The Viall Files - E509 Going Deeper with Katie Maloney - Divorce, Wearing The Pants, & Finding New Love

Episode Date: December 1, 2022

Welcome back to another episode of The Viall Files, Going Deeper Edition! Today we are joined by Vanderpump Rules star and artist, Katie Maloney, as we dig deep into the latest in her world, as well a...s the hottest pop culture topics. We start things off by getting into Katie’s divorce, navigating the holidays while single, feeling like you have to wear both the pants and dress in a relationship, wanting more alpha energy from a partner, and how the most exciting partner isn’t always the best one. We then bring up the Raquel of it all, which castmates act the most different off-camera, how being sarcastic on reality TV can be a bad idea, and the worst argument taken out of context. We also debate Black Friday versus Cyber Monday, why Costco is awesome, if Katie would get married again, and the best ways to heal from a divorce. We then dive into some pop culture topics. We get into talking about your partner’s manhood on the internet, the latest updates from Pete Davidson and Emrata, PR relationships, grand gestures not serving as commitment, and Kendall Jenner and Devin Booker breaking up. We then welcome our Texting Office Hour caller, who doesn’t want her best friend to bring her boyfriend when she comes to visit our caller later this year. With the boyfriend making a mess last time, our caller wonders how to set boundaries and put her foot down, without making anyone too upset.  “Someone was missing and it was hard to ignore.” If you are interested in running a book club in your city, send an email to: DTYEHBBookClub@gmail.com  Please make sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode and as always send in your relationship questions to asknick@kastmedia.com to be a part of our Monday episodes.  If you would like to get some advice on Office Hours send an email to asknick@kastmedia.com with “Office Hours” in the subject line!  Be sure to check out my sports radio show Fandemonium, Wednesdays @ 3PT / 6 ET  on Amazon's Amp app.  Click the link to download Amp using my code NICKVIALL https://apps.apple.com/us/app/amp-host-live-radio-shows/id1586403838 To Order Nick’s Book Go To: http://www.viallfiles.com Support a Local Bookstore: https://bookshop.org/books/don-t-text-your-ex-happy-birthday-and-other-advice-on-love-sex-and-dating-9798212185622/9781419755491 THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS: Manscaped: Save 20% off and free shipping by going to http://www.manscaped.com/viall. Manscaped, for a perfect gift that will be the holiday’s biggest hit.  Total Wireless: Total by Verizon is available at http://www.TotalByVerizon.com and at retailers nationwide. Quip: Trust me, you’ve got to try it. Go to http://www.GetQuip.com/VIALL, RIGHT NOW, for your first refill FREE. Plus, shop quip’s lowest prices of the year this holiday season! Episode Socials:  @viallfiles @nickviall @musickillskate See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, we've got a secret. This podcast is supported by Apples Never Fall, a chilling new mystery series from the author of Big Little Lies, starring Annette Bening, Sam Neill, Jake Lacey, and Alison Brie. It's sure to get people talking. What dark secrets lurk in this family? Tune in on March 21st to find out. Apples Never Fall, exclusively on W Network and Stack TV.
Starting point is 00:00:26 You can listen to The Vile Files ad-free on Amazon Music. What's going on, everybody? Welcome back to another episode of The Vile Files. I'm your host, Nick, joined by Allie and Amanda. Hope you're all having a great day today. What's going on? We were so ready for you to be like, ladies, how are you doing?
Starting point is 00:01:00 And we both grabbed our mics and then we kept going. We were like, okay. Something new. I had a hey yo coming out of my mouth. I had to bring that back. Hey. Did you all? Hey yo.
Starting point is 00:01:12 I know we didn't get into this last episode on the Victoria and Greg episode. If you haven't listened to, obviously go back. Bombshell. This bombshell. But how was your Thanksgiving? Amanda? Mine was good. I went to, to i joined nick and his he has some family who live in malibu so i they're really lovely i've met most of them before like the aunt and uncle and cousins and i got to meet his grandma for the first time and she was like oh she was great i i love a grandma who doesn't
Starting point is 00:01:42 honestly but she was like really. I can do without them. I'm just kidding. Nothing could get you canceled faster than being anti-grandma. Like that is like the worst. But she would just say stuff like, she was like, well, we can make a ham and bean soup with the leftover. Like she was just. God bless her. Grandma's love a leftover.
Starting point is 00:02:01 Oh my God, they do. They love a leftover. It was a lovely low-key Thanksgiving. How was yours? I went to Denver. My sister had to work. And so my family said, never fear, we'll come to you. And we always do our holidays with our best, best family friends that we grew up with.
Starting point is 00:02:18 So they're basically family. And they said, what? We're going to Denver. We purchased a VRBO right next to your VRBO so we all just showed up and my sister it like meant a lot to my sister which was cute yeah she was on call until like five or six p.m. I think it was on Thanksgiving we all chanted as soon as she got the notification that she was off the clock we all chanted shot shot shot and made a good shot which was really funny if you know my sister because that's not her at all but fun was had well that's good nick how was your thanksgiving it was fun lovely we
Starting point is 00:02:51 went to i already we already mentioned we were in alabama and then we went to savannah georgia uh where natalie's dad's side of the family it's a it's a big thanksgiving is a big, big deal. So that was nice. I observed a couple situations that I, well, one was this like, I saw a Karen mom situation before my eyes. Oh, yes. Tell me about it. A close encounter. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:20 We were, so Natalie and I have recently, do you say pre-check? I knew you were, so Natalie and I have recently TSA pre-check. I knew you were, I was like, he's either going to say we're flying first class or. No, we were TSA. And which by the way, like, no, I'm not even a six. I don't want, it's, it's, I think if people are figuring out it's relative, it's like not that hard to get. I don't think it's. I, I've been, I'm being ghosted by TSA pre-Check. I submitted an application months ago. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:47 We recently, a couple months ago, TSA PreCheck. It's a delight. It really makes the traveling experience. Do you have Clear as well? Don't have Clear yet. The combo is, is that global entry? No, no, no, no. Different.
Starting point is 00:03:59 I don't know. Anyways, so we just only have TSA PreCheck. I'm also reading this book called Sapiens. Really interesting. Anyways, so we just only have TSA PreCheck. I'm also reading this book called Sapiens. Really interesting. But one thing, I only brought that up because there's this part in the book anywhere where they talk about how luxuries quickly become necessities in our lives. And we often don't appreciate them.
Starting point is 00:04:18 And then those luxuries, you know. Anyway, so TSA PreCheck luxury, right? Nice to have. And things about TSA PreCheck is you don't have to take your shoes off. you don't have to take your laptop out, and it's just a metal detector. It's not one of those things where you have to get scanned, right? But every once in a while, like, I don't know, they have different rules at different places. it was this lady and her like teenage son and their teenage son it would seem like the sweetest boys like his voice was like it was just a sweet boy it was just a sweet boy and i noticed because like they asked this woman to take her shoes off which i understand like hey you get tsa pre-check you're just like i don't have to do this and for whatever reason they asked this lady to take her shoes off like i think natalie got like flagged and it was like oh we randomly you have to do the
Starting point is 00:05:03 she got she had to get scanned because like every once in a while. And this lady just started like taking out her frustrations out on her son, just started yelling at him right in front of us. And he was like, no, like, she's like, why are you being such a jerk? Like, I was like, oh, I hated this woman, like hated her. And I know nothing about them but like
Starting point is 00:05:26 and I thought to myself who knows maybe maybe this kid is this little fucker I don't know maybe this mom is at her wits end with her kid but the kid was literally like pleading with her mom like please don't yell at me like I was just trying to help cause and literally
Starting point is 00:05:42 what was happening and he was like he was being the adult. He was like, no, it's okay, Mom. Just take off your shoes and it'll be fine. And she was getting all frustrated. And then she got defensive as if he was calling her out. When her kid was just whispering to her mom. And she was yelling at him, like, stop it.
Starting point is 00:05:59 You're just being a jerk. He's like, I'm not. I'm sorry. And there's a couple more instances where she just kept yelling at him. And he was just, while his mom was yelling at him, he's trying to calm her mom down while simultaneously apologizing to him. And I just loathed this woman. And so as I went through the metal detector and I put on my shoes, I just walked up to him. I pat him on the shoulder and I said, I think you're pretty great.
Starting point is 00:06:24 And I looked right at his mom and just walked away i like i wanted to do more you know but like i just like it's not really my place but like i just like stop fucking taking it you know she it made me feel like maybe she just had a bad beat with her her father you know maybe i don't know family for family maybe maybe her son's father i don't know but it was like she she seemed like she was taking out her frustrations out on her son about like you know like yeah it just like don't do that to your fucking kids like be fucking nice you know like you're i'm sorry if your husband or your partner or who other people in your life are shitty to you don't fucking take it out on other people let alone your fucking kids
Starting point is 00:07:11 anyway impressionable young kid that's very sweet this guy was like this boy was so fucking sweet i don't know how did he respond he went on to become i know i think i just i think he just kind of shocked him and i actually just kind of walked away because i wasn't trying to start something and i wasn't trying to put her like but i just couldn't help myself i just pat him on the shoulder and i said i just think you're pretty great because he just wouldn't stop fucking yelling at him i don't know anyways that's really i think that's so sweet uh like i think that's such a good response because it's like not trying to like because obviously if you start a fight then like he suffers more because i don't want to yell i don't want to yell at her but don't talk to your son that way i just wanted to like i just felt like
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Starting point is 00:11:37 of 125 metros. Experiences vary, not an endorsement. Then another story. Natalie has a friend. She was back home, got to see a lot of friends. And she used to bartend way back in the day. And so we were running into some bars. She knew some people working there.
Starting point is 00:11:55 And then her friend just had a baby not too long ago. And, you know, her friend, sweet person, but it's the type of friend who just, I don't know if she just makes good decisions for herself, but she doesn't stand up for herself a lot. I don't know. But, like, sweet, sweet gal. And I know I've met her friend, but she just had a baby. And, like, I'm meeting a lot of people who are coming up.
Starting point is 00:12:16 It's like, oh, hey, this is my boyfriend, Nick, or whatever. And then this guy comes up, and Natalie's talking to him. And Natalie was telling me, oh this is so and so like you know this is father and I'm like oh like really nice to meet you it seemed like they were having a nice conversation and I was like all right great and and I wasn't really paying attention to their conversation I was like some game was on I was watching that so after he left Natalie told me how the mom she's homesick with the baby. And like a baby's like three, like less than six months old. Oh, like infant. Infant. And she's sick and he's out at the bars
Starting point is 00:12:55 with his buddies. It's like 10 o'clock. And I was like, what, really? And she's like, yeah. And there wasn't, it wasn't like some event, some party, like there, it wasn't, nothing's going on. He's just like standing there and like just chilling with his buddies. And I guess like Natalie made a comment, like you should, you should probably go home. And then she was texting her friend and she found out, she's like, yeah, like I begged him not to go, but he went out anyways and blah blah blah then natalie got really pissed off and so then we decided to leave and i said she's like what
Starting point is 00:13:30 should i say to him i go just walk up to him and say be a better father go home and so she walked up to him and he was around all his buddies and And she, like, very kind of mama lying energy. Yeah, don't fuck with Natalie. Yeah. Put his hand on her shoulder and said, be a better father. Go home. And you could tell he got, like, all just embarrassed and, like, thanks. And, like, you could tell, like, he got called out and whatever.
Starting point is 00:13:59 But I was just like, if you're dating someone, I mean, forget about having a kid. But wouldn't you say, like, if you're dating someone, I mean, forget about having a kid, but wouldn't you say if you're dating someone and you're sick, if they don't at least offer to stay home and help take care of you? I get if you don't want to get sick or whatever, but you know what I'm saying? It's 10 times worse when there's a baby involved, though, because it's one thing to be sick yourself. It's always emotional and hard.
Starting point is 00:14:28 But then to have to take care of an infant on top of that, we can't even take the baby out of the equation because it makes it that much worse. But don't you think you should at least like offer if your partner's sick to like, what can you do for them? You better have a really, something that is incredibly important. Like if you have some event that is unmissable, if you have some commitment, some work thing, like it better be something that is incredibly important like if you have some event that is unmissable if you have some commitment some work thing like it better be something that is
Starting point is 00:14:48 so essential in my book if you're not going to stay home and take care of them because i think that's one of the most like amazing times to show up for your partner is when they're not feeling well and you like play nurse and just like do whatever you can to like keep them company like i think that's advocate though you said it was 10 p.m do we know if they were just both like already asleep no she was up okay never mind yeah i take back my comment yeah and she'd said don't go out in the first place right she had begged him she'd begged him not to go out begged him not to go out yeah and it made me wonder and i was and the reason i brought this up because i'm curious how many people out there deal with stuff like this yeah Or have friends who deal with stuff like this.
Starting point is 00:15:26 Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what there is to do. But I guess for the people who aren't yet married or don't have a kid with someone, if you're looking for red flags, be mindful of how caring they are when you're busy or not feeling well or need some help? Do they make you a priority when you aren't at your best self? Or do they make you feel like a burden? Yeah. And are they willing to set aside their own individual desires
Starting point is 00:15:59 and make you feel like a priority and make some sacrifices for you? Again, there's a balance to everything. We're not saying like, you know, if you have a big event going on or whatever, but like, do you feel like when you're down, whether it's sick or stressed, do they go out of your way to help you out? Because if they can't do that in a, like just a basic relationship with, without kids or or responsibility they're not going to do that in a marriage or with children yeah and uh anyways i'm also just curious how many how many people out there deal with something like this where their partner just completely is not there because there's a reason it's in the marriage vows in sickness and in health they're not married
Starting point is 00:16:44 but i think in general like it speaks to like marriage is like a way that we societally like we say we legitimize relationships and like kind of uphold them to the highest degree and like i think it's so significant that a part of that is saying like if you want this relationship to be like a centerpiece lifelong good thing part of that is the ebbs and flows and if you have and if you have brothers or guy friends out there who who are pulling this bullshit like call them out call them out that's yeah call your brother that's what i'm gonna do i think he would stay home i'm pretty sure at least offer everyone call your brother and make sure he's doing you know at least take care of your part at least offer be willing to take care of your partner and whatever reasonable expectation that is when they need your help.
Starting point is 00:17:30 Yeah. And don't prioritize your own selfish needs. I don't know. It floored me. It just absolutely floored me. Like, I don't know. I'm not trying to like be like I'm the greatest boyfriend of all time. But like, like, don't you want to be there for your your kid and the mom and like you you
Starting point is 00:17:47 couldn't like you're standing there at a fucking bar maybe it's triggering for me because i used to as a young man like as a teenager when i fantasized about love i had this fantasy about like i had this faceless person in my imagination of like, you know, someone I would love. And this fantasy I had was I had this big night out with the guys and she got sick. And instead of going out with the guys, like I come and take care of her and like make her super some bullshit. I don't fucking know. That's what teenage Nick was thinking about? That was teenage Nick was thinking about.
Starting point is 00:18:23 That is so gender. Oh my God. And then she would get me sick and then she took care of me and we took care of each other. Like that was my teenage fantasy of like, what is the type of relationship I wanted? I probably got it from my parents, but like,
Starting point is 00:18:34 so this idea that like these, this, this guy would have a child, you know, like, you know, if Jeff, you know,
Starting point is 00:18:42 like I, I just, I, I really like taking care of the people I love, you know, like I just, I do. And so it just, I do not understand this type of deadbeat mentality of, of not wanting to like, just be there for like, what, even to your buddies, you seem like such a loser. seem like such a loser i don't think most guys are like oh yeah this is i feel like a lot of guys in the situation kind of like yeah man you should probably get home like there's always like one deadbeat or two in like every group and it's just like even your friends think you're a piece of shit i feel like i don't know anyways i'm just curious if there's more people dealing with stuff like this and oh there are like the amount of people i know in relationships whether it's dating or married or somewhere in between and it's just it baffles me how low the bar is
Starting point is 00:19:31 or like how they are being treated because these are girls that i very very much care about and the shit that their boyfriends or husbands are pulling it's wild yeah yeah i don't i just don't know what the like other side of that story is. Wait, very quickly. Just follow up. Meatball Gate last year. Oh, meatball. It's a one-year anniversary of Meatball Gate.
Starting point is 00:19:53 There were no meatballs. I didn't make meatballs. Yeah, I ate. Did you try? I had some turkey. The sides, though? No. Fuck no. You didn't have a single side?
Starting point is 00:20:00 No. Fuck that. Her cousin's fiance, who we stayed in hawaii with and she yeah i don't like she she was asking me about it i'm like i fucking loathe thanksgiving meal i do and i'm not gonna apologize for it hate me all you want that's that's my cross to bear. Mashed potatoes. No, yeah, mashed potatoes. No, I don't think we should be made to eat things we don't enjoy. I hear that. I don't.
Starting point is 00:20:39 I just don't. And if grandma wants to hate me. We are so different in this moment. I can't relate to you less. I am not going to hate me different in this moment i can't relate to you less i am not gonna put food in my mouth that i have to gag down just because you're being so dramatic i don't enjoy it okay i don't enjoy certain foods i fucking hate thanksgiving meal it's the dumbest fucking thing okay my dad makes an insane cranberry sauce it is so good it's not too sweet there's some pears in it and like it is there's nothing like it no i'm disgusted i i do
Starting point is 00:21:12 you like cranberry sauce no and like it's people have this turkey and he's like stuffing stuffing is wet bread it's wet bread it's like warmed up with some like herbs slide it down my throat and they have and it's like it's a plate of like i'm it's just a plate of like uh i like it repulses me anyway i had some turkey uh it was fine but uh no one really paid attention to it as long as i had no meatballs that that is that is my shortcoming. That is my flaw. That is, you know, I'm... You're the food deadbeat of your friend group. I'm the food deadbeat.
Starting point is 00:21:51 I'm the picky eater who doesn't want to try, you know, Aunt Deb's whatever creation she fucked with. I don't give a shit. Next grandma made like an oyster casserole of some sort. Disgusting. And you know I put that stuff... It wasn't... It wasn't good? No, no. That's not what I know I put that stuff. It wasn't. It wasn't good.
Starting point is 00:22:05 No, no. That's not what I was going to say. It wasn't bad. It wasn't bad. I don't want, food is such an enjoyable experience for me. I do not want to ruin that by trying something that I don't enjoy.
Starting point is 00:22:17 Why put something in my body that I have to deal with? I'm on an island here. I understand like everyone thinks I'm an asshole, but like it's, I didn't want to. I can't an island here. I understand like everyone thinks I'm an asshole, but like it's, I didn't want to. I can't wait for when you like host a big Thanksgiving for the first time and everyone shows up and it's just like
Starting point is 00:22:31 meatballs, tacos, Jones on third. I do think that could be, that could be so fun for you. Like when you are hosting your own like Thanksgivings, maybe you have some kids in the picture, like having your own traditional Thanksgiving meal and then your kids are going to be like little weirdos who are like, you guys don't have meatball subs on Thanksgiving?
Starting point is 00:22:50 What are you eating? Little weirdos because we don't have stuffing or cranberry sauce. I do think that would be a very cute family tradition to like have your own Thanksgiving food that you like in lieu of the classics. Steaks, barbecue, I don't know. Pizza. Yum.
Starting point is 00:23:07 Oh, I would do pizza. Yeah. Why do we have to? I'll die on this hill. I don't care. I'm an asshole. Anyways, her family was lovely. I'm sure they're talking shit about me,
Starting point is 00:23:21 about Thanksgiving food, but it's not for me. It is not for me. Anyway, we have a great episode for you. Katie Maloney is with us. We talk about divorce and all the ups and downs of that. Some Vanderpump gossip tea,
Starting point is 00:23:36 all that season 10 drama. We have a great texting office hour. If you haven't checked out Greg and Victoria's episode, go and check that out. Also, be sure to check out our Ask Nick's. Send in those questions. If you have, if you know of a friend, if you know of some deadbeats in your life, we'd
Starting point is 00:23:56 love to hear those stories. Send those in. All things Texting Office Hours, all things Ask Nick. Send in those questions at AskNickAtCastMe.com. Don't forget to check out Don't Text Your Ex Happy Birthday if you are going through a relationship struggle, if you're not sure if you either want to move in with your partner, if you're not sure
Starting point is 00:24:11 if you should stay or go in a relationship, if you're stuck in a situation ship, all of those are covered in the book. Go to Viathals.com check it out. There's an audio book, all that fun stuff. Serena Kerrigan is our guest next week on Going Deeper. I know a lot of you are fans of her. She has a die hard fan base She loves talking relationships and dating
Starting point is 00:24:29 She's a delight to talk to A lot of fun She's with us next week on Going Deeper And Freestyle next week I don't know, maybe Justin Maybe we might have Justin, I think Possibly, I don't know Or we'll just be gossiping about shit.
Starting point is 00:24:46 Our favorite thing to do. Yeah. So let's get to Katie. Well, I plan on eating a lot of cookies and treats along the way this holiday season. That's a tradition I have, but also just, you know, oral health. Oral health is key.
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Starting point is 00:25:36 Really? Well, I mean, I love it. It's great. When you get Quip, you realize just how much you weren't doing. Well, and it's just kind of cool software because you can track and improve your brushing with the free Quip app. And then you can also earn rewards by literally keeping up to date with your oral hygiene. So you can get free refills, products, target gift cards. They reward you for using this amazing tool.
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Starting point is 00:26:11 Amazing. Your oral care could always be better. Make sure your breath is fresh. Make sure if you're out there braving the dating world, take care of that oral health out there. Trust me, you got to try it. Go to getquip.com slash V-I-A-L-L right now for your first free refill. Plus shop Quip's lowest prices of the year this holiday.
Starting point is 00:26:30 That's G-E-T-Q-U-I-P.com. So go to getquip.com slash V-I-A-L-L. That's G-E-T-Q-U-I-P.com slash V-I-A-L-L. Quip, the good habits company. Katie, how's it going? Good, how are you? Good, I'm doing well. What's that big sigh for?
Starting point is 00:26:52 Oh, it's just been, it's been a week. It's been a week? Yeah. Coming off, how was your holiday? It was, you know, I've been dreading the holidays and I knew it was gonna be be rough. So I mean, I was trying to be optimistic, but, you know, post-divorce in this first year, there's a lot of firsts that just sting, especially after our first, you know, what would have been our, you know,
Starting point is 00:27:21 sixth wedding anniversary. That like that week was really rough. We also closed on our house that week. So I knew after that, I was like, I need to brace myself for the holidays because that is going to be a really strange time because, you know, for 12 years I celebrated with Tom. He was, you know, my family, he was part of my family he was part of my family and so i just knew it was going to be very different and i got like all my um christmas decorations out of storage and of course i was going through like all the ornaments and there was like you know ornaments that were like first christmas with like a little bride and groom characters and like our you know after we got our house like that you know christmas ornament and then ornaments with our dogs i said the schwartz is with like our names on it and i was like this
Starting point is 00:28:09 blows so just been trying to unpack those feelings i mean this this year has just been trying to unpack a lot of complicated feelings and try to just push through and you know process and heal from it but you know every time i get over one hump i'm met with another mountain what did you do for the for thanksgiving um i went to my brother and his wife and um their place and my niece obviously is there and her family and my mom came into town my younger brother and his wife were supposed to come, but my nephew was sick. So it was just a small little gathering, and it was lovely and it was nice,
Starting point is 00:28:51 but obviously someone was missing, and that was hard to ignore. How did you deal with that? I just tried to just have fun, focus on my niece. We did yoga, and I filmed her on her scooter and we played and we, you know, I just tried to just kind of like focus and have a good time and, you know, tequila as well. Obviously.
Starting point is 00:29:17 Are you guys still in any contact whatsoever? Yeah, we, we, we have two dogs that we, you know, share custody of. So that's kind of like our main contact. When we separated, we were still living together for like five months. And it was kind of nice to have that time because we were able to sort of untangle, uncouple, you know, during that time and kind of get used to not being together, even though we were together. But, you know, we lived in separate rooms and it was, you know, it was, it was, but it was nice. Did you guys date while you were separated? Like other people?
Starting point is 00:29:53 Yeah. Not for a minute. I kind of started to slowly like go on a date here. You know, I was, I was obviously, you know, cause I was the one that initiated it. So I kind of was a little further along in the process of moving on. You initiated the divorce? Yeah. How did he take that? Not well, obviously.
Starting point is 00:30:14 Well, sometimes it can be, it's never mutual, but sometimes people, did he at least acknowledge your frustrations or, you know what I'm saying? Or was it, did you have to completely explain to him why you weren't happy? A little bit of both. A lot of it he didn't agree with or, I mean, and these were things that over the years I had been frustrated by. And, you know, when we tried to work through it, I felt like I was stonewalled a bit and I tried to justify and think like, okay, okay well maybe this is something that we're going to grow out of
Starting point is 00:30:50 or he's going to grow out of or we can grow you know together in I just you know and then I got to the point where I'm just like I don't I don't think this is ever going to change I don't think he's ever going to change and you know I know you can't change a person but you're just hoping that he's ever going to change. And, you know, I know you can't change a person, but you're just hoping that, you know, it was temporary. And when I just kind of... What was the thing that you wanted most to change? Him to prioritize me. I felt like I came dead last to everyone else in the room, his friends and strangers. And he's such a charismatic, charming guy. Like everyone loves him. But when it came to me, I didn't feel like I was seen or heard or supported on an emotional level or intellectual level. And it was frustrating.
Starting point is 00:31:37 I felt very alone a lot of the time. yeah was there a specific moment where you feel like you crossed over from having serious doubts about the marriage to saying this can't continue and like i we need to end this i think there was kind of a moment where i did kind of wake up and things kind of started coming into view the same things that i had been trying to fix or justify for staying and clinging to the relationship and the marriage because I loved him so much and I wanted the future with him. But when it's like this voice inside of me woke up and just said, you don't want this. And you need to be honest with yourself that these are things that are probably always going to be present forever. And is this what you want for the rest of your life? Is this
Starting point is 00:32:25 the kind of person that you want to be with? Or do you deserve more? And I tried to deny it and not listen to that because it was like, maybe, I don't know, maybe I'm going through something, but it just got louder and I would lose sleep over it. And I just think it just, it's just that time comes in your life where you just need to re-examine everything and take you know inventory and take stock and and I you know I wasn't happy and I hadn't prioritized myself because I was prioritizing someone else as you do in in a marriage in a relationship because it's not all about you all the time. But at the expense of myself and my happiness.
Starting point is 00:33:09 So yeah, once I was honest with myself and I was like, no, I don't want this. It felt relief. And that was hard and sad for me. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if we've all been there, but I've certainly been in relationships where I ended and when I ended it, I didn't feel sad. I felt free. I felt, I felt relief.
Starting point is 00:33:35 It was, it was everything at once. It was, it was pain and sadness and relief. Yeah. It was a lot at once. Did you guys wish each other a happy Thanksgiving? Yeah. Yeah. Do you think you will next? Do you think you will on Christmas? Like, when does that stop for you? I don't know because we tried to be friends.
Starting point is 00:33:58 And I wanted, you know, because at the end of the day, like, he was still my best friend. And I wanted that to remain intact just because our marriage and the romantic relationship had to end. I really wanted us to maintain a friendship, and we were. But there's interferences that start to come in, and how you handle it is going to reflect on how well that can remain intact. And I don't think he did a very good job of that. I tried to say, okay, if we want to be friends,
Starting point is 00:34:31 you got to ask for some boundaries. But when people don't know what boundaries are, it's very difficult to have that conversation. Sure. It's also, I mean, anything is possible. There are exceptions to every rule. I just, I think it's hard enough to try to be friends after any type of relationship and let alone a marriage or a relationship that lasted 12 years.
Starting point is 00:34:53 I mean, how do you go back to that? How do you turn off that part of your brain that saw them as, that saw that other person as like your other half to an extent and then and then be friends it's it's I don't know I just tried to I wanted to still honor and and bring some value to the time we spent together and not just walk away it feels so weird to to have that person in your life who you were planning on spending forever with and then to have them just become a stranger to you that feels so wrong to me yeah but it's not wrong though i know but i just it it feels yeah i think the only way you can try
Starting point is 00:35:35 to do that is you honor it by by not trying to dilute it in a like to to be friends because to be friends would almost suggest that like the fact that it feels wrong the fact that would be so hard to be friends like shows that you guys cared and it shows that you guys had something because if it was like no no we're best friends it's like oh so you think you were friends the whole time maybe you know what i'm saying where there wasn't really like i'm sure you guys were also best friends. But in addition to being best friends, you were husband and wife in a serious relationship. Right.
Starting point is 00:36:11 Where I think sometimes you see couples, you're just like, I think they're just friends. You know, you see the friendship, but you don't see the romance. Right. And I think sometimes while it feels foreign or fucked up or things like that, I think you are in a way honoring what you had by not trying or not being able to be friends because it shows that it was more than just some sort of like casual acquaintance or friendship.
Starting point is 00:36:39 It's true, yeah. But when we have dogs that were trying trying to go back and forth with, and we also work together. We have mutual friends. We share friends. So it's like I thought it would be in our best interest to really try to work on a friendship with one another to keep things. Well, yeah, but I think there's having a friendship and being friendly.
Starting point is 00:37:03 Yeah, but. Are you even able to be friendly at this point? I'm trying, but I just feel like there's been a lot of disrespect. I'm sorry. Is this something that like, have you, for filming season 10, like where was that within the divorce? And like, is there anything, how was the idea of this potentially playing out on Vanderpump influencing the way you were navigating the situation with him I was grateful that we had
Starting point is 00:37:32 put a lot of because we we separated in February and we didn't start filming until July so I was I was grateful that we had a lot of kind of road behind us. We'd made a lot of progress. So I felt good about going into the season being like, okay, this isn't, it's not so, so fresh, but it's, you know, when we went into the season, that's when all those, you know, interferences began because we, you know, we felt great. We were laying a foundation for a friendship and we both, you know, we're kind of same page about a lot of things, but there was a lot of people that weren't very supportive of that.
Starting point is 00:38:10 Was some of that disrespect that you felt from the whole Raquel of it all? Oh, God. I have no loyalty to her. Yeah, obviously, but there's so much more to that. Can you elaborate? Not really. Have you elaborate? Not really. Have you talked? Have you and Raquel talked?
Starting point is 00:38:29 No, no. I mean, we did a lot of talking this past summer. So yeah, that's why I felt a little disrespected. Did you and Tom ever talk about that hookup? Yeah. What did he say? I can't really say because I don't want to spoil it yeah yeah i mean just i think i think there's a lot of theories um about what went down and how it went down and what exactly happened and my you know what people think about me and my thoughts and opinions on it and whether or not I should have any thoughts and opinions on it.
Starting point is 00:39:09 But it's just how it, just how everything kind of played out that just felt really gross to me. How are you able to handle like people being friends with Raquel and being friends with you I mean be friends with you don't care I mean as long as it and for me like respect is always you know the most important thing so if like as long as your friendship with her doesn't really affect our friendship you know if you're able to still have you know respect for me and and I feel like our friendship isn't really being impacted by your relationship with someone and be friends with who you want. So you, well, that's, most people don't have that quality, that kind of maturity to say. I didn't always have that. I was so, when I was
Starting point is 00:39:56 younger, I was like, if, if you like this person, if you talk to this person, we can't be friends. And I realized that that's not really how you should move through life. How did you get to that more kind of healthy, mature approach to relationships? Just by trial and error of it all, by having falling outs with friends, by getting into fights with people over that very thing. And I realized if I want to maintain friendships with people who I care about, I have to respect who they also want to be friends with you know it's just it's the adult thing to do do we still stand by calling Raquel a fan yeah yeah what what about her is a fan I mean I that's so I didn't even like think so much about it.
Starting point is 00:40:45 I just thought it was a funny thing to say. That's funny. There's nothing wrong with being a fan, but I just felt like it's a bit much. Be a supportive friend. Be a fan of them. I'm a fan of my friends, and I support my friends, but it was a little over the top.
Starting point is 00:41:03 What about her wearing a Tom Tom sweatshirt to BravoCon I mean I understand because they all wore them to Tom's show the night before so it felt like that was an appropriate venue and time to wear it but yeah wearing it at BravoCon was a little bit like it was a statement I mean it's yeah I feel like it was yeah a bit of a statement I mean do you feel like she is trying to like rile rile you up or get you to react to her i i don't even i don't even know if it's about me i i don't think it's like directly about trying to like rile me up i think she just it's like she just wants to prove her you know friendship or it's if it's i don't know it. I think it's just to just kind of just garner any
Starting point is 00:41:45 kind of attention really. Where are you at in your love life? I mean, I'm just like dating casually. I haven't been wanting to like get into anything serious obviously because I'm still trying to make myself a priority and make my happiness a priority and I feel like when someone else comes into the picture you know you want to make them important and and that requires a lot of effort and I don't really have that to give to a person at the moment so right now you're just focused on you really yeah but I'm still open to like getting to know people and who knows if if the man of my dreams, if that person walks in tomorrow, I'll know it then. And obviously, you know, that's something different. But I just, that's really not in the scope for me.
Starting point is 00:42:34 So the people want to know, I have a question for Manly. Are you still dating the 25-year-old you were dating in October? No. I mean, again, that was a casual thing. First of all, good for you you know yeah like that that's something i think that kind of got a little blown out of proportion um no he's sweetest person ever but um yeah again just sort of like a very casual thing which castmate would you not like get a sandwich that's something about her oh god if it was up to me it's
Starting point is 00:43:05 hard because you know much like again with the whole being able to be friends with people and respect that they're friends with people that i don't like ariana is my business partner and she's obviously friends with people that i am not friends with so unfortunately i may not get my way but obviously if i didn't have to see people like Raquel, then yeah. But unfortunately, it's going to have to be an open door to whoever. You're just prioritizing being the bigger person. Is it coming easier for you, or is it emotionally taxing?
Starting point is 00:43:44 It would take more energy, I think, to, to put up those, those walls with people. So it's, it's easier just to, you know. What has, I mean, so for all the crap parts about getting divorced and the sadness and the holidays, what has been, for the people listening who are going through breakups, who have left relationships that they weren't happy with, what are some positives that you've been able to experience? What have been some moments where you feel good about the decision that you made for yourself? made for yourself? Like, where are some, bring some hope to this picture for the people listening who are starting fresh, who are starting new, who are at similar stages in life, what have been some positives? Yeah, it's truly not all doom and gloom. I think when you really do take, you know, that it's terrifying, obviously, to make that kind of step in your life and the bold choice. But I think being able to really just prioritize your life and take your future into your own hands and make that the priority and make your happiness your priority, it is a blessing, honestly.
Starting point is 00:45:02 I get to do whatever I want whenever I want and it's you know I don't have to think about anyone else's feelings and how they feel about it and how you know how it's going to affect them it's it's really just what does Katie want and how it's going to make her feel and and you know at first I was so scared of you know starting over even though it's not starting over it's just you know rebuilding a little bit off of like you know, at first I was so scared of, you know, starting over, even though it's not starting over, it's just, you know, rebuilding a little bit off of like, you know, how far I've come. But it was still just like, okay, I'm going to have to sell our house and I'm going to move into like my own apartment.
Starting point is 00:45:34 I'm going to live alone for the first time in over a decade. And that terrified me and just my whole future was planned out with this person. And now it's just that's all just out the window. But now the possibility of just like anything can happen, and who knows where I'll be, and it's very exciting to me. So I think just that excitement of what the future could hold and bring, I'm just embracing that. When you're thinking about your person, your dream man,
Starting point is 00:46:04 whatever that looks like to you now, how does that look to you now versus how it looked to you 10 years ago? Oh my gosh. Yeah. I'm a totally different person than I was 10 years ago. I think now- What are the qualities you prioritize in a relationship and a partner that you didn't before? Well, I mean, before it was just like, he needs a job and a car. You know, those kind of things. Now, obviously those things would be nice. No, I want somebody who has kind of grown
Starting point is 00:46:33 through all those self-discovery phases of their life. They know who they are and where they're going and what they want to do with their life. They're not trying to figure things out. They're not trying to figure out who they are. And somebody who is going to, again, support me and be my, you know, partner in life, be my teammate, someone who knows how to prioritize their person, but also is going to still allow for like that individual growth. I like, I'm still a very like independent person. So I'm never going to be one of those like we people.
Starting point is 00:47:07 So somebody that has, you know, kind of their own thing going on, their own, you know, career, all of that, but it's going to be very supportive of me still,
Starting point is 00:47:17 you know, pursuing my dreams. But it sounds like you didn't feel like you had like a lot of balance in your last relationship. No, I feel like a lot of times I was wearing the pants and the dress and I don't want to do that. I need a little bit more alpha energy in my next partner, I think. Okay.
Starting point is 00:47:34 Well, describe that to me. What do you mean by that? Someone that's going to be a little more take charge. Someone that's going to make some plans and want to take a little bit more initiative in the relationship and in you know in our life together as opposed to i feel like i was the one having to make plans and and whether it would be for vacation or you know you kind of ran the household so to speak yeah and listen there's nothing wrong with that or women that do that, but I want somebody that's going to just step into that role a little bit more seamlessly and more fluid.
Starting point is 00:48:09 Was it more just like Tom or it was just, I'm just here, I don't know really much about him, but it sounds, I'm hearing like a version of like, it sounds like he just, he prioritized fun. Yeah. Yeah, he definitely liked having fun and spending time with his friends and a lot of times that was so
Starting point is 00:48:30 great. I liked that he had that sort of outlook on life and enthusiasm for life. Childlike wonder. Yeah, a lot of times it was refreshing but not that
Starting point is 00:48:46 i want someone who's like so so serious but someone who's a little bit more serious that it's a little more settled it's fun to be dating the fun person the energetic person who's always out there and and that can be really exciting but when you you spend most of your relationship alone with each other, even if you're an outgoing couple, even if you're a couple that's traveling a lot or going to parties, you still spend a lot of time just with each other
Starting point is 00:49:13 and that's kind of the meat of a relationship. Like how can you guys be alone with each other and make each other feel like a priority? Right. And if you can't have that, it doesn't matter how much fun you have no yeah we have we had so much fun we did we went on so many adventures together we had you know i and i love that and i'll miss those like memories but i'm not gonna miss
Starting point is 00:49:37 you know wondering what time he's gonna to come home and, you know, yeah. You want to adult a little bit in your relationship. Yes. Yeah. Are you, are kids or is kids something you still want to do or have any interest in? I mean, it's, it's a little hard sitting where I'm sitting now being, you know, single and not even having any kind of prospect. Cause I go back and forth.
Starting point is 00:50:04 Cause it, you know I obviously like yeah like that would be great but it's not something I want to do alone that's something I always envision doing with another person going halves on a baby with someone who I love and want to like build a family with it's also a little scary just with the state of the world and society that we're in thinking about bringing life into this world it scares me a bit i'm not saying that i'm always going to feel that way but i don't know i go back and forth unsure yeah okay all right do we have any other burning uh vanderpump questions before we get into some of our tea i was just going to ask what your current
Starting point is 00:50:44 relationship is with stassi and kristen like i felt like you guys were kind of a trio now you're the one left is it awkward awkward in the sense of like they're not on the show yeah no i mean i feel like sometimes i want to not always bring up the show and talk about the show it was a little hard at first but it's they've come around to it i mean we don't all like the three of us hang out like we used to anymore but i still have relationships with them both like you know stassi is you know still like my girl like my best friend and i'm godmother to her daughter hartford and so yeah it's just things have changed quite a bit but no it's not i wouldn't say it's awkward.
Starting point is 00:51:25 Do you feel like it's still a sensitive issue for them? Or do you think they kind of moved on? I wouldn't say it's as sensitive anymore. I think they've moved on. Do you think there's any chance there could be a reunion in the future with them in the show? Oh God, I don't know. I think the show has changed so much and their lives have changed so much, especially Stassi, that who knows? But I don't know if it would make the most sense. And I don't know how they would even feel about it at this point. you feel like the version that you know one-on-one, no cameras,
Starting point is 00:52:07 that version is most different to what's portrayed on the show. Like not necessarily negative or positive, but just like where you feel like there's a really big difference between like what you see on TV and what you kind of experience firsthand. Oh, God. Sounds like a great question. It is a really good question. I mean, I feel like a lot of people really are their true selves, you know, on camera and off camera, but I think a lot of them don't realize that.
Starting point is 00:52:35 I will say that. But I do think some people are a little bit more image conscious when we are filming and they want to maybe like try to like self-produce a little bit i know i'm not giving names because i don't want to create a war come on i know i know i know i know but you know i feel like who could how do we frame it in a more positive way like who do you think maybe gets the most like who do you think you would kind of say... Who's the most authentic people? Yeah, or who would you say... Who don't do that? Totally.
Starting point is 00:53:08 Or, like, who maybe on the show comes off, like, maybe gets a bad rap or you feel like what you know of them, you would really go to bat for them and kind of defend them in a way that people
Starting point is 00:53:17 who just see the show might not know that. Yeah, well, the thing is with shows like this and, like, with any kind of reality show is, like, it's really hard to show people in their truest form because we're very, you know, we've got layers.
Starting point is 00:53:31 We're multidimensional. So you become kind of one note characters or people on a show like this. You almost get like typecasted. Like this is the villain. You get siloed. Yeah. Like this is the villain. This is the bitch. You get siloed.
Starting point is 00:53:42 Yeah. Yeah. So I think it's a little hard to, you know, for people to sort of separate or, you know, depart from those kind of like typecasted things. Like I feel like I've been looked at in certain ways because I could be a very direct person in the way I approach things. And sometimes I know that comes off like I'm a bitch or heartless, but I can't help the way I am
Starting point is 00:54:05 and so I've tried to like correct my tone in my delivery with things but it's it's never gonna I don't know I think it's never gonna change I know like I feel like Lala has a lot more of a softer side to her and a lot of her sort of the way she kind of talks and in people it rubs people the wrong way a lot of the time, but it's all, that's, that's such stick stick for her, even in regular life that it's, it's all just funny.
Starting point is 00:54:30 But I think a lot of people, you know, take it a little too seriously. So I think she kind of gets a bad rap in a lot of ways. There's not a lot of room for sarcasm on reality TV. Or if you are sarcastic, it's big. It's very easy to work with as an editor with sarcasm yeah
Starting point is 00:54:48 and because tone is so easily taken away our context is so easily taken away so if you are if you're a sarcastic person and you choose to be sarcastic in those you it's just like it's kind of a liability yeah i mean like you have no idea it can go yeah like don't ever don't ever make a sarcastic comment about someone someone's dick because that will be taken fully to heart yeah i don't what did you say tom and i were having an argument one time in the car and he had this habit of like always kind of blaming me for all the issues and the arguments and the fights. And we would go through massive dry spells of not having sex for a long time.
Starting point is 00:55:35 And I was kind of getting upset with him. I'm like, why am I the one that's constantly getting blamed for all of our fights and all of our arguments? What if I was like, oh, your dick doesn't work and that's why we don't have sex? Everything was kind of chopped up and all of our arguments. Like, what if I like was like, Oh, well your dick doesn't work. And that's why we don't like have sex. Everything was kind of like chopped up and taken out of context. So like, I was like, well, let's talk about how your dick doesn't work then.
Starting point is 00:55:52 Like, you know, and it was like a kind of a sarcastic, but like also like I was frustrated and pissed off. So it was like, everyone's like, Oh, I can't believe you would talk.
Starting point is 00:56:01 And I'm like, it wasn't, I wasn't saying like, he's like ED or something. I was just saying like, what if i was just like he's like ed or something i was just saying like what if i was just blaming sure it's as it's as ridiculous as him blaming me for all of our problems me saying that's the reason why we like don't have sex so again can't make sarcastic comments well that was so julia fox when she was on z-, one of the segments they did was talking about how big Kanye West's penis was. And I'm curious, like, in terms of what is really like a violation of someone's privacy and
Starting point is 00:56:33 like information that shouldn't be shared versus like, you know, we're all out here, public figures who are kind of part of the deal is knowing that like a lot of your personal matters are going to be public like where do you think the line is in terms of like when it's unacceptable to share something with the world i mean i don't know why any do you think a man would be mad about that i don't know but um all depends on what you say what did they say about their he has big penis or something yeah who kanye kanye is that appropriate yeah that's kind of the question because it's like obviously people would say if you're like being he has a tiny dick like that's people would be like that's me but like yeah is it it's a compliment
Starting point is 00:57:16 i don't know is it i mean pete davidson's stand-up was pretty funny about this when he talked about how ariana grande talked about it and i'm paraphrasing but it sounded like he jokingly was like i have a perfectly nice sized dick and she talked about it as if it was like some sort of like python and so every girl i hook up with going forward oh no is now disappointed which is it was a really funny joke but to that extent like is is that okay if to to like talk about like our our partner's anatomies in a public i mean i don't i don't know like what do we think about that like it is or is it good if they compliment it's like oh well as long as you say something nice, it's totally fine. It's like, he had a cute little thing.
Starting point is 00:58:07 He was cute little. He was adorable. He was really cute. No, I don't mean little, but like, you know, cute. He's just a little guy. But he was like adorable. I don't know. I remember Tom one time,
Starting point is 00:58:19 he was like talking about like his penis, and he's like, oh, I've got to do it. And I was just like, why are you talking like this? It's like, I was kind of trying to like humble him no no but also like joking with him humbling i'm like uh you're giving yourself a lot of props but just because he never talks like that first of all and i was just like wondering why he was talking like that especially when we had cameras pointed at us i was like this is so awkward do you think all men's voices go deeper
Starting point is 00:58:45 when talking about their own penises or when they're around other men for sure yeah i i don't know i mean i think i think you draw the line at any kind of like medical information that no hIPAA violations yeah yeah and i mean yeah anatomy is a little bit of a sore subject i don't want anyone talking about me like especially an ex too. Yeah. Don't go on a podcast and talk about our sex life. Of course, there's like additional gender dynamics that like, you know, it's not exactly a one for one. But even if someone was like, she had the best pussy in the world, I'd be like, keep that to yourself.
Starting point is 00:59:18 I'd never tell anyone. Like, I just don't feel like it's your right to talk about someone else i don't know be one thing if kanye went on a podcast was like so it is this large and that's even weirder i think when someone wants to go and talk about their own just like yeah it's a no-win you can't you can't talk about it yeah i don't know because you're either projecting or you're lying or you're you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:59:47 It's pretty sus. On the topic of Pete Davidson, we have more Pete Davidson, M. Rada sightings in public. And recently, a source who's close to the couple said in talking about kind of how their budding romance was coming together and what she sees in him, said she finds him charming and funny. He's a passionate guy and plans great dates. Emily is still taking it slowly. She's intrigued and flattered. And I feel like that kind of Such a fake relationship. You think it's fake? Completely. You don't? I don't know. Did you not
Starting point is 01:00:18 see those TMZ like videos of her like walking back and forth and then Pete Davidson like rolling up in his car and then him leaving and then him, her like texting and then calling an Uber. Like- Well, maybe they were trying to just like evade the paparazzi.
Starting point is 01:00:34 I don't- And no, don't, don't, don't, no disrespect to both of them. They seem like lovey people and like I love a good PR stunt as much as the next, but I personally just have a hard time believing in its authenticity.
Starting point is 01:00:48 It seems like a very convenient- Well, everyone thought that him and Kim K was PR, and like, can he not? It seems like he has a pretty good reputation. Yeah, I think he just falls hard, and like quickly, but that doesn't mean it's not genuine. I also-
Starting point is 01:01:04 I think this particular relationship is very much staged. But I wonder if... Oh, sorry, go ahead. But why? Okay, but for what? For just... Because we're talking about attention. Right, but I don't know.
Starting point is 01:01:16 I mean, couldn't he date anyone at this point and just get attention for dating someone? Well... Period? Yeah, but I feel like it's mutually beneficial. And why would Pete Davidson not want, like, he just, it's like he's become this guy that these incredibly, you know, talented, successful, beautiful women like rebound with. And why would he say no to that?
Starting point is 01:01:39 Like, yeah, sure. Like, I'll go out to a Knicks game with her. Great. We'll say, I plan dates too. Excellent. Awesome. Why would he say no to this? And maybe they could hook up.
Starting point is 01:01:52 It was so obvious that it just was, I could be wrong. It just feels a bit like a PR stunt. I feel like he's been dating these successful, beautiful women before, you know, for some time. Started with, like, what? Came back in sale. Yeah. Who was after that? It's become a joke, I feel like, though.
Starting point is 01:02:18 No, but he proposed to Ariana Grande. That was real. Oh, that one was real. But the rest of them are fake? I don't know which one i think this one okay for sure okay i i have a hard time believing it i could be wrong you're a hater maybe yeah i'm a hater you are a total hater do you think kim was real do you think his relationship with kim was real i don't know he's had he branded her name my girl is a lawyer
Starting point is 01:02:43 yeah maybe it was yeah branded her name i think girl is a lawyer. Yeah, maybe it was. Yeah, branded her name. I think he definitely was into Kim, for sure. I think he's into all of them. Yeah, probably too. But here's my theory. Is that because we have- I think he's totally down. But I just don't think it's going to go anywhere.
Starting point is 01:02:57 But it feels like there's always the narrative of like, they're out of his league. Is kind of like the vibe with a lot of- He's clearly in their league. I mean, he's, look at who he's dating. Okay, so, but you know what I'm saying? Where there's like some kind of like the vibe with a lot of he's clearly in their league. I mean, he's look at who he's dating. Okay. So, but you know what I'm saying? Where there's like some sense of like, when people talk about it, it's kind of like, why Pete Davidson? Like of all the people, like, why him? And I wonder if he seems like someone who has a really healthy ego in the sense that
Starting point is 01:03:17 it doesn't seem like it's, if anything, maybe it's like too self-deprecating. And I wonder if he maybe has this mentality of like, because he feels so like happy-go-lucky, how did I even end up here dating these beautiful women? Like he keeps putting in the effort. Like he keeps planning the dates. He never takes it for granted. And he really shows up for them in a way that's like very desirable. No, I feel like he has like this quiet confidence. Have you seen him on the last season of the Kardashians when they went to the Met together? He's just chilling. He's got his full fit on his sunglasses. He has, he has he has yeah he has his own confidence to be clear this is not me like not believing that emrata would be into pete davidson i totally would believe that those two could be an item i just think based off of like just the trajectory of what's going on in each of their lives it's
Starting point is 01:04:01 clearly like if i'm a publicist i'd'd be like, you should date Pete Davidson. Like, this is the move. Like, you know what I'm saying? I just, that's what I'm doubting. Like, it's not that they wouldn't otherwise in another universe be an item. I could totally picture, she seemed like she's into like
Starting point is 01:04:18 a Pete Davidson type of guy, honestly. But I just don't think, I think, and if it turns into something, I just like it's this has been more hey how about we uh set up a date with you and pete and see what happens i just have never understood the pr relationships in general like especially if you're already like a very famous person like why don't you just like date like sure but you right you know you recognize it happens well yeah i I just don't understand it. I would bet everything I have that those two won't
Starting point is 01:04:49 end up together. Well, no, because I'm wondering, okay, so he might be able to get all these hot, attractive females, but also it's like if he's got this funny, quiet confidence to him,
Starting point is 01:05:05 someone's going to have to match him on that same level. And I'm not saying that these women don't, but it's also like, I don't know. And as Pete Davidson, maybe his playbook, isn't he just about reaching out? Like it's all these women who are getting out of these very serious long-term relationships. And maybe that's his thing.
Starting point is 01:05:22 Maybe he's just like, maybe he doesn't want to date them. Maybe he's just like, I'm doesn't want to date them. Maybe he's just like, I'm funny. I'm fun to be around. Like who doesn't want a funny, good to be around type of guy when they're sad about a heartbreaker being cheated on?
Starting point is 01:05:34 And like, I'm that guy. And he's just like, maybe- But that would mean that he's not committal. And it seems like he very much is. What about him seems committal? Branding someone's name on his body getting engaged after a matter of weeks uh that sounds reactive not committal to me and that sounds maybe immature
Starting point is 01:05:52 dibs on their private jet yeah just because you're willing to like move fast and say crazy shit or do crazy shit in a relationship like we've all like have done that we've all been in relationships we're like oh my god it's amazing to be like oh shit oh no and i don't know this pete but like maybe he hasn't learned from that but i don't think making grand gestures means that you're ready for commitment it might you might like the idea of it and maybe he is maybe he's like let's get married tomorrow maybe everyone he's dating he's just like let's do this and maybe that's what but none of these relationships are lasting all that long or going anywhere. True.
Starting point is 01:06:28 I don't know. I mean, I feel like most dudes, they just can't even commit to like hanging out. So he's making reservations. Yeah. It sounds like if he's willing to do that, like that sounds like a little bit more of a commitment. But also couldn't you hot take, couldn't you argue marriage is just a grand gesture?
Starting point is 01:06:48 Like, you know, like what we're talking about. It's a sustained grand gesture. It's not like, Oh, let me do a trip or let me do one big purchase. That is years.
Starting point is 01:06:57 It's the, well, I mean, he did his getting tattoos, but you know, when you have that many tattoos, I'll blend together. The branding is a little bit more of a, just, just getting a tattoo. Wait, he branded? tattoos but you know when you have that many tattoos they all blend together the branding
Starting point is 01:07:05 is a little bit more of a just just getting a tattoo he branded what he branded kim he branded kim on his body like the yeah that's nuts yeah would you you don't do you have a natalie tattoo no would either of you consider getting tattoos of like either of a partner's like something that's like very specifically related to them or something that's like very closely linked to them where you know it's that to you? No. No. Oh my God, this looks painful. I would consider it if I were married, but it would be small and like easy to cover up. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:42 Would you do a tattoo instead of a ring? That's what people, I feel like sometimes people do. I mean, maybe. I feel like that's the equivalent of a tattoo prenup. I want it small and easy to cover up. Yeah. How romantic. I don't think romance is...
Starting point is 01:08:02 I just don't think romance is, maybe you're, I just don't think romance happens every day by showing up for your partner and proving that you still want to be with them. You still want to make it work and make them priority. I don't think romance is like these kind of grand gestures that's like, oh, well, it's an ink, so I can't get rid of it. Or, you know, or even like saying, even like saying, I'll love you forever. Like, great. But like five years from now, I haven't been divorced,
Starting point is 01:08:34 but I know that relationships end, and you have to show up every day. So I personally just the grand gestures don't mean much to me anymore. It's about showing up every day. 100%, because I was talking to someone recently, and she has been divorced and remarried. And people talk about you get married, and divorce should just never be an option. It should always be an option,
Starting point is 01:09:01 because if people just get content and comfortable in their relationship and they think that they can take advantage of their partner because they're never going anywhere, like that is the kiss of death. Because I think, yes, romance and intimacy should be something that is a choice
Starting point is 01:09:17 and something that should be intentional and something that you choose every day. Marriage is something that you should have to choose every single day if that's something that you, you know, choose to participate in. Yeah. Do you see yourself getting married again?
Starting point is 01:09:28 I'm not against it. I just, I, divorce is really painful, you know? So I'm like, oh God, the thought of that, I'm like, but I mean, but yeah, if I met someone and they wanted to marry me, I'd be like, well. You're not against it. Not against it, no. Yeah, do you feel like you have any central piece of advice on healing from divorce?
Starting point is 01:09:52 I think it's, I mean, you obviously have to feel everything. I don't think you can, you can't bury any of it. I think it's really important to really just go through all the emotions and process everything and really like like ask yourself how everything is making you feel yeah that's that's the only way is just go through it and not try to avoid the difficult or complicated feelings that come with it therapy really helps what else we got totally well i was saying so black friday i feel like some people it's a part of their thanksgiving like just as
Starting point is 01:10:30 much as cutting the turkey it's like the next day they're out there shopping other people it's like disgusting capitalism at its worst i'm curious like what your take on black friday is i i forgot that it happened okay i mean other than the fact that, oh, by the way, Natural Habits, 65% off code BLACK22. 65? Yeah. That's our only sale of the year until supplies last. But anyway,
Starting point is 01:10:54 I don't participate as a consumer in Black Friday. No, I've never gone Black Friday shopping. I'd rather chop my limbs off than have to like go stand in a line for hours or deal with crowds.
Starting point is 01:11:07 I hate crowds in general. But the deals, you can't really beat the deals. I like the Cyber Monday. If I can sit at home and shop online. I love shopping online. So when you see those deals. Are the Black Friday deals better than the Cyber Monday deals? Do they reward people for waiting in line at 4 in the morning?
Starting point is 01:11:26 I don't know. I don't even know if the Black Friday deals are what they were. I saw a funny TikTok and this guy was talking about it. He's like, what are these Black Friday deals? 25% off? He's like, that's like some Memorial Day stuff. And like the way people go, people get into like fistfights over game consoles
Starting point is 01:11:42 and flat screen TVs. Did you see that video about the flat screen TV? Like some two guys were trying to rip it out of each other's hands and then they started stomping on it because they were mad. Yeah. I feel like there's one of those like every, every year. Every,
Starting point is 01:11:56 yeah, I do enjoy, even though I don't like participating in Black Friday, I do like the, the videos. But I feel like the shopping online has somewhat decreased the amount of crazy we see. I just remember videos growing up of
Starting point is 01:12:07 the second Best Buy open. People were sprinting inside and I feel like we don't see quite that volume anymore. Camping outside. I was like, you'll never catch me camping outside of a store.
Starting point is 01:12:18 Yeah, I mean, listen, if you want the TV and that's the only way to get it, I guess, good on you. I think there's something probably exhilarating about it. way to get it, I guess, good on you. I think there's something probably exhilarating about it.
Starting point is 01:12:27 It is. I personally, I love a deal. We did it a few years in a row growing up. It used to be like a family event. You would like,
Starting point is 01:12:33 you know, after dinner, you'd go wait outside at the Walmart. Oh, not overnight, but we would do it with the people
Starting point is 01:12:39 we grew up across the street with and it was the two moms and the four girls and we'd wake up at like five in the morning and go and we at one point got a bunch of stuff at like a department store and we got the giant stall in the dressing room because there was five of us and then all of a sudden there was like a knock on the door and my mom comes in she has like icies and popcorn and she's like time for supplements
Starting point is 01:12:59 so we just took over an entire stall and stayed there for probably an hour trying on clothes yeah yep do you feel like you're like because i feel like everybody obviously everyone likes a deal but like some people like a deal i consider myself one of them would you consider yourself someone who's like a real like really appreciates a bargain or are you kind of more of the mindset that like like do you like a deal so much that you buy it for the deal not even needing the item that you're buying no i mean listen i like costco but i don you buy it for the deal, not even needing the item that you're buying? No. I mean, listen, I like Costco, but I don't necessarily, yeah, I'm not really a deal gal. You sound like Cindy.
Starting point is 01:13:33 And I'll be like, Cindy is my housekeeper. And I'll be like, out of hot sauce. And the next thing I know, she'll bring like 20 Cholulas. She's like, it was buy 20, get one free. She's like, well, at Costco, they're on sale. I'm like, well, what am I going to do with 20 of these? I mean, listen, Costco does have great deals on alcohol. And there's certain things that I'm like, okay, well, you got to go to Costco for this
Starting point is 01:13:51 because you can get it for a better price. You know, those kind of things. But I don't necessarily need value size things. I don't need giant jugs of peanut butter. But I don't know. There jugs of peanut butter, you know? But I don't know. There is something exciting about Costco. I don't know if I've ever been into a Costco. What?
Starting point is 01:14:12 What? Should we take vial files on the road? No, that's not true. I went to Costco in Hawaii. Hawaii? That doesn't count. That seems far too fun. I had good steaks.
Starting point is 01:14:21 But I don't think I've been to a Costco in the States. Because I remember I was with Natalie's cousin. We were staying with him in Hawaii. And I remember being like, oh, this is a Costco. Isn't it like a Sam's Club, basically? Yeah. Yeah. Was the Hawaiian one?
Starting point is 01:14:34 I just envision it being way cooler than. It just looked like, it felt like I was in a Sam's Club. Oh. You could probably get a huge box of those chocolate covered macadamia nuts. Yeah. Probably. A bunch of pineapples macadamia nuts. Yeah. Probably. Bunch of pineapples. But they have like the samples.
Starting point is 01:14:47 And then even if you don't want the samples, the food at Costco. Yeah. They have that. They have the pizza first. All their pizza is really good. And then they have this like. Their own brand? Well, they have like a food court.
Starting point is 01:14:58 Yeah. Where it's so cheap. I remember when I was a kid, it's like a soda for 35 cents or something. Should I have Cindy take me? What is that like berry twist thing? The soft serve with the berry. Because they have the soft serve that's like vanilla and chocolate, but they also have the berry kind of smoothie situation.
Starting point is 01:15:14 It's creamy. Is it like a sorbet almost? I don't know. It was like a soft serve and it had this like berry like swirl of like this like kind of like a jam, but I don't know. Listen. swirl of like this like kind of like a not a jam but i don't know listen if there is one like costco style item that you could have in your house at all times guaranteed unlimited supply what would you pick oh gosh tequila i was gonna say kirkland the shield one the big one the kirkland the
Starting point is 01:15:39 kirkland vodka and tequila are superior they're good good. They're great. And the vodka's huge. It's huge. It's so tall. It's so big. But you can always get a good deal on a flat screen. So you never, I don't know, I just think that like Black Friday. You can always get a new flat screen. You can also get your eyes checked there. You can get your contacts there. They have a whole jewelry counter.
Starting point is 01:16:00 Travel, Costco travel. I am missing out. I got a body pillow recently at Costco and I think it has really helped me become a little less uh physically needy in my relationship you can also buy pants and underwear and socks wasn't Costco the place that you could return anything at any time no matter how long you owned it for was that I think L.L. Bean and maybe REI but L.L. Bean for sure used to do that L.L. Bean maybe I don't know But L.L. Bean for sure used to do that. L.L. Bean is not Costco. Maybe, I don't know.
Starting point is 01:16:26 I don't know about Costco, but. Like you could wear a sweater for a year and just bring it back if you had the balls to like return it, they would. But I wonder if like, if it's kind of a reverse psychology thing when stores do that, where they're sort of like trying to be like the nice guy.
Starting point is 01:16:42 Yeah. You know, so then you don't feel as like contentious and like, oh, you like, feel as like contentious and like, oh, you like you swindled me and I'm returning this. Like so some items do need to be returned within 90 days. But with few exceptions,
Starting point is 01:16:52 Costco does have a 100% satisfactory guarantee. Simply bring back the product to any Costco warehouse and our member services team will be happy to assist you. Wow. They said assist you.
Starting point is 01:17:04 Doesn't mean it's foolproof, but they'll try. They'll have a conversation. It's a negotiation going on. Good luck. So Kendall Jenner and Devin Booker are once again off again. This is a notorious on-again, off-again relationship. We don't know if it's final this time, but according to reps and whatnot, it was because of busy schedules, which
Starting point is 01:17:27 what do we make of that? That was why they broke up last time. They said they had too busy of careers. So we can expect them to rekindle this in six months or something, basically. Also, like, who cares? Do people care about that? I don't know. The Kardashians? No, I like Kendall,
Starting point is 01:17:44 but like this boyfriend, I don't know. The Kardashians? No, I like Kendall. But like this boyfriend, I don't know. It seems like... I don't know. I don't see enough of them. I'm not invested in that relationship whatsoever. What celebrity couples are you invested in? Ooh, that's a good question.
Starting point is 01:18:00 I like Kourtney and Travis. We're going to stay on the Kardashian. Kourtney and Travis I really am to stay on the Kardashian Kourtney and Travis I really am into do you like Machine Gun Kelly and Megan Fox I feel like they're
Starting point is 01:18:10 cousins yeah if you like one they are cousins you know I know there's I think it's like controversial very like
Starting point is 01:18:18 I don't know but I actually like don't find them to get no I'm kind of like I think they're I think it's a good like match. Oh, Machine Gun Kelly and Marine Fox.
Starting point is 01:18:28 Yeah. Other people not like them? I think it's like a little bit, you either hate it or you like it. Same with Kravis. Well, it's like if you like a kind of a pouring of affection in a relationship. A lot of tongue. And a lot of like, yeah, PDA, then you're you do like a nice like horned up couple why not yeah but I like that they've they've been like friends for so long and their kids are
Starting point is 01:18:51 friends and you know I like I like that kind of that story what celebrity divorce has devastated you the most oh who's been divorced recently or I don't know do you feel like i feel like the last one that really wrecked people were brad and jennifer aniston i mean yeah that one was not not in brad and angelina i don't feel like people i mean like really wrecked people before that was like britney and justin yeah you know like that was back in the day where it was just like it just makes too much sense how could they not date you know in sync britney spears yeah uh maybe that's because i was 17 i know but i remember that was yeah i was like i'm they can't make it okay i honestly remember like thinking about britney spears and justin timmer like when they broke up but like i don't understand
Starting point is 01:19:41 how can they not make this work it It's just like, it's, we need this. This is, but I, I feel like, yeah, I don't know if you like, you know how they say they don't have, there's no real movie stars anymore.
Starting point is 01:19:53 And there's no true, like, you know, like it's like a, like America's royalty, you know, couple. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:02 Do we have one? I mean, I feel like it was Kim and Kanye for a hot sec. I feel like when I think of American royalty, it's a lot of cars. Okay, I have an answer. It is Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds. Oh.
Starting point is 01:20:13 You know what? Yeah. They better not. If they didn't work out, I think people would be devastated. Yeah. Oh, my God. She's pregnant again.
Starting point is 01:20:21 She's pregnant. Yeah. Can you imagine anything more devastating than them breaking up while she's pregnant? No. No. They're also so funny. It feels like everyone just wants to be them.
Starting point is 01:20:31 Yeah. That would be, yeah. I think they're kind of- Good call, Amanda. Thank you. If they haven't been officially named America's like royalty couple- We're doing it now.
Starting point is 01:20:40 We're doing it now. The vile files first annual. I want to embossed. I don't know if, yeah, I feel like people would be truly devastated yeah i would be yeah i feel like this was i feel like this was less of like a notable couple but like when john mulaney and anna marie tendler broke up i found that very upsetting but it was kind of a similar like ned from try guys like you branded yourself as a wife guy and now you're breaking up with your wife all we ever heard about his wife
Starting point is 01:21:05 was in his stand-up about how in love he was with his wife. One day he was in rehab and the next day he's... Olivia Munn's pregnant. And they met at church. Allegedly John...
Starting point is 01:21:21 That famous Celebrity Wednesday church that people pretend to... Celebrity Wednesday church? Is it on Wednesday? There's this church. Hillsong? Yeah, it's like Hillside or some shit. I thought Hillsong went down. I don't know. Does that not exist anymore? I just remember moving to LA and every Wednesday, people were like, what are you doing? We're going to church. I'm like, what?
Starting point is 01:21:38 And it just, it was like a celebrity meetup. Yeah, it was a scene. I can imagine the assistant emailing the pastor, being like, sorry, we have no avails for Sunday. Could we look to next Wednesday evening? And if people found a religious fulfillment out of it, no disrespect.
Starting point is 01:21:53 I feel like the pastor had an affair with someone else. I don't know. Yeah. If it was Hillsong, that's why. There was kind of a scandal, and then it went down. So that doesn't exist anymore. Oh, wow. Okay, well well time for some texting office hours how's it going good i'm jen i'm 25 how can we help jen um i need help telling my best friend
Starting point is 01:22:16 that i'm not comparable with her boyfriend staying at my house oh okay why would your friend's boyfriend need to stay at your house so So New Year's Eve is coming up and her birthday is the day before New Year's Eve. And she invited them both to come and stay with me. She invited them both to come and stay with you. So she didn't ask. How long have you been friends with this friend? Since college. So like five, four years. I'm guessing that she's the type of friend or you're close enough where she just assumes she can stay with you when she visits kind of thing yeah she asked
Starting point is 01:22:50 if she could come and i was like of course you're always welcome and then like two weeks later she was like oh but i want him to come too gotcha what'd you say so i took the coward way out and ignored it and then sent a tiktok not, a couple hours later. Gotcha. Well done. Why don't you want him there? So he stayed here before. And it was really bad, at least in my perspective. So I can give you the rundown of that. They came and stayed with me. We went out. I DD'd. He was passed out in my backseat. Fine. He was drunk. He asked what my address was. I gave it to him. It was two o'clock in the morning. Just trying to get us home. Woke up the next day to like crumbs all over my couch, my coffee table, my rug. So he had ordered like DoorDash or
Starting point is 01:23:38 something at 3am. He didn't ask if it was okay. Didn't ask if we wanted anything. That was the first thing. And then the second thing when they got up, I was like, oh, I'm going to go change for brunch. I was like a foot off the couch and he ran and cannonballed out of my brand new sofa. I was like, okay. Third thing, they left and I found beer cans all over my guest bedroom on my brand new wood desk. They left ring marks. So it was just like crazy and i just don't want him here again do you think it was more him than her yeah that was all him um but obviously she was around for those things i think i mean it's her boyfriend so maybe she's
Starting point is 01:24:17 just used to that behavior and i'm not did you she didn't say anything. Last time they left, after they left, did you say anything to your roommate whatsoever? Or your friend, rather? I'm sorry. No, because I didn't anticipate a situation where they'd be coming again or he would be coming again. So I was just like, it's her relationship, not mine. It's over and done. Why did you anticipate that they would never visit again? Well, I anticipated he would never be here again like
Starting point is 01:24:45 she comes she stays but like i never saw a situation where like i would invite him back into my household gotcha all right well you definitely have to say something i know and are you like asking for help how to bring this up yeah i don't know i like i don't want to hurt her feelings i don't know how to address it because it's been so long but now they want to come and it's also the day after her birthday which is like another issue to it and why are they coming to your town so apparently all of her local friends like kind of dubbed her and weren't going to be around so she like asked if she could
Starting point is 01:25:25 come and of course i said yes um and then she threw him in the mix later i mean i'm assuming she wants to be with her boyfriend on her birthday which of course i get that she wants to be with him i'm just in a weird position because i never brought it up before yeah and now we're here again so where are you on like is it a non-negable? Like there's no world in which he can come? I don't, I guess I don't know where I'm at. Like obviously best case for me, I don't want him here in my space because it stresses me out, makes me anxious.
Starting point is 01:25:54 I don't, I don't know if I have a conversation with her, if that will change things, if I'll probably will still feel that way. And I guess I have to decide if I'm willing to suck that up for her sake um that's kind of where i'm at i don't think she can afford like do you think she's in a position just uh afford a hotel room i don't know i don't want to i mean i he's not i think she probably is he's they've come to the area before and he stayed with friends he has here so like i don't know if
Starting point is 01:26:23 it's fair for me to like throw that out there yeah Yeah. I don't think it's really up to you to come up with suggestions. It was just, you know, lesson learned here is I think you just need to speak up when it actually happens. The big question is, is this a non-negotiable for you? Or is it like, is there zero scenario where you're like, Hey, I'm just sorry. He's just not coming. Probably not because it's her birthday and i don't want to be i don't want to do that to her it was a different time probably but the fact that it's her birthday i think adds a different level so i would probably be willing to suck it up but i do want to like preface it at least gotcha uh well i think you
Starting point is 01:27:02 just need to accept the fact that there's no way to bring this up without at least annoying your friend or rubbing, you know, like there's no way she's going to receive this like well. Yeah. You know, so I think you just got to have to have the conversation. And that conversation. So just like list everything out that happened and. Yeah, I don't think. I think you just try to keep it i you know off the top of my head you read you reach out to her i don't think you should text it yeah
Starting point is 01:27:33 facetime probably and just say hey can we talk i didn't bring this up last time because honestly i just think you think you'd ask again but i i just say like, I'm a little uncomfortable with Ryan coming and staying here. And she's going to say, well, why, why do you, why do you feel that way? And you can say, well, last time, like without like, you know, it's like he did this and it was, it felt a little inconsiderate. It just, you know, there's beer cans everywhere. I just wasn't uncomfortable. He just, he didn't seem very, he just didn't seem very considerate that he was visiting and he really took to heart, like making himself at home and like, I'm here to support you and you're my friend, but like, he just didn't make me feel comfortable while he was here, you know? And I just don't want that again now the big question is i'm curious what you're
Starting point is 01:28:27 going to do if she immediately tries to take his side and how do you think she will how do you think she's going to handle that you saying that to her which without sounding accusatory just making it about how you felt without you know what, what you don't like, don't call him names. Don't like lean into like, Oh, he's the worst. And like, how can you date this guy? Just say like, listen, like, I just, I hated how he handled himself here last time. And like, I just don't want to deal with that again. And it makes, it gave me a lot of anxiety. How, how do you think she's going to handle that? I mean, she's probably going to get defensive, which is why I didn't bring it up. I tried to avoid it the first time because that is her boyfriend. she's going to handle that i mean she's probably going to get defensive which is why i didn't bring it up i tried to avoid it the first time because that is her
Starting point is 01:29:08 boyfriend she's going to defend him well i don't know like she can defend it but also like knowledge that maybe he handled a certain way i mean she's still your friend too like there is a middle ground like she should be able to have i'm afraid that's not gonna happen that's what i would love to happen we had a falling out a couple years ago with some things i approached her with and she completely cut me off so i'm like afraid yeah okay we're gonna get into that again so that's i don't think you should worry about that okay right what do you have okay yeah yeah no i think friendship dynamics can be really hard i've dealt with friends with boyfriends and ones that i didn't particularly get along with or like and so it is it is uh it's it's it's a thin line but i think just being honest and coming from a place of honesty of recognizing that it is her boyfriend that it is her birthday that you do
Starting point is 01:30:02 really want to spend time with her and see her so is there a way that maybe she can talk to him and let him know like hey so I I wasn't aware but last time when you were there you kind of you you weren't as respectful as a guest that I would have you know hoped or she would have hoped so I mean hopefully maybe it wouldn't be awkward that there's a way that she can maybe talk to him so that way he can be on better behavior and come and not have it be awkward and just have it be a better time and turn over a new leaf perhaps if you if you present it in that way where you want to get to a better place and have a better relationship with him for the sake of your friendship and keep it like a productive kind of conversation in that way yeah i think think the approach with the least amount of conflict is you not even suggesting that
Starting point is 01:30:51 he can't stay there. I'm not saying you should do this. I'm just, you know, it's you saying, hey, listen, can I talk to you? Last time he was here, this happened and it really made me uncomfortable. Can you, like, can you just, I don't know, talk to him or you're, you're,
Starting point is 01:31:08 it's, it's a, you're open to him coming, but you're asking him to behave better type of conversation or to behave differently and be a little bit more respectful about the fact that he is a guest, but you're not, you're not even bringing up the fact that you're not wanting him there. So like,
Starting point is 01:31:23 that's, that's best case. That's so like that's right that's best case that's like that's the most that's the least conflict but you have to first decide whether that's even an option for you i mean i feel like i have to let it be just because she's my friend and the situation it is um i hate that your friends are someone that you can't feel comfortable communicate with out of fear that she's just going to shut you out and and abandon you as a friend like i mean yeah i'm also afraid that it will get 10 times worse if you don't say anything and you think you can push through it because you're going to be in close quarters
Starting point is 01:31:57 it's already and it already annoyed you the first time so you're already going to be past your threshold if he does anything this next time right and i think it's easier to be to think oh i can push through it or i won't say anything but now the fact that you've noticed all these things you've been put in that position before you're just it's going to be the straw that broke the camel's back at that point i definitely don't think you should not address it because i'm afraid if i don't that like i'll just explode that's the littlest thing if he's here. Yeah. So yeah, you could try to just say, hey, this happened.
Starting point is 01:32:36 Can you ask him to be more considerate while he's a guest here? If she pushes back on that, I don't know. Yeah, then you have your answer of like what you know you need to do. Yeah. To say maybe it's best that you don't stay here then, if you insist on him coming, that then I just, I need my space. This is my space.
Starting point is 01:32:55 I need it to be respected. Yeah. And if she can't understand that, respect that, then. Yeah, like what is she bringing to the table to this friendship? I don't know. Yeah, unfortunately. Yeah. No yeah no i mean she's my best friend from college so we've just been friends for a long time and i've never like she doesn't know any of my opinions about him or anything like i've been nothing but supportive i'm super friendly with him so i just i was afraid to bring it up i don't want her to feel like i'm attacking her relationship or feel blindsided because I've never mentioned anything.
Starting point is 01:33:27 This is just a hymn. Yeah. And you should have. But like this is him just being a more considerate guest. Yeah. You don't have to get into what you really think about him if you don't want to. And you don't have to. No, I wasn't going to.
Starting point is 01:33:40 I just don't want her to feel blindsided because she doesn't know i have any like opinions well if she if she asks why you didn't bring it up just say i didn't want to you know make a big deal of it because i just thought maybe it was a one-time thing i didn't i didn't i couldn't envision a time where it'd be important to bring this up that he would be coming back or staying here again but now that he is i do feel it's important to to get these things off my chest and let you know because i want you know to be a better experience for everyone yeah and if she can't respect that then i would i would reflect on the friendship yeah a little bit because i'm hoping she will i mean i think she'll be defensive off the bat and then maybe i mean it's still a month away so it's time to cool off yeah you got time and like katie said just say hey i'm excited for
Starting point is 01:34:30 you to come out i'm excited for your birthday i just want to talk about this one thing last time he came out it just he was a little inconsiderate and he ruined some things it just kind of left a mess and i felt like i was just babysitting him the whole time you know i maybe don't i know i don't want to feel that way yeah and listen if if you want to enjoy him but i also i don't want like i want to enjoy you being here and i just i was not i felt really anxious the whole time while he was around just because it just just because how he carried himself and i just i don't want to can it not happen again can you talk to him i don't know pretty much you know i think yeah i
Starting point is 01:35:11 think you just kind of bring it up i would be i wouldn't be committed to anything at the end i would just bring it up that way open-ended and see where it goes because i agree with katie i mean depending how she handles you might say like listen i can't wait to see you but maybe it is best that you guys don't stay here because i don't want him to feel uncomfortable and i don't want to be uncomfortable and i don't want this to ruin your birthday right okay yeah i'll do that i'll leave it kind of and see what happens yeah i feel like that's disarming enough that it's not it's not an attack you're you know still supportive you're still excited but you know you just gotta you gotta be honest yeah maybe we'll see how it goes i'll let you know yeah just try not to be mindful of your words and that
Starting point is 01:36:01 you're not attacking him or you know making her feel like he sucks or you hate him you know no no i wouldn't i have yet to do that so i've been very good about it i'll just let her know how it made me feel and um hope she can take my feelings into consideration that's really that's all you gotta do and i think if you say it like that then she should at least say oh i'm sorry like that sorry. That would upset... That was rude. I'll talk to him. The best case scenario...
Starting point is 01:36:31 I hope for that. The best case scenario, she downplays it and says she's sorry and then she'll talk to him. And you just have to trust that it was a one-time thing and she doesn't make a big deal about it.
Starting point is 01:36:43 Yeah, because then if she can come out here and it can be a totally different experience and you can have the best time, like, all this was just, you know. Yeah. Not for nothing, because your feelings are valid, but, you know, it's just, I think,
Starting point is 01:36:59 I think giving benefit of the doubt and giving a second chance to this, you know, might be beneficial to everyone. Who knows? You definitely shouldn't be made to feel uncomfortable having people in your house. No. Sounds like we have a plan. So keep us posted.
Starting point is 01:37:14 I'd love to know how this conversation goes. Yeah. And good luck. Thanks. I'll definitely let you know what happens. In the future, maybe next time time just express all you had to do last time when it actually happened was just say hey listen like i was just a little frustrated like he did this x y and z like just communicate your frustrations in the moment without like
Starting point is 01:37:40 causing it a fight you know at least that way she knows like hey i was a little frustrated that he did this you know and that's all you had to say i shouldn't have avoided it but i did yeah leave and learn all right we'll keep us posted i will thank all right take care bye bye bye katie yes thanks for coming thanks for having me. Any final thoughts, things you want to leave our audience with, things you want to plug? Oh, well, yeah. I mean, Vanderpump Rules will be back soon, beginning of next year sometime.
Starting point is 01:38:13 So make sure you tune in to that. There's no official release date? Sometime in February, I believe. Okay. And then, yeah, hopefully we got our sandwich shop that'll be open sometime you know early spring and next year sometime
Starting point is 01:38:27 so I'm excited about that and then yeah I don't know I have podcasts as well maybe you should name a sandwich after Raquel and then like
Starting point is 01:38:36 something really like sauerkraut or something yeah no is it why because we like
Starting point is 01:38:44 to encourage other people to be petty, even though we don't. Listen, I get down with the petty, but I also want to not. I'm kidding. That's giving me too much attention to it. You also have a podcast.
Starting point is 01:38:55 I do, and I have episodes that come out every Friday. It's called You're Gonna Love Me on all the platforms. So, yeah. And what's your podcast about for the people who might not have? It's just kind of about, I talk a lot about human experience and judging and being judged and the opinions that we have. Great. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:39:12 Well, check it out. Check it out. And then you can follow me at musickillskate on Instagram. There you go. That's pretty much where I'm at. And then, yeah, that's it. Well, check out Kate. Check out her podcast.
Starting point is 01:39:21 Check out her sandwich shop when it's out. Watch her on Vanderpump Rules. Serena Kerrigan is joining us next Thursday for Going Deeper. Don't want to miss that. That will be a lot of fun. Thanks for listening, guys. Don't forget to send in those questions at asknickatcastme.com. Cast with a K for all things Ask Nick.
Starting point is 01:39:39 And we will see you next week.

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