The Weekly Planet - TWP Presents - Do Go On
Episode Date: May 31, 2018Hello, so we thought we'd give this a go, doing the occasional upload of another podcast of the Planet Broadcasting network. This week is Do Go On. Informative and hilairous and well worth a listen.... Find Do Go On all these places and more:https://www.planetbroadcasting.com/https://itunes.apple.com/au/podcast/do-go-on/id1057458646?mt=2https://omny.fm/shows/do-go-on/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hello, everybody.
You might be thinking, what's going on?
There isn't an episode on a Thursday.
And you're right, there isn't.
That isn't what this is.
This is us plugging another show, a better show in many ways.
Absolutely.
In almost all the ways.
Correct.
It's called Do Go On.
Some of you, a lot of you already listened to it,
but it's basically a comedy podcast about three best friends
riffing and chatting and just getting along.
Boy, you're really selling this. There's nothing I like better than a couple of best friends really getting along. Boy, you're really selling this.
There's nothing I like better than a couple of best friends
really getting along.
That's right.
And chatting and riffing.
And chatting and riffing, yeah.
So basically one of them presents a topic,
kind of like a book report but interesting,
and the other two try to derail it.
And it's informative and very funny and it's very charming
and it's just a couple of mates chatting and riffing,
which I'm sure some of you...
Just getting along, you know?
Just getting along.
Sometimes they don't get along, though.
But spoiler alert, by the end, they're probably getting along again.
Anyway, it's an absolute blast.
So this is an episode that we thought might be a good one to start on.
It's linked below if you want to check out the entire thing.
They're on Spotify and iTunes and a bunch of other places.
There's a couple of episodes that we're on from time to time.
Absolutely, they are.
That's it.
We've been lucky enough to be on the show.
So if you're interested after this one, just pick a topic that you're interested in or
even not and you're guaranteed a good time.
Yeah, yeah.
I think if you listen to a couple, you'll probably end up listening to more.
I've listened to all of them.
Yeah, me too.
Yeah.
Anyway, we'll be back on Monday.
But yeah, thank you for the ongoing support.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes. This podcast is part for the ongoing support. Yes. Yes. Yes.
This podcast is part of the Planet Broadcasting Network.
Visit planetbroadcasting.com for more podcasts from our great mates.
Hello and welcome to another episode of Do Go On.
My name is Dave Warnke and as always I'm joined by Matt Stewart and Jess Perkins.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Thank you for joining me.
And welcome to the news.
It did feel a bit newsy, didn't it?
Yeah.
It always feels like a barbershop quartet to me.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
Yeah, Matt's got to do the team one.
Good fun.
We do have fun, don't we?
So the way, Dave, this is how the show works, right?
One of the three of us does a report on a topic that's been suggested by a listener.
One of the three of us know what that topic is, the person who's done the report.
The other two do not know.
The other two of the three.
The other two of the three, in case you're wondering which two of which.
The other two do not know.
The other two of the three.
The other two of the three, in case you were wondering which two of which.
And the person doing the report starts the report,
gets us on topic by asking the other two a question.
This week Dave is doing a report.
Dave, what is your question?
All right, here's my question.
Patreon people voted for this topic. My question is, when it comes to serial killers,
what is the scariest weapon they can use?
Oh, good stuff.
I guess it's like I'd say.
Something blunt.
Yeah.
A spoon.
A spoon.
Oh, yuck.
He was struck with a spoon 996 times.
That's a classic Robin Hood Prince of Thieves line.
He goes, I'll cut your heart out with a spoon.
And his cousin or whatever is like, why a spoon?
Use a knife.
Because it's dull.
It'll hurt more.
Great line.
It'll also just be a lot more work for you.
A lot more work.
Imagine trying to break skin with a spoon.
Picturing a wooden spoon.
Obviously.
The only spoon I use.
Stir my coffee with a wooden spoon.
I'm guessing a knife.
Machete or a kitchen knife.
Butcher knife. Oh, rope.
Getting closer.
That would take a few hits unless you're
really good. It wasn't machete. Spear.
Nuclear bomb.
Guns. It is sharp. It's sharp.
My wit.
Prepare to die.
Say something.
It's an axe.
And my axe.
An axe murderer.
No.
You don't get like this at all.
Is this about Mike Myers' movie, So I Married an Axe Murderer?
It's a good movie.
It's a fine movie.
No, it's a good movie.
Did you forget that that existed?
He's talking about the size of the kid's head.
We've lost him.
We've lost him.
Okay.
An axe murderer.
You hear a lot about axe murder.
I say it's just a common trope for a murderer,
but I've never really come across an axe murderer in real history.
I would call a creepy-looking man an axe murderer. Right. He looks like an axe murderer in real history. I would call a creepy-looking man an axe murderer.
Right.
Like he looks like an axe murderer, you know,
but I don't think I know of an actual axe murderer.
Do you know how many axe murders?
The only one that comes to mind to me is the woodchopper
in Little Red Riding Hood kills the wolf with an axe.
Oh, yeah.
So is he not an axe murderer?
He is.
Wow.
An heroic axe murderer. More like an axe hunter? He is. Wow. An heroic axe murderer.
More like an axe hunter, I think, if you're killing an animal.
I think you can call yourself a hunter.
Okay.
I don't think butchers or people who...
They're fucking murderers, mate.
Oh, I agree.
As a vegetarian, I agree.
Even after...
Meat is murder.
So even at the butchers when the meat is well and truly dead.
Oh, yep.
Every cut is still.
What, does he think that cow was born dead, does he?
He knows.
Does he think that that cut's going to bring it back to life, does he?
Yeah.
I don't know.
If you're a butcher, get in touch.
Tell us what you think.
No, this is about an axe murderer.
This topic is called, and I put it up for the vote
with a few other pretty sensational sort of sounding topics,
but of course this one got picked, The Axeman of New Orleans.
Oh, so is that?
For some reason I thought you were doing a general report
on the idea of axe murdering.
No, no, I was just using that question
because I knew you probably haven't heard of this axe man, I imagine.
Axeman. I imagine. Axeman.
I hadn't.
No.
Ax is.
Dimebag Darrell's the most famous Axeman I know.
It's just such a.
He also died, so it's not too good for the Axeman.
Yeah.
Moment of silence for Dime.
And we're back.
Okay.
So the Axeman of New Orleans, you haven't heard of this topic.
I hadn't.
It was one of those ones that jumped out at me in the hat amongst the thousands of suggestions.
Yeah, I've never noticed it.
Because it sounds fucking crazy.
Yeah.
And it does not disappoint.
Okay, 1918.
Let me take you back to New Orleans.
New Orleans.
I know Americans often call it New Orleans, but we usually say New Orleans.
Nola, right?
It doesn't make us right.
I know, but should I pick one and go with it?
Yeah.
I think you can go with it.
Just commit.
Go with your heart.
New Orleans.
Okay.
People in Rome don't call it Rome.
They call it Rom.
They call it Paris.
Yeah.
It's very confusing.
It is confusing.
They're like, when in Paris?
It's like, what?
The rest of us say, when in Rome?
They go, what's Rome? It's like, what? The rest of us say, when in Rome? They go, what's Rome?
It's very confusing.
Italians.
Okay, 1918, New Orleans, the Big Easy, the birthplace of jazz,
home of Mardi Gras, often referred to as the most unique city
in the United States.
Well, this unique city was about to be terrified
by a very unique serial killer.
God, you are just so good at this.
This is what happens when you put time into the reports.
I don't do that.
Time and passion.
Time and passion.
Is this our second New Orleans report?
Was your witch?
Oh, no.
No, not witch.
She was like a voodoo queen.
Voodoo queen of New Orleans.
Oh, yes.
The voodoo queen of New Orleans on New Orleans.
New Orleans sounded better. For that one, yes.odoo queen of New Orleans. Or New Orleans. New Orleans sounded better.
For that one, yes.
Yeah, yeah.
But this one weren't New Orleans.
Now, to truly set the scene for this murderer,
we have to go back a few years earlier to 1910
where there was a spate of attacks on Italian grocers.
Approximately eight years earlier.
Math.
That's correct.
So New Orleans Italian grocers were being attacked.
They were from Rome.
Originally.
Most of them Sicilian, I believe.
Because they're very French.
It's quite a French.
Yes, the French Quarter is there.
But out of all the cities in the south of the US at the time,
that had the biggest Italian population, most of them Sicilian.
According to Miriam Davis in her book, Axe Man of New Orleans, The True Story.
So you know it's true.
She could be sued if her book wasn't true, if she named it that.
So she's confident.
She put it on the line.
I like that.
On August 3, 1910, Harriet Crutty awoke from her sleep
to a man standing over her brandishing a meat cleaver
and demanding money.
And if she didn't give it to him, he would, quote,
do to you what I just did to your husband.
So that point.
It would have been like this.
I do it to you what I just did to your husband.
Not speaking with his hands.
Remember, my nana is Italian.
So you can do that.
Maybe just call her Nonna.
Nonna.
Just to be safe.
Okay.
So cultured.
Molto bene.
I do it to you.
Well, just because the killer, the victims are Italian,
doesn't mean the attacker is Italian.
Oh.
May just be a big fat racist.
Oh.
Let's not discount that theory
Are they definitely fat though?
Yes
Now
We'll get to that
Now
So the meat cleaver said
I'll do to you what I just did to your husband
The meat cleaver said it
Yeah
It was a puppet show
Sidekick
She was like
I dropped some acid last night.
This is fucking weird.
I really don't want to be doing this.
Well, it's too bad.
You will do it.
Oh, you better do what he says.
I can't control him when he's like this.
So basically he's threatened her saying,
I'll do to you what I just did to your husband.
It was at that point because she'd been asleep up until now.
She looked over and saw her husband covered in blood thinking he was dead.
So she panics, reached under her bed and handed over the then sizable sum of $8.
But this wasn't enough for the attacker who demanded more.
His puppet show was worth more than $8.
Fair.
You know what?
When you're an artist, the hardest thing is knowing the worth of your art
and not just taking free gigs.
Like, no, I work hard.
I deserve to be paid.
She's like, I've got a free beer.
Would that be enough?
It's like, make it two.
And I'll be happy.
And a $4 pizza.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Is this a particular gig you've got to face with?
I don't know.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Is this a particular gig you've got a face with?
I don't know.
This $8 wasn't enough for the attacker who demanded more cash.
Harriet, however, lied and said that was all she had,
even though she had heaps more stuffed under her mattress.
Yeah, bitch.
Yes.
Yes.
My life is worth a lot more than that.
Yas, queen.
Yes, she gets it.
And the attacker fled after this.
On his way out, the attacker grabbed the family's pet mockingbird's cage,
took the cage outside, threw the cleaver in the yard,
put his shoes back on.
After all, he didn't want to bring mud into the carpet.
Oh, he's polite.
Then he freed the bird from the cage,
rolled a cigarette and smoked it on the back porch before leaving.
Okay, that's odd.
Also, I like that she had $8 stashed in case of robbing.
That's smart.
So you have two bank accounts, your main one and the one you want to get robbed.
Your rob account.
The one you want to get...
So you can allocate which one is to be robbed.
Unfortunately, I did label it rob this one.
And don't rob this one.
It has a lot more in it in the other one.
Okay, I guess that's very clear.
I mean, I suppose I'm targeting that one.
So this, when, what, did you say 1800s?
1910.
1910.
So this is pre-DNA, pre-fingerprints probably.
So he's happy to just throw the.
There is early fingerprinting, but they don't use it.
It's so early on they don't use it in any of these cases.
Yeah, because that's not much.
What a great time to be a criminal.
You just throw the weapon into the yard.
It's really the golden age of serial killing.
Yeah.
Yeah, now with all the bloody...
If you were like someone with compulsions to kill,
you'd be now, you'd be like, damn it.
Yeah, it would really suck, wouldn't it?
It would really suck.
Living in this day and age with a compulsion to kill, no good.
That'd be the one downside.
Obviously that's a pretty crazy story about this meat clipper guy.
Some historians debate that it may have been exaggerated, this one.
But what is definitely true is that both Harriet and her husband survived.
Right.
So was that blood?
Or had he been eating a pie in bed again?
Because I swear to God, George, if you fucking get more crumbs in this bed.
That's a saucy pizza.
He's covered so he looks like he's covered in blood.
He's falling asleep because he's full.
I was thinking for a second that this thief was so genius
that he made him look.
That's exactly what I thought.
Fake blood.
That is so smart.
No, he chopped the shit out of him.
He just didn't chop him enough.
Right.
That's disappointing to me.
So smart.
Why didn't they just pour fake blood on him?
Duh.
Yeah, I mean, is he a mate clever?
You think he's the butcher or her?
Women can be mass murderers too.
Thank you.
Yas, queen.
Maybe it was Harriet all along.
See, that's always someone close.
It is always someone close.
It's often someone close, isn't it?
I mean, you guys are probably the people I see most frequently.
Shout out to your family.
Is that a threat?
No, I'm just a little concerned now.
Oh, okay.
Me too.
Yeah, you always get killed by one of your podcast co-hosts.
I've heard that.
It's an old adage.
So many statistics.
From 1910.
The attacks continued, and although they were vicious,
none were fatal until 1911 when Grocer Joe Davies' body was found.
He wasn't just gross.
He was Grocer.
Showing injuries that appeared to have been inflicted by a meat cleaver.
His body was fucked up and his brains were literally beaten out of his skull.
Ew, Dave.
I don't know why I'm mad at you, but I am.
Yeah, don't say fucked up.
Sorry.
His brains were effed up and his brains were literally beaten out of his skull.
That's the bit I don't like.
Change that bit for me and the other bit for Matt.
His body was effed up and his brains remained inside his skull.
Thank you.
Probably don't even have to make a note of that.
You would have assumed it.
I assume you would have assumed.
But I'm thorough.
You know, assuming makes an ass out of you and me.
Yes.
Now, what connected these murders to...
I think assuming makes an ass out of you and Ming.
When I was growing up, we had a dog called Ming.
Well, that's who we're talking about here.
You're going to make an ass out of me and Ming.
Yep.
I'll do it.
What connected these attacks together were both the types of victims,
Italian grocers, and the fact that the attacks used meat cleavers
and the weapons had been found in the people's own house.
So this guy wasn't BYO meat cleaver.
Right.
He broke in, went to your kitchen, grabbed your meat cleaver
and then attacked you with it.
I don't have a meat cleaver.
He would have left.
As a vegetarian, I guess you wouldn't.
I don't either.
You don't cleave much meat.
I've got knives, but they're for chopping veggies.
That's a classic thing in some horror movies, some scary movies.
Maybe I'm just thinking of Scream.
But, you know, they'd show a shot of the kitchen,
there'd be knives on display.
Later in the movie, or not long later, they'd show it again
and there'd be clearly one of them missing.
Yeah, yeah.
Like there's a little sign that says, put sixth knife here.
Yeah, or it's like dusty, so it's less obvious.
It's a little silly.
They haven't used that knife in a while. I hope they wash knife here. Yeah, or it's like dusty, so it's less... It's a little silly. It's not really obvious.
But they haven't used that knife in a while.
I hope they wash it first.
Yeah.
Don't want to get cross-contamination.
Dust infection.
Ugh.
Nothing worse. Some people are allergic to it.
Yeah.
You don't want that.
Yeah, yeah.
Imagine.
Imagine if that's what killed you.
You survived the stabbing, but the dust infection got you.
You didn't get dust in me, did you?
Oh, I'm deaf.
I need my EpiPen.
Down I go.
Goodbye, cruel world.
Paul!
Paul!
I wasn't mad until I saw the dust.
You know, sometimes people kill themselves.
What am I going to do?
With dust.
With sitting in the car, running the part from your exhaust into your car.
Sure.
But these people would do it from their vacuum cleaner, run it on reverse.
Hook it up to a snorkel.
That's so fucking stupid.
And I love it.
I love where your brain goes.
People killing themselves with a vacuum cleaner.
Jeez Louise.
What a way to go.
That sounds painless.
Just imagining them testing it on a bowling ball.
You know when vacuum cleaner ads are always like,
look, it can pick up a bowling ball.
Look, it can suffocate this bowling ball.
That's the fucking dumbest thing.
Somehow you made it dumb.
I know, sorry.
I see something and I think I'm just going to add some dumbness here.
So this first actual killing led the murderer to be referred to as the Cleaver.
Oh, I like that.
Hello, I'm the Cleaver.
Where is this?
New Orleans.
Oh, yes.
Now do your voice.
Do it again.
Hello, I'm the Cleaver.
Hello, I'm an expat cleaner.
Expat cleaner?
Oh, he's given away some more of the story.
Spoiler.
Suddenly, the Cleaver's attacks stopped.
The Cleaver seemed to have given up.
The Cleaver referred to themselves in the third person.
I'm giving up.
I've had enough. I've had enough.
All right.
All right.
I also spent some time down under.
Picked up a couple of their phrases.
Oh, the dingo's got me fucking, baby.
G'day.
It's like aloha.
You can use it to start the end., baby. G'day. It's like Aloha. You can use it to start the end.
All right, g'day.
I'm off, g'day.
What is wrong with us?
Okay, so the attacks stopped.
This is the preamble, by the way.
This is the little intro to suck people in.
Yeah, isn't this about an axe murderer?
So the attacks stopped. But thankfully for this report, the attacks again to suck people in. Yeah, isn't this about an axe murderer? So the attack stopped.
But thankfully for this report, the attacks again started six years later,
December 1917.
I'm back, baby!
That's a fair gap.
If you're saying it's the same killer.
All four members of the Andalina family were attacked in their home
by an unknown assailant brandishing a small hatchet.
That's a type of axe.
Small axe, here we go.
And also a terrible book that I read in year seven.
I had to study.
The hatchet or hatchet, one of the two.
It was real shit.
It's also what chickens do.
You going to take a little time out over there, Matt?
Yeah.
You just look like you're about to give yourself one.
So you jumped in.
Time out.
Let me put you out of your misery.
I was trying to do the Dave thing and make it something dumber,
but I overcooked it.
Much like a chicken.
Much like a chicken.
I know.
All four members of the Antelina family survived,
and at the time it wasn't clearly linked to the Cleaver attack
earlier in the decade. In hindsight,
though, we now know that the killer
was back.
On May
22nd, 1918,
a few months later, Joseph Maggio
and his wife Catherine
were sound asleep above their grocery shop.
He's attacking Italians. They were Italian
and grocers, so Italian grocers.
He's got a weird vendetta against grocers and Italians. They were Italian. And grocers. So Italian grocers.
He's got a weird vendetta against grocers.
And Italians.
Or is he an Italian grocer taking out competition?
Good early theories like this.
A man broke into the home. Mole people.
I was going to ask you a few theories later on.
I assumed it was going there.
I'm glad we've gone early.
Mole people.
Always.
So a man broke into the home while they were sleeping, and not just
any man. This was an axe
man.
Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow.
Wake up, people!
Rips a sick guitar
solo. Doing a lot of devil horns with his fingers.
Yeah, and they were all like, this is awesome.
I was tired, but this has
awoken me.
He gained entry into their house by chiseling off one of the panels of their back door and crawling through.
Holy shit.
He really wants this.
Walked into their bedroom.
He first sliced the couple's throat with a straight razor.
He's got the need to cleave.
Whilst they slept.
Ask me what I've got the need for.
What have you got the need for?
The need to cleave.
Schwing.
Cut their throat.
Why do you get a boner?
Schwing.
Schwing, schwing.
Then he, just to make sure that he was doing it properly,
after he cut their throats, he bashed their heads in with their own axe.
Okay, so they had an axe.
Yeah.
Presumably somewhere around the house. Yeah. They didn't have a garden shed. No, it was just lying around. They just had an axe. Yeah. Presumably somewhere around the house. Yeah.
They didn't have a garden shed. No, I was just
lying around. They just had an axe lying around. The lesson here
is pick up after yourselves, people. You live in
filth, you'll die in your own filth. Filth being
an axe. Now, sleeping
in the room next door was Joseph's brothers
Jake and Andrew, who were awoken
by the throat-cutting kerfuffle.
Joseph, they heard the boner.
I don't know if that can be counted as a kerfuffle. Double murder. It'sting kerfuffle. Joseph. They heard the boner. I don't know if that can be counted as a kerfuffle.
Double murder.
It's a kerfuffle.
Oh, okay.
Is it a double murder?
Joseph initially survived.
Initially.
But quickly died after his brothers discovered him.
By which point Catherine was already dead.
So, yes, it's a murder.
Her throat having been cut so deep that her head was nearly severed from her shoulders.
Okay, all right. So, yes, Matt, it is a murder. Her throat having been cut so deep that her head was nearly severed from her shoulders. Okay, alright.
So yes, Matt, it is a double murder.
The people want blood.
Yeah, true, but I also
would have liked to sleep tonight.
I actually had a nightmare last night.
Not kidding.
Based on the recording.
I think it was from this.
I really want to tell you about the dream I had last night.
Okay, was it about the Axeman? No. Can I tell you about the dream I had last night. Okay.
Was it about the X-Men?
No.
Can I tell you real quick?
Yeah, yeah.
So last night I had my alarm set for 9 o'clock this morning and I.
Me too.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
This is terrifying.
And I had a dream that I woke up at like 12 and I had to be at work before 1.
So I was like, oh, no.
But then I actually woke up from that dream, checked my phone.
It was quarter past 8.
I was fine.
I went back to sleep.
Had the same dream again, except this time in my dream,
my boyfriend had – I had slept through the alarm and he had woken up
and turned it off and gone back to sleep.
You would have been furious.
I woke up at like 12.30.
Anyway, so then I actually wake up from the dream
and now I have no idea what the fuck's happening.
I don't know if I'm awake or not.
The alarm's gone off.
I'm awake.
And I told Aidan the dream and then he said he had a dream
in which he'd heard about this TV show that had won 12 Emmys
and it was entirely in Morse code.
Daytime Emmys or regular Emmys?
I don't know.
Regular, let's say.
Wow.
I love that that's your question.
Wow, that's pretty good.
But he was like, he'd heard about this show in his dream.
He's like, I've got to check that out.
Morscode.
His dream beat my double dream.
I thought it was cool that I had a double dream.
No, a double dream is pretty, like, same thing.
I think your dream won.
Isn't that crazy?
But in the second dream I was aware of the first dream.
And then when I actually woke up I was like,
I don't know what fucking year it is.
Feels like an annoying TV show.
My dream was about an axe murderer.
So let's talk about him now.
Sorry for derailing.
Just wanted to share.
No, it's fine.
The only calling card left behind by the killer was the bloodied axe.
Police ruled out robbery as a motivation for the attacks
as money and valuables left in plain sight were not stolen by the intruder.
It was all very mysterious and chilling.
Police made the connection with the murder of the Maggio couple
with the previous spate of Italian grosser attacks six years earlier
that I talked about at the start of the episode
because in addition to the similarities in victim,
using a weapon in the home and the method of entry,
one clue that seemed to suggest a possible connection was they found
outside possibly a second calling card.
I may have lied about that because there was a message found in chalk
near the scene of the crime that said, quote,
Mrs. Maggio will sit up tonight just like Mrs. Tony.
The last victim of the previous spree of attacks was found to have been
a man by the name of
Tony Sciambria.
Tony and his wife had been attacked in bed also.
Perhaps she was the Mrs. Tony.
Mrs. Tony.
She was talking about.
Well, she had firstly her own first name and that's her husband's first name.
Please, my wife is Mrs. Tony.
You can call me Tony.
Okay. Don't know why I called you Mrs. Tony, but all right. Hi is Mrs. Tony. You can call me Tony. Okay.
Don't know why I called you Mrs. Tony, but all right.
Hi, I'm Tony.
This is my wife, Mrs. Tony.
I don't know.
So they did make a connection.
Police were now praying that this was not the beginning of another murder spree.
Spoiler alert, it definitely was.
Thank you so much for putting in spoiler alert there
so I had the chance to skip forward 15 seconds and go.
We've got another killing here.
Lewis Bessemer and his mistress, saucy, Harriet Lowe,
were discovered in the back of his grocery.
Another Harriet.
Yes.
Interesting.
This is true.
Lewis and Harriet.
He's not married, just his mistress. That's okay, Dave. Let's This is true. Lewis and Harriet. Not married, just his mistress.
That's okay, Dave.
Let's not shame people.
I'm not shaming them, but that was quite scandalous in 1918 New Orleans.
So a baker named John Zanker was making his morning deliveries
to all the different groceries.
He should have been a banker, not a baker.
Banker Zanker.
You got one wrong.
Idiot.
You just couldn't quite hear the careers counsellor.
Sorry, what was that?
A banker.
Baker?
All right.
I'm really good with numbers and terrible at bread, but okay.
Also got very bad hearing.
Help me.
No one answered the front door when he knocked,
so he went out the back and Lewis himself came to the door,
covered in blood and claimed to have been attacked.
His mistress, Harriet Lowe, had also been assaulted by an axe-wielding man
who had first struck Bessemer Lewis in the right temple,
leaving him with a skull fracture, and then slashed his lover over her left ear.
She was unconscious.
The axe, which had belonged to Lewis himself,
was found in the bathroom of the apartment.
The intruder had gotten in the same way, chiselling out a panel of the back door.
And crawling in like a little dog.
Yeah.
Like a little, he's made a cat flap.
He's made a small cat flap.
He crawls on in.
Meow.
Lewis survived the attack and Harriet would hang on for seven weeks before dying of her
injuries.
She used her final weeks, according to this mysterious universe,
to make, which is a cool website, to make, quote,
increasingly rather bizarre and contradictory statements to police
about who she thought the attacker was, end quote.
First saying it was a black man, then a white man.
Because she said initially that it was a black man,
they arrested Louis Uberkin, who was a black guy
who had just started working at the grocery store. Harriet then changed her story and said it was actually black man, they arrested Louis Uberkin, who was a black guy who had just started working at the grocery store. Harriet then
changed her story and said it was actually her
lover, Louis, another Louis, who had attacked
her, the guy that had a fractured skull.
She was like, no, he was the axe guy, and
accused him of being a German spy.
Okay. So she's
sort of pointing fingers, describing
varying descriptions of
who the attacker is. This caused a media storm
because of the vicious nature of the crime,
the fact that it was the second attack by this possible serial killer.
It was between two unmarried lovers, so a bit of a scandal there,
one of whom might now be a German spy.
So the media are laughing.
And this is World War I now, right?
Yes.
Yes.
Yes, the year was 1941.
18.
Okay, I fucked it up.
It's not World War I. 1918, yes, it is. 1918? Yes. I was thinking 18. Okay, I fucked it up. It's not World War I.
1918, yes, it is.
1918?
Yes.
18?
Oh, my God, I'm so confused.
Okay.
This is 1918.
That is World War I.
Can confirm.
Can confirm.
The grocery store worker, Louis Zubicon, that Harriet originally fingered,
went to trial but was found not guilty.
I enjoyed writing that.
He was found not guilty, mainly because her husband. He was found not guilty mainly because her husband,
who'd also been attacked, kept saying,
it's not our worker, it wasn't our worker.
She just said it was me too and I'm not a German spy.
So Harriet eventually passed on after pointing the finger
at many different people.
She also had quite a head injury and nobody thought,
maybe cognitivelyly something's not
yeah. QR.
But we'll come back to them
later in the show. Oh my god, yay!
About a month later on
August 5th, the Axeman struck again.
Eerily it was the same day that the aforementioned
Harriet Lowe succumbs to her injuries.
So the day she passed on he struck again.
On the night of August
5th, as I said, 28-year-old,
eight-month pregnant Anna Schneider awoke to a dark figure standing over her.
He then repeatedly bashed in her face with what was later speculated
to be a lamp.
Their axe was also missing from the back shed.
Her husband returned later than usual that night to find his wife
covered in blood.
But thankfully she survived and gave birth to a healthy girl
just two days after the attack.
Fuck.
Did you say she was pregnant before?
Yeah, eight months pregnant.
Eight months, very pregnant.
Oh, my God.
I would have been writing that a lot harder.
Yeah, I looked at you like, oh, he's going to be very upset here.
That's why I got to it quite quickly.
Is this a surprise birth?
Did they know?
Ta-da!
I tried to get to it quite quickly to put you at ease.
I appreciate that.
No need.
No need.
Apparently, because he wasn't paying attention.
Mrs. Schneider, the one that had given me.
Mrs. Schneider.
And their axe was missing.
Mrs. Schneider, your axe is missing.
Look, I'm just reading it as I see it, which is incorrectly.
Mrs. Schneider, couldn't recall I'm Rob Schneider.
Do you know that episode of South Park?
Fucking great one.
Rob Schneider is a stapler.
Rob Schneider is a carrot rated PG-13.
Anyway, Mrsisha Schneider
Couldn't recall
This is the one that's given birth
Couldn't recall much of the attack
But claimed that she had been attacked by a dark figure
That resembled some sort of phantom
The phantom of the opera is here
What does phantom mean?
I just thought
Because the phantom's the guy in the purple
And the phantom of the opera wears a suit And phantoms are going on the purple. Yeah, the ghost of the war.
And the phantom of the opera wears a suit.
And a mask.
Does it just mean they're a ghost?
Wearing a mask.
Yeah, it's just another word for ghost.
Ghost and mask.
Phantom.
Here we go.
Phantom menace?
What does that mean?
The ghost of menace.
Wow.
No, the ghost menace.
I put of in there.
The phantom of menace.
Phantom. Noun. A ghost. A fig the ghost menace. I put of in there. The phantom of menace. Phantom.
Noun.
A ghost.
A figment of the imagination.
Not real.
Oh, okay.
So that's actually.
So she resembled.
Something not real.
Okay.
All right.
Is her name Harriet as well?
Honestly, no.
What's she?
Mrs. Schneider.
She's Mrs. Schneider.
Harriet Schneider. She's Mrs. Schneider. Harriet Schneider.
No.
It was at this point the lead investigators began to publicly speculate
that the attack was related to the previous incidents involving
Beshima and Maggio.
Beshima.
Yes, the city had a serial killer on its hands.
On its hands.
Oh, my God.
It's only been successful in one out of the three attacks,
but still serial killer.
You know any time on the news they're like,
oh, somebody's wielding a knife and they name a suburb in Melbourne?
I'm like, oh, God.
No.
That's terrifying.
Oh, yeah.
This is crazy.
They're like, okay, Melbourne, there's an axe murderer loose.
Okay.
Thank you.
Well, Jess, this next sentence is not going to make you feel any better.
The Axeman's thirst for blood was queely.
Damn it.
Was he right?
Does this make you feel worse?
Yeah, I'm shitting myself.
I'm terrified.
Stop.
Please, Dave, you're killing me.
Was clearly not quenched by the attack on Anna Schneider.
Queely.
Because just five days later, he struck again.
Imagine how chilling that would have been if I didn't fuck it.
You would have been chilled to the core, Matt.
Yeah.
I'd give you time.
This would be like five minutes of thawing out time.
Matt's already.
That's already lukewarm.
Oh, fuck.
It's like a tepid soup.
That's not what you want to be tepid.
What do you want to be tepid? Hug. You want a tepid soup. That's not what you want to be tepid. What do you want to be tepid?
Hug.
You want a tepid hug?
I don't want a hot hug.
That's weird.
Exactly.
Warm is nice.
Warm hug's nice, Dave.
Tepid pool.
Pool water?
Oh, yeah.
Good one.
If it's supposed to be or if there's just been some kids in it, that's not good.
Oh, no.
Oh, God.
What does tepid mean?
It means a ghost, okay?
Stop making me Google words.
Because it's somewhere between.
I thought it was like a room temperature-ish.
Yeah.
Is it?
So, your own blood?
All right, new show idea.
Someone picks a word from the dictionary
and the others have to try and guess what they think it means.
Oh, I love it.
Boulderdash.
I'm just Googling it.
Last thing I Googled was how do you know you have a tapeworm?
So that's good.
Wow, do you reckon you've got one?
I don't know.
My stomach hasn't been great for a couple of weeks.
That's why I was playing that tapeworm song by System of a Down
when you walked in before.
Oh, I had no idea.
I thought you were...
I didn't know what you were doing.
Tepid.
Only slightly warm.
Lukewarm. Yeah, there you go, Matt. were doing. Tepid. Only slightly warm. Lukewarm.
Yeah, there you go, Matt.
So you are tepid.
Sure am, baby.
Fuck, that wasn't worth it.
Sorry, Dave.
Do go on.
All right, here we go.
So he struck again.
The quench was not thirst.
Other way around.
You know what I mean.
Jesus.
Pauline and Mary Bruno, two sisters living with their 80-year-old uncle Joseph,
awoke when they heard the sound of scuffling coming from their uncle's bedroom.
Scuffling.
Ooh.
They ran in and claimed to have seen Joseph being attacked by a tall,
dark, heavyset figure in a dark suit who was wearing a slouch hat.
Oh, yeah.
Fat racist.
Mm.
The attacker ran when one of the girls screamed out.
The sisters would later emphasize that despite the man's size,
the intruder had been, quote, awfully light on his feet.
A dancer.
Oh, I like that theory.
Or maybe it's someone who's wearing clothes to look heavyset
when they're not.
Oh, a fat suit.
Definitely.
Big Mama's house.
Yes.
Or it could be like a 1980s AFL footballer.
There were a lot of big units there who were very athletic.
Tony Plugger Lockett.
Yeah, I think you're really making generalisations
if you assume that all people who are maybe a bit more heavy set
are going to walk around like doom, doom.
That's silly.
That's ridiculous, Dave.
Well, take that up with Pauline and Mary Bruno who are no doubt dead by now.
Yeah.
But also some people just walk really heavy on their heels, you know,
and it doesn't matter how big you are.
You just, like, if you have to live with them, you're like,
shut the fuck up.
Yeah, Dave, stop fat shaming is the moral of that story.
I think they're mainly trying to imply that he's some sort of phantom.
See the word ghost.
See the word tepid.
See tepid.
Page 161 of the concise Oxford Dictionary.
I think we should do that as a bonus episode of where we choose a word.
That's fine.
Okay, we can do that.
Choose a word each and the other two have to.
Maybe we'd have to come in with a few words probably.
Yeah.
I'm not riffing for like 10 minutes a word.
Let's get some suggested words.
Ah, very good.
Ones that you...
I mean, I was going to say weird words,
but we couldn't even decipher the word phantom or tepid.
So any word.
Teacup.
What is it?
What does it mean?
It's a cup for tea, Dave.
I don't know.
I'm going to Google it.
Your little face, though, was so cute just then.
What does that mean?
What does it mean?
What is it?
Teacup. Definition. Doesn't even come up with? What does it mean? What is it? Teacup.
Definition.
Doesn't even come up with a definition.
That's how obvious it is.
Teacup.
It's when you're zhuzhing up a room, adding more.
Teak.
Teak.
You teak it up.
I love it.
Teacup.
Took way too long to get there, Bob.
Sorry about that.
Thank you for jumping in.
Jess, you're not right, but you're not wrong.
How?
A cup from which tea is drunk. Yep. All right, you are right, but you're not wrong. How? A cup from which tea is drunk.
Yep!
Alright, you are right. You're just not wrong.
So the attacker
ran away, awfully loud on his feet, despite
being heavy. Loud on his feet? Did you say
loud on his feet? Dave, please stop this
The attacker floated away through the
wall. He heard someone yell out
free buffet and ran to the window.
All you can eat.
I'm a fatty boy.
I've got to go.
Bye bye.
You're doing the opposite of what I requested.
I'm a fatty boy.
He's such a fat man.
Probably couldn't drive.
He's too fat to get in the car.
Also pretty early for cars.
I think they were early.
Yeah, they were around.
Not everyone had one.
Not every ex-murderer had a car back then.
Uncle Joe. Remember Uncle Joe?
80 years old. He'd been hit on the head and received
two large cuts. He managed to walk to the
ambulance. Pay cuts.
He managed to walk to the ambulance once it arrived,
yet he died two days later due to severe head trauma.
Are you kidding?
It's pretty good, isn't it?
Getting hit, struck twice, you can't just tell the ambulance and then.
Do you know what?
If I'm calling an ambulance, I don't care what it's for.
They can come get me.
Like, you know, I pay my ambulance membership.
I've got to check that.
Put me in the.
Yeah, you really do.
Put me on the trolley thing and wheel me out.
Okay?
You're trained to do it.
I'm not walking.
Trolley thing.
Another one.
We don't know the word.
Gurney?
Yeah, I was thinking it.
I will call it a trolley thing because I pay my membership.
I pay their wages.
I love it when people say that.
That's good.
I pay your wages.
Especially now that you work for the ABC.
Yeah.
And the taxpayers pay my wages.
Thank you, Australian taxpayers.
I want to get my eight cents worth, Jess.
Well, tune in, Triple J.
So Uncle Joe, he's gone.
I'm so sorry.
He died.
But when police arrived, they discovered that the back door had again been chiseled in and
a bloody axe was found in the backyard.
Does he ever just try the lock?
You know?
He probably tries that first.
Ah, I'd hope so.
Or he just likes chiseling.
Who doesn't love a good chisel?
I love it.
People were very scared now.
It seemed like the Axeman could strike at any time,
able to gain access and disappear at will.
There was now a state of extreme chaos in the city,
with residents living in constant fear of an Axeman attack.
Newspapers started to refer to the attacker at this point as the Axeman, and this did
nothing to quell people's fears.
If anything, it made him seem even more terrifying.
People began to make numerous reports about missing axes, reports of shadowy figures lurking
in the darkness, and even some finding their doors chiseled open.
Wow.
So people are like...
The first few you could be like, you misplaced the axe.
That figure was a shadow.
That shadowy figure was a shadow.
That door.
The chiseled door, that one's harder.
That door always had a missing panel.
An angry bear, hello.
Hello.
You've got food in there.
Yeah.
Bear's hungry. Okay. Leave food out for a got food in there. Yeah. Bear's hungry.
Okay.
Leave food out for a bear, you idiot.
Yeah, leave it out.
Are you kidding?
Don't leave it in.
How stupid are you?
At nightfall, people began to barricade themselves in their own homes
because now there's an X-Men and bears on the loose.
It's very dangerous out there.
It's a terrible time.
Armed men started keeping watch over their families
and their neighbourhoods.
More police were deployed to patrol the streets.
In short, the city was fucking terrified.
Yeah.
Imagine what happened now.
You'd be so scared.
I'd be scared.
Matt wouldn't be scared.
Well, I mean, everyone has CCTV now.
Yeah, no, it sounds awful.
So we've got vision of you being smashed in the face with an axe.
Yeah, but then we've got the guy who did it.
True, but what if it's a phantom ghost?
Oh, yeah, you're right.
They never show up on camera.
Not on CCTV, certainly not.
Oh, on September 13, just over a month after.
Floating cloaks.
What's that?
What's that?
That's just a floating trench coat.
I can't identify that. Just over a month after... It's floating cloaks. What's that? What's that? That's just a floating trench coat. I can't identify that.
Just over a month after the killing of Uncle Joe,
a man named Paul Durrell Jr. went to open his corner store
when he found a panel from the store's door removed.
Outside, police later found footprints on the fence surrounding the yard.
They suspected that the axe man had attempted to get into their house.
Durrell and his family survived, sleeping soundly throughout the night.
The intruder had been able to get the panel off the door, but he could not stick his hand through to open it from the inside.
That's because Daryl had stacked cans of tomatoes in front of the door, and those cans of tomatoes
may have just saved their lives.
On purpose?
Daryl's really leaning into the Italian stereotype.
Just a delivery.
Hey, I bet you were really enjoying that podcast
because if you made it this far, you must have been.
But guess what?
That wasn't the full episode.
There's more!
Yeah, that's right.
But that's linked below.
I mean, it'd be weird if it just ended like that, wouldn't it?
That's exactly right.
So if you just jump over to the subscription
and click over to that,
you can subscribe and check out all the episodes for free.
iTunes, Spotify, wherever you find us, you'll find them.
Correct.
See you guys at a different time than now.
Inhale.
Ha!
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