The Unmade Podcast - 95: A Good Innings

Episode Date: September 26, 2021

Tim and Brady discuss baby follow-up, a KFC 'drugs bust', Draw Four cards, being alone, the Ark of the Covenant (and spoons), and life expectancy. Go to Storyblocks for stock video, pictures and audio at storyblocks.com/unmade - https://www.storyblocks.com/unmade Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/unmadeFM Join the discussion of this episode on our subreddit - https://redd.it/pw4oyd Catch the podcast on YouTube where we often include accompanying videos and pictures - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCkIRMZDOKKKs-d14YPmLMxg USEFUL LINKS Episode 94 - That's Not My Baby - https://www.unmade.fm/episodes/episode94 KFC smugglers news story - https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-pacific-58638752 A vintage Dew Four card - https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/57561701467331571/ The Black Spot from Treasure Island - https://bit.ly/3i7WS45 Alone - https://www.history.co.uk/shows/alone The Ark of the Covenant - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ark_of_the_Covenant Pictures of Spoon of the Week - https://www.unmade.fm/spoon-of-the-week Send your own spoon by following these instructions - https://www.unmade.fm/send-us-a-spoon Sturt's Desert Pea - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Swainsona_formosa A Good Innings - phrase - https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/have-a-good-innings Life Expectancy - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Life_expectancy Life Expectancy by Country - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_life_expectancy Maximum Lifespan - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maximum_life_span 'Alternate ending' to this episode for stakeholders - https://www.patreon.com/posts/56620192

Welcome everyone to another episode of the Unmade Podcast. I'm one of your hosts, Tim Hine. My co-host is Brady Haran. Say hello, Brady. Hello, Brady. And we hope you enjoy the show. That's what I do if I was on a morning comedy show. Hello, Brady. Every single morning. This is Tim and Brady, the morning jesters. It's got to be painful to be that wacky morning after morning after morning.

My goodness. No, no, not having it. Speaking of wacky, we had a bit of a wacky idea last episode and I put Tim to the test uh identifying his babies could he recognize his girls as babies versus generic anonymous babies that were not the fruit of his loins have your have your youngsters had to listen to that episode yet they have they have they we listened in the car on the way to school and it was very entertaining for most of it. And then it got a bit quiet on one half of the car, one side of the car.

Yeah. Very good. Have there been repercussions? No, no, no real repercussions. No one's moving out or throwing chairs or, you know, divorcing their parents or anything like that. But there was a lot of amusement. And, of course, there's a lot of, like, my wife's going along and playing along at the same time live. And, of course, she is answering with, you know, immediately, accurately for every single one.

Like, even without a second, just bang, bang. Yes, no, yes. And she supplied the pictures well i guess that's true yes that's true but knowing her she would have forgotten by then which one she said yes the others also they were they were the two girls were able to pick out themselves pretty well which is reasonably understandable but not a bad effort i don't know if i could pick out as a baby, if you'd thrown me in there or you in there or whatever, unless there were, you know, I mean, I don't have a mental image in my mind of what I looked like as a baby. Well, today, Tim, I have got 12 pictures of old women and you have to identify which ones are your mum. Are you ready?

It's not been that long since I've been over there. Come on. We got an email here from Christian in Georgia in the US who says, Dear Tim and Brady, when I was a senior in high school, my school had a tradition where we put a baby photo next to a photo of us today. I thought this might relate to your podcast episode 93, where Tim had to determine whether or not a baby was actually his. My mother submitted a photo of me from my senior yearbook, but it was not me. It was actually my youngest brother who was born 10 years after me. We found out when we got the picture back because I actually had the date

printed on the back of the photo. Obviously, there were no hard feelings as it was just a simple mistake. But I do find myself agreeing with Brady when he says all babies look the same, especially given this source of evidence. Best wishes, Christian. There you go. Yeah. And I tell you, it's very amusing to do that. When my girls finished their primary school, their junior school, there was a similar kind of thing, the photo on the day they started and then of that year, and both of them come up at the same time for each kid as they're sort of graduating into middle school.

And even though, of course, you're looking for your kid, it's amusing to watch, you know, kid after kid after kid, seeing them change and transform. Nice. All right. Now, just a quick little acknowledgement to the 400 billion people who have contacted Tim and I over the last few days to tell us about this story coming out of New Zealand. We just want to acknowledge that we've seen it. Thank you for letting us know.

For those who haven't seen it, let me read this to you from the BBC website. New Zealand police have made a bizarre arrest after a pair of alleged gang associates were caught trying to enter Auckland with a boot full of KFC chicken and tens of thousands of dollars. The men were charged with breaching the country's tough COVID-19 rules. Under Auckland's strict Level 4 lockdown, all restaurants, including takeaway services, remain closed. Police said the men, aged 23 and 30, had travelled from Hamilton, about 75 miles south of Auckland. A police spokesman told the BBC that officers made the arrest after they noticed a suspicious-looking vehicle travelling on a gravel road on the outskirts of the city. Upon seeing the police car, the vehicle did a U-turn and sped off trying to evade police, they said. The vehicle was searched and police located the cash alongside empty ounce bags and a large amount of takeaways.

Police photos showed at least three buckets of chicken about 10 cups of coleslaw a large package of fries and four bags containing other kfc items and have you seen this police photo yet tim i haven't actually no let me send it to you basically like a drug bust they've laid the kfc out on front of their police car like the goods like it's heroin or something yeah yeah oh that's gold that's fantastic that just looks like a night in at the heine household that's right look i've got a few points to make about this because i think this is a wonderful story firstly i'm i'm pretty sure i mean when they said the car was driving past them, driving suspiciously, I think that's code for the police could smell something

that they like the smell of. Ooh, hello, contraband, let's go spin it around, put the lights on. Secondly, I don't know why it's illegal to go over and get some KFC. This surely falls under the category of a compassionate leave. Certain exemptions should be made for people. It's like, look, I'm going for KFC. Fair enough. You could write to the government, get back a special pass to go across and get some. I could just imagine that saying, look, I have to go to a funeral. My mum died. Sorry. Sorry. We can't risk it. All right. I really need a bucket of hot and spicy.

Oh, fair enough. Fair enough. Why don't you just put that up? There's no use lying. Just tell us the truth from the start and we'll let you go. That's right. I've heard it suggested that the KFC was being used as a decoy for what was obviously a drug deal that was going down, given the large amount of money and the ounce bags. Obviously, some herbs and spices were changing hands somewhere. But I think it's just a double crime. I think they were doing a drug deal, like, you know, maybe in Hamilton and they had to go back to Auckland and they're like, well, we're not going to come all this way and not also buy a bunch of KFC. Or maybe they did the drug deal and they were so excited by this huge amount of money they

had. They're like, what are we going to spend this on? And straight up, first thing that came into their heads, KFC. Much more likely. In fact, I think they've only bought the drugs to be a decoy so the police wouldn't discover the KFC. So when they get pulled over, look, here it is, take the heroin, take the heroin, and we'll sit on that KFC,

make sure they don't see that. Maybe the $10,000 cash was used to bribe the cops to let them keep the KFC. Yeah, that's right. What's the most KFC you've ever bought in one purchase? You know, presuming you were having a big party at your house or something. Oh, I don't know. You and I did a massive purchase once coming back from the beach one day.

Remember that? We sat down and ordered like this huge feast and involved a cheesecake as well. It was like... That's right, they gave you a whole cheesecake. It was like made for a family of eight or something and we were like oh i could go one of those right now and you're grabbing like one from like oh here's like a nugget and then oh here's a strip and then oh here's a here's a wing and oh here's a burger you take one bite of that you sort of work your way around the table and by then you're pretty full and then you have to go around again. Around again, around again.

There were like KFC items I didn't even know they made in that meal. There were. All these strips and tenders and nuggets and popcorn chickens and how many different ways can you shape a chicken with skin around it? I know. It never ends. Just household items with KFC skin on them. They're just giving it to you now.

They're the sort of thing, you know when you're Maccas, you know when you go to Maccas and there's those happy meals and they give you a little toy? They give them them at KFC except they too are wrapped in the skin and you eat your way through to play with the toy. Deep fried. Deep fried. Deep fried toys.

Well, anyway anyway hopefully those gentlemen Will be treated compassionately by the New Zealand Legal system and you know Maybe we should start a fund for them to help them You know for their defence I imagine they'll get a standing ovation at lock up That'll be great Top shelf

Maybe there could be a whole true crime podcast about them You know Wrongly convicted. All right. Now, Tim, something else I wanted to bring up. Last episode, we talked about Monopoly money and how excited one got by the $500 note in Monopoly. Oh, yes. How emotive it is, how it stirs emotion nostalgia excitement

and that made me realize there is there is one other game thing from my childhood that has an even more powerful and visceral reaction from me and that is the uno wild draw four card oh yes wow yes for those of you i'm assuming most people know the card game uno for those who don't there's a particular card and it's the most powerful card in the pack it's the it's the wild draw four it's a black card with rainbow colors and big bold text on it and it's a super powerful card if you possess the card in your hand, it is like a nuclear weapon. And if you're playing against someone and they spring the Wild Draw 4 on you, that's like crushing. Utter devastation. You're on the brink of victory and someone pulls out the Wild Draw 4.

Now, Uno cards have been redesigned over the years. And the Wild Draw 4 has changed in appearance numerous times. And quite frankly, the new look leaves me cold. So, I went on to eBay and bought a vintage pack of Uno cards from the 80s and I fished out all the Wild Draw 4 cards. I'm keeping them for myself, which does remind me of a trick I once played on my sister. Sometimes when I was playing card games with my quite naive and innocent sister i would like load the decks and sometimes we'd play uno and i'd load the deck so i just had a whole hand full of drawers and i'd give her a really good hand so she thought oh i'm gonna beat brady at last

and i'd let her i'd let her sort of play the game out a little bit and think she was getting near victory and then i'd just go draw four draw, draw four, draw four, draw four, just let it smash her. It was a favourite move of mine. I did the exact same thing except playing against my mum and dad, being an only child. So you go, I put every third card was a draw two or a draw four. So I'd do it, but what I'd do is that they'd say,

okay, so, oh, draw four. Now, what colour do you choose? And I'd go, oh, I don't care, because all I had was more draw fours. They'd be going, tell us. I'd go, oh, okay, blue. Oh, blue. And I'd go, bang, draw four.

So I've had a little bit of an idea, something I want to do as a bit of a, I don't know, performance art project. Have you read Treasure Island, the book? No. I know what it is, but I've never read it. Funnily enough, I realised this morning I haven't read it either, but I used to have as an audiobook on cassette tapes, back when the only way you could have audiobooks was cassette tapes. So, I've listened to Treasure Island numerous times. And in the book Treasure Island,

there's this concept, which I thought was something that pirates did. I've since learned that Robbie Louis Stevenson made it up. He invented this concept for his pirates called the black spot. I don't know if you've heard of the black spot, but what happens is it happens a couple of times in the book. A pirate is delivered a piece of card or paper that's just a circular black spot, sometimes with a message on the back.

And that's the way pirates kind of will sentence or condemn or deliver a verdict of guilt against one of their fellow pirates. And it means you're kicked out of the pirate fraternity. I think it sometimes means you're also going to get killed. It's not entirely clear which it means, but it's bad if you get the black spot at the start of treasure island this this hiding pirate receives the black spot from a messenger and he's like overcome with panic and fear because you don't want the black spot they think that the author stole the idea from what pirates really did involving the ace of spades they use the card the

ace of spades as a sort of a sign of doom and condemnation on other pirates so i've had this idea i've got four of these wild draw for uno cards i'm gonna send them in the post to four of our patreon supporters four of our stakeholders chosen at random with no message no explanation so if they've listened to podcast, at least they'll know what's going on. But presumably some people don't catch up on all the episodes and they're just going to open an envelope and it's just going to be draw four, a wild draw four card in the post, like the black spot being delivered to them through the post.

So if you're listening and you're a Patreon supporter and you receive a draw four card in the post, get in touch and I'll share with you what your fate is. This doesn't mean you're bringing them bad luck or something. You're going to give them their fate. Is that right? I don't know yet. I mean, I'm probably not going to kill them.

No. Because that would be excessive and would be taking my performance art too far. Yes. We've made that mistake before, haven't we? I don't know. I don't know yet. Keep an eye on the post, people.

Beware the wild draw for. Does it still have that effect on you? It does. Oh, yes, yes. Look, put it away. Put it away, please. I can't look. I'm holding it up to the camera and Tim's finding it hard to look at.

I have to say there are two ways you could receive it, of course, because receiving it when the cards are being dealt at the beginning, it's like a gift. It's like a diamond. It's like, oh, here we go. Yeah. So it's a great joy. It's only later when someone else deals it to you is it the terror and horror.

No, to be honest, the main emotion I have when I see the draw for card is not fear and dread. It is more that feeling of when you get it. Like, you know, it's like getting a royal flush or something. It is more of a positive feeling. But it's a great looking card. They should never have changed the design. Maybe people who receive the draw for get to take four things that they love. Like for me, I would go to KFC and get a four-piece feed,

like four pieces of chicken. Or maybe they get to go to their favourite ice cream shop and get four things. And they get to choose four things they're allowed to have, maybe four hot dogs, four Ferraris, like whatever, four new ties or four sneakers. And they can send in a photo of what the four things are that they've drawn. Yeah, four souvenir spoons. Four spoons, that's right, yes.

So, ideas for a podcast. Tim, I thought I'd let you go first today. I've been hogging the first idea a few times lately. I thought I'd let you go first. Well, you have, and I appreciate you confessing to that. Look, I have to say my idea today is, I think it's a pretty good idea. However, it's stolen. So that explains it. Have you hacked into my list of ideas in my phone? If you now do the idea that I'm doing later in the show, that will be amazing. I'm stealing this idea.

I'll show you where I'll be totally upfront and say where this idea is coming from. This idea is probably called Alone or Is There Anyone Out There or something like that. My wife has been obsessed, and I mean obsessed, for the last fortnight with a TV program called Alone. And my wife never gets obsessed with television, but she just can't stop watching this.

And I guess Alone is like a reality show, but it feels a lot slower and more high quality than that. It's not like Survivor. It's much calmer and slower. And the premise is that 10 people are put in the middle of nowhere, except with cameras and they have to do video diaries and update how they're going and the person that stays out there the longest in genuinely hard conditions this is real survival sort of conditions wet and cold and

all that kind of stuff they have to build a shelter and find food they go days without food and things like that are they together are the 10 together or are the 10 separate from each other they're totally alone so part of the castaways that's right that's right and the one who's out there the longest wins and they get a half a million dollars but largely the money kind of falls away and the gameness of it falls away you just become totally enraptured in each of their stories and And the biggest drama that's happening is not, it is a little bit about how to find food or how they build a shelter. And as the series go on, the shelters get a little bit better and the traps get a little bit better.

But largely, it's very, very basic. They're just alone. And how they deal with being alone and how they talk about being alone and face being alone is really, really, really fascinating. So my podcast idea is essentially that bit of the show. alone and having either in the wilderness or like in their house or, you know what I mean, around people, but not speaking to people or being genuinely alone somewhere and just talking about being alone and talking through the feelings of that day after day after day, maybe into the weeks, maybe even into the months.

You could have made a parallel podcast of that about my love life in high school. You could have made a parallel podcast of that about my love life in high school. Before we come to your podcast, which I think is a really good idea, in the TV show, who's filming them? They film themselves, which I know it feels a bit artificial to say, but it works quite well. So they're left with barely nothing, like a couple of clothes and like four key items. So there's no camera crew?

No, no, there's no crew whatsoever. But they're left with some pretty serious sort of equipment, you know what I mean? Like small cameras, it's all very small and stuff, but lots and lots of SD cards and, you know, lots of battery packs. And they've given them presumably, they've probably given them a bit of a crash course in filming themselves and making sure it's filmed well. That's right.

So they sort of show, okay, you put a camera down here. So you're always filming from this direction, put this down here. So they actually, it's like before you do something, set up a film. So they do talk a little bit about, look, there's the challenge of surviving, but there's also the challenge of being my own cameraman as well. Do you believe, Tim, or do you think they've been visited by a producer every day or two to keep the show good i think give them little coaching tips no reading up a little bit there are some very intermittent visitations to pick up like the sd cards and stuff but but it's very right it seems to be it's very minimal i don't think it's artificial i don't think they sit around and then you know okay well let's fix up your hair and makeup and then let's

do this i think it really is they come up grab grab it from the case and go, you know, maybe a quick medical check. Is everything okay? Yep, no, fine. And they have a satellite phone where they push it if something, you know, if they want to leave, when they're ready to leave. Or if they need KFC. Or if they need KFC. That's right. Well, that's exactly right.

Yeah. It does work really, really well. And it's really meditative to watch Because it goes on for ages and ages Do you think you would be a good contestant? Well, we've been talking about this for the last couple of weeks Watching it, right? On the one hand I say yes, on the other hand I say no And then I think yes again

You couldn't do it, you don't have the attention span Oh, you don't think I would be very good at it? No No, I'd be good at it, I'd be great at it You would be bad at it I'd win it, you would be very good at it? No. No, I'd be good at it. I'd be great at it. You would be bad at it. I'd win it. You would be first out.

Oh, you can't. Well, you've done a little bit of outdoorsy kind of stuff, haven't you? Oh, yeah. I'm not very good at practical stuff. I wouldn't be good at, you know, catching a squirrel and lighting fires, but I'd be very good at the solitude. Oh, yeah. No, I'd be very good at the solitude too. I like the solitude. No, no. You don't'd be very good at the solitude too. I like the solitude.

No, no. You don't think so? You like solitude for like a good hour and then it's like, hmm, now what am I going to do? I don't think you could handle the monotony and the boredom. I think you get bored easily. I do get bored easily, but I like being alone, solving my boredom. So, I'd like to sit and read for a long time. solving my boredom.

So I'd like to sit and read for a long time. That's the thing that they find, I think, really difficult is the sheer long time, you know, of looking around, the sheer boredom of looking around and going, okay, I've got everything. And it's really funny. As soon as they kind of get set up and they've got what they need, you know, like, okay, I'm not going to die. I've got enough food.

I'm not going to get wet. I've got to have. And once that task is kind of done after a few days they kind of sit there and then without something to do that's when a lot of them go nah i'm going home i missed it like it's like without distraction and that would be very hard they all pine for their family members and stuff deeply deeply and i would find that very tough there's no question how do you think the idea would translate to a podcast then do you think you know would it lose a lot in the in the doing as a podcast rather than a tv show i think you need to you focus well you lose all the things you've got to do you're primarily having a monologue about being alone

what and so i think you would edit it down to those kinds of chapters and episodes you know of okay it's been a day okay now it's been three days now it's been and so you're reflecting for 15 minutes or 20 minutes on what it's like to be alone like today i'm thinking about this because what happens of course is your thoughts i, you know this on holidays anyway, you know, just going on a regular, normal, relaxing holiday, your thoughts slow down, your tasks slow down. Suddenly, you know, rather than fitting in a hundred things into the day, you do four things and you go, oh, it's time for us to eat again, you know, like. It's so annoying how often eating comes around on holidays. Like, holidays is all about, it's like, God, do I have to have another meal? That's the worst thing about holidays for me,

is the relentless routine of eating. That's right. Yeah. I just had breakfast. It's lunch. Because it's always such an event, a meal on holiday, isn't it? It's not just like grab a sandwich and get up. It's like another grand ceremony.

Got to sit down, get the menu again. I wonder if your podcast would be listening to like people's descents into madness. Yeah, well, you do start to question yourself, don't you? Like ask deeper questions and thoughtful questions and then you start catching yourself, have I thought about that? Even the fact that you're talking about it out loud, am I talking to myself?

Your voice inside becomes much louder and more pronounced. I think it could be very powerful. And probably if you touch base with someone, this is why these long meditations, you know, you sort of go see a wise person and they give you advice. You know what I mean? You say, yeah, and they give you advice and you know what I mean? You say, yeah, you're doing okay and you go back. You touch base with on a silent retreat or something.

But just being sheer on your own, that's quite challenging, I think. Yeah. Well, that's a good podcast idea from Tim. Tune in next week when Tim's idea will be the Great British Bake Off podcast. That's right. It's funny you say it becauseady's saying this because the other thing that we've been watching in our house is the great british bake-off and i actually had the genius idea of combining the two show concepts like i would just like to see how long i survived alone in a bakery for 65 days. It's the one place where you do want to be.

Just leave me here. Just leave me here. This is fantastic. It's pretty low-hanging fruit when you're just ripping off TV show ideas as your podcast, but fair enough. I'll let you have that one. All right, it's time for this week's sponsor, Storyblocks. Yes. Indeed. Now, at storyblocks.com slash unmade,

you're going to find a demand-driven library of entirely royalty-free 4K and HD footage, After Effects and Premiere Pro templates, music, images, sound effects, and even more. Plus, they offer subscriptions that fit any budget, including their unlimited all-access, which gives you unlimited downloads. Seriously, check them out.

The address, storyblocks.com slash unmade. Now, we do like to show this incredible and diverse library here on the show by coming up with little games and schemes and things like that. Normally, I come up with these, but last week, Tim had a bit of a whinge saying that he'd like to come up with a game for Storyblocks. So, well, Tim, have you done your homework? Well, I have. Sit back, because this is going to be high-quality entertainment brought to you by Storyblocks.

I couldn't have done it without Storyblocks. No this game is called Name This Photo, right? As people know who use Storyblocks, one of the helpful ways they code everything is to give titles and names to different photos. So it's more searchable. So, you know, if you're looking for something specific for your brochure or for your film or your video, search optimization. That's right. That's right, yeah. And they've got a really great algorithm and categories, but this also helps as well. What it means, though, is they have to come up with a different title for every photo. And so I'm going to send you some photos, one at a time.

I want you to guess what Storyblocks have called this photo. Okay, so Tim sent me the first picture from the Storyblocks archive. It's four people. They look like they're kind of trendy, young, attractive office workers, and they're all standing next to each other. And one of them's giving the thumbs up. All right. I think Storyblocks will have titled this

Four Attractive Happy Office Workers, Woman Holding Clipboard, Teamwork, Happiness, have titled this um four attractive happy office workers woman holding clipboard teamwork happiness thumbs up they're just you're just listing words now that's not a proper title what is the title portrait of successful friends doing business together okay picture number two here we go what a story block serving us up here oh gosh so this looks like a businessman and he's looking out at this sort of really spectacularly lit skyline that looks like koala lumpa skyline because that looks like the patronus towers and it's got all this like electronic futuristic lines drawn on it in this kind of abstract way. I think this will be businessman looks at futuristic city, virtual reality. What's it really called? Rear view of businessman looking at large city centre with network connection graph,

concept of success and sociality. Okay. All right. Picture number three. Here we go. Picture number three here we go picture number three all right so this picture is the moon and it's got like a an artificial space background it's not a black background it's kind of very starlit and um and i think storyblocks will have called this full moon space universe background. No, wrong. Storyblocks entitled this the moon.

I've got a couple. I've got a few more. Another Storyblocks image coming my way. This is a woman eating a croissant lying on a sofa next to her laptop. Eating a croissant lying on a sofa next to her laptop. And I think Storyblocks will have called this attractive brunette woman eats croissant on sofa. Oh, that's pretty good. Their title is portrait of a hungry cute girl laying on couch

with plate full of pastry and eating croissant at home. Okay. If that's the photo you're looking for, Storyblocks is the place to go. I can imagine needing a picture like that. A couple more quick ones. All right. This time Tim has sent me a picture of a, like a headshot of a chihuahua. I think this is going to be called headshot of chihuahua dog.

Again, close, but not quite descriptive enough. Storyblocks says this is cute little chihuahua wearing a jumper. All right. Here's the last one. Here's the last one. This one's just for you. All right. This is a close-up of some penne pasta.

And I think Storyblocks will have called this close-up of penne pasta. They went a little bit more elegantly simple It's just simply penne Nice There you go If you need pictures of anything Penne pasta, the moon If you need video, if you need audio

For any creation you're doing Go to storyblocks.com slash unmade Storyblocks.com slash unmade Their library is incredible. No matter what you're looking for, you're going to find it, as Tim has just proven with this very disparate collection of pictures he sent me. And why not play a game with your friends? Why not go and find some Storyblocks material,

send it to your friends and see if they can guess what Storyblocks has titled it. Good fun game, that. I like it. and see if they can guess what Storyblocks has titled it. Good fun game, that. I like it. It's time for a section of the show that Tim truly does own, and that is... We are once again dipping into the Hine family archive for another spoon collected by his parents over the years,

which has now been passed down into Tim's custody, where he's taking good care of it and showcasing it on a regular basis on a podcast. Taking it to the world. It's a bit like with Indiana Jones, you know, when he finds the Ark and he says, that should be in a museum. And they're like, oh, no, no. And it's a bit like the spoons.

You can't hide them away. They need to be shared with the world. And that's what we're doing here. If they really found the Ark of the Covenant, right, do you think it would be a popular museum attraction? Yes, unbelievably so. Yeah. Bigger than Tutankhamen.

Phenomenal. Yeah, I guess. It would be big. I would travel to see it. Would. Phenomenal. Yeah, I guess. It would be big. I would travel to see it. Would you? Mm-hmm. Yeah. I would probably have to get, like, special clearance,

like KFC clearance from the New Zealand government or something. Do you think it would be famous because of the Bible or because of Raiders of the Lost Ark? Because, like, the Bible's an important book, don't get me wrong, but the Ark of the Covenant is not that bigger part of the Bible. It's not like finding the cross or something like that. Yeah, or even Noah's Ark or something like that. Like, I don't think normal people know what the Ark of the Covenant was,

like, what its role in the Bible was, what the object was, why it was important. They just know it was a thing in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Like, and I know it's important and I know, like, I understand what it is, but I don't think the Ark of the Covenant, like, it's almost a bit of a, like, in movies, what they call a MacGuffin. Like, it's like, it's an object that's important to the story, but not really important. Like the Maltese Falcon or, you know, like, it's just, it's just like a a prop almost it's not really that important to

the religion well that's right what what it is and what it contains and what its original role was doesn't play any role in in the film's narrative really at all um except that um hitler wants it because you know when the israelites had it they won battles, and then when the Philistines had it, they won battles, you know what I mean? So it's a symbolic idea. Yeah, but it could have been the Philosopher's Stone or it could have been, you know, the Magic Emerald. It could have been anything.

It didn't have to be the Ark of the Covenant. But also I feel like the Ark's a bit that way in the Bible too. It's a bit like, I mean, I guess I'm not that familiar with the Bible, certainly not at your level, but it doesn't seem like it's not really relevant or important to Christians now, is it? Like, you know, it's just an artefact. It's not important like the morals of Christianity

or the role of Jesus and all that sort of stuff. It's not. The Ark of the Covenant's in irrelevance now, you know. Yes. It was just a thing. But the story and the notoriety would build around it. That's like saying a mummy from the pyramids is, you know, like Tutankhamen.

Oh, well, no one, you know, knows what a mummy – it's just like – but you, of course, become obsessed with it because it's found. In other words, you become informed about it. Because it's famous. It's famous for being famous. Yes. Yeah. Oh, I'm not saying it wouldn't be an amazing find

and people wouldn't go and look at it in a museum. Of course they would. I'm just saying I don't think that many people know what it is. I think it's as famous for Raiders of the Lost Ark as it is for what... I think if you said to... If you pulled 100 people over on the street and said, tell me something about the Ark of the Covenant, those that could tell you anything would more likely tell you something

they learned from Raiders of the Lost Ark than they did from the Bible. Yeah. I think Indiana Jones would come up before Moses. I'm not so sure about that. I think it would be more than you think. There's a billion Christians in the world, obviously, as well. But I think, and of course, not to mention there's another billion Jews or so, or a bit less maybe.

But there's people who come from the Hebrew faith and have that knowledge there. But I do think it's one of those things where suddenly everyone would know, like a year after it was found, everyone would know its place and its context and what it means and all that. Because it would be, you know what I mean, a bit like the Great Pyramids and other things that have been found. What do you think happened to it?

I have no idea. Because it was made of metal, so it would have, it probably just got melted down, didn't it, for gold and stuff. In the destruction of the temple, yes. When the temple was destroyed, it was probably just destroyed. It was just, you know, when they went into exile into Babylon and all that sort of stuff. it was either taken over to there, which is modern-day Iraq, or it was melted down into other things

over there. I mean, it's just gold, you know, from the perspective of a non-Israelite at the time. At the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, why does it just go into that warehouse? I don't understand why they just put it, file it away. Is it being deliberately hidden or is it just being filed away for no reason? It's a good question because if they're scared of the,

because you think if the American government was scared of its power or thought it was incredibly powerful, they'd study it, you know, and they say they're studying it, don't they? But they just, I don't know, maybe it's a comment on the, you know, ineffectiveness of bureaucracy and government. I don't know. I'd love to know what's in all those other boxes as well, though, in that warehouse. Spoons, probably.

Probably. I tell you what, we've built up today's spoon a bit with all that talk of the Ark of the Covenant. I hope you got a good one. Yeah. I kind of wish I'd chosen a different spoon, to be honest. Yeah. I kind of wish I'd chosen a different spoon, to be honest. Today's spoon does have a little bit of gold on it, though, Brady.

This is quite a pretty spoon. I've chosen it. It jumped out at me because it's got quite a large head on it. I think it's the sturt pea. That's why I chose it. Although I'm looking at it now and I don't think it is. I think it's the sturt pea that's why i chose it although i'm looking at it now and i don't think it is i think it's more like a tulip it doesn't look yeah at first glimpse you might think it was a sturt desert pea but i think it looks like a tulip as well it's very pretty by the way it is very pretty yes i picked it out because i thought it was the the sturt pea which is like a south australia i imagine it's a wildflower unique to Australia.

I don't know. But anyway, they're here in South Australia. And it's the state flower of South Australia, the sturt desert pea. It's a beautiful looking flower, but red flower. But they look like tulips on the spoon. You've got, what does it say along the stem there? There's something engraved on the stem. Well, this lends weight to the idea that it might be a tulip.

It says, I will bloom where I am planted today. So it's like a semi-inspirational kind of message. This might be from some Christian ministry somewhere that mum and dad engaged with. It does sound a bit like that, but I don't know where. There's no other markings or name on it that says where it's from. There's not much identifying material on it. So it's just this sort of red bejeweled looking lovely top with these red flowers which are tulips probably

maybe sturt desert pea but we don't know and then this inspirational quote it's not very inspirational is it like like if i say it to you tell me if you feel inspired brady you will bloom where you are planted today did you get tingles on the back of your neck? That almost feels a bit limiting, doesn't it? It's sort of a bit like, I don't know. Yeah, it feels like, you know, you can't travel or anything. You feel a bit stuck. Love the one you're with.

That's sort of. Love, yeah, you can't be with the one you love. Love the one you're with, yeah. I always think that's terrible as well. They may as well just write never mind like yeah they may as well write if you're stuck in adelaide you'll do all right in adelaide maybe everyone buys the spoon like me everyone gets the spoon thing you would dice sturt pea. And they get home and go, oh, okay, it's not. Oh, well, I guess I'll just enjoy these flowers.

Although they're tulips, and I love tulips. Yeah. Well, I mean, I imagine you have some affinity for tulips because they are so famous for being Dutch. And you do have some Dutch heritage coming down one side of your family last time I checked. Is that a fact? Apparently so. I'll look into that. family last time I checked. Is that a fact? Apparently so. I'll look into that. So this could be from Holland or it could be local or it could be from some American ministry or something.

Yes. Peculiar. Good research there. Well, every time I asked mum about a spoon, she goes, oh, that's a nice one. Where's that from? And I go, no, no, I'm asking you where it's from. And most of the time she goes, oh, well, dad's and i'm like i know it's dad's but be more specific you know could it be this yes it could be that and i push a bit further oh yes well tim if you would like to walk out into that field of tulips i've planted just next to your microphone and pick individual tulips i have hidden inside each tulip the name of a patreon supporter and the first one you pick is going to win an Unmade Podcast Souvenir Spoon. So go ahead and pick a

tulip there, Tim. Well, let me reach over and get this one here. Beautiful. There we go. Nice. What's that name? All right. Pull aside those petals, and we have George L from Florida. George L from Florida, you are receiving an Unmade Podcast Sp spoon. Thank you for being a Patreon supporter. Tim, if you could pick 10 more and get 10 more names for us, go and tiptoe through the tulips there. There we go. This would make a great Storyblocks photo, me tiptoeing through the tulips.

Podcaster tips toes through the tulips and sunrise. Bespectacled podcaster tiptoes through tulips on a Sunday afternoon. Here we go. Pass those 10 flowers over to me. There they are. Thank you. And here we go. The winners of Spoon of the Week collector cards.

Some cards coming your way in the post. Ian C. from Melbourne, Australia. Philip M. from Germany. Timothy T. from Merseyside in the UK. Matthew S from Florida. Dom D from the UK. Adrian G from Queensland. Nicodemus from Cyprus. Wow. Neville S also from the UK. Richard D from Washington State. And Jack T from Oregon. from Washington State and Jack T from Oregon. Collector cards coming your way. Wow, Nicodemus.

How cool. Fantastic. What a great name. I remember you reading Nicodemus' name when we did one of those read-throughs. You know we do those read-throughs of all the patron names sometimes. I remember you said Nicodemus in a really cool way. And also a big hello to Ian from Melbourne. Melbourne had an earthquake today a pretty decent 5.6 richter scale earthquake which cracked some buildings and stuff i hope you've um your spoon

uh collection a spoon rack has not fallen to the ground in the show it is intact ready for your well in if your house or home was cracked uh at least we have some good news for you today. You've got a handful of collector cards coming in the post with pictures of spoons on them, which I'm sure will make you feel much better about things. Silver lining. Yes, there we go. All right.

It's time for my idea for a podcast, Tim. And I've given this bit of a Tim name because the idea for the podcast tim and i'm i've given this bit of a tim name because the idea for the podcast came from someone saying a phrase to me in conversation and everything was born from that and i'm going to use the phrase as my title although i acknowledge it is not a good title it is a tim title my podcast is called a good innings when you hear the phrase a good innings what do you think of tim i think i think of cricket right a person getting a lot of runs in cricket um okay but i also the second or the most kind of common way that that analogy is used is for a person that's lived a good life they've

passed away but after many years a long life yeah they made it to 95 years old and then they died. So we say they had a good innings, you know. Yeah. You can't complain. It's not like they were taken too soon. They had a good innings. And that is where I'm coming from with my title of good innings because this is a podcast all about life expectancy

and duration of life because there are so many things to talk about here that are interesting and i just started reading about it last night and i went down a real internet rabbit hole so and i just thought i'd bring up just just to give you a taste of where this podcast could go so life expectancy i think is just something that is always interesting to think about and talk about and i started by reading about how long people live and how long they lived long ago for example i was reading that in the bronze age and the iron age apparently life expectancy for humans was about 26 years oh wow which yeah but if you made it to the age of 15 you could maybe make it to about 35 so if you make it

to 15 and get through all the hard parts of early life, you could expect to live longer, which makes sense. How long do you think life expectancy was in classical Rome? Oh, maybe in the 30s or 40s or something like that? According to Wikipedia, it was 20 to 33. But again, if you made it to 20, you could probably expect to live another 30 years so to about 50 so the average was about 20 to 30 but if you made it to 20 then you were probably going to

make it to about 50 i wonder if the stats are skewed because there's well firstly childbirth is so dangerous it was so in those times but the difficulties of childhood as well and the things that were expected of you were very difficult and well in 19th century england the life expectancy was only 40 but for the 84 percent who survived their first year you know that tough first year the average goes up to about 46 right yeah and in fact the average was still quite low, like to the 1950s. It was still only less than 50 was his life expectancy. And only now has it changed to what it currently is, which is about, for women, about 75, 76, and for men, about 70, 71.

And let me tell you, man, that doesn't sound as old as it used to. Like... No, that's imminent. That's why I wanted to get this podcast recording in on Wednesday. I don't know if you'll be around for another one. Like I'm three months older than you and, yeah, we haven't got long. No. No. What are you going to do for those three months without me you and, yeah, we haven't got long. No. No. What are you going to do for those three months without me?

Are you going to be alone? Maybe that's when you can record alone. I think a podcast about life expectancy is already interesting, looking about why did people live to the ages they did back then? Why do they now? What can you do to increase your life expectancy? There's all sorts of obviously variations between men and women is the classic, but there's also economic variations. Geographic ones are a big favourite. What country do you think has the highest life expectancy according to this 2019 list by the World Health Organisation?

I reckon it's somewhere reasonably surprising. Like the first place you go with these sorts of things is Scandinavia, you know, around that sort of region, because they generally have amazing welfare policies and places, even like Holland, where they have a wonderful pension system for when you retire and so forth and a great healthcare system. I want to throw in an outlier, though, somewhere like Cuba. There's somewhere where I know there's a level of poverty, but there's also massively high happiness factors and things like that, you know. So you mentioned Scandinavia.

So I'll tell you Norway's number 10. Yep. Sweden's number 13. The Netherlands is number 19 on the list. Oh, okay. You've got me curious as to where Cuba is now. Scrolling, scrolling, scrolling. Down at number 46, Cuba.

Oh, right. I'll tell you what the top 10 is. At home, you might want to have made a little top 10 list, maybe pause for a second and write down what you think the top 10 countries are. Let me make a couple of comments. I don't think it's somewhere like the real West, like the UK and the US. I think the high levels of fat and the diet and those sorts of things may push them down a little bit, although they also have ridiculous medicine. I think somewhere like Canada might be very, very high.

UK, number 25. US, number 40. Canada, number 15. You're right, quite high. Here's the top 10. Here's the top 10. Number one, Japan. Wow.

Where the life expectancy is 84.3. Obviously higher for women. Women nearly make it to 87. Number two, Switzerland. Number three, South Korea. Number four, Singapore. Number five, surprise me, Spain. Number six, Cyprus, where we're sending our cards to Nicodemus.

Yes. Number seven, Australia. Ah. 83 is the average. 81.3 for you as a man, unfortunately. Number eight, Italy. Number nine, Israel. And number 10, we already gave away, was Norway. I wonder if they, the very few at the top of the list,

represent a culture where you are obligated or to incorporate your parents into your family home. You know, they tend to live a bit more tribally or they come and live with you. And so there's an enormous tribal sense of authority, but, you know, nurturing of honouring your parents. I would also suggest diet plays a big role because like Spain, Italy, Cyprus, I think you're looking at that kind of maybe Mediterranean type diets and things like that. Yeah, yeah.

Do you want to live a long time? I think so. Yeah. As long as I'm healthy, like I don't want to be really sore and, like, sick and things like that. But if I was sore and sick, I don't think I'd be one of those people who's like, oh, I wish I was dead. So, what about you? Well, yeah, I'd love to. Yeah.

It's not everything, but I do. I think you have that feeling. I don't have that feeling of invincibility where it just feels like it's forever out there. Like when you do when you're young, you can see the horizon. People you know are dying and the next generation and even this generation when it's a tragedy. But you know what I mean? It's closer. Because I had a much older father as well.

It feels like I've got a connection to those ages as well. How old was your dad when he died? He was 86. It was actually, his funeral was on his 86th birthday. Oh, he was, actually then, he was a bit older than I thought. That is a good innings. It is a good innings, considering that 20 years before then, he had like five heart attacks in a row.

He did. Yeah. So a Dutch man would have a life expectancy of 80.4. Right. And an Australian man, 81.3. Of course, that's an average. So, you know, making it to that age doesn't, you know, every day after that means you're just slightly above the average.

It's not like, you know. It's not a use-by date on milk, like for instance. No, and it's not like if you live a day past that, you're a modern miracle. You're just, you know, that is an average. This is interesting stuff. This is not interesting stuff. Let's have a look at some of the lower ones on the list.

I'm going 116 Nepal, 117 India with a life expectancy of 70.8. What's at the very bottom here? A lot of African places. So, at the bottom, we have Lesotho, Central African Republic, Somalia, Mozambique, Zimbabwe is very low, which is where my father grew up in Zimbabwe. So, yeah, mainly African countries down the bottom. Do you know what's really interesting as well is the way that old age is changing. So two things come to mind. One is aged care homes where people, like my grandma on my mother's side, went into an aged care place in her mid-60s, whereas now,

like in your mid-60s, you're in a rock band, you're playing, you know what I mean? Like no one goes in their mid-60s. You have to be 10 or 15 years older than that to even get into one of these places because we're living longer but the expectation is much longer that you would do a lot more at home and be more independent yeah but also culturally like i was i was reading up on sonic youth the band the other day who you know i saw 25 years ago and have really loved for 30 years and all that and they're like nearly 70 like and it's just like, oh, wow.

But on their Instagram, they're dressing the same and look the same and are listening to the same albums. Bands don't retire anymore. You just wait till too many of the members are dead to keep touring. Like the Rolling Stones, it's like you just wait. Oh, no, we've lost another member. Are we going to replace them or end the band?

It's just like. It's amazing. But the sense of like popular culture didn't in in our day like when we were young it didn't feel like popular culture reached into those ages and those decades whereas now it does you know like 40 is the new 50 and 70 is the new 60 and all that kind of stuff i do think about i do reflect on my job sometimes when i think about that, because like when you're in your sixties or even in your seventies, I can imagine you still doing the job you do now, you know, teaching, being a minister at a church. In fact, you'd probably be even better at it when you get to that age, more experienced and wise. And like, so, you know, you're going to be like a fine wine, but can you imagine me at 70 still dragging my camera up hills and making YouTube videos and stuff like that?

I can't. I don't know. I feel like I must have a use by date for the job I do. But I also can't see how it's going to end. Well, David Attenborough is like 90 something, isn't he? Yeah, but David Attenborough is not doing what I do. He's just like a figurehead, isn't he? In the voiceover.

But yeah. Yeah. He's just like a figurehead, isn't he, in the voiceover. But, yeah, yeah. Well, you can always hire someone to do the filming or the action part and you're the on-camera talent or the overseer or something like that. The looks, yeah. That's right. Glamour.

We can do this when we're 70 or 80 for sure. In fact, this is all we can do. Are people going to listen to us podcasting when we're 70 or 80 for sure. In fact, this is all we can do. We're just. Are people going to listen to us podcasting when we're even older men? I don't know. I'm shocked they listen now. I'm like. Tim, we're about 50 minutes into the podcast.

I can pretty. We can rest assured no one's listening now. Everyone who uses this to get to sleep is already asleep. This is where I just want to go, wake up! Just to freak them out. Wake up. Toilet break. Another thing would be like, you know, records for how long people live.

I'm always fascinated by these people who live into their hundreds and 120s. So that would be really fun to talk about and who they are and what they've lived to and stuff like that. But another thing that is super fun to talk about is good innings and life expectancy of, like, animals and living creatures. That's always good fun. How long animals live. Oh, yeah. Like those turtles that live for, like, 120 years and stuff.

Yeah, yeah, that sort of stuff So I've got, there are various lists of the longest living animals, right? And there is this immortal jellyfish that people love writing about Which kind of can go back in time and do all sorts of amazing things with its cells and stuff So let's not count the immortal jellyfish But there's like black coral that can live for like, well, has lived for over 4,000 years. Sponges in the sea that can live for two and a half thousand years. The Greenland shark, they reckon could live up to 400 years, give or take. Wow. But let's look at some other long

living animals here. You mentioned, well, there's tortoise, you get 250 year old tortoises, You mentioned, well, there's tortoise You get 250-year-old tortoises Mussels that can live for 130 years Humans, you're looking at, you know, maybe up to 80 years Lots of birds live a long time Parrots and macaws and things like that Elephants, 50 years Phoenix just keeps coming back

Phoenixes, yeah, they keep going I was looking at the longest living dogs. There's a list here of the longest living dogs. What do you think the longest living dog lived for? 25? 29. An Australian cattle dog called Bluey is the record holder. What about horses?

Do horses only live about 10 years or so or maybe up to 15? Let me look at horses for you. 25 years, according to this list. Average lifespan. Happy with that? Yep. That's a good innings. 25 years, according to this list. Average lifespan. Happy with that? Yep. That's a good innings. Emus, 10 years.

That's too long, in my opinion. Oh, yes. Yes, indeed. Chickens, 10 years. Western grey. How long do you think a western grey kangaroo lives for? Yeah, maybe about 15 years. Six.

Oh. Yeah. They do a lot of bouncing, I guess. How long do you think a house mouse lives for? Ten months Yeah Yeah about right One year

You know there's those mayflies And stuff like that That live for a day Do you think sometimes One of them will live for two days And they'll be like Oh he had a good innings It'd be so weird

If you're not used to it Like you know Like it goes dark And then it's light again He's like Well hang on a not used to it. Like, you know, like it goes dark and then it's light again. He's like, well, hang on a second, what's going on here? No, there's no world view and no one's ever prepared him for it. Do you think a day feels like a lifetime to a mayfly? Like it feels like a long time?

Like towards the end of the day, they're just like, oh, old and sore. And like, they just like had enough. They retire around one o'clock in the afternoon it's like take me now for god's sake it's been 20 hours yeah what if all the animals well i guess they do because their brain span and their conception obviously doesn't conceive it of in this way but life is life you know like. Like, I always wondered if, you know, how the records in the Bible about people living for hundreds of years. And it's obviously because of the way it's written and the time spans and things like that. But I always thought it was because they were the first people, so they didn't know to die. It's like, you know, they didn't have any point of reference for how long they're supposed to be alive.

So they just kept living and living and living and living and living and living. And it's only over time we've settled down on some numbers that are like, oh, and that's a bit low, so now it's increased a little bit. Can you imagine two mayflies after about 20 hours alive and one of them turns to the other one like in Saving Private Ryan and says, tell me I've lived a good life. Tell me I'm a good fly. I reckon it's about 18, 19 hours where they just become bar flies

and they just sit there and chat to one another. All right. Good innings. Good idea. Yeah, that's an interesting thing to talk about. There's so much to talk about. I could talk about it for hours. Could you talk about it forever?

Like, would you spend, like, you're going about it for hours Could you talk about it forever? Like would you spend You're going to live for a hundred If you keep talking about this Like a filibuster That's right You won't die as long as you're talking about staying alive You just have to keep going If I had an envelope here in front of me

With the exact day and time of your death Would you want to see it? That's a great question. And I'm tempted to say yes, I would. It's interesting, though, whether you would then make the most of that time because you know it or whether there would be that sense of doom over the top of everything. Very difficult.

Because there is the website that does a bit of a guesswork calculation based on is it your diet and your age and your and those sorts of that data that can tell you your um lifespan when you did that what date were you supposed to have died on it was like yesterday but i was like no i have to record this so i'm around i'm the mayfly of this podcast. I'm going two days. That's right. Yeah. Would you?

Would you want to know? Do you know what? I think no. Does sharpen the mind a little bit, doesn't it? Maybe on these draw four cards that I'm going to send out to patron supporters, I should write like a date in the future and just not say what the date is what's gonna happen on this date 14th of july 2038 and like this is gonna be waiting all that time you can't be doing that that's just gonna give people a sense of doom that's a i've seen that as a as a tweet that's

a great line that just says just you know think about this a hundred years from now all new people barring if barring a few i think i don't know i think life expectancy will go past 100 sometime surely we'll all get those beds that michael jackson had that he was going to use to live like a long time remember michael jackson had like that um special aging bed thing people said that. I don't know. People said a lot of things about Michael Jackson. It certainly didn't work for him if he did. Did you have any words from the girl, secret words you had to get in the show? Yes. So let's just talk about aging for a little bit longer. What do you think the secret to a long life is? Milk.

Especially if you have a headache. Yes. Especially if you have a headache. Yes. If you do have a headache, we recommend milk. Just to bring us full circle, back to the guys who took the KFC, you know, over the border illegally. The heroes. The heroes that took the KFC. The heroes. That's right.

Yes. Yes. Yeah. Do you think they'd, like, is saying that you're a pirate any defence? Like, what if they said we're KFC pirates? Like, is piracy sort of – does it allow you – in stories it means it's sort of like a green light to do bad stuff. It's like, oh, we're the pirates. Oh, right, okay.

All right, no worries. You've got a role to play. Can you truly be a pirate, though, if you're not wearing an eye patch? Was there a mention of... They had probably masks. Everyone's got masks these days, and that might be just an eye patch that slipped down. KFC piracy.

I hadn't thought about that. Smuggling. Imagine if they found, like, this whole network of tunnels under New Zealand that are being used to smuggle KFC into various cities. I must get over to New Zealand. This is why. What's the longest period of time you think you've ever gone without kfc oh quite a long time i guess i don't know like a week oh no i haven't had any today if that's what you're asking

i don't know a few months probably probably a months. I don't know why the heck that would be the case, like what reason I would have had to have not had it for a few months, but I think. Health maybe? No. You see, here's the thing about living longer. If not eating KFC means you live longer, I don't think you do live longer. It just feels longer.