The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Sleep Divorce, Fighting in Public & Boundaries for Childbirth

Episode Date: April 19, 2023

You guys asked... And we answered! In this week's episode, we changed up the format a bit and decided to do a little bit of an advice column. From talking about our recent sleep divorce to our opinions on including parents in fights and fighting in public as well as setting boundaries for childbirth, we covered a lot of advice. Make sure to rate our podcast and leave a review if you can, it really helps us out!

We're still married, but according to TikTok, we are on the outs, actually. We're still sleeping together, but we're not sleeping together. If you know what I mean, if you're going to invite in front of people, that kind of breaches the level of trust. You always in a marriage want to respect the oneness of your relationship. Setting boundaries with the hospital visit is super important. If you just have the uncomfortable conversation beforehand, then it solves all of that. Open communication is so important.

Hey, before we get started, if you guys could please leave a review for our podcast, it helps us out so much you would not even know. So just take literally 10 seconds, leave a review, you could just say it's a great podcast or it's okay, literally say whatever, we don't care. The review would really mean a lot to us. Thanks now, let's get to the episode. What's up dudes? And welcome back to the on plan podcast.

That ever gets old. No, I honestly feel like people immediately click off. There's like, what the heck are you? Who are these wack guys? Is that really represent us? I don't know, we are kinda high-end. Yeah, we kinda are, we're a little weird too, so it's all good. I'm excited for this episode.

I don't know exactly what's happening. Abby had this big idea. She had you guys on the podcast Instagram DM us questions I guess. Well I definitely didn't come up with this concept like ask columns have been around for centuries. Oh so we did an ask column. Wait I don't mean centuries I meant decades but probably centuries too. Yeah I'm sure the Romans were doing ask columns and some probably they probably write in and on like papyrus and be like yeah what should I do about the situation? That's pretty crazy. We've evolved so much as humanity. Now we're freaking DMing podcasts accounts with questions. To people that are not qualified to eat. I know. Let's actually do a big disclaimer. We're just like regular people. We're not doctors. We don't have degrees in this. Abby's

the only one with a college degree in this room right now. So, well, I mean, honestly, if you need serious relationship advice, which I think a lot of these are Relationship related really do seek a counselor. Yeah, this is just for entertainment purposes only We're still married, but according to TikTok, we are on the outs, actually. So, let's talk about that. Take this advice with the guys. So, Abby posted a video last night about how we haven't been sleeping together, and TikTok is freaking out,

thinking that we're like headed for divorce, which is hilarious. Well, I mean, I gave them all the context. I thought that justified our sleep divorce, but. I guess that's the official term. If you don't sleep in the same bed as your spouse, technically it's called sleep divorce, but I guess that's the official term. If you don't sleep in the same bed as your spouse, technically it's called sleep divorce. Now we're still sleeping together,

but we're not sleeping together. If you know what I mean. Anyway, sorry, Abby. Anyway. Well, okay, here's the thing. Is that like I explained in the take talk, but like our son still wakes up in the night. And I'm pregnant and.

You're not able to take naps. Abby hates naps more than anybody I've ever met in my life. And I also can't sleep in anymore. And I'm like, dude, just take a nap and you're like, I literally can't. So if Abby gets four hours of sleep, she can't, like it's like she's not gonna go to naps. So what I do is I wake up with Griffin throughout the night

if he wakes up and then if I need to, I can sleep in and then Abby will wake up with Griffin if it's a really bad night. But then that way she's always getting good quality sleep. So it's a really good thing. It's working for us. I mean, even when we were doing that when you were getting up with Griffin,

but you were still in the same room, I would still wake up obviously because I could hear him crying on the monitor. Yeah. And then I started to just listen to the monitor and he wasn't even crying, but I was awake just like stressing about it. So this is working out for now,

but I'm thinking that pretty soon is going to be sleeping through the night and we will be back together again. Yeah, but all that being said, we've been married now for almost four years. We're just giving this advice based off of our experience and we're not medical professionals. We're definitely not getting medical advice. I don't know where this is. Oh, yeah, this is not medical. This is just like, I don't know, relationship talk.

I don't even know what, what are these questions? Let's get the first one. I actually don't know either. So we had our trusty helper go through these. So we are having a fresh perspective on these and can give just like an honest fresh take. Well, let's get right into it. So what's the first question?

First of all, thank you to everyone who sent one of these in. If you don't follow our Instagram already, follow the unplanned podcast on Instagram. So you can be involved in one of these in. If you don't follow our Instagram already, follow the unplanned podcast on Instagram. So you can be involved in one of these future episodes. Totally. I'm literally just gonna start with this one. I'm having trouble deciding where I want to settle down.

I'm from Canada, but I've been living in France for a few years, and I can't seem to imagine my future here, but I also don't really wanna go back to Canada, and it's getting late in life to test out a third option. I'm in my late 20s, and I want a family, so I think it's time to start thinking about this seriously. I know you've moved around a lot as well. How did you make your decision?

Do you feel like you have to stay put now that you have a family, any advice? Ooh, that's really good. So we have moved around a lot. Yeah. Kind of. I mean, so we moved to college together, which was about four hours from where we were living with our parents.

It was like four is from you three hours from where I grew up. So it definitely was like far enough away to where it was like moving away. You're finding new community altogether. Yeah, found completely new community and then- Which I will say this, even though it was only four hours, I feel like a way is a way. Yeah. You know? Yeah, I mean, it was definitely very different.

Like we made all new friends, made all of connections. That's where we really grew up, was in college. We found our independence there. Yeah, I loved college. I loved the freedom that it gave us. For sure. And then came the big move just a few years later where we went and moved the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

Yeah, we did that about two years ago. We knew nobody there. Realistically, we knew nobody upon moving. move just a few years later where we went and moved the middle of the Pacific Ocean Hawaii. Yeah, we did that about two years ago. We knew nobody there. Realistically, we knew nobody upon moving. But we did have some connections. We knew a few creators from Instagram. We knew like Britain, Conor Kent, from Instagram. We were just like Instagram friends with them before we moved in.

They were super nice. They actually helped us find a place in Hawaii before we moved there. And then we secured that little house on the beach, cottage. It was 500 was it 400 or 500 square feet I think it was 500 square feet and then Yeah, and then we knew like somebody else, but the Like you ran up the beastings the beastings. Yeah, but anyway. Yeah, no We just moved there two years ago live there for a year then we moved to Arizona now we've been in Arizona for a year. So we've kind of been all over. I dare to say though, we feel like we're probably going to stay in Arizona long-term.

Honestly, yes. Because I kind of feel what you're feeling. When there comes a time in your life where you're like, okay, I want to put down roots somewhere. And I mean, I think there's a way to do it. That's probably healthy, but usually with kids, it's probably better to stay more put if possible. Yeah. And understand their circumstances like military family for instance, like they have to move around a lot. And if depending on parents' jobs, but if it's possible, I think it's better to stay put. So then they have some consistency growing up in their childhood. I mean, we're not quite there yet, but I think for us moving closer to family

was definitely a good idea because now it only takes us three hours to fly and see our family in the Midwest before it was like a nine hour flight. So it's, it's definitely something that we're doing a lot more. We're seeing family a lot more now that we're only three hours away. So I don't know if you're in France and you're thinking about settling down and starting a family,

she says she can't seem to imagine her future there. Really? Yeah. Well then I wouldn't want to go back to Canada. Oh, she was gonna say go back to Canada. That is tough. Because I think if you find your person, like say she wants to travel the world and explore, like maybe gonna say go back to Canada. That is tough. Because I think if you find your person, say she wants to travel the world and explore,

like maybe she could go back to Canada, find the person she wants to marry, and then from there they could go travel. But then at the same time, she's marrying someone she can't necessarily make sure. I think you can't go looking for love. I think love kind of finds you. That's true.

We weren't looking for love when we found each other. I think you, because you're still single, even though you're in your late twenties, which is still very young, because you're still single and you want to start a family, then, and you don't see yourself, did you just come, which is cruel? It was my stomach. Yes. Are you all right? I'm all right. I think that you're not as tied down as you think you are, because you don't, you're not married and you don't have children yet. I say you play a play of time and test out a third option. Oh, your your town are to send it and just go move somewhere else. Yeah, why not? Okay, send it. You're still young, you're still in your 20s and you don't want to go back to Canada and you're already not feeling like France is the long

term for you. I think you just haven't found your, I think you still have more adventure in you. You haven't found your forever. I think that's good advice. Spot. I think you gotta follow your heart above all. You gotta follow your heart. When we moved to Hawaii, people told us not to do it.

And even though we only lived there a year, like I'm glad we did it. I'm glad we got to experience that. I think there are some people in life that are truly nomads and like are meant to just go with the breeze, but I think. Yeah, we're kind of that way, honestly. No, I don't think we are actually.

I think we love to travel, but I think in our hearts we knew it's not like, you know, we found the perfect place because every place you're gonna live is gonna come with pros and cons. But we found a place that we feel comfortable committing to in the long term. But also with the freedom to be like you know something might come up in the future we might be somewhere else. Yeah what's the next question? What do we got? Next question. Me and my girlfriend of one year and three months want to get married next year. We are

18 both turning 19 soon. So we will be 20 when we get married. Her parents don't want us to get married anytime soon and think we should wait a few years. What should we do? Wow, that's a good question. Wow, I mean, okay, first of all, you seem... Wow, this feels like very personal.

Very personal. I mean, first of all, my initials thought was like, wow, they're so young. But then I'm like, Matt, you were 18 in the same situation. Right? I wanted to marry you when I was 18. Yeah, I was 19 when we got engaged and we were already talking about marriage by the time I mean I don't even think I was 18 before we were talking about marriage Yeah, we were talking about marriage before you were 18. It was 18 and 17. Yeah, so I totally can relate to you guys This is such a it's a tough position to be in yeah

I wanted to I want to play Devilsocate for a second because the fact is marriage is a very, very big commitment and I think it's important to listen to the, I guess, I don't want to say negative voices, but people who are just not being like, yeah, go for it, you know, send it, you know, like not you're like, not that they're not your cheerleaders, not the people that are just like your yes people. Yeah, you really need to listen to those voices when you're considering marriage, because it's a very big decision.

Like probably the biggest decision you can make in your life. It's bigger than having to decide and have kids. It's, I don't know, kids and marriage are both up there, I think. They're both huge, but I mean, ultimately you're gonna spend more time with your spouse in your lifetime.

So I think like you really need to think through all of that because it is a big decision. And once you make that big decision, you just gotta, you gotta stick to it because it's going to be hard. Like marriages in all sunshine and rainbows, like everyone in their marriage goes through hardship. It's just a matter of marriage.

Yeah, we're major proponents of marriage, obviously. But that also comes with understanding that yeah, it's matter of making. Yeah, we're major proponents of marriage, obviously. But that also comes with understanding that, yeah, it's full of challenges. So I would listen to the voices pushing back. I would strongly consider what they're saying. And think about like, do I think they're right? Do I think they have a point? Do I, why do I think that my way is a better option?

Why or why not? Like really consider those voices because it is such a big decision. Yeah, we can speak to our experience a bit. There was a lot of tough conversations, specifically with my parents. And that was because it was probably a similar situation where they just simply thought I was too young. And there was a lot of emotional and honestly heated conversations about it. And ultimately for us it came to,

we didn't wanna wait just to wait. If there was like legitimate reasons other than just our age, we definitely wanted to listen to them and entertain those. And there were some reasons and we addressed those and kind of worked through them internally, got mentors and spoke with them. And then ultimately decided that we wanted to seal the deal. And we were still pretty young when it happened. But yeah, it was a tough time. Another big thing is finances. So immediately upon starting college,

I started looking for jobs. And I think I found a job either in the first week or the second week of school. Because I was like, okay, I gotta figure out how I can make money so I can support my wife and future kids and all that. Because like when you're married, like you don't rely on mommy and daddy to pay the bills.

I mean, obviously, I know there are people who are married that might have support, like maybe their parents pay their phone bill, which is like super generous. And if your parents want to do that for you, cool. Like, honestly, all power to you. But you also need to take into consideration the fact that you got to financially support yourself. And when you're young, that's a big transition, because I was coming out of high school, I was like doing theater and shows and then I'm like, oh, frick, I need to learn how money works, right? So I would say definitely start reading up on your day Ramsey books on your, maybe there's

a book called The Richest Man in Babylon, it's really good as about building wealth, it's just understanding how money and finances work because it's really important to be able to financially support your marriage. Luckily, a blessing we've had in our marriages, we've never fought about money, which I think like money causes a lot of fights and marriages from what it hurts. That's just surprising that we've never seen that. We've fought a lot, but we've never fought about money and yeah, that's just been a huge blessing for us because I think initially with the idea of getting married, we like really took seriously the fact that we needed to financially support ourselves.

So don't just like gloss over that detail because it's a very important thing to be able to pay your bills, pay rent, pay for the electricity bill, all that. Yeah, ultimately young marriage was the best decision for us because we've grown up together and I mean, I say like our relationship is so deep because we've grown up together and I mean I feel like our relationship is so deep because we've seen each other I was

talking with Mad about this the other day I was like I've literally seen you turn into a man like yeah and I've seen you turn into a woman and so it's like so cool that I mean our love has already seen so many seasons yeah well that was like so poetic it's beautiful it's beautiful really And so I still think it's an amazing thing to consider, but also, yeah, I think Matt had great advice and saying, listen to the people that are saying no and kind of lean into that and take the decision very seriously.

Yeah, one other brief thing, it's funny. I've noticed a lot of people that get married young have, like just from my experience, have been very successful people, which is like, what? Like, I don't know, it shocked me because initially I thought, wow, getting married young, um, have like just from my experience have been very successful people, which is like, what like, I don't know, it shocked me because initially I thought, wow, getting married young, I might set myself back because I'm making a big decision when I should be like having my college experience and being young and all that. But I've realized a lot of the young period, a lot of the young weird people I know are

actually like ahead of the game because they, they take on an extra level of maturity at a young age. That's so true. And step up at a young age and they grow up faster. You really ought to mean you do miss out on a college experience in the traditional sense I would say. Or you're like standard early 20s experience. Yeah, but then you get a fully new experience, right? Like it's really flipping fun to be married when you're young.

I'm gonna stop there because I want, yeah, I don't wanna say anything like to encourage you, I guess, because it is such a big decision I want people to really think through it. It's right for some people, but probably not for most, honestly. Yeah, yeah. Probably more people then decide to do it.

Yeah. Does that make sense? You definitely need to take on like Oh dang, I forgot to put on the order today. It's all good. I can't smell you. Okay. Yeah. Anyway next question What do you get? Okay, this one's from Pia from Germany, which by the way, I love the name Pia That's so sweet. Hi guys my husband and I they're both 25 are having their first baby a little boy in the next weeks both 25 are having their first baby, a little boy in the next weeks. We just moved out of my parents' house to enjoy at least a few weeks of being just the two of us. I'd like to ask you guys for advice, for first time parents, about the baby. Like three things you wish you had known back when little Griffin came to join your family or three advices you'd

give yourself now looking back. All the best and so excited for the next episode. Griffin is now nine months. He just turned nine months the other day. And it's been like he's gotten so flipping cute first of all. So just get ready. Well, the first thing I thought of that I want to tell you and I wish someone would have told me this. It gets so much better. And now I want to say this, like the newborn months are so so so precious. Like and they go so fast, but I kind of needed someone early on to tell me it's going to get easier because it does get easier. There were moms telling me and parents probably not necessarily trying to be discouraging, but it was super discouraging. They were so mean just way. It only gets harder. Like

way till they start, it's always like just, it only gets harder. Like way till they start, that's always like, just way till they start crawling, just way till they start walking, way till they start talking, way till they start having an attitude. Like it was always like they were getting me to dread the next stage. And I hated being in that place because I was loving motherhood,

but I was at the time, but I was also so excited for the future of what it was going to be like to raise our kids. And in the newborn stage, you're kind of limited to just their basic survival needs. Like, you're basically spending your time feeding, changing diapers, making sure they're, you know, getting good rest. It's basic needs, but it gets so much more fun when you get to start to interact with

them and communicate with them, and they can communicate with you. So just know like if you're struggling in those early months, it gets so much better. And my advice would be to get your SHI teats together before the baby comes because oh man, did it hit us like a train because we're just, we're disorganized, we're unplanned, like that's why we named this podcast, the unplanned podcast, because we are not structured on time, on top of it people. And oh boy, did that just shake us to the core, having a baby, because now it's like,

even though used to we could sleep in and just stay up really late and do all these things, just live Lucy, Lucy lives, and we had a lot of freedom now. Like we're really limited in a lot of ways, which is okay, because we love- I don't feel like it's kind of good to live it up before you have a baby.

Well, I'm saying it's good to live it up before you have a baby, but you need to have systems and structures in place to make sure that you're prepared when the baby comes, because I would say we didn't as much, especially as business owners, ourselves. Like I was like, okay. Yeah, making your work stuff situated.

Yeah, get worked, figured out whether you, I don't know, work for a corporation or a teacher, I don't know, whatever your job is, like get that figured out too, because we didn't on our end, and then it just kind of like hit us really hard. Yeah, I think we still had a pretty smooth transition though in a parenthood.

I don't know, it felt natural to me. Yeah, I just think like all my expectations, like, okay, a stupid, this was so dumb. I was like, once I'm a dad, once my baby comes, like, then I'm gonna start working out. Like, what? Why is he even thinking about it? I don't even know, like, you're gonna,

your time is just like, psh, gone. Like, you have way less time. And like Abby said though, it gets so much more fun right now Griffin's like basically turned into like a little boy. He's like he's so Communicative now. He doesn't speak English obviously like he's not at that point. He speaks baby He speaks baby babble, but he's just so cute and he'll smile at us and giggle with us And we can take a have tickle fights together and it's just like the freaking cutest thing ever You hear their little laughs when they start to recognize you

and for you, it's so, so precious. And watching them just grow up, it's truly something that you can never understand until you have children. And so it's so much joy and it just gets better. It truly does. Something else I wanted to say was, oh gosh, I forgot about when you were talking I was thinking about it, but then I was trying to listen to what you said and then I've wrote it. I'll just say one other thing, like getting

childcare figured out before the baby comes, because like say you are needing to hire a babysitter or a nanny or you want to have some situation with your parents worked out where your parents can watch your kid when you're at work. Like, you definitely need to have those things figured out. Oh, I remember what I was going to say. Yeah. Let go of expectations. Yeah.

Because there are so many fields of thought when it comes to raising a baby. And there's going to be, you know, there's going to be people in your life that are lovingly going to try to, you know, say this is how you should do feeding. This is how you should do regarding breastfeeding or formula or baby-led weaning or no sugar, like, no screen times, a little bit of screen. Like there's gonna be so many fields of thought and

just do your own research and then also follow your own intuition because there is going to be such a, it's going to be a hot mess of opinions and just follow, follow your own... the beat of your own dream. Yeah, honestly just I think have confidence in knowing that you are the best parent for your baby. Yeah you're fully capable of meeting your child's needs. Yeah. So, yeah. One other thing, have a weekly date night. It's so easy when you're a new parent to just put all of your energy and focus into

your kid and not your spouse. And that can quickly wreck your marriage. And so, we've found, we've had moments in the past nine months where we just haven't been focused on our marriage because we've been so focused on our baby and It's it's not good. It's not healthy for your marriage and it's actually better to Prioritize your marriage which that will then in turn like help your baby, right? Because yeah, it's so sweet like when we kiss in front of Griffin. He loves it. He loves it. I think I think there is something just like built in us that like when Everything's good between mom and dad,

yeah. Like it feels safe, you know? I have a friend I felt really close with. We met as roommates in college and got really close over the year. Then I even asked her to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. I love her so much and her energy helped me become a better, more confident person.

Now that we don't live together, I feel like I rarely hear from her. I text her multiple times over a month and I barely hear back once. I can't tell if she's just a really bad texture or doesn't want to text me specifically. It definitely feels like she isn't trying very hard at her friendship. I don't want to give up on it because I really liked her. Should I keep pursuing this friendship? Should I confront her and how? Ah, I hate that. Yeah. It's so sad because I think, look, I'm

guess wait, she said this shoes in college with her roommate. Well, oh yeah, we met as roommates in college. So probably like after college, she got married. I think that's been one of the saddest things is I've realized recently, I don't talk to my college roommates as much. And they were so like I was so close with them in college. They were groomsmen in my wedding. And the people that I talk to now aren't the people that I talked to four years ago. I think that they're still a way to make sure those relationships still keep going. Like I know one of my roommates is gonna stay with us here and visit us in Phoenix here in a month with his wife and another one I'll FaceTime from time to time.

So you can definitely keep those relationships going, but it definitely looks different after college, especially if you move away. If you don't live in the same city, like how are you gonna hang out every day? Like you used to in college, it's impossible. It's not. I think that was something that I had

on Realistic Expectations for entering into marriage is that it did change my friendships. Yeah. Because you kind of took priority whereas you didn't necessarily have priority as my boyfriend, you kind of did, but like I still really spent a lot of time with my girlfriends.

And so it did put me in a stage where I felt disconnected from people that I once was really close with and that made me really sad. Like do you remember, I remember there's one specific night. Oh yeah. I was really just crying on the couch of our apartment because I was seeing my girlfriend hang out and I wasn't there and I wasn't invited.

I didn't even know what was going on. And that was a tough thing to realize is that like I don't even think they didn't. They weren't intentionally leaving me out but they definitely did it. They weren't intentionally leaving me out, but they definitely didn't. They weren't intentionally leaving me out, but all of a sudden I was in a place where I just was like easy to forget

because I wasn't living with them. I wasn't, I had kind of moved on in a way from where they were. So it's really tough, but what I don't regret is I did have a tough conversation with them and I wasn't like, I would say definitely be very aware of how you approach the conversation, but I do think a conversation should happen where you're like, hey, I know you probably didn't mean to do this.

Just go ahead and phrase it like that from the beginning and just say like, I wish we were closer, like I wish we could hang out more and sometimes it feels like I'm putting more into this friendship than you are like things like that. I think you can really lay it out but make sure it's in not a blaming way but just a very like kind and gentle way. And then I think a lot can be gathered about someone's, like how they are as a friend to you based on how they respond to conversations like that. What I love about Abby is she's not afraid

to have the hard conversations with her friends. So if somebody does something or says to me that her tabbie's feelings, she's going to say something about it. She's not gonna go talk behind somebody, behind someone's back and like get a million people's opinion about what she should do first. Like she just goes directly to them and says like, Hey, you did, and get a million people's opinion about what you should do first. Like she just goes directly to them and says, like, hey, you did this and it hurt my feelings.

And in that situation, I think you went directly to your friend who you just felt hurt by because you weren't invited to that hang out. This was like literally, this was like over two years ago now. This is crazy. It was like two and a half years ago in college when COVID was still going on.

But yeah, you went directly to them and they're like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. We literally just like, it slipped my mind. And I think that to you though, made you realize, wow. Like I've entered this different stage of life and I wanna have these friendships still, but it is going to look differently now that I'm married. Yeah, and I think that the best thing you can do,

yeah, is just to tell them directly and then no resentment will build up and like it shouldn't build up then because you're getting it out there and getting their response and I think you can gather a lot by how they respond. Like my friends were like, oh my gosh, I totally didn't realize I did that. Like, thanks for telling me. And then we kind of made like, I think arrangements to see each other or kind of figured something out, but Definitely go directly to the person because Gossip will do nothing for the situation except make it worse. Yeah, this one says I'm a new mom to a three-month-old Side story. She's a miracle baby when she was born She wasn't breathing and had to have open heart surgery right away. Oh my gosh God is good and she's thriving doctors are amazed with her health her health. My husband and I are so grateful for her. I'm looking for fun activities to do with my baby.

I contend to get stuck in a rut and stay at home. Any fun ideas for mom and baby or even a young family to do together? Ooh, we just went on a walk around a local lake in Arizona and like that was really cool. And I feel like if you go to parks and like legs in places where like maybe you see other families, I feel like just getting out. Getting outside is like the key.

So good for your mental health and then hopefully you like would meet somebody too that you can end up hanging with. And I think it'll make your baby happy too. I think three months is hard because they're still super, super young. What you can do is look up on like Pinterest, just look up activities for three month old, and I've been starting to do that with Griffin now. And like I did like a since we've been for like an eight month old. And now I'm looking at stuff for nine month old. They have, there's so many smart people out there that have come up with like activities to foster development in the exact stage that your baby's in.

Also, KiwiCo is a service that like will send stuff directly to your house. Oh, yeah, we did a brand deal with them. Yeah. A couple months ago. And they know exactly how old your baby is, and they'll send products that are perfect for the exact stage and development they are. That's true. Here's something else that we did that was a little controversial, I guess, which was we kind of, especially when they're that young, we kind of just kept generally our same schedule and patterns, but then just took Griffin along.

Yeah, yeah. And he became such an adaptable chill baby from that. And I don't know, I think he gained a lot too, he got to see the world. Well, I think it's really good to keep doing a lot of the things that you did before kids because you want to take care of yourself too and you can't just like abandon all fun as an adult because you have a kid, but at the same time, you need to approach it with a new mindset.

And I think we learned this in Hawaii, because Hawaii didn't really feel like the relaxing trip we were hoping for. We were really just existing in a different place in Hawaii when we went there for a month, because I had all these plans to do all these crazy hikes and like didn't really think through the fact that we had a seven month old with us.

And so that being said, like you can do a lot of the stuff that you did before, but you need to approach it with a new mindset and plan accordingly, because I didn't do that in Hawaii. And then I was really let down, because I thought we could do all these things that we used to do, and we didn't. And it was harder. And yeah, so definitely adjust your expectations.

Adjust your expectations but still try to get out because I think it's going to be good for your baby it's going to be good for you. Yeah be around other people so they get adjusted to environments around other adults because I think if you just have that as a normal thing that your kid does is being around adults, being around crowd. They know how to behave. They know how to behave and they're not gonna freak out if like you don't take your kid out of the house for five years and then boom, they're at a restaurant

and they freak out. I was gonna say get out for you too, so you mentally know you can go somewhere with your baby. Because sometimes I literally thought that I couldn't go somewhere with Griffin if Matt wasn't there because I became so dependent and then he went away for a little bit and it grew my confidence as a mom so much

to like go to Costco with Griffin by myself, to go to friends' house with Griffin by myself because I needed to build a little mom of confidence and I wasn't doing that in my own house. Yeah, I've also learned as a dad, like expectations are everything. So if I'm like trying to get a bunch of work done and then I'm like watching Griffin,

sometimes I can get really frustrated if he is very, very needy, and I have like all these tasks in my head that I'm trying to accomplish, and he's keeping me from doing them. But then again, if I'm watching Griffin, and I have the expectation of like, okay, I might do this one thing,

accomplish this one task, but really he's my focus right now. Then that experience is a lot more enjoyable because really he's my focus. now. Then that experience is a lot more enjoyable because really he's my focus. I don't have a lot of stuff that like our plan to do and I think that's kind of the mindset you need to take when taking your kid out to the park or to a restaurant. Stuff like that. Yeah, like last night we tried to go to a friend's house in Hathenter.

Oh yeah. Griffin was just not having it. He was having a tough time and so we just left and that's really fine. We still went there and yeah, everyone was okay. Everyone was fine. Yeah, it was a bummer. I was a bummer. I wanted to play Mario Kart with our friends, Mike and Ashley. Yeah, but it's such a fun game. We need to get it. Okay. Why don't we not have Mario Kart at our house? We don't have a console. We need to buy the Nintendo Switch and we can play Mario Kart together. Oh, man. Okay. Next question. Yeah, you can always revert and come home if you need to.

Hey, real quick, if you could please leave our podcast review, it would mean the world to us. It only takes just a couple of seconds and you can do that on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or wherever you're listening to our podcast on. Seriously, guys, it helps push it out to a lot more people and it really, really does help us. So we'd really appreciate it. And if you're driving right now, please do not leave review while you're driving. You can just like, like pull over something. Just don't, please don't be unsafe. We'd really appreciate your help in pushing the podcast

out to more people and now back to the episode. Or you can even like share it with a friend. Hey, yeah, could you share this with a friend? Okay. Thanks. Back to the episode. I've been with my boyfriend since I was 17. I'm now 23. We've also lived together for a year and have both said that we want to get married and have kids I haven't seen any signs that he's getting ready to propose as of yet. How can I suddenly let him know that I'm ready for a proposal? Oh Why does it have to be subtle? Oh? Yeah, why can't you just say hey like what's going on? Yeah?

Like if you're you want to be subtle because I mean this in such a, like, a gentle way. But like if you are wanting to approach it in a subtle way because you don't want to like scare him, like why is he, is he the marrying type if he's scared of having that conversation? Is he going to get cold feet? Then I don't know. Yeah, I think, so I think if you're living together and you're not like saying, hey, I want to get married and just so you know, like, I don't want to say an ultimatum, but like if you're living together and you're not like saying, hey, I want to get married and just so you know, like, I don't want to say an ultimatum, but like if you don't give some sort of timeline to like your expectations for them,

then I feel like a guy might just be like, okay, like cool, we'll just like keep doing this and just do this for however long we feel like doing this. Like it won't take it seriously. So I think that clearly communicating to your boyfriend or fiance or whatever, like communicating, hey, just fiance or whatever, like communicating, hey, just so you know, these are my expectations. I'm in this for marriage and if you're not, like,

I mean, that's tough because they've been together now for like six years. This, that is really tough. That's super tough. And I think that if you've been together for six years, you should be comfortable enough to have a conversation like that where it doesn't even really have to be settled, where you'd say, like, hey, this is something that's really important to me. And I think we've been together for a long time. Like kind of what's your, maybe just first pose it, like don't, I'm not saying to like be aggressive about this.

But first pose as a question, like, maybe, hey, we haven't talked about like marriage in a while, like I'm just curious, curious, what's your ideal timeline for this? And what does that look like? And then you can kind of hear his side of things first, and then be like, okay, I agree with that. That feels good to me. I feel ready to move forward with this. Or if it's pretty different, be like,

oh, I'm kind of surprised by that because when we moved in together, I thought this was. That's good. Yeah, I'm kind of surprised by that because when we moved in together, I thought this was... That's good. Yeah, I think you should definitely, sorry, I kind of, my response is almost like, go in guns of blazing. Don't go in guns of blazing, okay? You're going to scare your boyfriend, you're going to scare your fiancee.

I think you need to go into it, like, asking questions first, like asking, hey, what is your timeline for marriage? What is your timeline for engagement? Because who knows? He could already have a ring. Yeah, maybe he's like, maybe he's like, well, actually, I was gonna propose to you tomorrow. Like, you have literally no idea, okay?

So I think you need to go in with questions first to understand where he's at. And then once he explains his timeline, his expectations, then I think you need to go in and say, hey, well, I want you to know that these are my expectations. This is my timeline, this is how I feel and make a conversation about it. But I think that that's gonna be a lot more effective than subtly going in and being like,

it'd be so cute to get married. Like, I don't know, just like trying to throw in like subtle. Oh, because of us, the conversations were extremely explicit. Yeah, we had very jealous. Because it wasn't like, I mean, even though you proposed to me, like it was, we were both making this decision to go into marriage.

So I wasn't like, I was not shocked when we got engaged. You know, we were talking about marriage, we were talking about this specific timeline and everything. I think that was the funniest thing to me when we got engaged. I used to think as a kid, like people would, just do, just decide. Like maybe they're gonna say no. I do would just decide one day, like,

yeah, I think I'll just propose today. And then boom, like propose, like, no, like I just decide one day. Yeah, I think I'll just propose today. And then boom, like propose. Like no, like I realize as I got older, no, you have a conversation first. Like the proposal is really. It's more just like a show. It's really a show. It's a romantic gesture.

It is. It's a romantic gesture. You've already had the conversation. You've already done all that. If you want to be traditional, you can talk to their parents. That's what I did. But I don't think that's necessary. I don't think you've. I'm just saying, I think this girl has every right to be traditional, you can talk to their parents. That's what I did, but I don't think that's necessary. I don't think you've...

I'm just saying, I think this girl has every right to be directed. Wait, do you think that it's necessary that guys talk to the parents of the girl before they propose? I don't think it's necessary. I would say, too. I think it's a respectful thing to do, but it's between the two of you. Exactly. I think it's respectful, and I think when you get married, oftentimes you are marrying the family, you gotta be aware of that. I know I think it's an old fashioned thing that's not exactly sweet because like your dad doesn't own you as a girl.

Exactly. It's just kinda weird. Yeah. No, that's a really good point. Like if my dad would have said no, we still have gotten married. I think it's more so of just like filling the parents in sort of thing. I think it's a very, I think it think it's a very respectful thing to do. Yes. And I think you should do it. Yeah.

But if they say no. If you have crazy parents, that's not on you. Exactly. And if the dad says no, and you've already made that decision with your soon-to-be fiance. I don't think it's wrong to go forward with that. Exactly. You can just go ahead. But I think it's probably the right thing to do just to let them know.

But you're really not asking for permission. You're really just saying, hey, just, you know, I'm gonna do this and I'm letting you know. That's kind of what it is. But I don't think it should be phrased that way. Yeah, that's true. If I had a daughter and I'd be like, well, hello there, nice to meet you.

I would be like, put off by that. I think it's, I still think it's so funny to this day that me and your dad had like a less than a minute conversation and then me and your mom talked for like over an hour. Yeah, that's how it normally goes. Yeah. So we're having our first baby, do August 9th. Woo!

Very close to our new date. That do remember our new date. Dude A is August 15th. There you go. It's literally right there. We have it up in the podcast. Is that gonna do cheat and look at that? No, I didn't.

Okay. You can go back to the footage and look. The second baby is a little different, right? Like real little bit. Okay, and I'm getting nervous on how to draw boundaries with our family when it comes to visiting the hospital, etc. Any advice? Oh, that's good. What would you say, Abby? That is such a personal matter because even between me and my sister-in-law, we're very different on this topic.

And so, gosh, you're always gonna hear me say this, but you have to be just open and direct in your conversations. You can't be around the bush with these things because, like I said, you can only make you grow resentment when it's just like, if you could have just communicated, which we are not always the best communicators at all. And so I think it's something that,

as I've gotten older, I've realized, open communication is so important. Oh my gosh. And it doesn't mean that you don't, you know, say things sometimes in a nicer, more rounded, that way. But the conversation needs to happen. Setting boundaries with the hospital visit is super important because if you don't discuss that beforehand, you're going to get burned. Something's going to happen, and then you're gonna go gossip to your friends about how this person did this to you, and it's like, then it just creates all the drama.

Are they showed up unannounced with? They thought that they were gonna beat, like maybe in their heads, they're like, it's gonna be such a sweet surprise for them to see us. Yes, and it's just creates all this controversy and conflict, when if you just have the uncomfortable conversation of telling people exactly what you want beforehand, then it solves all of that and you won't have to deal with any of that.

And if they feel offended, just acknowledge that say like, I'm sorry, like I know you want to be a part of this so much. Just be like to be in especially because it's your first. Just be like, hey, personally, I don't know how I'm going to feel. So I'm going to let my husband communicate with you, my needs also like make your husband be the bad guy because you've just gone through a lot. Like, you are going through a major transition. Let your husband be the one.

Um, it's, I don't know your relationship with your family, but that might be a good option just like to say like, or if you don't know how you're going to feel, just literally be like, I'm not sure how I'm gonna feel in the hospital. Like, I want you to be involved with this baby and I know you're so excited. Let me let you know before you come or things like that, just make it explicit. And be extra more on the conservative side with that because then you can always just be like, hey, you know what, why don't you come on over like if you feel up to it?

Let's say like, maybe you say we don't want any guests in the hospital, like as of right now because we're not sure what it's gonna be like, you know? Yeah, set expectations before. And just know that like, they're so excited for you and they're coming most tightly from a very good place and not trying to like overstep. Oh, that looks like a big one.

There's a lot of words right there. Wow. This one says, I'm often wondering about where the parents of your spouse-slusher partner start to cross the line in regards to your relationship with said spouse-slusher partner. I was raised in a way that I believe the relationship between you and your partner is you and yours only. And you two are the ones making decisions choosing

your partner solving your problems. Because of that, I believe that parents and are feeling with you interfering with your problems in a relationship is not a good idea. My partner on the other hand has a different opinion or was raised differently and his mom often asks what I do in our relationship, what we talk about or how we resolve our problems and what the problems are. Now, I actually appreciate the concern, and maybe the thought behind it is to help or to give insight or so on. On the other hand, my parents always ask questions about what we do, and what my partner is doing, etc. too, but never ask about fights or disagreements, and just give some general advice here and there.

As probably a lot of parents do. The reason I think parents shouldn't interfere very much is because they don't feel the same love their child feels towards their partner. Their child and their partner then resolve the problem eventually and still love and appreciate each other. But if a parent hears about the disagreement, they would, I think, naturally want to protect their child and often disagree with the partner. If they hear about the fights often, even small fights, they start to lean more to disliking the partner, which I feel is happening to me, especially the mom of my partner not understanding my background and my opinions and our decisions etc.

And her advice is then also coming from the same place of loving and protecting her child first of course. This is probably happening gradually. So her question is I was wondering to what extent you to include your parents and your fights or problems about how you communicate about it after or during and have you ever fought about that. We are in our early 20s and have been together a few years and I think the parents play an important role here also because of our age and maybe just some general advice on how to include parents in a relationship and a healthy amount. Wow, okay, I think first off, not a good idea, including your parents and your fights and quarrels, not a good idea. Your parents are naturally going to have your back, they're going to take your side, they're not gonna get things big picture.

No, honestly, in our relationship, it's the opposite. Oh my gosh, you're right. Wait, that's so funny. Because they lived with you, they know your boss. Yeah, my parents literally never take my side, they take your side and then- And my parents always take your side, not my side. That's actually hilarious, that's funny

that you mentioned that. Which I think it can take opposite routes, but yes, it continues what you're saying. But I think like it's definitely more healthy, like if you have a friend that's like if, okay, look, you got to try to work it out between the two of you, but if there's something that like you really do, I don't know, you just need to, you need to, you need to vent with your, your friend that's also a couple, right? We all like all of our friends are couples. I don't know why that is. Well, it makes sense to me. We're always together.

You were always together. So we always hang out with other couples, other married couples. And so when you talk through things with their married couples, they can see the big picture. They're like, ah, like, there's no, there's always two sides of the story. There's always more going on. It's not like one person's right and one's person's wrong.

So I think that's like helpful just to, if you have a friend that's like a young married couple as well, you can talk through those things. And you'll honestly laugh about it because you'll realize that you deal with the same crap. Like everybody's going through the same crap. And what's funny to me is like, when we were talking to one of our married couple friends one time,

the wife of it just like, and I just wish he would just give me a hug and just hold me and I would feel so much better. And I was like, oh my gosh, like that whenever you're down, like all I wanna do is hold you. And you're like, stop holding me, talk to me. But it was like, we had the reverse problem anyway. Well, okay.

So it's really nice, like Matt's saying, talking about with couples because then usually the wife can like give you insight. So you don't think I'm just like a crazy person. Yeah. Or like, but then even with that, you have to be so careful because what I want to stress to you is that you always

in a marriage want to respect, I call it like the oneness of your relationship. Like the two of you have to both have this understanding that how do I want to explain what I'm saying? Yeah, like if you're gonna openly like fight in front of people, that kind of breaches like a level of trust. Like if Abbey or I talk to each other in a negative way, in front of other people and public around other people, then it's like, whoa, can we not just keep, like, we're having

some dispute, can we just keep it private and just like have a conversation in private away from the public eye? And there is a time and place where you can like, approach conversation in private away from the public eye. And there is a time and place where you can like, approach us in a safe and respectful way. Yeah. But I think that's very, very, very difficult to do with parents because like you're saying, there's intense biases when it comes to that. And you want to find someone, like we're saying, a couple is pretty impartial

because you have both the wife and the husband to kind of give their feedback or like a counselor, they're going to be more, hopefully if they're a good counselor, like impartial to either side. I think with parents, it's very, very difficult for them to stay impartial. And so I think that, it's not like we would never show conflict in front of our parents,

but we are mindful about how we go about it. Also in a weird way, I feel like it just depends on your relationship with your parents or your in-laws, because in some ways, I feel like your parents give us really good and partial marriage advice sometimes. Honestly, they do. We've had interventions before. We're like, oh my gosh, we're literally biting my tongue. We sat down and we talked with my parents,

and my mom was almost like a counselor. Yeah, I do think it depends on your relationship with your parents, because I also have other friends that they talk about deep things that are involved in their marriage, but I think both partners have to be on board for that. You got to understand, though, I'm widely independent, so it's not like my mom and I are really, really close to me.

I call the mom, I'm bad, you guys. If you thought your mom, I'm almost always on the phone too. I forget to call my mom and my dad. I just don't call home as much. I've gotten better. I call home once a week now, for the most part. Sometimes I forget. But to not like I'm this mama's boy not like I'm like this mama's boy.

So if I was like a mama's boy and I had like a really tight close relationship with my mom and I was like telling her all this like, you know, all the drama that I mean I go through, then I feel like that'd be an unhealthy situation where the mom's like kind of like back me up like as my best friend trying to like tell you why you're wrong. You know what I'm saying? I think why it's also healthy is that it's not like you're talking to your parents and I'm not there. Like I'm, oh, I'm present when those conversations

are brought up. Whereas I think in this situation her husband's talking to the mom, it seems like it might be a more involved. Yeah, it might be more of a mama's voice situation. Yeah. And I think that also like she did bring up a good point. Their age also plays a factor because your parents

are still letting go of what you left. I'm just laughing because like with my parents, I feel like they never take my side with anything. It's like, oh, what's Matt's opinion? Matt's wrong. Matt's wrong. No, we can't. Not necessarily.

I will honestly, I think that. I, but yeah, I butt head to my mom is what's funny. Like, in a sweet way. In a sweet way. No, my parents are amazing. Like, we leave. Yeah, but yeah, I butt heads as my mom is what's funny. But in a sweet way. In a sweet way. No, my parents are amazing. Like, we leave. Yeah, your parents are really unique in the sense that they're able to like, we're able to have those

conditions totally comfortable. I'm, yeah, I'm blessed to have really good parents. But to her issue, I think that this is not the same situation. It seems like the husband is talking without her president and it seems like it's hurting, it's like she's saying it's hurting the way they view her and that's not fair. So I think that that conversation needs to

happen not necessarily between you and your in-laws but between you and your husband. Yeah. And say, hey, I think that maybe just say like I really value like the oneness in our relationship and it's not that I don't want to include people in like resolving conflict between the two of us but I think that it needs to be dealt with in a more impartial. This one says, I was dating a guy I really liked for a while. Six months. And we even started talking about marriage and wedding dates. Things were really starting to progress to the point of encouragement and or to progress to the point of engagement., wow. And then he dumped me. He said it was all him and not anything about me

and he loved me. He told me he can prioritize me while he was studying to be a dentist. I think she meant like he couldn't prioritize her was doing. This broke my heart. I thought I finally found the one. He was all I thought about. Now, two months later, he texted me to talk

and well, guess what? He wants to get back together. Oh. I agreed because I think I really do love him. We have been pretending like nothing happened and going back to where we left off talking about marriage. Is that crazy? He broke up with me when life got hard for him.

What if he does it again? What do I do? Am I an idiot or is this fate? So the question is, should I marry a guy that broke up with me and now wants to get back together? Okay, the first off I wanna say, we just had your grandparents in the podcast and your grandparents, like, probably almost split,

like so many times, well actually they broke up and got back together again. So you gave the ring back. She gave the ring back. A lot of times. And so, and I think your grandparents being married 56 years is the perfect example of like successful marriages can start off and perfectly.

Right. And I've said this before, I'll say it again. You can do everything right in the beginning of your relationship and everything can be perfect and then you get married and then you divorce. You can just work out. It happens all the time. And then conversely like Abby's grandparents,

everything can go wrong in the beginning and then it can end up working out. I can be a great marriage that lasts. So consider that. So consider that. So consider that. But that being said, let's be smart, let's be wise, let's use wisdom in this situation. Yeah, there's definitely some red flags there.

I have a couple thoughts on this. So to give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe this guy just totally understands the gravity of the decision that he's about to enter. That marriage is life changing and it's a commitment and it takes work and he is unsure if he's in the stage of life where he's able to commit to that. Yeah and I think- Because it is, she said he's studying to be a dentist. And I found that very interesting because he decided to prioritize his career over his relationship. And I think that's a really big decision that young couples have to make early in life.

Are you gonna take on this new age idea of prioritize your career, be a boss, be a business owner, whatever, prioritize work over your relationships, right? Like your career matters more. Rather than I think an older mindset was like, no, you gotta prioritize, your career matters more. Rather than I think an older mindset was like, no, you got to prioritize your relationships over your work.

Like, your work is for your relationships, not the other way around. For us, initially in our relationship, we actually prioritized our relationship over anything else. We both wanted to be actors. We both wanted to potentially be on Broadway one day. We wanted to move to New York City and be in shows. And we decided to go to school for theater. And then we ended up quitting our, like, that degree path and went to traditional degree

paths instead. I went to go study finance, Abbey with Studying Elementary Education after a first semester at college because we wanted to prioritize our relationship. I think that's a big decision that you have to make as a young couple and it's clear that that's what happened in that situation. Yeah, but I don't think while it's something to take note of for sure and like that should advise decisions you make in the future with your relationship, I don't think that him breaking up with you is enough to be like, nope, never again. Like my hands are washed of him.

Yeah. Because the reason being, I probably would have said that. I probably would have said that before just because I was just ignorant to that, what that situation was because we dated and we didn't break up and we got married and it worked out great. But I know too many people now that I've been married that they're like, yeah, like we actually dated previously, didn't work out things didn't work out and then we broke up and then got back together. Yeah. So I don't think that should be the reason

that you don't entertain this. If you really think that this guy could be the one and you love him, I don't think that's enough to just completely disregard it. But don't just go crawling back into his arms the second that he wants you back. Like, I would play hard to get. I would be a little tough with this guy.

I think you need to draw some boundaries into and say, you know, this hurt me. Yes. Like, I was all in for this. I think be a little tough with this guy. I think you need to draw some boundaries in it too and say, like, you know, this hurt me. Yes. Like, I was all in for this. I think as a way to protect yourself, you need to tell, like, you need to definitely have those boundaries and make it clear to him that he needs to show you why, why you should trust him, like, why you should fully,

think he's serious this time. Because before he ended up switching gears and breaking up with you, you need to make sure that some things actually changed in him rather than him still being all over the place and not knowing what he actually wants. Yeah, because if it's only been two months, it's not that I don't think that his mentality could change about marriage. It's just that he does need to explain some things. And I think it boils down to you need to value your own heart and protect yourself in this too,

because if you've been hurt and crushed by this, then that you can't just keep opening yourself up for that all the time, because then you're just gonna become jaded to all relationships if this doesn't work out, you know? Yeah, it's so interesting how this is such a common challenge that young people face like for us initially, we chose a relationship.

And I think since doing social media, there's definitely been times where you were like, Matt, you're like prioritizing work over our relationship. And I think you were right in some of those situations. And I think it's just a constant struggle. I think there's nothing wrong with prioritizing work if you're someone that's not married or maybe even if you are married, it's okay to prioritize work for a time

because sometimes maybe you need to pay the bills and you need food on the table and there's no other option than to work your butt off just to be able to keep the lights on at your house. But you need to make sure that at the core of everything if you're going to be married in a relationship. You need to be putting that before your job I do have a hard time too when people are like right now Like I just can't even think about marriage because there's so much going on. It's like your life will never be

just like Until you're retired and you're like in your sickesties It's never going to be just like there's nothing going on, it's just me and you. Like you are choosing a partner to go through all the ups and downs of life with. That includes like when your work is being extremely demanding, that includes when one of you is sick or it includes all of those highs and lows.

So just say like, I can't even think about marriage right now because like this, that and the other. Sometimes I'm like, what do you think life is going to look like? Totally. Because I think there can be some situations where like that's just, that's wisdom. Yeah. But there's also situations where I'm like, that's just unrealistic. And in life, you got to choose your heart, right?

Like, being, not being married is hard. Like you might be lonely and you might wish that you had a partner to go through life with. Being married is hard because then you have, you're marrying a set of problems. Then you have someone with you all the time. Yes. And like when you're married, when you're really, you're choosing your set of problems.

No matter who you marry, you're going to marry into problems. And that's like a really big decision. You have to understand that it's not all sunshine and rainbows, it's not like Hollywood makes it out to be. So recognize that. But I will say, like me as a young guy getting married, I had cold feet going into the marriage.

Like a month before the wedding, I was like, holy eff, are we actually doing this? Is this actually a lifelong commitment? A month before Griffin was born, I was like, holy eff, am I actually having a baby? So maybe this guy's just getting cold feet. Yeah, and I got that, I know you got that. And he's communicating with you,

but maybe he's having a hard time communicating that. So then it just resulted in him fleeing for a little bit. And then he was like, what am I doing? Like that's not really what I want. So like I said, her question was, should I marry a guy that broke up with me and now wants to get back together? My answer is maybe.

But don't just go in being all naive, like going with wisdom, going, making sure you're asking. But I'm not gonna do this again. Ask for questions. It really comes down to asking the right questions. If you can ask this guy the right questions and make sure that he's.

Like what question would you ask this guy? Oh man, I'd say what changed? That's the biggest one. What changed from two months ago till now? Yeah. Right? There's so many more. Like, what are your expectations now

with our relationship? Because I'm ready. I'm just gonna look like in our marriage? Exactly, and I'm someone that once, I see myself getting married in the next year or so. What does that look like for you? Are you willing to be married while you're going through dentist's through school?

And you might have to be poor and like eat rice and beans for a little bit just to pay the bills. But the thing is, money doesn't make you happy. We've learned that, we've experienced that. We are super, super happy when we're poor, living in low-come housing and college. Like, there's a lot of freaking fun stuff you can do when you don't have money. There's a lot of free crap you can do that's fun. So it's like, you can be poor and like have your spouse going through dentistry school and have a lot of freaking fun. So don't think like, oh, well, this is going to, this, this, these years we're going to suck because you won't

have any money and do anything. You can do so much with that money. Yeah. Not to say that, I think it's a tool, right? It's nice to buy a house, it's nice to buy a car, but I don't know, I think you need to just think about what you want, think about what they want, make sure that you're on the same page and ask. It doesn't seem like it's a financial thing.

Yeah, but ask the right questions. Ask the right question. I think that's really good advice. Yeah. And yeah. Thank you so much for watching the Unplanned Poggrass. If you haven't already hit the like button, Yeah, but ask the right questions. Ask the right questions. I think that's really good advice. Yeah. And yeah. Thank you so much for watching the Unplanned Podcast. If you haven't already hit the like button, hit subscribe.

It would really help us out. If you're listening on a podcast platform, definitely leave us a review. It helps us out so much. And we'll see you in the next one, Abby. Can you read a review that we got? Here we go. This is from at its Meg's page on Instagram. I followed y'all for a couple years now and I just love

how y'all are with each other, how much you consider each other. I will be getting married at the beginning of May and y'all have given me so much comfort in being ready for such a big step in my life, helped with understanding and just being open with my spouse. Thank y'all so much for being who you are. May the fourth be with you. Oh, that's a wedding date. Wow. That's so cute. We'll think about you on May the 4th. Congratulations, Meg. Thank you, Meg. Good luck with everything. And thank you so much for leaving your view. It means so much to us. Thank you.