The Unmade Podcast - 92: You're So Vain

Episode Date: August 26, 2021

Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/unmadeFM Join the discussion of this episode on our subreddit - https://redd.it/pby4t4 Catch the podcast on YouTube where we often include accompanying videos and pictures - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkIRMZDOKKKs-d14YPmLMxg USEFUL LINKS Four-year-anniversary picture - https://twitter.com/Unmade_FM/status/1429508572736626689/photo/1 Extra photos on the Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/posts/55232525 Unmade Podcast Twitter - where the 'World Cup' vote is happening - https://twitter.com/Unmade_FM A stand-alone YouTube channel of our Sofa Shop Covers - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRNeH_Kpl1ZgpeiNeJ-oiAQ Haiku - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haiku Letters of Complaint - https://www.unmade.fm/episodes/special-wonderful-complaints The Tim & Brady Gates Foundation - https://www.unmade.fm/gates-foundation Pictures of Spoon of the Week - https://www.unmade.fm/spoon-of-the-week Send your own spoon by following these instructions - https://www.unmade.fm/send-us-a-spoon Australian Bicentenary - 1988 - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australian_Bicentenary You're So Vain - song by Carly Simon - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQZmCJUSC6g

All right, Tim, this is our first recording since a very special moment. It was our four-year anniversary. I know. Four years since the first podcast. What do you get someone as a present for four years? Do you know? Hang on, let me look. I don't know.

Is it styrofoam or plastic? Four-year anniversary. Electrical appliances. You could have got me an iPad. I think you have enough electrical devices, to be honest. Four-year anniversary. Electrical appliances. You could have got me an iPad. I think you have enough electrical devices, to be honest. I do have enough electrical appliances. I have a lot of electrical appliances. You know the list that goes with those wedding anniversaries,

you know, plastic and then gold and then copper and platinum, you know? Where does that come from? What's all that about? Do you understand? I don't know. But do you know what the five-year anniversary present is it says here what unmade podcast merchandise we'll hit the mother load got a t-shirt coming your way next year no i'm only kidding because of course every day is unmade podcast merchandise day

that's right you head to unmade.fm slash press the button that says merch. You know how like when a member of the royal family has a significant milestone like a birthday or an anniversary, they release an official photo? Yes. Like Buckingham Palace releases the official photo of the queen or something like that. We decided to release an official photo.

But of course, because we're in different places, we had to take it separately and then use digital trickery to put them side by side. So, I sent Tim to his local KFC saying, can you get a picture of yourself with four pieces of chicken? And then I was going to do the same thing at my end. But there was such a ridiculous queue at my local KFC, I thought, oh, I'm not having that. So, I went and got four cheeseburgers instead because I prefer cheeseburgers to KFC anyway. So, then we released the official picture.

So, you can go and see that on Twitter and Patreon and stuff and in the notes. But before, Tim, you tell me an anecdote which you've promised me, can I tell you how that played from my perspective? I gave you late notice, I admit. And I texted you and said, Tim, you need to do this right away. And you were like, I can't because I'm watching a show with the family, but I'll do it after the show. And I thought, fair enough. It'll be, you know, an hour or two.

And I reckon 10 minutes later, I got the text from you in KFC. Did you actually watch the show or did you just say, that's it, we're going to KFC? Did I, like, release the hounds? We interrupt this program for an emergency trip to KFC. You did get there very quickly. Oh, well, priorities. I mean, you twisted my arm. You had me at, hey, Tim, can you please?

You had me at, hey, Tim, can you please? You had me at KFC. And also one other observation, like, Tim, you're a man of many talents, but one of your talents is not taking photographs, in my opinion. I don't think you take a good photograph. That, see, wow. Yes. I'm putting it out there. Maybe I'm wrong, but that's just an opinion I've got over time.

But the pictures you sent from KFC were fantastic. And I was like, wow, these pictures are great. And you then told me one of your daughters took them. And that's when I realised, because of like social media in the world we live in now, young girls are really, really good at taking photos. They've just gotten really good at it. So, when I went to McDonald's, I said to my wife, I've got to go to McDonald's to take a picture for Unmade Podcast. That didn't go down too well, but anyway, I did it. My wife said, well, who are you going to get to take the photo for you? And I said, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to find a young girl to take it because young girls take the best photos. It was pointed out to me at that point that an old middle-aged

man going into KFC and buying four cheeseburgers for himself and then going up to a young girl and asking to have a photo taken probably wasn't the best play. So I ended up asking some old guy to take it instead. Hence my photo is not as good as yours. Yeah, you haven't lived until as a dad you've said, okay, we're going down to KFC. Having finished dinner full as a gook, said, okay, we're going down to KFC so that I can hold four pieces of chicken in one hand and you take a photo of me.

Welcome to podcasting. Yeah, yeah. And I started explaining things like, oh, come down for the angle and see if you can get the kernel. And I just got waved away like, yeah, it's sorted. You don't have to worry. Like, it's okay. I'm going to make you look fabulous.

You know, like. What happened to those pictures? The only thing harder than holding four pieces of KFC in your fingers is then trying to pick up your phone afterwards, which is trying to pick up an iPhone with grease just pouring off your hand. And I noticed you went for the four drumsticks, which was the smart play because it's better for the photo. Did you have to put in a specific request to say I need four drumsticks only? Well, I got a bucket and just pulled out the four. Obviously, that's the wiser way to go.

drumsticks only or well i got a bucket and just pulled out the four obviously that's the wiser way easiest way to get four drumsticks is i could ask for four drumsticks or i could just buy a massive load of chicken and meat guaranteed to at least have four in there and eat my way through to those drumsticks you know oh there's one put that one aside keep going i could i could just move that wing to pick up the drumstick but now i'm gonna eat my way through the wing to get to the drumstick you know how there's those guys that drink cans instead of um opening the top of a can to have a drink there's this thing where you smash a hole in the bottom and you've got a skull skull yeah i wonder if you could eat a bucket of kfc that way like come in through the bottom and eat your way up just losing yourself

inside the bucket your head as it goes around or just bite the side of it like those guys that bite the side of a can you rip it off tear it away spit it out oh dear oh yeah yeah i like it i like it and it was strange because it was actually purely coincidental. It was the second time in a week that we'd had KFC. Imagine my shock. It actually had been a while before then, but I was, again, it was someone else twisting my arm into it, a group of friends who also love the podcast,

and we sort of had a get together reunion time and and and so we had kfc but the strangest thing happened it was so peculiar we went down and bought it you know the men we went and got in the car drove down bought it got back in the car drove back yeah you know sat down and ate it and pulling it out of the bags though we found the most curious thing at the end of the night. Because we ate the KFC, stuff went away, we got the brown paper bags that they come in, and I walked back.

I'd realised I'd forgotten to take them to the bin. So I go down to the bin. I went to lift it up and throw it in the bin downstairs. This is like the communal bin of the apartment block. And an AirPod fell out, of all things. And I'm like, what is this? Oh, lucky I found that. We've obviously dropped an AirPod fell out of all things. And I'm like, what is this? Oh, lucky I found that. We've obviously dropped an AirPod in there.

So I take it upstairs and I go to all the sets of AirPods in the house and they're all full. This is like an extra one. So I'm like, oh, my goodness, one of our guests has dropped an AirPod in the bag of KFC. So I text them and they're all like, nope, nope, we've got ours or we don't have them. And I'm like, so we've got this random AirPod. And so I called up KFC and I said, I just want to report that I think

maybe one of your, you know, attendants, what do they call them? Serving people? Employees. Employees, indeed. Yes, yes. I just assume people volunteer at KFC for the platter. Tim never even noticed there were humans there. He's so fixated on the chicken.

That's true. I said, I think one of them has dropped an AirPod into the bag. And he goes, nope, that's impossible. And I said, well well surely it's not impossible and he goes well we forbid any anything in their ears or any headphones or anything from the workplace and i'm like okay well just in case maybe someone's not abided by the rules spread it amongst your employees we've got this random air pod of all the things to find at the bottom of a kfc bag so we've taken this Airpod. We haven't heard back from them.

And it's been put on the shelf as a little KFC memento. So I've got two observations there. One is maybe one of the chickens was wearing AirPods. And my second observation is I love the idea that someone dropped both AirPods in, but you ate one of them in the frenzy of chicken eating. Only one survived the carnage. Some employee after work is doing their find my phone, you know, app thing and realise, hang on, one's over in the city, the other one's moving around somewhere near that church. What's going on there?

I love it. I notice you're only wearing one AirPod at the moment. I only wear one to record. Okay. Yeah, the other one is here. Very well. If you have lost an AirPod and you were anywhere near KFC in adelaide in the last

couple of weeks get in touch with us by the email we may be able to help you out there also a little parish notice something i've been doing on our twitter i haven't spoken to you about this tim but i know you've seen it just for the fun of it i'm doing a little world cup of sofa shop covers i've got a whole bunch of the covers and i've put them in what i think americans call a bracket but i don't know what we would call it tim like a knockout a knockout competition where i'm putting them all in pairs and i'm doing votes for people to choose their favorite and one gets knocked out and one goes through to the next round until we choose a champion sofa shop cover it's just something i'm doing in my spare time for fun and i'm only doing it on twitter so if you want to go to the unmade podcast twitter you can go and each day there's a new pair

for you to vote on and in a week or two or three we're going to have a a champion for whatever that's worth so uh go and check it out if you want to have you voted no i've not voted i'm remaining neutral um good they call this a battle of the bands. You know, sometimes there is like a real battle of the bands where two rock bands play and the best one gets to come back next week. But I know FN stations do this with songs too. Is it a round robin or is that something else, a round robin competition? No, I don't think that's how round robin works.

I think in round robin you play everyone. Oh. I think. I think that's how a round robin works. It's like a robin you play everyone. Oh. I think. I think that's how round robin works. It's like a knockout. It's like the FA Cup works like this. Yes. It's just a – it's like – or playoffs.

You know, American playoffs work this way too, you know, elimination. So it's elimination. So we've had four or five rounds already. Okay, have we over-explained that enough now? Is everyone catching on? Yeah. There'll be lots of them at the beginning and only one winner at the end and it's like every other sport on earth

now here's something else that i've been doing on the side that i can't wait to share with people so as you know we've got all these sofa shop covers and tim and i recently have produced a mixtape, a cassette tape that you can get of all the songs, but we haven't decided how we're going to distribute these mixtapes yet. So can you see the box of them behind me there, Tim? Oh, yeah. Wow.

The mother load. So what I did recently on Patreon, and only on Patreon, this was a little Patreon perk, I invited our stakeholders to send in a piece of haiku poetry about the sofa shop. And from all of those who've sent in haiku poems, a handful of them will be randomly chosen and given some of these tapes. So, this is our first attempt to put some of the tapes out there. And we want to reward people for, you know, doing nice things. So, as a result, we have a whole bunch of haiku poems about the sofa shop. Tim, do you remember having to write haiku poems at school?

It was always something your English teacher got you to do, wasn't it? I don't remember doing it at school, to be honest. Oh, I don't. I know a little bit about haiku since, but I don't remember doing it at school. Oh, I always think it was one of those lazy things your English teacher did when they had nothing prepared that day. They got you all to write haiku poems because haiku poems are sort of like, they're sort of easy to write. For those who don't know, haiku poems is this Japanese art form. There are three lines to the poem and the first line has to have five syllables.

The second line has to have seven syllables, I believe. And then the final line again has five syllables. And they don't have to rhyme. And obviously they're quite short because of those parameters. And they always end up coming across kind of sort of inadequate and a little bit posey. And like, what do you think of haiku poems? Be honest.

I've seen some clever ones, but I, yeah, no, they, I mean, not just the clever ones that we've got sitting next to me here I'm about to read, but some other ones. But you are right. There's, yeah, yeah. Like poetry generally, there's a few diamonds amongst a heck of a lot of coal. Anyway, we're going to read you a selection of haiku poems sent in by Patreon supporters. And at the end, we'll tell you which five are going to receive a tape.

They haven't been, tapes are not being given on merit. I want to point out, I don't, I didn't want to turn this into like a competition. Because how can one judge art? You know, you can't judge art unless you do a battle of the bands. So, we're not judging. The five winners have been chosen randomly. But we're going to let you listen to a whole bunch of them. Maybe not all in one hit.

Maybe we'll spread them throughout the show so that people don't stop listening immediately. Are you ready for some haiku poetry? And I'll tell you who has sent them in. And Tim, because you've got the voice, haven't you? You're the church minister. You're the professional speaker among us. I'll let you do the reading if that's okay. It's going to be difficult not to slip into Tommyball Tim,

I have to admit at this point. Yeah, or Reverend Tim for that matter. But anyway. Or Reverend Tim, that's right. That's four octaves below Barry White. Okay. Okay, so we have three here that were sent in by Marie. And the first one Marie has sent in has used the Big Ben theme.

Hark, the bells they chime, ringing loud for all to hear. I want sofa now. I think the five-syllable thing caused a bit of a problem there with the last line but well played it's not very japanese though going so deep is it like that but it's no yeah you could be like a like an elderly you know japanese wise man i'm all right with that this next one from marie is dedicated to uh carmen scalzi the original singer of the sofa shop scooping to the notes carmine sings his famous song unmade sings along and here's one more from marie sofas glimmering through the window i can see the sofa i need

here's one from janos tension in the spring silence of halifax street all matching colors and you like that one did you just today i was on halifax street i went to the post office and it turns out i was at the wrong one. The package had gone to Hutt Street. So I was like, darn you, Halifax Street. Anyway. Here's one from Kia in Melbourne, Australia. Five-seater sofa, seven-seater sofa, yeah, at the sofa shop.

Adding a yeah in is cheating. No, because that's, you know, that's part of the sofa shop song, isn't it? The sofa shop, yeah, come and drop in. Oh, yeah, that's right. I think the yeah should have been a bit more, yeah. You want me to do it again? Oh, you can if you want. Five-seater sofa, seven Five seater sofa Seven seater sofa

Yeah At the sofa shop Oh you went Dutch rap at the end there Here's one from Malta Or Malty I am without you What a sofa is without Matching curtains too.

I think those two last lines need to flow into each other a bit more, don't you? But isn't that the point that you don't always flow them in? Sometimes you do. What a sofa is without matching curtains too. Because people can't see them, I'm trying to give them a sense of the pace. Yeah, I'm with you, I'm with you. Hey i'm not i'm not i'm not questioning you're the reader here you're the man here is one from lindsey now that ain't working get your sofas for nothing and your curtains free yeah you see what they did there nice nice couldn't use curtains for free though because that would have tripped them

up on the syllables. So yeah, very clever. Here we have Hilda, who's written a whole bunch of them, but you need the context to understand why she's written what she's written. So I'll read what Hilda wrote. Dear Brady and Tim, I love to listen to your podcast while cleaning the house. Since I walk from room to room a lot, especially when I'm doing the laundry, I tend to put you guys on speaker and bring my phone everywhere. My fiance, Jordy, who is kind of a sound snob, can't stand the tinny sound. So sometimes I even put you on our Sonuses. We have one in every room. So that wherever I go, I will not miss a second of the podcast. As a consequence, Jordy, who doesn't follow the podcast was unable to escape the sofa shop cover curse of it sticking in his head i was so proud to hear him on the

podcast little side note geordie sent in a cover of the sofa shop which we played it was this one I'd love to win the mixtape for him Thank you for making the podcast Hilda So here are a whole bunch of haiku poems from Hilda Very much based around the tale you just heard. My fiancée, Geordie, made the 90s house cover, I Want That Mixtape. Never feel alone while roaming around the house with Tim and... Oh, I always... Can I just point out here, there's two letters here that are addressed to Brady and Tim,

and I just want to clarify for people it's actually tim and brady but anyway we introduce ourselves hi i'm tim from tim and brady yeah we're uh we're big fans of reverse alphabetical order here at the unmade podcast that's right never feel alone while roaming around the house with Brady and Tim. Cleaning on weekends, singing and laughing out loud. The Unmade Podcast. The sofa shop is now Berkowitz furniture. So disappointed. I like that.

Berkowitz does get a few mentions. Lovely sense of lament in that one Yeah The sofa shop can match curtains with your sofa I love the sameness Sofa shop jingle You only have to hear it once All day in your head

After 20 years Reminiscing commercials still know it by heart that's nice she's good yeah she's good a little bit of the remember the mike myers in um um i married an ex-murderer so i married an ex-murderer yeah Yeah. He's like a beat poet. Gosh, that's a funny film. And there's a few elements of him there calling after Harriet, his ex-girlfriend. Check that film out, people. Nice. Good KFC cameo in there as well, actually, that film. Really?

Easter eggs, yeah. I don't remember. I've only seen it once. I don't remember it. Remember, he goes to his dad's house and his dad's Scottish and he's talking about KFC on the television. And he goes, oh, KFC. They put something in the chicken that makes you crave it fortnightly. He gets really excited.

Here we have a haiku from Rich. Brown curtain, tragic. In search of handsome fabric. Sofa will match it. That's good because that one rhymes as well. That sounds very clever, Rich. We're very impressed with poetry that rhymes. That's as deep as we go.

For me, it's not poetry unless it rhymes. If you're not rhyming, what are you doing? You're just putting words. Yeah. Okay. Here's one that has another letter. Dear Brady and Tim, my son Bram and I love to take road trips. In 2016, we visited all 50 states, the lower 48 in a series of summer road trips.

That summer, Bram introduced me to podcasts. I've been a fan of the Unmade podcast since it started. This past week, Bram, now 20, and I Were driving home to North Carolina From his summer internship in California And on our last day we happened upon the original KFC Whoa And there's a photo enclosed

I immediately thought of you guys Thanks for being awesome This is Janelle And here's the haiku she wrote as a result Not the sofa shop What did we see on Monday? The first KFC Isn't it interesting?

KFC has only three letters but also three syllables Yes You burn through a lot of syllables talking about KFC Here's Amanda On Halifax Street, the curtains matched the sofas. Until Berkowitz. I love the way you say Berkowitz. You say it with such menace.

Well, that one has a haunting air about it. Until Berkowitz. When you hear the name Berkowitz, do you like me picture Darth Vader in your head? I see Darth Vader. To be honest, I always think of an old comedy routine by Woody Allen that you can find online called The Moose. And I won't go into it.

He tells the story of going to catch a moose. It only goes for five minutes, but it's well worth a listen. Later on is a couple who feature called the Berkowitzers. Here we have Rob. New unmade podcast? Aussie ad stuck in my head. For the next few days. Now, John wrote a whole series of haikus,

so let's hear some of those. I'm weak at haiku. Regardless, attempts were made made i hope you enjoy affordable shop only sofas match your drapes on halifax street yeah come and drop in enjoy sofas most comfy. Small price for purchase. Can I say, I think this is the only time in history that the word yeah has been used in a haiku. And it's been used twice in this little collection so far. One more. Expensive sofas.

The sofa shop has not won. Go try Berkowitz. Oh, he didn't do Berkowitz quite so sinister that time. That doesn't mean I'm warming to them. Here's one from Dan. Tim and Brady's shop. The only stop stopped too soon. Curse you, Berkowitz. I like that. The only stop stopped too soon. Thatse you, Berkowitz. I like that. The only stop stopped too soon.

That's really clever. Yes, yes. Playing on the lyrics and, yeah, really, that's good, Dan. Well played. Here's one from Michiel. Bell towers ringing, covers joyfully swinging, sofa shop covers. That's nice. That's a nice one.

Tim, in the last special episode, when we were doing our letters of complaint, you had the brainwave, to be honest, of building memorial gates to you and I at our old school. Because you pointed out quite rightly that our old school doesn't really commemorate our time there in the way that perhaps they should. So, we became quite enamoured by the idea of commemorative, ornate gates, so that as the kiddies come into school each day, they can look up and

think about what's possible, what podcasts they could make. And we've really run with this idea since. In fact, to the point that we've decided to start a foundation, the Tim and Brady Gates Foundation, or just the Gates Foundation, some people might prefer to call it, but it's the Tim and Brady Gates Foundation. We've registered a website. And I think we want to take the idea further and not just put gates at our old school, but perhaps schools all around the world have Tim and Brady Gates at ideally every school in the world one day. It could just become a thing. You know, when I go to school, I go through the Tim and Brady Gates. It's what you do every morning. You also have been running with this. You've been doing a bit of work on the

side, I understand. Yes, I've been receiving tenders from architect firms who are sort of very keen. People have come out quite interested in being associated with this particular project, which is wonderful. I mean, it is wonderful to see them doing this kind of philanthropy. Sometimes the commercial sector can just be all about the money, but I think they see that they're dealing with a legacy project here and something that's going to enhance their reputation. We've actually come up with a mission statement for the Tim and Brady Gates Foundation.

A non-profit organisation dedicated to inspiring the next generation of students by building ornate entrance gates at local schools. Yes. Asterix, now accepting submissions from architects and qualified ironmongers. Yes. I've always wanted to use ironmongers in a sentence. This is going to be a boon for the ironmonger industry. It is. They'll finally be able to move on from shooing horses to something bigger.

That's a blacksmith. Ah, what's an iron? What's the difference? But we will accept blacksmiths as well. Do you know what I like the idea of an ironmonger making for us? You know, in Game of Thrones, there's that big throne that's made of swords. It's made of like hundreds and hundreds of swords. We should each podcast from our own throne made of spoons or put together into a big throne

i'd love that that's cold i thought about tim and brady thrones but i thought that might be a bit self-angrizing gates has got the right level of humility about it yeah that's right that's right i don't want it to be about us so no i want it to be about the students being inspired by us i don't want the tim and brady gates foundation to be about us the house the house things coming along with sort of potential designs very well i've chosen an architect for um the school, our school, and it's been working through the weekend. Some really good work, I have to say.

Some initial sketches were very promising and we were able to give some direction choosing one of the preferred designs of four that were put forward. You know, some might say we went with the more elaborate design, but I just think it was the most appropriate. And then it's moved to, you know some might say we went with the more elaborate design but i i just think it was the most appropriate and then it's moved to you know when they move from sketching things out now they they all use computers these architects they're quite incredible cad cad design you know rendering on computers oh yeah yeah so it looks like computer games did when we were kids in the 80s you know where it's all simple with no detail and it's like playing pong but um

or um what's it called mine oh minecraft minecraft that's it i just sound like an old man you're so down with the kids tim what's it called computer games it looks like Space Invaders. Girls love it. I was about to say Mineshaft, and I'm like, no, that's not right. It's not Mineshaft. Minecraft. Mineshaft. All the kiddies playing Mineshaft.

And Space Invaders. Oh, dear. You're Packing Man and all those games. Oh, dear. You're packing man and all those games. Oh, that's a funny one. I'll have to put that on my MySpace, my FaceSlam profile post. Yes. So some of these preliminary designs will be shared on the Tim and Brady Gates Foundation web page, which is also up and running. And if you're an incredibly rich philanthropist who would like to fund the building of Gates

across the world, do get in touch. A reminder again, we are a non-profit organization. All the expenses will be used to pay Tim and my salary and building of Gates. A very generous salary, i might point out even the architects are donating their time which is great very good check it out people um it's going to be the next big thing sorry there's two benefits from this one is one is because there'll be multiple gates at schools all over the place there's multiple architectural firms who'll be able to be involved.

So that's wonderful. We're able to share that. No one chosen one. Because each school should represent the culture. For example, the gates at a Japanese school or the gates at a Malaysian school or a Russian school will be different to one in Australia. So we want the designs to be sympathetic to the culture and the design of the school where they're installed. Yes. The only common thing linking them all will be our name

in very tall letters across the top. Yes. And the letters need to be tall because some of the kids that are young and are looking up from a very low, you know, angle and are still learning to read need to be able to get the T and the B nice and big. It'll be wonderful to see a collection of the Gates from around the world, you know, in sort of an exhibition in the future, like a United Nations of Tim and Brady Gates of all

the different cultures coming together. I look forward to that. That's the kind of vision we have. I like the idea that a lot of kids from around the world, probably the first words they ever speak in English will be Tim and Brady. Do you really think we could be that much of a blessing? I mean, really, Brady? I mean, you've got a big vision. I have a dream. You know, we've got a foundation now. with i mean we've got to go all in

so should students start contacting their schools now is that what you're saying or do you think we hold back until the first one's built no i think the groundswell should start now i think student councils and things should start just let it be known that when this funding comes online from the foundation they want their school to apply to be among the first generation of schools to have Tim and Brady Gates installed. Parents and friends committees will start sort of making lamingtons and selling cakes and fundraising. Yeah. But also, I think, you know, we need to be tapping into government funding and bigger grants. I think we need to aim bigger.

funding and bigger grants. I think we need to aim bigger, you know. I think there should be like, you know, like the state of South Australia could have a huge campaign to have every state school. I don't know. I don't know. I don't want to get too carried away. I'm glad it's not about us. That's all I can say. That's it. That's it.

It's about the kids. You need gates. You need gates to get otherwise how will they get into the school at all? Well, this is true. This is true. This is true. Without gates, you've just got a fence. And a fence just separates people.

And that's not what we want. That's not the way forward. No, we're not like that. We're about joining. We're about joining people from outside the fence to people inside the fence through the medium of gates. Is that a haiku? I think that's close to haiku. It was close.

It was close. We got a bunch from Kresimir. Here are some of them. Treats for a behind. The sofa shop had in droves. Alas, no longer Oh, gone it may be But still immortal in song

Sofa shop lives strong It was the 90s Where you made your name and fame Sofa sales your game I thought you'd like that one Sort of harks to the heady times of wall street and stuff like that like you know greed is good this one comes from uh isa or ica i'm not sure on halifax street the flags wave in last tribute

for the sofa shop few factual errors there isn't it because i mean wave in last tribute for the sofa shop. A few factual errors there, isn't it? Because, I mean, it's been a while. The sofa shop lived on past Halifax Street. So it'd be interesting seeing sofa shops' demise that the flags would be back at Halifax Street where it had already moved. Unless they were talking about a flag tribute when it moved. I don't know. I think the fact that the sofa shop was only briefly on Halifax Street is a fact that's been lost in time now.

Of course, the sofa shop was in many locations. I remember it first being on West Terrace, so it had already left Halifax Street by the time it came into my consciousness. But, you know, here we have one from Timothy, a namesake. On Halifax Street, there is a hole the shape of all our broken hearts. That's great. That's great. That could go on a T-shirt.

On Halifax Street, there is a hole the shape of all our broken hearts what is the shape of multiple broken hearts I'm not exactly sure but yeah if you like that one how about this one this is from Robert fragments of cosmos consumed by machines and fire buried in landfill I'm not even sure if that's about the sofa shop Or I don't know what's going on Maybe there's some joke there and that's like I don't know

Maybe that Robert is Robert Smith from The Cure And he accidentally sent lyrics through Rather than What about this one from Daniel Walked into shop for Sofas and matching curtains I bought puce Gingham

Is puce Well puce is a colour and gingham's like a design Isn't it of like a pattern you can get For sofas so Alright what we got Tyler On carolyn bells a new melody rings out Sofa shop jingle Nice Now christmas 95 uh wrote in and

pointed out that they've always liked the idea of don't you do a thing until you've seen the sofa shop so that's where this one comes from cannot do this yet haven't seen the sofa shop necessary task it's always the last line that brings you unstuck with haikus, isn't it? They always just sell you a bit short at the end. This one sort of goes in circles, though, because necessary task, cannot do this yet, haven't seen this sofa shop. You know what I mean? You keep going around and around like a vicious circle. Infinite loop.

Here we have one from Zach. Together at last. The divine and carnal meet. Together at last, the divine and carnal meet, fabric and curtains. That's good. Here's one from the Netherlands. This one comes from Bram. So for song of old, money for nothing seeps through take tim's guitar please

lovely setup for me to play a bit of this as well all right here we have one from pole sometimes i wonder if fabric is still chosen on halifax street now obviously it's not because as we know, there is no sofa shop on Halifax Street. Just a hole the shape of all our broken hearts. Justin in Virginia. Be wonder the... Very good. Be wonder the shop. Dope wraps, carolons and fun.

Sofa shop. Hooray! That's nice. You went for the big hooray there at the end Yes Something different Now something a bit haunting from Irof Among these sofas Absence of footsteps lingers

A silent radio Oh that's nice That's nice This one comes from Bruce And for context Bruce a little while ago, unfortunately, had a heart attack. And while he was waiting for treatment in the hospital, he had all this time to spend. And he spent it with the sofa shop ringing through his head because I think he'd been listening to the podcast. So this is based on his time waiting for medical treatment.

Sofa shop jingle. So soothingly familiar. Still waiting my turn. His heart's obviously broken because he's been on Halifax Street. Yes, that's right. Longing for a sofa. All the best to you, Bruce. Here's a double from Shane.

Does Tim Hines shop there? Did he match his curtains to a store for legends? The great fallen kings usurped by Berkowitz. Rise again, my lord. Some grand language. Oh, dear. I'm not sure if some of these are haikus or just late night text messages that have gone a bit wrong. We should have a rule this week that we can only text each other with haikus.

This is where you look back through and realise I've been doing that for four years. That's not Tim's master plan. My mate Tim, he's a decent guy But he's got this weird thing that he will only text you in haikus Here's a secret for you Go back to all my text messages over four years And pull out the first letter of every line And see what you come up with

Get back to me when you're finished, okay? Will do Alright, Here's John. The sofa shop is stakeholder inspiration and earworm deluxe. Katie. Earworms are bad, or so I thought, but then I learned of the sofa shop. Catherine. Nose pressed against glass, waiting for the daily daily post Where's sofa shop pin?

Ooh, nice Little reference there to the fact that Patreon supporters are eligible for sofa shop pins At some stage So keep an eye on the post Classy pins they are too They're lovely They're lovely

I love it when you get your pins I love it when you post pictures of them So keep doing that on Twitter as well Thank you I always love to see the pins out in the the wild i saw president biden wearing one the other day did you notice that the queen had one too yeah i did it was nice it was it was classy actually his kai ku is coming up later so we'll get to that he does kind of speak in haiku doesn't he like he sort of pauses and waits and then goes to the next line.

And now Jordan wrote us a whole bunch of haikus, including a whole lot about Tommy Bowl, but let's stick with the sofa shop for now. Here's his sofa shop haiku. Adelaide sofas. Match your fabric to your doors. Check out doors plus two. Little reference to doors plus another of Tim's favourites.

We will do an idea for a podcast in this episode, I promise. I have got an idea that I'm really excited about. But before we do, we have to do... Spilled of the Week. What do you got, Tim? Well, Brady, I've held off on doing this spoon for some months, actually, because I've been trying to remember the context around how we came to this spoon because I was involved in it. Right. I still can't think of it, but I'm going to describe it to you. And I was thinking you may actually know about this

because it's something to do with 1988 and the bicentenary celebrations. Look, the spoon is of a truck. And it's a pretty, I'd have to say it's probably the heaviest spoon. It's up there with the unmade podcast in terms of weight and size um our formal spoon and it's got a massive truck on the front um yeah on the top on the on the top of the handle where we have where it's like it's a normal teaspoon but on the top where we sometimes will have you know the name of a place and that there's like a a big metallic picture of a truck

and it looks like it's got truck on written underneath it yeah and then on the back in the same place it says australian made um and that's all it says and there's no other detail yep and this triggered a memory in my mind i remember being a kid in taralgon and the big trucks came and that's what i remember it was big trucks like a whole fleet of a convoy yeah yeah and the big trucks came and we heard beforehand the big trucks are coming and then the big trucks came and they all set up somewhere but i couldn't remember what it was but there was do you remember something about big trucks coming to town? It was something to do with the bicentenary.

So I'm thinking that maybe there was some exhibition or something like that. So for people listening, the Australian bicentenary was in 1988 and there was a whole bunch of festivities across the country. And you might be right, Tim. There may have been some convoy of trucks that went around the country to, you know, dazzle youngsters with all the big lorries coming to town. I mean, it would have taken all of eight seconds for Tim to Google it before the show, but no, that's not how we roll here on the Unmade Podcast. I did Google it before, but I didn't get anywhere. I mean, what am I? I'm Googling big trucks 1988.

Well, you can imagine how that went. Convoy Australia. Put Australia in it and put convoy or something. Australia, you can imagine how that went. Put Australia in it and put convoy or something. Australia, that's a good idea. Yeah, that would help, wouldn't it? They do have trucks in other countries. Australia big trucks tour or convoy? Sorry, people. Tim's now watching YouTube videos of monster trucks, I bet.

That's right. I'll put in bicentennial because I can remember that being associated with it. Mack trucks, Bicentennial ideas, fate and coincidence. The exhibition, the travelling exhibition. Here we go. The Australian Bicentennial exhibition, the greatest road show ever to circle the nation. Well, there we go. There's the trucks.

There you go. Do you remember this? This presumably came to Adelaide. I don't remember it, no. But Adelaide's a big, exciting city where lots of things happen, whereas, you know, Traralgon, I can imagine, this was the biggest thing to happen since the settlement of Australia itself. Oh, yeah, there's a big...

Okay, there's big tents and stuff. Do you want to hear my truck story about trucks in the middle of Australia? And this is, like, not an interesting story, but it's one of the most important memories of my life. You know how in life, sometimes your parents do things and tell you things that teach you to be an adult and to teach you to be like a better person. And those things stick with you all your life. Yes. One of those moments for me was driving through, we were driving through the centre of Australia on one of those trips, you know, probably from Melbourne to Adelaide or something on holiday. Me and my sister were in the

back seat and mum and dad were in the front seat. And we were watching various big trucks and lorries go past on the other side of the road. And every time they did, my dad was talking about how much he loved them, how he loved the big trucks and he loved looking at them and how he loved to have been a truck driver and stuff like that. And my dad's birthday was coming up and my mum wrote on a piece of paper, wouldn't it be a nice birthday present for your dad to buy him a book about trucks? And she handed it to me secretly, you know, secretly. And I read it. And, you know, when you're a kid, you don't think like that. But suddenly it was like this dot joining moment where, oh, someone's expressed an interest in something.

If I pay attention to what they're interested in and what they like, that would be a nice thing to get for them. And that was like, just like a, that was the moment a switch turned in my head. Oh, okay. You be considerate. You think about what other people like and what gifts you can get them. And that year we went to the shops and bought a book about trucks for my dad, which I'm sure he never even opened and he's not really that into trucks anyway. But my mum was just using it as like a teaching experience. And now I can never go past a truck or a lorry out in the outback of Australia and a truck go past and not think of that moment. I can still see the moment where she leaned back and gave me the piece of paper and was teaching

me this thing. And the fact it was being kept a secret from my dad made it even more exciting and stuff like that so that's what i think of when i think of big trucks in australia do you think he would like a spoon with a truck on it then like should i give him a card of this spoon as a gift he'll file it away on the same shelf where that truck book probably is now. Truck book, yeah. It's funny how those moments stay with you, those learning moments. Nice spoon, nice truck spoon. We will include pictures of it in all the usual places.

It's a cool one. It's a lot more gruff and mechanical than a lot of the other spoons we've had which have normally got pretty little enamel pictures of crests and flowers and stuff this is a real truck spoon it is really funny that the if this is an occasion for a whole exhibition we two things one is i don't remember anything about the exhibition i just remember the trucks which is i guess a kid thing or big trucks came to town. Of course, the trucks aren't coming for their own sake.

They're coming for the sake of whatever they're carrying, which is presumably a big exhibition or something. But the second thing is that when we bought a spoon at this exhibition, we didn't buy it about any of the things featuring in the exhibit. Like we bought a truck, a truck spoon. The big truck's coming to town and we bought a truck spoon. So there we go. This is the point where we like to give away,

we'll give away one Unmade Podcast commemorative spoon to one of our Patreon supporters. And that is going to Robert from Saskatchewan in Canada. And saying Saskatchewan is not terribly easy. And we're also going to give away 10 batches of spoon collector cards in an envelope to 10 Patreon supporters chosen at random. And they are Nicholas R from California, Pontus from British Columbia, Adrian from Queensland, Matthew D from Liverpool in the UK,

Mike B from Tennessee, Tavi from Israel, Matthew D from Liverpool in the UK, Mike B from Tennessee, Tavi from Israel, Jason P from the UK, April from Florida, Anthony R from California. And unbelievably, Adrian from Queensland came out of the hat a second time in the one thing. Gosh. So he's getting a double batch. Wow. I had a quick think. The odds of that were in the like one to so he's getting a double batch wow i had a quick think the odds of that were in the like one to a thousands of that happening but adrian from queensland

has won two lots of cards in the one draw what a lucky stakeholder you are adrian Max. Hark, can you hear it? Bewonder the sofa shop. What a time to live. That's good. I like that one. Well read as well. That was a good one. Nice work of bewonder.

I like the inclusion of that in a couple. Now here's Alex lamenting the shop's closure. Now how will I sit? On a sofa I love that matches the curtains? That's a really sad one. I feel like the fact that the sofa shop liked to match sofas and curtains is really something the fans have hooked into here, isn't it? It is.

Because what else do you know? I feel like in doing so, they were combining heaven and earth, you know, bringing them together in a great force of connection and union. Earth, wind and fire. It's sofas and curtains and doors. Here's Jeff. Memorable tunes seep across the Ethernet, finally on tape. That's very good.

Thankfully, they've graduated from the Internet to cassette tape. Here's jazz. Unmade sofa shop where plans for matching curtains are left abandoned. That's haunting. Here's haunting. Here's Alex. Crazy T and B, obsessed with some old ad song,

it's quite the riot. I think that one was supposed to be a bit happier. You brought quite a solemnity to that one, but that's okay. It's your prerogative. Riot doesn't appear in many happy lyrics, does it? No, but they mean riot. Oh, those two, they're such a riot I think it was more like that

Well, let me give it a second reading and let's see how it changes Crazy T&B? Obsessed with some old ad song? It's quite a riot There you go, Zane Bit zanier This haiku does not endorse riots. We've got two here from Katie.

When I see Tim and Brady pop up in my feed, best time of the week. Yes. Yeah. All right. I like that. Quietly humming as he cooks, I smiled knowing he's a fan as well. Ah, that's lovely. I like that one.

I like it, yeah. A little bit of a couple haiku. Yeah, a little moment between civilians. There's a loveliness around people who send it in and say, I'm a fan and my partner isn't, and then they've slowly become a vicarious fan you know that's i like that a lot they've sold them don't worry tim that'll happen with you and your wife eventually just keep playing your episodes

what's the last episode of the unmade podcast your wife listened to she's overheard a few when i've been doing premieres, you know, when I go online on YouTube. Oh, yeah. Premieres and comment. So it's playing aloud in the house. I don't know. It's quite concerning now I stop and think about that.

How amazed would you be if you found out she didn't want to admit it but she's secretly a super fan and has created, like, a fake account and is a Patreon supporter and listens to them all when you're not around and stuff like that but just doesn't want you to know like one of these haikus from her she's told jeff or something real life it'd just be too embarrassing for her to admit what a big fan she is. Oh my God, I live in the same house with him. Oh my goodness. All right, here's Andrew. The sofa shop, yeah.

Drop in on Halifax Street, 20 years ago. I quite like that. I think that's quite funny. Lyle. Oh, fabric merchant. Zenith of comfort at home. A bargain for all. I like the idea of fabric merchant. That's what I'd tell people I did too if I sold sofas.

All right. Lawrence. Silly sofa song. A stakeholder sing-along. Someone use a gong. Nice. Yeah, well, it rhymes, so 10 out of 10 from us. Yeah, there you go.

Instant winner. Oh, at last, now that is poetry. But someone use a gong has an element of, is it time to let this go? Like someone gong them off? No? Yeah, like red faces. Yeah, exactly. Oh, that's how I took it to be, but maybe it's not.

Here's John in Swindon. On Halifax Street, the only stop is no more curse you berkowitz can i just say it's so cool to hear the name swindon like it's because i'm a massive fan of the office the uk version of the office just hearing someone from swindon just is um lovely for this fan in australia anyway brenton walking by a shop stop in my tracks when I see the sofa I need. And Christopher. Oh, the sofa shop couches of finest pleather. How we miss your smell.

Now, I promised five winners. I think it would only be appropriate If we announce the five winners Of Sofa Shop cassette tapes Through the medium of Haiku Tim, if you do the honours Kathy and Katie Chris from Pennsylvania Plus Rich and Dutch

Malt Maltay you reckon? I don't know I'm hoping malt because I want the one syllable. Yes, indeed. So those winners, just in case it's not clear, Kathy from Virginia, Katie from Kentucky, Chris from Pennsylvania, Malt from the Netherlands

and Rich from the UK. Tapes will be coming your way. Thank you to everyone who contributed. That was really good fun. And thank you, Tim, for doing such a great job. Tim, you were born to read poetry. Oh, well, that was really good fun. And thank you, Tim, for doing such a great job. Tim, you were born to read poetry. Oh, well, born to read that poetry, that's for sure.

With poets like our Patreon supporters. They're Patreon poets, that's what they are. They are. Patreon poets. Go to patreon.com slash unmadefm because we love everyone who listens to the show, but we do like to do little bonus things for those Patreon poets. Go to patreon.com slash unmadefm because we love everyone who listens to the show, but we do like to do little bonus things for those Patreon supporters sometimes. And that little poetry exercise was such a thing. All right, Tim, we've only got time for one idea

for a podcast this week, and it's going to be an idea from me. Okay. I'm really pleased with this idea. It's called You're so vain brackets you probably think this quote is about you and the idea of this podcast the schtick for it will become evident very quickly because today you're going to be the guest on my podcast right i've got a bunch of quotes and comments from people you know and they are either talking about someone they know

or they're talking about you. And you have to guess whether or not this comment is about you or about someone else they know. You're so vain, you probably think this quote is about you. So, I've spoken to my wife, who knows you. Yes. So, I've spoken to my wife, who knows you. Yes. Myself, who knows you. And I also had a quick phone call with your daughters a bit earlier, who know you very well. So, I've got a bunch of quotes and comments.

And you have to say, is this about you or is this about someone else? Okay. All right. I can tell you relish these ones. Is it going to be something I say, like a Tim quote, or is it going to be something about me? This is them describing someone. And you have to say if they're describing you or they're describing someone else. You're so vain, you probably think this quote is about you.

Let's see how many you get right. Okay. And if you're humble and say, oh, that's not about me, like you lose a point. So, you need to get them right. Here's one from my wife. He is always willing to pray for stuff for me. Yes, that's about me. Correct. All right. You sometimes get phone calls and texts asking for a little quick cheeky prayer, don't you? I love it. His favourite phrase is, that's right. Yes. Yeah, we know that from the podcast.

Yes. That's you. That's you. All right. Now, let's get some from your daughters here. A very loud talker and laugher. I think I am. And so I think they would say that. Yes. That was something they were describing your mum, Auntie Dawn there.

Ah, right. Yes. Yes. Okay. Yes. Well, I obviously get it from somewhere. So, hmm. Let's stick with your daughters. Always says there at the end of sentences.

Yes. That's you of sentences. Yes. That's you? Yes. Correct. That is you. Not very good at listening. No, surely not. Except that we had a conversation about this literally an hour before I came to record this.

Oh, that's why it was the first thing they said then. All right. It was occasioned by the comment from one of us going, you always do this. He likes Milo and Vegemite on toast. I think that's a quote about you, not me. Correct. Yes. Often worries about causing offence

and apologises. Yeah, that is me sometimes, but I also do cause offence I think. Hmm, let me... No, I don't think that's me. I don't think they're talking about me there. No, they were describing your mum again. Yes, that's right, yeah.

Very knowledgeable and likes things to be neat and tidy. I'd like to think that was about me, but I don't think it is. I can't think who they are. I think they're talking about you. That's what I, that's you. No, they're talking about Colonel Katrina. Oh, that is true. Wears glasses, has dark hair and cares about his friends. Again, that's true, but I don't think that's what people would reach for to describe me. So maybe that's Brooklyn. That's Harry Potter.

Yes. Has got legs like a chicken. Did you get onto my wife as well? Did you get onto my wife as well, did you? I think there they're talking about Brooklyn. That's you and Brooklyn, they said. I'm jumping around different. These aren't all from your daughters now, but some of them are.

I'm jumping all around. All right. He is a surprisingly slow eater. No, that's not me. All right, correct. That's my friend, Chris. One of the most reliable people I know. Reliable?

No, I don't think people would. Again, I'd like to. This is, it is about vanity, isn't it? Because I would like to think of myself as reliable, but if I'm honest, I don't think it's the first comment someone would reach for. No. No, that was me describing our friend Mark When he tells a story, he definitely likes to take his time over it No, I know who that's about, that's not me

It's not who you think it was, but yeah, it's not you That's my wife describing one of her brothers Ah, right you think it was but yeah it's not you that's that's my wife describing one of her brothers ah right when listening to other people's ideas he's always just thinking about his own idea no i don't think that's me no that's my wife describing me i thought that might be the case but i didn't want to say a great performer and should be more famous. Yep, definitely. Is that, did you do a big Patreon survey? Did you? No.

That's my wife describing Billy McCarthy from the band Augustines. Very thoughtful and empathetic. Again, no, I don't think it's what they'd say But I'd like to think that I am Now you're being humble That's my wife and that is describing you Oh, wow You can tell your wife lives thousands of kilometres away from me Always forgets my name

That could be Recently I've had a spate of calling one of my daughters Brooklyn So it could have come from that So that could be me No, that's your daughters describing one of my daughters Brooklyn. So it could have come from that. So that could be me. No, that's your daughter's describing one of their teachers. Ah, right, yes. He can be very sarcastic. Well, that could be you.

It could also be me too, but that also could be you. No, I don't think so. Yes, that's your daughter's describing you. Oh, when did they learn the word sarcastic? That's their word of the week He loves the sound of his own singing voice Yes, definitely Yep, that's me, yes

Saying that about you Always repeats stories and conversations Yes, I think i do that too um that's your daughter's describing your mum oh yeah okay and here's my wife he never disappoints me yes that's definitely me no that's not me that's my wife describing tom hacks fair enough um he is bit of a clean freak yes that's me Yes, that's your daughter's describing you

What do you think of my podcast idea? You're so vain, you probably think this quote is about you It's very good, because it really puts you on the spot Much more, I thought that would be I thought, oh, this will be very easy It's quite obvious But there's two things going on One is there are bits you know about yourself And you think, oh, that is true and so i imagine that is me but others are oblivious to it

but also other things you'd like to think about yourself that are not because you make yourself the it's because you make the self yourself the subject of it you're putting it through the lens of is this me and of course everything is kind of partly you so you're tempted to say yes to everything it's a very it's a very interesting podcast idea yeah all right thank you very much nice work that's it that's my idea yeah i wish i'd had more time to gather more quotes now i was a bit of a rush job but i'd love to have like spoken to like dozens and dozens of people and dug up lots of dirt but that's what you'd do if you were doing it maybe we'll pilot this one day as a more elaborate one i don't know it is a good idea it's a way it's another it's a really unique way of getting to the story behind the story getting

past the obvious stuff with someone yeah learning what they're really like apart from saying hey so what do you really like or asking someone else what's he really like or she yeah that's a good idea it really made me think that's good well. Well done. Sneaky, but well done. Well done. And congratulations on four years of, you know, that's like a presidential term. It is. Yeah.

Thankfully, we don't have to do a re-election campaign. No. We could. No. That wouldn't go well. We could be a one-termer. Do you think we've got four more years in us? Four more years.

Can we hear the crowds chanting four more years in us four more years can i can we hear the crowds chanting four more years the presidential gates are being designed so that's a bit ominous i do i have four more years i've i i love this i genuinely love it and it's a bonus that other people love it too it's even more of a bonus that you love it because you do heaps of the work for it so if you didn't love it then we'd be in big trouble we would but i do love it because you do heaps of the work for it. So if you didn't love it, then we'd be in big trouble. We would, but I do love it. Thank you so much, everyone, for your support over four years. And, you know, we'll be back again in a week or two, I guess.

It's endings like that that bring the crowds back.