The Weekly Planet - Not Solo A Star Wars Story - Caravan Of Garbage

Episode Date: May 29, 2018

Because Solo: A Star Wars Story is still a movie so we've decided to revisit the TV series Droids. Though to be fair there's some weird Solo links that are definitely a co-incidence OR ARE THEY?Video Edition ► https://goo.gl/yFxeyHTwitter ► http://twitter.com/mrsundaymoviesFacebook ► http://facebook.com/mrsundaymoviesBuy Star Wars Saga Amazon ► https://amzn.to/2nc12P4Patreon ► https://patreon.com/mrsundaymoviesT-Shirts/Merch ► https://www.teepublic.com/stores/mr-sunday-moviesThe Weekly Planet iTunes ► https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/the-weekly-planet/id718158767?mt=2&ign-mpt=uo%3D4The Weekly Planet YouTube ► https://goo.gl/1ZQFGH Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Register today at sunrisechallenge.ca. That's sunrisechallenge.ca. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like high blood pressure developed during pregnancy, which can put us two times more at risk of heart disease or stroke. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. stroke. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. back doing caravan of garbage it's good to be back doing one that is total garbage that is genuinely bad and it's also us returning to a star wars tv series that we previously looked at and this

episode is somehow worse and more and more boring well see i remember the first one being okay yeah i don't know what we said about it that's the thing they're also completely unmemorable but i was like oh i don't watch another one of these just to see and i feel like we were both subjected i felt i was subjected to it and so i'm like james you gotta watch this one as well because you were like hey you should watch this because it's got it's got a guy named called jan and solos about a guy called han exactly that's the link apparently when we did the last one there was a character that was very similar to that of ray yes and we kind of had this theory that was very similar to that of Rey. Yes. And we kind of had this theory that, hey, they seem to be stealing stuff or borrowing

stuff from droids and putting it into the more modern movies. And this episode definitely has a bit of that. But this time around, I thought we need a Han parallel. So first of all, got a few things. His name's Jan. Is it Jan or Jan? Might be Jan. Could be Jan.

But also some people call Han Solo Han. So, you know, it's all up in the air. Absolutely. There's also, he wears a vest. He's got great hair. Yes. He's deep down got a heart of gold. And there's a moment where they're like, that's going to be your undoing.

Which was Han Solo's undoing. He doesn't get enough screen time. Instead, it's given to a bunch of garbage droids. That's right. It's also a common factor with Han Solo. And also, there's a rare and expensive explosive item, which ties into the new movie somehow, Mason. Does it? I very much so.

Anyway, why don't you kick off this story? Okay, but what I'm saying is, do you think that these things are a coincidence, or do you think it's genuine theft? Or is it just a coincidence because these are just weird, common tropes? I don't know. Maybe we'll decide at the end. Okay, we'll do it at the end. Okay. So we're doing droids.

This is episode five, season one of droids. Was there only one season? I don't know. It's irrelevant. And basically, they spend the series trying to find different masters so they can perform their droidly duties, right? Yeah. And so in this one, so it's C-3PO and R2-D2, a droid you love and a droid you tolerate.

Which is which, who knows? They arrive at the planet Tynes Hawkey. It looks like just another desert planet. Are they all Tatooine? I mean, we've only seen two. Well, apparently this is the town is called Tynes Hawkey. So maybe it's on Tatooine. Maybe it's shuttling around Tatooine.

Maybe they just drew the background boards and they're like, we don't want to draw another planet so it's just going to be desert from now on maybe we'll dip it in bleach later and make it a snow planet but i don't know anyway they're like oh it's time to time to uh time to get a new master we'll be doing what we've always wanted to do and then they basically just dish pigs and waiters at a like a at a diner at a diner a diner called Dudnik's Cafe And the proprietor of Dudnik's Cafe is Dudnik Who is Dexter Jetster Yeah, I mean, he's mean Dexter Jetster

Yeah, but I mean, he's not What colour is Dexter? Greyish? Yeah He's not greyish He might be purple But that's the thing, he's a weird, giant, mean, four-armed guy See, that's what I'm talking about

Like, maybe it's just Hey, how would a diner manager look? Be weird Four arms? Weird, giant, mean, forearm guy. See, that's what I'm talking about. Like, maybe it's just... Hey, how would a diner manager look? Be weird. Forearms? Sure. He's got to move a lot of stuff around. And I think we also mentioned this last time.

There's so much stuff in the Star Wars universe. You're bound to repeat at some point. Yes, exactly. Anyway. Well, anyway, they're just waiting tables at this place. But mostly just dropping soup on people. This show, and it was less so in the first episode we watched, but this episode in particular,

it's just people falling over things. Like that's the humour, and you can't see it but I'm doing inverted commas, the humour of this episode. It's just an endless array of people just falling over. They're tripping over their own feet. They're tripping over droids' feet. They're tripping over others. They're tripping over their own feet they're tripping over droids feet they're tripping over others they're tripping over nothing and they fall and that's the punchline every time followed by a little bit of incidental music that's like

it also gets them out of situations a lot yeah it's like mostly by accident but they'll be like someone will have a blaster on them and it's like oh no and then they'll accidentally trip and the blaster will get dropped. Yeah, right. So anyway, they get fired almost immediately. So you think, well, that's the end of what's happening at this cafe. You wouldn't fire a droid. You'd just sell them or rip the parts out of them.

Turn them into a dishwasher. Yeah. Literally a dishwasher. That's right. Yeah, exactly. You're not paying them either. You could just, exactly. You're not paying them either. You could just, exactly. You could just drill their feet to the floor in front of a sink and just have them wash dishes.

Dishes, yeah. You could drill them to the front of the floor outside the cafe and entice customers in. That's true. Yeah, but he didn't do any of these things. He fired them. So they go off to sell themselves. But in the meantime, at the back of the cafe there's a there's a like a weird mad max reject kind of guy can we call him cyclops grindley we can call him cyclops because he looks

like hogus grindley from captain planet with a cyclops visor his real name is solag den but we're going to call him cyclops grimley all right but he's like the local crime boss who does all his business in a cafe he's like if you've ever been you walk into a food court and you're seeing like a job interview taking place that's the level of crime boss he is just like um so you got your resume there okay did you want them did you did you want a milkshake or a donut or something who's um anyway it's what's your what's your greatest strength anyway he goes in he's in there up the back a bounty hunter shows up and called kleb zelek there's too many names okay i know and he offers him 40 000 keshels so it's not credits

it's keshels it sounds like a rick and morty thing doesn't it like a made-up currency i mean it's all made up or a pop star or a pop star yeah but 40 000 keshels that's good probably yeah it's heaps to find a guy before IG-88 Finds the guy And I'm thinking I can't wait to see IG-88 in this I wonder what he looks like In animation

I wonder what cool Blaster he's got Spoiler alert He's not in it At all Even for a second He's mentioned a lot He is

He's the He's the Kaiser Soze Of this Boy is he But only in the sense That he never shows up This is a real Anti-Chekhov's

IG-88 situation. It really is. You can't mention IG-88 and not have him turn up and kill somebody. Exactly. Boo. It's ridiculous. I mean, it's a great episode thus far, though.

Sure. But anyway, so Cyclops Grimley's like, okay, I'll find him. Even though I'm a crime boss, I also... Do my own legwork, I guess. Yeah, I guess so. Well, he's got a henchman. He's got one henchman.

Yeah, he's got a henchman. Anyway, the bounty hunter's like, sure, I'll find him. No problem. Anyway, then the droids go to an auction block. They take themselves there. Yeah, they just march themselves through auction block and then just auction. Again, they're like, we're going to sell ourselves. But like, again, what's stopping somebody going, yep, I'll buy those two.

Yeah. And okay, where's my power drill i'm going to take them apart and then i'll crush their brains and then i'll recycle their parts for plumbing yeah nothing right but they're idiots so whatever so then they get purchased by the hero of the piece jan tosh yeah the beautiful vest wearing jan tosh very similar to han solo and then he buys then he also buys an android, a work android. Yeah. And there's never an explanation as to why a droid is different from an android.

No. I mean, they don't seem to like the android. No. But the android, it turns out, is more important than nothing. Yeah, but what I'm saying is why are they calling him an android and not a droid? Yeah, good question. There's no difference. Well, I guess he's...

Because he's part cybernetic. Or they think he is Mason. Or he's IG-88. He's not. He's neither of those, is he? Yeah, right? I mean, I was definitely like, well, there's something up with this weird, silent android.

Maybe it's because... Maybe androids are dumb. Yeah, potentially. Maybe they don't talk. Maybe that's it. Okay, we've solved it. Great. Right.

Anyway, so the bad guys show up. The bounty hunter and the big dumbass guy show up. And they're like, you know what? The android, it's just the guy. It's the guy who's got a mask on. Just to clarify, it's the guy that the bounty hunter is after. That's the guy who has the 40,000 cashels. The bounty himself.

It's not an android. It's the guy. Yeah. Anyway, Jan and the droids get on a big old General Grievous wheel bike. That's what I'm saying. Okay, maybe the pieces are falling into place here a little bit. It does seem a little. But I mean, that implies that people are watching this. You know what I mean?

Okay, sure, yeah. The Lucasfilm creative types are like, hey, we need some new ideas for these films. Just watch the old stuff. There's probably some gold in there. But the thing is, a lot of the people that work there, they've all seen this shit. They grew up on it. I guess so.

Yeah, just because we don't like it because it's crap and we only watch it for money for this show. Yeah, right. Doesn't mean some dumbasses couldn't also watch it for much more money. Yeah, exactly. Is that what you're saying? I guess you're probably right.

Anyway, they get on a wheel bike and there's a fun old chase sequence. Good. Does anything memorable happen in it? One of them falls off or something. I don't know. I bet one of them falls off. Yeah.

I bet C-3PO falls off. No, I think it's the bad guy falls off. He probably falls off. Yeah. Right? Yeah. Anyway, we'll put a montage over this. It'll be fun.

Yeah, absolutely. Anyway, they drive out. Don't promise fun. Yeah, that's right. It's dangerous. It'll be. How about that? Yeah, it'll certainly be won't it'll be

a video of some sort anyway they they drive out they they avoid the bad guys they end up back at the mine that is uh operated by jan's uncle puch puch punch god yeah anyway let's call him wilford brimley yeah because he looks exactly like wilford He's just Wilford Brimley. He's just an old West prospector. That's it. Played by Wilford Brimley. And again, he talks about Jarn, because he sent him out to get a mining droid, but instead he bought back an android that's not an android, a useless butler robot, and a bin with wheels. Correct.

All the greats. And he's like, hey, your good nature is going to be the end of you, Jarn. I mean, Han, or whatever your name is. Yeah, right of you, John. I mean, Han or whatever your name is. Yeah, right, right, right. Which again, that's what happens to Han Solo. His good nature, sometimes it gets him into a great situation where he helps blow up a Death Star and he gets a medal and he's like, fuck yeah, I'm the best. And other times he gets murdered.

That's very true. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. That is his downfall. Yeah, no, right. I think it's important though that Uncle Wilford Brimley, the most important thing about that character is he gets angry and he kicks r2d2 and then he farts i don't know if you remember that i rewound it it definitely 100 happens huh yeah well i think that we'll put that on his tombstone those two things

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Yes. Evidently. So the uncle just sets him to work in the mines. Yeah. Which is good. I mean, why wouldn't you? But it turns out... Life's cheap in the mines. But he's really good at being in the mines. Yeah. Which is good. I mean, why wouldn't you? But it turns out. Life's cheap in the mines.

But he's really good at being in the mines. Yeah, right. He saves the uncle's life. He lifts some big things. Yeah. And I mean, if all disadvantaged people had to do to gain the respect of the more privileged was to save their life constantly. Yeah.

And work in a mine. And work in a mine. Yeah. Life would be better wouldn't it yes uh in the meantime back at dude nicks back at the cafe the big henchman shows cyclops grindley just uh just a sample of of the the element nergon yes some of them which is the most powerful unstable mineral of them all because they'm used to make proton torpedoes probably or something. Again,

there's a very similar story element in solo, a star Wars story now in theaters. Ooh. Yeah. Do they call it Nurgon? Yes. No. I was going to say,

cause that'd be a definitive link if they were like, yeah, we've got this Nurgon. But anyway, so like, so like in Grindley's got a mining operation. Cause he's the, he's the, he's the a mining operation because he's the

he's the crime boss and he's like look what we found in your mines we found the Nergon we discovered the Nergon and he's like great I'm gonna I'm gonna gather up

all the Nergon I'm gonna work my workforce to the bone dig up all the Nergon sell it to the Empire because I'm an absolute dog of a bloke right

yeah anyway luck as as luck would have it, John and the droids just enter the cafe again with the main man, with the bounty. Yes. The dude.

And also then they're saved by someone called Jessica who shows up, who then promptly disappears. She's in the next episode. Spoilers. Okay, right, okay. Just so you know, that's what we call a little foreshadowing. For an episode we'll never watch. Correct.

What's Jessica Mead's adventure? Who cares? Why is her name Jessica also? Good question. How do they determine who gets a normal name like Luke and who gets a wacky name like Dexter Jetster? George Lucas just going mad over a period of decades. I guess that's true. Also, Jessica has a little stun prod,

which turns up in The Last Jedi. Rose uses one. Oh, yeah. That's all I'm saying, Mason. It's all connected. If you think it's not connected, you've lost it, mate. Don't we also see the stun prod in... We've seen it in Rogue One.

It's in Rogue One as well. Okay, cool, cool, cool. That's all I'm saying. Yeah, right, okay. So anyway, Cyclops Grindle is just like, all right, get him. And then there's a fight. And a lot of people fall over. It's hilarious.

People are tripping over everything, right? It's very funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then Grindley gets the upper hand. He captures Jan Solo, the alien dude, the droids. He puts him to work in the mines. His mines. Yes.

There's two mines. And it turns out that the alien guy is really a prince from his home planet. Correct. And that's why that guy's paying 40,000 skblaklans so he can bring it back and save his people. Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah.

So basically, he's presented with the royal scepter of his royal family. And he immediately gains back his mental faculties and like a sweet scepter that shoots lasers or whatever it does. That's good, isn't it? Yeah. He's the rightful head of the throne. And he explains, if I remember correctly,

that he lost his memory thanks to the magic of an evil vizier. Oh, yeah, who we never meet. We never meet. But maybe it's in the next episode, which we'll never watch. Or a previous episode. Previous episode, which we'll we never meet. We never meet. But maybe it's in the next episode, which we'll never watch. Or a previous episode. Previous episode, which we'll also never watch. Anyway, the evil Vizier has taken the throne for himself. Again, I guess on another...

Who cares? Yeah, right. Another planet? Another sand planet. Yeah, I guess. All this sand is mine now. Oh, dear. Anyway, they're like, we'll just just escape the mines i guess because like there's

deadly gas oh yeah from that least in the mines because of that element they unearth the rare one that he's going to sell to the emperor the nergon yeah yeah nergon it's poisonous and very explosive and yet the guy who's a miner who runs not a miner he's like he's presumably over 18 but he runs this mining operation did you write that joke before this? No, I didn't. That's just a good joke. Was it always in the back of your mind? Always ready. You're like, at some point I got to say,

I'm ready. I'm an air trigger. That's why I picked this episode. And we're all almost out of mining, the mining scene. So you're like, oh God, here we go. But this guy doesn't know that this rare element that he's going to sell can explode.

Yeah, he's blissfully unaware of this. He's just like, well, it must only explode when you put it in a proton torpedo or something. Yeah. Why are you in the mining business? Good question. That's an occupational health and safety nightmare. If he wasn't also a mob boss that works out of a cafe, he'd be run out of this town. He has a headquarters as well.

He could do all his mob stuff from a headquarters. Yeah. He has a headquarters as well. He can do all his mob stuff from a headquarters. Yeah. Anyway, all the droids, they fight their way past the draw, all the mining robots and whatever. Bratfalls galore.

There's so many bratfalls. At one point, I think there's a weird rescue attempt. Like the R2-D2 falls into a pit, and he's about to be killed by a steamroller. And then our friend with the magic scepter dives in and rescues him. Yeah, it's good. It's pretty incredible. It's high octane. It's incredible in the sense that it's incredible that they thought this would entertain children in 1985, I guess.

Maybe it did, though. Maybe. There must have been good stuff from back then, right? Yeah, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, who's to say? Yeah. And then they break into his office yes

he's got an office there and he's just like and grindley's just like all right i'm gonna steal i'm gonna take all the i'm gonna abandon you guys i'm gonna leave all of you i'm gonna take my nergon and i'm gonna escape and make all the money for myself as the facility is about to explode exactly yeah yeah and then that's when his henchman turns on him because he realizes that he's going to be out of money. Well, he runs out of the room and then they chase him. Yes. And then there's three branching pathways

and they all split up to find him. Yes. And C-3PO and R2-D2 find him. Mm. And then they have a bit of a punch-up, sort of. Is that what happens? Sort of, yeah. Yeah.

Anyway. So his henchman turns, sorry. The henchman turns up and he's just like and he's furious he turns on grindley the droids knock out grindley they deliver him to the nearest security station yeah the cop shop um and then he's just like they cut his throat and left him in the desert oh that'd be so good that's what we need we need somebody to like we need somebody to make it like a behind the scenes droids where they're just getting up to all the stuff they should be getting up to. They're definitely getting up to.

And then Mon Jolpa, who's the king, the prince, the missing prince, he's like, oh, so grateful. I'm back. I'm back, baby. I'm going to go back to my home planet. And beat that vizier to death. Poochie style. I'm going to go back to my home planet.

I've ruined this enough. I've ruined this franchise enough. It's time for me to float up into space and regain my throne. And boy, does he. Does he? I don't know.

I'm not going to watch it. Yeah. Also, so the guy who's dead in the desert, his mind explodes. And as a result of that, Uncle Wilford Brimley's mind is revealed to also have

that rare element. That's right. So he's rich also. Yep. And then they all kick each other accidentally or something and they fall over. God, I love slapstick. And then it's the end, I guess. How did you feel about this?

It's bad and crap. Do you feel as robbed as I felt when you made me watch it initially? So normally how we do this is one of us watches it and tells the other person. And we both agree that it's bad. Only one of us having the full amount of information. But I absolutely insist that you watch this. And I hate you for it. Yeah.

But no, it's not good. It's worse than the other one. Do you think it's a quality arc? Do you think it's a, like a, do you think it's a quality arc? Like, do you think it's a dip? Do you think the first one was the best episode? Like they put the most thought into the first episode? It would seem so, I guess. I mean, but then again, maybe if I saw this first, I'd think the other one was better

because they're both bad and they're both set in a desert. Yes. So there's nothing really, you know, maybe i just have more fondness for the last one was because yeah because i saw it first i've never seen it before and it was a novelty value yeah but this is no good and i can understand why i don't know they they didn't keep making this forever here's the thing though it is terrible would you recommend people watch it no but just to see how terrible it is no i think it's gone. No. I think it's gone all the way. For me, it's gone all the way around in a loop. You should definitely watch it.

Okay. Just to see how bad this is. Right. And then watch the second, the next episode of this to see the return of the king and the return of the great Jessica Mead. Oh my God, I can't wait.

Yeah, right? Yeah, so this is Caravan of Garbage. I hope you... Didn't kill yourself after you watched this. We do videos here every Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday. We also have a podcast called The Weekly Planet where we talk movies and comics and TV shows every Monday. You can also find that at thegreatplanetbroadcasting.com.

That's right, I said great. It's just called planetbroadcasting.com. It's not thegreatplanetbroadcasting.com. It's not like thefacebook.com. No, it's absolutely not. But you can check out a bunch of stuff there. At thegreatplanetbroadcasting.com. If you've got something to recommend that you'd like us to look at,

a comic or a video game or a book or a TV show or whatever, please do so in the comments. Drop us a line. And what did you think of this? Was it any good? Obviously not. But you can have an opinion also, though. Yeah.

But if you think it's good, no, you're entitled to that opinion. It's fine. But you're wrong. Yeah. Also, if you're watching the audio version, there is a video version. How would I watch the audio version? You can watch the- I could watch the wave.

You can watch the wave. I can watch the wave. If you're surfing that wave, cool cats, there's a video version also. Hang ten over to the video version. Mm-hmm. All right. Thanks, guys. Appreciate it.

Grab that gym, you guys. We'll see you next week. Goodbye. What a bad thing. It's so bad. I don't understand. But I'm compelled. I kind of want to watch.

I kind of hope that people demand we watch another one. So we have to watch the next one. We've got to find a parallel to the next Star Wars film. That's true. And we'll come back. It was... You're still... This is the recorder.

Yeah. What else do you have to say? I'm just saying. Maybe you're right. Maybe you're right that it was a weird rip-off. I'll never admit it, though. This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network. Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.

I mean, if you want. It's up to you.