The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Breastfeeding, Our Big Fight & The Highs and Lows of Parenthood

Episode Date: September 6, 2023

Since August was born life has been.. different... It's an adjustment for anybody to have a newborn baby appear in your life, even if it's your second born. In this episode, we discuss our initial challenges with breastfeeding Auggie and how that led to one of the biggest arguments in our marriage. Make sure to rate our podcast and leave a review if you can, it really helps us out! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I know that you and your heart thought that you were doing the best thing, but it wasn't doing that. It was like you were betraying. I was like, okay, things aren't working with the baby, and now things aren't working with my husband. I understand that you should lean in the direction of rest feeding, but with all the corals and fights, I was like, can we just freaking bottle-take this kid? Why do you take corals? What is this? Shakespeare? I don't know. The highs and lows are insane. You have these really elevated moments of, wow, this is so cool, we're parents, and then like two seconds later,

it's like, and it's like, this is horrible, our marriage is ending, is that making me weirdo? That I think it's so hot when your boobs are out and your breastfeed my baby. No, it makes sense, I guess. I think it's hot. Oh, dare you. I'm just kidding.

Go. What's up, dudes? Welcome back to the unplanned podcast. Wait, am I supposed to say that part with you? I don't know, do you want to? Yeah. You could, if you want to. You want to do it again? Yeah.

OK. And welcome. Oh, we did. Yeah, OK. We should just move on at this point. Let's just keep on going. I just wanted to say thank you guys so much for all the kind comments on the episode

about our birth experience. I saw so many that were like, I know happy doesn't read the comments, but Matt tell her that we're rooting for her, and're here for her and we can relate to all the emotions and feelings that she's going through. So you guys are just truly the best. That was so nice. There's so many kind people out there. It is so nice. Like I said, I don't usually read comments just because it's kind of a self preservation thing. Yeah, you got to do what's best for your soul. You got to do what you got to do. And I'll let you know when I see some really nice ones,

which by the way, they're all so nice. It does feel really nice to have like such a sweet community of moms also have been through the same walking life. And I was also very encouraged too, because I saw so many that we're just saying that we're gonna get through this. And they were, you know, you guys were thinking us for just being real about the status of our marriage

and like how things have been hard. We're still married. We're still married. We're still going strong. But like- Wait, can I say it to quick disclaimer? Yeah, quick. If you hear a little grunt or size, it's because Augie's joining today. Yeah. If you're not like a video listener. Yeah, it's your listening on audio. You might hear him and not see him, but he's here just snuggling with me while we do this. It's hard to get away.

I also just don't want to. I love all the snuggles. It just gave me hope though, because some of the people were like, yeah, the beginning is really freaking hard, but it just gets better. And I know that, but when you're in the midst of it, it's hard to remember that. It's hard to remember that there's light at the end of the tunnel. But think about it. Like three months from now, we'll look back and be like, oh my gosh, that little newborn

sweetie. Like, he is just figuring out the world. He's been in a wound. And everyone's comments about my song we posted the music video yesterday, at the time of filming this, and you guys have just been so kind. So thank you. We just have the best community on here. We really appreciate you guys.

You're so kind. Thank you to everybody that's gone to Spotify and actually listen to it. It's crazy to see that you guys are actually listening to the song. It's so good. It literally gets stuck in actually listening to the song. It's so good. It literally gets stuck in my head all the time. And then I'm like, oh yeah, Matt wrote this song and sings this song.

It's just so professional. I don't know why, but it meant a lot to me. My older brother, he was never an artsy kid. He played football. I was taking ballet in high school. We're just very different. And he told me that he cried listening to it. So that really meant a lot.

I knew that would mean so much to you. I talk about this a lot. You get feedback from a lot of people, but nothing means as much as I feel like your older brother. There's something to be said there. Yes, I do. I definitely value. Which is crazy thing. That's how Augie's probably going to view Griffin there, yes, I do. I definitely value. Which is like crazy to think like that's how Auggie's probably gonna view Griffin.

That's true, yeah, that's true. There's something about that sibling bond. Something you said to me earlier this week was husbands don't understand. Like they just don't understand the emotion, they don't understand what you're going through. And so help me understand the emotional roller coaster that you've been going through,

that you're currently going through. So first of all, I wanna say I'm doing a lot better. And that's why I am very hesitant to use the word like postpartum depression or postpartum anxiety for me because I first of all know that that's like a formal diagnosis. Yeah. And also like I don't think that what I have constitutes that diagnosis, but basically, I tend to call it baby blues, because it just is so circumstantial and it is temporary, and I can feel like it already lifting,

and I'm kind of like out of that fog, so I'm doing a lot better now. But I was saying, husbands do not understand because you have, wait, I told myself I'm not gonna cry this episode. Hey, if you do it's okay No, I don't want to but if you don't want to that's okay, too Got this you can do it. It's worth it to talk about it Basically how I've tried to explain to you. It's like I have gone from being the sole Provider and like home for our son for nine months like I have gone from being the sole provider and like home for our son for nine months. And then all of a sudden,

he's like literally cut out of my body and my body does not know how to respond hormonally. Yeah. Like it's just a crazy shift and it's also just like it's so emotional to think that like now he's just like out in the world and susceptible to everything. Like there's evil in the world, there's so emotional to think that like now he's just like out in the world and susceptible to everything. Like, there's evil in the world, there's danger in the world.

Like it's just scary to think that he's susceptible to all that. And it's sad that that stage is over and then it's just like a huge shift. And dad's go through transitions of their own, but like, it's just, you can't, you can't understand that massive hormonal change all at once. I saw on Instagram, what are some, sorry, I don't wanna interrupt, but what are some irrational thoughts that you've been having? Because you mentioned the other day that there are random things

that you'll think that just don't even make sense. Like weird fears that you have of something bad that could happen to you. And so when I get mad, like if he, like I'm like wake me up, if it's been this amount of time, then he has eaten. Yeah. And then I don't get woken up and then I'm like, oh my gosh, like his blood sugar dropped.

And he's not okay. Like, I constantly check to see that he's breathing, which is like so dark because like I guess that's, they were actually not see that he's breathing, which is like so dark because I guess that's, they rational thought that he's like, died. Like, that happens or like, I don't know, like what if I trip and, or like, literally I left him sitting in a little baby carrier thing or it was like his little travel bass in it.

And then I'm like, what if that flew off the couch and he's face planted on the hard floor? I remember driving home from the hospital. I had to see rational fear of what if he's not able to breathe right now in his car? Yes, that happens every year in the car. Because I've heard of situations like that where you incorrectly put your kid in the car seat and they can no longer breathe. And that would be, I can't think of a, I'm sure there's so many other horrible things

that could happen to. I don't even want to think about those things, but I can't think of a worse thing happening to a parent where it's like, you put your kid in the car seat incorrectly and now they can't breathe and they pass. Like that, that just scared me. I almost pulled over on the way home from the hospital to check on him, but luckily, this makes me sound so bad. But I put on the self-driving feature for like five seconds and like just went back there, made sure he was breathing and then got back on to driving the car. We can make me feel good to know that you think some of those things too,

because sometimes you make me feel crazy where it's like, Abby, that's not true. While I don't want you to be like, oh, that's a valid fear, like I wanted you to tell me, it's not true, I don't want you to be like, it's nice to not feel alone in those crazy thoughts. What's funny is, because they're fleeting, but they're intense.

We've had that sock that what's it called again that Owlette that like tells you if your kids not breathing we've had that sock for over a year now We never used it for Griffin. We've more hesitant because I feel like it's gonna make my irrational fears more We've heard of those stories of parents that the alarm goes off and they freak out and go awake their kid up But then their kids find the sock just fell off or something. Yeah, which I'm sure it's I'm sure it's great I I think the product's awesome. That's why we bought it. But we just haven't even gotten,

we never got it out of the packaging. Yeah, I just, I don't know. I also feel like there are natural instincts to parents. Yeah. And so that's why I'm hesitant to use that because then I feel like it's... Well, I think what made me feel better is in the hospital. It's not like they provide you with a medical sock

in the hospital or they're not monitored. If it feel better is in the hospital. It's not like they provide you with like a medical sock in the hospital or they're not monitored. If it was serious enough in the hospital, they would monitor your kid at all times because it's not like they had a monitor on Griffin or Oggi when they were, you know, freshly born for the first couple of days. They're just chilling in that bassinet or in your arms and just honestly kind of scary when you've got it. Yeah, it is.

Like they were, their environment is totally different. Who's to say that they were gonna adjust so well? Like, it's kind of scary. It is scary. And that's why the feeding thing gives me so much anxiety too, because like, he has been fed through the umbilical cord through the placenta, or the whole duration of his existence. Yeah. And then all of a sudden, he has to learn to eat, and I have to learn how to feed him, and it whole duration of his existence. Yeah.

And then all of a sudden, he has to learn to eat. And I have to learn how to feed him. And it's just like, oh my gosh. And they need to eat so often. They're tummy's are so small. Don't take this question the wrong way. But I want to ask, why do you care about breastfeeding so much? What is it about breastfeeding that matters so much?

You know, there's actual hormonal reasons to that. Okay. Like, I don't think that breastfeeding is the only way, but there's strong emotions tied with breastfeeding. Really, it's just part of your biology. A lot of women. And in fact, there's some people that have a condition, I'm not gonna speak on it,

I actually know this condition, but you have a very strong emotional response to when your milk is letting down, like you don't know what down is, is like when you're in the milk, just like, starts blowing. Yes. And so some people like actually have to stop breastfeeding because it is linked directly to like depressing thoughts

or like thoughts of like rage even. Like, there's something more monobotated. And also, but also I think he can release like oxytocin too. I feel like it can affect women so differently, but like there is just like a hormonal reason why feeding or baby is like, so such an intense experience, but only for like a short period of time. It's so interesting to me because I feel like, so cute. I feel like breastfeeding has probably been the number one source of our fights and quarrels and disagreements for the past two weeks of being parents

to this new kid. And so I just find it so interesting because like, it's something that you clearly, really, really care about. And obviously I want what's best for you. I want what's best for the baby. And regardless if you breastfeed or not, everything's gonna be fine. You weren't breastfed.

Your mom did it breastfeed you, and look, you turned out great. You know, you're an amazing person and you're beautiful and... It hasn't nothing. Like, one knows who's a breastfed baby and who's a formula that baby. You're so smart. Yeah, like, literally... As adults. That doesn't...

I understand that you should, you know, according to research, lean in the direction of breastfeeding, but with all the corals and fights, I was like, can we just freaking bottle take this kid? Why do you say corals? What is this, Shakespeare? I don't know. I don't know, I'm using the word corals. On your social media and like for your fun research,

things that you'll look up and Google, like you're not looking up breastfeeding. Not at all. But like ever since we had Griffin our first that's like all my social media is and all things I'm like researching. We used to share, we used to share the same TikTok account and I would know after we still do but I actually if I'm ever watching, I don't I barely watch TikTok but if I do I watch it on my personal account because you've curated the 4u page completely to you. It's all about like cooking, getting ready in the morning,

taking carrier babies and breastfeeding. And like birth. I wouldn't watch that content on my own. Well, yeah. It's just interesting to me in this stage of life. But it's like, I have consumed all this. And so it's like, I know all the different fields of thought and like, you know, everything about breastfeeding,

not that I'm an expert, but it's constantly information about that is being shown to me, and I'm looking it up. And so it's like I realize that early on in our baby's life is critical if we're going to have like a very successful breastfeeding experience. Obviously, if things don't happen right away, there's things you can do to make it, you know, a successful experience later on, but in general, it's gonna be way easier off

if you get good at it early on. And so. So the first, the first couple of days of Augie's life, you know, breastfeeding was a big challenge. And it was, it was really hard on the both of us, especially you. And so like how did, how did that make you feel? Like when you were trying to feed your kid,

and you couldn't, they weren't latching, things weren't going right, lots of screaming, lots of crying, mainly from the baby, but how did that make you feel when you weren't able to feed the baby? It's literally like a fight or flight response. It's like triggered.

I don't know why. Like, the thought of your baby not being fed is just like it's yeah it creates panic. Okay. For me at least like especially early on like obviously I know my rational brain there's four million other things we can do to get him fed but in the moment it feels like the most important thing in the world and And like, it's just a feeling of panic whenever he cries. It's like, oh my gosh, he has a need, and I wanna meet it, and I can't right now. And what am I doing wrong when it's like,

it's likely not necessarily something that like, I'm doing wrong, it's just like, it's where mom and baby are figuring it out together and there's some disconnect somewhere. It's like mom of bear. Where it's just like, it's not mom and baby are figuring it out together and there's some disconnect somewhere. It's like mom a bear. It's just like it's not me anymore. It's just like get this baby into a place where he is comfortable and happy and healthy and thriving and it's like I don't care about anything else. And when I would suggest to use formula, what was your, what was your, what was your, you were betraying me. Okay. It was like you were like not aligned. The trail is a strong word. So it like literally in your mind, you're thinking he doesn't care.

You're the enemy. I'm the enemy for suggesting formula. Yeah, you're I felt like you're working against me. Really? Okay. Which is why I suggested I was like you need to talk to the lactation consultant about how you can be a good partner to a breastfeeding woman. Yeah. Because I know that you and your heart thought that you were doing the best thing by suggesting that and like, relieving me. Yeah. But it wasn't doing that. It was adding more because I was like, okay, things aren't working with the baby.

And now things aren't working with my husband. And so it's like, I wanted us all to be aligned and like working together. And so those are certain things that like feel like they undermined. Are we talking about our big fight right now? Is that what we're, is that what this is? Well, we've had several fights out there. But yeah, that was the first one.

That was the first one. That was the first one. In the hospital? Yeah, you told me, when you told me to leave the room, you told me to leave because you wanted some space for a little bit. Because you actually want me to leave or was it just like you wanted to see how I'd respond?

I think in my heart of hearts I wanted you to step outside and then come to this amazing realization that like, oh, this isn't about me right now. Like Abby's going through it. Yeah. And she is just trying to be the best mom she can be. And we're aligned in the same journey. And so I just wanted you to come right back in, like maybe a minute later, and just be like, hey, I'm sorry, like I see that you're struggling, and I wanna come alongside you in that. So when I walked across the street.

So when you left the hospital. To go get donuts, I went to go get us donuts. There was, I never saw a donut. Because they were out, how is Dunkin' Donuts out of donuts? Donuts, like Dunkin' Donuts, like that, I love donuts. It's literally in the title. I'm like, wait a second, you're Dunkin' Donuts. You could. It's literally. It's literally. It's literally, like, that I love those. It's literally in the title. I'm like, wait a second, you're Dunkin' Donuts. You could have gotten me bagel minis.

You have, they didn't have anything. They were completely out of donuts, bagels. I'm like, what even is this place at this point? You know what I'm saying? That's like McDonald's running out of hamburgers. I swear to you, they did not have donuts. They didn't have bagel minis, the stuff, everything, bagel minis.

Nothing, maybe, okay, they might have had the bagel minis. But yeah, you told me to leave the room. They had to heat those up no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, But like, I need, with communication, I need like clear direct communication. So if you say leave, I'm like, oh, she wants me to leave. So I'm going to leave. But I think it was more complex than that. What am I going to say? Hey, Matt, I need you to step outside for one minute and then it come back in and say that you're completely wrong in that you want to hear how I'm feeling emotionally. Actually, yes, that'd have been great if you could have told you that. You would have done it. You were so mad. You would not have done it. When you give me very clear instructions, I'm like, thank you. Cause it just helps me.

Cause then I don't have to read your mind. It's so much easier for me. You act like you would have done it if I said it, but you wouldn't have. No, if you would have said, hey, can you step out for two minutes and then come back and we can like talk through this again. That I've been like, oh yeah, totally.

I don't think that would work. I was just as disappointed as you were that they were at a donuts. I really, I knew that. I did not care about donuts, but I was like, if you're gonna leave, I just, ugh. Your parents came in the room right after that, and I feel like that was really good.

I feel like, it was bad. Well, it was good and bad. I feel like when your parents are present, it's good because it helps calm the situation with any parent. If it's my parents, your parents, or another couple,

because then it's like, you don't, I think emotions aren't brought into it as much. It's more of just like a logical conversation and I feel like that's easier to work with. So your parents were there and you were expressing how you felt and I was expressing to you that I cared about, you know, your knees. That was sad. Aw. It was sad.

Why was it sad? I don't want to cry on every freaking podcast episode. You're making me tear up a little bit. Why? I don't know. You just seem really defeated in a way. I don't know. No, I'm not defeated.

It was just sad because I think it was like the first time where like I was like, you can't be everything for me, you know? Yeah. And like in that time, I needed my mom. Yeah. And that was the first time that I was like 18 where. And like in that time, I needed my mom. Yeah. And that was the first time that I was like 18 where I was like, gosh, I really needed my mom right now. Because like, she knew exactly what I had been through.

And that's like, community so important, like to be with other moms and to like talk about these things. I think it's really easy to see other moms killing it. And that's encouraging also an important like but then it can feel lonely when you're going through something that everyone pretty much goes through but no one's talking about it and you're like man why am I struggling like why can't I pull myself up by the bootstraps and get there and And so it was really good to hear my mom, who I view as such a strong woman.

And like she did this and she also was telling me how she felt the same way and she was kind of like talking about how it was hard for her to understand her own emotions, postpartum and like all those things. And in that moment it was really good because I think you also got to hear a conversation and you got to like I don't know What was that like hearing that conversation? It was really sweet. It was really sweet to have your parents there

They came at the perfect time. They really did They really really did and it was sweet. The nurses were very helpful because I know you were very emotional and the nurses came in and we're Consoling you a little bit. Yeah, and I was Consoling you as well. It was hard not to be embarrassed in that time. I also want you to see my perspective too, because- Yeah, I was gonna ask,

what's it like for a dad to watch their wife go through? Like a hormonal breakdown. I'll be honest, it was really hard. Yeah. Because not only was I trying to take care of you, but I was also trying to take care of our baby. Yeah. And so I'm like, look, I know how important it is

for Abby to breastfeed right now. I know it's really, really special to her and she wants to do this. But I also got to make sure that my baby's getting fed. And so when he wasn't latching, and there's lots of crying, and it was not a good situation, I just wanted our baby to be fed. And I'm like, I know that formula is not the end of the world

and we'll probably just do some formula and then our kid will eventually figure out how to breastfeed. But in those moments, I was like, man, we just need to make sure that he's being fed because it's with all the screaming and crying and the intensity of the situation, it wasn't helping you, it wasn't helping our son. And so that's why I did suggest formula. But then to you, that was like, wow, he doesn't care about the breastfeeding journey,

he doesn't care about me, he doesn't care about my baby because breastfeeding is the best thing for my baby. So I think from your perspective, me suggesting formula was like, wow, he's the enemy when really I was just trying to do the best thing for you and our son in that situation. Yeah, and I get that now, but I think in the time everything just felt different because of hormones, like the intensity of the situation. We actually had a stay at the hospital on an extra day with our first son

because of the breastfeeding situation. I think a lot of new babies come out and they don't understand. Both of our babies were just not patient when it caused my milk hadn't come in yet. Neither one of them really cared about colostrum. Well, they're a Howard, and Howard's eat a lot of food. Yeah, well, so does, and so does, so does, Mama.

So does Mama. We eat a ton of food, and so our kids are just hungry, and so they weren't getting their food immediately. You see how fast I eat, I'm a very fast eater. Like, colostrum is very thick, and it's like, there's not a lot of it, so then, and they're like, what the crap is this? They're like, they just want to guzzle. They're like, I don't want this little snack, So then, they're like, what the crap is this? They're like, they just want to cuddle.

They're like, I don't want this little snack. I want a full course meal. What the crap is this? So I think both of our kids were just frustrated as heck because they wanted to eat a lot. Yeah, because it takes like three days. And your milk wasn't like, it wasn't pouring out like it is now. Now, oh my gosh, like, you have so much supply.

We literally have four gallons of frozen breast milk at our deep freeze. I don't even know how that's possible. That's the same. You deserve a reward. Okay, I have studied this because also I was like with our first I was like blaming myself. I was like, oh my gosh, like I'm making myself have too much milk because there are things you can do to like kind of change how much milk you're making, like change your supply. But there's also, it turns out, there are some people that are just over suppliers and I think that was, that's me. So, not blaming myself the time around. You do have crazy supply and I thought it was funny.

I think there's a lot of differing opinions on the use of nipple shields. If you guys know what a nipple shield is, it's like this silicone little shield that goes with your nipple to help protect your nipple and makes it easier, I would say, for the baby to latch. Yes. And so you've had a lot of success with those. You used a nipple shield the whole entire time. You breastfed our first son Griffin. By the way, this is not medical advice.

We're not doctors. We're just regular people talking about regular stuff. What's worked for us. What's worked for us. But you brought that up. The lactation specialist, heard you mention the Nipple Shield, and she was very hesitant about you using that.

Both of them. Both of them were. And I get it, I understand like in the medical field, Nipple Shields probably, it's probably ideal to not use it and just to breastfeed, you know, regular Nipple out, no shielding the Nipples, no nipple protection. But for you, it's worked.

And so it's like, can we just freaking use the nipple shield? It works for you. I guess there's a concern there that it can limit your milk supply, but I'm like, look, dude, we got a milk machine over here. The pediatrician actually suggested using it then. That was funny. We got the slowest of flow. Yes.

And so it's like, there's just so many differing opinions on everything with that. And so it's just kind of just what field of thought do you align yourself with is what you have to go with. And so for me, I'm just at this point where I'm like, I need to align myself with it ever. Is the path of least resistance while my emotions are still so high and my baby is still so new and figuring out the world so

much. I'm like, I'm just going to make things as easy on us as possible because it's already like stressful enough time. Totally. That's how I feel about it. But yeah, I knew that you, I knew that to a core, we had the same goal. It was just so frustrating that we couldn't find the same means to that. And I couldn't express how I was feeling, and I also definitely couldn't listen to you express how you're feeling. So it was just a dumpster fire.

Yeah, that was just that odd. That was the weirdest thing. It's like we both wanted the same exact thing. And it was so frustrating because I wanted to be the most at bliss. Yeah. Because it's like that's what you see in the movies, right? Like you see the husband and wife,

like have their baby and they're happier than they've ever been, like happily ever after. And then we were having our, like, spine of our life. You guys, I just want to make a PSA for any husband's listening. I'm sure there's probably not many because it's a lot of people listening to make a PSA for any husband's listening. I'm sure there's probably not many because it's we're talking nipples The people listening to this are definitely women for sure

It's probably 90% women listening to our podcast, but if you're a dude listening in you gotta and I wish I could go back and Tell myself this but you gotta just have the thickest skin when it comes to these conversations Did I say anything that mean to you? It was pretty intense. Yeah, I mean it mean, it wasn't exactly what you were saying more about, because when you're like, you know, yelling, you know, like that, I feel like it just really built up the intensity and it's just like, you gotta really just like,

take a deep breath. But sometimes I'm not even yelling, it's just, you're very, very sensitive to my tone. No, I would say your tone can get a bit aggressive. Yes, exactly. Well, you're sensitive to my tone. Well, I think any person would. I think it's just very, I think, and it's okay.

Like, I'm not blaming you because that was it. What are they related to after you have a baby, isn't it? Like, you, it's like, they said, I don't know if this is true. Like, they sound Instagram. It's like you've taken 100 birth control pills for the nine months of your pregnancy. And then in three days, your body's down to, it's like taking nothing.

I'm confused, but essentially, it's just this massive hormone shift. Yes, it's the biggest hormone hormone shift anyone will ever experience. And we got this information from Instagram so who knows if this is true, this is just like a random Instagram reel that popped up. But yeah, I think my advice for other guys is to have have thick skin, don't take it personally even when it like gets really hard, you just gotta have the thickest of skin. So, and I'm sorry,

because I said something and I immediately took it back. Because I said, because our argument got really, really heated. Let's not even go there. You said things you didn't mean. I said things I didn't mean. And that happens. Yeah. And these like high emotional times. So. And we're gonna, we're already coming out

the other side. So it's great. Yeah. Coming out the other end. Yeah. We're coming out the other end. That's sorry. That's that, that's that a gross how to grow Okay, you've now gone through a C section in a vaginal birth Which one is more difficult if you had to do it all over again? Which one would you choose to do? There's no easy way out of birth is what I've determined determined Like last time on the on the podcast we kind of like thought that we had found the easy way But it catches up to you. And there's unique challenges to both deliveries.

Yeah. And plus, even within like C-section and vaginal delivery, there's such a range of what that can look like and those experiences can be. There's just really no easy way. Yeah. It's a challenging refining experience. Yeah.

But I will say, obviously for me, the recovery has been the pain, there's pain either way. The pain came on the back end this time. And it's frustrating to be in pain at this point because now you have a newborn. Yeah. And like I needed a lot of care afterwards. Yeah. When our baby also

needed a lot of care. So super inconvenient. And I felt like useless. I was like I can't take care of like you were having to do a lot of things with Ogi. And I can do virtually nothing for my older son right now other than just like sit and talk with him. And like I can make his food, but but I can't put him in his high chair. And I can come and talk to him in his crib but I can't take him out because I can't lift anything heavier than our newborn for six weeks at least. Your parents moving in with us has been our saving grace. Saved our life. It's saved our marriage. For sure. Like can you imagine trying to do all of this completely on our own? Well, so many people do it, and I know that we would have done it.

But it's just made it such a brighter experience because our son is thriving, whereas it could have been really hard for him to watch us be fully consumed and then no one's paying attention to him. Well, here's an example, though. So last night, Auggie was not sleeping. So I was up essentially all night long with Auggie, got no sleep.

I finally was able to get some sleep around 5am, I guess. So I got like a good stretch. Well, we had to wake up to feed him at 6am. But I ended up getting six hours, which is like I can function on six hours. But to get those six hours of sleep, I had to sleep until 10 a.m. and start my work day later in the day. I'm also very privileged that I get to set my work hours with, you know, our line of work. So I'm very lucky that I get to do that. But what that allowed us to do is you got a full nights rest. I got, you know, I've got a six hours of nights rest. And then

I got this hours to. Yeah, we both got six hours of sleep last night. Because that's not to wake up, deliver the milk. But then since your parents are living with us, they were able to wake up this morning at, was it 6.30 or 7 a.m. with Griffin? I think you woke up at 7 today. Yeah, and so like we were both able to get sleep. And if it weren't for your parents here,

that would have been, one of us would have had to get. It would have had to have been you because I can't. You can't get our son out of bed. You can't lift him up for the next four weeks, because you're two weeks in, so it's six weeks total and that's really hard. And I can drive a car right now, so it's just. Yeah, tomorrow is the day you can start driving a car. And I'm going to drive into my appointment.

Is that frustrating? Yeah, but I mean, I'm mostly staying home anyway, so. It was funny. We were saying after the birth that it felt like we cheated birth. Because it was so easy though. But we went back in the operation. Boom, our baby came out right away. It was a truly blissful experience.

It was. It was so quick and easy right then. You were getting pump full of drugs and feeling great. And I think I'm sure people, once they see our birth log, I'm sure by the time people are watching this episode, the birth log will be out. But we're just like, wow, this was so easy. Like the C section is the way to go.

But it's also very difficult, because we hadn't yet, or you had an experience, the pain of recovering for the next couple of weeks. You also had an experience, the frustration of not being able to lift up your own sun. Because. And might I add, I feel like the transition almost hit me harder, hormonally.

Really? Because I was, it happened so fast. Okay. I think I was blindsided. Yeah. Whereas I wasn't blindsided because I had already gone through labor. Like a long labor.

With the first birth, you weren't blindsided. And then I was like, man, this was a journey, this was tough. But this time, it was like, oh, we got the hard part done. And then it didn't hit me for a little bit longer because of just the whirlwind that it was, and there was no challenge to it at that point. I don't know. I think it just hit me like a ton of bricks this time around. And also because I was like, man, maybe I'm just not gonna get it this time.

I got it last time, but maybe not this time, and I definitely got it. Sorry to interrupt, but it would mean so much to me, and I also know it mean a lot to Matt. If you were to go to Spotify right now, and stream this, stream this on. Yeah, or download it, I guess you can download it. Download, you can like it, you can just listen to it save it all those things on Spotify falling in love Matt Howard and just make sure you listen to him on Spotify because this song is really really Really good special to us and I'll get stuck in your head in a really good way because there's some songs that get stuck in your head That's like okay get this thing out of here. It's so annoying this one has been stuck in my head ever since he played it for me two weeks ago

And it just brings a smile to my face and it makes me feel things But also doesn't make me cry. So that's great. Well, it actually does make me cry. Oh, it's just beautiful And you really out listen to it. It can't believe it's my husband. It sounds like Sean Mendez. Thank you. And you're hotter than Sean Mendez. You think I'm hotter than Sean Mendez? That means a lot. I think it's a good looking man. I appreciate that. Stream it. You can stream my song on Spotify, Apple Music. And I think you can follow me on there too.

If you guys want to follow along, I think I'm making a goal this year to release every single month starting now. So follow along and put out some more music this year. And we'll see how it goes. I'm excited for this. I'm really excited. Write more songs about me. I'll write more songs about you. Yeah, I can do that.

And our kids too. Yeah, that's very sweet. Thanks guys. Now back to the episode. I know we decided between ourselves to not talk about having kids for the next two years. We need to just give ourselves some time to breathe and settle. We didn't want to like really decide anything yet. But if you, if we were to have another kid in the future, which again, we're going to discuss kid in the future, which again, we're gonna discuss that in the future as a couple, we're gonna re-evaluate that.

We're gonna be off of the internet. Discuss that and figure that out. Which route would you choose? Would you choose to do, is called a V back, right? Would you choose to do a vaginal birth or would you choose to do a C-section? Well, the reasons that we chose C-section this time will still be present

then for the future. Oh true. So I would do the same thing over again. Yeah, shoulder is stoshia 100%. But okay put all that aside right. Let's pretend that the shoulder disto should never happened. Which route do you think was a better experience I guess for you? Well saying that I wouldn't have had a shoulder disto should the first day. Yeah like if you could choose if there was no shoulder to stosh, I would do that. You do the vaginal? Yeah. You're kidding. I would still say C section. I'm like, but I okay, I'm not you. I'm not you. But I feel like I feel like the C section's easier. I think. I don't know. Maybe there's an emotional side. I'm not

seeing from you. You're about to make so many people mad again. I really hope I don't offend you. No, I'm so sorry. If I offended you, I love you. Because neither one is even remotely easy. Of course, they're not. They're not. Yeah, they're both very difficult. So I'm just saying, I think that the way I felt afterwards, when I didn't see you go through the with the C section

was I didn't see you in so much excruciating pain that you couldn't even talk. It is. Because when you were in labor, you told me afterwards that like, hey Matt, you know how I wasn't talking? You're like, I was in so much severe pain that I couldn't even make a noise. And that to me was like, holy crap.

Like I've been in some pretty severe pain before. When I had my back surgery, there was a moment after getting my tumor removed where I had this crazy pain in my back and it was horrible and I just started screaming. And my mom was crying and like, I was 12 and it was just like really scary because I was in so much pain but I can't imagine being in even more pain than that to where you can't even make a noise.

Yeah, I mean I think ideally too it's like if you're not induced and you don't need like ideally you don't have Potosan which makes the contraction stronger and closer together and I think the combination of being on full Potosin with no epidural out, I think that intensity of pain is something that I will not experience any other time. It seems like with a vaginal delivery, all the pain is up front, it's in the beginning, and then it's like.

They're still pain afterwards, but it's nothing. No, we're near what it's like for the C section, but with the C section, you have none of the pain of beforehand, and it's just as slow drawn out. If it's nothing. No, we're near what it's like for the C section. But with the C section, you have none of the pain of beforehand, and it's just as slow drawn out. If it's scheduled. If it's scheduled, but it's the slow drawn out process after the fact where you're slowly recovering. Pain-wise, would you say that you would take

like completely disregard the emotional side? Would you say the pain is more manageable with a C section than the pain of birth? Yes. Because it seems like what you're saying is the emotional side of a C section is frustrating because you can't pick up your other kids and there's all these emotional ramifications that are hard to do with. And the pigs last longer.

Yeah. So it's like, I'd rather it just be intense and shorter. I mean, it's more of a dull pain. Like it's not. It's more dull than like a full labor contraction or pushing out of it. You know. What's that like with your body changing right now? Is it relieving to see your belly go down like when you've had this massive belly for so long?

Are you like, yay! I think the C-section flap is something that I am kind of shocked by. It's just like a little... I've never heard you call it that. Is that the term? I think that's what it's called. The C-section flap. Flap or pouch?

You had staples in there. I thought that was really interesting that you know that's that a lot of people do I think this all the will stitches so when I saw the staples I think they're still the all will stitches in like in internal layers but not in the I should put staples on the outside yeah that looked almost like barbaric what the just seeing your body with like a bunch of staples it was couldn't see it was so swollen. It was funny when we asked the nurse, we were like, how do they put those in? Is it just a staple gun?

And she's like, yep. Yeah, it's just, it's just a... Just sterile staple gun. Yeah. I was like, great. Love that. They didn't hurt, they didn't hurt to take the staples out. But is that relieving to see your body like change?

And it looks like you're right now currently, two weeks postpartum, I guess, 13 days postpartum. You look like you're right now currently two weeks postpartum, I guess 13 days postpartum. You look like you're pregnant in the first trimester. Like you're... It might as well be flattered by that. I don't know, I'm just being honest with you. I don't know.

We keep it real here. Yeah, I definitely still, obviously, of experiencing swelling and extra weight and my uterus is not even work anywhere close to down to its normal size. So it is nice that it's like going down because the belly was such a barrier, but I am limited mobility because of the incision

and like getting from that. So I feel like I'll be able to feel a lot better once I'm a little bit further down the recovery line. I'm probably botching this right now, but don't you have diastas recti in where your like abs are separated? I'm pretty sure I do, yeah, you can see it. I probably sound like an idiot. I probably I think it's diastasis. Diastasis. Wait, is that our best guess? No, no, diastasis. Diastasis? I don't know. I think I'm sure both of you are. It's an

Ab separation, but I got it with our first and I never got it healed before we got pregnant again. Yeah, see you have it again. Because I had a Herneous or yeah, my heart. Herne is feeling by the by the way, are they still gone, that mesh is still there? She said it stayed intact really well. Perfect. What shocked me about the C section recovery abbie is all the bleeding that you had still, not from the incision wound, but from your uterus just bleeding out.

Well, I think I have to clean everything out. Yeah, and it's like, I assumed with the first birth that that was all more of your, I guess I'm gonna say this. Like from the tear? Yeah, you it's like I assumed with the first birth that that was all like more of your I guess I'm gonna say. Like from the tear. From yeah, you're like vagina tearing and like I thought it was just all this blood but like really it's like your uterus internally is like changing and shrinking down and just you've had so much blood coming out of there even with the C-section. That shocked me. I wasn't expecting that. Yeah, I don't know why. I think early on I thought that if you had a C-section that didn't happen but it's like you still have to like basically

Have a period after you have a baby. Yeah, but like a long one because it's been two weeks and it's still happening How do you like sleeping in separate beds? Because I know that in the beginning. Oh, you don't like it. You think I like it? Well, because you're actually getting sleep now. Well, yes, but I like sleeping with you I'm a very codependent person our fighting has gone down significantly since we started sleeping in separate beds And you know why why we're both getting sleep. We're not sleep deprived. Oh, yeah That's the main okay the two main things that made the first days out of the hospital and even in the hospital So intense and like why we were like just like warring with each each other. And keep in mind, we weren't the whole time. Like there were some really good moments. Of course, yeah, of course.

But then the bad moments really stuck out because they were so intense. The highs and lows are insane. You have these really like elevated moments of, wow, this is so cool. We're parents to this beautiful baby. I love them so much. And then like two seconds later, it's like,

and it's like everything's going wrong. Like we're, our marriage is ending. This is horrible. Like it's just, it's crazy like everything's going wrong. Like, our marriage is ending. This is horrible. Like, it's crazy how you have the most extreme of extremes back to back. Kids bring that out of you. Yeah. Kids really do bring that out of you.

But it was because of hormones and the exhaustion. Because even after we finally got like a few hours of sleep, it felt like, okay, wait, this is something we're gonna make it out of. We're actually thinking rationally. And you're kind of how we are running our nights. Yeah. Because especially because I was recovering from surgery.

Let's talk about that. So, Auggie and Matt sleep together. Yeah, in our guest bedroom, which is also my office. In our guest bedroom. Matt will come in and wake me up to pump every time Oggy needs to eat in the night. And then we have him a bottle of freshly pumped milk, which we're pumping because that was asleep during a feed. So it gets him full fast.

And it also relieves stress of breastfeeding in the night, which now I feel like there wouldn't be stress of breastfeeding in the night. Faster too. But it's just way faster. And yes, we both have to be up for it, but I feel like you would be up for double or triple that time. Well, because he keeps falling asleep, nursing right now. Once he gets a little bit older, I feel like we're not going to worry about like, I feel

like you won't have such a hard time staying awake, but he's just such a sleepy newborn right now. He'll just snack a little and then fall asleep. And then we would be getting at multiple multiple times in that. And we have a slow flow, nipple bottle so that he's like not getting a ton of milk. It makes him like really work for the milks that he's still able to breastfeed and use a bottle. So it's like the best of both worlds.

But he eats a lot. He's been eating three and a half ounces. And he's only, he's not even too weak-sold. So that's crazy. He likes, he's a coward. He just likes to eat. That's just who he is. But I'm glad that we did that.

And that's what we did with Griffin. And I remember about a week ago, I was like, Abby, we need to move to bottles in the night because it'll be better for you. It'll be better for me. And it just doesn't make sense for us both to be up in the night every single time something happens. So by sleeping in separate bedrooms,

when Oggie's restless and he's very noisy, I can get up with him, soothe him, help him. And if I go through a night, like I did last night where I get two hours of sleep, once Abby's up in the morning, I can then sleep until 10 a.m. and actually get rest. I think it's really good too because it's like he gets dad bonding time in the night and then he gets mom bonding time in the day.

Yeah. And not that I don't see him throughout the night when I'm like pumping him with you guys, but I don't know. I think it's good for both of us to have like our time with him. Yeah, it was, I think work, it's really challenging is if you have two bad nights of sleep in a row. Like last night was really hard on me because the night before I was up till 2am,

working on the final revisions to our sounds so stupid, but like to the music video we posted of my song and like our first memories as a family. But I wanted the video, I wanted it to be perfect and I wanted it to be the inspiration for that music video was really the movie up because I loved the way that it made me feel like seeing the main character and up go through all those big life changes and it just like I cried watching the movie up with you a couple weeks ago because I could just so relate to him and it just like, I cried watching the movie up with you a couple weeks ago, because I could just so relate to him, and it just made me really appreciate life. And I was like, I want this music video to do the same thing.

I want it to really show the good and the bad. I wanted it to be representative of like, the hard things in life and the best things in life all in one. So I was up really late, just making sure that it was accurate and representing like all these elevated moments of having her baby and being so excited, but then also the really hard moments of being up really late, just making sure that it was accurate and representing like all these elevated moments of having her baby and being so excited but then also the really hard moments of being up really late at night

and not getting any sleep at the hospital. And so- I feel like the hard moments make the best moments the best. Like that's what makes them the most- If you didn't have the bad, you wouldn't appreciate the good. Yeah. And so that's why I feel like having kids has been the best thing in my life,

but also the hardest. But I think like when you experience bad things, you need to know that it's only temporary. It's like when you work out, right? Like I don't necessarily like love the actual work out itself, but I love the way I feel afterward. Like it's challenging in the moment, but I go through a workout because I know like,

hey, I'm gonna get through this and I'm gonna feel great about myself. I'm gonna feel powerful. My oxytocin or dopamine levels will be elevated after this because I know it's good for my body. So it's like when you go through the challenging things in life, if you can just recognize, hey, this is gonna make me a stronger human.

I'm gonna be better for this and I can then appreciate all the good things. More so, it just puts it all into perspective. Yeah, I feel like the most challenging things you do in life are the things that will build the most confidence because it's like this was really hard and I did that. And I feel like that is why like being a mom like while in a real strip you have confidence, sometimes it's also the thing that I'm most confident in. So it's like, don't know we're time out like people talk about mom shimmers all the time and like while it sucks to be like to hear those things and I feel like not I

definitely know that moms that aren't even on social media get mom shamed all the time just in their life. Yeah, you know it's not just exclusive social media but that's why it's like those comments don't really, those just bounce off of me because it's like, I know that I'm a good mom. So it's like, I don't, not that I will never question decisions I make or things that I've done to be like,

okay, I probably could have done this better. There's something I could have done here that maybe I could handle this differently in the future. It's not that. It's not like blind, like, oh, I'm doing everything perfect, but it that like maybe I could handle this differently in the future. It's not that. It's not like blind. Like, oh, I'm doing everything perfect. But it's like, I know my heart, like, I'm a good mom. Do you think I'm more attractive now

than my father to two babies? I don't know why, but it's like every baby we have, you just get sexier. Really? Yes. That's so funny to me. You don't think I'm sexier now? No, I do.

I was gonna say people say online all the time that like there's nothing weird or taboo about breastfeeding, but I think it's so sexy when you breastfeed our kids. Why is that, does that make me a weirdo? That I think it's so hot when your boobs are out and your breastfeed my baby? No, it makes sense, I guess. I think it's hot.

Also, how dare you. I just can't think of you. I don't know, I'm sorry. I think it's hot. I personally think it's hot for you. Like I just like to check you out. I don't know. I don't know how to respond to this. I personally think it's hot. For you, I'd just like to check you out. I don't know. I don't know how to respond to this.

I mean, it makes sense. You're seeing your wife, like, but I'm fully supportive of like, women making whatever choice they wanna make as far as breastfeeding in public. Cause I think like, culturally, we got a little weird with that with like, oh, it's okay for a guy to be topless in public,

but it's not okay for a woman too. I think that's wrong. But culturally though, like, I'm, call I'm call me a sexist or whatever, but I don't want my wife being topless in public. Personally, I hate to say that, but it's just- Well, it works out great, because I also don't- That's just kind of how I was raised,

but at the same time- We're not raised. Morely though, morely though, I really do think that if you wanted to be topless, like it's like don't tell my wife what to do with her body, you know, like I feel, I don't know. I just kinda think that's kinda how I feel at the same time. I mean, I understand your,

I understand both things you're saying. Like for people to tell one thing. I don't want my boobs exposed in public. Like for instance, I don't like wearing shirts. But if a mother were to be breast-shared breasted, I wouldn't think anything of it. Yeah, but in our culture, it's okay for me not to wear a shirt. I don't wear a shirt all the time on TikTok. But if a woman, if a-

In some locations, most locations you do need a wear shirt. I actually wear a shirt a lot more now. I do. But if a woman told me, you have to put a shirt on. You couldn't just take your shirt. That's true. I'm not gonna just take my shirt off in a restaurant. Yeah.

Every feeding or maybe should not be viewed as like something that is like. Taboo. Taboo. And if you're a guy, no matter how you feed your baby, but for me personally, I'm more comfortable covered up while feeding it.

But I think like if you're a guy and you're uncomfortable with a woman as like has her boot out, like just look away, you know? In public. I think they should always look away. Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. Not even if they're just uncomfortable, like I think it's just always respectful just to look away. you know, in public. I think they should always look away. Yeah, no, that's what I'm saying. Not even if they're just uncomfortable.

Like, I think it's just always respectful just to look away. And so like, in those instances where like, we were feeding Griffin in public, like on a plane, especially. Yeah. If it was like a high intensity situation, I didn't care if I was covered up.

Like, I was like, I just want my son fed. And so I don't care if there's like, if 60 seconds where I'm exposed here, they're like, I just want him taking care of right now. And then once everything's calmed down, I'll get covered up for my own comfort. And partially, I respect for other people around me. They might not wanna see that.

And so it was just a mutual thing, but it's like, my first need will always be feed my child. Yeah, and I think in those instances, I would prefer for other men to not see my wife topless. Probably they'd just look away. But I think if you're a guy, you're not always aware of what's going on around you.

That's true. I can't be fully aware of everyone around me on the plane. No, that's for everybody. That's not just for a guy. So if you accidentally glance over and you're like, oh, I just saw this woman's boob. That's fine. Just forget about it and move on.

Go back to looking at your phone or your tindle. So yeah, I think in those situations, I definitely was. At that moment in time, trust me, I'm not feeling like super sexy. Like I'm just feeling like a mom that's meeting her child's needs at that moment. Yeah. That's a heated debate. Honestly, you just kind of cracked open. I really did.

And it's a very complex issue. I can see both sides. I don't want to like, I don't know, my feelings on it are complex too. But ultimately, ultimately, women should be able to feed their baby however they want to. However, they're comfortable. If I'm more comfortable covering up, then that doesn't mean that I am like, I don't know, I'm weird about it. But it also just means, I don't know, it's a complex argument. I can see, like you said, I can see about it. Yeah. But it also just means, I don't know, it's a complex argument.

I can see, like you said, I can see both sides. Yeah, I think it's interesting, like in some African cultures, I want to say, like in different tribes, like women don't even wear tops, and they'll just like feed their babies whenever. I don't, I think Americans are uniquely weird about it. Yeah, we're very protective. We're very,

from what I've heard. And I think it's kind of, it probably stems from like the Protestant roots of our nation. Like, I'm getting really deep. I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm really, I'm just, I'm gonna get myself in a whole world of trouble. Can you believe that people? You guys are shouting off misinformation. Jumping in here really quick to say that it would be awesome if you shared this podcast, especially if you shared this podcast with someone that you shared the podcast with the previous episode. I don't think that made any sense, but if you shared the previous episode with someone, make sure you've shared this episode also because it kind of go together and they might

think I'm emotionally unstable. That's true. If they just listened to that one. And we left people on the cliffhanger with the episode about our birth story because we talked about having a fight, but then we didn't like explain what the fight was. And then this episode we actually explained our fight, which was like pretty vulnerable. But we talked about it in a very appropriate way, I think, you know, still making sure that our marriage is like-

We keep our privacy, but we let you guys know that. We'll keep the rea- We got issues. Yeah, we got issues. But if you could just make sure that you share this episode with them too, they might be like, worried that we're not okay. And so if we're okay.

We're okay, so just here. So share this to the know that we're okay. Yeah, thanks guys, back to the episode. You can't laugh right now, because if you laugh, it hurts. No, I know, I've been laughing though, and guys, back to the episode. You can't laugh right now, because if you laugh, it hurts. No, I know. I've been laughing though, and it hurts really bad. I'm so sorry.

That's frustrating. I love a good laugh. I love to laugh. Yeah. Yeah, my dad was making me laugh, and I literally couldn't. I was like, stop. Yeah. Griffin was making me laugh too, and I was like, everybody knock it off.

Stop being so dank funny. He's so freaking funny. He's just a whole, we just got his haircut the other day. Oh my, I can't some little guy. Yes, we both got our haircuts together and it was the cutest thing in the world. Poor memory. And we got this picture too of our two boys together

last week. Oh, I sent it to everybody. Everyone in our family has seen it. And it's just like, they'll have to recreate that photo when they're older. Why they'll just came in. Oh no. What is that? Describe it. Oh, no, what is that?

Is there a law described? Yeah, how do you describe that my sister in law described it? Like oh my gosh, it's happening. Sorry like a wind up toy. We're like oh my god And that's exactly when she said that I was like you nailed that feeling. Oh my gosh. It's like it's like Like cranking up a wind up toy your nippy's. Oh my gosh. Okay, sorry, we're gonna have to end this pretty soon. Yeah, is that hurt?

Is that hurt when it just all fluts at once? It's just a really tight pain. What's the difference between that when your milk comes in and then a let down? Cause those are two completely different things. No, they feel pretty similar. Oh really? Yeah.

So a let down is like, it's like they open up the flood gates and all the milk just rushes out. It's like a tight feeling. Yeah. It's like, oh, I just want to be relieved. Okay. And so that happens while you're breastfeeding, but then the...

It can happen multiple times while they're feeding. Like you could have more than one. Usually there's like at least two let downs for me. But does it feel like your body just like shot a bunch of milk into your boob? Like right now is that what it just felt? Like you just got a rush of... It doesn't feel like your body just shot a bunch of milk into your boob? Like right now, is that what it just felt? It doesn't feel like that. It feels like a tightness.

I don't know how to like, adult like a screw. Do you like having oversupply or does it get annoying that you have so much supply of milk? I think in the beginning it's a little bit annoying, but it really is. It's a blessing because it's a lot of pressure to be the main, the sole source of food for your child. So it's good to know that we have like, means if I need to do something. What's your plan for your breastfeeding journey?

Do you think you'll do six months a year? I think I'm gonna plan to do a year. Shoot, I was hoping you'd say six months. I thought I was going to say six months and then I was like realistically, what am I hoping in my mind? It's your decision, but also I'm like, man, it'd be really nice to get to go on a trip together in six months. I could just pump.

That's true. But I feel like when you do breastfeed, you definitely are more, just like lock down to a certain location for sure. No matter what, being away from your baby is not ideal at this stage, like you just wanna be with your baby because you've been with them for nine months. It's like being away, it's just like, ugh. I think. Your heart. The baby is.

That's why my heart hurts so much. Sorry, I interrupt. My heart hurts so much for the women. Oh my gosh, I'm gonna cry again. It's okay. Most people have to go back to work in America after like six weeks. Yeah.

That is not right. My mom did, my mom did that with me and my brothers. My mom did that. Mom was a civil engineer. She was a boss. She was a boss woman. And that's the way it still is with teachers in most school districts.

It's really nice to that like women, because you're still, I mean, you've really been taking more time on, but I guess technically right now, filming our podcast, you're technically working right now. So it's nice that there are options. I'm not the same, so it's just like, I feel so. But like it's nice that there are options now for women

to maybe like work part time from home. And so you can still, you know, do a career and then be a mom. Yeah. And there's options for dads and options for dads like that too. But you're right, that would stop. Some people don't have an option. Just, it's really sad. There's so many people, there's so many people and so many different circumstances and

our hearts go after you guys regardless of what your situation is. Yeah, just think about like teachers, they have to work up into the point where they're like literally about to pop. Yeah. Until they literally go into labor, they work up to then on their feet all day with all these little kids. And then they go have their baby and then they have to be back six weeks later. But keep in mind in that six weeks, they had to make sub plans for their sub. They're still worried about what's going on in their classroom. Yeah. Because those kids are like almost like their biological children too, because they're taking care of them

all day. They have such a bond with them and then it's like okay imagine any other job where you leave and you still have to like do everything from afar like a teacher does and how underpaid they are. It just makes me mad and so sad mostly. Our job is so weird and we are so privileged to get to work from home and work on the day. Like I say, that is why I literally am so thankful for this job. Like more than, oh my gosh, it just makes me cry

because it's like this is priceless. This flexibility and I never want to not acknowledge that privilege. What I do want to say though, and this is probably just something that self-employed people run into, I don't think in four years I've been on vacation where I actually was just fully present, and fully in intentional vacation the whole time, because in the past four years

every single trip we've taken, I've worked every single like pretty much every day. I don't think there's been a day that I didn't work. And some days it was just a tiny bit, but I think it's really important to like completely unplug from your work. And- Especially was how your brain operated. Yeah, my brain is all in, you know?

Well, yes. So I want us to take a fully intentional trip at some point in the next year, six months, I don't know, or we just completely unplug. And don't do anything but spend time together. And I feel like that'd be so good for our marriage. For sure. And we can do that in little increments.

Like we can do a date night. And for two hours, no phones, no talking about kids or work and just talk about us. But it would be awesome to do a trip where we're just fully present, fully intentional, don't just fully focus on our relationship. Yeah, it's super hard for me not to think about my kids' own.

Yeah, which is, I actually want the ability to do that. It's the motherly relationship. Yeah, it's super hard for me not to think about my kids though, right? Yeah, which is, which is, I actually won't be able to do that. Is the motherly instinct? Yeah. I won't be able to do that like every time we're away from them, I'm thinking about them. Yeah, which is okay. Yeah. That's totally okay. And I love it.

I love it. It's like being a mom like literally changes your brain. Yeah. We're awesome. Okay. Okay. I have to tell you something really quick. Wait, okay. What's that? I'm already crying. I was on Instagram, and my Instagram

knows exactly what to show me. And it was a mom and a son at a wedding. And it was his first day, or his mother, mother, son dance. And the mom had the song, like they had the song picked out, and then they switched it to the song that she sang it to him as a baby. And it was you are my sunshine.

Which is what we sing to them. And so like they were playing like a country song that was really sweet and then all of a sudden it switched to you are my sunshine and he just melted into his mom. It's like he became a baby. He getting there. Oh gosh.

It was so sweet. And I was like of course I had to be the same song that we sing our boys every night, or like all the time. It was so sweet. I was just like, I love having our boys. Okay, I'm done crying. DD Go Feed, DD Go Feed, Oggi. Yeah, I probably need to go feed him.

It's cute seeing him and that onesy, because that's the same onesy that Griffin used to wear. Right, it's like there's so many emotional things. Thank you guys for tuning into this episode. We have some really exciting ones coming up in the future. Let us know in the comments if there's any guests that you'd like us to have on to interview. It's really fun interviewing people.

I think it's awesome. I can't just vulnerable every time. Yeah, seriously. We need to bring other people on this podcast to share their feelings. But no, I just think like naturally, like if I'm on an airplane, I like to talk to the people next to me and like learn their life story. And so I think it's so much fun to have people.

Well, literally yesterday Matt, I was like, why are you following this person? He's like, I think I'm gonna ride them on an airplane once. But yeah, just go ahead and comment down below. We'll see you guys the next episode. And if you haven't already subscribed, hit the like button, you know, left review, we'd really appreciate it. Love you guys.

And there's always three, two, one. Peace out, dude. Peace out, dude. already subscribed to the like button, you know, left a review, we'd really appreciate it. Love you guys. And there's always three, two, one, peace out, dude.