The Unmade Podcast - 75: Strategic Vision 2030

Episode Date: March 2, 2021

Tim and Brady discuss a bell tower surprise, woodwind instruments, the 'Heinsight' strategic vision, a special spoon, Tim's failed police career, and spies - plus some other stuff. Hover - register your domain now and get 10% off by going to - https://www.hover.com/Unmade Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/unmadeFM Join the discussion of this episode on our subreddit - https://redd.it/lvzf5z USEFUL LINKS The famed 'Sofa Shop Reunion' episode - https://www.unmade.fm/episodes/special-sofa-shop-reunion Century Tower at the University of Florida - http://bit.ly/3kzB94Y Carillon - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Carillon Thanks Derek and Jake - here's a video of the performance - https://youtu.be/wt1X2EVw4DQ Sheet music of Derek's arrangement here as a Patreon bonus - https://www.patreon.com/posts/48187191 Check out many of our Sofa Shop Covers YouTube channel here - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRNeH_Kpl1ZgpeiNeJ-oiAQ Woodwind instruments - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Woodwind_instrument The Bassoon - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bassoon An article on corporate jargon - https://www.forbes.com/sites/groupthink/2012/01/26/the-most-annoying-pretentious-and-useless-business-jargon/?sh=10b0f6e62eea Pictures of Spoon of the Week - https://www.unmade.fm/spoon-of-the-week Victorian Police - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Victoria_Police Constabulatory - https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/constabulatory The Bureau TV series - http://bit.ly/3r604zF Unmade Podcast Merch - https://teespring.com/stores/the-unmade-podcast

Tim, I'm really excited about the start of today's show. Very excited. Oh, yes. Anticipation. You know I have been, because for days I've been telling you, I can't wait. I can't wait. Yeah, yeah. You're very good at keeping secrets, I have to say.

I'm not. I'm not that good. No, you're very good at telling me that you've got a secret that you're keeping, but then you're very good at keeping the secret. You wait till you find out a secret I've got for a couple of months' time, but that's a whole other story. Oh, no. Let me tell you about today's secret.

Yep, yep, yep. All right. People know we are obsessed with this advertising jingle, The Sofa Shop, from the 1980s in Adelaide. That stretched through right until only about a year ago. And everyone knows we have people doing covers of them and stuff like that here on the show. Yep. Now, on Christmas Day, we released an episode where we interviewed and went to the studio

with the original composer and also the singer of The Sofa Shop, Quentin Ayres and Carmen Scalzi. Man, I know all this. Why are you telling me this? Come on, get to the answer. I was there, man. Seriously, I wouldn't be surprised if you'd forgotten. I'm always amazed at how you forget things that have happened on the show. You probably forget we went to the studio. Anyway. No, I remember. Keep going. Sorry, this is for new listeners. Yes, go ahead. This is for new listeners or forgetful listeners. So anyway, in that episode, there was a throwaway comment

that was made towards the end of the show. And I want to get out the harps of memory and strum the harps of memory and let people listen to this exchange. Here's what was said. Big Ben has Big Ben Strikes Midnight. You could change the song that the bell makes.

Can someone please send us a cover of the sofa shop done with giant bells? We haven't got one of those yet. With Big Ben bells. Bong, bong, bong. Bong, bong, bong. Bong, bong, bong. What if I played that every on the air?

That's, oh, jeez. And do you know what it should be? It should be, you know, bong, bong,

bong, bong, bong, bong. And then when Quentin does his little, what did you call it? Little lead fill, that could be with a little tingy bell.

Little, little, little, little, little, little, little, little,

little, little, little. Yeah. All right, Tim, here we go. The moment has arrived. Spoiler alert, we're not going to hear the sofa shop played on Big Ben.

Oh, but here is an email I received. Hi, Brady. Hi, Brady. On the 19th of February at 5 p.m., the sofa shop was performed in Century Tower on the University of Florida campus in Gainesville, Florida. That's a great way to start an email, by the way, Derek. He's told me what I need to know, so I'll keep reading. The email continues. My name is Derek Nirenberg, and I'm a choral conducting graduate student at the University of Florida, although my primary instrument is saxophone. I arranged this version of the sofa shop for carillon, the system of playable bells within the tower,

which was performed by my friend Jake Hutchinson, an oboist who is learning to play carillon. He's not a listener of the podcast, but is incredibly helpful and was willing to perform my arrangement. Please note the twinkling of the high bells in that guitar section as requested. Right, right. Tim, here comes your video.

Here it is, Century Tower, Carillon Bells. That is awesome. That is really something. Oh, that's great. Oh, that is incredible. Magnificent. Magnificent. It's the little dignified pauses in between each, you know, sort of line that gives it that lovely statesman-like beauty. A little bit of information about the Century Tower for those who don't know and haven't seen the video.

This is 157 feet tall. That's nearly 50 meters. Yeah. The carillon, excuse my pronunciation. I've seen various ways to pronounce carillon. I'm just going with that. It has 61 bells and ranges a span of five octaves. The carillon is played using 61 keys or batons for the hands and 25 pedals for the feet.

The musician sits in a small room just below the bell chamber. The entire carillon weighs nearly 58,000 pounds. That's 26,000 kilograms. The smallest bell in the tower carillon plays a high C and that weighs a meag,000 kilograms. The smallest bell in the tower, Carillon, plays a high C, and that weighs a meagre 6 kilograms and has a diameter of about 6 inches. But the largest bell plays a low A sharp, and that is 5 feet tall and weighs about 7,000 pounds. That's 3,200 kilograms.

And that is 5 feet and nine inches in diameter. So, you know, a person wide. A sofa wide. Indeed, indeed, a sofa wide. Wow, that's really something. I wonder how he came to do it. What's his role there? Does he have to manoeuvre or bribe someone or was he rostered on for that day? I figured out a bit more about what's going on. Basically, the tower does chime every hour, but they also, I think, have a couple of performances a day for people who know how to play it or are learning to play it. So, obviously, Jake, the oboist who's learning to play carillon, you know, had a shift. He got one of the sessions where he could play a few bits of music. And Derek, his mate, our civilian, said, oh, will you play this one for me?

And Jake agreed. And it turns out that Derek, our friend, did kind of write the music for the carillon, you know, like adapted the music. What does he say? He arranged it. He arranged the music for the carillon, you know, like adapted the music. What does he say? He arranged it. He arranged the music for the carillon. And I have got a copy of that arrangement. Maybe I'll make that the Patreon bonus material today if you want to go and have a look at it.

But he also played our podcast to Jake. And Jake heard that reference to how I said I wanted the little, what do you call it? The lead fill, that little guitar bit. I wanted that to be played on some little tingly bells in between. And that wasn't written into the arrangement. That was Jake freestyling just for us when he got to that bit. That was his little, you know, little bit he added just for us. Thanks, Jake. I mean, that's just magnificent, isn't it?

I mean, what's left? What's left? Every time I think we've peaked. That's impressive. That's absolutely beautiful. I imagine they'll be playing that most days from now on. The vice-chancellor, the president of the university, looks up from his coffee and goes,

well, that's our new theme tune. That's marvellous. That's the university song. Can I just say that Jake the Oboist is one of the coolest names I've ever heard? I'd love to have a friend called Jake the Oboist, just so I could introduce him to people. Any Oboist. I mean, there are too few Oboists in my life.

That's right. I do know one Oboist, but they are a younger person, so I won't say their name. But the Oboist is just fantastic. How old does someone have to be before you'll say their name but the oboist is um it's it's just a fantastic how old does someone have to be before you'll say their name tim on the podcast with their parents permission i think is probably the way it goes yes very good very good safeguarding so just one last thing. I mean, are you thinking what I'm thinking? Uh. Okay, I see. No. No. Well, close, actually.

I'm thinking colonel ships here. Oh, wow. That's, yeah, well, okay. Yep, with one, not even a growing body of work, with one big, giant performance straight to the top. I think sometimes colonelships can just be one great moment. Like when someone is knighted for one single great achievement. Yeah. Like Bob Geldof with the Live Aid concert.

And, you know, it wasn't a lifetime of philanthropy. It was one day, one concert, bang, knighted. Oh, I think of it more like a Victoria Cross, one moment of, you know, one incredible moment in the heat of the moment, like, you know, a moment of bravery. Of bravery. A moment of bravery or playing bells in a tower. Yeah, that's right.

Well, I'm happy to go along with your nomination. I concur. I think this goes go along with your nomination. I concur. I think this goes above and beyond. Yeah. So congratulations. Are we bestowing it upon both Derek and Jake, the oboist? I think we have to, really.

I think we have to. Yeah. Jake would have made Colonel Staters just on his name. He just had to email him. Hi, I'm Jake the Oboist. The thing about Jake is he doesn't even listen to the podcast. No, no, I know. And he's Colonel.

Well, hopefully he will from now on. Maybe that's how we can get more listeners. We start bestowing colonelships left, right and centre. I mean, just to Oboists. We could get Ooists everywhere i wonder if we have more listeners than there are oboists in the world wow that's interesting are there more than 10 oboists in the world i don't know anyway to find out or it would be wonderful to track all the Oboists and to, do you know what I mean?

And to give them something from the Unmade podcast so that we can say that every Oboist on earth is at least heard or listened maybe with curiosity to the Unmade podcast. That would be. Maybe we've just got to get into the Oboist like subreddit and just start like really, you know, pumping out the links. I do love the oboe it's a gosh it's beautiful but uh underappreciated it'd be in my top it'd be in my top 10 woodwind instruments would it is it a woodwind instrument i don't even know yes right because it has a reed okay good That joke landed then. What's up the top, man?

My favourite woodwind? Oh, look. I don't know. There's just so many to choose from. Derek's a saxophonist, so is it the saxophone? I don't know. I think the saxophone's a bit mainstream for me. I like my more niche ones.

I like my niche woodwind. Hang on. Let me just Google woodwind instruments. Google. Mine literally is the clarinet. I was just thinking. Clarinet? The clarinet's all right.

Oh, I love the clarinet. Oh, yes. The bagpipes are a woodwind instrument. Oh, there you go. Yeah, of course. Hmm. I do prefer double reed to single reed instruments myself. Gosh, you can read quickly.

I mean, it's hard to go past the bassoon. The bassoon. Yeah, yeah. But, you know, I don't want to. Anyway. Now I come to think of it, I think the oboist that I alluded to earlier may actually be a bassoonist. Which is even more fun to say. Jake the bassoonist. Brady the bassoonist.

Oh, that's awesome. That's nice. I can't believe I didn't get that as my Twitter handle. Yeah. At least that's our hover I'd taken care of. All right. Now, as we transition away from this segment, let's have Jake, the oboist, arranged by Derek Nirenberg, play us out on the University of Florida Century Tower, Carolyn Bells. Nice to bring a bit of class onto the podcast every now and then, isn't it? It is.

To sit at high table. It is. It is. All right. An idea for a podcast. Oh, yes, that's right. I've got one. I want to run by you.

Oh, yeah. As is so often the case, this idea has been brought about by my text conversations during the week with you because you're the only person I have text conversations with. I wouldn't wonder that. Do you text with other people like you text with me? But you don't wonder that. Do you text with other people like you text with me? But you don't. No. Oh, man, I'm a one text guy kind of guy. I know you do because you sent me some jokey picture the other day and said, oh, sorry, that was meant for someone else. And I'm like, oh, what? You make jokes with other people. That's right.

It was I accidentally said to Brad instead of I was intended for Brad and I sent it to Brady because surprise, surprise, you were at the top of my text list so it automatically went. I was devastated by that text, Tim. That was the text equivalent of lipstick on your collar. Busted. It has been a long time since I have otherwise text Brad. So, Brady is the go-to guest text on my phone, that's for sure. All right. It has been a long time since I have otherwise text Brad. So, Brady is the go-to guest text on my phone, that's for sure.

All right. Well, anyway. I promise, man. I promise. It meant nothing. Take me back. It meant nothing. It was just one joke.

That's right. Anyway, one of the things that we've been texting about lately is in your more serious professional capacity as the minister of a church, you have in recent times, along with other people at the church, I believe, been putting together like a sort of a strategic plan. Is that the name for it? What would you call it? Yes, it is. A strategic plan. Yeah. I've been referring to it as a strategic vision.

Right. You know, we can go into this and clarify a little bit more as we go. That's even better. That's even better. So, and obviously, you know, this is something that you've been working on for a while, and you occasionally would send me a document just for my input and sort of say, you know, do you think this is too much jargon and what do you think of this and that? It was very interesting, and I know you've recently launched it and congratulations to you and everyone involved. And I hope it goes really well.

It's all very interesting and an important thing for any organisation. So now, obviously, when one is- I can hear a, however. Obviously, when one is putting something like this together in any capacity, there's a fine line to be walked between doing the right thing, getting it all right and doing the best for your organisation and falling into the sort of black hole of corporate speak and jargon and ridiculousness. And it's a risky thing, obviously. I don't know. It was something you were concerned about, which is probably why you were occasionally texting me about it and getting some input.

Absolutely, yes. So my idea for a sort of a podcast or what I'm going to talk about now just totally steps over that line and goes all the way into corporate silliness. My idea is called Hindsight 2030, a strategic vision for the unmade podcast for those who don't know that tim's surname is high and that's a little joke i've made there as well hindsight 2030 hindsight 2030 a strategic vision for the unmade podcast the idea being that

over a number of weeks and months maybe we should be thrashing out ideas and a vision for where we want to take the podcast you know in the next 10 years or so. I've written a bit of a statement here, Tim, to help get us on the right path and know what we're trying to do. So I thought maybe I could read that to you, if I may. Well, that's jumping ahead of the process, really, man. We should stop by, you know, just fleshing out, putting some general ideas, blue skying. That's what this is for.

This is just to set the tone before we get into that. Oh, okay. This is just to get the ball rolling. This isn't like, you know, nothing. Nothing's decided until we've done a full consultation, obviously. Well, let me get out some butcher's paper and lay it out on the table, some coloured pencils. Post-it notes on a whiteboard, butcher's paper's number file.

Here we go. All right. In these unprecedented and challenging times, the podcast ecosystem is evolving in ways never thought possible. It is important we align our vision with the needs of stakeholders and deep dive into synergies which will deliver a greater return on their listening investment. Yep.

While continuing to utilise our core competencies and seeking holistic outcomes, we should pivot to sustainable spoon solutions, unpack next generation sofa shop covers, and output cutting edge content creation that moves the needle in meaningful ways. As a collective, we must lean into the analytics and big data, thus continuing an unmade podcast narrative that delivers an impactful journey while always maintaining bandwidth that allows us to circle back and leverage other disruptive opportunities within our hyper-local wheelhouse. forward, our digital transformation should break down silos and deliver a paradigm shift in the world of podcast curation and audio micro-influencing, while never undervaluing the human capital and audience dialogue that'll make us a catalyst for change. Well, that is word perfect. That's it. That's done. Done. I've never said this before, but the process is not required. That is it. That's done. Done. I've never said this before, but the process is not required.

That is the process. All right. Okay, here are a list of words that I particularly loved as you said that. I was just writing them down. Firstly. Oh, I hope it's a long list because I use loads. There is. There's a lot.

I just thought I'll remember that one because that's a good one. But then I ended up, I've got about 80. So stakeholder. I love that. Yeah, stakeholders, definitely. And so forth. Pivot, I love the idea. Pivot's such a fantastic, we're going to do something different. We're going to pivot in this direction.

Outcomes, which is probably the most banal word in the history of the English language. Every episode is an outcome. There's a narrative and journey. They go together like, ooh, yes. Yeah. Yes. Is that all you got? No, no.

Keep going. I'm still going here, man. Okay. Unpacking the options, that is. Disruption. So that's a bit more of a recent one, isn't it? This sort of disruptive industry. Yep yeah yep um uh silos breaking down silos which is i don't know if that's so much a strategic planning as a sort of a you know a middle management one oh look all

these departments are working in silos here and look i think there's catalyst that's a that's a an obvious one i mean that, that almost, you know, you put that on the board before you begin the process. But the big, I think the granddaddy of them all is paradigm shift. Well, it sounds even better when you say it like that. Because it feels, the wonderful thing about paradigm shift is you feel like something's happened just by saying it. It's like, oh, we're in a new paradigm. Because you can't measure a paradigm. It's just by saying, I think we need to have a paradigm shift.

And you're like, I agree. Wow. There we are. We're in it. We're in a new paradigm just by saying it. I mean, I did try to make every single word possible. A buzzword. What have I got?

Well done. I went for the unprecedented and challenging times, obviously, because you used to say that. Yes, yes. And I obviously went for ecosystem, align our vision, deep dive, return on investment. Oh, yeah, yeah. Core competencies.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Holistic, sustainable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What else have we got? Moving the needle. Big data. Bandwidth. Circle back.

Leverage. Hyper local. Wheelhouse. Digital transformation. I like that. Digital transformation. I didn't get interfacing, I'm sorry, but I did get curation and micro-influencing, human capital. Human capital, yeah, definitely.

Yeah, yeah. So anyway, as we move forward, which is another one, going forward. Move forward. Yeah. As we go forward with this podcast idea, can you bring any, like, you know, ideas to the table? Because, you know, having just gone through this process, any do's or don'ts that you learn as you actually shepherded a real world version of this shepherded a real world real world shepherded a real world version i love that i didn't even mean that i've just gone into that mode my brain's just clicked

shepherded a real world version through to completion through execution that's right yeah that's gold well you know i actually did a bit of consulting with a company years ago with like non-profits with with strategic planning and i learned a heck of a lot and this is one of those things where you learn two things one is it's, it is actually vitally important, right? Cause it's, it's about corralling. Well, there you go. There's another word, our energies, like you've got a plan and you've got to focus and you can't just do everything. So you do need to think through this stuff, but it's so easy for it to fall into this kind of language. I have to say that even as I'm checking, you know, this through with you to sort of say, does this sound like it's too internal language or do you understand?

You know what I mean? All that kind of stuff. It's a great relief for your mocking texts to come back from time to time. It's like a cold shower. It's like, oh, yes, of course. You just need to say what's in the can. Do you ever actually change the stuff though? Well, no.

I just feel a bit better about it. It's just good to have a laugh. That's right. That's right. If you were to take the consultancy further and make it like a real business for yourself, would you call it hindsight? Hindsight. It was once suggested to me that my blog site should be called Hindsight,

with a S-I-T-E, you see. Website. Blog site. But I think I own that space. Oh, in this space. Space. That's another one. Oh, yes.

And I tell you what, in part of one world I'm from, that's used all the time and it does drive me up the world. Instead of saying, on this particular topic, they say, oh, that's a really important contribution in this space and it drives me up the wall. Did you consider renaming your church the God Space? God Space. No, because the whole cosmos is God Space, man.

Yes, indeed. I couldn't specify. Indeed. Can I say as well, I was thinking about the fact that we finally got to 2020 and how, like how, like it was just such a dream for consultants over the last five or six years working with companies saying, okay, 2020 vision. You know what I mean? It's just been, you know, like candy to a child being able to say, okay, what's our 2020 vision? And it just sounds so clear and crystal and rounded and perfect. It's almost like it sounds like success and vision just by even saying it.

And what a great year it turned out to be. Yeah, I know. Has there been a greater anticlimax in history? Not one of the consultants would have said, well, 2020 vision. Everyone will be stuck at home. It's like the millennium bug hit 20 years too late. It did. That's right.

That's right. That's right. Yeah. So you've got, I mean, just saying 2030, wow, that's the sort of vision that you're bringing. Yeah. You're looking, that's over multiple horizons, man. It'd be a great podcast, though, wouldn't it?

Like each week just like breaking down what we want to do, like, you know, what's – you know, I'd love it. I'd love to do it. Well, there are several components of it, okay? So, number one, there's like values, like core values. Values. Oh, values. I forgot values.

So that's an important one. And I wonder if civilians would like to contribute. What are, and you can't have too many, you've got to have three or four or maybe five at a stretch core values of the Unmade podcast. Well, that's easy. Sofa shop jingles. Getting towards 2030. No, no, no, there can't be.

Man, man, you. There can't be. Man, man, you've jumped into content. You've got to pull back out of that pragmatic content and think values. Underlying values. Undergirds. All right. Well, how about love of advertising jingles? That's a value. Yes, yes.

That is. That is. But do we want to stay with one jingle or do we want to diversify? Like are we going to move into other jingles? Are we going to diversify going forward? Yeah, because we need to future-proof. Future-proof. Oh, God, yes, absolutely.

The second thing you've got, like what's your purpose mission? Like what are we trying to do here, man? Now, you might say make a podcast and i'd say good answer whatever i like it's episode 75 i think that's the first time we've ever asked that question what are we what are we we've got we've got adelaide advertising jingles being played on bell towers in florida and we've still never asked what we're trying to accomplish. Can I say, that was what I was set out to do. That's right from the start.

I'm not going to be happy until they're playing jingles in Florida. I want to see a picture of Tim standing in front of that tower with a big banner saying mission accomplished across it. Mission accomplished. Well, see here, this is where you start. You take that achievement and then you project it out to 2030 and you say, okay, see here, this is where you start. You take that achievement and then you project it out to 2030 and you say, okay, by 2030, Big Ben. Oh, no, Big Ben you can't really, can you? Because Big Ben's the one big bell.

But do they have – although it must play – Tim, there is no can't with the Unmade Podcast. Okay. Right. Well, man, again, you're bringing the vision. There are no bad ideas at this table, all right? I want to hear everything. This is an accepting space.

By 2030, I want to hear the sofa shop jingle played on Bing Ben. All right. Wow. That's it. That is the kind of vision I got you in for. I can tell you're well into this. This is your wheelhouse. Oh, it is my wheelhouse.

I'm not sure what a wheelhouse is, but it's, I mean. You're already organising it, breaking it down. We've got to do this. So values is part one. Mission statement, like what? Like mission objectives. What's our purpose? Purpose.

What's our purpose? Yeah, yeah. And then what's the third thing? And then third part is kind of like, objectives. What's our purpose? Purpose. What's our purpose? Yeah, yeah. And then what's the third thing? And then third part is kind of like the vision. What do we see? So this is what I've just said. In 2030, we see, you know, this. And that can be about the podcast itself.

You know, we see us actually having 20 listeners rather than 10. Right. Or it could be we want to see the world changed in a particular way because of the podcast. Okay. Right? So we want to see KFC sales up 40% as a result. You know what I mean?

Like it's a net effect. So it's actually like measurables. Oh, yes, measurables. Yeah. Oh, you said that. Oh, I think Tim just weed himself with excitement then. You and I, we're so good at this. We could, maybe we could license us.

We could be consult with other podcasts. Oh, yeah. And see, I reckon there's other podcasts. They don't have a 2030 vision and they need one. We could just pay each other to consult each other. This is like a, it's a virtuous circle. I'll say, girls, I'm bringing in someone to introduce some new ideas. Who is it?

Brady. All right. We whiteboard some ideas, get them up there on the table, and then say, well, this week, kids, I'm off to consult with another person about that. Who's this? Brady. Don't fly over.

I'm in. All right. There you go. Hindsight 2030, a strategic vision for the Unmade podcast. Coming soon. Look, I think it's great. On Twitter and Reddit, I'd like to hear people, what would be a sort of like a purpose or vision statement for the Unmade podcast? How would you put it?

As pithy as possible and as eloquent and as inspiring as possible. Alright, yeah. Do it. Get in touch. Good idea. Links in the notes. This episode has been brought to you by Hover, the domain name registrar that we know, that we love, that we use for registering domain names. Go to this website, hover.com slash unmade. Easy to use.

Search for the domain you want with the suffix you want, you know, your.ninja, your.com, your.net, your.org, whatever you want. See what's available, register it, control it, use it. Usually domain registrars are so confusing and so hard to use. Hover is brilliant and it is the place where I register and curate and control my domain names. Dot bassoonist? I don't think they've got dot bassoon, surely. I don't think. Not that.

If it existed, Hover would have it. I just don't think it exists. What were we going to go for? Was it Brady bassoonist or? Brady the bassoonist. Brady the bassoonist. I wonder if it's available. I'm guessing it is.

Let's have a look. Looking good so far. Yes, bradythepursunist.com is available. Wow. And they've actually got a.com sale at the moment. So if I was registering it right now, $12.99. And you can also get, what percentage do you get off if you use our thing, hover.com slash unmade?

I can't remember. Isn't it 10%, 20%? 10%. 10%. Not Tim's generous 20%. 10% is still pretty good. Tim's just, have it for free, says Tim. No, it's 10%, but 10% is still amazing,

and the prices are already incredibly low. For example, I could get bradythepursunist.online for $4.99. There we go. What a bargain. What else you got? bradythepursunist.studio. Let's have a look at some of the more music-y ones. bradythepursunist.band.dance.

What other dots can you get? Where's music? I always forget about the extra suffixes because i mean dot com or dot edu which is you know the education they're the only ones that i or dot org they're the sort of primary colors that i know about i always forget there are all these others what about brady the bassoonist dot audio or brady the bassoonist dot fm if i was going to start a bassoon playing podcast wow that that that is visionary yeah brady theassoonist.fm if I was going to start a bassoon playing podcast. Wow, that is visionary. Yeah.

BradyTheBassoonist.expert.guru. TheBassoonist.guru. That's another part of the strategic planning consulting is they have a really like a cool sort of one word name. And I think TheBassoonist is a good one. It's like, hey, who are we getting in to consult on this strategic plan? TheBassoonist. Oh, BradyThe the bassoonist is a good one it's like hey who are we getting in to consult on this strategic plan the bassoonist oh brady the bassoonist bassoonist i have this thing as well when i'm when i'm running like consulting meetings around the table only the person holding talk. Tim, please, please.

Jane is holding the bassoon right now. Let's hear what she has to say. It's like, could we do this with a pen or a talking stick? No. It must be a bassoon. It's a great big bassoon. Anyway, people, as I said, hover.com slash unmade, 10% off. Check them out.

You should be registering domains to, you know, take control of your internet presence and the things you're doing. And these guys are great. And they're also great supporters of the show. So thank you very much. Thank you, Hover. Good stuff. Is it now time? Is it spoon of the week yet?

Oh, look at you, like a child on Christmas morning. Yes, it is time. Yes. Tim has ventured into the family archives once again and found a souvenir spoon from his mum and dad's collection in a little segment that we like to call... Hang on, let me get the piano ready. Clear my throat.

A little section that we like to call... Spoon of the Week. Well, Brady, I've got a spoon this morning that I think is carrying quite a bit more authority than many of the other spoons that I've had on Spoon of the Week previously. Yeah. This spoon is a, and I didn't know they did these really, but it is a souvenir spoon from the constabulary. That is Victoria Police. Isn't it constabulary? Constabulary.

Is it? Is it? I thought it was constabulary. Oh, okay. I've just added an extra couple of continents in there. That's not written on this. You've added extra continents. You're going big, man.

You're going big time today. You've also completely forgotten how to speak. The power of the spoon's taken away Tim's ability to say words. When I go into my Spoon of the Week lower register, I have to focus very hard. And I sometimes forget some basic skills like how to speak. Your job, a minister and a lecturer, all you have to do is speak. You had one job.

And a podcaster. You're a minister, a lecturer and a podcaster. You're a minister, a lecturer and a podcaster. All right. All right. All right. I would like you to join me in putting on some sort of constable-like voice for this particular Spoon of the Week. Hello, hello, hello.

Hello. That's right. That's nice. Big bushy moustache I can hear. Almost see you with. This is for the Victoria Police Force. Now, Victoria is a state of Australia, and it has a police force. Yes.

For those civilians listening overseas. And the Victorian Police force is its name and it has, I think, of all the police forces in Australia, you know, the different states have their different forces. I think this has the coolest logo and basically this spoon is that logo. It's a very simple spoon the scoopy bit's very basic, although a little bit pointed. It would be quite pointy in that it would be handy, you know, when you're pushing a spoon into a piece of cake and it's got like a bit

of a hard icing on it and you sort of just need to tap in a little bit harder, then this would be an ideal spoon for like for a vanilla slice, for instance, or something like that. Or for apprehending a robber. Indeed. That's right. But when you, the business end is up, is up the top. The handle.

The handle, indeed. And that's where it's got a very official looking badge, really. And I tell you, it's so official looking that I'm tempted to start carrying it around the spoon in my wallet. And just flashing it. Just knocking on people's doors. Hey, you got any ID? Just pull out the spoon. Come on then.

Come in, officer. I'm sorry. How can I help? Or just going up to crowds of people and just showing it and going, all right, nothing to see here. Move along now. Or like when you've done something wrong and you're like, you know, you get called into the boss's office.

The boss says, I'm sorry, Tim, I'm going to have to take your gun and your spoon. Just throw it on the desk. Just throw it on the desk. So, Tim, why do your parents have a spoon that seems to be commemorating the Victorian police force? Look, I've got a few theories. I actually text mum about this, but I haven't heard back from her. But I think it's because there's a couple of connections with the Victorian police force. Firstly, mum's lived for a while very close by to where the academy is for joining the police force and where they train in Melbourne, in Victoria.

And she always made a big deal of that. Like, oh, we live right near the police academy. You know, like it was a really interesting fact. It's out near sort of Mount Waverley in the suburbs of Victoria. Those of you listening in England, this is very close to where Neighbours is sort of filmed and set out that way. Just a little bit of extra sort of context for our non-Australian listeners. Australia has six states and two territories.

And Adelaide, where Tim lives and where we both lived for many years, is in South Australia. But Tim was actually born in another state called Victoria and has lived in Victoria for many years at different times. So that's kind of Tim's... Do you call that your second state or your first state? I don't know. But it adjoins South Australia, but it's still a bit of a distance to drive from Melbourne. The city of Melbourne is in Victoria as well, by the way. Yeah, that's kind of my first state. That's where I was a kid and where I was born and stuff.

Do you consider yourself Victorian or South Australian? I probably still consider myself Victorian. Ooh. Ooh. Although I, yeah. Ooh. Wow. I don't know what to think about that. I guess because you connect it to where you were young, you know, as a kid.

But I think I've probably tipped just over to living longer in South Australia now, actually. So maybe that will change. Interesting, interesting. But carrying this in my wallet is not going to help that because the base of my authority comes. Look, it's a five-pointed star and it's got a beautiful sort of, you know, wreath and then it's got the crown on top,

the crown being obviously the basis of authority in us as a Commonwealth country. So, look, I love it. I also- It's classy. It's a classy spoon. It is. It is a classy spoon, yeah.

Do you know, I once, and civilians may not know this, I was very close to joining the police force. Yes. Both in South Australia and Victoria. In fact, I got closer, much, much closer in South Australia. When I was young, I wanted to do something for a while before I became a minister. I always kind of knew I wanted to be like a church minister,

a Christian minister, but I kind of wanted to do something else for a while first. So I applied for the police force in South Australia and I got in and I was accepted. And I had, it was a really interesting process. You meet with a psychologist and you do like tests and you've got to do like a physical test, which is really funny, like running back and forward, which was hard work. And then an obstacle course, which was the most fun part of the whole lot. And you're jumping, you know, over a sandpit and climbing a wall and pulling, you know, like a heavy mannequin across a line and then picking up a pretend gun and going click, click, click at the end.

It was just like in the Police Academy movies. It was really a lot of fun. And I passed and I got in. And I even got like a TB shot, you know, like an injection and all that sort of stuff. And then the government brought in a financial freeze. They stopped taking, for funding reasons, other reasons, anyone into the academy. I remember, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So, I got a letter saying, you know, well done, you're in. Basically, find something to do until the government changes its funding arrangements. So, I was at uni and just kept studying for a while. Then I went and worked at sort of Foodland and just saw bands and relaxed and hung out with you and just sort of was like, oh, my life felt like it was on hold. You were undercover, like, basically. Basically, that's right. In your mind. It's like 21 Jump Street. That's right. In your mind. It's like 21 Jump Street. That's right.

It was like this guy's young and cool and hip like Johnny Depp. That's right. Yeah. So I was working undercover, stocking the shelves at Foodland Supermarket. Unpaid undercover work. That's right. Unpaid, unauthorised, unknown undercover work. Unauthorised.

That's right. You were just gathering intelligence on the eating habits of Brady Haran. That's right. That's right. They'd get me busy, I tell you. Yeah. And anyway, so then I got a letter saying, look, it's been 12 months. Still, we're not taking any new police cadets in,

but we need to check your fitness because it's been like a year. And I was like, oh, okay. I'm suddenly feeling guilty here. And I'm like, I've been swimming and living life and, you know, walking around, you know, concert venues. Like what could I possibly have? So I went back to do all the same tests again. There was no problem with the obstacle course because that was just good fun.

But the shuttle run where you've got to run back and forward with like a beep test and it gets faster and faster the tireder you get. And having passed it last time, I bombed out halfway this time. And I was like coughing and splattering and went off. And the guy just looked at me and said, no, sorry. and that that was it like that was the end of my police journey and i was like oh so i got another letter saying yes unfortunately you've not made it like it's not like okay get fit or we'll train you or it was just like totally just a guy with a clipboard in shorts with his socks pulled up just goes nope, you know, unlucky.

Tried hard. That's what he said. Tried hard. Stroke of the pen, I was out. And gosh. Were you upset? Like, did you cry? I didn't cry, no.

I just remember feeling so deflated. Like, oh, wow, this is like, oh, that suddenly slammed that door shut, hasn't it? Like, it was so weird. Who would have thought a year of McDonald's with Brady would – you'd have to pay such a price. That's right. A year watching – go to the movies and – yeah, I know. So, anyway, so here's where the Victoria Police Force came in. I thought I'll apply to Victoria.

So – and it turns out they're very competitive. So, they were like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you should come over here and try out with us. And I have a totally different system. We've got a way better logo. We've got a way cooler logo. And your mum used to live near where the academy is. You've got all sorts of wonderful inside connections. So, I went over and their system was totally different. Their system was you turn up with about 100 other people on the first day, and you sit in a massive auditorium, a bit like exam day, you know, university or end of high school. And you basically do like six tests over like maths, and English and, you know,

comprehension and general knowledge. And it seems like it was all maths, to be honest. And then at the end of the day, they call out your results. They basically say to a whole room of 100 people, if you hear your name read out, come and stand over here. If you don't, you're welcome to try again in three months. And it's like a total cattle call. And I was like, oh, no. Like, it's going to come down to maths. Like, great.

Like, how much maths are cops doing that they have to, you know, make this the one first thing. And sure enough, my name was not read out. And I left. And I was like. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe it was a mistake. Did they read out Brady the bassoonist?

I feel like the Victorian police need to bring in Brady the bassoonist to consult on their recruitment techniques. Do they tell you where you went wrong? No, no, I didn't see. I wonder now if it's a bit like at the start of Men in Black, though. They don't care about what you get on the test, but they're watching you to see how you sit and, you know what I mean, if you cheated and they've got cameras and they're going,

no, no, he doesn't look like a cop. No, what it was i've realized what it is what do you know what it was the other 99 people in that room were all actors and fakes right yes and the whole the whole test was to find out how you deal with rejection and if you just walk out with your tail between your legs they're like he's not cop material but if you'd got up and kicked up a fuss and said No, I want to be a cop And I'm not leaving this room until you make me one Then they'd be like, that's the man we want You passed, Hein

You failed You failed I missed out You failed because you gave in too easily It was the same with the running If you'd turned to that guy in the socks and said, no, I want this. I want this. I'm doing it again. Yeah.

Then they'd be like, that's the metal. That's the man. Give that man a spoon. Nah. I was a bit hungry, I reckon. And I just, yeah, just... But surely that guy's heading straight for Maccas. He's police material. You're like, oh, this is too hard.

I'm going to get a PhD in theology. Maybe he was like, not once did he ask for a donut. It's like, we don't need guys like him here. If only I'd had the spoon. I could have pulled out the spoon and said, well, look, I'm pretty much in already. And he's like, oh. Third row back, fourth chair had the spoon. I could have pulled out the spoon and said, well, look, I'm pretty much in already. And he's like, oh. Third row back, fourth chair to the right.

He's got a spoon. Bring him in. You didn't tell us you had a spoon. You don't even have to do the test. Yes, but. You're the commissioner now. I do like having, you're keeping the spoon in the car and when I'm pulled over for speeding, just to pull it over, I'm on the commissioner now. I do like having, you're keeping the spoon in the car and when I'm pulled over for speeding, just to pull it over,

I'm on the job too. Bit of a wink. No worries. Just a little flash of the spoon, as you were. Sorry, mate. Don't blow my cover. Don't blow my cover. Rest of the family don't know I'm a cop.

cover the rest of the family don't know i'm a cop do you do you regret never being a policeman after trying twice two different police forces it does again it still seems like it would have been a fun thing to do for a while but that's a very trivial way of looking at a very important vocation and job you know what i mean like i think you i the police force, now I know a little bit more about it, actually, really, through other people. It's the sort of thing you probably need to really give yourself to and, you know, take as a serious vocation. Whereas I did, I was serious about it, but I really just wanted to, you know, like, try it out for a while before I got onto doing the thing

I really wanted to do, which is what I've ended up doing and is, you know, exactly what I do. I also wonder if you could have got trapped, you know, you did it for a few years and you got used to having a nice income and, you know, you got used to the culture and maybe you would have not got out. Maybe you would have stayed. Yeah, yeah, that's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sliding doors, hey? Do you ever look at like fat, overweight policemen these days and think, bloody hell? But they're all good at maths, you see. They would have passed the maths test. They all had spoons.

That's right. That's right. They took their spoons. Yeah. Yeah. Well, this sort of – this kind of leads from Spoon of the Week into a bit of an idea that I was thinking about. Because if I was undercover, right, like you wouldn't know

that I was undercover, right? Well, I would because you're hopeless at keeping secrets and would probably just tell me. What if I've got a really exciting thing to tell you? I'm a cop. I'm a cop. I'm a cop, man. I'm a cop. I'm a cop. I'm a cop, man.

I'm a cop. I, um, I, uh, as well as reflecting on the Victorian police voice, voice. You're on fire, man. Constance. Constance and its constabulary ships. I've been watching that French espionage show, The Bureau, and I've started reading a book as well called The Frenchman,

which is about the same thing. So I've been thinking about undercover and about spies. Oh, yeah. And I have a question for you, man. How do you know that I'm not a spy? Well, I don't know for sure, but you wouldn't be a very good person to be a spy because you don't have access to any information

that, like, any organisation or government would particularly value. Apart from the unmade strategic plan. Yeah, well, you know all about that, like, any organisation or government would particularly value. Apart from the unmade strategic plan. Yeah, well, you know all about that, yeah. So, I don't know that you're not a spy, but I can't see that you would be a very useful one, unless you're, like, you know, just a middleman and someone who works in, like, you know, some secure government location, you know,

makes drops in a bin in the parklands that you then pick up and deliver to the Russians. In that case, you are a spy, but you're not kind of cutting edge. You're just kind of, you know, middleman. So, I don't know that you're not a spy, but I don't know. I'm beginning to wonder now. Well, that's right. See, every reason that you think of as to why I don't appear to be a spy is the genius of my alias. It just, all I have to say is, yes, but that's the genius of my cover. You should have said that. You should have said to the SA police, the fact I can't do the shuttle run is the genius of me as a policeman.

the shuttle run is the genius of me as a policeman. I'll be able to go undercover amongst other people that can't run as fast. So what's this? Is this like some kind of germ of a podcast idea you're pitching me here? Well, that's right. I'm thinking about like prove you're not a spy or if you were a spy, you know, what's your best undercover? There's something about the alias and choosing a particular life that, you know, they always talk about it's someone you would never guess in a job.

And particularly in the bureau, the guy has to sort of learn Arabic in a year, right? And others are given incredible tasks like get a job as a geologist in this firm well you can't fake that you've got to you know learn enough well you can fake it but you've got to know enough and it's a massive challenge to cram on it well that usually they would just recruit a geologist to become a spy rather than train a spy to be a geologist i would imagine well well i can't disclose our techniques, but I can say that we recruit people from all continents. I can't tell you exactly what we do at the Constabulatory, but it's very secret.

It's starting to sound more like the lavatory, isn't it? The constable. Yeah. See, I think I'm a better candidate for a spy than you, maybe, because I do travel a lot for my work, and usually spies travel a lot. A suspicious amount. But maybe I travel so much that I would be too obviously a spy.

But maybe that's part of my double bluff cover. A podcaster and YouTuber is an unusual cover for a spy in that you're- I'm hiding in plain sight. Ah, that's the genius I see. The fact I'm admitting to the fact I'm a spy, it makes you just dismiss the fact that I could be a spy, which is the genius of my spy cover. That's right. That's right.

That's right. Are you always surprised that James Bond uses his real name and just says his name? Yes. When he walks into places? I always find that curious that he just calls himself, that he just says I'm James Bond all the time. Yeah. And even if that's not his real name and it's a cover name, he uses the same cover name

all the time. So he is identifying himself. Well, that's right. The baddies would have seen the previous films, sure. Although maybe they're also samey, those films. The baddies are probably like, oh, not another James Bond film. He also dresses in a way to attract attention. You know, he doesn't blend in.

He always walks in like, look at me. Yeah, looking really cool. And it's only one you know sort of good-looking lady that sort of you know notices him and comes over and that's the the person who he needs to get information from whereas everyone else is ignoring him whereas you know what i mean he does have a little head wiggle well that's right folks i've got a new tuxedo on sort of look about are you questioning the authenticity of James Bond spy movies? But maybe that's the genius of it.

Wouldn't it be amazing if it turns out that Daniel Craig is a spy? Oh, that's brilliant. I love that. That's a great idea. Working for like a rival movie production company to steal all the good James Bond ideas. He's reporting back. That's right, on techniques and so forth.

Do all countries have spies? Like, does the Maldives have spies? You just want to go to the Maldives. Yeah. Do the Maldives have spies that go around the world to try and find out information for the Maldives? Yeah, do the Maldives have spies that go around the world to try and find out information for the Maldives? Well, I'm sure they... Well, you do go there suspiciously, I have to say.

That's when I report back. I've always assumed you've got your, like, hiding your documents there or something like that. I'm a spy for the Maldives. Every year or two I go back and report to the government about what's been happening in Bristol. Oh, wow. Well, anyway, what we didn't do is we got a little bit sidetracked by your kind of half idea there,

and we didn't give out our spoon of the week, because obviously Patreon supporters. Yes, yes. Patreon supporters are eligible to win a spoon randomly chosen this week. How are we going to choose it this week? What I've done this week, I've put the names of all of our patron supporters on donuts. Yeah. And I'm going to...

I'm going to eat all the donuts and the one that's left is the winner. That's right. I've actually been at this already and I'm up to this one. What's the name on there? Can you read that? Is that the winner, the one written on that donut? In icing. It's a bit hard to read.

Let me have a look at it. It's filled with Tim's fingerprints all over it. But I think that says Jaron from Texas. Jaron? Yaron? Jaron from Texas. You have won an Unmade Podcast souvenir spoon, and that will be sent to you in the post at some time in the very near future.

Congratulations, Jaron. Congratulations. What a big day in Texas. They need some good news down there. Thank you. They do,aron. Congratulations. What a big day in Texas. They need some good news down there. Thank you. They do, yeah. Yeah. And you too can perhaps win a spoon and be part of the extra hijinks

that happen on Patreon. Go to patreon.com slash unmadefm. It's another way to support the show. We really appreciate our Patreon supporters, and we appreciate our non-Patreon supporters. We appreciate everyone listening. Do subscribe,

leave comments, tell your friends, like anything to help, you know, grow the show is much appreciated. I always hear like other podcasts say that they always say, you know, help us grow the audience and think,

well, why do I care if the audience grows? You know, I'm listening and enjoying it. That's enough. But growing the audience is important because it keeps the show alive. It lets us keep making it. And you've already heard about our strategic vision,

so you know that's not going to be any help. So all we can do is try and get more listeners to stay alive. That's the thing we're missing from our strategic vision, actual strategies. There's nothing strategic about it. No. Anyway. Anyway, look, I have got a good Patreon idea here,

but we probably haven't got time today. So let's save that one for next week. Did you have any secret words you had to smuggle into the show? Oh, damn it. Yes, right. I'm not joking. Did you have any secret words you had to smuggle into the show? Oh, damn it. Yes, right. I'm not joking. I have them written here and I was going to do it.

I don't know why. I've got your dumb list of strategy words listed all the way underneath them. And I read every single one of them out except for scarf and elephant, which was... Scarf and elephant. was Scarf and elephant Yes Alright They are the secret words That Tim was asked By his daughters

That he allegedly loves To smuggle into the show And that he forgot Yet again I'm such a good spy I'm so good at like Code words And remembering

Important words Do you get told off For forgetting these all the time Or is it just, like, accepted now? They literally say, well, why bother? Because we- and they literally, like, said this time, we may as well give them to Brady. And I said, well, actually, that's a pretty good idea, actually. Yeah. Yeah.

That would be a much more efficient way of doing it. That's what they should do if they actually want to get them smuggled into the show properly and not just, like, disappointingly tagged on at the end of each episode. It is a nice way to round up. It is sort of the finale, isn't it, really? It's become a bit of an institution. I was hoping you were going to say the word was constabulatory.