The Tim Dillon Show - 363 - The Return Of Shame with Dan Soder

Episode Date: September 30, 2023

Tim sits down with comedian Dan Soder about experiences in the back of a Colorado theater, acting, dating models and what comes after a naked dating show. American Royalty Tour 🎟 https://www.timdilloncomedy.com/ Pre-Order ‘Death By Boomers’ By Tim Dillon 👉 https://rb.gy/gafn4 SPONSORS: Morgan & Morgan: For more information go to forthepeople.com/tim Nutrafol: Head to Nutrafol.com/men & Use Promo Code TIM. ▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬ Subscribe to the channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4wo... Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/timjdillon/ Twitter: https://www.twitter.com/TimJDillon Listen on Spotify! https://open.spotify.com/show/2gRd1wo... #TheTimDillonShow Merch:  https://store.timdilloncomedy.com/ For every $400,000 we gross in revenue, we are donating five dollars to end homelessness in Los Angeles. We are challenging other creators to do the same. #TimGivesBack

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Tim Dylan should dance. So it are Colorado. You represented a warm brober getting frisky. Have you ever been, have you ever gotten a movie theater? Uh, hand job or a Broadway? I've the inner hand job or a blowjob. I mean, it's going to get the first time I ever touched a woman's pubic hair was, was during Batman and Robin when it was in theaters in a horror. Colorado in Aurora at the Seven Hills movie theater.

Jesus. But the girl I was dating, but this is how stupid I was. Most of the time you go in through the top of the pants. Of course. And it was the summer. I went up the leg like a true 13 year old boy. Tentrister. I had no idea what I was doing and then I remember,

that was the first time I ever touched someone else's pubic hair. And I was like, whoa. I the in the theater, in the lead in the theater through the leg completely blew it. Probably could have gotten a lot more had I entered proper. Was she like what's happening? Yeah. Yeah. She cheated on me that summer with two other guys who both like knew what they were doing. Jesus Christ. That was one of those things where you're like, I fucked up. Yeah. I fucked up. But seeing Lauren Bober do that, you're like, oh, that's a clear. You just got divorced move. Cause you know, what's funny about watching like elected officials is like George Santos is from one island. He just lies. So you know, so you know what kind

of what kind of lie he's going to come with. Absolutely. And I know Lauren Bober. It's coming from the Western front. Yeah. The other side of the mountains where it's like Garfield County, you know, where you're like, sure, there's Aspen. Yeah. But then there's also Glenwood Springs. And there's like, it's not all Aspen and Carbondale. It's a lot of like small little towns where they're like, they shoot guns in order to show joy. It's show that they're happy. Yeah. And she was going in. I mean, she's given him kind of, it looks like she's going in. She's going in. My favorite part about all this, my favorite part about all this is when you find out it's a first date.

Right. Because that's third date. Totally fine. It's a great point. The first date, you're like, she got into it. Yeah. That means, because this is the show. Yeah. So they clearly got drinks, probably went to it. Yeah. That means, because this is the show. Yeah.

So they clearly got drinks, probably went to dinner. Right. And then headed down to the Buel Performing Art Center. Right. They were probably, you know, in Lotto, downtown, probably I had a little, and then they go. And she's just ripped. She's hammered.

She's ripping a vape. Yeah. Pregnant lady asks her to stop. She's like, shut up bitch. Right. And then he's just fondling those tits. to stop. She's like, shut up bitch. Right. And then he's just fondling those tits. Because he knows he's like, if I get a lickered up and we go to Beetlejuice the musical,

there's no way. Nothing gets this girl hotter than a Michael Keaton vehicle. Yes. We're not even in the middle of it. Beetlejuice the musical, she's just gonna get her in the right frame of mind. Unfortunately, Mr. Mom, doesn't Mr. Mom, the musical doesn't open for five months.

That just not work. I can take her to Beetlejuice. Yeah, and my dick's coming out. There's gotta be, not the people next to them, but the people on the opposite side of the aisle, just being like, is that woman grabbing that dude's dick? What's funny is, apart from it being more in bobert, there's definitely just people in the theater going like,

who's this piece of shit? And the reveal. The reveal that it's your representative. You know, remember back in when they did commercials for movies, where they would do the audience reaction as they left where they're like, best time in the summer. If they would have taken those people and been like, did you know that was Lauren Bobert? They had them and like, holy shit. Like, if they would have grabbed that blast and been like did you know that was Lauren Bulbert? Adam and I like holy shit. Like if they would have grabbed that blast radius of who she was around.

Yeah, it's just people being like we had no idea there was a horror house operating at Beetlejuice the music. I don't know. She must have walked from coal facts. It was incredible. Because you know that no one knew until the news. That's right. Maybe even a couple people at the theater maybe knew. Right.

But most of those people around are like, who is this slut in this dress? Just a drunk person acting inappropriately in public, which is not rare. Now, if I could have informed them. Yeah. And forming them that it was Lauren Bobert, probably would have been about third on the list.

Because what I first would have done was gone, now that woman's 36. Right. And they go, okay, and I go, she's a grandma. And they go, okay. And there you go. Lauren Bobert. They're like, holy shit. You know what fun about her is that, you know, she is a wild woman like her husband and her

used to getting brawls. The cops would come, which I mean, dude, you know, honestly, the Colorado blood in me. Oh, yeah, understands voting for that. Oh, yeah. You want someone who's going to defend your state, the way she defends her car from her husband with a bag. Yeah. I like someone where it's like, oh, you really are like a Rihanna song. And what's funny, yeah, the whole thing is what's funny about her is like, you know, she had no interest in politics. She was working in a bar. Some bar called shooters or something.

Well, that was her bar. It was her bar. She owned the bar. Yeah. And she was like, this is what I'm about. And then somehow she became a congresswoman. I honestly, I get it. Yeah. Cause 13 year old me. Yeah. If I'm making up a woman to jerk off to, that's it. I'm watching all these action movies. I'm like, she's got a Laura Lauren Croft, right? A tomb raider gun on her leg. leg. She's just, you know, not taking shit to fight right by your side. Then you find out she's just fast and loose out of fucking the theater. Which by the way, I would have much rather,

my mom made me go to Joseph in the amazing technical dream coat in that theater when I was like 11. If I would have been there, I would have been like, I'm a theater nerd. coat in that theater when I was like 11. Right. If I would have been there, I would have been like, I'm a theater nerd. Oh yeah. If you would watch Warren Boba church, someone all started fucking the Beetlejuice, you would have been like, we're never not going to the theater.

I love the arts. Right. I love the arts. More funding for the arts. No, I mean, that's, that's amazing that she did that. Get up the TMZ where she responds to it because they did catch her. Yeah, yeah. And what I like about her, she's just kind of like, Hey, now the guy that she's fucking on like a gay bar, he owned a bar where they had to have drag nights. He's a, he's a Democrat. Yeah. And I love that she's like, wow,

fuck, she had such a, but it's also people that are surprised about it. She's like, no, no, I'm a whore. I don't care who care who I'll sleep with anyway. It doesn't matter. You could have had Al Cata. I will have sucked them off in the back. Right. So here we go. This is Lauren Bover. Thanks for having me. I know it's been a rough week. What has it been? You know, it's always hard whenever there's gravity put on the voters. I'm in to five, love it. And windburns off of people. So hold on pause this already. She's already got hot.

She's already got hot girl giving a book report. She's in front of the class. Because you know she wants to walk up and go like shit happens. Guy had a hug. With that shoulder showing and that Colorado hat that she looks like she bought it, the IA. She's not a bad looking woman. She's hot.

She's hot. And she probably walked across the street being like, ah, you suck some, you fuck some and you lose some. But now she's got to like run that back. It's very interesting. The gravity, she might as well have different tent fingers. She's like the gravity of the situation. This is like what my parents would be like, Hey, there was a hundred dollars on the manly.

I'd be really high. I'd be like, well, you know, the spatial relationship between objects and honestly with inflation and everything going on right now, I think we could understand, you know, big banks do way worse. Yeah, right. Let's see this. Lauren Boberch. What has it been? You know, it's always hard whenever there's gravity put on the voters. I'm here to provide levity and lift burdens off of people. So anytime that they're carrying mine, it's something that you know, kind of feel deep inside, but ultimately all future date nights have been canceled and I learned to check party affiliations

before you go on a date. But all in all, you know, it was mostly a lovely time and you know, I've taken responsibility for my actions. I'd love to know how the musical ended and I encouraged people to go and see it. But yeah, it was a great time back in the district seeing voters and... So how would a vote is taken and how would a vote is taken right now? An understanding at this moment? Yeah, there's a lot of votes who are certainly understanding and they understand that it was a part of my... The understanding was hot as shit. There's a lot of people checking off to this right now all over the world.

There's, you know what's surprising is our response to Sarah Palin was an immediate porn parody, starring Lee Sainte. It was almost immediate. It's incredible that there is already not a porn parody called like Congresswoman in the theater. It's, I would say that it's, if it's not a ready there, it's in the works. Yeah, they're filming absolutely in the works. In the Valley, there's a studio converted into a fake theater right now.

Yeah, it's just, if you're, if you're not doing that, it's wasted time. What do you do? They give you this. It's wasted time. I mean, she is a... That's what's going to bring the world together is more porn parodies of politics. I want the Hunter Biden crack or fuck tape parody. I want the Lauren Bobert theater one. Dick Faraday. I want a Marjorie Taylor green and a Crossfit.

Yeah. You know, those like muscle porn. Yeah, she's like a Crossfit mom. Yeah. And this is like a super jack guy on steroids. Well, she's like a, she's like a crossfit mom. Yeah, and it's just like a super jack guy on steroids. Well, this is like Colorado, being from Colorado, you know, it's like a little wild and the people that live there like to feel it's a little wild. So this kind of fits into what people do. It's exactly what it is.

That's right. It is, it is Minnie Malls built on stolen land. That's right. And it's, it's your only three generations removed. Right. My grandma, my mom and I were talking to my, my mom was like, yeah, your grandfather was born 1924 or 1925 in Alt Colorado. Yeah. And immediately I was like, oh, so there's definite blood on our hands. Right. So what did you guys do? You came in and killed all the Native Americans.

Yeah, you just broke all the treaties, right, took all the land, right? As an actor like, what are you talking about? The Chili's has been here forever. Right, right. No, that was that Chili's ancestral. That's manifest destiny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That Apple bees off Isle of. Yeah. That was created by God. Is there anything about it you miss? Colorado. Yeah. I there is what you're talking about with the people there is this like Joyful curiousness yeah that people in Colorado have right they're kind of like oh, and what do you do? Whereas New York which I still enjoy New York's mind your own fucking business and look forward Whereas Colorado's like and what are you? But that can also go real sideways where it's like who and what are you? Are you? But that can also go real sideways where it's like, who the fuck are you?

Well, you were on one of the most New York shows ever. Billions is one of the most New York shows ever, right? It's very, and being by your studio, we were talking, it's like, I'm in downtown and you're in the heart of your, walking here, I was like, guys, guys, please. Cause young finance guys are, okay, just come up to you all the time.

Yeah. They think I'm a fee, just come up to you all the time. Yeah. They think I'm a fee. They think I'm a fee from billions. Right. They have a hard time separating. It's as a wrestling fan. I get into it. If I met Cain, I would think he's Cain,

the birth brother of the undertaker. How do you become friends with any of those guys at all, any of those finance type people? Nah, I mean, there's a couple people that have worked in finance that have gotten out that like I know, but no guys that are like in it that are like, I'm friends. When you were filming that show, did they ever bring in a Stephen Cohen or so they did. Yeah, they brought in, um, there was an episode in season four where we did like a boxing

match. Yeah. Me and Kelly O'Coyne who plays Dollar Bill. We did like this charity boxing event. Yeah. And you're, youCoyne who plays Dollar Bill. We did like this charity boxing event. Yeah. And you know all those people. You know me. I'm I know Colorado folks. Yeah. Yeah. But I don't know a lot of finance people. And I was talking to this guy in between sets when they were like changing setups. Seven of conversations is older guy. And we were talking about something completely benign. And he walked away and Brian Coppeman

or his David Levine walks up to me and goes, do you know that guy was? I was like, no, I have no idea. He's like, that's the guy that shorted Enron. Oh wow. And I was like, oh, good job. Guys like that would just hang out on the set. Well, they would be like, they would make them cameos in ways of like, if you knew who it was, you'd be like, oh, if you were super into finance, you would know who that is. Right. But I, I didn't know who it was. I was just trying to talk to Rich Eisen and then I got shot down trying to make small talk with Jocco Willet. Right.

Willink. Willink. The Navy SEAL guy who's on Rogan all the time. Dude, I got swatted trying to do small talk with him. What did you, how do you start small talk with him? We're just standing there with coffees and or we're just sitting there at a coffee and he was just standing there. And what are you like?

What do you, hey, buddy? What do you think about pushing yourself to the limit here? You're standing at? Hey, you look like a pussy. You antagonize him immediately. No, I started talking to him about like, oh, were you in from or whatever? He's like San Diego and I was trying to talk to him

about American comedy company. Oh, interesting. I was like, oh, we're good. That wasn't the root. That was not the root. Dude, it was like, I might as well have talked to him about Joseph and the amazing guy. He doesn't care.

He was like, yeah, I don't know. No, he doesn't care. I was like, the gas lamp, the gas lamp, the gas lamp, the gas lamp, just like, yeah. Yeah. I got, it's pretty crazy. He goes, yeah, it was a lot worse a couple of years ago. And then it just, conversation went nowhere. Yeah, you're like, you goes. He has a lot worse a couple of years ago. And then it just conversation went nowhere.

Yeah, you're like, you're like, you're like, comedy co, he's like, I killed three men there. I was like, I split two men's heads open. It's what we used to call Panama. Yeah, he's like, it was rule self defense, but good. He's like, you bombed on small talk. Good.

Yeah. And what was he doing at Billy was he on the show? Yeah, he was was he trained Kelly's character. I had a steep a meotic and Tim Ferris and he had the auntie wilder and Jaco and they were training you like a you know, we did like a of course a fake training scene. Right. So yeah, so you know, we're all on set. Everyone's in the same place and the same hole is the show over. Yeah. Yeah, this final four episodes are airing right now. And, and, and that's it.

It's it. It's done. There's no billions movie. No, no, no, no. I don't know. I don't, I, it's not. Billions. Trip dude.

Is there a billions Miami? There was a rumor. I hope it's just a rumor. I don't know. God, I pray it's just a rumor. I tell you what, you see this face. Yeah. Just know I'm on heroin.

Right. If I pop up on that show, if you see me on that show, I'm shooting in booths. You've lost it all. I'm fucking. If you're in billions of Miami, and there's just seen with you on a balcony being like the thing about NFTs, you're on heroin.

It's me talking to McDaniel and being like, the dolphins are like an investment that you got a short. Just know that I got I got black tar pump it through my bed. Yeah, things are bad. There's just certain things you got to say no. Yeah, it was well the one time I didn't and and you know, your former manager, my current man, Brian's Brian's. The best. Great. Great. It's great. So he says every phone call. Yeah. I love him the death. And I love him. Early in my career, I did guy, I did guy code, right? On MTV too. He told me recently I should go on tours, Lizzo just out of nowhere. He's famously out of nowhere. Tax. Oh, he's like, it's the only one who can do this. Go to on tour as

Lizzo. I'm like to do black face on tour for like, but these were his ideas. He called me once anyway. He went, I did some parody of like pretending to be Donald Trump's son. Yeah, I remember that. You're gonna do a Harvey Weinstein parody. You're Harvey, it's hilarious. I go, but that would be like making fun of rate victims.

I said that would be bad. He goes, right, don't do that. He's very bad. I don't do that at all. So he called, he, um, guy code ended, yeah, or ascending. And they were like, and the creator of guy code called me and was like, we're going to do guy court where you can, where people can take

their friends who have broken guy code. Oh, and they can take them to court. Oh boy. And it's all It's all the cast members of guy code are the lawyers. Don L. Rollings was the judge Melanie Eglaceus was the bay lift so they added all in place And Stern calls me and he's like, what do you think? And I was like, I don't want to do this But he's ridiculous. Yeah, it's crazy. It's not my personality at all. And he's like, I'm going to ask for crazy money. I go, all right.

And he calls me back. They're in for four episodes. I was like, oh shit. Oh shit, dude, and then I did it. And it was, I did not fit in. Sometimes you just have to eat it. Yeah, I just ate it. You just ate it.

I ate it. And you're like, hey, maybe there's some good'll come to eat it. Yeah, I just ate it. You just ate it. I ate it. And you're like, Hey, maybe there's some good'll come out of it. So billions Miami. Yeah. Just know. Because they never let anything die. Nothing.

Nothing will be ever let die. So people, it will, I mean, look at the many saints in Newark abortion. That was wild. Abortion. If you watched that movie without watching sopranos, I don't understand how you could follow it. I mean, it's crazy They wouldn't let it die. It's just like we won't let it go like the breaking bad movie. We didn't need it No, no one needs it. I even forgot they made that till you just said crazy. They made it they made it They made a breaking bad movie now. There's good things that came out of breaking bed like better call Saul

That's what that's the different a spin-off can be good, but you very rarely now They did. They made a breaking bad movie. Now there's good things that came out of breaking but like better call Saul. That's what the, That's the different. A spin off can be good but you very rarely. Now I don't, you know, I love the guys that created billions. Yes. I think they're fucking awesome.

I love the, I love the guys that billions are about. Yeah. Do you like the comments? Steven. I like the real people behind it. Steven, when we did season one. I love his art collection.

I like it and I liked it. He buys it painting for 300 million and then sells it for like 500 million a couple of years later. Are you trying to do that? Are you doing a little bit? I'm not doing any of that, but I'm doing it like I own a few things, but I don't know what's gonna happen. My mischievous friend, my mother just died

and we're doing a show with her works. Really? Well, my mother was bedridden and schizophrenic for the last 20 years of her life, but she painted a few things, and what we're gonna do is fix them up a little bit, give them some political, you know, like put some stuff in there,

and then we're gonna do, we're gonna rent a gallery and so on, try to sell it to rich idiots. I fucking love that. The thing when you make a little money, what you realize is that rich people are actually scammed as often as the poor I think get it up. I think I think

Look at that. Look at that. If you did an empty joke from a schizophrenic mind The previous one if you do like an empty Joe Biden head Yes, then we're gonna do a we might do a bloody Richard Nixon face or something. That's gonna sell it could sell It's here's what it's gonna sell. It's gonna sell to a 24 year old kiss whose dad ran black rock or fucking one of those things. And he's gonna buy that. One of my favorite moments with you

is we were driving back from a gig. This is fucking like 10 years ago. Maybe less. We were driving back from a gig and we went by the mental institution. And we were going over the Queensborough bridge and you just go, or the Tribal bridge and you just go, or the Tri-Broad bridge and you just go, that's where my mother is.

You just casually pointed at a mental hospital as we're driving by and you go, that's where my mom is. And I was like, whoa, all right, that was fucking out of nowhere. That's where she was for a little bit. Then she got moved, then she was in Jamaica, Quinn's, that's where she was at the end.

And I said this to you when I saw you in LA a couple months ago in July or in August. I said this to you when I saw you in LA a couple months ago, in July or in August, I said, Tim's the only person I know where his success caught him up to his tastes. Yeah. Because you used to go to fancy restaurants. I would go all the time to because you would need, I would need like a pick me up because I was living a very broke life from very long.

Yeah. And it was like, you know, I was living with comics and like in shitty apartments. Horrible apartments in the show. Or as we're in the kitchen. Yeah. Legendary. And the New York comedy seemed like the apartment I lived in, like, Yannis, Nate and Laker did a podcast in this apartment that I lived in with

a married couple, Justin and J.F. who were married. Wait, that's where they used to do their own part. Yeah. Forty fifth between eighth and ninth day of New Chris Laker, Yannis, Ted Alexander, maybe that was the through anything Nate also did. No, it's Nate Laker and Yannis were the box. Laker and Yannis did a podcast in this. Well, that could be better or something. And it was in this, it was in this little bit. It was a fifth floor, five story walk up, shower in the kitchen, crazy Steam heat pipes in the room.

Your foot would hit it. You'd be burned. You'd wake yourself up. Rats, bedbugs, roaches. And then you caught, but you would still go to fancy do I would still go to like go to like a fancy steakhouse to sit there at the bar. Yeah. And like stare at everybody like I'm alive.

Yeah. And now you can sell them your mother's painting. Well, that's my plan. My plan is to set, because you start realizing how much rich people get ripped off because they just have all this money sitting around and they just, they need to get rid of it. By the way, that's every documentary. Every documentary. It's just a guy that has too much money.

Yeah. And then a guy that's kind of smart, yeah. Comes in and just takes their money, and then they don't know for years. Like, there's this article about, get this thing up, this vanity fair, but this guy, it pretended to be a Roth child,

and he just bought a townhouse in Soho, and he hung out with like Leo, and all these celebrities, right? The capital, all these guys, and all these like finance, NEPO babies, and all these celebrities, right? The cap, all these guys and all these like finance, Neppo babies and all these European royalty. They're all doing Coke in his soho, Thanos. And then he was out it is just being this kind of

shlubby orthodox Jew from New Jersey. I love that. But here's the deal. That's what you're supposed to do. Yes. Like that New York scene should only last for a couple of years and it should be intense. It should be coquit Leo and so on.

And then you got to get out of there because he got the best of that scene in New York. Yeah. What are you going to do? That gets boring after a while. You got to do it and then get out of it. It's like the drug dealer movie where you know the part of the movie where the drug dealer needs to leave. That's right.

If you're like, you walk away right now, you did it. That whole scene in New York, when we were going on the road together, I had just broken up with a woman that was in that scene. Right. And him knew the players the way I know rosters of NFL teams. Well, it's always interesting to me, these people that route that ran the world. Yeah, because they like one of the girls. Yeah, that we would talk about her father.

Yeah, was wealthy beyond comprehension. I mean, it was in more than 300,000. So it's always interested me like the people that run the world, especially people we don't know who they are, right? Yeah. And they don't want you to know they have no, they don't want any fame. The Lauren Boberts, they just want it. They want to say it.

They want it. Yeah. That's why you can be sure she's not controlling anything. Yeah. If you look at the American government and you go, oh, and you see it as like a crime syndicate or a mob family, oh, this is an every thing makes sense. Yeah. When you see it as like that, if a bill becomes a law, that cartoon, we all agree.

Then you're like perpetually confused. Yeah, I'm like, I don't understand. How did they get this and that and then you're like, oh, no, no, there's a whole element. The you're not even aware of you don't even see. Social studies would be more effective in school. Yeah. If you taught the mafia structure more than the three branches of government. That's right.

You're like, this is the dawn. This is the capo. This is your soldiers. These are good earners. That's right. You're like, this is the dawn. This is the capo. This is your soldiers. He's a good earner. He's a right. This is how they get made. But I always knew, like I always read about New York rich kids, because I grew growing up

in Long Island as like a Long Island animal. Yeah. You were kind of like interested in what went on in the city. Yeah. And all the city kids went to prep schools. And they all went to rehab by the time they were 13. And they all went to rehab. They're all in private schools.

Like my parents tried to get me into Regis, which was like a free private school I couldn't get in. But I was always interested like these kids that live that life, what happens to them. And the only way to break into that truly is to do what this guy did, which is lie. Yeah. More power to them.

Yeah. Because those people want to be lied to. Their life is lies. Their parents lie to them. They lie to each other. Everybody lies in that scenario. Yeah. Because everybody's trying to say face and protect their own interests.

So lying is perfect and you do it until you're found out. And then when you're found out, you just meld back in the society who cares and you had your fun. And you know who's done for it. You know who's not mad. They got lied to. Yeah. Those rich kids.

They don't care. They don't really care. It's actually a little fun. Yeah, because they go, oh my God, there's a story about this guy. He was just so random. He was just so random. It was like, so random. Honestly, we were about, that's why we were in Inquilla and I got a tax. Oh, dude, I didn't even know it. I remember I didn't know what Inquilla was when so random. Honestly, we were about that's why we're in in Guilla and I got a tax dude.

I didn't even know it. I remember I didn't know what in Guilla was when I started dating the story. Can you say the the can you tell the pier story? Oh my god. It's my favorite story. It's my favorite story that I've ever heard. Because Dan used to take me on the road early early when he was

dating this person and we would talk about like how how out of my depth was. I met her on Raya. I was way out of my depth. Way out of my depth. I was living under a train in Queens. She refused to come out there. She refused to come out. She only visited you like twice. Once. If she was like, right, I'm not. This is crazy. You think I'm gonna go to Queens? Which I remember when you told me that in the car, I was like, I agree with her. Yeah. I was taking a risk, because this was the guy who was opening for us like, but I agree with her

and let me tell you why. It's a way. Let me tell you why. We would go on the road and I would like say to Tim, expecting him to be like, that's fucked up. Yeah. But instead Tim was like, this lady rules. Any other way?

I just love the idea that he goes, so I live in Queens and she goes, oh, I won't be doing that. Yeah, she goes, I live in Soho. You'll be coming here. So she went to a, it was Friday night. I had spots. I do a couple shows in the city.

She was going to a benefit as they all do. They all get dressed up and go benefit things that aren't real to society. Right. No, it's fake. I truly believe this was to save art work, art in Venice. It was something like,

like to the point where I talked and shit, I went California, like a joke, and they're like Italy. Right. So I go do my spots. I know that she's going with a friend, this very wealthy friend, they're both wealthy, but like wealthier, the top dog, where they're going to this benefit. She calls me later and she's like, come over.

We were done. I got home early, come over, you know, and I was, we were freshened to dating. So I was like, yeah, of course I will. And I came over and her friend was changing. And I went, did you save all the artwork and Venice or whatever, I was kind of being, you know, I was talking a little shit. And she goes, it was a wonderful benefit

and they start talking and her friends like changing, like taking off her earrings or whatever. And she goes, it was at the pier. And then she looks at me and she goes, it's a hotel. I love it. I love that. Like I was a small retarded boy. Because here's the thing. Here's why you got a little empathy for these people. It was great. By the way, their lives actually are kind of horrible. Yeah. They're very cold. They have no stakes. They don't really feel. Yeah. The lives you think they have are actually,

it's weird. They're all in little prisons. Yes. It's not so. It's obviously not like, what was me let's feel bad for them, but like in the full picture of their life, when they do stuff like that,

it's kind of funny because you got to realize, like I always give the example, there's just bathing, there's a beach club in Southampton, the Southampton bathing corp. They have this tiny little wasp club. They don't let anybody in. They sit on, they got this little stretch of beach

in Southampton. They used to run the world. Now the Arabs and the Muslims, the Chinese, the Jews, they all run it. But the wasps just sit there. They got their spots, they got granite, they got whatever. But they're sitting on this little sliver of beach and there's just these, you know,

it's about crane type dudes. Yes. And the women with white, you know, white linens on the beach with the little hatch reading books. And you realize you're like this little thing, this is all they have. All she has in addition to the billions. All she has is to go like, it's a hotel.

And how bored is she of that hotel? And how much does she hate everything? The one thing I realized by being around those people, I had never been around those people. I thought the burbs of Denver. But they have to exist and they have to be sociopaths and they must be called and they cannot feel, or we will lose and that is true.

That is literally true. That is true because the Chinese will win if they are not cold. If they start acting like us getting on stage, we like, I'm a girl. You know, if they start doing that, it's over. They have to be. They're gonna lose their wealth. They're gonna lose their power. That's right. And then we're fucked. And then we're all done. I'm at a waffle house in Aurora. They got to figure it out. They're building a box. Yeah, Villag in is just worried about, you know, it's right. Going to get in diner food, you're not,

but one thing I realize being around those people is, they just can't fuck kids and raise my taxes, gone. Yeah. All everything they have is great. Yeah. So nothing's good. That's correct. So nothing is ever impressive.

Nothing's ever impressive and nothing, you know, can ever be, for example, we had lots of talks about like what someone's mind, what state someone's but like they have to, their emotions have to be constantly put in check by the reality in which they exist. They are definitions of they are economic soldiers. That's right.

They're like, you fucking shut the fuck up. That's right. Soldier up. That's right. We're going to destroy that person. And you need them. Here's the thing. Yeah.

You cannot have a country where those people are always going to be at the top. Yeah. Those 10% whether it's communism, capitalism, whatever, they're always going to be at the top. Yeah. Those 10% whether it's communism, capitalism, whatever, they're always going to be at the top. You just have to make it so that they can't destroy the entire world. Yes. But they need to be out there earning, taking risks, being crazy, jumping out of windows occasionally, sending their wife to the institution.

Oh, there's people that are, there's people that are sent to third world countries when they know too much about them. That's right. They're excommunicated. They got to go. There's children who are cut off that-world countries when they know too much about them. That's right. They're excommunicated. They gotta go. There's children who are cut off that end up doing drugs. Black sheep. There's all of that because you're right.

They are so locked into like, we need to make sure this is okay. It's the food chain. Who are we letting in? It's the food chain and they always fascinated me. They never want. They don't want people to know about them and they don't want people to join them. Yeah.

And listen, in a perfect world, you'd go, no society wouldn't be structured around those people. And yet, no society ever hasn't been. Every society in history, those group of people will rise to the time. It's an inevitability. They're American blue bloods. It's an inevitability they are. American royalty on sale right now.

Yeah. What's funny, and that's why I call the toy that because, you know, really you would think American royalty would be a guy that looked like me in a shirt from DXL, uh, the same one that big J. O. Chris and wears because they make three sweatshirts. Yeah. They've just given bigger people the choice of three. You go, you go, you go, these are your custom. It's blue, it's green. Yeah. We maybe have slacks coming in. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, maybe.

But it's like these people, the more and more I read about them, it's not that I feel bad like crying. It's that, you know, you, you know, my friend and his wife, they're teachers and they live in Long Island and they have this house they love. And it's a cute little house. They've got these two cute little kids and they got a yard and they're in Long Island and they have this house they love. And it's a cute little house. They've got these two cute little kids and they got a yard and they're so happy.

They came to see me at the paramount. They were like, they're just such happy people and they're so happy for me. And it's jamming when like, they're like, you get to do something that you like and like, isn't that awesome? And like, they're just super cool people. And it's like, they are much happier

than these people will ever be without a question. When I was upset about everything, and I like wrote jokes about it because I was emotional in the moment. I realized I was too weak for that world. Yes. I was way too weak for that world. As well as am I.

Yeah, like I, we are our weaknesses, our strength because the sensitivity we have to have to do, the shit? Yeah, like I, we are our weaknesses, our strength because the sensitivity we have to have to do the shit we do. Absolutely. Or look at stuff. Yeah, no, no, that world is we are bitches. Yeah, you know, we are the rappers that act like we talk about it. Yeah. But then you go see the real drug dealers and the murderers. You know, I'm not about it. I'm not about it. I'm not about it. I'm not about it. And once, once I realize that I don't wish anyone ill will I really I reached out to that after

We broke up or whatever I wrote a joke and then I reached out to her and I was like, hey, sorry about that I got all like emotional about that right what did she say she's like yeah Just like you know, all right. Yeah, okay. Yeah, the thing about those people is they know if they let it see been They're even a little they can't even a little. They can't even a little. They can't. You know, you know, marble's very porous. Yeah.

I've learned this the hard way. When a little bit of water seeps in, cause real problem, real problem. So if they let any human emotion see pin, it'll never end. Dude, there is a time. You know, it's great. They, I've read things where every couple of years they fired an anti for no reason.

Yeah. So the kid cries and gets used to a new one. Jesus. You got a toughen them up, y'all. Yeah, that really is. It's wild. It is. It is.

That is like Kona and the barbarian. They're like put them on the real of sorrow. My parents just didn't know where I was going to school, half the time when I was a kid. Like, they're like, we don't know. I like, first day of school, I'm like, which school do I go to my dad's? I don't know. One of a kid, like they're like, we don't know. I like, first day of school, I'm like, which school do I go to my desk? I don't know, one of the two in the town.

Like they didn't know, like, they, these people, everything is intricately planned. Yeah. Everything. They're not gonna date a comedian. At one point, we're dating, she goes, so what are you just gonna do comedy the rest of your life? Right. And you're like, if I'm lucky just gonna do comedy the rest of your life? Right.

And you're like, if I'm lucky, it was like, I don't know about that. Why don't you go get more money somehow? But that's what they want. But a woman like that, you really is what she has to deal with. One day, she's gonna be in the Hampton. She's gonna be sitting there at night

and she's gonna have taken a value and perhaps I don't know. Whatever new things are. it'll be new. She'll have a half a glass of shard nae. So, you know, she'll be cooking as they say. And she'll be kind of, you know, the waves will be getting hazy and the doon grass will be blowing. And then her husband's going to come in and go honey, listen, just so you know, we did 9-11 again. Yeah.

And she's just going to have to look straight ahead. She's going to have to, he has to go. We need a little more money so we kind kind of did like a 911 type thing. And in any he's going to go, you know, and I just want to tell you because I love you and she's going to have to go, okay, was it for the best? And he's going to go, yeah, and she goes, okay, can we go to Rome? Yeah. I think that's great. I call your sister. She's coming out next next week. I want to summer in the Riviera next year because they're going to, she's going to look forward.

She's not going to hear whatever he says. Now, maybe it's that he did not 11. Maybe it's that he cheated on her. Maybe it's that he's never loved her. Maybe it's that the doctor said that she's not going to be able to have the third baby. My whore has a, my whore is pregnant. Yeah. Maybe it's that the New York Post is writing an article about the, oh, the dirty things

he's been doing in the sex club. Yeah, whatever it is. I got caught at the Orgish Club. He can hear it, but not feel it. You know, in war movies where they show flashbangs go off. Yes. And it shows the guy talking to the, like, in, say, the prime ride. Yeah. He's talking, they can't hear anything. That's where they get on volume. Yeah. Those people, that's where they get on white lines and values. Cause like, our boomer parents were like like made jokes about farting and bodily functions and they would cry and yell and scream and their emotions ran the day. And they were hormonal and they would be ticking pills to get their hormones to check

whatever. And it's just these women are, you know, stoic, cold statue-esque. Yeah. I respect the hell out of a cold bitch. I mean, my god, my grandmother, I just learned finesse to me out of like $60,000. Fuck you, how? And I was like, that is some old school.

As Lewis Gomez would say, real ass dude of the week. I'm talking about from the Great Depression, from Oklahoma. You know, like this woman, 95, about to be 96, broken hip, would not let me. So for 12 or 13 years, I've been given her money. I've been given her about 1500 a month because she told me all I have is social security. She lives in a very poor county in California. She's like, I need money without you. I wouldn't pay my bills without you. I wouldn't have food. So I gave her money and I was like, I love you. But, but, but, but, and I'd always be like,

why don't you add me on the bank account? Why don't you add me on the bank account so I can deposit the money a little bit easier? And she's like, no, don't worry about it. I got it. I got it. We keep sending her money and then she fell and broke her hip and she had to go to a facility. She's 95. And so she's getting rehabbed. and I had to get her enrolled for Medi-Cal I had to like start like looking into it and I was like hey, I need to get on to your bank account She was like And then her neighbor was like, you know, I knew her neighbor was on the bank account and I was like hey Can you give me this information that I need and he's like yeah?

I also just want to tell you real quick, about seven years ago your grandmother was like, well, I can't put Dan on the bank account because if he finds out what's in my bank account, he'll stop sending me money. Great. And I was like, oh, that's fucked up. Amazing. And then I'm getting all the information

and then her neighbor calls me and he's like, all right, I got the bank, it gives me the bank, the numbers of the bank accounts. And he says, in savings, she has $7,000. I was like, oh my God, that's way more than I thought she had. And he goes, well, in checking, she has $62,000. And I was like, and she's underwater on her mortgage. But she's got the money.

But because Medi-Cal, they do like a five year check of finances. On it. Yeah. They do an audit. I can't take that money out. Yeah. She got you. Got me. She got you. She got me. So now I'm paying. Well, you can front her on the air. If we could get a hold of her, I was going there with cameras, just her with her smoke. Seven on your sock.

You know what? You know what? Local news. Local news guys. I'm danger buster, Mike Russ. Is it true? Yeah. And she's like, dude, she would do small stuff that my fiancee was like, dude, she's,

she's mentally fucking she would call me by my dead father's name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not Gary. And she's like, okay. I was like, this bitch, she really was like, she's Spartan. She's good. There's like Spartan training. She knows how to do it. She was like, let go of your emotions, you pussy. Yeah. She knows how to do it. But it was why when I found that out, I was like, you know what? I'm kind of impressed with the hustle. Yeah, of course, you have to respect it. Do you ever speak to the woman you used to date? No, of course not. It's been, I've been like 10 years.

It's been so long. She's got like a family. I think she's fine. I'm sure she doesn't even remember she dated. She probably doesn't. It was probably just a blip on the radar. It was like, she'll call you an actor. She did an actor.

She's just comedy. Committee doesn't even exist in her world. Dude, I remember specifically going to the, we were at the seller, right? This is why we were, I was at the seller while we were dating. And her friend, the top dog that we all know, that you look, it's a hotel.

Yes. Her, they were at a dinner. And the girl I was dating was like, I was like, hey, I'll do my set at the seller. You live close. I'll come over and she was like, great. We're at dinner. She's like, what's going on at the seller?

I was like, well, Chris rock just walked in. So I probably got bumped. And she was like, oh, so and so is friends with Chris rock. Of course, of course. We'll come back. I'll meet you at home or whatever. I'll meet you at my place. Fine.

They show up. Yeah. And she's like behind and she's like behind top dog and she's like, I told her she wants to come here. She wants to see Chris or whatever and they walked in and immediately I became like a butler. Chris Rock was like, go find them seats. All right. I go find them seats. The girl I'm dating stands out in the hallway with me

or whatever. The other girls wanted to watch Chris go up. And I go upstairs to calm dating's down the hall and I go upstairs to the table and he goes, you need to date top dog or whatever. And I go, oh, but I'm dating her friend. Right. And he goes, no, no, no, no, she's the one with the money.

He's right. Yeah, he was right. Your friend, the girl you were dating, certainly had respectable money, but not like her friend. No. There is a difference. And if you're gonna marry a reptile, do one with a lot of scales.

You know, do one with the biggest tail. Do one with the biggest tail. Yeah, I was so out of my element. I was so... It's incredibly, the more and more you read, like I read that article, I thought he was very interesting. And it's like the more and more you read like I read that article I thought it was very interesting and it's like really the whole world of the New York Seenster kids comes down to like doing blow in a townhouse fake art bullshit and fucking

travel and knowing famous people and knowing Samus people I'm just traveling around and like having a fake fashion line or a fake handbag company, fake sunglasses company. Something. Something that's not real that gives you the license to just go, hey, I'm going to suck on my trust fund. But I got this dream to make fucking, you know, I'm going to do slinkies. I'm going to do, I'm doing designer slinkies. I'm doing designer slinkies that are going to help.

They're platinum and they go down these large marble Instagram of them handing one to a kid in the third world. Yeah, and they go like, don't forget, these are actually sourced in places where we can do good. Yeah, it's not just about making money, it's about doing good. But also that is America. Absolutely.

That is America. That is like the reason we, I've been saying this on stage, but it's true The reason we cheer when jets fly over at NFL games, right? It's because they're not bonding us. That's right Because there's thank you. Yeah, yeah go Bengals right after that right Pass you by it's a good point and it's also why we love the military The military is doing dirt that we would never want to know they're doing right but it keeps us safe It always think it does, we think it does.

Sometimes it keeps us safe. Sometimes it is, you know, you know what's, keeps us rich. Yeah. It keeps us rich and rich is safe. And what's funny is we're in the entertainment business which often times inflates its own importance. Oh, it's disgusting.

Like when you see how many people that we know had in-depth knowledge of the WGA strike and the in the SAG strike. Yeah. And then I would go to my friend's house who has completely out of the business. They wouldn't even know it. They didn't even know what strike was happening. They had no idea. They had zero idea strike was happening. And they're like, Oh, cool. What's the problem? I remember I was talking to somebody in LA after the, I don't know what it was, but we're sitting there. Is it after some award show or somebody made some political speech? I was like, you know, a lot of people are getting sick of that

stuff to go. Here's when some of that started, when Tina Fey did Sarah Palin on SNL. Made her very likable. It made, well, they also felt like it made fun of her in a way that like Hollywood destroyed her chances of being a vice president. I'm like, what you kind of also did that herself. Yeah. But they like in Tina Fey's impression of her to the moment when America started seeing her as a moron. Yeah. And they have put like, I mean, Adam McKay is that things I respect Adam McKay. He's great. But like, he said something once like, I don't want to make certain types of comedies anymore because like, he was like, well, you know, you have these empty guys ensued, stood around in anchor man, but they're also the guys that started the Iraq war. It's like, no, it's like, it's

not that I just think that like what ends up happening is, listen, it's important to care about the stuff you're doing, but like, you can't give it meaning beyond what it has. The movie don't look up. Yeah. I did not enjoy it. Right. I thought it was, it sucked its own dick for the entire movie. Yes. I remember Katie and I were watching it with my mom

and we like turned it off. Yeah. We were like, this is kind of sucks. Right. And it was just when it came out. It was around Christmas. It just came out. And then Katie was like, that sucked, right?

And I was like, yeah, that was horrible. And then we looked in all like, Schumer and all these people was like, that sucked, right? And I was like, yeah, that was horrible. And then we looked in all like, Schumer and all these people are like, this is so important. You guys need to watch this. And it was all like all these famous people that were like in the mix being like, this is brilliant. And you're like, oh yeah, you're perpetuating it

because you need it to be important. You need it to be important. You need it to be important because if it's not, then it kind of shows that you're a little disconnected. Yeah. I think it's like people just have in each other's back. That's what it is. That's what it is.

That's what it is. It's a mafia. It's people going like, Hey, man, you come out and whatever nonsense I do six months a year from now. You come out and tell people they need to see that. It's important. That's exactly what it is.

When Amy Schumer does Willie Wonka, the truck affecting from a female perspective, she wants people. Will Wonka? Yeah. When she does will a wonka, she wants the McCay crew to be like, you have to see this. This is so important. God, it matters. What if a woman ran a chocolate bag?

Yeah, and the bloompas are all regular height. And they're not orange. Right, not even a little. That's out. That's out. And they're not even white. I'm really excited though. I think after the strike, I think, you know,

we've got some stuff we're working on now that you know, might have a real shot. And, and I know that our friends are doing really cool stuff. I think maybe, you know, let's get back to funny. Yeah. I really think there's a lot of things that I think that's coming back. That's the prediction. I think people are starting to get sick of like their messaging. Yeah, they just want funny. And I think like just be like funny people are, that'll be okay. I think that's the what we're going. Yeah. Into is just a. There's not a great or. Groucho Marx wasn't trying to show depth. Right. There's an elephant. No, when you have all these meetings in LA, they're like, but what is

it really about? That was like, what is the, but you know, what, you know, like, what is it the best? Gotta be about something. And you go, you know, here's a deal. It's about that it's fucking funny. It's about a dog that gets boners when it's around motorcycles. Right. And it's just gonna be funny. It's just gonna be funny. That's what it's about.

It's like, but these people, you know, I had a meeting with the president of CBS during the strike. And I did it because I don't care. Yeah. And I didn't sign I don't care. Yeah. And I didn't sign any deals. There was no money exchange, but I just like this woman, because I like people that have a few,

I like a little bit, people have a little coin. You also like to get in the room. I like to get in the room. You like to get in the room with the people that... I like to get in the room because you know what it does matter. They're not buying what I'm selling. No. But it's fun to just get in the room and they're like, and who is this?

And what makes what's great about you is you get in the room, you have the meter. Yeah. And then you come on the show and you tell the people, no, it's just a waste. Everyone's, it's a waste to everyone's time. And they know it is. Yeah. They know it. It's everyone's time's been wasted and they know it.

Yeah. Because 90% of their job is that it's just fake nonsense meetings wasted time. So I was in a room with her and I like her and she's a really good woman. And I will do a guest spot on that show ghost, which I've never heard of. Not the black one. I'll do the black one too, but it's the other one. I don't know what it is. But if they let me on it, I'll do it.

And I'm not that bad. I'm a decent actor. I'm more better. You're much better. Oh, no, no, you're a good but if they let me on it, I'll do it. And I'm not that bad. I'm a decent actor. I'm more better. You're much better. No, no, no, you're an actor. That lets, well, that's... We're doing the LA thing. We're starting to get out of the town.

But I'm gonna protect. I'll protect your thing. You protect my thing. You're on a whole show. I'm good enough to come in a little. You let me in a little now. And I was sitting with this woman, and she's a nice woman, and she's going,

you know, she's going, she goes, what we're really trying to do here at CBS. How they talk. She goes, she goes, hi, it's good to see you. Yeah. She goes, we're all so excited. She's not funny. We're all so excited. It's the best. She goes, we're all so excited. She goes, and we want the strike to end. They turn around like that. She's like, we really want this to end because, you know, NCIS is 20 second year. We're gonna do a lot of reality. She goes, but I'll tell you, she's a sweet woman.

She goes, I'll tell you this. She goes, I love broadcast television. I just love it. A lot of people, you know, they're saying it's dad and she goes, but I just love it. I, and she goes, and I said, I said, but she goes, and we wanna make things here that but she goes, and we want to make things here that are about something, you know?

We want, you know, like, what's it really about? I always ask that question. She goes, what's it about? I mean, she's the president, by the way. This is what, by the way, you know, who else has that question? My mother. She's the president.

She goes, she goes, I ask, can you imagine? Like, she's just walk around the CBS pointing at things, going, what is that? What's that about? What is it about? NCIS, what's that about? Naval rape? Like, what's that about? What's that about? I was like, you know, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like,

you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like,

you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like,

you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you're like, you And she smiled and she went, you're right. She goes, you're right. And I go, this is not gonna be with me. They're probably not gonna be with me. It's probably not gonna be with me. Statistically, it's not gonna be with me. But here's what I'm gonna tell you.

You have to make things in a joy to watch. You can't just me, you can't drown everything in meaning so that everybody's fucking like what is going on. Well, it's funny. It's not making everything so heavy. When they try even to make something heavy and they want to do that, but when you give them something that she goes like this, she goes, she goes, we're really excited about a new reality. She'll call it raid the cage. No. It's she goes, raid the cage. You're stuck in a cage. It's like you're on Santa's,

she goes, I call it Santa's workshop on crack. You go in there and you try to grab as many prizes as you can, and if you can't, they just let you out. She's like, it's like a combination of something, I forgot what you said. She's like, it's a combination of like, jeopardy and supermarket sweep. She goes, we're very excited about that. And then she's like, we also have Las Livas,

and she had like a Spanish accent. And she goes, that's like a Mexican wheel of fortune. And I went, thank you for your time, and I got the parking validation. And but I'm open to to working with them. I like that you got to you got to button it with. I am, I am open to working with them. Yeah. I am open to it. It's starting to get to the point now where they're making things that 30 rock wrote jokes about.

That's correct. Where like 30 rock was like, oh, I think Mill Filing, didn't they actually do that? They made that show and it was the joke on 30 rock. I mean, it was absolutely crazy. Yeah, you see that and you're like, it's fucking nuts. Well, they haven't even naked dating show on HBO. They haven't attraction. They make it attraction. Like, parents are flipping out because like, I guess people like just talking shit about

each other's genitals. And they're so great. And I think parents, you find that I think parents are basically like hey You know we've told what's it about yeah Let's see this is the Hollywood reporter Attraction the new of course it's a full frontal new dating show and it's coming to max It's all of course emoji based right to it's coming to Max! It's all, of course, emoji-based. Right.

I've never met anybody like this before and I didn't wait to live! One of the UK's most infamous dating shows has been causing quite the stir overseas after being quietly added to the Max streaming service. The streamer added six seasons of naked attraction, a game show which debuted in 2016. In each episode, a single chooser critiques and eliminates six potential dates, standing on a stage by scrutinizing their fully nude bodies, which are gradually revealed one part at a time, with faces revealed last. US viewers are just starting to stumble upon this series, which was released without a trailer or media fanfare, and let's just say the reactions were

priceless. One viewer wrote, this is the craziest I ever watched on TV. 35% of all fatal accidents occur between 6 PM and midnight. People age 25 to 34 of the highest amount of drivers involved in car crashes. People age 15 to 24 of the highest rate of emergency room visits to the car accident's old age goes,

you can talk on this. We don't have the camera on him, but you could say something. This is the pressing. It it's not great but here's what makes it less depressing if you're ever injured you can check out Morgan and Morgan do you know what Morgan and Morgan is lawyers it's America's largest injury law firm nice they have over a hundred offices nationwide and more than 800 lawyers with over 15 billion recovered, it's not dance soda, by the way, it's red company. You can't just, you can just hear rag. They've recovered over $15 billion for over 300,000 clients.

What do you think about that? They give out into the clients or it's kept up. Well, come on, I mean, they get a little cut, but they only get a cut if you win. It's a good point, yeah, yeah, that's a good point. It's a, they don't earn, they don't eat. They gotta get a taste. They gotta get a taste they got to get a taste

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free unless they win. For more information, go to for the people.com slash chamber dial pound law, pound five, 29. I'm sure glad they didn't hire Morgan Morgan. I think you're very lucky. They didn't go to F.O.R. the people.com slash Tim T.I.M. or pound law. That's pound 529. Well, they help 529. Will they help me to my wife or is that only did she hit you with a car? I mean, she could. If she does, then they will. What we said something up, will they, we're like, yeah, we can all get wet with it. Everybody can get their big wet,

but you gotta be discreet about that. Sure. Yeah. I mean, you know, it's just one of those things. We're not gonna tell. We're not gonna tell. Everybody, everybody. Who am I gonna tell?

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Tire discounter group tire discounter group dot C A. It shows like this. I think things like this. Is this the have we hit the wall? Like this is full frontal naked dating. What is next? Penetration on camera. Yeah. That's a good point. It just that's it's like the episode of Always Sunny. Yeah. Where Dennis goes. We show it. Yeah. We show penetration next thing. It's it's leading there because it's getting to a point now where to shock people. You have to go so far. You have to show a beheading. I know. I was talking to this kid. There was a kid in a, I was in Raleigh at Good Knights and there was a kid in the crowd 23 years old.

It's talking to him about 9-11. I was doing a bit about 9-11 and I said like, what does that mean to you? And he goes, I grew up with Al-Kate, the heading videos. Right. This does nothing. It doesn't make me feel anything. Right. I'm dead to it. Yeah.

And it really is. Well, my friend's son had a little group of friends. They were like in their mid teens in LA. They're all black eyed as they say in the big Lebowski black eyed nihilist. They really are just. They don't care. They just watched, you know, as Eddie, the great Eddie Pepitone would say they just watch, you know, he goes, most people just go to somebody's house now, they watch a car accident. And they, you know, they just hold the phone.

So it's like, it is getting to that point where it's like scary. Do you think it comes back around? Do you think it gets to? I hope it, I think what could be coming is a, I personally believe going back to the 80s. This is what I believe. The tolerance for lethargy, for being a big fat slob that has no money, is going at like,

the tolerance for being a mess, a hot mess, is going to go away. I think people are gonna want people who have their lives together, who are in better shape, who are, you know, maybe not celebrating all of their imperfections all the time, not wearing them as a badge of honor. People that are. So you think shame will come back? I think partially yes, because I think that like everything else, it is a little bit of a pendulum and it's swung very far in one direction.

I don't think it's made anybody happier. I think that's the problem. I think the freedom to be as licentious as you want, to be as crass as you want, as vulgar as you want. I don't think that's made people necessarily happier. No. I think it's made them more aware of the benefits actually of being more, you know, traditional to be honest.

And I think you're going to see it's going to swing back to it. You need order. Yeah. And what we've done is we've really opened the Pandora's box of chaos up. Well, now chaos is like a mood. Right. Oh my god, it's a mood. It's a mood. And you could see it with the increase in mental health problems, the increase in depression and anxiety, the amount of teenagers that are really going through it, the social media addiction, the porn addiction, the people that have erected

how this function that during the early 20s, because they've been checking off so much, you know, it's wild to me. It's wild to me. It's wild to me that men in their 20s need a blue chew. Well, a lot of them have been checking off since their 13 to like the craziest type of porn you've ever seen. Yeah. If they're sensitized.

For us, it was like, oh shit, you would like gradually build up and see stuff and die. Whoa, this is a full on assault. Yeah. I think it's actually going to go back the other way to where people are seeing the value now in religion. And that can have negative impacts too. Absolutely. And that can fuse historically a lot of,

historically, a lot of them, right? But there is some value as an organizing principle to people having some type of faith-based outlook. And some type of moral code wherever that comes from. If you destroy all of that and you decide that the world is just who can dominate who? Yeah. You're gonna have a big problem

and you're a lot of the problems that we're seeing right now come from that. If you make the world about, if it's just people eating other people, and there's no code, and there's no architecture for morality that people can live in, understandably, you know, you're going to get a lot of unintended consequences. You're going to get a crazy religious fascist type of backlash. That's one. Yeah.

Or you're going to get just the type of, you know, schizophrenic, you know, public space we have now where it's like complete craziness where everyone's darting around where it's like where it's like you crane this that you know, a gender is completely invented this night. It's like, what do you think about access to people? Do you think there is a benefit in limiting your ability to have access to someone because you know, when we started doing stand up, and which is not even, it's not longer than 20 years. Yeah. It was, well, if you want to see me, you got to come to a live show. Right.

You can't check in on me on Instagram. You can't check on Twitter. You can't do Snapchat. You can't do any of this. Is there a benefit in having limited access to entertain? It's a puzzle you want like sugar. Yeah. If you have a limited amount of sugar, sure, it can be fine.

It can be very. I think people should scale back their consumption of, I think what's happening is our brains are being programmed by algorithms. Yeah. They're being programmed by these tech companies. It's very easy to say, shut them off, like, you know, shut it off. It's much tougher. When you're being raised with a phone since you're 11, and now you're 25, it's somewhat inescapable. The drum beat. But for me,

I think that, for example, every issue that I try to talk about on the show, I try to make it funny, but I also try to think about like, what do I think about this issue? Completely divorced from anything I've read about it or consume like, so what's your peer thought of it? Not what, not Not what you influenced. When I hear something's going on, I want to know, I want to have an intuition, could be wrong, but I want to have an instinct. I don't want to not have an instinct.

You want to feel it in your gut. That's right. I want to have an intuition, and I want to base that on the life that I've lived. I don't want to necessarily always, I don't want that to go unchecked, but I don't want to destroy that. I don't want that to go unchecked, but I don't want to destroy that. What I see happening over and over again,

people are destroying their innate sense of what is true and not, what is right and wrong, what is real and fake, and it can happen if you surrender that impulse and give it to a corporate media that wants to program you or tech companies that want to program you any different way. Because I have an instinct when I, when everyone in America, when the people that I've seen in Beverly Hills spit on Valets and go get my fucking car, when they all have Ukrainian flags

outside of their house and they go, we care about the Ukraine. I go, I find this, this is just curious to me. It's just curious that the worst people in the world became Humanitarians overnight. Why why would the people that pushed the Iraq war really into pushing the Ukraine war? Not to say that the Ukraine The it's not a tragedy people aren't dying out. I just want to understand without the media without the programming Why did these people, the ones we're talking about, without emotion?

Why are they all of a sudden invested in this one conflict, when we've got so many in the world, when Yemen, there's thousands of millions of people died, and they care the Palestinians, the this, the that, they really, and this, we're only reporting on this, we're only talking about this and I'm going okay. As an American, we've never had a war with Russia. Putin has never invaded this country. He was a first leader after 9-11, the call to I'm not saying Putin's a good guy.

I'm not saying he's a poet. I'm not saying any of that. I'm saying since for the last four years, all we've heard is Russia, Russia, Russia, Russia, they're fixing the elections. They're coming to kill you. They're going to get you. It's the Russians, Trump's the asset of Russia. They just invaded the Ukraine because Putin's allunities, crazy. They can start reading about it and looking into it and go, oh, it's very complicated. It's not really just like that, but it really benefits people if you are able to just, if they can whip

and you just go, yeah. Yeah. You go, Ukraine, that's right. Give them a trillion dollars and let's go. Let's fight Russia through the Ukraine forever. There's a benefit right now in modern culture of understanding how stupid you are. Right. And knowing that you can't get into something. That's right. There's

stuff that I'm like, that's out of my pay grade. Right. I don't understand that. Right. I sort of, so I don't have an opinion on it. Right. Because I don't have any knowledge on it. That's right. So how the fuck do I know? So I don't talk about, you know, one of the big topics at comedy, I can't touch its male female relationships. I don't really talk about that. You can't be like, you're going to date with a girl. I can't. I don't really talk about that. You can't be like, when you go on a date with a girl, I can't, I don't, I don't, that's not, so that's a huge topic. But you do understand humanity.

I understand humanity. So it's basically like, your car can get to a certain, that's right. It can get to a certain speed, maybe not up to speed with that exact. I can talk about Harry and Meghan because they're con artists, and I love con artists.

Exactly. So then I go, okay, that's a. I can talk about how are you in Megan because they're con artists. And I love con artists. Exactly. So then I go, okay, that's related to by can understand, because it's based on conniving, con, you know, that I get. I'm in it. I'm loving it. But other things like I just

step out of it because I go, that's not where my experience is. Yeah. So I just, you know. There's what's lost. Two things that are lost in modern culture are the art of going away. Yeah. Because now it's like, stay on it, make money,

keep making money, push more stuff, don't ever fucking go away. If you go away, you're done. But that's not actually what it, it always used to be. People like you if you go away. If you go away and come back. Yeah.

You get the, you get the, he's back. Right. You get to return. Oh, Burnham does that brilliantly. Brilliantly. Brilliantly. And in a way that you're like, oh, he understands what he's doing. Right.

As opposed to someone that overstays their welcome. Right. And then people aren't understanding why they, there's a, there's like a, they know they hate you, but they don't know why they hate you, but they still watch your stuff. Right. They don't realize that familiarity breeds contempt. So they're like, so they're like, I don't know why I

fucking hate this person. It's like, cause they're in your ear, right, all the time. Yeah, all the time. Yeah. You can have loyal fans. We were kind of talking about this about the unhealthy. Yeah. You can have loyal fans. We were kind of talking about this about the unhealthy relationships sometimes that people can have to certain forms of entertainment.

For sure. I'm a wrestling fan. That's like one of the most toxic fandoms out there because they're like, I want it to go like this. And it's like, but you're the fan. You're supposed to just, but people don't understand that the idea of going away and also the idea of saying, I don't know. I don't know. I don't have an opinion on that. I think that like everything else, right now, what is essentially a snapshot feels like, you know like forever. Like everybody's looking at the dynamics of the current landscape going,

this is everything. And it's not because everything changes all the time. People's tastes change, their habits change. What people consumed for hours, they might consume much less of, they might still love, they might find a, you know, a new way to enjoy something. It's just what happens. I realize it in my own life. Like, sometimes I want to bin shows and then sometimes I don't want to watch shows at all.

Sometimes you just want to read. I just want to watch something once a week. So it's really the way I consume stuff is not the same. Also, you have no idea how things are going to shift. You have no idea. Very few people can guess how things are going to shift. That's right. I worked for radio. I worked in radio for years. I worked at a rock station from 2002 or three till like 2009.

And oh, nine, if you were to told me, I was being like, radio's dead. Right. No one's going to be good in radio. Without any idea, that podcasting was gonna become the new radio. Right. It was gonna become bigger than radio,

probably has ever been. Right. You don't know that, you know? Right. And so here we are doing stand up, which has stayed the same, but we keep talking about like, you know, Katie and I were talking about sexual and you windows.

Yeah. When you watch like 1950s, late shows, or you watch like early Carson, when they were dirty, it was very smart because they had to be dirty without being dirty. Right. I wonder if we returned to that. I wonder if we returned to a place where people are like,

yeah, I want to be offended, but make it creative. I think people eventually will go back to what is good. Yeah, I have to believe that. I mean, I hope fuck. I mean, listen, I mean, at the end of the day, that's the hope and the hope is that we, you know, like what we make, I do the show because I think it's good. And I do it predominantly by myself. I think that I do things that are funny and that I like it. I can leave and go. This was good. If it wasn't good, I wouldn't do it. I have enough money. I do it because I think it's good. And I hope it is. I think you've just touched on the actual what what the actual thing is going to be. And I think as we move forward, the actual, what the actual thing is gonna be,

and I think as we move forward, especially for younger kids that haven't seen it, the kids that were maybe born in 2005 or whatever, and they're growing up now, authenticity is gonna be a very important thing because they've been lied to by everybody. So when they, you're very authentic. It's one thing about your show that you cannot argue. You. You are you. Yeah. Like I've known you for a long time.

This show is you. This is like Tim. If, if you showed me us talking right here on the couch 10 years ago, I'm like, yes, Tim. Right. That's Tim. That's exactly who this conversation we had was the conversation we had when we were driving up to Vermont. Yeah. It's like a thing that people say to me like, what are you and Joe Rogan get together? It's really good. I go because we would have that conversation without a microphone. And I think you look at the people that are doing very well, the Shane Dillis' and you know, there's, there's super funny people that are very authentic. That's who he

is. And that's what, that's what people want. Yeah. I think people are sick of being marketed to. Yeah. Of being like, are you a guy? Do you like this shit? Well, I'm gonna talk to you about this shit. Suppose there's being like, hey, I like this. I don't like this. Right.

Do you find people who gravitate? No, there's nothing grosser than being a brand or a product and that I think the influencer thing people are kind of looking at it going like, hey man, do you know, I understand making money. I understand doing ads. I got tons of ads on the show, but my ads are funny. Yeah. If you got the 80% of the ads I've read on the show have been fucking funny, genuinely funny,

because I get bored. There is, yeah. There is a slice of entertainment right now that is, I just I just wanna say take it over by influencer brain where people are like, I can sell that, that falls into mine in a way that's not authentic. Where they're like, oh yeah, I'll do that. Whatever, that's money. It goes against the way I believe you.

I think the transactional nature of some of that stuff that I want, and people are just marking a lifestyle. They go like, look at me, I'm at a party. I'm in Venice at a party. There's people I've seen there. Have you ever gone to parties? I'm on a beach. There's people on a beach. I've seen people that do the, I'm doing stand-up.

That shot of like, yeah. Look at me, it's like, well, are you telling jokes? Yeah. Are you just taking a video to show people that a lot of people have shown up to watch you talk about? Are you just taking a video to show people that a lot of people have shown up to watch you talk about? So the marketing of lifestyle, which I see on Instagram,

and so a lot of people do, where they're going like, hey, don't you want to be me? Don't, he's in my life, so fun. That immediately I go, but your life's not that. I know, I go, you're just showing us that. You're showing because I know you and I've seen you do Coke,

and I've seen you say to me I have can't get anything going on. Yeah, but your life isn't What it's your showing dude? There's I'll go on the road. I don't have to talk on my phone But I'll come home and Katie. I'll be like I found she finds like crazy shit. Yeah That we watch together and laugh at. And there's this Irish woman. I think she's Irish or she's British and she's like into the clubs and she makes drinks and she's like, this is what went drinking.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I know this woman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's great. She pours like a fucking cup of vodka. Yeah. And then we'll take it down and like mix it and drink it. But she just shows that. She just shows that.

And Katie and I were watching that and I was like, I want to see the real, I want to see her hungover being like, oh, I fucking threw up for. Oh, shit. How's she in blood, my it's fucking bad. Yeah. I want to see show us the show us everything. Yeah. No, they won't do that.

I, we were sitting me in the honest ones in a restaurant, Kasevega, LA, we were seeing the Kardashians, Kim, Chloe, Scott and the mom, and they were all sitting there. And the cameras were on them and not one person in this restaurant cared. Nobody looked over. Everybody was just like eating, the case of days and fucking, you know, combo platter number two.

And nobody cared. And then they got up and just very unceremoniously walked out of this restaurant. And I, something hit me. I was like, how much money do you need? How much money do we're at a billion dollars? You were still sitting in a Mexican restaurant with cameras watching you eat guacamole. What are you afraid of losing? What? And that's your

thing about like not going away. These motherfuckers have been on TV for 15 years. What do you think will happen if you take a season off and let other people at guacamole on camera. Bill Watterson, you made Calvin and Hobbs, made undeniably one of the greatest comic strips of all time of 10 years and went away. Yeah, he doesn't do it anymore. Right. Just stop doing it. He didn't come back and do like Calvin and Hobbs are back at school.

Right. And things are a little bit different. Yeah, Calvin's got a cell phone. It's like, a little bit different. Yeah, yeah. Calvin's got a cell phone. It's like, stop doing all that. He just did it. He just did it, left it. But here's what I will say.

If you're not doing anything good, like let's be honest, the Kardashians don't really do anything good. They don't make anything. So, but here's what's impressive. How much of it there is. Yeah. It's either, you know,

because if it's not good, if you can't isolate a good thing, you go, the rain must be long. That is fucking perfect. The rain must be long. It's not a quality product, but there's a lot of products. There's a lot of products. We're backordered on it.

We've got more, we've got some in the warehouse and we'll walk it out to your car. And tell me, young Tim, 008 09, you're selling, you know, some pride mortgages in Long Island. If someone went, I didn't have, I don't have good Coke, but I got a kilo of shit Coke, you know, let's do the shit Coke. Absolutely.

Because that's what it is. Absolutely. It comes down to that. Because sometimes at the end of the day, you have to look at things and be very honest. There's people out there that can really do good stuff, some can do great stuff, and some can do a lot of stuff. I mean, if that ain't on a fucking t-shirt at the boardwalk, and those Kardashians are doing

a lot of stuff, that's all they do. They do a lot of stuff. Because think about it, they hit your dopamine when you on a random Tuesday. You don't even know. It used to be aspirational TV where you're like, I want to live their life. Now their lives are so complex. It's confusing. You don't even know if you wanted anymore. You like so the meant that the God, the dad is a chick. Okay. They all have different mansions and her ex baby daddy texted the other one. And it's no longer as per racial

like you don't even want that life anymore. You're just kind of amazed but you don't even know what it is. You're just perplexed. Well, you don't even get the relief of someone like Pete. Right. Being able to go on a show like this and being like,

that was part of the crisis that we couldn't even eat bread in the house. Right. Because they were mad at us. So we had to eat, all the food. Yeah. You don't even get those because he has an NDA that'll get him fucking, you know, find the hell.

I'll get him here. Get him. I mean, tell me right now. You can get it right. Tell me right now. We can get him here. Tell me right now. Absolutely.

David's an episode of the 10 Doors show. I'd love, I would love, by the way, I'd love as you would call. I've never met, I met him once in a standout in ferry. I'd love if you'd come on. Oh my God, but I'm telling you without that NBA. That's what I want them on because they probably lock you up. Yeah, that's a that's a that's like a lot me up. I'll eat that. Our minions snatch. Yeah, you gotta go undercover. Put me in what if one of the credentials are dating me. That's you had to go undercover, put me in. What if one of the Kardashians started dating me? That's what needs to happen.

That's their next, that's the next move. That's how we know we're in the death rattle of society. That's how we know. That's how we know. That's how we know shit's gonna about to get real. I've tried, you know, I've texted Caitlin ever on the show. I want Caitlin on the show bad. I mean, that's that I want Caitlin on the show bad.

I think that's very doable. I hope so. Yeah. That's an episode. I want Caitlin on the show back. I think that's very doable. I hope so. Yeah, that's an episode. I want Caitlin on the show. What I really want would be Caitlin Jenner, Donald Trump and me, where we all sing, I'm proud to be an American by Lee and Greenwood. I'm proud to be an American. We're at least I know I'm free.

Then it would be over. Then I would say to the people, I've done it for seven years. I love and respect you. This is all I wanted to do. Drop the curtain. If RFK has me perform at the Kennedy compound this summer, I might take a year off stand-up because if I can just do the Kennedy compound

and do really tasteless JFK jokes in front of a group of rich people that are in and out of being into it and pretty damn offended. And it's a bad in and out of being into it and pretty damn offended. And it's a bad day and I'm sunburned and I'm sweating and I'm bombing in front of the whole Kennedy compound. If I can do that, I think I can say, you know what?

I did what I wanted to do. I got where I wanted to go. You got up, you got up that high. I got up that high. Dan sort of working people come see you live. You're on the road. Dan sort of calm. I got live dates coming up and this comes out tomorrow. Oh, okay. Wait no, Saturday. It comes out Saturday. This comes out Saturday. So I will be in Madison

comedy on state, Rochester, New York, comedy at the Carlson Boulder theater is sold out. But then I will be at the in December. I'm going to be at the Buckhead theater in Atlanta. I'm going to be at the Paramount in Philadelphia. Vogel, we added a late show dancer.com for all my life dates, but yeah, I'm on the road. Neutral. Fall is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement clinically shown improve your hair growth, visible thickness and visible scalp coverage. You are a bald man. I mean, that's a real blunt way to put it,

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Big. Cool. Come the fuck. That's cool. That is so awesome. We're almost sold out. We got a few hundred tickets left to Carnegie Hall. That's awesome. If I'm not on the road. I need these fucking go to that watching you at Carnegie Hall

You're on the road. You're left out loud and I'm I'm in a movie theater that was probably playing It'll be fun and then we're bringing Ray come out for a podcast at the end come on a Carnegie Hall Ray come out for a podcast at the end. Come on. A Carnegie Hall Ray come on. You worked at the graveyard shift at a potato bread warehouse. I fucking love Ray come to go from the potato from the graveyard shift at a potato bread warehouse to working at the morgue to doing a podcast at Carnegie Hall is hilarious.

I'm going to tell you right now. You're the best dude. Love you. Thank you for coming. Absolutely. Appreciate it. Go get it danceurter.com. Thank you. Goodbye.