don't need more of that. We don't need more of whatever that is. If that's not evil, I don't know what evil is. Somebody from York, Pennsylvania talking British accent. Oh, I hope his travels the world. What a creep. Look at this creepy beyond. She's a little creepy and she's got, what does she got the shirt on the American, a beautiful shirt? You buy these shirts that like rest stops like that type of shirt. So now what happened? Morgan didn't have many words to say. He said, Brett Stabley who operates the pro shop at the bowler supply. So this girl was quiet, but apparently intelligent. And he gave her many bowling lessons over the years and she became more sociable as she grew older. But these people, they were hell bent on Trump winning.

I don't know why that is like a huge part of this. Apparently that's, but what do they do? How do they do it? They shot each other. I think the mom shot the dad and the date. Hey, they had a pack and they had a note that said our daughter has been possessed, which is true. This is clearly true. If you, if you watch the YouTube, there was some level of possession there to be on. And I'm not even trying to be whatever, but the girl was, you know, the girl was under something under some influence. It was not good. Yeah. So they found notes inside the house that indicate the family recently made a joint decision to end their lives. Police believe Deborah Daub shot and killed her husband and then was shot and killed by Morgan, who then

committed suicide. Police said there were no signs of forced entry and no evidence anyone else had been present and investigated. But here's the deal. I mean, this is, I gotta be honest with you, more family should do this because the real estate market is tanking. And this is a great way to balance things out. If families start killing themselves in mass, if they just start having suicide packs, because you don't want one or two people in the family to go. You want everybody to go because it's a clean slate, clean slate. Mother's chilling, handwritten note about evil that is mounted against her daughter, who shot her parents dead before turning the weapon on herself and family murder suicide packed. A cryptic handwritten note was left by the mother

of a young Pennsylvania woman, which spoke of evil mounted against her just days before they were found dead in a planned murder suicide pact. Yeah. Do we have the note? Probably not. It's probably still evidence. Yeah. This is sad. But again, you know, play a little bit more in this video, huh? About two minutes in, it starts getting good. She like switches personalities a little bit. Yeah, I guess let's play more of this video, because I do be honest with you. I do believe she's being controlled by daemons. The YouTube, go to the YouTube. And I believe that at the end of the day, if you can, you know, if you can just

kill each other nicely and quietly, maybe that's not the worst. How do you more baroque you're saying Obama? Not anymore, Wendy Rogers. Not anymore, y'all. It's done. Oh, I hope they're getting the papers drawn up right now. I want to shoot her. Attorney's getting those, those things set right now. Please. As soon as possible. I mean, imagine your child started acting like this. You'd have to kill them. You'd have to shoot them. Imagine if your child started walking around the British accent, being like, it's not a kingdom anymore. Good morning. Good morning. It's not a kingdom anymore.

Baroque, you say, Obama, it's not a kingdom anymore. You'd go, all right, let's all kill ourselves. We don't know where we went wrong with this bitch, but we fucked up. Like, I can imagine the parents just sitting each other, looking at each other going, listen, here's the reality. We got a big problem here. We got a real big problem here. This is not turning around and we did it. We did this and it's not turning around. We got to go. We got to take ourselves out of the equation because this is beyond a little time in therapy. This bitch is crazy. We raised a fucking lunatic and we got to go play a little more of this. It's, it's creepy. It makes my skin crawl. Are we hitting the official paper that they get drawn up faster than you can say, Queen? Really?

That devil goes for too much. Things he can out with the most type, God. This is what happens. I did so in a little bit of a paper here. A little bit of paper. All right, enough of this. There's, there's about, there's about 10, 10 to 15% of the population is this, if you talk to them, truly. About 10 to 15% of people you bump into out there are in, in this depths of insanity, truly, where it's just, it's like, doesn't even make sense. It's like non-sequiturism. She's speaking in a British accent. You just, yeah, I got to be honest with you. I'm pro, I'm usually against family suicide packs, but this one, I completely support.

It was probably long overdue. I think that at the end of the day, the parents probably sat down to dinner and went, Hey, fucking this ain't turning around. Let's get this. Let's eliminate this problem. Oh, is their dinner ready? Is the dinner ready? No, it's not a kingdom anymore. Is it? It's not a kingdom anymore. Then they go, we got to kill her. We got to kill her and then ourselves, because we don't want to go to jail. Everybody's got to die. We'll get her to kill us, and we'll get her to take her on life. To defend my Irish people right now, they're coming after Kerrygold butter, which is a great butter. It's very yellow and gamey. It's from Ireland. It's made by white people, which is nice because a lot of things are not, and it's made by Irish red

white people. And of course, the Bay Area, which has no respect for the Irish and ever will, is the Irish don't have anything. This is the thing about the Irish. They have nothing. They have like story and song. They don't have any real wealth. There's no finance. They just have natural beauty, but it's kind of depressing and sad. And this is what the Irish and I love the Irish because it's like what I am. But you know, at the end of the day, they're like the lowest class of whites. They're not the best looking. They have many skin problems. They drink a lot. But again, they're very hardy people that tell great stories and have some really good music. I wouldn't call it mainstream, but you know, so they're just trying to get by here. And the thing,

their export, their big thing is butter. It's carry gold butter. You know, this is what they do, you know, and carry gold and all natural butter that's used to elevate anything from baked goods to breakfast omelettes was yanked from California and New York grocery stores recently. Bay Area Costco employees told San Francisco gate apparently traditional foil packaging might not comply with California's new law and hazardous chemicals. Come on. Will you come on now? These people live in tiny huts in Ireland and they churn fucking butter. They don't understand hazardous chemical laws in California. They're just trying to make butter so that they can fucking buy more cows to make more butter. They don't even they're not making a lot of money on this.

They're just trying to stay above water. I speak for my own people here. They're trying to stay above water over there and they're just trying to fucking get enough butter and to have more. But this is, it's a butter economy in Ireland. It's a butter based economy. It's their one export. It's the one thing they have. Oh, would you like some kettigold butter? That's all they have. There's nothing else. They don't have anything else. They're not making micro chips. They don't know what they even are. They don't know what those things are. If Ireland has an Apple store, I'm shocked. And if they have it, they firebomb it because they think that's where the witches work. You know what I mean? It's just a beautiful, sad place to have a nice cup of tea and look

at the rain on the cliffs and think of throwing yourself off. A guy that I was hanging out with from Ireland said, this is true. This is just sums up Ireland. And then you take the fucking butter away. This just sums it up. A guy married some chick. He was like suicidal and he went to the cliffs of Moher, which are these beautiful cliffs in Ireland. And the families like trying to stop him, they all get there and they watch him throw himself off like the bride, the whole family, they're all there. And then this guy just throws himself off and they're all like, no, and they run towards the cliffs and they see he's thrown himself. You want to stop their ability to ship butter to America so that people, by the way, San Francisco, do you think the biggest

problem is in the Bay Area is the hazardous plastic butter packaging? Okay, there are people in the Bay Area right now who are literally full zombies walking around in a fucking post-apocalyptic I am legend state of being where they are just like making sounds. They don't even speak. And we're worried about the packaging on the butter products that are being shipped here from Seattle. Everyone in Ireland was like raped by a priest and they were all trying to get over that by drinking copious amounts of booze. They drink fish tanks of booze every day to get over the fact that all of them are kind of raped by, did I say police or priests? Priests. Yeah, they were raped that's America. Ireland, Ireland, they're raped by priests and they all get over that by drinking a

lot so many of them are drunk most of the day and the ones that aren't make butter this is like the only thing they have going on. This is the whole country to be honest and if you know maybe there's a restaurant where they're serving the butter other than that this is it's the whole economy. There's no like huge financial digit. They're not like a tech country. Nobody tech people moving to Ireland, right? So at Kerrygold we made the responsible decision to reformulate some of our packaging due to regulatory changes in California which went into effect January 1st, 2023 product with peace free packaging is returning to shelves this week onwards. I'm just saying this hurt the people you're hurting here are very sad troubled people. Do you know how many of the people at

Kerrygold are committing suicide right now or throwing themselves off a cliff because the butter is not being shipped to the San Francisco? Many of them are just good. They're all just a lot of them are just walking in the cliffs of Mar and jumping off. It's horrible. It's very sad. So I'm just saying get the fucking get the butter back on the fucking shelves please. Let these people live. Let Armie Hammer live. He made a few mistakes. He carved one heart into a woman's pussy and we're acting like he's irredeemable and can't come back. He did one wrong thing. He said, I want to I want to eat your toe to one person and it's a big deal. This is one of my favorite things are always this Hugo Soto Martinez. He was like an LA guy. He's like, we don't want any cops.

One of his staffers called the LAPD asking for extra patrol on Lexus public points out hypocrisy. I guess he has a Lexus. Hugo Soto Martinez. I don't know if he wanted to abolish the police but he has a Lexus and he wants the cops to patrol his Lexus I guess. That's what I'm getting from this. But this is all of them right? This is like all of the people that really push aggressively to like abolish the cops. A lot of them are in a position where they have to eventually call the police and embarrass themselves. You know, LAPD received a call from Mr. Soto Martinez's office asking for quote extra patrols throughout the night because a parked white Lexus belonging to the council member because the vehicle broke down. So he didn't want people stealing his car,

I guess. Yeah, I mean, this is you know, this is this is silly. They tell they tell people that they don't want any cops. And you know, then they're like, Hey, can you guys can you guys just watch my Lexus? Also, everything in LA is falling apart rapidly. The cops have probably have a lot of shit to do. And so if they just have to kind of go around and just do a drive and look at his Lexus. But yeah, I mean, people like when people lie people really actually like this. So this is not a bad thing. None of this ever matters, by the way. No, no, no, no, hypocrisy is a charge doesn't really work. No one cares. Most people are hypocrites. So most people treat hypocrites well. They don't really care. You know, when someone who pushes defund the police, then it turns

out they want a private patrol by their house. They don't really care when people who say that their anti gun have guards with guns all around. They don't care when people who are pro immigration live behind three or four guard gates. They don't care. This hypocrisy charge doesn't really work because in America, the goal is to be a hypocrite. That's the whole goal is to really be a hypocrite. Like being successful means you'll have to kind of on some level be a hypocrite, because a lot of the things you're going to push or say are bad for people you're going to do. And this is the goal and people know that like instinctively, I think people know that like they're just like, if I could get be successful enough to be a hypocrite,

that's the goal. The goal is to basically go out and say, this is the way things should be, but not for me. Because as soon as you have money, you can buy your way out of the conditions you're even talking about, right? As soon as you have a little bit of money, you buy your way out of these conditions, you buy your way out of the crime hood neighborhood, you buy your way out, you get a bunch of lawyers so that people can't fuck with you the way they used to. You're not being taken advantage of by greedy landlords to that extent that you were. That's all goal is to be a hypocrite. So nobody really cares. It's hypocrisy is like in Hollywood where I live, everybody's like, that's the whole point. The whole point is to be a hypocrite.

You know, you care about climate change, but they're on the private jet. But I mean, I don't know what's the other side. The other side of it is to not take the private jet, then Leo's and coach was 19 year old girlfriend. Leo's sitting there and coached me. That would be ridiculous. I'm not a coach in first class, but that would also be kind of ridiculous. Like Leo being in first class would be ridiculous, right? So he's got to take a private jet. He just has to, he's going to do it. What he should do is just stay quiet about the environment. That would be nice if you just didn't really care about it. But because he, you know, because he can't go the other way, right? He can't be like, fuck the environment. Like you can't be excited about

destroying the environment. That would seem in bad taste. That would be in poor taste. If Leo was like, I don't give a fuck about this planet. I'm almost done here. And when I'm done here, I hope the whole thing bloat like that would be in bed. So he's got to get out and kind of go like, yeah, it's just to be, you know, the oceans are beautiful. And, you know, grass, we like grass and mountains. We like that and air, clean air is good. And so he's, but that's, that's why hypocrite never works. You can hit people with any type of charge and it'll work. Racist, homophobic, whatever it is, those things work. People like that. Hypocrite people go, no, no, no, no, no. That doesn't matter. What people say in this country is inherently more important than what

they do. Truly. Like when those gay politicians that have wives and kids, they secretly get caught sucking off dudes in the airport. Like, yeah, a lot of them lose their jobs and stuff like that. But it doesn't make people think differently. They still go, no, no, no, well, we still are against gay marriage and we're going to elect another guy. Like the message never gets hurt. The message will never get hurt by the hypocrisy. We like hypocrite. We like liars. That's a big thing. And our dream as Americans is to one day be hypocrites. That's our dream. It's like, if everything goes right in your life in this country, you could be a hypocrite and you can go, the fucking, it's so sad, but with the climate, it's sad. But then everything you do will be to get

away from people. All the stuff that would help the climate is like public, public, public shit, more public transportation, more this, more that, but you don't want to be on any of that. They're cutting people's heads off. You don't want to be on it. So the reality is you immediately will then go, no, no, no, I want to be in my own fucking car. I want to be away from these fucking people. If I go on vacation, I don't want to go anywhere near the people that get away from the people. So the whole thing is, is, is like just, just who cares? It doesn't matter. It doesn't really matter. This guy goes, get rid of the police. Then he wants police. It's like, that's our, our most American ideal is that we, we say one thing and do another. That's everything

we've ever, that's, that's the whole point. That's, that's as deeply ingrained in America as every day. We are for freedom and democracy and we like the Middle East on fire for 20 years. It has nothing to do with anything. We're sticking it out until we win. And then we're out of Afghanistan. We run away like cowards at killing people. It's all a lie. The whole thing's a lie. So why would these people be honest? The whole thing's a lie. The whole thing's completely a lie. So it's just nice because there's, there, sometimes the rest stop has to see it available at the restaurant. That's what most people like about America. It's like air conditioning, uh, fluffy couches, food. You don't really care about much else. Theme parks, big movie plexes, malls. Like

most people if you ask what they like about America, beer, drugs, boats, being on a boat, when you're on like, they don't really care about anything. So like hypocrisy doesn't matter. Well, he's being hypocritical. What? What does that even mean? It's, it's, it's, it's our national religion to be hypocrites. Our national religion to go into a country, kill them all and then, and then ask why they don't like us. That's what we do as a couple. We like kill a whole country and then go, what's their problem with us? It's like, so yeah, of course none of this shit matters, but they'll keep doing this. They'll keep, they'll keep bringing this shit up. Like it's ever going to matter. Like anyone's ever going to care about hypocrisy. It's just, it's a

national pastime. It's a national religion to say one thing and do the other and to, to just believe bullshit, believe nonsense. Every story of all these successful people, they come out and it's designed by like publicists and writers for a lot of it. And it's, you know, literally, you know, the whole thing about, I don't freak out about the Nepo baby thing, but there are so many people in entertainment business whose parents were successful. I don't think that's necessarily bad by the way. It's just a thing, right? It's just what it is. And it's, it's just what it is. You know, it's not, it doesn't invalidate their talent because some of those talented people have genes and they get passed down to people that are good. You know, it's like, you know,

like I am the son, bring this guy up. I am the son. This is true of Bobby the brain Heenan. So that's how I have been able to do what I've been able to do in this business. And it's, you know, it's doesn't invalidate my talent. It doesn't invalidate everything I've done. It doesn't invalidate all of the things that I do every week for all of you people. But, you know, that's, um, all right, everybody, thank you for listening. We'll see you next time.