The Worst Idea Of All Time - 07: Persona non grata
Episode Date: September 26, 2020Guy and Tim have watched Emmanuelle 7 (1993) and it is a terrifyingly accurate portrait of the future OR of movies about the future (The Matrix, 1999). This movie has it all; VR, sex, othering people ...who aren't white. Tim is convinced one of the male stars of this film is New Zealand's own Antony Starr. He also firmly believes a Christopher Reeves lookalike has been cast. Meanwhile, Guy has trouble eating a delicious mushroom sandwich while being voyeuristic. Sylvia Kristel returns in a nonsexual role.JOIN US ON FACEBOOK: facebook.com/WorstIdeaOfAllTimeVISIT THE LITTLE EMPIRE PODCAST NETWORK: littleempirepodcasts.comMUSIC CREDIT: Tender Moonlight (facebook.com/TenderMoonlight)ART CREDIT: Tomas Cottle (sick-days.com) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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🎵 Hi.
Hi, this is the worst idea of all time.
Season five.
Episode seven.
How are we all doing?
I'm asking you, Guy.
Because you're closest to me.
I assumed you were.
There's a lot of people listening,
but you're the closest person to be able to answer i am i'm i'm all right how's how's it going watching all the
pornography with me well it's interesting isn't it now when tuesday rolls around it used to just
be sort of another day of the week it's the second day on the calendar but now i know it's time to pile into the studio and watch some softcore pornography.
Yes.
Previously from as far back as the 70s, I believe.
That was the first.
Today, Emanuel 7, as recently as 1993.
1993.
Incredibly forward-facing.
I...
When you say forward-facing, what do you mean?
Well, I mean, it's a...
Oh, shit.
We're live.
What's that?
We're live. I'm back.
Oh.
I fucked the mic up, but we're cool now.
Some of us were live that whole time.
Yeah.
What was I saying?
Forward-facing.
Yeah, yeah.
It deals with virtual reality.
In a big way.
It deals with, it sort of alludes to time travel.
Yeah, they say it once.
It's got some great special effects.
And, yeah, I mean, it was, I don't know, I'm okay.
I'm feeling okay about this
pornographic adventure I do get bored
sometimes in the movies and I do wonder if it's
I don't think it's killing my sex drive but I don't
I do not consider
these like
now this is an interesting thing
the porn is
is there a Pavlovian
sort of thing we're doing where we're destroying our libidos week after week
by being in a kind of...
We're associating the act of human sex,
which we're seeing on screen,
with quite a non-sexual context.
Which is podcasting.
Which is you and me hanging out in a stuffy studio
watching a questionable quality rip. It's difficult because sometimes when i watch
this for like when i watch the movie sometimes there's so much exposition i think you know let's
get to the fireworks factory let's get to the sex and then sometimes we're watching the sex i'm like
i get it yeah the people i get it the people have sex let's go and deal with this insanely ornate
and elaborate setup that you've bothered
to introduce hashtag i'm with him because i have the exact same sequence of feelings where it's like
the stories are so convoluted the first couple i kind of got and i liked because it was sort of
worldly in a way like in a very old school way where there was a lot of
kind of uh othering and exotica going on the premises were at least simple in that it was
a woman exploring her sexuality and they were adventure movies you know what i mean they were
they were like there was the spirit of adventure so we were going all around the world to these
far-flung places like Southeast Asia
and seeing things that most people in the 70s weren't seeing because air travel wasn't as cheap.
That's right.
That's an important thing to remember about Emmanuel 1 and 2.
And then flash forward to 93, we've all got planes.
What don't people have yet?
Access to quality virtual reality.
So we're going to give you that experience.
That's right.
virtual reality so we're going to give you that experience but we need to explain in some ways all of it and in other ways not really explain it well at all what's important to know in this film
is that emmanuel is once again played by sylvia cristel and she is not i freaked out rufus but
it's worth um she's not the romantic lead if you could accuse this movie of having any romantic lead
She is a woman
She's a matriarch
Yeah, she's sort of like
Someone in the movie describes her as
A virtual
The virtual madam of a whore
The madam of a virtual whorehouse
Yeah
And Emmanuelle dispenses that
She says, I don't like to think of it in those terms
Yeah, she doesn't sort sort of out and out deny it
but she objects to the terminology used
because she has created a
networked computer system
with centres in
Sydney, London
Tokyo
Paris
where people go in
and get in a gimp suit
which has got a whole lot of sensors on it,
and then they get a sexual fantasy created for them and managed by these technicians.
But essentially, Emmanuel is running this high-tech sex matrix business.
We're back at the matrix, baby.
It is really interesting.
I never quite wrapped my head around the balance of control
inside of these VR sex fantasies.
How much of it is at the mercy of the intuitions
and base desires of the person who's submitting themselves to the VR,
and how much of the outcome is at the mercy of
Emmanuel's nuanced and intuitive touch?
There's a multiplayer aspect to this i
actually thought here's where i thought the movie was going to go and um i was going to say forgive
us for not getting into the plot and explaining it well but i don't know fuck you it's it's just
it doesn't necessarily it doesn't get i agree but i wouldn't have phrased it exactly like yeah well
um where i thought they were going with it is that,
and they kind of did this at the end a little bit
with a couple of the characters,
but the whole premise is that Emmanuel creates
these things called animatrons,
which are human-looking entities.
They're non-playable characters.
They're NPCs inside of your virtual reality
that you interact with and fuck often
and I thought what it was going to be
is the big reveal is there's no animatrons
it's all a networked multiplayer thing
and you're fucking real humans
which would be a nice angle
because then it's like hey guess what
the real the virtual reality
is that just go out there and fuck people
that's immoral
I mean there is
unplugged
hashtag look up.
There is a subplot that somewhat explores that
with colleagues who work at the VR center
who help orchestrate these experiences for patrons
or people who are lucky enough to be friends with Emmanuel
who she takes under her wing and says,
check out this technology.
Go fuck that guy you wanted to fuck in high school.
Which is actually what happens,
but just as a quick aside,
I would like to discuss some of the...
That guy, by the way, the technician who gets his rocks off,
looks exactly like Superman.
Clark Kent.
Yeah.
And then he takes his glasses off and he looks like Superman.
He doesn't look that much like Superman.
He looks incredibly like Superman.
But the...
What was his name?
I mean, not in this. Christopher Reeves. Yeah, you got it. I was his name? I mean, not in this.
Christopher Reeves.
Yeah, you got it.
I was going to say Christopher Lloyd,
but I'm pretty sure that's Doc from Back to the Future.
That is.
Yeah.
Imagine if he looked like that.
That would be nice.
I just want to discuss the animation,
the way that they digitally represent the technology
because it is hilarious.
So I don't actually understand if they can see it in the movie
or if that's just for us the moviegoer but they have and when they turn the the sexual vr on
there are these dick ships these like 3d rendered spaceships made to look like
like sort of turgid to erect quite beefy cocks and they fly from the space center which
is not really shown or articulated towards this planet which has multiple entry points all of
which are represented again in sort of 3d plasticine as the openings to the planet are all essentially
vaginas yeah and it's like it's a hell of a trip and it's so not needed like yeah
it would have been expensive to make in 94 it looks fucking terrible yeah think about it and
it's 93 in 93 they would have been like this is that would have been i mean to think of where
they spent so much of the knowing that this movie was under money constraints i believe
do you think oh this i told you is that based on what i said
yeah sylvia cristal is in it because she was under financial constraints because her husband's
career was going badly so she was doing it to earn money for the family yeah well i mean just
the idea they spent this much time and energy in 1993 two years removed from the first toy story so
obviously this sort of digital is a good point three like this 3d
technology is advancing in leaps and bounds it hasn't been released yet but they've cobbled
together this soft core erotica version yeah and i don't know if it's meant to be played for laughs
or if it's meant to be like erotic within itself but it's incredible and they go back to it over
and over again and in the last scene you get to see about seven or eight of these dick ships flying out to
the galaxy and it's um it's fucking funny and it's just doesn't make any sit like it's so unneeded
because we get it you put the wetsuit on which is a deeply unsexy way of fulfilling this like
tech requirement of entering vr you put a wetsuit on and one of the gaming gloves they wear you
identify the power
glove is it actually it looks exactly i think they just bought them and spray painted them
those things come up in a surprising number of movies that can't afford to make their own shit
they just get one of those and spray paint them i don't fully know how they i think it's like it's
like a nintendo sneers controller and they just kind of slap it onto your wrist so it looks like you've got a fucking thing like a futuristic thingy um so you fucking whack one of those on chuck on your wetsuit and uh get
set to get wet because your fantasies are coming right in front of your eyeballs but why the ship
because you're not going anywhere we know that the participant knows that you're in virtual reality
there's no necessary vehicle it's for us
it's just a metaphor right
and it's to represent
the passage of like
place from the real world
to the virtual horny world
that's putting the glasses
and the wetsuit on
I know but it's
people weren't as familiar
they weren't as au fait
with virtual reality in 1993
there needed to be a visual
physical distillation
of what was happening
and also while we're talking
about the wetsuit pump suits or whatever you want to call them the fuck suits fuck suits get
one of the early there's an early character in what is a brutal piece of casting this sort of
like pretty normal middle-aged guy who shows up and he's like i want to i want to get in i want
to do it yeah and he gets it and does it and then in his fantasy he gets slapped because he's not
attractive enough and he comes in he's like no no that's not why he's getting slapped why is he in sleep oh i didn't think it was i thought it was because
they they saw him redlining they've got an eco cardiogram on this guy and they're like he's about
to have a fucking heart attack because he's so unfair no it's earlier than that before that he's
in the vr as himself and he gets slapped and he comes out and the woman who's running the vr is
like yeah might i recommend using a different body or a different face and he's like what and he's like yeah and then so he he goes into this
different body but i'm just imagining the guy who shows up to the casting being like so you're
gonna be playing a middle-aged man who's you're too ugly to fuck too ugly to fuck sorry dude
here's the good news here's the good news jock um you got the part in the porno that you're after.
Here's the bad news.
You're portraying a character that is too unattractive for anyone to have sex with.
So you're going to be having sex in virtual reality with something called animatrons,
which are basically digital avatars of people.
And not only that, when you get out of there,
the technician's going to be physically repulsed and suggest that
you dunk yourself in a brand new bod that's right he so he he's the only like he's the only
major speaking non-fucking role and apart from those who carefully stipulated like sylvia
cristal return to the franchise she fucks though i thought she didn't but she does she fucks when you know the end and shit no she doesn't yeah no tim's just dealing to rufus
um he's like a cat when he's in he wants out when he's out he wants in that's like the movie cat
that's like the um the fucking rum tum tugger the rum tum tugger really gets on my tits when did she have sex um um with her friend
there's but that's not sylvia cristal yeah i was trying to remember if they do though maybe
they don't i just thought they were going to as adults but they don't they don't that's so
they my bad my bad okay so the character does but sylvia Christel doesn't. That's where the confusion is, folks. Because this movie deals a lot with unpacking some early memories from boarding school of
Emmanuelle and her friend whose name I did not catch.
Really?
I think so.
Very forgettable.
Sorry to all the Seras out there.
But if one of you is named Emmanuelle, I would expect the other one to have a you know cool
french name also um so they're unpacking a lot of stuff that had there's like there's some there's
some awful scenes where basically her friend gets uh traumatized and then emmanuel is like
i'm basically a psychologist i i own a digital brothel this This'll work. Yeah. They go to pains in the script to highlight
how incredibly psychologically risky
what they're attempting is,
but they're very keen to do it anyway.
So they whack her in a wetsuit
and try to relive a prior memory
of basically extreme FOMO
where Sarah and Emmanuel
were at boarding school together
in a shower situation and a young boy their age comes.
France.
France.
And Sarah has an invitation to have sex with him but passes
and so Emmanuel has sex with him
and that sets her on her sexual trajectory for the rest of her life.
So what Emmanuel does is recreates this memory
but allowing sarah the opportunity to have that sexual experience and this makes her a much happier
adult woman i've done a very good job of explaining the plot and i'm disgusted you didn't congratulate
me on that you don't get fucking congratulations for doing your job as a co-host on the podcast.
It's very convoluted and complicated, but I think I did a pretty good boil down.
Well, you left out some important extraneous details, both important and extraneous.
Okay, mate.
Go on.
While she's doing this with her friend, Sarah, we're going to call her.
She's also been working with the aforementioned Franz.
Oh, wait, what?
He's the powerful film executive.
Fuck up.
Is he the guy from their childhood?
That's my belief, yeah.
No.
Yeah, yeah, because when she sees him later on,
so pretty much eventually,
and this is why I get confused about how much of it is under control
and how much of it is not,
but while this woman
sarah who she's sort of coaching into sexual potency and adulthood is revisiting all these
sexual experiences and also exploring some new sexual fantasies one of them is in a bathhouse
where she is having sex with two men simultaneously and there are four men who account for the life of
them get or maintain an erection but they're watching it's pretty funny to watch very gently tugging at the ends of their rubbing their cocks cocks uh
this other this other mystery man waltzes in who we know to be uh a character a major player in
the film and starts kissing the woman while she is climaxing and it intensifies the climax
and then emmanuel specifically speaks to both sarah and that man independently when she's climaxing and it intensifies the climax and then emmanuel specifically speaks
to both sarah and that man independently when she's talking to the man he's like who is that
woman and she's like it's it's her i miss it but it's a good thing you're here man what hey guy
good job it's not good job man good catch it's just it's it's just a porno man it's just a porno, man. It's just a really confusing and non-sexual porno.
That is the confusing part.
It is a very non-sexual porno.
Can we get into Boner Patrol?
Yeah.
I didn't get a boner on this movie.
I didn't either.
And I'm actually...
You're worried it's killing your ability to get an erection.
No, I'm not worried about that at all.
But I did come across a listener
yesterday who was talking to me and i was talking about the veracity of boner patrol and um our
respective ability to be honest about our performances in boner patrol i'd like to think
gave me the idea for um boner inspector jesus christ go on so it's a new role where we uh i i've it was explained in quite elaborate detail
but the nuts and bolts of it is we put rubber bands over our penises and uh they register
increases or decreases in tension this is some private all boys high school bullshit this is
not from where i heard i heard this from a
a neutral source out in the world not yesterday this is cooked
i won't even entertain this concept in jest
how would this work that the rubber band would be stretched out or something
and are we going by like the girth expansion i think well i think to
be fair i think the scientific experiment to which the the person was referring involves the rubber
bands being connected to some sort of computer that can monitor like dilation of the rubber band
which in turn means that you can measure sexual moments you know intensity of sexual arousal if
we're really getting into this if we wanted to to create some sort of... What are the lie detectors called again?
You've got a name.
I can't remember right now, but they do have a name.
Like a boner lie detector.
There'd probably be a way to measure it using blood pressure.
Yeah.
I just think I would like to make up a special hat,
and I'd come into the room, a room which I'd also already be in somehow,
and I'd say, Boner Inspector!
Tickets, please.
Boner Inspector!
Boners, please!
Yep.
And I don't like the mechanics.
I like the funny character idea.
I don't enjoy getting into the mechanics of how it works.
I'm wearing two monocles.
Two monocles, folks.
Mono meaning one, and two of them meaning there's two.
And I crouch down, and I inspect the boners or lack thereof
and then I write it down on my little clipboard with a pencil.
Gotcha.
I don't have my pen licence and then I'm back out, back out on the street.
How long does it take the average boner inspector to get their pen licence?
Because that is something I would have thought they would have clocked
before they could get a job where they look at adult uh it's not it's that's not specific
to boner inspectors that's just everyone yeah it's just like where have you got your pen license
me yeah yeah yeah you personally do i have my pen yeah yeah sweet as totally man you should be
don't even think about looking at my notebooks because it's all written in pen.
I feel like in the year of our Lord 2020, which sorry to date the podcast is when we're watching these,
pencil is now like superseded pen.
It's flipped on its head.
It's like if you're a fucking cool ass designer with impeccable handwriting, you actually go back to pencil now.
Well, I'll tell you what, you won't find me writing in and that's
crayon, so
I see you writing with crayon all the time
That's your default, it's your defecto
What in the fuck was that?
Is that you?
Yeah, there aren't any incoming calls right now
What the fuck? Why did your phone tell you that?
Sometimes I just say
Hey, are there any incoming calls?
That was really odd.
That is a funny thing for a phone to do.
This fucking dog, man.
He's in and out.
That's no respect.
But, you know, you just fucking deal with it.
Oi, Rufus.
Just sit on that, mate.
He loves to cushion me.
Every time I come in here, this dog yells at me.
Yeah, but he's getting better at it.
What does that mean?
Better at yelling or better at not yelling?
Better at not yelling.
Like, he yells for less time.
He still yells.
Just get up on here, mate.
Yeah, go on.
Come on.
Good boy.
Get out of here.
I'm going to read for you now The Emmanuel 7 plot as told by
Ginger
Someone once told me
The grass was much greener
On the other side
I don't know how the next bit goes
Macy Gray
No not who sings it
Sorry how the next bit goes
That was a fucking
awesome theme song
and show
yeah I was actually
thinking about that
there were two great
shows featuring
uh Redhead
Pepper Ann
yes
Pepper Ann was
fucking great
Pepper Ann was
fantastic
bring back
Pepper Ann
Pepper Ann
Pepper Ann
Pepper Ann
wake up
no is that right
no
Pepper Ann
Pepper Ann
Munching in her own parade Pepper Ann she's like one in up now. Is that right? No. Pepper Ann, Pepper Ann, marching in her own parade.
Pepper Ann, she's like one in a million.
I've used that with Aqua.
I've used it with Dr. Jones.
Wake up now.
All right, here it is.
Emmanuel 7 according to Wikipedia.
By the way, some interesting facts about this.
Yeah.
I'll be the judge of that.
The last officially recognized of the uh seven
emmanuel series man there's something i like about that in the in the in the world of it because
it's bookended with um sylvia cristal because she's in the first four took a little breather
came back to say goodbye to the official part of the series so this which is also exciting for us
because that means from here on in,
we're seeing that shit's getting weird.
Yeah, and it got pretty weird today.
This was the last of the original Manuel series.
As a new straight-to-video VHS and load DVD
hardcore series started a year later
with younger actors and newer and much more adult
erotic plots with full sexual situations.
Full sexual. That had absolutely nothing to do with the original softcore stories.
The plot.
At least they're ambitious, these ones, you know?
My fear is that now we're just going to be watching pornography.
You know, almost completely devoid of story.
These stories are ambitious and they're big, and it's kind of fun.
At least we've got some meat to work with, you know?
But if we just got to talk about hogs and birds.
Sounds like we're going to be getting a lot of fresh meat to work with.
Okay.
Emmanuel now runs a clinic and laboratory that uses the sexual memories
and the usage of virtual reality computer simulations on its clients
to help them achieve sexual ecstasy
or help them heal, depending on the subject.
She helps an old girlfriend
from school overcome her traumatic history
due to a
nun splashing cold water on her during her
first sexual experience in her teen years in a girl's
locker room with a young Emmanuel watching.
She also takes on several other women
and a few rich men who go through the same type
of sex therapy to become bed lovers in the real world for a very heavy price.
They've got that wrong.
Because Emmanuel has sex with them and gets the water poured on him.
I totally agree.
They've got the plot incorrect.
Well, they've rendered this...
Unless...
No, I don't think that could be possible.
If they fucked up the voiceover,
because we did watch this with English dubs
subs over dubs by the way
didn't enjoy it as much
subs you've got to really tune in because you've got to be reading the whole time
but they dubbed over this one
and at least they fucked it up so bad
that they changed core components of the story
I don't think that's
I think it's more likely that the plot synopsis is wrong
were you reading that? Wikipedia?
yeah usually quite reputable I think it's more likely that the plot synopsis is wrong. Were you reading that? Wikipedia? Yeah.
Usually quite reputable.
To help her friend overcome her trauma,
Emmanuelle puts her into several simulations.
In the first one,
she could have her first sex without the nun splashing water.
Yeah, I'm with you.
I think that's incorrect.
I think that she's course-correcting history because as rendered in the film,
Emmanuelle and the friend,
Sophie, is that what i said
the name is i'm gonna consider sarah sarah uh what do they call her they don't use your name that's
funny so they're they are in the showers the guy comes in and the friend is too nervous to lose
her virginity and so emmanuel does it for her and is interrupted yes so i'm totally with you anyway
in the second uh she could have sex with Emmanuel
with the dormitory girls watching them.
The third...
The third?
She has revenge.
And on the fourth, she walks naked at a male bathhouse
among several naked men so she could seduce as many as possible
until she could perform a sandwich sex.
Oh, yep, yep, yep.
That was that bit.
Yeah.
A sandwich sex. That's what it says. that is a very funny way of describing that while the rest of the men watch you having an extreme orgasm with those men
penetrating her simultaneously a third man came along and gives her a passionate kiss which gives
her a much bigger and more powerful orgasm but it was interrupted making them fall in love with the
man that wasn't penetrating her at the end of the, the old friend is healed and is no longer oppressed and is the wife of a powerful film executive.
In the Cannes Film Festival,
Sophie,
I've now given the friend a name,
Sophie gives him
discreet oral sex.
I would not describe the oral sex.
Nothing a bit.
Oh, no.
Just play on, player.
Followed by full public sex
and a podium stand
in front of the world press
who applauded the couple
once they climax.
And then in parenthesis at the end, the film had one groundbreaking element to it and that the computers
were being employed to watch pornography and others fantasies and that in the future this
would become integral to the making of porn and erotic movies itself truly groundbreaking although
sci-fi had been writing about these concepts since probably the 50s and and I'm sure TV shows like Star Trek have been putting it on the small screen
since the 1980s.
So is it groundbreaking, 1993?
I'm going to say no,
but I'm also going to say that The Matrix
stole ideas off this movie.
This particular movie?
Yeah.
What ideas?
Or they're both borrowing from original source material.
The idea of plugging into a computer simulation that's that's basically it um especially the networked component but for
all of these vr elements and the power of you know these virtual sexual experiences and how they can
help guide you to a more fulfilled real world sex life life, we actually, or maybe not that,
maybe this supersedes the need for actual sex.
These two people who we alluded to earlier in the podcast
who are helping facilitate the VR experience
and both secretly have crushes on each other,
at one point they're teeing up the system
so that they can go in and explore a sexual fantasy together,
even though they've never consummated their relationship
in the real world.
And they're going and they're booting it up.
And this is the funniest scene for the wetsuits
because you actually see them disrobing
and then going to put the wetsuits on.
And you're like, this is really sexy.
It's tricky.
It's fucking tricky.
And the guy goes to help the woman.
Because she's struggling because wetsuits are hard.
And she can't get on her leg.
And then they think, do you know what?
This doesn't actually matter.
We're just going to fuck right here on the simulator not in the simulator we're gonna
have sex on the chair you know the old tactile person to person what does persona non grata mean
it means the person who has been uh uh we don't like them and we've cast them out. They're a... What's the fucking...
What do you call them?
It's like the opposite of a debutante.
A person non grata, I think,
in Latin loosely means
a person we don't want.
Right?
It's a person who's been cast out.
An outcast from the group.
In diplomacy,
a persona non grata is a foreign person who's entering or remaining in a particular country is prohibited by that country's government.
In literal terms, the phrase is Latin for an unwelcome person.
There we go. I was pretty close.
Yeah, you did great.
It's such a nice way to say you're not welcome.
Great.
It's such a nice way to say you're not welcome.
I'm afraid I must leave the party for it has become abundantly clear I am actually a persona non grata here.
That's right.
That's how I would like to exit my next party.
What is the circumstance?
I've turned up and I thought it was okay to be there.
I didn't get directly invited, but a bunch of my friends did.
And I was like, oh, they must have just forgotten to click me on the facebook do you check that or no absolutely
not i'm a confident boy so i just turn up it's all good but then i get some weird vibes from the
birthday person and uh suddenly it becomes clear that i should not be at this gathering what happens when you leave grab my
hat say loudly to the room farewell everyone for i'm a person non-grat a persona non-grata
your exit line was it like why would you make a deal of your exit if you're not wanted just leave
quietly uh i think it's it's cooler it kind of of retakes some of that lost ground
by not being invited to the party
to loudly declare that you're off.
The opposite of an Irish goodbye.
You give everyone a sort of...
Farewell, partygoers!
A shared enemy.
Mustache, for I am a persona non grata.
Adios.
Hasta luego. me mustache for i am a persona non grata adios hasta luego i love it that's me that's how i exit that's my boy that's not how you do it if i'm at a party i'm not welcome at you go around inspecting
people's boners and say boner inspector and then you would get asked to leave i'd use my classic
cover excuse,
which is that I'm not actually here as a patron.
I'm here as a state-mandated boner inspector.
This does arc nicely back to the diplomatic nature of the roles at the party.
Yeah.
And then I'd say,
so I know I'm not invited.
It's awkward.
I asked for someone else to work this shift.
I'm a diplomat here.
You are? You are. I was being this shit I'm a diplomat here you are
I was being Guy, Guy's a diplomat
fulfilling the role of boner inspector
Tim unfortunately has
cast himself as a persona non grata
two things I want to bring up briefly
that we talked about during the film
that guy's leg
that's pretty funny
there's just one big meaty
like unkempt fucking garden variety
man's leg which is given a man's leg when shot from this angle looks like a christmas ham that
rolled on a floor a carpet off cut pubes yeah it was absolutely devastating and certainly but very
realistic as an aspiring boner inspector yeah it's my job to look out for
things that might get in the way of a boner and i immediately identified that as one i mean
and what was otherwise meant to be a pretty erotic scene the amount of not just screen time but actual
physical space in the frame that this leg was taking up was phenomenal what did you want to
bring up vaporwave i wrote that down for you i was going
to bring that up second but maybe i'll bring it up first so the soundtrack in this movie is not
altogether surprising it's that kind of quintessential porn groove but migrated over to a synthesizer
which we got a lot of in the 80s and 90s on on especially softcore pornos that had a little bit of budget and i feel like that genre
has sort of transmuted along with a lot of other things or sort of really influenced
um a current genre of vaporwave which is around and it's just so cool to take because i was
listening to the music in the background i said to you man this soundtrack would be equally at home in a funeral parlor
like if you were in the reception area waiting for a funeral director to come and address you
about proceedings i could very much hear that kind of soft piano music yeah and a little bit of like
a tiny little synthy sax that isn't doing too much just kind of sitting in time it's a weird
genre of music to associate so heavily with human sexual activity and yet at some point at the dawn
of film porn someone just decided this is the sound of sex gentle non-offensive piano music
yeah that's how humans fuck and now vaporwave i feel like has recontextualized
that music and i think it's part of the reason why i like it so much because it adds a sense of kind
of mystery and danger to it which isn't like it isn't right there in the sound you know what i
mean if you just listen to vaporwave the actual sound of it is very innocuous but what it's suggesting is a video game music from yesteryear and b like weird ass low budget
porn groove and that's a nostalgic weird coupling the second thing i wanted to bring up is one of
the main guys in this film is a dead ringer for new zealand's own anthony star who you might know
from amazon primes the boys as homelander he looks so much like him it confused me
yeah but then he starts talking but then again we're watching dubs so maybe it is anthony star
and a time machine it's not anthony star it looks so much like him he does crazy he does look remarkably
i should get there's still frames if i remember to do this i'll do it i'm gonna get a still frame
and use this as the podcast artwork i'm gonna get him and we're gonna get anthony star together
and i'm either gonna be proved right or wrong at one point um in this movie i was eating a sandwich
while a woman used the vr to live out her fantasy of dressing as Marilyn Monroe and standing above a subway grate in New York's famous underground system.
By the way, in background of frame, we see cats being advertised on Broadway, which I thought was a beautiful moment.
And don't eat a sandwich while, if you can help it, don't eat a sandwich while...
I guess you could say you're at work.
There's...
Or you could say...
There's other ways to shoot than the sort of glass table angle
of being directly under someone, you know?
It's not the most flattering of angles.
It's quite biological.
And for reference,
it's the woman's fantasy.
So she's always got this voyeur fantasy,
but the whole thing just felt like...
She's an exhibitionist.
I just...
It's one of my favorite sandwiches.
It's a cabinet sandwich you get
from a cafe down the road.
It's a mushroom sandwich.
It's a focaccia bread,
spinach,
mozzarella,
balsamic glazed mushrooms,
and a house-made mayo that absolutely knocks your socks off.
It's truly one of the top three sandwiches you can get in Auckland.
Yeah, you claimed to me once, I think,
that it was the best sandwich money can buy in Auckland.
I've had a couple of other sandwiches since that are threatening to knock it off its pedestal.
are threatening to knock it off its pedestal.
Namely, there's an eggplant palm at a cafe out between Mount Roskill and Avondale.
When you say palm.
Eggplant palmer.
Like a chicken palmer, but eggplant. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's a fucking hard thing to pull off.
Man.
I've always wanted to crack how to cook eggplant properly,
and I've never been able to nail it so far.
It's difficult.
Yeah.
I can cook it badly.
I've done that a few times.
That's not nothing.
Anyway, it really impacted my enjoyment of the sandwich.
You struggled, didn't you?
It's something about the mushroom.
Something about cold mushroom
while you're looking up a woman's skirt from directly underneath.
This whole fucking thing feels unsavoury.
I don't know what the connection is, actually, either.
But it just, I don't know.
I had a lovely set.
You bought one for me, too, which I appreciate heaps.
You want to eat it in the offbeats.
You want to eat it during the techie, you know, set up.
Exposition scenes.
You do not want to eat it when a Marilyn Monroe impersonator
is living out their dreams.
I feel like we've covered most of the movie, most of what went on.
Time to put a pin in it.
Emmanuel said...
Oh, you've got a shining light for this one, brother?
I feel like I threw you under the bus there. emmanuel seven you got a shining light for this one brother uh when that when that nah when that guy was um he was about to have a heart attack the guy while he was living his sexual fantasy he was fucking so hard in his sexual fantasy that the
the like the panel board and all the things were like going warning subject reaching stage five
and then we got a shot of the guy not in the fantasy but just
like this very sort of sobering shot of him in his wetsuit which had this insane pouch where you put
your penis in and even asked what he's getting dressed he's putting his penis into the wetsuit
he's like do i put my penis in there and the woman's like he doesn't he can't bring himself
do i put my thing in there and she goes well? And she goes, well, if you want to feel the sensation there, then yes.
And so it's crazy to think how perfectly judged the fabric in this wetsuit is
because his penis is in there.
And presumably when he gets dressed, he's flaccid.
But then you see a shot from like...
It's so funny.
He's lying down except his dick.
Yeah, and you see a shot from between his legs.
So you just see his red wetsuit. He's wearing wearing a red wetsuit it's full-on everyone uh anyway it's i love that
it's what we in altiro would call full-on yeah i like that um i know we've already mentioned it
but man the needless cgi dick ships really did it me. What does the vagina planet symbolise?
I guess adventures.
We are in a penis ship,
which is our lives,
and we're heading into vagina planets,
which are the world.
I put it to you,
what's the alternative?
I mean, there's a myriad of alternatives,
but based on the very heteronormative rendering
of these animations,
would you rather see a planet with a
variety of erect penises
sticking out of it and the ships are all
vaginas that sort of
latch onto the end of one of these
yeah I think that's cooler
I think that's a cooler, cause all
most rockets and spaceships look like dicks
so I want to see something
else on there, I want to see a twist on that
you know? it's like a no man's sky sky you can get a ship that looks like a whale
all the other ones look like spaceships and then randomly there's this one that looks like a whale
that's great it's fucking sick we'll see you next week after we've watched something that is
decidedly more hardcore how do you feel about that i'd be lying if I said I was looking forward to it.