The Worst Idea Of All Time - 13: A Magic Movie

Episode Date: November 10, 2020

Guy provides a very efficient plot recap of a movie with a dead friend from a silly car crash and a man falls in love with a sculpture. The fellaz question whether Macy Gray put sand on her Weet-Bix and why don’t Sanitarium don't pay tax. Johnny the Guitar came and went.SUPPORT US ON OUR PATREON (patreon.com/TWIOAT)JOIN US ON FACEBOOK: (facebook.com/WorstIdeaOfAllTime)VISIT THE LITTLE EMPIRE PODCAST NETWORK: (littleempirepodcasts.com)MUSIC CREDIT: Tender Moonlight (facebook.com/TenderMoonlight)ART CREDIT: Tomas Cottle (sick-days.com) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

🎵 That's right, I pushed the record button. Kind of takes the edge off when you say that. You're supposed to just launch in. You hit it with gusto and you go, Welcome to the worst idea of all time, season five. Timbo and Gai Gai, the frost Fellas, the bad boys of podcasting. The bad boys of New Zealand podcasting. We are the bad boys of New Zealand podcasting.

We got Brexit across the line, we got Donald Trump elected, and now we are watching every Emmanuel made, except for some of them because they're super dicey. Well, we kick back and watch the world deal with the outcomes of things that we force through. We put on a soft core porno every Tuesday morning, put our feet up and relax. Because we're bad boys for life. Bad boys for life. Bad boys for life of New Zealand podcasting.

We take out our... Tidget penises. Go for it. Just unleash, brother. And we stroke him What? We stroke him every minute Once a minute

You had me and you lost me I really I don't know what angle to approach The pornographic content Of these movies sometimes Guy here's the thing man Cause it's like I don't want to hear about my penis

Yeah I hear you But if you're gonna say say it, then back it. You know what I mean? Just fucking get out there. Confidence is king. That's all it is. All it is is confidence. All right.

I whacked out my cock. I struck it 90 times for 90 minutes. There we go. It was turgid the whole way through. Like a grandfather clock. When the second hand got to that 12, Guy would whip out his dick. The grandfather cock. Papa cock himself.

Guy Montgomery. Yes. I've got the body of a 32-year-old man and the penis of a 90-year-old. A cock as old as time. Describe your cock. It's mahogany. It's mahogany. It comes from a tree that was imported to New Zealand from... Eurasia.

Yeah. Turkey. All right. Do you want to talk about this movie that we just watched? The name of it was Emmanuel's Magic. And this is part of the canon of... Magical series of Emmanuel films. Made for TV. French films that have been dubbed, not subbed. And this is part of the Canada of... Magical series of Emmanuel films.

Made for TV French films that have been dubbed, not subbed, for our viewing enjoyment. There's seven of them. It's always framed by Sylvia Christel and George Lazenby on a plane, reminiscent. And this one involves... It's sort of a two-parter. The first part is Emmanuel telling telling george lazenby about how once her mate who was married to a sculptor he made a sculpture so beautiful and lifelike that

he stopped loving his wife and fell in love with the sculpture and emmanuel was like i've got just the thing for that and she introduced her potion and she made her mate look a bit like the sculpture and fuck the husband and then in the morning the husband was like my sculpture's gone missing and they were like oh really and the sculpture was there and it reunited their marriage and then emmanuel was like but that's not all after that we went to i went to meet up with my old mates because we always meet up me and my mates whenever one of our friends from high school gets married we always meet up there were five of us but now there's four of us because one of us died in a very silly car crash and the guy's like okay and she's like yeah anyway so the four of us all met up and we were at this chalet

and um they were all like i hate being old even though they look about 24 she's like oh really well i've just got just the thing for that and she gave them all the magic potion and they became young and then they went out and they brought home a cab driver called johnny guitar and they played poker in front of him for four hours until eventually they were ready to fuck and they all took turns fucking him the whole night they fucked his brains out and then the next morning he was like again and they're like no you were good but we'll see you on your bike johnny guitar and johnny guitar was out of there and then three of them had to get to the wedding of the fourth one which was in you guessed it sierra leone how will you get to sierra leone well you'll carve a path through the middle of africa that involves fucking everyone you come across they

fucked someone at an airport they tried to fuck a guy on a boat and the guy on the boat didn't fuck him because guess what he turned to be it turned out to be the priest at the wedding the end that was the entire movie guy did a phenomenal job of that plot synopsis and i won't have a word against it so that's the movie that we just watched i at one point wanted to get a boner but didn't um was there a specific part or just in general it would have been it was early on it was when um it's when they were they really stacked like the woman moved in packs in this uh in this film they were stalking the men they were were all, like, it was always,

there was a real sense of camaraderie. They were the musketeers. They were, no one was, like, everyone was kind of looking out for themselves, but within that, there was a very fluid

sort of approach towards... OG Sex and the City vibe. Or, well, no, because Sex and the City, like, you know, for how progressive it was at the time, essentially it follows

a very, aside from Samantha, I've not seen enough of the show, it's a very uh heteronormative and monogamous kind of show and this this movie is very heteronormative but like it's open-minded everyone i wouldn't call these movies or this one heteronormative yeah they're very male gazgazy. Like, it's always okay for the woman to want to have sex with a woman. But any time it's suggested a man wants to have sex with a man, all of the women are like, that's disgusting. But all of the women, whenever they sort of start suggesting a man

and one of their mates shows up, they're never like, hey, can't you see I'm trying to fuck here? They're like, yeah, you know what's good. Do you know what I liked? I liked the first bit about the guy who wanted to fuck a statue that he made. Because it seemed like quite a parable. It was very, it felt like a myth, you know? It was like, and I think it was.

It sort of, it reads like a, probably they just stole it from an actual myth. It was in, yeah, It was set in Greece. They splashed some cash on this budget. Once again, we traveled to... Do you know the story of Adonis? Two continents. Adonis was strong. He fell in love with his own reflection

and drowned in a pool when he saw himself in the water. Was that Adonis? Yeah. Oh, wait. Hold on. No. Maybe it was the narcissist. Yeah, that's narcissist. Nar Yeah, this narcissist Narcissist

Narcissist does that Right, my bad And then that in turn has been Has trickled down Here's your classic trickle down fable economics Into the iconic story of the dog with a bone What's that? Dog's got a bone

Roaming around town Having a good time Sees himself Cop a look at this bone yeah crosses a bridge looks into the water sees another dog with a bigger bone opens his mouth to grab the bigger bone what's he gone and done he loses his bone well he's dropped his bone into the water yep and there was no other dog yeah so for those of you who are a big fan of the band travis and believe that the grass is always green on the other side, take a second look because sometimes the thing you want

is actually the thing you've already got. Macy Gray also espoused that same virtue through song. Someone once told me. It's told by Ginger. Yeah, dude. Finally, it gets a relevant point. The grass was much greener on the other side. And then later on in that same song she says

uh from where i'm standing my grass is green really yeah so that song actually comes full circle or in the intro i think it was written for the show too did you ever hear there was a rumor um that went around that uh macy gray this is such a new zealand rumor macy gray put the reason she has such a gravelly voice is because she puts sand on her wheat bix that is fucking cooked where did you hear that just around that's so funny it's so funny that anyone would would even bother saying that on her week i was a i was a child so yeah let me introduce you to wheat bix wheat bix are like a multi um grain biscuit very dry it's like what would it be in america what do they call it wheaties wheat yeah yeah in america they put sugar into all their cereal so

it's hard to describe but get this guys it's made by this company called sanitarium and they market it as being the most fucking kiwi thing around but the thing about sanitarium is it is a wing of a church and therefore this company that fucking sponsors children's triathlon competitions and spends millions of dollars every year on advertising doesn't pay a cent in taxes because they're a church. That's right. And it is a national outrage. Well, they're actually Australian-based as well.

Well, then it's doubly cooked. Our whole life, we're like Kiwi kids are Weet-Bix kids. And then if you go to Australia and watch the TV ads over there, all of them are being told Aussie kids are Weet-Bix kids.

Is that how they do the syllabus? Same thing happens with Milo. Yeah, Milo's fucking Nestle. And Milo's like Milo, the Kiwi drink. And McDonald's, while we're here, the Kiwi burger is just an Aussie burger.

And McDonald's was started in America. What the fuck is all that about? What's going on? And the Pizza Hut. It's not even a hut It's a franchise Now hold on You're getting angry about a different thing We're going to stay on this

Transnational corporations Claiming themselves as patriotic While advertising their specific brand in New Zealand Well it's good business don't you know It is good business But it's trickery I do all the tax stuff for a sanitarium Nothing

In other words Yeah Good for you It's you cushy gig good man it is a bloody outrage though someone should strip them of their tax-free status i think um they're a fucking business they're making wheat bix for christ's sake friend of the podcast yeah blaspheme to make the point friend of the podcast alice sneddon did an episode of a fantastic show bad news about sanitarium really good you can find it on youtube alice snedden's bad news and while we are talking about wheat bix anyway macy gray didn't have sanitary wheat bix the funniest thing about that rumor is the

assumption that macy gray has wheat bix for breakfast because everyone has wheat bix for breakfast and the way that wheat bix market themselves was always how many can you do so it's like it's not enough to just have the cereal. It's how many of them can you eat? They used to pit children against all blacks. Fully grown rugby players. On school camp in year 10, I had 26 Weet-Bix. You did not.

I did. One for every letter of the alphabet. That's what I said when I started. It's what I did. Oh my God. Did you get to the end? Yeah. Did you vomit?

No. Wow. That's legitimately really impressive. It's what I did Oh my god Did you get to the end? Yeah Did you vomit? No Wow That's legitimately really impressive The body of a teenage boy Is a remarkable thing Yeah it truly is And that's the same body That was watching these movies

That's the same body No it's not That didn't have the grandfather cock Had the supple Untouched Virginal flesh Of a 14 year old boy God I thought I didn't want to hear About the grandfather cock Definitely don't want to hear Had the supple, untouched, virginal flesh of a 14-year-old boy.

God, I thought I didn't want to hear about the grandfather cock. Definitely don't want to hear about the 14-year-old one. I can talk about it because I was 14 then. Yeah, it's your cock. Yeah, I can reminisce about it as frequently and as often as I like. People don't have to listen to it. Marketing your food as being like, hey, how much do you reckon you can eat of this shit is genius. And there's another Weet-Bix challenge in New Zealand

which is called the Weet-Bix challenge, which is to try and eat a dry Weet-Biscuit in under one minute. Have you tried that? No. Do you think you could do it? Doing a teaspoon of cinnamon or something. It's a lot better than that.

Is it hard? A minute's quite a long time. I think I'd struggle. I'm just remembering exactly how dry Weet-Bix is. It's impossible. It's not impossible. People have done it, but I tried. Yeah, you can do it.

It just cakes up your mouth. It'd be horrible, isn't it? It wouldn't be fun. Nasty. That doesn't sound like it. It's fun watching your mate do it. Yeah, yeah. That's usually how those things go.

But yeah, their ads, they would have like world-class athletes at the height of their powers who were training every day. Big booty men in excess of 100 kilograms. And it would be like, Dan Carter can eat 30 of these fucking things. What about you, child? Can you eat 30 biscuits of wheat? And we'd be like, yeah, yeah. I'm like Dan Carter, I can eat 30.

And then you try and eat 30 and you fucking spew everywhere and your mum and dad would be cross because you ate all the breakfast for the whole week. It keeps you regular, though. I wasn't allowed sugar on my cereal for a very long time.

That's good, man. That's a good shout. My mum kept quite a close eye on the sugar intake when we were kids on especially things like brekkie. Got relaxed as we got a bit older. But I think it's a good thing My mum kept quite a close eye on the sugar intake when we were kids, especially things like brekkie. Got relaxed as we got a bit older.

But I think it's a good thing to instill in a child, you know, under the age of 12 to just be like, Oi, you fucking mind that sugar. Sugar is a drug. It's very bad. Sugar is, if you watch, which I have had the pleasure of doing, you give a five-year-old a semi-significant amount of sugar and watch them become high yeah it's like feeding someone cocaine like it is the journeys map perfectly on top of one another it's like a surge of energy a lot of self-belief a lot of

ideas and then this devastating crash back down to reality. I can't believe I said all of that. What was I thinking? I'm humiliated. I'm tired. Don't look at me. I just want to be by myself. We need to get off the stuff, don't we? Cocaine.

Yeah, that too. Sugar, the most pervasive, I think, in the soft drinks, if you're asking me. And thanks for asking me. I briefly got addicted to Coca-Cola at high school. I would drink just one, I think. It was one 600ml bottle every single day. And I remember not knowing I was addicted. And then one day, for some reason, I didn't have one.

I got a crippling headache. And I went, oh, fuck. I guess I should get off Coke coke and then i got off it i tell you what else i used to eat at high school every single day two pies two mrs max pies wow i'd have one chili beef and cheese it was like essentially dog food i felt sick hearing you say i love them to this day i like they're bad but i'd love the taste of them and what was the other pie uh i've mixed that up keep it fresh keep the body steak um pepper steak steak and cheese chili beef and cheese that's so good steak sounds good yeah i think what they would do is they would get, here was, this was almost the start of a joke.

I didn't even realize this at high school. I was kind of forming like the start of almost a stand-up routine, but I used to have this idea that it was like when you got the fresh cuts of meat at Mrs. Mac's, that would be a steak pie, and then when they got a little bit older, you had to like add something to mask the fact that it was old, and that was pepper steak.

And then when that got old, then you would turn that into a mince pie and then when that got old you would turn that into a mince and cheese we really had to like add shit to mask the taste and what about the steak and bean chili beef and cheese yeah that is when that thing has been lying in the sun and everyone forgot that it was supposed to go on a pie at some point and it has grown a grisly fungi on top of it and you've got to add chili to mask and that's the one that you would have every you wouldn't you wouldn't just have like your premium steak and then rotate the other i think what that was about is i um made a concerted effort um in my teenage years to like be able to eat spicy food and i knew that you would i would i would hit it by incrementalism so i would just eat uh as much ever increasingly hot foods as i could so i could get a palate for it incredible and it worked i dodged spicy food because i didn't like the experience olive is obsessed with whether or not food is spicy really every piece of food is that spicy this is the aforementioned child who gets high

on sugar and comes up with cool ideas you got you got hot sauce on that is that spicy is that a little bit spicy is that very spicy or just a little bit spicy who's drunk is that that describes um fizzy fizzy drinks is spicy i don't know i i found them spiky i didn't drink them when you're talking about drinking coke as a boy i um i didn't have soft drink at all and i found it crazy they were called soft drink because i found them so challenging because i hated the sensation why the fuck are they called soft drink you're right they're the opposite of soft drink uh they're a hard drink no it's it's well it's relative to alcohol the entire marketplace of that drink is measured against whether or not you've mixed it with alcohol is that truly where it gets the name

yeah a hard drink a soft drink yeah huh so if you drink soda you're soft but if you drink gallons of vodka you're a stone cold legend. Gotcha. I see who came up with this. Mr. Johnny Walker himself. That's right. From the distillery. Johnny Guitar.

From the distillery of Jim Beam. What was one of your favorite moments of the film? In a genuine way, I thought they were getting close to a good, like a good proper horny scene. When the guy was shooting clay pigeons off the side of the boat and the woman came and he was like no no i'll teach you how to shoot because they took a little bit of time there's the secret to getting a boner in your audience his name was cyrus mccallister some good ass names father cyrus mcallister cyrus mcallister we had michael uh dis disery dysentery dysentery michael dysentery they keep saying everyone's last name in this for no reason

at all we'd see we'd meet a character for a minute and they'd be like uh michael there's actually almost like a drunk history element to this franchise I'm thinking now where like Lazenby and Sylvia Christel just got to cut sick, have a few drinks from first class and they'd roll camera. And then they'd have to like insert the character names

and certain flourishes that they inserted into the actual stories. That would be so much more fun than what has actually happened. With Sylvia Christel, it's weird because it's not like she's a bad actor but her style is very red you know like it's very obviously exactly what was on the page whereas i see george lazenby making the material his own i think man doesn't know how

to laugh in a believable way the difference is that sylvia cristal needs the work and george lazenby doesn't give a fuck and so his his energy is that of an aloof and indifferent person and Sylvia Christel's putting something into it. I don't think you get a former Bond on a softcore made-for-TV porno if he doesn't need to be there. I don't think he's doing that for the first time. That's his maybe, but it's a big get for the film.

Yeah. And he knows it right i see he's showing up swinging his big dick around it was only one george you're in one and then they never cast you again yeah but i got that one yeah it's more than you how many boys yeah it's more than you'll ever get steve the key grip whenever anyone criticizes me for only starring in one bond film i was asking the same question how many of you done yeah how many were you in i asked that to sean connery once um even timothy dalton did like three you know gave him a few he was bad nah he was all right actually i don't mind timan I submitted a theme song For James Bond once Did you? How'd it go? Bond

James Bond He's the spy With a gun man Look out He's gonna get you If you're bad But if you're good He might just try to fuck you

Guy Montgomery Doing Flight of the Conchords Doing David Bowie Doing a Bond song No It is a babushka theme Guy Montgomery doing Flight of the Conchords, doing David Bowie, doing a Bond song. No. It is a babushka theme. Guy Montgomery singing the hits. My Christmas album.

You pulled out. We get pretty bored while we watch these. And so often we'll make up little ditties and just sing songs over the top of the movie. And Guy was absolutely crushing it today folks and it's a it's a damn crying shame that you can't hear that it wasn't recorded i was just trying to sing the myth of the man if the sculpt the sculptor who fell in love yeah they keep calling a sculptorist i was like we've already got a name for this thing the sculptor who fell in love with his sculpture just like have you ever had your husband fall in love with the work he's creating?

And then your friend comes over and says, I got this magic potion. And she puts it on your chest. Then you become kind of like the sculpture. And you fuck your husband. And she's like, it's going to be all good. And then it is. Trust me, guys. It worked.

Worse than that. It was really good. And it rhymed and everything. I'm hating this, Tim. I'm hating these films. I'm hating watching pornography. Yeah, I know. It's not good at all.

I'm trapped on the hamster wheel. Hey, what do you think about this? I've got a theory that George Lazenby and Sylvia Cristal Are dead And in purgatory And that's why this plane ride Which itself is the perfect visual metaphor

For being neither in one place nor another Seems to go on forever Because they're recounting stories about their life In front of the creator to determine Whether or not they get to go to heaven or hell. Oh, wow. Thoughts. And in fact, we've already established that the guy sitting behind them is God.

Yeah, yeah. So this makes perfect sense. I'm wondering whether or not that they're ghosts and that they have to deal to their unfinished business. And respectively, their unfinished business is recounting tales of sexual conquests on the part of sylvia cristel and on george lazenby's which is a much bigger job to be fair hearing everyone in the world reminisce on every single time they had sex oh man what a what a thing i mean the guy's built for it nothing fucking gets this guy's end away more than hearing someone tell him about how they had sex once. Tell me another one of your stories.

It's time for Listening with Lazenby. She's not very good at telling stories either. Well, don't talk about Sylvia like that. They meander. They don't make a lot of sense. Sure, they're non-linear and occasionally she introduces superfluous detail, and other times she leaves out stuff that's pretty central to what I'm trying to hear about,

but inevitably someone rubs their cock on the belly button, and, well, I'll be damned if that doesn't get my grandfather cock rather excited. Hi, I'm George Lazenby, and this is Listening George Lazenby. And this is Listening with Lazenby. What makes a good porno guy? You want context, I think.

So you want to know why the people are having sex. And this movie kind of you also want concepts which is consensual sex that's right or as we call it sex yes um yeah i think this movie splits the difference i think it's like it understands the concept of story and providing context and then doesn't understand how to execute that and so it's like a child trying to draw a picture of anything a rocket and it's like i can see that this is meant to be a rocket yeah i understand what you're trying to do but also this does not look particularly like a rocket and so it's like i can see that this is meant to be a story and i can appreciate that you're trying to tell it to me but this is not a story yeah and so what you have is just like it's just i think that's what makes it so frustrating

and does really trap you in that purgatory feel is it's just like you're just muddling through these occasionally very unsatisfying sexual moments and like you know boner patrol in principle fantastic segment in actuality you know i wouldn't be surprised if some of these boner inspectors stopped showing up to work because you come into the office you know 10 times and there's not a single boner it's inevitable that the inspector is going to be like well if you guys aren't going to get boners, I'm going to stop showing up. At some point when the system is so ironclad

that you could be at work for every day for a decade and everyone has bought their ticket the whole time, the ticket collector is going to be very, they're going to be in a very, do you know what? Dubious position. It's going to be hard for them to self-motivate to turn up. But the exciting thing is the idea of that happening and then people being like, ticket collector's not really coming by anymore.

I know I could pay for the ticket, but maybe today I'll just chance my arm. Have you ever done that in Melbourne on the trams? I have. I've never been caught. Did you know that? Have you ever done that in Melbourne on the trams? I have. I've never been caught. Did you know that? Have you seen people get busted on the tram? I've got a relevant anecdote for this, but it doesn't involve me.

It involves my wife. Say it properly. My wife. Thank you. So Zoe went to Germany and didn't pay her bus ticket once and got caught. And it's like, I think, a reasonably big deal there when you do that and then left and to this day she's always been quite fearful that it's this outstanding ticket and

she's going to get arrested as soon as she sets foot in the eu in the eu no wait germany's part of the eu aren't they yeah yeah yes wait but anywhere in europe well probably germany to be honest yeah germany brought it up when i? Well, probably Germany, to be honest. Yeah, Germany maybe. She's brought it up when I've been like, we should go to Berlin. I've never been to Berlin. I really want to go to Berlin. Zoe's been to Berlin. She's told me amazing stories of her time in Berlin.

Amazing stories. Fantastic nightclubs. Rich culture. She said Berlin is a city you want to be in. Is it cheap? No, not what I've heard. Berlin? Yeah. Yeah, Berlin's cheap as in. Is it cheap? No, not what I've heard. Berlin? Yeah.

Yeah, Berlin's cheap as chips. Is it? Yeah. Fuck. It's becoming more expensive by the year. It's been famous for being cheap for a long time. Oh, wow. I didn't know that.

Munich, on the other hand. That's where the money gets spent. That's where you got your big spend in krauts. Hey, big spender. Is it okay to call Germans kra krauts um i'm gonna ask bixby okay bixby bixby fuck it might be okay to call germans krauts it's not okay to call your assistant bixby hey bixby is it is it okay to call germans krauts we're so stealing a bit off Chris Park now.

I couldn't find any contacts for Germans Krauts. Try checking and tell me... Bixby, you fucking monster. You're fired. I don't know why they have that on the phone. It drives me nuts. Bixby has never correctly heard me once. It's never provided an answer to the question I'm asking.

Yeah. And there's literally already a very good version of it called google assistant it's right there on the phone banked into the operating system i want to pitch a porno to you it's on a boat. Wait. Hi, Tim. George here. Probably wondering why I took this meeting on a plane. I find them to be the most erotic setting for one of my listening sessions. I understand you've got a story to tell.

Hello, George. Please, go ahead. Call me Mr. Lazenby. Mr. Lazenby. George was my father's name. We open... We open with a drone shot of a cruise ship. Do you remember those? Is the drone horny?

The drone is not horny. Because the drone has a very important job. Oh no. Thank you for your time tim that was really stressful okay go again nah man it's done Honestly It's done, it's done It's done I had my shot and I blew it I can't believe I blew it to George Lazerby himself

Famously the world's best listener Fuck I'm devastated I'm absolutely gutted by that Oh well Maybe next time I guess There is always next time Guy, do you think we're done with all of the made-for-TV ones now?

I hope so. I'd just like to say, actually, I think that's a great segment, though, moving forward. Every week, Pitch a Porno with George Lazenby. Pitch a Porno. With George Lazenby. With George Lazenby. The world's greatest listener. That's right.

That's a really nice little segment that if anyone would like to make a sting for that send it in to um uh no i never checked that email i'll send it anyway little empire little empire podcasts at gmail.com that has genuinely put a spring in my step because that is a game that we can look forward to week in week out you say that now i'm get your thinking cap on guy because those pornos do not write themselves i've seen a handful of pornos that did appear to write themselves on a random sexual situation simulator no it was le quoi root what's his name again the director and writer of all of these oh Oh. I think it's the same guy. Mr. Emmanuel.

Please. Emmanuel was my father's name. Call me Mr. You can't say this, but I just shook my head and rolled my eyes in an incredibly dismissive manner. Just quickly while I've got you here, Tim. Okay. I saw something really great on Netflix last night that I wanted to talk to you about. What was it?

that I wanted to talk to you about. What was it? It's a stand-up comedy special called Asian Mama Mexican Kids by none other than the great Rob Schneider. This is highly inappropriate. You shouldn't be bringing this up here.

Why the title, you ask? Would you like to have a guess? Would you like me to tell you, or would you like to have a guess? I'm holding a camera lens just so I've got something to fiddle with at the moment. It's about $250, and I have very little compunction about socking you in the face with it. If you insist on telling me one more time why Rob Schneider's most recent special, only special, is called Asian Mom, Mexican Kids. Asian Mama.

Yeah. Not Asian Mom. Yeah. It's because his mama is Asian. His kids, however, in stark contrast... It's at the level now where I might not just end the episode, but also the podcast and our friendship. That's how many times you've done it. That's how angry it makes me.

It's one of those things. I was actually saying this to Chelsea yesterday. This is probably one of my most annoying traits, but I firmly believe the more that you do something, which is actually embedded in this podcast, the funnier it becomes. We were watching MasterChef, and Chelsea, the final challenge in MasterChef,

back to win Australia, was they had to serve all of the other contestants and the judges, so it was like 60 dishes, three they've got four hours just was like what would you um what would your menu be and i said scrambled eggs main and then she was like no i'm not doing this with you if you're not doing it seriously and then 10 minutes later she asked me again and i said scrambled eggs main soft boiled eggs on tray fried eggs dessert and she got so like it just kept going and going and then the day afterwards she was asking me and i was still doing the bit and i like she doesn't think it's funny at all

anymore yeah and i was like she didn't even at the start. Because this is also based on a joke you do on stage, where you rattle off a bunch of different egg recipes in the succession. Which she's seen. She's seen that joke. She knows where this is coming from. The more you can bring it up, the better it becomes.

I don't know. I don't know if that's true. How do you feel towards me? Antagonized. I don't know. I don't know if that's true. How do you feel towards me? Antagonized. I feel like you've found a button and you just insist on hitting it over and over again. Anyway, guys, catch us next week. You can give a shining light. I can give you one.

That bit where they're talking about how there used to be another friend in their group after they've all fucked the taxi driver relentlessly all night and then a wind blows through the room for 20 seconds like ashley has come to visit them to say hi that was great i really liked the um dumb and dumber-esque sort of escapades they had with uh father cyrus mccallister where it's like he kept getting into these very sexually compromising situations with the woman and then something would get in the way or like the there were a lot of characters in the movie who the woman were very blatantly and aggressively hitting on

and they were like they just couldn't wrap their head they were like oblivious to these come-ons i thought that was a good recurring gag. I'm just going to do it for this episode of The Worst Idea of All Time and our review for Emmanuel's Magic, which I am giving... Hold on, we've got to give a little review. We don't have to. We've done it with only a couple of these movies,

but I'm gonna. I'm giving it one cup of coffee out of five cups of coffee. No, two and a half. Two and a half cups of coffee out of five cups of coffee. No, two and a half. Two and a half cups of coffee out of five. I'm giving it five. I'm giving it five. And I'm not telling you what the scoring scale is.

Five, one number for every letter in the word magic, which is what this cinema experience was. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm'm gonna go and whack off into a bush