The Unmade Podcast - 78: Squeaky Beach

Episode Date: March 27, 2021

Tim and Brady discuss an angelic cover, more clown names, NESW mnemonics, stakeholders, mediocrity, a spoon of geographic interest, and people who have never been on a podcast. Go to Storyblocks for stock video, pictures and audio at storyblocks.com/unmade - https://www.storyblocks.com/unmade Support us on Patreon - become a stakeholder and maybe win a spoon - https://www.patreon.com/unmadeFM Join the discussion of this episode on our subreddit - https://redd.it/meox6o DETAILS FOR SUBMITTING A SPOON - https://www.unmade.fm/send-us-a-spoon USEFUL LINKS Thanks to Lucy - and check out many of our Sofa Shop Covers here - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRNeH_Kpl1ZgpeiNeJ-oiAQ Nick Drake - Northern Sky - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S3jCFeCtSjk Pictures from today's episode, including Periwinkle the Clown and the mediocre Coffee Spot - https://www.unmade.fm/episode-78-pictures Brady's tweet and poll regarding NESW - it has lots of replies - https://twitter.com/BradyHaran/status/1374726497781616646 Floyd Shaffer the Christian Clown - https://d2rights.blogspot.com/2015/05/a-clown-for-christs-sake-strange-career.html Pictures of Spoon of the Week - https://www.unmade.fm/spoon-of-the-week Send us a spoon - https://www.unmade.fm/send-us-a-spoon Wilsons Promontory - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilsons_Promontory Squeaky Beach - https://www.parks.vic.gov.au/places-to-see/parks/wilsons-promontory-national-park/things-to-do/squeaky-beach Patreon supporters - head to our Patreon for an "alternative ending" to this episode - https://www.patreon.com/posts/49285948

Let's get this turkey in the shops, man. Go for it. You already know this episode is going to be a turkey. It's a fair bet. Turkey is a good thing. All right. I would like to start with a civilian cover of that famous advertising jingle, The Sofa Shop, because we've got one I'm really looking forward to sharing. Here is a message from Lucy. Hi, Brady and Tim. I'm a few episodes behind,

but I hope you're still accepting submissions for Sofa Shop covers. I know you've had a few somber, acoustic-y versions, but not so many from women, so I thought I'd give it a shot. I get embarrassed singing, so had to wait and record this when both of my housemates were out, which was considerably difficult given the lockdown situation here in the UK, but I squeezed it in. Sorry the quality is bad. My phone is old and terrible. I chose to include the on Halifax street line because I always felt that gap was odd and it flows so nicely now. If you read this out then please say hi to Isaac. He sold the podcast to me by saying the hosts reminded him

of us and I must say Tim I thought your idea my favorite record store was excellent. I could chat about my favorite one in Bristol which got absorbed into a still good but less personal indie store a few years ago. I was upset to say the least. Anyway, thanks for the entertainment you've given me these past few months as I've made my way through nearly all the episodes. Maybe one day when this is all over you could record a live episode with an audience. That would be fun. Thanks from Lucy in London but from Bristol. Here is Lucy's version of The Sofa Shop. On Hallifang Street We got a soul that is empty You choose your fabric

With your curtains too The sofa's shopping Gonna cost what you think it will Don't you do a thing Until you see the sofa show What do you think of that? That is magnificent. That really is something, isn't it?

Tim, I'm obsessed. I'm obsessed with it. Are you? I've listened to it like 30 times. Wow. At least. It is beautiful. What is it about it that captures you so much?

I don't know. I think she's got a lovely voice. When I read the email, I thought, oh, here we go. She's already apologising for the phone. And I was thinking it was going to be, to borrow a term, a bit of a turkey. Yeah. And it was like, it so surprised me.

I played it to my wife. She loved it. My wife thought she sounded a bit like Joni Mitchell and other artists and started playing all these things to me. I sent it to my sister, like, you know, in Australia. I've been, I've been, I was so taken with it. I don't know. I just think it's really good. I agree with you. I wonder if this can be released somehow. I think it's, I think it's

really beautiful. And I think even on the last word, the last line, there's like, oh gosh, she added inflections there. It really, she has a marvellous voice, doesn't she? Beautiful. She's really added something to it. This is going to sound weird, but the thing it reminds me of, I was trying to think, what does it remind me of? And I suddenly realised half an hour ago, sometimes I listen to a 70s singer called Nick Drake. You probably know him because you know everyone. Yeah.

And he has a song called Northern Sky that I listen to all the time. And the versions I listen to, and I don't know if it's because they are all this way, don't sound like it was recorded really well. It's got a kind of hissing, not hissinessiness to it but it sounds like it wasn't recorded perfectly yeah and I think I like that about Lucy's version I kind of like that it's you know what it reminds me of as well it reminds me of that moment like in a movie or something where like you know the boy walks into the room and the girl is sitting on the bed playing a song and he suddenly looks at her in a whole new light.

Yeah, yeah. Because she's got this voice of an angel. It kind of reminds me of this kind of 80s movies moment. I'm really into it. I'm really into it. First of all, full points that you've heard of Nick Drake and are listening to Nick Drake. I don't know what's going on there, but putting that aside,

I don't know who you are anymore. But I agree. And I feel like this would be, if the film continued and they said, okay, let's now go to a professional recording studio and lay down that track properly, it would lose something, that there's something about the simplicity of it. Yeah. Fantastic.

Lovely work. Thank you, Lucy. You are a star. Well done, Lucy. You are a star. Well done, Lucy. Lovely Lucy. Now, parish notices, follow-up and things I want to talk about from previous episodes. This one's gotten a bit out of control, Tim.

Right. First of all, clown names. Right. First of all, clown names. Tim revealed in the last episode that his clown name was Omelette back in his clowning days. We asked to hear other people's clown names, and I've got a few here, and I thought seeing you came up with such a great name, Tim, you should review these ones and tell us what you think.

Right, yep, I'm ready. On Reddit, we had SandySweet2002 who said their clown name would be, if they were a clown, Seaweed. Seaweed? Hmm, not bad, not bad. Maybe the bad guy kind of clown, you know what I mean? Like the naughty clown, that's sort of a Seaweed. Okay. You know, the one creeping up behind the other clown to, like, burst a balloon in his ear and then go, ha ha ha. Alright. Now, I heard

from Joey, who studied clowning and just offered his services if we wanted to ask any clown questions. Yep. Joey. Good clown name. Yep. Joey's a great clown name. Oh, no. Sorry. Sorry. Funny you should say that because i emailed him and said joey what are your clown names you know you didn't tell me and this was his response he said i've performed under a few one being professor bottom and another being a mysterious man in a box but ultimately i mainly perform as jo. So there you go. That's great.

I imagine kids love that, Joey. Yeah, and Joey also said, similar to Tim's name Omelette, I opened a circus shop a while back and almost called it Pancakes, another clown name that I had briefly considered. That's a solid clown name, that is. Pancakes, yeah. Yeah, pancakes. Seems you like cooked items, preferably pan-cooked items to be your clown names.

Yep, yep. Let's not psychoanalyse that. Let's just go with it. All right. Here's an email from Crystal that I thought you would find interesting, given your vocation. Crystal says, I have one, though I haven't used it in decades. Relevant to Brady the Great Juggler and the good Reverend Tim, in the 70s and early 80s in the US, there was a growing movement of Christian clowns. A pioneer in the field was the Lutheran Reverend Floyd Schaffer, with whom my

father, also a Lutheran pastor and an excellent juggler, was occasionally able to train with. My father claims not to have had a clown name. Maybe that was part of the Clowns for Jesus ethos. But I got involved eventually, and I chose the name Periwinkle for myself. Attached are photos of him in the mid-1970s and me a few years later. Did you know about Christian clowning, Tim? I've since learned. This is like there's a whole movement of it.

I don't like the idea of a movement of clowns. It feels like just... They're all in a very little car. I like the clowns are spread out evenly across the country. I don't like them all. Like a hundred clowns together is a scary thought. So a movement of clowns sounds like a bit of a threat. I read more about Floyd Schaffer or Schaffer. He actually has books and videos, including the book

If I Were a Clown under the subheading, A National Leader in Christian Clowning Shows How God Keeps Surprising Us in the Gospel. Anyway, that can be some homework for you. Let me send you a picture of Periwinkle because Periwinkle, that is Crystal's clown name, is wearing some serious shoes. And I remember for you, clowning was all about big shoes. Yes, yes. So let me find this picture if I can. Can I just add a point of clarification for people that may not be as familiar with Christianity? Like these Christian clowns, it's like a ministry, like kids entertainment ministry. These are not people that are just sitting around as clowns, as Christians.

Like it's not a lifestyle choice. I haven't read enough about it to say whether you're telling the truth or not. But anyway, here's a picture of Periwinkle. And the thing I love about these giant shoes that Periwinkle's wearing is that, like, obviously this is when Crystal's young and the shoes are just a pair of trainers, but they look massive on Periwinkle's. Yes, I started with the head thinking it was an adult

and then going down and going, whoa, look at those shoes. And then going, oh, right, I need to re-evaluate the age of this person. Great stuff. Keep the clown names coming, all you clowners out there. There's nothing like a homemade clowning outfit, too. I think that's part of the clown is you have to have made it yourself. Now, another topic that we discussed the last episode was sprinkle my ashes. Where would you like your ashes sprinkled?

Yep. We had a lot of people mentioned having their ashes put into fireworks, which is a thing that people do. Oh, really? Yeah. So thank you to those people. That would be something. I don't know how I feel about that because you can't really control

where you're landing. I don't know how the people standing nearby would feel about that either. No, I don't know. Anyway, a lot of people mentioned it. Andrew on the subreddit said, as a submarine vet, and when I first read this, I thought that meant they looked after animals underwater, but it actually means a submarine veteran, as you're about to find out.

As a submarine veteran, I would like my ashes fired from a torpedo tube on one of our subs, not something my wife is fond of thinking about. Oh, gosh. That would be cool, having your ashes fired out of a torpedo tube. Very Hunt for Red October. Yes, very much so. And also Tiberius on Reddit said,

I think the only fitting place for Tim to be buried would be next to Colonel Sanders. One side of the colonel, presumably his wife, is buried, but on his other side is where Tim could be laid to rest. Yes, good idea. Yes, just ashes deep fried and placed carefully in a bucket under the ground. Spending eternity at the right hand of the colonel. So it was in life, so it shall be in death.

Now, another thing that really captured the civilian imagination was talking about the way that we remembered north, east, south and west as you go clockwise around a compass dial. And mnemonic, I think, is the name for it as a way to remember when you put words with the first letters. Because Tim and I, being Australians, both used never eat soggy Wheat Bix. Wheat Bix being a breakfast cereal in Australia. Yes. And everyone has been in touch with what they used.

And I thought I'd share some of them now. The two most common that I came across was never eat soggy waffles. Right. Yes. Which seems to be popular in America and never eat shredded wheat. Oh, right. Now, I've run a Twitter poll today, Tim, asking people which of the three was most common or to share any others.

And as of the time of recording, let me tell you what the Twitter poll results were as I look on my phone this very moment. The most popular one with 51% of the vote is never eat shredded wheat. 27% of the vote never eat soggy waffles. 14% said another. And a meagre 8% went with never eat soggy wheat bix. Although I have run the poll while most Australians are asleep, in fairness. Yes, okay.

But there have been lots of other ones come through, lots of other ones. I'm going to share some of them quickly. Never eat is common. We've got never eat slimy worms, never eat sour watermelons, never entertain sexy women, never eat seaweed never enter santa's workshop never enter stinky washrooms notify electricity supplier whenever there are a few football ones mainly from the uk never ever support walsall which is a team or never ever support west brom or never ever support wolves they're two rival ever support Wolves. They're two rival teams, West Brom and Wolves.

Someone said, I'm sorry not to name everyone, but there were so many it would take too long. Someone said, I learned the Dutch, nuwit op zondag werken, which translate to never work on Sundays, which fits with the Dutch words for north, east, south and west. The Dutch words for north, east, south and west. Yes. The Dutch words for north, east, south and west are nord, oost, zuid and west, as I'm sure you know, because your dad was Dutch.

Yes, Jack. Yep. Another one, another one, nuwit overgiven, zonder wc, which means never throw up without a toilet. Let me tell you, we're packing a lot of wisdom into these. The Germans have got nai on seif waschen, which means never wash without soap. That's a very common one. Another common one was naughty elephants squirt water. A lot of Germans also use nai on socken wandern, which translates to never wander without socks. else said they use the qwerty keyboard

because w is to the left and e is to the right fair enough oh that's very helpful yeah that's in belgium you've got a couple here knew it or log zonder wappens which means never war without weapons or knew it orcas zonder water never orcas without water right uh and and one last one that was interesting that some someone said they use the word news n-e-w-s but remember it in the shape of harry potter's scar which starts at the top goes down to the right and then goes across to the left and then goes back down to where south would be ah yes yes that would only work if you remembered what harry potter's scar looks like And which way it goes That's right

Anyway, normally I would say keep them coming people, tell us more But I think we've had enough of that Yes, I think Look folks, if you get lost now, you're really on your own Buy yourself a compass okay just a quick shout out to all the people who realized that our last episode episode 77 was 77 minutes long and one of my earlier podcast ideas was making a series where each episode is the length of the episode number, and completely by coincidence, we did it last episode. You didn't do that on purpose? No.

Oh. I didn't even realise. Oh, there you go. It was 77 and a half minutes long, actually, but if you round it, it was actually 77.29, so it does round down to 77, so it did work. Yes, yes, yes. Good work.

Nice work. Nice editing work, man. I do it on Numphile a lot. I make the length of the videos match the number the video's about, but this was an accident. And one last piece of housekeeping, something a few people suggested, which I think is a really good idea and I wanted to run it by you, Tim. Obviously, we call listeners to the show civilians and have for some time,

but we did muse in the last episode. Wouldn't it have been fun to have called them stakeholders because we've become a little enamoured by the word stakeholders, if you could call it that. And a few people have suggested, why don't we stick with civilians, but call our Patreon supporters civilians, the stakeholders? Ah, yes. I like that. Because they actually have a stake. They have a stake, yeah.

Yes, very. So we've got civilians, or you can be a stakeholder If you're a Patreon supporter Go to patreon.com Slash Unmade FM Become a stakeholder I wonder about the word Stakeholder is good Obviously it comes from surveying somewhere

People close enough to hold on to the stake That marks out Or do you think it comes from those days in the Wild West Where they used to go out and have to put a stake in the ground To claim their land Well that's what I sort of mean The same kind of thing Right That sort of broad surveying It comes from those days in the Wild West where they used to go out and have to put a stake in the ground to claim their land. Well, that's what I sort of mean. The same kind of thing.

Right. That sort of broad surveying. Then again, maybe it comes from meat eaters. People, butchers. Who knows? We're both sitting at a computer and could know within seconds. But that's not the kind of podcast we are. Nope, nope, nope.

I'm going to hold back. We're just going to muse about what it could be. Maybe it's about vampire slayers. It could. Oh, who knows? Who knows? Gosh. Anyway, that's Parish Notices.

Now, Tim, have you got an idea for a podcast? Well, I have to say I do want to go first because I know you've been alluding by text message about the greatness of your idea. And I'm a bit worried that my idea might be a bit mediocre by comparison. However, that would not be inappropriate on this occasion because my podcast idea is called Mediocrities. and it's a podcast exploring the glory of all things mediocre right like i think greatness gets a lot of press right a lot of attention is paid to things that are that are great let's be honest yeah and also a lot of attention is given to things that are that are awful that are crap we complain lot of attention is given to things that are awful, that are crap.

We complain, we rain down wrath upon things that are terrible. Yes. But I really think there's a forgotten middle, and that is that a heck of a lot of things are mediocre. Yeah. And they don't get a lot of attention. And let's be honest, the world runs on mediocrity. This podcast certainly does. This podcast certainly does.

This idea certainly does. So you're looking, you're sort of doing the beige grey of podcasts. Yeah, yeah. I think there's, I would love my podcast to be a podcast where people come on and talk about, in a sense, their favourite thing in their world, their life. That's just okay., that's just okay. Just okay. Just okay is a good name for that podcast too. Well, don't you like the Greek philosopher kind of mediocrities?

Like that's what you get to be. Yeah, good. You get to be Socrates about mediocrity. Can you give me an example? What is something mediocre in your life? Well, where do I start? Like how much time you've got? We're going to need more than 77 minutes this week, I tell you. I do have a classic example, and this idea came to me sitting in it.

My favourite cafe is a really mediocre cafe. Right. And what I mean is that it's not, you know, like it's not great. It's not awful either. It's just been the same for a long time. Yeah. And, like, I've been wondering whether to name it or not, but I'm going to name it because I'm not saying it's terrible. I'm just saying it's mediocre. It's called The Coffee Spot

and it's in Adelaide Arcade, right? And I go there all the time. That's where I go. And look, the coffee is, it's not a place where you take a sip of coffee and you sit back and you go, oh, wow, you know, they've really done a good job, you know, and sort of nod and wink over to the barista. And it's also not one where you revile from the coffee and go, oh, gosh, like I have my coffee black. So you've kind of got to do a pretty good job with a black coffee because you haven't got the milk to sort of cover it. Yeah. I take a sip and I go, yeah, that's fine. Why do you not go to one that does amazing coffee? I'll tell you why.

Because there are awful places. Like cafes these days are just ridiculous. Like they're these hard-floored Scandinavian, you know what I mean, pale wood, you know, sit on a crate kind of ambient storeroom kind of thing that I just, it makes me all self-conscious. Like, because they all say, here's, this is an awesome cafe. Like, it's like a nightclub during the day.

You know what I mean? Like a warehouse art gallery. But it's just got concrete floors and it's got a machine and everything about it screams, we do amazing coffee and you're really lucky to be here. And we close at about like half past one. So you're even more lucky to have come in the, you know what I mean? The zone time.

Yeah. And I hate places where people say you have to go there because they've got amazing coffee. The only people worse than those, you must go there because it's amazing coffee, are people who make their own coffee. Yeah. Make their own amazing coffee. Well, see, I make coffee at home and it's fine. Yeah, but do you roast your own beans? No, no, no.

That's what I'm talking about. You roast and grind your own beans, like, you know. Oh, yeah, and they can't stop talking about it. And the guy in the cafe, the guy, you go to the place and you're there and because you're being everything about this, reinforcing how lucky you are to be there and there's the barista and he's just so excited and loud and he's got his beard and he's yelling over the top

of his steampunk kind of machine, you know. How are you, mate? You winning? You winning? You having a good day? There you go, mate. And I'm just like. I'll have a coffee please too easy too easy and people say oh it's good that they're friendly you know what i have and i'm like it's not friendly like i'm happy to have a conversation

it's like you want to know who i am come and come and sit let's come and sit on this this chair with no back and tell me, where were you born? Where'd you grow up? What are you doing? How are you feeling? What are you worried about? I can do that. But when I go to a cafe, the reason I like the coffee spot is I don't want to think about the cafe when I'm in the cafe. You know what I mean? I don't want to be sitting there going, how lucky am I to be in a cafe here? Like, I want to think about the book I'm reading or I want to think about the conversation I'm having with the person. So, it helps me. I like going somewhere mediocre.

And mediocre is good. I'll tell you another place where mediocrity is optimal. A gymnasium. Oh, yeah. Because you don't want to go to one where people give you too much attention, it's all trendy and everyone's beautiful and all the equipment's really complicated and you can't figure out how to use it. Yeah.

Because you're really self-conscious and you feel terrible. But you don't want to go to one that, you know, stinks of urine and nothing works and the changing rooms are unacceptable. You just want mediocre. It's all right. That's right. It's all right. The equipment's a bit old, but I know how to work mediocre. It's all right. It's all right. The equipment's a bit

old, but I know how to work it. That's right. The changing rooms aren't that flash, but, you know, I can get changed there and not be surrounded by a bunch of, you know, supermodels and bodybuilders. I just want middle of the road. I just want average, nothing special. Can I say, this is perfect timing that, because as a sidebar, yesterday I joined a gym, right? No. How many times have you done it? I joined a gym. And I tell you – well, I don't need to tell you why, like to get fit and be healthy.

That's why. You don't need to tell me why. That's right. I thought I have to go to a gym at least as many times as I go to the Colonel for a balanced life, right? Yeah. Anyway, the gym is in our building. But what that means is I walk past it every time I leave or come back to home. Oh, dear.

Oh, dear. So, every day it's kind of, I must go in there. I must go in there. Well, look, eager 8.30 a.30am Tim yesterday went to the open door and poked his head in and talked to the guy and looked around and ended up finding himself quite happily making commitments for a session to trial out later in the day. Five o'clock at the end of the day, Tim. Now, as the day went on, an 8.30am Tim sort of, you know, morphs into middle of the day Tim. This sounded increasingly like a bad idea. But at the end of the day, 5pm Tim's like, oh, man.

But I went along and I had the session. And it is, I have to say, it is, it's a good mediocre gym. Like it's not razzmatazz. It's just nice guy, friendly guy. And so I did a session with him and then, of course, I, you know, signed up to do more sessions and he gave me, you know, because the pain hadn't yet sort of set in. And then I went home and he says, I'll send you a link and you sign up and, you know, all the usual bank details and stuff. And I got upstairs and I'm like, well, I actually have to do this now because like, now that I've made a personal connection with this guy, I can't leave

the house or come back to the house without doing the walk of shame. Like if I don't, I need to go back there every morning. I need to become a regular member at the gym doing my workout, or I'm going to have to either move house or buy some sort of wig. So I think I'm trapped. I think I actually have some level of accountability now so we'll see how that goes that's good accountability is what you need that's why i used a personal trainer for a long time before lockdown because even though i didn't particularly like her i you know i couldn't ring up and cancel because then you know he would know i was a failure and i can't have people

thinking i'm a failure. But could you hear the sort of supportive? Have you ever sort of cancelled session? It's like, oh, that's all right. No, you're okay. I'd cancel, yeah, but you can only do that so many times. Before you literally, you have to move to another town to just start again. Witness protection, just to sort of get on with your life.

Yeah, yeah. Anyway. I look forward to the next episode where you tell us about the fact you've just sold your house. That's right. Anyway, look, the coffee spot is my – look, it's just the tables and chairs, man, they're exactly the same as when you and I went there like as a teenager.

Like, you know, it's just – it's fine. It's fine. The food's fine. It's got a nice quiche sort of, you know, yep, you can have a bit of lunch. You go upstairs and it's like this little area and it's stinking hot, even if it's the middle of winter. It's sort of a, you know, so there's some not great things about it,

as you'd expect with a place that was mediocre. But it's, look, it's fine. It's like old people and me and and that's good have you ever left a review for it on like yelp or one of those websites or no no i've never thought about that oh yeah you should do that yeah all right great idea tim very good this episode has been brought to you by Storyblocks. Yes. Yes? You pleased about that?

Yes, very pleased. Tell us what Storyblocks is, Tim, in your own words. Storyblocks is a repository of film, footage and photos, images and sounds that's all yours, basically. It's like just like when Willy Wonka opened the door and said, there we go. Go in and there's just chocolate everywhere. Yeah. Storyblocks' door is open to you as well to take and use as you please. For a small monthly fee.

I mean, Willy Wonka didn't charge a small monthly fee, but there was a lot of other like, you know, baggage with Willy Wonka that you wouldn't want monthly fee, but there was a lot of other, like, you know, baggage with Willy Wonka that you wouldn't want. So I'd go the Storyblocks option if I were you. Well, that's right. Neither do you have to, you know, wait and find a magic Storyblocks ticket inside a chocolate. You can just, everyone can sign up.

Everyone's welcome. Indeed. Indeed. Royalty free stock footage, video, audio, pictures. Tim, I couldn't have put it better myself. You're right. They're the Willy Wonka of stock footage. Go to storyblocks.com slash unmade.

So they know you came from here. Sign up and help yourself for this incredible buffet of material to use in your own creations, your own videos, your own websites, whatever you're making, Storyblocks is going to have material that you can use. Now, Tim, in recent episodes, I have made little video challenges for you using Storyblocks material, where you've got to figure out what things are looking at the video. I've decided to throw a bit of a curveball in this

week. And instead of video, I'm going to use audio from the storyblocks library i'm going to play you four secret sounds and i want to see if you can figure out what these sounds are oh wow hang on this is interesting okay yeah all right pretty cool hey i'm going to play them off my phone to you so i'll play them as many times as you want right you just tell me what you think this is. What do you think this is? Oh, that sounds like a chainsaw. Is it a chainsaw? In Tim's defence, I'm playing these sounds to him from my phone into a microphone. He's not hearing the actual audio file.

I'll play it again. Okay, now I'm going to switch it and say, is that a cow? It is a cow. Again, people at home, you're hearing it as it came off of Storyblocks. Tim's hearing it down the phone. So to get that in two was pretty good. Well, hang on, hang on. Was it a cow using a chainsaw?

Because in my defence... It may be. I didn't read the caption closely. You could be right. Here's another one. This one lasts about 20 seconds and it starts off quiet but builds up here we go you know that one got that one yes yes yes. That sounds like the 815 to Sydney. Could be the 745. I could be wrong.

But that sounds like a plane taking off. It was indeed a plane. It was a propeller plane passing overhead. So I hope you're not getting propeller planes to Sydney. But yeah. Right, yeah. Now, this is a short one. But let me give you a clue.

I think this one should be up your alley. Are you ready? Yes, yes. Ah. What's that? Okay, is that the sound of a teaspoon being placed back on the saucer, the cup and saucer? Yes, yes, exactly.

Yes. Well done. All right. Awesome. And here is the fourth and final one from the Storyblocks library. Can you tell me what this is? Hmm. Now, that could be a saxophone.

Play it again. Yeah, hang on. What do you reckon? Either a clarinet or a saxophone. I'm going to go a clarinet. Is that a clarinet? You've nailed it. Wow. Wow. Yeah. On fire. Yes. Well. And if you were making a podcast or a film or anything that

needed sound design and you needed a clarinet or a teaspoon or a plane or a cow using a chainsaw, you too could go to Storyblocks. Go to storyblocks.com slash unmade. Use that slash unmade. Storyblocks will know you came from here and they might let us keep making these stupid quizzes. I like these quizzes, except when they're about, like, space and stuff. Now, it's time for everyone's favourite segment well my favorite segment it is time for now tim before we hear from you about your spoon this week there has been i wouldn't say there's

been a clamor but there's been a growing, bubbling little bit of interest in people submitting their own spoons or possibly sending us spoons. And I think the time has come for us to open these floodgates. Now, just for the sake of clarity, spoons from the Hein family collection will always be canon. They will always be the true spoons of the week. But we are willing to feature and discuss spoons you may want to send in to show us. So I will put a link in the show notes with details about where you can send us a spoon. You might want to send it because it's from where you live or it's something you're interested in or you think we might be interested in it. Anyway, whatever it is, if you would like to send us a spoon, I will put the details in the

show notes. We don't want pictures of spoons.'re not taking pictures we can we can get them ourselves off the internet you have to send us a physical spoon if you would like to have one featured and i won't be sending it back so it has to be a love offering to the podcast check check out the uh check out check out the notes if you'd like to send us a spoon from your hometown or your country or that reflects your interests or you think Tim or I might like it we would love to receive a spoon but the most important spoons will always be the ones from the Hein family archive Tim what have we got this week well Brady I've gone with what I consider to be one of the most colourful and evocative spoons in the collection from quite a humble little town, I would say, called Foster, which is sort of in the Wilson's Promontory area of South Gippsland, southern Victoria, which is the very bottom of Australia before you jump over the Bass Strait to Tasmania.

And, oh, it's a beautiful spoon. I like this one a lot. Let me describe it to you first. It's quite a simple spoon. It's got a point for quite pointy, scoopy bit, which is good for pushing down into harder crusts of cakes. You know, the harder icing of a cake or something like that. It's got quite a decorative stem. And up the top, it's got a very classic, I'd say, sort of crest.

But then around the outside, but then in the middle, it's got a perfectly round circle with a sort of a lake, beach, watery area, which is what sort of makes up Wilson's Promontory. And then it says Foster. But I think it looks really neat and really nice. Classy. Classy. Classy spoon.

It is. I would say this is a classic spoon. It's really lovely. And on the back, you can see the name. This is obviously a better spoon maker than normal. This is not just being pumped out of some machine. On the back, says Stuart... something. Classy. I want to say

like copper-plated or something like that, but it's not copper-plated. The words are so tiny I can't see. But anyway, maybe silver-plated is what it means. This is a beautiful spoon. Foster is a small town as I said, not too far down from where I grew up in Tarelgon towards the southern coast. We used to go there for holidays and then go down to Wilson's Promontory, which is really a beautiful area. It's a big national park, but it's along the coastline and there's rugged cliffs and there's beaches and all sorts of stuff. It's a really beautiful area. And we no doubt bought this down there sometime.

Yeah. So this has got bought this down there sometime. Yeah. So this has got a very strong family connection. I have to say, Tim, when you sent me this picture beforehand, I was very excited because I don't know the town of Foster, but I do know Wilson's Promontory as a famous Australian landmark, because this is obviously a little bit of land that juts down from the south of Victoria and is the southernmost point on mainland Australia. That's right. And I have a bit of a fascination with extreme points, you know, northernmost, southernmost, centre, east, west. I like points of geographic interest. So, Wilson's Promontory, which I've never been to,

has always held a bit of a fascination for me. It's a place I've always wanted to go. So, I thought you were going to hit me with some cool geography facts and some latitudes and longitudes and all sorts of cool science-y stuff. But no, you've just told me that Foster was a nice town you used to go to when you were a kid. And that's okay. I'll tell you one geological feature. Maybe you can explain it to me. If you go down to Wilson's Promontory, there's a beach very famously called Squeaky Beach. And it's called Squeaky Beach because when you walk across the sand, it makes a distinctly squeaking sound with every step. And so you sort of walk along shuffling your feet in a certain way and it's squeak, squeak, squeak, which you can imagine as a kid is the most exciting thing that could possibly happen in your year. Squeaky beach.

So we'd go to squeaky beach and walk along the beach and it would squeak, squeak, squeak, squeak and you could do that for hours. Do you know why it would do that? What would it be about the sand that makes it squeak? Oh look, I'd just be pulling explanations out of my butt. So I'm not going to bother. But it certainly sounds like it was great for your parents, keeping Tim entertained for hours just by letting him walk on the squeaky sand, so that's a win for them.

Before there was PlayStations and DVD players. Let's just let Tim out on squeaky beach. New on the PlayStation 5, squeaky beach. I don't know. I mean mean obviously it's something to do with the the type of rock that that created the type of sand but beyond that obviously i don't know i'll tell you something interesting do you know who wilson's promontory is named after no it was named after just some dude called i think thomas wilson who was a friend back in england of matthew flind back in England of Matthew Flinders.

And Matthew Flinders was an explorer who named pretty much everything in Australia. Yeah. Every second thing in South Australia is named Flinders. Yeah. And he just decided, oh, I'm just going to call. He was just so sick of naming stuff, I think. He just started naming things after his mates back home. Oh, really?

And very little is known about who Wilson was, apparently. Well, little is known on Wikipedia anyway. Hang on, I'm just going to shut this door because Audrey's gone into full snoring mode. There we go. That won't stop her. But anyway. All right. Anyway, that is this week's Spoon of the Week.

Unless you've got anything more to tell us about Foster? I have nothing else to say, except I just love the blues on this. This is just a beautiful blue. It's a classy spoon. It reminds me a lot of your Victorian police spoon in terms of its level of classiness. Yes, yes. That navy blue is a very Victorian colour. Yeah, with the gold writing on it. Navy blue with gold writing is classy. Very much so. Nice. So there we go. Another solid spoon that

I will carefully protect and keep. Good. I don't want to hear about you losing it. The bottom of my bag. All right. You look after it. You put it somewhere safe. And in the meantime, we have to give out one of our Unmade Podcast souvenir spoons that we've had specially made to commemorate our podcast. They are given out once a week to stakeholders and stakeholders only.

Yes. How are we going to choose this week's stakeholder? What random method shall we use? Got any ideas? Well, I've got some grains of sand here. Squeaky sand. Squeaky sand. Squeaky sand.

All right. I know we have more stakeholders than there are grains of sand on the beach. And I have taken the time to etch the name of a stakeholder onto each grain of sand, and Tim is going to pull one of these grains of sand out, and we'll tell you who the winner is. Sifting through now, can you hear the squeaking? Okay. Okay, here's a particularly squeaky grain.

Okay. What name does it say there, Matt? Well, Tim, if you couldn't read the back of the spoon, you've got no chance of reading a name off a grain of sand. So let me read it for you. The winner is Timothy E. from Washington State. Timothy E. Nice. From Washington State.

You will be receiving an unmade podcast spoon. And thank you for being one of our stakeholders. Lovely. Oh, nice for a timothy to win you know that lovely connection you have with people with your same name yeah good on you timothy hope you have a good day timothy well you definitely have a good day now an amazing day best day of his life one a spoon gosh all right it's time for my podcast idea all right come. Come on. All right. Are we up to 77 minutes?

No, we're not. Okay, keep going. We're not going to. I don't think we're going to do it this week. My idea for a podcast is called I've Never Been on a Podcast. Right. And this is a podcast where you interview people who have never been on a podcast before. That is the only criterion.

Nice, nice. And it's an increasingly hard category of people to find these days it seems everyone's runs a podcast and has been on a podcast so if you can find someone who hasn't been on a podcast you interview them for your show nice work yes yes like that i do i do have we done that with people well we have my mum falls into that category doesn't she well yeah i presume she has i haven't gone searching other podcasts. I don't know. Yeah, I just think it would be a fun idea. I think it would be fun to do.

It's a way to meet new people who maybe haven't been that exposed to the public before to find some interesting stories. I've never been on a podcast. That's a good idea because there is a sense by which conventional knowledge says a good interview is someone who knows how to be interviewed, you know, who is a good interview. Oh, yes, they got witty anecdotes ready to go. But there's something refreshing about interviewing someone who's, you know, not used to doing it, not used to being on a podcast, not used to doing that kind of thing. You know someone who falls into this category, Tim?

Who? Lucy, who wrote the song that we played at the start of the episode. Oh, did she mention that she has never... No, but I got in touch with her and about an hour ago, I interviewed her. Are you serious? Oh, wow. That's a great idea. Oh, that's great.

So, it's only a short little interview and we're going to play it to you all right now. But first, it's an excuse to hear us sing again. So let's start with that. Can I start by saying how much I loved your cover of The Sofa Shop? I don't know if I should admit to this, but I reckon I've listened to it like 30 times already. Is that weird? I mean, maybe? I don't know. I mean, how many times do you think you've listened to just general Sofa Shop?

That's next level, actual original sofa shop, you know. Let's not get carried away. But yours would be close to the cover I've listened to the most times, probably. Oh, really? Oh, thank you. I really liked it. Do you know what, though? You said in your message that you felt shy and wanted to record it when your housemates went out.

Why was that? You've got such a nice singing voice. Oh, I don't know. I don't know that I have a nice singing voice i suppose and i thought well i'll send it to you and if you think it's rubbish then you just won't play it and that'll that'll be fine i'd play it if it was rubbish too brilliant um yeah well i i told my housemate about i was like strangest things just happened and told her and then she was oh can i listen to it and i was still like oh i don't know and she's like i can just listen to it on the podcast and i was like oh yeah i suppose so yeah i don't know i

suppose i'm still a bit shy about it what did your housemate think of your rendition well i've still not played it to her i was all later later so okay yeah we'll see i'll play it to her after this and and yeah get get her verdict but yeah so you're the only verdict i've had oh and and and my sister and my wife and tim who all really liked it as well yeah so good yeah so the whole idea here is to interview people who've never been interviewed on a podcast before is that true is it true that you've never been on a podcast before yeah i don't think so unless i've gone to mind blank but no pretty certain pretty certain, yeah, this is the first. What, you think it's possible you've done one and forgotten? Like, where I used to work, they had a podcast.

And I'm like, was I in the background once? But no, I'm pretty certain I wasn't. So, yeah. Do you listen to many podcasts? Well, not many, but the ones I listen to, I listen to, like, all of them, I suppose. So, yeah. I was probably more, like like in the last year because there's well not much else to do um yeah so now you said in your email that we had to say hi to

isaac who was the person who sold you on the unmade podcast tell me how isaac convinced you to listen to tim and i well i can't remember how we got onto it, but he said, oh, I'm listening to this podcast and the hosts remind me of you and I. I was like, well, okay, this is intriguing enough. So he said, I'm more like Tim and he's more like you. And I think he means more in terms of like our interests because I suppose I'm more like into music and books and things.

And he's more into like his sport and pop side. But I think from listening, like I see what he means, but also I think like our personalities are maybe the other way around like I feel like my personality is a bit more like you and he's more like Tim so anyway it's a mismatch it's a mixed match but how's your personality like me do you mean you're incredibly charming and charismatic exactly I don't know what I mean. Maybe like a bit more organized and then he's a bit more chill, perhaps. I don't know. I've never heard someone call me organized before. That's brilliant. I'm going to frame that. Well, it seems like I suppose you organize the podcast. So from that side of things. Yeah, that's true. Let's come back to music and your cover,

because when I played it to my sister, I didn't say anything about it. I just said, here's a Sofashop cover. And I sent it to her. I said nothing. And she said, oh, was that done by a professional musician? Like, is she a proper singer? And I was like, oh, not as far as I know. You did have a certain flair to your singing.

Are you a singer of any sort? Or are you in a band? No, not at all like i was in a little band at uni just an acoustic one but i just i just played guitar so yeah i did like a tiny bit of backing but no not at all really i'm gonna sing all the time in hum and whistle and things but not not in public maybe maybe you're about to be discovered oh that would be cool no i don't know that sounds scary discovered on that podcast what do you do then what what how what do you do for a living so i i work with local um charities

who like help blind and posh excited people i'm visually impaired myself so i kind of help them with their delivery and things like that so yeah then also on the side i do some other like disability advocacy fun things like that so yeah that's on the side i do some other like disability advocacy fun things like that so yeah that's me so completely different to music i'm beginning i'm beginning to think you sound more like tim than me if you're like really nice i don't know about that maybe maybe i just come across as nice so if this is your podcast debut tell me about your future in podcasting if you were going to start a podcast what would it be oh i don't know i don't know a friend of mine just started with her dad and i thought that'd be great my dad's hilarious but i thought i can't do that now it's taken up um yeah i mean i'd love like a music one

or like a book one like i've started like read so many books in lockdown and things so maybe that i mean there's a lot of things out there in both of those genres. So I'm not sure what my niche can be. Maybe you could just do one where you cover a different advertising jingle each week. I think you've got a real flair for it. That's it. Maybe that's it. With your Sofa Shop cover, you did decide to include the original Halifax street line. Can you tell me what your thinking was? I did well. So to me, I always felt like that was a bit of an odd gap.

So when, you know know we discovered that it had this it did have you know something in the gap originally I was like oh it just flows so much nicer to me now so and then when I you know I didn't think oh I'm definitely going to sing it with that I just kind of naturally put it in and I was like right well here we go then that's what it is so yeah it just feels feels more natural to me yeah have you like got round to it does it which one sounds more normal to you? Well, I kind of grew up without it. And also, I think the Halifax street line makes it even more parochial than it already is.

It makes it seem really like it could only be in one place. Whereas without the line, it feels like it could be any sofa shop anywhere in the world. So I'm a bit torn. I'm a bit torn about it. Then I suppose there's probably Halifax streets all over. You said that you were introduced to the Unmade podcast by your friend Isaac, who was listening before you. How was Isaac going to feel about the fact

you've been on the show and he hasn't? I don't know. Well, you know, he should have sent in a cover, shouldn't he? I don't know. Yeah, I've not told him yet. Maybe I won't and it can be a... Oh, you totally have to keep it a surprise. To make sure he listens.

He does still listen, so yeah. Oh, he does still listen. You make it sound like we're on borrowed time. Oh, I might have to wait a few weeks though. I've just got to encourage him to catch up. All right, that's brilliant. Is there anything you want to ask us? Oh, I don't know.

Now's your chance. Can I be a ask us? Oh, I don't know. Now's your chance. Can I be a colonel? Well, that's too much. All right. Well, I will consult with Tim. I can't bestow a colonelship on my own, but you've sent an amazing cover and you've also given me all this time for an interview. So I think you've got a strong case for it. Maybe. Maybe it doesn't count though if it's been asked for maybe that's like a secret condition that well i don't know i know i mean you know obviously one respects sort of you know a degree of humility but i also admire people who are like a go-getter and you know if you don't ask you don't get true i'll consult with tim and see what he says. I won't be offended if not.

All right. Well, now you're going to have to listen back to this episode to find out if you got it. Yeah, that's true. Don't you do a thing until you see the sofa show. There we go, Tim. There's Lucy. She's been on a podcast now.

Well, she has. Yes, yes. And took about starting at the top, I tell you. Yeah, technically, I guess she hasn't really been on a podcast. She's been on an unmade podcast. Oh, that's great. That was great. Do you know when you said you've got an interview with Lucy, I was genuinely excited because, oh, I really would like to know what's going on with this person.

Like, who is this person? Now you know. Fascinating, fascinating. You know, I love rock documentaries, and one of the things that always happens in a rock documentary is they tell the story about how the band was shopping their tape around for this record company and that record company and no one ever listened to it and this person said no you know the Beatles you sound no good or the Stone Roses nah and then there's that one person

who says I heard something special but as you're sitting there as judging going you're crazy are you serious this is an amazing band now how did you not know back then? And I've always wondered if I would be the person to identify. And you know what? I am. Here we are. And I'm saying. You calling it? I'm calling it.

Lucy will be the biggest thing since Colonel Katrina. And two piece feet. All right. Now, the elephant in the room, she's put it out there. Oh, gosh. Wow. Wow. It's very difficult.

I mean, you're biased, obviously, because you got to interview her. I haven't gotten to interview her. You haven't got to vet her in any way, yeah. No, no. I'd like an interview, you know, ask some really searching questions. Did you get a sense that she actually likes, enjoys, eats KFC? We didn't, to be honest, I completely forgot to ask her about KFC, but I think, I mean, she likes

music and music shops. She works for a charity. I think, I mean, I feel like our hands are tied. Yeah, yeah. She comes from Bristol, like Massive Attack and Portishead and all these other good trip-hop bands. Yeah. Sorry, which charity did she... Yes, I'm willing to agree.

Yes, I think this is, I think on the song alone, actually, really, because it's beautiful. It's absolutely beautiful. Yeah. Also, if she becomes like a music star, you don't want to be the guy that refused to make her a colonel. No, no. That's right, yeah.

All right. Of course, I can just imagine the marketing department at a record company saying, you know, okay, Colonel Lucy, we really like your voice. We're not so sure about the Colonel bit. You're like, nope. That's who I play on. What are you talking about? I think she's going to put it on her CV now when she starts sending it around to like, you know, record labels. That's right.

I can use Microsoft Word. I used to live in Bristol. I'm a colonel of the Unmade Podcast. Honorifics. I'm a colonel. That's cool. That's really's cool That's really cool That's really nice Alright Told you I had a good surprise Yes, yes, yes

Nice surprise See how I played it? See how I played it at the start And then just left it there? And then brought it around full circle? That's art, Tim That's podcast art I have to say

When we moved on from talking about it I thought it was a bit abrupt I was like, oh, this is really good. I'd like to talk about this more, but all right, all right, we've got to move on. I guess we've got a lot. But you had something planted later on. You were under the safeguardance of a master puppeteer. I was just pulling the strings. I was laying breadcrumbs, guiding me this way and that way. Everything was deception and double bluffs and red herrings.

It was all part of my master plan. I feel like now you're going to say, and Tim, if you'd walk over to your office door now and open it, there's Lucy. Well, I reckon we're about right for today. I've had this podcast idea from a stakeholder, because obviously stakeholders, another perk of being a stakeholder is you get ideas right out on the show.

And I've had this one here for a couple of episodes. But you know what? I think we're all right. I think now is a natural time to end the episode. Yes. In the spirit of we've got, I think now is a natural time to end the episode. Yes. In the spirit of mediocrity, I think this is a mediocre time to finish. Like, I think it's not too, it's not a bad time to finish. It's not a great time to finish.

It's just time to finish.