The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Our Birth Story, Postpartum Body Image & Becoming Parents

Episode Date: February 8, 2023

Nobody has ever said that becoming a parent is easy because it isn't. In this episode, we gave some unedited, juicy details about becoming pregnant, going through pregnancy to learning how to be parents. Make sure to rate our podcast and leave a review if you can, it really helps us out!

I want to know how you truly feel about my body postpartum. Wow, putting me on the spot. I, to say I like your bitch, that's how I'm so weird and so shallow. What really scared me about the whole having kids at 24 thing was there's no going back. Every decision I have ever made my whole entire life, there's been a way to go back on it. What's up dudes? Hey, welcome. Everyone clicks off.

They're like, um, immediately. No, thank you for that. Yeah. Those people are weird. Um, no. Um, but welcome back to the unplanned podcast. That's so true. That's so true, baby.

I can't believe you guys are still here. I'm so excited. Hopefully we don't say anything stupid on this episode. Did we say something stupid to first? I don't think so. I think it's actually pretty good. I was impressed with us, babe. We did good.

We're podcasters now. Well, let's not let it get to your head. Oh my God. It could go downhill fast. Today we're talking about becoming parents. And, you know, we have a six-month-old now, and life has changed dramatically. By the time they're watching this,

he will literally be seven months old. Like, even over seven months old like even over said months old which is freaking crazy the time flies by fast it does fly by really fast and talking about marriage recently I've I've realized like we're about to hit four years of marriage this summer we've been together so freaking long and I just can't believe that like we're just like the time is just going, it's faster and faster. I feel like I'm like falling from the sky and just like accelerating. Like that's what time feels like to me right now, honestly.

Yeah, it's true. I mean, for me, as soon as we got married, we were, okay, I don't know if we're gonna like talk about birth control, but I had an IUD. Yeah, birth control. I had an IUD, which is like 99.9% effective in preventing pregnancy, right? Honestly, thank you for doing that.

Like, I hate condoms, honestly. I do. I've heard people say it's like eating a steak with a bag in your mouth, like over your mouth. And honestly, it's, yeah. Like a ziplock baggy? Yeah, like if you ate a steak with a bag, that would suck. I don't like to know what you're about this analogy at all. Okay, I'm so sorry. Yeah, I got that. a steak with the back that would say I don't like you can taste it. I'll get all okay

Yeah, I got that I can talk about that experience maybe on another episode But I had one is 99.9% effective. So yeah, we use that but then in my head I kind of hope that that point one percent chance would happen and we would just somehow accidentally get pregnant Dude that's and I kind of hope that would happen. I really did. It was weird, dude. Sometimes you would have, like, months free to be like, I really think my pregnant, like your boots would get... I would convince myself. Your boots would get bigger or something.

Yeah, you'd get like bigger boots. And it was just like PMS, but you didn't get your period though on the IUD, which was pretty nice. Yeah, I think that's also why I kind of convinced myself a few times, because I never got my period. Obviously, that was a huge perk of the IUD, like not having a period.

Was it a perk for you? No, I'm no I'm just saying for you I remember you telling me what you got your period back you were like this sucks. I was like man I forgot how hard this was. Yeah, so I had actually really good experience with IUD but I always kind of hoped that I would accidentally get pregnant and then we would just have to like figure it out because I swear. I should have talked about this the last time, so I swear love literally changed me into a different person. Oh, we did. Like love made me so much more emotional,

like, and it also made me want to start a family so bad. Like, and I'm not saying that happens for every person, like that you're not truly in love if you're not ready to start a family immediately, but for me, that was the effect that love had on me. I was like, all the babies with Matt Howard, let's go now. Oh my gosh, you're so sweet. I remember getting married. We had decided early on that we were gonna wait two years to have kids. Yeah. Remember that? We're like, we're gonna wait two years. And the summer of 2021 is when you got your IUD out. Yeah, we literally followed that.

Yeah. And we were in Hawaii at the time, we were living there. Well, a little, it was like late summer, early fall. Yeah, and I remember having the conversation with you about like, And you weren't quite ready. I really wasn't, honestly. Like you were so ready,

and I think part of that was you were, you were honestly a little sad in Hawaii. You were, would you even, would you say depressed? Like what, how would you describe that? I do think that I suffered from like a little sad in Hawaii. You were, would you say depressed? How would you describe that? I do think that I suffered from a little depression in Hawaii, which is something I feel like I have yet to work through everything about that year in Hawaii. That was a lot for me.

But beyond that, we were just around a lot of families with young kids. And I think it was hard for me, because I was just kind of like jealous in a way. I'm not a jealous person at all, but then I was just like, I'm so tired of seeing people with their children when I just want my own so bad.

I remember you posting on your story one day because you just felt so lonely. And a fellow creator who lived on the mainland was like, hey, spoiler alert, when you have kids, like it makes your life much better, like that was just, hey, spoiler alert, when you have kids, like it makes your life much better. Like that was just her opinion, obviously. Yeah.

Yeah. Because you were saying you were lonely and she's like, I felt the same way, but when I had kids, it like, it fills your heart. Yeah. Which I think that could air on the side of being slightly unhealthy.

Like you should probably work through your issues before you have a kid. Yes. But I see exactly what they were saying. But like, but dude, I mean, honestly, a relationship did the same thing for me. Like I had so much anxiety before meeting you

and you really brought me out of that. So it's funny, like people would say you need to make sure you're good before you like enter in relationship and you need to make sure like you're, I don't know, solid before having a kid. But what's funny is I feel like we kind of broke both those rules and it kind of worked out for us.

It's working out so far. It really is. I'm really happy being a dad. I love it. Yeah. So basically I, I mean, I, I mean, I need, I was around little kids all the time. I was just so ready. So then when that two years came, I was like, okay, it's go time. And thankfully, you know, we got the IUD out and then we got pregnant

very shortly afterwards. We really did. It happened so fast. But I will say, we got pregnant right away. But was there technically like one month that you got that you didn't get pregnant right away? like one month that you got, that you didn't get pregnant right away? No, because I hadn't started my period yet. Yeah. So I didn't have a period while I was on the IUD, but it like had it returned. Yeah. And so in my head, I had convinced myself that I had somehow never started my cycle again yet was pregnant, but I wasn't.

I can't remember. Did we buy condoms? Like, did we ever even get like protection? Or were we just like, yo, let's do it. Like, I forget. I don't think we did. I think I just did the plot method at first. And then eventually, we were like, we're gonna send it. No, we kind of did Russian Roulette.

We did, yeah, I thought it was Russian Roulette. Is it Russian Roulette? Or Russian Roulette? Roulette sounds right actually. Yeah. What's it Russian Roulette? I don't know. That's something different in the family.

But I think that we just kinda like, on and get off again. So we're on a cruise. And we, I remember on the cruise, we just started like, I didn't think that we were gonna talk about conception on this test. I didn't know. I don't know. We're talking about having kids, right? We're living in Hawaii. Living in Hawaii, we went to Europe, we're on this two-week cruise. That was a fun trip.

I wanna go back so bad. We went to Greece. It was fun, but also kind of not fun. We went to, okay, that's true, because that's the thing. When you travel, but you vlog everything, you don't really feel like you're on vacation. That cruise happened, and shortly after,

we found out that we were pregnant with our first child. And I don't know why. It's like, of course, we're, I mean, I consider that trying to get pregnant. You're not using birth control. Yeah, dude. If you say you're not trying and you're just like, not using any birth control, you're trying. You're trying. In my opinion, I don't know. Yes, you are. But, um, so I don't know why. So it's like, we knew that that was like what

we wanted. Yeah. But when I took that pregnancy test and it was positive, I was so shocked for some reason. I was like, what I was shaking, I was trembling, I didn't, I was shocked. It was so happy, but it was just. Dude, that was surprising. It was shocking here. I remember you like showing me that book.

You held up that. So you're gonna be a dad book. Here was like a It was shocking here. I remember you like showing me that book. You held up that so you're going to be a dad book. You're like a exact title of it. But that's, I just was immediately like holy crap. This is real. Like this is actually happening. And that was really exciting. We didn't really know what to do with ourselves after we got that news. We kind of just like walked to a place to eat lunch and we're just like just in bliss and kind of shocked and not really sure what the future was going to look like. I don't know. Like when did it hit you I just wanted to go to a place to eat lunch, where just like, just in bliss and kind of shocked and not really share what the future was gonna look like. I don't know, like when did it hit you Matt

that like you were gonna be a dad? I think it was pretty much like right up until when you gave birth. I know, I really, I agree with that. I feel like Matt just like didn't think it was actually going to happen until he was holding Griffin in his arms. Yeah. And then man, did that change things? That like, yeah, life would change forever. I feel like we're skipping a step though. I think we need to talk about what your pregnancy was like. I mean, pain you went through and like so many things changed that we were not

expecting. I mean, in general, I think I had a great pregnancy. Yeah. You know, I was healthy, baby was healthy. That's all you can really ask for. But the beginning, the nausea definitely happened, the aversion to food, all that stuff. I don't know, do I have any like specific aversion? Yeah, okay, in the beginning, you could not stop eating Taco Bell.

Like you just loved and shaved Taco Bell. Yeah, early on, it was like the junky fast food. But then, but then after the first trimester, that just completely went away. Yeah. And in the first trimester, you hated the smell of onion. I'm right, it's so many bagels.

Yes. I was like, I think really early on, I liked the junky fast food, but then I started to hate everything. And your boobs got huge, and I was all about it. Okay, wow. I'm just saying, that was awesome. Actually, that was the first time I knew I should take a test

because I was at the gym or not knew I should take a test. Dude, yes. But I dropped the barbell on my chest and it hurt so bad. And I was like, that ain't right. That's not normal. And you told your friend that and I think she said to you, you told me this, you were like, she said, oh, are you pregnant and you're like, no,

I'm just getting my period. And then your period didn't come. And my head was like,'m just getting my period. And then your period didn't come. And my head was like, what if I was? Yeah, and your period didn't come. I specifically did make myself wait until my period was late. And I also made myself just do the digital read pregnancy test because I did not want to drive myself crazy with whether or not there was a line or not.

That's actually my best advice. If you are like trying to get pregnant, I would say don't drive yourself crazy because it's so easy. It's a mind game, especially I feel like it, for me, it was a mind game as a woman. And so I was like, I'm not gonna test until I'm late

and I'm only gonna do the digital read, so there's no question. That's why they're not pregnant. I think the first month that we, we like, you were off the IUD, well actually you were off the IUD for I think like two months before you got pregnant, but. It took me a month to get my period back. Yeah, but as before you got your period And I think like there was a time that I didn't pull out and then you're hoping that you were pregnant and yeah

You devastated me it devastated you you were so upset. Yeah, and I was confused like I obviously like I don't know I was like yeah being a dad would be cool But I wasn't like as ready as you were so I wasn't devastated And I know that that was a normal reaction I'm not really really hormonal I was like, yeah, being a dad would be cool, but I wasn't as ready as you were. So I wasn't devastated and I didn't know. Well, I'm glad that that was a normal reaction. I think it's really hormonal. Yes. And I really loved the idea of being a mom, so.

That's the thing I had to learn quick was like, you were on a different level. You really were. And I had to try to just call myself down, not take it personally, just be as respectful as I possibly could. Well, also think about it. Because it was hard. I will be honest, it was hard.

There was a big shift. Wait, when I decided I wanted kids. No, no, no, you're hormones. Oh, pregnant. There's a big shift, yeah. Oh, I thought your time when I found out I wasn't pregnant the first time we like low-key tried. Yeah, because your hormones were different.

Well, because I was getting my period. Oh, yeah. So that's like of course going to be emotional. But I think more so as you got, like once you were pregnant, though, there was a big one. It was very, very emotional during my whole pregnancy. I feel like I went from rage to sorrow to extreme excitement. The thing is when you, yeah, when you get sad,

or when you get fearful, sometimes it comes out as anger. So then I had to like really work, I'm still working through that. I'll be honest I'm not the best like I'm more comfortable showing anger than I am sadness or other things I respond well to sadness like when you're sad I just want to comfort you and hug you and like Show anger anger. I'm just like get away from me like I don't know when you're mean like I don't I don't like that But like sadness. I'm like oh come here. You know, yeah. So I'm still working on that. Sorry. I don't present my sadness the way that's tolerable to you. I'm working on not taking it personally.

But um, yeah, pregnancy. So first, try my answer. No, I should say, my stress is pretty good. Yeah. Starting to have a bump. Can I say something that completely shocked me? What? We can cut this out if you're not comfortable with it. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't want to say that? I know what you're going to say. You're reading my mind. I'll just say it in a very appropriate way.

Okay. It was just that we were told by friends of ours that like, yeah, once you have a kid, like the intimacy is amazing. It's like so crazy. No, once you're pregnant. Oh, yeah, I'm sorry. Once you're pregnant, like, it's crazy.

Like, it's so much fun. And so I was thinking, dude, this is going to be insane be insane like I'm so excited for this. I'm excited for it I'm a man. I don't know. I just I I don't know I enjoy that I enjoy that part of the case It was not the case at all like at all and yeah and that shocked me that shocked me because apparently It's different for everybody like shocker, that's kind of how life works. Like, what works for one person doesn't work for the people. It's a few things that I was really feeling like my sexy is self like that. I think, well, I just don't think you really, you just didn't want to.

And I think it was uncomfortable for you too. Yeah. Which I felt bad, but it was also shocking to me. Because I had this expectation from what I heard of like, this is gonna be crazy. And then it was like the legit opposite of that. Well. heard of like, this is gonna be crazy. And then it was like the legit opposite of that.

Well, if that was the worst part of the pregnancy for you, then I don't feel too bad. No, yeah, I have no room to complain because you were literally growing a human. Yeah. So thank you for doing that. I don't thank you enough for doing that.

And you don't. And you don't really have a choice of how like, I, it's not like I can really grow humans for our family. I will say some people don't talk about this, but like part of you kind of resents your husband or at least for me, like I kind of resented you during it. I was like, oh my gosh, like I'm the only one that can bear this child and birth this child. And then now it's switched to nurse this child.

Like a little part of me gets resentful of that. But most of the time I feel like what a blessing that is that I get to carry and grow our baby and birth our baby and all these things, but like some of the time I'm just a little bit angry that it can't be you. Would you ever consider a surrogate? No. You wouldn't? No, I had a great pregnancy. But like, it was challenging, but I think that some of the best things in life are the most challenging things. Could not agree more. Yeah. So third trimester was tough though. I got big. Like I was a big belly lady. Yeah. Like it literally looks like my belly button was going to take the wall.

And I have the stretch marks to show for it, but it was, um, third trimester was crazy. And I think that the whole pregnancy, I was kind of like, how am I going to. And I think that the whole pregnancy, I was kind of like, how am I gonna feel when I'm close to giving birth? Like, am I gonna be scared? Am I gonna be, you know, I just didn't know how I was gonna feel. And I, just the whole time felt so ready.

I was literally just like, I'm ready to push this baby out of me. Like, I don't care, bring it on. You know, I feel like that's like, kind of the blessing of the third trimester. The woman is so uncomfortable that that seems like a more comfortable option. 100%. I was just bummed that when you were pregnant, we couldn't snowboard together. You couldn't one-way with me. All these fun activities that we did before couldn't really happen.

But we did watch some good TV shows. We did? Yeah, I'm pretty sure. What do we watch? I can't remember right now, I've thought in my head. I just know that we had to just change. He watched that show candy. That was good. Yeah, that was really good. We also, dude, we went hiking.

I cannot believe that you did like big hikes. Abby did a hiking Arizona called Camelback Mountain. Yeah. And like that hike is like- I was like 30 weeks. Yeah, you did it at like 20 weeks and 30 weeks. And like that hike is like. That's like 30 weeks. Yeah, you did it at like 20 weeks and 30 weeks. And like that hike is like fairly strenuous. Like if you're someone who's young and in shape,

like it's not bad. It's rated like a difficult. It's an intermediate hike. I would say. That one doesn't change is like a thousand. There's a big elevation change. Yeah, and holy crap, like I still cannot believe to this day that you were able to hike those hikes.

I love when you said that. While you were pregnant at like 30 weeks, we went to Sedona, Arizona with our friends, Devon and Hunter, who also do TikTok and YouTube. Oh yeah, that was tough, it was seven miles. And I sent it. Seven miles? Yes.

You hiked seven miles? Yeah, I'm almost positive. It was seven miles. Was that in one single day? Oh, it was flat. It was that big hike we did that one day. One day. That's crazy.

And the end was so steep, remember that? Yes, it was the subway station. It's called the subway in Sedona. And you're like scaling rock. Which was beautiful, but it wasn't. And it was a huge dot. It wasn't nearly as cool as Cathedral Rock, no way. But, no.

I'm so impressed that you did that. Yeah, I do think that staying active and working out throughout my pregnancy was the move because it helped me feel so much better. And it helped me regulate my nausea and it also gave me so much strength that I needed when it came to delivery in my opinion. Like, it's a workout.

Not many pregnant women do workouts, especially to the level that you did. Well, no, I did like pregnancy workouts, but I will say it used to be like when our moms had us, it was kind of like taboo to workout. It was like people thought it was bad for the baby. Wasn't your mom worried about you working out? Yeah.

And hiking, so was my mom too. It's actually great for, well, hiking not necessarily, but like in general staying active is great because it increases blood flow and circulation like to the placenta as far as I'm. Which is pretty great. Yeah, and we talked with our doctor about it. And to this point, Griffin has not gotten sick.

So I attribute that to Abby and her breastfeeding and working out. I'm sure there's obviously a lot of other factors there too, but I'm sure that definitely helped. I'd like to think so. It's a lot of work. You're a great mom. Thank you so much.

You're a really good dad. Thank you. But, um, yeah, so that definitely helped during pregnancy. And I still got big though. I mean, I felt like I felt like I mean, everything else got bigger too. Like I remember when we were in Disney, that's the first time I was like experiencing some inner thigh chafing and it was bad. I thought my thighs were going to light a fire.

Like, they were so painful. I was like literally desperately searching for a spandex to wear because I was like, I've never experienced this before. Like so my legs definitely got bigger, my arms got bigger, my face, my nose, everything changed. When I look back at photos, especially if your belly, I'm like, holy crap. But even my face!

I did not realize at the time how big your belly was, dude. It happens, gravity. You have to post like an exclusive photo to the unplanned podcast Instagram. I have a picture of the day that Griffin was, yeah, I've never shared it. I'm in my undies, I don't know if it's that. Oh, he could just like put a black square over that.

Also, speaking of undies, my booty. What about your booty? What do you think I'm gonna say? Cosmo. My booty disappeared during pregnancy. Like it just left the chat and it's but Ann Postpartum, it still hasn't returned to the chat. That is so funny.

It's a thing, it's called pregnancy butt. Or something like that. Yeah. I didn't know that was like an actual thing. I think it's because your pelvic floor is under so much strain that your butt cheeks have to tighten and support down there. And then you got freaking diastis recti.

Am I pronouncing that correctly? I don't know. Hopefully I'm pronouncing that correctly. It's basically it's an abs separation. And you never have a herniab repair. You never got physical therapy after any of that. You really probably should have done that. Maybe you could still do that.

I don't know. Yeah, I definitely need to repair that. We're talking about postpartum though. We still need to talk about pregnancy. I'm so sorry. Yes, but I- How did you feel about my pregnant body? Like, some guys are kind of into that.

Yeah, I don't know. I think it, like, there were definitely times where I was like, damn. I'm, oh shoot, I shouldn't have said, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. It's okay. We can we can we can bleed that out I don't know anyway. I I definitely was into the pregnant Abby, but then there were times where it like May I don't know you were nesting to me maybe so then I was like I don't know I mean if you were gonna prefer me away. I would prefer that you

No, I mean, if you were gonna prefer me away, I would prefer that you prefer me not pregnant because I'm just, spin more of our marriage and not pregnant than pregnant. So. No, but it was really cool to sing your body change. And just the reality of you growing a human was really cool. I don't know how you weren't more fearful for the birth, honestly.

Like, to be fully transparent, the birth was a lot more extreme than I was expecting. I mean, I think there's like obviously a totally huge range of what that experience is going to be like for people. Just with the nature of how things went, it got rather intense at the end. I got shoved to the side while you were pushing and they like, yeah, they literally pushed me out of the way. I was gonna ask you, like, what was that like to it? It was pretty intense.

I didn't realize that that wasn't normal until afterwards. The birth photographer was like, yeah, that like never happened. And I was like, oh shoot, that was pretty scary then. Because Griffin was stuck. He was stuck in the birth canal. Very briefly, it wasn't like. No, I wasn't in the birth canal. Like his head was at his shoulder got stuck.

Oh, yeah. And he had a small fracture to his collarbone, right? And it healed like natural. Well, because they like ejected him then. Yeah, luckily they got to like break your hip. I would have hated that if they would have had like, literally break your hip, right then. Oh, I just hate, oh, breaking a bone, especially breaking a bone

like on purpose. Not about that. It was really intense. Like the doctor sounded like a football coach. Like yelling at me to push as hard as I could. They pulled my legs all the way back. Watching back at the footage too, I just kept repeating myself over and over. I was like, you got this happy, you were so strong, you were so brave.

I just kept saying that over and over. And some people said that that would annoy them, but I needed that. It annoyed me, dude. Like, looking back at the footage, I was like, man, how was really nervous. No, I needed that. But it helped you. It really helped you. Yeah, man, I was really nervous. No, I needed that you help you it really helped you yeah That's the reason I did it it was all to help you so I'm glad that it was helpful No, I needed that I needed to know that you were because I think my mind was like going elsewhere Because especially like when they were like all like all the nurses were around me like pushing on my stomach to try to get

Gurfing unstuck And I think it was such an intense moment that I just needed to know you were there. Even though I had my eyes closed, I just needed to know you were there, basically. And you were loud and proud and cheering me on. Realistically, how long was that? Because it felt like forever, but it really probably was.

Well, you were in labor for, was it over 24 hours? Yeah, it was over 24 hours. Oh my God. But I'm talking about just that intensity didn't last super long. Yeah, I was just, I mean, I was a little scared when Griffin came out too. His head was in a massive cone shape.

And I didn't know if something was wrong. I didn't know what that was. I was a little nervous and there was a lot of blood. Like so much blood. Yeah, so many things happened at the end, which we don't need to get into like details, but like, well then you got you. He flipped a couple times, like sunny side up,

and then, I don't wanna free people out. It's all gonna work out. Like also, like you do whatever you wanna do for birth, but like, highly recommend going to a hospital because like you just don't know what the freak could happen and I don't know what would have happened if he would have done a home birth. Like I really, I don't.

And with gripping, getting stuck a little bit too, that had been so flipping scary if we would have been at our house. And it's like, well, your baby can't breathe. And it's like, well, frick, we're like not close to a hospital. So that would be terrifying, honestly. Yeah, I felt, I felt safest in the hospital at that point. But I totally get how your home feels safe to you, because you're used to your home.

It feels comforting. I can see that. And the hospital is gonna be scary, but at the same time, having doctors ready to go is. I felt good having a huge team of medical professionals. But it wasn't just a feel, it wasn't a feel-good thing. It was more so of logistically this makes sense. You know, if something goes wrong,

we're at a freaking hospital. Yeah, exactly. As intense as everything was with the birth, I still don't look at it as traumatic at all. Do you? Oh, you're finding traumatic. I mean, I think it was incredible. Like, I think it was beautiful.

And I'm so glad I got to experience that. But it was intense. Yeah. But I'm just honestly so impressed with you. Well, you also saw it. Keep my eyes and see it. Abby, I honestly so impressed with you. Well, you also saw it. I didn't see it. Abby, I am so impressed with you. And I'm just so impressed with women in general.

I'm so kind. Doing that. That was the most like you worked so hard. You worked so freaking hard. And there was no choice. Like you just have to. You just have to do it. You just freaking had to.

I think that's like kind of like a crazy scary moment where it's just like there's one way for this baby to come out. You know? That's why I was almost like, I was telling you I was like, look dude, if you want to get a C section electively like send it. Which is also not good though.

Like that's a major surgery. I know it's a major surgery, but I don't know. If I was a friend lady, I would be like, dude, I'm getting this C section, I'm getting this baby out and I'm sure the recovery from C section sucks. Yeah, I'm sure it's horrible But I mean either way birth is birth and it's intense and it's beautiful and It's challenging. Yeah, but then you have the end of the day you get a baby You get a baby and the hormone rush is crazy First of all I was shaking like crazy. And I was just so like it's like

I almost couldn't think about every every moment leading up until he was in my arms. Like once he was in my arms, it was like nothing else mattered. Yeah. And it did took take a while for him to get in my arms because they were doing stuff down there. 45 minutes of stitches there. Yeah. And so I mean, it took a while, but once he was, I think really what got me through all that was just watching you hold him as I was like laying there. Like, oh my gosh. That's so sweet.

And isn't incredible. Like, he has gotten even cuter. Why? I cried. I think. Episode two of the podcast we're crying yet again. But, it was incredible. Seeing you hold our son for the first time,

like, gosh, I didn't even cry at the time because I was still kind of like shocked. Yeah, we both didn't. But like seeing you hold our son for the first time and like knowing like the bond that you guys were gonna have like for the rest of your life is just, that's really special. It's so beautiful and it's, I don't know,

it was everything that we'd worked for. It's everything that we'd waited for since like even when you were like in high school and then you would like day dream about like starting our family. Yeah. And like that moment was the start of our story as a family and it was just so beautiful. So we get out of the hospital.

And we should talk more about the hospital though. Really? Oh, you want to. We don't have to, I guess. No, we can. I mean, I remember luckily your mom was there to help out because I was waking up with grip. I was, I felt so bad that you just went through that intense pain that I was the one waking up with Griffin

like all the time throughout the night. We didn't know what we were doing. And so I was like not sleeping at all. Like you slept like six hours, but then I got, maybe did you even get six hours? I don't even, it was all such a blur. And you're trying to breastfeed? Then we've been told you what to do.

No. That's the greatest part. Here's your baby, bye. It makes me sad because he was probably so hungry. He probably was hungry at first because we're just figuring it out. We didn't know and I don't think my milk could come in. But I remember luckily after I think a day and a half,

your mom was there and she was like, hey, Matt, if you need to go like, take a nap, I got you. So I- But here's the sweetest thing. When Matt was driving home from the hospital just to get a nap and come right back, he was looking up YouTube videos and listening

to them as he was driving about how to take care of a newborn. I did because it was out of desperation, honestly. It wasn't like some heroic thing. I was like, I need to sleep. So I'm gonna figure out how to like, soothe this baby. I need to figure out how I can get him to calm down

and sleep and that was really helpful. That's where I learned the special hold that I did. The whole time Griffin was a newborn that hold where he's in a football and it is- People get mad about for some reason. People get mad at me for doing that, but like, he loves it.

He loves that hold so much. Well not anymore. And I learned that off in YouTube video. People get mad about for some reason. People get mad at me for doing that. But like, he loves it. He loves that hold so much. Well, not anymore. And I learned that off of YouTube video. I did. And our doctor was like, this is a good hold. Not, I mean, the doctor was helpful too, but like, a few YouTube videos that I listened to really helped me figure out how to help Griffin.

Yeah. And I got him to calm down quick. I thought that was really sweet. Amazing. You really did. Even though the whole pregnancy, you were kind of like not processing the fact you're about to be a dad, you jumped into the roll head first. I will give you that. I think that's just how I approach life. Honestly, like once something happens that I'm all in,

but I don't really think about things a lot. You're telling me that you don't really plan? No. I don't. I'm not a planner. You're kind of unplanned. I'm not a planner. I think, also to with the nature of being a content creator, like I try to plan some of our videos, and then that takes enough of my planning brain that like my life just is a mess. And I've now turned into a slob, which I need to work on, you know?

Yeah, I'm not as clean. I used to be the clean roommate in college, and now I'm like, what happened to you? I don't know, dude. So we get home from the hospital Which I mean everyone talks about that moment Where you take your baby out and you're just kind of like Who's gonna stop me right now

Because this doesn't feel right like there's no way I'm fully responsible of this Infant But they let us take him out And we made it home you drove So slow and so carefully Such a sweet moment and then we were home and that were parents.

Then we're parents. What's hilarious Abby is I still don't feel like I'm actually a dad. Like I know that I'm a dad and I love being a dad. But the title dad just seems so old to me and it seems like that's some, I don't know, authority figure and I don't feel like that. I still feel like I'm an 18 year old kid. I don't know. And as life changing as having a baby is,

I still feel like the same person. Yeah. Then before. Totally. So I'm like, wait, I thought I would feel like totally different. Totally. And I don't feel like the same person.

And like for the first time in my life, I want time to like slow down so hard, so like so badly. We talk about all the time how we would love to put Griffin in a little incubator. Yes, a little capsule. And like he would be frozen there, not like actually frozen, but just like bear with me. Like time would pause in the little capsule. He'd be like, and like time is pause and we could like go take a vacation and just get us. He doesn't get any older.

Yeah, he doesn't get any older, no mismemories, and we come back and then like take him out of the pause room. Pick it right back up. Yeah, and then we pick up right off, right from where we left off. Yeah, that's cool. That's cool. I mean, life is totally different now

that we have him traveling is obviously- So much harder. I'm shorter. I can't, vacations are so much harder, and we've been on vacations that really were not restful or relaxing at all, because it's a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter.

I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter.

I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter.

I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. I'm a daughter. extra planning is what I was going to say, but sometimes you don't even really do that. No, we don't. We're not good planners. Yeah, so it's a little difficult, but... I'm not fiascing this. We're horrible at planning. I don't know if you guys need that. Really driving that part. But I do think it's really good for him. And I think it has made him into a very chill baby.

The thing though that has been hard is sleep training with Griffin, because with the traveling that we do, it's like... You can't keep a schedule. You can't. And so we need to figure something out. hard is sleep training with Griffin because with the traveling that we do, it's like, you can't keep a schedule. You can't. And so, we need to figure something out because he was like sleep training for a little bit. Oh, he's doing great. He sleeps through the night.

I mean, he sleeps the night, but like recently he's been fussy. I think it's because he's in a fussy stage right now. Yeah, he's learning a lot of things right now. He might be teething too. It was so sweet today. For the first time we had a babysitter over today and she was watching Griffin and well, he woke up from his nap. I like to put him down and pick him up from his nap.

You know, and so I got him and I was holding him for a while and I was like, okay, here, I'm gonna hand you off to Sage. And when I handed him off, he immediately recognized that like I was handing him off to somebody else. Yeah, he wasn't with that anymore. And that was the first time that he knew that he wasn't with that anymore. And I just, first time that he knew that he wasn't with that anymore. And I just, I was like, wow.

That's really good. Did it feel kinda good? It felt really good. It felt really good that he like knows who I am. He's a daddy's boy for sure. I love that kid so much. Oh, I love him too. Literally, he's just such a chill baby

and he's really flexible. Yeah. And I mean, it's still challenging, but it's worth it. It's really flexible. Yeah. And I mean it's still challenging but it's worth it. It's very rewarding. Yeah. Is being a parent what you expected at all? It's hard because like right now, like in my mind parenting is more like creating a relationship through like doing things and talking with your child and like right now we kind of just like sing to him and try to play with him but I I think so sorry for nerfting I think parenting right now is literally just like keeping this kid alive

Yeah, it's like it's really It is yeah, but his little personality is trying to come through and like you said you started to recognize you and I don't know there's a really special bond of course created through like nursing him But um have you noticed him recognizing you yet? Yeah, he does I think so he like lean to warm me and reaches for me when Has he cried like when you handed him to somebody else and like he started trying? Yeah, he did that. Okay. Sorry. He prefers you. I shouldn't have brought it in. I don't know though He's been preferring you recently and that's been awesome because he's I thought he was always a daddy's

He loves us both. He does. He loves us both. He loves us both. He's love. We spend a lot of time with that kid So yeah, yeah, especially recently. We comfortable with both of us. Oh 100% So freaking cute. We didn't really talk about the whole postpartum journey at all But I want to know how you truly feel about my body postpartum Wow putting me on the spot. Yes hitting me so hard Do you want me to my complete honest real opinion? Yes? I I like to say I like your boobs. So that sounds so weird. I don't know. I mean, it's just been really cool seeing your body change. It's definitely

Aged me I don't know. I mean, it's just been really cool seeing your body change. It's definitely aged me. Which I think is kind of hot, honestly. I think it's kind of hot, yeah. You're a mom. Yeah, my body tells the story of being your mom. I think that's kind of hot, personally. I think that was something that I actually had to come to terms with that like I'm like, okay, I had a kid at 22. Surely my body is just gonna bounce back

to what my 22 year old body looked like before. And of course, it didn't, and for some reason, that was shocking to me. And I think that like, every single time that I tried to suppress the fact that I was slightly disappointed by that, it made it so much worse. Because I wanted to be that woman that was just like, you know, I don't care what my body looks like.

I'm just so proud of what it has done and like the life that it has grown and sustained for all these months, like while that all is so true, when I suppress the feelings of just like wishing for my old body, it just made it so much worse. Like, do you like the way that my body looks? Because my body's changed too. I've kind of had like, I've put on some sympathy weight.

Well, no, you look so good. I definitely was in the best shape of my life last year. Oh wow, that's like a little where you're going now. But in Hawaii, I feel like I was in really good shape. And ever since becoming a dad, I've like had a slight little dad bad come on. I have like a slight little, a slight little pooch, just a little one, you know. And you don't even notice.

Not really. I notice. I want to get back to CrossFit. Well, you always nitpick yourself more than you feel. Yeah, well, you did the same thing. Yeah. You're the worst. My body's gone through major changes before before you had kids and your body went through

so many changes, you were so critical of your body. And I hated it. I hated it. And honestly, I feel like you're less critical of your body now because there's so much that's out of your control. And so you've just decided screw it. I'm not gonna be so critical. So that's actually been cool to see.

You be more accepting of yourself. Thank you. I really, that is also true. I'm just right now realizing that actually. You were so critical of your body, especially in Hawaii, being in swimsuits all that actually. You are so critical of your body, especially in Hawaii, making swimsuits all the time. You like-

Because I do think that apart me was like, it's not so much what it looks like, it's what it's done for me. And my body has kept me like healthy and it's kept my baby healthy. And I don't know. I have a lot of respect for my body for what it's gone through.

And also I feel like I can be pleased with my body because of the strength that's in it rather than just like the appeal that it may have. I don't know. Yeah. How do you feel about the age that we have one kid at right now? Do you think we hit the right, do you think we hit that nail in the head? Like do we have a kid at the right age? Or should we have waited longer, had a kid earlier?

Like what's your thoughts on that? I mean, biologically speaking, having kids younger is better, health wise. There's a lot of reasons why people may choose to have kids when they chose to have kids, but we've been married for two years. We were financially ready and we wanted kids. And so I think that there was no reason to wait any longer.

Yeah, what really scared me about the whole having kids at 24 thing was there's no going back. Like every decision I've ever made my whole entire life, there's been a way to go back on it, you know, where you live, where you go to school, even, you know, like even marriage, like if you're in a really bad marriage, you can obviously get out. Which obviously we don't view marriage that way. Yeah, we don't view it that way,

but if you're in a toxic marriage, you should, yeah, I don't know. I mean, depending on the situation. No, we should get out of it. Yeah, like an abusive marriage, get the freak out of there, right? But with the kid, there's no going back on that at all. No.

And that's just fascinating. And it's been cool though, because now being a dad, I'm like recognizing that we created this kid, our love created this kid. And even though it was such a big decision to do that, like wouldn't change it for a world, wouldn't change it for the world, you know? Yeah, and I think it's brought about like the greatest

teamwork in our marriage. Like raising Griffin together has been such a unifying experience for the two of us. Oh, I think it's come with challenges for sure, but. 100%. Yeah. It's also given me like my greatest purpose. I've like just wanted not to cry.

Oh my gosh, second time, second time the podcast for trying. I don't know. Cause like, I never really was one to have like career ambitions or anything like as our major career ambitions. I just wanted to be a mom and like have a family. So I'm very happy and I feel very fulfilled. Like I thought I was going, I knew it. I knew I was gonna feel fulfilled as a mom. Yeah. I'm very happy and I feel very fulfilled. Yeah. Like I thought I was going, I knew it.

I knew I was going to feel fulfilled as a mom. Yeah. I feel really good. It really is special. I think when I look at my life and I look at myself as a married man and having a family, like if I were to get old and not have kids and not have this beautiful, big family,

like I've always gotten to be a part of with my family. I think that'd be depressing, you know? And the fact that I get to experience this with you and have more babies and maybe a top one day, we'll see what we do, but it'll be so cool to watch our family grow. Yeah. And look at that and be like, wow, that's the legacy that we're leaving. That's really cool, you know. And think about it, we're going to be empty nesters at like 40. That is a huge plus of how to kids.

And we're going to have like a whole new phase of our marriage. Our goal is to have kids all before we're 30. Like once we hit 30, I think we're done, right? Isn't that the plan? I think we're done then. Yeah, let's do it. And then when we're literally 48 years old, kids are out of the house. Then we're going to be the fun grandparent.

Then we can start clubbing. We'll start clubbing because we skipped that stage early on. We did, we never had a clubby phase. We're gonna be like 45 in the club. Yes, so hit us up at the club when you're 45 with us and hopefully also had your kids young. No, everyone else will be like in their 20s and we'll be 45.

Oh, that's true, that's true. We'll be the 45-frient. Yes, Lama Shrott. 48. I'll be 48 and you'll be 47, because I'm like six months older than you. So yeah. Anyway. Yeah.

Thank you guys so much for watching this week's episode. Stay tuned for next week. I think you're going to be shocked at what the episode has to offer. We have some really exciting things planned. Again, if you're not subscribed, hit that notification bell, hit the subscribe button, hit the like button. It really does help us out. And our podcast is now on Apple podcasts and Spotify and all those platforms. So check it out on plan podcasts. We're so happier here.

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