The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Missing My Brother’s Wedding, Family Boundaries, and Dating Red Flags with My Sister-in-Laws

Episode Date: September 18, 2024

Abby's sister-in-laws, Abby & Addy, join this week to chat about Abby missing her brother’s wedding, setting family boundaries, and spotting dating red flags. Dreamland Baby: Go to https://dreamlandbabyco.com and enter code UNPLANNED at checkout to receive 20% off sitewide + free shipping. Chime: Turn everyday purchases into steps toward your financial goals with Chime’s secure credit card. Get started today at https://chime.com/UNPLANNED. Liquid I.V.: Get 20% off your first order of Liquid I.V. when you go to https://LiquidIV.com and use code UNPLANNED at checkout. Mint Mobile: Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at https://mintmobile.com/unplanned Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I missed your wedding. More importantly, your brother's wedding. Well, arguably. I asked you to be my bridesmaid over FaceTime. I said, just don't be pregnant at my wedding. I remember that. You're really picky when you're getting married. You have the out when you're dating.

Like if there's something that you see that's a red flag, that red flag is going to be something that just blooms. We both kind of had to fight our families for their blessing in our marriage. I had no fight at all. We looked at wedding venues before Blake even proposed to me. I was 20 at the time. The message, especially as women, that we've always heard

is like, once you have babies, your life's over. And I think that's why a lot of times people wanna have kids later, because it's like, oh, I love my life. What's up ladies? And welcome back to the Unplit Podcast. Sorry I can't do that. So today I have the sweetest sister-in-laws ever joining me and we're doing a girls only

episode. We said no boys allowed. Kick em out. So we have Abby, Abby and Addie. We're here. Well guys thanks so much for doing this. Addie, this is your first time on the podcast. It's my first time.

I'm usually behind everything. So it's different being in front of the camera. Do you feel nervous? Kind of, yeah, actually. But I'm like, how does everyone do it? They seem so chill. I'm like trying to be chill. Oh, just give it five minutes, Addie.

And then I'll forget that the camera's on. I always get nervous and then I just relax. With you guys, I'm way more comfortable. If Blake was here I'd really have to dominate and be like answering every question. Yeah, actually. Okay, so Blake is my brother and Addie married my brother two years ago.

Yeah, we just had our two year anniversary. So yeah, it was an easy one when I was like, you know when you're a kid and you're like, what's my last name gonna be when I marry my spouse? And you're like doodle and stuff. I was like, your name's Abby, my name's Addie, so Biswell will sound good. Because you were Abby Biswell and I was like,

I'm gonna be Addie Biswell so it's gonna sound good. I don't have to worry about that. So, it was something I was really worried about. Addie Biswell, which is so close to what my name was for 20 years. And then now you guys have the same name. We have the same name. We have the same name I think it sounds amazing. I like it's so good. They needed to

Probably a lot of Abby Howard's out there. Yeah, there are didn't you get invited to the secret society? The secret society of Abby Howard's that's fun. There's a lot of us. There's it was a big group I was it like on Instagram or something. Yes, and I can't find it anymore So I didn't get the invite but if it ever comes through I'll let you know. Thank you and please invite me again Yeah, well, there's a lot of Abby Howard So Abby married Matt my husband's brother the same summer that Matt and I got married literally like a month apart No, three weeks. Yeah, three weeks. That was crazy. That was so fun. It was crazy. It was a busy summer. I don't even remember that time of my life to be honest with you.

I mean we always joke because we say our moms planned our weddings and we just kind of showed up. And I feel like it was like that for each other's weddings. We weren't really friends at that time. Yeah, I don't really have a ton of memories of you before we were both married me neither I remember talking about you a lot because Matt was so obsessed with you and we'd be at like the Howard's house Summer's only would just be like is oh, I'm gonna marry Abby. I'm gonna marry Abby and I'm like you're seven You're 17 years old or like you're 19 Yeah, it's just like he can't stop talking about this girl

And then you met me and you're like, okay, I'm not really getting by. I thought you were amazing, but I just remember Teresa saying, she's so quiet, she's so quiet. You're not quiet. I'm not anywhere, but I was so quiet around Matt's family because I liked Matt so much that I was like,

I can't mess this up. And also Matt's family is a little intimidating. Not like because in a way of like, they're like judging you at all. They're just such big personalities and so like forward and out there that I was like, I'm really, which I'm normally really comfortable with. So I think it was mostly just that I liked Matt so much.

I was like, I can't screw this up. The family is so important and I'm so close with my family. So I was like, I don't wanna mess this up. And like. I feel like a perfect example of that is like, I feel like I'm closer with Matt's family than I am with like my own brother-in-law. I love you, Nathan, promise.

But like we're just close proximity of like, I'm like, wow, you guys, your family is all so close that I'm like, I could call Teresa today and be like, hey, what's up? And she would talk to me for hours if I wanted to. I'm so comfortable with them now and have been for years. But when I was in high school, I was like, oh my gosh. But I do remember being kind of intimidated by you, Abby.

I was like, you're way cooler than I am. That you still are. The fact that I was cool is hilarious. I had three friends in high school who were the best. I love them. It was not cool. I feel like you were cool! I was kind of intimidated by you too I don't know why you were so intimidated

Do I get mean girl? No! Once you like sit down with you you're like oh I've known you for forever Also you were very different when I first met you to now, like you have changed a lot. Yeah well, blah blah blah, my life changed a lot. You met me before I was ever a Christian or had a faith. You saw my life 180 flip and change. Yeah, and it happened pretty soon after meeting you so I was like, wait a minute, is this

something she does often? Maybe I was kind of not, maybe I was intimidating then before then. Maybe it was. I don't have like a specific memory of you being mean or anything, but I was just like, I think she's definitely like. My heart softened.

Yeah, she's, but I actually have one memory. I remember, it was the first time I had dinner at Matt's parents' house, and you, like, with the whole family, and it was like summer, because that's when he started dating, and Josh was eating watermelon, our little brother-in-law, who at that time was actually little. How old was he?

I met Josh when he was like, he had just turned 10. Oh gosh, so he's probably like 12 at that point. Oh my gosh, that's crazy. 13, yeah. And he was smacking, and you were like, can you please chew with your mouth full? That's when you know you're close. And I was like, maybe she's so-

But you don't like smacking either? No. Oh my gosh. No, both are crazy about that. She's like, she's so comfortable with his family. Like I wonder if I'll ever be that comfortable. I told Josh and John, I'm like, oh, it's a little loud in here.

And Caleb and Matt, I'm like, mm, those sounds. I wonder what you say to Matt though, because I'm like, those sounds. I wonder what you say to Matt though, because I'm like, I feel like I've maxed out how many times I can say it to him already. Like, I can't. Last night was apologies. It was like, you're smacking, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

That's real life. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Sorry. So funny. Yeah, so that is one of my first memories. I was like, wow, she's so comfortable. I wonder if I will ever be It's kind of crazy that like we all got married super young. Yeah, that is really crazy you

Caleb was 22. I was 23. Okay. Yeah, then you were 20. I was 21. That's crazy We talked about this all the time where you went and did the hard work for Blake and I to get married at the age that we did where I do remember when Blake like was talking to your mom about wanting to propose to me. I'm like eavesdropping in the bathroom on their conversation and he was on the phone with her and she was like not really feeling it but I feel like he went through way less than what you had to go through to marry me. Oh, yeah. Oh my gosh. It was really bad, actually. He proposed when he was 20. He wasn't, yeah, he was 20 when he proposed to me.

Yeah, I feel like that's just the burden of being an older sibling, or the oldest, specifically. You have to just meet all those milestones first and pave the way. Pave the way. I appreciate it, thank you. Yeah, I know. I didn't wanna wait.

I gave my mom a hard time, because I was like, Mom, remember that conversation for us? It literally lasted months and there was some good amount of tears and raised voices. Yeah, so it was just a crazy time. Your parents felt the same way too. I feel like that was something that we bonded over. That was our first common experience besides dating brothers. I thought it would be interesting. Kind of had to fight our families for their blessing in our marriage.

How did your family feel about that? I think they were confused. Even though Caleb and I had dated for a long time at that point, it had been five years. I mean, they're not wrong in that 22 and 23 is young and like we hadn't started our lives. Caleb was still in college and that was very outside of the realm of anything that was normal. No friends of my older sister had gotten married that young, like it was just such a foreign concept and so when Caleb was pretty adamant too about like, hey no we really want to get married now, they were pretty freaked out. Yeah and it wasn't until we got married that it was like, okay that was the decision. I think once it was like sealed the deal,

my parents were so good at just moving on and letting their feelings about that go and accepting Caleb and his family. But before then, they were gonna like fight tooth and nail. Really? Yeah. That's so interesting. Cause when I think back to like my parents, like I had no fight at all.

Like my parents were like on board. We looked at wedding venues before Blake even proposed to me and I was 20 at the time. Which is, it's really like, I'm very appreciative because I didn't think about it in the time that, I was like, it's normal for your parents to be on board when you get married at any age in my mind because I didn't go through a period of like my parents

being like, I don't know, you seem kind of young. Like I don't even remember any sort of conversation like that so it's always interesting to hear those stories and I wonder why. I'll have to ask my parents what they actually thought Yeah, if they had thoughts they didn't tell me well my parents like they love marriage and they like support it They love Matt they like wanted that for us and for like the two like the two of us specifically It was just like a matter of timing and like I can see that because it's like I

Mean, I guess if you were to look at like black and white, like if you were to plan, like in life, that's a normal, good transition to get married, like, okay, when you find your career, like get your job, to then like do that all aligned with somebody rather than like, I don't know, move it in, like it logistically makes sense. Doing it in middle college and stuff. But you're kind of missing that element of like, when you meet the person that you're gonna marry

and so like we just happen to meet them younger and like we're ready to do it so it's just funny because now we like look back and I don't even think my parents even think about this anymore but I give them a hard time because I'm like oh well Blake had it so easy. That's what I think but I'm like when we're ready to have kids I'm like oh your parents are gonna be completely on board they're not gonna be like shocked whenever we have kids. Same thing with kids that was a shocker. Yeah. Thank you Abby. I literally talked about having kids and I was like, well. That's all I wanted to do. It's like literally all I wanted to do and they were just like what?

I'm a grandparent? No but they're the best grandparents so it's just funny we just love that's kind of how our family is we just like give each other a hard time and that's like the way we show love, that's kinda how our family is, we just give each other a hard time and that's the way we show our love, which is so opposite from our husband's parents. They're not the most sarcastic, they definitely joke around, but it's a totally different sense of humor.

So how would you describe their humor? It's goofy, it's cheesy, goofy, but it's funny. Yeah. And I think they make fun of themselves more, which I think is fun. I was telling Caleb this the other day, I'm like, gosh, whenever I make a joke at your expense, this is a silly example, if I'm like, oh, your haircut looks goofy, or gosh, good thing that mustache is gone, his Teresa will go, Caleb, I liked your mustache. Just really quietly, nicely to him, give him a compliment. I'm like, oh

my gosh, I look like the meanest. That happened to me, that happened to me. I was making fun of Matt's toe hair. Yes. And I was thinking, I called him, I was like, remember when our roommate, we had a really, I had a really funny roommate my freshman year of college, my first semester,

and she told Matt his feet looked like golem feet. And coming from her, it was so funny and not offensive at all. I was like, you know, she was kinda right when she said golem feet in front of our mother-in-law and she was like, I don't think your feet look bad. I think you have nice feet. I think you have nice feet.

I feel like that's the complete opposite of your family. All make fun of Blake and then everyone else will also make fun of Blake about the same thing that I just made fun of him for. We all just gang up on each other. It's fun, it's good. We have a good relationship. I can make fun of your dad,

I can make fun of your mom sometimes. You gotta be the right move. Yeah, the moms need to be a little bit more careful. Which I think I'm gonna turn into that too though when I'm a mom. A little more sensitive? I'm out of bounds. Not me.

Think about it, coming from your kids, now I'm like, I raised you. You're your daughter-in-law, I'm like, I do love you. I changed your diapers. You're great, I have great in-laws, I love them both. Yeah, absolutely. Very much. Yeah, I feel like we all lucked out

with having really good relationships with our in-laws and our families and stuff, which is why we're all so close too. Makes it easy. It makes it easy, and you guys are all, everyone's just really easy to get along with so that's why it's so fun. That's why I always say, I'm like,

my friends are my family too. So it's really nice and now we all live in the same state and in close proximity. Abby, we live like too far. Too far but we have plans to be closer soon, hopefully. And then we live literally down the street. Right down the street, so close. So it's really nice.

I could walk, it's too hot to walk, but I could if I wanted to. I love it because we have already one little nephew and then hopefully more nieces and nephews down the line and I love, love, love my cousins, but I never grew up in the same town as them and super, super close. And now since they're all probably really close in age and now they're

gonna be the same like city basically I'm like we're gonna have a little militia of Howard Biswells. I'm the same way I did not grow up around like my cousins or I mean I have one real cousin and then two second cousins and that's that's it that's my extended family and And so I'm like, when I think about the kids, my aunts to my kids and like all the family that's gonna be close, it's like so sweet. I'm like, that's why I see comments sometimes of people being like, everyone moved out to Arizona,

like, and you guys are gonna leave. I'm like, they're not gonna leave us. But also it was an easy choice to kind of move out here when everyone was gonna be out here and be so close and have that close knit side. You probably feel it too when you're the rest of your family's back in Missouri and then you're like I chose a side. When you didn't really choose a side it just what what felt like God was calling you to be in the area. And so I'm like I can't wait to raise my little kid. I

always say my kids are gonna be at the perfect age that your kids are gonna love them. They're gonna understand what it's like to take care of a baby and get to play with them and stuff, which I think will be really sweet. Oh my gosh, that'll be fun. I mean, we could have a second at the same time you have a first, they could have. I can't wait to love all my little nieces and nephews

and it's already so fun with CJ. I feel like so, I don't know, I don't know what I thought it would be like to be an aunt but it's like so it's like so similar to like motherly like I just am like Like I'm so proud of him. I take ownership of him. I'm like my guy I do cut yeah, I like the same way you kind of feel like they're your own kids Yeah, we have a sleepover with them. I think CJ is their brother. Yeah.

We had a sleepover with them, Griffin, this weekend. And it's so fun, him coming over and playing with our dogs and just getting to have a morning with us. And you'll probably feel the same way, because it's like you tell all these stories about your grandparents and you spending the night with them and having such fond memories. I'm like, we're starting those with Griffin right now.

It's easier because we're right down the street. We can just take him for a night. But I'm like, oh, we're getting to now it's easier because we're like right down the street we can just take him for a night but I'm like well we're getting to start those memories that like you're gonna remember forever and so I'm like it's really sweet I'm like okay CJ he's coming over next. It's sweet because like now as we're like in the stage of like starting our own families and like what we want our household to like like to look like and like the culture in our homes to be like and our family dynamics. It's fun because we get to establish those now ourselves.

And so it's fun to look back on my own childhood and be like, okay, these are things I wanna carry into the future and these are things I wanna change a little bit or tweak, it could have been better. That's what I think is so fun and cool about this stage of life because it's like we are, that's our job now and like I don't know what are some

things that you were like I want to carry this into my household and I think something that my family did really well and I think the Howard's did this well too so I think naturally we'll all kind of bring this in just like the unwavering support for whatever it was like every every game, every sporting event, every graduation, like you showed up for your siblings and for your extended family. I never questioned that my family loved me and supported me in the things that I did.

And I think that just gave me such a feeling of safety and confidence that was, like it spilled into other areas of my life. And that really was just from like my family showing up and being involved. And I really want that to be like a pillar of our family. Like hey we show up for each other, we cheer each other on and yeah I had a lot of friends I like that wasn't a norm at all in the family so that's definitely something that I want to be intentional about. I love that and thinking of like how big our community is here it's like really cool to like imagine that and everyone just like being and supporting each other. The biggest thing

I think now in this generation too is no phones at the table even like my dad would get like a work call and he wouldn't answer it because he's like I'm at the dinner table like this is a time that I know it's not going to be interrupted in my family. Blake and I don't do that well now but I'm hoping when we have kids like I want that to be a we don't have a kitchen table we sit at the bar top and eat but I think that's something that I think is really important and I think it's cool that we do Sunday dinners now like with the family and getting to just count on that time with each other is definitely a tradition I want to keep going. Yeah that's what I was gonna say I think tradition was like a

really big part of my childhood and I didn't even really realize it because I didn't view it as tradition because I think when I think of the word tradition I'm like oh something old people do and that the young people dread like it wasn't like that but that's exactly what it was is like every week we did this on Friday nights and like that was like spend the night with my grandparents and like Saturday mornings like like this and Sunday like we had a lot of like weekly traditions amidst all like the other activities I had and I kind of feel like, like you're saying, that helps make the home feel safe and like

build confidence in a way. Because it's like, this is what our life looks like. This is what my house looks like. And I can always know that I can come back to that. And so it kind of feels just like safe, like I was saying. And so that's what I want and that's what I've been trying To do even though I feel like we're still at a stage We're like all over the place, but having those things kind of keep it grounded in a way. Yeah, there's a lot of aspects

I'm trying to think of I don't think we need to go on things I think that's really good. I remember I met with a business mentor When I owned my boutique and she owned a jewelry company. She had five kids and I just went and picked her brain and asked her a bunch of questions about work and specifically being a working mom because I knew that was something I wanted to do in the future maybe. She was saying just that.

She's like, I obviously work a lot of hours. I run this massive company and I have five children. She said the thing, the biggest thing is just carving out specific days. And even if it's as simple as like every Friday we have pizza, we have pizza as a family, that if the days get long on a Monday and I'm not there, they know that they're gonna see me and have intentional time with me at certain points throughout the week.

And it is just that it cultivates that sense of safety and like my family will be there for me. And just like consistency. And she said when you think back to your childhood, it's the traditions that you remember. It's not the random days that were long or whatever. It's the traditions. Like you might remember a couple like once

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unplanned at checkout to receive 20% off site-wide and free shipping. This offer is for new and existing customers. We were talking about things that we were like we're gonna talk about in this episode and we're like we're gonna talk about our one girl's night out. Yeah. So a couple weeks ago, we went out on the town,

which is so unlike us. Well, especially. Not like me. Okay, it's really not like us. No, none of us are like that. None of us are like that. We're all like homebody play games at home. Yeah, we love a good night in.

Yeah, reading books. Reading nights, or? No So you guys like to read. She's like, don't put me in that. Don't put me in that. I'm sorry. Abby, you're going to like to read. I would love to be a reader. I have a book for you.

You can come over and sit with us. You don't want to read. She got me to read. I was like, oh, I want to join them at their reading night. But I think I would chat your ears off, and it would defeat the purpose of reading night. So it's good you guys keep me out of that. We had two weeks that were really good of not talking to each other.

Last week we messed up a little bit but we got back on it. But you would just need something to do. We can make you a reader. Yeah, what would you do at a reading night? What would I do? I mean I guess I would read. Okay. I was going to say, do you want to like knit or something?

She got a bad book to start. She got a really thick historical fiction. I haven't even cracked it. I've had it for like two months. Okay, you need a better book. That's a great book but you have to dip your toe in something else lighter. We got a really thick historical fiction. I haven't even cracked it. I've had it for like two months. Okay, you need a better book. That's a great book, but you have to dip your toe in something else lighter.

Give me something light. Okay. You're invited. Okay, girls, sign out. We went to a jewelry event and we're like, well, while we're out in Scottsville. Yeah, we got matching jewelry. And they're very beautiful. But then we're like, okay, well, it's 8.30.

Someone is watching the kids. Your dogs are taken care of. And so we're like, we're all the way in Scottsdale. Like, what do we do? Let's go party. Let's go dancing. So I feel like it was just like something that was like pent up from, I don't know,

being home with the babies For what was last time any of us had gone out dancing besides like at a wedding? 2020 March the day that covered happened right before that was the last time basically like never in my life I know exactly because the culprit happened the next day He went out that night the day before everything got like everything got canceled and stuff because everyone was going out on spring break So like we all went to midnight rodeo in Springfield and we all danced our night away. See, I barely ever went out.

Did you ever go to midnight? Yeah, I went to midnight, but when I went to midnight it wasn't like. You didn't go to club rodeo. I went to club rodeo. You went to club rodeo too. What is that? Okay, club rodeo is like a club.

It's like a club. Midnight rodeo is like mind dancing. Midnight rodeo is like very club. It's like a club. Midnight rodeo is like line dancing. Midnight rodeo is like very... Don't get them confused. You will be showing up at the wrong place. Different vibes. Midnight rodeo has older people and they do line dancing, two-step.

It's really for dancing, whereas club rodeo probably could be to find someone to club with. It's totally different vibes. Midnight rodeo was always fun, but I didn't really go out that much. And when I went, that's not like going out. Like it's like they have an instructor there like to dance.

It's like literally for dancing. It's an activity. It's an activity. Yeah, it's fun. And it's really fun. So anyway, I never really went out much. I kind of, it's good. I was ready to dance.

I also wanted to dance with you guys. Cause I was like, you guys liked, Blake doesn't like to dance. So he's never gonna go out with me really. Yeah. He'll stand there like this. We should let it be known that me and my brother are very different people. Very different people.

But also, very similar in other ways. Very similar in some ways, but in social aspects, pretty different. Just like your dad. I like to talk to people and dance, and he just would rather be home. Be home. Watching sports.

Watching sports, I hate sports personally. And that is exactly what he would like to do. So I said I'm gonna go dancing. He's like, okay. Go. Get it out of your system. I don't wanna be there. Does Caleb like dancing?

Caleb is a good dancer. I could see Caleb dancing. He really is but he doesn't wanna go to a club. Yeah. He's like, I'm not out in the clubs. But when we're at weddings. Weddings. That man is sweaty as can be. That's fun. And he is not out in the clubs. But when we're at weddings, that means as sweaty as can be.

And he is whipping out the craziest moves. And I try to match his energy. Like he sets the energy. That's fun. Yeah, he's fun. You guys would be good at a wedding. That's the same with your spouses. Yeah, that's why it's fun.

I like to dance. So we were like, we'll go out and like it's what, 8.30? Not even nine? Yeah. And we were like, where are the cool places, places girls because everyone else at this event is like so cool they're not moms and they have really cool outfits and we're like okay they send us to a place we go there it's like a ghost land ghost we walk in and we walk it's no one's there because it is like 9 p. We walk in and we walk back.

No one's there because it is like 9 p.m. And so we're like, okay, well, we can wait this out of it. We asked the bouncers, we said, so when does it start? When do the people show up? Usually, and they go 10 o'clock. They entered so fast. Yeah. We go, when do the people 10 o'clock?

10 o'clock, we will be back at 10 o'clock. Okay, we'll be back at 10. We go get some nachos, have a great conversation, and then go back. And like as soon as we parked the car, no, wait, we're walking past. We walked a long ways. No, the first time we parked the car,

we get out of the car. Oh yeah, these guys in the golf cart were like, you wanna go to the strip club? And we're like, no. I said, I'm a mother. Literally like two steps out of the car. You did, you said, I'm a mother! Literally like two steps out of the car. You did, you said, I'm a mother. I'm a mother.

They weren't even like, they're kinda older. Yeah. What is a strip club also? I don't know. I don't think that the, I have a feeling, it's like the, there's hired people to strip. The people strip and they throw money or give money. Yeah, okay, I watched that.

Are we talking about what happens at strip clubs? Yeah. None of us know. We can't spend our money. We know okay. Are we talking about what happens at strip clubs? Yeah. None of us know. We never even. This is what we assume from TV shows. The movies are. I watched Hustle or whatever it was. I can't think of it.

Anyway. We didn't go to the strip club. We went inside the regular club. It was kinda, it was, well it was so fun because I was with you guys. Like if I wasn't with you guys, the atmosphere alone was not fun. No. No. I wouldn't, I would only was with you guys. Like if I wasn't with you guys, the atmosphere alone was not fun. No.

I would only go with you guys again. Yeah, if I was there with Blake it would have been. People just don't dance. No they didn't. People don't dance like they used, I don't know what they used to do actually. You know what it is? We are very comfortable being sober

and doing sober fun things. That was pretty early, like I think 10, 30, 11, and still like relatively early for people that go out all the time so they probably weren't like drunk enough to dance. That's true. Except for that one guy next to us. He was pretty gone. He was a really good dancer. But I think we were very comfortable like just getting our dance. And other people probably felt awkward.

Yeah, that's true. We were really trying to join, there was like a bridal party group where like, let's dance. They were just standing there. But we had fun with each other. It was really fun. It was really fun to spend time. And being silly.

It was good quality time. Staying out late. Yeah, staying up very late. I was very tired the next day. We got home at 12.30. Yeah. And I was rocked. Wait, we can tell the story. I remember when you got home. Oh my gosh, I didn't even the next day. We got home at 12.30. Yeah. And I was rocked. Wait, can we tell the story?

I remember when you got home. Oh my god. I didn't even tell you guys. Wait, no, you texted Abby. Oh, I did? OK. I got home. Caleb was dead asleep.

And I realized I had no keys to get inside. No keys. And I was like, you don't think Caleb left the door open for you? Absolutely not. Absolutely not. He didn't think that through. He didn't think that through. No.

So luckily, we have a sliding door to our bedroom and I knew I was gonna scare the crap out of him and I did. I knock on the door gently, our dog starts barking, howling like a literal wolf and Caleb opens the door and he starts like, why are you outside? How did you get outside? I go, I've never been inside.

He just kept saying it over and over again. Like, I could not, he thought I was in bed with him and then left. And you're just in your little dress and heels, like so nice. I go, I've never been inside. He was so scared. And he didn't remember it the next day.

I love it. Blake doesn't remember it. He didn't remember it? No, he didn't. Isn't that crazy? That's how asleep he was. I love how you knew him well enough. You're like, he's not gonna think through god. Sleepy was I don't know you knew him well enough You're like he's not gonna think you think that's the thing like you we just know our husband

I'm like, you know what? I didn't take it when I got home Blake had a bath ready for me candle-lit bath with my book at 1230 p.m How do you our husband's gonna be more different Blake is not this romantic guy. I was like that was sweet That's so was it cold. No, it was warm cuz I text him when I was on my sweet. That's so romantic. Was it cold? No, it was warm, because I texted him when I was on my way home. That's so nice. That's so nice. I know.

He's not normally that, he's a chill guy, doesn't do grand gestures or anything, but so that was really sweet. Oh, he knew your feet were gonna be hurting and you needed a bath. Yeah. Honestly, you're gonna be sore from the dancing. My feet hurt from the way this weekend.

My feet hurt, my knee, like, from when you like bop it in your feet. It was like my knees were like We are getting old ladies. And I'm like I'm the youngest of both of you so I'm sure you're more than I am. I like need to warm them up, I was like warm the knees up. What does this feel like, I forgot. What does this feel like? Everything feels different Addy, I will tell you.

Everything after having a kid. After having a kid, yeah. You tell me a lot of the time you're like, Addy, enjoy this time. Like when I'm like, you're like, oh you went home in red when you got off work? I was like, yeah, you're like, enjoy that right now. I mean, I don't wanna say that in the ominous way.

No, you don't. I like it. I like to be prepared. It's true to just like, oh yeah. I think I can enjoy, like look back at my season before kids and be like, oh, I don't think I quite understood how sweet that time was, but it's not like I would never change anything.

No, I think being, like living close to other kids, I understand what it's like to be a mom, rather than you were kind of, I guess you had friends who had kids and stuff, but I'm like, I understand what it's like when you get off work and you're just, I mean, you're with your kids during the day too, but I'm like, yeah, I get to go home and see my dogs.

Yeah, or there's like, you have more like, autonomy over your own time. Yeah, I get to like, turn, yeah, I get to choose what I see my dogs. Or I'm with my dogs all day. You have more autonomy over your own time. Yeah, I get to choose what I do when I get off work. So I feel like it was the same way, though, too, before I was married. I was like, oh, man, marriage, that would be so much better. And it's true. I love marriage and being married. But then once I was married, I was like,

oh, there were sweet things about singleness I didn't even fully appreciate. But I think that's just the thing about life. You have to move on to realize What the joys and of like certain seasons are, you know? I think that's also like the cool part about like Mentorship or having friends or stuff like you guys are slightly older than me So it's like you guys get to tell me about those experiences or like if you're friends with someone who's single you're like enjoy

I know you're like so excited to get married But like enjoy the time while you're single like you're not gonna get that time back and like preparing you for marriage and things like that. Yeah, I also think seeing people go through it and like watching their lives, I feel like the message, especially as women that we've always heard is like, once you have babies, your life's over. And it's like a scary ominous way.

And like, obviously things are different, but not different. I just, I get like passionate about that because i'm like there is nothing in my life that is worse with having kids like everything is so much better and i think sometimes it takes watching someone's life like close hand just to be like comfortable with the idea of that change because it is a big change but i think we've just been told this lie that it's like scary and awful and everything changes. It's almost like having to get over that hump of,

okay, once I have kids, then everything that my life has been formerly is gone now. And that's a really scary idea to think through or think about, and I think that's why a lot of times too, oh, this is just true, but people wanna have kids later because it's like, oh, I love my life. Yeah. Oh, that's so true. And it's like, I love my life right now. I don't want things to change just true, but people wanna have kids later because it's like, oh, I love my life. Yeah. Oh, that's so true.

And it's like, I love my life right now. I don't want things to change just yet, but I think once you see people then up close and personal go through the change, I thought that with you and Matt, watching you have babies, I was like, oh, yeah, their time has changed and their priorities have shifted, but they're still the same people and they still enjoy the same things

and it's not this crazy overhaul in a way where everything is so, do you know what I'm saying? Totally. And I feel like that, it's like you are equipped to fill that role and so when it's like oh just you wait, like it kind of, it feels like I might not be able to make that, like I might not, I don't know if I right now

can do that, like make that massive change in my life, but it's like you're equipped to do it and like step up to the plate but then also like you saying like you still enjoy the same things, it took me a minute to realize I still enjoy the same things though because like there's that time like after you have a baby where I'm like I don't I can't even think about doing anything simply for fun. Like that seems so frivolous at this point. Like it's like you're in survival mode so then I think it's really important then to like start remembering like wait what am I passionate about? It's probably a lot of the same stuff so I got to find that

again and like get creative again and start you know just like I know you were kind of talking about wanting to do things that you used to love in like high school. What was that like? Yeah that was that was fun. I think I kind of hit that point around like well I had bronchitis for like six weeks and I was just stuck inside and I just started spiraling. I'm like, what do I want to do for fun? What hobbies did, what things made me feel creative and passionate? Because I haven't felt that in a while, coming out of like postpartum and all that.

And yeah, I just started thinking back, okay, what was the time in my life that I felt the most inspired? And that's when I was like 12 years old. So I started reading the books that I loved when I was 12 that I felt like impacted what I like to do with my hobbies and time, which is fashion. So I started reading all these fashion books and then started sewing like little projects

and just tried to do little things that weren't like crazy or different or super time consuming, but just sparked that like creative energy. And I think that's really, really important. Also for your kids, like obviously our babies are super young now, but to look at their parent and it'd be like my mom or my dad is like creative

and they're passionate and they're pursuing things that inspire them and that like, I don't know, that they are people that, you know, want to do things with their life creatively and business-wise, they have passions of their own. They love me and I will always be a priority, but they also do things that, and it makes them want to also pursue those things.

And so I think that's where, that's the part of the narrative I'm like, we could probably adjust a little bit, because I think sometimes we see a mom or even a dad pursue something creative or like something that could be I don't know just anything like their own personal venture and it's viewed as like selfish and that's where I'm like that's not that's not right that doesn't quite that doesn't work that way because it takes a well-rounded person to raise

well-rounded individuals. I'm kind of passionate about that because I've kind of I told you before like I've never seen myself being a stay-at-home mom like that's nothing that's not something I ever desired necessarily, maybe because both my parents worked, or it's something in this society now that's like stay at home mom is what you should be, or it's a cultural thing, or in this space that you're invested in.

I'm like, maybe when I have kids I'll have that desire, but I'm like, I wanna be a corporate girl. I like working, I like having a purpose outside of maybe being a mom one day. And so I'm interested to see how that shifts when I do have a kid. But agreeing, having things you're passionate about, even if you are a stay at home mom, and you watch your kids and you hang out with them,

still having areas that you're passionate about, hanging out with other people, and being a friend to other people during that season is something I'm interested in seeing what that looks like. Totally. And yeah, I mean, you're also at the beginning of your career. Like, it's so exciting.

So it makes sense that you feel that way. And you're passionate about that. I think there's nothing wrong with that. That's great. Yeah, because I do kind of think that in general, people are like, well, if you can't afford to stay home, then you should do everything you can to do that. Which, I mean, I think that being a mom

can still be your greatest purpose in life and you still do something for work Yeah, like and I feel like that pressure is kind of unique to the mom too, you know, yeah, so that's kind of a thing Yeah, we could go on I could talk about that I feel like at this point my life thinking about like going well, you know what? I never had a corporate job, so I Couldn't even say that I love being homeless DJ, but it is nice having like an outlet that is Creative that I feel like kind of scratches that itch for me and I get to like provide for my family That's how I feel to where I'm like we all kind of have that right now where we all are working a job

But we also get to spend time with our family and that'd be like the number one priority and work we all kind of have that right now, where we all are working a job, but we also get to spend time with our family. And that'd be like the number one priority and work are like kind of balanced in that way. So which it's very unique. And I feel like if you can do it that way too, that's a great way to do both of them in one. I'm like, I always say I'm like closest to being a stay at home mom that I'll ever be.

Thank you to Chime for sponsoring today's episode. How many times in college would we be out and about? It still happens to today, but especially when you're in college with so many people and always splitting things, where people are like, hey, can you just spot me and I'll Venmo you later? That literally happened all the time.

I would get so many random Venmos, I'd be like $3.62, it's like on the dot. Because when you are in college, you gotta get it exactly right. And every penny counts. And that's why I think Chime is really cool because it's basically like that friend that can spot you. I don't know if you knew this Abby,

but to date Chime has spotted members over $30 billion because friends give friends a boost. Exactly. How it works is you set up direct deposit in your Chime account. And after a qualifying direct deposit of 200 plus dollars, Chime will notify you to enroll in SpotMe. And with an activated debit card,

Chime will spot you up to 200 when you exceed your balance. Your next direct deposit is applied to your negative balance. Chime never charges fees or interest for using SpotMe. So make your fall finances a little greener by working towards your financial goals with Chime. Open your account in just two minutes at Chime.com slash unplanned. That's Chime.com slash unplanned. Chime feels like progress.

Banking services and debit card provided by the BankCorp Bank, NA or Stride Bank, NA members FDIC, SpotMe eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Boosts are available to eligible CHIME members enrolled in SpotMe and are subject to monthly limits. Terms and conditions apply. Go to chime.com slash disclosures for details. We both knew you and Matt before you guys went into social media and kind of did that. Like did you see any changes like whenever they started doing that like in the shift of who they are who they are as people or Anything like that did I mean you can be honest with me. Did I see a shift in Matt and Abby? Yeah, no so much. So to the point where it's like they shouldn't post that like that is

Cuz you guys are a touchy-feely PDA couple and some of those original videos there was a video I mean I cannot get out of those original videos there was a video It's when you jump on back I was like, oh my gosh, they're so themselves. What's on the internet? Is that just being disgusting like I mean you know PDA like I Blake and I are very much not PDA at all Actually neither realize we are kind of PDA. Like Blake and I are very much not PDA at all. Actually, I realize we are kind of PDA. Because I was at a wedding this weekend and they were like, oh my gosh, you guys are like originally like engaged couple

or like dating. I was like, I don't think we just like have always been that way. Which is weird because I'm not like that, I wouldn't say we're like anybody else. It's sweet. It's really sweet. It is sweet to see a speck, and think and some people have to not know that one video

There was more than one Making out and your grandparents No, I have that video saved it is so funny I think it's really easy to now that I spend more time with you guys I feel like it's easier But what I would like maybe see you on social media and being like, they are like, or I'll spend like three days with you guys, I'm like, they are so toachy feely,

I feel bad about my relationship. Blake and I aren't that way. And I would feel that way sometimes, and I'm like, Blake and I express our loves in completely different ways with each other than you and Matt do, and that is totally fine. I would be disgusted if Blake was all over me. I'd be like, literally get off of me.

Like, and so, we're just that way. I think something's wrong if he's not, I'm like, why are you mad at me? If Blake was touching me during the whole time we were doing something, I'd be like, why are you touching me? Is there something, am I sure? Does my hair look bad? I feel like it's a carryover partly, obviously just like natural personality types, but also carryover partly from being like a high school relationship. Like versus the same, like I don't know. It's like the same, I don't know how to explain it.

I know I have an issue. Like at night I'm like, I cannot fall asleep unless, he's like, I can't sleep if I'm touching you. I'm like, just your toe, can you? What are you guys, are you guys physical touch? No, I think we're pretty medium, pretty medium. You guys are kinda PDA. Yeah, I mean I'll make out.

I'll make out. I'll squeeze his butt. But my family was never, like my parents were not affectionate in front of us growing up. And I remember when Caleb and I started dating, he would kiss me in front of his parents and I was like, Caleb stop, that's so inappropriate. Like, I'm embarrassed.

And he's like, it's just a kiss, you know what I mean? Like, I just, I kind of had to learn from Caleb. So I think we're kind of like medium. I'll like be at the dinner table, I'll be like, Blake, they'll kiss, I'll be like, Blake, kiss me. And he's like, get away from me. Which is weird, because I feel like my parents are kind of PDA a little bit.

Like, they're kind of like the flirty, like hit on the butt, like mess with your hair. They're gonna hate me for saying this, but growing up in the kitchen of the house we grew up in, there was like a little corner cause the fridge stuck out from our little, our cabins. They called it the love corner.

And our parents would go back in there. They're like, just give us a second. We're gonna go to the love corner. My dad would like tell her I'll go to the love corner. And a kiss in the corner, and a little out coat. I love that. We should bring it up in front of them, because like that was in our house in Edinburgh.

You know what I'm talking about? That corner. Yeah, I know the corner. And so that was like their love corner. So I was like, I feel like I watched them be touching. My mom would always sit on my dad's lap. They would smack each other's butts. It was not weird at all if I saw them kiss

or anything like that. So I don't know, maybe that's where that comes from, which is so weird, because like me as a personality type I wouldn't say I'm like a touchy person every couple just has their own things yeah and I think it's you have to be able to recognize that your relationship is different and it's just like it wouldn't look the same if I was like because I used to get I was like like why don't you touch me like that why don't you hold my hand? Your hands are sweaty. I asked, I was like, will you look at the clothes that I bought?

I got some clothes from Abercrombie this week, and I said, can I, I didn't even ask to film it. I was like, can I just try on the clothes for you and you see them, and he goes, I'm not gonna give you the reaction like Matt gives Abby. And I was like, what do you mean? I'm not even expecting that. He was like, I'm not gonna be like,

oh my gosh, you look amazing. But like, Matt is like that all the time. The funniest thing about it is, Caleb is so just like, I like it. And that's what I wanna say about your content. I don't like it. You are like. But Matt is like that all the time. The funniest thing about it is so just like, I like it. And that's what I wanna say about your content. I don't like it. You are like that. Matt is like that, he's not just like that for his,

he's very complimentary, like over complimentary like of you guys, and so like I would say that's very real. Which is funny because those try on videos, like I make videos on Instagram where I like try on outfits for Matt, like that comes from like whenever we were in college, we would go shopping but we couldn't afford to buy anything, so we would literally just go like and you'd be like I really want to see what you look like in that dress

So like the only way you could do it is literally just to try on which is so weird So sweet. What guy in the world wants to watch their girlfriend try clothes on but like Matt would like he'd be like just try it on Like just try it on. That's so sweet. And so that is fun and like we've always like loved doing that So I don't know and I like wearing things that I'm like, I like it and I like to know that you think I look good in it. Like what's wrong with that? That doesn't make me insecure.

That's the only thing that's nice about Matt and Blake too, I wonder how Caleb is honest. He doesn't like you. If Blake doesn't like what I'm wearing, he'll tell me. And so I ask him all the time and I'm like, can you just like what I put on actually? So, that was Caleb, is he like that? Well I, yeah, I used to ask Caleb a lot and he'd be like I don't I love it

I'm like well I'm gonna wear it anyway And so then he was like if you don't want my opinion or you're not gonna listen to it You don't need to ask and I was like well, maybe just assume that what I'm asking. I'm not looking for your actual opinion I'm just looking for validation One feedback I'm like me what you think about this. I want to be lied to. Sometimes I don't.

I want to be lied to. You do? But you don't lie to me. No, I don't, I don't. That's one thing I always say about Bling. I'm like, that is, while you may not be ooey gooey gushy guy, I always know anything you tell me is truthful and that you're not like hyping me up.

Like you, I am, I know if you say, if I walk out and he's like, oh my gosh, you look so good. Saying yes. I'm like, wait, do I? Yeah. You know, like I know that you say, if I walk out and he's like, oh my gosh, you look so good. I'm like, wait, do I? You know, like I know that he's not just like saying it to say it, I know he's like being so truthful about it. Same with Matt and like when I make food,

I'm like, do you like it? And he's like, you've made other things I really like. I don't take it personally. See, here's the thing that's good about that, I always use a recipe. So I'm like, so if it tastes really good, I did a great job. If it tastes really bad, it's not my fault, about that. I always use a recipe so I'm like so if it tastes really good I did a great job if it tastes really bad. It's not my fault. I didn't come up with a recipe Exactly

So it's like a win-win either way mmmm mmmm That's good I have nothing to add so I'm just eating mmmm mmmm Yeah, that's funny. I'm like I always know Matt's gonna tell me the truth. Yeah, that's good. Caleb's very honest. Yeah, I like that. It's a good trait. It's a good trait. I feel like sometimes I'm afraid to be honest with people.

I'm like, same. I love it. I know you're never gonna tell me if you don't like something. Listen, I'm not. I know you're not. I'm really bad about that. Like if someone's like, did you know so and so? I'm like, sounds familiar. I have no idea, but I'm always like, yeah, probably.

Or like if I'm. I feel like you're pretty honest. That's so funny. Yeah, I think you're, but I'm always like, yeah probably, or like if I'm. That's so funny. I feel like you're pretty honest. You think so? Yeah, I think you're honest, Eddie. Thanks. You're pretty blunt. Am I?

Yeah. Is that a good thing, or a bad thing? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I think that's what intimidated me about you at first. Tell me your first impressions of me. I was like, I feel like you're very direct. I'm so not direct, so I'm like, I don't know how to talk like this. Interesting. So I'm still not direct. I wouldn am like I don't know how to talk like this

Then so I'm still not direct. I wouldn't I need to be gentler because I don't even think I'm that way. So no you're direct. You're not rude. No That is a gift being a clear communicator. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's something I gotta work on. I appreciate that Mm-hmm, like you're good at delivering You're good at getting to the point and delivering whatever news needs to deliver good or bad I'm like we gotta go we gotta go we gotta keep moving and so I'm like, okay Give me your answer. Yes or no and we move on, you know, like yeah, like are we gonna do something today? Okay, where are we going? Let's make it happen. Let's book it. Yeah, you know, like yeah, I guess that's probably my person Your leader comes in there. Yes, I'm not really a leader.

I don't want to be in charge of anything. You're along for the ride. I'm along for the ride. You like to sometimes have an opinion about it. OK, yeah. But also sometimes you don't. Most of the time I just want someone to tell me what to do. You make a lot of decisions in a day.

Your mom. Your mom. You make a lot of decisions in a day. So I'm like, how can I alleviate the decisions that you make in a day to make it easier? That's funny. It's true. What was the first vacation you went on with the Howard's? National Parks. Fun moment? Are we thinking of the same story? We got a UTI. Is that the one you're thinking of? They just got married and no one told her, ladies, we're telling you now. I tell all my friends this when they get married.

I do it now too. I have to interview you. Yeah, you have to pick. And I showed up and the first thing that John and Theresa said were, Abby's really sick. She has a UTI. Just straight up tell them. Don't beat around the bush. I think it's just we're so comfortable

we just tell everything. I was mortified because we had just gotten married. I was like I'm so already like feeling really new to everything and I come in to the cabin. The cabin in the woods. I felt like everyone's eyes were on me. We're like how's your ETI? Are you okay?

How does it feel? Look, what? Everybody knows and I was not as close with you. So nowadays, I would text you and be like, oh my gosh, why did you never tell me? I would totally be so, but about that time, I was like, no way. Because the night before we left, I was literally,

I was like, I must be dying. That's the only explanation for this. I was just not sure what was going on. I was shaking uncontrollably and like I had a really high fever and I was like something doesn't feel right when I go to the bathroom. It feels like I have to go constantly but I don't

and like I was like I don't know what this could be. And then. The only reason that that news was shared was because I think they were worried that you were still like that, like feverish. Yeah, no I'm sure they had great intentions. It was just so funny. So funny. I was like, okay, I love this. And then also we're hiking on that trip so I can't like go to the bathroom

frequently or like anything like that. It was a bad vacation for UTI for sure. Yeah, but it was a really fun first family vacation where we played cards a lot. Yeah. I feel like that's when we got to like be friends. I will say Matt's parents are probably the best at creating intentional family time, quality time. Totally. They don't want anything distracting. I feel like when I go visit, when we visit my family, it's kind of just like everything was a free for all.

And we would always be around each other, but it wasn't like, oh, at this time we're doing this. And this time, with Matt's parents, it's like, okay, if people are back for Christmas, we're gonna do this, we're gonna do this, we're gonna do this, and it's like, always a lot of memories made, so that's fun. Yeah, totally agree.

Your first vacation was Florida, six months into dating. Six months into dating, like, it was June of 2020, so it was like only three months after you guys had just got like popular on, like, and so like you guys were getting noticed sometimes, and I was like, this is cool. Because you're like, I don't know you guys very well.

I'd only hung out with you guys a handful of times. We weren't super close at that point. It was fun, we were in a big house together. It was sweet, we went to Universal because we couldn't go to Disney. I'm trying to think of... I'm trying to remember that house at this point, and I literally cannot. It was cool.

It had a pool and a hot tub. We grilled out and played games outside. That was the came on it. It was cool. It had a pool and a hot tub. Yep. We grilled out and played games outside. That was like the extended family too. Yeah, it was with the extended. It was like everyone, which was crazy. That's one thing I do always say. I'm like, the fact that Blake and I were dating

when COVID happened, I always credit to like how close I am with your family and like your parents, because we would spend like four to five days at a time. Like I would come up to Quincy and spend a couple days there and then we'd take two weeks apart and then he'd come down for a couple days because we couldn't do anything.

And so I'm like, I got to spend a lot of close time with your parents, which I wouldn't have done if we weren't college. I don't know when I would have met your parents at that point. And so I'm like, I got to spend a lot of time with them, a lot of time with you guys. And so I'm like, I don't think I'd be as close

with your family. Obviously now we live here, so we we're close but I wouldn't have been close as fast as I was. I don't think Blake and I's relationship would have progressed as quickly as it did either. So we got to spend a lot of time together. Those first vacations are always like okay this is like the test. Is this gonna be good or not? This is gonna be my best behavior. What do you want for dinner? Whatever everyone else wants. Whatever. I'm happy with whatever. I still do that. Easy going sometimes.

You're so easy going though. Thanks. Yeah. So are you. We're kind of. I actually think people would be shocked to know that we have every interest, hobby, and comment. So we're reading.

But we have the same name and the same personality. Yeah. We really do and the same personality. Yeah This Abby likes to bake Abby likes clothes and makeup this happy likes clothes Yeah, Abby likes working out this happy likes working out. What else? So honestly just like general personality things to you quirky joking personality things too. I feel like- You're funny, quirky, joking. Thank you. Quirky's my favorite compliment. Really?

Yeah. Mine is that I smell good. Which I haven't got. That's so different, the quirky thing. I don't get it very often. I don't smell you more often than I do. I don't give a shit. You do.

You actually, every time I hug you, actually both of you do this. Every time I hug you, you're like, I smell bad. Cause I didn't really do it. Maybe that's cause I want you to compliment me and say you don't smell bad. You don't smell bad. You smell good. Thank you to Liquid IV for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. It is fall time, you guys. That is crazy that we're already in fall.

I got the pumpkin scent in the house. I've made pumpkin cookies. We've had pumpkin lattes. We're getting into fall here, and I love a good ritual. One of my favorite daily rituals is making my liquid IV beverage. There isn't a bad liquid IV flavor. I tried pretty much every flavor and they're all so good. My new favorite recently has been the watermelon. No, I know what your new favorite has been. What?

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Well, arguably. And that was two years ago now, and I feel like we never sat down and talked about that. Which, what a better place. What a better place than on the podcast. Several cameras, the internet. Let everyone know on the internet that I'm really mad.

No, I feel like we kinda talked about it a little bit at the time, but remind me, I feel like, how did that conversation go down? I don't even, sometimes my brain rejects things. Well, if we wanna think back to it, so actually the day I got my wedding dress, people are probably gonna hate this too, that you told me you were pregnant on that day.

Oh yeah. But she was very intentional about it, she let me pick out my wedding dress, and I got to have the whole experience, and then the very last thing of the day you told us you were pregnant, because that's the first time we'd seen you in a long time. I think we were going, we were leaving town.

Yeah, you were leaving. You got in that day and you were leaving town that day and you wanted to tell us in person. So I was like, afterwards I was like, that was so kind for her to let me have my warning and not say first thing and then all the attention. You were sneaking with the champagne with your mom and stuff because you had told her beforehand.

So you had told us then, so I knew you were pregnant when I was like, hmm, okay, if we think about the timeline here, it might be around my wedding. Before you, before then actually, I asked you to be my bridesmaid over FaceTime, I said, just don't be pregnant at my wedding. I remember that.

I felt so bad, after I found out you were pregnant. Oh no. Because I was like, oh my gosh, I think I texted you. I think probably that day I was like, maybe it was in the day I said it, I was like, Hey, like I didn't mean that. Like if you're pregnant at my wedding, like it's okay. And so I already thought that it was going to be a

possibility. And then when you told us you were pregnant, I was like, okay, crap. This is probably going to line up with, with when our wedding is, she's probably not going to be able to travel. Is she going to have the baby here? You weren't in Phoenix yet,

so I didn't know where you were gonna end up, like if you were gonna be in Phoenix, or if you were gonna have the baby in St. Louis, or Quincy, or something, and be able to go. And I don't know when we like officially talked about, but I was even like talking to the venue. I was like, is there other open dates, like in this time zone that we could maybe move it up or move it back

so that you could be there? Because I knew it was important for you. Also, I wanted you to be there for my wedding. It was sad, but I think I FaceTimed you when they were doing their first dance with Blake and your mom, because I was like, I want her to feel involved in some way.

I think Josh recorded the ceremony on his phone. So sweet. And so that was sweet. And you guys sent us my bouquet. I sent you a bouquet of flowers for her because she was a bridesmaid, so I mailed her a bouquet of flowers that would arrive on that day.

That was so thoughtful. That was so thoughtful. I knew while I was sad you weren't there, I knew you were probably more sad that you weren't there, even though, especially you just had a baby, you were so excited. Okay, let's do a timeline. July 3rd is when you had Griffin.

My wedding's July 10th, So there was just no way. Ain't no way to get on a plane. Ain't no way. You know, and your mom got to come out, see the baby, and then she came back for the wedding. And so I think in that time, I was really sad. Like, I wanted you to be there. I was selfishly like, oh my gosh,

like Abby having a baby is gonna be taking away from like my wedding. I, transparently, I was like, is she gonna, she hasn't announced that she had her baby yet. Is she gonna do it on my wedding day? I'm like, no, she would never do that. I didn't know you as well as I know you now to be like, you would absolutely never do that, you know? And you announced it like a couple days later. But now I'm like, I think back to it, I'm like, it wasn't a big deal at all. Like I don't even like really think about it at all very much anymore. The only thing is like, you guys't a big deal at all. I don't even really think about it at all very much anymore.

The only thing is, you guys aren't in any pictures. But I'm like, we don't have pictures of our wedding party up on our walls or anything like that. It's mostly just Blake and I. I know that's how I felt about it and how I took it all. How about you for missing your brother's wedding? Yeah, definitely. I feel like I did a lot of the grieving of that

before it even happened, because you know, like nine months, I was like, this sucks and I hate this. And so I was like, obviously I wanna be as involved as I can, so going to the bachelorette weekend stuff was fun and even though I felt weird. She was so pregnant. I was at a winery, I was like,

I'm not drinking anything, don't worry about it. It was so fun though and it was a good time. And so I was like, Iery, I was like, I'm not drinking anything, don't worry about it. It was so fun though, and it was a good time. And so I was like, I wanna be involved in like any of the aspects I can, but yeah, I think that time was especially like, you talking about like all those things like jogged so many memories for me because I was like kind of in the trenches of like baby blues.

And then my mom had left to go to the wedding. And then, so I was like, she was kind of like my like keeping me sane and so then I was like with Matt's parents which like while I'm super, super close with them, like I hadn't really confided in them and those things because I also didn't really know what I was like going through at that time.

I was like maybe I'm depressed, maybe I like all these different things and so I was like I'm just gonna you know, kind was going through at that time. I was like, maybe I'm depressed. Maybe I like all these different things. And so I was like, I'm just gonna bottle it up. And I remember that night was exactly one week since Griffin was born. We went to the top of. I remember that. Yeah, and it was like your guys,

like you guys were literally getting married right then. And we went to the top of. South Mountain. South Mountain and watched the sunset. And I remember just like literally being like, I cannot believe that my brother is getting married and I'm literally across the world right now. Not in the world.

Across the country right now, I felt like the world. Across the country right now, just like here. I'm like, what am I doing here? And I just felt so like, I don't know. I felt this feeling a lot after having both kids, but especially in that moment, I remember feeling like I was just like in my skin. I don't know how to explain it.

Like I was just like, uh, like I was so I don't know how to explain like I was just like Like I was so uncomfortable. I was like, what am I doing here? Why am I here? Why did I like obviously I couldn't control anything or change anything? But I remember even at that time I was like exploring options of like maybe I should have Griffin in Quincy like I was like but then all my OB appointments like it just logistically would not have worked out really and then I was Like then I'm gonna be stuck there for a long time, because a baby can't travel. And so I was like, and I really felt like I need stability

at that point, and I need X, Y, and Z, maybe a different medical system. And obviously he wasn't even, you guys didn't even get married in Quincy, it still would've required a road trip. So I think that in that moment, I feel like if I could put one word to it, I felt like defeated. I felt like, I don't know, it was really sad.

And I felt really lonely that day. And people talking about it and sending me pictures was so sweet and I really appreciated it. But then I was like, I am his sister. I'm her sister-in-law now. I shouldn't be getting this information through text from you. So it just kind of added to that dissonance of the moment. I was like, what in the world?

How is that happening right now? And I'm not even there. I think when I think back to that, to now being so much closer with you now than I was then, I think back to moments that we're gonna have in the future. When I have my baby, I know that you're gonna be there and you're gonna be supporting me and hanging out.

I'm like, I'd rather you be there in this being able to move close and be with you guys in this season than us being far away in that season of it. Even though it's like, when I look back, I'm sad about that season and you missing that. I'm like, hmm, she's gonna be so close like during this next season of life for me.

And you two, like being able to have you there, you didn't come to my wedding. Now you just moved. You were invited. You were invited. You just moved. I were invited. You were invited, you just moved. I was not upset about that. And you're, so that's like the correlation,

which is funny, because like our families are so close that your in-laws were also invited to my wedding and didn't come because they came to come see the, they RSVP'd yes and then you had the baby. They're like, we're not gonna make it. And then Josh still came though. I was like, Josh. Sweet. We love Josh. No,. I was like, Josh! Sweet!

I love Josh. No, but I was like, yes, go see your grandbaby and hang out with your nephew. That's totally fine. So I think that's really sweet. Yeah, there's actually not a lot of families, I feel like, where my brother-in-law is invited, and in-laws are invited to my brother's wedding.

Again, love you Nathan. His parents were not, my brother-in-law's parents weren't invited to my wedding. But your in-laws were invited to my wedding. That's sweet. And so I think that is one of the, that's another thing that we haven't talked about, we've talked about it before in private,

is about boundaries is a very hot word in culture and with families and things like that. I feel like I prepared a lot for having to potentially put up boundaries living so close to family because I'd never done that. Have I had to use a single one of them? Because everyone's so considerate and nice and people worry about you living with your parents

and I'm like, everyone is so considerate of each other and it's not even an issue. I'm equipped that if I ever needed to I could say something but I'm like I never even have to do that. I think all of us are pretty like non-offended people. Like we don't take things personally, yeah. Which I think is a lost art these days, not gonna lie.

I think if everyone here, I'd probably take things the most personally. But I don't know, I just think we all have an understanding of like no one has bad intent towards us, which I think we're very blessed with that. Like we have very healthy family relationships and like we know that we have each other's best interests. And so if something happens or comes off a certain way,

we know that, oh, even if it came off a certain way, I know that their intent was not to be hurtful. Like you can have it. So we're lucky that we have nice women members. Blake supports me in that, because I'm definitely one that's like, I kind of take things personally a little bit more. Like if it was between us three,

I'd probably take things the most personally, but I have Blake who's probably the most like, advocate of like, you think Abby hates you? I'm like, yeah. He's like, are you kidding me? He's like, text her, ask her. I'm like, no, I'm just going to pretend that she hates me right now. What did she do?

She just told me that she had to work and she couldn't text me right now. Is it murkier or harder that you guys have to balance being boss and employee? Oh yeah, we can talk about that. That's just a different dynamic. Abby's my boss. I am not your boss. Abby hates when I call her my boss. Only call her boss. a different dynamic. Abby's my boss. I am not your boss. Abby hates when I call her my boss.

Only call her boss. She's not, Matt is my boss. Yeah, Matt is your boss. I work for Matt and Abby as their assistant and it's the best job in the world. You can be honest, Addie. No, it's really good. This is honest hour.

Honest hour. No, it's, I've been working for you guys for about a year now and it's been really good. I feel like we've had like ins and outs of like figuring out what it's like working for family But I feel like I said like you guys said I'm very direct about like my Expectations of what it's like to work for you guys and then you guys are also direct about like what your expectations are And we're really good at balancing that like in your world There's not really a nine to five but I've kind of made a nine to five so that we can still have like

Family time and be like we know that at five we're hanging out In your world, there's not really a nine to five, but I've kind of made a nine to five so that we can still have family time and be like, we know that at five, we're hanging out. If I'm at your house at five, you know not to really ask me work questions. And if you do, you're always like, I'm sorry, I have to bring this up. I'm like, you're fine, you're fine. But we're all recognizing that,

even if we're hanging out on a Saturday and I bring up something about work, I'm like, oh, sorry. We're very cognizant. That it's a breach of the expectation, even though it's simple. Yeah. I think like, oh, sorry. We're very cognizant. That it's a breach of the expectation, even though it's simple. Even though we're okay with it? Yeah.

I think that makes it achievable for our relationship. Yeah. I feel like, really quickly, back to the family situation, it falls along the same lines, but both of you are very good about, I can't even think of a time where I'm like, oh man, they should have said something, but you guys are very intentional about apologizing.

If you, you're apologetic if you think that something. I texted you last week, you and your mom. Yeah, like you both say sorry if you think that something you did. And you guys both have a very good, you're very self-aware and have a gauge of like, okay, that, I probably stepped out of line there. Even if I didn't even feel that way at all,

it's nice that both of you guys are very, I don't know, forward about those things. And that's why I think we're all able to be close and stuff. It's like nothing's gonna get past, we're quick to forgive even if it's not even asked for, I guess, but then when it's asked for, it's like, okay, well, that's really nice. I feel like that also creates a safe space

where it's like, okay, if I mess up, I can, it's easy to approach them and be like, hey, whoops, that wasn't cool, sorry about that. That's very kind, I appreciate that. That's also probably why we don't need boundaries, really. Yeah, because we're so self-aware of when we do crossover or do things like that. Yeah, I think it's just having,

and being able to be clear with each other. We can clearly communicate and understand. Where I think people, where it does get murky with people is like They don't people aren't picking up the cues or like they're overstepping Yeah, and I feel like we're able to like communicate when we need space or all this time. Yeah, that's that's so true I think like Matt I've had conversations to we're like, hey, that was kind of a hard conversation But we're family first like no matter what's going on Like we're always gonna be family first and that that's like, if we feel like this is affecting

our family, we need to reevaluate and have a conversation and make sure we haven't had that point yet. But I'm like, we're very aware that, it's sometimes hard, I told them this when I first, I first asked them to work for them actually. And I was like, treat me as an employee, as soon as I stop working or doing what you expect of me, fire me, like I'm not your sibling, like I'm not related to at all. Treat me as an employee, as soon as I stop working or doing what you expect of me, fire me.

Like I'm not your sibling, like I'm not related to at all. Like treat me as an employee because that's what I'm gonna treat you guys as my employer until 5 p.m. and then we're gonna be family again. You know and it's so, I feel like we both kind of respected that and made sure that we're employer, employee during work hours. Sometimes Abby and I are just sisters most of the time.

Like and I feel like I work mostly with Matt in protection of our relationship sometimes. And we have a couple areas that we overlap, but I do a lot of my more in detail work with Matt on those things. That's awesome. It works well, because I feel like Matt is a natural leader, whereas I could not.

I'm not like that. And I need a leader, too. Even though I'm kind of a leader, I need someone to be my boss and tell me what I need to do. And so it's worked really well. And I feel like another good thing too is like, we always like intentionally plan non-work. I put quotes because work stuff is like still fun.

Like you have a good time, it's very casual. I call it like, it's literally like what we have is pretty much like a mom and pop shop, but it's just digital. Like it's like literally just online. Like it's a family business. A family business. And like it's a family business and so it's like it's really sounds so formal and I feel like people probably think it's a lot more formal than it is it's so so I set up these cameras so to be behind the camera is

like so weird for me to do that but yeah we said it's a mom and pop shop and then we're also like very good about not very good like I'm also very good about, not very good, but I'm complimenting myself right now. You are very good. Whatever you're about to say, you are. I just mean intentional about planning just for fun stuff. Yes. All the time. So, because this doesn't count as bonding,

or family time. Can we go hang out after this? Yeah, what are we gonna do? I would say yes. We make sure that even if I stay over for dinner like that's a family hangout It's not a work overlapping into family dinner time or different things like that And so I feel like you guys are very good about that which I appreciate I think what makes like everyone here a really good friend too is I don't think that

Jealousy has ever been involved in anything and I think that is how you for me That's a really good way of finding out if someone is truly a friend to you or not, is like, do they get excited when things are good for you? Do they cheer you on? Are they genuinely so wanting to celebrate that accomplishment? And when things are bad, are they mourning with you? Are they grieving?

Are they walking through that hand in hand and feeling empathy for that and not, both of you are so good at both of those things. And I think that's kind of always been something I've unknowingly used as a way to gauge, is this person a true friend of me? And so that has been, I don't know, that makes it really safe for me. I love that that's how you guys are.

And I feel like you can't, I feel like people are like that or they're not. I love that that's how you guys are. And I feel like you can't, I feel like people are like that or they're not. That's something that's like, I know that you can't change that about yourself, but that would be a, you'd have to do some deep work to probably, I don't know. That's really kind, I appreciate that. You're the same exact way.

You were so sympathetic and just like, if someone's crying, you're also crying. Or if someone's excited, you're the first person to cheer them on too. And I think the people you hang out with is the people you turn into. And so like us, you're probably way more sympathetic

than I am, but the more time I spend with you, the more sympathetic I become, because I'm like learning from you of what that looks like. And so I feel like the same with you, like you were just like so wise when I'm around you. I'm always like, you're so thoughtful. And like the way you think about things, I'm around you, I'm always like, you're so thoughtful and the way you think about things, I'm like sometimes I just like,

thoughts just go through my brain and they never equate up here. I'm like every thought I feel you think about it and you're very wise with the words you say. Wow, thank you Abby. Very kind. I love, oh I say that to my all the time, I love how Abby, she never just talks to talk.

It's always so purposeful. Oh my gosh, you guys, that's so nice. I do not think that about myself. It's true though. Yeah, you do it subconsciously. And you mean everything you say. Yeah, thank you. I do, yeah, I usually don't say things,

there aren't many things I take back unless I accidentally tell a lie and then I immediately have to say, I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that. I love when you do that. You've actually done that before. Dude, that is so funny too. I don't know why I embellished that, but do that That is so funny. Yeah, I don't know why I'm bellish that but I felt the need It made a better story

That never happens No, actually I thought about you last time you were playing wits and wagers. Oh, yeah You said she'd be so good. I was like that's something I feel like I want to play with you Do you know the game what's in that? I've never heard of it It's where you like they say like how many people have been to space since 2018? Everyone puts in a guess for a number. I feel like you would be so confident. And I would say wrong things all the time.

What number? What would be your number for that guess? People to space? How many people have been to space since 2018? Or as of 2018? Seven. That's probably what it was. Was it like 500 or something?

561. I guess 562. I mean I guess like 58. I was like 500 and I thought seven. I think there was at least seven people in space right now. I thought no one had been. There's people stranded in space right now, didn't you? Maybe I'm just thinking the moon

is the only equivalent of space that there has been. How many people have been to the moon? I don't think anyone's been since. This isn't moon? I don't think anyone's been since the moon. This isn't relevant. I don't think anyone's been since the moon landing in the 80s. Wait, when did we first go to the moon? Is that a conspiracy theory, Abby? No, I don't. No, no, no. I think they went. I think they landed. I think they went too.

There is a conspiracy theory that they didn't land because no one's been able to since. I mean, no one's been able to land since? Apparently. 24 people have traveled to the moon see I was wrong No, the thing that was so funny is when you said trash truck drivers make Sure yeah, I was like and that's the thing about me if you say it I don't need any further proof I'm like, yeah. Yeah, I would probably tell somebody else that I'd be like, you know that trash made six makers. Wow. We start those.

It's really I'm just like you're starting rumors. That's what it is. Not rumors because you you believe it. I did believe it. I thought that was true. Thank you to Mint Mobile for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. I love a good deal as much as the next guy, but I'm not going to crawl through a bed of hot coals just to save a few bucks. It has to be easy.

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Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. See Mintm Mobile for details. You were talking about how we aren't jealous people. A lot of that comes from not comparing to one another. How do you guys feel like you do with that when it comes to comparison or avoiding comparison? I feel like for me, you both are so different from me, but also we have our similarities that I mostly just see the strengths that you guys have and then try and, maybe this is my own self,

that I just wanna be, get your guys' strengths that you have and work on those instead of comparing to what you guys are. You also in different stage of life than me, so it's slightly different. I get to just look up to you guys rather than compare to what you guys are like. And so I feel like for me it's a little bit different in that area.

Like the image I get in my mind when it comes to the word comparison, like I feel like it's like everyone is, like people's strengths are like things are like this. Like I feel like comparison would be like looking down on all those and being like, oh man, look at all this distance. I'm falling short in this area. But I feel like I struggle with a lot of things. I haven't really felt that because I feel like I usually kind of subconsciously have put myself

from the bottom looking up and been like, oh my gosh, how did they get there? That's so cool. Or it's like, I didn't even want that, but that's so cool that they did that. Or I could look over here and be like, that's something that I wanna do in my life. And I feel like I am inspired by that.

Everyone has different gifts, and I don't look at someone online that's so creative and doing these fun, crafty things with their kids and then get insecure because I'm like, I'm just not a crafty person. And I have a gift in other areas that I feel like, and I think we just kind of, I think we can, we know how to get rid of those lies

in our head that are like, you're a bad mom because you're not craft think we can, we know how to get rid of those lies in our head that are like, you're a bad mom because you're not crafty. Like, you know what I mean? I think it's being able to combat those lies in your head and be like, those aren't true. And I think that takes practice. And like with Addy, like, I've always admired your discipline and your type A,

because I'm not like that at all in your organization, and your just ability to get things done. And I think it would be very easy for me to compare myself to you, because I'm not like that. But I think organization and your just ability to get things done. And I think it would be very easy for me to compare myself to you, because I'm not like that. But I think it's just being able to look at you and be like, wow, those are her gifts and her strengths. And then wanting to build you up in those things,

not like tear myself down, that I'm not like that. And so I think it's just that mindset shift of like, oh no, no, I'm not gonna wallow that I'm not like that, but I can just then like be excited for her that she is. I mean, not to toot her own horns, but I feel like we're all very confident in who we are and who we are designed to be and what we think are where we excel in.

And so that's why we're able to not compare within each other because we're all so confident in ourselves and who we are that we don't have one person that we're kind of building up the whole time because we're like we're all just building each other up the whole time. Yeah for sure. I think probably people would expect between us because you're you are so successful in your career and we're in the same career but I feel like when I look at you and Matt I'm like oh I'm so proud of you guys and that's truly how I feel in my heart because you

see the work that goes in behind the scenes like we Saw the grind that you guys put in in the effort to get to where you're at And so it's never been like oh, I'm not like where they're at. It's just like oh my gosh They did it, you know, and it's an excitement and a yeah I'm just so proud of you guys. And so I think too It's like it's not a lack of what I have or whatever, it's just like an excitement that you have. I think I did struggle with comparison a little bit more when I had BOLT and I remember this and I had to challenge myself when I had my boutique.

And I remember looking at a girl that started a boutique at the same time as me and in my head it was kind of this silent race of like, who's gonna get more sales and have more followers or whatever and I found myself being really convicted about that and I was like, I just have to pray for her success and I kind of challenged myself in that. I was like, I'm gonna unfollow her, I'm not gonna watch

and I'm just gonna pray for her and pray that like, there's blessing on her business because that helped change my heart a lot of like, okay, I'm not like then stressing about how she's doing or how I'm doing, it's not about performance, it's just I just want the best for her. And that really helped my heart and I feel like that kind of helped me overall

in like other areas of the person. That's really good. Like that you like, you're like, I don't need to follow this, but I also wanna pray for their success. That's, that takes like very self-aware person and like someone that's just like mindful about, you know, areas that your mind can slip into negative areas.

I think also naturally I'm just not a competitive person. Everyone gets a trophy girl. Yeah, I mean I know that in our family, we have some very competitive people that are like, that's ridiculous. And I get that, so I know that in our family like we have some very competitive people are like that ridiculous And I get I get that so I like I need that joke There's three games that I'm like, I will not play with Matt. Yeah, I'm like Katan Both of you will never play with Matt. No, it's too long. Who puts a time for that? We will start a game right now one thing I wanted to touch on that you brought up is like the grind that it took for you

guys to get to where you're at. Being with you guys for a year now on your team, the fact that you're able to employ me for a full-time job and you guys didn't have me for the last year, like before that, Matt and Abby work. They have a full-time job. If I can be paid and work a full-time job for them, they were doing all the things I was doing before I was with them, and I've helped alleviate some of those things.

So that's my biggest one. And people are like, what's your job? I'm like, do you know what goes into making a reel or a TikTok? It's not just put your camera up and post. Like there's so many things that go into the back end of it. We've never really talked about like having like you on our team because I just

didn't know if you want to go down with this ship you're my family I'm going down if you go down to we had the kids like it it has changed like the role I want to take in this and like having you on has just just helped me be the mom I wanna be and that is so, that makes you worth everything to me, seriously. And I just don't have the capacity, or I don't have the capacity and I don't have the will to operate at that functionality anymore. No, definitely.

And that's when we went on, when I first started, I was like, okay, what are our goals for everyone? I'm like, we have this massive list of goals for Matt, and I'm like, longevity for Abby, and to be able to be a mom. That is my goal for Abby, to make this sustainable as long as possible, and also give her as much time with her babies as she can,

while she's also still working a job. Because she'd love to just be a stay-at-home mom, but also she's gotta work, you know? And so, I do as much as I can to make it easy. That's why I'm like, here's your question, here's your answer, here's your to-do list, and then you can be done for the day. You know, like, just spend time with your babies.

Or I'll come over and work with you so that you'll get some things done. Yeah, it's so nice. You need to come over and work with us sometime. Yeah, people say that, but I lose track of my days. Are you by yourself? I'm at home and I'm like, I just love it here. Yeah.

You love being home? I do, yeah. I love that. Well, you have your own home now. I know, so I'm not leaving anytime soon for a little bit. I'm like, nestled. Yeah. How did that feel, like buying your first home?

Oh my gosh, it felt like we're never gonna get there. Yeah. I feel that way right now. I know. Well, you know, Caleb and I ran Bolt for a couple years together. That was what I started after college. I had to be thoughtful about what I say about this because I don't know what we want to share yet.

I feel like down the road, I'll never write a book, but I will do a tell all. Abby, never say never. I know. I'm like, there will be a come a time in a place where I just share everything But we had a very low income because we just chose to sacrifice Income to like reinvest into the business and so we've definitely combined made like over under the poverty line and that was by choice and it just kind of felt like How are we ever gonna afford a house, you know? so two years later being able to afford a house is literally just a shock, and we are just so grateful.

And it just feels every day so exciting. You guys were so disciplined with your finances, and I think that so many people, it's a really hard thing to do. To be like, oh, I considered this a need, like not a want, and it's really uncomfortable. And you guys were really, I admire how you guys were like, oh, well, I considered this a need, not a want, and it's really uncomfortable. And you guys were really, I admire how you guys were like, we're okay, we can get our Aldi groceries,

and that's where we'll stay, and that's all we need. Right now, we're gonna miss out on this holiday because we are not gonna buy flights at this time. And I think that, I admire that so much because it is hard to make yourself uncomfortable for something in the future, because you're like, oh, that's like that's down the line.

Like, I don't know. I view this as a comfort that I need. Like, and you guys like really, really grinded and made it happen. And you did not complain ever, Abby. You literally never did. You seemed so content and joyful and like loved your circumstances throughout it all. Thanks. I really appreciate that.

I do feel like, okay, growing up, my family grew up very comfortably and there was never a thing that if I needed it, I didn't have it. And so I felt very so grateful in the way that I grew up. My parents worked really hard to provide. And so I felt I had that lifestyle of like, okay, we ate out a lot, we went on vacations, we did all these things. And then when it was time for Caleb and I

to buckle down and decide how we wanted to like invest in our future and how we wanted to set our finances up and how we wanted to take risks in business, it was like, I've had that and I think it's true, like I've tasted and seen and I was just as happy then as I am now. Those things did not buy happiness.

They did not buy anything for me. They were great experiences and I'm thankful. So when it came time to cut things out, I was okay with that. And I was like, I'm just as content and happy living a very peeled back lifestyle. It was hard at times. I haven't bought myself a pair of shoes in five years.

But Caleb and I paid for two vacations that we went on in the last five years. Everything else was supplied for by family that was very generous. But we just weren't spending our money and things. And I was never embarrassed, and I want to encourage people in this. It is not embarrassing if your friends are going out to be like, it's just not on the budget for me to go out and eat. Do you wanna come over and eat dinner? I'll make us a meal.

Do you wanna go on a walk? That's the things I do with my friends. I go on walks and I make them dinners because we don't wanna go to a coffee shop and spend $10 on a coffee. We're saving that money. And I've just gotten really comfortable with saying that and I don't think we need to be embarrassed about that.

Our 20s we viewed as our grind years. Like these are our years to work really hard and set ourselves up for the future. And I think like marketing has gotten really good in telling us that we need everything right now. And yeah, we just didn't, we didn't buy into that. And so I'm grateful and I feel like we're excited now for our future and what we'll get to have later with our family and things.

You're such a good example for people just now entering their young adult years because it is so hard. And like you said, marketing makes it seem like it's very normal to get an expensive coffee beverage every day. And your apartment needs to look like this. And you've got to have this new trendy outfit and these shoes and it's like you made budgeting look glamorous. Like you really did. Yeah, you made the most of it and fun and it was just like this is the price we pay now for the life we want to live in the future and the kind of stability we want financially for our family and like I really, really look up to you.

I don't think I ever even told you that. Wow, thanks. Like you just handle it so gracefully never once complaining and we spent so we spent a lot of time together. You know what, I would be the person that I would be like yeah like I don't know I feel like you could tell me anything and I would be like yeah I would just listen and never once and that I just don't think that thought really crosses your mind because that's like you said that's not how you view it Yeah, thank you So Caleb let out really well in that with our family of like setting a budget and being and wanting to stick to it

And I think too it's like when you have a team mentality with your partner and your spouse It's like I don't want to stress Caleb out and go spend money and like do these things when I know that He is set He's really wise with finances and like he wants to set ourselves up a certain way and I want to support in that and get on board. And I think that makes it easier too. It's like, it draws me closer to Caleb because I'm like, oh, we're a team in this.

And it's exciting. It's like a common goal. Yeah. I don't think it probably was ever received in a weird way when people were, you're like, hey, that's not something that's in our budget right now, but could we do this? Like, did anyone, I feel like anyone would just respect that

and be like, yeah. But I think people feel pressured to like, wanna go out and spend with their friends. It's like, oh, my friends are all going out to dinner. It's like, well, we would go, but maybe we would just get an appetizer. You know, we're like, just saying really on the inexpensive end.

Yeah, and maybe this sounds hypocritical because I'm literally, my job is to promote products and different things, but I think maybe I don't think about it because I just have the mindset like if you don't need it, don't buy it. Yeah. Yeah. I never fall for ads. I'm like I don't need it.

It's funny being on the marketing side of things. You kind of understand the psychology of marketing a little bit more which I think is fascinating. It sounds interesting. I was thinking about, like you talking about, working together, you don't want to stress him out, and things like that. But I'm wondering how you guys find the recent, I don't know, best ways to resolve marital conflict.

Obviously that's such a big topic, but I feel like we're always trying to find new methods of like, okay, well now we're gonna do this. Matt and I's new one, it's a lighthearted one. Not new, we've just revisited it again because it's been eight years. I mean, we started kind of go back. I count dating years because I feel like there was,

some of those years might have even been harder in some ways. Not harder, but you know, different conflicts. He's younger. But we would go, we would play Monopoly Deal, which is like a card game. It's like, if I'm ticked at you, let's just deal it out. Dish it out.

And it's kind of fun because it gets our minds both off of the conflict. But we're not ghosting each other. We're together, but we're both thinking about something totally different. It's the same thing. And afterwards, it's like, OK, I really don't feel that mad anymore.

And I feel like that actually wasn't that big of a deal, so let's just go to bed. And usually that works for not obviously deep, deep problems but that works for the stupid bickering arguments that happen in marriage. What's your guys'? That's kind of similar, we don't play games. But I'm just like, I need a break. I'm the one who always needs a break.

Blake's like, let's talk it out. Let's figure it out right now. Because Blake is not an emotional thinker, which I love him for so much, but I am emotional and he is not, so he's like, truth, truth, truth. And I'm like, can I have a little bit of grace in the truth? Let's just think about my feelings. He's like, but that's not what happened.

I'm like, but my feelings thought it went this way. And so a lot of the times I need a break to be like, oh, okay, that didn't happen that way. Let me think about it. A lot of times I'm just in the moment and I'm mad and I just keep getting mad about more things because he won't let me leave and think about it with my brain.

So I like go to the bathroom for five minutes, come back. I'm like, okay, so I think I overreacted about that. So that's like ours, kind of in a similar way, but Blake has had to start allowing me to take a break because he is not that way. So he used to like follow me. I'm like, no, no, no, I need you to stay here and let me. And then one thing we did the other day is we were having a,

like we got an argument when we were laying in bed and we had to like move out of the bedroom and have our conversation in a different space and restart. Like, we're like, can we think about this again, what just happened? Because just being in the same space that you got in the argument might, it just, it was helpful for me to refresh

being away from where it happened. Step outside of that. Yeah, step outside of like, where we got in an argument and like refresh. So that's just mine, taking five minutes. I like that. That is really good. Caleb and I have never been the type to like bicker over small things

He's like me like he's so just like chill and like easygoing and he lets things roll off his back, but I feel like if There has been things that have come up. I feel like in the moment i'll be like hey like I That was I feel kind of disrespected in that or whatever and He wants to talk about things. If it's like a bigger issue, I'm such an internal processor that I am like, I will straight up tell Caleb I don't have the words.

Like, I want you to, he'll tell me everything and I'm like, I don't have the words to respond yet and I will think about it and I will stew on it for like, sometimes, a long time, like weeks, it's been weeks sometimes where I will revisit that and like at a time where I feel like it's appropriate when we were in the car and I'm like, hey back to that conversation a while ago. So I don't know if it's best because sometimes it takes a long time

I feel like for me to fully like feel resolved on an issue, but I used to be really fiery and I would just say things that I didn't mean because I couldn't process my thoughts or my feelings. So I would just, in the moment you're upset or you're crying and you just, I would show a lot of that and say crazy stuff. And then I was like, I'm just not going to say anything and I'm just going to think through all of this and then check in at times. And I feel like that's been really healthy for us, like working through things.

One thing we did more towards the beginning, we should bring it back, is so we have, you guys have been doing this with Griffin and stuff, but we have like our, the Biswells, like who we are. Like we, before we got married, like in premarital counseling and stuff, we like figured out what we are, like who are we as Biswells, like we are kind, we are patient, um, I don't know that those are actually ours. We speak kind words. Those are Griffin.

Those are Griffin, sorry. I don't know about Griffin. And he's generous. He is generous. He's so cute. And so I feel like our so the biggest ones like in arguments is we speak kind words and then that we speak truth with gentleness and so sometimes when we've said mean things to each other like that's a good area to check each other to be like hey we committed that we are going to speak kind words to each other like we can say that that was wrong we shouldn't have done that and so it's an easy way to check someone without being mean and just being like we committed to this and so we're gonna

make sure that we so sometimes like like we speak truth with gentleness you know like just be a little kinder in those words you know so I feel like that's a good way to combat some of those things with something you agreed upon mm-hmm yeah I feel like in the moment I way to combat some of those things with something you agreed upon. Yeah, I feel like in the moment I'll let Caleb know, like hey, I didn't like that, I can't talk about it right now, but I just want you to know that I didn't like that

and I'm gonna think through what I wanna say. And I feel like that's kind of, it's like direct and you're letting the person know or whatever, but then coming back later. That takes so much self control. That's really good. And for him to allow you to have that space too is a learned thing.

You guys have been together for a long time. Yeah, we've been together 11 years. Yeah, like finally the other day, and again, we don't get in big arguments where he's like, do you need to take a minute? I'm like, yeah, I do. Yeah. Thank you for calling me out on it.

I appreciate it. That's fun. It's so funny too because Matt started doing individual counseling, which he's talked to out before. I wouldn't air that out for him, but the other day I heard him listening to this resource and he was like, my counselor says that I should listen to this. And it was that old book that's like, men are from Mars, women are from Beasts. I was like, was this created in the 60s?

And he's like, it's actually crazy how we have the same problems that we have. If you listen to it, it's an audiobook, well it's a real book, but then the audiobook is like women's main gripe about men is that they don't listen. Men's main gripe about women is that they, like I was like, it's literally textbook, like that's why they write books about it and that's why there's people trained to handle these things. And so, I don't know, I think it was refreshing. I was like, oh, you're doing some individual work too.

It's like, I can do this. I don't know, it's almost like one person acknowledging oh, I could be better in this area makes it a safe space for you to be like, you know what, I could really improve in this area myself. And I think that's a really cool thing in any kind of relationship, when one person's able to humble themselves

and be like, this is probably somewhere I could use growth in, and it just creates a safe space. And I really feel like both of you guys would keep me accountable, and also, you're not afraid to ask the deeper questions, and I don't know, make me think. And so I think that, I don't know, that's why think. And so I think that, I don't know, that's why I look at you guys as sisters truthfully

because it's like, anyone, a lot of people can be a really good friend, but like a sister is someone that's like willing to walk alongside you and like challenge you and I'm confident that both of you, like you do do that for me. And so like I'm so thankful to that because it's like, I didn't choose any of this,

like Caleb chose to marry you, Blake chose to marry you, I didn't have any hand in that. And it's like really cool how it was like, it was no accident and because it's like, I didn't choose any of this. Caleb chose to marry you, Blake chose to marry you, I didn't have any hand in that. And it's really cool how it was like, it was no accident. And it wasn't like, that's kind of like the side blessings of marriage. Extending your family, I always wanted a sister and so it's really, really sweet.

And it's such a gift, I view it as a gift. Me too, I love you guys. Completely agree, I love you guys. And I'm like, I'm not even related to you at all, but I'm like, you're my sister too. Like, I love my sisters and they live far away and we don't talk as often, but getting to have you guys here is like an extension.

And I think your family would probably say the same, but I'm like, they're so thankful that I have you guys in my life here that can be my sisters now in this season, in this spot to take care of me and love on me and those seasons and so I'm so great I never expected you know to have a fan I'm like thinking about my brother getting a girlfriend he's in freshman year college I'm like that's when Blake met me like to be meeting I'm like I don't know what

it's like to be a sister-in-law but I am one you know so I'm like so excited to kind of I get to use you guys as an example to like love on whoever my brother ends up with and get to be a good sister to them. So I appreciate you guys. Yeah, I appreciate you guys too. My sisters made a comment when I was home recently and they're like, we're so happy you have Abby.

Like we love Abby, you know? And I think it's just that saying where it is comforting like having family and I'm just grateful that it's you guys. What would you say like if someone's like listening to this and they're like, oh I have like family life and like we get to get along at family gatherings but like we really could be doing more to be like intentional like I don't know how,

is that kind of weird to like all of a sudden be like, hey let's do, like what would you say? No, I think it takes effort and you know what, I'm not naturally someone that always puts that effort in. Abby, you were the one that really like, you invited Caleb and I, you and Matt invited Caleb and I out to go to Silver Dollar City and stay with you. Like you guys are incredible includeers

and I think that really opened the door for us to have a deeper relationship and even just like, I think I have a deeper relationship with Addie now because you always invite us to do things together. And I think yeah, if you're someone that doesn't have a super close relationship with your sister-in-law or your extended family and you want that, it really does just take putting yourself out there

and just including in things. And it doesn't always have to be a big, plain thing. It's literally just like, come over and hang out while we have dinner. Our house is gonna be a mess and we're gonna have people running all over the place. It's gonna be chaos. And that's just doing life on life.

Yeah. It's not always a prepared, planned thing. It's really just doing life with each other. Yeah, and just, I think you can find a common thread. If it is someone you don't hang out with as often, it's kind of a leap of faith to step out and have that conversation. It's just finding something that you have in common

with them and go enjoy that, whether that's coffee or reading or having food. It's so easy to just send that invite. It's scary to do it at first, but once you do it, it's such a good blessing. Everyone wants to feel invited. That's what I would say. Everyone wants to be someone who feels needed and wanted

and value in someone else's life. So I would say, reach out, do it. I think you did the same thing for me, just inviting me into your family and inviting us over for dinner and doing read night. We talked about it, but you're very much a doer. You're like, let's hang out. And you're like, okay, let's do it.

Tomorrow, let's do this. And so making sure that happens and I think following through. I think our world is a little flaky. I think people are a little flaky. You I was talking about with recently? Maybe. That people are flaky?

Yeah. And nothing hurts you more. I've lost friendships because people just didn't follow through with plans and it just makes you feel unwanted and then there's other people who are pursuing you. I have to put that effort into the people who are pursuing me and wanna be involved in my life.

And so I feel like that's just the natural progression of living your life is pursuing the people who are pursuing you. And so if you want to be involved in someone's life, reach out to them. That's the biggest thing. We've all moved away from people that we love and care about, and the biggest thing

with keeping those relationships is just reaching out. Sometimes I don't wanna have to, I'm thinking about a phone call, I wanna talk to my friend, but I'm worried about picking up the phone call because I don't know if I have 30 minutes to spare. You're gonna get off that phone call, you're gonna be so happy about it.

That's happened to me a couple times, and so just do it. Don't even think, just call. Make yourself available. Yeah, I think the flakiness, that's a whole different topic. I think we were talking about that. Okay, I was like why were we talking about that? Yeah, because we were talkingakiness and that's a whole different thing. I think we were talking about that. Okay. Yeah

Yeah, cuz I was we were talking about when you guys were gone. Yeah It's that is something that I'm like, I think our generation is probably we can own it Yeah, I guess I probably like that. It's FOMO. We could work on that like you're missing out on the better option Yeah, or just like honestly just I know FOMO-BO Sorry You're missing out on the better option. Oh People don't want to commit cuz they it's like oh we could hang out But then what if I get invited to something better? Yeah, or it's like or I'm just really comfortable and I don't want to make myself uncomfortable in this moment And I think that I don't know that is probably only valid, I'm gonna be honest,

like 5% of the time. I think 95% of the time, you're gonna be better for following through and having integrity for, I mean, in general, just like, then you're even teaching your own self. When I say things, sometimes I don't actually mean it. And I don't think that's really, that's a really slippery slope to go down.

Like when you say things, it should have weight and it should have meaning, especially when you share it with someone and they're making accommodations in their own life. And I think that I feel passionate about this because I was a flaky person. Like, and I was like, that's not, that's not exactly respectful of like the people that I'm making plans with. And that's also not, I viewed myself as someone with integrity. So then I was like people that I'm making plans with. I viewed myself as someone with integrity, so then I was like, that's actually not a line.

That doesn't work that way. I don't get to believe that about myself and this is the behavior I have. I think an area where I'm like, I still need to grow in that is with my being on time because I am not on time. I'm not punctual. But I'm like, I will be there if I say or I wanna make these plans. And so, I was talking about with these photographers

that we took our photos last week, they were like, thank you so much for coming. And I was like, well, we said we were gonna be here. And they're like, oh, most of the time we show up and people just, they end up shooting us a text a little bit afterwards saying that they couldn't come. They're like, you don't know how many times we've scoped out locations and been on site

and no one comes. And I'm like, that is not okay. And it might be uncomfortable for you because even, which is her saying that was so crazy because before that I was like, I even said to Matt, I was like, ugh, I'm just not in the mood right now. I'm not, I don't know, I just won't, I don't know what the mood right now. I'm not, I don't know, I just want, I don't know what was going on,

where I was just like, I don't even, I don't really wanna drive all the way. I was thinking about all the reasons why I didn't wanna get going and get out the door, and then, I was like, no, I mean, we committed to this, it's not an option, unless something major were to come out, this is not an option, just my own comfort, and so it was so crazy

that she said that, because I was like, oh my gosh, I, not that I was seriously thinking it, but I was like thinking about how nice it would be just to like have an empty evening. And then like her saying that really validated that. It's so cool those little moments when like you're thinking about things that you would just brush over and then you're like,

wait, this actually just enacted me to do something better. We got in the car and I was like, Matt, isn't that so wild that she went out of her way to even say that and like say how that doesn't always happen and how she appreciated that? Yeah. It was crazy. I started looking at things that I've committed to

as like, as a work commitment. I know that sounds weird. Not saying that I view hanging out people as work, but it's like, if I wouldn't miss my job for this, I'm not gonna miss this hangout for that. So like, unless it's sickness or an extreme event, I gave that person my commitment. And so unless it's a very serious thing

that I would take vacation time for, then I'm not gonna miss that hangout. Because there's always gonna be a reason to not hang out. It's always easier. And you never regret it. Even if you're tired, even if you're like, I mean, you guys know, we'll let anyone in our house if it's a disaster. I'm like, it's not, we'll let anyone in our house if it's a disaster.

I'm like, it's not, because it's never about the house. It's always about the people in it. So I'm like, I don't care what it looks like. They don't care what it looks like. They just care that you showed up and that you're there. And so, yeah. I think I'll speak a note for the people who are married to a spouse who doesn't like to do things.

With people. An introvert. It's hard being an extrovert married to a spouse who doesn't like to do things. With people. An introvert. It's hard being an extrovert married to an introvert and enjoying going out and spending time with new people. He loves hanging out with his people. My goodness, him and his friends, like his guy friends, I could never get them apart when we live next to them. But meeting new people and establishing those relationships

is sometimes hard with an introvert and an extrovert. And so I feel like I have to be very careful about making commitments for him when we're doing things. Because I'm like, I want to make new friends. I want to do this. But let me ask my husband to make sure that he's okay with it first. Because again, I don't want to make a commitment.

And then also drag Blake along and then him already not being in a good mood when we're going to something because he'd rather be at home. That's fine, he wants to be at home. I wanna be not at home. But I've been more introverted now. Yeah, that's wise. I've had to.

Well, that also opens up the conversation of like, waiting until you're ready to commit to plans. Or like, yeah, that sounds so fun, let's do it. Yes. Like just saying like, okay, I'll get back with you. I'm gonna check on a couple of things and make sure we're free. I make sure I have the capacity at the time and everyone has different capacities

Yeah, and but you're in charge of like giving that yes or no, you know And so it's just like if you're gonna give the yes That doesn't mean to say that if anyone has changed I was like, you don't hold grudges. I do hold some grudges. But you told me about them and I never thought they were unreasonable. That's true. And they're not hateful grudges. You don't think differently of the person.

You're just like, I'm not going to forget that. I'm not thinking of anyone specific, but I will say, I always say this to Matt. If people show you, because Matt's a golden retriever. He will literally keep going to someone that's not wanting to reciprocate a million times over. I'm like, if people are showing you who they are, believe them. And so it's like, if they're saying that they're not into, if they're kind of showing you through their behavior that they're not gonna, I don't know, respect the friendship in the same way

you want to or aren't over eager, they're showing you that. It's like, well, we'll believe them and then we'll just move on. And I think that's okay. I think that would be a healthy boundary in my mind. I don't know. Totally. I'm not gonna go, and then here's the other thing. My other rule for myself,

if someone has canceled plans a few times, probably even two times, I view it as like a little baseball. I'm like, it's in their court. They can toss it back, but I'm out of respect for myself. I'm not gonna go back over there, get the ball and then toss it again.

Yes, I've done that a couple times as well. I'm like, the ball's in their court whenever they're ready. Like if they do wanna pursue this friendship, like they are more than welcome to do that. I don't consider that a grudge in my world. I'm like, it's just kinda like. And you're not offended by it.

It's just like. No. Oh no, I'm like, hey, you showed me. They're busy when they're not busy the last meeting. I believe, I believe you. I've tried to put the effort in. Yeah. And it's like, it's just kind of like... And you're not offended by it. It's just like... No! Oh no, I'm like, hey, they're busy when they're not busy the last meeting. I believe. I believe you. I've tried to put the effort in. Yeah. And it's like, it's totally... And like, if they were to invite me, oh yeah, I'm in. Like, it's not like I'm like mad. It's like, no, that opportunity is closed. Like, it's like... Yeah, I think that's just being mature and just like realizing people have... Like you said, everyone's at a different phase. Yeah. They in different stages. Someone's capacity, they could be at max. Oh, for sure. And I've been at max capacity before. They might be fine. I think that's a reason why we get along so well. I think there are obviously ways that we all can grow, but we're all very mature, I feel

like, and we're very introspective and we can evaluate ourselves in those areas and that's why we can all get along and not argue and fight and have jealousy or things like that, because we're all kind of on the same level. There's obviously areas that we all can grow in, but I think that makes it easier. And I also like that, I don't think either one of you would accept less

than my best effort at that given time. I think I feel comfortable that both of you would be like, hey, I don't know. Like lovingly, I don't know. And those areas, and I mean if I haven't said it, I invite that too because I really, really appreciate that and lean on that. I think sometimes that can be hard to receive,

but when you have a foundation like as close like and trusting and like I have so much respect for the two of you that if you were to come to me I'd be like oh yeah they they're not gonna make they're not gonna just say that because of anything else other than like they expect more from me and like I appreciate that and I don't know I think if anyone gets anything from this podcast is that like I don't know community is so so important and it takes work and it takes sacrifice to have it. It's not like something that it's like,

man, nobody's asking me, and I've been in this place, so trust me, I know how you feel like, or I'm like, and nobody wants to hang out with me, no one's texting me, like, I haven't texted anybody. It takes initiative on your end and it kind of takes you to just put on your big girl pants and not have a pity party for yourself and just put yourself out there and sometimes it's not going to be great and that's life and that's part of it but like sometimes community

is also just as close as your own family and cultivating a healthy, mutually respectful relationship and you know maybe like Abby said not getting as offended at times and knowing when to be like Okay, we didn't have a conversation about this like this isn't something that I'm like comfortable with and I'm establishing my own family right now And that's not something I invite in absolutely and so it takes both Like I obviously don't have that like obviously Blake and I are our own family But I like could see you guys both doing that like if I ever did anything, not that I probably will one day, but I don't see myself, and I could see you guys saying something,

and I'm like, of course, you tell me where your boundaries are, you are your own family, I wanna respect that, you're building your own family for you. So. Yeah, I don't mean that to be like, oh, if you get offended by things, you're a problem. That's not at all what I'm saying, because there are obviously things

that deserve conversations, but I think it's just knowing what those are and being okay with having hard conversations with people and being able to communicate those things is important. Because if you're just always living or just letting yourself spew on things, that's not healthy. Or if everything's offending you,

it might take some internal reflection. Like, what is this telling me about my current state right now? Like, maybe I need to create boundaries for myself because I find myself constantly in this negative loop. Like, I need to get out of it. And it takes, I don't know, sometimes I'm like, it takes being tough love or like hard on yourself. I feel like all of my friends, like, thanks for being tough love or hard on yourself.

I feel like all of my closest friends are tough love people. And so again, also with Blake too, I'm like, I'll tell him something that I, he's like, they did not mean it, why are you, and so I feel like I've been able to build up this rapport because I have a lot of people around me that are like, you took that completely the wrong way, you're upset over nothing, you need to figure that out,

why are you acting that way, you know? Yeah, I feel like I always, in a way that's not self-deprecating, like I'm not telling myself like you're worthless, you're not worth being like, whatever, upset over it or whatever, but I just try, I'm like, it's not that serious, like I'm not that important that these people are like trying to hurt me or trying to like do these things.

Like, I don't know, I just try to tell myself that, I'm like, it's probably not that. There's probably a reason to what's going on behind the scenes. Does that make sense? Does that make sense what I said? Like with the people that, like if there's an issue or something with someone,

or if I'm upset about something, I'm like, it's probably not even about me. That's what I try to tell myself. In a non-self-deprecating way. Yeah. In a non-self-deprecating way. I'm not telling myself that I'm like worthless. Suck it all. Yeah, you're dull, you're emotional, whatever.

It's like I'm not telling myself that. I'm just like, it's probably just not that serious. Yeah, it's probably not that serious. That's why having people in your life that will speak truth to you, so that you know in certain situations it is serious, and that there are real things happening, and so knowing that there are people who you can voice

that to and they tell you this isn't a big deal or yeah, your feelings are very valid in what you're going through and having both of that is and having the people you trust that are gonna tell you that either way. Oh, side note, this is actually something that I also wanna bring up really quick is on the topic of relationships with people,

friends, family and husbands, both of you with people, friends, family, and husbands, both of you would never, I know this, if I were to be like, hey, this is happening in my marriage, I know, neither one of you would spew to me, oh, Matt is terrible in this way, you guys would never, never, ever, and that's because you are so respectful of my marriage and so respectful of,

it's not like you think my husband's perfect or anything like that, but you are gonna speak life into things that are good things, and marriage is a good thing, and you know him too, but I think that it can be really easy in circles of girls and girlfriends when everyone's married to be like, oh my gosh, like he's terrible, and it's like, ugh, girl, get away from him.

Yeah, I feel like we all have, as a group, we all have the same values of that, we are married to this person for the rest of our lives, and that's a commitment that we have all dedicated to, and we did it in front of each other at our weddings and about that, and so I feel like we're able to Step into those relationships with each other and also be like speak truth and like I know you're fired up

He didn't mean it like that like you know and and kind of take someone else's side in this relationship instead of Putting that person down. I think as soon as I stepped into like marriage with Blake I was like my people can't be putting down my husband. That's not healthy. He is my husband. He's mine now I protect him, you you know and so unless they're speaking truth into a situation like I'm not gonna let them speak poorly on my husband that way either. Totally well okay here's the thing when you have a boyfriend they're a boyfriend like oh yeah we can bash on boyfriend. If you have a bad boyfriend get out. Yeah. But when you choose to marry someone,

I chose to marry Caleb. I chose to put up with those problems that we're gonna have with each other. I chose that. And so as my girls, you're here to tell me, hey, no, no, no, no, no. You need to respect your husband. He needs to respect you.

And you need to respect your marriage and the covenant that you guys made. It's now time to put in the work because you chose to marry him. And it's different, you know? And I think that's where the difference is. Obviously there's caveats, people are gonna say this. Obviously abuse, obviously any type of mistreatment.

Like that is so different than the things that we're talking about. And we're saying that because we've never had to. You know we've never had those situations. And I know that you guys would be there if that, yeah. It's not even like relevant. Like it's not an issue. But like when it's like the smaller, you know,

every marriage has conflict. And it's like those things where it's like, there's been certain company in my life where I'm like, I don't think that I should talk about this because I just know that, especially if it's like someone that's single single they don't have the perspective of like hey This is something that we're you got to work committed to it's gonna take work Yeah, and it's not all glamorous like like maybe dating would be at the beginning, you know, it's gonna look different and

There's so much beauty in that alone. And so it takes like other people like I don't know You can't use it as gossip on your husband time. No absolutely not that's something I learned is like honestly like right as soon as I got married I was like oh I can't talk about these arguments I'm having or this disagreements or things that are like in my marriage with single people I do need women who are married to speak the truth into those situations and so that was a quick shift for me to realize I was like like, oh, married people fight. I apologized to my parents when I got married.

I was like, oh, you guys were just a married couple. They bickered, and I wasn't used to that. And I was like, oh, Blake and I are bickering. That's just our love language is bickering with each other. Some people aren't that way. Blake and I are very much that way. And so I'm like, oh, OK. And so I need another married couple or a married woman to speak into that rather than

singles have great experience in different areas and they can speak life in a ton of different areas. But my marriage is not the right setting for that. I had to learn that. My charge to every girl out there is to be really picky when you're getting married. Like you have to be because you're making a commitment and you're gonna work through those hard things so you have the out when you're dating. If there's something that you see that's a red flag, that red flag is going to be something

that just balloons as you spend more time with the person and you're like, oh maybe marriage will fix that. It's not. People change and grow and mature in different areas, but that's your sign to really evaluate, like do I want to live with this person for the rest of my life? Is that like you're being late?

That's like I'm a late person too. That drives Caleb crazy. That's a very small thing on the scale that I'm talking about, but like, okay, it makes Caleb upset when I make him late to things and he gets really stressed out and anxious. Is that something that he wants to put up with for the rest of his life?

He chose I'm late. That's how I feel with Blake. That's a small, silly example, but when you're looking at how someone handles conflict, do you like that they just walk out and leave in the middle of an argument? Because that's just gonna get bigger and bigger and bigger. You guys, this podcast was way more serious

than I thought it was gonna be. But I kind of, Girl Chat needs to be serious sometimes. Girl Chat is serious. We're pretty line-oriented most of the time. Actually, sometimes we get deep. Something about me, I just love being a girl and having girlfriends, and I'll always be a girl's girl, and so I love that you guys are my girls.

Yeah, I love you guys. I love you too, it was sweet coming on and talking with you guys. Yeah, it was so fun. I wanna send this one to girlfriends. Yeah. Actually, I don't know. Send this podcast to all your girlfriends out there.

Yeah! If you wanna hang out with someone, send it to them. This is my official invite to hang out with you. Seriously. That's a good idea. Okay, well, thank you guys so much for being on. Should we say Peace Out Ladies? Yes. Oh, yeah. Okay, three, two, so much for being on, should we say peace out ladies? Yes.

Oh yeah! Okay, three, two, one. Peace out ladies! Peace out ladies! Peace out ladies! Peace out ladies! Peace out ladies! Peace out ladies!

Peace out ladies! Peace out ladies! Peace out ladies! Peace out ladies! Peace out ladies! Peace out ladies! Peace out ladies! Peace out ladies!

Peace out ladies! Peace out ladies! Peace out ladies! Peace out ladies! Peace out ladies! Peace out ladies! Peace out ladies! Peace out ladies!