The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Change in Birth Plan, Considering a C-Section & Revealing Our Secret

Episode Date: May 17, 2023

We got some bad news from our doctor. In this week's episode, we talk about the changes in our birth plan for our 2nd son, how Abby may need to get a C-section, and we reveal a secret that we've been keeping for a while... Abby's parents are moving in!!! Make sure to rate our podcast and leave a review if you can, it really helps us out!

My mentality with this second pregnancy from talking to other moms, the second baby just slipped right out. It's gonna be so much smoother this second time. And then she's like, you really need to consider a C-section. When he was born, he got stuck, called shoulder dystocia. And then she goes and like lists the things that could have happened to Griffin. Brain trauma, brain failure, maybe even death. We have had some secrets.

We're sharing some secrets on this episode. Hey, before we get started, if you could just leave us a review for our podcast, it would mean the world to us. It's been so much fun reading through your reviews. You guys are so, so kind. And leaving a review doesn't take very much time at all. It's literally like five seconds.

You can just say, love the podcast and tap, however many stars you wanna tap and you're done. So please leave a review. We would really appreciate it. Now on with the episode What's up, dude? And welcome back to the unplanned podcast Never gets sold really doesn't you guys we went to our first NBA basketball game last night. It was so Surprisingly fun. We are not sports people. We're really not worth theater kids at heart and we had a really good time

I didn't think I was gonna like as much as I did I got nervous with when I saw't think I was gonna like it as much as I did. I got nervous when I saw like what you were gonna spend on tickets, I was like, yeah. I don't know if I'm gonna make it worth it, but it was so fun, I wanna go to another one. It's expensive like playoff tickets are expensive, but I feel like it's worth it because the atmosphere

at the games is insane. Like there's a lot on the line. If they don't win the game, like they might get kicked out of the playoffs. And then the energy was high. The energy's very high. And it's fun to like jump up and down, like every time they score, win the game, like they might get kicked out of the playoffs. And then the energy was high. The energy's very high. And it's fun to like jump up and down. Like every time they score, you're like, yeah.

I don't see that. I felt like I was on a, had to lose a guy in 10 days. Oh yeah. When she's like the game's really intense. And then she's like, can you get me a drink? And he's like, yes, once I get it, it's like, like in the game. Oh yeah.

I'm so sorry. Yeah. That is hilarious. Because I needed snacks and drinks, of course. Abby requested that we get a souvenir cup at the game. So we got a souvenir cup and there was free refills. By the way, when I went to get the free refill, the guy gave me a hard time. So I had to go to a different refill station

to get a refill. Why does that? He was like, sorry, that's actually, he was like, they lied to you at that stand. It's not a free ref. I'm like, okay, dude. So then I went back to the stand we bought the drink. You think that they would be like, I was like sorry. That's actually he's like they lie to you at that stand. It's not a free riff I'm like okay, dude So then I went back to the stand we bought the drink that they would be like I know We standard protocol we specifically asked for the refillable cup

We were like we want the one with free refill it's got to come with one free refill if you buy the cup Yes, it was there's no benefit exactly Honestly though, I think it's worth it because we've been fighting so much recently Needed a day and we need to shake things up a bit. Totally. It was good. I think we just, like, we really enjoyed it. I tried not to make- Like, I think I was mad at you for a whole week straight.

Really? Honestly, it wasn't a good week last week. No, last week. That was a new week. New week. New week, new me. Honestly, it was your fault. That was a week. New week. New week, new me. Honestly, it was your fault. My fault? I just can't.

Sheesh. I started a whole new fight, but no, truly, it was like a really good thing to like, do something totally different. Like how often do we go to a sporting events? Yeah. We don't. So it was good to like shake things up.

And I'm very thankful that you are willing to let me have a babysitter come over and watch her son. Cause Abby was like, I don't want to leave our baby at home. And I think like a lot of moms can probably relate to that. I'm thinking because for you, I think Griffin is always on your mind. And he's on my mind a lot as well. But I can like, you know, step away for a few hours and like, enjoy a sporting event. It was funny. Abby looked over at me at one point in the game. She was like, can I tell you something? And I'm only going to say it once. I was like, watch, she's like, I miss Griffin so much. I do miss him right now. You miss him right?

He's in the kitchen. He's in case of Diaz. He's in case of Diaz in the kitchen. No, I'm just kidding. But, well, I'm kind of not kidding. You know what's weird? I was thinking about this in the shower last night. I'm like, what has made me such an obsessive mom? Yeah.

Because for the first, at least the first six months of his life, I wasn't like that. Really? Yeah, I don't think so. No, because remember, we left for New York, literally New Year's Eve. You were, you missed that kiss so much. We were gone for 24 hours.

I did not feel the same way as I do now. I don't know if it's the pregnancy hormones or if it's, like, I just have developed so much of a bond with him in the past months that I'm like, I think we've built a bond with each other because now he like prefers me. So then I'm like, if I'm gone, it's sad.

Yeah, he's a mama's point. Well, he prefers you too. I'm saying he like, he knows us. No, for the first time today, I took him out of your arms and he started crying when I took him out of your arms. That was not the first time I was out of it. Really? That was like the first big time.

Maybe one time he was like, oh yeah. Like he wanted mom, like he cried. I was like, bro, I'm your dad. What the heck? So he's chosen you. He wants you more now. He knows I love him.

But I feel like for a while he was a daddy's boy. For a while he preferred me especially like at night time. No, it's like what every mom says. He prefers me when he's sad and needs comfort. And he prefers you when he wants to have fun. And like, that's a good point. For sure. Because even when he's sad, his cry sounds like, and when he's happy, he says, that, that,

that when he's happy. So sweet. So I feel like that shift really happened, but I let go for the night. I only mentioned him one time. I saw a lot of babies there and it made me want to say something about Griffin, but I don't know if it really happened, but I let go for the night. I only mentioned him one time. I saw a lot of babies there and it made me want to say something about Griffin, but I didn't, because date nights are about us. Yes. And we had fun.

So it was interesting. I did a poll today on the unplanned podcast Instagram to ask what you guys wanted to know about us for this episode. And you guys said you wanted to know more about our birth plan and everything you do with that. And also we got some questions. I got a question, did your birth plan go as planned for Griffin? And I feel like that's the perfect segue into,

what we're gonna talk about today is the birth plan for this current baby. But with Griffin, things really did. Yeah, because think about Griffin's birth are setting a precedent for baby number two's birth. I'm people almost saying his name. And it really didn't go as planned, even though we didn't necessarily have one.

If that makes sense. Yeah, I feel like we've, we kind of talked about Griffin's birth in previous episodes. If you want more details on that, I think it's like episode two or three. Yeah, but essentially what happened is when he was born, he got stuck in the birth canal, it's called shoulder dystocia.

Correct. When the baby's shoulder gets stuck behind the pelving bone of the mother wall, they're being born. And it's really scary because they can't breathe. They're not able to get oxygen. They can breathe a little bit, right? I don't think you can breathe. I think that's the big scare.

That's why it was scary. That's why I was pushed out of the way. I was helping Abby, but then it was such a frantic moment that nurses were like, moved out and then like, they like without even really having much time to talk, I was pushed out of the way and obviously totally understand. I'm glad they shoved me out of the way. I wanted them to help you and help our baby.

But yeah, it was scary moment in his shoulder did, like have a hairline fractured to it, which luckily, I guess- It was his collarbone had- So the collarbone or shoulder, yeah, I guess the color bone. It was just color bone. Yeah. So my only plan going into Griffin's birth,

because for me, I feel like. Griffin's birth, or do you mean? Griffin's birth. Oh, from, yeah. Was, I was like, I mean, I think subconsciously, I plan to have vaginal birth, because I was like, there was no reason to think that we were gonna have a C-section with him.

And so I was like, okay, well, I think that's gonna happen. to think that we were gonna have a C-section time. And so I was like, well I think that's gonna happen. I think that I'm going to have medication and I was gonna be induced. And I think we knew that as it got closer and closer to the end and with his size being large and Matt's and his brothers have history. They were big babies. I was a big baby and I'm a big babies. I was a big baby. And I'm a petite person. I have a small frame. So I felt comfortable with being induced.

I was ready to have this baby. And I felt like the baby was ready to come. Yeah, but the thing is, we never didn't need birth classes with Griffin. We didn't really do what a lot of first time parents do as far as reading all these birth plan books or watching. I'm sure there's online courses

about having a birth plan or meeting with it. Meaning with the dola, like we didn't do any of that. We kind of just thought, I mean, I don't know. I mean, if you decided to do that, cool. Like that's totally cool. We just decided. I think it's a good idea. Yeah, it's probably a good idea to be prepared.

But what we also noticed is we knew some people that had this whole elaborate plan for how everything was gonna happen. And then it was sad to see them be disappointed almost in a way after the birth, because the birth didn't go any way, any which way, or what. There's a lot of factors with birth that are outside of your control.

You just can't control very much. And so I was like, I don't, and not that it's like, that sounds kind of bad though, because it's like, don't plan because you could be disappointed. But like, I think it's good to come over with a plan. It's really good to be knowledgeable But also depends on the person because like for me I wanted to enter the birthing process as calm and as peaceful as possible and for me

I'm kind of weird and the more I know the more I'm like oh now I'm freaked out like I feel like for me ignorance is bliss Yeah, and so I kind of entered Gryffinds birth process Pretty blissful. I don't think there's any part I was excited I was ready to meet the baby and I wasn't really as much thinking about the birth as much as I was thinking about like life with the baby Yeah, and so I just was like, you know what? I really trust the team we have at the hospital things will go as they go for you

Was that the right decision? Are you glad that we didn't do all this research before? I mean, you obviously wanna be informed. We were informed. We knew the basics of how things worked out. Well, I knew that every person in that room that was gonna be there was very informed. So then I was like, I don't need to know everything.

And also, I wasn't in a state to be making decisions. True. You know what I mean? I wasn't wanting to call any shots. I wanted to be taken care of because I't in a state to be making decisions. True. You know what I mean? I wasn't wanting to call any shots. I wanted to be taken care of because I was in a place where I was like, I just need to focus on my body and like right now. So it was the right decision for me.

Yeah, and it sucks. It also sucks. Again, everyone can do whatever they wanna do and that's your decision. But for us, I kept hearing stories of people who might have done like a water birth and then they like started to go for it, but then then you have to rush the hospital because something goes wrong or the baby's not coming out. It's just like not a fun situation to be. So I was glad that with the decision we made, you know, we were in the hospital, people knew what was going on,

and when this children dystocia thing happened, luckily the doctors and nurses knew what to do. Cause I don't, I had no idea. I didn't even know what that was. I still don't fully understand what children of Stocia is. Well, I feel like I'm treading on like tricky grounds here because birth has so many fields of thought. And I think it's so personal to each person and I'm like do whatever you want to do

If you like however way you want to go about it go about it. Yeah, you know So like I respect everyone's decision for me personally. I wanted to be in the hospital thought good about that and I felt personally good about being induced. I felt good about all those I felt good about the epidural felt good about all of it so I felt good about all those, I felt good about the epidural, felt good about all of it. So, um. Well, I think if you weren't, if you wouldn't have been induced, I think you would have had, have gotten an emergency C-section with that first pregnancy. With how things went with the birth, I feel like.

100%. You know, he was a big baby. And you're a little lady. You're so little. Which doesn't mean it's not possible, but it has a lot to do with like your structure. And I think that because of the way my, and you couldn't know before but like because of

my bones were in my pelvis that he got stuck. So Griffin did get stuck briefly just his shoulder so his head was out and the shoulders were stuck and it was an intense moment. I don't remember it super well. I feel like mentally I like separated. It felt like it was like not long, like less than 60 seconds. Yeah. Wouldn't you say? Within being stuck, oh yeah, it was not super long. And I think that they had a hard time

like getting you out of the way because you were so locked in on me. Not yet. Like, and it was an intense moment. That was just like a blur. What was it like for you? Cause you saw everything. Dude, I think it was just information overload for me.

Like it was just all happening so fast. Did you know something was wrong? Yeah, I did, especially when I got pushed out of the way, I was like, frick, like something's going on. But I don't think Griffin wasn't stuck for that long. Luckily, like they got him out pretty soon and they really worked to work. Yeah, so what they did is they like basically like put my legs like way up. Yeah.

And then every like a bunch of nurses came and like pushed on my belly and then like basically ejected him. Yeah. And thankfully once they like intervened, it went really, my doctor said everything after that went really smoothly. Like, nothing traumatic happened to my body. Like, I mean, I tore, but that happens. Like, it wasn't anything serious with that. Griffin was okay. He had a hairline collarbone fracture. Like, nothing was like serious.

Like, he was fine. They didn't have to do any interventions on him afterwards. Like, everything worked out. But, you know, there there are situations where that happens and the outcome can result in some more scary results. And that's kind of like what I heard going into the 24-week appointment. Yeah, so here's the deal, you guys. Abby is so close to the third trimester now. Are you, wait, I thought it's 27 weeks that you're in the third, there's a 28.

I think it's 28. Dude, we're less than a month away. I'm two weeks away. Yeah. Oh wait, no, no, less than a month, three weeks. You're so, so close. And so Abby had the 24 week appointment. That's almost two weeks ago now, right?

Yeah. And with that appointment, we got some big news. So basically, I've never gone to a baby appointment alone. Well, yeah, let's talk about that, because Griffin was unfortunately sick and he was sick because I got him sick and I got him sick because Abby got me sick.

So, our whole entire family got sick. It was all going around. I've heard of so many people getting sick recently. I don't know, yeah, sicknesses in the air, okay? So our whole family got sick and- So we didn't want to. I don't know. Yeah, sicknesses in the air, okay? So our whole family got sick. And- So we didn't want to bring gryffin into the appointment. Yeah, and-

Then we didn't want to get him a sitter. And I, it was a bummer because that was the first pregnancy appointment that I ever missed. You did miss. Wait, I missed the- The second baby. Shoot, with the second baby things are changing. I did miss one already.

You're right, this is the second appointment that I missed. Yeah. Because with that one I was busy trying to get our luggage back after we traveled in from. Yeah. We had a whole fiasco with our luggage getting stuck at the airport because then we flew into Tucson on a bi-accent or not bi-accent.

There was a storm. We couldn't land in Phoenix. We landed in Tucson. We drove, we rented a car, drove home. Anyway, it's a long crazy story. We actually made a vlog about that. It's, I think the vlog is titled Getting Our Life Back Together.

Anyway, that whole thing happened. I did miss a pregnancy appointment. And you know what, it's really fine because I feel like having pregnancy so close together, I'm like pals with everyone in the office. I know the drill, I feel like way comfortable in there. It's just more like, if it's an ultrasound, like of course I want you to be there for an ultrasound

to see the baby, but like this one was just a routine, like they weigh you, they measure your belly, they send you on your way. Or so I thought, so I go in, I get weighed, and then I'm just waiting for the doctor, and this is the same doctor that delivered Griffin. And we've known from the very beginning that this woman, I feel like, is good in a crisis.

Like the situation with Griffin, like the shoulder to sto-shut, she was calm, collected, she got it taken care of quickly. And like, I felt really safe with her there and that. And like during the birth, it was amazing. Now, the appointments leading up, I wouldn't say she's the most fluffy person. What would you say?

She's not like, warm and cozy. Yeah, I think there's a big difference. You want your doctor to be a good freaking doctor. Like it doesn't matter if they're all super warm and cozy and like bubbly, right? Cause someone could be all warm and cozy and bubbly, but suck as a doctor. Yeah.

You don't want that person to be a doctor. Yeah, I'd much rather have her be the way that she is. She's good, like, she's a very good doctor. But then most of the time I prefer for a nurse practitioner to do the appointments, because then I can like ask all my silly questions or like any like little concern, I feel comfortable presenting to the nurse practitioner

whereas our doctor, I'm like a little bit more hesitant because I'm like, yeah, I don't wanna bother her. Which is not to say, I'm sure there's doctors out there that are very good at being doctors and also like, the bedside manner. And yeah, I'm very like warm and cozy and bubbly and stuff. Yeah, I'm sure those people out there exist, but it just happens that Abby's stuck there.

She's very direct. Yeah, it's just very like, hey, this is just how what's gonna happen. And I am not a direct person at all. Like, you'll never find me be blunt really at me. Which is actually funny enough I think that's a cost for some conflict in our marriage because I like when I get feedback I love receiving feedback like hey, Matt

You could do this better change this like I do like encouragement But I just like people to tell tell to me straight with Abby if Abby is like hey, Matt Can you take a look at this tiktok that I made and I'll be like yeah? This is great, but I would change this, this, and this. And she's like, she's like, you never say this is great first. You're always, you get two seconds in the video and it's like, I wouldn't do that.

You're right, you're right. You're not gonna give me any. I work, I work, I need to keep working on making sure I use the poop sandwich method, which is where with a poop sandwich, you say a kind thing first, then you give your critiques and then you end with a kind thing. Also, I think I'm good at taking criticism from other people, but just now my husband.

Actually, yeah, better than me. You don't, I think for me, you don't want me to give any criticism at all. You really just want encouragement. Even if you're asking for criticism, I think you're really just saying, flatter me, tell me nice things. Which is what I do to you. No, but I actually, the thing is I really want you to give me real, like feedback and criticism. I'm your husband and I just want to look up.

No, I know, it was just really nice, but I want you to give me real feedback. Like I love constructive criticism. But anyway, how do we get here? Our doctor did not deliver a poop sink that day. He did not deliver a poop sink. He just gave you poop on a planet. He gave you poop on a planet. So, I'm sorry.

Why are you laughing so much at that? The way you said that was just so funny. She did not give me a poop set, but she gave me poop on a silver platter. Essentially, she just walked in there and was like, hey, we're going to have to do a C-section. And you're just like, walk me through that. Yeah. Hey, we're gonna have to do a C section. And you're just like, what, like walk me through that. Yeah, so she just like comes in, she's like, you know, your husband was a large baby.

Griffin was on the bigger side. This baby's already measuring big. Did my mom say that I was nine pounds? I think I was like nine pounds. Was I like nine two or nine four? You were over nine pound baby, but your brother's was over 10 pounds. Yeah, so I was the little baby at nine pounds to your ounces.

And so she was like, you know what people, small ladies deliver large babies all the time. Yeah. And I think there's a lot more factors than size involved. Totally. But anyway, so she comes and she's's like Griffin, you know Griffin had shoulder dystosia And then she goes and like lists all of the things that could have happened to Griffin What did she say? Because of shoulder dystosia She like mentioned brain trauma like brain damage. Yeah Well, it's probably the oxygen if you if you don't get oxygen I mean she was like listing the things that could have gone wrong like very dream like very very major Now when you when you first called

and talked me about all this, I think you were really shaking up. So I was trying to just be an encourager. Well, yeah, because, like, can you walk me through now that it's been a little bit of time to walk me through like, what all did she actually say? Cause I, well, I don't remember everything cause I was just kind of like, I feel like,

in my mind, she was literally like, your baby could have had brain trauma, brain failure, maybe even death. Like she like, met she did mention I don't know I feel like my brain kind of just over. It was just like a information overlapped It was information overlapped, so she was just listed all these super scary things that could have happened Potentially yeah, thank goodness. They did it. I think she was just wanting to inform you I think she was just wanting you to be aware of that information. It was a fact. It wasn't like

But but but no poop sandwich was used. No poop sandwich was used. And then I think I just like got quiet. Yeah. I got just kinda like silent. And then I was like, okay. And then she's like, basically, she's like, so that means that she's like, well,

did you deliver him early? I was like, yeah, upon your recommendation, like I was induced at 39 weeks. And then she's like, well, did you deliver him early? I was like, yeah, upon your recommendation, I was induced at 39 weeks. And then she's like, well, I can't induce you any earlier, which I wasn't asking to be induced earlier, but that would be the other, I think in the past, your mom was induced quite a bit earlier than 39 weeks because of the baby's size.

And they just don't do that. They want the baby to stay cooking as long as possible. They're safest in there and they're developing and that's really important. And so anything before 30, none weeks would not be like safe for the baby unless there's like, you know, other circumstances involved. Did you cry? Like when she was talking- My voice started getting shaky when she was like talking about like everything that could have happened to Griffin. Because I was like,, like, that's the worst thing. Like, as a parent, things, something could have, you know, gone, like, happened to your baby. So my voice started getting shaky.

And then she's like, so like, I would feel like we, she's like, I think the her phrasing was like, you really need to consider a C section. And I was like, so shocked by that for some reason. And I think, like, my mentality with this second pregnancy, while I do feel like I had minor birth trauma from the first birth, my thinking was like from talking to other moms, they always said like the second baby just slipped right out. So then I was like, oh well,

like it's gonna be so much smoother this second time. I forgot about that, yeah. So then I was like thinking that this wouldn't be like, I definitely wasn't anticipating that. I was thinking like, okay, my doctor would think like, okay, now that we've had, she's had one baby like second baby, we love smoothly. But then the fact that she had like a lot of concerns about the birth for the second baby, kind of like threw me off and then I was like surprised and caught off guard and then also

scared because of everything she was saying. And so then I was like, okay, um, all right. And then I think she could tell us like a little bit like taking a back slash like not happy with that. Yeah. And so she was like, well, I mean, it's up to you ultimately like whatever you wanna do. And then I was like, well, the only thing I really care

about is that my baby's arrives safely and healthy. And then I also know there's so many moms that deliver their baby's VST section. So I was like, I know that it's gonna be safe for me. And so I was like, well, the only thing that matters is that the baby comes to me. She's like, yeah, so we'll keep monitoring it, but we just need to start that conversation now.

So. Why did that have to happen at the, okay, not the one appointment, but the second appointment that I miss, like one of the few appointments I'm not at, why did that conversation to happen at the, okay, not the one appointment, but the second appointment that I missed. Like one of the few points that I'm not at, why did that conversation happen without me there? Like, I think you would have been a lot better at like asking questions.

Whereas like I was too afraid to ask questions because I thought that I would cry. Really? Cause I was just feeling so taken aback. And like now being at this place two weeks later, I'm like, it's not a big deal. Like whatever, you know, maybe I have one, maybe I don't. Likely, it looks like I might.

Yeah. Because like I just want the baby to be safe, or I've safely. And you know, if that means also that the baby can stand the womb longer to continue to like develop. And of course, I'm down for that. Do they do C-sections early or? I don't really know.

At 40 weeks. I think they're, I don't know. What's nice to, I guess like, have you officially made your decision to do a C-section? Not officially. Okay. But I think that it's like looking like that would be the case because it's like, none of the risk factors are going to change for the second baby because my bones aren't going to change.

Yeah. And you are at an increased risk for it to happen again. Yeah. The baby's already measuring large again. So it's just like, I don't see any of those risk factors changing unless I talk to her more and I feel like, basically I'm just someone, I'm like, I'm gonna take my doctor's recommendation.

Yeah. Have you done some of your own research? I think you were looking something like that. So I started doing some of my own research and I think you were looking to do some research. So I started to do some of my own research and I'm definitely going to continue to do that. I have time. I'm like at the time of filming this. I'm 26 weeks. So I have time. Crazy. Dude, we're so close. I know, but other still time to do research. And I've already started. So it's like the more I learn about it, the more I'm like, you know, no one knows how they were delivered. Like really, unless you ask, like it doesn't, that's true.

It doesn't really make, and no one knows how a mom delivered her baby either, just by it, like, it's like it's, birth is birth and it can look a lot of different ways. Totally. And I think I, even though I went in with an open mind, I still had these preconceived, like in my head, I was still like, but I'll deliver vaginally. And then now I'm like, wait, why am I so thrown off by this? But it's like because I didn't actually have like as open as I thought. Totally. You know? So that's what's looking like now. Upon hearing that news on that day, tears. Yeah, I remember, so I got a phone call from Abby, and she was just bawling.

And I was like, whoa, slow down, like, what's going on, what's going on? And you were trying to like get your words out and talk to me. Well, the first thing I said was the baby's healthy. Yeah, yeah, you're like, everything's okay. What's the baby? I was like, okay, good, yeah.

And I remember you saying to me, I feel bad for being so upset because our baby's so healthy. And I need to be thankful for that, which is valid. Like I think it's important to recognize like art. Because the worst thing would have been hearing some things wrong with a baby. Totally, but I think your feelings were still valid

in that your expectations for what the birth would look like, the birth plan, whatever, even though we don't have a true, our birth plan was so loose, it was such just like, hey, we'll just go and do this regular vaginal delivery. That was flipped upside down though, because it was told, hey, you probably should have do a vaginal delivery.

I think also the background of having just gone through a major abdominal surgery with, I had a double hernia repair between the two pregnancies. I was like, I don't wanna go through that recovery again because I think the recovery from the double hernia repair was way harder than my recovery postpartum. Yeah.

Also, for me in general, like the idea of surgery, I'm like, I don't know why I'm just like, oh, I don't love it because especially surgery, I'm gonna be awake for. That is weird. I don't understand why I'm just like, oh, I don't love it because, especially search I'm gonna be awake for. That is weird. I don't understand why with C-Sessions, they can't just put you fully out. I'm sure there's some reason, I'm sure we can just Google it and find out.

But that is interesting to me that you have this massive surgery and you're awake. There's just a sheet in front of you and you can feel your body moving instantly. That's so interesting. I don't like love that. And they take your organs out and rip your abdomen. I mean, the people that do these surgeries have done it. No, and that's so interesting. I don't like love that. And they like take your organs out and like rip your abdomen. I mean, the people that do these surgeries have done it.

No, and that's something I'm like, they know what they're doing. And like so many people get C-section. So I'm like, it's gonna be fine. Like, but I was just like, oh gosh, like that's, and here's ultimately what a boil is down to, is that like I thought that I could enter the second birth

with confidence knowing I've done this before, but this doesn't feel like anything I've done before. So then I'm like, I'm starting at square one again when it comes to the birthing process, you know? Yeah. And postpartum process, because that's something else I've been looking at a lot is like, what is postpartum recovery like from a C-section?

Cause it's gotta be pretty different. Yeah, and I've heard it sucks. I've heard it's not fun, but I will say you had a lot of people though when you had your hernia surgery reaching out and saying, hey, by the way, I feel for you because hernia surgery recovery was even worse than recovery from a C-section is what a lot of people told you, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

So I think like knowing that you can do a hernia repair recovery, you had a double hernia repair. So I think knowing that you can get through that, I think you got this. It's not like I feel fear really. Yeah. At this point, I'm like, oh, it's whatever it is, whatever is whatever. Yeah. I think that it just is a bummer that I thought I could enter this with like some, like I said, like some confidence. Whereas it's not that I don't feel confidence at,

like I don't have the confidence that comes from someone that's, you know, lived and experienced before. It's just like I have confidence just in the medical team. And, you know, technology. Hey, real quick, if you could please leave our podcast or review, it would mean the world to us. It only takes just a couple of seconds

and you can do that on Spotify, Apple podcasts, or wherever you're listening to our podcast on. Seriously, guys, it helps push it out to a lot more people, and it really, really does help us. So we'd really appreciate it. And if you're driving right now, please do not leave review while you're driving. You can just like pull over something.

Just don't, please don't be unsafe. We would really appreciate your help in pushing the podcast out to more people and now back to the episode. Or you can even share it with a friend. Hey, yeah, could you share this with a friend? Okay, thanks, back to the episode. There's no set decisions,

but I feel like a matter of point where I'm just kinda like flustered. I think, okay, I truly believe that everything's going to be okay. Regardless, like- That way we'll be. Like, with whatever decision you decide to make, I think everything's gonna be okay. So that's good, but it definitely is important to take a doctor's advice seriously.

Like, I think sometimes we can think, oh, I feel a certain way. Like, I don't know, it's probably best just to go with a medical experts advice, because they've gone to school for that. And like, what the, what the freak do we know? Honestly, right? No, exactly.

Like, it's just hard because I feel like there is like a little bit of like shame attached to it. You feel shame for doing a C session? I personally don't think I do, but I feel like I feel the effects of like a culture of people. Really? People like, oh, you didn't have your birth Naturally or like vaginally then you didn't give birth to baby. It's like you feel like you miss out on like a

Stage of motherhood. That's what so is that where the emotions came from when you were told I guess I'm crying now But like I guess maybe I don't know I'm sorry. I don't really know. I'm crying. I think it's just hormones, but yeah, but like I didn't have like that experience with Griffin really either. So yeah, I'm sorry. I'm not excited to cry. No, I think I'm so sorry like that. I don't even, I don't know what that's like.

I don't know what that feels like to want to deliver just like the regular way, I guess, and then being like to feel that you're told, oh, you can't do that. Sorry. I don't know if that's like. Well, like they didn't say I couldn't do it, but I think it was just like,

I don't know, maybe it's just comparison. Like, you should never compare, like, my experience with somebody else's experience or like, like this, in your mind. Or my experience with somebody else's experience or like Like this in your mind my experience with my previous experience In your mind are you being as is there a voice in your mind that's like oh, you're less of a mother because you're not doing I Share hope not, but I don't know if you were to really deep Diamond to my psyche. I don't know. Yeah, I don't feel that way truthfully, but like I

Just feel like because there's so much pressure to like do things in a natural way. Oh, like in our modern movement of like moving to Nashville. Yeah, okay. It's like, I already know that I'm not gonna read the comments on this podcast because I know that there's gonna be like, a lot of people that are against epidurals or inductions or C-sections or like tell me like your body

was made to do this so like you shouldn't need a C-section or things like that. I don't know. So I think there's a lot of opinions on this topic and I think it's because like everybody most people go through this and like everyone goes through this in some way or another because either everyone's been born. either, everyone's been born. Exactly, everyone's been born. So everyone's had a mother, everyone's had, you know, family members or friends or colleagues

or somebody that they know go through this. So I think that's why everybody has an opinion and I think that's why it can be so toxic at times. When you get, like, for instance, like parenting advice, like we will show our family and then people will give us unsolicited advice about our family and how to parent our kids. And it's like, well, we didn't ask you. We didn't ask for your opinion.

So. And here's the thing is, everyone is entitled to have their own opinion, and I'm sharing on the internet, so they're entitled to have their own opinion on my own opinion. Oh, everyone is definitely entitled to that. But I think that,

whether or not you have a C-section has no bearing on your value as a mother. No, I know. I know. Like, you are just as much of an amazing mom, going through a vaginal birth or a C-section. Both also have your childhoods too. Or as an adoptive mom who don't experience the birth process at all. Yeah, you're still a mom, yeah.

Exactly, so it's just like, and I know all that stuff, I think that... Your value as a mom is not dependent on the way that you bring a baby into the world. Exactly, and I know all that stuff. I think that- Your value as a mom is not dependent on the way that you bring a baby into the world. Exactly. And I know that. I truly do know that. It's so weird. I don't even know why I'm just getting upset about it,

but it's so weird. I will say it did shock me. I think when you were really emotional about it, I think it did shock me. I shocked myself being emotional about it. I was like, wait, why do I care it did shock me. I shocked myself being emotional about it. Yeah. I was like, wait, why do I care so much? Yeah, but also I think sometimes I forget that like.

Hormones are crazy. Hormones are crazy. Like you woke up from a nap the other day. And you woke up from the nap bawling. And I was like, wait, wait, what's wrong? And you were just, I think you were just sleepy. And I think like you didn't know how to feel and I think you were just so over it

and I think you felt really uncomfortable that day too. You might have had a headache that day. So you just didn't, yeah, sometimes it's just like, it all piles up and then I can't really cry. Yeah. Hermons are so wild, there's, and you know what actually takes me off. What, what, what are you just saying?

This is probably what last week was about. What? I'm allowed to talk about hormones, Matt. You're not allowed to talk about hormones. Oh. When you're like, oh, you're hormonal. I'm like, literally since shivers down my spine. I listened to a video about how to, I was just,

what did you do? I was like, okay, we need to, this is, we're going back to our fight from last week. Like, we need to, we, something needs to change, okay, we need to, this is, we're going back to our fight last week. Like we need to, something needs to change, okay? I don't even think there's much specific for a last week, I think it was a series of it was a series of unfortunate events is what it was. But I was watching a video on YouTube.

I like to just like listen to like podcast clips and just like, I listen to a lot of podcasts on YouTube, honestly, that's where I get my podcasts. But I was listening to a video about like a dad, like giving dad advice, and it was like, it was really, really good advice. And something he said was like, don't take it personally. And it's like, it's hard, because like,

I think if someone's like a butt cheek to you, I'm not referring to our mayor. Right, tell him, you're not speaking. No, I'm not calling you a butt cheek, but just like in life in general, like say someone, just some random person being mean to you, don't take it personally. I'm not referring to our mayor. I'm not calling you but cheek. But just like in life in general, say someone, just some random person being mean to you, don't take it personally.

Because you don't know what's going on in their day, you don't know what's going on with their hormones, you don't know if they just found out that their dad died, you don't know what the freak's going on. And with you as my wife, even though it takes a, you have to take a stance of humility and selflessness, and you have to just like,

you have to just say, okay, I know that this, someone yelling my face might make me mad or like someone saying sassy, like being told something sassy could hurt my feelings, but with what you're going through, you're going through a lot, you're going a baby, I can't take it personally if something happens, even if you make it sassy, comment, I don't know,

whatever it may be, don't take it personally, and I thought that was really good. Well, and I think I could exercise restraint more sometimes. Sometimes it just feels like when you're pregnant, like you're going through a conflict like within your own body all day, and so then if anything else goes wrong, you're like, and now this.

Yeah. Also, I was thinking about this Abby, because this guy was saying, don't take it personally. And he was also, I don't know if this is the right wording, but he basically was saying like, you're the problem. Like all these issues that you would have blamed on other people, he was like, you're the problem. Like it's easier to fix yourself. It's easier to change yourself than to change other people. So if you can change yourself and you're out looking your perspective, then you're just gonna be happier. And imagine if we both thought that we were the problem. Exactly. If we both just take on this view of like,

I'm the problem, don't take it personally, I think we would just be way happier. Yeah. And it takes humility and it takes selflessness to have that. Yeah. But when you have two people in a marriage doing that, I think it leads to a much happier marriage. But it's so...

That's such a three people though, because we have me, you and the pregnancy. That's true. Because I don't wanna claim everything that pregnant Abby does when she cries after a nap or when she has a temper tantrum. But it was so funny here in this guy say, you're the problem, don't take it personally.

I'm like, that is so different than our culture right now. Like our culture right now is like, everyone else is the problem. Everyone else is the problem. Society is the problem. Your parents are the problem. Your friends are the problem. Like you, I'm so sorry what you've been through.

Like all, it's the world that is making your decisions for you. That's interesting because psychology, remember learning about the locus of control? What is that? Like the, I'm, okay, wow, I don't actually know a lot about this, but I remember them saying, like you could have an internal locus of control where it's like, all the problems I'm experiencing, I can, I can problem solve and fix them.

If you have an external locus of control, it leads to like mental illness because it's like, imagine feeling like, you know, there's everything wrong and there's nothing I can do about it. I can't do anything about it. Yes. And so it's like kind of like learned helplessness maybe? Yes.

And it's like, oh, like I can't, I can't. And so, yeah, that's interesting. No, it's really interesting. And I think it's fascinating because I think culture in the past has had a very, very harsh view of that. I think like our parents and our grandparents were probably told, you're the problem figured out, suck it up. And so they had this very hard view to one side.

And now I think to balance that out, our culture is like, no, it's okay, it's not your fault. You don't need to take responsibility for your own actions. It's other people's fault. Like your decisions are not your own. And some people feel that can just play the blame game and blame everyone else except for themselves. And I think both are equally wrong.

I think we need to find a middle ground, right? That's the most issue. Exactly. And I love like Aristotle was, I'm sorry, I'm talking about philosophy now. Aristotle was a philosopher that talked about how balance is like the most important thing in life. Yeah. I forget it's been a lot,

oh, I also had my philosophy. Balance is my word of 2023. But balance is so important because if you go too far to the side of everyone else, the problem not me, that's so unhealthy. And if you go to too far to the side of like, I'm the only one, like it's all my fault. So you got to go to a middle ground.

And so I think what I realize is like, I'm blaming you too much I'm blaming external factors too much. I need a freaking take on full responsibility and just be like I I Needed you know, I want to use the appropriate and appropriate words. I gotta suck it up and Just I wasn't gonna say balls. I was gonna be like I need to gross balls I need to gross balls and just be like I'm the problem. Don't take it personally I need to gross balls. I need to gross some balls.

And just be like, I'm the problem. Don't take it personally, Matt. Okay, no. Yeah, no, I'm just kidding. But that's interesting. You know when you were talking about like when someone's like, everyone else is the problem, like, what was me? Does it like everyone say that these days?

You kind of made me think about what was my Starbucks adventure last week. What happened? Remember, I told you, I went to Starbucks to get a child on the truck. I'll keep it short because I, truthfully I have no idea what's going on in this woman's life. Yeah.

Like I wish her well. She probably does. But she's just experiencing rough patch. Yeah. So, um, but it wasn't funny. Okay, and we don't know if she has mental illness. We don't know if she,

like we don't know what her life story is, you're right. So yeah, but what happened was I was at Starbucks working. So I was there for like a decent amount of time, like a couple hours. And I was just drinking my chai latte. And when I walked in, there was a woman that was sound asleep next, like at a table.

Yeah. She didn't appear to be homeless. I don't know, it's going on in her life. But she did have like a a table. Yeah, she didn't appear to be homeless. Um, I don't know what's going on in her life But she did have like a huge suitcase So she looked honestly like a tired traveler like she was clean well fed like things she looked okay and But just sound asleep and finally after about 30 minutes of manager walks over and is like, ma'am, can you please? Like it's it you can't sleep in here. Like, you need to take it somewhere else. And she immediately got really disruptive,

like yelling at the manager, like blaming everything else that like on like her sleeping, like everything was like making her mad. And she was, you know, throwing insults at the manager, throwing like making her mad and she was throwing insults at the manager throwing like Making accusations at him and like the Starbucks itself like she wasn't being appropriate like the way she was handling it And so then he was like finally like they went back and forth for so long He just walks away and he's like you need to leave And finally she like makes her way to. And as she's exiting the Starbucks,

I mean, I don't think there's one person in the Starbucks that would think that this fall was a real fall. Yeah. She executed the most dramatic fall outside this, like leaving the doorway, you know, the suitcases, on the ground, she's like laying there, won't move, wailing, like like did she like chuck her stuff everywhere? No, but yeah, like there's no

She's whaling and she's saying that the she's making accusations about the Starbucks She's blaming the workers trying to like threaten to sue or something. Yeah, she was making threats And then she demands free drinks and food while she's on the floor while she's on the manager doesn't the manager say I'm gonna call An ambulance like this looks serious. I'm gonna call ambulance and she gets so mad that he's gonna call ambulance and he's like ma'am like I don't know how you're gonna if you're not able to get up then you need an ambulance she won't get up either and she's blocking the entrance that people can't come in finally that coax her to set in a chair proper legs that they give her an ice pack there's no visible injuries which which they- The most ridiculous thing.

Because the fall was so dramatic. It makes me so mad at our generation. And we started bringing her all these free things. And she was threat making threats the whole time, even though they did everything she wanted. She was making threats and I was like, that just reminded me of that. That just makes me-

I hope she gets to a place where she doesn't feel the need to do that. I don't like it when older people make fun of our generation or younger generations so crappy, but that right there is, that pisses me off. I was a little bit dramatic. Just being dramatic and trying to act like you're not

the problem just that you can get. It wasn't title meant is what I was saying. She just thought that she could get everything for free. I don't like the title meant and I love when people take self-responsibility and just grow up and I don't know. And then she sat there and did all her whole makeup. I tell you that next. When did you make up?

She was drinking her free drinks and doing her makeup. She was drinking her free drinks and then doing a full face of makeup sitting there. What? Absolutely. She really just made the Starbucks her home, in which everything in the fridge was hers and she was comfortable. Anyway, where do we go from this? So we're talking about...

Well, we have to make exciting news that we haven't shared is that we have some helpers moving in with us coming soon to help with the two babies because we're gonna have our hands full. Yeah so postpartum I've from what I've looked up recovery from C-section is longer than a vaginal delivery and so I was feeling like a little bit of room with recovery but we've planned we've planned this for a while but then I remembered that we have had some secrets. Some secrets, we're sharing some secrets on this episode. It's a secret. Should we whisper it?

You're wearing incredibly grateful because my parents are moving in with us. I was parents are moving in with us. They're moving in in June and babies coming in August. And we are so... truthfully excited. Isn't our podcast studio literally going to be their living room? We're going to have to do some remodeling.

I got to take a video for the viewers right now. This is so funny right now. We've got like junk everywhere. This is our whole life. We need to get a storage unit. And camera equipment. But right now we have like all this stuff over on the side. Like I even know who's mattress that is.

I don't know who's mattress that is either. So anyway, we'll clear this up for you. You actually know the story behind that mattress. I don't know the story behind the mattress It arrived in our pod to our house with a mattress pet on it and it was a period blood on it. That is wow Okay, let's mine. Let's donate it. I never had any way. We have all this stuff over here But we're gonna make space for Abby's grandparents because they're I mean Abby's parents who are Griffin's grandparents And our future and our future second baby's grandparents. So yeah, I think we need extra hands.

And we are just so grateful that we are in a position where they are willing to come and actually live with us and make us so happy. Because no, there's no better person to watch our children than our own parents. Yes. When we can't. Like obviously we wanna, we're the primary caregivers

of our kids. And what I love too Abby is when you were a kid You would go for it to your grandparents house on Friday. You're setting Saturday night Saturday night Every single Friday night even through high school, right? Yeah, unless I was like hanging out friends. That's crazy We would spend the night our grandparents house and we had just like the closest relationship And that was your parents date night and so we're gonna have to do that same thing I think it's gonna be so. Honestly, I just like love having lots of people

in our house, and you know what, it's a recent thing. It's a really a Western culture thing. To not, the more, I'm reading that book, I can't gather parents. Yes. And the more I'm reading that, I'm realizing like Western culture,

we've somehow adopted this like very individual mindset where like when it comes to parenting specifically, it's like we make it extra hard on ourselves. I don't like that. Why can't we do more things as a community? Yeah, it does take a village to raise a kid. And there's so many, it's like why? The people that know the least about parenting

are the ones that are expected to take on 100% of it. Well, I think we're just happier. I think if we live life and a community, we're just so much happier. I've spent so many days now that we, like content creation is our job. And so I've spent so many days where I don't leave the house and I just sit and edit. And after a while it gets depressing.

So sad. I'm pretty content being alone. I love having big ideas and seeing my big ideas come to fruition. It's really fun to work on a video that you really are passionate about. You're a visionary. I love it, yeah, I love it.

I love being creative, but like, if I'm isolated for too long, it's depressing. And so I'm so excited to have your parents in our house. Like, people have asked me, are you, how do you feel like you're in-laws living with you? Yeah, most husbands would not be really stoked about their in-laws moving in. But I also do think our house sets us up for success

in that we have a wing of our house. There's two rooms, this room which is our podcast studio, and there's a bedroom right behind the wall that I'm facing right now. A wing makes it sound like. It's not a wing, it's really just a... Massive, but there's a separate area, like living rooms. Yeah, so we have two rooms in our house

that we really have not been using in those two rooms we come Abby's parents like space, which would be nice that we have our own space and we don't get any other's hair. And I'm hoping that that can work out for a long time. Yeah, they live out of state right now. So I have not lived in the same state as my parents since I was 18.

Holy frick, dude, we're almost 25. I turned 25 in a month. I've not lived with my parents since I was in high school. That's almost seven years. That's crazy. It's gonna be, like really, I'm really lived with my parents since I was in high school. That's almost seven years. That's crazy. So it's gonna be, I'm like really, I'm really close with them. So even though we haven't lived in the same state,

like it's not gonna be a crazy transition, I'm assuming, but I mean, living under the same roof again, that's gonna be, that's gonna be interesting. It will be interesting. And it'll be, so they're moving to Arizona where we live and there'll be eventually finding their own house in Arizona. But then Matt keeps saying he's like,

I just want them to stay. It'll be nice, like going to the Suns game last night, I was like, it would be so great if we didn't have to find sitters and we could just be like, hey, we're going to a Suns game. Can you watch our babies? It's just so convenient for us to get to go do things and we trust your parents to watch our kids.

I feel a lot of peace as a parent like with my parents watching my baby. And the thing is it's like, it's not like we're forcing them, like they want. Your mom loves watching this. Yeah, they want more than- It's kind of, I think you get your emotional side from your mother because every time- Oh, my mom's in person. Every time we leave, you're like, after we stay with your parents for a week and we leave, your mom cries every time.

Because she- So do I most of the time? But now I think it's like she has such a strong connection to Griffin, like she just hates seeing Griffin get older and older without her like- I know, every time I'm like, oh, he started doing this. She's like, he's gonna be all grown up at the time we get to Arizona.

I'm like, Mommy will even be one. So yeah, it's gonna be a big transition for them. They lived in the same town, their entire lives, the same small town in Illinois, their entire lives. It's weird. And so I think there's a lot of anticipation. So I think that living with us for a little bit is gonna be a good transition for them

because it's like, they don't have to figure out a new place to live, like all these other things. It's gonna be so fun in our house. Like sometimes, if you do a shout out for your dad, Abby's dad is a dispatcher for a trucking company and he needs a job. So if you are a trucking company owner and you're looking for dispatcher,

Matt is well as your guy. He's like a load planner, fleet manager, any of those types of things. I'm just saying buzzwords, cause I'm like, no one really knows what their dad does. You know what I mean? No one knows what their dad does. I don't know what the freak my parents do.

So it's like, I'm just gonna say the words I've heard him say, fleet manager, dispatcher. And he's done this job. He's done this job his whole life, which is kind of scary. I'm like, I don't think your dad has ever, yeah, I mean, he's just done the same job in the small town his whole life.

This is big, your parents are moving here. I'm excited. He has a lot of other great qualities, too, that make him a good employee. Your dad is the best employee. Very dedicated man. Like, our parents' generation,

like your dad never misses a day of work. No, he has like so many sick days built up. Doesn't even take him. We won't take him. I'm like, just take a day off and go. He's like, I'm not sick, I'm not gonna. Just say you're sick and just enjoy a day, you have a sick day, like. He would never. He like, just take a day off and go. He's like, I'm not sick. I'm not gonna just say you're sick and just enjoy a day. You have a sick day.

Like he would never. He has, he's a man of integrity. Yeah. But, um, so yeah, I'm so excited because imagine you're just like waking up in the morning and we have like family. I don't know, it's gonna be really sweet. And I think that it's really something

that's not that uncommon in the past, but now it's like sound so, it's so weird nowadays. Well, what I told Abby is like, it'll be so nice being at the NBA game last night. I was like, what if we like stayed out and like went to the club or like went dancing or something? Like we can stay up late and like do pretend that we're, I don't know, parents without kids for a night.

And then like we can sleep in the next day because your parents are there to watch our babies, you know, and we fully trust them, we fully know that you're okay. And on the flip side, like, feel. Because I think for you to do fun things right now, it's scary for you to do fun things. You're like, what about my babies? Like who's gonna watch my baby?

Who's gonna take care of my baby? But having family, it's like, hey, we can sleep until noon after some fun Friday night festivities because we know that family's there. Yeah, and on the flip side of that too, it's like having extra hands in the house, it's like, oh, maybe someone could make a run to the grocery store and I can just stay back

with my babies and not have to leave and do little errands. Just more hands in the house will just, I don't know, I think it's gonna be so joyful. Yeah. There probably will be unexpected hiccups though. How are you feeling today? That was a big change of pace, but like how, I wanna, I don't know,

I feel good. I mean, I'm not, I'm not getting a lot of stomach aches. I'm just not feeling good. We got some good sleep last night, so I feel like you're probably. I'm feeling rested. I just had a cup of coffee. I think this week is gonna be a way better week

than last week. It's gotta be, I mean. It has to be. What happened? There's only up from last week, right? Yeah, one of us just moves out I am so excited for our upcoming podcast episodes. We have some we have some things in the works for some really cool guests to come on So I don't know when the weeks are well, we don't know we're still kidding So we got some really really cool guests coming on the on the show. It's gonna be A-blast. And I just, I love interviewing people.

I'm such a curious person. I don't know who freaking gave us. What? What makes us able to have these kinds of guests? I don't freaking know, dude. I'm just kind of going along with it. Like if you would have told me this, I would have, even now I'm shocked,

but especially when it told me this like, three years ago, I've been like, we what? We had a big celebrity reach out. And they, yeah, we had someone reach out, big, big celebrity. And I'm just like, what? Like, are you kidding me? So it's cool.

I can't believe this. I don't say anything, you do it. I'm crap, I'm crap, my pants over here. But it's just, what if you cry? What if you cry? No, I don't want to cry on it. It's okay. No, not with this celebrity on.

Anyway, we love you guys. Make sure that you hit the like button and subscribe. Again, it really helps us out a lot. Because quickly read a review. Oh, yeah. What's a good review that we had this week? Well, we could read a bad one, too. Read the one at the top.

Whether it's good or bad, read the very first review that pops up. Here we go. Amazing. Five stars. I love the podcast. You guys are so nice and kind of podcast is my favorite thing to listen to. Wow. Thank you so much.

Thanks guys so much. Really, really. When we see you in person too and say you say you listen to the podcast, it's like the sweetest thing. It's amazing. So happy. So we really appreciate you. We'll see you in the next episode.

Have a great day. As always, three, two, one. Peace out, dude. Peace out, dude. Peace out. Peace out, dude. Peace out. really appreciate you. We'll see you in the next episode.

Have a great day. As always, three, two, one. Peace out, dudes.