The Unmade Podcast - 44: Professional Complainers
Episode Date: May 12, 2020Brady and Tim chat about complaining, an indifferent KFC, Buckingham Palace, the Tower of London, Fathers, Gardens, the Toyota Crown, Prom Night, and Rod Stewart. Ting - smarter mobile phone service ...- and get $25 credit by using unmade.ting.com - https://unmade.ting.com/ Support us on Patreon and get your name on the list - https://www.patreon.com/unmadeFM Join the discussion of this episode on our subreddit - https://redd.it/gim3y5 USEFUL LINKS The Patreon Wall of Thanks - https://www.unmade.fm/wall-of-thanks The Timewaster Letters - https://amzn.to/2WOglLz KFC Australia contact page - https://www.kfc.com.au/contact-kfc Buckingham Palace - https://www.royal.uk/royal-residences-buckingham-palace The Cullinan Diamond - which coincidentally ended up in many of the Crown Jewels - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cullinan_Diamond Charlie Chaplin look-a-like-contest - https://www.historylink.org/File/8811 Various pictures mentioned in this episode, including Mr Hein in the garden and the Toyota Crown - https://www.unmade.fm/episode44-pictures The Late Show mocks old people - and Toyota Crowns - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tc_KJEwzq74 Adelaide Central Market - https://adelaidecentralmarket.com.au Adelaide Central Market Car Park - https://adelaidecentralmarket.com.au/parking/ And watch a video Brady made with his dad in Vietnam - https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLky6yurD40o4ul8xen0x-BKBKCCkMpgrD Rod Stewart Train Set - https://www.bbc.com/news/entertainment-arts-50403561)
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Oh, you're there?
I've lost you.
No, no, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, Tim, I can't hear you.
Are you well, Tim?
I'm well.
Yes, I'm very well.
It's night time.
You got your iced coffee at the ready?
I do, I do.
I've given up on going to the IGA at the end of the street.
I'm just going to the service station now.
It's after several times burnt with them not having them there.
What?
Not in stock?
Yeah.
You remember some months ago I said they didn't have it.
I thought, well, fair enough.
You're sold out one night.
And then again, they sold out again.
I like to support a little supermarket like that.
They're not going to have iced coffee.
Well, you build a supermarket around iced coffee, you see.
You put the fridge in.
Well, I would have thought every sort of retail outlet within a 10-mile radius of where you
live would just be really well stocked with iced coffee.
Just in case.
That's right.
Yeah.
I know four new KFCs have popped up in the last few months.
I have to be honest. I don't know whether to say this on air or not. I have to be honest.
I don't know whether to say this or not.
I really love KFC.
Can I just underline that point?
No, I'd have to say I had an indifferent experience with KFC the other day.
Oh, hang on.
Hang on, Tim.
Save that for my idea in the podcast today.
Oh, okay.
Sure.
We will come back to that.
I'll even make a note.
KFC.
Indifferent KFC.
Okay.
Indifferent KFC.
My podcast is called the Indifferent KFC Podcast.
What a coincidence.
Yeah.
Before we start, I have a little housekeeping announcement thing.
Yes.
And that is, you know, we're trying to boost the Patreon support a bit
to keep the podcast sustainable.
And we've had a bit of an idea to encourage people,
well, to thank people who already do it
and encourage new people to become patrons.
What we're going to do is after the last episode,
the Tommy Ball audiobook, in which Tim's namesake,
the Tommy Ball legend, Tim Hine, read an audiobook.
And a lot of people enjoyed his work.
He has agreed to, as a sort of a special art project, read out our entire list of Patreon's names in his full Tommyball audiobook character.
Wow.
So, that's something we're going to be doing shortly.
So if your name's on the list of our Patreon supporters,
no matter how big or small, you will have your name read out
by Tommy Ball legend Tim Hine in an upcoming project.
Gosh, that's a coup.
How did you wangle that?
I know, I know.
Money exchanged hands, as always, when you're dealing with Tommy Ball, Tim.
Oh, that's good news.
Yeah.
So, just a couple of little things you need to know.
It will be everyone who is a patron at the end of the current month, and we are currently
in May 2020, in case you're listening to this, you know, in the future in the Washington
Library of Congress or something.
This was May 2020. If you're a patron at the end
of the month, your name will be read out. A couple of things you should know though,
like for example, some people might want to support us on Patreon and not have their name
read out. If when you're a patron, if you sort of click or choose no reward, which is one of
the options when you sign up as a patron, you can say no reward, don't send me stuff, don't put me
on your wall of fame or anything. If you're a no reward person, obviously your name won't be read out. So, if you're like
a spy or something who can't have their identity revealed and you want to support the Unmade
Podcast, you know, your secret's safe with us. Will this recording be made available just to
the Patreons, obviously, as well? Well, I don't- I mean, there's no- I don't think there's any
reason to do that. I don't know whether we should tag on the end of a podcast or we should just release
the audio separately.
I haven't, I haven't quite fully thought it through, but certainly the patrons will have
access to it because, you know, they're the ones who are going to want it most so they
can snip out their name and make it their text ringtone or something like that.
But that's something that's coming.
Also, another thing you might not know about Patreon, because, you know, some people just
want to support you, like, with, you know, a buck here or a buck there.
When you sign up on Patreon, you can, like, limit the amount you pay a month.
So, if you say, okay, I'll give you, like, a dollar per episode, if Tim and I then release,
like, 90 episodes in a month, you're not going to get, like, a $90 bill.
You can just cap your- you can cap your donation.
So, I'm not saying you should cap your donation, but you can cap your donation.
Of course, people can put a different name to be read out.
Is that possible?
Like they might want to have a friend?
Well, that is possible, but then you'll have to have- but then your name will appear differently
on our wall of fame and things like that.
So, I wouldn't encourage that.
You actually do bring me to the final point though.
We do reserve the right absolutely to not read a name.
That covers us in two eventualities.
Yeah.
One is if we make a mistake and we miss one, that's just like, whoops.
Or you mispronounce it.
Yeah, mispronounce it.
Yeah.
But also, yeah, if you play funny, goofy, you start putting inappropriate things in there.
Like, yeah, we just won't read it.
So, and you will have missed your opportunity at immortality.
That's right.
This is the one opportunity at immortality.
It's a lot of power in Tim's hand, isn't it?
In his mouth.
I've actually been thinking about this, though.
Like, what else can we do down the track if people like this idea?
And like, it's a success.
What else we could do?
One of my future ideas is having Tim play a guitar solo to every single person on the list wow that's
like how do you you'd love that you'd have to talk to his agent about that
i'm talking about you tim now i'm talking about the actual tim now oh of course yes yes me yes yes
because tommy ball tim doesn't
play guitar he's always he's always been a saxophonist i think he would play saxophone
wouldn't he i don't know i don't know what instrument tommy ball tim would play
definitely something that involves blowing i could play that's great yes people could i could do
a solo for wow that would be incredible as long, people could. I could do a solo for everyone. Wow, that would be incredible.
As long as people were then willing to draw a picture of me and send it in
and we could put it on merchandise like the now infamous Joe, legendary Joe.
By the way, those of you who haven't seen the picture that Joe did,
our listener Joe did a picture of Tim, which we've now put on merchandise
like towels and wall tapestries.
I actually have ordered one.
I actually now have a shroud of Tim beach towel that I'm placing around the house at
random times to scare my wife.
Like I hung one.
Impress.
I hung one in the bathroom the other day thinking she'd walk into the bathroom in the morning
and get a laugh.
I hung one in the bathroom the other day thinking she'd walk into the bathroom in the morning and get a laugh.
But she walked into the bathroom and just had this giant, like, huge Tim looming down.
She screamed in terror.
Oh, dear.
Anyway, so Patreon, patreon.com slash unmade FM.
Patreon.com slash unmade FM. If you want to support us, if you do it by the end of the month of May 2020
and everything's all signed up and works at the end of the month,
you will be on the list.
Your name already will appear then on like our Hall of Fame on the website,
but you will also be part of this epic read-a-thon by Tommyball Tim.
I wonder if Tommyball Tim can read.
Was that checked?
Well, he read his audio book out.
Oh, that's true.
That's true.
That's very fair.
An important point.
Entire episode dedicated to him reading.
Yeah.
That's good stuff.
That's good housekeeping.
Well done, man.
Lovely housekeeping.
Thank you.
Put together well.
I didn't do it well, did I?
Now I think about it.
It was a bit of a shambles.
You're pretty famous for not doing housekeeping, so well done.
I even had notes written in front of me so that I wouldn't be too rambling and muck it up,
but I still mucked it up.
See if we can make it up with your idea.
All right.
Now, I know I've been bullying you a bit lately by going first all the time,
so I'm going to let you choose whether you want to go first today or not.
I have three ideas in front of me, and I can't decide between them,
so I'm going to let you go first and see which one feels like a lovely natural segue afterwards.
Yeah.
Nice.
Okay.
You get to set the tone.
It shows what an adaptable podcaster you are as well, that you've just got, you know, you
can just change midstream just like, you know.
Oh, agile.
That's right.
You're an instinctive podcast is how I like to describe it.
Thank you. Thank you right You're an instinctive podcast is how I like to describe it Thank you
You run on instinct
Rather than
Talent
Rather than preparation or know-how
Rather than preparation
Expertise
Talent, knowledge
So, my idea
Let's call this
The professional complainers Okay Now, the idea, let's call this the professional complainers.
Okay.
Now, the idea of this is, is each episode is dedicated to our hosts, maybe one or two things that they want to complain about, right?
But the idea is, it's sort of supposed to be almost like the trivial things that you shouldn't complain about.
I'm not saying it's complained about, like, you know, the government financial policy or stuff
like that.
It's more the little stuff like someone swore on TV or there was a misprint in the paper.
So, you decide the thing you want to complain about this week.
I've got a few other examples I'll come to.
And then you talk through the problem and your outrage at the problem.
then you talk through the problem and your outrage at the problem.
And then together each week, you draft a letter or message of complaint that you then send to the organisation in question.
And that could be quite fun.
And then you send it off, whether it's tweets or messages or emails or letters, preferably
there's always a letter at the end as well that you can then put on a website or something. And then the next episode always starts with responses you've had to your complaint.
Like, hopefully people sometimes will write back whether, you know, they tweet back or
they write a letter or they ignore you or other people respond to it after hearing about it.
So, each episode starts with responses to previous complaints and then goes into
that week's complaints.
But I always want them to be a bit trivial.
Like, I've been doing a lot of crosswords lately in the newspaper.
So, it could be, I think this crossword clue was a bit rubbish.
Or, yeah, I found a punctuation mistake in the Times.
Yes, yes.
But it can also be like the ridiculous, like a new sign goes up in your neighbourhood and
you write to the local authorities or council saying you don't like the typeface or things like that.
But the more formal the complaint, the better.
Yeah, but the complaint is always legitimate.
It's not always, you know, I think there should be more clouds in the sky or something.
It's got to be, like, something that someone kind of almost has to respond to.
Because a lot of organisations kind of are obliged to respond to because a lot of organisations kind
of are obliged to respond to any letters they receive. That's why I say you should always write
letters because they kind of have to respond. So, a letter. But I'm not talking about that
fantastic book that I'm sure many people have read called The Time Waster Letters,
where this guy writes to people just to waste their time and he's not necessarily complaining,
he could just be
having wild ideas it's not obviously it has a time wasting element to it but the complaints are
always legit you know and they are something they are they do have to be something that has like
riled you a little bit even if it's a little bit mild i wonder if there could be a goal i love this
idea by the way but i wonder if there could be a goal in mind to actually enable change. So, it's not just-
Oh, yeah.
In other words, you know, can we get this change?
And so, that gives it a bit of a focus.
It's not just having a whinge.
The absolute golden episodes are when you either affect change or you get, like, a formal apology.
Yes.
They're like-
Those are like red letter episodes.
Man, are you a complainer?
Do you do this at all?
I'm more a complainer who leverages my social media following.
Oh, really?
If I feel like I'm being done over, I'll do that.
And if you have a large enough following, you tend to get at least a response.
I always think, well,
all these huge organisations have so much power over me already, and I'm so much like a slave to
them, that why not leverage the one little advantage I might occasionally have? And it's
not like I'm using my social media following to... Well, and I'm not doing it to like civilians or
just like, you know, lone people if these are big
organizations multi-million multi-billion dollar companies that are doing me over and wouldn't
respond so why not why not can i just clarify are you talking about going on say twitter and
complaining look you know x company why don't you do this or you've done this to me or i've
been on hold for 10 minutes now or something.
Well, 10 minutes is a bit ridiculous.
Yeah, I know what you mean.
Yeah.
For an hour now.
Or do you threaten it?
Do you actually say, do you know that I happen to have a social media?
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
That would be, I wouldn't do that.
I wouldn't, like, threaten it.
I would just go on and, you know, I'm lucky enough that some people listen to me.
I'm going to tell these people about the poor thing that's happened.
Sometimes that affects change.
Most of the time it doesn't.
Most of the time they just reply and say sorry.
But anyway, let's workshop this a bit, Tim.
Let's talk about your indifferent KFC experience and talk about what we might write to KFC.
I guess having given them about 12 episodes of free publicity, mentioning one indifferent experience isn't going to get us a letter from their lawyer.
Yeah.
I was just eating it the other night and I was like, you know, that's not that great.
And but it was.
Was it just a bad batch or was it like a realisation about KFC like existential?
Well, it was both.
It was a little bit existential because I remember just looking down and going, it was a bit like, what are you doing with your life?
If I had a dollar for every time someone has sat in KFC looking at their food saying, what are you doing with your life?
Normally, KFC is what you turn to in that moment. Like you're at work and you go, what am I doing with your life normally kfc is what you turn to in that moment
like you're at work and you go what am i doing with my life i'll go get some kfc
it was every minute working is a wasted minute that could have been spent buying kfc
that's right so i'm in the middle of a kfc meal and you have this moment my first instinct was
i should go get some kfc but then it's like hang on a second i'm at kfc so i drove to another kfc down the road well we were we were experimenting
with a new one because we've moved and um yeah the first time it wasn't that great we were like
well it wasn't that you know it was maybe the um new location and so the pressure was on to go back
to the old location the next time it came around to have some and i said no i think we need to give the new location a second go and and it
just yeah it wasn't that great it wasn't terrible it was i remember someone month you know mentioning
well this is better than last time but even then i remember thinking yeah but but so what like it
was suddenly i was like hang on a second i don't know if I'm really enjoying this.
It was more a case of maybe what am I doing to my body, not with my whole body.
This sounds like a brilliant episode of my podcast because it's a complaint that they almost can't do anything about.
But it's so funny to write.
Like, dear, dear sir, I was at your, you know, KFC Glengarry outlet last week.
And I have to say, it just wasn't quite as good as some previous KFCs I've had.
I'm also beginning to think it's a bit unhealthy.
Just like this, pouring a relevant heart out to this manager of KFC Australia.
Got me thinking of, I was just not enjoying it as much.
I can't point to anything specific.
I think I need to run more.
And you went, what if you sort of got, you know, kind of rambling a little bit and towards
the end you're like, look, it's not you, it's me.
I'm sure it's me.
And I'm sure I'll come back around at some point.
Maybe I was just having a bad day.
I don't know.
I've been very tired lately. Just ignore everything you've read. That's right. I'm sure I'll come back around at some point. Maybe I was just having a bad day. I don't know. I've been very tired lately.
Just ignore everything you've read.
That's right.
I'm sorry.
Tell me more about what was wrong with this KFC.
What did you have?
Was it like a three-piece feed?
Was it the chicken that wasn't good?
Was it the chips?
What let it down?
I did something different.
I got a burger and I then had like a piece of chicken.
And to be honest, I quite enjoyed the burger, Zinger Burger,
but the piece of chicken, I was like, oh, this isn't great.
Maybe going to the new location, the time difference getting back home was quicker.
Sorry, it was longer.
So maybe I had time for some, you know, logical thinking to kick in.
Reflection.
The impulse had kind of gone and I was like, well,
probably shouldn't be eating this.
It's like this Thunder Rolls moment where you're like sitting there in the rain
of the dashboard.
The Thunder Rolls.
You have to explain that.
You do, everyone.
Look it up, people.
So maybe the new venue just hasn't got, like, the herbs and spices right.
Like, they got given the wrong herbs and spices.
Well, then that's a management issue, isn't it?
That's quality control.
You could get people at that branch in trouble with your letter.
I could.
I actually complained about something else in the past week.
I don't complain a lot, to be honest.
It's not my habit. And I say, although despite your best efforts and the efforts of kicking me over to 2,000 Twitter followers, which was a good amount of fun, it's not the sort of thing that's going to bring, say, Microsoft to its knees.
But I did.
I bought a book on Amazon, and it was a book that was a bit hard to find. So I got it through, it wasn't through Amazon, you know, itself.
It was through them to, you know, how you have the small bookshops
and so forth in different parts of the world.
And it just took ages.
And I paid for priority shipping to get it quickly.
And a month later it hasn't arrived.
And I got suspicious.
I got impatient.
And my impatience got me a little bit suspicious.
Where is this?
Is it coming?
I'm looking at the tracking.
And then first the tracking number wasn't getting me any information.
And I'm like, this is starting to be.
And then I'd be a bit dodgy.
And I started looking at a little bit further down the sort of the,
what do you call it with the stars, the people's experience,
the rating of the.
Like their reviews and stuff.
Indeed.
Yeah, yeah.
And there was some other people that had had some bad experiences.
And I was like, oh, no, don't tell me this is a scam.
You know what I mean?
I've paid all this money and then it's into American dollars and then it's,
you know, kind of for shipping as well and it's a hardcover and expensive book.
So I was like, oh, is this-
So I sent off an email of complaint to the person.
So look, is this coming or where is it at?
Or could you provide details?
When did you send this?
And they got back, but it was really weird because their first impulse was to say,
if you would like to refund, then let me know.
Or would you like me to send another one?
And I was like, that didn't sound defensive enough.
You know, like that almost was like, oh, yes, yes, there's a problem here.
We'll give you another one.
I was like, no, no, no, I don't want a refund because if I get a refund and then it arrives
this week, I'm going to have to send it back to you.
And I actually want the book.
I wanted them to say something reassuring.
Tim, you're so innocent and sweet.
Why don't you just get the refund?
And if the book turns up, you got a free book.
Well, because I said to them, look, I did eventually write back and say, if I don't want to send it back, if you want to refund my money, that's fine.
But I'm not going to send the book back.
I want to keep it.
So then I feel like I'd be stealing if the book arrived.
Yeah.
And if they sent it, I said, if you send another one and the first book arrives and the second
book, I will be giving another one to a friend.
I will not be keeping- You know what I mean?
I will not be sending that back.
Yeah, you don't want to faff around with sending it back.
Do you know what, Tim?
Like, your honesty, as always, is admirable.
You know, it's the right thing.
As someone who has to send a lot of stuff and at the moment stuff's taking a long time
to arrive.
Yeah, I get that too. I appreciate people people with your i appreciate people with your degree of
honesty but a lot of these organizations just don't want to be dealing with these emails and
they'd rather just write off the book or the money and not have to be sitting there then they're
probably making like a dollar's profit and they've already spent more than a dollar of their time
reading your email and replying to it and the biggest favour you could do them is to stop messaging them and just take the refund
or say, send another book.
And you're there going, oh, no, I don't want to rip you off.
I don't want to waste your time, says Tim as he writes his ninth message of the day.
I didn't say I didn't want to waste their time.
I do want to waste their time in order order for them to be diligent you know i i guess i feel a degree of well i do want to be honest but i also don't want
to feel obliged to them and and and by the looks of it it looks like it's like a small bookshop
in the middle of nowhere it's not like i'm getting it from yeah from amazon's you know main factory
and okay yeah i kind of want you know and oh, well, every sale probably counts to this person.
But it's like-
Is it a small bookshop though, Tim?
Because I know people who like just live at home and buy a thousand copies of one book
and keep it in their spare room and they become like the Amazon supplier of that book.
So, I think it's possible that you're picturing Meg Ryan struggling to make a living in some
beautiful shop where she's reading books to children.
When, in fact, it's just some guy who's got a thousand copies of that book in his basement and just sends them out all the time.
Well, look, I want to say, if his whole life is this book, he's taking a long time to get it to me.
Like, he's doing a really bad job.
You had one job, guy.
It's like it's-
It could be the postal service.
I know, but it took 10 days till he sent it, you know?
And I was like, when I looked through the tracking
and I was like, oh, wow.
And then I'm giving grace because of obviously the world,
you know, the tracking is slower at the moment.
But anyway, that was my complaint story.
And it's-
I don't think it had the desire to, I actually, I suddenly realised now, as
I'm telling you these two, I didn't actually want a result.
I wanted reassurance, like, it'll be okay.
I'm sure it'll get there soon.
And I'll, and I'll go, oh, okay, thanks.
And then I would have been happy.
Like, that would have given me enough to, you know, hang on for a few more days.
That is happening a lot.
Yeah.
Because at the moment, I've, I sent out a bunch of records well over a month ago all around the world quite a few of them and
some of them are only just arriving now like a month or two later so a lot of those people are
starting to email me saying oh i'm getting i think maybe it's gone missing and then like a day later
it turns up so oh yeah it is it is i know what you're looking for you're just looking for some you know communication proof that the person exists basically that's exactly right i did say i'm
i did mention this is i just want to know this isn't a scam or something like that or is this
i'm starting to wonder if this is a scam and and can you just can you just reassure me that it's a
scam at least i'll know that that that. I think it's fine.
Well done.
You got me.
Yes, yes, yes.
Dear Tim, yes, you have been scammed.
I'm sorry about that.
I've got your money and I went and bought some KFC with it.
Sorry about that.
You won't be receiving the book.
If you do want the book, I would recommend going elsewhere for it.
Definitely don't order it from me again.
I'll reply back.
How did you find the KFC?
Because I had some last week and I was, I don't know.
It just wasn't doing it.
Oh, dear.
I love that you had, like, that indifferent KFC experience.
And it's, like, still on your mind days later.
Like, it's not like you had a KFC and thought, oh, that wasn't very nice
and then forgot you even thought that and just went about your business.
Like, it stuck with you enough that, like, on a podcast listened to by tens of thousands
of people, you feel like you need to say, I actually had this KFC and I didn't like
it that much.
It's like a glitch in the matrix or something.
It's like, it stands out.
Yeah.
Well, I feel like you needed to balance it. I feel like we've talked about them a lot. And I want to say, you know what? Sometimes it's not that great. Yeah. Well, I feel like it needed to balance it.
I feel like we've talked about them a lot.
And I want to say, you know what?
Sometimes it's not that great.
Yeah.
No.
And KFC is not particularly healthy.
No.
I think that's reasonably well known.
It's a sometimes food.
The Professional Complainers is one of the ideas that we've done that I think would be fun for us to do.
Oh, yeah.
I'd love to just write that letter together, that letter to KFC.
That would be fun.
Maybe you should do that and we'll see how it goes.
The wonderful thing about this, of course, is that many companies and other organisations
have a policy.
You write a letter, you're going to get a reply.
You will get a reply.
Yeah.
Often they have an email form, which is a bit boring, but being able to send a formal
letter is great and getting something formal back on letterhead, which is...
Oh, yeah.
That's the dream.
I wonder if you wrote to the Queen to complain,
you might get like something...
Because people who write to the Queen often get letters back,
not from Liz herself, but one of her secretaries.
So, you know, as long as you weren't rude or obviously stupid
and you just wanted to complain about something that sounded legit what
would you what would you what about the royal family would you complain about or what what
what you know what i'd love to write to the queen about if i if the professional
complainers were going to write i'd love to write and say buckingham palace was a bit disappointing
i recently saw buckingham palace for the first time and it wasn't quite as big as i imagined
and like just like just to see how they deal with that.
I've been through Buckingham Palace and I thought some of us were quite
specky, but some of us were just, oh, yeah, that's all right.
That's another room.
It was a bit tired.
But I just assume there's some really amazing places that we weren't
allowed to go to.
Oh, that's what you'd write in your letter then.
You could say, I thought some of the rooms were a bit tired.
You know, it was a bit samey.
I've not been inside buckingham palace but i have to say one of my favorite things in it when i'm in london is when you have to get a cab particularly at night but anytime
and you just happen to drive past buckingham palace it's such a surreal experience to just be
like doing a normal thing like getting a cab and looking out the window and there's this thing you
saw a million times when you're growing up on tv and now it's just a thing you drive past.
Oh, there it is. I was hoping to see more secret doorways and things. Like, I understand that it
has a lot of those sorts of, you know, like, oh, from this room it looks grand, but if you pull
on the third book on the shelf, the door comes apart and the queen goes into her private apartment,
you know. This is where, like the Batman suit
except there's like her dresses and stuff. It's just tiaras.
There's these two poles. One says the queen and the other one
says Prince Philip and that's what they slide down.
Do a carriage at the bottom.
That would be all.
If I was the queen, if I was the king, you could probably get that built, couldn't you?
It's like, look, I'm wondering if we might do some renovations.
If I was rich, I would definitely have more poles in my house to slide between floors.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So, I went to see the crown jewels recently at the Tower of London.
I've been a few times before.
This was definitely the best time.
And the reason it was the best time was because it was the same day that the Queen was doing
her speech in Parliament, like her Queen's speech that she does once a year.
Oh.
So, the crown she needed, she was wearing it.
It had been taken out. Oh. And it was so cool to be visiting the crown jewels needed, she was wearing it. It had been taken out. And it was so cool to
be visiting the crown jewels and looking at all the stuff. And then in one of the most special
cases where one of the most important crowns was, the state crown or whatever, there was no crown
there. And there was just a little sign saying, this item is currently in use. And then I pulled
out my phone and like went onto the BBC News website. And sure enough, there was the Queen wearing it, doing the speech. But it was so cool to see it empty. Like it was more exciting than if
it had been there. And the other thing that was cool is one of the last little exhibits just
before you walk out of the Crown Jewel exhibit at the Tower of London is all the boxes that the
Crowns get stored in, just as like an extra thing. Oh, here are the boxes we keep them in when we're
transporting them. And that box was missing too. Oh, that's like an extra thing. Oh, here are the boxes we keep them in when we're transporting them.
And that box was missing too.
Oh, that's great.
Like it was like, this box is currently in use.
So the crown and the box were both gone.
That is cool.
I didn't take pictures because you're not allowed to,
but someone I know took some sneaky pictures with their phone.
So I might put them in the show notes for you.
Oh, wow.
It's always crossed my mind whether they use the real crown
for these kinds of occasions,
you know.
Me too, which is what made me think, oh, maybe, obviously they do.
Or maybe they just put it out the back and-
Or maybe the one on display is a fake crown too. A lot of people speculate,
although they always say it's not.
That's right. Yes. You have to wonder if it's not safe there, where is it safe? And I guess,
well, out the back in a safe is going to be safe.
Yeah, a place where no one knows, I think, would be somewhat safer than a place that every single person in the world knows.
Well, this is true.
Yeah.
If the most famous tourist attraction in England isn't a safe place to put something.
I want to steal the crown.
I wonder where it is.
Oh, I know.
Go on Wikipedia.
Where is the crown kept?
Oh, some place called the Tower of London, apparently.
That's like saying, well, let's not put the gold in Fort Knox because that's when they'll
expect us to put the gold.
It's like, yeah, that's what we built.
That's where we put the gold.
I'll tell you what would be safer than Fort Knox, though.
A place you haven't heard of that they don't announce and don't say where it is.
That's true.
That's true.
Rather than, for instance, the Crown would be a lot.
They could find safer places for the Crown than on the head of a senior citizen walking, for instance.
I reckon I could take her.
There's that story you always told me years ago about the,
was it the Hope Diamond when they-
It was the Cullinan Diamond.
When they, I'll tell this.
That was the biggest diamond ever.
Yeah, yeah.
And they were going to ship it overseas.
And so they had a decoy, which was a fake diamond with security guards.
And then they just got some guy to pop it in his pocket and walk onto a plane
and that was the safest way of getting it there yeah i think what there were two brothers that
had the job of cutting it and i think one of the brothers went with the big publicized convoy and
the other brother i think just got a train back to amsterdam or something but he carried it with
him yeah in his coat that's great yeah one last question. From the Tower of London, any complaints?
Oh, some of the acting was a bit lame.
They did this thing where these actors came out and they reenacted something that happened there in a room, a side room.
So, and like, because I was with a little kid, we went off to watch the acting and it dragged on a bit.
Like, I felt, and because it was in this small stone room and there were, like, only, like, 10 or 20 of us in there watching, you couldn't really walk out without, like, walking through the performance.
And it would have been a bit rude.
So, I was kind of stuck there having to watch this thing that dragged on a bit.
It's hard.
Reenactments at tourist locations.
The acting's always a little bit suspect, isn't it?
You're not going to get, like, Edward Norton and Meryl Streep, are you, doing it like a-
Meryl Streep doing it nine times a day on the shift.
Yeah.
Over and over.
I always wonder, like, when I watch people who are like at that level of acting, so they're
either on the way up, hopefully, for them, or they've peaked, or they're on the way down,
I don't know.
But I'm sure it's not like, you know, the pinnacle of acting.
Like, what they do when they go home and like just talk about their day to like, you know,
their friends or their partner and stuff.
Like, I always wonder what their stories are like.
How was your day?
Oh, it was good.
There was, I think I did a good job today.
For some reason, that job in particular, I always wonder about what their conversations
are like.
It would be a lot of fun.
There'll be a great novelty in the job for quite a while.
Oh, and every time it's different and there's, and the kids are always funny because they always interact with the kids and kids just
do random stuff.
So, it's like unpredictable.
You never know what a kid's going to say.
Yeah, if there's interaction, that's much better, isn't it?
If you've got to entertain the crowd and interact with them, that's much better.
They're interactive.
And I just think it went on a bit too long.
It was not enough interaction and too much lameness.
I'll put that in my letter.
Do you reckon they have like the- Just imagine that'd be great a letter to the chair of
london i recently saw the performance about i can't remember what the performance was about
it was someone who was in prison there and say i thought it was pretty good and the interaction
was good i thought it went on like a little bit too long and the acting wasn't quite as good as
i would have hoped i think the acting could have been a little bit better. Like at certain points, I think they fell out of character a bit.
The acoustics weren't that great because the room was all made of stone.
Like just all this like ridiculous complaining in this letter,
just to see how the Tower of London replies.
We're sorry about the acoustics.
There's not much we can do.
As you know, it's a heritage listed building.
Do you have any complaints about the Tower of London?
No, I was just wondering if there's,
do you reckon there's the equivalent of the? No. I was just wondering if those-
Do you reckon there's the equivalent of the Oscars or the Golden Globes for those actors?
You know, like best actor in a tourist-
Best actress.
Best supporting actor.
The guy with the musket on the left who, you know, that kind of-
Best audience interaction.
Yeah, that's right.
What would they be called?
Like the reenactees or something?
What would their name be?
Reenactees. That's good. The reenactees or something? What would their name be? Reenactees.
That's gross.
The reenactees.
I don't know.
The reenactees.
That's gross.
That's gross.
I can just see a statuette.
It's like the Oscar, but it's just some Civil War guy with a musket in his hand.
I'm just imagining the red carpet
Where all the paparazzi are there
And there's like 19 guys in a row dressed as Henry VIII
That's right
You've got all these people playing civil war people
Some guy who plays a stormtrooper
Who thinks this is going to be his year
That's right
You've got all the people
That's right
You've got Disneyland people
And all that sort of people as well
Yeah, yeah Mickey Mouse Mouse, Robin Hood.
Yeah.
So they can do best pose, like, you know how they pose for photographs
and that kind of stuff.
Do you know what would be a great awards ceremony?
An awards ceremony for people who are lookalikes?
And, like, the best lookalike of the year.
Imagine what the red carpet would be like for that,
and you've got, like, nine guys that look a little bit like Brad Pitt
all next to each other having their photo taken.
It would be good to see because lookalikes are usually pretty local, you know, like from a state or area.
It would be good to have a national or an international competition.
So you get some really, really good lookalikes.
Can you imagine how like humiliating it would be to be on the red carpet at the lookalikes?
And like you go up to the journalist and the journalist says, so who are you supposed to look like? That's right. There is a very famous story of the
Charlie Chaplin once went in a Charlie Chaplin lookalike competition and came second,
which is pretty classic. I have heard that story many, many times, but I've never heard of or
know much about the person who won. Oh, indeed. I wonder who that was. That's a mystery person.
That's a great achievement to go into a lookalike competition and have beaten the person who won. Oh, indeed. I wonder who that was. That's a mystery person. That's a great achievement to go into a lookalike competition
and have beaten the person.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Is that good, though?
Does that mean you look – is it good to beat the person?
Because that means –
You look more like the person, more like what people think
the person looks like than the person themselves.
So you're not a good lookalike.
You're a good lookalike of what people think the person looks like. Ah, you've overplayed it. That's right. You're overacting.
Yeah, you're over lookaliking. It's one of the real pitfalls of being a lookalike artist,
is over lookaliking. How was your day at work today? Oh, I just feel like I over lookaliked
it today. What was it? Oh, the eyebrows. eyebrows i don't know i did something people could tell as
well i could tell my audience they just they weren't responding i was overdoing it i look
too much like brad pitt today you know years ago i was in a conversation a group of people i didn't
know and it was about a radio station and one guy described a band that i'd never heard of they were
called tourniquet or something like that and And someone said, well, who do they sound like?
And the guy said they sound, they're more Pearl Jam than Pearl Jam.
That was his description.
And I, you know, that was 25 years ago, right?
And I think about that all the time.
That's like a real cliche thing to say, though.
People, I had, I published a video a week and a half ago where someone said a band sounded
more like the Beatles than the Beatles.
Yeah.
They do the Beatles better than the Beatles did.
Yeah.
And I know what they're saying.
25 years later.
I do.
I wonder if in 25 years you're still going to be talking about that indifferent KFC.
I think about it because- and every time it comes to mind i remember where i was sitting i
remember the guy's face i don't know the guy's name i remember him saying it and i remember
thinking at the time that's that's not possible and then i remember but every time i think of it
i go through the same little mental exercise they look they're more pearl jam than pearl jam like
they sound more like pearl jam than pearl jam do and i know what he's saying
they've got a pearl jam sound that's quintessential and the pearl jam sometimes deviate from their
sound that's that's pearl jam to deviate from the pearl jam sound so they're still so every time i
go through the little it takes about two seconds to go through the little mental exercise and i go
you know what that's just not possible it's no, I reconfirm it in my mind.
This is what it's like to be Tim, people.
Do you know what the most amazing thing about that story is, though?
Do you know the guy who said that to you?
Yeah.
Was the guy that won that Charlie Chaplin lookalike contest.
That is a contest.
He goes, believe us, I know this from experience.
Perth is more like Pearl Jam than Pearl Jam.
That guy's more Charlie Chaplin than Charlie Chaplin.
Too right.
He's got the trophy to prove it.
So I think we need to do our sponsor, episode sponsor.
Is it Ting?
Ting.
It is Ting.
Yes, Ting. Wow. You were listening before we started recording when I told you. Is it Ting? Ting. It is Ting. Yes, Ting.
Wow.
You were listening before we started recording when I told you who the sponsor was.
It's amazing.
I didn't write it down, but I'm glad it's Ting.
So Ting is a mobile phone service provider in the United States.
So Tim and I, unfortunately, have not been able to ting up until they spread their wings and get into other countries.
But if you're in the US, you want to sign up with ting.
And I'll give you three quick good reasons.
Nationwide coverage.
You only pay for what you use, which I think is the really important thing, especially at the moment where people can't go out much.
So most of like your texting and your calling and stuff is going to be done through your home Wi-Fi that you shouldn't be having to pay for your phone provider. So, at the moment,
people who I imagine on Ting contracts are getting like the smallest bills imaginable
because they're hardly going out. Whereas if you're with other phone providers, you might
have some deal for so many texts and data and calls a month and you have to pay for that whether
you use it or not. That doesn't happen with Ting.
Only pay for what you use.
And the other great thing with Ting, no contracts.
You're not handcuffed to them for 10 years.
You use them.
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If it's not, you don't.
Can't get fairer than that.
And if you go to unmade.ting.com, That's unmade.ting.com.
$25 credit to start you off.
Fantastic.
You know, I wonder if Ting becomes so legendary for the way they've approached billing that it actually becomes like a verb.
Like, I want to Ting my mobile deal.
Because I actually would like to do that with my mobile deal.
I want to ting it.
You want to ting it?
Yeah, I want to ting it.
I wonder if that could catch on.
And they go, what do you mean you want to ting it?
And that is I only want to pay for what I use.
Yeah.
I want to ting it.
It's kind of like a buffet where you like, you know, you get those buffets where you weigh your food so you only pay for what you eat.
No.
You get those places like all you can eat.
You know how whenever you go to an all-you-can-eat buffet,
you go in with the best of intentions,
and then like two days later when you're hungry again,
you think, oh, I should have eaten more.
I didn't get value.
So you weigh it?
Wow.
Yeah, there are places where you weigh food.
I've been to them in America and stuff as well.
You go in and there's just all these like a buffet of food.
You just weigh it, and that's what you pay for.
Well.
And that's how Ting's doing it.
So they've Ting'd a buffet, but they haven't Ting'd my mobile plan yet.
No.
Well, Ting have Ting'd a mobile phone plan.
Well, indeed, there's.
What you need to do, you need to move to America and sign up with Ting.
And you'll get $25 credit if you go to unmade.ting.com.
Check them out.
Their website's really good, by the way.
It's like a really simple one of you know those websites that are really like uncomplicated
and just tell you what you need to know in a very elegant way so go unmade.ting.com check them out
they don't sell jewelry they don't sell bells ignore everything tim has said in the past
it's mobile phone service. Ting.
Well done, man.
So, what's your idea?
All right.
Mr. Instinct Improvisational Podcaster.
Let me just read through them again to see which one is the best segue.
I would have thought you just would have had the feel by now.
You just would have felt it.
Well, I've written here professional complaint, but that was your idea, wasn't it?
So, we'll cross that one off.
That was the one I just did, yeah.
Yeah.
That was mine.
All right.
And we've talked about the indifferent KFC, so I'll cross that off too.
Right.
That's it.
That's all I got.
Those were my two ideas.
I'm going to give you two.
I want you to choose.
Actually, I'll let you choose, man.
Don't burn one.
Don't burn one.
No, no, no.
Like offline, I mean.
You tell me which one to go
with you've got energy for okay all right the sofa shop is your only stop for the sofa you need
the sofa shop yeah come and drop in
we have a sofa designed for you choose your fabric match your curtains too Let's go with the dad one.
All right.
All right.
What do you got?
All right.
I'm going to go with a podcast idea called My Dad's Pride and Joy.
Yep. Yep. Nice. I can already hear the one ds theme music playing that's that's true what would you do i think this resonates pretty quickly every yeah
everyone's dad has a pride and joy you know and yeah and it's often described in that way. And I've heard it at funerals and just in general conversation, whether it's a hobby
or it's a car, you know, or it's a garden.
It's, you know, my dad's pride and joy.
And I think people coming and talking about that at a particular time in their life, you
know, whether to celebrate them, their dad, or just because it's timely for whatever reason because of the particular object.
I think this is an obvious great story generator.
Your dad strikes me as someone that would have had quite a few pride and joys.
He was quite like a proud man, wasn't he?
Like, you know, like.
He took pride in things. Yeah. Yeah. He took pride in things. He wasn't proud as in it wasn't like a proud man, wasn't he? Like, you know, like. He took pride in things, yeah.
Yeah, he took pride in things.
He wasn't proud as in, it wasn't like a character flaw, but it was, yeah, he took pride in things.
And a few specific things.
So, you're right.
There's a few things came.
Well, one thing was his garden.
I get the feeling now, actually, that this is a bit of a Dutch thing.
So dad took pride in his garden.
He loved a garden and he worked hard in the garden and he generated veggies and stuff,
but he loved flowers and he'd done that all his life.
There's nothing particularly unique about that, except I'm reading a book at the moment
about Amsterdam.
unique about that, except I'm reading a book at the moment about Amsterdam.
And in the start of the book, the author's talking about something about the Dutch character.
And he talks about, you know, they have pride and they want all the normal things. They want a big family and they want wealth and a little patch of dirt with a small picket
fence, like a very neat, they like a neat little garden.
Yeah.
You have to have a little garden if you've, you know,
ever been to Holland or seen it.
But they take great pride in doing a good job with it.
And I think that was a particular thing with Dad.
He did a good with his-
Do you know what a funny thing about your garden in the house that I knew
when you lived in Marion?
Yeah.
Is it was very big, right?
Like surprisingly big whenever I saw it, like how far back. Yeah. It was very big, right?
Like surprisingly big whenever I saw it, like how far back it went.
It was very extensive and, you know, well kept to the best of my knowledge.
But I reckon I must have visited that house probably 500 times.
I don't know.
I'm just making up a number.
But hundreds of times.
540 on the knocker.
Well done, man.
Right.
I reckon I went out into that back garden three times.
Like it was, and every time I went there, I was like, oh, this goes back way further than I thought.
This is way more extensive than I thought.
But I just never, ever, for all the time I spent in your house, you know, slept over there dozens and dozens of times, went there hundreds of times, watched TV shows, just spent so much time in that house.
Three times I reckon I saw that garden.
Do you reckon that's because we became friends at an age where it wasn't like, hey, let's
go play outside?
Like-
And it wasn't a very good garden for activities as well.
Like, you couldn't play cricket or something in it because there was so much stuff in it.
But yeah, we were just at an age where all we wanted to do was either watch TV or yeah,
or later on go out and go other places. Like, there was no- there was just no reason to go
into a garden. The only time ever that we once slept on your back patio, because it was a really
hot day and we just- a really hot night and we decided we were going to sleep outside and put
like blankets and things on- I and put like blankets and things on.
I think we put blankets and things on these long lounge chairs or something.
I remember within three seconds, I accidentally swallowed a fly.
Really?
I have no memory of this.
Yeah, I remember.
My only memory of your back garden is swallowing a fly.
Did we go inside after that or did we stay out there?
I think we stayed out there. can't remember Wow it was hot
Yeah
There you go you get all the good stories here on the Unmade Podcast
We were
Brett I once swallowed a fly end of story
Well we were past that age of BMX's
And all that stuff
In fact I don't think I had a bike at that house.
I had a skateboard.
I remember your dad being out there a bit.
Did he spend a lot of time in it?
Because, like, as I knew him later, you know, he was-
Because he was a bit older, your dad, he wasn't, like-
He wasn't, like, super mobile.
Did he still spend lots of time out there working on it?
Like, was he up to it?
Yeah, yeah.
It wasn't as much as in Tarelgan, like like the other house I'd grown up in as a kid,
where that was very manicured and all the rest of it.
It was a bit older there.
It was a jungle when we bought it, and he cleared it out,
and we pulled out so many stumps from old trees and stuff,
and he made it all nice.
And there was like a front section of the backyard where he put flowers
and all that sort of stuff and built a brick barbecue and things.
And then behind that there was sort of like where you'd have a veggie patch
and he didn't bother doing much.
He did some stuff down there, broad beans and stuff like that,
but after a while he let that go and it was just the, you know,
closer in because he was getting a bit old.
If the words Toyota Crown don't come out of your mouth in the next minute,
I'm going to be devastated.
It's a night for crowns, isn't it?
Something that should have been in the Tower of London is my dad's crown.
Toyota crown.
Toyota crown.
Yeah.
Dad was so proud of this car.
It was his pride and joy.
He had a great amount of pride in it.
And there's something about the Crown.
It's sort of like the poor man's Volvo.
Like, it's sort of, it's boxy and it's sort of classy, but in a, you know what I mean?
It's a Toyota.
It's a big Crown.
But I remember we used to always joke about the Toyota Crown,
the crown, as we would call it, like in this sort of legendary way
because your dad loved it so much, but it was a bit of a, you know,
I don't know how to describe it, but it's not a cool car.
And I'll never forget watching, was it The Late Show?
And there was a sketch The Late Show did about-
Oh, yeah.
Like mocking old people and how old people are actually really mobile and stuff,
but they deliberately make our lives inconvenient.
But they deliberately make our lives inconvenient.
I'm just going to have a water.
You've swallowed a fly.
I've swallowed a fly.
But they deliberately make our lives inconvenient by, like,
slowing down on purpose when we're around.
And there was a scene where they're, like, at control area all the old people and they say that's it bring
out the toyota crowns and there's this scene where five or six toyota crowns will pull out of
driveways and clog up the streets that's right then we need all major arterial routes in and
out of the city blocked i want them cut off i want traffic backed up for miles it's time to call out the toyota crown and this time i want caravans on
the back of them and i didn't realize until that point that toyota crowns was this cliched old
person's car oh like it was like vindication of all our jokes it was it was it was dad was such
a legend the great thing about the toyota crown though it's not that someone has like it's not
like it was a mercedes where oh it's dad's pride and joy, you know, it's a crown, right?
And dad got it secondhand.
So it's not like he'd had it for 40 years and when he got it, it was like, you know, amazing.
Oh, no.
And dad's not even really a car guy at all, really.
Like he's, you know.
What did he like about it so much?
Just that he paid for it, I guess.
It was the best car he ever had, you know.
He just felt so proud of it.
So.
Oh, now I feel like a right guy.
Well, I think it was kind of in his mind the prestige.
And where he got it from, the story where he got it is quite interesting too.
When we were living in Tarelgan, there was one of the wealthiest guys
in Tarelgan was a man who had a, what do you call it, soda pop,
like, you know, a soft drink company, a local one.
And he made, it was quite a strong business in a small country town.
And he had this Toyota Crown, right?
But then he was upgrading.
So he was getting a new car, getting rid of his car.
And for some reason, Dad found out about this.
And I think it was a bit like, you know, it was sort of touched with gold because it was, wow, if he drove it and I can have it now.
The prestige had rubbed off on the car a bit.
Yeah.
And Dad, who was, you know, Dad was like a hairdresser and a postman, lived a home and was retired, was a retiree.
Yeah.
And he was like, whoa, if I could wangle this, that's a good, I mean, because they're a good car, good solid car, all the rest of it.
So, it's like I've got the Rolls Royce that used to belong to the Queen sort of thing.
That's exactly right.
That's precisely it.
Yes, yes.
But there was a lot of toing and froing about negotiating about this because Dad put an offer to the guy and the guy said no.
And then the guy apparently, he says he called up Dad again the next day
and Dad drove a hard bargain, right?
But then probably couldn't afford very much.
But the guy said no and then he called Dad back on one famous occasion
and said, oh, I couldn't sleep last night.
You know, I was up all night.
You've got me.
And all right, it's yours.
And Dad just saw this as like a major victory.
Like Dad had, you know, broke it a great deal and got it for this price.
He'd like out negotiated Richard Branson sort of thing.
That's exactly right.
Precisely, yes.
So that story came out again and again, which just added, you know,
another coat of sheen and glory to the crown because of how you got it was a great.
People go, oh, you got a crown.
He'd be like, yep.
Yeah.
Let me tell you how I got it too.
So there was extra glory in it because of the way in which he got it.
So, you know, it's not just that he had this car that he felt was quite a prestigious, you know, it was beyond what he thought he would ever have, even though it was, you know, quite humble. But then it was like, well, let me tell you how I got it too.
The other great thing, of course, is that dad still loved it years and years later. So,
when I got my L's, like my learner permit, and then my P's to be able to drive around right at
the end of our senior year. So, L's and P's is your learner's permit and your provisional permit.
So, you're like a new driver and you have to display the letter l or the letter p on the window of your car that's
right for the first year of driving and stuff yeah which most people in australia you get around the
end of your senior year or year 12 at school and so if your birthday's at the right time and i um
so you get it just in time to have the prom, right, at the end of the year.
I still remember sitting with dad at dinner and him saying, so how are you getting to this thing?
And I said, oh, I don't know, we'll drive probably.
And he pauses and he looks sideways and he says, you want to borrow the crown, don't you?
Like, And it-
Like it was a big moment.
It was like, yeah, you can have-
You can take-
You can take that.
I was going to bring up this year 12 prom myself, because I have a question just to help-
Because you've got a better memory than me.
Because I remember the night of the prom, like this formal dinner where you dress up in a tux and the girls wear these nice gowns. And I remember I went and picked up my date in my mum's car, which mum lent me,
which was quite a cool car.
It was this Toyota Celica and it looked- it kind of looked cool.
It looked kind of sporty.
I thought it was a pretty cool looking car.
In an 80s kind of way, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
And I went and picked up my date and drove her to your house where you had picked up your date.
And there we consolidated and we all got into the Toyota Crown.
So, is the reason we didn't take the Celica because there wasn't much room in the back of the Celica?
Because it had very small back seats, didn't it?
So, there probably wasn't room in the back seat.
The Celica didn't have back doors, did it?
No, you had to put the seats down, yeah.
Which was a cool thing.
That must have been the reason.
Yeah.
It was part of its coolness in that sort of.
It was probably that.
Or maybe you were a more confident driver driving into the city centre.
I don't know.
But anyway, the main thing I remember is we took the Toyota Creon with
our dates, which is pretty embarrassing to this old person's car. But the thing I remember best
then is it was at the Hilton Hotel, but the only place you could park for the Hilton Hotel
was this car park under the Adelaide Central Market, where all the vegetable and fruit stands
were, this crazy market. And we parked the car and we didn't know how to get from the car park to the Hilton.
So, we took this like elevator and we came out in the middle of the fruit market and
we had to walk with our two dates in their ball gowns, all done up, looking all beautiful
and us in our like tuxes.
We were walking through the Central Market, like where people are yelling at us to try
and sell oranges.
And it's almost like madness. It was like, it must are yelling at us to try and sell oranges and there's all this, like, madness.
It was like, it must have been the worst night ever for those girls.
Like, first they get taken in a Toyota Crown that smells
of glazed fruit and old people.
And then they take them to the central market where they have
to get hounded and wolf-whistled as they walk through this.
Like, what a nightmare. Which has, to go to the Hilton Hotel, which itself has, Where they have to get hounded and wolf-whistled as they walk through this.
Like, what a nightmare.
Which has to go to the Hilton Hotel, which itself has parking.
What were we doing?
I don't even know what we were doing.
There must have been another way to get from that car park to the- There must be.
Or maybe it saved us five bucks on car parking or something.
I don't know.
I don't know. I don't know.
I remember accidentally driving out the first time, though.
Do you remember that?
Like driving around looking for a park and then suddenly we're at the exit.
Like, oh, hang on a sec.
What are we doing?
And the guy going, oh, that's $5.
And we go, no, I've just come in.
I've just come in.
We haven't even parked yet.
So we had to go out and go around the block and come back in again.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I go to those markets. That's the Adelaide Central Markets. They're lovely. Oh, yeah. back in again. Yeah. Yeah. I go to those markets.
That's the Adelaide Central Markets.
They're lovely.
Oh, yeah.
They're great.
They're great.
But you don't go there in a ball gown and a black tie outfit.
No, no, no, no.
And I have thought about that as I've parked there to go to the markets.
Yeah.
What ended up happening to the Toyota Crown?
Well, after I'd moved away to Melbourne, Dad, I think,
or Dad traded it in on a very safe Toyota Corolla.
Okay.
Yeah, so.
Wow, that must have been hard letting go of that.
Yeah, passed away.
A bit like the Renault.
Eventually, I think someone just took it away.
Took it away quietly.
Yeah, went to live on the farm.
Put one of those things around it like you do with a horse
when it falls over at the races.
Like a shield so no one can see you mean yeah see what they're gonna do to it the cameras helicopters flying oh give us a minute will you give us give us some privacy
let it die with dignity
front of new idea hit the internet, went viral.
It was disgraceful.
Yes.
Oh, dear.
The Toyota Crown.
What a car that was.
Did you ever crash it?
Did you bang it into the wall?
Was that you that banged his Crown into the brick wall?
Or was that your mum?
Or was it him?
No.
Didn't someone crash the Crown into the brick wall? I thought it was me backing out in the Renault one day.
Because I remember you being inside.
It was the Renault, right? Yeah. And mum calling out that's right oh Brady oh Tim what have you done and I look out the window and there's there's Tim next to a pile of bricks where
your dad's wall used to be scratching his head that's true yeah that's right yeah that's what
it was I had to back it out because it was parked in front of the crown
dad had to go somewhere and we'd been out late so i got up i got up i was like out there in my
my um pajamas like backing the car out so dad could get out so you're still half asleep and
then yeah i took out the i remember the bricks yeah that wall was his pride and joy.
Till Tim smashed over.
What about yours, man?
You got your dad's pride and joy?
I don't really associate my dad with objects that are pride and joys.
He wasn't, he's not really like that.
He has an enormous attachment to, well, the Vietnam War and stories associated with that, that doesn't he his war medals he gave to me
a couple of years ago and i've had them really nicely framed and i have them displayed in my
office yeah and i think he i think it gives him some pride to see that that because he's got his
father's war medals in his office so i think that gives him like some warmth to see that they've
been passed down and are on display but i wouldn't describe him he's not really someone who takes a lot of pride in objects as you as you know from
the way you know he dresses my dad's famous for my dad's famous for he used to be a film critic
and when you're the film critic at a newspaper whenever a new film's come out if it's it funnily
enough if it's a crappy film, they need to market it more.
So, they usually send out merchandise like T-shirts and stuff like that with the name of the film on it, but only the crappy films.
So, my dad had this amazing collection of T-shirts of crappy films that he used to wear all the time. It's like Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
No, Who Framed Roger Rabbit was a good one.
He used to wear that Mo Money one a lot, didn't he?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
That Spike Lee movie.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It also ran like Reckless Kelly and yeah, they were.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's cool.
He's got a lot of, if he kept them, they'd probably worth a lot of money now.
These vintage like promotional t-shirts for films of the 80s and 90s.
I guess he was quite proud of a few cars he owned.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, he liked his cars, but not in that kind of pride and joy type way.
I'm really struggling to attach any of those.
I know a lot of dads are like that.
I know a friend of ours had a dad who's really into train sets
and had this incredible train set.
I would love to have grown up with a dad who was really into train sets.
I think Rod Stewart's like that.
Rod Stewart's got, like, a massive train set that he's been working on
for, like, 20 or 30 years.
He's very into train sets.
Yeah, yeah.
So, if Rod Stewart had been your dad, that would have been a story you could tell.
Yeah, that would have been, I would have had a very different life.
That's right.
A very different life.
Well, I think the pride and joy is attached to that stuff.
Because he's very involved now in the war memorial
and in stories related to that, isn't it?
So he has a strong connection with that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He has done tours over to Vietnam to show people significant sites and so forth so
yeah yes that's a good idea tim i love the idea i love the idea of this as like a podcast idea
too because i imagine if you had guests coming on talking about their dad's pride and joy it would
also be a good time to hear people just speak of affection about their fathers and that's always
just something nice to listen to people reminiscing about their fathers oh And that's always just something nice to listen to, people reminiscing about their fathers.
Oh, yeah.
So I think my dad's pride and joy is a nice sneaky way
into getting people just to reflect on their fathers.
That's one of the things I like about it.
I think that's a good, that's a worthwhile thing.
Nice, nice, nice.
All right.
So I think we're just about out of time today.
I was going to do an idea from a patron, but we've actually run out of time.
But we haven't run out of time for me to remind you that if you want to become a Patreon supporter,
now is the time to do it if you want to get your name read out on the Tommyball Tim list.
Patreon.com slash Unmade FM.
And by the way, this isn't the special surprise I'm working on behind the scenes. It's not. Patreon supporters. Patreon.com slash UnmadeFM. And by the way, this isn't the special surprise I'm
working on behind the scenes. It's not.
Patreon supporters. No. I told you
what the other thing is. Oh, yes.
Oh, yes. Oh, that's great.
Yeah. I do like that.
Do you really remember? No, no, I do. I do.
I do. It's great. Okay.
Yeah, yeah. That's good.
All right.
All right. Cool.
But that's it for today.
You don't want to do a Patreon?
I'm not going to do the Patreon idea today because I have got one ready and I printed it out.
But it's quite long and it needs a lot of time.
Okay.
I don't know if you and I have other appointments.
So I am going to save the idea from Jeff for a future episode.
But Jeff, or should I say told Jeff, as his friends call him, spoiler, we will do your
idea in a future episode.
Oh, I've got to, anyway.
Did you forget your girl's words again?
No, I've just got a, I've got, I wrote down something that I wanted to tell.
I'll tell a story another time.
It's about a card trick I did today, and I was very proud of it.
Okay.
Okay.
If that is not a reason to stay subscribed to the Unmade Podcast,
to hear the story about a card trick that Tim did that he forgot to tell us about.
He remembered to tell us about a KFC he had that he didn't like,
but he forgot to tell us about the card trick.
I'm pretty sure you walked me into that.
Cool.
Very good.
Were there two mystery words from your daughters,
or did you not get the mystery words today?
No.
No words?
If I was going to have them,
we've been playing a card game called Dutch Blitz.
So I thought, oh, maybe the words Dutch and Blitz.
But I actually got a bit of Dutch in earlier,
but I've not said Blitz.
So Blitz.
Blitz.