The Weekly Planet - Han Solo's Dumbest Adventure - Caravan Of Garbage

Episode Date: February 11, 2018

Han Solo has been on many adventures, including the Solo movie. But before that take a look at his best adventure ever. I mean worst featuring a return of his greatest/dumbest enemy, Boba Fett and the now famous Millennium Falcon dice.Video Version ► https://goo.gl/Bpe7dfTwitter ► http://twitter.com/mrsundaymoviesFacebook ► http://facebook.com/mrsundaymoviesBuy Solo: A Star Wars Story Amazon ► https://amzn.to/2MhaxowPatreon ► https://patreon.com/mrsundaymoviesT-Shirts/Merch ► https://www.teepublic.com/stores/mr-sunday-moviesThe Weekly Planet iTunes ► https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-weekly-planet/id718158767?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4The Weekly Planet YouTube ► https://goo.gl/1ZQFGH Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Caravan of Garbage, where we take a look at something from the past. it's good maybe it's caravan of garbage that's the name of the show that is the dichotomy we face correct uh this episode mason is on a very special comic star wars issue 81 when you say very special it's special as in somebody you know who's been hit in the head oh terrific yeah okay i Yeah. Okay, I'm willing to listen.

Here we go. So basically, I want you to cast your mind back, Mason, to when Star Wars was at Marvel. Not when Star Wars was at Marvel now, but it is. Now, but many years ago, I remember. Because it was at Dark Horse, but before it was at Dark Horse, it was at Marvel. I remember.

In the 70s and 80s. Marvel picked it up at the very last minute, went, yeah, we'll do Star Wars comics, and it literally saved the company. That's not surprising at all. Yeah. When you think about it, Marvel have survived through dumb luck more than any of us.

Oh, it's crazy how they do it. Can I digress? If I may digress. Do you know what the origin of She-Hulk and Spider-Woman are? No. Marvel licensed out Spider-Man and the Hulk for TV, and then they discovered after licensing them out that any follow-up characters that were created on the tv series would be owned by the tv company

and since the six million dollar man had resulted in the bionic woman yeah and that had been very successful they're like quick make girl versions we'll make it real quick we don't want them to own the girl versions. Right, okay. So they made Spider-Woman and Che-Hulk. What a world. I know, right? Dumb luck, mate.

Damn, these guys. But basically, this comic started by following the movies. Oh, yes. They're kind of fairly close adaptations, you know, in some respects. But then there was an issue faced after Return of the Jedi came out, and there was going to be no Star Wars comics. So did this this ran through all throughout the length ran up to 86 wow so so around all the length of the comic did they do did they do like interim stuff they must have done i'm sure they did between the movies yeah look i didn't read a lot of it because a

lot of it's very painful but this one i picked for a reason because it relates it's a han solo story yeah right and it's a fun, rollicking adventure. Let me tell you that much, Mason. Your voice said that, but your eyes were in pain. And my arms are crossed. They are crossed in the way that says, don't ask me any follow-up questions. I'm not willing to socialize. But you're going to have to.

That's it. Because the recorder's on and we're producing content. So basically, though, this issue picks up directly after the Ewok party of Return of the Jedi. Yep. So, you know, they've eaten all the stormtroopers. Yeah, great. They've picked their bones clean. They've made a soup bowl out of their helmets and skulls.

That's it. Looker in the helmets. And it's Han Solo begging some weird looking dude in a spacesuit from the rebellion for money. He's like, I've got debts to pay. That seems undignified. I thought so. Also, wouldn't they have money well that's that comes up remember the remember the first time he saved the galaxy yeah

they just gave him tons of money right and then he saved it again so that yeah exactly yes where's he spending this money i don't know what he's doing he's he's not upgrading the ship or his wardrobe meow but i mean where's all the money going these are all good questions mason that aren't answered so basically this guy with he's got a very weird face uh he's like i already let you some money on hoth and you ever paid me back go to hell and han's like come on man i blew up the shield generator i let lando borrow the falcon and the guy's like i'm a legit hero i'm a legit hero and the guy's like no you know what you're an arsehole you don't get any money from me and han's like yeah well I wouldn't bloody take your money anyway,

you bloody prick or whatever. He could probably just sell some of the scout walkers for scrap. There's so many things he could do. Copper wire's worth a lot. And he's a bloody. Kids, if you're out there, just dig up some copper wire. Just sell it on the black market. Wear gloves.

Like a little cup. Yeah, make a couple of bucks. Yeah, yeah. So a solution to the problem immediately presents itself because Princess Leia appears and goes. I'm rich. Gives him a hug. Yeah, yeah. So a solution to the problem immediately presents itself because Princess Leia appears and goes... I'm rich. Gives him a hug. Yeah, exactly.

She goes, A, I'm rich. I can lend you the money. Or B, you're in the rebellion. We have some money. We'll give it to you. And he's like, I'm a man who makes it on his own. I take this as great insult. I won't take anybody's money.

And he storms off. Great. I mean, I guess because that would be... Does he have severe memory issues? Does he have memento-style memory issues? he leaves somebody leaves the room he forgets they exist because he just begged for money right some kind of carbonite fever dream i don't know what's going on a carbonite fever dream you're right yeah that's it so yeah so he flips out he walks off even though you know he refuses to take the money to take the charity from a woman oh see i was just

gonna say that it's probably that. I don't know if that's what it is, but he's too proud, maybe because he loves her too much or whatever. Surely Princess Leia could have slipped that guy the money. Yeah. Problem solved. Mason, do you want this comic to be over? Is that what you want?

Yes. Absolutely. Well, it's not. Oh, right. So Luke, Lando and Wedge roll up and they're all like, ha, I remember the time we blew up the Death Star. You know, the thing that just happened. Oh, sure, yeah.

But this comic does a really good job. Specifically the second Death Star. Yeah, that's right. But there's a lot of like, remember this thing that just happened? Like, everybody's seen Star Wars. You don't need to keep recapping Star Wars. Right, right, right. The character from Star Wars. And Princess Leia's like, yeah, Han's been a weird arsehole.

I think maybe because he was frozen it's affected him and he's missed out on a big chunk of his life and he's upset or whatever. He's got brain problems. He's got brain problems. And she's like, I'm worried about him. And they cut to Han and he's just thought ballooning all over the place, which is my favorite thing. It's your favorite thing.

I disagree. Yeah. And it's just him walking through the Millennium Falcon just being like, ah, my ship, the Millennium Falcon, the ship that I own, and I won it from Lando in a gambling game. And he touches the dice, the gold dice. Yeah, right. That's the reason why I picked this comic,

because, you know, it ties in, all right? Yeah, okay, and you can blow up one of those panels until it's super pixelated and use it as the thumbnail. Correct. It'll look awful, but people will get the reference. They'll get the idea. So, you know, he's just recapping Star Wars in his head. How long have these dice existed?

How did I miss them? They're in 77. Yeah. They're in the first film. There you go. There you go. I thought they were new, but apparently not. So it's interesting that these popped up in a comic from so long ago.

So anyway, Chewbacca sneaks up on him, gives him a hug. He does. This guy's your equivalent of the things you must have missed. Absolutely. They put it in comics back in the day. He gets a hug from Chewbacca that he doesn't deserve, but you know. Oh, absolutely. So anyway, it's kind of a weird, but it's a welcome pause in this breakneck narrative.

Sure, yeah. This hug that they put in. So Han and Leia leave for Tatooine with R2-D2. He leaves Chewbacca behind because he's like, Chewie wants to learn some hunting techniques from the Ewoks, so he's going to hang out there. Okay, all right. Even though he can literally tear an arm off a man.

But hey, whatever. He's going to learn some hunting techniques from little bears who throw rocks. He wants to know how to twirl a little catapult. Maybe he just wants some stormtrooper recipes. I don't know. Oh, that's probably it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Leia's like- He wants to know how to twirl a little catapult. Maybe he just wants some Stormtrooper recipes. I don't know. Oh, that's probably it. Yeah, yeah.

He wants to bring him back to his weird wife. Yeah, that's right. His weird wife Lumpy or whatever her name was. Yeah, that's right. And Leia's all, did you bring me along, you know, because you're lonely? And he's like, no way, sweetheart. I'm the high-end solo everyone knows and loves.

He's learnt nothing. Yeah, totally, yeah. It's just like the hard solo from the first star wars film well that's the one we like the most i guess i guess it is yeah i like the one who got stabbed to death but whatever uh anyways like look we're going to tatooine for a reason a because it's a planet that everybody remembers and b i've got some money stored there which i was going to give to jabba the hut and i thought it was going to be like buried somewhere or hidden in a cantina under a barstool, but it's just at a bank.

Oh, for sure. Wait a second. So how was it he couldn't get to the bank last time? I don't know, because it was in an asteroid field. He could have said, hey, Jabba. Yeah, go to the bank. Go to the bank. Put on a Han Solo.

Put on a fun disguise like a vest. Put Bib Fortuna in a vest. Exactly. And just have him get my money. That's the money for you, mate. Could have, well, I've found a plot hole already. I know. It's crazy, right?

Yeah. And as they're kind of, you know, heading there, or I can't remember, or when they're already there, he's like, oh, I remember the time we were on Tatooine and we killed Jabba the Hutt. You specifically strangled her in Princess Leia and Boba Fett fell into the Sarlacc pit. And she's not like, yeah, that happened like three days ago.

I do remember that thing that happened to us. They're just recapping Star Wars. So we also then see a flashback of what happened after the Sarlacc, after everyone went into the Sarlacc. And we see a Boba Fett-shaped figure. It's Boba Fett. It's Boba Fett. Get burped out of the Sarlacc.

Yeah, nice. And we see, and he's lying in the sand and the Jawas recover him. I think I've seen that frame. You probably have. I think I've seen those panels before, yeah. And they think that he's a droid or some kind of hybrid android man or something.

They're not really sure. So they chuck him on the sand crawler, like, we'll get back to this you know yeah we'll come back to this so while leia's waiting for hand in the bank she gets all those long bank lines it's a nightmare she gets approached and it's very heavily implied that the alien who approaches her thinks she's a prostitute there's a there's a scene there's a panel we don't see but then it's her going oh no i'm not standing here working i'm right okay sure yeah and and she mentions that let me tell you let me tell you this since jabba the hut died i don't know if you know this but some someone strangled him to death it was a big deal on this planet yeah this this town's gone absolutely bananas

like everyone's out of control and vying for power even the jawas they're just loose units mate they're as dangerous as the sand people, they're just loose units, mate. They're as dangerous as the sand people. They're shooting up a storm. They're stealing scrap. They're bloody madmen, mate. Running about in the barrens, you know? Oh, by the way, did I mention that this comic is called Jawas of Doom?

I think I did mention that. You didn't mention it. And I know that because if you had, I wouldn't be here. I would have left already. Or maybe I'd be intrigued. It's a mystery. I think so. So anyway, when Han goes to the bank, the woman says, you can't access your money because the money's frozen because the person who owns this account, we found out, was also

frozen. So he froze the money. Oh, yeah. And he's like, but I'm not frozen. Your money's been carbonated. That's right, yeah. Here it is. Chip it out of this block.

So he can't access it. So he storms out and Leia's like, did you get the money? He tries to steal a pen on the way, but they're all in those chains. Can I get to them? So then Princess Leia says, let's go grab a drink, and so they sit down for a drink. He tries to make her not come into the bar. He's like, this isn't a bar for a lady,

and she's like, go fuck yourself, whatever. Yeah, fair enough. So they sit down together, and then she's like, oh, we'll just get R2-D2 to talk to the bank computer. So they go to find R2-D2. They go back to the Millennium Falcon. But R2-D2's been stolen by Jarwood. Again?

Jarwood's of Doom. Wow. Yes, again. Yeah, again. Yeah, I didn't think of that. But you're absolutely right. That's a big point of that first Star Wars film, isn't it? Yes, sir.

I'd forgotten. So they swipe two speeders from some guy who doesn't deserve it. Sure, yeah. They fly off after the sandcrawler. And meanwhile, R2-D2 on the sandcrawler recognises Boba Fett and he freaks out. He's like, oh, shit, it's that fucking guy. I should use one of my flamethrowers or one of my many inbuilt weapons

and destroy him. Yeah, I should use that bladed cut. His throat makes it, yeah. So, but Boba Fett then you realise, because he's been hit in the head or half digested yeah he looks fine but he's he's got he's got amnesia right he's just kind of sitting there dazed he's not doing much so they start circling the the um the old wagons the wagons they're getting their speeders around the the sand crawl and they start blasting at it and the and the the jar was a shooting back with them the lasers and they're like oh shit these guys really have gone rogue mate this planet's out of

control you know what i mean so then han solo leaps from his speeder onto the sand crawler and it explodes it's a very very harris very harrison ford move uh layers gets shot by sand people who were also coming in yeah right it's a whole lot of laser shooting it's a bunch it's a bunch of greatest hits so much action mason you wouldn't you wouldn't believe it i wish you could say it i mean people watching the video can say i can see it i can't see it i just have to use i just have to use the the the imaginarium of my mind absolutely which is just stick figures yeah it's no good so how arms up there and then he gets winged by a by a bloody laser from a sand person he's like ah no good and then leia shouts out to him, oh, no, Han Solo,

the tread on the sand crawler, it's locked, and you're barrelling towards one of the three things in the desert. It's a Sarlacc pit. Yeah, right. Oh, sure, sure, right. One of the chances. Yeah, that's, yeah. But why not?

Do you think the Sarlacc pit could eat a whole Jawa sand crawler? You're about to find out, mate. Wow. Look, if it does, that's worth the price of admission on its own. Yeah, absolutely. So as he's steering towards it, Han Solo jumps down. The Jawas have bailed. They've had enough.

Yeah, yeah. And he sees Boba Fett and he's like, oh, this is Skye. No. And Boba Fett doesn't recognize him and goes- Amnesia. Yeah, amnesia. And so Han Solo gets Boba Fett to boost him out. Oh, like a couple of friends.

And then pass him R2-D2. And then he reaches down. He's like, look, he's my enemy, but this guy's clearly been hit in the head. So I'll help him out. And I did throw him into that monstrous pit. Sure, yeah. Yeah. So he goes to help him out.

And then suddenly it clicks in Boba Fett's head. And he's like, that's Han Solo. Yeah, sure, I'm Boba Fett and that's Han Solo. So he shoots at him. He misses Han Solo jumps free and the whole entire sand crawler with Boba Fett in it just tumbles back into the Sarlacc. Wow. So the status quo is returned in terms of Boba Fett's. Nice.

And no one ever spoke of it ever again. That's right and then Hard says it's a real Armin Tamzerian situation that's right that's really that moment yeah

and Hard just goes you know what I tried let's bounce sure yeah and so they leave and that's that's the end

that's the tooth the tooth very much so the Sarlacc tooth the Sarlacc tooth so there's there's an incredibly amusing panel

of the entire Psiad crawler just getting gobbled up the sarlacc's really that big well you can't you see it fall in and you don't really see it completely slip away but it seems like

that it's completely gone okay right that'd really fill up a sarlacc it would wouldn't it yeah so you can't burp that out can you no so they've really gummed up the sarlacc, I feel. It would, wouldn't it? Yeah, so you can't burp that out, can you? No.

So they've really gummed up the sarlacc. Yeah. Anyway, what did you think of that, Mason? The Jar was a zoom. Sounds bad. I like how you went, what did you think about that? And then you took a big sip of water. What did you think I was going to think of it?

Yeah, that sounds great. Look, man, it's kind of fun. I enjoy it. It's just a ridiculous story. That is fascinating to me, though, that they went, okay, well man it's kind of fun like i enjoy it it's just a ridiculous story that is fascinating to me though that they went okay well it's 1983 and we don't have any more star wars stuff on the horizon so what we'll do is we'll bring back one of our most visually interesting villains and then kill him again straight away yeah right in the exact same manner that he was killed in the last one incredible i mean I mean, what are the chances? There's three things in the desert.

There's Obi-Wan's heart. There's wherever Luke lives. Jabba's Palace, there's four. And there's the Sarlacc. Like, that's... What are the chances? Slim. Imagine if they were slowly careening towards Obi-Wan's heart.

Imagine. Oh, that's right. Imagine seeing that beautiful structure, that legendary structure destroyed. Yeah, I guess the moisture farm. That burned down, didn't it? It burned down, yeah. What a world. Anyway, that's Caravan of Garbage.

We hope you enjoyed this. We actually do these every Tuesday. And we also have a podcast called The Weekly Planet, which is just similar to us spinning our wheels about whatever we kind of talk about. Movies, comics, TV shows. Our treads are locked. And we're going to talk about movies and comics and TV shows

before we fall into a pit. You better bloody believe it. The pit is no one listening anymore. There's a bunch of Caravan of Garbage episodes linked at the end of this and there's also videos here every Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. Please subscribe and like Mason.

I will. Okay, good. And everybody else can? I guess. Okay. Unless I get the last subscribe. Oh yeah. I might be nearly full actually.

Then it's one in, one out. Yeah. You've got to wait for somebody to unsubscribe and then you can subscribe. Oh, yeah. I might be nearly full, actually. Then it's one in, one out. Yeah. You've got to wait for somebody to unsubscribe, and then you can subscribe. Getting quick. Thanks for listening, everybody. Thank you for listening, everybody. Yeah.

See you next time. Bye. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates. I mean, if you want. It's up to you. FX's The Veil explores the surprising and fraught relationship between two women

who play a deadly game of truth and lies on the road from Istanbul to Paris and London. One woman has a secret, the other a mission to reveal it before thousands of lives are lost fx is the veil starring elizabeth moss is now streaming on disney plus