The Unmade Podcast - Special: Sick Day

Episode Date: May 10, 2023

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Okay, people, if you're a dedicated civilian, you might remember in episode 10, way back in the day, I suggested a podcast called Sick Day, where the guest or the person you're talking to is sick. Well, for the last couple of days, I've been getting a bunch of text messages from Tim moaning about how sick he is. You'd think he was on death's door the way he's carrying on. So I've decided to get in touch with him on his sick bed and have a bit of a chat as sort of a see if this sick day idea has any legs. So, we'll call into Tim and see what's up. All right, Tim, how bad is it there?

It's not good, man. It's not good. I feel awful. I hate being sick so much. It's so annoying. Yeah. It's not good. I feel awful. I hate being sick so much. It's so annoying. Yeah. What are your symptoms? I feel achy all over.

I got all shivery last night, overnight, and I have, like, blocked ears all the time and a runny nose and phlegm in my throat. What do you do? Do you, like, bunker down straight to bed? Do you soldier on and work? What's your sort of your first reaction when you get hit by these terrible ailments? Denial for a while, keeping going denial. And then once it finally hits and there's acceptance, then I just, I have to stop. I have to stop and curl up and think, oh, one good night's sleep or one big drink of water and Panadol and a night's sleep will, you know, get me through

it. But when it lingers, you start to go, oh dear. And then it kind of ebbs and flows, doesn't it? So, when you're feeling all right, like it's been a couple of days now. So, when you're feeling all right, you're like, pull out the laptop, I'll just do a little bit of work or something comes up that I have to do. And so, you sort of do that. And then, you know, it feels like you've run a marathon. So, you put it away and, you know, that leads to a nap. It's like your whole life is brought down into just a few hours where you sleep and eat and work, but only in like little increments rather than whole days and weeks and stuff. You're an absolute trooper, man. Have you been, do you moan a lot to your family?

Yeah. You're an absolute trooper, man. Have you been, do you moan a lot to your family? I do. I also get sick of being asked, like, how you feel all the time because I feel the pressure's on to have something different to say. Like, you know, to vary the story a little bit, you know, to sort of make it more interesting. Like, you know, people, how are you going? And you go, or feeling better?

And you're like, no. Like you get, you know, from work, people say feeling better. And I know they're being concerned, but I just go, I feel rubbish. Or I feel, I feel, you feel better because the thing you told them was hurting last time doesn't hurt anymore, but something else is going on. So, you go, well, it's not aching anymore. And then people jump on that like, brilliant, awesome. And you're like, yeah, you know, yeah, but like I'm all blocked up, you know, like it's- I feel like I get about three to four minutes of sympathy at home. And after that point, I've become a nuisance.

Yeah. There's sympathy that's sort of like, oh, I'm really sorry. And then there's sympathy that's practical, like, and here is your dinner for tonight. And I have to say, my wife's very good at the practical side. She's also a little, you know, early on, oh, that's not good. But, yeah, no, she's a real trooper when it comes to the practical side. I'm very lucky. I find I also very quickly get blamed for my sickness because of, you know,

what I've been eating the week before or things I've been doing. That's right. I told you to wear a jumper the other night and you didn't and, you know. Oh, it hurts to laugh. My chest hurts to laugh. Oh, dear. Oh, I'm sorry, man. I'll keep the jokes to a minimum.

That's right. You know how hard it is for me not to be fantastically funny, though. I know. I don't know how you'll be able to restrain yourself, that superpower. What are you eating and drinking at the moment? Look, I've been a little bit of comfort food, which is basically just toast. The worst thing, of course, is that you lose your taste. So, just at a time when you feel like you should be having, you know, something really

yummy and sinful because you deserve it, because you're sick, you can't taste it. So, you just go, okay, well, whatever. In truth, it's like, you know, a bit of toast and a toasty toasty, like a cheese toasty toasty and then cups of coffee and stuff. I mean, it's all very basic, really. It's very plain food when you're sick. Your mum lives a lot closer to you than she used to. Have you told her you're sick and does she spring into action? No, she doesn't spring into action.

older you're sick and does she spring into action no she doesn't spring into action she just like she also asks for updates but in text messages you know so you're like oh okay another tech and i'll sort of send one off and then the you know the phone goes and it's like another clarification on a point it's like you don't need to know you're not my health specialist like i'm sick i'll let you know when i'm not sick in a few days you know but that's just a bit unfair i become a bit less even less patient when i'm sick do you do you find me to be a support and a rock at these difficult times you are at best a distraction that's where you are an entertaining distraction we've been sending each other GIFs of people dying in movies.

I was trying to think of that one right at the start of Ferris Bueller's Day Off. You know, what's his friend called? I can't recall his name. Cameron. Cameron. Yeah. Cameron's laying there. That's how I feel.

I feel like Cameron at the start of Ferris Bueller laying there still, not wanting to move. And you're like Ferris who's saying, come on, come on, Tim, let's play, let's play. Let's do a podcast. Have you got your Zoom recorder? Oh, dear. And here we are, here we are. Obviously, you know, you are a man of the cloth. I feel like you have a bit of a hotline to God. What's the rules with praying to get better when you're sick, when you are actually man of the cloth, I feel like you have a bit of a hotline to God. What's the rules with praying to get better when you're sick, when you are actually a minister? Is that considered like cheating or like the banker in Monopoly taking money for themselves?

We've clarified this before. I have no privileged access in regards to prayer. Right. The point of being a Christian leader is that maybe you will suffer more in your service. Like, you're supposed to lead. This is what it's like to walk through the valley of the shadow of death. That's what I'm doing right now.

So, you're saying you're sick because you're a minister? In a way, yes. Yes, it is. In a way, it is. Yes. This is martyrdom right here. This is me with the sniffles. That's about as tough as it gets. Yes. People are

inspired by this example, I have to say. I have to say you are a bit less funny when you're sick. Right. Well, I am a comedian first, minister second, philanthropist. So, what is the rest of the night hold tonight? What are you going to do tonight? I've been watching the budget. So, it's budget night here where the government lays out its, you know, financial agenda. So, I've been watching that. Yeah. And-

Federal budget or state budget? No, no, the federal budget. Yeah. And so, that was kind of interesting. Any early thoughts you want to share with the community? No. You know, regular listeners will remember a very notable reply to the budget speech, which happens a couple of nights later, which I recall John Hewson did in 1992.

There's even a t-shirt, I think, about that. Yes, it will be interesting to hear. Tonight, look, the budget's in surplus, which hasn't happened for more than a decade. In fact, maybe more than that, maybe 20 years, but it's only a very short surplus. Hang on, I have to have a drink. Wow, this is live, live nourishment on the podcast. Go on, Dirk, get it in your teeth. What are you drinking? It's water, just water. I'll tell you what my, you know, doctor wife, she's not a doctor, but, you know, playing the doctor, says about 14 times every day, just drink lots of water. That is the magic remedy.

It doesn't matter what's going on. It's drink lots of water, drink lots of water, drink lots of water. And even saying the name water, the word water is hurting my throat. Hang on. Oh, we're getting a live cough here. Oh, man. More water. I'm just now looking, the camera's now just pointing at the ceiling.

I'm not sure that Tim hasn't died. Oh, no, there he is. I know. I just had to drop it because holding the phone is my... That's terrible. He's proper sick, people. I'm not faking it. Do you believe me now?

I believe you, man. You don't look good. You don't look good. Oh, no. I'm sorry. My wife's actually gone to the shop because we had run out of cough lollies, which she pointed out if I had told her earlier in the day, that would have been a more convenient time to have noticed,

but I didn't notice. Do you give yourself any treats? Do you have like a Farmer's Union iced coffee or a donut or some ice cream or something? A bit of ice cream because that was helpful for the throat last night. Cools the throat. So, I'll get into a bit of that tonight. I'll tell you what I feel like. I feel like a strawberry thick shake from Macca's.

That's always nice on the throat when you're feeling like you've got a sore throat. Yeah. Why didn't you ask your wife to get one of those while she was out? Because she's out walking the dog and that's a long way from Macca's. So, I won't ask that now. We've got a little bit of ice cream here. We had a little bit of boysenberry the other day, which is a bit of a treat. But it's just plain vanilla at the moment.

But that will be nice. I will somehow. Have you pinpointed who you might have caught this from? Is there a particular parishioner or work colleague that you want to point the finger at? No, no. Another couple of colleagues are also sick, although one of them is COVID positive. I haven't got COVID, by the way. I'm COVID negative. So, even though these are sort of common symptoms, I guess, I expect it to be, but I'm not. Another colleague is and another colleague isn't, you know. Yeah. So, I don't know. I don't know from whom I got it. I guess I'm just, I'm not patient zero, that's for sure at the moment. There's certainly a lot of this going around.

Oh, yes. No sickness is complete until you say drink lots of water and, oh, there's a lot of it going around. There is a lot of it going around. There is a lot of it going around. That is going around. Sickness is always going around. Like it's not self-generated. It's not like I suddenly, my body mustered a cold out of its sheer own will. I've definitely got it from somewhere else, which means it's by definition going around.

So all those years ago when I suggested the sick day podcast idea and you talk to someone who's sick being the sick person on the podcast what's your experience of it so far oh look it's not nice for the throat it's nice and distracting it's nice to do something else because even though having a couple i tell you the good side the good side of being sick as you go okay i can just be quiet at home for a couple of days so that that kind of, even though you feel awful, there is a little side of going, well, that's nice. On the other hand, the novelty of that wears off pretty quick too, because you feel rubbish. And then you sort of run out of things to do, or you just, you know, watch a TV. So, and you kind of sit, it's not even that you just sit down on the couch for a while. You literally kind of sit on the same part of the couch like all day like

you sort of nap and sit in the same position the whole time and so you sort of get very very used to this part so it becomes like a little station like i got my books here and you got the remote here and you got a drink and the tissues and it becomes like your little your little cave like in the lounge room your little corner and um yeah that's that's a bit that get like that feels a bit weird like i've been here for years or something and i should be more productive or doing or you know things should be tidier have you got a daughter in the house to give us a secret word live oh that's that's maybe let me see if i can call upstairs i'm doing a recording with Brady right now. Do you want to say a secret word live that I can put in? Okay. Her word is no. I bet you get that one a lot. All right, man. Look, I'm going to

let- I feel guilty now about making you do this. i'm gonna let you get back to the uh the australian federal budget yeah thank you man i've been look at the i've been watching some other stuff too and i've been reading a little bit that's you know it's not all bad once you start the trouble is you got this funny period when you're sick because you start feeling better and you go oh brilliant i'm finally feeling a bit better and then you go oh but hang on then this little holiday will end you know like it's and so you want to feel better, but you also want the excuse to sort of be able to chill out for a little while. Any recommended books or TV shows or films before we go? Oh, I watched a few John Mulaney comedy specials in a row. And do you know John Mulaney, the stand-up comedian?

No. Oh, very funny. He was a Saturday Night Live kind of guy, and he has a bunch of comedy specials. They're all very funny. He's a very nice guy. Then he went through a bit of a troubled period, and then his most recent one is kind of reflecting on that troubled period. So, that one's a bit darker. But he identifies a really young kid in the audience at the start of that darker one. And so that kind of makes it kind of funny too.

But he is a very, very, very good stand-up comedian. So I was doing a lot of laughing out loud, which turns into coughing and spluttering and near death and then settling down again and then being a sucker and going again. And so I end up having to pause it and stop and go again. And what are you reading? Some boring theological text or? I'm not.

I'm actually reading Dostoevsky's The Idiot, actually, which is like charming. He's like a charming idiot. He's like a lovely, lovely guy. So, that's good. But that is a bit, it's a bit like you've got to be concentrating. And I was reading it today and I'm like, oh, this is not a book for today. I would be rather reading like an Asterix comment or something like that today. Today's a day for tinting.

That sounds more like it. Yeah. Thanks for giving us an insight into your little den of sickness there. I hope it doesn't last too much longer. Let me ask you, from your perspective, is this a good podcast idea or is it pretty underwhelming talking to sick people? I don't know. I still think it's interesting getting little insights into what people do

when they're sick. And it's not something you ever hear. So, can you imagine like, what does Tom Hanks do when he's sick? What does Tom Cruise do when he's sick? What does Queen Camilla do when she's sick? I don't know if it's the best podcast in the world, but it's certainly different. It's certainly an insight you don't normally get into people, what their, like, sickness routine is like. I read books. I do this. I eat this. I drink this.

This is- and you see people not, you know, as their performer, like, not at their best, not their funniest, not their smartest, just, like, a bit more vulnerable. I am in a vulnerable state. Is there a question you'd like to ask in my vulnerable state where my defences are low and my witch is not as sharp as it normally is? Is there something you'd like to share? No, no, not really. All right. Well, get well soon, man.

I'll send you some more encouraging texts. Usually when you're sick, I start asking you stuff about your death, don't I? Like, you know, what can I have if you die and stuff? Here's a question. Who would you want to take your place on the podcast? Any preferred replacement host if you die? You know what? I was talking with a friend earlier and noting that if I made the joke, if I die, then his son could take my place. No, actually, I said he could have custody of the spoons. All right. He's a dedicated-

He's a stakeholder, isn't he? His name is Micah, and he is a very passionate podcast man. I said he could have the spoons, but I think he's almost ready to take over as a co-host, that's for sure. But he'd have to fight with Colonelel katrina i think for that is there anyone you wouldn't want me to go on and host with like is there anyone you want to veto before you die we have a friend chris that i don't think would be the best co-host you're just knifing him because you know he listens i wouldn't chris chris we love you but i wouldn't i wouldn't host a podcast with chris You're just knifing him because you know he listens.

I wouldn't... Chris, we love you, but I wouldn't host a podcast with Chris. He's a little bit too detailed in his conversations. He'd be a good sleep podcast host. He just tells really detailed stories. Oh, dear. If you were to die while we were recording, like say now you had like some attack or something and you started coughing and then died on air. Yeah.

Would you want me to release that? Oh, yes. Oh, please do. Yeah. No, absolutely. Yeah? Oh, yeah. Oh, no, no.

How would you feel if I was like doing a hover ad as you went out? That's great. Well, hover's fantastic. That's well... Well, you've made it. You've made it through. You've made it through. You haven't died on air this time.

No, I haven't. And I hope I haven't made too many gross noises for people. I know it could be horrible listening to someone who's sick. It's difficult for me as a singer. I have so much music in me. And I just want to sing. And so, something comes on and I try to sing, but in with, you know, you kind of speak your way through it because of my voice. And the family's just saying, look, you just need to stop making noise. And it's- or my wife says, well, there you go. You're coughing now because you've been singing. I get blamed for the cough because of my singing. And that's a very frustrating part of being sick. You can't bottle

your singing, man. It's like, you know, it has to come out. No, that's right. I'm like a caged bird at the moment. Although the caged birds sing, don't they? That's their thing. But I can't fly. I can't fly as I sing at the moment, Matt. Thank you for your time. I hope your wife gets back soon with the medication and the cough sweets and whatever else you asked for. Maybe a surprise strawberry shake you didn't even ask for. Oh, just a little surprise of something would be so nice, wouldn't it? Someone's gone to the shops for something practical and they come back with just a, hey, we got you something.

That would be so lovely. Is that likely to happen? I guess it is likely to happen, yeah. Yeah? be so lovely is that likely to happen guess it is likely to happen yeah yeah that'll be a little postscript if it does happen but i but you know then again now i've built it up so much i'm probably like oh hang on hang on hang on guess who's walked in the door whoo now what is there a surprise did you hear what we were talking about oh look, look at that. There is a surprise there. What is it?

There is. It is a pack of- What did you get? Of mini drumsticks. Look at that. Oh, that's lovely. Oh, like they're like ice creams. Yeah, ice creams.

Hang on. Has that box already been opened? Well, hang on. Yeah. Well, hang on. You've just walked in the door. How is it open? Oh, you've eaten one on the walk.

Still, still, an ice cream is a lovely treat. It is. It is a freezing cold night. You've gone and walked the dog, bought some ice creams, eaten some of the ice creams and then come home with them. No, that's good. That's love. Did you remember the cough sweets? Did you remember to get the cough lollies?

Yeah, but you may not be happy with them. Why wouldn't I be happy with the cough sweets? Is that what you're calling them? As long as they're butter menthols, you'll be happy. No, we have not butter menthols. What do we get? The strepsils. There we go.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Strepsils are what you need. What flavour is it? Well, they look good. I want something like a honey lemon or something. Immune. Oh, I don't know about elderflower or something.

Oh, I don't know about that. What sort of pretentious flavour is that? Any port in a storm. All right, Tim, I'm going to leave you to your strepsils and your ice cream treat from your wife. I feel you're going to have to go out and get some different strepsils from that other chemist over the other side of town near the Maccas. You know that one? We may end up getting that death on the podcast after all. As Tim challenges his wife.

We'll just go and check that one over near the Maccas. That's the reliable one. There's something in there. shining down on me from camp