The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Kay & Tay on Getting Cheated On, Divorced & Hiding Our 12-Year-Old from the Internet

Episode Date: January 24, 2024

We are super excited to have Kay & Tay on this week's episode. We discussed their previous marriages and divorces, Tay's experience being cheated on while he was in Afghanistan serving in the military & Kay speaks on why she keeps her 12-year-old daughter out of the spotlight. This episode was sponsored by Huggies, LiquidIV, Hiya & Factor. Visit https://huggies.com and get your baby’s butt into Huggies best fitting diaper! Huggies Little Movers. Go to https://LiquidIV.com and use promo code UNPLANNED to get 20% off your first order. Visit https://HiyaHealth.com/UNPLANNED and receive 50% off your first order. Head to https://factormeals.com/unplanned50 and use code unplanned50 to get 50% off. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Got married at 18, had my first daughter at 19. The marriage was not compatible. We fought a lot and when I say fight, I mean fight. I was in Afghanistan. I was deployed and she was messing around with someone else and then she ended up getting pregnant. I found out deployed and then it made all this drama. Was it somebody that you knew?

It was multiple people. You didn't know who the dad was. I didn't really trust men at that point. I'm like, I don't trust women. I will not have anything to do with women. And so it was just this game, breaking down all those walls that had been built up. He didn't have to take that on and he did even though I had a lot of baggage. This is a sensitive side of me. It's coming out.

What do you think is the biggest misconception about you guys? That I don't love my first daughter and that I'm hiding her. We sat down with TikTok stars Kay and Tay to talk about their life before fame. Recently they celebrated the birth of their first child together, which came as a surprise. But what most people don't know is this wasn't either of their first experiences with pregnancy. Tay's ex-wife cheated on him and got pregnant while he was deployed in Afghanistan. Kay, on the other hand, got pregnant at 19 and has a 12 year old daughter that she has joint custody over.

She doesn't show her 12 year old daughter on any of her TikTok videos, and up to this point, she has stayed silent about it. We talk about all this and so much more in today's interview. What's up dudes? And welcome back to the Unplanned Podcast. Woohoo! Hey! Today we are joined by Kay and Tay.

Thank you guys for being here. We are so stoked to have you on the podcast. We're also excited. We are so stoked y'all invited us. And congratulations on the birth of your baby. Oh my gosh, she's adorable. She's literally here in the room. She's the part of the podcast.

She really wanted to be involved. Yeah, she just wanted to be a part of the podcast today. So she's here. She's loving it. We were talking before the podcast, talking about how life didn't always look this way. Like there were times of like being low income and things being hard And I think I read something online about you guys saying that like you were in debt at one point and yeah I'm curious like talk to us about that because I feel like it's a side of your life that a lot of people don't see online

Yeah, neither of us came from a lot of money. I mean when we got married We didn't really have any money. We had like a little bit of money. I mean, when we got married, we didn't really have any money. We had like a little bit of money. I say that, but then we also went backpacking to Europe with, we weren't very smart. We were young. And so all the money that we did have, we spent it on a trip to Europe and then had no money. But for the record, for the record, we wanted to have a big wedding and we had some money saved up and We didn't want to spend all of the money on a wedding. We started thinking about it We're like, you know, this is one night

We're basically paying all this money to throw this big party for everybody else when we're not even gonna probably get to sit down And eat the food or do anything and we're gonna be stressed the whole time So why don't we spend this money on something? That's just about us and so we went on like this really epic honeymoon backpacking extravaganza. And I say all our money, but it wasn't even, it was less than $10,000, the money that we had, I had saved over the course of like seven years

at that point, like that was the rest of our money. But I felt like me and Kay like, But the memories. That was the start and I wanted to have that big event in the beginning. And so we were okay, like using what we had to make those memories and have that moment, I guess. And like the $9,000 would have,

like I would have survived a few months on that, you know? Cause we moved to Alabama, we didn't have jobs. We didn't, you know what I mean? So I don't know. So yeah. It ended up working out in the end. So, you know, we didn't spend all of our money't, you know what I mean? So, I don't know. So, yeah. It ended up working out in the end. So, you know, we didn't spend all of our money, but we definitely built like some

amazing memories and now we're here. So, you know, it all worked out. But yes, we did not come from money, neither of us. So we've had to work extremely hard in our lives. You know, like he went. Multiple jobs. Yeah. I've, I was working multiple jobs at one point. When school got to, he was an engineering school, which is very hard towards the last

like couple years. It's very time consuming, so there were points where he couldn't work anymore. And so I was the only one making money and at the time it was like my dental assisting job was not bringing in that much money. But it was enough to survive on. And funny enough, that's actually when we started our TikTok was during that period of time when I was the only one working. So- That's probably why we had a fun. And you come from the military, which you were in the military, right, Ted?

Yeah. Okay, you didn't do the military, but was it, I think we were saying off podcast, you guys met in the town that you grew up in because you were stationed there or you were training there or what happened? Yeah, so I was in the town that you grew up in because you were stationed there or you were training there or what happened? Yeah, so I was in the Air Force and I had just got back from an deployment. I had actually been there for over a year before I deployed and I didn't meet Kay until

after the deployment. So I got back and I ended up meeting her through like mutual friends and it turns out she had been there the whole time and like been kind of friends in that Friend group, but I just never met her and like the first time I saw her It was like an immediate connection and I was like I can remember we hung out with some friends and then afterwards I was like talking all my friends and I was like what was the brown-headed girls or the brown-haired girls name She had darker hair at the time. Oh really? It's like a dirty blonde. I have like a darker hair and he was like the girl with the brown hair the brown hair

And that's the only way he knew me even though I told you my name yeah but he just remember my name but I was like immediately and we just one of my friends we got to us and was like or reached out to me on snapchat and she was like hey Tay wants your number and I was like okay so and then it just kind of went from there it was really what... What year was that? That was 2014. 2015. Oh yeah, that's right. Was it 2014 or 2014? No, it was 2014.

14. It was 2014. End of 2014. It was like... It was November of 2014. Do you miss the early days of your relationship at all? Like, do you like the time now that you have together? Or do you like look back and you're like, oh man, it was so fun. We were so spontaneous.

We went backpacking in all throughout Europe. You know, I don't know. So that was like, oh man, it was so fun. We were so spontaneous. We went backpacking all throughout Europe. You know, I don't know. So that was like, that was our, because you know, you say struggle and I say, yeah, well we started our life with a bad financial decision. But that was the thing that I always went back to. Like for the, you know, that moment, that period of time that we backpacked, I looked back at that all the time.

And you know, when I was in school and she was working and I was working and we had these long nights, it was like, I looked back at that all the time. And you know, when I was in school and she was working and I was working and we had these long nights, it was like, I always did look back. And I think you always look back when there's like, even when you're struggling in the moment you hate it, but then you look back and you're like, like you really.

I grew so much from that. Yeah, you grew, you connect with that time. You know what I mean? Like, I guess it's hard to explain. I don't think we would be as appreciative of what we've accomplished now if we didn't struggle so much in the beginning. And like even growing up, like,

I mean, I was, I would consider, I guess, middle class, but like, I didn't have any clothes that I wanted. You know, I couldn't just, I didn't have all the Abercrombie and stuff that everybody had. And just coming from that and now being able to, I guess, live differently, like I'm just more appreciative of it, you know? Because I didn't start from that and now being able to, I guess, live differently, like I'm just more appreciative of it,

you know, because I didn't start from that. Yeah. And I guess I think you guys went from like a million to nine million followers on TikTok in a matter of a year. Holy cow, like what happened? What, also what's the secret? I'm still asking myself. Did you guys hack the algorithm?

Like what did you do? I don't know, it was just Kay's face, man. She's so funny. It's just Kay in general, she's the secret? I'm still asking myself. Did you guys hack the algorithm? Like, what did you do? I don't know. It was just Kay's face, man. She's so funny. It's just Kay in general. She's so funny. I'm funny. Yes.

Everything Kay does, I can't help but laugh. Like everything. She's so funny. I don't know. I think that, I mean, it was a content switch. I think we, when we started, we weren't really sure what we wanted to do with content, so we were just kind of jumping around and doing trends and stuff and then finally we were just like let's just show our life and I just started filming Kay and

because you know I fell in love with Kay for the same reasons that everyone else did you know because she's so funny and she's so interesting and all the like oh god. How thankful she is like everyone's always like oh Tay does so much for Kay but it's, of course I do, because I can like come in with a bag of chips and Kay is like, you did it. Like that bag of chips, you're so nice. Like, it's just her reactions.

I think that's what did it. There's something about your content that just like affected me too. And I was in my head, I was like, is this real? Because like you guys are so sweet to each other and so like Precious thankful like thoughtful. I'm like man. I could really take a page Cuz they're so sweet. No part of me is like is this real do you guys get asked that all the time? Like is this real and then I guess like how do you keep that in your marriage?

Cuz you haven't you've been married a decent amount of time and you guys like you said have been through some hard times Like how do you keep that in your marriage? Cause you haven't, you've been married a decent amount of time and you guys like you said, have been through some hard times. Like how do you keep that in your marriage? Like that freshness. For one, yes, it is real. We have, we fight. I mean, every couple of fights. And I, for one, feel like if you're not fighting, if you're not having disagreements, which is more.

I hate the word fight. Yeah, it's not. People use the word fight, because people use the word fight as like aggression. Like a physical right. And so I don't even like calling it fights, but do we have disagreements? 100% we do. And if you didn't have disagreements,

that's a red flag in my opinion. You, it's healthy to have healthy disagreements and conversations about things that you don't see the same, you know, page on. But he has always been so like gift giving, nurturing. If I'm not feeling well, he wants to help any way he can. That's just his personality type. I think the time benefits us. I think I for one feel so extra thankful. I've always been a sensitive person and I have been told my whole life like You got to toughen up or like you're too sensitive I've been told that forever as long as I can remember

But I tend to cry a lot and I'm more emotional than some yeah but I did come you know, I didn't have a previous relationship that I could feel myself in. And I feel like with him, like he brings out the best of me. He brings out all the, you know, the sensitive side that I can bring out. If that makes sense. I just love when she, I like, sorry, I like that she shows emotions. I like that, like, I want her to show the emotion she feels because there's something unnatural about feeling like you have to hide something that you're feeling. And I feel like that's so normal nowadays.

It's like, oh, toughen up. But no, like, if you feel like you wanna cry, like, do it. That's something your body wants to do for a reason. Like, you should, you know? I don't know. So maybe that, I've kinda supported, I guess. I let it out too, girl, don't worry. I feel like our personality types just really click.

And I don't think a lot of people find that in their soulmates. I think people think that they found their soulmates a lot of times and they don't, and maybe that's why divorce rates are so high. But I truly feel like Taylor and I click so well together because like everything about me works so well with everything about him.

It's really weird. We still have arguments, we still fight, but we just work so well together and we know how to talk things out and not have super loud yelling matches. Like, you know. And it didn't, I mean like you said like how long we've been together.

I feel like that's actually made it better because you learn what gets to a person and what doesn't and then you can say I'm not gonna do you know say things a certain way because that might trigger them to be angry or that might make them upset and so over time you learn all these little details and then you know what to avoid and you know what to lean into and that's what kind of you know strengthens your relationship. I'm curious because like I know I think initially with with the story of your pregnancy and everything, excuse me, I assumed that this was your first pregnancy, but I know that you have a daughter as well, like if you have two daughters.

And so I guess my question is like, were you previously married before Teh? I was. So this isn't something we've really been able to go into depth on on our channel, because we just post short, you know, there's not a lot of time to really go into depth. But yes, I got married at 18. I got pregnant and had my first daughter at 19.

The marriage was not good. It was not compatible. We fought a lot. And when I say fight I mean fight, it wasn't like Taylor and I's arguments. That's why I don't like the word fight. Yeah because I've lived that and I know how much harder it can be to be in that kind of relationship but I did end up getting divorced and now we have joint custody so yeah that's kind of a little short.

He's been in her life since she was three and she doesn't know life without Taylor. She's very close to Taylor. I mean, he's like the play parent. He's sat in the floor and played Barbies with her and he's just so hands on with her and they're very close. In fact, I would say like she's one of her best friends. I mean, she even, or you wrote her a card one year for her birthday and it was like, I

think this was actually 2022 because it was at my Gigi's house when she had cancer. So yeah, it was that birthday, but he wrote her a card and it was like, thank you for being my best friend. And it was like made me cry. That's precious. But they are very close and I'm so thankful because he didn't have to take that on. Thank you for being my best friend and it was like made me cry. That's precious. But they are very close and I'm so thankful because he didn't have to take that on and he did even though I had a lot of baggage. This is a sensitive side of me.

It's coming out. I shouldn't. If it doesn't fall, it's not real. Yeah, there you go. Oh no. If it doesn't fall, it's not real. Yeah, there you go. Oh no. It doesn't fall down. This episode of the Unplanned Podcast is brought to you by Huggy's Little Movers.

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Did you know that the brown-haired girl had this beautiful daughter, or did it take a couple dates or something to learn that information? It wasn't day one. Like, I didn't learn that day we met, but it wasn't long after. I mean, like, within the first few conversations, Kay's very like, that's like her favorite topic is talking about Kins. And now Ellie, like, you know, like she's been nonstop this whole time, oh, sorry, about Ellie.

So, I mean, like, I knew very quickly. And it wasn't, it wasn't like something I was, it didn't make me want to run away. He didn't get to meet her for like six months. Yeah, you were really careful. Or so, I was very careful because I didn't want to just introduce anybody to her. So it was a good six months before he met her.

So at this point you were 22 and you were divorced and you had a daughter. What were you, like, I can't even imagine being at that place in your life, was it something you were like, this is a fresh start or were you just like? I was really scared to be honest because I didn't really trust men at that point. I didn't have any faith in finding somebody that would

accept her and me and be worth a darn because of what I had experienced. So like we were both on the same page. And him as well. I mean we both kind of, when we first started talking, we both were like, I don't know if I really want to pursue anything with this because we had both been hurt so badly And we just were kind of open with each other in the beginning with that Obviously it forced into something and we it was just irresistible. It was always like we were fighting ourselves We didn't want to have a relationship because we had been hurt and like we weren't into relationships But we were like but we want to spend all our time together. So we were literally hanging out every single day

But we didn't Want to like commit I guess because we were just so scared of getting hurt again How long did that take to go from we're just friends? This is not we don't like we just we're just friends This is not gonna go anywhere. How long did it take for that to turn into more than a friendship? I would say like three or four months of like kind of fighting it. And was it like an everyday, like were you hanging out every day? Oh yeah, we were hanging out like. I know that you guys like when Abby and I first met,

like we literally talked every day. Oh yeah. And then we were long distance, so like we facetimed an hour minimum every day. Yes, yep. So I'm sure you guys were hanging out a lot. We were, and we would just, and even once we like got together,

I'm not saying like we broke up and got together broke up, but we would like, we would talk to each other and be like, what is this? What is this gonna be? It was almost like we were still fighting it, even after we said, okay, we're gonna be together. It took months. I would say at that four month mark,

it got to the point where we were like, okay, we're gonna take this seriously. We're gonna try it. Yeah. And then ever since then, it's just. But yeah, every day. Only been each other. We're just friends. We just, seriously. And then ever since then it's just only been each other. We're just friends. Even now.

I'm curious from your perspective, Tay, finding out if I end up marrying this girl, I'm gonna be a dad right away, how did that make you feel? I don't know about you, but I guess were you 21 at the time when you first met? For me, when we found out we were pregnant and I was 23, I was like, am I too young to be a dad?

I just felt so young and I felt like I didn't have it figured out yet. And so, what was the one thing you were in mind? I guess. There was definitely a lot of fears because that's a whole nother person's life that you're now responsible for suddenly. But then also, it's like,

I don't know if I called myself an outsider at the time. Oh, I was, I was an outsider coming in, taking on a responsibility and like, I guess I didn't really because at first I didn't do any parenting. I kind of, because I didn't feel like it was right for me to come in from the outside and say, hey, Kinsley shouldn't eat that

or Kinsley shouldn't do that. Because you know what I mean? And so I guess it just kind of happened naturally. It was like very scared. Like, I don't know, you know, what I'm going to do, you know, if I became a step dad, but then it kind of turned into, okay, well, I'll be, you know, a step parent, but I'll be really hands off. And then eventually it just kind of naturally flowed into, okay, I'm just her step parent. I might as well be her another dad to her, you know, at this point, it's been

nearly 10 years. It's almost 10 years. So it's like, I'm just, Kinsley. I might as well be her another dad to her, you know At this point it's been nearly 10 years. Yeah, it's almost 10 years. So it's like I'm just Kinsley's just my daughter too, you know Yeah, for sure. And you said you also came from like Rough relationships and stuff. Were you previously divorced also? Yeah, so I also got married really young high school sweetheart and then I Think what happened was we weren't right for each other but we got together anyway and a whole finasco ended up happening where I was deployed and she was messing around with someone else and then she ended up getting pregnant and then like I found out deployed and then it made all

this drama and so I can't like you could see where I would be standoffish I'm confused we should get pregnant while she was married to you. Yeah. Yeah. While I was deployed. I'm so sorry. Yeah. Well, I mean, I mean, it works out. It works out. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, it works out. It really works hard. Like I think back to like, I was in Afghanistan and like I, I can remember those moments of them like pulling me in and being like, we know what happened. And like me, like I wasn't allowed to like sit and like we did like patrols and we would do things where we were in like towers at some points.

Like this was like a little fob that I was on like a forward operating base. So it wasn't like a big base. This was like the small thing. There was like 26 of us. And I wasn't allowed to be alone anymore. And it was just this weird, I was in this weird days for so long.

Cause they were worried about you. They wouldn't let you alone. Well, cause you know, that's it, that's like the typical story, right? You get deployed, you're in a combat zone, and then something horrible happens back home, and then, you know, you know, how does military people when distress gets high, and you know, those rates are high, and so.

And so they're like very careful. People actually take their own life, like when something like that. Of course, yeah. And especially deployed, because you're already in the middle of nowhere wearing camouflage all day long. You don't have real clothes.

You wear your military uniform all day and night and you're living in a, I was living in a connex box with a little bathroom built into it. What is that? What is it called? A connex box like a shipping container. Really? I'm living in a shipping container that they put a door on the side of. Were you like on the front lines?

Like I don't know exactly what. Well, I was just in Afghanistan. Okay. They spaced the bases out, and there's FOBS, and there's bases, and I was just in one of the FOBS. FOBS being a base near a main base. Okay. Where activity goes in and out. The mission was weird.

We just like protected people. It's kind of irrelevant, but, and so it was weird. Like, you know. How did they, if you don't mind me asking, how did they tell you? Like, or how did you find out about her? I found out from her initially, she like texts me and she was like, I guess it had already gotten out. How long had you been married at this point?

About a year. Okay. Yeah. About a year. And you're just like 20 years old. She texted you that she was pregnant? She was like, you're gonna hear about it, essentially. And like that she basically went into detail about what happened and she's like, you're probably gonna hear about it essentially and like that she basically went into detail about what happened

And she's like you're probably gonna hear about it because it had already spread back in the States But everyone was like don't tell Dudley like we got to figure out how to tell him because it's like this big thing when you're deployed like Mental health is a huge thing in the military. I knew people that took their own life You know it was it's a normal thing So more people are like actually taking their own lives in the military than in combat or like then like passing in combat It did that point probably why and it probably even more now because they pulled out you know of a lot of places But yeah, and so it was just a really hazy time So I can remember the first few like

Months that we were dating that was back when like man crush Monday was a thing I don't know if you remember that. Oh yeah. Where you would post like your man. And so I had posted him. It was when we could finally, because there for a while he was still trying to get the divorce.

Get her to sign the paperwork and like get all that stuff done. Because she wasn't signing it. So when you found out you knew the marriage was over. Yeah. And so you're going through with that and that she wouldn't sign I guess. She wouldn't sign but he was single. They weren't living together. She had moved back home and like that's when we met. And so we were you know not

trying to cause any waves or drama but once it was like official I posted a main crush Monday and like I just remember her sister commenting on my Instagram post and tagging her in it and she was like isn't this your man and mind you she was like nine months pregnant at the time with somebody else's child and I did not say anything I felt like I didn't want to like lower myself to their standards. But clearly she was not his man anymore and she lost that privilege when she did what she did. So I just didn't say anything and I just deleted the comment.

But I'll never forget that because I just feel like the beginning of our relationship from both sides, we had so much going against us. You know? I hate that you both went through that, but honestly learning that gives me so much more context to these short videos that people see on the internet where it's like, you guys both know what it's like

to come from unhealthy, broken relationships. And then to feel like that security and relationship, that love and that trust and wanting to show each other affection, that has to be bliss. It is. It's funny because I see a lot of people saying, oh, they just post fetish content. I see that.

That's another thing. And it's fetish. They think our content's fetish, and it's really confusing. I don't know if they mean fetish for women to have a perfect relationship. Oh. They think I do. I don't know which one, because they don't know if they mean fetish for women like to have a perfect relationship I don't know which one because they don't make that clear Yeah, you honestly like you do the most I'm like man like watching some of your videos my man

I definitely could it's just my love language though Or it's that they think that I'm acting like a kid on purpose for some reason. Yeah, it could be it too They don't they're not very clear. Yeah, and and just have to say that, like you were saying, because we came from such broken relationships prior, I have opened myself up more with him. So I am able to have like, what would you call that? I don't know, when you are able to just act really happy and giddy and bubbly and-

What's like when you baby talk with your partner in private or you like heighten your voice, like when I'm talking to Ellie, my voice naturally goes up like three octaves. I don't think, I'm not like, I'm gonna heighten my voice three octaves. It just happens. Don't think about it.

It's just natural. And so Kay just naturally lets loose and shows her real emotions and then people get upset, yeah, about- They're like, this is clearly fetish content. And I'm like, are you joking? Yeah, are you turned on by this? To be able to think?

Right! To... She's like eating a carrot cake. Ew! I'm like, if your brain is immediately going to that place, I'm going to know that. I'm going to know you. Oh my god.

You know? I think that's where a lot of the more negative comments probably come from is just like people speaking out of their own like bad situations, your own negative thoughts. Yeah, projecting. They're like projecting their own like bad situations, your own negative thoughts. Yeah, projecting, they're like projecting their own thoughts. And so I just kind of laugh about it, but it's just so funny that people go there.

It is, that's weird. But yeah, that's, so, you know, we say we both were like standoffish, that's why. We both had a really bad situation. And then we were like, oh, we want to be together, but we don't trust relationships. It was pretty soon at that point. Yeah, how long did you wait?

Because I feel like going through all of that, were you scared? It was a few months. Or were you like, oh, this is the person I want to, I just wanna escape from my past and cling to this new person because they feel safe and it feels like home and they understand me and our personalities make sense together.

Like how did you go about recovery from leaving a damaged past? So both, right? So like I, cause you think like the rebound, like I don't like to call K a rebound, but you think that you like, you naturally want comfort from somewhere else and you lose it and you want to replace it.

But I'm also a very like, I put thought into everything I do. And so I'm like, I really like K. I really want to like get to know her more. I really want to be in a relationship with her, but I don't want to have anything to do with women ever again and I don't trust women and I will not have anything to do with women.

And so it was just this game of like inching closer and closer, you know, to finally breaking down all those walls that had been built up, I guess. I think I was a little bit more open to starting a relationship because for me our divorce was finalized in April and we met in November So it had been a little while for me to that was after the finalized that wasn't even like the separating and you know And even though I was hesitant at first at that like three month mark

I was like I really really wanna like pursue this. I wanna see where this goes because I really care for you and like we just mesh so well as friends. And I think that's really why we have such a good relationship is cause like he truly is my best friend. I know people say that, but like, I don't even really have friends. I really don't. And like I'm not just saying that.

I don't have girlfriends because we are just like always working. We're always together and he is my best friend. If I need help with like what clothes to wear, I go to him like. I say whatever you think. Yeah, he's so much help. This portion of today's episode is sponsored by Liquid IV.

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Because it's definitely the... The peach is amazing. I don't even like black peaches that much. No, the peach is great. The peach is great. I've been on a lemon lime kick personally. Grape though. You know, I heard there's some kind of cherry one I want to try too.

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and maybe they're seeing warning signs that their partner might be cheating on them? I don't know, was there anything that you saw that was a warning sign that you should have looking back gotten out of that relationship immediately? No, not really. See, my situation's weird because I wasn't physically there.

And so, I mean, that happens a lot in the military, right? I mean, cheating in the military is super common thing on both sides. The military, member and the spouse, they're separated a lot in there. They're in these new environments and they're meeting all these new people. And, you know, so it's hard to say in that situation.

I think if they're trying, you know, if the person that you're in a relationship is, they're physically, like you can tell they're trying, then you're, I don't know, I'd say you're probably good. It was a really weird situation for him, I feel like, because he was like living like everything was good. You know, it was kind of random. I feel like what you've explained.

Yeah, it was a little bit of a blind side. I mean, it was just out of nowhere. Yeah, it was a blind side for sure blindside. I mean it was just out of nowhere Yeah, it was it was it was a blindside for sure. Was it somebody that you knew? Yeah, they worked with me Yeah, like over in Afghanistan more than well. No, because they were in afghan. Well, they were back home. Okay. Okay. It was multiple people but They didn't know she didn't know who she didn't know who the dad was multiple people, but either way it's I Don't know. I don't really have any advice for how you would detect that. I wouldn't have advice for the cheating. Looking back, I don't know how I would have.

I do have advice for red flags in general with like my situation, if y'all want to hear. It's not as juicy as cheating probably, but I feel like for me with the red flags that I should have seen were control. And so I wasn't allowed to have friends at all, like even though I wanted them and I wanted to go, we lived in my hometown and so I went to high school there, knew all these people and I kind of like slowly was cut off from everybody.

He didn't want me to go to college in my hometown as a community college because I might see boys that I went to school with. I didn't have access to our money up until he deployed because I had to have access to money bids at that point, because he wasn't there. You know, it's just a lot of control. And I don't know, obviously I think it stemmed

from insecurities and him feeling like he would lose me I guess that's I tried to understand his thought process on why he was like that but Definitely you can't control your partner You can't you can't put restraints on their money like not even having access to the cards You can go grocery shopping or having friends are going out to eat and if I did go out to eat I would have to text them the whole time to make sure he knew I was not doing something. It's like an insecurity kind of thing.

Whoa, really? If I was gonna hang out with somebody, I had to send pictures. I mean, it was like... That was an actual requirement. Like if you hang out with a friend, you need to send a picture. Yes, pictures.

And if I didn't, he'd find me and be outside and he'd tell me to come outside because he found me at their house and wanted me to come outside and talk to him. 900 phone calls in a row if I didn't answer. So I think those are red flags for sure. I feel like there's someone listening right now who's in that same situation literally right now

and they see all the red flags but they're too scared to leave and to seek help. What would you say to that person? I would say that as hard as it may feel like it is in that moment, 10 years from now, you will be so glad that you did, that you left. Because it, what is it, takes seven, seven times for somebody to leave an abusive relationship before it sticks. That's like the statistic, I think.

Like leaving and coming back? Leaving and coming back. Because I for one left and came back, left and came back so many times including when I was pregnant I left multiple times and came back. So I think if you get finally are able to leave you just have to know in 10 years and 5 years even 3 years you're going to be so happy that you did because it does get better so much better and who knows like maybe your person is waiting and they're also going through something

and they need to find you as well. So I have peace knowing that, I feel like I made the right decision. I think something that surprises me knowing more about your guys' past is that you were so willing to enter into another marriage. Like I could see where people would be like, okay, well we'll just stay together,

but marriage, like marriage altogether, it doesn't work. But the fact that you guys, like you dated for a few years before you got married, what? Two years? Two years. So I feel like that's a, I mean, that's a pretty standard amount of time, even short in some people's minds.

Like what, I guess how did your view of marriage stay like something that you wanted to pursue? I think we just, you know, we dated for two years but we lived together for a year of that. Which I know is kind of like something some people don't agree with. Some people say you shouldn't do it, but I think you should live together

before you get married for sure. Especially coming from our past, like I had to be sure that I wasn't getting myself into something else. And so we weren't married yet but we had already learned each other you know we had been together day and night for a year and so it at that point yes it's like a contract to like be married but if you didn't sign the contract like by law don't you like aren't you married anyway after like so many years of living together? Yeah. So common law. It's like common. Yeah. So I

mean, like the moment, the biggest moment would have been the moment we decided to live together, right? Yeah. That would have been the biggest, like, but commitment because we move all our things together and got a place together. Yeah. So whose idea was that? It kind of just happened. Kay had moved. I was kind of gonna be homeless for a minute. Oh no. And he was like, you know, like we want to move in together at some point. Anyways, let's just do it.

And that's kind of how it happened. It was not really planned. It wasn't how we were going to do it, but it was something that we felt like made the most sense at that time. And you were pretty young too. Like, what, I guess you were 20, 22two twenty-three when when that change probably happened so I'm curious too as far as like you know things with kids or like thinking about having kids what was the conversation like there? Yeah I think at first it was

definitely like we want to have our own relationship and like not have any more kids and and and not try for kids. At a point we did start trying once we got in Alabama, I had found out in the military I couldn't have kids. Well then it was gonna be hard. That it was gonna be hard to have kids. It would be incredibly hard for him that place. By a doctor in the military they were basically like,

we don't know, it'll be really hard or it won't happen. And so Kay knew I I guess, going into it that that might not be a possibility. But I had my girl, I had a baby, and so as much as I wanted to share that with him, I think that never made me not wanna be with him, if that makes sense, because, I mean, it wasn't his fault, and I loved him.

But obviously, I think I always wanted more children, but we didn't seriously start trying until like a few years in. Because we'd really try to focus on our relationship at first. I feel like it's super important. You know, something I didn't do with my last relationship is focus on a relationship. And I think if I had done that, which I'm glad I didn't because I have my daughter. But if I had done that, I I'm glad I didn't because I have my daughter, but if I had done that, I think I probably wouldn't have had a baby because I would have seen the red flags a lot sooner

or I would have had a friend or a parent or somebody tell me before I got pregnant. But all that being said, I am so glad I have my daughter and she's a blessing and all that was meant to happen because of her. But with Taylor, I did wanna focus more on like just focusing on us and having a healthy relationship before we brought another wife into it.

And once I felt comfortable and I knew like our relationship was strong, it was really at that point it was like, okay, let's be financially stable now. And once we were financially stable, it was like, okay, I really wanna start trying.. And once we were financially stable, it was like, okay, I really want to start trying. Well, financially stable enough, I guess.

Enough, not great, but. We were like, let's give you the point where we can't afford to live ourselves. Cuz we were still paycheck to paycheck when we started trying, but we were like, but we are managing it and we are, you know what I mean? Yeah, and honestly, I didn't think it would happen. Because I had such low hope for it. When I say we were trying, but it was like, I didn't think I could have kids. So it was like, let's try, but not know high expectations.

Finding out you were pregnant, was that like a total shock? So shocking. What made you even test? So we had been at my daughter's dance competition the week before. And we went and ate at the hotel we were staying at. And then the night I woke up in the middle of the night, so sick.

I never threw up, but I was so sick. And I was like, that's so weird. Like, I wonder if it was the hotel we were staying at. And then the night I woke up in the middle of the night, so sick, I never threw up, but I was so sick. And I was like, that's so weird. Like I wonder if it was the food we ate. That's like where my mind went. Well then like a week later, I'm sitting at home, is right before we moved into this apartment. So we were sitting on a mattress, a blow-up mattress in the living room floor.

And I started feeling nauseous again. And I was like, I'm just gonna, I have like, I was a chronic pregnancy test taker. So I had like, I had pregnancy tests at home already. So I just went in there and I took a test and it was positive and I was like, are you joking? And I didn't tell him, cause I wanted to like surprise him. So I waited obviously till like-

So we got here. Yeah, till we got to this apartment and I didn't tell him. So I like held on to that secret and that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Because not only was I nauseous and had to play it off, He's like I just keep eating these bad things. I don't know But um then the bloating. Oh, yeah, the bloating I bloat really bad I look pregnant if I eat a burrito like it's really bad

Which actually helps you because I wasn't even the slightest bit. Yeah, he did He's just so used to getting bloating up and she's like, like oh I'm bloated. I had dinner. I'm bloated She's tiny so she like she bloats really like people would say in our stuff all the time way prior to me being pregnant They're like oh she must be pregnant. I'm like no that's just Texas Roadhouse rolls I'm gonna go to ride at some point, you know. Oh, yeah, and then like but towards the end when we were about to announce it People were like catching on there like she's definitely pregnant She's pregnant, and then we announced it and they're like I knew it from the last video I knew it and I'm like yeah, because I'm like five weeks and everybody already knows

But how long did you keep it a secret from him? It was like it was only like four or five days We were literally about wait. That's a long time. It was hard. It was so hard first I know literally about to move my so Kinsley knew because she was there the day I took the test and she wanted to help plan this epic thing. So, it was really cool because I actually got to have this special moment with her. Yeah, I was gonna say, what was her reaction?

She cried. I'm gonna cry thinking about it. But she cried and of course, I was like, okay, well we have to think of a way to tell Taylor because he's gonna be completely shocked. And so she got to have this whole say so in how we planned it. We went and bought this onesie at Target and some little pacifiers. And it was just really cool. She helped me set up the camera and everything.

And yeah, it was really special. I'm glad I got to experience that with her because I was so scared bringing another child After 12 years of her being the only my only kid I was really worried that she was gonna like resent me or be hurt or jealous and Surprisingly like it's like she was waiting this whole time for it She was so happy and I was so relieving that she didn't hate me for having another baby. I don't know if that's something you can relate to but I feel like having a second child,

you feel like your heart is not big enough to love both and till they're there and then you're like, oh my gosh, I totally get it now. I love them equally with all my heart. Your heart just literally grows. It's so true what they say. But yeah, I was definitely worried that she would be resentful towards me. Equally with all my heart your heart just literally grows. It's like so true what they say, but yeah I was definitely worried that she would be like resentful towards me and with an age gap like that

I can't even like I must have had to feel like you were starting Like starting over one like did you even were there? There were so many things. I didn't remember there's so many For one the pregnancy was so different like from the things I do remember about my first, like the pregnancy itself was totally different. The breastfeeding journey has been totally different. But just like from the very beginning, like there were so many things I didn't even remember. The baby gadgets and all the baby stuff nowadays is so different from 2011.

I mean, they didn't have baby wraps back then. They didn't have really high tech video cameras. What are those called? I can't think of the word. Monitors. Baby monitors, oh my gosh I couldn't think of that. But baby monitors, they didn't even have the cool video ones back then.

They had the little walkie talkies. So it's just a totally different time. I mean it doesn't seem like that long ago, but really 2011 That's a long time ago She's making all sorts of noises over there. I don't know if we can hear it on the on the mics, but it's so funny Just like her just like our boy. Oh my gosh What's funny is like sometimes I'll be holding up my youngest Augie and he'll like fart really loud and Abby's like Matthew James and I'll be like I swear that was not me. I'm like I swear that was a new one.

But no, sometimes it is him 50% of the time. Yeah, no, but it's like And he always goes, Augie, you're such a dad. That's disgusting. That's so funny. He gets his farts from his dad. He gets hers from him for sure. Oh my gosh. Do you guys fart in front of each other?

Kate doesn't fart. I knew you were one of those girls. I knew you were a non-fart. No listen, listen. Linda listen, listen. So really though, I don't like it's not my fault. She actually doesn't. I would, I would if I could and I want to.

I want to guys. What is wrong? She's a Disney princess. She can't fart. She literally doesn't though He has to do the bicycle with me to try to make it happen. Oh my god. I don't fart either. It's it's crazy Wait, if you're going number two You guys like the couple that like you have to have the door closed like it's not allowed to be in the bathroom at the same time And we don't have to I just prefer not to oh Okay, that's nice Matt literally thinks it's a perfect time to start

I was gonna walk in and just like have a conversation with Abby I tell him all the time I'm like if I'm getting ready and he's like I have to go and I'm like just go I mean I will you're right here and I'm like okay and like he will sometimes but most of the time He likes to have like his time, you know in the bathroom and he doesn't want me in there. I just, I don't know. It's not... I think he feels uncomfortable to push it out. Yeah, I don't know. You know, there's muscles that I just want to tighten alone and you know, I just let it all out and then...

Matt, you're a little too comfortable with me, I think. This portion of today's episode is sponsored by Haya. There's so many confusing things about being a Param, be honest with you. So many things happen in another early life and you're making so many decisions related to your child's health. It's a big responsibility so you want to make sure that you're making good decisions and one of those things that was kind of confusing to navigate was vitamins for our children. Haya is a pediatrician approved superpowers chewable vitamin. Most children's vitamins

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to grow into healthy adults. Back to the episode. I think you're pretty comfortable with me too, Abby. Come on. I already told them I don't fart, I never have it. Oh my gosh, Abby farts all the episode. I think you're pretty comfortable with me too, Abby. Come on. I already told them I don't fart, I'd never have it. Oh my gosh, Abby farts all the time. So like, yeah, we've talked about this on the podcast before. It's bad, I'm pregnant.

It's really bad and I'm pregnant. But sometimes I'll like, I'll like, move the sheets in bed and I'm like, whoa! Like it's just like a freaking, something like just comes upon me. Okay, moving right along there. It's okay because where I don't fart, I make up in other areas like, when I go to the bathroom, I'm like, a lawn bear. It's okay because where I don't fart, I make up in other areas like when I go to the bathroom,

I'm like, he always makes fun of me. I'm just gonna tell this really quick and this is probably like TMI and nobody wants to hear this, but I have to take medication to go to the bathroom. She has the IBS. I have IBS and it's like the comp, it's like the, what's the word I'm thinking of?

The kind where she doesn't go. The kind where I don't go. She won't go for days and days and days. And then all of a sudden I go and then it's like I'm sick because I haven't gone in a week and a half. So that's another reason I don't fart. But, but I do take medication to help me go every single day.

And so I have my morning time and that's like, I go every single morning and he knows like, he's going to take care of her for a minute because I'm going to go to the bathroom. First thing I, when I stand up, gravity hits me, I gotta go. And so, then I just have my time. And so, he always makes fun of me because I have a schedule.

That's kinda nice though. That's actually really nice. I don't go to the day usually. I don't go to the day usually. Because you obviously would choose to not have that. Oh yeah, for sure. But to be able to plan that because sometimes it hits at bad times, like I was talking with my sister

on the other day, when you're nursing, and that happens. Oh, it's torturous. Yeah, it is. Yeah. No, I get it because before I took medication, it would hit me at the worst time. And I'm like, are you kidding?

Like I have a really funny story. When we were dating, I was at his apartment and we had this gas station across the road from his apartment and I had to go. Like it just hit me and I hadn't gone like a week and I was like do you want like a Gatorade I'm gonna go grab a Gatorade he's like well I have such he had like propel or something and I was like no I really want a Gatorade and so I like went across the street to get a Gatorade and I like text my mom like mom I don't know what

to do I'm never gonna be able to poop in front of him and I didn't know what to do and so I just every time I go to to the bathroom I'd go over to the easy go cross she likes Gatorade's a lot You would literally I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like,

I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like,

I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like,

I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, I'm just like, He knew he knew yeah, it was so funny and then eventually obviously we got there was thin walls It was a very like low cost apartments. It was not a good apartment Not a good apartment. It's paper thin. No, you know and there and I wouldn't hear a thing and it's great Like yeah, it's so many walls in between us. I Love that. I know that about you guys. Yes Like now that we've had that about you guys. Yes. Now everybody's gonna know that about us. I feel so close.

Like now that we've had that discussion, I feel like we are so close and I've known you guys for, it's crazy how quickly that can happen. You just talk to me for an hour and you talk about like flatulence, you know? And it's like, wow, we've known each other for like years. It's like we go way back.

Yeah. I'm curious. It always gets to that conversation. I wanted to bring up something that you said earlier. You mentioned how you thought it was like the right decision to move in together before you guys got married. And I'm just like so interested in like what that was like for you guys.

I think in our case like, you know, us both having those events happen, like for you guys, you were like high school sweethearts and like, so it was very natural to wait, right? Because you already didn't live together through all of high school and stuff, right? And so it almost, it almost made more sense to wait until that moment for us We had that had these like, you know horrible things happen and so I felt like Both of us wanted to move in together first and kind of had that buffer where it's like, okay Well, if we hate each other in the morning like let's figure it out before we get married again and do all this again You know and I I think we both agreed on that.

We wanted that time to learn all those little details. But if we hadn't had those relationships prior, I don't know that we would have done that. We probably would have waited. And also I know like culture around America is so different from state to state and where you grew up because like with us, none of our friends were like dating anybody. So like us getting married was like very different. Did you guys have friends that were living together or friends that were married or like what like what did your situation look like in the culture that you guys grew up in? The military will pay you more if you're married.

Yes. And so yeah, everyone was getting married, but I don't think it was like, oh, well, you know, I want to live together first or I want to get married first. I think it was like, well, I was with this person before I joined. so I might as well get married and get that extra Few hundred bucks a month. Why is that? Why does the military incentivize marriage? I don't remember now if they pay you more for kids or not or if it's just being married but I have a pay you more for your BAH, which is what they give you for rent like to your living allowance food to right they give you like a food allowance

It's more to give you a food allowance I think it is because you have a wife that you're supporting or kids that you're supporting So they give you more like it's the right thing to do to give you more But then everyone in the military gets married for the wrong reason You know what I mean? That's a single guy living in the dorms doesn't need the same amount of money as a married person living in a house with two kids 100% by the way, I don't if I said this already, but thank you for your service Thank you by the way like that's that's so admirable and so so awesome that you did that. So thank you

Yeah, it was it was a interesting experience and I mean, but it got me that that's how I went to college So the four years in the military was yeah, that's how I paid for college. So did you guys go both go to college? Okay went to a different college than me. I did School for dental assisting. Okay. I did go to college prior to me. I did school for dental assisting. I did go to college prior to that. I was going to be a nurse. I wanted to go to nursing school, so I did all of my prerequisites for nursing,

and then ultimately decided not to do nursing. And it wasn't until a few years later that I was like, I want to pursue dental, because I'd always found dental stuff interesting, and I like teeth. I'm really glad I did, because honestly, I'd always found dental stuff interesting and I like teeth. I'm really glad I did because honestly, I was very passionate about it. She's really good at it. I would still be doing it if it wasn't for some autoimmune conditions that I have and

now wanting to be able to stay home with her. Yeah. But yeah, I loved it a lot. I think you guys have opened up about your autoimmune conditions on TikToks. I've seen that in opened up about your autoimmune conditions on TikToks. I've seen that in the captions of your videos. Enlighten me on what that exactly means because I'll be honest, I have no idea

what an autoimmune condition is. So how do you explain that, I guess? So basically my immune system is attacking my body and it's overactive. It doesn't realize, so basically like when you have the flu, your immune system attacks the flu virus and gets rid of it. It's like your little army.

My immune system thinks everything is the flu. So it'll attack my organs, it'll attack my skin, well your skin's an organ I guess, but it attacks like everything and it isn't always active. So sometimes I'll be like in remission. So when I was pregnant with her, I was in full remission. I felt great after the hormones and everything kind of dipped

back down at about six weeks. When she was about six weeks old, that's when it all hit me again. And it was like, it's been a lot worse than it was even before I was pregnant. But yeah, I just occasionally I'll have flares and sometimes I feel great, but then I'll wake up one morning

and I feel like I have the flu. Because that's really the only way I can describe it is I feel like when you have really bad body aches with a fever, like when you have the flu or something, that's what it feels like. I wake up and I ache all over my body, I just hurt. And sometimes I'll even have like a low grade fever, like that's normal.

Like yesterday you had a fever. I had a fever yesterday and we almost contacted you guys because I did a COVID test because I was like, Really? Am I having a flare or do I have COVID because I felt that bad? Because the autoimmune had. It literally feels so similar.

Obviously it was negative and I feel fine today but it just hits me sometimes where I just, I'm down and I cannot function. And she's getting payback now from not having any symptoms during the pregnancy because right postpartum, it actually, when your hormones dip and everything, it gets really bad. Yeah, my rheumatologist actually told me she's like, expect worse flares now than you've ever had.

You're like, add that to the rest of postpartum. Exactly. So it's been a really rough week actually. It's been a really hard week. Yeah. Is there any medicine you can take or is that not something you can do while you're breastfeeding? So I can take, the only medication I can take right now is the same thing I was taking while I was pregnant.

But it's only like an added, like really I need that plus an infusion every month, or a shot every two weeks. Those are like the immune suppressant medications that I need to be taking but I can't take those. So I'm basically only down to like the pill that I take every day and it doesn't really, it doesn't put them in remission. It doesn't- And it might be affecting your your supply right now. Her supply is dipped in the last like three days bad. Like like worrisome, we haven't talked about that,

but yeah, in the last few days, her supply is like more than half. That's the most stressful thing, at least for me, like constantly worrying about milk supply will be the end of me. Yeah. Yeah. Like I tell Matt every single day, I'm like,

I think it's going, like it's gone. And then it just feels like the end of the world. But then I remember feeling that a million times with my first, and then now's eating solids and it's like why'd I stress so much about that? It's not the end of the world, but it just can feel like that sometimes it definitely does I I stress so much because in the beginning like she did lose weight and my supply did take a dip in the beginning from her tongue Ty because I didn't realize but she wasn't eating enough because she couldn't suck enough out and so she just started losing like all this weight and thankfully we got it revised and she started eating again but it was definitely scary there for a minute and now I'm like losing more supply and I'm

like am I gonna be back to that she gonna start losing weight hmm how is this time around been different than your first pregnancy and first time through postpartum is Is it similar? Is it different? Is it hard to remember since it's been 12 years? Yes, it is so hard. Yes, all the above. Yes, all the above.

I honestly don't remember a lot about my postpartum journey with my first. A lot of that whole era of my life is kind of a blur. To be honest, I don't know if I block out a lot of it, but I don't remember so much and it stinks because I wish I could like, in a lot of ways I do feel like a first-time mom again sometimes because I'm like well how did I do this or did Kinsley do this or that and it's just it's been so different it's been challenging because I'm relearning a lot like 12 years is a long time. I don't think people realize how long 12 years is.

So yeah, it's been different. Now I will say breastfeeding my first was, it came very easily and very naturally, which I'm learning is like a blessing because so many people struggle with breastfeeding. And at the time I just had no idea that it could even be hard. I was like, oh, they're hungry, stick them on, you know, then go about your day. Like it just wasn't hard for me the first time.

And then I learned very quickly with her that it can definitely be hard. And it was like, I was really close to just going to formula because I was crying every single time it hurts so bad. And she was crying because she wasn't eating enough and I just I definitely feel for all those Moms out there that struggle with breastfeeding that want to do it so badly and then they ultimately can't like I feel so bad for them And I I feel so I can connect with that a lot because I get it now Today how did that affect you? What were you thinking in those moments where? Kaylee really wanted to breastfeed and it just wasn't going the way that she had planned?

It was really stressful. It was it was emotionally taxing in multiple ways. One because Ellie wasn't getting fed and so she was constantly whining and like this was my first time with a newborn. Like you know I started with Kinsley at three but nothing it's you know newborn stage and so I was just like is this it? Is this what people talk about? Is she supposed to be up every 30 minutes crying? And right as you release the latch, she starts crying again. And I'm like, this is, you know,

it was just confusion at all angles for me and stress. And I was worried and Kay was stressed. And I was like, she was supposed to be the expert. Why does she not know what's going on? Yeah, he can't ask me, is this normal? What am I supposed to do with my hands? What do we do? Is this normal? When does it get better?

And I was like, I don't know. Like, I don't remember this happening with Kinsley. Like, she slept great from the beginning. Like, I had it really easy with her, and this is not what I remember. This portion of today's episode is sponsored by Factor. Something that Matt and I have talked about a lot recently is the mental load that comes with preparing meals

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Back to the episode. Switching the subject, like what do your families think about you guys right now? Like I feel like you've had such a massive life change just in the past like year basically. TikTok wasn't even an app that existed five years ago and now like that is your job. So how do you explain that to your grandma?

You know, like what do you do? What do you say? Well, I will say like my family, I don't know that a lot of them even use TikTok. I think I've gotten some of them on TikTok because of us. I think that's probably true for a lot of people. But they're very proud of us, like very proud, very supportive, we've never had to like hide our type of content, which we do very wholesome content anyways,

but like we've just always like been ourselves and been like, hey, this is our job and they've always supported that. They were even supportive in the beginning when- When we had nobody following us. Like they were our first followers. They were the people who like liked all of our stuff. His mom still every single day when we post our reel, she shares it to Facebook.

Every single day, never fails. She shares it to Facebook. And like, I mean, I don't know how many people are seeing that, but it's just the support is there. So sweet. That's really, really sweet. Yeah. I think they're proud of us.

What do you think is the biggest misconception about you guys? Oh, that's a tough one. I don't know, give me a list of misconceptions. I'm kind of just like throwing that on you. I don't know why I asked that, but I was like, maybe I should ask that question. Maybe there's something that people- I will say the biggest misconception,

and this is coming from like my mom's self, that I don't love my first daughter, and that I'm hiding her. Oh yeah. That's probably the biggest misconception I can think of. Cause I mean, it does hurt me. I think about it like every single day cause the comments like they get to you

when people start saying that, even though I know that that's not true, people from an outside perspective are like, well, she doesn't show her daughter so she must not love her. But I don't think these people understand like number one My daughter is 12. She has a choice if she doesn't want to be on our podcast on her content Then I'm not gonna force her to do that same with Ellie once Ellie's old enough to make that decision

Like I will never force my kids to be a part of this if they don't want to be and she's at an age where like her friends follow us and She's not probably particularly interested in putting her life out there for all her friends to dissect and be like, oh, I saw that you did this the other day or whatever. So I completely respect it and I understand. But, and the other thing is her father doesn't want her on it for his own reasons.

And that's his thing. So it's just to me, just because father doesn't want her on it for his own reasons and that's his thing. So it's just to me, like just because we don't film her doesn't, it has no relation to like how much we love her. Like it doesn't make sense to me how people can't just understand like we don't post her for her reason. Like her reasons, if she wants to be on there, she will be. So it's not a hard concept I guess isn't it crazy how you can't win because it's like if you show your kid

It's like oh my gosh They are looking out for them. They're putting their kid on the internet. They hate their kid Yes, if you don't show your kid, then it's like They hate their kid you know Like no matter what you do people will find a flaw in it So I think as a parent you just have to make the right decision the best decision for your child and like They're a bad parent. Like no matter what you do, people will find a flaw in it. So I think as a parent, you just have to make the right decision, the best decision for your child.

And like that's super cool that you guys have found that for both of your children. And I like so respect that. And just getting to know you even just with the past couple of hours that we've talked, it's just like, I know that you guys are making like really good choices for your children. And it's just really, I really respect all of that. And I'm sorry that when you stay silent on something online and you do something out of protection for your child, people will find some way to misconstru it.

And that's really- They fill in the story for you. Yeah. Yes. Oh yeah. Even though they have, it's not their place, they have no idea what's going on in reality. And I think that's... And people will read those comments

and instead of like hearing it from us, they'll just believe what they're hearing. Like he got a DM the other day and it was like on his personal Instagram. So these people had to like go and find him because we don't like put his personal Instagram out there really. But they DMed him and they were like,

you should have thought about the fact that Kay has a daughter before you married her if you didn't want her in your life. If you didn't want to post her, maybe you should have thought about that before you got married to her mom. I thought I was the one that didn't want you to be a content. She's not the reason that she's not in the content.

I think you're thinking of her bio dad because like he is totally for her being in the content if she wants to be. So someone got be so frustrated they went all the way to They really wanted to tell him how it was, you know like I'm gonna let him know that is not much That is not a responsible thing to do to marry somebody with a child and not want them in your content And I'm just like I just like that's all that is the biggest misconception is that we don't care about her Yeah, and she knows that's not true and that's the biggest misconception is that we don't care about her. And she knows that's not true. And that's at the end of the day, that's what matters.

She laughs at the hate comments as well. Is that hard sometimes when you see a false narrative online and you know that it's just completely made up, you know that your family knows you and knows your heart and your friends know you and know your heart, yet there might be something that someone says that's just completely out of left field that doesn't fit at all. That's the hardest thing I think for me is like, I want to be like a keyboard warrior.

I wanna like tell them everything. I just wanna like let it out, like no, you're wrong because actually, but I can't do that 500 times a day. it's not like I mean you couldn't do it You know if it was your job you could do it those comments enough to like make that go away like Everybody there's even other creators that have made videos of us not wanting to post our daughter because for some reason We don't care about her and people saying well I like them until I realized they had another daughter and they don't post her.

And so at a point you just kind of have to block all of that out because I think, I mean, it really starts to mess with us mentally even though we know the kind of parents we are. We know why we're doing it. But yeah, that is 100% like the hardest part is keeping my mouth closed and not wanting to just say everything

and explain like, no, you're wrong because of this. Yeah. That's so interesting too because we just had some other friends of ours, Brooklyn and Bailey on the podcast and one of their sisters just doesn't like to be on camera. And so, and their videos because they're their whole family, like they come from a family of creators. That one sister just hasn't been in the videos as much in the past because of her choice. And that's just her decision.

And people try to. They said the same thing about her. Literally, same exact thing. They try to find some sort of controversy in it when it's just like, it's really just as simple as somebody not really wanting anyone social media. Because not everybody wants to be a social media personality. You know what, that's my entire family now that I think about it.

Yeah. We love them so much, but I don't really know. We've never had Abby's parents on the podcast because her parents just don't really want to. But my parents are hilarious and they love, my parents love the camera. They're like, let's do it, let's do another podcast. We haven't had my brother.

They just don't show up in our content that much. We love them dearly. We see them all the time. I even forget that that's even. Yeah. And we don't think different... Yeah. You don't think differently of her for not wanting to be in it. It's just like... I think people just... Like in baseball or not. Make it a huge dealer. Yeah. I think some people are like, well, I don't really like sports. That doesn't...

Just because you don't like sports doesn't mean like... Change her to the first center. Yeah. It's just everybody has their own opinion on things. And maybe one day she's gonna decide randomly that she wants to be in it. And that's great and she can be. And we will fully support that. And I think everybody will love that

because people are so interested in her for some reason. They wanna know all about her. No, and here's what I think it is, at least it's for me. Because it's a big secret. How do you have a 12 year old and you wait? Yes, that's what it is. It's like you don't look like you're 30. Yeah, I'm just like yes, what? Yeah, yeah, it is really weird and I think that's really what threw everybody for a loop in the beginning was that I thought she was 21. I thought she was 22 years old. Yeah, you legit. Yeah, and well

Why are they acting like this is their first pregnancy and I think that is really what made this big like controversy like yeah, oh my gosh People are just obsessed at the end of the day. I want to look like you when I have a 12 year old Thank you. Well, I wish I looked like you at 25. So oh Well Tay is taking their precious baby girl and I think swaddling her right now, but wow, this has been such a great conversation with you guys. I just really appreciate you guys opening up

and being vulnerable and sharing your experiences. I'm sure that you just being genuine with your story and saying what you've said, I'm sure it's helped people that are maybe going through something similar and feeling lost and scared and hopeless. And so, thank you for being willing to share your story. Well, thank you for having us on here and letting us share our story because I feel like

we haven't really been able to, because we do short content, you know, we haven't really had the opportunity to really talk a lot about ourselves. I think people just learn about us through our reels that we post, but that's still like you're putting puzzles together. So nobody has really heard our past or where we came from or anything. So thank you for giving us the opportunity

to explain all of that. Yeah, it's really, really, really cool learning more about you guys. Yeah, on the outside, I just saw this happy, sweet, adorable couple. Which you guys are. And you are. Which is actually the coolest part of coming here and getting to know you guys,

because in my head I was like, how could this be? And then you meet you guys, and that's like exactly who you guys are. You have an amazing husband, he's like literally just being such a great dad right now with your daughter and I don't know, just really taking charge. I don't deserve him. Oh, you're amazing mama.

He is literally like, he's gonna see this later, but he is literally like the best dad. Like I cannot ask for better. So sweet. Well, thank you guys for tuning in. If you haven't already followed Ken and Tay, definitely go check them out. And we'd really appreciate it if you would subscribe

to the podcast, leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, but until next time, three, two, one, peace out, dudes!