The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Marriage Counseling, Our Son’s 2nd Birthday & Our Thoughts on 'Quiet on Set'

Episode Date: April 17, 2024

Matt & Abby discuss their new experience starting marriage counseling together and share their big plans for their son Griffin’s 2nd birthday. They also share their thoughts on the "Quiet on Set: The Dark Side of Kids TV" documentary and the allegations and criminal charges surrounding it. This episode is sponsored by DoorDash, Liquid IV, Dreamland & Blueland. DoorDash: Sign up for DashPass today and get your first 30 days free if you’re a new member. Subject to change. Terms apply.  Liquid IV: Get 20% off your first order of Liquid I.V. when you go to https://LiquidIV.com and use code UNPLANNED at checkout.  Dreamland: Go to https://dreamlandbabyco.com and enter code UNPLANNED at checkout to receive 20% off sitewide + free shipping.  Blueland: Get 15% off your first order by going to https://Blueland.com/UNPLANNED. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We officially started marriage counseling. It's happening. I don't care how perfect your marriage is. I think you could benefit from counseling, because there's things that will get on your nerves about your partner. You don't have to be close to divorce to start counseling. No.

I was thinking that going overboard for kids' parties was laughable. No, we're doing this for us. It's for Griffin. He's not going to remember it, honey. What happened to Drake Bell happened before he filmed any season of Drake and Josh. I can't believe that he only got 16 months.

16 months, you do all those horrible things to a kid and you only get 16 months in prison? This episode contains sensitive topics related to child abuse. How have you liked me being on my ADHD medicine, by the way? I took it for the second time ever yesterday. Yeah. Did it freak you out? Was I too serious?

You were clearly on something. Dude, I felt so productive. We were at an office, Matt, though, and you like ran into the table. That happens anyway. When I'm not on my medicine, I run into stuff. I'm very clumsy. What I meant by saying you ran into the table is that you were like literally going so fast yesterday that I was like, I cannot catch up

with this man. Like, you ran, like, all over the place. And so it's hard to tell the difference between you on your medicine and you not. I think the difference is like you even take on a faster speed. Is that it's like I'm on 2x speed. But I thought you were supposed to slow you down because you're already so fast.

No, I mean, it just makes me more focused. And I was I was just determined to get my work done during my work hours, because after five o'clock, I'm off. I'm with my kids. I'm spending time with them. I don't want to be messing around. I'm like on a mission. I just felt like I couldn't like I feel like I thought you on your medicine would make you like me normally like every day, you know, where I'm like,

can kind of stay focused on a task and get things done and not get distracted. But like, I couldn't keep up with you even more so, because like I get in the car, you're like, my computer broke. I'm like, okay, wait, what? Your computer broke? Like, what's wrong with it?

You're like, the keypad won't work, the mousepad won't work. I'm like, well, wait, why is it not working? You're like, I dropped it. Like I had to get information out of you. And I was like, wait, let's step back. Which, you know. Maybe we can try to fix it. The computer has it's five years old. So I've been needing a new computer anyway. So I broke it really at the perfect time. Well, okay. It was not convenient yesterday that I broke my computer, but

I was needing a new one anyway. I'll tell you what my 2015 computer has not failed me. Abby, it doesn't work anymore. I don't think you're 20. No, I think it's a 2014 MacBook Air. No, it's a 2015. OK. Don't age her like that. You know what's funny? I remember when you did this.

You went to Best Buy. I don't know why you went to go get your MacBook. Because where else are you going to get a computer? You went to Best Buy to go buy your MacBook. And then they talked you into getting the Air, which is fine. I think that the MacBook Air is good for most people. But I think I told them I wanted the Air. I know the difference.

But then you walked out of there with the model that was two years old. And you were like, Matt, I got $200 off. I'm like, yeah, because you got the computer that was two years old. Well, you know what? You know how I paid for that computer? My high school graduation party. Your graduation party. That's so sweet.

So I was operating on a budget. I could use a $200 savings. That's so sweet. Yeah. I think about how generous that I could use a $200 savings. That's so sweet. Yeah, I think about how generous that is too. Like you have a high school graduation party and people like gave you, that was so nice. That was the best. And that's what I used to buy my computer

and I still use that computer today. Yes, it takes a little time. You're lying though. You use my computer all the time. Well, I use your computer sometimes. Literally every day. If I don't have the time to work with old grandma. I'm in the middle of working and you're like,

Matt, I need to use your computer. I'm like, I'm in the middle of working and you're like, Matt, I believe I need to use your computer. I'm like, Abby, can you just go buy yourself a computer and stop using mine? Heck no. The way that computers cost today, yours was like $3,000. There's actually a new MacBook Air. You should get the new MacBook Air. I think I might just get an iPad, honestly.

Really? Why an iPad? I don't know. It seems fun. You can't. See, you're still going to need it. Like when you do your voiceovers for your TikToks, you're going to still have to come over

and use my computer though. What's wrong with that? I don't want, that's the whole point is I want to have my own and you have your own. It's not like I do those every day. You know what? Honestly, your computer breaking happened at the most ironic time.

It was frustrating because I had my day, I scheduled out my whole entire day, the day before. So I had everything down to a science, what time I was doing everything. Usually I'm not that structured. I had taken my medicine. And so I was so excited just to be a productive because I just get so easily distracted.

And that's why, and you know more than anybody, that's why in the past they used to be up at three o'clock in the morning working because I would just, you know, I would get distracted and I would like work on projects that had nothing to do with accomplishing the most important projects at hand. So I would just get stuck working all the time and it was exhausting and frustrating. So I was so excited to crush the day yesterday. It didn't really, didn't really work out, but hey, we're here. We're still alive.

I say it's ironic is because we were literally talking earlier that day about how our generation thinks if it's broken, you gotta go get a new one. You don't think, oh, let's try to fix it. You just wanna throw it away and get a new one, which I was just giving you a hard time because you were just talking about that and then you did that exact same thing with your computer.

Well, you know what my plan is. Did you throw it away? So my whole plan all along, you thought I was just gonna throw away my computer? I didn't think you did. Are you kidding me? It's still in the car. My plan all along was to buy an upgrade my computer and then give you my current computer because you just use it for emails and some like basic like video editing here and there.

So I thought like hey, you don't need the processing power of like the brand new one and you use my current one anyway. You never use your MacBook Air. Let's be honest. you never use that thing. I crank her out sometimes. You bring her out maybe once a month to like respond to an email or something just to make sure she's still working. She's still working. Yeah, I hate when I get that rainbow circle on there. You know what's annoying though is they were about to sell, they're about to upcharge me 300 bucks on Applecare yesterday. And I almost paid it. But then if you get Applecare and then your computer breaks, there's still a $300 charge you have to pay to fix your computer. And when I when my computer broke the first time three, no, two and a half years ago,

it was like five or six hundred dollars to fix it. So it's like I almost saved money by not paying for the Applecare. If that makes sense now. Now my computer is broken twice. I've had the computer for about four and a half years. It's like I almost saved money by not paying for the Apple care. If that makes sense. Now, now my computer is broken twice. I've had the computer for about four and a half years. It's broken twice. Maybe it would have been in my best interest to get the Apple care, but still it's just like, what is up with it's supposed to be the best computer in the world.

And yet they broke it. Keep freaking breaking on me. Sorry, I just spaced out. That's okay. You look really hot. It happens to me. You look so hot today. Thank you so much.

You know why you're saying that? It's because you dressed me. You picked out my pants. You picked out my shirt. I do think you could do a different hat with the outfit. I agree. I couldn't. There was a different hat that I wanted to wear with this outfit, but I think it was in our closet where our seven month old is sleeping. He's not asleep in there. He's not? No. So I could have gotten my cooler hat to wear with this outfit. That is disappointing. Now I'm sad. I'll have to switch this out after the podcast. I can't believe you just said that our baby was sleeping in the closet. It's just dark in there,

okay guys? It's a really big space. No, I would defend your kids sleeping in your closet is the best place for them to sleep. We have a walk-in closet. A baby, a baby. We have a walk-in closet. It's pitch black. It's very quiet. Closets are actually where if somebody has like a home studio, if you're an artist and you don't really have like a soundproof studio, most people record in their closet because it's so quiet. So it's actually- Yeah, he has his sound machine reverberating

all over those walls. It's, no, no, no, but it's like, it's just really quiet in there. And the sound machine does, you know, help him sleep too, but it's just the perfect sleep conditions. And so he loves it. It's great. I think it's a great idea that he's in the closet.

Eventually we'll move him into Griffin's room and they'll have bunk beds one day. It'll be kind of cute. Oh, that's going to be adorable. I'm afraid for them to sleep in the same room, though, because it's already hard enough when one of them wakes up. Imagine one of them waking both of them up. That sounds impossible at this point. Yeah.

I know we'll get there. Maybe we'll get there when Griffin's two and Augie's one. Which is really coming up. I know. He turns there. Maybe we'll get there when Griffin's two and Augie's one. Which is really coming up. I know. He turns to July 3rd. And we're gonna throw a party. Oh yeah, okay. Here's my dilemma.

So for the first birthday, we were pretty cash. We just had friends over. We ordered Chipotle. Like I made the cake and it was just like, it was cute. We did a little like decorative thing, but it was very like it was cute. We did a little like decorative thing, but it was very like low-key Yeah, I'm kind of tempted to do the all-out party for the second one. I love it What's walk me through your game plan the reason I want to let me say this

The reason I want to is because Griffin now has little friends That's so and think about like when he was one he didn't really know what's going on now He's gonna have little friends and think about how sweet that would be for them all to have like a little fun celebration together. That's so sweet. I love that. So I'm thinking Griffin is obsessed with Toy Story. It's really probably mainly because that's the only movie he's really watched. Yeah, he watched that and he watched Top on Easter and he has a great attention span.

Can I say that? He does. He well, he loves movies. Does that count? Does attention span count for movies? People don't take their kids to the movie theater until they're like five and even then they're like nervous that they're not even able to sit still. We should take Griffin to the movie theater. He would love it. Why do I think he would actually do really well? Abby, grab that kid some popcorn. Oh wait, can one year olds not have popcorn? I don't think they can.

No, they can't have popcorn. I thought I looked this up. Like when Griffin was eight months, I wanted to feed him some popcorn I looked it up and it said no don't give your eight month old popcorn. He's at well he's not eight months he's okay maybe maybe once they're like a year and a half they're fine but yeah he would love the movie theater. I think he would actually do well because people wait until their kids are like in elementary school to do that because they're worried about their them being able to sit still. Really? I think he would he likes Toy Story and I think it'd be really cute. It hit me one day when I was playing. We do to infinity and beyond and I know I'm not the first person that's thought of that, but I think it'd be really cute. The reason can we talk about we need to like break

down that theme though. Exactly. So Griffin, he's learning his numbers and the one number that he loves is two. So if we're like Griffin, say three, he'll go two. We're like, say one, he'll say two. It's like, it's kind of the only number he really knows to be honest. Well, no, if I say how many, he'll always say two. Yeah. And so I'm like, how many cars are there?

He'll say two. Does he hold up two fingers? He holds up one finger and says two. We're working on it. We're still figuring that out. But when he says two originally though, that all came from him going down the slide. He'd want us to count him down. So we'd go one, two, three, and then he'd go down the slide. So he just like, when he says two, it really just means, hey, start the countdown. I'm about to go down. Hey start the countdown hit the timer guys

Yeah, so obviously he loves the number two, but he's also turning to yes and the movie Buzz always says to infinity and beyond our little switch is from the number two. Okay, hold up What if I put on a Buzz Lightyear costume at the party? Like what if I was like, yeah, that'd be so funny He's his boss. I could probably we should buy a costume and I could be buzz lightyear for the birthday party You kind of look more like Woody though. I really well, maybe we could hire Oh my brother head is shaped just like Woody Woody It still freaks me out when I take my hat off like holy crap my hair's gone

when What if we convinced my, my, my older brother, Caleb, you know, my older brother. Yeah. Why do you always say that? I know Caleb. I don't know. Ever since Matt and I started dating, he always says my older brother, Caleb, or my little brother, Josh. I'm like, I have met them many times. I did that on purpose that time because I knew. I know you did.

Anyway, um, Caleb and I could tag team. So one of us is Woody, one of us is Buzz. That'd be so sick. Griffin would freak out. He would love it. Cute. I like that. Okay. Um, here's the, here's the main problem though for the birthday party, honey. It's going to be 120 degrees in Phoenix. Let's just be honest. It was so hot. His birthday party. So hot. We're making a pool party. Griffin's now in swim lessons. Okay. Yeah. I guess we could do a pool party. That could work. Yeah. What do we do for all the little kids though? Cause it's like little kids like in a pool that can be a little, a little scary. Well, here's, I haven't got. We can hire a lifeguard. What if we had a lifeguard?

My brother's a lifeguard. We could have someone dress up as Ken, you know, like Barbie and Ken from the Toy Story movies. What if we had paid actors at Griffin? Wait, did you know that I used to do that? I used to play Batman. Yeah, I knew that. I played Batman at kids birthday parties. One time I was Spider-Man. Oh my gosh.

See, I'm gonna like make a fool out of myself now. It's been so long. You have like, talk like this. I'd be like, happy birthday kid. I did that too at a tea party. I was Princess Anna. That is so sweet. Was it just one tea party? No, a couple. I remember at the time, I think I got $50 per party and I was like, and I was like, this is epic. Because I used to get paid $30 to mow someone's lawn. And it would take me about two hours to mow a lawn and to drive all the way out to a birthday party,

show up for 30 minutes and drive all the way home, I could usually do- How did you get involved in this? There was a friend of a friend that owned this party company that would, they just started doing it themselves. They would dress up as Elsa, Anna, all the different Disney characters.

And so it was these two girls, these two sisters that started this. But then they realized that for boys parties, like boys wanted to have Batman, boys wanted to have Spider-Man. And so they started finding like, yeah, teenage high school kids that could play Batman, Spider-Man. The most, can I tell you the most fun one? This one was so sweet. One time a preschool hired me out and I was Spider-Man at a

preschool and all these little boys were so excited. Like they were freaking out to was Spider-Man at a preschool and all these little boys were so ex- like they were freaking out to see Spider-Man and like I told them to like be a good person and like do good things in the world and just like out and they were just like so inspired by seeing Spider-Man that day. It was the sweetest thing ever. Okay, that kind of changed my mind because I was about to say I feel like it usually is a little sus when people try to do their own. What's like teenage kids that are coming to your house when you hire Spider-Man or Batman to come to the party? See, I was about to say,

we should leave that to the professionals at Disney World, like when they're actually in those real costumes, because I've seen some sketchy-looking princess wanna-be, superhero superhero wannabe situations. Here's the thing, you gotta find the right company. So like if they have an Instagram or like a website, you can usually see visually what Spider-Man or Batman will look like before they come to the party.

Also think about it, there's probably been some really messed up accents being used for some of these. That's true, that's true. Today's episode is sponsored by DoorDash. Guys, if it wasn't for DoorDash, I would be screwed because when Abby's gone and I'm with the boys, it's hard enough to take care of my kids alone, then add trying to feed myself into the mix. So I just DoorDash myself food when Abby's gone.

It should be completely transparent. That's what I do. Then I'm able to like fully be present with my boys and make sure that they're taken care of. And I'm not stressed out, worried about how I'm going to get to eat. And multitasking has never been your strong suit. It's not. It's really not. I'm horrible at multitasking. But you're good at finding solutions. Exactly. Like DoorDash.

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Sign up for DashPass today and get your first 30 days free if you're a new member. Subject to change terms apply. Back to the episode. You can't put me on the spot right now to do my Batman accent. Cause I feel like I pretty much nailed it at the time. Like I worked on it.

I practiced this accent. I was getting paid $50 for this party. So I freaking, I was all in. I didn't get paid to do mine. So you were really- One time though, this was so bad. I got in trouble. This actually led to a falling out with the party company Because they gave me an address

But it was in a new neighborhood and it took me like 30 minutes Out like into a different direction that wasn't where the party was I'm like i'm like driving around all over town trying to figure out how to find this house And I was already running late, you know me. I was like, I feel like it was bad But basically the address took me to a completely different location. I was super late to the party. They ended up having like the owner, like she was the person that would play like Elsa. So she showed up, you know, dressed in like an Elsa costume at the party. And then I showed up like 45 minutes late because I didn't have the address took me.

I think there's Batman coming. Did you sleep in Batman? Yeah, it was, that was not good. So that's when you got fired? So actually no. I think what ended up happening is they wanted to get me like on a schedule, but see like I was so disorganized back then. I was like, hey, could you just like ask me like the week before and then I'll like let you know yes or no, but they wanted to have like a schedule, like a calendar. Yeah, like you've already been late before. Yeah, and so I just think we kind of just like, didn't really talk to each other after that.

I'm sure they found a new Batman. Dang, those are hard to find. That's crazy, yeah. I don't know, maybe you guys can dress up, but you'd have to get like a legit costume, I feel like. We could buy a legit costume or rent it. We could just rent a Woody or Buzz costume. I'm sure they make one somewhere.

Here's some of the things, I didn't really work out the factor of the heat like you brought up, good point, but we can address that later. It's gonna be really freaking hot. It's gonna be so hot. I remember last time. We'll bring it inside then.

We had the photo area to take photos for like five minutes outside and everyone was dripping sweat, like trying to do, and we just rushed back inside after photos cause it was just so hot that day Another option is we could do the misters we could like install misters on our back patio like they have at restaurants in Arizona and And in like Vegas because the misters will like literally drop the temperature like 15 degrees. That's something to think about I

Haven't thought about the logistics as much I'll leave that to you But I'm thinking or honestly, we should probably get a party much. I'll leave that to you, but I'm thinking, or honestly we should probably get a party planner because I'm not even able to pull this together. But I think it'd be really cute if all the little kids had little Woody cowboy hats, because Griffin loves hats. And you shut their little table setting, they could have a cowboy Woody hat.

We could have pizza and call it pizza planet, like get the logos on it. And, cause Griffin loves pizza. And we could also, I'm just thinking there's a lot pizza and call it pizza planet like wait logos on it yes and cuz Griffin love is pizza and we could also I'm just thinking there there's a lot of ways we could go with this that would be really fun what if we paid a fancy cake shop to make like a legit cake where it's like a cake that looks like buzz like find like you like it's literally the Buzz Lightyear or a rocket ship or something but it's cake you know where you know that show where it's like is it cake? Yeah, it's like that

It looks real. Yeah, and then you can slice into it. That would be freaking. Yeah, I I Feel like I was thinking that going overboard for kids parties was like laugh. No, we're doing this for us Now this is cool. This is so sick. It's for Griffin. He's not gonna remember it honey. Baby you bug me so much. You're literally one of those haters that's like don't take him to Disney because they're not gonna remember it. It's like no they will remember how they felt. They might not remember the details. They'll remember that their childhood was magical and joy-filled and that their parents were adventurous and fun. They're not gonna to remember Disney, maybe not, no,

but they'll remember how they felt at Disney. I'll be honest. I have like two memories from when I was four, maybe one memory from when I was three. My memory really started when I was five. So like everything before that- I don't remember anything before second grade. What?

Even then it's fuzzy. Are you serious? Even then it's fuzzy. How? How? I don't know, I have a terrible memory. I have so many memories from kindergarten. You have a better memory than I do. What are you talking about?

I remember when I lost my tooth in kindergarten. I have a lot of memories from kindergarten. I could talk to you. I could write a book about kindergarten. Really? Yeah. Hmm. A lot happened.

See, I don't remember kindergarten, but I remember how I felt in kindergarten. Then in first grade, there was a kid that peed his pants. And we were like, dude, I can't believe he peed his pants. That's crazy. Cause like, you're supposed to not be like, pee your pants at that point.

If you're seven, what the heck's wrong with you? Well kindergarten, you're like five. You're six. Well, I did kindergarten twice. So I was five and six. You were seven. Yeah, I was five and six. Did it twice.

So one set of public school, one set of private school. Did you do the public school first? I did. And the teacher was the teacher that told my mom to get me on ADHD medicine and it made my mom upset. And then she had me do kindergarten twice. Wait, so did you finish out the year though after that point? I really, like my mom held me back because I was hyper. No, but did you finish out that year of kindergarten and then you did another year?

Yeah, exactly. But look, I'm not going to, I have great parents. I'm very thankful for them. They did a great job. I'm not going to question. They're listening to this podcast. They're listening to this podcast right now. You have awesome parents. But you have awesome parents.

I do have awesome parents. But like, I will say, I got bored a lot in school because I think I was ready to learn more and I was sitting learning stuff that I already knew, learning stuff that came easy to me. You're like A, B, C, D, D, blah, blah, blah. Move on. So that's why like having accelerated programs for kids or I don't know. See the thing is like, it was nice that I was the oldest in my grade all growing up.

And I think that gave me like a competitive edge. But at the same time, there was so much that I wanted to learn that I wasn't learning because I got held back and because I've always just been very curious. So I'm glad that we're going to, I think, homeschool our kids because I think we can just cater their learning towards their level, whatever that is for them and spur on their creativity. I want them to just be so creative and be so imaginative and whatever they want to do, I want them to do it. If they want to go play polo, I want them to play polo. If they want to

learn how to walk a tightrope and be an acrobat, I don't care what they want to do. I'm going to support them in whatever that is. But back to the birthday party, though, have you thought like, walk me through more of, cause I feel like you've really thought through this idea for Griffin's birthday. So I wanna know more of like the plan. I honestly really haven't thought through much of it. I'm not a big planner, but I-

You've been talking about this for months though. I had a lot of dreams. I'm dreaming in my head, but the execution is gonna need, I'm gonna need some assistance with that. I'm thinking I'm gonna contact a party planner. What if we just hired our friend Bella to do it? Cause she throws such good parties. I'm actually hiring her party planner.

Really? Yeah. Wait, she, oh, Bella has a party planner? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know. See, I just assumed Bella did it all, all of it herself. She can, but I mean, I feel like for big things, she like wants help. Yeah, we need-

Especially cause there's gonna be traveling. I will say though, we catered Chick-fil-A for Augie's gender reveal, and we catered Chipotle for Griffin's birthday party last year, both of those are great. Yeah, honestly, really. If we catered one of those again, Chipotle or Chick-fil-A would be amazing.

That's the way to do it though, because there's so many details, like to be able to cook for every guest, and it's like, here's the thing that I've realized is that it's way more important to me that I am present and enjoying holidays and birthdays. And I'm in good spirits, I'm not overly stressed. So if that means that I have Chipotle

and I'm not preparing food or grilling food or I have Chick-fil-A and I didn't, you know, bake pastries or something for the day. Like that's way more important. Totally. And like with Easter, I just had everyone else bring dishes and I made one dish and I was able to enjoy it. So yeah.

I think we have to acknowledge our privilege though, like catering Chick-fil-A or Chipotle can be a bit pricey. But I think like if we wanted to have more of a budget option, we could just like grill, like I could just grill burgers, I could grill hot dogs. That's a pretty good cheap option. That's true, but I think like if we wanted to have more of a budget option, we could just like grill like I could just grill burgers. I could grill hot dogs. That's a pretty good, that's true, but I still feel like I love, I freaking love Chipotle and Chick-fil-A, but honestly let's cater both. Can we just do both? Listen, what I'm saying is that they're still very affordable. Cause when you think about buying meat for everybody and buns and condiments and stuff, it's not going to be, it's going to be about the same price. Like Chipotle and Chick-fil-A.

And no, hot dogs are pretty cheap, honey. Hot dogs are really cheap. But they're also nasty. I'm just saying like that would be the cheap option. And if somebody doesn't like hot dogs, they could probably just buy some Chick-fil-A or Chipotle on the way over. Hmm. You know?

Anyway. I would say in the terms of catering, Chipotle and Chick-fil-A are on the bottom. Oh, yeah, compared to other ones. What's crazy to me about catering though, like even when we have catered Chipotle or Chick-fil-A are on the bottom. Oh, yeah, compared to other ones. What's crazy to me about catering though, like even when we have catered Chipotle or Chick-fil-A in the past, if you tally up like how many people are at the party and divide the total cost of the catering by the number of people, it still comes out to be about 10 to 12 bucks per person,

which is interesting because you would think that buying in bulk would save you money, but it really doesn't in that case. It's extra work for them. But like think about it, if everybody just went individually to triple layer, chick flame, or like, we got you, like put it on our card, whatever, we would still get out to about the same price, which is kind of a logistical nightmare. Yeah, we're not going to do that. But that always just baffled me.

I'm like, wow, we really are just buying in bulk without even saving anything. Honestly, Costco does the same thing. You buy in bulk sometimes at Costco and you don't save anything. You end up just spending like 400 bucks. And you're like, how did I came in here for the five dollar rotisserie chicken? Now, no, we have a cart. We did. House two years ago.

Well, they do like sausages. They taste like hot dogs. So we don't even like Costco's rotisserie chickens are pumped with so many hormones that they don't even taste like chicken anymore. Remember when don't even like Costco's rotisserie chickens are pumped with so many hormones They don't even taste like chicken anymore. Remember when we watched it He's like mystery meat. Remember we watched sea spear see and we pledged to never eat seafood ever again And then like two weeks later, we started eating sushi. We like sushi sushi too much. I like fish. I like sushi I like shrimp. I like salmon. I like meat. I like cows and pigs

I like to eat them. I will. As soon as it's like reasonably affordable to buy the lab created meat where it's like still real meat, but it was just like grown in a lab and it's not like an animal being killed, we're gonna buy that. Thank you to Liquid IV for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

Matt, what are some things you like to do in the summertime? I like to drink Liquid IV. Actually, I can't even drink liquid IV because you always drink my liquid IV. Whenever I get liquid IV, when I got the white grape flavor, you drink all of it. No, that's my flavor.

I was thinking you were going to say something like go on a bike ride with the boys. Because you go on bike rides literally every single day. OK, that's the thing. I think I'm going to build like a skate ramp for the boys, which I'm really excited about because I want to teach Griffin how to skateboard. You do understand that our children are zero and one.

One year olds can learn how to skateboard. He can barely walk. Well, let me tell you, he surely won't be able to do that without some hydration. Exactly. And that is why I'm really thankful to Liquid IV. In fact, let me crack open one right now. A single stick of Liquid IV makes ordinary hydration

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And I personally always opt for the sugar-free flavors. Actually, not always. I have had their other flavors, but I tend to gravitate more towards the sugar-free flavors, which like we said, they have green grape, white peach. They also have a raspberry melon one, which I have yet to try, which sounds delicious. We need to get that one. And lemon lime, which is also really good. So turn your ordinary water into extraordinary hydration with Liquid IV. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to liquid IV dot com and use code unplanned at checkout. That's 20% off your first order when you shop better hydration today

using promo code unplanned at liquid IV dot com. Back to the episode. Matt, when you start saying some of this off the wall stuff, I'm just like, OK. I don't like killing animals. If you were the one killing the animal, you would not do it. If I was like, Abby, here's this chicken, cut its head off. You would not do it. But you're out here eating chicken sandwiches.

Well, I wouldn't. I feel like they don't cut their heads off. They probably do something more humane. No, they cut their heads off or they like tug their head. Like they pull their head out. You have to put a content warning on this podcast because that's so... Everyone's out here eating meat and pretending like they don't know how animals are killed so we can eat them.

You know what I'm saying? I mean, it's my personal opinion that they should be treated well, but they're here for us to eat. What's sad though is a lot of times they're not treated well. Matt, okay, you're acting here like you're a vegan. I'm not, I want to be more vegan. I would like to eat more vegan options though.

Just to take care of the animals and it's better for the planet too. Did you know that when you eat less meat it's like less carbon emissions. Yes I know that. Sorry. That kind of when I brought up the dead chickens I think that really brought the mood down. Please don't act like you didn't just get a Chick-fil-A meal. I love Chick-fil-A meal. I do. I love Chick-fil-A. I had sushi last night. I did have sushi last night. And ribs. I also had hey you ordered the short ribs Yeah Maybe someday speaking of which you were freaking knocking down the wine last night. Can we talk about that?

Like you she was like do you want a six out glass of wine or a nine ounce glass of wine? You said nine like you were, you were ready to unplug. I don't drink hard. I probably have a drink once or twice a month. Yeah. And when I drink, it's one glass. Once a week, probably. Nuh-uh.

At this point. You are so full of it. Which is funny because when we first got married, you told me that you were never gonna drink ever. Which really, which shocked me a lot. I was like, you don't even think like, maybe just on special occasions, you're like, nope, I'm not drinking. Well, you know, I had personal reasons for that. What were your personal reasons? There's been history of alcoholism in my family. I just

know how that would, how I would handle it. And then when I tried alcohol, I don't have that gene or whatever it is. There's no way because I'm just not, I'm always content with, I do limit myself. When I have a drink, I'll have one drink. Now, Matt did tell me that nine ounces counts as two drinks. I don't count it because it fit in one glass. So it was one drink for me. I'm pretty sure it's like four or four and a half ounces is a glass of wine, but no, same thing in my family.

My great grandma, her dad. So I guess it'd be my great, great grandpa. Okay, that's not that close. Yeah, not that close, but he was an alcoholic. No, Matt, it was like generations in my family. And you know why my great, my great grandma grew up Catholic and then her dad died in a fire because he was drunk and the house burned down and he was, he was like too drunk to get out. And so ever since that day, yeah. And so she saw the house like burning and her dad inside. I know, I don't know the whole story, but I know that her dad died in a fire because he was an alcoholic

and didn't get out of the house. And so then she converted to Baptist and then her and my great grandpa were, they were like very Baptist, very Southern Baptist. So they didn't drink. Never drank. And it wasn't until my grandpa was like in his 80s, I think he started having like a glass of red wine here and there, which he said for his heart, but I've read a lot of articles recently

how any amount of alcohol at all is not good for you. Like even if you occasionally drink, it's still not good for you. Oh my gosh, it's one of those things where you're gonna find an article that says it's good for you, you're gonna find an article that says it's the worst thing for you. No, it's just, it's a scientific fact, it's not good for you.

All right, well, you know. I still drink here and there, like I'm not trying to act like I'm some like perfect person. I like never drink alcohol, but no, I can like, I totally see where you're coming from though. Cause that I was like, oh Frick, like that's, that's pretty, pretty scary, you know, anyway. Well, that's why.

And then I actually enjoy it every, you're acting. I literally have one or two drinks a month. Yeah. I wasn't enjoying you and get a glass of wine last night, but I did have wine two days ago. So I was just like, I don't want to, I just try to limit myself to one drink a week. Yeah, you know what?

I enjoyed it. Yeah, it's fun. You know, the thing is it helps me relax, especially like when my brain is working like a million miles a minute, it helps me like slow down, chill out. And it does it so quickly, right? It's like a liquid form of helps me like slow down, chill out, and it does it so quickly, right? It's like a liquid form of helping you like slow down, chill out, just relax. But I've realized, okay,

there's more natural methods that I can turn to. For sure. Because I think it's so dangerous if you become reliant on a substance to do that for yourself because then eventually it can ruin your health. You can become addicted, you know, all those things. You know what you might need? What? A sleepy girl cocktail, mocktail. What the heck is that? I've never heard of it. I don't know, I think it involves tart cherry juice and some type of magnesium. A sleepy girl cocktail? Yeah, people have been making these online to wind down at the end of the day to make themselves sleepy. For me, just reading, like reading a book before bed really relaxes me. I'm on my fourth Hunger Games book. I've read through the whole entire Hunger Games series and now I'm on the song of the song bird and the snakes or whatever. It's the movie that we just saw. The new the new Hunger Games movie,

it's the prequel. I'm reading that book right now. Wait, are there any more books other than that one? Uh no, that's it. And I think when I finish that- I think she's writing more though, isn't she? Yeah, I think when I finish that one I might read the Aragon series again. I read those- No, you're supposed to read A Court of Thorns and Roses. See, I think when I finish that one, I might read the Aragon series again. I read those. No, you're supposed to read A Court of Thorns and Roses. See, I kind of want to go through and read all the books that I read when I was a kid. Cause I was big into reading when I was a kid.

You said you were gonna read it. I'll read it. I'll read it. I promise you, I'll read it. You like, it's really good? I really like it. Okay, here's the thing though. You said the first 90% of the book is boring.

It's not boring. It's just not my genre. It's the furthest thing from boring. Okay, well I like it. The first things that happen right at the beginning will shock you. I'll like it though. Yes. Will it be pretty crazy? You'll like it. Okay. You'll definitely like it because I was going to say you might not like it because the protagonist is a girl, but the hungry one's. Yeah, that's true. Well, I have nothing against women. Why are you acting like I'm- No, but I like to read books from a woman's perspective, so I figured you like to read books from a man's perspective. It doesn't matter to read books from a man's perspective doesn't matter to me because I'm gonna expose a male female

I'm down with whoever the protagonist is. Can I say something? What what do you I talked about all the books I read recently and Matt and our editor cut it out apparently Okay, we'll keep it in the episode this time talk to me about the books you're reading right now. What's exciting you? Let's let's hear it. So I'm reading the second book to the Court of Thorns and Roses a court of mist and fury Oh, you're actually reading that one book, too I thought you're reading the sequel to the the silent patient No, cuz that the silent patient's equals is like literally sitting on right next to your nightstand. It's been yeah I just need it on my Kindle

Oh, yeah, it's just been sitting on my nightstand. I'm gonna read it's not a sequel It's just written by the same author. That was a gift that I bought you at the airport. I'm gonna read it I just think I might need to get the Kindle version. Okay get the Kindle version. It's anyway, um, so I'm reading that right now Everyone says book two is better than book one. Really? I'm really excited. I'm like 30% through. I love when sequels are better That's so they say. So rare. They actually say the whole series just kind of keeps getting better, but they said book three is a little boring, but we'll see. I'll be the judge of that. I read the Magnolia Park series, which was going crazy on book talk. Shockingly crude. Like the language and the content really, really crude.

There's also no climax to this book, Matt. It's a call it character study book. So it's literally like, say a normal book is like watching a whole movie where you have one climax and one resolution. It's like you're watching a whole TV series where there's a bunch of mini climaxes but there's no one big thing you're working up to. I like that, I like that a lot.

So that was interesting, but I didn't really love it personally, but I feel like I'm gonna read the whole series, honestly, because I'm kind of interested, I don't't know it's just also an easy read I also read are you bored yet sorry I my brain got like this is the last one I'll talk about what I read what's it called what's it called the house across the lake okay yeah you explained the whole book to me and you made it so confusing and then I had to ask you a lot of questions about it but it's a book that you have to read. It sounds really good though. It is really really really good, but there's one thing about the

book I did not like and when I posted about it, everyone that DM'd me was like that was the thing I didn't like either, but I didn't say what it was and I can't say now because it'll spoil it, but there's an element to this book that I do not like reading about and I don't like talking about. I don't like I'm not interested in that. Yeah. But if I say it, it'll ruin it. So the people that are listening to this that have read the book, they know what I'm talking about and they might like it or they might not like it. What do you think about inviting authors onto the show? Like what if we had Colleen Hoover or what if we had, you know, the author of The Hunger Games? Like I don't know. What are your

thoughts on that? Suzanne Collins? Suzanne Collins. I totally forgot her name there for a second. I feel like I would have a hard time talking with them. Really, why? I feel like you're good at talking to anybody. You'd be great. Thanks.

You're really good at making friends with everyone around you, yeah. I just don't think I'm good at talking in literary ways. I don't know, we could even get off subjects and talk about random stuff, like two-year-old's birthday parties with them. I'm really good at talking about kids with people. Yeah.

I love talking about kids. That is something that's nice about kids, is when you meet somebody else that has kids. Common ground. Boom, common ground. Same thing with if you have a dog, it creates common ground between you, and you can easily make friends.

Maybe that's why we need to get a dog, so then we can have more ways to connect with people. That's true. Well, I feel like our kids already do that. Yeah, that's true. We don't need a dog. It just creates conversation between you. We just do not need a dog.

Yeah, not right now. I'm not even tempted anymore I'll be honest with you. I don't want to get up with the dog I'm already getting up with babies in the night. I don't want to get up with a dog. Exactly. No, thank you Oh my gosh, and think about it. We changed diapers, but if we had to pick up poop poop off the floor Oh, no, yeah, if our kids are being loud, I could forgive them any second of the day But if a dog's being loud, oh my gosh, imagine a dog barks and wakes up a baby. Oof. No, sorry. Not right now. Maybe when our kids are five. Thank you so much to Dreamland Baby for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. If you are a parent and you know another

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You guys, it's one of our all time favorite. You guys, the number one issue for new parents is sleep. It's so hard to be exhausted and it's so hard to pour from an empty cup. So the best gift you can give a new parent is the gift of sleep, which I think that Dreamland Baby products are excellent at doing because they help your baby fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer. Like I said, their CoverCom technology basically makes them feel like they're getting a cozy hug all night long. Isn't that so nice? That's so sweet. It's like when you just think about your little baby getting a sweet hug all night long.

I actually have a friend from back where we went to college who just had a baby, her second baby. I had given her a dreamland for their first and then they had a boy this time. So then she's like, I gave them actually our boys little because they have sacks and they also have swaddles which I Stand by the swaddles so much our boys have both grown out of them But they're both in the sleep sacks every single night anyway I sent her our babies swaddle that both of our boys used and it was actually kind of bittersweet I was like that's really sweet. Oh so many memes. They're amazing. They have easy to a zippers for nighttime diaper changes

I cannot tell you enough how much I love these sleep sacks. So you got to check them out. If you go to dreamlandbabyco.com and use our code unplanned at checkout, you will receive 20% off site wide plus free shipping. Wow. This offers for new and existing customers. Back to the episode. Okay, we totally forgot to talk about the Nickelodeon documentary. What are your thoughts on it? It made me sick for like days after watching it.

I couldn't stop thinking about it. I know. I could not stop thinking about Drake Bell and what happened to him. Like it just wouldn't, I just could not stop worrying about who other kids that that's happened to, who are people that's that that's happening to right now. And just like for me as a parent, I really put myself in the shoes of his dad. And I just, it just wrecked me. It just wrecked me thinking about

that. It's so crazy to me that first of all, from what I've learned about grooming is that it always seems to be someone that is close to that person and they're in some way, whether it's a family member or like this was like a trusted mentor. And, um, it usually seems to be someone that has some kind of power in that person's life, which there's already a power imbalance between an adult and a child. But the fact that this guy was well known in Hollywood and like very connected in the field, there's that element. But then also it's just like, it happened slowly. I think the biggest thing that stuck out to me is, wait, by the way, what we're talking about,

if you guys haven't heard of the new documentary Quiet on set, it's about Nickelodeon, some of the sex scandals that happened with different TV shows that just that just like all it's kind of just uncovering all of the things that were happening because you didn't see the first two episodes where they're mostly focusing on like Dan Schneider and like his mistreatment of his writers. Okay, see, I missed the beginning of it, but from my understanding, it's a documentary about child actors and really just children being taken advantage of. And because of TV shows and acting being such a unique area for kids to exist in,

it's at least in the past been easy for predators to take advantage of those situations and sexually assault children. So that's kind of what the documentary is about. And yeah, that's in case you haven't heard about it, editors to take advantage of those situations and sexually assault children. So that's kind of what the documentary is about. And yeah, that's in case you haven't heard about it. That's what we're talking about. That was like the main thing, but there was a lot of other inappropriate things that don't

even necessarily fall into that category that were happening though. Like the jokes being made were definitely suggestive in nature and it's on a children's show. The jokes to me, like I thought those were too far, but at the same time I thought that being mentioned was a bit of a stretch in my opinion. I definitely thought everything else that was mentioned was like insane.

It like, it just, it blew my mind what happened to Drake Bell. Like I would have never thought in a million years that that kid had been through that. And then it just kind of makes sense. Like I think he was in in the news a couple years ago because of a DUI. And like you just think like when somebody has a really hard childhood, of course they're going to have issues with substance abuse or alcohol or get a DUI because they're messed up. And like it's, it's, I haven't been through something like that. So I can't imagine trying

to recover from like being sexually assaulted multiple multiple times as a child Well, here's the thing. It's not like it has to like I mean it permanently changes you I'm sure as a person but doesn't have to like ruin your life If you seek healing and therapy and did you notice that Nickelodeon did not provide any therapy? Like there was nothing he never had therapy. No, no person in his life tried to, like, help him work through that trauma. My question, though, is did Nickelodeon even know it was him? Because Dan Schneider called and asked him and Dan Schneider, at least in the situation with, like, it seemed like, like, Dan Schneider was checking in on him and it didn't, it seemed like Nickelodeon had no idea who the kid was. At least from my understanding.

Because they, they kept it. I refuse to believe that. Really? They kept it private. Oh, really? Yes, I understand that they're protecting minors, but I don't know. I feel like they had to be privy to some of the court proceedings because even just like for evidence, the fact that all those people are writing those letters of like character, whatever to the judge, like people knew. I can't believe that he only got 16 months.

16 months, you do all those horrible things to a kid and you only get 16 months in prison? That blew my mind. Like, look, I'm all about if somebody does something horribly wrong, like I'm all about giving them a fair, like I don't know, I just think a fair sentence, right? Like him maybe not, I don't know.

It's so complicated, right? There's so much that goes into it. But like 16 months? I feel like that's a slap on the wrist for what he did. And then he was hired by Disney. And he got hired back on. That's just, it doesn't make any sense. I can't understand that world so much that that would make, like that person is that valuable that you're willing to overlook. I don't really under, I can't understand that.

And the victim. And I think it just shows that there is such a focus. They're just money hungry and that's just disgusting to me. Well, you know what's crazy too? We didn't mention this but, like, what happened to Drake Bell happened before he filmed any season of Drake and Josh. It all happened before Drake and Josh. And so, he's working through this in the midst of filming this major television.

It's just- I can't imagine the pressure on a minor, the hurt. I don't understand. I think the biggest thing, I'm glad we watched the documentary as hard as it was to watch, but I think it just opened my eyes of how vigilant we need to be as parents with our children. And look, those situations, it does happen, but it's, I would say, from my understanding, it doesn't happen like all that much. But if it does there was at least three people in this documentary in that short period of time from Nickelodeon

I don't know maybe sexual assault is more honestly yeah maybe I take that back is sexually assault you missed the part where the guys say pictures people probably don't want to talk about it people probably just like if you've been sexually assaulted you probably are afraid to talk about it it's probably uncomfortable for you to talk about especially as a minor that's why people aren't talking about it because first of all, parents probably feel shameful, like guilty that they like that something like that happened to their kid under their supervision and their parental guidance. But like also props to the parents that were willing to speak up about it because like for me, I'm like, no,

I can't. Is it just a reminder that I can never let my pride get in the way of doing what's right for my child? You're right. Like calling the police and bringing awareness to it. I think because of that documentary, I think we need to find age-appropriate ways to talk about these hard topics with our kids so that they're aware of what sexual assault is in kid terms, you know, at age-appropriate times because, you know, what if we have a 12-year-old that like, that horrible thing were to happen to our 12-year-old? I wouldn't want them to be like Drake Bell where rather than seeking help and knowing that what happened was wrong, they just continue to let it happen and let it happen because they're afraid. Like, when

that somebody that goes through that, they're afraid to speak up, they're afraid to use their voice. And I think we need to educate our children about how to avoid those situations. And then if something like that were to happen, what to do in that situation so that they can get the help they need. It's so, so tricky because there's so much shame and unnecessary shame and guilt attached to the victim of situations like that where they feel like, like I hear time and time again where they put that blame on themselves for what's happening. And it just makes me, I mean, it just makes me sick that something like that can happen in this world. And that, like, I don't know. Honestly, like, I watched the first couple episodes with my mom. You weren't there. And then you watched the last two the next night.

And I don't know if this is too far to say, but I said, I give it 10 years and it's going to be not like the Nickelodeon TV kids, but it's going to be social media kids. Like it 10 years and it's gonna be not like the Nickelodeon TV kids, but it's gonna be social media kids. Like it's going, it's. What do you mean by that? Like in the, in the, in terms of sexual assault, or do you mean in other ways? Other ways. Like they were talking about this kid. Um, were you there and they were talking like one, well, one of the adults now was a kid on a show called something like all that,

all that. Okay. And they were, they were just made to do scenes that were embarrassing and humiliating, especially with a changing body, puberty-wise and things like that. And I don't know, I'm sure that can happen online too in social media terms, things are shared or they're put in degrading positions

when they're not really in a place to speak up for themselves. What was really sad is you hear Drake Bell's dad talk about how he knew that the guy that was targeting Drake, he knew that he was suspicious. He knew that something was going on. And when Drake Bell's dad found out that he had been thrown in prison

for sexually assaulting a minor, his dad called Drake and was like, And when Drake Bell's dad found out that he had been thrown in prison for sexually assaulting a minor his dad called Drake and was like, I'm so glad they got him I'm so glad he wasn't able to hurt you having no idea that it was his son Like can you imagine can you imagine how horrible? And look like his me chills. Yeah so because then also think about Drake's position where his dad's feeling relieved and like he knows how much, he's literally reminding his son how much he would be hurt if something like that happened to him. So he doesn't want to say.

Yeah. Like he's just put in, he was just put in such a horrible position. Like no one should ever be in that position. And I don't honestly think that justice was served. If that guy was allowed to go and walk on another set, like it's gonna make me cry. That guy was allowed to go walk on another set, filled with children with the sweet life of Zach and Cody. How in the world is that? It's hard to understand how this works too because in my brain when I thought of sexual assault and crimes of that sort, I thought that it was just like some random person off the street coming in,

that's what I'm saying though. taking advantage of somebody and running away. And you don't and that's like 1% of the cases. 99% of these cases are like a family friend, a co-worker. It could even be a spouse like people that are committing sexual assault. It's usually somebody that someone knows and in Drake's case, that's what it was. It was somebody that he knew that he would spend the night at his house because he was

doing auditions as a kid, as a child actor. And he spent a lot of time over there. And so it just, it put all the right pieces of the puzzle in place for this man to commit those crimes. You bring up a good point though, too. Like I think entertainment is unique in the sense that kids are coworkers with adults. We both have experienced that. we both grew up acting as children Not like to this level, but not to that level at all

Like we weren't on major TV shows or television networks, but like we both did you did some professional shows in theater I did some professional shows in theater and your cast is like a family like you I learned how to talk to adults at a very young age and and so you. But I think you could also relate to like, because of that, we were a part of conversations that were not age appropriate for us. True, I remember distinctly I was in a production of The Sound of Music talking with some adults who were, you know, equity actors in the show and we were having a conversation about sex and like, I was 12 and look, like, I don't know. I don't think that you can't not have those conversations

with people that are minors, but it just, it, like, thinking back at it. You should not be having those conversations with people that are not adults. They shouldn't have been doing that. If you're not a parent. When you're that, yeah. That's just incredibly, incredibly inappropriate

on every front. Yeah, when you're that young, it doesn't seem weird. Like when you're, when I was a 12 year old, it didn't seem that crazy. It should have seemed weird for those adults though. Exactly. And that's what I'm saying, like, entertainment is unique. And that's what I'm saying that goes for social media too, where your co-workers with people that are drastically different in age.

And I think you cannot be careful enough because I don't think that the solution is not to have child actors. Yeah. I think that... I mean... And I think you need to be vigilant with your kids because when Drake Bell's dad brought up to the production, like to the production company, hey, I'm not really comfortable with my son being around this guy.

They said, oh, you're being a homophobe because the guy was gay. And so they're like, oh, you're just you're you're clearly homophobic because you don't like this guy. He was like, no, no, no. It literally just has to do with like the way he's touching my son, the way he's interacting with my son. Like this is a grown man and my son is like 14. And so, like, I think you have to be prepared as a parent

that if you do speak up for your kid, there's probably going to be some sort of like backlash to their people might, like, I think you have to be prepared as a parent that if you do speak up for your kid, there's probably going to be some sort of like backlash to their people might be like, Oh, you're being you're being crazy, like, or you're being you're you're being racist or I don't know, like that was another common theme is that the parents of these kids were made to feel like they were being a nuisance on set that they were making waves if they were to speak out in any type of a way. And that one man, he was embarrassed of his mother because she continued to speak up and advocate for him

and say, this is not right, this doesn't feel, this is, there's so many things wrong with this situation. And then, it eventually ostracized him from his mom because he viewed her as a roadblock in his career because she was making things more difficult for people by bringing up the things that she was uncomfortable with. And I honestly applaud her because look what happens when you don't have that.

And no one's to blame in this situation other than the people doing these horrendous crimes. But it is eye opening for the people that were accidental bystanders in the situation to be like, okay, what were things that we could have done differently here and when should we have spoken up? What was really interesting is they were asking Drake Bell, do you wish that you would have never done child acting? Because that was his whole life. He grew up acting as a kid. He was like barely even walking and he was acting and for him, he loved it.

Like that was something that he really loved and like I can in a small way relate to that because ever since I was like four years old, I remember like crying to my mom like saying I want to perform so bad like that looks like so much fun. It's my mom got me in shows and I was in the production of Cinderella and I played a mouse. And so like I can relate to that so much because the joy of performing is just like as a kid that loves to be creative. I totally relate. It's incredible. Like there's nothing like being in a show and you know I miss it in many ways.

Like it's so much fun. But for him to experience what he experienced with all that is just horrible. So one of the actors in the show she had mentioned she's like never going to let her kids be a child actor because her experience was so horrible. But then we've also had people on this podcast who've been child actors and their experience was completely different. Yeah. You know, they had a great time. They didn't go through any of this trauma that other kids went through. And so I hope that documentaries like documentaries like this can just bring these horrible things to light

so that experiences for future child actors can be good, just like we know that they happen for other people we've had on this podcast and other people that just like love doing that. I think that you can really do a vibe check to see like, okay, wait, is this something that I want or is this something that my child wants? Bingo, bingo.

And I think that seems to be the main factor in like whether or not they had a good experience. Like Jeanette McCurdy, it was her mom all the way. Her mom wanted her to be an actor. Now is it, if you notice your kid isn't liking what, like it could, and it doesn't have to be child acting, it could be soccer. Maybe like you were obsessed with soccer as a parent

and you want your kid to be a soccer player so bad and you're noticing that they don't really care about soccer, you know? Then maybe you should stop forcing your kid to do soccer. Maybe so bad, and you're noticing that they don't really care about soccer, you know? Then maybe you should stop forcing your kid to do soccer. Maybe they wanna play pickleball. Maybe they wanna, like, who knows, right? But I think parents just need to be aware of what their kid wants to do

and be an advocate for them at all times. I also wanna say I have so much respect for Drake Bell for participating in that documentary because that could not have been easy I mean he easily could have just gone about his life and never Probably really scary to open up about something that vulnerable is really scary And the other thing too is that like the press has not been kind to Drake Bell Throughout the years like I don't remember specifics

But I just know that he's been under scrutiny in the media and so so like, I'm sure that that would make him not want to open up in that capacity anymore. But the fact that he still did is really cool. And I think it just shows how lines can get crossed and it can get super, super messy between adults and children. Like, I don't know. I think that was the main thing.

Like you talking about how those jokes weren't like inappropriate to you. And I think that's because main thing, like you talking about how those jokes weren't like inappropriate to you and I think that's because we're looking through it through like a healthy mindset like a healthy lens. Whereas, I feel like the creators that were writing those or Dan Schneider specifically writing those, I think they knew exactly what they were doing. Yeah, I mean, back to the, and you cannot have an adult sense of humor on a kid set. Yeah, I mean back to the nasty jokes. Should those have made the cut into the show? I don't know. I think

if we're gonna talk about like really horrible things that happen, like let's focus on all the other stuff like that because like I don't know you could like- I think they just did more to paint the picture of these people's characters. That's true. And like they had questionable character and like something that bothers me is like when people try to like criminalize somebody that's just like an a-hole. It's like, okay, we can all agree that they're an a-hole but like they didn't break the law, you know what I'm saying

or like they probably had bad judge of character. They probably made some really dumb choices, but I think like too often in our cancel culture today if people decide they don't like somebody it's like they treat them as if they like broke law, if that makes sense. Like I think we need to have a clear distinction between like a-holes and then people that are like, like people who are like sexually abusing children. He did violate some laws though. Oh really? When it came to his writers, he had two women share a writing position. Well that's not, that's not cool. And then there was just a lot of blurry lines. That's the thing that's hard, it's like while it's not a black and white Well, that's not cool. And then there was just a lot of blurry lines. That's the thing that's hard. It's like, while it's not a black and white law,

it's like these things are, you know, creeping into the inappropriate, like, law breaking areas. It brought up such a good conversation. Yeah. That show did, and that documentary, I thought it was pretty well done. Like I said, some- What do you think about our kids?

Because we've asked child actors on our podcast before, would they let their kids act? And I want to say that most of them have actually said yes, because the people that we've had on at least, they've had good experiences. After seeing that documentary though, what do you think if one of our kids comes to us and says, I want to act, I want to be in a Disney Channel show? Like, what would you respond with? I would say that I really trust my parenting intuition.

And I wouldn't say it's a hard no for me. Yeah I remember how badly as a kid I would like look up auditions for Disney and stuff and me too, we didn't have the means to go out and Audition there my parents had to work. We didn't have the money to go to California things like that Did you go to those casting calls and they come to your city and be like this is the Disney Channel casting call You think they came to my city? Okay, they would come to your city and be like, this is the Disney channel casting call. Do you think they came to my city? Okay, they would come to St. Louis.

Yeah, I feel like a lot of them were scams. Yeah, because they ended up wanting you to like pay all this money to them. And then like do any of that stuff. And I just remember how badly I wanted to. And I don't think it's a hard no, because if I had the intention of wanting to, I would definitely definitely be very involved in my child's career and always doing a temp check. Is this something that you still want to do?

Is this something that like, because yeah, I just don't think that children should have to work and that is work. Obviously it can be a very fun job and a creative outlet and it's also a hobby for a lot of people. It can be a very fun job and a creative outlet and also it's also a hobby for a lot of people So that's where it's like, I don't know. I feel like I can Really read my children well, and we're very grateful to be in position where we would not be motivated by our child's earnings So there's not that their financial interest in that either I think that's where it gets sketchy is like if the parent is Like that is their sole source of income. That's wrong is like managing their child because like that is their sole source of income that's wrong is like

managing their child because then that can create some conflicts of interest there maybe your kid wants to quit but then your your income as a family is reliant on that child i think that sketch it's wrong no there's there's no world where that's oh okay because that's even if you're not saying it that that child knows that that child will feel that pressure of providing for their family and no child should have to feel like, I understand that there are circumstances where that has to happen and it still doesn't make it right. Yeah, and I get like there's families in America where the kids are expected to work on the farm.

They support the family business. So, you know, I can understand that being a reality for people in America. Not just the farm, Matt. Like some kids, like a bunch of kids in my high school would have to go work at a restaurant after school to make money for their household. Yeah. But I think you just have to play the situation by ear as a parent. And I think for, I would agree with you though, I want our kids to have a childhood.

I want them to do things that they want to do. And so I think it's just going to be complete. I think it's just like, it's a kid by kid decision that you make based off of your kid's interests, what they wanna do. And I think under no circumstances, should you as a family rely on the income of your child to pay the bills. We're also thinking of like very unique circumstances,

but say one of our sons wants to be a professional skateboarder. I'm not gonna be like, no, you can't seek that in a professional level because of these know, like because of these circumstances, I think it's more about safeguarding against what can go wrong rather than preventing it altogether. Yeah. And so, I think that's hard for people to have like a complex view of things like that.

Even for me, like when I was like, okay, yes, my kid could be a child actor. But then like someone was like, would you ever like, what if Griffin wanted to do social media one day? I was like, absolutely not. But then someone was like, would you ever, what if Griffin wanted to do social media one day? I was like, absolutely not. But then I was like, okay, Abby, reel it back in. That's not, I think it comes from a particularly sensitive part because of probably that woman on the documentary, she'd been a child actor, she'd lived it. I've been on social media, I've lived it.

I have extreme protection against those things. But realistically, I don't think that that would be out of the question. Obviously, I can't like I want to follow my child's interests and I want them to lead the way and, you know, just find a way of supervising that. Yeah, that's good. I could talk about this all day. That documentary really got to me. Thank you so much to Blueland for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

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So we have been married long enough now that we know people who have gotten divorced, who are getting divorced, who have been divorced for a while. It's really gotten me thinking because when you get married, like nobody thinks, oh yeah, I'm gonna divorce this person one day. Like when you're making that big decision,

it's not really a thought in your mind. Everything's so exciting, everything's so happy. I don't know, I feel like some people enter marriage Like that. Really? Like, or at least that's the way they treat it. What's interesting to me is there's a lot of people Well, actually there's there's been studies on this. The more you spend on your wedding, the more likely you are to get divorced It's not one of those things though that correlation does not mean causation. That's true. But like if you're doing this crazy, massive, elaborate wedding, maybe it has to do with if you are loaded and you're dropping-

More money, more problems? Yeah, you're dropping a million dollars on the wedding. Maybe you're putting so much thought and effort into this one day and it's not about the day, it's about the everyday. Boom, mic drop. My mom told me that a lot. We kept saying that the whole time we were engaged. There's the whole thing we said, we're like, it's not about the day, it's about the everyday. My mom told me that a lot. We kept saying that the whole time we were engaged. There was a whole thing we said,

we were like, it's not about the day, it's about the everyday. I 100% believe that. Yeah. And what's sweet too, Abby, is I look back at our wedding and it was really nice. It was so fun. It was so beautiful too. It was beautiful. But now that we're older, I do see how crazy people go with weddings

and it makes me realize how simple, in some ways, our wedding was because some people are dropping some crazy money. It doesn't even make sense. It's like why even do that at that point? Because I want to say wasn't the budget for ours, was it 10,000? Which I think compared to in the grand scheme of things, I think that's a pretty, like on the low end. But I think it helped though that we were in a small town. We were in the Midwest. It wasn't like we were in LA, New York,

where $10,000 in LA or New York for a wedding, I feel like would get you like an elopement wedding. You know, with like 50 people and maybe some catered Chick-fil-A, you know? I mean, I think that some people literally can spend that even just on a photographer or videographer. Oh, I know. Or just like their flowers. Yeah, no, our people were incredibly generous around our wedding. Yeah. Like I feel like we were just like showered and just so celebrated and it's not about that. But

yeah, I do think like because of the location, we were able to spend less than the average person. Probably I don't know than the average person probably so I don't know what the average person spends. It's not, it's just cause it's not about that. Like I think our day was beautiful and so special. And I mean, that will always be like my favorite day of my entire life. I just saw this photographer on Instagram

talking about how much he charges for weddings. And I think it was like five or 10 grand for a wedding, which look, if you're a really talented and skilled photographer or videographer, I can understand why you charge that much. If you do a really, really good job and there's a market and people that are willing to pay that, sure, charge whatever you want.

But it just really put in perspective, I'm like, oh wow, that was like our, that was the whole wedding budget. And luckily your parents covered that. We didn't have to pay for that at that time. Like that, because if we would have had to pay for the wedding, we would have been doing, we would have been in like the gymnasium of a church with

some fried chicken. Yeah. That we would have been beautiful. That we would have bought at the grocery store that day. It would have been great because we would have been married at the end of the day. And that's really what matters. But I do feel so thankful that like, our family is just really. So wedding costs in 2022, it's $30,000 on average. Average wedding held in 2022, including both the ceremony and reception in America, 30 grand according to the knot. Okay. That's a lot. That's actually way more than I thought it would be. I think that's the reason why a lot of people say they can't get married young. Bingo. Is because they can't afford a wedding.

And that's why they say it's too expensive. And it's like, I could not, I'm sorry. Like I hope people don't get mad at me for saying this, but I just think that's such a silly reason to not get married. I 100% agree. Like for one, you can't afford to have all the glitz and the glam that you have for one day when you could have the rest of your life with this person.

Like why would you hold that off? Look, like my opinion on getting married young, I think has changed. We kind of talked about that in the last episode. I really think you do want to make sure that it is the right person. And I don't think this, you know, might sound kind of controversial.

I don't think you should get married for sex. I don't think you should. I think it's almost better that you even, and look, like I know people have very strong opinions on this, but I almost think it's better that you would just do it and not get married to do it. Because if you end up in a marriage where you just combined all your finances, you signed all these documents, you're like legally bound 50-50 everything. The biggest decision you could ever make in your life and it's not a good fit.

You rushed into it. Maybe you only knew the person for six months, I think that can be extremely dangerous. Now, for us, it worked out. We also were together a lot longer than six months. There's people that we knew who in the time that we were engaged, we were engaged for 13 months, people that met, started dating, got engaged and got married and under the time that we were engaged. So I know there's people that move pretty quick and let's be honest, it's because of

sex. But I think you really should think through this decision more. And I think if it's coming down to you're marrying this person because you want to have sex with them, I think you should hold off. I think you I think it's better to slip up. Well, that can be one of many factors. I feel like you're making it sound like that's the only reason why some people, I mean, I'm sure that is the case for some people, but it's, I feel like it's a valid factor.

I think in a lot of like religious communities, I think people get married really, really quickly because of that reason. And again, you have people that get married for all the wrong reasons and it works out. And then you have people that get married for all the right reasons and it doesn't work out. So look like just because yeah, so it can all still work out great but. So what do you think is the factor that boils it down to people staying together or not staying together?

Cause I know what I have. I think it's putting work into your relationship. I think you have to be with someone, like you both need to be able to put in the work, you know, and it's not gonna be everyone doing their 50% every time. Sometimes you're gonna have to give 90 and the other person's giving 10. Like, sometimes that's what relationships look like. And when you go through challenging times, it's difficult to stay together.

I think that's why a lot of couples, if there's couples out there that when they lose a child, which is horrible, horrible, horrible. I hate even thinking about that. But a lot of couples, if they lose a child, they divorce because it's so hard on their marriage. And I think that's why, like when you met some new moms a couple of weeks ago at like the park or something, in both of them had been divorced.

My guess is the newborn stage was probably extremely hard on them, just like it is for most people. But there's different degrees, right? Like some people have a colic baby, some people have an angel baby, like my brother and sister-in-law. So like everyone's experience is totally different. Maybe their kid was in the NICU. Who knows? But I think during those really challenging times, it really puts your relationships and your marriage to the test. I mean, I think it just truly, truthfully, boils down to one thing and that is commitment. Yeah. And sometimes in like, in your marriage, you're going to feel all the things.

Like, I'm looking at you, I'm like, he's so hot. He's such a good dad. He loves me so well. Like, I think of all the positive things. Yeah. And sometimes I look at you and all I see are your flaws. Same. And we're just upset with each other. we're at odds. And I know in my, like in that point, I'm like, I believe in this commitment I made. And I also believe that in a relationship, no matter what, there's gonna be valleys and there's gonna be mountains. There's gonna be peaks and valleys.

And I think that knowing that, that's going to happen. And the reason that is, is our our internal emotions are like that you know my in like I'm internally gonna have highs and lows constantly and that's not necessarily like when I'm looking at you and only seeing your flaws it's not necessarily reflecting you it's reflecting me also yeah like maybe I'm personally having having a low and that's why I'm viewing you that way and so yeah it honestly sometimes it's like it just boils down to I have made this commitment to walk through life with this person and that commitment is so important to me that I'm going to do

the things it takes to make this relationship strong and healthy. And that's going to take sacrifice at times. And also I committed to making it joy-filled. It doesn't mean it's just going to be like, oh, we're going to stick it through to the bitter end. Like I also committed to making it a joy-filled journey. And so like, no, it's not worth it. Like if you're with somebody and you're both miserable all the time and it goes on for years and years and years and years, Yeah. All the time and it goes on for years and years and years and years. I can understand if that couple were to split, but I think it would be a shame if there's a couple like that who didn't go to marriage counseling, who didn't try to do a weekly

date night, didn't try to think of positive things to say to each other, didn't compliment each other's outfits or the way they looked. If you're not going to have sex, if you're not going to go on dates, if you're not going to do counseling, if you're not going to talk, of course you're going to hate each other's outfits or the way they looked. Like if you're not gonna have sex, if you're not gonna go on dates, if you're not gonna do counseling, if you're not gonna talk, of course you're gonna hate each other. Yeah. Of course. Like what are we talking about here?

Like that's so, it's like the answer is obvious. And if you went and left that marriage and started a new one and you still aren't having sex, aren't going on date nights, aren't talking, aren't being nice to each other, you're gonna be just as miserable. And I think when you marry someone, you truly are marrying a set of problems.

Everybody has problems. I've got problems, you've got problems. Every single person on this planet has problems. There's not a perfect person on this planet. The thing is, there are people that probably shouldn't get married together because their attitudes or personalities could be polar opposites.

And that's why you need to have that time before you get married to make sure that you're a good fit. Some opposites really work well though. It's the yin and the yang. Well okay that's true. Yeah opposites to attract. You know like there are things that I think. I think we're kind of a lot alike though. Yeah and I think well something that we realized is like when you're more feminine it freaking attracts me like crazy when I'm more masculine it attracts you like crazy. So we've been more like stepping into our masculine and feminine traits as like men and women and just like, oh, I just, you're so hot and I think you're a babe and yeah, that's, I just got off on a side note

there for a second. What were you gonna say? Just say it. No, no, no, no. What were you gonna say? You're blushing, your whole face is turning red. What were you gonna say? What were you gonna say? You're flushing, your whole face is turning red. What are you gonna say? What are you gonna say? No, I'm just saying that I find you very attractive. Yeah, I find you very attractive, too. And there was a time not that long ago where I did not. Same! And it's just, it's, isn't that so funny how our brain can do that, though?

Yes, it's like just being friends, like us being friends or not being friends can totally change the way I visually see you. Yeah. You know, like there's times now you're walking around in your underwear and I'm like, this is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life. You're so sweet. Yeah, it's so crazy. And that's also why you shouldn't marry someone for looks.

Bingo. Because first of all, they're going gonna change the way they look. Obviously, attraction is going to be something that draws you to a person. Yeah. I'm saying that, like I sound like such a hypocrite because I'm saying that and I'm married to like such a hot man. Like such a good looking man. Just a hot, buzzed man. Just a hot bald guy. Hey, they're out there. They're out there. You You know I got my hair products and I've been putting Rogaine on my head. Is it Rogaine? Yeah, it's Rogaine. It's off brand Rogaine and then it's called Moxadil something.

Okay. There's this like, there's, ah crap, what's, I forget the name of the drug but I'm taking an oral pill that's supposed to like help prevent hair loss and then I'm rubbing this like foam on my head. As opposed to a butt pill Oral pill I feel like if you say I'm taking a pill people know that it's oh yeah, well it's like it's or I'm not like Rubbing cream on my head one of the things you said kill though. Okay, whatever. I'm taking a pill for hair loss Anyway, I'm just saying you shouldn't marry for looks cuz they're gonna look a lot different in the grid and scheme of your marriage Hopefully like you age together and you're going to look different. But also, your brain can literally paint someone to look so differently.

100%. Via their personality. And I think so much of getting along is just making time for each other. Like taking the time last night to go on a date, put our phones down. Okay, did we take some pictures and videos for our Instagram stories? Yes. But that took like what, five minutes. And then we spent like- Mostly just because I wanna blow up that restaurant

because they're so nice. Yeah, yeah, I love that restaurant. We go to this sushi restaurant in Phoenix called Kaizen and we love the owners. Their food could not be any better. They're so nice. We've like, we just first tagged them just to like promote this small business.

And then they just started comping our food for us. And we're like, OK, if you're going to comp our food, we're going to post about you guys. So anyway, side note, but we went on this date and just enjoyed ourselves, relaxed. Got to talk to today. Abby had two glasses of wine. It was a party. I had one. A nine ounce. So you hit the bottle.

The bottle wouldn't. It would. The lady brought out the like little side container and then she like poured it and then left it. No Matt, that's what they always do. That's like the formal thing to do. They're supposed to just do a little taste and then you try it and then they pour it. No you're good.

Like you could, if you wanted to drink two wine glasses, like two glasses of wine a week, I wouldn't care. Heck, even if it was like you want to have like three or four a week, I wouldn't care. I think where I would step in is if you were drinking every day, I would probably be like, hey babe, this is probably not the best move for your health to drink every day. But you're not that way at all.

So like, I totally, totally support whatever you want to do. You're going to live longer than me anyway. Cause you're- Matt, don't even say that. You're going to make me freak out right now. I hate when you say that. All the data points to that, both my grandpas died at like 75. I'm. I'm a tall guy. Tall people die earlier than short people. It's just a fact. So you're probably going to live until you're like till you're 98 and I'll probably be out here. I'm

hoping I can make it. So I'm 90. I really, I really hope my grandpa lived to be 95, but he was short. Like short people just live longer. It's a fact. Look it up. Short people live longer. I thought I liked being tall. and then I was like, frick, I'm gonna die like 10 years earlier than everybody else. I'm freaking tall. Okay, I'll shut up. I'll stop talking about death. Shake hands.

I tell you this every single day of my life. Shake my hand. No more death. We'll stop talking about death. I love you. Oh my gosh. I love you. I love you too.

Where are we going with this? Also, I will say, we were talking about divorce. I feel the need to acknowledge it's really a privilege that we can get out for a date night. Yeah. We put the kids to bed and then we go out, which makes it exhausting because we're like, yeah, once the kids go down, it's just kind of like, oh, I feel like dropping dead. Yeah.

Oh, I just said dead. I meant dropping to sleep. Dropping dropping to go night. I had to sleeppping to go night night. Dead to sleep. Dropping to go night night. But I was like, you know what? So it's really nice that we have people that can sit and watch the monitors while we're away

and like focus on us for a little bit. I mentioned on my story yesterday, because I was talking about how good it is. I think that we're doing a weekly date night now. We've been good about doing it every week. But I was saying how even if money's tight, you can still make date night happen. I saw that on your story.

Because four years ago. You said ramen noodles and cards, that's cute. Yeah, four years ago, Abby did the sweetest Valentine's Day date for us. We take turns doing Valentine's Day, so every year we switch who plans Valentine's Day. I asked about Valentine's Day this year. I come home to this sweet, oh, Valentine's Day. And she, I come home to this like sweet,

oh Valentine's Day this year, we. You know, they can't all be bangers. Yeah, this Valentine's Day was not good. But anyway, I come home and she made this heart shaped barbecue chicken pizza. I made the dough myself. It was so good, it tasted so good. And you like, you even vlogged all this.

Like this is even on our YouTube channel somewhere. Yeah, because you said that, because you liked making videos. I was like, I'm going to make a video of this. Yeah, well, because it was like, it was my hobby at the time. I was hoping it could become like a job somehow. And we had no idea. But it's literally like, yeah, I think from four years ago. But there was chocolate covered strawberries and the sweet fort.

And then you're wearing a robe and you had something saucy underneath the robe. And it was just like so precious and such a magical wonderful date and it was cheap. Like it was just all done at home. It also made you white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. And it just like it meant so much to me that you thought of all that because of me. Like you you did that and put that together because of me. And then last night on our date like my love language is words of affirmation and you were affirming me so much last night

and just saying all these nice things to me, which just made me feel so loved and so known. And then I was exchanging words of affirmation about you, which I know, I think you like words of affirmation, but I know your true love language is acts of service. So it just was cool to just exchange that, talk, to connect. Date night is really good.

It was good. And I think sometimes when things feel like hard, it's like we're not really, I mean, most of the time, we're not really mad at each other. We're mad at the circumstances of like things going on. And I think having that separation really helps me see clearly. Like when I'm like, oh, like I'm frustrated right now. It's like clearly like when I'm like oh like I'm frustrated right now it's like I'm not

frustrated at you I'm frustrated at this. Well we had we had that whole situation like last week which we talked about with our marriage counselor about how like I think I was I was cranky in the morning because I was completely exhausted because I woke up with our son at 5am when he woke up and then I gave him a bottle and then I was hoping to like just catch a little bit more sleep but then you woke me up like promptly at seven and so then I was grumpy and then you were grumpy and then we like it started this whole thing and it was really just

because we were both tired. The only reason that conflict started was we were both exhausted. Yeah. So I think it's important to acknowledge those things like if you're both exhausted maybe don't take it so personally you know know, like if you said something that I thought that I perceived as mean, it's like, okay, my wife is probably exhausted right now, I can give her some grace. And you having the same grace with me means a lot. And then you can apologize too.

And I did, I said I was sorry. And I forgive you. Thank you. Yeah, marriage counseling has been really clutch. We've been in and out of counselors. Let's talk about that. Let's debrief on that. Cause guys, we officially started marriage counseling.

It's happening. We do a weekly session once a week. It's all virtual, all online, which has been so nice. Cause we used to drive 45 minutes to do counseling with somebody in person. And that drive was brutal, man. I mean, like it took out like three hours of our day to do counseling.

With kids, it's literally just not possible. We barely have enough time for one hour of counseling, let alone three. So just like virtually doing counseling, oh, game changing. Marriage counseling, amazing. I wish we would have started it sooner. For sure.

I think everyone, like I truly mean this. You don't have to be like close to divorce to start counseling. No. I think that's some misunderstanding. No, you can literally. And look, every couple, I've heard people out there say like, oh, we never fight. I think you're lying if you say that, first of all. But also people have different definitions of what a fight means.

Yeah. Like some people, they say they don't fight, but really they're just meaning they argue. They don't like punch each other. Like look. That's good. When I say fight, I mean like verbally, like get heated. So maybe someone yells, you know, that has happened to us before.

But yeah, I mean like the thing is, I don't care how perfect your marriage is, I think you could benefit from counseling because there's things that will get on your nerves about your partner. It's just, it's going to happen when you're married to someone that just is bound to happen. Counseling provides a safe place to talk about those things. Think about the counselor as a mediator.

So say you had a conflict arise, which every marriage does. It could be something that happened that day, which for us, usually we have a conflict that happened that day. So we're just like, yo, like we literally disagreed about, you know, we were arguing this morning because we're both exhausted. And then you walk through it and you talk about it. And it's a safe place. Well, it's also like a really good thing

because we know that it's coming. So if there's something we're like not seeing eye to eye on, we can just put a button in it before it gets escalates at all. Honestly, it's like, okay, I don't feel like we're agreeing on this. Like, let's just put a button here and then talk about it at our counseling session

because it's tomorrow or something like that. And it really just like is a way to not just like not pacify it, but just like know that, hey, we can sort this out in a calm way and in a safe way. Yeah. Soon. And I think every couple can probably relate to this. But for us, there are two topics. I'm not going to say what they are out of, you know, respect for ourselves.

And we share so much on here already. So we're going to keep this private between us. But there are two topics that we dread discussing together because it always starts a fight. Two topics every time, like no matter what, we talk about those topics, it's just, it's so hard. And there's past hurts. I don't know.

I don't wanna say too much anyway, but we can talk about those topics in counseling. It's a safe place where the counselor is there to hear everybody out. Everybody feels heard and respected. And they don't choose sides. A good counselor should never choose sides. Exactly.

And that's why I think the counselors we had in the past were horrible. Because they were like. They all chose sides. It was so clear. It took us like in the first like session or two, they were like taking sides. We had a dude who was taking my side

and then a woman who was taking your side. What type of counselor are you if you're taking sides? They were available. They were the available kind. Yes, that was the thing. They were the very first, like we looked up online like counselors and boom, like they were immediately available for counseling.

And usually if someone's available right away, usually that means they're probably not the best. But you gotta still get in because there's no reason to delay counseling. There's literally not a good one. But we were doing, we've been doing ads for BetterHelp and BetterHelp has Regain couples therapy. So we just went with Regain

because we wanted to see how the online counseling was and it worked out. And that's like, I'm just literally just saying that. I don't even think- Are you saying hashtag not sponsored? I'm saying hashtag not sponsored guys. Hashtag not sponsored, but it's been great. It's been really, really good. And I'm so glad that we don't have to drive 45 minutes. That was horrible. We don't have time for that anymore. But that to say for us, like divorce is just not on the table. It's not an option. I think people go into marriage

thinking divorce is an option. That think people go into marriage thinking divorce is an option. That's why they kind of work themselves towards divorce subconsciously. Obviously there's very valid reasons for divorce, but for us in our relationship, I think that the reason we're able to have a strong marriage that doesn't mean that we don't have conflict,

we don't have weak spots, it's because we both believe in the commitment we made to each other. July 6th of 2019. Which our five year anniversary is right around the corner. We gotta do something fun. That's a big deal. Five years of marriage.

That's a huge deal. We should go on some fun. We should go to Cabo, honestly. Cabo would be fun. I actually love that. Cabo or Hawaii. We gotta live it up. We gotta do something fun. Not that far.

Not that far. Hawaii's too far for you. Well, unless you want to take the kids. Don't want to take the kids. Okay. Well then you need to go to Cabo then. I just want to enjoy my time with my wife. We'll talk about this. I won't fly further than two hours without the kids. That is nice is now that we're in Phoenix is like flying to Mexico is like really quick. We can just like we can just pop over there real quick. My problem though not to always talk

about your ADHD. We're like doing vacations like that. Yeah it's maybe I'll take my medicine. I'll just take my medicine the whole time. My husband is not a pool husband. I'm not but you know what chill husband. Hey I've been reading more books. News activities. I can download some business books on my Kindle. I can download the Harry Potter series on my Kindle. I could just read all the time. I could listen to some audio books. I could work out. They do have a gym.

A lot of these resorts in Mexico have gyms. Yeah. Now that you're not pregnant, because we did baby moons in Cabo and Puerto Vallarta. Now that you're not pregnant, we could send it, we could go paddle boarding. What if we went jet skiing? Have you ever been on a jet ski?

Never. It's so much fun, babe. I feel like it kind of hurt. It's so much fun. You would love it. See could go paddle boarding. What if we went jet skiing? Have you ever been on a jet ski? Never It's so much fun. I feel like it kind of hurt. It's so much fun. You would love it See, that's the thing like i'm not the type of person just to chill the beach Like that's why when we lived in hawaii, I would surf all the time because I just love to be doing an activity I don't want to chill. I want to I want to live it up. I want to I get that I get that. Yeah, that's valid. I like that too. Maybe we could go somewhere where I could surf That would be awesome. You can be at the beach in your hot swimsuit and then I can be... I have to be Californian then. Oh yeah. We could do California, but there's also places in South America where you can surf.

There's a lot of good surf spots. We could talk to our friends in Hawaii because they go to them all the time. Costa Rica. Everyone's been going to Costa Rica. Costa Rica has good surf. Nicaragua. Nicaragua has good surf. There's some cool countries in South America. Wait, so are you going to plan the anniversary? I can do it, yeah. Do you want me to? Oh my gosh, we've been thinking about Griffin's birthday. We forgot that our anniversary is three days after Griffin's birthday.

I know. And that is something to celebrate, honestly. We should fly out promptly the next day after Griffin's birthday. That would be the 4th of July. Promptly the next day after that. The 5th of July? Man, July's gonna be crazy. And then we're gonna probably go to Nashville. We need to figure out how long we're gonna stay in Nashville because I would love to record some bangers. I'd love

to knock out some good music while we're there. Can you please feature me in one of your songs? That'd be fun. Okay. Did you know that I'm rapping in an upcoming song? Oh God. I'm so scared. Me too. It's, you know, it was out of my comfort zone, but it just like the song kind of called for it and there's a lot of singers now will like do a little like rap segment, like, because people used to have like a rapper be featured in the song, but then now a lot of artists they'll like sing and then do like a small rap. Now I'm not trying to be some like, I'm not trying to be somebody that I'm not. I just like, I just like wrapped it. I don't know.

I'm so excited. I'm sure it's good. I've just been like prepping myself. I haven't gotten the master back from my producer yet, so I'm going to have to listen to it. If it sounds bad, I'll probably have to rerecord the rap, but I'm excited. I'm excited for it. I just have to buckle down and prepare myself for feedback. You know, I'll always be your number one fan. Thank you. I love you so much. I was gonna... Can you wrap your hand around there?

Yes. What are we even doing right now? I love that. What is this? What is this called? Is this a starfish? You're like, no, it's not a starfish. And then, is that what that is? Speaking of weddings, I'm going to be a bridesmaid for the first time. Yay. That's exciting, babe.

That's actually ridiculous. You had to turn down two weddings, right? Because you were pregnant both times. Not just two weddings, two weddings. I was a bridesmaid. Yeah. Yeah. So here's the problem with getting married young.

Then you're pregnant for all your friends' weddings. That and you are kind of jumping ahead a season in life. So then, so I got married young, all my friends were not even dating or just like casually dating at the time. All my peers, like my friends my age. Yeah. I get married and then I'm automatically friends

with people that are also married or even married with kids. And then we move to a different state where we only make friends with people that are also married or even married with kids and then we move to a different state where we only make friends with other married people and people with kids. Yeah. And then we're pregnant for when our friends that were like OG friends are just now getting married.

Yeah. So I missed a bunch of stuff. I've just now started to make friends again that are not married. So I missed a bunch of stuff. I've just now started to make friends again that are not married. Like all of my friends for the past five years have been married people. It's so natural once you're married, once you're together.

Just hang out as couples. Yeah, you just hang out with couples and it's fun that way. I love that. It just makes sense, but I've finally gone back to being friends with single people and it's kinda cool. It's like, oh wow, I forgot how the other lives

are extremely different than mine. Yeah. And that's okay. My life just looks- It does kind of blow my mind. I'm like, I'm always making my decisions every pretty much every decision of the day based off of other people.

Based off your kids. Like imagine being, well you and our kids. Yeah. And like our, like everyone. And so it's like, imagine being single and then you kind of just like make decisions for yourself most of the time. Yeah.

That does sound kind of nice sometimes. I think if you're married, you just, you need to get a, like that's why going off of a calendar now, like we schedule things in advance. I know when I'm working, I know when I'm off work, we schedule date night, we schedule everything. Not just like scheduling work, but scheduling play too. Like knowing when you're going to do the fun stuff because then it like allows you

to fully work hard and play hard. The really fun stuff. Yeah, I like to schedule the, honestly, I'd love to schedule some fun stuff later today, if that's okay with you. I would sound like, yeah, my calendar is wide open. We're going to end the podcast here. Thank you guys so much for watching. Bye.