The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Losing My Grandpa, Getting a 'Mommy Makeover' & Getting My First Period in 5 Years

Episode Date: March 13, 2024

Abby opens up about her emotional journey coping with the loss of her grandpa, her thoughts on 'Mommy Makeovers', and her experience of getting her first period in 5 years. This episode is sponsored by Huggies, Curology, Dreamland Baby & Factor. Huggies: Visit https://huggies.com and get your baby’s butt into Huggies best fitting diaper! Huggies Little Movers. Curology: For a limited time get your first Curology skincare box for $5 when you go to https://Curology.com/UNPLANNED. Dreamland Baby: Go to https://dreamlandbabyco.com and enter code UNPLANNED at checkout to receive 20% off sitewide + free shipping. Factor: Head to https://factormeals.com/unplanned50 and use code UNPLANNED50 to get 50% off. BUY OUR MERCH!! https://unplannedpodcast.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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that's an identical twin, it's extremely weird. Griffin ran up to his brother at the funeral and said, Pa, Pa. Yeah. It was literally like a light bulb moment. I'm just sitting there like, I don't have an answer. I don't know why I'm sad. I haven't felt like this in a long time and then it dawned on me. First period in nearly five years. When it comes to mommy makeovers. Maybe plastic surgery is worth it

so you're not sitting there at the pool thinking about your belly, but then maybe it's not okay to fix the exterior, you just gotta fix the interior. Welcome back to unplanned, I'm Matt. And I'm Abby. And we're so happy you're here. Guys, we have not done a solo episode in a couple weeks.

It's been weird. It's been really weird. More than a couple weeks, It's been weird. It's been more than a couple weeks It's been like a month had some really unfortunate circumstances obviously Yeah, I kind of dipped out of the podcast for a couple weeks. Our family went through a loss. We lost my papa. Yeah and I've cried about it and like honestly a couple weeks, but yeah, it's think it's just saying it with like all the attention Yeah, I do feel peace that it was like his time So basically let's just tell a story of what happened

So other people that are going through grief just know that you're not alone in that it might look like You know, we're only showing happy cool things, but there are sometimes some like deeper things going on. But I kind of kept that time private. So what happened was we randomly got a call on a Sunday, actually right before you were about to interview Clayton for that episode. It was like an hour before, it was like literally right before he was about to show up

at our house and we got the horrible news that your grandpa had gone to the hospital and obviously things weren't looking good. I didn't notice at the time but he got in septic at this point. And we, yeah we didn't know that and we had just found out that he had cancer two months before so it was, it happened really fast. I think that they were thinking it was cancer for a little bit longer than that, but it wasn't like official for,

honestly, I think it was like November. And Christmas was great that we got to see them. We got to see them two times in December. Cause we were there for Blake's graduation. My brother's graduation, they made it there and we celebrated Christmas with them. And honestly, I'm so thankful that we had that time together because honestly, like...

It was cool that you got to meet his great grandkids. Yeah, like multiple times, you got to see them a lot. Wow, it's kind of just like now hitting me that we're talking about him in the past. Yeah. Anyway. Wow, it's kind of just like no hitting me that we're talking about him in the past. Yeah Anyway I feel like i'm telling this really bad. No, you're not. No, you're not as you're just sharing your story and you're doing No, you're yeah

So we found out a couple months a little bit over more than a couple months ago about His cancer diagnosis and I found out on christmas day That it was palliative care that they were going to be giving him, which basically means from what I understand that they were not, he was never going to be cancer free. And so they were going to make his quality of life comfortable for the remainder of his life. So it wasn't a total, total shock.

I think that the speed with which everything happened was shocking. And for shocking for everyone, I'm sure even his medical care team too. So we were staying in close touch. I've been close with my grandfather my entire life. She had even talked about how my relationship with Papa was like, I don't know how much we want to focus on this episode. It was really sweet because we had,

your relationship was really close with your Papa. And you would spend every Saturday night at his house, no, I'm sorry, every Friday night, right? Every Friday night. Well, we were there Friday night to Saturday morning, Sunday lunches, Wednesday evenings, we get dinner, and we just like we just lived five minutes away from us.

They were at every single dance recital, play our music while I was in sports when I did that, all my brother's sports, every school event, every choir concert, they were there. And we honestly were like, they were like our friends too. And that's why they've shaped me so much who I am as a person today. I think a lot of people that are close to me in my life, I don't know if it's reflected on the internet as much, but I'm kind of like an old soul in a way.

You guys, Abby gets her quirky, silly side from her grandpa and her grandma. And that's why she is such a silly, fun, unique person because she spent so much time with her grandparents and they rubbed off on her. And that fun, just happy joy that they have is a part of Abby. Yeah. Because of all the time that she spent with her grandparents. Literally like some of her closest friends here in Arizona call me John and that's because

of my pop-out indirectly because he always said, um, that's some who shot John. Yeah. Comment down below if you've heard that phrase before because anyone my age I've ever said that phrase to, they're like, what in the world did you just say? I don't think anybody knows what that is other than your grandparents. Well, it was like so normal to me growing up.

Like if someone said something that I think they made up, it would be like, well, that's some who shot John. Yeah. And so I say those things. They just like shaped who I am as a person, like my humor, my interests, even like everything. Your grandma would read, so Abby's grandma would read to her all the time and Abby would just sit and read book after book with her grandma. And now Abby's a bookworm. Like she's always reading a book. And yeah, literally everything about Abby is influenced because of them.

Yeah, so many things. And yeah, we were just incredibly close. I mean, even when I moved away to go to college and beyond, like calling very frequently. And I think the coolest thing is that we actually FaceTimed him two days before his passing. Two days. And like that evening, honestly it's like less than 48 hours

before he was gone after that. But and- Oh, sorry. No, go ahead. I was gonna say what was weird is something came over me. I don't know what it was. I think it was just knowing that your grandpa had been to the hospital recently.

And so I was like, I was just realizing, okay, we're not gonna have forever with him. And realistically, a couple years from now, he probably won't be here anymore. And so I was like, he needs to spend time with his grandkids. And so, I FaceTimed him, which like I usually wouldn't do. You would always be the one to initiate the FaceTime,

but I FaceTimed your grandpa and literally just had the phone on Griffin and Augie for probably like an hour. Like he just watched them play. I was playing with Griffin and Augie and kind of chatting with him, but basically just having him there with us, like in the room

playing, we went out to the pool and Griffin likes to throw our basketball into the water, and then I would take our pool net and get it out of the pool, and then Griffin would throw it back in again, and he would laugh every single time, and then your grandpa was laughing with Griffin every time he threw the ball in. And so it was just so cool seeing your grandpa be there in that moment, and something told me was like, I was like, okay, I need to keep this going and I kept the phone call going so long that your grandpa hung up on me because he was like, okay, it was so good talking, let's chat again sometime. Yeah, and I just wanted him to really feel like he was there with his great grandkids. Yeah. And I'm so glad that he had that moment.

And it's like, I hate that I'm so weepy right now because I really do feel peace with like the timing of everything. Like obviously you never want that anyone that you care so much about to be gone. But I also did not want him to suffer. And ever since I knew that the care was gonna look like that, I feel peace that he's not suffering anymore. And that he really didn't. Like he really lived life up to the last moments.

He was still traveling and he was still obviously life-flick different He had a little puppy and Now my grandma has this dog that I'm not sure she intended on like raising by herself basically but I Kind of threw that detail in there. I'm so scattered right now, but as We be as I am I think there's something about the cameras that just like brings my emotion out for whatever reason but um, of course, I'm gonna miss him a lot and I'm just gonna say I was always the favorite

I think I was. I heard him whisper that to you. I heard him say that to you. We had a really special relationship. One time you guys got lost on purpose grabbing coffee in Phoenix. Right before we filmed the podcast episode, actually can you link that podcast in this? Yes, we'll link the podcast down below. We had Abby's grandparents on the podcast and it was really special because we got to share their life story and it's almost like a Like a memory that are like a vault, you know like a time capsule. That's the word I'm looking for

For you know, 20 years from now when Griffin is 21 I can be like hey Griffin this is your great-grandpa that you used to call Papa and you probably don't remember him that much anymore but this is this is who he was and this is the life he lived and he had polio when he was a kid and he loved your mama so much and I think it'll be really cool for our kids to actually know them. Cause I have so many people, like my mom,

my dad's mom died like 10 years before I was born. I have no idea what she looks like. I have no idea what her voice sounded like. I don't know her story, but our kids will get to know their great grandpa and that's really special. That honestly means so much to me. Like that we have that now in like,

even our YouTube videos we made with him. Like. Yeah, there's a couple too. It's like so, so stupid. They all seem so silly and they are so silly. And that's what's great because that's who he was and that's how our relationship was and like, while they're entertainment for you guys,

like they're also very, very meaningful to me, especially now, that story that you talked about, basically. Getting lost with, getting coffee, yeah. Yeah, so right before we filmed that, my papa loved chai tea lattes with skim milk. That's what we would always get literally every single day. And so before we filmed that podcast, I bribed him. I was like, Papa, we'll get chai tea lattes with skim milk before we film.

And so we went on this big journey and Matt's like calling me. He's like, um, this is all set up. Like, what are you guys getting back? It's been like an hour and a half. And we went and we were just like having such a good conversation in the car We kind of just Got lost and we were cracking up and it was just a really sweet memory And he would always bring it back up to me because it was just like a really fun thing that we did and a

good memory um It was sweet too because because at the funeral, people were coming up to me, all your relatives that didn't really know how to use their iPhone that well, and they're like, how do I find that? Is it called a podcast? How do I find that podcast with Terry where he talks about polio?

Because I had no idea. Like your grandpa, he was really open with us about his polio and like going through that as a kid, but that's not just something that you just, you know, you just chat about all the time, right? And so, um, all of your, like a lot of your family members were just wanting to like listen to that episode and, and there were quite a few at the funeral that had come up to us were like, Hey, I listened to that episode or watched the episode and, um, like, thank you.

Thank you for doing that. Cause I like, feel like I know Terry so much more now. Yeah, and what's really cool is that the March of Dimes literally is a foundation that saved his life then and then at the funeral grandma had a March of Dimes fundraiser going on, so that's really cool. Just so you guys know what March of Dimes is, it's a charity which, I'll be honest,

I forget what their current mission is, but I know that basically they helped save Abby's grandpa's life because he had polio when he was a kid. The polio vaccine was out, but he grew up in a really small town where they didn't quite have the vaccine yet. And so he never got it.

And then he got polio and he came pretty close to not making it, but the March of Dimes helped pay for his medical care. They paid for everything. They paid for everything, yeah. And so it's crazy, because it just kinda dawned on me while we were making this episode. Like we didn't really intend to go into all these details,

but I feel like we should do a fundraiser for March of Dimes. Yeah, that'd be really cool. And so if you guys, yeah, if, I don't know, whatever it is, if it's a dollar or $5, whatever you guys can donate, that'd be really cool. And Abby's grandpa is honored to do a fundraiser for them. And we'll donate too. That would mean a lot. Yeah. Something else about the funeral is that, so like Matt said, Griffin always called him

Pop-Aul. Even Griffin, his great grandson, had a really good, cute relationship with him, even though he was so young. But something else interesting that I think we talked about on that podcast if you go back and visit it is that my papa was an identical twin. And so his identical twin was attending the funeral and it's like a really sweet thing but also really sad thing. This episode of the unplanned podcast is brought to you by Huggy's Little Movers. And boy, did we have some little movers in this house. I just ordered some more little movers the other day because we ran out of the little movers.

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We got you baby. We got you baby, now back to the episode. Griffin ran up to his brother at the funeral and said, Pa, Pa. Yeah. It's like, I love it and hate it at the same time. You know. And he was at your grandma's house playing

with the golf cart, your grandpa liked the golf. And so he was playing with this mini like miniature golf cart. Your grandpa liked to golf. And so he was playing with this mini miniature golf cart. Yeah, I guess he was. And he kept going, papa, papa, papa. And I'm like, why, like, how does he know that he liked golf? And I guess your grandma had told him, or told our son Griffin, that that little golf cart toy was papa's

last time we were at their house. And so he just kept saying that over and over again, which was, you know, it was sweet that he was saying that, but also really sad because obviously he's a one year old. Like he doesn't understand that he's not here anymore. He's not going to really remember him, which is a bummer. And we were going through a picture book the other day and, uh, he still knows who's Papa is. Yeah. We have is a guy book with pictures of people in our family and then every morning

He like wants to point open that book and point to everyone and say their names in our family He still points him and says papa One more quick thing about attending a funeral about someone that's an identical twin. It's it's weird. It's extremely weird. It's extremely weird. It feels like they're still alive. You're like, wait a second. They look exactly the same. They have the same mannerisms. Like I was like, you are literally him but he's not here and so it's just like so... It's like, why was it oddly comforting for me? It was comforting in a weird way Was it just his voice or his? Seeing him that someone yeah exist that is just like him. I don't know why

Well, I just cried cuz I'm actually like okay guys like I took a break and it was really great like Matt took over so many things and I just like didn't do anything for a long time except for be with my family. And it was really, really good. And I feel so much peace and closure with everything. I actually also got to speak at his funeral which was something that I was like, I hate to say dreading because it is such like, it's deeply meaningful to me that I got to honor him in that way but also it's so anyone that's spoken out of funeral knows that

like wallet is such like an important thing to you it's also like a dreadful thing because you're having to talk about the most painful thing going on in your life in the most painful setting possible. I was so, I was nervous because I was like, okay, I'm going to have to get up and I thought for sure you weren't going to be able to finish because it was, I mean it's very emotional. It's very, very hard to do that when you love someone so much and to speak at the funeral And so I thought for sure I was gonna have to get up and finish Your speech for you But you finish it now. I was very I was very impressed. I don't know how you did that

I was taking you got through that first of all, you know what I was doing Here's my steps to not crying just speaking at a funeral one Don't go in until you absolutely have to. Like I stayed outside of the room and just like chatted about casual things the whole time. Secondly, I did not really let you touch me or comfort me during the service because I knew that was gonna make me like feel

like I could break if you were like being strong for me. So I just needed to be strong for myself. And so I couldn't have any comfort Even though you probably wanted to go around I was playing with your hair and I did have my arm around I kept but I like did not lean into anything like I was like do not yeah And then I was holding water in my mouth and just like drinking water and swallowing it every single time I felt like tears were welling up at me and I was doing pretty good until I freaking played amazing grace and then just They cracked me just a little bit and then once there's a tiny crack I can just

and that's what happened but I got through it. What is your thing you mentioned something to me you, I think you said that you don't like open caskets at funerals, why is that? I mean it's just a personal thing, like I don't, I want to remember him. Yeah. How I remember him. I totally get that. Because he really did a good job like I didn't just I want to remember him. Yeah. How I remember him. I totally get that. Because he really did a good job, like, I didn't just stare at him sleeping.

Yeah. In his whole life. He did fall asleep in his recliner quite a bit, but. I'll tell you what though, it's so weird because it's like, you feel like they're going to just sit up. You know what I'm saying? Like it doesn't feel, it really does feel like they're asleep. Um, but for me. And at're asleep. But for me, but- And at some level it creeps me out.

Is that bad to say? No, that's not bad to say. Like I think it's an older generation thing to want an open casket honestly. I don't, hmm. I want you to just cremate me. Oh my gosh. I will say though, I actually do,

this is getting off topic, I do wanna be cremated because I feel like it's cheaper and I don't want people like dishing out money for my death, like what? Like if I'm dead it's like why spend all this money on me, like go donate it to a charity. Please don't talk about you dying now, okay? Okay, sorry. Not the time.

I would rather that money be donated to a charity. But anyway, I know it sounds weird but I do like the open casket because it gives me closure as weird as that is. I guess just like- I was surprised you cried as much as you did. Yeah, I didn't really, I don't know. I, um, it was really sad. It was really really sad. I think what really got me was just seeing your grandma and her sister.

Like- They were high school sweethearts math. They were married for 56 years. It's heartbreaking. It's like the movie Up. Like I balled like a baby watching the movie Up when you see that like yeah That couple going from being young lovers to literally The end and it's just like the most heartbreaking thing to think about that happening and I just the amount of empathy

I felt for your grandma and for her sister just like broke me so yeah, also makes me realize that like whatever thing we get hung up on is really not that important you know because like I don't want to make this so sad but like yeah sure my grandma would do anything at this point to me 25 year old Vicki and Terry. They wouldn't want to waste it on some stupid bickering, you know? Yeah. Not that we've been bickering or anything, but like that happens, you know? Yeah.

It just really puts your marriage in perspective to see, you know, the end of a marriage in a way like that. And so. Oh, it's horrible. I mean, I don't think it's, I don't think you can justify not loving someone because of the pain of losing someone. Because then what is life? If you never love anybody or never put yourself out there and have a relationship with someone, that's going to be a really, really depressing life.

You have to love someone. You have to love people. You have to have friends and community. But at the same time, when you lose that one day, it's extremely hard. So it's just, I don't know, it definitely put things into perspective for sure. It did, it did.

And I honestly feel very happy with how the funeral and everything went. Yeah. And we're bringing grandma out here. By the time this podcast is up, she'll have been here for a trip to just kind of keep her busy and see the kiddos and we're going to, you know, treat her a little bit because she's going to have her first birthday alone. I do want to say, as awkward as it when you see when you see a widow or someone that

lost their spouse, don't be afraid to tell them that you're so sorry. Don't be afraid to tell them that you're thinking about them and that you feel for them because I think it can be uncomfortable. Like maybe it's just easier to not talk about it and it makes you feel less uncomfortable and less stressed that you're not going to say something that might hurt them for whatever reason, but just know that by letting them know that you have empathy for them, it's going to go a long way. Yeah, grandma said that. I know it meant a lot because I regret not doing that for your other grandma when she

lost her husband three years ago. And then I just never said anything because it never seemed like there was a perfect time to say something. And so I just didn't. I just never did. Even to this day, I've never said I'm so sorry for your loss. And I know that after three years,

I know she's, while that loss was devastating for her and I know that she I know that after three years I know she's while that loss was deba-dece- devastating for her I know that she has recovered and I know that she's doing she's I don't want to speak to your what your grandma Yeah, but I just know that like time does heal people But I regret not saying something to her Always be a hole. Yeah. Yeah, but we'll have time to talk about grandpa to her because she's moving out here in a week. You're right. We're in our whole family out here. And let me just say this, if you go through a loss, please surround yourself with family or friends or someone to work through it. Don't go through it alone. Just seeing you go through this with your family was so much better for you than when we were in Hawaii

with not a lot of friends and no support, no family. So like that... I mean it was a totally different experience. Totally different. And having kids too. I was gonna talk about that. It really lightened the mood. It lightened the mood of the visitation, of the funeral. It was still so sad. But like having little kids that are just like laughing and playing just kind of gives you

hope. It's like, yes, this is horrible and yes, death sucks so freaking bad. But the fact that we have these like new little kids that are also our kids and they're freaking adorable, it just makes everything so much easier, I guess. Right. Like I got the phone call that he had actually passed, which was so crazy shocking, because that whole day we were trying to get back.

Trying to get back at the airport, like begging, oh my gosh, I was begging. I was crying to the gay agents being like, get us on this plane, they're like, there's literally no empty seats. Yeah, what exactly happened, because you left, and then you came halfway through. We didn't have flights,

because there wasn't really any good ones, or there was a couple good ones but they were sold out. And so I was like, I'm gonna just go and try. Yeah, you went to the airport without a flight booked. We were on standby for like three flights. And so you have to have some type of booking to get through security.

And so we were on standby for like three and I was literally like, is it inappropriate to walk up to people and ask for their seat? Like Christmas vacation style where she's like, I have this money for your kids college. Like I'll pay. Like was it like that? Are you offering to pay people for their tickets or what did you do? Well, I didn't do that, but I should, I was wondering if I should have done that. Or not Christmas vacation. I'm thinking of home alone.

You know where the mom and home alone is desperate to get back to. That's who I felt like, should I have done that? Should I have like occasion, I'm thinking of Home Alone. You know where the mom in Home Alone is desperate to get back to her son? That's who I felt like. Should I have done that? Should I have literally asked people? I mean, you could have. It's kind of a big deal to change. In retrospect, as sad as it sounds, your dad and your brother didn't make it back in time. And they left way before you did.

Yeah, so basically I was trying and then there was no more flights until later that evening so we might as well just go home and I had the baby So I was like, give him a good nap and like make sure I'm packed, okay? Cause I just had thrown stuff in a bag. It was just so chaotic. But as I'm getting that call that he had passed in between trips to the airport, like I'm getting the worst news of my life

and Griffin just wants to play trucks with me. And he's just like, mama, mama. And like I can see where that someone that hasn't gone through. And he's just like, mama, mama. And like, I can see where that, someone that hasn't gone through that could see that as like, how annoying, like, you're going through something so hard, you have to just like, white boogers from a kid's nose and play trucks, but it was so comforting to me

that like, I could take to his needs, I could fix those because my needs were like, so big, I don't know. They're a wonderful distraction. They're so I love spending time with everyone too. Yeah at the visitation Every one of your relatives was coming up and wanting to see the kids and yeah play with them And I think for your grandma too just to hold our baby. Yeah, just like I'm holding a baby is therapeutic It's very it just fills you with hope forever. Just kids are just such a joy.

Like truly such a joy. And like, specifically our kids. Specifically our kids. So having them there really was amazing. And it made grieving a totally different experience for me than from before I was a mom. Thank you to Curiosity for sponsoring this episode of our podcast.

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Go to cureology.com slash unplanned for this free offer that's cureology, C-U-R-O-L-O-G-Y.com slash unplanned. Trial is 30 days, applied only to your first bucks, subject to consultation, new subscribers only. Back to the episode. I love what we do because I got to just completely jump off the train. Yeah.

I didn't do anything for a long time and I'm really thankful for that. And I just got to be with my kids, be with my family, and I'm really thankful for that and I just got to be with my kids, be with my family and I'm really thankful to you for filling in all those large gaps for me at that time and also like doing what you could to be there for me and cover me. Of course. That's a really cool thing about marriage is that you don't have to go through these things alone but also even if you have a close friend or family like you're not alone and you're grieving because a lot of people, unfortunately, everyone goes through loss and some capacity. Yeah, I was so thankful that you were able to go

back home immediately and then I came the next day with our son. That was actually, flying with Griffin was really fun. We had such a fun time. We were just chilling I was all he was really really fun. Oh really? He just slept the whole time. Okay. Well Griffin and I got to play together I got to Read my Kindle eventually like we were playing and I was trying to avoid doing screen time But then I was like, okay this kid needs to miss Rachel So we turn on miss Rachel and he's watching miss Rachel eating his his pretzels and then I was reading my book. It was great Yeah, good times speaking of kids

Our kids have gotten to be so much fun. So much fun, especially our oldest. I Have like I can fully understand what he's saying now We just had three days together Abby was traveling and she was gone with August. And so Griffin and I had like three full one-on-one days together and it was amazing. And now he could be like, and I know what it means. I'm like, oh, you wanna go to the park and drink some juice. And it's just, it's so cool the relationship we have.

And I never understood how people could just like understand whatever their kid was trying to say but like now I get it. They're literally my favorite people. You and the boys are my favorite people in the entire world and I love them so much. And I'm so proud of them for literally every the smallest thing. It's just it's gotten to be like really really fun and so I don't know. I I love it. So you're saying you want another? I'm not no comment. I'm just. So you're saying you want another? I'm not, no comment. I'm just saying being a dad is like really fun.

And it's, if you're in the thick of the newborn stage and you hate your life, just know that it gets so much better. Some people love the newborn stage, Matt. Controversial opinion, newborn stage, not my thing. Yeah, I honestly totally agree. I officially. It is so hard on you as an individual, on your marriage, on everything.

I feel like it's okay, like when you're in the midst of a workout and you're really exhausted and you're like this is, this sucks. Like this workout sucks, but you know that you're gonna feel so good afterwards because you get the hit of dopamine and it's like worth, it's worth the pain to make it to the end. Like it's, you get the reward. I will say. I feel like that's the newborn stage, truly. Where it's like this is hard, but you go through it because it's worth it in the end. Like you get three more. I will say. I feel like that's the newborn stage, truly. Where it's like, this is hard, but you go through it because it's worth it in the end. But do you not think it would be different if you didn't have other things to do? Like say it was just us and a baby, and that was all our, both of our shared responsibility, all we had to do was take care of ourselves and our baby.

I feel like it wouldn't have been us. Hard. Yeah. I think it's other things in life that make that stage a little bit harder. Yeah, I will say, I think the times, the times you get the most frustrated with your kids are when you are trying to multitask,

so you're trying to get something done that you need to get done. They require 100% attention. And then they are pulling you away from it, especially someone with ADHD, if I don't fully lock in and get to be fully focused on something and I'm getting distracted by like this thing over here then I literally end up, I can go hours without getting anything done.

Wait, have you officially been diagnosed? I have not been officially diagnosed but I'm so close. I'm so so close to getting diagnosed. I'm so excited. What's gonna happen then? I got stabbed with a needle today in my arm because they were checking my blood levels for my physical and then they're gonna be able to tell me if I have ADHD. Because of your blood? No, I think that, okay, so I had

literally three doctors of women's. I not know, I was gonna take three doctors of women's. I think it's because it's been over diagnosed, they make people. That and then I haven't been to the doctor in a really long time because they're just like, I haven't had anything come up, so I'm like, I'm good, I don't need to go to the doctor.

No, that's not how it works. Yeah, so I have a doctor of women later this week and then I think if they decide I have ADHD, then I'll get medicated. Oh, so you're going to take medicine now? I think I'm going to get to talk about also. I don't care. Yeah. I'm open to it. Um, yeah, I just, I get so easily distracted and I feel like I need to be more open with people that I do have ADHD. Cause I think sometimes like people will be talking about one subject and I'll completely change the subject and I don't mean to be

Rude or unkind or like in considerate of them. It's just my brain does weird crap where You mentioned one word and that word makes you think of something else Which then makes you think of something else and then pretty soon We're talking about like, you know eating tacos and then I'm like hey, what do you guys think about the Revolutionary War? Yeah, it's like what can I tell you something? Yeah, what's up in during this episode? I could tell you were thinking about something else and what I was saying and that's why I stopped that one time wait really Yeah, I'm sorry. I did not mean it like that. I know you don't that's why I don't say anything cuz I know you don't mean it I don't mean it at all. Maybe there's resources my mom when I was a kid

Spouses use the whole my mom would hold my hand and she like hey Matthew I need you to go do these three things and I think she deep down knew that's someone ADHD. My mom would hold my hand and she'd be like, hey Matthew, I need you to go do these three things. And I think she deep down knew that I had ADHD, but she just didn't want to medicate me, which is cool, I respect that. I actually don't, I want to try to avoid taking medication. I'm also assuming that I have it. I'm like 99.9% sure I have it.

I think you're a textbook case. I'm pretty sure, I think there's a lot wrong with me. I actually think there's other stuff too that I need to get diagnosed. Truly I do, which I can open, maybe I'll open up about one day, but uh- What do you think you have? I don't know. I'll talk to you about it off podcast, but um, that's been so- but it's been so good though. Like as an adult to understand myself more has been so freeing because I'm like,

that's why I do that weird thing because I'm this this way. Like, I am ADHD, or I'm this. And like, just understanding myself more has helped me- Because it's your brain, right? Yeah, yeah, it helps me like, navigate life better. And that way I don't do things that I hate. Like, look, when you're navigating life, you, there's no way around doing hard things, period period Some stuff that you do is going to be hard and then there's a benefit to it in the end But the stuff that's hard that has no benefit to it. Why would the frick would you do it like what like for instance?

This is this is really weird, but like when it was just me and Griffin I Don't know what it was. I thought hey We could go you know get get like dinner together Like you did that one time when it was when I was gone on a trip and yeah was I thought hey we could go you know get get like dinner together like you did that one time when it was when I was gone on a trip and I went to noodles and koi three times for whatever reason I just knew that if I took him out to dinner I don't know what it was but I just felt like I was gonna get so much social anxiety and I and I don't know why really yeah cuz there was a time that

I took him to Kava it was just like a dad and son date kind of and I don't know why but I just like really that's why you do or I get really in my head and I get anxiety a lot within social settings I don't know what why but I was like you know what I'm just gonna be intentional with him and go to the park and play and go on a walk and you know do all these other things and then I door dash kava rather than going there and eating it because I knew I was like this is gonna be less fun for me I'm gonna get social anxiety which I like to push myself to do uncomfortable things because I know it makes me stronger so

sometimes like even if something's gonna make me really uncomfortable I'm like I need to toughen myself up so I'm going to make myself do it just because it is uncomfortable yeah but I've learned I've learned like when it's the right time to do that and when it's the wrong time and that's one of those times where I'm like I don't need to make myself uncomfortable right now. I can just, I can just fully enjoy this time with my son and that's what it's about. It was about spending time with my kid and I didn't need to overcome some sort of mental obstacle. I could just you know create the space I needed for myself to be fully intentional with Griffin.

And that's what I did. By sweet. Yeah. I don't know how we- You're a really good dad. Thank you so much. I think you're a really good mom. I love you. You know, it's funny, Abby.

I mentioned this right before we started recording, but I truly think part of this, I think it's two things. One, I think we've gotten out of the newborn stage with both of our kids. And so in those times, I feel like life almost felt like survival. And so I couldn't really focus on myself or understand what my needs were. I was just, it was all about taking care of you and Griffin and Augie. And now that I'm out of that, I'm like, okay, who is Matt Howard? Like who am I? You did go through and I did any crisis. Right?

And so I've just been discovering that. And I think part of that too is my prefrontal cortex is fully developed now. Can we talk about that? I love science. I love using facts and like looking to, yeah, just research to learn about myself and how our world works and how people work, but I'm a fully developed human now. And I truly believe-

I beg to differ, I'm just kidding. But I truly believe that's been a part of why I'm learning more about myself and I'm learning more of what I like and what I don't like. I'm not gonna put myself in situations on purpose. So you're saying now you're gonna get stuck in your ways? No, but look, I wanna be a selfless person. I wanna do good in the world. I'm passionate about making the world a better place.

I hope that we can create a better world than we found it when we go one day. I truly want that for our country and our world because I just care about humanity as a whole and So this is getting really deep, but yeah, I got really deep for a second. But like But that aside because I want to do selfless things which don't don't serve me anyway, right like I Want to donate to March of Dimes? Why do I want to donate to March of Dimes?

Because I love their mission and I love what they did for your grandpa. Does giving my money away to them do anything for me? Not really. Maybe it makes me feel better about myself. Like maybe I'm like, oh, I feel like I'm a good person because I donated. Great, but truly though, I think it's just... I want to live in a world where people can be generous. And I want to live in a world where people can like support one another and love one another. And so I want to I want to be that. Like if that's what I want to see in a world where people can be generous and I want to live in a world where people can like support one another and love one another And so I want to I want to be that like if that's what I want to see our world be I want to I want to embody that what is this happening with your prefrontal cortex again? Don't know kind of got kind of got off track a little bit there

I mean, that's all good stuff. I guess I guess what I was trying to say is while I want to do stuff that Makes the world like is while I want to do stuff that makes the world, like while I know what's going to serve me and what's not going to serve me, it's like, oh, I'm not going to just like go to, I'm not going to put myself in a situation where I'm going to get a lot of anxiety because I know it's not going to benefit me. Cause I mean you're selfish. Yeah.

I'm still going to do good and I still want to do good stuff even if it doesn't benefit me because I just care about our world. That was kind of like a really long way of saying that. Yeah. Yeah, okay. Sorry, sorry about that guys. I'm gonna just get so deep and I love you for it. A little too deep.

I don't know how to expand on it. Sorry, can we like talk about something fun? Yeah, I'm tired of crying. Sorry about that. I haven't cried about that in like two weeks so it's like what the heck? Dude, we should talk about this. You just got your period back for the first time.

Oh, speaking of crying. Speak of it. It wasn't really, Matt, do you understand it wasn't like actually a period? How much did you bleed? Like was there a lot of blood? No, like I didn't even need it. Did you see any blood?

Just when I went potty. That's it. Yeah, it was so extremely like. You didn't even need like anything. No feminine hygiene products at all. No hygiene products No hygiene really then how is that considered a period well? I'll tell you why there was All the PMS symptoms and cramps and a tiny bit of blood

It was funny because when you were experiencing all of that I'm like I was racking my brain because as a guy my my go-to is like, how can I fix the problem? I need to know. How have you not learned that sometimes there's not a solution? And I reminded myself that. I was like, wait, Matt. I was like, Matt, stop trying to fix it. Literally just talk to her and get to know how she feels.

You did that. You did amazing. And so I was asking you questions about how you felt and how it was making you feel. And eventually what you realized from your feelings. Yeah, you made me realize it. I did. You walked me to it. Okay, here's how it's making you feel. And eventually what you realized from your feelings. Yeah, you made me realize it. I did. You walked me to it.

Okay, here's how it happened. I helped lead you to the answer. Here's how it happened. Let's go. I didn't even, let's do a high five. We went to Canes. We actually walked to Canes and we ate Canes. And as I'm walking back, I'm like, I don't know.

I already had like a little bit of a crazy dinner, like chicken fingers and fries and soda, but I don't know. I already had like a little bit of a crazy dinner like chicken fingers and fries and soda But I just need more like I need chocolate and you got the mat you got the big meal I got the huge meal. I got the candy at combo. I think which has six chicken tenders. I did eat two of them Yeah, I ate my meal, but I just needed it wasn't about like hunger, it was about a craving, like a crazy craving. I was like, I absolutely need chocolate. And so we were, we got a bag of peanut m&ms. I ate the whole thing. How many times have you ever seen me just sit there eating chocolate? Not very many.

I mean, I'm not like a healthy eater. Like I'll eat dessert every night, but when do I just sit there and eat straight chocolate? Like, basically never. And so that was weird, but you know, not enough to like, race major alarm bells. This episode is sponsored by one of our all time favorite baby brands, and that is Dreamland Baby. And we like them so much, we even get them as gifts for our friends. Oh yeah, we've bought a lot of sleep sacks in our life.

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They just overall. It just feels like they're getting a hug. Exactly. Basically all night long. Yeah, it's like a warm hug. They feel so snug in there. I always say snug is a bug and rug. And my mother one time didn't put her kid

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I was just using the two-way zipper the other night because I was like, oh crap, I don't want to take them out of their sleep sack for the diaper change, but I didn't have to. I just used the two-way zipper, boom. We used the same sleep sack, hash waddle, for the first like almost six months for both of our babies, and now I just washed it for the last time because I'm shipping it to a friend that's having a baby boy. That's so sad.

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And so I'm just like, ah, man, what's going on? And then I finally told you, I was like, man, I keep having these crazy cramps. I don't know what's going on. Several hours later, we put the kids to bed and I'm like, Matt, I don't know what it is, but I am just so sad. There's literally no reason for me to be sad right now

Like I'm just so overwhelmingly sad and you're like that's when you were like well Do you want to just talk about how you feel? Yeah, I'm just sitting there. I'm like I don't have an answer I don't know why I'm sad. I don't know. I haven't felt like this in a long time and Then it dawned on me. It was like a a light bulb moment. First period in nearly five years. Can you believe that? Five years. You know I did. You had one.

You had one because you got your IUD out right before we started trying for kids. And then we had the second. That is truly crazy. I know. I don't miss it. And I don't even really count this one because it's not like a normal one would be, but I had all the PMS, and that was enough for me. I don't want any part of this anymore.

And it's funny your smartwatch knew that you were on, if you're used to. Yeah, it kept saying, remember to track your symptoms. I had never put in my anything, on my phone or on my watch, that I was getting my cycle. I kind of love that I have data now on my wrist to tell me about what my body's doing, because last night I couldn't sleep

and I was like, I wonder how much sleep I got and sure enough I got five hours, my sleep score was 43%. It was kind of cool that your watch is like, yeah, you're PMSing. It was so crazy. It was like a white bulb moment. Were you bummed when you got it then?

I didn't really care. Okay. I mean, it's just, it's a thing. It wasn't like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, like, oh, Why was I doing these things for the past three days and they're like oh there is actually a reason? I'm not crazy, and it's like we're always shocked by it. Yeah, but then we have an answer. It's amazing

Can we talk about New York City? That was freaking big Apple. That was freaking awesome dude that trip It was magical. Okay. It was magical and I was so in love with you. You looked Beautiful in your dress. I think it was what it was. I miss you wearing dresses. I just realized that. I just had an epiphany because as a pregnant woman, you haven't been wearing dresses

because you were pregnant and breastfeeding and it's hard to wear a dress and like whip your boob out to breastfeed your kid. Okay, have a one I stop breastfeeding, I buy dresses again. I love it when you wear dresses. Because guess what Matt, I've been pregnant for two years and I don't have any clothes from before then you know, it's funny I feel like we both love it when the when like our partner is more in tune with their

Like there's sexuality their masculinity or yeah I like it when you're more masculine and yes, you like I'm more feminine and like I just live when you embrace When you embrace your feminine, it's so sexy. I love being feminine It's not because you want me to be it's because I actually love being a woman and that's how I feel about being a man Like I I've been hitting the gym so much more recently and I feel more masculine than ever I feel like a protector. Yes, and I feel strong and it's just like I don't know Yes, and I feel strong and it's just like, I don't know. It's almost like an animalistic thing. It's weird.

I'm like, why do I love pumping this iron so much? But it's just, I'm like, I'm a man and I've got my woman and I've gotta protect my lady, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me and Griffin do that. We say, yeah. Anyway, yeah, you know what else has made me more feminine? What?

Reading a romance book. Yeah. It's kind of got me a little... What's your hot take on that? Because I know some women are like, that is just too... I don't like those books. They have too much sex. I will say, I actually don't like the saucy stuff as much.

You don't like the sex books? Not really. Okay, why not? But just for the reading value, I'm like, this isn't... I appreciate a book because of a good story And usually a like just a sex scene in a book doesn't feel like it's a part of the story It just feels like it's There for sex appeal. Can I be honest? I love a good rom-com. That's why I want to watch rom-com tonight

Don't love a good wrong. I do realize this. No, you're wrong. I love it. No, you're wrong because it ends up getting me late I actually realized this. No, you're wrong. I love it because it ends up getting me late No, it's great for the whole family dude you You like I don't know it doesn't mean for both of us like we just get the chemistry just freaking a knife You know the last time we've watched one. I don't know this is us I just can't think back to we watched it. Oh, my parents and they're both sobbing And we're both watching it like neither one of us cried. I don't know why but my parents were falling eyes out I fell asleep watching the notebook you did fall asleep That's what I was sobbing and I'm like, okay I missed my opportunity like Abby's asleep and so I

Don't know what to do, but no like your parents. What do you mean? I just I remember them crying during that movie anyway Anyway, I love a good rom-com. Oh, you missed your opportunity to cry? No, just other stuff. Cause we didn't have the chemistry because you fell asleep. So the chemistry wasn't there. You could literally-

Wait, is the last thing we've watched a rom-com? Where is this coming from? Are you talking about when we watch This Is Us? Maybe. We never watch shows or movies. We're not one of those couples. What's the movie? We've been reading our Kindles like crazy.

We end up like doing it after watching a movie. I feel like there was some steamy scene and then we were like, wait, we can make our own steamy scene. Okay, getting back to my track. We don't watch shows, we read Kindles and I've been reading a romance. It's been so good. We've both been reading books together in bed. Yeah, I've been lapping you with books though. I will say yeah, how's your book going? My book is is great. I read Hunger Games and now I'm reading catching fire and I did actually went and saw the Hunger Games movie the fire of song and ice or whatever it's called songbird something song the songbird Something it's the origins movie birds and songbirds. No, we completely botched all Birds and song words? No. We completely botched all of that. I know that for a fact. But the movie just got me back into wanting to read the books and you, we already talked about this.

We almost walked out of the movie and you- It's disturbing to me, kids, killing kids. Because it is really disturbing with kids killing kids. Kids having to kill kids. But what I've realized to have is kids are so, like, seeing our one year old, he is so smart, he's so intelligent. He's a genius. As a 12 year old, I was reading these books. I'm reading books now as a 25 year old man. But do you think that's okay? That I read when year old, I was reading these books. I'm reading books now as a 25 year old man. But do you think that's okay? That I read when I was 12. I think it is.

I think when I was 12, I was fully comprehending what was going on. It wasn't, it's not as dark. I think the movie that we saw was a lot darker than that books themselves, truly. See, I don't know though, because some of the most scared I got as a kid, I would get really scared for movies. But some books really scared me. Really? Yeah Yeah, that actually I'm glad you brought that up because I would like to read the book

It I think that'd be really we can read together. I think I want to read that one. I think you'd get too scared I don't know if you should I'm tough. I Read Stephen King already. That's right. You read that those Summers Billy summers. Yeah, I'm gonna read The Green Mile too. I think he wrote that one. Yeah, you really do like those. Here's my book as I've read. Actually, this will become a reading podcast. Can I talk about this on this podcast?

Yeah, yeah, go for it. Okay, I started reading the Aqatar series because everyone's been talking about it and I'm very late to it. It's A Court of Thorns and Roses. It's a fantasy book and you know what? Up until 92% of the book because I have a Kindle so I know the exact percentage I'm on.

I was like, I don't know about this. It's a very, it's very outside my normal wheelhouse of genres that I enjoy reading. It's very fantasy. It's kind of strange. Then from 92% to 100% it changed. I was like, I love this series and I'm probably going to read every single one. The story, the plot is so thick. You have to read. I told you Matt's gonna read it too now. Yep. Did your ADHD just do something? Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, I got sidetracked. I kind of zoned out there for a second.

It's okay. It's okay. And we've already talked about it. So you didn't need to tune into that. I mean, nox. I love my ADHD husband. Cracking up, dude. It looks like you, I don't, yeah.

You're getting it. Yeah, my self-tanner is pretty bad. Your self-tanner did not go well on your hand. It did not go well. It's because I'm kind of careless with application. Next book I read, do you care anymore about my books? You just tell me, go for it. I've been reading Magnolia Parks,

which is a viral TikTok romance series. Hold up, talk to me about that. There was a romance book that you read that you said was so explicit, you could literally open up to any page and it was like. It wasn't romance, it was actually a thriller. It was like then he licked me. Like it got really crazy.

That's Colleen Hoover. Everyone listening to this knows about Colleen Hoover. So hold up though, cause you've told me that you'll like run into some like sweet like, you know, very mild mannered gal. I should be like, I should be like, I should be like,

the shy sweet ones that like are into the sexiest books. Do you know what it is? very mild mannered gal. I should be like, I should be like, I should be like, I should be like, sweet ones that like are into the sexiest books. You know what it is? I think they probably don't open up enough. Open up enough. So then they are able to express that side of themselves by reading a book. I like that for them.

I am someone who's not very emotional. And so for me, I can experience emotions through music. You need very high emotional music. Yes. So that's why I love, you're like Matt, why are you listening to so many sad songs? You know what, that's probably true. I feel like it's the single girlies

that like love her the most. Yup. Because it's like that is fulfilling something. Yes, it's whatever, it's like the opposite to track sort of thing, you know? Yeah. Because you're emotional, I'm not as much on the outside.

That's why I need something to want you to kill. Yeah, and so, I don't know, that's why I listen to, I listen to very highly emotional music. Because it kind of helps me experience those emotions. Okay, then tell me why I need to read about murder. Are you trying to kill me? Maybe. Uh, why are you trying to do that?

Why, like, what's your agenda here? No, it's never the wife killing the husband. I think maybe I'm trying to protect myself. I will say I am with you on that. Because I read the house across the lake. That one's so good. It's stimulating to read a crazy story like that where people are getting murdered. Everyone should read the house across the lake.

I will say the one thing, the reason why it's not like a five out of five for me is because it was paranormal. I am like that Abby. That kind of weirded me out. I like to have very deep intellectual conversations with people because it's Stimulating for my brain. I I'm not very good at small talk. I feel like I could be better I like to jump into like legit. I don't talk about this on the podcast I'm trying to like, you know, keep it, you know tame But like I'll jump into like religion and politics with people like pretty quickly because I love every time I love to have those

Conversations. I love different perspectives. I love it. Yeah, but you know what? It is a little off-putting if you just need somebody and sometimes I'm around you. I'm actually always around you and you always do that. And I'm like, oh, there we go. But I love different perspectives

and I love to challenge everything that I believe. I love to always like think, what if I'm wrong? What if my perspective on a certain issue is completely off and I like to think about that so for me That's why I skipped a small talk and go right into the deep condos See me. I like to I like to small talk. I Like deep conversation. I feel like you help me get better at small talk I wasn't very good at it and I feel like I have even though I'm still not the best I think the thing is is you can definitely get deep with people but you you need to do you need to ease into it a little better.

Yeah, sometimes it's just a little dramatic and then I'm like oh You're right. Yeah, I think it's just uh, it's a comfort thing like let's let's go through the small get to the medium Then we can go deep But my superpower though is because I like to get deep with people really fast, that does make for interesting interviews on the podcast, which by the way, I used to do before I was even a podcaster. I literally would just literally interview everyone that we met, literally people sitting next to me on an airplane.

I'd get their whole life story because I just want to know. I just, I genuinely wanted to do that more. Actually, I talked a lot to a lady. It's because of kids. They make you talk with the people around you more. And I actually really liked that. This lady I was talking to. Dogs do that too. If you have a kid or a dog,

you just naturally talk to more people. Cause it gives you something to talk about. I think we need to get a dog. Let's talk about that off podcast. Here's why. Thank you to Factor for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. As parents, I feel like we can never get time to ourselves

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That's code unplanned50 at factormeals.com slash unplanned50 to get 50% off. Back to the episode. Here's why is because when I was with my grandma, like being left with a puppy, because they got the dog before they even knew about my papa's diagnosis. They were on a wait list for this puppy

and then they got the puppy and then he passed like less than a month later. And then it made me wonder like would I take this dog off my grandma's hands because he was never meant to be her dog, it's supposed to be his dog. And so I was like, Matt, what do you think about this? And he like never had a definitive answer. And that's okay because my grandma,

it turns out she wants to keep the dog for now at least, but if things don't go well, I'm like, what? Cause she doesn't like, she hasn't come around to him yet. I truly just don't want to burden your parents because I know that we travel so much that I think they would end up watching the dog. Yeah, that's so true. And so, yeah.

Like you can take your kids on a plane but you can't take a dog. It's a lot harder to travel with dogs, surprisingly. Yeah, and also, maybe this is just me because I'm a kid mom. Yeah. When dogs inconvenience me, oh see, now I'm gonna get hate from the dog people.

I already did this before. Why, what did you say? Because I said dogs aren't people. Oh see now I'm gonna get hate from the dog. What I already did this before why what did you say? Cuz I said dogs aren't people. Oh, well, they're not people. I know but that made people offended that are like love dogs Well, they're not people. I mean like I like dogs. I value human life over dog. Some people don't that is I have a problem with that Okay, I do humans are more valuable than dogs. I know I know I know yeah Humans are more valuable than dogs. I know I know I know yeah, but just saying when a dog inconveniences me It really is a little bit. I'm like, oh dang, but when it's a human. I'm like like a child I'm like, oh that okay. That's something else that I've learned abby as a 25 year old with a fully developed brain. I don't have to please everybody and it's been so oh, yeah I I got there before you you did you got you kind of taught me you kind of led me toward the path or toward the destination because I

Always wanted to be everyone's friend. I wanted everyone to like me. I never wanted to make anybody upset There's nothing wrong with that and I still am that way to an extent But I've also recognized like I want to cut to the chase. Like if I'm meeting somebody new, I want to quickly understand if I think we're gonna vibe. Because if we're not gonna vibe, I'm not gonna waste their time or my time trying to like make a fake friendship happen. I want to quickly figure out if we're gonna be a good fit as friends. And if we're not cool, like we can we can still respect each other and be kind to one another. Yeah, I tell you that all the time because I would, I would hang out with people and then I'd be like, if we're not cool, like we can still respect each other and be kind to one another.

I tell you that all the time, because I would hang out with people and then I'd be like, I don't really think that we're gonna be close friends and you'd be like, what's wrong with them? I'm like, literally nothing's wrong with them. It finally clicked for me, Abby. Really?

Because you got there so much, you got there like five years ago. Yeah. You've been there for a while. Here's the thing that Matt and I had a conversation about that I will let you guys in on, because we actually talk when we're not on camera quite a bit Yeah, we do. Most of the time. We do, yeah But this was like a conversation we've had a lot but like a long starting a long time ago

Yeah, where I was like Matt. I think the difference between you and me is that I go about my day Deciding if I like the people I encounter. Yep And you go about your day wondering if the people you encounter like you I like the people I encounter. And you go about your day wondering if the people you encounter like you. I'm a people pleaser through and through. But the problem with that is that that's out of your hands is if the other people like you.

What's in your hands is if you like them or not. And then here's the thing, I say like but I don't know if I necessarily mean that word. It's like, oh, I think that we are good match to be friends. There's certain people that are just not gonna be a good match and there's nothing wrong with that person. There's nothing wrong with you. Yeah. That's what I'm trying to get you to understand. And I think part of it Abby is like I for whatever reason there's

certain social cues that I don't pick up on and you've helped me like identify those social cues and there's just like certain I think that's why I would get so much anxiety in high school and I would literally I couldn't fall asleep at night because there's so much pressure in my chest that you had that of Fear and like not feeling like I fit in and not feeling like I found my my people And so and I think part of that is just because like there's certain social things like I did not understand sarcasm at all Before knowing your family. Yeah, I did it at allasm at all before, before knowing your family. I didn't at all. And I remember in high school,

there were times that people would be a sarcastic and I think I took it, I took it very personally and I got mad. And then I think it made people weirded out by me. Like why is he, why is he, we're just joking around. And then it made me an easy target. It made me easy to pick on. And I think like I've just learned so much

and I've observed like how people interact socially and I understand it more. I understand sarcasm now. I used to not. I thought I did, but I didn't at all. And I think sarcasm, I love sarcasm. I think it's so funny. I love to be sarcastic with comments on,

dude, I'm so proud of this comment I made. You know Zane Zane you know Zane who had our who we had on our podcast Zane Haji he just like Posted pictures himself like his body transformation He like went through this you know big transformation and he looks Jack. He looks so good and I Made it like a sarcastic comment I just said I'm keeping my wife off Instagram for the next couple of days and it was the most like comment on his picture Yeah, which was like I was like I think that was it was sarcastic. I was joking, you know Well, I know yeah, I understand that was funny. I did it. I was proud of that comment. That was great. Thank you

Okay, hi five now. Yeah high five. Well, I'm proud of you and that is quite the Character arc you've had there. I don't know. I've also realized there's people that I thought were cool that like I wanted to be friends with, but they really didn't give me the time of day. And I've realized now I've like, I've come to this realization of I don't want to be their friend. Like if they don't want to, if they don't give me the time of day, I'm not going to give them the time of day. Like if, if they don't give me the time of day, I'm not gonna give them the time of day. Like if, you know, I just,

if someone's not being a good friend to you and is like, especially someone that just is full themselves or is like kind of a narcissist, like why would you wanna surround yourself with that? Why would you want to be more like that? Because whoever you surround yourself with is who you end up becoming. And so I wanna surround myself with very good,

genuine people who have values that I line with. I feel like I've gotten so lucky. I've had like all my friends are so good. And you, I think you got there quicker than I did. I just, my people pleasing kept me from getting there. Well Matt, I'm really happy that you're turning a leaf. I think that that is cool.

It's cool when you find people that you truly vibe with. This has just always been my personality though because I would always tell my best friend growing up She we've always talked about this because we're still friends this day since the fourth grade I actually just went and visited her this past weekend But I would always tell her in like fourth fifth and sixth grade like when I was really young I'd be like we're so weird and like I meant it in a like as a compliment Like I loved that we were weird like did funny things

Yeah, and she would kind of get offended a little bit and she'd always clarify and she always correct me Be like but we're in a cool way, right? And so she always say weird in a cool way and so that'd be like we're weird in a cool way just to her to make her happy But it's just funny showing that like difference in personality there. I like thought it was so cool to be weird. I don't know just funny showing that like difference in personality there. I like thought it was so cool to be weird. I don't know why. Like I was just like, I like standing out and being different. I was listening to this, this video today.

It, you know, it's one of those like, I don't know, falo- someone basically getting into philosophy- Was on Instagram? It's on YouTube. It was varied and it was stimulating for me and I loved listening to it. Anyway, basically talking about how people have all these preconceived ideas of what they think they want and how they think people view the world. And it was essentially talking about how what people really value deep down is personal

fulfillment in their life. Most people actually, most people don't value fame. And actually, most people don't value money deep down. Most people value some sort of personal fulfillment. But in our heads though, we think everyone around us wants fame, wants money, wants power. And they're talking about in this video that that's actually not the case.

And I thought that was so good that they were sharing that because I kind of bought the lie. Like I kind of bought the good that they were sharing that because I kind of bought the lie. Like I kind of bought the lie that, oh, maybe the more money I make, the happier I'll be. Or maybe the more followers I get, the happier I'll be. And it's a bunch of BS. And I think that you're truly happy when you find balance in your life.

Or you're gonna be the happiest. You're never gonna be perfectly happy. We're not perfect people, this is not a perfect world. But I think you're gonna be happiest when you find that balance between work and play and being creative and spending time with your kids, your spouse. When you find a balanced life, whatever that is for you,

that's when you find that happiness. Exactly, I love that. And I've realized my life, that's another thing my life before was out of balance and I feel like I'm finding my balance now. Wow. And it's been so much better. I love this version of you.

Thank you. Matt, isn't it, you know what? I've loved you before you even had a prefrontal cortex. You did? Yeah, I loved you when you were just a little baby. I loved you before you had one too, because when we were dating you didn't have that. You know, you- I think girls get it earlier. You do, I think women develop you had one too because when we were dating you didn't have that you know you girls get it earlier

Do I think women develop theirs at 23 minutes 25 on average? And that's like that's an average age because think about puberty people go through puberty around like Do you think that I got mine before 23 or right at 23? Probably before you're probably an early riser and I was a late bloomer for sure early riser early riser right early Bird you got your prefrontal cortex early to maturity Yeah, you probably got it at like 22 21 Yeah, I've loved you since before you had a prefrontal cortex, babe That is very soon and I have noticed you changed a lot you have yeah in a good way Is that it? Yes, it's been a good thing your prefrontal cortex is doing a lot for you. Thank you so much

And there's something specific that you're like I like this new version of Matt Just feel like you have your feet on the ground Was there a certain event that made you realize that no? I've honestly always thought like you really are just like a very Good and grounded individual even though it sometimes I'm like when you're talking like this is not coming across the way that it's not gonna be perceived the way that he means it sometimes I say things and I'm like I don't I feel like I totally did not communicate what I was trying to say right there but you're also very good communicator sometimes I'm not sometimes I say stupid stuff that I'm like at that that did not come out no I think everyone does that yeah I do that

too all the time you're way better with your words. No, I'm not. You're way, oh my gosh, you're so much better. Can we talk about how my face looks different? Your face does look different. It's crazy how pregnancy does that. Yeah, some people when they're pregnant, they get to keep their face. I'm like, oh wow. You can tell that I'm pregnant even if my belly's not in the picture. Yeah, you can just tell. I feel like I'm still going down. I feel like your face has gone back to what it looked like before pregnancy. Do you feel like you're back? Do you feel like you're full self again? Well this is where I was going to talk about the mommy makeover. Oh, okay, talk about your mommy makeover.

What did you want to say about mommy makeovers? The thing is, I'm never going to feel like my self. You know what it is? Do you know what my take on it is? What? I think people just want to, people don't like people having something that they can't have. And I think mommy makeovers because it's not cheap. People that can't afford them are probably jealous and I think that's why people have

harsh opinions on them. Truly, I think that's what it is. I don't have a harsh opinion. My opinion is I'm really glad that they're available for people that want them and are able to get them. But then there's me that is having an internal battle because like I, first of all, I feel great. I'm starting to feel so good postpartum. I'm six months out, almost seven months. I'm feeling amazing. I feel like I can start to do things I want to do again. The one thing that is a little frustrating is that I can lose the weight but there's always

gonna be extra skin on my belly. Can I just hype you up? You look incredible. Thank you. Like you literally look so good. I cannot believe that you have birthed two children and you look the way that you look. Well I mean I appreciate that but you can tell the people. It's very clear looking at me, like my bare stomach. I've had a baby. I've had two babies. I mean, not really, honey. You look so good.

Matt. And look, obviously, you know, there's stuff that goes, there's genetics that go into this. I do think you have good genetics, but you work very hard and you go, you work out five days a week and I've attended your workout before. It is not easy. I left with very sore legs I could not walk for the next couple days. Yeah, well, that's the thing that there's where I'm coming from right there Right like I can work so hard, but there are things that is out of my power

Yeah, the extra skin on my belly is gonna is out of my power and some people don't get that I got that I have wrinkly belly skin and it just kind of gathers at my belly button. I have like a, like, you know, to an angel and a devil on my shoulder. And the devil's like, that's not fair. Like you worked so hard. You should be able to have like a belly like you had before. But then the angels like, Oh, you're talking about the women. I remember you showed me these videos of people like years ago, you'd be like, Matt, look at this woman. And she'd have like legit abs.

And then she'd pull her belly. And you could pull out like six inches. Cause it's like from having a baby. And then my angels like, oh my gosh, like this is just what motherhood looks like for you. Like you, that is where you got to hold and grow your babies. And watch me cry right now because, and like you're forever changed because of that.

Like that experience changed. It's like left a stamp on like you're forever changed because of that. Like that experience changed, it's like left a stamp on you and you should be proud of that. So like I have this angel on this devil on my shoulder. I actually think every mom- When it comes to mommy makeovers. I think every mom needs to make a decision for themselves. It needs to, if, whether they do that or they don't,

it needs to be fully their decision and fully be- And it doesn't, and I don't think we need to demonize anybody. I'm not doing that. I think everyone should do what they wanna do with that. Do it when I, if you have the means and you have the want to change your body

after having a baby, do that. I think that's awesome that they can do that. I think the danger that you run into with these like plastic surgeries and stuff is like, if you are constantly getting- Is this slippery slope? If you're constantly getting work done, then I feel like it shows that there's some sort

of insecurity inside that you like need to go to therapy for. That's why I didn't wanna get my teeth done. Or you need to work through. Cause I was like, am I now gonna wanna change so many things about myself? But you know what? Every single day I look in the mirror and I love my teeth.

I'm obsessed with them. I love them way more than my natural teeth. And I'm just like, I wanna smile more. And I wanna just like, it's like I don't, it's like I don't even have to wear makeup because I have teeth that I love. I'm really happy that you love your teeth because you asked me so many times,

Matt, what should I do? Matt, what should I do? And I wouldn't give. I got vineyards for those of you that don't know. And I wouldn't give you an answer. Because I was like. You never answered me. Because I was like, I, this is not my decision to make.

You do whatever you think is best. Yeah. But my thing is now, eventually what you ended up saying was what was holding you back. You were like, well, I want it, but I'm worried about what people think. Well, I also worried about myself too because I had put in the same category as plastic surgery and I'm not anti plastic surgery for other people. There's a part of me that's anti plastic surgery for myself.

Now don't clip this. Have you see me in five years with new boobies or something. Abby's like in five years I got this Botox done and her face is like, what's the face you do? Your Botox face is so... But then here's my thing, this summer, am I going to wear a bikini? Yeah, I'm going to wear a bikini because... You're going to look freaking good in that bikini. And I'm gonna be natural. And you know what? There's gonna be a weird belly button

because I got extra skin and I had a double hernia. And you're gonna rock it. And I'm just gonna put it out there. I'm gonna think about it a little bit. Beautiful. But sometimes I'm like maybe plastic surgery is worth it so you're not sitting there at the pool thinking about your belly when you can think about your family. But then maybe it's not sitting there at the pool thinking about your belly

and you can think about your family. But then maybe it's not okay to fix the exterior, you just gotta fix the interior. I don't know, this is why I got an angel and a devil. Well that's gonna have to cut it off for today guys. Thank you so much for listening to our show. We really appreciate you just kinda sitting on the couch with us. Until next time. See ya.

Bye.