The Unmade Podcast - 99: Honeymoon

Episode Date: November 29, 2021

Tim and Brady discuss sun glasses, New York, some listener mail, the lyrics of two songs, spoons, and honeymoon locations - plus a bonus rap. Go to Storyblocks for stock video, pictures and audio at storyblocks.com/unmade - https://www.storyblocks.com/unmade Support us on Patreon - https://www.patreon.com/unmadeFM Join the discussion of this episode on our subreddit - https://redd.it/r4xnb3 USEFUL LINKS To see Tim's sunglasses and other things from the podcast, you can watch the video version of the podcast - https://youtu.be/ijtvpYosRpo To see Tim's sunglasses and other things from the podcast, you can watch the video version of the podcast - link Shake Shack - https://shakeshack.com/ Kentucky Colonelship - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kentucky_Colonel A Few Good Men - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Few_Good_Men Five-year-old Matthew and Daniel's pulpit appear in the video version - link Black or White by Michael Jackson - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F2AitTPI5U0 Jerry Orbach - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jerry_Orbach Billie Jean by Michael Jackson - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zi_XLOBDo_Y California Girls by the Beach Boys - in which the meaning is dicsussed - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/California_Girls Pictures of Spoon of the Week - https://www.unmade.fm/spoon-of-the-week Tasmania - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tasmania Maasai Mara - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maasai_Mara

It's pretty bright there in your office today, is it Tim? Oh yes, the future's so bright, I have to wear shades Actually, I'm so cool, because I wear shades I answered the Zoom call to Tim and he was wearing these new sunglasses And I actually laughed out loud, which I don't know if that was the response you were looking for, but sorry I look fantastic, there's no doubt about it, absolutely fantastic I'm thrilled about my sunnies you were looking for, but sorry. I look fantastic. There's no doubt about it. Absolutely fantastic. I'm thrilled about my sunnies. My whole life I've gone without sunglasses because I wear glasses, and I finally got some prescription sunnies, and it's transformed my life. I live a glareless life.

It's marvellous. And you're happy with the look? What frames did you go for? You couldn't- I presume you couldn't get the Dieters anymore. What frames did you go for? I presume you couldn't get the Dieters anymore. No, no. And I didn't want to get the exact same ones as my regular frames, the Dieter New Yorkers, which, by the way, just a shout out, if anyone comes across them anywhere, please snaffle them.

I'll happily purchase future proofing frames. But these are, what are they? Oh, Muscat Originals. Oh, they're still NYC. They are still New York brand. That NYC branding seems to work for Glasses Frames, it seems so. Certainly with me. All right. But they're Muscats.

All right. Which is a beautiful segue to. Well, the fact I'm in New York. Yes. I'm in a postage stamp of a hotel room in New York. I'm just here on a little bit of work. So, I'm actually, I'm on the 25th floor of this hotel. And despite being a really, really small room, it does have a nice view of the Empire State Building out to my left. But also, it has this view into the building right opposite me on the other side of the road i think it's sixth avenue and 25 floors

up it looks into this like cool urban dance studio where it looks like they're either doing sort of dance lessons or they're choreographing a broadway show or something because there's all these people in there who are proper fame level dancers and i can look right into their rehearsals and seriously they're really like athletic, incredible dancers. And it literally hurts my back just looking at the dance moves they're doing. Like I get sympathy pain in my spine watching. Have you been mirroring their moves for them to look over? In a million years, I could not mirror those moves.

It's painful just watching them. I actually just went out for a little shopping expedition a short time ago which will come to a later in the show but i did learn two lessons about new york in in my little shopping expedition one is people absolutely love the shake shack which is like a little sort of burger takeaway milkshake chain which is quite popular in new york and i've seen it before popular but i thought oh i fancy i'd fancy one of those today and i went there and they were queuing out into the street for this place during a pandemic it was rammed and i've never been past shake shack when it hasn't been like a huge queue people love the shake shack and the other thing new y Yorkers obviously love are dental products and teeth care products.

Because I went into like a pharmacy to buy a toothbrush and toothpaste, and everything, even toothpaste, was locked behind those little things where someone from the shop has to come and unlock it for you. Oh, no. I don't know who's shoplifting toothpaste, but they've got a real lockdown on anything involving dental care. Wow, that's incredible. Maybe because they're so small, they're easy to snaffle,

and yet they are worth a few dollars. Wow. Yeah, I don't know. Have you been able to locate a dealer on the street to get you some toothpaste? Send me up. Hey, man, want some floss? Anyway.

So, are you midtown or downtown? If you're looking at the Empire State, where are you? I am midtown. Yeah, I'm midtown. I'm right near Madison Square Garden. It's convenient for what I need to do in New York. It's not somewhere. It's like it's the real madhouse part of New York

But yeah, it's where I have to be So I'm only here for a few more days Is that because you're playing or speaking at Madison Square Garden, man? I am, I am Have you not seen any promotion for the big number file show I'm doing? No, I haven't But I imagine they've got it up in lights Yeah, I'm doing a residence.

Five nights of hardcore calculations. You are the Billy Joel of science and physics videos, that's for sure. I am. I am. The calculator man, they call me. That's right. Give us a number. you're the calculator man Give us a number tonight Yeah, so anyway, I've had a week in California

A week in New York and then finally back home So I am looking forward to that Give us a little bit of an overview This is travelling for the first time in a couple of years I know last week you were in the Maldives, but I mean in terms of somewhere other than an isolated resort, like being in somewhere as busy as New York, does it feel different or does it feel just like it did before?

It feels surprisingly undifferent. Lots of masks, lots of people wearing masks, and lots of, in New York, this is something I haven't seen before, lots of just pop-up booth COVID testing stations. Like every few streets, there'll just be like some little booth where you can go and get tested for COVID, which is something I'm not used to even in the UK. It's so sort of informal, but it is absolutely heaving

and everyone's on top of each other. It doesn't feel like a pandemic, worryingly so. Right. So I'm actually trying to keep away from it a little bit, if I'm honest, spend a lot of time in my room. I was going to be catching a train tomorrow, but I've decided to get a car instead just to keep off the trains. I'm trying to be a bit sensible about it, but it doesn't feel massively different.

You see all the signage and the glass petitions and stuff, you know, things have changed, but things feel like they're getting back to the old normal, maybe too soon. I don't know. Do you have any more to say about this Shake Shack? I'd like to get back to that because that seems to be the most important thing you've said so far. It's just like quite a cool burger, you know, hot dogs. And that's why I went. I was in search of hot dogs, of course. My time in New York is just a quest for hot dogs. So I went there in search of hot dogs. And, you know, it's just, there's one in London.

I've been to the one in London a few times. It's just a nice burger place, you know. Is it the same as that quintessential 50s sort of diner thing? Is it a burger and chips and a shake and yeah it's that it's that kind of it's that kind of thing you know that kind of five guys but five guys used to be quite cool that seems to have gone become a bit more down market now it's sort of the new trendy sort of thing in and out type thing is it as nice as johnny rockets do you remember johnny rockets where was? Where was that?

Where was that? In Rundle Street. I remember it. In Adelaide. Rundle Street, yeah. Is it still there? Oh, no. No, it's long gone.

There was a classic, again, the same sort of 50s diner thing, and we went there for my, I think, 18th birthday. But they used to come out, the staff would come out at a certain point, some music would play, and they'd come out and dance for you in you know a line which was the real novelty that was pretty cool yeah yeah yeah that was yeah i remember now uh anyway moving on uh to some parish notices if i may oh please do all right so recently i laid down the challenge to civilians to spread the word about the Unmade podcast, recommend it to a friend in person, you know, that personal touch. And as a result, I heard from Warren, who told me about a way that he had been spreading the word a year or two ago

now. He sent me a copy of his family Christmas card. He wrote, Brady and Tim, I don't have a picture of someone I introduced to your podcast, which is what I had requested, but I did put your podcast on our Christmas card a couple of years ago. My wife had me list my favorite podcasts and you made the cut. I don't know if this counts, but hopefully I get bonus points for being a Kentucky colonel.

He's also a colonel of the state of Kentucky, like Colonel Sanders was. So thanks for the great show, Warren. I mean, that counts. That's spreading the word. Oh, it is. To make Warren's list is quite an achievement. We didn't even mention that as being a possibility. We didn't think that was within the scope of what might be possible.

But, wow, Warren's list. If you're making a Christmas card this year, people, one of those ornate sort of group ones that you send out to people, feel free to mention the Unmade podcast, you know. Bring some festive cheer to your friends' and family's lives. No Christmas is complete without a recommendation of the Unmade podcast to family and friends. Indeed, indeed.

That is what the fourth wise man recommended. That's an often not told part of the story. Gold, frankincense, myrrh, and a recommendation to listen to the Unmade podcast. What does Warren mean when he says that he's a colonel as well, like Colonel Sanders? Look, I thought that might catch your attention. So, luckily, I followed up and I asked Warren what that was all about. Because being a colonel of Kentucky, it's like an honour, you know, like being an unmade colonel. It's an honour that the state can confer, I believe. And that's why Colonel Sanders is a colonel, because he was a colonel of Kentucky.

He wasn't like a military colonel. No. So, I asked Warren what that was about, and this was his reply. I earned my Eagle Scout in high school. In the ceremony, we got this packet, and inside was our membership as a Kentucky colonel. I had never heard of it and didn't know what it was. Kentucky Colonel. I had never heard of it and didn't know what it was. I live in Michigan now, and my governor signed Kentucky Colonel official document was the first thing I hung in my office.

Although my wife has refused to refer to me as Colonel Anderson whenever I bring it up. And Warren included a picture of his Commonwealth of Kentucky colonelship certificate. Wow. So Colonel Warren. But he literally just got it without even asking for it. It was like just part of like a reward package for earning his Eagle Scout. They're giving away these things like confetti. Yes, this sounds a little bit...

I mean, meanwhile, the gold card from KFC is still out there and we've requested and surely earned that. The elusive gold card. Maybe we will become colonels of Kentucky one day. True, we keep referring to it over and over. I mean, maybe it'll just arrive. I don't know. If there's anyone out there in Kentucky who wants to recommend us for the honour,

we may be receptive to such a thing. We may be receptive. Maybe they only give it to, like, residents of the state. the honour, we may be receptive to such a thing. We may be receptive. That's right. Maybe they only give it to, like, residents of the state. Like, I don't know if foreigners are allowed to become Kentucky Colonels, but if anyone is worthy, it's you. Do you know who... That's right.

Do you know who's another cool Colonel? Just thinking of Colonels is yesterday a few good men was on TV and Colonel Jessup. Nathan R. Jessup. Nathan R. Jessup. He's a tough colonel. He's a good one. You can tell he's a tough colonel because he speaks entire paragraphs of text without blinking. That seems to be the entire acting premise that Jack Nicholson brings. Yeah.

No, he was good. If Colonel Nathan R. Jessup was a real person, that would be the best way to win a war. You just send him out into the battlefield and he'd just, like, look at the enemy and they'd just, like, put their weapons down. He's such a likeable bad guy though as well though. He's such a tough guy and he's terrible.

But he's so likeable because it's Jack Nicholson and because he's acting cool and because he's not blinking. And he's got such, he's so witty and has such great lines. The only person who is cooler than Colonel Nathan R. Jessop in that movie is that judge in the in the court martial when he tells him to sit down i'm quite sure i've earned it that's right that was brilliant he was he's a badass too i'd appreciate if he would dress me as colonel or sir i believe i've earned it defense council will address the witness as colonel or sir i don't know what the hell kind of unit you're running here. And the witness will address this court as judge or your honour. I'm quite certain I've earned it.

Yeah, he's a great judge. He's the one who I, I think I recognised him in Punky Brewster or somewhere. He was the same, he played a judge in a TV show. And I reckon he was the same judge who awarded Punky Brewster to Henry to go and live in the 80s TV show Punky Brewster. And then he turns up again. I like the idea that there are sort of co-stars out there who are playing – who are staying in their lane, you know, playing a judge

but turning up legitimately as a judge in different TV shows. I love that idea. I like the way you've moved seamlessly from A Few Good Men to Punky Brewster. Very good film. I always enjoy watching that film. But sometimes you do just skip to the court scene at the end because that's just awesome. That's right.

It's what he did for his famous speech without blinking and um and then the truth bit yeah you can't handle the truth i've heard aaron sorkin who wrote it say that he had no idea that would be such a climax of course it's a climax of the narrative but the fact that it's been lifted and become such a quoted line he had no idea that was going to happen. You can imagine it just written in the script and it just says, you know, what do you want? I want the truth.

Oh, you can't handle the truth. And then he's, yeah, but the way he delivered it was pretty awesome. You want answers? I think I'm entitled. You want answers? I want the truth. You can't handle the truth. I'm just wondering if Colonel Sanders was that kind of colonel,

like when he was making his chicken with his staff. I want the chicken. You can't handle the chicken. I want the spices. You want those spices. You need those spices. You need those spices. You want me on that wall. You need me on that wall.

I'm at the front counter going, yes, I want the chicken. I want the whole lot. Anyway, there we go. So here's another parish notice. This comes from Daniel. And the subject line of this email caught my attention because it said, sofa shop debunked by a five-year-old. My name's Daniel.

I'm a long-term civilian. I've been listening since episode two. Daniel, you must check out episode one sometime. It's really good. But anyway. A true fan would have gone back to episode one. Yeah. I don't think our podcast makes sense if you haven't listened to episode one.

So, you know. Anyway, Daniel says, digging through the camera roll, I found this wee video I captured of my son Matthew telling me his problem with the sofa shop song, which I sing constantly around the house. He was five at the time. So, I'll play this now. Here's five-year-old Matthew discussing the sofa shop. Matthew, what's the matter with that song that I was singing?

I don't do anything until you see the sofa shop. Yeah, and what's wrong with that? You have to do things before you get there. Like what? Like get ready. Like what? Like get ready. Like get some pants on? Yeah. Do you say that if you don't do a thing

until you go to the sofa shop that means going to the sofa shop? Or naked. With naked. Just naked. Just with a naked bum. Or no pants. There you go. This has long been a problem with this lyric.

Don't you do a thing until you see the sofa shop. Don't you do a thing until you see the sofa shop. But how do you see the sofa shop without doing a thing first? And Matthew has unpicked this conundrum. And Matthew has unpicked this conundrum. In his gorgeous little child Scottish accent, which is absolutely marvellous. But, yes, he certainly has uncovered a real quandary.

There needs to be some sort of caveat there. Don't do a thing or two. What is it? Don't do a thing or until. Don't't do a thing or don't you do a thing until you see the sofa shop it should be related to purchasing a sofa at another place that's that's what you need another line it may be it might it might lose the song might lose something if you sort of start putting in all those qualifications i wonder if like sort of like a sort of a Schrodinger's cat situation, the sofa shop paradox will be discussed by philosophers. It's a real chicken and the egg type dilemma, isn't it?

It is. I want to go to the sofa shop. I can't do a thing until I see the sofa shop. But how do I see the sofa shop without first doing the thing? Yes. Yes. It is a real angel. How many angels can dance on the head of a pin sort of question, isn't it? Without first doing the thing. Yes. Yes. It is a real angel.

How many angels can dance on the head of a pin sort of question, isn't it? Hmm. Hmm. Hmm. Yes. Anyway. I think the song perhaps would be served well here by a rap interlude. You know how some songs sort of have a little rap bridge where it's like, whoa, break it down. And then.

I was just listening to the Michael Jackson song Black or White the other day, and that has one of those real disjointed raps in the middle. Do you know I met that guy? So I met that guy. Michael Jackson? No, no, the guy who does the rap interlude. All right. When Michael Jackson was in town in the mid-'90s,

and I went on the way to the concert to meet you, I went past the Hyatt and there was, like, a big crowd and I'm like, oh, he's going to come out of the Hyatt. So I was waiting there and I never saw Michael Jackson, but there were all these other dudes standing around, clearly on the other side of the velvet rope, you know, ready to get on the bus as well. And so I talked to one of them.

I said, oh, g'day, what's your name? What do you do? And he says, I do the rap in black or white uh black and black or white black and black or white isn't it black or white i think it's black or white yeah so was he the guy was he also the guy that sang on the record or was he just the guy who did it at the live shows i wonder i doubt it was the guy that did the recording but i thought it was totally cool that this guy's traveling all over the world with michael jackson just to jump on stage for about 20 seconds and do a rap interlude and then get off again and then go towel down and chill out with

the drag like that's his entire moment i used to know that rap off by heart i'm so ashamed to say that oh i reckon i could remember it. Yeah. So, protection for gangs, clubs and nations causing grief in human relations. It's a turf war on a global scale. I've got to see both sides of the tale. It's not about races or faces

places. Where your butt comes from is where your space is. But the body can't talk i don't want to see myself be in a color i've seen the suddenly get duller be in a color yeah wow that was awesome man see that's we could probably do a second take on that like before you use that man on any songs or i'll fix it. I'll fix it in the edit. What if this guy was ever like that? He gets up on stage and goes, hang on, how does it go?

Places, places. What is it? Places. It's over. Get off. Okay. I'll get it tomorrow night. Also, Daniel went on to write like a lot more in the email.

It turns out he's a minister and he sent us pictures of his pulpit and his Bibles and he wrote all sorts of stuff to Tim. Nice. Tim has read it. Thanks for all those pictures, Daniel, and for going into all that detail. It was much appreciated. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it's a fine pulpit he's got there. Did you have any pulpit envy or do you think the 2000's the way to go? Oh, no, it's a bit wide for me, that pulpit.

Yeah, I feel like you can take two steps to the left or right and still be behind the pulpit which it is it's more of a wall it is it's the it's well it's the sort of thing you'd see a judge sitting behind rather than a preacher that's what i think you need a clerk sitting in front of that one saying all rise then he pops up from behind the pulpit. Good morning, everyone. It is. It is. It is a lovely.

And that's not to besmirch the lovely story you told us about the hand carving of that pulpit by a member of your congregation. No, no. Yes. Well, I know it has significance. We have a really beautiful one in our church too, up high, that I just never use. Kids go up and stand up there and play and stuff, but it's beautiful and hand-carved and, yes, I never use it.

Tim's more your trendy minister who likes to wear denim and be amongst the people, you know. He's more, you know, a bit of crowd surfing and stuff like that is more Tim's style of preaching. Shades on. I always preach in the shades on. Builds a real connection. I've almost adapted to the fact you're looking at me in sunglasses now, by the way.

So I've gotten used to them. Well, because they're prescription sunnies, I can see everything. I actually forget. I do this. I go into shops and I'm looking around and then I suddenly go, oh, I've got sunglasses on and take them off. And suddenly the world lights up. Is it true you've been taking pictures of yourself in those sunglasses at random places around the city looking cool and just sending them back to your daughters? Yes, it is.

What's going on there? Well, it's because we've been talking about the sunnies. They've been a bit of a novelty when I brought them home and I was reminding the girls how cool I look. I've been coming out to breakfast with them on, just wearing them around the house. And then I've been sending photos from different parts of the city. Of course, looking sort of spectacularly cool and then accidentally sending one to you,

which was a big mistake because it looks like I've just taken a course. But I've got them on the scooter and I've got them, well, I'm looking fantastic. You do. You look amazing. Like it was, it's pretty impressive. I'm pretty jealous. By the way, speaking of things that are just effortlessly cool, Tim, this episode has been brought to you by storyblocks go to

storyblocks.com slash unmade have a look at their demand-driven library of royalty-free 4k hd footage after effects and premiere pro templates music images sound effects you name it they've got subscriptions to fit any budget including their unlimited all access mega buffet amazing unlimited download subscription which is the one i go for because i'm using storyblocks all the time in my own creations whether it's podcasts videos all that sort of stuff very very handy tool in my toolbox is my storyblocks subscription and i'll tell you what if you want some pictures of people looking very cool in sunglasses and you haven't got access to tim then storyblocks would be an excellent place to go i'm going to put some samples of sunglasses wearing people into the video version of this

podcast so people can soak that up. These are people who really know how to wear sunglasses. You should have a look, Tim. You get some pointers. I'm not sure what else I need to do. I've put them on my ears and nose and there they sit. But is there, I guess you could, there's always that thing where you can pull them forward at the bridge and look over the top of them at someone. Jason Priestley. Oh, yes.

Jason Priestley is very good at that. Very good. Yes. Nice call. Yeah. Are your ears even? Like, do your sunglasses sit evenly or do you have to do some kind of adjustment because your ears are not even? I don't know if this is a thing for glasses wearers. It is a massive thing. It's a massive thing. My ears are not even. I don't know if this is a thing for glasses wearers. It is a massive thing. It's a massive thing. My ears are not even. My head is weird and wonky. And all my frames have to be, I have to,

I stand there with the person in the optometrist shop, the assistant, and, you know, they heat them up in a certain way and then bend them and curl them and so forth and put them on my head. So the glasses end up looking, like, wonky. If you sit them on the table, they don't sit evenly. My goodness, it's always a challenge. Yep. Well, I'll tell you what's not wonky, Tim.

Storyblocks. Go to storyblocks.com slash unmade. Check out their library of anything. If you do anything creative, anything that needs media, you know, it's just such, even if it's media, you could create yourself by travelling and going out and filming and recording things. It's just such a waste of your time and you'll never do it as good as the stuff on Storyblocks anyway. So, go and check them out. Just a really great resource for creative people.

And thank you, Storyblocks, for supporting the show. Thank you, Storyblocks. Okay. Have you got an idea for a podcast tim do you want to go first i feel like i've been going first a lot lately all right all right i do have an idea i actually have paused though and thought i wonder if there's a new york related idea because you're in new york i'm thinking on the fly here i i i had one five minutes before recording i had one and i wasn't going to mention it but if you want one i'll give it to you now if you want go for it go for it this is very half-baked i'm just going to give it to you because i just thought of it imagine a podcast where each episode is recorded on a different cross street of new york

so you do an episode all about first then then second, third, fourth, fifth, all the way. It goes for hundreds, doesn't it, all the way up Manhattan? And you just find stories to tell on each street about people who live there, shops, history. You've just got this self-contained series of 100-odd or however many streets there are episodes. The story of the streets.

Streets of New York. That's a great idea. That's wonderful. Yeah. Like local stories, real stories of people in that neighbourhood who have lived there, what's happened on that intersection. Yeah, that's fantastic. Maybe just turn up and don't prepare it.

Just walk up and down the street and talk to people and learn what you learn on that day. Wow, that's a really great idea. There's famous bits, of course. You can go up, and of course New York's full of these spots, you know, the Dakota building where John Lennon and Yoko Ono were, and you can make your way all down to famous little cafes and spots, particularly where films,

obviously there's loads of films that are made in New York City. So this is the spot where in When Harry Met Sally, you know. Law and Order episodes. In fact, one of the streets is named in Jerry Orbach's honour because of Law and Order and all the stuff he filmed in New York. I can't remember which street it is, but one of the streets has got, let me look it up for you because I know you love Jerry Orbach. Oh, yes. No, he's fantastic. People are wondering who Jerry Orbach is.

He's perhaps more famously known as the father in Dirty Dancing. And Lenny in Law and Order. Here it is. It says, a stretch of 53rd Street and 8th Avenue was renamed for Broadway and TV star Jerry Orbach, who died in 2004. His widow unveiled the street sign at a ceremony attended by actors. I don't know why they chose that particular street corner. Probably because of some Broadway associations or something. Well, there's lots of famous ones. There's also Do The Right Thing Way in Brooklyn, where they filmed, where Spike Lee filmed Do The Right Thing. And there's loads of those sorts of places. But I

reckon your idea is great to get past all those, to actually get to the local stories and to people who have had this shop on this corner for 50 years and who was in the shop before then and who lived in the place and what happened. Loads of stories. In fact, this could go all over the place. It's not just a New York idea, just the streets of your town. It's just well suited to New York because you've got that obvious chronology, you know, that was third street, next week, fourth street. It's got this obvious what do you do next. Yeah, yeah, it's ordered perfectly with the grid system.

I was thinking about New York. Is there a more New York word than Broadway? Like just saying the name Broadway as a street, there's nowhere else in the world that's associated with that word. It just, you can hear a hundred singers singing it, you know, in jazz songs and Broadway. Is there a more New York word? Coffee. Coffee.

How you doing? Tony. Tony, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah yeah yeah no fair enough well broadway could feature on streets of your town i haven't really dealt with those sort of vertical running streets the avenues but yeah of which broadway is one but that'd be special episodes when you do the avenues you know oh that's right that'd be big cardinal episodes well there, there's only six, isn't there? No, eight. Eight across is there? And then Broadway weaves up through the middle of them.

I think there's more. I think there's more. Anyway, that was just a half-baked idea. Well, that's my idea done. What have you got, Matt? Well done. You can skip an idea today if you want. I was actually thinking about an idea.

It's funny we mentioned Michael Jackson. My idea was by was about michael jackson because the other day i was listening to um the song billy jean and i was wondering about the plot of billy jean which is one of the most famous songs ever it's one of the best-selling singles ever and it's on the biggest selling album of all-, Thriller. And it tells the story of him denying the kid of a potential lover or someone like that. He's denying a relationship for someone who's making a paternity case. And I was thinking, look, it's been 35 years since Billie Jean came out, maybe longer. That kid would be all grown up now.

Yeah. We could find this kid and re-engage the plot line of Billie Jean and do a paternity test, find out what's going on. Does he look like Michael Jackson? I mean, my idea is really re-engaging the plot of significant songs to find and seeing if there's a clue into them now, years later. That's interesting. That's interesting you should say that,

because I have a song burning a hole in my brain this week as well, and it was going to be my podcast idea today, but I did change my mind, so I've got a song as well. What's your song? California Girls by The Beach Boys. Ah. Now, I am not entirely clear What this song is about

Is the song California Girls Is the Beach Boys saying That Californian girls are the best Better than all the other girls in America Or is it saying that All the girls in America are amazing And I wish they could all be in California Where I am, so I had access to all of them. Let me read the lyrics to you, okay?

Yep, yep. East coast girls are hip, I really dig those styles they wear. Yep. And the southern girls with the way they talk, they knock me out when I'm down there. The Midwest farmer's daughters really make you feel alright. And the northern girls with the way they kiss, they keep their boyfriends warm way they kiss they keep their boyfriends warm at night i wish they all could be california girls i wish they all could be california girls and then the next verse goes on to the girls of california where we go the west coast has the sunshine and the girls all get so

tanned so they're saying the californian girls are you know are pretty as well but here's the here's the kicker i've been all around this great big world and I've seen all kinds of girls, but I couldn't wait to get back to the States, back to the cutest girls in the world. I wish they all could be California. I wish they all could be California girls. That is confusing. Is he saying I can't wait to get back to the States where all the American girls are, which in turn I wish could all be in California?

Or is he saying of all the girls in the States, the Californian ones are superior? I don't know. I still don't know the answer to this. That's, yes, I'm not sure. Surely, I always assumed, yeah, that's right. I've always assumed without thinking about it, which I've given zero thought to it before now, that he was saying the Californian girls are the best

because he's from California. Yeah, and they're always, you know, pro-surfing culture and, you know, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's basically saying, you know, he's being... Parochial. Parochial, that's the word. Everything from my town's the best, yep. But he does seem to then go on and say there's lots of great girls everywhere

and I wish they were all in California. I don't know, man. But he's definitely saying American girls are superior. But is he saying the subset of Californian girls are superior to the other American girls or all American girls are great and I wish they could all be concentrated in California? This needs a Venn diagram, doesn't it, to sort of clarify?

It does. It needs a lot of work, a lot of analysis. Or a quick chat with Brian Wilson would clear it up. Possibly as well, yeah. Yeah. So getting back to Billie Jean, you want to see kind of Billie Jean 2021. Would the song be sung maybe from the perspective of the child? Is Billie Jean's the mother, right?

Billie Jean's the mother, right? Billie Jean's the mother, right? So it's all about her. She was more like a beauty queen from a motor scene. I said, I don't mind, but what do you mean I'm the one? So she's confronting him and saying, you're the one and I've got a kid. She told me her name was Billie Jean. Hey, her name may not be, but she said that.

She caused a scene, every head turned with eyes that dreamed of being the one who would dance on the floor in the round. So it's kind of like she's making a paternity case against Michael, but everyone else is watching going, oh, I wish she was making a paternity case against me. Like, that's what they're saying. People always told to be careful. Don't go around breaking young girls' hearts.

Don't go around breaking young girls' hearts. I don't go around breaking young girls' hearts. Good advice. And he says, Billie Jean is not my lover. She's just a girl who claims that I'm the one. The kid is not my son. The kid is not my son. If there is a kid, there may not be a kid. It's a boy.

It's a boy. We know that. My son. That's right. Yeah, yeah. 40 days and 40 nights, the law was on her side. But who can stand when she's in demand, her schemes and plans? Because we danced on the floor in the round.

I must have danced to this song a thousand times in my life. I've never known these were all the lyrics. I know the not my son part and Billie Jean's not my lover, but I never really realised that's what was being said. It's not until you read it without singing you realise it's like a legal document. It is, it is. And that's a big court case, 40 days and 40 nights. The court doesn't even sit at night.

Gosh, the law was on its side. She told my baby we'd dance till three, then she looked at me. Ah, so there's actually, he's got a partner now, so this is all happening in front of his new girlfriend or his girlfriend. Then she looked at me, then showed a photo. My baby cried. His eyes were like mine. Oh, no.

Brackets. Because we danced on the floor in the round. Yep. And then it just sort of repeats everything till the end. And there's no real conclusion to it all. So if there is a son, right, he would be all grown up now and he'd be in his late 30s and it would be interesting to see him and look at him and find out, well,

did you ever get a DNA test? You know what I mean? Was it ever established? What have you been doing in this time? I mean, his song could be Billie Jean was my mother. That's right. Billie Jean gets two songs written about her by a so-called ex-lover and by her son. I guess the podcast idea is what other songs require sequels or clarification songs, in my case, with California Girls, or like a sequel in your case?

We could have a whole bunch of songs having sequels. That's right. The plot's just not quite finished. I like the idea of trilogy songs, it being rounded off again with a great trilogy like Return of the Jedi. Nice. Nice. Yeah, that is a good idea.

If you're out there, Billie Jean's son, right, please contact us. We would love to talk to you about this. Billie Jean yourself, if you're listening, don't forget to mention us on your Christmas cards. But aside from that, do contact us and let us know. We'd like to talk to you and your son together perhaps. Yeah. Sadly, Michael's not around to, you know.

Well, I think he's had his say more than enough times via that song he is quite effusive because it goes on and on at the end he really in fact billy jean is not my lover billy jean is not my lover billy jean is not my lover billy jean is like i think it's you know he protested too much that's what i think i think towards the end of the song just goes a bit overboard yeah all right quick interlude for the segment that everyone's waiting for the one the kids stay up for i know i know parents say all right you can stay up for spoon of the week and then you're going to bed so here it is kids it's time for I'm in the week Now, of course, I'm in New York.

I'm surrounded by gift shops. I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't go out and buy a couple of New York spoons to feature on the show and then send over to Tim for the collection. I couldn't choose between these two, Tim, so I bought two. People can look at them on screen or in the show notes. First, we have an NYPD spoon, because I know you love a bit of NYPD blue, a bit of law and order and that kind of stuff.

So I've got the iconic police department badge just sitting there on the top of the handle of the spoon. Very simple spoon, not ornate, nor should it be because this is a police spoon. This is about utility and function, not about, you know, glamour. This is for stirring your tea before you go out and bust some drug dens or whatever you're doing if you're a New York police. Your coffee. Get your coffee and solving crimes.

Have you been carrying this spoon in your wallet and just sort of flashing it to get around, like busting toothpaste dealers and stuff? You can add this spoon to your already burgeoning collection of spoons representing police departments that you failed to get into. That's right. And the second spoon, a bit more ornate this one it's a statue of liberty spoon and here we have quite quite a lot going on the scoopy bit the bowl itself is decorated with a big apple with a new york skyline in it and then up the stem we have the words Statue of Liberty written

and then in the top at the top of the handle we have a big oval shaped ring with a big void in the middle and in the middle of that void is a little replica of the Statue of Liberty which actually rotates on its axis so you can spin it around as well so it's got there's a lot going on with a spoon I can't believe it only cost ten dollars it was as well. So there's a lot going on with a spoon. I can't believe it only cost $10. It was incredible. Oh, that's a bargain. You could sell that. Someone did sell it.

They sold it to you. They did. The funny thing was I went into a couple of gift stores and the people would say, can I help you? And I said, I'm looking for spoons. And both times, the first place they took me was to another section of the shop and it's and the first thing they want to sell you when you ask for a new york spoon this seems to be the big thing now are these great big porcelain spoons like the size of

a big wooden spoon but made of porcelain with different decorations on them like i love new york and stuff and each time i had to say no no i want like a small metal spoon like a teaspoon they're like oh what do you want that for when you could have these huge porcelain spoons but I'm like no Tim can't put those big porcelain ones on the rack I need little metal ones the porcelain ones are they to hang on the wall or eat soup with or what do you do I don't know what you use them for but they're all the rage now that's the new souvenir spoon that's that's what the kids are into these days. Are people lining up in New York to get those spoons, like around the corner? I think Shake Shack were selling them.

I think that's where the cues were coming from. So, anyway, those are two new spoons for the collection. I'll send them over to you, Tim. You can put them on the rack, and maybe they'll end up on some collector cards at some point as well. Well, I think, you know what? These are going to tip the rack. I the rack's full i'm going to need a new rack uh it's so yeah that's it's um this is um a big moment i'm gonna have to start looking around perhaps some suggestions of racks if people could look around and find a decent rack the rack

i've got at the moment was a gift from a civilian and it's in the shape of australia sans tasmania but i'd be interested in another shaped rack if people can suggest and find any what about a big tasmania rack just a massive tasmania rack just a huge tasmania yeah to go underneath totally out of proportion my wife would like that she's from from Tasmania. She would. She would. Now, we have our own unmade podcast souvenir spoon, which is a limited edition. We give them out to stakeholders, our Patreon supporters. And this week we are sending one to Aaron P. from Toronto.

Aaron, thank you for your support. Enjoy your spoon. Congratulations, Aaron. A sofa shop mixtape is going to Jonathan A. from Victoria in Australia. Nice. Well done, Jonathan. Yeah. And five handfuls of Spoon of the Week collector cards

are going to the following stakeholders. Manuel from Brighton in the UK, Benjamin F. from Alberta, Canada, Emma O. from Switzerland, Ken H. from Alberta, Canada, Emma O from Switzerland, Ken H from Minnesota, and Dana B from Massachusetts. Fantastic. Finally, Tim, I have an idea for a podcast. It's just a pretty simple one, but it comes as a result of a lovely anecdote that I wish to share with everyone. As you mentioned earlier, a couple of weeks ago, I was in the

Maldives and I've long talked about how much I love going to the Maldives. I've talked about it and my favourite island there here on this podcast numerous times. I've also spoken about it on the Hello Internet podcast in the past. So, my enjoyment of the Maldives is well documented, my enjoyment of the Maldives is well documented. Yes. Overdocumented, some might say. Some might and have said. Anyway, so anyway, I was on this trip and I was going on a little snorkelling expedition

and about 20 or so people all pile onto one of these little wooden boats called a Doni boat, I think it's called. And it was just a little 10-minute pootle out to a reef where we could snorkel and look at fish. So I got on this boat and I sat down next to, on the sort of on the bench on the boat next to this young couple. They were obviously excited about going snorkeling. And I said to the young lady who was next to me,

you know, have you been here before? Is this your first time here at the island in the Maldives? And she said, yeah, it's our first time. And then she said to me politely, you know, is it your first time? And I said, no, I've actually been here a few times before. And I think she then looked knowingly at her husband and then back at me and said are you brady and i said yeah yes i am and they looked at each other again and had this knowing nod and they said uh we we've just gotten married and we're on our honeymoon and we chose to come here for our honeymoon because we've heard you talk so often about how much you love the maldives and that's why we chose to be here and they even joked they even joked on the plane on the way over uh oh imagine if brady was there when we got there

and then they got they got they get on this boat and sure enough they've got they've got me sitting next to them like a big goober going snorkeling. So anyway, they were Chris and Serena, and they were a lovely couple. We even went for dinner with them and had a lovely time. They were big fans of yours. They were big fans of you. In fact, I think they were more Tim fans than Brady fans. Several times they were heard to say, oh, I wonder what Tim would think of that.

So I'm more sorry, Tim's not here. You're stuck with me. But anyway. Why didn't they come to Adelaide for their honeymoon? I mean, come on, guys. Exactly. We've got beaches. We've got the rotating restaurant.

Come on. The big rocking horse. Big rocking horse. Too right. So anyway, this gave me the idea because it's something people often like talking about is honeymoons. Where did you go on your honeymoon? What's the story of your honeymoon?

Oh, I can imagine people just coming on and telling honeymoon stories. You could even have some people who take recorders on their honeymoon and capture some of their honeymoon for us. But I love asking people where they went on their honeymoon and finding out because sometimes it's somewhere amazing, exotic. Somewhere it's somewhere special to that couple. Somewhere sometimes you weren't able to do a honeymoon because of circumstances, and there's some interesting story around that.

So where did you go on your honeymoon, Tim? Funnily enough, we went to Tasmania. We did it in a curious way. We actually flew out the same night as our wedding. So we left. Our wedding was quite earlier in the day. And then we had a reception party sort of all day. Then come like five or six o'clock, we walked back a few streets back in Melbourne to our house, got our stuff, got in a taxi and went to the airport and flew to Tasmania that night and arrived.

A mate met us at the other end and, you know, kind of we drove back to his place and then he gave us his car to take away. And we drove to a resort and had a marvellous week at this resort in Tasmania. Yeah. So one place, you weren't like travelling around the state to all different places. You kind of just settled in at one place and chilled.

Oh, i feel like we did move around maybe after a week or so maybe there was another a little bit longer we spent i think we did actually i think we spent two weeks in all now i'm thinking about i think the second week we drove down to hobart yeah and had a look around there and then drove up again i think that's right a bit of cradle mountain on the way no we didn't do anything like that. No sort of lovely camping or nature walks and that sort of stuff. We just sort of relaxed. We did play. There's a couple of things.

Two things that happened on my honeymoon that are probably worth mentioning. I remember actually three, actually many things happened. I remember I was reading the book The Godfather. We've got a whole podcast just about Tim's honeymoon. Next week, day three. I was reading The Godfather. I remember that. So that put me in a massive Italian mood.

Everywhere we went, I was looking for Italian food and pasta and things because I was just immersed in the novel. The other thing I did is I dyed, I bleached my hair just randomly, went to get a haircut and we're being, I don't know, wacky or crazy or something. And I bleached my hair, which just looked ridiculous and looked ridiculous for, you know, the year afterwards as it grew out. No links in the show notes. What is it with you and sort of wedding events that makes you do stupid stuff with your hair? You shaved your head for that other one, didn't you? Oh, dear. The thing is, what we did, though, at the resort, it had a golf course and we went and played golf. And I'd played golf since I was quite young, but my wife

had never played golf before. And I said, well, come out and play golf and, you know, have a bit of a go and I'll give her a few lessons and, you know, we'll see how we go. So I sort of explained it to her. I'm a very, very mediocre to poor golf golfer. So I'm thinking that's the base that everyone begins at, right? Way back from where I've come to after years of playing and I'm still very poor. But she lines up and I explain how to swing. She, you know, goes back in the, what do you call it? I want to say the drawback.

The backswing. Backswing. Goes straight through the ball. The ball just takes off dead straight, flies all the way down the freeway. Unbelievable shot. The fairway. The fairway.

This is Tim giving the golf lesson here. And it turns out she has this natural, beautiful swing. And it was incredible, just incredible. So we made our way around the golf course with me sort of crisscrossing as I normally do, overshooting and slicing and all sorts. And she is just shooting the ball beautifully, flying down the middle of the fairway and just has the most natural golf swing I've ever come across. Does she still play?

Did she start taking it up from there or was that a one-off? So she turned professional and we've been on the circuit ever since it's on the tour. It's quite incredible. No, we've never played again. I wouldn't allow it. I said, that's it, right? That's it. Tomorrow we're playing football. That's right. No wife of mine is going to be beating me at golf. No, I very rarely play golf. She's never played again, I think, but she takes great pride in that story and has shared that

story many times, but we must go out sometime and um i'd love to watch her swing again it was just graceful and beautiful and effective yeah all right where did you go on your honeymoon so we went on a safari to the masai mara in kenya which was incredible like one of probably you know a top five holiday in my life because we were there during the migration so you would see all the the zebras and the antelopes and everything lining up at the river like backing up further and further wanting to cross the river so they could migrate to the greener grass but all the crocodiles and stuff are waiting there for them like and you see them like hundreds of, just lying there in the water thinking,

come on then, bring it on. And then eventually the zebras go, you know, we can't wait anymore. There's a billion behind us pushing us in. And suddenly they just all go for it. Oh, wow. And you just watch them all crossing and you're watching them and they sort of go a few at a time

and you're sort of thinking, is that one going to make it? Is that one going to? No. Go on. Crocodile. Is that one going to make it? Yes, he made it. Oh, well done. What about that one? Is that one gonna no go on crocodile is that one gonna make it is that one gonna make it yes he made it oh well done what about that one is that one gonna is that one gonna no go on and

you just watch them get picked off that was like it was brutal but it was pretty amazing but the whole safari was amazing it was it was really incredible can i ask going on safari seems to me a bit like it's like a nature documentary, but it's the live show. You know, like, you can see Lion King, the movie, and then we went and saw Lion King on Broadway. It's the live show. I imagine Safari is like that, except it's like the live show. Here we go. Everyone's right there in front of you.

I'll tell you my main observation and impression of a Safari. And that was, maybe it's because i'm from australia i've never thought of this before maybe it's because i'm maybe it's because in australia if you go into the outback that's so arid you don't see that many animals no so when you do it's like it's like quite a novelty oh everyone look over there there's a kangaroo yeah isn't that interesting who would have thought we'd see a kangaroo today so i thought that's what a safari was going to be like you'd be driving along some dusty area or something, and suddenly everyone would go, shh, shh, everyone be quiet.

Look, over there, there's a lion. But it's not like that. It's basically like you're on this massive field, like, you know, like a hundred football fields big, and there's just animals everywhere, and there's just stuff going on everywhere, and there's also quite a few there's just stuff going on everywhere and there's also quite a few four-wheel drives full of tourists just driving around among them watching what's

happening and then when something really cool is kicking off like a lion's hunting down a antelope or something stalking it all the four-wheel drives will start driving in that direction and you'll if you see all the cars all going in one direction everyone starts following because they know something cool's going on so you're watching the other cars as much as you're watching the animals to find out where the coolest thing going on is but if you're not careful you'll run over animals like like some sleeping lion in the grass or something there was so many animals i was not prepared for how many animals there would be and this is not in a park this is not like a special park area where they're corralled. No, it was just nature.

It was just natural. It was during the migration. It was a busy time. And I am sort of exaggerating. It's not like a mosh pit of animals that you're trying to push your way through. But there were so many animals. And sometimes if you would stop the vehicle and a cheetah would come along, to the animals the cars are just like rocks.

They're moving rocks. They're not other animals. They're just these parts of the scenery. Sometimes the cheetah would jump up on your car, onto the bonnet of your car because it was a good viewpoint to have a look around. So they would just stop the car and a wild cheetah would jump on your car just to get a better view of what's going on. It was absolutely incredible.

It was like, it was just wall-to-wall amazingness. And the other thing that did was it made me somehow have slightly less appreciation for African wildlife documentaries. Right. Because it makes me realise that stuff's easy. That stuff's happening all the time. Yeah, right. It made me realise filming that stuff isn't quite the rare gems I thought.

If you spend enough time out there and, you know, you know how to work a camera well, you're going to get some amazing stuff. It's all low-hanging fruit. The second half of the honeymoon, we went to a beachy resort on the island of Zanzibar and that was actually quite, it was actually quite forgettable. I didn't, I don't really remember much about it. So much so that I often forget the name of the island even, but we went to Zanzibar. So, it wasn't like you suddenly in the midst of safari

pulled back and you realised, oh, hang on a sec, we're like in Madagascar, we're in the zoo in the middle of New York City. It was very good. It was very good. Safari is something to do once in your life if you get the chance. I tell you what, while we've been recording, the sun has started setting here. The Empire State Building has lit up like a Christmas tree. My view has improved somewhat.

It looks really lovely. My view of you has decreased. You're suddenly in the dark, I've realised. Yes, it's gotten dark in my room as well as outside. If people listening would like to tell us the story of their honeymoons, if they have been on one or a honeymoon they would like to do, go to Reddit, go to email, go to Twitter, get in touch. We love hearing from all of you and sometimes sharing your stories here on the show. Please twitter get in touch we love hearing from all of you and sometimes sharing your stories here on the show please do get in touch unmadefm at gmail.com i think is our email address and you can use all the other usual stuff tim did you have any secret words you needed to

smuggle into the show today there are no secret words no well thank you for thank you for joining me uh with another interesting time zone difference for us to negotiate. I know you've got meetings now you must attend. I must. Are you going to wear those sunglasses to your faculty meeting there at the college? I think I will. I think I'm going to do a full sort of a cool sunny day. Have you got like a leather jacket or a denim jacket you can wear to like just get that Bono look going?

Alas, no. That's right. This is my Bono look. That's right. I'm just going to walk around. I'll do it under the – I'll use the excuse that I've left my glasses at home so I need to use my prescription glasses. But actually, I'm just walking around looking cool. Are you going to walk into the meeting like through the normal door or have you arranged a trap door to bring you up to the table

from underneath the floor? Welcome to Zoo TV, y'all. Hope it sounds as good as it looks.