The Unmade Podcast - 70: A Recipe for Seduction

Episode Date: December 22, 2020

Tim and Brady review the new KFC movie, but first discuss heavy metal, middle age, an unknown spoon of the week, malleefowls, Korumburra, and a Patreon idea from Wisconsin. Go to Storyblocks for stock video, pictures and audio at storyblocks.com/unmade - https://www.storyblocks.com/unmade Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/unmadeFM Join the discussion of this episode on our subreddit - https://redd.it/kih8h9 Watch A Recipe for Seduction - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9mgD1DpmZ8 -before we spoil it. And watch this podcast episode on YouTube, with lots of helpful pictures and accompanying video - https://youtu.be/ykevZtjtfwA USEFUL LINKS Thanks deep-voiced Damian for your cover - and check out many of our Sofa Shop Covers here - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRNeH_Kpl1ZgpeiNeJ-oiAQ Download Festival - https://downloadfestival.co.uk Rammstein - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rammstein Pictures of Spoon of the Week - https://www.unmade.fm/spoon-of-the-week The malleefowl - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Malleefowl The UK's Unknown Warrior is at Westminster Abbey(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Unknown_Warrior Korumburra - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Korumburra Wisconsin - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wisconsin Happy Days - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Happy_Days Wayne's World - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wayne%27s_World (set in Aurora, Illinois (although they attend a concert in Milwaukee) A Recipe for Seduction - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9mgD1DpmZ8 (the full mini movie, 16 mins)

The Soul of the Shop I love the sofa to start for you She's a very magical dance Sofa shop, you come across And you're very good with it Don't you do a thing Don't tell you so Sofa shop Well, there you go. That was a bit of a different sofa shop cover to start the show.

Oh, that is. That's quite something this time of the morning, I tell you. Got you in the mood? No. So let me read the accompanying note. Hi, Brady and Tim. I've been playing guitar and bass for 20 years and have been in many extreme metal bands here in South Africa. I'm delighted to present you with

The Slaughter Shop. As an aside, I will happily volunteer for The Day My Voice Broke if you ever do it as a special episode. I have a deep radio voice which arrived very abruptly when I was only nine years old. So I have many stories to tell. I hope you are both well. Kind regards, Damien. Well, Damien uses the word delightful, which is not something I'd associate with a deep voice and extreme metal, as he calls it. It's the new album from Slayer. Delightful. Delightful.

Delightful? I reckon he... I liked it. I liked it. I'm going to make it my new ringtone. How do you think the sofa shop business would have gone if they debuted their ad in the 1980s with that as the jingle? Well, they may have sold sofas to a very select group of people, but perhaps not to the blanket success that we know that they had.

It's certainly not as catchy. No. But it's heavy. No. Have you ever owned like a, he calls it extreme metal. We used to call it death metal. This is not just hard rock, right? Not just Metallica, but, you know, even harder, like Slayer. Have you ever bought or willingly listened to an album or song like that?

No, not really. I once had to go to, what's that concert that's held in Leicestershire where they play really heavy music? Something like the Download Festival, is that right? Download, that's it, yeah. I did go to Download once for work and I like, so I spent like an hour or two wandering the site and whatnot. And the thing I love about that is that festival and concert,

they have all the stages set up. It's right next to East Midlands Airport and planes are taking off and flying over the site really low all day and night because the music's so loud you can't even tell yeah right you just see planes going like over the stage that you can't hear but no it's not it's not really my cup of tea i have to admit but you know we have got a more extreme version that someone sent in that i haven't played yet so maybe we'll do that soon all right i watched a rammstein concert the other night. Have you ever seen, just quickly, Rammstein? Like, have you heard of this band, Rammstein?

Yeah, I know. I've heard of them, but I can't say I've enjoyed their dulcet tones. Yeah, no, it's delightful. I was checking them out the other night because they're on their latest tour or recent tour. Like, they take pyro to another level. It's worth looking on YouTube just to see the over-the-top ridiculous. If you're used to sort of like fireworks, you know, like at a regular concert, this is nothing like it.

This is like a massive steampunk factory they set up essentially. And it's just the pyro stuff is just incredible. But I was watching it more for the novelty. Yeah, it's fun to watch. Like, wow, couldn't be incredible. All right. Well, let's crack on with the show because the way we've just been talking is going to segue nicely into my idea.

Oh. But before we do, I just want to say later in the show, we are going to do a movie review or a mini movie review because the movie is a mini movie. And the movie is going to be Recipe for Seduction, which is this new short movie based on Colonel Harlan Sanders and Ritter Bromance. We've teed it up.

You can watch it on YouTube. I'll include some links. But we'll do the review at the very end. So if you're someone who wants to watch the film before you hear the review, don't worry. You can listen on for now. And the review is going to be tagged on the end. I can hardly wait, man. Sound fair?

Very fair. Very fair. All right. All right. An idea for a podcast. And I think this ties in nicely with the conversation we just had about heavy metal music. My idea for a podcast today is called Signs That I'm Old. And this is a chance for codgers like us to talk about the way that we've changed over the years and things we're just starting

to see creep into our life that indicate that we're not the young spring chickens we once were. Yes, yes, yes. Nice, nice idea. Loads of material. This is great. Complaining about loud music is definitely one of them. Yes, yes, that's right.

Can I share mine right off the top? Because it was so front of mind. I have to say, the other day I was sitting watching as one of those, there's around Adelaide, and I'm sure they're in other cities too, these contraptions where you sit and a group of people drink on an automobile essentially that you pedal and the car sort of drives around the city on pedal power. So you're sort of sitting at a mobile bar.

That's essentially what it is. And so a whole bunch of guys, i saw young guys come up and run and jump on and they're like hey we're gonna have a great night we're gonna have some drinks and ride around the city on this contraption and there's like a person there you know you hire it out for a few hours and so forth and i was watching them and the first thought that came to mind is it's going to be cold later and none of those guys have brought jumpers tim you obviously are not familiar with the beer coat that they were gradually putting on yes that's a good one that's a good one have you got a coat let me let me give you one of mine well i've got a few one of mine is over the last two years, how obsessed I have become with bird feeders and putting bird feeders in my backyard and filling them with seed and standing at the back window and looking with pride at all the little birds coming and eating them.

Oh, look at that. Three birds at the moment on the feeder. That's great. That truly is delightful. That's even more delightful than heavy metal. And also that damn squirrel, that squirrel that comes and eats all the nuts. I've even got the squirrel that I'm in constant battle with shaking my angry fist at it. That's great. You and this squirrel, I can tell it's going to be a big war. It's going to be a war.

Also, like when it starts pouring with rain, how happy it makes me because I think how good that is for the garden. Like, oh, those plants are going to be having a nice big drink now and I feel like a real happiness for them. Yes. And I almost channel the plants and feel them taking the water up into their leaves and up their stems. I can almost feel the water going through them like I'm in sync with them.

Like you're feeling like reinvigorated by the rain as well. Like it's like filling your tank. Yeah. Yeah. Also, how careful I am on stairs now like like like stairs are like i look at stairs as dangerous objects now yeah not just a way to get up and down i tell you what i've been doing because in our new apartment they're they're concrete floors and i've started noticing how sore my ankles are from from walking around in bare feet so I've actually been eyeing off some very supportive slippers just

to wear around the house shoe support support is important now it's very important and we've talked about it before on sneakers you know but just around the home now I feel like I need a little bit more support because my ankles are sore and i was visiting like a friend's like father the other day um who's aged and i was looking at his slippers and i was actually envying oh where did where did he get those slippers they look great they look fantastic another one i've got in my list is being excited by things that i know are going to finish early it's like oh yeah it's gonna it's gonna it's all gonna be finished by nine o'clock yes yes i'll be home by 9 30 that's fantastic i've i've started taking i'll tell you what I've been doing lately I've been taking like leftovers to work for lunch

instead of just going I think oh this will save a few dollars like I all my life I've been buying lunch and I'm like oh hello but I'm thinking about it like the night before like I'm finishing dinner and just going oh hello

this looks like lunch tomorrow. Put this in a nice little piece of Tupperware and take that to work. Lovely, lovely. Very responsible. These ideas have flown thick and fast. How many examples have we got? This is just really quite scary. Who would have thought in our mid-40s? Another one is when you're watching a movie

and the characters are sending text messages to each other on their phones and the writing's really tiny, having to pause the show and take it in turns with your wife is who's going to be the one to walk up to the TV and look closely to read what was just said. what was just said have you started yelling at each other you know like you're deaf like you go and have a look no you go and have a look it's your turn mine i did it last time i found that i've been i've been this might be just owning a dog i don't know. But I find like early on when I got the dog, like I've started talking more to the dog, like real conversations. Like when we first got Brooklyn, I was just like, you know, ordering him around, you know, eat, sit, no, yes. And then we go for a walk and be like, come on, let's go for a walk.

And then as time went on, I'd sort of reflect on the walk with him on the way back i'd be like going oh that was a good walk today wasn't it like that was well done we really went a long way two times a week audrey goes out with a dog walker like so she can go out with other dogs and go to other places and when she comes back we legitimately ask her where she went what she did where have you been did you go to the cricket field today what other dogs were you with we've never once got an answer i've started doing it at the start of the walk like we like i can't wait to get out there and i'm and i'm like well you wouldn't believe what happened today brooklyn like i'm just telling you. Well, it sounds like we could tap a rich vein here just from us. This is not a podcast.

This is life, man. What are you talking about? It is middle age, right? If mid-40s, I guess, is middle age. It is much more enjoyable and comfortable than I thought it would be. You know what I mean? Like, it is all things. You know, you always think if you wanted to go home early, that must mean you've got a really

sad life, but it's wonderful to go home early, isn't it? Like lovely to get into bed early and it's just, oh, all these things are truly enjoyable. Oh, just talking about going to bed early is just making me feel happy. Tell me more about that night you went to bed early oh i had a warm milo and read a book for a good 30 minutes oh it's good i i hardly keep my eyes open i had a nap on the couch the other day and gosh yeah the the nap bit waking up's a bit weird but you could get grumpy for a while but the the nap bit is marvellous. You seem to have really adopted the daytime nap. I remember my dad was a big one for daytime naps.

It still hasn't. I do it occasionally, but it still hasn't become a big thing for me, probably because I sleep in so late. You literally can't cram in any more naps, any more sleep. Your body's like, we will shut down if you don't give us some movement i do on the weekends i do i do i love it you just sort of can drift off again instead of going oh well i hear i'm at work i've got to keep motivated it's the adrenaline seeping out or something it's marvelous it's a lovely feeling just giving giving yourself over to it like yep

i'm going with it i'm gonna nap here we go it's like going in i'm going in i'm gone i'm gone i'm asleep it's too late now i can't come back i can hear i can hear my wife's voice somewhere asking a question but it's too far away now i can't come back from it now i'm just gonna go i'm not turning back tim if you can hear us, move your little finger. Tim, if you can hear us, put the bins out. Nope, nope. I'm gone. That's it.

Marvellous idea, man. Yes, yes. And the other good thing is that you could do something else that's associated with middle age. You could have tips for other people, like handy hints. You know what I mean? Like, you know, when this situation arises, don't forget to go and get this, or this is a good brand of something. You know, there's a lot of that going on, I reckon, at this age.

Yeah, we'd get good sponsors, wouldn't we, for like, you know, incontinence pads and stuff like that. And like those, you know, prepaid funeral companies and stuff. That's getting a little bit far down the track. Actually, cut this out later, man, but do you happen to have a good incontinence pad recommendation? This is not for the podcast. This is just you and me now.

Cut this out later. Just asking for a friend. Just asking for a friend. Just asking for a friend who n asking for a friend. Just asking for a friend who, like, naps on the weekend a lot. We do have an actual sponsor of this episode, and it is Storyblocks. Oh, I love a good story. It only just occurred to me the other day, because I was thinking about, like, what's good about Storyblocks. Oh, by the way, if you don't know, Storyblocks is an online library where you pay a monthly

subscription and you've got all this video and pictures and audio that you can use royalty free in your creations. It's fantastic. And I use them all the time. I use the video and images and sound effects all the time in my videos and podcasts. Storyblocks.com slash unmade. Brilliant. Check them out.

And I was thinking the other day about them, thinking, oh, these are really good. And I was thinking, they're like little building blocks that I make videos out of. Building blocks. That's why it's called Storyblocks. Oh, right. Am I an idiot for not realising that before? Or am I wrong? Is that not why it's called Storyblocks?

Yep. No, that's right. That was immediately apparent to me. Okay. Okay. Just checking. Sorry. It's another sign that I'm getting old.

That's right. You build it. You use the bits and pieces to build a story. That's how it is. They are. Nice. These are the bricks I use to make my creations. I actually just am having a look at all the videos they have on Storyblocks

that has the word sleeping in the description. And I'm not going to lie, I didn't know it was possible to make this many videos of people sleeping. They have an absolute bonanza of stock footage of people of all shapes and sizes and ages and descriptions sleeping in beds. So if you were, for example, making a video for World Sleep Day and you didn't have any footage of people sleeping, but you were a subscriber to Storyblocks, you could just go and absolutely fill your slippers with videos of people sleeping. Can I ask a question? Because you're looking at the footage right now, right? Yeah. How many of them do you think are asleep and how many of them are acting asleep?

I would say all of them are acting asleep, except the babies. Yes, fair enough. They're really method actors, aren't they, babies? Yes, fair enough They're really method actors, aren't they, babies? Because babies can't act And babies do sleep a lot anyway Yes But there are a few young children sleeping in beds

And that's like 50-50 Yeah Are they acting or did they just fall asleep? I don't know I'm a big, like, judge of people's ability to act waking up in a film right right you know how they they're asleep and then they're like and then it's like and then a little bit of movement a little bit more and then oh look and i'm always like does this look real does it not real because i think it's one of the hardest things to do to act waking up from

sleep now i'm looking at all theblocks actors who are acting waking up. All of them are better looking than me. Right. And all of them immediately stretch their arms above their head. Yeah. Which I don't know if I do that when I wake up or not. I don't think I do. No.

That's one of the go-to acting moves, though, waking up, and then rubbing your eyes and then, you know. Yeah, yeah. Well, go along to Storyblocks and put waking up in the search bar and have a look at all the videos of people waking up. And if you're a subscriber on Storyblocks, you can use them in your own creations. Storyblocks.com slash unmade. Our thanks to them for supporting our podcast.

Thanks, Storyblocks. Our thanks to them for supporting our podcast. Thanks, Storyblocks. It's time for Spoon of the Week. Well, Brady, I have to say it's a unique day today with Spoon of the Week. I've chosen a spoon that in some ways I feel like we should be speaking about in hushed tones. You know how there is a tradition in many countries of the unknown soldier? Yes.

That is that there's a memorial that's built to those who have fallen in war and they will often put a soldier who was unidentified in the centre and it's a very powerful way. Well, today I have an unknown spoon. What I mean is that I have a spoon that's quite beautiful and that is silver, it says here, silver matted or mated or something but has no distinguishing marks. i tell a lie there is a little bird down the bottom in the scoopy bit something i particularly like the lowen bird but up the top

where you normally would put the primary identification information about the spoon yeah most of the data is focused on the handle yeah there's nothing there it's fallen off you're right so for people who aren't looking at the picture of it at the moment in the bowl the scoopy bit there is an enameling of a mallee fowl bird uh named and you know identified but as tim says at the top where the shield is the enameling that would have identified the location of the spoon where it was bought obviously a place that mallee fowls exist, it's gone. It's like it's fallen off.

Although I feel like I can make out the word hill. Yes. Can you see that? Yes, I can. But I don't know if that's just a secret message underneath unrelated to the spoon itself. It could be. It could, but if it is something, or is it hills?

Because it's hill, but there's space for another letter But the word before hill or hills Looks like it might end with an N But it's obviously a short word This is a mystery It is a mystery And it's been sitting in there unknown And I went through the whole Tupperware looking for

What do you call it? The shield? Yeah, the enamel shield that would have been stuck on the metal backing. Yeah, and I couldn't find it. So it truly is a real mystery. Do you think maybe your dad kept some kind of spoon diary, like Henry Jones's grail diary, that has clues in it? No. That could lead you to...

I don't think so. I've been through his papers. I haven't read all of them. I haven't read the ones in Dutch. Maybe he's kept his spoon diary in his mother tongue. So... Now, looking more closely on the back, it doesn't say silver mated.

It says silver plated, which makes a lot more sense. That doesn't make a bit more sense. That's one mystery solved. Now, coming back to the front i think we might be able to stitch this together i mean where's somewhere famous for its mallee fowls well i've looked up well it says mallee fowl and lowen bird i've looked up and there is a lowen conservation park which uh exists in near adelaide. So I don't know, perhaps it's come from there. Let's look up Mallee Fowl. Mallee Fowls are a lot more widespread than just that conservation park, though.

They're in New South Wales, South Australia, Victoria and Western Australia. Wow. Do you just have that information at the top of your head, man? Yeah, or on Wikipedia, it's the same thing. I never knew you were such a Mally Fowl fan. They used to call me Mr. Mally Fowl back at school. Mr. Mally Fowl. Not just Mally Fowl, Mr. Mally Fowl.

I love that. Yeah. This is quite a beautiful- I mean, it looks like a pheasant, doesn't it? Yeah. That's the sort of image and again i have to say i love it when the spoons have these pictures in the bowl in the scoopy bit it's it's um a real mystery as to i mean it could be that it just had the same information at the top you know

what i mean like if we you know just more but i you wouldn't think so you'd think it would be more of a location yeah it would be the locator and you would have been able to buy a whole suite of spoons from that location with different things in the bowl. Mally fowls, kangaroos, koalas. And they all had the same top for this location. Yes. No, that's probably true. That's right. Very good. dad was a massive fan of the the mallee fowl the lowen bird or if he'd just um been to a particular

national park and really liked it so much then this was the particular one of several that he's chosen to buy i fear we may never know it's possible i mean your mum was obviously around at the time but the chances of her knowing i'm gonna put it zero percent. Zero. Yeah. She will talk about it for a bit and wonder and look worried. No, I wonder where it's from, Tim. Yeah. And then.

I feel like she's failed you because she doesn't know. Okay, well, it's very disappointing. You don't remember, mum. And then she'll go into a real slump. I may have come around to visit if you'd known. Yeah. And then she'll go into a real slump. I may have come around to visit if you'd known. By the way, speaking of like the unknown soldiers, you know,

representing the fallen in general, which I think is one of the great traditions that many countries do. I listened to a radio documentary the other day about the unknown soldier at the Cenotaph in London. And it was such a great story. And the lengths they went to to make sure it was unknown, they dug up all these remains of these soldiers in France that were known to be British soldiers that couldn't be identified. And I think they chose like three of them or five of them. And they put them in coffins and treated them with great respect and put flags over them and stuff like that and took them to

this, I think it was like a church building or a hole. And the drivers that brought them there then left. And then a whole other group of people came in and randomly chose one of the coffins to take back to England. And the other four coffins were later taken back to the cemetery where they'd been taken from, so that no one could know, no one person could track back what one it was, so they wouldn't, you know, in 10 years no one was going to say, oh, I think I figured out who it was by piecing together the clues, because they put all these protections in place

to make sure no one could even know which set of remains it was that was chosen for the cenotaph completely anonymized no that's nice isn't it yeah that's good really interesting and now well now we have a spoon to represent all spoons of unknown origin there are a couple of spoons that have you know bits fallen off and that kind of stuff but this one it's completely missing and it's completely well i guess not completely anonymous because we do have the um the mallee fowl the lowenberg i think the mallee fowl is actually a pretty big clue like i think that could lead to an identification taking place here well maybe i should put it with several other spoons and have someone else come in and pick one up randomly and then choose them so it can't be traced back there'll be a picture in the show notes and on the screen if you think

you can figure out where this spoon is from get to work detectives indeed indeed not through contacting mum though obviously but yeah i'll follow this up we'll get there go and have a milo with mrs hein i will um i'll ask and if there's any information, I'll pass it on. But to my knowledge, this is an unknown spoon. An unknown spoon. I'll tell you a spoon that's not unknown and a spoon that's never going to fall apart or let you down because it's of the highest craftsmanship, and that is the Unmade Podcast Spoons, souvenir spoons,

that we give away to Patreon supporters randomly chosen it's time for another one well hang on just let me get a good grip on it this time you're doing the wheel can i spin it man there we go go all right oh i think i've done my back hang on i'm just gonna lie down so today's winner is So today's winner is Jonathan from Corrumburra in Victoria in Australia. Hey, there we go. Do you know Corrumburra? I don't.

I don't. But being from Victoria, there's almost definitely lowenbirds nearby. How do you spell Corrumburra? Is it with a K or C? K. I'm looking it up as do you spell Corumburra? Is it with a K or a C? K. I'm looking it up as well. Corumburra. Corumburra Medical Centre? It's located on the South Gippsland Highway.

Oh, there you go. So it must be near where you're from. Corumburra. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's in Gippsland. Yeah? Well, it's where you're from. Oh, it's near Leangatha.

There is like a myriad little towns out there, man, by, yeah. It's in Gippsland. Yeah? Well, it's where you're from. Oh, it's near Leongatha. There is like a myriad little towns out there, man, by the way, so I don't know. I know Leongatha, which is near, and Corambara. I should know it as well, but yeah, I don't. It has an urban population of 3,639. There you go. Amazing. So it's near Merbu North and Leongatha, which I know, and Inverloch, which is a lovely place to go. But, look, no, it's surrounded by five other towns that I don't know as well.

Aramwata, Cardella, Jetho, Beena, Poo Wong, Loch, Woodley, and I could go on. And I will. And I will. Halston, Treta, Alambie, Cloverley, and I could go on. And I will. And I will. Halston, Treta, Alambie, Cloverley, Eland Bank, Poo Wong East, Poo Wong North. I tell you what, on March 6, 2009, an earthquake registering 4.7 on the Richter scale

was recorded four miles west of Corrumburra. Oh. And if that wasn't bad enough, 12 days later, there was a second magnitude 4.7 tremor just three miles north of the town. Luckily, no damage was reported anywhere. It sounds like it's a bit of a hotspot, Corrumburra. I love that there's an earth tremor with no damage and it makes it onto its Wikipedia page

Are they sure it happened? Like are they I tell you what If an earth tremor with no damage Makes it onto the Wikipedia page Surely this spoon is going to make it Oh yes yes Well it seems like they deserve it

After all they've been through. It's going to be a real lift for the people of Coram Borough to have a podcast. It will. It will inspire them. Inspire them to rebuild. I mean, I know there was no damage, but. One word. Hope. Hope.

Hope. This spoon brings hope. All right. It is the Barack Obama of spoons coming to Corumbara. Enjoy that one, Jonathan. Share it with the other 3,638 residents. Maybe they could all come round to your place and have a look. There we go.

Can I just say, this is a beautiful part of the country. There's something amazing about all these little towns. Do you know what they all have in common? It's just phenomenal. Fear of earthquakes? No, no, apart from that. Bakeries, bakeries. This is just a rich place for bakeries.

It's a mecca of bakeries down there. And every one of those bakeries has vanilla slices. Oh, it's just so awesome they bake like there's no tomorrow so yummy there we go tim we're not doing the signs i'm getting old podcast anymore you don't have to keep doing it a cup of tea and a good bakery magnificent it was just two episodes ago we were planning an illegal rave and now you're talking about vanilla slices at bakeries in regional Victoria.

I would love to see a bakery rave. I'd love to see a rave bakery themed. We sit around, ooh, smell fresh bread. If anything that nightclub's missing is the smell of fresh bread. That'd get everyone home, wouldn't it? Be like, oh, let's go. And why can't the stairwells in public car the smell of fresh bread. That'd get everyone home, wouldn't it? Be like, oh, let's go. And why can't the stairwells in public car parks smell like fresh bread? Indeed.

That's right. That's right. You do risk your life going down those, don't you? So, instead of an idea from Tim now, we are going to have an idea from someone called Tim, funnily enough. Oh, right. Yeah. So, let me, this is a Patreon supporter.

We take submissions of ideas from Patreon supporters from time to time. And this one jumped off the page at me. Allow me to read it. Go for it. Go for it. Dear Tim and Brady, my name is Tim, and I am a pastor living in a rural town in the northern reaches of Wisconsin in the USA. Wow.

I used to listen to the podcast on my commute, but we recently moved and I now have a two-minute commute to work. So now I listen to the podcast while doing housework. My podcast idea is called Two Peas in Different Pods. My podcast idea is called Two Peas in Different Pods. My inspiration for this idea comes from the fact that Tim and I have a number of things in common. From our first name, our profession with its affection for C.S. Lewis, and our recent house moves, to our enjoyment of Sufjan Stevens, the fact that we are the only males in our households, my wife and I have three daughters,

and our penchant for mediocre podcast names. There are a number of similarities between Tim that I find interesting. However, we also live in very different places. There are the obvious cultural differences between the USA and Australia in general, but more specifically, I live in a small town of 600 people in a notoriously cold part of the world. The average low in January is minus 18 Celsius. I found your recent discussion of first white Christmases interesting as I have never experienced a non-white Christmas. All that to say, I think it would be interesting to have a podcast where two people who have a lot in common but live in very different parts of the world discuss their similarities and how their different

locations change those similarities. In the example of Tim and I, points of conversation may include how common is the name Tim among your peers where you live? How does the home buying renting process compare in Australia and the USA? What are the similarities and differences of being a minister or pastor in our respective locations? How does raising a family compare in a small town versus a big city? That's pretty generous calling Adelaide a big city, but all right. I'm sure there are much more fascinating examples than Tim and I, especially for non-theology nerds. But I think a series of conversations between people who have notable similarities but live in different places would be interesting. Well, intriguing. Wonderful to hear some narrative about it, about this marvellous fellow, Tim.

But good idea too. Solid idea. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Great idea. Nice. You've got enough in common to make the connection, but then you've got differences. And I think that's a wonderful way into a conversation.

I would go further with it. I would maybe even make a criterion of the podcast being that you have to have the same first name. Yes, yes. Possibly. Yeah. Yeah. No, that's a good hook, isn't it, really? Yeah.

Are you feeling an affinity with this Tim in Wisconsin? It feels like you're i am brother from another mother yeah yeah it's funny to think i mean he's he talks about c.s lewis so we've read the same books and you always feel an affinity with people who have read the same books a little bit he's in the same vocation so there's you know that makes likes the same music house full of girls yeah yeah and his name's tim and there's something about that you know's, you know, he's looked at the world as a Tim. People have called him Tim. I know what that's like.

It's just it means it's absolutely meaningless and yet it feels really meaningful, you know, your name. I like it. I always, I have like a soft spot for people with the name Tim because it's such a simple name. I think they must just be simple people with just a simple outlook on life. Like I always think, oh, it must be nice to be Tim. Your life's so uncomplicated.

Because your name's so uncomplicated. Maybe I'm reading too much into the name there. You may, yeah. Well, that's true. I wish my life was as simple as Tim. I think I tend to live more of a Timothy life, though. It tends to be more complicated. Okay.

I do like how quickly I can write it, for instance. That's handy. You know, in emails and text messages and stuff. Autographs. Autographs, indeed. Yes, that's right. Do you ever have to sign autographs? I'll sign my book to a few people, which I felt self-conscious doing it.

It seemed weird somehow did you go the Tim or the Timothy I think I did I didn't do my signature like my normal banking signature I just wrote my name and I think I did Tim and then my last name so I think I think that's how I did it yeah yeah that's that's a good move I think that's the way to do it so like Wisconsin right the only thing I know about Wisconsin is what we learned from the character Donna on the show The West Wing, who's from Wisconsin, which is very little. But it seems like a charming place. Like there's something about cheese. The character Josh is always talking about it's like a cheese place.

So that means it must be a very heavy dairy area. Yeah. Like Victoria, where I grew up, that must be quite lush then, if it's quite dairy-oriented, which is nice. Are the Green Bay Packers from up there, football teams? Green Bay Packers-based, hang on. Aren't they from the West Coast somewhere? No, Wisconsin.

They're based in Green Bay, Wisconsin. Oh, there you go. Green Bay Packers and cheese. What more do you need to know? What's the capital of Wisconsin? That I don't know. Let's find out. Madison.

I've never heard of Madison. Oh, and Milwaukee's in Wisconsin. And Milwaukee's where Happy Days was set. Ah, yes, yes. Milwaukee I've heard of. Yeah. So, yeah, Happy Days is most of my Wisconsin knowledge probably. Ah, right. That's Wisconsin.

Yeah, yeah. And that's also where Wayne's World's set. Isn't that right? Is it? I think that's right. Because remember, in Wayne's World, Alice Cooper does that, you know, well, interesting. You know, it was named Milwaukee when the Native Americans came. Very nice.

Yeah, yeah. Well, if you know anything about Wisconsin besides cheese, Green Bay Packers and happy days, send Tim a tweet. Tell him all that stuff. Well, let's get you and Tim together sometime to film an episode of two peas in different pods. Yeah, yeah. We'll fly you over. Should we fly you over to this minus 18 Celsius town of 600 people

or should we fly Tim over to Adelaide? Let's bring him over here, I think. I think he'll be blown away by Adelaide, the bustling metropolis that is Adelaide. Bustling metropolis. Just because he's got about 10 cities that are 10 times larger than Adelaide within a couple of hours drive from where he lives. Thanks, Tim. Thank you for your patronage and thank you for a fantastic idea.

Well done. Thanks, Tim. See you soon. Do you find it weird saying thanks, Tim? Like if I said thanks, Brady, to someone else called Brady, I would find that weird to say. You've done it enough, I guess. You've just gotten used to it.

Sorry, that's a stupid question. No, I'm perfectly comfortable saying thanks, Tim. I, you know, like mentor a guy called Tim, and I never think of him as having the same name because I associate it with his face. So, like, what I mean is I meet regularly with him and we're talking. And I'll say, so, Tim, look at this. But I never think of it as going, oh, you've got the same name as me.

Oh, wow. And high five, you know, like I, I, I think of his face and it's Tim rather than my face is Tim. Right. So. What do you think your face's name is? Uh, oh, look, um, Bono, Sting. Cause my middle name is james i i actually like i love the name james more than i love the name tim i think james is a great name yeah i would have been very happy with it if we'd

had a boy we would have called him james that's a whole other podcast like meeting up with two people who wish they had the same name, like their ideal name is the same, and then getting together and talking about, so why do you want to be a James? I'll tell you what a good podcast is. It's a short one, but it's a good one. What I would have been called if I was a different gender, because people love talking about what their mum and dad were going to call them if they were born the other gender.

That's true. What were you going to be if you weren't a boy? They didn't have anything in mind. They were absolutely sure they were going to have a boy and they're going to call him Timothy. And that's it. They had no backups. What about you? I was going to be Courtney. Oh, that's a great name. I love the name Courtney. Oh, thanks. I really wish you'd been born a girl now. We could have dated and everything. We could have been, oh, that's great. We could have got married and stuff.

Wow. Man, that's weird. We've got heaps of things in common. We're like great. I don't think you would have been my type. What? You would have been lucky. Sorry, man.

I'm just really looks oriented. Sorry, man. I'm just really looks-oriented. Let's veer into even weirder territory. Okay. And review the movie. Oh, well. This film, it's a mini-film, which I'd never heard of before.

It's a new thing. It's a mini-film. A short film. You've never heard of a short film? Well, not like this. Not like, I don't know. Well, yeah, obviously I know of short films, but. There's like short film festivals and everything.

Yeah, all right. Just ignore me. I don't know what I'm talking about. Fair enough. This film is called A Recipe for Seduction. And we're going to go through it scene by scene, because in 15 minutes there aren't that many scenes. But let me just read what it says on Wikipedia about it. A Recipe for Seduction is an original Lifetime mini-movie, Lifetime being like a romance channel as far as I can tell,

an original Lifetime mini-movie sponsored by KFC starring Mario Lopez as Colonel Sanders. The movie premiered on December 13, 2020. It tells the story of a young heiress who struggles to choose between a wealthy suitor chosen by her mother and the new house chef, Harlan Sanders. There we go. Wow. Tim, before you even watch this, what were your thoughts?

What were you thinking before we go through what happens? What were you expecting? Well, my first thought is that this was going to be a major movie, like, you know, like the founder was for McDonald's. I thought, oh, this is going to be a story of Harlan, you know, as a young man. And I thought, oh, that's interesting. That's going to be great.

Wow, I wonder how they've done that. Then I saw that some of the, you you know it didn't look like a proper production sort of movie and i thought oh this is like a biopic type yeah yeah it didn't look like lincoln by steven spielberg they've not gone for you know the ben her kind of vast sweeping approach and um they didn't cast daniel-Lewis as the Colonel. No. But if they'd got Daniel Day-Lewis for this, it would have been really quite amazing. It would have been quite a watch. But, you know, that was my first impression.

But I was moved. I was moved, man. Colonel Sanders has an amazing life. And if you read about him on Wikipedia, like he is a movie waiting to be made. But this is not a movie based in fact, in any way whatsoever, as far as I can tell. Let's go through the film scene by scene and talk about our reactions and feelings about it. Shall we? Can I just ask, before we begin, is there a Cannes Film Festival this year?

Like because of COVID? I don't know. I don't know. Because this is a shoe-in for the the palm duo This is really I think a masterpiece The golden drumstick Yes the golden drumstick Very good Opening shot we start in a mansion

It says Lifetime Presents in association With Kentucky Fried Chicken And we start with a dinner party In this posh house And we do start with some gratuitous shots of Kentucky fried chicken, Kentucky fried chicken on the table that's been passed around. And the opening line said by this posh guy at the table is, this chicken is delicious, Bunny. The chicken is delicious, Bunny. Oh, please.

We both know I can't cook like this. So you're thinking, oh, hang on. We're going to go some hardcore product placement here. But we don't see much more chicken after that. Disappointingly so, I'd have to say. In some ways, this is the high point of the film. Yeah. So we have this dinner party scene.

And Billy, who's this posh guy, rich guy proposes to jessica at the table jessica's our leading lady and jessica clearly doesn't really like him that much she kind of rolling her eyes at her friend across the table as if to say oh who's this guy and billy proposes and she says she feels she's been put on the spot and wants time to think about it and leaves the table. And that's the end of scene one. Yep. So the scene is set. And, you know, this is, you know, things are moving at quite a pace, obviously.

But we can tell a lot from this 30 seconds that, you know, the mum, Jessica's mum, Bunny, clearly likes Billy and wants this to happen. But Jessica's not sure. There are a couple of faults almost immediately. I mean, firstly, I just have to say, why are they talking? Why aren't they just eating the chicken? Like, that's the first flaw of this movie. Where are the chips? That's right.

Point number two, he's just eaten KFC, but he's managing to hold the ring. Like, how does that? Well, it would just make it so much more easy to slide onto her finger if you've got, like, greasy fingers. It's like, how is he managing to hold that thing? That's just crazy. So, you know, there's a couple of flaws, I'd have to say, already. But.

I like how chicken-oriented your view of the film is already. Anyway. I like how chicken oriented your view of the film is already. Anyway, scene two, it's breakfast the next morning and Bunny the mother is at the counter. And here's where we get the exposition because Jessica comes down to breakfast. Bunny the mother is upset that Jessica hasn't accepted the proposal. And she explains that she needs to marry Billy because they need his money. The father who is missing, I don't know if he's died or he's left,

but he's left them with this legacy of bad debt and they're going to lose their wonderful home soon if they don't get the money that comes with marrying Billy. So the scene here is set. But then, just as this is explained, in walks for the first time, the Colonel, Harlan Sanders, and his eyes lock with Jessica. They clearly fancy each other immediately. And it's explained by Bunny, the mother, that she's hired Harlan Sanders as this cook chef from a nearby posh restaurant. He's the cook at this great restaurant

and he's been brought in for a few weeks to work there. At this point, there's this kind of, you know, chemistry between Jessica and Harland. And then a mobile phone rings and it's Billy and Jessica doesn't want to take the phone call from Billy. So she dismisses the phone call. And that's pretty much the end of the scene. Tim, now there's a few things going on here. Tell me some of your thoughts. Well, I've got two things, really, that I have a problem with. There's the rather predictable plot that's being set up,

which is sort of a bit like the Titanic, you need to marry well, which is very much, you know, Jane Austen sort of theme. We need to marry well to get money and you're a bit reluctant, but you have to do it for the good of all of us because, you know, the money's gone. But that really, I'm willing to forgive that if this other fault hadn't been that. And this is breakfast the next day. Why aren't they eating leftover cold chicken for breakfast?

There's none. She's sitting there the morning after they've had kfc like like yeah you know it's and this is a major fault and i blame the props department for this why is why isn't there a bucket a stained bucket sitting in the middle of this table it's crazy you're right it is what was your reaction to the appearance of the colonel so this is maria lopez who we remember from the TV show Saved by the Bell. Yep. The appearance is comical. He's got this, like, sprayed grey hair, which doesn't suit his quite young and chiselled face.

He's wearing this super tight white short-sleeved T-shirt, putting on a total gun show with the guns there. Yeah. Super tight white short sleeve t-shirt putting on a total gun show with the guns there. He's got the weird beard, Colonel beard stuck on. That just looks, that's ridiculous. He's got the tight black trousers. He's looking like, he's looking really buff. I'm like really confused about what to think. Because, you know, the Colonel is such a father figure to us. And a figure of such comfort and deliciousness.

And now we've got sexy Colonel with the tight shirt. Like, what's going on? What do you think? Oh, I like seeing the Colonel young. That's a fresh point. I like that he's already got his brand worked out really young, like with his goatee. But that's it. We're seeing him young, but he's still got like the grey hair and the old man beard.

That's such a contradiction. I think. But I like that. I like to think he's gone. Because he's very white later in life. So, he must have gone grey early. I mean, this is quite a bit early, you'd have to say. But I don't mind it.

The only problem is, I mean, they've given him the white greyish hair and the moustache and the little goatee. Unfortunately, they forgot his eyebrows, which are still as black as night. And he's still got the weird little black tie thing on, though. Yeah, yeah. I think I like that. I like he had his image down pat early on. That works for me. All right.

The thing that I also find weird about this scene, though, and it's introduced early on, is the mobile phone, the modern mobile phone, which straightaway throws everything into disarray because, like, obviously when Colonel Sanders was young, there's no mobile phones. Yes. So this is set in the present day, but the colonel who died 40 years ago is young.

It's like so they've thrown it into modern days, but KFC hasn't been invented yet and i know i find all that a bit like at the timing so the the chronology suddenly puts me off i that and that's that's probably quite a scary thought isn't it thinking about a present day where kfc hasn't been invented yet that's some sort of dystopia. Oh, it's like Terminator 2 or something. You'd have to send someone back to invent KFC. That's right. Come with me if you want to die of heart disease.

Few problems there, but, you know, I'm into the story. That's one thing. I'm certainly into it. You're, yeah, okay. Scene three. Starts with the colonel taking delivery of some very healthy looking boxes of food outside the house yes and then jessica walks out and offers to take him for a tour of the property and like then there's a hard cut and by the time they've

reached the swimming pool which i assume is quite close to the house she's already spilled the beans about her whole life and how she doesn't like billy because he's egotistical and entitled and then she says i've been talking about myself way too much and then she says to tell me something about you and the first thing the colonel says is that he's got a secret recipe so neither of these two can keep a secret to save their lives and then amongst amongst all this indiscretion, Billy walks out. He's a real jerk. He's got a pink jumper tied around his shoulders, which I think we need to talk about at some point.

Yeah. And he's rude to Harland, tells him to beat it, Crouton. And then he has this angry exchange with Jessica in which he manhandles and threatens her. Jessica storms off, and having seen this man treat this woman like verging on violent, all that the colonel has to say is, don't call me crouton. End scene. Well, there's a couple of things about this scene.

Firstly, you've noted, that's right. The first thing they do is share their deepest secrets with one another. Oversharing is what my wife screamed at the TV at this point. Yeah. Yeah. But that's a sign maybe of true love. You know, that's good. If you can share your heart with someone within the first five seconds.

And maybe the colonel's a bit like, he's a bit like a priest. He just brings it out of you. You just confess everything. You know what that's good if you can share your heart with someone within the first five seconds. And maybe the colonel's a bit like, he's a bit like a priest. He just brings it out of you. You just confess everything. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, oh, this is a safe person to tell it to. Yeah. My main problem with this scene is that we see the colonel's side on. And I'd have to say that if this is the man that's invented Kentucky Fried Chicken, he certainly hasn't eaten very much of it because he's looking fantastic.

He is. He is. He's looking buff. All that oil has gone straight to his biceps. You know what? They should have called you in for this, Tim. They should have, like, got you into one of those green rooms and put those little white balls all over your body

and you could have modelled for them what an actual KFC eater looks like and how he moves and stuff like that. And they could have like done the whole Gollum thing. The average KFC eater is the human equivalent of an avocado. That's what they are. But less healthy. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. With just as much cholesterol and not a ball a ball inside so one thing about billy i'll say one thing for billy right he's obviously a prick right but he's he's he's doing something that the other characters have not managed to do so far and that is act like he's actually... Badly, but he's acting. He can act. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, that's true. I mean, he's pretty terrible too. Don't misinterpret what we're saying. But, like, he's not just, like, saying words that were written down. No, that's right. He's a few steps above Andy McDowell in Four Weddings and a Funeral. Let's just put it that way. All right.

Now, scene four is when things start getting complicated. So, Jessica has a phone call with her friend, her eye-rolling friend who was at the dinner, and she explains she doesn't know what to do about Billy in this proposal and that she's falling for the colonel who she spent all of 15 seconds with. Yeah. But she says, we have this connection. She says he has a secret recipe and it's going to change the world. And I believe him.

And then the funny thing is, like, she kind of says this all in quite a whiny way. Like she's saying, like, she's really complaining and whinging. She doesn't sound happy about the whole thing. And then the friend says, wow, I don't think I've ever heard you this happy. I don't think I've ever heard you this happy. I know, but what do I do? Which makes me think she must be a really unhappy person because she sounds miserable. Anyway, the friend says he has to go because he's going for a date in this country club. And then they hang up the call. And then Jessica sends a text to billy saying we need to

meet and then she puts her phone down on the bed and gets in the shower and her mum bunny has been secretly listening steals the phone from the bed and texts and says i'm going to come and meet you to billy and she goes and meets billy instead end of scene. Yes. Well, yeah, I have to say here, the mother's like about five years older than the daughter, which is problematic. That's number one. Do we learn the best friend's name? The friend's name? Yes. I believe it's Lee.

Lee is the best friend's name. Oh, Lee. Yes. Okay. I missed that. All right. We'll come back to Lee in a little while. We will, I'm sure we will.

Lee becomes a major player later in this 15-minute film. He does. Which is going by at an absolute cracking pace. They're certainly not wasting time on things like character development or... Most definitely not. Scene five now. The country club. Most definitely not Scene five now

The country club Bunny the mother walks in and sits with Billy at the bar And warns him that Jessica is falling in love with Harland And then we have a bombshell, a twist We learn that Bunny and Billy seem to be having some kind of illicit affair We all have our secrets, Billy You remember our long weekend in the vineyard? How could I forget?

And she says this affair will continue and they will continue having romantic times together as long as Billy takes care of things, the problem with Harlan, and marries Jessica. She also mentions that she's overheard that Harlan has a secret recipe. But Jessica's friend Lee is in the country club on his date and he sees Bunny sort of pouring and being affectionate with Billy.

So he sees what's going on and sends a text to Jessica. But, of course, Jessica hasn't got her phone. Her phone has been stolen. End of scene. Right. Okay. Couple of things here. First of all. Every scene you go, couple of scene. Right. Okay. Couple of things here. First of all.

Every scene you go, couple of things. Yeah. Well, there is. There is here. The problem is, see, Bunny, the whole point of this scene seems to be that the mum, Bunny, wants to provide an incentive for Billy marrying her daughter. But that doesn't need to be done. Like, he's already proposed to the daughter.

Like, why is she doing this? She's like... Yeah, but now Harlan's gotten in the way, so she needs to motivate Billy to take care of Harlan. Oh, so you think Billy's going to back off? She wants him to continue on the track. She wants him to get rid of Harlan so that Jessica will agree to marry Billy.

Harlan's a big distraction at the moment. Come on, man, pay attention. I know it's complicated, but... I'll let that pass. Sorry, this is like a Robert Altman film. I'm just having a hard time to keep up. The other thing is that Lee's witnessing of what's going on is based on what he sees, but I don't think there's enough physical evidence.

I think if he had overheard, that would have been far more incriminating. But he just says that, you know what I mean? He's only seeing what's going on. And I don't think that's quite enough, as we'll find out. You don't think that level of affection was high enough to look like they're having an affair? No. If I saw a future mother-in-law and a young man standing and talking at the bar like this, I would go, oh, they're having an intense conversation.

Okay. Well, not that intense. He laughs and stuff at one point, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Fair enough. You know what I mean? Fair enough.

It's not incriminating enough. Fair enough. All right. Scene six. Billy goes to the kitchen where the colonel works and he finds the secret recipe in Harlan's bag, which conveniently has the title secret recipe written on the top. Harlan then walks in and there's a confrontation between the colonel and between Billy. Billy offers the colonel a check to leave Jessica alone and skip town. $500,000, which is like quite a bomb to drop.

Here's $500,000 if you leave after like six or seven minutes. Billy also says he knows about the secret recipe and he lies and says that Jessica has accepted his proposal, which leaves Harlan looking surprised and disappointed. End of scene. Right. Couple of things. Right. Couple of things. Okay.

So can I admit to one thing? And that is that when he opened up the notebook and it said secret recipe. Yep. I did it too. I did it too. I screenshot it. Yep. Went back and forward, back and forward.

What the heck? No. There's no incriminating evidence there on the secret recipe. There's hardly any ingredients. It just says herbs and spices and a few numbers. Disappointing. But, yeah, I did the same thing. I thought, here's the Easter egg in this film.

This is what we want. In fact, it says chicken and then it says in brackets, whole question mark. It's like, imagine if they sold KFC whole, like a whole chook. That's way less skin. How ripped off would we be then? Free range, question mark. Crossed out.

And then he's just drawn a little piece of chicken down the bottom. Like, oh oh this is what we'll make it look like too much too little mono sodium glutamate question mark franchise into a billion dollar corporation question should we move on i still i still want to make well let's talk clothing for a second because you can tell this is a sort of a world where KFC doesn't yet exist. Just simply by the nice clothes they're wearing in all of these scenes, you know that none of them would be wearing any clothing like what they're wearing if they were sitting down to a genuine meal of KFC. They would be wiser than that. These sort of pastel colours, unwise, very unwise. You need to do what Tim does when he has KFC. They would be wiser than that. These sort of pastel colours, unwise, very unwise.

You need to do what Tim does when he has KFC. He puts on a rubber suit and goes into a kill room covered in plastic. It's the only way. All right. Scene seven. Lee, the friend, arrives at the mansion of the house. Bunny answers the door and he demands to see Jessica. But Bunny says Jessica has left to go and get a new phone.

Lee then says to Bunny what he knows. I saw what's going on. I saw you guys at the country club. He goes to go up the stairs to see Jessica, which is pointless because she's not in the house. Bunny whacks him over the head with a polo mallet and Lee falls down unconscious. End of scene. It's quite violent, this scene, isn't it, really? I mean, things get dark.

Not really. Really. They keep the violence pretty family friendly. I think Lee, I don't know why Lee showed his hand to Bunny like that. When he was told that he can't speak to Jessica, why would he then say to Bunny, I know what, he says, I know what I saw and I'm telling Jessica. Why tell Bunny that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true. That's a little bit of hubris and that invites nemesis, that's for sure. Yes, absolutely. We get to scene eight. Now we see Jessica sitting on a bench. She leaves a message for Lee, her friend, not knowing that he's unconscious.

She says, I've got a new phone now. The Colonel, Harlan Sanders, arrives looking unhappy. Jessica's baffled by this because she's so happy to see Harlan. Harlan then shows Jessica the check that Billy says, but says, I can't be bought off. He also admonishes Jessica, saying that the secret recipe was supposed to be between us. I don't actually recall Harlan saying that, by the way. He just said, I've got a secret recipe. And then Billy interrupted.

So he never actually explicitly said that. But anyway, Jessica then truthfully says, I didn't tell Billy about the secret recipe. Billy obviously found out because Bunny overheard it. But she overheard it because jessica did tell lee so she was breaking his confidence anyway yes but anyway yes this is this is by the by uh harlan then says look i know don't worry you know whatever i know you're getting married to billy i don't want to get in the way and jessica says that's not true i don't want billy i want you i want you harlan and then they have a great big romantic smooch.

That bunny is secretly watching from a doorway. She's saying that Jessica and Harlan are having this big kiss. End of scene. Right. A couple of things. Firstly, I notice that Harlan has the check. Like, he took the check. You know what I mean? Like, at the end of Cocktail,

right, when Tom Cruise, you know, is, you know, the father of the girl that he's, you know, wants to be with, is trying to pay him off. He gets the check and he tears it up and throws it back at the dad. In this scene, Harlan's like, I'm not taking this check. And then, like, walks out with the check. then neatly folds it and puts it in his pocket that's right he comes and sees the girl i'm thinking of not taking this check hang on don't drop it like he's thinking in his mind she has already accepted the proposal um so eddie's hold he's just he's kept that check and i think that's telling he's kept that well yeah if she confirms it uh then i'm just i'm i'm angry and

i want true love and i'll just pocket this check and walk away i have to point out as well the other thing the eyewear there's some pretty classy elaborate glasses in this film lee has some something he's stolen from elton john and i have to see colonel sanders himself is wearing some pretty beautiful sweet sort of 1950s glasses there's some well i defer to you on all eyewear critiques indeed indeed yep scene nine another breakfast scene jessica again speaks with bunny over breakfast where she lays out that she wants harland and doesn't want to be with billy but bunny drops another bombshell saying don't you know harlan left last night he left in a hurry this is a bit of a surprise jessica is shocked by this and goes to the kitchen. Harland is not there.

She then goes into the grounds of the house, presumably looking for Harland, and they don't keep us in suspense for long. As soon as she gets into the grounds, she hears muffled cries coming from a storeroom. She opens an ajar door that's not locked and finds Harland, the colonel, is in a chair and he's been bound and gagged then we see billy is there with a knife with harland's kitchen knife in a very threatening

way towards harland bunny walks in behind jessica walks into the room for a moment jessica things thinks this is salvation but of course it's not. Bunny immediately says, Lee has escaped. Which is a shock to Jessica. Lee's escaped? She doesn't even know what's happened to Lee. And then Bunny tells Billy to kill him already. Just kill him already! Mom!

This is a huge escalation in the stakes of this film. We now have Billy being told to knife Harlan Sanders while bound and gagged in a chair because Jessica has a crush on him. Billy, before doing the deed, starts to lecture Harlan and telling him, you know, he should have taken the money. This gives Harlan a chance to headbutt Billy. Billy staggers backwards after the headbutt

and this allows Lee, who we now learn has escaped and is hiding behind some shelves in the room to jump out from behind the shelves and as Billy runs towards Harland to finish him off Lee the friend now has the polo mallet himself and whacks Billy over the head, knocking him unconscious with the mallet. Bunny immediately reacts to this and runs towards Harlan to attack him herself. Jessica pushes her into some shelves nearby. This also knocks Bunny unconscious and saves Harlan. Jessica carefully removes the gaff tape that's over Harlan's beard and moustache and gives him a big kiss.

Couple of thoughts on that one, Tim? More than a couple this time. I have to say, first of all, let me take you back to the beginning of the scene, which is another breakfast scene. Yep. Still, it's only two days since they've eaten KFC, no leftover KFC.

I mean, that second, third day KFC breakfast is something to be treasured. I have to say. I don't know what's going on. Still no KFC. Actually, that's not recommended for health reasons. But then we move in and you've pointed out a few flaws along the way. The one I would like to point out is, so Harlan's actually sitting down tied to a chair with gaffer tape on over his fake mustache and goatee.

Billy's actually standing in front of him holding a knife. And yet, so Harlan headbutts him. I don't know if you've ever been sitting in a chair and headbutted someone who's standing over you But it's bloody hard It's also, here's another point If they're holding a knife, it's unwise Also, I mean it's not completely clear to me

When Harlan was abducted and taken to this room and tied up But it feels like it was a while ago Like maybe the night before Has Billy just been pacing around him with the knife, wondering what to do for hours and hours and waited for the moment that Jessica walked in? Oh, yes. Why was the door not locked or shut? Maybe he's only been in there for like five seconds.

And that's why the door was open. Like they just walked in and sat down. Maybe. Where had Lee been all this time? Where was Lee being held? And when he escaped from where he was being held, why did he find his way into that storeroom where Harland was being held? I'm not quite sure.

How would he have been held anywhere? Because Bunny knocked him out. He's a big guy, falls on the ground. There's no way she's dragging him somewhere. If there's one thing I learned from this film, that is that in this fictional world, it is very easy to become unconscious it is very yeah that's right excuse me hang on yeah the moment i saw the gaff tape over that fake beard and mustache i was so curious how they were going to deal with her ripping it off yes and they did film it in a very from a very certain

angle and it was clearly very loosely on when she took it off. Like, it was noticeable how this caused them a problem, ripping the tape off the fake moustache and beard, but they did get around it. So, what you're saying is the tape they've used to affix the moustache and goatee is stronger than the tape that's placed over the moustache and goatee to mask his mind. I think the gaff tape was just very loosely lying on top of the beard but uh i think anyway anyway the the screen dips to black and it says and we have one year later and we have a marriage scene with harlan the colonel now in his distinctive full white suit standing with j, obviously,

just finishing their vows, which are being administered by Lee, the friend, who obviously... Turns out, yeah, he's a celebrant. There we go. Yeah, who knew? Obviously keeping costs down a little bit there by having Lee officiate or just not wanting to confuse us with even more characters in this incredibly complex plot. And the colonel says something nice about the next chapter.

And yet again, they have a big smooch. Did you enjoy the wedding? It was a lovely wedding. I thought it was lovely. Yes. Speeches went on a bit long, but apart from that. Gee, this film goes by at a cracking pace. We then fade to black again. And now we're at like a wellness centre.

I think it's supposed to be like, you know, a home for the criminally insane, but it's more polite to call it a wellness centre in this day and age. And Bunny is sitting on a bench looking a little bit dazed and confused. Her hair's gone incredibly grey in just a year and she looks kind of, you know, unhappy like she's in the asylum. And then she has a visitor who is Billy, who in a year has also gone incredibly grey. And he sits beside Bunny on the bench and says, I found them, and then pulls out a chicken drumstick and takes a big bite of the KFC.

Yes. End movie. Less than 15 minutes. So much has happened. And they've set up a sequel. Yes. Oh, hang on a second. In what way is the sequel being set up?

Well, he says, I found them. Are they going to go and try and, you know, get retribution? Billy has tracked them down. He knows where they are. He's obviously been to some chicken outlet that they've started. I found them. So it says to me, we're going to exact our revenge. Because Bunny says, how did you go?

Have you found them or whatever? And he says, yeah, I found them. So they're obviously out for revenge. So the first time I watched this, I thought they were at the wedding sitting away. You know what I mean? Like we've seen them get married and these guys are sitting up the back angry. You looked away. You didn't see the establishing shot of the wellness center yeah so that's that's what's throwing me this could be another pterodactyls at the end of jurassic park

you're not you're not renowned for paying close attention at the end of movies the attention is waning that's why i thought the shawshank redemption was such a dull movie he just sort of ended up in jail and then it ended so oh i wish he'd escaped sit back with a piece of chicken i've found them and that's it i've found them red um no they are not at the wedding tim after attempting to kill them all no they're not at the wedding, Tim, after attempting to kill them all. No, they're not at the wedding. They weren't invited. They've done what often people do at a wedding,

that is slip off to get some KFC because it's taking so long for the mains to come around. The other thing I wondered is when he says, I found them, I wondered if he was referring to the chicken like I've found, but I guess, no, he's talking about them and that's his evidence. Oh, my God. You really struggle with these end scenes, don't you? You're so with it and then you just kind of complain.

Are we going to have to have this talk about the end of Seven again? About the bucket of KFC at the end of Seven. That chocolate cake that gets delivered. That's right. I have to say, him sitting on a park bench, though, with a piece of chicken, that's my favourite scene in the movie. Like, is there anything better in the world than sitting on a park bench with a piece of chicken?

That's great. So, by the way, we then have a one-minute 20 of credits and an incredible number of people worked on this film and i'm just gonna say it if i had worked on this film i would have quietly asked for my name to not be in the credits i want to know who's gene it says written and created by by gene i'm like i think that's like uh something to do with the company that made it it was made by a company because obviously this is like this sort of advertiser funded movie. It's in this weird middle ground between advertising and art.

They call it custom branded content production. So that's what Lifetime calls it. Custom branded content production. It's not equally in the middle of, you know, commercialism and art. Like it may be more up the commercialism end of the spectrum than the art end of the spectrum. Well, let's deal with the question that I still don't really know the answer to. And that is, what is this? Is this serious?

Is it romantic? Is it a joke? Is it a spoof? Is it an advert? I don't know what this is. I don't think Is it a joke? Is it a spoof? Is it an advert? I don't know what this is. I don't think it's a joke. My wife watched it and thought, oh, that's like a joke, isn't it? Like it's a big joke. I don't think it is a joke because it's not funny.

It's just, and I don't quite think, I don't think it's a spoof of the genre because I don't think Lifetime would want to be spoofed. And it wasn't quite funny enough to be a spoof either it wasn't quite satirical enough to be sort of sending up the romance genre I think it was just a really really bad short film with a little bit of product placement in it for KFC well a lot of no placement in it for KFC. Imagine making a film about Ronald McDonald and going, oh, there's a bit of product placement. But that's the thing, right?

If you made a film about Ronald McDonald and didn't show many hamburgers, it would feel less like an ad. And that's kind of what this was. There wasn't a lot of chicken and KFC in it compared to what I thought there would be. But there was a hell of a lot of Colonel Sanders in it. That's its major flaw, the lack of chicken, to be honest, from my point of view. I mean, I can put up with the acting. What do you think this film is? Tell me.

I don't know. I think it's honestly, I think it's a spoof. And it's like it's made to look at like an over the top joke melodrama in order to get watched and be backhanded marketing. That's what I think it is. To have guys like us talk about it for an hour. Yeah, that's right. It's not funny.

That's the thing. It's not funny because it's not like a slapstick and a really funny, or you'd have a big famous person come in, you know, like the Uber ads or something like that. But it's not like that. But also, like, you know, like the Scream movies, for example, like send up horror movies, don't they? Really well. But this isn't, I don't feel like this was sending up the romance genre quite enough. And why would Lifetime want to co-fund something that was just completely taking the piss out of their bread and butter?

Which is like, you know, romance movies. Maybe for enough money, they'd be willing to do it. Can I say it's only had 69,000 views, which is it's not exactly gone viral. And that's it. I point that out to say that KFC as like as a as a channel on YouTube has 438,000 subscribers. channel on YouTube has 438,000 subscribers. All these people that subscribe to like 350,000 people more subscribe to the KFC YouTube channel. They put up a film about KFC on YouTube and those three quarters of the people don't watch it.

So you've got to think that's not a massive success. Yeah. I mean, that's just the YouTube algorithm, man. That's my life. So I have some sympathy there. Right, okay. Yeah. I can't see how this is going to sell chicken.

Man, the chicken sells itself. How many stars are you giving it? Out of 10? What am I giving it out of 10? Give it out of 10. Out of 10. Out of 10, What am I giving it out of 10? Give it out of 10. Out of 10. Out of 10, I would give it... Hang on. There's got to be a few categories here.

For the subject matter, 10 out of 10. The acting, 1 out of 10. For costume design, for the colonel, I think that's about an 8 or a 9 out of 10. Oh, you're generous. Quite well done. No, that's the glasses primarily. think that's about an eight or a nine out of ten oh you're quite well done that no that's the glasses primarily don't worry about that but as an as an overall you know um film like if i was on the on on the palm door you know voting a judging panel at at the cans film festival um oh maybe it's a six i mean no i'm just kidding it's it's it's half a star um it would

have been funnier if it was if it had subtitles and was done in another language or something that would have given a little twist or something but and maybe it has been for other countries i don't know but look this is yeah what is our culture doing coughing up stuff like this? I mean, really. I mean, clearly I haven't watched anything worse than this for 10 years. You know what it reminded me of? Remember at school when you would have drama class? Yes.

And the drama teacher would put you into like groups of five and you had to quickly come up with a play and then put it on for the rest of the class? Yes, yes, yes. This is what this felt like. It felt like they were all put in a room for an hour and said okay after an hour we want you to act out a film about a 15 minute film about colonel sanders and they quickly got together and brainstormed said all right this is what we'll do this is what we'll do and just make up the lines as you go and do it perform it this is what

that's right it just felt like that bad here's, you know, we'll make it look slick, you know. Here's $100. Yeah, that's right. I mean, it was in focus. I'll give it that. It was like the camera people did their job properly. It's a bit like a Saturday Night Live sketch, except it's not, it's serious. It's not funny.

You know, like everyone looks kind of right but wrong, but, you know, acting and overacting. But it's not, its purposes are not comedy. Just getting back to that pink jumper over the shoulder of Billy. Yeah, Billy, yeah. Have you, are you, have you, you know, this is sort of tying in a little bit full circle around to our middle-aged podcast idea. Are you one to tie a jumper over the shoulder these days? No. one to tie a jumper over the shoulder these days no do you tie it around the waist do you still tie it around the waist or not really no i just can't get away with that stuff with my wife right

i'm sorry man she's like you know she i'm not a good dresser, but she'll only put up with so much. I know that if, you know, like I'm coming back from an event, you know, where you've had to carry something like the football or somewhere like that, you know, you've got a jumper, but it's too hot to put the jumper on. You sort of walk with it in your hand for a fair way. And then I have been known to throw it over my shoulders and then go,

no, this is not right. And then slip it down and tie it around my waist. It's like, ah, that's better. That's where it belongs. It's hard to know what to do with the unused jumper. I'll give you that. The problem with Billy, of course, is he seems to have chosen it as an item for the day.

He's wearing it, you know, as an accessory. He's made a very clever knot out of the sleeves and everything. Yeah, he's spent a good 10 minutes on it. That's right. It's probably attached to that shirt. It's a shirt jumper combo that you buy as one piece with the knot at the front. A recipe for seduction.

Okay, well, we await part two. The sequel, Billy and Bunny's Revenge. That's right. I hope there's more chicken in the sequel. That's what I hope. I hope they don't, you know, it's a bit like, like, I hope, you know, when there was Star Wars and they made Empire Strikes Back, there were twice as many space scenes because of their technology.

I hope there's at least twice as many chicken scenes in the sequel to Recipe for Seduction. Maybe Billy and Bunny's Revenge will be they're the founders of Red Rooster or something. Maybe. They sound like a rival chicken outlet. Maybe. Is Red Rooster's recipe secret?

I mean, they don't make a big song and dance about having a secret recipe, but one presumes they don't just make chicken like everyone else. I don't know. I don't know. I've never had Red Rooster in my life. Really? Hi, this is Damien, the guy mentioned at the very start of this episode. This is my voice.

It might not be the deepest, but it certainly gives Tim's sultry, spoon-of-the-week voice a run for its money.