The Unmade Podcast - 102: The Elephant Under The Church

Episode Date: December 22, 2021

102: The Elephant Under The Church Tim and Brady discuss a Spanish cover, fluffy guests, Holy Water, a long-lost circus animal, wallets, 'man bags', a spoon is used to eat Biscoff spread, and Christmas carols.... Bum! Go to Storyblocks for stock video, pictures and audio at storyblocks.com/unmade - https://www.storyblocks.com/unmade Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/unmadeFM Join the discussion of this episode on our subreddit - https://redd.it/rm2aub Catch the podcast on YouTube where we often include accompanying videos and pictures - a few nice video moments in this epsiode - https://youtu.be/hK14ZYqoPCQ USEFUL LINKS Check out many of our Sofa Shop Covers here - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRNeH_Kpl1ZgpeiNeJ-oiAQ Aqua and Carol - our fluffy guests - are in the video - https://youtu.be/hK14ZYqoPCQ Meat Loaf - I'd Do Anything For Love - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9X_ViIPA-Gc Pictures of Spoon of the Week - https://www.unmade.fm/spoon-of-the-week Send your own spoon by following these instructions - https://www.unmade.fm/send-us-a-spoon Bright, Victoria - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bright,_Victoria Biscoff Spread - Crunchy - https://amzn.to/3mmsLrQ Christmas Carols - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_carol

La tienda del sofá, ven aquí a comprar tu sofá ideal. La tienda del sofá, ¡sí! ¡gran caridad! Encontrarás aquí tu sofá, con tus cortinas lo combinarás. La tienda del sofá te sorprenderá antes de comprar. There you go, Tim. We haven't had a Sofa Shop cover in a little while, so I thought it was time to play one. What did you think of that one? Well, it was lovely and nostalgic to hear one again.

It's certainly been a while since I've heard the Sofa Shop, apart from in my own voice humming it around the streets uh of of adelaide nice i thought that was good solid creative that was spanish is that right yes here's the letter dear dr brady harron oam and the moth my name is is it jorge how did you say jorge i don't know i don't know how to say i'm so embarrassed jose no it hasn't got an s it's j-o-r-g-e so it looks like kind of like george but it's jorge oh that could be um yorg or oh there's a i have met someone with that name but i can't embarrassing and because amer met someone with that name, but I can't.

It's so embarrassing. And because Americans know Spanish really well, but we don't because we're not really very exposed to it as Australian. Let's spend 10 minutes just thinking about it. Well, he called you the moth, so he's lost the moral high ground. Anyway. It's Dr Moth, but yes. I've been listening to the Unmade podcast since episode one attached this email as

a cover to the beloved sofa shop jingle in spanish it was sung by two spanish physicists working in the university of javasu in finland all of the instruments are played not all at the same time of course by my friend pablo who also did the mixing and one of the voices. I am the other voice and the fan of the show. I showed Pablo, who is very musically inclined, the many covers of the Sofa Shop jingle that have been featured in the podcast, and we decided we had to contribute with our own cover in Spanish. Thankfully, he's very talented, unlike myself, and was able to make it sound decent.

The rough translation of the lyrics in Spanish is the sofa shop. Come here to buy your ideal sofa. The sofa shop. Yeah, great quality. You will find your sofa here. You will combine it with your curtains. The sofa shop will surprise you. Before buying, wait until you've visited visited the sofa shop thanks for all the laughs

and half-baked podcast ideas cheers now funnily enough and very appropriately we can't pronounce his name we have p.s here are the lyrics in spanish if you want tim to give it a go. So there's a specific request here, Tim. We know people are a fan of your Dutch rap. What's your Spanish pronunciation like? It's a bit rusty at the moment, but I'm willing to give it a go. It's a bit rusty.

All right, I'm going to send it to you. I'll send it to you via text. My Spanish exposure goes as far as Manuel on Fawlty Towers mispronouncing hammer sandwich. All right. There's the sofa shop lyrics in Spanish for you. I have to say one thing that strikes me about the English translation is how directive they are. You will enjoy the sofa. You will take it home. You will not look at any of the girls.

You will combine it with your curtains. That's right. Interesting spelling issues. Ven a quo a comprar tu sofa ideal. I think ideal is ideal. La tienda del sofa. Si. There's a lot of exclamation marks.

Gran calidad. Extradronas. Acquai tu sofá. Contas cotinas. Lo combinaras. La tienda del sofá. I've lost any sense of the melody. Tu sorprendes.

Antes de comprar. Espere a visitar. La tienda del sofa. Nice. I liked your combinaros. You gave a little roll of the tongue for that. Oh, yeah. It's like I started that word and I thought, I know where this word's going.

I'm going to give it everything. It was like me ordering pasta in an Italian restaurant. Strap yourself in for this word. It's going to be, this is going to be a problem. Yeah, that's right. I'm going to enjoy it. Very nice. Thank you for that cover.

Apologies for what we just did to the Spanish language and all pronunciation. It's not our finest moment. But hey, we gave it a go. Yes, my Spanish isn't as good as my Dutch. And I don't speak Dutch. So parish notices. And speaking of parish notices and pews,

I can't help noticing there was some kind of pew or chair behind you. And on it are a couple of visitors for this episode. Yes, I have two little friends that have come to uh sit in we don't usually allow people to sit in on a recording but two vip guests have been invited in these are two fluffy guests for those that are listening and they belong each to my daughters they're the most curious things i'll start with um this one which I was clarifying before, trying to remember, is his or her name Aqua or Alpha or Alfie maybe, but no, it is Aqua. This belongs to one of my daughters. Very colourful, beautiful, cuddly, fluffy, enjoyable little boy or girl. If you're watching the video of the episode,

Tim is holding up fluffy toys in front of the camera and has totally forgotten that we're making a podcast here for a moment. Yeah, that's right. They're these big kind of like egg-shaped fluffy toys that Tim's holding up. Aqua there had like rainbow fluffy hair. And who's this second one? So the second one, this is quite unusual

because this is actually a cuddly Christmas tree. And so it's like about as big as a basketball and is shaped marginally like a tree, although still round and cuddly. And it's green with dots, decorations and a little smiley face and a little star at the top. And the name of this Christmas tree is Carol. This is Carol. Very clever. So Carol and Aqua were thrust upon me as I left the house tonight and told that they were VIP guests to sit in on the recording.

Are these fluffy toy things the new sort of trendy toy of choice among girls the age of your daughters, are they? I don't know. I don't think they're a thing. I think they're... Right. I haven't seen them... Well, not that I've...

I actually have no idea. Maybe they are. Maybe they're everywhere, but I'm not across that. They're not the new Tamagotchis or Pokemons or My Little Ponies or... No, they haven't gotten into them in the way they have with other trends of toys over the years, where suddenly, you know, the earth stops and we have to go out and buy whatever it is because, you know,

no one's going to eat or drink or do anything or sleep until they get one. But then that phase passes and suddenly it's a whole other thing that's causing a mess around the place. No, these have just they just quietly made their way into the life of the house. And they're generally well behaved and they're fluffy and keep to themselves. And so it's a rare outing for them to come out tonight to the Unmade podcast recording. What does Brooklyn, your dog, think of those?

Because they seem like they would be quite a temptation for a mischievous dog Look, cushions and fluffy toys especially are kept well out of the way of Brooklyn Brooklyn has no respect Absolutely no respect The look on Tim's face then as he started that sentence Was the face of a man who has lost many cushions to that dog Every now and then you come home and it's like it's been snowing. He just goes absolutely bananas.

In fact, we're on about his fourth bed. Like you'd buy a bed and he just repetitious threads and shreds, shreds, threads, both. And fluff would be everywhere and all that. But finally we've bought this supersonic strong bed. Yeah. And he comes home and he still, before he hops into it every night, attacks it.

Oh, hello. Hello, John. How are you going? I'm fine. There's a light in the end of it. I can't get in. I'll do it before I go. Down the other end.

No worries. See you later, John. Bye-bye. John's not following podcast etiquette there. A rare non-Owen visitor to the studio this evening. John's going to be telling all the parishioners, I burst into Tim's office last night, and he was there with two big fluffy toys on the pew,

talking to them. That's right. From his perspective at the door this just looks absolutely ridiculous i should have i should have brought john over and sat him on the pew next to them but also because you're not on a phone and you're just there talking he probably thinks you're talking to them that's right i got a thing in my ear. He probably can't say, oh, that's awesome. Oh, dear. It's like, oh, there's Tim practising the children's talk

for Sunday school this Sunday. So Brooklyn's indestructible bed, he sleeps on like a slab of steel now, does he, or something like that? No, it's just like some sort of soft fire. I'm sure it's the sort of material they're using these days for space suits you know deep deep deeply woven uh sort of it is still marginally comfortable he managed to destroy the sort of inner lining bit

of it there was one bit that came out and every night he'd rip that out and throw it across the room causing himself to have a less pleasant sleep than he would have otherwise so absolutely no logic to this whatsoever but that was finally destroyed and we're like we'll stuff you you can just sleep in it and so he he does it's sort of like a token sleep earlier in the night before he makes his way onto our bed and then you know generally maneuvers his way up higher and higher until I'm sort of, you know, asleep, clinging, having nightmares about clinging to a rock face on the side of a cliff and then wake up and realise that's because I'm just marginally holding onto the edge of my bed because Brooklyn's, like, on the pillow.

You know what you need? A chihuahua. Oh, yes. That would, yes, very strategic purchase when it comes to bed stealing. Yeah. All right. Yes, very strategic purchase when it comes to bed stealing. All right. And another thing I'd like to share. You remember a couple of episodes ago we spoke about holy water and I asked whether or not there was any kind of limit as to the amount of holy water a Catholic priest could bless in one go?

Like, you know, was there? Oh, yeah. Because of the line will you hose me down with holy water if i get too hot from the song i would do anything for love but i won't do that by meatloaf i know the church takes a lot of its doctrines from meatloaf songs so i think that's it's an important thing to follow through whether they've been consistent. My answer, I think, was four litres. Is that right?

Four litres was the maximum. You went for four litres. INX underscore on our subreddit shared some more information here, which I thought you'd find interesting. Yeah. Holy water is limited by the size of the font it is made in, so you can't just bless a lake, since it must be in

a font or stoop. I doubt there is a limit on how big the font can be. However, water doesn't stop being holy once it's taken out of the font, and more water can be added as long as it doesn't exceed the amount present without needing to re-bless. So, a single blessing can be used to make all the water in the universe holy. At least those are the rules, as I recall from my Episcopal school. As a Presbyterian, maybe that's what was done on the second day. So, anyway, as I understand it, once you've blessed the water, you can take some out. Say you've got two litres in your font. Yeah. If you just take out 500 mils, you can put in another 500 you've got two liters in your font yeah if you just take out

500 mils you can put in another 500 mils and that automatically becomes holy as long as you don't go down more than half the amount you can pour more in and it kind of re-holies oh so you could do one blessing and just keep taking 49 of the water out yeah Yeah. Refill. It's all holy again. The holiness doesn't get diluted. And this was Meatloaf himself telling you this. It could be. INX underscore. We don't know the real name.

Maybe it was Meatloaf. Interesting stuff. Yes, it is a bit peculiar. But yes, there you go. Why wouldn't you just do all the water in the universe? Can you reverse it? Did you find out if it can be reversed oh that's again can you deconsecrate holy water that's good point well if we accidentally did all the water in the universe you go well wait up we've got too much like when we're not preppers like it's like it's like

deionizing like can you can you get you'd need to get things installed on your tap to unholy the water so you could drink it. That's right. Well, South Australia's now got a desalination plant to sort of help us to get fresh water from the ocean if the rain, you know, if we have another drought. I wonder if they've got something like that in the Vatican. What are the rules with drinking holy water?

I presume you can drink holy water. I know that's not what it's made for but again i have no idea it's mainly made for hosing people down if they get too hot apparently but i know this isn't your bag and not what your church is about but what would you say the most holy thing in your church is what object is like the most sacred like what would indiana jones steal from your church well in you don't mean like in the eyes of god or you mean that people value the most like like what like what thing would most likely make someone die if they looked at it well in a catholic church it would be it would be something like the Holy Water.

It would be the Eucharist, which is the body and blood of Christ, the bread and wine, right? So if that wine's often kept in a little box behind the altar and if the red light's on, that means it's there. That's like a Roman Catholic thing. Yeah. But the theology for the Protestants is totally different. And in my church, it'd be nothing.

The holiest thing in the building at any particular time is a person. Like if a person's there. I know that's not what you mean. Look at you rolling your eyes. So worthy. Giving. So worthy. Like when I go to like some cool museum and I say,

what's the most valuable object in the museum? And they go, the people. No, it's not like that at all. It's not like. Because you're asking for it. It's holy. Are you telling me there's not like that at all. It's not like... Because you're asking for... It's holy. Are you telling me there's not some cool golden orb that you keep underneath the altar that can shoot lasers or something?

Who told you about the orb? Is that Meatloaf again? How does he know this? Meatloaf is ruining all the church's big secrets. Meatloaf's like... Should be in the Da Vinci Code. He just knows the secrets. He's the Robert Langdon of music. There's some stuff, there's some lovely old stuff in our church

that's nice for that sort of purpose. Like there is a gold cross that I think has been there like since the start, a hundred years. Now you're talking. Sometimes it's sitting on the floor. Sometimes it's in a nice place. Sometimes do you walk in late at night and it's sometimes it's sitting on the floor sometimes it's in a nice place sometimes do you walk in late at night and it's just hovering above the altar no is that what john was checking up on that's right

these old bibles and things like really old lovely ones there's mementos like things that are um a book with names written in it and so forth in tribute to um young men that went off to fought and died in the first world war stuff you haven't got those relics like you know the finger bone of some apostle or something there is hang on well there is an elephant bone underneath like an elephant skeleton underneath the church this is my this is the best thing about your church the rumor that an elephant skeleton underneath the church. This is the best thing about your church, the rumour that an elephant was buried under it. Well, that's right. The story is years and years ago a circus came to town. This is back in, like, the 19th century.

This is in the Bible, people. That's right. Moses was walking through what was then just farmland. And, no, a circus came to town. There was an elephant. And it was just out of town where this suburb is now, farmland, if you like, on a field. And an elephant died and was buried in the far corner of their property,

which right in the corner. And that was the bit that they later donated to the Methodist church when the farm was sort of subdivided, it was given, and the church was built on it. This is about 140 years ago and was built over the area where the elephant had been buried. So there is allegedly, apparently, it's an elephant graveyard. How did you not?

You should have renamed your church Elephant Graveyard Uniting. According to the Lion King, that's outside the Pride Lands. You're not supposed to go to an elephant graveyard. Have you never got someone in with, like, sonar equipment or ground-penetrating radar or something to try and find out if it's there? That'd be great to confirm. It would be great if it's there. If it's not, then the story's gone.

We need more. No, it would be good. Is it pretty easy, is it, to get someone in with some sonar to do some sort of mapping down into the ground? I would have thought. I mean, I don't think they'd do it for free, but, you know. No. You could do a Kickstarter or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I reckon you should do it. But anyway, I guess you've got other priorities. No, no, no. Finding elephant bones under the church building is top of the list of all ministers' vocational jobs. Just think what a great meatloaf song it'd make. It's not an elephant. It's meatloaf

buried down there. Like a bat out of hell. That's a great song. Suddenly he bursts up out of the floorboards. Like a bat out of hell That's a great song Suddenly he bursts up out of the floorboards Yeah Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes Like an elephant out of Malvern Alright

There we go To be continued This is Promise me one thing If you ever do it If you ever like do proper research And try to find it And get in like the radar and that

Yep Wait until it's a time I'm visiting Adelaide. I want to be part of it. I'll make the film. All right. All right. All right. Let me put that on the list.

Check elephant with Brady. Check if elephant is buried under church. Because you've got to write that down in case you forget it. Put it on the list. That's right. Now we've got a very special spoon of the Week moment coming up a bit later. Make sure you hang around. You'll be glad you did.

Something amazing is going to happen. Yes. But before we do that, it's time for an idea for a podcast. And we decided I was going to go first today, didn't we? We did. My idea is called A Brief History of Wallets. I think this is a semi-universal experience, but I think all of us through our life have owned a number of wallets

or purses or other such objects. And I feel like these are like very special objects that leave a real indelible mark on your brain. And they're really important memories. And I've been thinking a bit about it. And I think it's for numerous reasons. But I can, I mean, in the course of my life, I've probably only owned six or seven wallets that have, you know, that I've had for a long time. And you remember most of them really well.

And I don't know why it is. I think when you're young, it's partly because getting your first wallet is a real rite of passage. Oh, yeah. Like it's a moment that you can be like your parents. Your parents always have wallets and they're a real sign of being a grown up. And when you get your first grown up wallet, it's really special and you can put your own money in it and heaven forbid, maybe your own cards and things like that. And I think when you're given the responsibility of a wallet, it's a really special time in your life.

And I remember really well my first grown up wallet I was given. It's a bit embarrassing now I think about it, but I loved it. I thought it was amazing. It was made of this like soft brown tan leather, but it wasn't just leather all the way around. There was like a band going around it that took up about half the surface area of the wallet, a band across the middle. And that band wasn't just leather. It was like animal skin with hair, but it was really, really long hair.

Like the hairs were like a few inches long. Like you'd need to comb or brush it. It was like, I don't know what animal it was but it had really really long hair but i just thought it was so sophisticated and like i just thought and because my dad had a leather wallet so suddenly i was like my dad i was a grown-up yeah carrying a big leather wallet in my pocket with like money in it and i remember it had a little little pocket for coins with a button. And when you're a kid, a coin pocket is pretty important because most of your money is in coins, isn't it?

You know, you've got many notes. God, I loved it. I just made me feel so grown up and so important. Was it square or was it more rectangle in shape? It was when it was folded shut, it was square. Obviously, when it was opened out, it was a big, long rectangle. But it would fold to something close to a square. And this band of long, long hair went all the way around it.

It was so shaggy. It would, like, molt as well. It would drop hair occasionally. But anyway, I thought it was just so simple. Man, I'm starting to think your first wallet was a purse it wasn't it wasn't it was a wallet but was there a zipper that went all the way around for your ladies items and i felt so sophisticated the only thing i lacked was cards i think i may have even made my own cards out of cardboard just so i had more cards to put in it but yeah

god i loved it the next and i've the next one i remember really well was when i went through that when like surfer culture became super cool for a while and whether you surfed or not you would wear surfer gear and i got one of those velcro rusty rusty brand wallets i had one of them. I thought that was pretty cool. And I had that for quite a while. It was green with rusty written on it in orange and it did up with Velcro. And I mean, I just thought I was the absolute bee's knees when I had that. Yeah. Yeah. And then as I sort of got a bit older and started, you know, buying my own wallets and needing wallets as a grown up, I started getting into having really small ones that wouldn't hold coins. You know, buying my own wallets and needing wallets as a grown-up, I started getting into

having really small ones that wouldn't hold coins. You know, you sort of grew out of having wallets with coin holders. And I remember having, trying to get the absolute smallest one I could, because that was kind of the chic, cool thing to do, is to be really minimalist and just have the bare minimum of stuff. Now I've got one that's just kind of in between. It was a gift from my wife, a really nice Paul Smith wallet, really well made. It's lasted years now. I had it for four or five years. But, like, you remember them really well.

Like, if I was to see one of those wallets now, it would be a huge nostalgia rush. Like, they're really kind of – they're objects that you really imprint with and that you don't forget. And I think hearing people talk about – tell some of their wallet stories or purse stories or or the like can be uh could be quite compelling it's you know it's something we don't talk about enough do you have any super memorable wallets from history you must oh yeah yeah i think i've

still got a couple of them imagine my surprise i've got them on me actually my current ones are paul smith wallet as well in fact i've got it here yeah i think he made such strong leather they're like thin and sleek but they're really um yeah they're robust robust aren't they really nice and tight and i like this is my second of these i got and i don't like the big square one i like one that's a smaller rectangle just folds out once i don't like them to fold out like remember how there was like the rubik's cube and then there was like that unlink the rings version of the rubik's cube that we used to click click click click and fold out until it was amazing

half a pizza box rubik's magic yeah some wallets can do that you know there's like oh here's a photo bit and then that folds out again and then there's another layer that's, yeah. Do you carry a photo in your wallet, like a photo of your family? I don't think I have a photo section here. It's a bit redundant now when you've got your phone and you've got your phone background image and stuff. But for many years I did. Phones will soon make wallets altogether redundant,

but, you know, as we now get Apple Pay and all that sort of stuff, I think we won't even have wallets in five years yeah i have mine in my bag most of the time because the credit card and the things that i need what what have i got yeah there's a few other cards and you know the medicare card those sorts of things and then there's a bunch of business cards here that i've been that a few of them are mine and then then there's the coffee, you know, like. Loyalty card. What do you call it?

Loyalty card. A few of my cards and business cards of people that I'll never see again. I literally don't need any of these. Do you remember your first wallet? I can't quite remember the first one. I remember some early ones, which were similar to yours. They were very sort of hyper masculine really sort of like leather totally over engineered kind of thing um and uh so i had a few in that sort of

vein i also had the sort of the soft rusty surfy sort of thing so that you know that i can still hear it now that sounder going rip with the velcro to open your wallet to get some cash out. Yep. And having the compartment with heaps and heaps of coins stuffed in it. Yeah. And I remember it was a massive moment when I suddenly realised, hang on a second, I don't need to be carrying these coins around. This is ridiculous.

Yeah. Why would I leave the house with coins? Like that's just, that's absurd. Yeah, there's some lovely moments i've got a really old one of dad's at home that's really unique from a long time ago i can't even remember him using it but i know it was his from ages ago and i've kept that that's beautiful i don't actually think i have any of my old ones again but they i remember they get sort of threadbare do you use your wallets all the way down to threadbareness where there's, you know, bits hanging off it from the stitching

from the leather and it's all worn down? I have. I have done that, but I probably wouldn't do it anymore. I'm probably a bit more ruthless now. But the one I've had, as I said, the one I've had now is still in really good nick and I've had it for ages. There's nothing shinier than a leather wallet owned by a guy, is there?

Like, you know what I mean It's forever being buffed into the pocket Out of the pocket It's been worn down to become a skimming stone That's right But that's the lovely thing about them They age well They're nice objects

Do you remember your dad's man bag Yes Are you talking Generically now They're nice objects. Do you remember your dad's man bag? Yes. Are you talking generically now or are you also remembering my dad's man bag? No, no, no. Your dad specifically. Your dad's the only dad I've ever known that's had one. They're amazing. Yeah, he got quite into the man bag for a while. The little handheld.

What would you say it is? The size of a... What's it the size of? It's kind of like a toiletries bag, really, isn't it? Yeah say it is the size of a what's it the size of it's it's kind of like a toiletries bag really isn't it yeah it is like a toiletries bag yeah about the size of a brick he had a man bag for a long time my dad he got really into it it was it was yeah it was obviously a real distinctive it was one of his trademark moves if you remember it so well yeah what did he have in there did he have like it was like a guy's version of a handbag like was it pens and stuff?

I don't know why he had it. It had a wallet in it. Maybe it's because he wears glasses. Maybe he also wanted to carry his glasses around. Oh, yeah. And maybe, yeah, a journalist, maybe he needed a notepad as well and a pen. Maybe he just had enough extra things that it was worth having the man bag. A comb?

A comb, maybe, yeah. Keys, maybe, when he put his keys in it. Yeah, you've convinced me. I need a man bag but yeah comb maybe yeah yeah he's got keys maybe when he keys keys in it and yeah you've you've convinced me i need a man bag it actually sounds extremely like if you'd have a phone now in there yeah that's genius yeah no he was a big he was a big proponent of the man bag i've never gone down the man bag route and they did they have these little like it's just a little strap for your hand isn't it it's not like it doesn't go over your no no no no no shoulder strap it did it did have a little hand strap i don't know if he utilized the hand strap or he would just clutch it like a like a clutch handbag uh yeah but it did it did have the loop you could put your hand through

maybe in case of emergencies or if you were walking through the wrong side of town. Oh, yes. I guess he had to carry notepads and stuff around with him as well. He probably did have a few extra things. Maybe he had a gun or a switch knife or something like that. Maybe he was packing heat and I never knew. Packing heat, packing some of that 70s aftershave. You did have a, we call them a bum bag for a while.

Do you remember that? You used to, it was, it's, I know they're called fanny packs in America where you'd wear it around your waist. I remember you used that for a while. It was around the time you got the first little electronic organiser and you'd put it in there. And where would I use it? Was I taking it, was I wearing it to work or?

You wore it all the time. You wore it all the time. You wore it all the time. I was not a big fan of it. That was when I was walking a few steps behind you. I don't remember it very well. Maybe it's a repressed memory because it's so embarrassing. It's still spoken of around Adelaide from time to time. But it was practical.

I'll give you that. Practical is the worst defence for something that's terrible. You certainly looked practical. All the ladies would swoon. He's so practical. So practical. Let's move on now that we've moved on to my bum bag. Wallets. The history of walletsets a brief history of wallets it's probably a good cultural moment to do that if this is the last generation

with wallets then it's probably a good time to take stock of them and then move on speaking of moving on it's time for story blocks aren you going to do that thing where you go, oh, Storyblocks, and you just sort of repeat the name of the sponsor? Oh, Storyblocks. Yes. Go to storyblocks.com slash unmade to check out their demand-driven library of royalty-free 4K and HD footage, After Effects and Premiere Pro templates, music hd footage after effects and premiere pro templates music images

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No. Try again. Nick Cave album. No. Story Blocks. Story Blocks. You got it. Your guesses.

That's right. I went to Story Blocks because I knew they'd have it. Because whenever I need anything, whenever I need any sound effect, whether it's the sound of an explosion or birds tweeting in the forest or a brick being dragged along concrete or water splashing or just someone strumming a D minor chord, I know they're going to have it at Storyblocks and I know within seconds I'm going to have it on my timeline. Absolutely invaluable part

of my workflow is my Storyblocks subscription. And if you do anything creative, if you're someone who's going to need video and pictures and sounds and things like that. You can't go travelling the world collecting all this stuff. It's expensive and impossible. You can just have it all at your fingertips thanks to Storyblocks. Go to storyblocks.com slash unmade to check them out. Why don't you get yourself a little Christmas present of a Storyblocks subscription? Very, very handy thing to have.

And our thanks to them for supporting our podcast. Yes, Owen? Is Owen there? Come in, Owen. It's Owen. Hello, Owen. Can I disturb you for a minute or two? I'm just in the middle of recording at the moment, Owen.

Sorry. Can I come and see you when I'm done? Yeah, sure. Say hello from Brady. Oh, Brady says to say hello. Sorry. Can I come and see you when I'm done? Yeah sure. Say hello from Brady. Oh Brady says to say hello. Okay. Hello Brady. Hey Owen. Hello Owen. Merry Christmas

Owen. Merry Christmas to you. Do you want me to come and pop in afterwards? Sure. Alright. I'll come and say g'day. See you later. Bye bye Owen. That's like Father Christmas turning up. That's very exciting. As promised, it's time for...

Spoon of the Week. Now, this week, Tim's going to use the spoon. We're going to come to that in a minute. I don't want to ruin it just yet. But first of all, what is the spoon you've chosen from the Hein Family Archive? Well, Brady, it's been a few weeks since I've been able to present a true cardinal Spoon of the Week spoon from the collection. And because we're coming up to holiday time and we're talking about our holidays as a family, I've pulled out this one from Bright. Bright. Sorry, I didn't out this one from Bright. Bright.

Sorry, I didn't send you a photo of it, did I? No, it's okay. I can't see it very well, so you'll have to describe it to me. I'll describe it to you and to all the listeners. It's a beautiful, colourful, in fact, very ornate spoon, smaller than, you know, many of them, and it has a lovely scoopy bit shape which comes down to a little point uh up the top there's a very colorful perfectly round inset image and it's of autumn

trees in bright now bright is a town in central right in the middle of the state of victoria so a few hours drive north of melbourne the city, and it's a beautiful place to go, Bright. And we went there on a holiday in, I think it was 1983. I've got a memory that I may have talked about this holiday once before. When I was a kid, there were big fires in the area at the time, but it's most famous around that area as being sort of the preeminent skiing sort of area, Mount Hotham and Mount Buller and all those sorts of skiing locations are nearby in the winter. But in the autumn, it's absolutely stunning. And in summer, it's a beautiful area as well

because it's nowhere near as hot as other parts of Australia and has lovely water. But this is a spoon that's taken right in the middle of what we call autumn or Americans call fall. And it has some brown and orange and red trees amongst the green and it's absolutely beautiful the thing I like about this spoon is something that I like about certain types of spoons is that the the manufacturer the maker of the spoon is is very sort of predominant on back. You know that it's a good quality brand,

and this is the Stewart company who have made it, and it's silver-plated and it's very ornate and very elegant, very beautiful little spoon, a real favourite and a real treasure for our listeners. Nice one. As always, you can see pictures of all the spoons of the week on our website. There'll be a

link in the show notes. But I've asked Tim to use the spoon this week, because you may remember in the previous episode, we talked about the hundred greatest things on earth, and I named Biscoff spread as one of the hundred greatest things on earth. And Tim has never tried Biscoff spread, but he's bought himself a jar, and he's going to have his first ever mouthful of Biscoff's bread here, live on the show, with this week's Spoon of the Week. But before we get to that, before you even open the jar, Tim, well, first of all, let me give you a tiny piece of background,

because Tim has talked before, and his 100 Greatest Things on Earth of speculars and speculoos biscuits, which are spicy Dutch sweet biscuits that he loves from his childhood. Because believe it or not, this is one of the best kept secrets on the podcast, but Tim's father was Dutch. So he was very exposed to these biscuits and Biscoff biscuits made by a company called Lotus are a form of speculars or speculus biscuits speculars and speculus are two different words they're very subtle variations on the same biscuit I've since learned to do with the amount of spice in the biscuit. But the company Lotus also makes these biscuits, but they wanted to give it their own trademark name. So they used Biscoff. So if you've ever had Biscoff biscuits in England, which you often see them in hotels, they are the same things. And in more recent times, Lotus has started making

different products of the same flavor, ice creams and things like that. And they have this spread which is sweeping the world. I think it's one of the yummiest things in the world. There's a smooth version and there's a slightly crunchier version of Biscoff spread. And funnily enough, a Reddit user called BK2CB wrote to us about this spread. So before you taste the spread, Tim, I thought I'd read you this message. Okay. I came here to say that Lotus Biscoff Crunchy really is like a drug.

That stuff is amazing. It is very sweet for sure, but it has a caramelly malty goodness that catapults its tastiness far beyond the competition. Brady says that he mainly spoons the product and I can understand that. The material melts quickly but not immediately in the mouth and then you can still crush the delicious little biscuit pieces with your tongue and enjoy them. A jar can be gone in one to two days if you are not careful and get hooked. If you're thinking it's a delicious sugary spread that tastes like biscuits, I get it. Go ahead and try it out. But be careful. For me, it was a short but hard ride with Lotus Biscoff.

Wow. Well, there you go, Tim. Now, you haven't got the crunchy. You haven't got the crunchy. You've got the smooth. I believe that was all you could get your hands on in the supermarket. But still, the smooth is good. That was my gateway drug before I graduated to crunchy. So are you ready? Talk us through the process here. I am ready. I have because I bought two of these the other day and I took one home and the family has plowed into it and has been eating it around me, going nuts, refusing to describe it,

not letting me get anywhere near it because they want me to experience it as a Biscoff virgin tonight. So I'm going to open up. Now, you say I'm not sure what flavour to taste. I know the taste of speculars. You've talked about it being spicy and caramely, whereas speculars, I imagine, they're more cinnamon-y.

Yeah, well, cinnamon's a spice. Oh, indeed, I guess so. That's right. Yes. Alright, you've opened the jar. This one has been attacked already by someone in the office. I have not had any. Someone in the office I have not had any

Someone in the office has opened your jar And the seal is broken It's kids club here this It's kids club here this week So I know it's one of my daughters Who's come into my office And gotten it because I bought this A couple of days ago and left it here

Okay so it's 10% empty now Like this stuff must be I can't believe they've come and left it here okay so it's a 10 empty now like this stuff must be i can't believe they've come and opened it all right okay so when howard carter got to king tut's tomb and there were signs that grave robbers had been there already that's right having a sniff oh yeah no i like smells familiar yep absolutely all right all right here we we go. Now, is this a good proportion here? Give it a good dollop. Put it on your tongue.

Good dollop. There it goes. In it goes. Oh, yeah. That's perfect. That's brilliant, yes. That's like the biscuit, but it's smooth, yeah. And it's more concentrated.

Yeah. So I don't have to eat five biscuits at once anymore now. I can just have one teaspoon. How good is that? Oh, that's gold. Oh, yeah. Have another one. Go on, have another one.

All right, all right. With the bright spoon. This is the bright spoon, which is nice and brown at both ends now. Oh, that is nice, man. Yeah. And you reckon the crunchy is even better? Oh, I would say 30% to 40% better. Well, let's find out because I have a little surprise for you, man.

He's got the crunchy. I've even got some crunchy. He's got the crunchy. He's got one. He's pulled a crunchy jar at me. I love it. Now was I telling crunchy. He's got one. He's pulled a crunchy jar at me. I love it. Now was I telling the truth?

Woo, woo. Oh, and that one's sealed. The seal is still intact. Oh, you can hear the seal. Listen for the seal breaking. Has your family had the crunchy yet or are you breaking new ground? No. No. No.

Yes. I got about four reminders. Your family had the crunchy yet or are you breaking new ground? No. No. No. Yes. I got about four reminders. Don't forget to go buy that crunchy on the way, Dad. All right. So this is with two dollops of the smooth still navigating its way around every square corner of my mouth. Yeah. It has a texture like peanut butter for people who are wondering,

but, oh, yeah, I can feel that this has got a bit of crunchy in it. Yeah, here we go. It's going to crunchy now. Here we go. Mmm. Oh. Can you? Mmm.

Oh. That's great. How good's that? That's great. My mouth's that? That's great. My mouth is, like, stuck together. Oh, that's good. It's like you've crunched up the biscuit and put it in there. Yeah, Sprinkler, I'm so proud of you.

Oh, that's great. Okay. Oh, this is good stuff. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So if I sit back and think for a minute. Yeah, the taste is obviously, it's very much the same as Speculars.

It's a little bit different because it's a paste rather than a biscuit. It's sweeter and more concentrated. Yeah. No question. Yeah. Yeah. I'd like to have sweeter and more concentrated. Yeah. No question. Yeah. Yeah. I'd like to have them side by side, actually, which I'll do as soon as I get home. Well played.

He's just having another spoonful there. Not even at my request now. He's just going for it. This is the first spoon of the week that now has to be washed. It's been. Yeah. Or perhaps, shall I leave for posterity the little bit of Biscoff on it and hang it on the wall and people can come past and say,

hmm, is that Biscoff still on the spoon? I go, yeah, that's the one. Until that day you're in the office all alone and just hankering a little bit of flavour and you look up at the spoon and go, should I? I'll give it a sniff. Oh, yes. Still good.

Still good. Oh, my God. We are so grateful to people that support us on patreon our so-called stakeholders and we like to reward them with little prizes and bonuses and extra stuff uh we're going to send one of our unmade podcast souvenir spoons to jordan from to Jordan from Colorado. Jordan from Colorado, coming your way, an Unmade Podcast spoon, a SofaShop mixtape, a real collector's item these are. Oh, yes. One of those is going to Scott F from Wisconsin. Wisconsin. And we're also going to send some Spoon of the Week collector cards,

a handful of collector cards, to Lisa Mook from Ireland, Erasto from Brazil, Matus from Slovakia, Jean B from Norway, and Noah H from Switzerland. You all have some cards coming your way. Thank you so much for being Patreon supporters, and thank you, everyone. You're really important.

You actually make the show possible. Yes, thank you. Thank you very much. Now, Tim, have you got an idea for a podcast i do mine's very much in the season which is christmas we're in the middle of december at the moment heading into the festive season so i actually was thinking of a christmasy sort of idea and i went down a bit of a rabbit warren of exploring the origins of Christmas carols. Christmas carols are kind of, they're very unique in that they are so well known. It's very rare, you know, most people know the lyrics to Christmas carols, which are old songs and it's not like the latest pop song. So they have a pretty interesting and unique place in the culture and i thought a

podcast idea is exploring the history of christmas carols and also people's favorite christmas carols where they but working out where they come from how they developed when they first heard them what their favorite one is there's a whole range of ways of coming at this and talking about what do you think is the most recently adapted Christmas carol? Like to become a carol is it's not just a type of song, it's sort of a Christmas song that becomes so universally loved that it becomes part of a canon. Talking about Christmas carols is talking about a particular canon and only a few pop songs, more recent songs,

have made it into that canon i don't know what officially makes you a christmas carol is like is white christmas by bing crosby it's just a that's a pop song isn't it that's not a christmas carol that wouldn't count there's no official i think category of christmas carol they are i mean there's it's not i mean they're sort of singable tunes. White Christmas is a pop song. So I think of Mariah Carey's All I Want for Christmas is You, which is not traditionally a carol. Don't they have to be religious to be a Christmas carol? Don't they have to have a Christian message?

I don't know. We Wish You a Merry Christmas. Jingle Bells. They're not Christmas carols. They're Christmas carols. I don't think Jingle Bells and We Wish You a Merry Christmas are Christmas carols. They're Christmas carols? I don't think jingle bells and we wish you a Merry Christmas are Christmas carols. Really? Okay.

I mean, obviously they are, judging by the look on your face, but I always think of Christmas carols as more like hymns, like church songs. Like Joy to the World and Hark the Herald Angels Sing. Silent Night, things like that, you know. Yes. Yeah. Silent Night's kind of the king of all the Christmas carols. That is the king of the the christmas that is that

that is the king of the carols yeah or the queen yeah the queen of the carols that's right yes it's the last one sung it's the sort of you know really serious one yeah yeah yeah not no it's not a trick and jingle bells is probably the you know the the most um junior it's the sort of the the fun most accessible most popular sort of pop. I'm not having Jingle Bells as a Christmas carol. Well. What does Wikipedia say? Wikipedia says that we wish you a Merry Christmas as a Christmas carol.

And it says, I'm pretty sure Jingle Bells. Where is it? It's not called a Christmas carol on this Wikipedia article. The interesting thing about Jingle Bells is that it was not originally a christmas song at all it had no connection to christmas it was just called the one horse open sleigh okay it was written in 1857 they're all really interesting the way they've developed over time so what's your podcast is your podcast basically each episode's dedicated to a different carol yes right and you look at history, you look where it's come,

you can play some different versions of it, you can talk about how it's... They've all been adapted and changed and tinkered with over time, but then you can have someone on who can talk about why this is their favourite, and there could be a musician to talk about the melody and how it works and why it's so catchy. That's something that's quite distinctive about Christmas carols.

They all have very strong, even if they're very simple melodies that mean they stick in your ear you feel nostalgic for them you're attached to them you immediately want to start singing them or avoiding them if if they've got stuck in your head too much have you got a favorite yourself my favorite christmas carol is probably oh holy night how does that one go uh oh holy night it was the night the reason i like it is the definitive version is also done by mariah carey obviously it's not the definitive version a very popular version mariah carey obviously it's not the definitive version a very popular version and because she can hit this ridiculously high note at the end

and i attempt to hit it when i'm driving along in the car and at different events at christmas time and just about blow my throat yeah but it's a lot of fun to go do you have a favorite christmas carol i have a soft spot for that song i don't know if it's a carol but what's that one where all the animals are singing about the role they played in the nativity like you know i said the sheep with the curly horn i don't even know that one there's a there's a song where all the animals all sing about it, and I sang in it when I was a little boy. Like I was in like a Christmas performance,

and I was the sheep with the curly horn, and I got to sing my verse. So I don't know if that's a Christmas carol. Let me see what that song is called. I don't even know what that one's called. The Friendly Beasts, is that what it's called? The Friendly Beasts, I i think so here's my part i said the sheep with the curly horn i gave him my wool for his blanket i said the sheep And like the donkey and the cow and doves and camels and all these different animals get to sing. Were you in a sheep costume?

Yes. My mum made this balaclava with sheep ears and I was all woolly. I looked the business, man. I looked the business man i looked the business that's cold that's great are you a fan of the um it's kind of like the 99 bottles of beer on the wall kind of of christmas carols um which is the 12 days of christmas yes yes i'm a bit of a sucker for the 12 days of christmas as well I can never remember what they all are. There's a partridge in a pear tree.

Five gold rings. Five gold rings. Five gold rings. That's right. Yeah, yeah. That's right. Hark the Herald Angels Sing. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, of course.

Indeed. They're some of the more spiritual ones. Hark the Herald Angels Sing was written as a hymn by Charles Wesley and was just called the hymn for Christmas Day and didn't even have that angels mentioned in the first line until 100 years later someone else adapted it and then Mendelssohn put music to it and then suddenly it becomes, it's sung everywhere all over the world every year.

Look at you, dropping Christmas carol knowledge bombs like no one's business. We have been touching on this a little bit in church, but I like it as an idea. Everyone's, don't you, aren't you interested? You don't seem as interested as you should be. I am. I mean, yeah, there. I could sit here and listen to these facts all day.

I mean, I'd rather hear facts about, you know, mountains or planets, but Christmas carols are good tea i'll take them i'll take them it's interesting they've got all their origin stories we wish you a merry christmas traditionally the last one that sang in the night isn't it was interesting it was composed in bristol just near where you are yeah it was a lecturer arthur Yeah. It was a lecturer, Arthur Worrell, who was a lecturer at the University of Bristol from 1909. He wrote it for his University of Bristol Singers as like this little four-part arrangement. Wow.

It was generally called the West Country traditional song, like Merry Christmas. Yeah. Who knew? So there we go. So do you sing them at your church? Do you guys bang out a few carols at christmas we do yeah the last few weeks we've been having a few yeah we have like a big carols night you know with like a barbecue and um you know activities for kids and a fun big dinner and everything and then everyone goes inside and there's the band and the

choir and who decides the songs do you have a role in that or do you hand that responsibility over to your music director? The music director certainly composes a long list and then we do a little bit of editing. Yeah, I make sure some of my favourites are in there. But, no, he does really, really cool arrangements of them as well. He's very talented and we've got a really cool band. With, like, We Wish You a Merry Christmas,

there used to be this, like, other variant from the 1830s about a cellar full of beer. Like, We Wish You a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, a pocket full of money and a cellar full of beer. That was sung. That's in the 1830s. That was very popular. Nice.

Children would sing that going from door to door. We wish you a Merry Christmas and a rack full of spoons. Yes, absolutely. Are there any that you despise when they come on? You're just... I don't think so. It's hard to despise a Christmas carol. I do think they bang them out too early these days.

Like when you're walking around somewhere in november and they're like just banging out the christmas carols it's like come on control yourself your christmas carol podcast idea would this run all year or would you just run it in december each year or you know what's what's your vision i i it probably is seasonal but i actually had a separate idea which was the Christmas podcast, which just runs all year. Haven't we done that before? I think we've done that before, haven't we? Is that an idea?

Oh, I don't know. Is that an original idea? I don't know. Have we ever had an original idea? Anyway. All right. Christmas Carol podcast. Do you want to see us out with a Christmas Carol, man?

How about we do a full version of The Little Drummer Boy and you can do the pa-ru-pa-pum-pum, which when I was a kid, I thought we were saying bum, so I always thought it was like a bit of a rude one. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Pa-ru-pa-pum-pum. I was just thinking about that song the other day because was that the one that plays on the West Wing?

I'd like to come along I love how all the American series have Like in the middle one Christmas episode It's such a classic Yeah They're so nostalgic for it They make such a deal of it You know there's always that

Ridiculously amazing tree in the corner of whatever little house the TV shows are in. Like just over the top. Yeah, ridiculous. Have you got a Christmas tree up? We do, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I went up a few weeks ago. Yeah, a lot of joy in putting the decorations up. Lacking a lot of absent joy with me once again untangling the christmas

lights to go on yeah but uh they finally got up there have you got yours up we normally go big time but because we're traveling we've gone for a more sort of stripped back twigs and branch hyper modern interesting christmas tree look i'll send you a picture like a modern art so we haven't got a normal one this year for the first time ever really does it still feel like christmas it still feels like christmas we've got christmas lights up on the house and wreaths and things like that what about brooklyn if brooklyn likes tearing beds to pieces what's brooklyn's position on christmas trees and decorations it's really strange thankfully he has not attacked because it's sort of plasticky leaves and stuff so he's not found them to his liking all right real christmas

trees i believe it can be quite dangerous for dogs you can't have a real one if you've got a dog because they can they can eat the needles or whatever the leaves it can be quite dangerous but so we've got a plastic one but there are a couple like one or two decorations that he's quite enamored by like he just comes up really close with his nose and like sniffs them or just taps them and then just he might be seeing his little reflection in them or something but he just pours there looking intensely for just a few moments he's he's really quite taken with them which is really nice well i think this will be our last episode before Christmas. So Merry Christmas to everyone, I guess. They told me.

Come on, man. Nice. You can't let your last word for 2021 be bum.