The Unplanned Podcast with Matt & Abby - Taylor Odlozil on Losing His Wife to Cancer, Surrogacy & Single Parenting

Episode Date: October 2, 2024

Taylor Odlozil shares the heart-wrenching journey of losing his wife to cancer, becoming a single parent, and having a child via surrogate. He reflects on Hayley’s final days, offers insights on navigating grief, and discusses how he's raising his son on his own. This episode is sponsored by Rocket Money and Nutrafol. Rocket Money: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to https://RocketMoney.com/unplanned. Nutrafol: Visit https://nutrafol.com/UNPLANNED for $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Fast forward a year, that's when we got the devastating news that she had stage 3 C ovarian cancer. And then found out that we could not have children. Were you in the room when Weston was born? I was. To go through that for somebody else is really impressive. She's human. You don't think she had a little bit of an attachment to that child. She just carried that child for nine months and then she just leaves empty handed. Three days after I just married Haley, the doctor, it seemed like she wanted to say more but wasn't quite ready to say more.

And I looked at her and I said, she's going to die, isn't she? And she looked at me and she went, she's got six months. Your dedication to serve her through all of that journey in cancer and death. If there is not a more perfect picture of love, I don't know what is. Today on the unplanned podcast, we sat down with Taylor O'Dlazile, who married his high school sweetheart, Haley, after finding out she had stage 3c ovarian cancer. Just days after the ceremony, he was told by a doctor that she had only six months to live. Cancer made it impossible for Hailey to have kids, but a gracious family friend volunteered to be their surrogate

and together they were able to welcome their son Weston to the world. We talk about being a caretaker for a sick spouse, single parenting and so much more on today's episode. I was listening to a podcast that you were on and I'm pretty sure you made the statement that one of your happiest memories, I think it was high school graduation, right? Yeah.

Or was it college graduation? One of those? That was the last time that I can say I was truly happy. Like, that I experienced true happiness. And what about it made it so special? So you know, I think as we grow up up we build a vision for our lives. What we want to accomplish and what we want to happen for ourselves. We do that in grade school or whatever.

I knew that I wanted to get married. I knew I wanted to be a dad and I knew I wanted to have a good job and provide and live the American dream. So I went to Texas A&M and I did petroleum engineering and I worked really hard at that. A&M in Texas are constantly flip-flopping number one petroleum school. So it's very rigorous courses and a lot of studying and she was supporting me

the entire way. She always said he was studying at his desk and she was studying the back of my head. Because that's just, she would be chilling on the bed and watching TV and I'd be at my desk just working away. And she saw the hours I put in. I'm talking school all day, study till one, two o'clock in the morning,

like most of the week. Holy cow. Yeah, a lot of work. Holy cow. You know, all-nighters were pretty common, so worked really hard, but I knew it was a good degree. Yeah. And so when the day came for graduation, I couldn't, I was so excited because I had worked so hard for so long and was achieving something that I thought wasn't really possible for me.

We had a little like pre-graduation lunch and all my family was there and I remember Haley stood up and said some nice things about me and she got really emotional. And that really made me realize like how much she cared and loved me to see her that choked up over something I've accomplished. It made an impact on me. And it just made me love her even more. And so fast forward to graduation graduation I'm walking across the stage and I look over and I see my parents and her parents and she's there

and she's got tears coming down and I just remember feeling pure joy of like I'm know I'm gonna marry the love of my life, my high school sweetheart. I just accomplished something I never thought I could do and I have great job possibilities in front of me and I have the world at my fingertips. Like everything's going according to plan, like this is, like I'm blessed, I'm so grateful. I just had this sense of gratefulness.

And yeah, it just, shortly after that, that my world fell apart in almost every way it could. And you know, I look back and the reason I say it was my last day of pure joy is because, you know, it's not that I wasn't happy when I married Haley or that I wasn't happy when Weston was born. Those days were tainted with what Haley was going through. So it was like I was happy, but there was a cloud over me.

So the last time I didn't really have a cloud over me was when I walked across that stage with the world ahead of me, the future at my fingertips, and it just didn't pan out the way I thought. But there's a reason we go through everything we go through, right? How long was that timeline from you graduating college and feeling on top of the world to then getting

the most devastating news of your life? So, graduated May of 2014, I proposed to her December 1st, 2014, fast forward a year to December 15th of 2015. That's when we got the devastating news that she had stage 3c ovarian cancer, basically stage 4, and then found out that we could not have children. So you know I wanted to be a dad. So I found out in a matter of five seconds that not only could I not have children with my future wife, it wasn't even my wife yet, but she was fighting for her life. So it was just a lot to take in.

What was that conversation like in the, I guess with the doctor that delivered that news. I was at work that day, Haley called me. She finally had gotten the CT scan back and it said that there was a mass in her abdomen and that she needed to see an oncologist immediately. She called me very upset. I went and talked to my boss, said, hey, I think I need to go to this appointment. She's very upset. I was still brushing it off. I was like, this isn't

happening to me, we're gonna be fine. I didn't even know what an oncologist was, to be honest, it wasn't until I walked in the doctor's office that I discovered an oncologist is a cancer doctor. That's how naive I was and like in my own world of, own world of focusing on my future. So I get home, she's very upset, and I'm trying to keep her positive, and we go to the appointment. They call her back, and I think they called her back first

from what I remember, because they did an exam on her. And I should have known we were in for a bad appointment because when we walked in all the nurses and front desk people were like, just had this look on their face. Then me and her mom go back. Her dad was trying to park or something. He was like late a few minutes or something. But we go back and doctor comes in and got the packet

and she opens it up and looks up and she's got tears coming down and then my heart starts to race and she just said, I've been doing this a while, you know, from the looks of your scan you have ovarian cancer and it's advanced. And we were just like, what? And Haley, first thing she said was, please tell me I can have children. Because she was put on this earth to be a mom.

That was what she was born to do. And she said, unfortunately, you're gonna have to put that on the back burner. You need to focus on your future, on your life, and so that was very shocking. You know, that was only, she was just telling us from a scan, they obviously have to do like a, like a biopsy to make sure that it is what it is. So that was a few days later when we got confirmation

that it was cancer and that it was everywhere and that she would not have children. And that was when it really sunk in that this was real, you know, because we still were trying to have some hope that it could be something else. But it is what it is. What were you thinking at that time? Were you thinking this? Like, why is this happening to us us and my future wife right now?

Oh, 100%. I definitely look back and I'm like, where did I go wrong? Where did Haley go wrong? We were both great kids. And you ask the question why a lot. And when you're 23 and this happens, you don't have the life experience to be ready for that.

When you're in your 40s, 50s, 60s, you've seen the brutality of life. You have seen what makes life so tough and you learn what's valuable about life. Yeah. Like you've already got that under your belt. So when something like that happens, you're a little bit more prepared.

But when you're 23, 22 years old, I mean that is devastating. I mean that, the fear that I experienced when we found out she was sick, to this day is a fear I have never encountered in my life. And it was just very, it made an impact on me because I remember, I mean, I wanted to die.

It was so terrifying. Yeah, I'd never experienced that kind of dreadful fear. And so I, you know, watching the love of your life, I mean, she's afraid she's gonna die. I mean, here I am, we're young, in our 20s, and we're having to have conversations about death already. You know, so it was quite a shock to both of us. And you were planning the wedding at that point?

Yeah, we were two months from being married. Everything had pretty much been planned at that point, which is what every girl dreams about is her fairytale wedding, right? I mean, all the, she had been pinning stuff on Pinterest since she was 14 years old, I think, you know? Like, you know, after the biopsy day where they confirmed what it was,

and we went home and it had been three days since the initial appointment and I had not slept very much. I had not eaten one bite of food. I don't eat when I'm stressed out. Before she fell asleep, she looked at me, I remember, and she was thanking me for being there and that she was scared.

And I was telling her I was scared too. Like, I'm just as scared as you are. I'm trying my best to figure out what to do here. And she said, well, I want you, I need to tell you something. And I was like, what? She was like, if you want to call off the wedding and you can marry someone else, that's okay with me.

Like all I'm going to give you is a broken life. There's no telling what my future holds, but it's full of doctor's appointments and heartache and sadness, and I don't think you deserve to be a part of that. So if you would like to move on, I understand. And it broke me. Like, I just looked at her and I was like,

I'm not going anywhere, girl. Like, we're in this together. And we're a team and we always will be. And I said I'd be honored to marry you, I'm excited about it. And I don't want you to ever say that to me ever again. And she said okay, and she started crying immediately which made me realize she was so afraid I was gonna say,

okay, I agree with you, that she was carrying a burden that I might leave, and I was like, I'd never leave. I said, I hope that the roles are reversed so you would stay with me. That's just part of being a team. And when you love someone, you do what you have to do. Yeah. And so, yeah, that was a very, and when you love someone, you do what you have to do.

And so, yeah, that was a very, that's a night that I won't forget. But it just speaks to her maturity, I think, to be able to vocalize of saying, I release you if you wanna go. I mean, she's a badass to me. You know like seriously she's the strongest woman I've ever known.

I've seen her fight through more pain than I can describe. For her to be mature enough to be like you can go and meet someone else. Like I don't know if I could even say that, if I'm in love with somebody and I want them, like, she's just a different breed. I feel like that is probably the most selfless thing someone could ever say, you know, to put.

Oh, seriously? Yeah. Think about y'all if you were to release either one of you and be like, you can go. Thank you to Rocket Money for sponsoring today's episode. Do you have unwanted subscriptions that are building up and you see your card being charged for them? I don't know what to do currently seriously. Yeah, wait, I know what it is Yeah, but it's not on the card that's connected to a rocket money account

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Yeah. And like what was that day like? You know, I was trying to recall some of that that day the other day and it's such a flash to me because we were so stressed out. She had been through nine weeks chemo at that point so she had no hair. The steroids and the chemo made her blow up so her wedding dress that she had spent she had to go get it all realtered and fixed and stuff, so which made me sad for.

The day went by fast, it was still enjoyable, but it was, like I said, there was a cloud over it. And, you know, a lot of the people that said that they couldn't come to the wedding ended up calling back and say, we'll be there because of the news. And I mean, there was a lot of people there. The pastor said some great words and got very choked up and which was very touching and you know I was still having hope that the chemo worked and we were going to be finding out the following week. But it was still a great day you know I still got to marry the love of my life and obviously we were all way more emotional and it wasn't until three days later that we found out that the

chemo did not work at all and That's when I found out by myself because I could tell the doctor was When she was telling us about how the chemo worked She was seemed like she wanted to say more but wasn't quite ready to say more Yeah and so I asked everybody to step out that I needed to talk to the doctor, like me and her.

And so I remember everyone stepped out and I looked at her and I said, she's gonna die, isn't she? And she looked at me with tears and she went, she's got six months. So here we are three days after I just married Haley and I'm finding out that she's got six months. So here we are three days after I just married Haley and I'm finding out that she's got six months. Like, really? And I remember I just like lost it

and the doctor was like comforting me. And I just remember thinking like, is this my life? Like, is this Haley's life? Is this what's really gonna happen? Like, we were meant for each other. Like, do this to a couple that don't even love each other and abuse each other like Why us and so I couldn't bring myself to tell her that I said you're gonna have to tell her that news Like when you're ready, she said well, I don't want to tell her yet

I want you to go on your honeymoon and enjoy it before I tell her something like that. She's like, but I told you because I'm a doctor, you asked me, I'm gonna tell you, like that's the way I am. I was like, you know, she was always honest, you know. Yeah. And I respect that. So I had to gather myself, go out into the waiting room,

look at Haley in the face, knowing what I just, that she's dying. Yeah. And we go home and I walk her inside and I looked at her and I said, Haley, I've gotta go see my parents real quick. And she goes, that's fine. She goes, I need some time alone anyways

to think about some things. So I left and I remember my parents talk about this. I was banging on the door, the front door, my dad opens it and I literally like collapsed in his arms, like in the doorway, like screaming, sobbing. And my dad started crying, you know, which we don't see our dads cry very often. And I was just, we were just laying in the doorway sobbing because I just realized she's dying. Like this really is going to happen. And my mom talks about that day.

She remembers that pretty vividly, seeing me that I'd never been that upset in my life, you know. You know, I was able to cry it out talk with my parents gather myself Go home pack for Hawaii You know go on that trip and we try to make the best of it. Was it hard keeping that secret that oh my gosh Yeah, it was awful. Yeah, I remember laying in the hammock. I think the resort, it's on Oahu called Turtle. Turtle Bay. Turtle Bay.

Have you seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall? No. No. I know it's filmed there. Was it filmed there? Yeah. I used to go there. That's actually one of my favorite surf spots actually.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall, the scene where they're in the suite, we stayed in that suite. No way. Yeah. How did that work out? Her dad is so amazing. Her parents are amazing because, I booked everything, paid for the

honeymoon, did it, you know, just like the husband always does. And I was able to afford what I could afford, which was a nice room in the hotel. While we get there, we're checking in and it was obvious that the front desk knew that we were coming and what the story was. Well her dad had called and upgraded us to that nice room. Right there on the beach basically. Wow. And I just remember how awesome that was and what a nice gesture and gift he did for us

and her parents. And so yeah, we were laying in the hammock right there in front of that spot and we were watching the sun go down and I remember she looked at me and she goes, I just feel like this is our last trip. I looked away for a second and I looked back and I said, why? She's like, I think you just know when you're dying. I said, but you're not.

We're going to do many trips. and I had to lie to her face because I just couldn't bear. That was awful. Cause I wanted her to try to enjoy the honeymoon as much as possible. So I just had to like tell her you're gonna have many more. And turns out we did have many more.

So you never know how life's gonna go, you know, so. Was that kind of like a mental battle to go through because here the doctor's telling you that your your new wife that you just married is gonna die yet then later on Haley has a surgery right and they remove all the cancer and I've known people before that have had cancer and like when you hear something news like news like that it seems like oh my gosh yes they beat it like it's be okay, and it feels like one of those victory moments Like is that what you thought in that moment? Did you did you feel like she had beat it?

once the cancer was removed came out of that surgery and we met with the Surgeon after and he explained everything that he had removed and and that he had removed a hundred percent of visible cancer We were all in shock, especially, because I was carrying this burden that she was dying. And I thought the surgery was gonna be a massive failure. And turns out it was a huge success. But he made sure we understood that there was still microscopic cancer cells all through her body.

And that the fight was not over that she needed to start treatment. It was also due to the type of cancer she had. Serious carcinoma and it was high grade and low grade. It's a very aggressive type of cancer. And so, like you can be diagnosed with stage four that's not that type of grade or, you know, structure of cancer, cut it out and you'll never have it again. But then there's types that's very aggressive.

So I was happy that it was removed. It was awesome that I got to wake her up from surgery and tell her the news. She was still so drugged up, but I got to say, hey, Haley, 100% of visible can't, you don't have it in you anymore. And the heart monitor went way up,

because she was just so excited and elated. But I was happy that we had that success. That's when I started changing my mindset to being present where your feet are. I always used to worry about what was down the road, what I needed to plan down the road or for our future and this and that. You get too stressed out.

And so I realized you have to be where your feet are, be present and control what you can control. And what I could control was my happiness that we had won that battle. I don't need to be stressed out about a tumor that may or may not be growing back. And so I was happy about that and it didn't take long until we started having some tumor growth and so we were putting our own hormone drugs and stuff that were working. And so it was just a constant over the next few

years it was just constantly trying to slow the growth So it was just a constant battle At what point did you decide to have Weston? So Obviously we had since we couldn't have kids we had to have a surrogate and it was from a family friend Haley had Nannied for this family Literally their child that was like two or three weeks old started nannying her. So Haley grew to love this child as her own, so did I.

And so this couple just saw how much we love being like parent figures. And so basically they were heartbroken for us, you know? And so, on our wedding night, she came up to Haley and said, if y'all are ever in a position to have children, I'd like to be your surrogate, which is unbelievable. Wow. Wow. And just insane kindness.

And so, you know, I never thought we would have kids. I kinda got to that mindset of like, just ain't gonna happen. And I knew from the day I married Haley that I was going to be on my own at some point. Like I'd already been told that she had too aggressive type of cancer to just be healed. She was not just be healed.

She was not going to be healed unless the Lord came down and healed her or something. I just wasn't in the cards for her, and so I knew I was going to be on my own. So having kids, I was nervous about possibly being a single dad, what that would bring for me. I was worried about bringing Weston into this situation. But we kept fighting the cancer and we got to a point where the growth had really slowed and you know doctor had said that at this size of tumors and the slowness that it was growing that she's seen people live 20 30 years with this. So that's a nice long time. She felt that Haley was in a really good place,

so we prayed about it and decided, all right, let's, you know, Haley deserved to be a mom. I wanted that for her, you know. So we started doing the research and did the IVF stuff and finally got a viable egg, which I like to tell this story because it speaks to Haley's heart again. She always wanted a girl, always wanted a boy.

She was adamant about having a girl. And so we got some viable embryos and we decided that whatever the healthiest embryo was, we were gonna transplant that one. And that was just the way we were gonna do it. And so we get to the doctor's office and he goes, all right, we got like 10 to 12 viable embryos and we've tested all of them.

I've got them ranked healthiest to least healthiest. And we're like, all right, what's number one? He goes, all right, girl. And I was like, ah. You know? I was like, dang, like, not that I'm fine having a girl, I just really wanted a boy. I wanted like my partner in crime.

Yeah. Haley goes, what about number two? And doctor goes, another girl. And I was like, gosh, strike two. You know? So he says number three is a boy. And he said, but basically, he's like, to be honest, these top four embryos are so closely related,

like they're honestly all could be number one. And he goes, all right, so what are we gonna transplant into the surrogate? And I'm sitting, like I'm leaning against the wall and I'm like this, you know, cause I know it's gonna be a girl, which is fine. And she goes, let's transfer the boy. And I look up and I'm like, what?

And she looked at me and she goes, I can't give you children, but I can give you your boy. I can give you your son. And that just like broke me give you children, but I can give you your boy. I can give you your son. And that just like broke me, you know, like that she was willing to do that for me, you know, and knowing she knew that I would be on my own with him one day and she wanted me to have something I always wanted and within months of us having the boy,

she was like, I could never want a girl, I want another boy. Like she just became obsessed with having boys. Like she wanted another boy so bad. You know, she loved how boys loved their moms, you know. And she just was so grateful she ended up picking boy. She didn't expect that to happen. And so.

Why did I think that they put in multiple? Eggs or fertilize eggs, right? Cuz like isn't that how people and oh, that's what they used to do But now it's only one at a time now you you can you can transplant Two three if you want or do twins or whatever gotcha But it's because I thought that's why twins and you know even people that have like eight kids or what like that's why because it was Situations that didn't work out but I guess yeah, I guess now it's it's changed So you you literally get just got to select the gender of your baby, which is kind of yeah

And they're genetically tested. So when I tell you I call him my first round draft pick Because he is a prime specimen Like I'm telling you it looks like he's already been going to the gym. The kid's legs is ridiculous. It looks like he can squat like 150 pounds already. I've seen some of your videos and your son's adorable. He's a cute kid. Oh, thank you.

Thank you. Going to kindergarten, that must be really fun to get to watch him grow up. Your first round draft pick. He's just such an awesome kid and he's so compassionate. It's unbelievable. He just has such a big heart for the people he loves and the people around him. And he's always comforting me.

He can always tell when I'm struggling. And he'll come put his arm around me and just pat me. You know, like, he can always tell when I'm struggling. And he'll come put his arm around me and just like pat me. You know, it's just, he's a unique kid. I'm blessed to have him and Haley knew I needed him. So sweet. What was it like having a surrogate, like throughout that process? It was good, I mean, I was,

I think it's different for men when you're having a kid because I think one, we're always scared. Yeah. And two, it was different for me because my situation was different. Like I was scared because I was like, I'm gonna be raising them on my own one day. So I was really scared about what might happen.

And so I couldn't really let myself soak in the happiness, you know, and really take it in because I think my mind was so worried about what might happen. And I also have had at this point, so many bad things that happened to me that I had this defense mechanism where I don't let things in until literally they happen. Does that kind of make sense? Like, you know, like if you're excited to go on a trip two months from now, you think about every day, I don't even think about it till I'm on the plane. You know, like, oh, we're going on the trip.

Cause I just can't let things in cause I feel like they're gonna get taken away from me if I do. And there's other previous stuff when I was younger that I've experienced that make me feel that way. But, but having a surrogate was cool. It was great because we were able to have children, but it takes away that ability for you to share

with your wife like having a child together. So, you know, we didn't get to do the gender reveal. You know, I didn't get to do the gender reveal. I didn't get to go over to my parents and have them open a gift that said, you're gonna be grandpa and grandma. I didn't get to come home from work and she's standing there with a pregnancy test, but we're pregnant, that was taken from us.

Rolling over in the night, cuddling her, putting my arm on her belly, feeling the baby kick. I didn't get to do any of that. It was just one day the baby was there, and which is part of the surrogacy. And it's such a great thing what the surrogacy process gives to people who can't have children. And it's such a blessing.

I'm so thankful that we had that ability. But some of those things that I didn't get to experience makes me sad, but it's just, everything has a price, right? Everything has a cost, so it's just part of what happened to me and Haley, and that was what we had to go through. But it was worth it because we still got to have Weston. And were you in the room when Weston was born?

I was, so the surrogate was basically laying like I am and Haley was right there with the doctor, helped deliver the Weston and I was standing back here with my camera scared shitless. Yeah. Were you one of those dads that's like shaking in your... Have you seen those home videos where like the dad passes out in the delivery room? I didn't, I wasn't gonna pass out but the surrogate, she didn't take any pain medicine and she was just like, no, like pushing really hard and you know,

it was getting loud and I'm like, what's happening, like you know, like I'm scared. Was any part of you like, man what did this lady sign up for? Like she's. Oh, it just made me respect her so much for to go through that for somebody else.

It's really impressive. And I mean, she's human. She's a mom, like, you don't think she had a little bit of an attachment to that child. She just carried that child for nine months and then she just leaves empty handed. Think about that. I think that was harder for her than she expected.

Gosh. I don't think she expected it to be that difficult. Does she have a relationship with Weston now? Oh yeah. Yeah, we still talk with her. She was at the, her and her kids were at the the one year celebration for Weston's one year in heaven. So, we still see them.

Obviously their kids are getting older, they're busy. I'm a single dad, I'm busy. So, I do need to see them. Obviously their kids are getting older, they're busy. I'm a single dad, I'm busy so I do need to see them more. I wish we could go have dinner like once a month or something. Talk to me more about the, I guess, I mean this, because this was many many years of of going through this battle. I mean did it make it easier having your son, like having a son there that you get to both look at and know like this is our baby? Also like raising a baby while your wife is also

going through cancer, that must have been extremely challenging. Well, when we started the process, she was in a good place. So she was doing pretty well. Okay. You know, raising Weston wasn't too bad with Haley. It was, you know, we were a good team and

it wasn't, I think, maybe a year or two after he was born when we started having some more issues with her health. Okay. Then she had to get back on chemo and lost her hair and, you know, after she had just grown it back. So, you know, all he ever knew from birth was that Mommy was sick. You know, that Mommy was a little different

than the other Mommies. But she, I don't, I never saw her let her circumstances keep her down. Like, no matter how much pain she was in or how she felt, she always took time to make sure Weston was the center of attention. And that he didn't feel second to the sickness of,

to her cancer. And I applaud her for that, I admire her for that. And, you know, I, she truly is a woman warrior, like incredible woman. And I think that's why the story exploded, because people could feel her love through the video. I think that's what you feel when you can see the love she has for her friends and family and her son.

I think that's a very tangible thing when you watch my videos, especially from during the hospice journey. Thank you to NutriFull for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. You guys, I've been taking my NutriFull consistently and my hair's looking good. It's looking good.

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for the first time. I mean, I've heard you say that she was made to be a mom, so that must have been a really special moment to see her hold her baby. Yeah, I was rolling with the camera when that happened, and I'm sure you've seen it on my page, but man, that is one moment and emotion that I've caught on camera to this day

is like the most powerful to me. Yeah. Just her mouth, just the tears, like, it just, as soon as she held, that's all she could ever think of her whole life was holding a child that was hers. And so that was another moment burned in my mind that I witnessed right in front of me

that she finally got what she wanted, you know? And so I was just blessed that I was able to be there to see it, but also catch it on camera. I'm sure you saw it on the videos. You were watching her holding them, and she's just a mess, you know, especially when they just skin to skin. That's when she really lost it, you know.

How did you stay strong and encourage her through? Did you go to therapy? Did you have a group of friends that were encouraging you through it all? How did you stay strong? Stay strong through, I guess, the caregiving? Yeah. Is what you're saying?

Yeah, yeah. I don't know, I have great family and I have great friends. I also think from some earlier experiences in my life that I had kind of developed this mindset of it is what it is and we're not going to make excuses and we're just going to do what we have to do. I think so many times that when our life is not going well we blame our circumstances and I did that for a long time and I think I finally got to a

place where I realized that your circumstances reveal to the man who he is. They don't make the man. And so instead of, you know, I take a look at what the circumstances have revealed to me and what I need to do to change my ways. And so, you know, I was, I had a victim mentality a lot through this process, but I finally got to this point where, you know, I got to look at my circumstances

and see what it's revealing about who I am and what I need to do to change. And so, I mean, I look at what I've been through and I'm just, I'm heartbroken that I had to go through it and what we went through, but I'm also thankful for what it's taught me and what it's done in my own life. I just, I feel like I live such a more fulfilled life because of it, if that makes sense.

You know, I just look at things way differently than everybody else. You were talking over lunch about how you grew up loving to make videos and music really speaks to you. And you mentioned about a year ago you heard a song on TikTok that was really speaking to you and then you made a little video to it telling your story, telling the bit of the journey

that you'd been on with Hailey. And you post the video, and then overnight, you have millions of people that all wanna know more of the story, like who you are, what's going on, the situation with Haley. Talk to me about that. Well, you know, I'd always, like you said, I have a passion for videos, I always have.

I love to tell stories through video. I love to be able to create a video and be able to impact you in a happy way, sad way, whatever that is, but for me to be able to do that to you is really cool for me. I express myself through video, which is weird because I'm kind of an introverted extrovert, but it is what it is.

End of October of 2022, we found out that we were out of options with Haley. Okay. And at that time, I was not posting on TikTok. I didn't post on Instagram really that much. I'd post a picture of Weston or our family like every few weeks if that. Didn't really care.

I love, I always enjoyed making like cinematic videos about vacations I've been on, so I had a YouTube channel. But never really thought that I would be where I am today. So November, there's a couple weeks after we found out about having no options. Haley went to bed early, I'm up laying on the couch and I'm scrolling through TikTok and I find this song that really just spoke to me.

It just made me emotional. And so I think music is like the most important part of a video if you're trying to convey a message. Yeah. I was like, I'm gonna make a video to this song. So I make a video if you're trying to convey a message. Yeah. I was like I want to I'm gonna make a video to this song so I make a video and I show Haley and we both cried together watching it because it was emotional and she was like oh you should post that on TikTok see what happens. I'm like all right so a few days later it's Thanksgiving post it put my phone up have Thanksgiving meal pick it up and

I'm like what is happening like what is happening like I'm getting texts from people that are like screen shy and like, you're on my For You page, like what's going on? And so it just goes massively viral. And then people start following me, which I thought was strange, because I wasn't posting content. So I'm like, a few days go by, and one of Haley's friends is like,

hey, you should, I mean, just post another one. So I posted like a 20 second clip of Weston and Haley laying in bed. I think West, or Haley was like, telling Weston, when you don't hear me or see me or feel me, where am I? And he said, in my heart. And it was just 20 seconds long.

So I posted that and then that one went almost more viral than the first one. Crazy. And so before I knew it like in a couple weeks I had you know and then I posted a few more I had like two three hundred thousand followers which I thought was wild. Not that I really cared about it you know I didn't really care to do that or anything. I just thought that was just insane. And so we sat down with each other

and I said, well, Haley, here's, I guess, our opportunity. We always spoke about how you wanted people to have a different outlook about their life. Yeah. And I've always thought the same thing, that people should look at us and learn that their life is pretty great, that once you lose your health,

you lose almost everything, because you can't do anything. And so, she was like, well, I guess let's share more. Let's just post more videos. So, and we were always a team on it. I never posted anything without her giving me approval. Or have I posted a few things that I regret? Of course, we all have.

But yeah, I never dreamed that I would get to this point. And now I feel like I have this new purpose. My purpose was always to take care of Haley and now I feel my purpose is to educate and inspire others to better themselves and to want more for their families, be a better father, mother, friend, son, daughter, husband, wife, whatever.

Strive to be the best version of yourself is kind of what I like to push people to do. Was that like a message Haley wanted to communicate? Was that something that she wanted people to realize, like don't take what you have for granted, like really appreciate every- I spoke about it in my eulogy. You don't realize how much you take for granted

of just your health-wise until you lose it. So let's say tomorrow you find out that you have ALS, okay, and that you're gonna be bound to a wheelchair in a few months or whatever. You can't tell me that you'd sit there and go, man, I did not do the things I should have done when I had a healthy body. Like, why didn't I go do this or go here

or go for a run here and be grateful about it? Why didn't I use my body to work out or get down on the floor with my kids? Or, you know, now I can't do that. And now I wish I could do that. Like, I took it for granted. It's gone. It's it's it's gone it's it's behind me now and

So luckily I've learned that without having to get sick What a blessing that when your alarm goes off that you can put two feet on the ground and stand up and that you can see with two eyes and here with your ears and Use your hands. I mean and here with your ears and use your hands. I mean, think about how much more difficult your life would be if any of those changed. I tore my meniscus in high school. I wasn't able to walk for a little bit

and it made me really appreciate health, right? But it's funny you saying that right now. I'm like, man, I forgot already. You know, like I've lived enough life since then. I've already forgotten. You get caught up in your routine I've lived enough life since then, I've already forgotten. You get caught up in your routine that you don't, you start the things that, I mean just having running water,

just simple things that you don't realize are really big blessings. When you go to bed at night, count what you are grateful about. It's what keeps you grounded, keeps you in the moment. Even on days where I was holding Haley, she's dying in hospice, we laid there and we would, I'd say, well, give me five things you're grateful about today.

And she'd say, you give me five. So we would, I'm grateful for our home, that we have a home, that we get, I'm grateful for our family and our friends and our son and that we have a love that we get. I'm grateful for our family and our friends and our son and and that we have a love like we do you know and then when you sit there and think about the great the good things while you're experiencing tragedy yeah gives you perspective keeps you grounded makes you realize we still are so blessed and so being able to apply that mentality now, you know, I've had to take care

of her for so long that I've had to adjust to not taking care of somebody which has been wild. You know, but I feel so much more grateful for everything. Like, I just can't, it's just hard to explain and put into words if you've never experienced what I've experienced. So it's, I feel like I was given another chance at life. You know, not that I was sick or anything, but my first chance was basically learning the value and the importance of life when Haley was here.

She taught me all that. Well now I get to apply it to the second half of my life. What were the last days like? The last days, they were tough. So Haley and I spoke about death every day since the day she was diagnosed. When you know you're gonna die earlier than you thought,

you think about it all the time. Yeah. You know, most couples are laying in bed at night talking about, oh, we need to go to the furniture store tomorrow and get a new couch. Well, we're laying in bed and she's telling me, make sure you have peonies at my funeral, those are my favorite flowers. So our conversations were a lot different

than the other couples our age. And so we had talked about death so often and so many times that you kind of process it as you talk about it over and over and over again. And so we got, you know, towards the end, you can kind of see when the end is coming. I don't know if you've ever seen anyone pass away in hospice care from cancer or not,

but they don't look like they used to when they get to the end. And to see somebody that was always so full of life and wanted to live so bad at the end of their life, where life was literally being sucked out of them. It's an image that sticks with you. And to see the love of your life that was always so beautiful. She always was beautiful, but to see her look so physically sick was very sobering, you know, just to make you

realize some things and and so those last few days I mean I can go I don't know how much detail you want but I can tell you how the last three days went I mean she basically she had I woke her up, I think it was, this was Wednesday. Yeah, I woke her up. She was pretty tired still. She had slept from like 9 p.m. to 11 a.m. Never got up to go to the bathroom one time,

which I knew was the first sign. She was skin and bones. And woke her up, I was finally like, I better wake her up, so she, cause she like, she doesn't like to miss anything. So we take her, and I get her in a wheelchair, bring her to the living room, and she's visiting, talking,

but she's just kept, kept like trying to fall asleep. Just didn't, and she didn't have any medicine in her, so it wasn't the medicine, it was just her body is starting to shut down. And I'm seeing these signs, I'm looking at her. So I think it was like noon or one, and I was like, why don't you, you need to go to the bathroom?

I was like, let's go try to go to the bathroom. So go into the restroom restroom I get her onto the toilet and she can't go which is telling me not only can she not go she literally can't there's just nothing she's just her body's she hasn't eaten anything in days she's not drinking water anymore. It's just, it's shutting down. And so, I get her off, she spends like 20, 30 minutes trying to go to the bathroom, can't. I get her back in the wheelchair,

and I think the energy that she used to try to stand up as I helped walk her to the wheelchair was enough energy to kind of like, send her like over the edge a little bit and she kind of had this episode and she was like looking up at something and her head was shaking and I was like, Haley, Haley, you okay?

She wasn't talking, it was frightening. I didn't know what to do so I grabbed my phone to get a video of what she was doing so I could send it to the hospice nurse because I didn't know what to do or what was happening. So I sent it to her and I think her words were, she's close, I'm on my way. And so I wheeled Haley back into the living room and as we, right when we got to the living room she just went limp. And I was like, oh no, so I picked her up like a baby, you know, in my arms.

And I'm screaming out, like, don't go like this, don't go. Please, I'm screaming at God, don't take her like this, I can't do this. And she's just limp in my arms. And then my son Weston is coloring in the other room. Well, he hears his father screaming. Well, he comes running in and sees this whole scene unfolding.

And I'm telling him, go back to your room. I didn't want him to see anything like that. And so I pick her up and I get her in the chair. I'm trying to figure out if she just like literally died in my arms or like, and when I went to like check her pulse, she just goes, she like comes to like totally alert, looks at me and she's like, what are you doing?

And I'm like, you know, like I'm super confused at that point. She was like, I'm thirsty. Can I get some water? And I'm like, yeah. I'm like, she was like, I was like, do you know what just happened? She was like, no.

I've just been in the chair. I'm like, you know, we went to the bathroom, right? She's like, no, I've been in my chair all morning. I has no memory of going into the bathroom. And so then I really knew. And so I called her parents and called some friends that were refusing to say goodbye until they literally had to. And so I called them, called our pastor.

And my mom took Weston. He was doing a science camp this day, so she took him to science camp. Pastor came, we all prayed over Haley, and she had always said, "'When I go, I want to be in my chair, "'surrounded by all the people I love. "'That's how I want to go.'"

And so she's in her chair, she's surrounded by mostly all the people I love. That's how I want to go. And so she's in her chair, she's surrounded by mostly all the people she loves, the others haven't gotten there yet. And she wakes up, and like right when the prayer ended, she kind of comes to, and she's looking at everybody looking at her. She's just surrounded by everybody.

And she looks at him and she's like, this is it, isn't it? This is the end. And then she started getting scared, you know. Oh, I don't know, I don't know. And she started panicking and then we like, the hospice nurse is like, oh, we need to give her some anxiety medicine, she's gonna have a panic attack. And need to give her some anxiety medicine. She's gonna have a panic attack.

And so, give her some anxiety medicine, it calms her down. And then, a few hours later, I realized I needed to go get Weston so I could explain to my son for the last time that mommy is going to heaven, this is it. So I go get Weston and we come home and I bring him in and everyone leaves to give us some privacy and I just looked at Weston and I was like,

you know how I told you that mommy was gonna go to heaven? And he said, yeah, I know, Dad. I said, well, Jesus is coming and I just want you to know that your mother fought really hard. And I wanted him to understand. We were both holding Haley's hand and Haley was in a sleep state. And I was like, I want you to know

that it's nothing that you did wrong. Because kids will blame themselves. I said, look at me. I was real serious, look at me, son. Yeah. And I said, you are an incredible son. And the reason that your mother is here right now is because of you. And that she's fought this long is because of you.

And there is nothing that you did wrong. You have been a perfect child for us. And it's just going to be me and you soon. And I'm going to need you. And you're going to need me. And he was just nodding his head and He you know was grabbing his mom's hand and and she just kind of like came to out of nowhere and looked at Weston and

Weston said I love you mommy and she said I love you too Weston and that was the last thing she ever said and she slipped into a coma state for the next two days and just everyone just people poured over the house like one after another. I just don't think y'all know how many friends we have in our hometown and how many people loved her, especially after the story really blew up. But people coming one after another saying goodbye, laying on her legs, crying,

like people I never thought I'd see cry. One story that impacts me is, Haley's family has had this sweet woman that has cleaned their house since Haley was born and she's basically like a part of the family and she's seen Haley grow up and she doesn't speak very much English but she is the sweetest, kindest woman. We love her like family and she during the hospice during she was cleaning our house weekly

because we were having so many visitors and there was so much going on that the house was just a wreck all the time and and so she was coming all the time to help and she couldn't communicate well because she doesn't speak a lot of English, but I was talking to Haley's mom and I said, should we call Elvira? And she was like, we should, I think we should, you know. I said, she's been a part of Haley's life, like since birth we got to call her and she shows up with her sister who speaks English. And to this day, she came in and she collapsed on Haley and just, oh my gosh, it was awful. I just, to see someone that had been a part

of somebody's life, not extremely intimately, but like there for 30 years. And couldn't even communicate with this person very well other than head nods, but to see the love that she had for Haley in that moment was very powerful to me, it impacted me. And it just speaks to the power of love without even you can love someone without even communicating with them.

You know, like it just really impacted me and but anyways, I just that one sticks out to me. But I think Friday morning. Or Friday night. she was in her chair and her breathing was starting to change and I laid out some chairs from the dining room table so I could lay down next to her in the chair. So her favorite season is Christmas,

so she loves Home Alone, and it was July, so we put on Home Alone and I laid on these chairs, there's a picture on my page, and I just cuddled her for the last time, and laid with her, and we watched Home Alone, and then finally I went to bed, and her sister was really helpful in giving her the meds every few hours, and that was just something I really struggled with. I did everything a caregiver does, but I just struggled with giving her

the the morphine every few hours and Her sister stepped up and did that And so I remember she woke me up at six o'clock and said we need you to come now her breathing's changed so I go run next to her chair and I'm holding her hand and we're just silently, I'm sitting there, it's her sister, me and Haley's cousin. And she takes three big breaths and then just lets out a big sigh.

And that was it. Her cousin said, time of death, 6.08. You know, and I'm sobbing, crying, you know. And I had read the book, or I've been reading the book, Imagine Heaven, I'd started reading it before then. And in the book, they talk about when you pass away, your spirit goes up and it kind of lingers in the top of the room.

So when she passed I knew that she was up there so you know I looked up and I blew her kiss and you know and then he had said time of death 608 and then I realized you know when I did the Iron Man for ovarian cancer I got the Iron Man tattoo but underneath I got my favorite Bible verse, Isaiah 6-8. She died at 608 and it says, you know, for I hear the voice of the Lord saying, who shall I send? Who will go before us? And I said, here am I, send me. And that's the way I like to live my life and in a way I feel like she's the first to go of

our friends and our generation, that she was like, here am I, send me, I'm coming. And I don't know, it's just something that I hold onto. So, and I've told this on the Get Back podcast that I went on, but when the hospice nurse came and asked you know I need you to do one more thing for your wife and I was like what is that and she said I need you to carry her from the chair to the bedroom because we want to get her you know make her look presentable so everybody can

come in and and spend some time with her. And we just need some privacy to do that because it was in the living room. So she said, I can get someone, I'll call someone to come move her if you want. You know, and I was like, no, it's my job. That's what I'm put on this earth to do is to do this and let me do it. And put on this earth to do is to do this and let me do it. And so everybody stepped out, went to the backyard, and I have two big bay windows by the chair so you can see right into the living room. And I went to pick her up and,

like I've said before, you expect it to be an organic feeling of picking somebody up, but You know she had been passed away for over an hour. She's very cold and stiff at that point, which it just Was not natural and it sticks with me and I picked her up and and it sticks with me. And I picked her up and I'm walking to the bedroom and I glance out the back window

and I see all my friends and family, you know, friends I've grown up with, they're all standing there silently, not talking to each other, watching me carry my deceased 30 year old wife. And you know, they talk about how impactful that was for them to see that. And I carry her into the bedroom

and I set her down on the bed. You know, and I speak about this all the time. You know, I'm a religious person, I just am. And you know, just as Christ on the cross said, it is finished. You know, he carried out his mission, right? It is finished. And I literally laid her down and I looked up and I said, it is finished. And I had eight years of all the memories of taking care of her, the

sleepless nights, the hard talks, the fears, the appointments, the medical bills, the scans, the, I mean, just, I can't tell you how much of it crossed through my mind in a matter of a second. And I just like, I just, it is finished. And I felt it in my knees and I said, I finished the race, like, I did it. Like, I can hold my head up and know that I was committed to the end and that I never left.

And that she was my priority. And that carrying her was my last 1% to give to her. You know, I had expended everything at that point. So it was a very sentimental moment for me and very impactful that I felt that I had finished the race and I was proud of what she went through and how she carried herself and the impact that she made on so many people and I'm just I say all the time, I'm just damn proud of her and she's my hero and I'm just honored

That I got to be the one to have a front row seat, you know so I have no words. I mean I I mean the thing you said earlier about like telling your son like here you are caring for your wife in A situation nobody should have to go through and here you are thinking out for your your son and letting him like To think through the fact that you know what there might be a chance that he doesn't understand what's going on right now So I'm gonna I'm gonna let him know that no matter what happens

It's not his fault and that it's gonna be okay, and that I love him. Just have the thought to do that. It's my job as a husband and father that you have to put yourself last. Like you gotta think of your family first, and that's just the job of the role of husband and father. I just know what an impact my own father made on me and the talks and the way he spoke to me.

And that it's my duty to pass that on to my own son. And that you can impact your son or your child tremendously by speaking life into him. Saying the hard things. I never sugarcoat anything with my five year old son. tremendously by speaking life into him. Saying the hard things. I never sugarcoat anything with my five year old son. Like I tell him how life is and how it's gonna be. And I tell him how unfair life is. And it's become such a thing in our house

that we were driving down the road the other day and there was a car broke down on the side of the road and we drive by and he goes, man dad, life's unfair. And I said, yeah, it is unfair. So it just, I'm seeing that what I teach him is actually starting to set in. But I never ever waste a day to tell him I'm proud of him.

I tell him every day that I love him and him I'm proud of him. I tell him every day that I love him and that I'm proud of him. And that I think he's an incredible kid and I just, I want him to know that. I think some sons go through life and they don't hear that from their fathers. And I think that impacts their growth. And I just want Weston to always know that

I'm damn proud of him. And that I know what he's had to go through is not easy. But I always tell him that it's gonna make him a stronger person. I tell him that. I said, you're gonna be stronger than most kids. You'll see. What was that transition,

you kinda touched on it a little bit earlier from going from caregiver then to just, your attention's probably more focused on Weston at that point. Yeah, it was, especially towards the end of taking care of Haley, it was, it was a lot because she had gotten so bad that she needed help with everything.

And people don't know this, but she was throwing up eight, 10, 15 times a day because of the blockage from some of the tumor growth. So imagine, I mean throwing up is terrible, right? Like everybody hates throwing up. Like imagine doing it 10 times a day for seven months straight. I mean just imagine.

So she would carry around these blue bags that she would throw up and you find them at hospitals. So I have literally PTSD when I see these bags. I hate to look at them, because I saw so much. But she just needed so much care, and she had another issue that I haven't publicly talked about, and I never will, but it's something private for us

that added to the care and made it more difficult. And so it was a lot of care, a lot of medical equipment and stuff, and I was not, she needed help in the night, I was not sleeping a lot, and I was trying to not only take care of her, but be a dad at the same time, so I was exhausted.

And then when she passed, I was under the mental toll of watching her pass away. And the stress of that and the shock of like, oh, I was afraid of having an empty bed for eight years. Well, now it's happened. I have a cold side of the bed now for real. Like this really did happen to me. And so I was under a lot of immense stress.

I was planning the funeral at the same time. So I was planning that, I was very stressed out. I didn't eat for six days. Yeah, that was the longest I'd ever gone without eating. I was just so, I just couldn't eat. I was so devastated and distraught. And so, I just couldn't eat, I was so devastated and distraught.

And so, you know, I was dealing with that and getting my house back in order. It's just crazy after someone passes away in hospice, the people literally come get all the medical equipment within an hour. It's just, it's like onto the next one kind of thing. It's just kind of sad, you know? Like, and so next thing I know my house is like,

all the medical stuff's gone. I'm just like, wow, like she's gone. Like, she's gone. Like, she's not in my house anymore. She's never coming back. Like, that is devastating. And so, I kind of of the first month or two, transitioning to being a single dad,

I was struggling because I didn't know what to do with myself. Like I, you know, being able to just focus on Weston. You know, I don't want this to sound bad, but my plate got less full. Because I was taking care of two people, now I'm taking care of one. But I was dealing with the stress of the loss of her.

So, you know, just adjusting to figuring out how to transition from taking care of somebody dying to taking care of somebody who's living. Wow. So that was. I've never thought about that before. I've always been a very motivated person. I've always really tried to better... I don't want to be a victim. Like, I don't want you to feel sorry for me because Hailey died. Like, That's not what I'm looking for. I want you to value your life. I want you to value where your feet are. Be present where your feet are. When you're with your family, be with your family.

I'm trying to teach lessons here. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I'm not a victim. There's way worse things that have happened to people than what I went through. I can tell you that. I just am very passionate about moving forward and being positive and using what's happened in your past to better you for the future. There's a clip from the show Vikings where Ragnar, he's sailing off with his two kids

and they're leaving their homeland and the two kids are looking back at the land that they grew up on and all they know. And Ragnar says, boys, don't look back. Don't waste your time looking back. We're not going that direction. We're going forward. And that's just an impactful scene

because there's no reason, we look back at things to change us for the future. That's the only reason to look back. We're moving forward now. It's time to take what's changed us and better us for the future. And I'm just blessed that Haley was able to affect me in so many ways.

You showed me a video earlier and it blew me away. Your physical transformation from losing, I think you said 40 pounds. I'm like, I'm so inspired by you, man. Because like, yeah, to make it to the other side and then to then decide, you know what, I'm gonna eat right and go to the gym and do all these things.

Like, I can't imagine the amount of stress your body must have been under taking care of your wife going through cancer and then also taking care of your son. And then now you're like, it looks like you're doing well. It's been a year and from the outside looking in, it looks like you've got your feet under you. You luckily have great community, great family. You've got an amazing son. It looks like things are on the up and up for you. And I'm like, I'm so, so happy for you.

Well, I appreciate that. And you know, I am passionate about health because October 1st, 2022, this was a month before we found out about Haley's running out of options. I can sit here and tell you that if you talk to that guy, you would not recognize him to this guy, not just because of the weight loss, but the mentality. Well, you showed me, even physically, just looking at the pictures, I was like, you looked like a different person.

I was a different person physically and mentally. I was a, I'm telling you, I was so depressed. I was, I hated myself. I was victim mentality, poor me. I was getting caught up in my circumstances, like I was saying earlier. I was letting the circumstances define who I was instead of revealed to me who I was so I could change.

I just had terrible health issues and I was just in a very bad place. My friends were noticing I wasn't as enjoyable to be around my family the same. I was just in a bad place. I was unhappy with how things were going in my life and I was worn down by the caregiving and I saw this TikTok and it said,

you know, no one's coming to save you. You gotta save yourself. And it just like sparked me back in. Yeah. Like, literally snap your finger, sparked me back in. And I go in the bathroom, looking in the mirror, and I was talking to myself, I said, no one's coming, you gotta save yourself.

And, you know, we're the artists of our own life. Yeah. And, I think we have, you know, we're the artists of our own life. And I think we have, I started, I had such a negative attitude and I realized that I needed to start looking at what the world was doing for me instead of opposed to me. And everything is off our decisions. You know, the decisions that we make, you know, I had unfortunate circumstances, but that's just an excuse.

Like, I could still make the right decision for myself. Yeah. And I was just in a bad place where I wasn't doing that, and I finally made like, switch of like it's time to go and I refuse and I like to preface this because people get so upset I don't care if you take antidepressants or anti-anxiety if that's what you need I'm all for it yeah but I don't want to take them. I watched somebody that was dependent upon medicine. Okay.

And I just don't want to take them. And if you feel like you need to take them, that's great. I don't have any issues with that. My own personal preference, I don't want to. So I knew I was depressed and I wanted to figure out how I could, maybe I could change my mentality. So I said, you know what, I'm gonna take better care of myself, see what happens.

So I'm gonna meal prep. I decided that day, so I start going to the grocery store. I know nothing about meal prepping or how to do this, and I just start figuring it out. But I refused to quit. I wanted to go a year. And normally I set like a month goal, and then I fall off, you know? Yeah. I was like, we're go a year. Normally I set like a month goal and then I fall off.

I was like, we're doing a year. Well then a month later, Haley, we get the devastating news that we're at the end. And that's something that would've derailed me in the past. Well I was like, I'm not letting it derail me, we're doing this. So I keep going, I keep going. And it really was the only thing that during this hospice journey that gave me the sense of accomplishment that I was doing something for me.

And what I learned is, through this process, you're no good to anybody if you do not put value in yourself first. Okay, that's not selfish. People think that's, it's not. It's just like when you're on the airplane, put on your own mask before you put on your friend. How can you put on your friend if you're passed out? So that's why I get up real early. When Hailey was still here, I would get up at like 4.35, go to the gym, come home and then wake everybody up,

make breakfast for everybody But I was able to start my day with an hour Focused on what I needed to do for me and then I spent the rest of the day taking care of Haley and Weston Don't you think that people that have this view of self-care as oh that's selfish I feel like from their viewpoint They might see like they might have somebody in their life that actually is selfish, and then they talk about self care,

and they're like, ah, see, like, I know this person, and they're always all about self, self, self. Like, I think it truly comes down to balance, right? Like, if someone is too selfless, then that's really bad. Like, being selfless is good. It's good for everybody, right? Like when we're taking care of each other and being there for one another.

But like if that ever gets out of whack and you're being too selfless and not taking care of yourself, then you start to drown. And I feel like that must have been, my guess, my hypothesis is you probably were so selfless for your wife and your kid that you've let yourself go to a negative place.

That's what was happening was I was so focused on them and also my poor me attitude of my circumstances compounding on each other that I just got in a bad place. Well then I wasn't enjoyable to be around but during this process of like valuing my own health, I'm telling you, within weeks, Haley was like, I don't even recognize, mentally she was like, you're just a different person.

It's like you just flipped a switch. And I said, I believe in myself again. I'm finding my purpose again. Even my friends were like, man, we haven't heard you talk like this in years. You're just like, I'm telling you, it sparked me back in. That's awesome. It just, so I went to that health journey.

So during the whole hospice journey, I was losing weight and getting more in shape and trying to value my own health because I was learning that I was disrespecting Haley, because I wasn't valuing my own health. Here's someone that has cancer that wasn't given a choice. I have a choice, and I'm gonna sit here, eat gallons of ice cream, and not be physically active,

and not do the right things. I'm basically spitting in Haley's face by doing that. Like that's not, I need to show her that I'm grateful for the body that I was given, that I don't have any health ailments that I gotta worry about. That I'm gonna put value into being able to be active and do new things and you know,

and she just loved that I had just found this sense of like gratefulness for health and she just thought that was amazing. And it just really changed my whole outlook and for someone that went through what I went through, when I was speaking about the medicine, if anyone should be on antidepressants or any anxiety, it's probably me.

Okay, I'm just for what I. Why not, why not though? Well I guess. Well that's why I want people to experience from when you put value into your own health and you're putting the right foods in your body, you really, you get this feeling of like you're doing the right things.

It's a really positive mindset. You're feeding your body right, you're doing the right things. It's a really positive mindset. You're feeding your body right, you're doing the right things, and it just, it's allowed me to stay off of them. Yeah. And I have such a free mindset, and it just, I want people to know there is an alternative. If you don't wanna take the medicine,

Yeah. you can find another way. And I just wanted to offer another route that people could try and I just, it's helped me so much that I just want other people to experience the salvation I've gotten from it. So I'm passionate about it and I just am so grateful that I, it's a get to attitude.

Yeah. Not I have to. Like I get to go for a walk. You know, I get to go to the gym. And you know, I remember when my alarm went off one morning to get up, go to work or go work out and Haley was laying next to me in hospice care and I'm laying there going, I want some more sleep, I don't feel like going,

blah, blah, blah, excuses, excuses. And I hit the snooze, I roll over and I'm looking at Haley, she's asleep. And I go, what am I doing? She would give anything to get up and go to the gym. She's literally told me that. Yeah. And I'm sitting here complaining that I gotta go.

Like what is wrong with me? I was like so her blessing is my burden? I was like man, man up. You know, like that's ridiculous. I love your perspective. I love that. And so I literally just like had this light bulb moment of like, let's do it. And so I've just, I always think about that

when I don't want to go and it just always changes my mindset. I love the line of no one's coming to save you, save yourself. I was actually, dude, I did a run last month. I like, I hate running. I ran just a quarter of a marathon just to see if I could do it.

And just to motivate me, because I hated every second of it. I ran when it was 95 degrees outside and it was sunny. So that was really stupid. But I was listening to inspirational stuff and that exact quote came up and it lit a fire underneath me. Because I just realized,

it was just like that realization of wait a second. No one's coming. Exactly. Everyone's worried about themselves. Yep. Everyone's so worried about what they're doing that no one's like, oh let me go over there and make sure and save Taylor.

He needs to be saved right now. No one's doing that. Yeah. And as soon as you realize like, oh, I have the power to save myself, I need to stop waiting around. It just changes everything. As someone that's gone through what you have in your life,

I'm curious about people that come alongside you and your grief and stuff and how you would recommend someone approach those conversations with you because I'm sure some people like well-intentioned people accidentally say things that do the opposite of what they're wanting to do and some things are good to hear. That's an awesome question actually. I like answering that one. Okay, so first off, if you think by not mentioning what someone went through is better, you're wrong.

If you think, oh, I'm just gonna remind them, it's on their mind already, I can tell you that. Like, they think about it all the time. So by not saying anything, you're actually making it worse. Because you're not showing them that you're real. Yeah. And that you're not strong enough, or man enough, or the man up enough to be like, hey,

and talk about what's hard in their life. What I find, I've been doing this for eight, nine years, where people don't know what to say. You know, you get the normal quotes. Everything happens for a reason. I'm praying for you. That one kind of makes, even though I'm a believer, that I'm praying for you just kind of makes me mad.

Because I'm like, are you though? Oh, because you feel like they're literally just saying it. I'm actually not doing it. Are you just saying it? And so, which I'm, you can'm like, are you though? Oh, because you feel like they're literally just saying it and actually not doing it. Yeah, are you though? Are you just saying it? Mm-hmm. And so, which I'm, you can, like, I'm all for it. Pray for me, that's great. Like, but it's just like the standard line.

And so, some of my buddies really figured out what I like to hear when I'm upset or like when I'm going through something, is you need to get down on their level and agree with their pain. So if I give you any advice, it would be, say I call it, hey, Haley's in the hospital again, then he would go, man, that's terrible. Like no one should have to deal with that.

It's unfair, it's not right. I'm sorry, man, it's not right. And so what he's doing is he's agreeing with my pain. He's not trying to fix my pain. He's not saying, hey, you should go to the church and pray or give it to God. Like he's not trying to give me a solution. And so, you know, just getting down on my level

just means a lot to me. So I've encountered some people that have gone through some hardships and I've texted them literally getting down on their level of agreeing with their pain and I've literally had them say, this is the best text I've gotten. Because you just want someone to agree

with what you're going through at that time. You don't want someone to say the normal line, let me know if you need anything. Oh yeah. It's like you want me to think of something to tell you. Oh, go get my groceries. Like honestly, how would they react if you said, here's my grocery list, go get it. Get this $250 grocery bill for me and my family,

cool if you cover it. I don't know, just, I think being able to agree with someone's pain, that's the biggest thing I can tell you, and it will mean a lot to them to not try to solve their problem, but to agree with their problem. That's convicting. I feel like those people, I don't, obviously I don't think they mean any ill intent, but

you can, you can, but like, I'm so glad you're saying that right now, right now. Cause yeah, people come in with like, with good intentions and actually can make something worse sometimes. Right? So rather than just doing the, hey, let me know if you need anything or. They don't mean anything to be mean or anything. I'm not saying that by them saying I'm praying for you

that I'm mad at them or anything. Obviously, just getting a text from them means a lot. So I'm not saying that that's, I'm just saying if you wanna make an impact, get down on their level, agree with their pain. Yeah. If someone sent me their grocery list, I would be so happy to get their grocery list.

Because for me, I'm like, act of service, I can do this. Like, I don't know. And also it's like nice to know, like someone trusted you with something like that. Like to, you know, take a task. But, that's what's really that is really cool well Taylor holy cow this has been I'm looking at Abby's tissue pile on the floor over here. I'm so sorry I I knew I was gonna do this. How many tissues we got over there? I don't I. Abby actually she actually almost

walked out right before we started recording you were in the bathroom. I was like just do it. She was like can I leave? I want to hear it but it's yeah. Yeah. It's good. I know that every. I have a few questions for y'all. Am I allowed? Oh yeah.

Oh my gosh now we're being interviewed. Go for it. Anything. Yeah of course man. I'm you know I started following y'all. I was telling her we were watching your videos like laying in bed like me and Haley in hospice care. Our assistant told us that before,

I actually write when we found out you're gonna be on the podcast and that like shook me to my core. So think about all these stories I just told you. Now picture her and her frail body and me laying with her and we're just watching y'all's videos laughing and stuff. That's wild.

You see the impact you can have on the world by just being vulnerable or opening up. Yeah. And, you know, it's just, it's cool. So I guess my question is, I don't know when y'all, I think you started following me back. I don't know when, but I am curious, because I know I'm sure you saw us

on the For You page at some point. I'm pretty sure the first video I saw was the one you were talking about earlier with, about Haley talking to Weston. Oh, you remembered, yeah. Yeah, that is. Yeah, that's a tough one.

That one, I still have trouble watching that one. I just can't, I can't even imagine as a mom having to envision your son growing up and you know you're not going to be a part of that. And I just, the fact that she did that, it just shows, like you said, she was truly made to be a mom. That selflessness and that leaving her mark on him and I'm she's incredible and make me cry I've you truly honored her and how you spoke about her and how you like your dedication to serve her through all that journey and cancer and death that that has to if there is not a more

Perfect picture of love. I don't know what is and so Okay, but thank you for sharing your story and for sharing Haley's story. And I just know that there are so many people that are gonna be better people because of it. And that just shows that you've accomplished your goal. Right? Cause that's what you said.

That's what I wanted. Yeah. That's what we wanted.