The Unmade Podcast - 48: Exceedingly Fortunate

Episode Date: June 10, 2020

Tim and Brady discuss undercover journalism, unrealised options, Do They Know It’s Christmas, Tim’s Good Fortune, Zero View Videos, Dog Paws, and Britain Get Talking. Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/unmadeFM Join the discussion of this episode on our subreddit - https://redd.it/h0dxmq Check out The Britain Get Talking Podcast on Apple - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-britain-get-talking-podcast/id1513807612 Or on Overcast - https://overcast.fm/itunes1513807612/the-britain-get-talking-podcast USEFUL LINKS The Sofa Shop by Berkowitz - https://berkowitz.com.au/new-adelaide-store-opening/ A 'first take' of Tim’s report is available to Patrons - https://www.patreon.com/posts/38069233 PDF of Sofa Shop Sheet Music by Zach Hansen also available to Patrons - https://www.patreon.com/posts/38069233 The Pulitzer Prize - https://www.pulitzer.org/ Do They Know It’s Christmas - music video - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3fSknbR7Y4 Jake from Melrose Place - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jake_Hanson Tim outside The Kilns - https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5990824849fc2b4c4fe4211b/1591738600609-S4MIYPEXD523O4ISTRZ7/ke17ZwdGBToddI8pDm48kCPztTQZpDiZMOuuCfUxiyx7gQa3H78H3Y0txjaiv_0fDoOvxcdMmMKkDsyUqMSsMWxHk725yiiHCCLfrh8O1z5QPOohDIaIeljMHgDF5CVlOqpeNLcJ80NK65_fV7S1UYlQ-m0oNUh_9buvyC-f1CSdhG_dNlqULB2ZTz-ses64A-QPhXXvNcU0N8wN7BGx0g/kilns1.jpeg?format=2500w) and here he is inside The Kilns - https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/5990824849fc2b4c4fe4211b/1591738631886-A141HYAUOU9JZB8KT1D7/ke17ZwdGBToddI8pDm48kOocpZx0xlvWaMfujuqmZxF7gQa3H78H3Y0txjaiv_0fDoOvxcdMmMKkDsyUqMSsMWxHk725yiiHCCLfrh8O1z5QHyNOqBUUEtDDsRWrJLTmujyyI7Frso6MRdplGTbhDuXZECgQPB9cqfz5W6M2bbtdO48clcURN-OsvwxYNGXR/kilns2.jpeg?format=2500w The original Tomb Raider - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CiC2cUwZiAw Indy shoots a swordsman - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vdnA-ESWcPs 2004 version of Do They Know It’s Christmas - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZAAOcNz6bw UK Christmas Number Ones - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_UK_Singles_Chart_Christmas_number_ones Tim’s rarely watched video with his bad hair - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzEoQnM7oH8 The Britain Get Talking Podcast - https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-britain-get-talking-podcast/id1513807612

Tim's been doing a bit of investigative journalism by the looks of it I like to think that you were inspired by the previous episode when I shared with you some of my journalistic feats with Radiohead Yes And you sort of thought, well, that's going to be hard to top, that interview I'd just about forgotten that. So thanks for bringing it up again. Still a bit raw. You're very upset by that whole episode. But anyway, you have gone and got it out of your system by showing me how journalism is supposed to be done. On the spot,

ground zero, undercover. Yeah. What'd you do? All right. Well, we were out shopping and we happened to find ourselves in the jurisdiction of a bunch of retail shops. One of them was the former sofa shop. The sofa shop is your only stop for the sofa you need. I hadn't intended to go in. In fact, I totally, it wasn't on my mind at all heading over there. We were going to a couple of other places but um we were there and uh and i had some time and i looked at it and i thought oh i'm just gonna go inside and have a bit of a poke around so yeah nice of course the sofa shop is no more it has been as we've discussed before it's been taken over by berkowitz and they're now

calling it sofa shop by berkowitz but that's now calling it Sofa Shop by Berkowitz, but that's not fooling anyone. It's pure Berkowitz. No. Well, let's have a listen to what Tim recorded and then we'll talk a bit about it. So here's Tim's recording from inside the former Sofa Shop. Can I just say before people listen to this,

you have to appreciate I was a bit emotional on the day, to be honest. It hit me. Oh, that comes across. That comes across. I wasn't prepared for it, but as soon as I crossed over the threshold inside, I was swept up in what I was experiencing. And anyway, you can hear for yourselves. what I was experiencing and anyway you can hear for yourselves I'm speaking to you today from hallowed turf I'm inside what was previously the sofa shop here in the western suburbs of Adelaide I say previously because as the sign says out the front

it's now the sofa shop by Berkowitz, which, as I've just spoken and confirmed with the employees, is a token gesture, really. The founder of the sofa shop has retired. The sofa shop is no more. It's just a lick of paint out the front next to a giant Berkowitz furniture, which it says is a family furniture company, but I mean, who can tell? This is a double insult too, because quite a bit of the turf here has been ceded to a new company. A wall has been built right down the middle.

And on the other side is a new furniture shop. I've not heard of them before. They go under the rather suspicious name One World Furniture, which the 20th century has taught us anything is something of an ideologically suspicious name. Who knows what they have in mind if they're trying to take control of a One World Furniture. But Berkowitz is here.

They're set up, and as several of the employees have confirmed, they've moved over from the old regime to the new. They've become turncoats trying to scrapple together a livelihood under the new oppressive regime of the Berkowitz's. It's quite moving and haunting walking around here actually. You can feel the ghosts of sofas past, curtains too. It really is quite something. There's an eerie silence in the room, mainly because there aren't many customers, but also just the memories. the years, the service, the sofas, the cushions.

There's just so much and so much that's gone. I'm walking towards the exit now, probably for the last time. I don't think I can come back here anymore. Berkowitz Furniture, it's all yours now. Farewell, the sofa shop. Farewell.

That was incredible, Tim. That was amazing. That's going to go down in, you know, one of the great pieces of on-the-spot journalism. Can I just ask, if I was to win a Pulitzer Prize for this investigative undercover journalism... Tim, Tim, we win a Pulitzer Prize. What do you mean, we? Well, I consider the podcast to be like, you know, everything is joint. Oh, oh, okay.

So, hmm, okay. So, hmm. Okay. I wish I'd known that before I allowed you to broadcast it. It's too late. It's gone out now. It's half mine. Does the Pulitzer go with the newspaper or just the journalist? Who wins the Pulitzer?

I don't know. I think probably both. It'll probably be Tim Hine from Brady Haran and Tim Hine's Unmade Podcast. Yes, okay. I can live with that. Is the Pulitzer Prize a trophy or is it a medal? Do you know what it actually physically is or just a certificate? I don't know.

You get money. My guess is it's a certificate, but I don't know. They probably have a trophy. Maybe it's just like a byline. That's what it's used certificate, but I don't know. They probably have a trophy. Maybe it's just like a byline. That's what it's used for, essentially. Pulitzer Prize winning author. You know what I mean? That's added on, journalist.

So they just send you a, here you go. You're allowed to put this on underneath your name from now on. There seems to be a medal here. I'm looking at a picture of a medal. So, yeah, there is a medal. I think we are getting a bit running away with ourselves now. We're actually Googling what you're going to get as your prize for bullets. For walking into a retail shop and walking out again.

That's right. I have a few questions, but first a few observations. Yes. The one world furniture thing is disturbing me. What's going on here? Is one world furniture now going to split itself in half and have two more sofa shops and then that one will split? Like, it's just going to keep subdividing like a fractal of sofa shops inside that building. How many sofa outlets can they fit in one building?

Oh, you couldn't justify calling yourself One World and there being two shops, could they? Like, maybe they have the Northern Hemisphere and the Southern Hemisphere. They're already half of a shop selling sofas. So the one world furniture, when you're leasing half of a shop from another furniture shop, they're already on a losing battle there. I know. I know. It's strictly. I know I did say half straight down the middle.

It is more of a third. One world is slightly smaller than Berkowitz. You can see that berkowitz have wanted to maintain a lot of the shop frontage but a good third is carved off for one world one world unfortunately was closed and there were several people looking in the window and so i had a bit of a look too but i couldn't get a fair read on you know what their sort of strengths and weaknesses and focus are also just just i mean if you are going to get a Pulitzer for this piece of journalism, it will surely be for the line,

ghosts of sofas past and curtains too. That's one definitely for the fans. It was eerie. It was. It was. I want to know when they swapped over from sofa shop to Berkowitz. Was it like all the old sofa shop sofas were taken out, like carted out one door, and then all the Berkowitz's were brought in and put in the exact same space?

I heard they actually burned the sofa shop sofas on a huge pyre while all the Berkowitz family danced around it. and on a huge pyre while all the Berkowitz family danced around it. It's like a total takeover. If so, those staff should be ashamed of themselves, turncoats moving over to the other side. We are now going to show the sofa shop the full power of this fully operational Berkowitz store. No.

The sofa shop are peaceful people. So, you were clearly talking to staff inside Berkowitz, but off the record? Or like you can't reveal your sources? I was undercover. And I just went up and there was a couple of guys there. One of the guys I recognised from a previous visit back in the sofa shop days. But I asked the main person I was speaking to, I asked him a lot of questions, you know, about the shop and things like that and how it's changed over and what's happened and at the end I think I was a little

bit too serious I said oh thanks thanks for sharing that and and he just he looked at me like raised his eyebrows he goes that's all right like it's like like it shared secret information I just realized I was being quite intense about my questions and really grateful for him and he was just like Mate that's alright Tim The question I have is would you be willing to go in There wearing a wire? Whoa

Man it's Traumatic enough going back in there Anyway I mean I really thought I said goodbye The other day They'll start padding people down Traumatic enough going back in there anyway. I mean, I really thought I said goodbye the other day. They'll start padding people down before they tell them anything about the sofa shop. It's like I'm asking my questions and one of the other staff just starts talking into his sleeve, you know, his shirt goes, hang on, we've got a suspicious amount of questions. We've got another civilian here.

Yes, that's right. Here's the one remaining thing you have to do To really get the Pulitzer You've got to get the phone number of the retired former owner And we've got to get him on the show That's a good idea Yes, that's a great idea We'll get him on the show for a joint interview Yeah

He's a bit like Obi-Wan Kenobi really, isn't he? He's sort of, you know, part of the old world And yet it'd be good to bring him back I think of him more as like the Henry Ford of sofas. They can have it in any colour as long as it matches their curtains. That's right. Much, much imitated. That would be great if he pulled out photos of the early days

and all the sofas were black. Then someone came up with a bright idea, why't we vary the colors and oh gosh imagine if his name is sofa and that's why it's called the sofa shop frank sofa yeah i was born for this game when you when you're born frank sofa you pretty much know what you're going to be doing with your life, don't you? We just need a name. Just who is he? We want to chat to him. We just want to reminisce about, you know, selling sofas in Adelaide in the 80s and 90s. Tell him it's for a Netflix documentary we've had commissioned.

Like a Last Dance type thing. The Last Couch. Would have been awesome to know what the last couch was that was sold at the sofa shop. Like the very final one. Oh, yeah. That's got to be out there somewhere. I wonder if they can look it up in their records and we can go interview them as well. Like they've got the last one in their house.

Yeah. I have friends who had one near the end, but it's... In fact, I was sitting on it today, but it's not the very last one. Oh, shut up. You're such a sofa dropper. Very last one. Oh, show off. You're such a sofa dropper. I often just tweet where I'm sitting.

Here I am. Nice work, Tim. I'm proud of you. Thank you. Thank you. It's tough, but I think it's important work. So, time for ideas? Yes, yes, yes.

And you were sounding quite eager with your idea. Yes, I have an idea for a podcast. Now, I actually have a bunch of examples. You know how the best way to have an idea is to explain the idea and then give a whole bunch of examples. We do it all the time. Today is no exception. I have a bunch of examples for this idea I'm looking forward to sharing with you. for this idea I'm looking forward to sharing with you.

But what I decided I'd like to do is actually do the first example before I tell you the idea because I just think it might work a bit better this way. All right, all right. I'm going to set the scene with my example. The year is 1984 and I'm going to talk about probably one of the most iconic songs of the 80s. And I don't mean this one with this guitar solo well i think that was 85 actually so okay all right okay there's no excuse to play it

no reason whatsoever well there you go you know me 1984 one of the most iconic songs of the decade it was the biggest selling song in the uk of that decade that's for sure and it's still one of the most iconic songs of the last hundred years whether you like it or don't like it and there are various reasons to like it not like it and that is do they know it's christmas right great song charity song sung by the ensemble cast i'm going to remind people a bit about it because i want to talk about how the song starts so obviously the song starts with the there are all sorts of famous great singers on it it starts with paul young it's It's Christmas time. It's Christmas time. And there's no need to be afraid. And then we get Boy George, who was red hot at the time this came out.

He was the biggest singer in the world at the time this came out. Yes. And in our world of plenty, we can spread a smile of joy. We can spread a smile of joy. For your arms around the world At Christmas time Great voice, great voice, great singer. And then the ante just keeps being upped.

Next we have George Michael singing. But say a prayer Pray for the other one Then we have Simon Le Bon joins in, right? And then, of course, we get Sting. Yes, the bitter sting of tears. Now, here we go. And then, quietly at first, your best friend, Bono, joins in.

He does. And the Christmas bells that ring there Are the clang she chimes to And then he fires up the pipes. And at this point, he lets loose with the line of the song. It's iconic. It's one of the best sung lines ever, in my opinion. And I defy anyone who's listening to the song properly

and is really paying attention and is into it to not get goosebumps at this point. I get goosebumps at this point every time I hear it. Well, tonight, thank God it's them instead of you. Yeah. And then the song continues. Everyone knows the song, the famous chorus, Feed the World, et cetera, et cetera.

Now here's the point. We are getting closer to my idea for a podcast here, Tim. Can I just say, I'm holding back about 10 stories and anecdotes I want to just throw in at this point. I know. And I deliberately told Tim to hold back the anecdotes, people, before we started recording because that isn't the point of this. And you may yet have to hold them back i'm afraid tim oh all right maybe i'll make my idea anecdotes from brady's idea so that okay i knew i knew when i decided to talk about this song what

a can of worms i could potentially be opening and i need to hold back the tim floodgates of like stories because here's my idea because i've been listening to this song a lot in the last week or so for for various reasons i won't bore you with but i can't help thinking about all of these famous singers with these huge egos after the recording getting like a demo delivered to their like swanky apartment or mansion and they're listening to it And Paul Young's thinking Oh yeah I sound really good

I'm really setting the tone here Really kind of Because it's quite melancholy and restrained And boy George thinking Oh yeah I sung that really nicely And George Michael thinking Oh yeah I'm really in tune there aren't I And then when Bono comes in

And absolutely steals the song with one line. Those other people thinking, I didn't realise that was an option. That is the idea for my podcast. My podcast is called I Didn't Realise That Was An Option. And it's all about things and times and examples in life when you may or may not have followed one course of action. And only later on did you realise there was another better option available to you that you definitely would have taken if you knew it was there. You just didn't know it was there. Because I'm thinking all those people thinking, oh, yeah, I want an early line in the song and I want this part and I want that part. And then when they listened back thinking, oh, I didn't, you know,

because it's such a restrained song at first, isn't it? It's so, like, reflective. And then suddenly Bono gives all this emotion and power and, like, steals it from everyone. And the other's thinking, oh, I didn't realise that like there was a line that would steal the song like that. Because when you look at it written down, you could easily just think that's another nice line, you know.

And it's not until you hear it sung the way Bono sang it that you think, oh, that's the line. That's the line. I didn't realise that was an option for me. That's my podcast idea. I didn't realise that was an option. And I's my podcast idea I didn't realize that was an option and I've got a whole bunch of good examples okay so you still don't want like all right I mean I think we could potentially get away I think it's early in the in the idea

to be getting away from the idea with all your pointless anecdotes about uh do they know it's Christmas but how about after the segment you tell your stories about Do They Know It's Christmas. But how about after the segment, you tell your stories about Do They Know It's Christmas? It is a great song. I'll give you a lightning round later on to tell me everything you want to tell me about Do They Know It's Christmas. But for now, let's get on with my idea. So people, jump forward now if you want.

You can always come back. Jump forward to the part that Brady's going to cut. Okay, so come on, distract me then with another example. What's another example? I'm going to give you a bunch of other examples, and then I'm going to give you an example that comes from you, and I'm going to let you tell it. And you haven't even thought of it yet, but you've got one of the best examples. Let's see if you think of it before I ask you to tell it. But let me tell

you some more examples. All right. I'll give you another example from more recent popular culture. Now, there's going to be a Game of Thrones spoiler here. So, jump forward like a minute or two minutes if you don't want to. But Game of Thrones is old enough now to be allowed to tell stories about it i watched a couple of seasons and i'd like dropped off so just okay well there's a there's a scene in game of thrones towards the end where they have to appoint a king to rule over the entire you know world and all the leaders of the different lands and islands and places are there and they're having like this council to discuss, all right, who's going to be the big king to rule them all? And obviously, people are quite wary about this because, you know, they don't like being ruled by someone from another area. But they have to pick one.

So, they arrive at a decision of who they think, okay, someone is put forward to be the king. And then it goes around the council and everyone says, aye. Aye. Yes. Yes. They all vote. And everyone says, aye, aye, yes, yes. They all vote. And everyone says, yeah, we'll have him. We're willing to have him. We think he's the best choice.

And then it gets to the last person, like the leader, the queen of the north, the north lands. And she says, no, we're not willing to be ruled by someone else. We're going to rule ourselves. I'm going to be queen and we're going to rule ourselves in the north and all the rest of you can be ruled by someone else. We're going to rule ourselves. I'm going to be queen and we're going to rule ourselves in the north and all the rest of you can be ruled by this guy. Yep. And then they say, okay then, that's settled.

This guy will be the king of everywhere except the north and you'll be the queen of the north. And everyone's like... And the camera cuts to some of these other leaders and it's almost like they're like, oh, I didn't realise that was an option. Yes. So we could have just been our own kingdom.

I didn't realise that. I voted for that guy. And then this person comes in at the end and says, no, we're going to be our own kingdom. That became a bit of an internet meme for a week or two. I didn't realise that was an option. Ah, right. Yes, yes.

I will give you another micro example from my life. So when I was a little boy for many years, my mum or dad would give me like 50 cents or a dollar to go down to the corner store and buy what I would call mixed lollies or you might call them sweeties or things like that. And you would go to the counter at the corner store and in a glass cabinet, there were all these little containers containing all these individual sweets. And I had 50 cents to, you know, get my fill. And the lady would get out a paper bag and I would say, all right, can I have two mint leaves, three raspberries, two chocolate freckles? And she'd fill it up.

And she was like keeping counting her head of what everything cost you know because they're like one or two cents depending on yeah and then i'd say how much is that how much is that and she said oh you're on 32 cents oh so i still had more i go oh can i have two more mint leaves uh one banana uh how much is that now all right now you're on 46 cents uh all right, can I? And it was tedious. And even I was finding it tedious. And I could tell, even at my young tender age, when you're not that attuned to other people's emotions, I could even sense her impatience. But it was just this ritual we had to go through till I got to my 50 cents or my dollar. And one day I was there about to order

my lollies, go through this ritual again. And this other young boy was in front of me in the line and he got to the counter. And I'd never seen another kid order lollies before because this was quite a quiet store. And the lady came up and he said, can I have 50 cents worth of mixed lollies? And then she just did it herself and just apportioned them out and gave him the bag. And it was all over in like 10 seconds. And I was like, I didn't realise that was an option. I didn't. I thought I had to do them all individually.

And so for a year or two, I'd been going through this ritual that was boring for everyone, not realising. Another time a kid came in and said, can I have a dollar's worth of mixed lollies? And she reached in and she had a pre-prepared package of a dollar's worth of mixed lollies already in the bag and handed over. I didn't realise that was an option. Well, I think to some degree she also is a candidate for this podcast because she herself, you know, like probably has been counting them out for this kid week after week after week, you. And then suddenly one of the employees goes, no, no, no, no. Just tell them they've got to have a mixture.

She's like, oh. Or she didn't realise it was an option that she could just tell me that I could do this. That's right. Yeah, yeah. Or prepare some earlier and just give them to them. They're happy. Oh. Anyway. Oh. Anyway, have you thought of what the story might be for you,

for that I didn't realise this was an option story? I have an instinct that there's something there and I know I'm going to know it as soon as you say it. Another example has come to mind, but I don't think this is the one you were talking about. Go ahead. The one that's come to mind is about work experience. So in year 11 at school, you know, we get to go off for a week to find a vocation

and do some work experience in a workplace. There was something, I forgot to organise it or I wasn't terribly interested. I was very late organising it. And I remember watching Melrose Place and there's Jake and he had Jake's bikes and he was a mechanic but he made look being a mechanic look so cool and I just thought I'll go and be a mechanic for a week right so I went over to Toyota near us and said can I be do work experience here I've never once

in my life thought about becoming being a mechanic with you know as a vocation yeah I have no particular interest or skills in those areas. It was just like, oh, I'll be like Jake. And it's last minute. So I go, but it's like it's something you've got to do. So when the time comes, I go and I'm a mechanic and it's really hard work and the workshop's cold and you've got to know stuff and be interested in cars.

And I'm sure people would love it and the guys there loved it. I just wasn't really enjoying it and then and then i hear that then i hear that you you were off as a journalist watching wayne's world with the movie reviewer from the advertiser you're literally at the movies and he was was like, yeah, well, I want to be a journalist. So I went and, you know, did work experience at a newspaper. And I was like, oh, I didn't know like cool jobs was an option. It does help when your dad works at the newspaper. Yeah, that's right. But it wasn't even like, you know, mechanics wrong.

It was just like, oh, I never thought to do something that I might really want to do. I just thought you sort of had to do something that was nearby or, you know, last minute. In year 11, wasn't your ambition to one day be prime minister, though? I don't think you can do work experience as prime minister of Australia. Oh, well, if I'd thought about it and sent a letter, who knows? But I did.

I love politics. I would have loved to have been Paul Keating. But I thought the way to the Prime Minister's office is via the Marion Toyota workshop, mechanics workshop. I'll tell you what the story I'm thinking of is. And this is a story that has become a classic, classic story in my house. My wife and I tell this story, use this story, quote this story all the time.

This is like, and it's not even our story, it's your story. Really? It's about me? Okay. Yep, yep. It's the C.S. Lewis house bus tour story. Ah, right. So, Tim, tell us your C.S. Lewis. C.S. Lewis again, lucky you. Tell us your C.S. Lewis bus tour story about I didn't realise that was an option. Yes. This is fantastic. This is one of the greatest days of my life, right? So,

this is, I don't know, 10 or 15 years ago, and I'm in England over visiting you and went to Oxford and went to visit C.S. Lewis. We've talked about this on a previous episode, going to his grave. Well, not C.S. Lewis himself. Yeah, he's dead. Indeed. He lived in a house called the Kilns, a little cottage just on the outskirts of Oxford, or it was then. It's, you know, in the suburban area now. I wanted to go see it.

It's like, oh, ground zero. It's in all the biographies and stuff so i'd before i went organized with a c.s lewis tour sure enough on the day that the hotel you know a little minivan pulls up and a guy running his c.s lewis tour picks me up and takes me around he was fantastic took me around to all these places and he's grown up around the area he is a child you know used to used to play in c.s lewis's garden he's got lots of anecdotes and stories and he's very sort of proud of them you know he's a very very informed and proud tour operator taking us everywhere and i was very very pleased there were other people on the bus there was one other person a lady right so it was just the two of us

so it's great so he was saying do you want to go here or here and we'd say look at each other and go oh this one's probably the priority and you know we'd go to yeah you know where he worked at maudlin college and all that kind of oxfordy kind of stuff anyway then we pull up at the the kilns which is his home which is kind of like ground zero you know like wow here it is there it is and and you see it from the angle and it's like oh how special and uh and i said to the the tour operator are we allowed to go inside and he said oh no no i i you know i won't do the accent but i i went inside once when i was a youngster but um no no it's owned by the university now and uh yeah no you can't do that so it wasn't like a museum or somewhere the public could go or anything like that.

It was now used as a, like, accommodation, wasn't it, for, like, for visiting academics? Indeed, for international scholars. That's right, yeah. It's an esteemed house. And so, they've just got it there. And, you know, scholars coming from America. So, it's like, we'll put you up in this home while you study and do your sabbatical or something like that. Yeah.

But then I thought, nah, blow this. I got a couple of photos and I went up to the front door and I knocked on the front door. And this lady opens it, distinguished looking, academic looking lady. And I said, look, this is a crazy thing to ask, but I'm from Australia. I'm a big fan of C.S. Lewis. Is there any chance i could look inside and she goes in rich american accent oh yes it's fantastic come inside it's marvelous so so she took me inside and showed me everything in his bedroom and i got to sit at his desk in

his office and there's photos there and i got to sign the book and all that. It was just like, wow, I can't believe it. I got to finish his last novel. That's right. That's right. He was there. Put on his cardigan. It was marvellous. I can't tell you how excited I was. It really was.

It was like a dream. It really was like a dream. What about the other lady who was on the bus? Well, after I'd been inside for about 10 minutes, there was another knock at the door and the lady went and opened the door and it was the other person she came in and said oh i saw you go in and i said yes yes it's so cool come and have a look and i went up to his bedroom and looking around everywhere and it was just marvelous and after about probably half an hour inside i said look thank you so much for showing us around and she says oh no that's great you know

that's wonderful it was pleasure and and and we left and so both of us leave and walk back up to the van where where the tour operator guy is standing there just sort of with his mouth open having told you you can't go in yeah that right. And he just looks at me and he goes, you are exceedingly fortunate. You know, to this day, to this day, whenever something happens to myself or my wife that is like good luck or something good happens to us, the other one just says, you are exceedingly fortunate. To this day it was like someone who's whose whole job was doing a beatles tour and they climax it with sitting out the front of paul mccartney's house you know and there it is and now we have to go and then finally someone says can i go meet him and and they just walk up and paul says hey

let's record a song together you know like it's like oh i didn't know you could do that as i said i didn't know that was an option that guy's been doing that that tour for years it probably never even occurred to him why don't i just knock on the door just knock on the door that's right go and have a look yes i didn't know that was an option yes it was so it's that was marvelous that was really marvelous so they were exceedingly fortunate that's right uh why didn't i think of that that's right yes i didn't know that was enough? That's right. Yes. I didn't know that was an option. Well, I like that example because that was one where I got the option. You know what I mean? Like I forever think of myself as the, ah, why?

But, I mean, in that story, you're not the protagonist of the story in that context. It's the tour operator. That's right. That's right. Yeah, yeah. Or it's every single other person that ever did that tour Who adored C.S. Lewis and had travelled across the world And had stood outside the kilns And had never thought

I could just knock on the door That's right I could just knock on the door and ask And when you have an experience like that It really sets you up to Like for other visits, for other occasions You know, like Wait till you hear Tim's Buckingham Palace story.

Oh, yeah. No, that's marvellous. I think this is a good idea. This is a really good idea. Another, like, this is a real comedown after your fabulous story, but another example that I think a lot of people who listen to this could relate to, and I've had a few examples, is actually playing video games. Oh, yeah. You can be stuck in a video game or something, or you could play a video game a certain way for years. And then when you see someone else play it and they do some move or

open some door or trigger some action that changes the way they're able to play the game that you didn't realise, like, oh, I didn't realise you could jump up onto that thing or you could hold that object or you could do this or that. I remember the first time I ever played the video game Tomb Raider, we hired it, my mate and I hired it from a game store and there were no instructions of how to play it, like buttons or what to press or what to do. And we had never seen it played before

and we we ran around and it was quite a boring game we were just this lady walking around in this cave and i reckon we must have spent four or five hours just walking around this cave trying to figure out what are we supposed to do like we've got guns but we can't shoot anything and there's nothing here and there's nowhere to go there's no doorway i can see and we were just running into walls and jumping up onto things and we couldn't make anything happen and after about two or three hours at one point i was just pressing against a wall touching a wall like just thinking what do i do and i just pressed a different button x or whatever button i pressed at the right place at the right time. And suddenly Lara Croft, the character, like got down on her haunches and pulled this block out, like dragged the block away and revealed this doorway to a hole.

And the game then got started. And it was like a whole like, oh, my God, I didn't realize you could push and pull blocks. Like, I didn't know this was an option. I didn't know this was a thing you could do. And it completely changed the game from that point on. And we got it because we just didn't know how to play and what to press. And there have been so many other examples in games like that. You know, you're playing and suddenly you press a button and something happens.

Oh. I think of the scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark as well. Remember when that guy comes out with a sword and he's got a very elaborate and skilful sword and you're like, oh, here we go. We know Indy's not much of a swordsman, you know, but then suddenly he just pulls out his gun and shoots him and you can just imagine all the sword guy go, oh, we didn't know he was going to do that.

So it's the guns, like the guns involved. Yeah. What? All right. There we go, Tim Tim I've shared that one Do you want your five minute Do they know it's Christmas lightning round? Do you still need to get it out of your system?

I would like to share a little bit Even though I think you're probably going to edit it out I feel like I need to tell them I can't now Patreon bonus content I tell you're probably going to edit it out. I feel like I need to tell them because... I can't now. Patreon bonus content. I'll tell you what, I will upload a version of the podcast to Patreon that doesn't have Tim's Do They Know It's Christmas? as bonus content.

So if you're a Patreon supporter, you can listen to the podcast without having to hear Tim tell these stories. For everyone else, I'm afraid you're going to have to sit through it. That was a joke, patrons. Don't go looking for it. Go on then, Tim. Go on. Well, what do you want to know about it?

I mean, really, that's the... No, I don't want anything. You do, you do. You want to know. What do I want to know? All right. What do I want to know about Do They Know It's Christmas? Well, let me start off by telling you while you think that um i should warn you that

i know quite a lot because i read all about it on wikipedia last night oh okay you might correct me then yeah i know that when that bono tells the story that he didn't want to sing that line he's like well i don't know which line bob geldof's going to give me because bob geldof wrote the song and i don't want that one that's the that's the hard line but then um it was given to him to sing and he sort of made it his own but i then know that 20 years later they did a another version of it um to commemorate live eight um which was another campaign another big concert and all that and it was um i think 2000 and well 2005 of course it, another big concert and all that. And it was, I think, 2005. Of course it was, 20 years later. And in that time, someone else was going to do that line.

And Bono got quite upset. And there was like an online kerfuffle about, no, this is my line and stuff. He pulled rank, didn't he? He's like, it's my line. I'm Bono and that's my line. I'm Bono and that's my line. It's very... I do know that the first line of the song was supposed to be sung by David Bowie. It was written for him, but then he didn't do it, couldn't do it for some reason.

Oh, there you go. Oh, that's a good get. Boy George was the most important person to be on it. Like, Bob Geldof really wanted him there because he was just like, you know, red hot at the time. Yeah. But he slept in and he was in New York and they kept contacting him saying, you've got to come over here on a Concorde and record today. And then he'd go back to bed and fall asleep again.

And he only just got over. He got the last Concorde of the day over to London and then went straight to the studio to record his line. Oh, right. There you go. Boy George was huge. We forget that now. then went straight to the studio to record his line. Oh, right. There you go. Boy George was huge. We forget that now. The reason it's so anthemic, this is an interesting musical little part, because it's what you're talking about, that feeling of it starting off slow and building is what we call an,

it's an anthem, right? It's anthemic. One of the things that gives it its power is one of the chords in it. There's a chord that's pretty common to a lot of these songs, particularly in rock music, and it's D minor. And D minor is the, it's my favourite chord. It's a beautiful chord. And in a lot of these kinds of songs, a lot of Leonard Cohen,

it has like a sadness and a sweetness to it at the same time. And it comes in at Bono's line. It's a very U2 kind of line in some of their stuff as well. But you sort of, you know, it sort of hits at Bono's line. It's a very U2 kind of line in some of their stuff as well. But you sort of, you know, it sort of hits that Bono note as well as being, you know, the line and Bono's voice and all that. Yeah. For those of you listening who want an excellent example of that, here's Tim playing Money for Nothing in D minor.

That is a... Can you wear out a digital file? I wonder if we can release that as a 45 And like in someone's vinyl To wear it out You know I can do it That performance gets a D minor In another sense, actually. Maybe the time has come to press that into vinyl. Wow.

A little 45. That would be incredible. Oh, dear. There goes my week. Oh, dear. Seriously. Seriously. week seriously seriously is there anything i could do for you in life that would make you more happy than having an album released well that it contained a better performance than can't you i would be genuinely much more happy if you took my C.S. Lewis story and put that on a 45 and sold that. That could be the B-side.

This Christmas, our number one is Tim's C.S. Lewis story with some unfortunate crackling music on the A side Oh, I love the idea of that being the B side You've sold me on the idea now There goes our budget for all of June You weren't wanting to be paid this June, were you? We need this to be a this June, were you? Okay, we need this to be a hit, people, if we do this.

It really does. You know how the US came up with their version, right, for USA for Africa, We Are the World? Yeah. That's such a crap song, isn't it, really, compared to this? We are the world We are the children We are the ones who make a better day So let's start giving

Well, a lot of people thought Do They Know It's Christmas was a crap song. Initially, it got quite panned. Like the papers were calling it a Christmas turkey and stuff like that. But I actually think it's a fantastic song. I'm not going to wade into the rights and wrongs of the ethical side of it

because that you know obviously as times change people's attitudes to the song have changed quite a lot in those terms yeah but just as a song uh i find it incredibly uh catchy i i was running to it uh yesterday i went running and it really helped me on my run like it's really like motivational and like you know it's got a real momentum to it. That kind of chariots of fire feel. Yeah, that's an anthemic song. It is a bit schmaltzy, like some of the words,

but you've got to do that. It's a charity single, so you can't be too subtle. You're basically saying, there's a problem. And it's a Christmas song, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that in the UK. You guys have that real sense that Christmas number one and having a Christmas song is a really big thing, isn't it yeah still is it still these days i mean having the christmas

number one like what what the number one song is the week before christmas on the charts used to be massive here that's changed a bit now because online sales are taken into account more and people like cheat and game the system more and it becomes a bit of a prank amongst the online community let's like let's game the christmas number one so basically what happened was being the christmas number one was a really big deal and then it got completely corrupted by the fact that these reality shows like x factor and all that deliberately did it so that whoever won the x factor released their first song the week before Christmas. So it was always the Christmas number one because it had such an advantage.

So then it started having a lot less meaning then because every year the Christmas number one was the X Factor song. So then there was a backlash and like the sort of counterculture community started to try to get their favourite songs as number one and there'd be online campaigns. So then that corrupted it again so now being the christmas number one has just become a bit of an irrelevance but christmas but christmas songs at christmas are such a big deal in in the uk like from about july onwards every supermarket and store you go into is playing the same six christmas songs over

and over again yeah including do they know it's Know It's Christmas. It's interesting looking back through the Christmas number ones. There's some interesting, like the Beatles are in there, for instance. And there's a lot of, there's Pet Shop Boys, Always On My Mind. That's a great version. Here's the one I was thinking of, Cliff Richard's Mistletoe and Wine. I love that song too. That's a classic. There's some pretty awful songs michael jackson earth song that's a that's a pretty overblown

song there's a couple of three spice girls in a row there we go rage against the machine killing in the name that's got to be one where it was game 2009 that was yeah that that was what started that that's what started the whole gaming at There was this huge campaign for Rage Against the Machine. Oh, right. Okay. Yeah. It's much safer ground back in the 80s. Well, you couldn't game it then.

You couldn't. You had to actually go to a shop and give someone behind a counter money. And people on the internet, they like being rebellious, but only if it's low friction. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Fair enough. There we go. Okay.

Well, there you go. I think I ended up telling more stories about Do They Know It's Christmas in that little segment. I did. I gave you a fair bit of spotlight there, let you shine. Yeah, thanks, man. Thanks, man. Thanks.

I think you were intimidated by my Wikipedia knowledge. That's right. That's right. Your turn, Tim. Your turn for an idea Oh, yes, indeed I thought that was my idea But anyway, that's your idea Here's an idea that was

It was sparked a little bit by A SMS conversation with you last night My idea is called Zero Views And I was struck by the idea as we were chatting about YouTube clips that have literally zero views. Fantastic. Fantastic idea, Tim. Yeah. I love the idea of finding.

And you haven't ruined the name as well. I thought normally you would then find some, you know, video that had zero views called, you know, my favourite pet monkey and you would call the podcast my favourite pet monkey or something. Yes, yes, yes. But you've actually given it the right name as well, zero views. I like this idea for a few reasons. One is like there is just a wealth of YouTube material out there that people have put on.

Some of it gets millions of hits and you're right in the zone for that. And, of course, a lot of it is watched by one or two or three people and I'm interested by a clip that has zero views. So not even the person who put it up has gone back and checked it out one or two times. You've really got to wonder. But it's out there and it's data, it's art, it's information. Yeah.

And sometimes it's not just sometimes people have put a lot of effort into it. Like, you know, they've crafted it and edited it and put music to it and graphics and effects and all sorts. And then put it up and then not a single person has ever watched it. That's right. Which is sad. Well, there's a little hinge of tragedy to it. There is also a lot of stuff that's just, there's a reason there's no views.

Like, here's, you know, a lot of tourist footage. You know, here's us standing outside C.S. Lewis' house, you know, like some guy's knocking on the door, you know. And it's just like I'd like to go there. I'd look at a nice photo, but I don't need to see you and, you know what I mean, your thumb and wherever you happen to be. So there's a lot of that kind of stuff as well but i like the idea of of talking to the person finding the person and following back and

saying tell me the occasion around this footage where is it what happened how did you come to put why did you put this on youtube why you why didn't you just look at it yourself on your phone and go oh that was a good day why did you want to share it with the world? There's also a nice symmetry to the idea that, of course, you would be drawing attention to it. So you would be putting the spotlight on something that has zero views and lifting it. It would suddenly gain a whole range of views. There's a whole sort of Schrodinger's cat thing going on here, isn't there,

that the act of observing sort of affects the experiment. That's right. Yes, yes. But in a good way, in a way that's a feeling for the person as well. Yeah. This innocuous little piece of footage becomes maybe viral or interesting, or at least the focus of genuine, serious conversation. Zero views. I love this idea, Tim. I mean, there's not a whole lot That I immediately think to say about it Because it's sort of, it's so self explanatory

It would just be so much fun To see what it throws up And you're right, tracking down the people Would be fun Have you ever uploaded a video to YouTube Tim? I have once, many years ago It was a Talk that I gave somewhere

and like related to church ministry, like a conference, a small conference. And I had the footage somehow. I don't remember how, but I remember using it and trying it out and putting it online. And it's still there. It's a long time ago and I have terrible hair, but I've never done it since. How many views? I have no idea.

Is it more than zero? Well, you watch it every morning before you get out of bed. I make the kids watch it. Here we go, guys. I don't know. It would be like, I don't know, 20 or 50 or something like that. Like, I don't think there's any. Yeah.

Oh, there's a part one and part two. So it's a bit of an opus. It's... That's stupid was this when there was a limit to how long how long a video could be or oh i guess so yeah yeah look i've part two's here it's got 140 views it doesn't link to part one though people have probably seen it it's gone viral if there's 140 views it's good oh it's huge. But I remember putting that up just really, it was like, oh, can I do this? And how does this work? And all the rest of it.

But I have no. I did that once and it turned into my career. I've found part one here and it's got 294 views. So there you go. And in 2008. But do you know what that means? Twice as many people watch part one and half of them just went, no, I'm not watching part two.

Do you know what? That is actually quite a good conversion rate. From part one to part two, is it really? Yeah, I think that's quite good. Have you ever achieved a conversion rate that strong? Probably not as a percentage for like extra footage or a part two. I mean, when I started putting videos on YouTube, it was very much, it was very experimental and YouTube was quite new and I was making videos with scientists and was like, why don't we put them on this YouTube thing and see how that goes?

And, you know, you couldn't make money on YouTube in those days. There was no, it wasn't even an option. Yeah, right. Things like that, you know. So, it was, yeah. There you go. That's how it all starts. And you have, literally, and I'll say it so you can be,

you've had a billion views on YouTube, haven't you, with all your channels and stuff? Just a few weeks ago, went past a billion across all channels. That's staggering. I've had, well, if you add up 294 and what was the other one? Yeah. 140. Yeah.

You're coming up to the 500. Are you gonna you're gonna do something to celebrate 500 uh well i imagine youtube will send me some sort of plaque or at least the zero views have some sort of novelty value this is like 294 it's like it's so it's such a mediocre number that it's like. I would love to know. I don't think I know anyone who would tell me. I don't think YouTube would release the figure. But I do have some contacts that will have access to it. So I'm going to send an email to one guy I know in particular and ask if he'll tell me how many videos have zero views. That would be interesting to know.

It's hard to search for them. Yeah, I mean, obviously YouTube can do it. But I'm willing to bet they won't tell me. Because people, why won't they tell you? Maybe because- It's a bit embarrassing for them to have, you know, it's not good PR for the platform, is it? To have all this like, this dead weight sitting there. I mean, they want to tell stories of success and, you know. Oh, okay. Yes. Millions and millions of views and so forth. I'll ask. I mean, I'm sure we're not the, you know, no offence to you or to me, but I'm sure we're not the first people to think of this.

So, maybe it's even been made public before. I'm sure it's a question that's been asked many times. So, maybe they have a standard answer. I don't know, but. I think people, of course, will make a video and put it out there, like as an act in itself. You know what I mean? Like you create something. A true artist isn't, you know, I want this to be massive. But they may just love doing it.

And that would be the story behind it. Actually, they don't really. I wonder how hard it is to keep a video at zero views. As long as it's public. Because you can make YouTube videos private and unlisted and unsearchable. You know, that will stay on zero for as long as you want. But if you make something public and give it a name and give it data and a description. So, there are words that are searchable so you're not cheating i wonder how you know how hard is it for a video to stay at zero and not just be found accidentally by someone sometime searching

something that's true and not yes does it need to be yeah well it needs to be clicked on not just appear in a search and it has to be watched I think, for about five seconds or ten seconds or something to count as a view. Oh, okay. Yep. I think I'd have a better luck than you in this. If we both just started a channel from scratch, I would have no advantage or disadvantage, you know. That's right.

It's all about links, isn't it, really, and where it's from and, yeah, it being a channel. Great idea. Great idea. Zero views. Dedicated to videos on YouTube that have never been watched until now, until the episode goes out, obviously. That's right.

And then, you know, Tim and I will, with the weight of Tim and my influence behind it, you're going to suddenly end up on 10, 20, maybe even 30 views. What do you think, starting from scratch, would be the quickest way to get a whole bunch of views? I mean, if I truly knew the answer to that, you know, I'd be very, very rich. The best way to get zero views, on the other hand, I don't know,

I'd probably tap you up for ideas on that. Part three of this talk might get close Previously unrelated Director's cut Director's commentary on those videos Shall we link them in the show notes? No Are you going to keep them hidden? You know people are going to find them anyway.

People are going to find them. If they want them, they're going to go finding themselves. That's right. They're not going to get any help from me. No. All right. I'll give you a hint, though. If you want to find them, search numberphile.

I want to genuinely get the kids' words in this this week and I've got them here. So we need to talk long enough for me to be able to fit them in. Well, already, just by saying that, I think you've failed again. No, I know. No, but we're not going to put this conversation in. So, oh, right. We're not going to put this conversation in Tim

We are so putting this conversation in No no I wanted I've been I've been looking I've remembered If you wanted to genuinely get them in You should have dropped them in genuine conversations

There has been no opportunity They are very specific words Tell me the words And I'll tell you where you could have put them Okay Dog And what's the other one? Paws No opportunity. They are very specific words. Tell me the words and I'll tell you where you could have put them. Okay. Dog. And what's the other one? Paws. So how's Audrey doing?

What, you mean my dog with paws? That's right. Have you got Audrey in the room? Does she come in and wander around while you're recording? Sometimes she's in the room, but she hasn't been today. Less often she's in the room these days. She's more happy sitting in the sun by a window. And I guess her paws don't make a sound that can be picked up by the microphone.

No, her paws don't make a sound. Her paws don't not make the sound of paws because she's a good dog. Audrey's my dog, for those who don't know. My dog with paws. So to finish the show, we're trying something a little bit different. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to do an advertisement, but this is an unpaid advertisement.

This is an act of nepotism for another podcast that is made in my household that Tim and I would love you to go and check out. Yes. It's called the Britain Get Talking podcast. It's made by ITV, a big broadcaster in the United Kingdom, Britain Get Talking. And it's actually a podcast about sort of mental wellness and, you know, well-being and the positivity of talking to people about issues in your life.

And the idea is these are interviews with quite like famous people in Britain. Yeah. Like the first few episodes have got some really big names. The one that I'd recommend is probably the first ever episode, which is with a guy called Tom Bradby, who's a big famous newsreader in the UK. Like he's on the news at 10. And he actually took a few months off work recently because he was having real anxiety issues and couldn't sleep sleep and it actually was like quite a big news story when

tom bradby kind of you know disappeared from the screens because of this uh problem he was having but he's been really frank about it and spoken a lot about it and the importance of talking about these issues and making them more public and removing the stigma and stuff and he talks he's a really great talker and he speaks really frankly about it on the podcast. So I'd recommend going, listen to that one or maybe the Dr. Range one. It's called Britain Get Talking. It's made by ITV.

If you search for Britain Get Talking, you should find it. Champion, that's great. Can I also say, we would love it if you would like, well, if you like it and listen to it, write a review. But even if you don't want to write a review, it's no effort just, you know, if you're liking it to give it, write a review. But even if you don't want to write a review, it's no effort. Just, you know, if you're liking it, to give it a rating. Five stars is better than four.

But please, please don't go on there and make, like, jokes, talk about, like, you know, me and Tim and Unmade Podcast. Just, like, treat it as its own podcast, like, because there's nothing worse than making something and then having some other community come in and, you know, be stupid about it. So, you know. Yeah.

Please go there. Go there with serious intent and have a listen. And if it's something you want to comment and rate and listen to, then do. And if not, you know, that's fine. But, you know, please don't be silly about it. Be silly on some of Brady's other channels instead. Yeah. Be silly.

If you're going to be silly about me, do it. Yeah. Do it on my podcast and my videos don't go and do it on someone else's but if you do want to check it out britain get talking it's really really excellent i've really enjoyed it i think it's very worthy i'm looking at it and it's got it's got a campaign with a goal to get 10 million people to take action to improve their mental or physical health by 2023 supported by young minds and mind that's kind of the overall itv campaign not just the podcast oh indeed okay so the podcast is part of that yeah i'd be pretty impressed if the podcast

gets to uh 10 million people but you never know thanks everyone and thanks tim for uh letting me steal a bit of unmade podcast airtime to uh push that barrow very worthwhile very happy to support anything you want to promote while you're here or just want to those two videos of yours again or your soon your soon to be released album i'm just thinking of all the other things we could have put on it like sofa sharpen there is a whole album maybe it's more than a 45 it's expanding into two two albums now It's an anthology A double album

That's right A double album