The Worst Idea Of All Time - 02: Not One Hog

Episode Date: August 19, 2020

Emmanuelle 2 features an unbeatable Frenchman in the kitchen, Balianese cultural dances, coming of age moments and non-explicit sexual content. In this episode we find out Tim knows two ballet positions and Guy knows one more.. The dirty C word (c**tent) is uttered and so is a list of body parts that viewers are treated to in this flick, complete with a disappointing lack of hogs. Acupuncture makes us squeamish and sailors seem like a good way to spend a day. Tim gushes on the soundtrack and visits the hypocrisy of the Bond franchise. Horses are just fast cows and polo should be outlaws. All hail the big propeller!JOIN US ON FACEBOOK: facebook.com/WorstIdeaOfAllTimeSUPPORT US ON PATREON: patreon.com/TWIOATVISIT THE LITTLE EMPIRE PODCAST NETWORK: littleempirepodcasts.comMUSIC CREDIT: Tender Moonlight (facebook.com/TenderMoonlight)ART CREDIT: Tomas Cottle (sick-days.com) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, Tim and Guy here, and welcome to the Worst Idea of All Time, Season 5. This season we are watching the French-originated softcore pornography series, Emmanuel. Because why not? These films contain some anachronistic and downright problematic scenes from time to time. Which we will not be discussing, to keep our podcast a stupid and friendly place to be. Also, you do not need to watch these films as always so just enjoy the show we're watching the movies so you don't have to happy listening everybody That would be... A reprise of the theme that permeates Emmanuel 2, the musical theme that is.

In terms of thematics, I would say this film is an advertisement for open marriages. This film is an advertisement for open marriages. Hello, everybody, and welcome to the worst idea of all time, season number cinco. That's five. And this season, we are watching the entire Emmanuel collection of erotica films. Was it a good idea? Time will tell. I suspect possibly not.

We have just watched Emmanuel 2, the tagline of which is, In love it is better to give and to receive. It's like Christmas. I'm Emmanuel. And I'm Tim Beck. I can show you how to do both. The subtitle of this film, the French I believe, translates to The Joys of a Woman. And there are many joys of a woman.

Yeah. A lovely hug. Fantastic company. A lot of them are really good drivers. Robust conversation. Some of them can do statistics. I find, across the board, women are... What's your favorite joy of a woman, Guy?

Desirable company. How could I hate women? Me mum's one. I didn't realise Ricky Gervais was joining us as a special guest. So, yes, Emmanuel, the Joy of a Woman, or its original title, Emmanuel L'Antiviege, is a 1975 French softcore erotica film directed by Francis Giacobetti. Now, we must front load with this. This entire film is in French, and this time there were no subtitles.

That's right. I did think this installment of the Emmanuel franchise suffered somewhat from taking place entirely in a language that neither of us understand. What does it leave you with? Great question. Essentially, one and a half hours of wealthy French people in a city I believe to be Hong Kong. A city and country? City-state?

City-state. What's the deal with Hong Kong? I believe to be Hong Kong. I don't know enough to wade into the world of having an opinion but from what i can tell yeah it's not good they're frustrated and china is rude in hong kong right now yeah yeah yeah yeah totally um that's a different podcast we're here to talk about emmanuel de i wish they called it that well they kind of to they kind of did uh so So if you don't understand what is being said, you're watching just like wealthy French either diplomats or layabouts.

Oh, come on. Let's put a stake in the ground here. Here's what I reckon. Mr. and Mrs. Emmanuel, I reckon definitely a diplomat. Called Jean. Jean. Mr. Mrs. Emmanuel, I reckon definitely a diplomat. Called Gene. Gene. He's got a little moustache, and he looks like the guy whose name I forget. What's the real good series about Pablo Escobar?

Narcos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Peña. Agent Peña. Haven't seen it. Man. He looks like that guy. He looks like a real-life version of a character that would be drawn in Archer.

He's also in Star Wars, which more people will know, but I'm not a Star Wars guy, so I don't have the reference to hand. Apologies. He's a diplomat. Space nerds. He lives in Hong Kong. His wife, Emmanuelle, arrives to... Fuck.

Yeah, man. So this is a different Emmanuelle. This is not your dad's Emmanuel. In the first movie, very shy, like a little flower that hasn't quite opened up yet. In this one, blam. Here she is, very confident, strident, smoking a cigar, which I took as a real sign of empowerment and confidence. I ran out of synonyms.

And I loved it. I thought it was cool yeah out there kicking ass taking names same emmanuel different husband similar setup here's a guy kicking it on the government's dime in instead of thailand hong kong yeah here is a woman who is excited to bone her husband yes but also literally anyone who will bone her and so the film begins in earnest the two of them meet one another it turns out that gene this diplomat husband mr emmanuel has been keeping company with a beautiful guy who loves to have a bath and drink a couple of tall boys in the bath we called him bath boy because we didn't catch his name but it could be christopher or it might be michael we're not sure but holy smokes you could

set your watch to that chin the guy is unfathomably handsome and there's something about this beautiful 70s film that have a little bit of ass on the lens that just makes everything all the more beautiful because there's less definition. You know what? That is one thing. Your brain's filling in a couple pixels for you. I will say for this film, it is beautifully shot.

Wonderful. On location. I mean, every visual detail of this film delights. Yeah, truly. It's a sumptuous feast for the eyes. The lighting's really good. And we're not just talking about the erotica. Yeah, nice.

I'm pretty sure they're using... We're talking about everything. I still don't have a firm grasp on this, but anamorphic lenses for a lot of those close-ups. You remember that conversation where there's no two-shot? So we're just seeing Emmanuel and Anna-Marie talking, and it's just boom, boom, boom, boom. Real close, real close real close

close up but like it looks awesome i'm pretty sure it was done with an anamorphic lens i mean i i i i don't know what that is they're like i think it's a um you know how widescreen is 16 by 9 anamorphic is even like longer that. Oh wow. But then you kind of crush it back in together. It gives you a cool light effect. Whatever it is. I probably got that a bit wrong. It looks fantastic and it's, I mean

what is there to say about this? They're rich. In the credits it's got chief apparently in French is chef. So it's got like the chef machinist and the uh chef electrician i love that and it really tickled me to think of um a frenchman who is unbeatable in the kitchen with a big tall chef's head on dealing with all the cameras and the totally out of their depth but they pulled it off so these beautiful chefs have created a visual platform

in which as i've been saying these are wealthy french folks just fuck about in hong kong and later on in bali i understand yeah uh it seems to me because what i find interesting about these erotica films is that they don't really fill out the careers of the characters i mean we don't know that we didn't understand a lick of dialogue i know but they don't spend any time doing jobs no one spends any of their time doing whatever it is that they're supposed to do for a living and so we're sort of left like with and but also because it's softcore or erotica the sex scenes are neither explicit nor especially lengthy. And so you've got an hour and a half film in which I would say about 15 to 20 minutes of it are taken up by some version of erotic play.

Yep. And then sort of 60 to 70 minutes Yeah Of Just like These people In beautiful environments Which I'm quite into It was kind of cool Because And it's

It's probably not possible to discern Absolutely But I'm pretty sure the very gorgeous man Was a phenomenal actor He looked like I was believing him I don't know what he was conveying Anyone who's acting in not English Has an immediate running start, I think.

Because if you, even with subtitles, actually, you can't be critical of the nuance of the way they're talking or line reads or options, because you don't fucking understand what they're saying. Especially when he's that dazzlingly handsome. Yeah. Really threw me. But I was trying to figure out, is that tub boy?

Because I'm pretty sure when he was in the tub, he had a mustachio. And then when we saw figure out is that tub boy because it i'm pretty sure when he was in the tub he had a mustachio and then when we saw him out of the tub he didn't but then right at the end of the film there's mustachio gentleman who is a little more age appropriate for anna marie to that was a different guy at the end so yeah the the plot loosely follows emmanuel and mr emmanuel mr mrs emmanuel tub boy or bath boy whatever you want to call him The plot loosely follows Emmanuel and Mr. Emmanuel. Mr. Mrs. Emmanuel. Tub boy or bath boy, whatever you want to call him. Tubman. When Emmanuel arrives, Mr. Emmanuel has actually been having a totally sanctioned affair with a woman who we will call Lisa.

And Lisa has just plucked Lisa out of nothing. Or have you been reading plot points? I plucked it out of nothing? Or have you been reading plot points? I plucked it out of nothing. He's reading notes, everyone. I'm on the Wikipedia page now. That's sick. Anyway, Lisa has a daughter? Stepdaughter?

Lisa has some person who is... A ward. A ward who is called annamarie and emmanuel befriends annamarie and finds out that annamarie annamaria in spite of being beautiful does not bone and in emmanuel's book this is a big no-no this is unacceptable so she takes annamaria under her wing uh while doing so by the way she shows up to a dance class that ann maria is taking in the heart of a bustling hong kong yeah i look like quite an advanced ballet course totally walks into the class stops it to say hello the teacher goes hey you can't do that emmanuel goes okay and then just

lets herself into the teacher's office yeah this that bit was in English and very funny. So you've got a, you know, what I assume to be an incredibly high-level ballet instructor and five women who are learning. And they're like, you know, they're going through their plies and what have you, second position. That's it. That's all I know. Oh, no, that's it.

A pirouette. Yeah, fuck, that's what I was trying to remember too. Nice, nice one. And yeah, so Mrs. E emmanuel bowls in there and uh taps anna marie and the guy just says in english is like i i'm so sorry you can't interrupt the class while the dance is the training it's like yeah man we both said that's fucking right and you've done ballet no but i think you'd actually be very good at it You've got a ballet body My older sister did a lot of ballet She got pretty good

But you've got to really want it Fucking A It's really hardcore One of the most hardcore things you can do Yeah I've seen the feet It looks like it's very damaging It looks cool though I'm sure that

You know The hordes of professional ballerinas Who are listening to this program absolutely love me summarizing the entirety of their life's work as looking cool. Yeah. But I never really fucked with it myself. But so upon the rejection of her rude behavior,

the ballet teacher says, don't do that. And Emmanuel says, okay, I'm just going to go into your office and start fucking around with your stuff yeah amongst the ballet teacher stuff is this would you call it a pictograph yeah that sounds good it's some sort of it it's like a it looks like it looks like a set of binoculars almost those old school ones that you get on top of the empire state building you know the ones you drop a 25 cent piece in does anyone call them that a quarter you put a quarter in it and then you can like have a look around and stuff except instead of a magnified um image of new york city when emmanuel looks into this thing it's actually like this animated erotica short film

which is fucking dope it's like the original we are your friends where there's that cut scene to all the animation yeah uh pretty much she watches it there is a woman who is bent over in exactly the same position as the person who's using this uh what did i call it pictograph pictograph and lo and behold someone approaches that person from behind and sticks their bloody beak in between their legs yeah it's the ballet instructor and yay verily the same thing happens to emmanuel in real life it's a cool cartoon i thought it looked i like the art style i'm a big fan of like uh i don't know what it's called but that kind of line art where everything's very sort of um like bold. I think that looks cool, and that's kind of the style.

Can I just go back to Americans calling it a quarter? Yeah, yeah. A quarter of what? A dollar. Exactly. What's a dollar? 100 cents. They understand the concept of things making it to 100.

Yeah. Why the fuck do they apply this to their money and nothing else? If they want to do it, they should go whole hog. I'm pretty sure it was living legend. God, I hope he doesn't die between now and when this comes out. Former president Jimmy Carter had a real effort at trying to convert the rest of everything to metric. And the Americans, man, they wouldn't stand for it.

I think someone needs to... Because they associate very strange things with a sense of freedom i think that they need to take their concept of money and introduce the imperial system to that so they don't get the satisfaction of a dollar equaling exactly 100 cents it's some sort of weird fucking open-ended mess a uh what did we have? Because we had Imperial until 1967 in New Zealand. And they were like... And we're doing fine now, everybody. If anything, we're doing better.

Do you remember when the notes changed from paper to plastic in this country? So my friend was in the army in basic training where you just get completely cut off from life. And it happened while he was gone. He came back and all the currency was different really fucking got him and what did it's just quite freaky it's quite a like it's kind of low level but it's so pervasive that all the money changes while you're away for a set number of months you know it's quite a weird thing to come back into society with it's like fuck you guys

changed all the money this there was a weird thing to switch while I was gone. Yeah. I like that. Yeah. I like our money. It's good. Australia's got the best money. Then Canada. Then us.

I haven't seen Canadian money. What do they got over there? Ruples? Yeah, they use Ruples. Shekels are cents and Ruples are like dollars for Canadians. They just use the colourful Fucking scheme That we use as well

Oh that's nice A lot of orange A lot of purple I don't know They're just They're our spiritual counterparts We've got magic mushrooms On our one

It's on the 10 Yeah we've got some blue meanies No they're on the 50 Oh yeah Yeah the 50 On the back Yeah They're fucking sitting there

Begging to be plucked and eaten The Reserve bank will tell you otherwise but we all know we know what mushrooms they are we know really so anyway back to the film emmanuel yeah so yeah emmanuel bones the ballet teacher and she just keeps this friendship up she fucks a guy at a polo club and eventually her and mr emmanuel mr mrs emmanuel go to bali there's this beautiful 10-minute sequence, which isn't to do with sex or the furthering of the story at all. It's just some traditional Balinese performance piece.

That was awesome. And then there's a three-way to end things. What did you think that was? Because it looked like to me like a... I actually did leave halfway through, I think, to make noodles. But it kind of looked to me like a, what are they called? Like a rite of passage into adulthood. What are they called?

Most cultures have them. A bar mitzvah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's kind of a general word to describe it. Coming of age. Yeah, yeah. A coming of age film. Like an introduction.

Emmanuel Duh, a real coming of age film. And an age of coming there you go uh that's what that ceremonial performance looked to me as being a sort of welcoming of someone into adulthood yeah we don't have that and kind of i mean can i just take a culture we've got 20 firsts where you wait until 21 where you're definitely like it's too late to be doing it and then we poison you with alcohol you drink a yard glass of beer or no real reason a boot full either way you're a showy guy no i've done a showy once just once though and it's you know it's just beer out of a shoe yeah that is gross disgusting

i just want to say because in talking about this now, it's clear to me that neither of us really, aside from admiring the aesthetics, had an experience with this film. You and I just settled up next to each other again at about one o'clock on a Tuesday afternoon to watch an hour and a half of French erotica with no entry or reference point.

Also, Boner Patrol, nothing over here. Not even the whisper of a boner I had last time. I mean, I want this series to get to America so they can start fucking it up, take us to space. These are competently made skin flicks that leave very little for us to space these are competently made skin flicks that leave very little for us to unpick especially because we aren't french and especially with this one because we didn't have subtitles it's we're essentially watching art house films that tend toward the

erotic yeah because the 70s had um a slightly more conservative view of what you could do on screen i think so like even though this was probably judged as pornography back at you know softcore admittedly pornography back in the day i very much put this in the genre of erotica just because it's so like beautifully done yeah they're not afraid to like travel around create some storylines introduce people do some good acting it's, languid filmmaking. Yeah. You're not rushing anything.

You're saying, hey, this is what we want to have the camera on, and we're going to keep the camera on this for as long as we like. Doesn't that feel nice? Like at times it gets a little long in the tooth, but I like the slower pace of content. Can I say that dirty C word on this podcast? Yeah. I'm just absorbing so much shit that's been made recently.

And admittedly, like, you know, it's got my brain jacked up on Netflix juices. Get me hooked for that next episode on how the Roys will survive this particular scandal. But it's just, it's nice to see a movie from the 70s where we can just take a breath, have a look at the beautiful lighting that someone spent a lot of time doing, and actually appreciate some craftsmanship. It's fine work. This movie's not afraid to show you the following body parts. Go.

Arses. Yes. Nipples. Yes. Pubic mounds. Yes, but no body. What you won't see. Yeah. A hog. Not one solitary sausage.

It's called Emmanuel Deux. It should be called Not One Hog. It probably is in French. We just misinterpreted the subtitle. There was no hogs. It was a hog-free zone in Emmanuel One, I believe. I reckon all these films are going to be hog-free. Yeah. But isn't it interesting to think are going to be hog free. Yeah.

But isn't that interesting to think that a flaccid penis would be permissible? I feel like in the context of this film, a flaccid penis would be permissible. I would not be surprised if we came across a few flaccid peni. That's the rule in broadcasting. Flaccid? Flaccid, fine. Flaccid all day. Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, hey, hey. Erect peni. Go to Dubai. Flaccid, fine. Flaccid all day. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey. Erect peni. Go to Dubai? Go nai-nai because it's nighttime and this shit's not fit for broadcast. I mean, you know, if I chart what a boner is, a boner's not always loaded with eroticism. Sometimes you have a boner for no reason at all. Stop sexual. I want to normal boner for no reason at all. Stop sexual... I want to normalize desexualized boners.

That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, normalize a random boner. Your one was better. There is a massage scene, and I use the term incredibly loosely, where a bunch of... So it's kind of a nice family outing in a way because I feel like they've taken Anna Marie

Anna Marie or Maria? Anna Maria very important I get that right they've taken Anna Maria to like get a rub down basically and these Balinese I don't know ostensibly massage therapists

of a degree yeah just take all their clothes off and just like rub all against their bodies and i was like oh yeah and also there's a um fucking uh acupuncture scene and man they chuck a needle in her uh it's like under your tongue i've forgotten what i find acupuncture the very concept of it's so intense the needles it's i needles, even now I get quite squeamish. They have a couple coming out the sides of her in her temples.

In her temple, which like... And one in her tongue. That's dangerous. And it sends her into an absolute frenzy. She has a powerful erotic dream while Bath Boy watches on. And within her erotic dream, her and Bath Boy are having at it. But in the actual acupuncture therapist's room, she's just masturbating while

he watches yeah yeah with some needles in her temples and stuff acupuncture is so interesting so you you're not you haven't had it done yourself no i haven't either but i'd really like to it's quite fascinating because i mean like the western medical perspective doesn't fully understand how it works but does recognize that it is effective so like absolutely in new zealand we've got this thing called acc which is the accident compensation corporation and it was established so that people wouldn't sue the fuck out of each other like we looked over at america and we were like hey this looks bad how do we avoid it so we developed the acc which everyone pays a little over one percent of their

income into and then if you get um a sporting injury hit by a car you fall off some fucking rocks while you're going for a tramp whatever the fuck if you incur an injury from that and you're unable to work as a consequence you will generally get paid 80 of your income. ACC will fund restorative therapies, medically proven, clinically borne out therapeutics, and acupuncture is part of that because it is so proven effective. They don't know how it works, but they're like, this definitely does work.

The ACC covers a wide range of things which you would think, like acupuncture is very much inside of the medical oeuvre but there's a I didn't really know it was to me it sounds very alternative that my partner was doing, I can't remember what it's called osteopathy

osteopathy yeah but it's something like a sort of woo woo scalp massage don't say woo woo that's how she described it? Yeah. Don't say woo-woo. That's how she described it to me. She said, I can't believe this is covered by ACC. It's pretty woo-woo for the ACC.

Did it work for her? Yeah, I mean, she enjoys them. I don't know that it's meant to work per se. There's no desired outcome. A lot of that shit, I i reckon is probably just about relaxing you because if your body gets all tense it fucks out you know yeah and that is why i do mushrooms on the 26th of september in 2006 an imdb user named falcon air reviewed emmanuel 2 and and and under the banner a true erotic film as a softcore feature, Emmanuel 2 stands out as one of the very best of its kind.

Artfully rendered, beautifully photographed love or sex scenes that really push the limits on just how far a film could go. This is a sequel to one of the most successful erotic movies of all time. I can report, in all honesty, that it is a rare instance where the sequel is better than the original. While the first Emmanuel film by Just Jacques Young is somehow dark and murky, Emmanuel 2 is bright and filled with life Yeah. The viewer was introduced to the infamous Emmanuel character in 1974. She was a shy, quiet woman of 19 married to an older man who had very different views of sex. In that film, we witness the beginning of her sexual awakening.

In this sequel, we see Emmanuel developed into an incredibly strong, liberated woman who goes about her sexual conquests like a drunken sailor. Like a drunken, and sometimes with drunken, or among drunken sailors in one scene. That's right. At one point, according to Wikipedia, Emmanuelle masquerades inside of a brothel in Hong Kong and uses her successful masquerading as an opportunity to engage in group sex with some sailors. And can I say, looks like everyone's having a fucking hell of a time.

Yeah, man. It's a good way to spend a day. All made more impressive when you consider the fact, this is not the review, this is Godwin Montgomery talking, that Sylvia Christel, who plays the titular Emmanuel, got an eye infection in her left eye during the making of this movie. A lot of people don't know that. Yeah, I hate to hear it.

She got pink eye. She got an infection in her eye. Conjunctivitis. It could have been anything. That sucks. That sucks for her. I was reading a little bit about her, actually. Sylvia Christel. Yeah. A lot of ups and downs in her life. anything that sucks that sucks for her i was reading a little bit about her actually sylvia

cristal yeah um a lot of ups and downs in her life i will say that and unfortunately as is the case uh with so many figures in the entertainment industry didn't really get the money that it seems like she deserved uh one particular incident involved her selling the rights to a film which went on to be very successful to her agent for kind of a quick buck effectively and i think she missed out on on a small fortune as a result she also i read on her uh wiki page she tried to be a bond girl multiple times like there was so many films where she tried to be one, and it didn't go into the whys or wherefores. But I suspect, and this is the fucking hypocrisy of it all, isn't it, that the Bond franchise would be like, no, no, we want a hyper-sexualized woman that people have not seen the nipples of,

because that would ruin it. Yeah. You can't have your nipples on record and apply to be a Bond man or girl. Why do we call them girls? Why do we call them a Bond woman? Because it was the fucking 50s. Yeah, we've got to fetishize that shit. Can I just continue?

Falcon Air gets into the sort of particulars later on. Falcon Air sounds like he knows what he's talking about. I want to hear more from Falcon Air. Gorgeous soundtrack by celebrated composer Francis Lai. Hit pause, guy, because I would like to also extensively comment on this wonderful original score. from falconer gorgeous soundtrack by celebrated composer francis line hit pause guy because i would like to also extensively comment on this wonderful original score it was so cool there was a lot of um synth instrumentation and it was quite soaring in parts there were scenes that i watched where i was going man if this was not scored, this would be boring as...

The massage scene, for example. Yeah. Because it's like 10 minutes long, just a lot of bodies rubbing on bodies. Erotic is quite tantric because it was essentially five to 10 minutes of these three masseuses, and I'm using inverted commas here, stripping down and just...

I mean, it doesn't look like it qualifies for therapeutic massage. It's more a mental sort of relaxation. They just rub the entirety of their bodies on the backs of those people they're massaging. It seemed to me to be a lot focused on connecting your breasts to various parts of your client's body. Absolutely. That seemed to be the goal and

i respect it because there was no end game yeah there were suds but there were no orgasms and that's a classy fucking experience makes it erotica my dude but it was uh scored by this fantastic soundtrack which sounded like it was composed partially on whatever keyboard they used to do the Commodore 64 game music, you know? Yeah. Whiz ball, baby. It sounded like that. It was just like dope-ass RPGOs going up and down

on like a whatever the fuck. I just want to continue. Not a Hammond. I'll think of it later. Falcon Air goes on to say that if you have an interest in erotic films i recommend not really you hunt this one down oh god okay i have the dvd from the netherlands which i believe is the most uncut version available the most uncut okay i also recommend

seeing this guy's reviewing a fucking coke from burger king like it's you know a wine I also recommend seeing the original first it is not as good as this one however it is still a very good and important film as that is the one

that started it all plus it's nice to see a character of erotic films actually develop and change throughout a series I cannot however this is just for us now Tim

I cannot however recommend most of the others in this series with the exception of the very rare Yellow Emmanuel and a couple of Laura G gemser films as they range from bad to ridiculous this stuff is worlds better than much of the ugly corporate crap that comes out of hollywood these days you laugh but he's right i assume but i feel like we're about about to find that out. He's not talking about...

Emmanuel? When he talks about the comparison with Hollywood, I don't know that he's talking about erotica. It's like he's measuring a 1970s French softcore pornography film. Emmanuel versus The Fast and the Furious. Exactly. I'm just checking out what other films Falcon Air likes to review. Yeah, fair enough too.

And they all appear to be of a pretty similar genre. I'm going to pick A Shining Light. Are we doing that in this season? Do you want to know what genre of film it is? What? That this guy seems to like reviewing? What? Pornography?

Pornography? Yeah. And he's been doing it for 14 years he's been dead for 14 years 14 years is a long fucking time to be reviewing porn also that would mean that in 2006 when he registered on imdb that was one of his first reviews and can i say falconer if you're listening you did a fucking good job yeah well done man way to knock it out of the park my shining light thanks for asking guy definitely the polo scene because in spite of you know by cultural osmosis me having a sense of knowing what polo was i don't think i'd ever fucking seen it not with my own peepers not in real life or

on any kind of screen like in a film television nothing it looks obscenely dangerous. Let's get on a really fast version of a cow and attach a very... Is that how you think of horses? Yeah. Really fast cows. Beautiful fast cows. Can horses not exist without having to be compared to a different animal? Well, I think it's a good reference point. Size-wise?

If you're going to be a jerk about it, sure, but... Cows' bodies go closer to the ground. There's a huge chasm between the horse's stomach. That's why they're slower. What do I call them? There's a fast horse. Fast, beautiful, I mean, a fast, beautiful cow. Anyway, we've got that going on and all that that entails.

They also can be kind of grumpy. You never get a grumpy cow. Yes, you do. And then you put a huge hammer in your fucking hand and everyone's chasing this tiny ball. What's that all about? You rich people have too much time on your hands and not enough to do.

You got to focus. Get some proper projects. Work in the community. Get a farm. Get a little block of land and work with your hands. You will feel better about yourself and the planet if you just ground yourself in the earth a little bit. Take your shoes off.

Walk around. Survey your crops. There is no need for these beautiful, quick cows to be chasing after a little bull with big old hammers just because we're bored. My shining light was when uh tub boy there's a huge propeller there's a massive propeller in this movie i'd call it a sort of fuses propeller and it's just third late it haunts a few of the scenes it's just in the background

of frame or it's it's just this massive unused propeller and there was one scene where tub boy was shirtless he was outside and you better believe he was oiling up that propeller real good and proper and that was the whole scene he gave a beer to his friend jean mr emmanuel while he watched him grease the propeller and it was terribly because because we don't understand what's happening, every scene is laced with a certain amount of potential eroticism because we don't know. We're lurching from scene to scene here, and we've only got our instincts to follow

whether or not something sexual is about to happen. And the scene was so beautifully shot, and this propeller was so beautifully oiled that i swore to god i thought the tub boy was going to sit on that fucking propeller oh wow he didn't and it was the right decision probably for the best but that scene was a delight the propeller never was explained also well i guess we can't fucking understand what people are saying. I'm making some pretty big generalizations based on me not understanding a lick of the dialogue of this film. But, you know, why was it there, man? We had a big ship at the start of the film. So maybe it was a prop on a boat or, you know, a ship.

But it looked to me like an airplane propeller. It did. Like a C the seasonal or something yeah but then i don't think we saw a single dang airplane in this film no not one hog not one airplane otherwise most of the things you'd want now i got a question for you based on what's his name again falcon Air? Falcon Air. It sounds like, based on what he said, and he sounds like a man who knows,

that it's all downhill for us from here. How do you feel about that? As the films get worse, the conversations get better. It's really difficult to pick apart what is, in essence, a pretty high-quality 1978 French erotica film when you don't have subtitles. And all we did was just spend a vaguely enjoyable, lightly stoned hour and a half watching erotica together. With my dog.

With Rufus. And there's nothing... Was that bad? Because he's young. He's only a little over a year old He was facing the wrong way 90% of the time That's true I think I'm excited for the films to get worse

I want us to go to space It's essentially a countdown in the same way that Mission Control counts down before the rocket takes off, Guy and I are counting down I believe the seven original emmanuel films before we get to the batshit crazy dumbass american ones yeah but i don't think we've got a space immediately it's interesting that's just one little we're gonna

be watching the degradation of a franchise yeah i and i'm celebrating. I'm looking forward to this series becoming worse. Okay. It's a bit more in our wheelhouse, isn't it? We're not about the good films. It's not really what Tim and I are here to do. I don't even know if I have the necessary faculty to discuss these films in the terms in which they're meant to be discussed. I've got a brain. I've got a mouth. I've got a mouth.

I've got a microphone. Yeah, you do. But I've got no fucking idea what I'm looking for. I've got no fucking idea what they're saying. You're putting too much pressure on yourself. What do you think? Yeah, fucking Roger Ebert? No, I don't think of myself as that.

I'm just seeing if I've got any other notes. They use quite a cool device. Okay, here we go. They use it in the acupuncture scene. They use it again in the... I keep forgetting what I called it. That film, that thingy in the corner. What did you call it?

Pictogram? Pictograph or something. They use it in the acupuncture and the pictograph scene where... It's like a viewmaster, everyone. But the frames are going quicker, so it looks animated. There's this sort of beautiful duality in the storytelling that they really confidently apply where

she's very much having an experience in real life in the world and it's going back and forth between that and a fantasy that's occurring simultaneously or a reference point that's happening simultaneously and I just want to congratulate Emmanuel de Not One Hog for cross-cutting. Yeah, for cross-cutting.

But like in a language, in a genre with which I'm not familiar, it's just nice to see. In a world where you're not allowed to see a penis. Yeah. It's so funny. So weird. Have you got anything else to say no man just loved seeing emmanuel smoke a cigar 10 out of 10 this one 10 out of 10 i'm going there i'm doing it i'm laying it on the line probably i imagine if i could hear the dialogue a perfect one of these which is and

yeah erotic film from the 70s what's the? The moral of the story is if you want something in this world, you know, make a plan. Failing to plan is planning to fail. Yeah. And also, props look real good when you oil them up. The moral for me is that there are no ill consequences to opening up your relationship. It doesn't create any confusion or opportunity for misunderstanding is that there are no ill consequences to opening up your relationship.

It doesn't create any confusion or opportunity for misunderstanding or even a shred of jealousy. It's the perfect solution, and it must be applied widely and immediately. Thank you. you