The Worst Idea Of All Time - 29: Emmanuelle's Pie

Episode Date: May 2, 2021

Finally, the lyrics of American Pie and plotline of Emmanuelle 2000 collide in this Ten Boners Out of Ten porn pastiche. Emmanuelle has lost the power of her mind control device because a high school student touched the digitally rendered pulsating butthole on his principal's computer leading to a body swap comedy featuring a cat in heat and hilarious teenage hijinks.The boys investigate the pomp and circumstance associated with US high school graduation ceremonies and compare them to their own experiences of leaving school in New Zealand. Guy reveals he is the recipient of an art prize despite never taking art as a subject. Is there a connection between Emmanuelle's Pie and the US Military Industrial Complex? It is impossible to say but the boiz discuss nonetheless. George Lazenby is not in good shape and we wait with baited breath to see if Boner Inspector will finally be satiated.TWIOAT Live show in Auckland: qtheatre.co.nz/shows/worst-idea-all-time-best-host-all-timeGuy's NZ Comedy Fest show: comedyfestival.co.nz/find-a-show/guy-montgomery/Tim's NZ Comedy Fest show: comedyfestival.co.nz/find-a-show/classy-warfare/JOIN US ON FACEBOOK: (facebook.com/WorstIdeaOfAllTime) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

🎵 He'll be singing my, my Miss Emanuel pie Got my sister like a cat now when she fucked this strange guy And my best friend, he's a, he's, hello and welcome along. He's staring at girls on the sly, saying soon I'm gonna be a big fry. Soon I'm gonna be a big fry. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. to be a big fry. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

Well, I've got this necklace device that lets me look up skirts a lot and it's a little morally dubious. Dun, dun, dun. There's a new teacher starting at my school and she's really hot, but she's also cool and she's teaching me

a little something about sexuality. Dun, dun, dun, dun, something about sexuality well i got in trouble with a pussy cat and my neighbor's real fine so what you think of that and i had a boner or two and i shoved a bully at school i got a big detention and i got a bruise at the end of the movie i got tom cruise it was a recurring dream that came to me in a pool you've been struck by the arrow of inspiration you really fucked it up there though didn't you i want to keep going all day well you know for context i think it's important that we don't because most of what i just said was in them in fact pretty much everything was in the movie that's right what's that movie why it's emmanuel's pie no this entire episode will be sung i shall not take part i simply shan't no seriously i can't i can't i don't have the energy for that. I've got this app on a string sitting on a podcast. Got guys sitting next to me now.

Doesn't work. Doesn't work. We're not those guys. Hey now. It's the worst idea. It works better as a conversational podcast So previously Oh, pish tosh Pish posh

Pish posh, I was taking a splash Taking a splosh Do you know Bobby Darin won a bet with that song? Did Bobby Darin sing Splish Splash? Oh, fuck. Yeah, I think so. I don't know that he did. No, you're right.

It wasn't Bobby Darin. Who was it? Bobby Darin gets a lot more airtime on this podcast than you think. Look, guys, we've just watched Emmanuel's Pie. It is... That's not the name. Is it not Emmanuel's Pie? It's just Emmanuel Pie.

Like American Pie. Not Emmanuel's Pie. It's just Emmanuel pie. Like American pie. Not Emmanuel's pie. That would be a different thing. It was called American pie. I always thought it was called America's pie. It's America's pie, Tom. It's an incredible fusion. It's sort of like, you know, conceptually people are always talking about pirates.

Guess what, motherfucker? Splish Splash was by Bobby Darin. Any more questions? No. What bit did he win? Let me see if it's on the wiki. It was written by DJ Murray the K the k murray kaufman that is who bet that darren could not write a song that began with the word splash splash i was taking a

bath as suggested by murray's mother jean kaufman the song was credited to darren and jean murray a combination of their names to avoid any hint of payola. Do you know about payola? It was a pay-for-play scam that rocked the airwaves in America from like the 50s onwards. It was Darren's first hit, and the song, it was his first hit, and the song helped him to give, helped give him a major boost in his career,

reaching number three on the United States pop single charts and number two on the R&B bestsellers chart. R&B's come a long way. Hasn't it? Splish Splash was Darren's only entry on the C&W bestsellers and stores chart, where it peaked at number 14. So every now and then, folks, when someone bets you that you can't do something,

and then like a child you take the bait, it could launch your career. That is a very cool origin story for that song. Like, that's almost a gag. It's like being like, I bet you can't write a joke about bathing, but it's a song. Yeah, you're right. It is, yeah. Because it's a song about bathing. So the is yeah because it's a song about bathing so the one thing you changed in your example was the medium yeah it is similar i feel an energy dynamic

between us here that i live in fear of you love it you absolutely love it i don't love it i don't want to be the downtrodden, low-energy guy. I want to be where you are. Then come meet me at the top of the mountain. You've been drinking from a flagon of tea, and I've been sipping my giant gallon of water. It's herbal tea, man. Wow.

Get your head out of your ass. We're on the record now. Come on now. Pull your socks up. My socks are up, man. I was trying to talk about Emmanuel's pie, and then you laughed me down. You told me about Bobby Darin.

Yeah. And now you're making fun of my very weak analogies. You forgot with the song opening as well. We started with a musical number. Yeah, fucking hell. But basically, this movie exists at the crosshairs between the Emmanuel 2000 franchise and iconic teen high school coming-of-age film,

American Pie. Slash pseudo-sexual assault fantasy franchise, American Pie. Emmanuel has lost her mind control powers. They got trapped in that computer. Uh-oh. You guys know about the computer, right? You know about the computer from trapped in that computer uh you guys know about the computer you know the about the computer from back in that episode with ham and naomi when um everyone got too horny you

know the name of that episode titplay.com.au while you're here you might as well check out this show on netflix as well why you like this but uh basically this guy this regular high school student who's on graduation day stumbles into these mind reading powers that previously belonged to emmanuel and starts exploiting them for his benefit and his friend's benefit and i guess kind of out of curiosity and hilarity and hijinks ensue emmanuel goes to the school under the guise of a relief teacher to find the person who now possesses the mind control device Or powers Yeah, because the first thing that happens

Is a guy tries to change his grade In the computer system Because he's about to graduate high school Well he's not, he's meant to graduate He then finds out his grades aren't good enough So he's got to go to summer school He breaks into the principal's office, tries to change his grade The computer's got that sort of Windows

95 screensaver on it that looks like a really erotic, pulsating butthole, and he touches the middle of the butthole and then becomes sexually supercharged. Some sort of disciplinarian, yet beautiful teacher comes into the principal's office. I'm sorry, can I hit pause for one second?

Did you see Freakazoid? Because this is kind of the plot line of Freakazoid The animated TV show Freakazoid About a nerd Who gets the entirety of the internet Which at the time Wasn't exactly what it is now

Because I think that cartoon was out in the late 90s Downloaded into his brain Because his I don't know why the fuck i remember this but i can remember the first episode for some reason that's cool man i just remember his costume in that part of the theme song and he's a crazy guy there's like a microchip he's a normal guy at the start he's just a teenage guy but when he's fregazoid and there's a microchip that comes out it's like a new computer processor or something he's like like, yeah, this is the best ever.

And he puts it in. And then you kind of get like this flash to the guys who make the computer chip. And they're like, oh, no, there's this one flaw. If anyone ever presses this exact combination of keystrokes, they'll download the internet into their brain. And then everyone's like, ah, it's so unlikely it'll never happen. And then his cat just runs over the keyboard and fucking

he becomes freakazoid. So it's kind of like this. Because he just, the whole computer just fucking downloads sexual chaos into his brain. And then this guy starts And mind control powers for some reason. Yeah, he starts by

accidentally mind controlling this disciplinarian teacher who busts onto him in the principal's office and says, you're going to get in trouble. And then somehow he winds up mind controlling her and the janitor into fucking on the principal's desk. I don't think the janitor was mind controlled. Yeah. I think the janitor was just at the right place at the right time. He was reticent at the start but he found his way yeah he came in and this teacher was sort of i guess kind of masturbating on the desk and he was like miss miss robinson holy mackerel holy parker yeah holy mackerel miss parker and

then they start having sex and he goes mother of god miss Parker. He was like a Z-list John Wayne impersonator that they got in. And he was a sensation. He had true swagger and an old southern charm. He was a man who was delicate about the concept of nudity and respected a more traditional approach to women being topless in the principal's office when you walk in to clean it. Which is...

Which is to say, I shouldn't be here, you should put your clothes on. Yeah, it's unprofessional. But through sheer tyranny of will, she seduces him and then he falls in love with her and she's sort of embarrassed

by the whole thing. And it's sort of, you know, it's just this lovely, hilarious subplot. Not really. Guy's checking if that's true in the rolodex of his mind. I'm really battling for energy today, Tim.

That's okay. That's why there's two of us, pal. Let me grab an oar. Yin and yang. Well, if we both row at the same time with our current energy levels, we're going to go in circles. You're an oarsman, but I'm a helmsman.

Do you know what those mean? Nope. Do you? The helmsman helms the boat. So do I steer the direction? I think so. And then you provide the power. Yeah.

Well, we need to flip. Anyhow, it was actually a really, really fun. Ed Helmsman. Yeah, that's good. It actually a really, really fun. Ed Helmsman. Yeah, that's good. It was a really fun movie. Yeah, this one rocked. There was one genuine laugh out of me. And they also, sort of when they got to the sex scenes,

they were striking a very uncomfortable or unusual balance of eroticism and comedy. And also they had some of those iconic Emmanuel 2000 cutaways between sex scenes where it was like they're having sex and then also they're having sex next to an aquarium. So why not enjoy this shot of a jellyfish or a manta ray perhaps? Maybe you'd like to see a clownfish. And then there was another one where the cutaways were... Not the cube wall, the white pool.

Oh, yeah, a pool table where were... Not the cube wall. The white wall. Oh, yeah. A pool table where someone kept sinking the white wall. So people were having sex. And then in between different strokes or sexual positions, you'd cut to a pool table and just some anonymous person draining a white wall into the corner. Hey, listen. This movie fucking ruled.

This was, I would say, probably the best Emmanuel. Definitely the best Emmanuel 2000. Yeah. I don't think there's any that beat it. The original Emmanuel 2000 is in the conversation. The one where we're introduced to the world. It felt like we turned a corner. You could tell they had, first of all,

they had a completely different writer and director for this one. I'm pretty sure it was a first-timer. Still helmed by master executive producer Elaine Suritsky. I think he owns the sort of IP, doesn't he, at this point? Feels like it. He's getting all of these off the ground. He's also the guy who was responsible for Emmanuel in Rio a previous watch. Oh, that's right.

Hey, look, you've got to try things sometimes, and they don't always work out, you know? Certainly, and the guy was fucking experimenting. It's the mid-2000s. He's sending people to Brazil to improvise a porno. He's, like, watching American Pie at the cinema and coming home and telling people, I want that, but porn.

And he did it as well. Like, this movie is probably four very good comedians in a writer's room away from actually being American Pie. Oh, and like, if you take away some of the nudity. Because, you know, like, it had a pretty good story. Tell me, what's the story then?

What's the pretty good story? You want like the plot sort of blow by blow? Like the beats? Or more like the kind of theme sort of approach? Like, the theme, I guess. Tell me what you want, what you really really want. I want the

theme. I want the synopsis and the theme. You say it's really good. I want to know why you think that. I think it's enjoyable comparatively. Here's the synopsis. Teenage boy cannot graduate. Hacks the computer system to avoid going to summer school. Synopsis. Teenage boy cannot graduate,

hacks the computer system to avoid going to summer school, accidentally downloads the entire sexual program that Emmanuelle 2000 has been devising with her scientist buddies. In addition, he inherits the mind control powers of the devices that are part of this program. Yes, you're doing really well. So his powers are unbeknownst to him.

He uses them on the deputy principal who walks in while he's hacking the computer system. Is she deputy principal, do you reckon? Yes. Okay, yeah. Makes her horny as fuck. And then the sex scene that you've already mentioned happens with the janitor while he is hidden under the desk to avoid detection and expulsion and then he's um teaming up with his best friend a guy named whatever you like

call him sam sam Sam and Frodo. There they are, brothers in arms, with the power of the One Ring. And actually, this does match, because at one point, Sam gets... They steal the... So Emmanuel comes, because she's like, hey, someone in this school has got access

to my fucking powers. They can send on a map where all the sexual energy is. So she finds it that way and poses as a substitute teacher. She comes to get what's hers. And so now we're in summer school and he had to attend. And so we're there.

And he steals her handbag, Emmanuel's handbag out of the classroom after a very funny scene where he's controlling Mitch, the school bully, and makes him fall onto his own erect penis. Yeah.

And then slam his own bruised erect penis into the desk. When he falls down on his erect penis I laughed. I laughed hard. I really did. And I laughed and I also winced. Like they got every single response that they would have hoped. You're on

board. This is a great film. And they steal the handbag. Within the handbag is the device, the heart necklace and the tiara. And so they start to experiment and find out more about how this all works. Meanwhile, our lead character retains these powers of telepathy and a sort of mental manipulation as well. Also, he meets his neighbor, the very beautiful cat-owning Tiffany.

Yeah. This is important, and we will return to it later. He runs out of his house because he's so late to get to his graduation that he bowls her over in a um romantic moment of happenstance and she is fine with getting absolutely fucking pretty much tackles her like a middle linebacker my god it is violent to see and harrowing because it's on concrete and you're like fuck man i hope no one hit their head but she's actually very giggly and um and fine with it sam has a diversion where he gains access to

the devices they kind of figure out what's going on oh no sorry sam teams up with the main guy who i want to call tom sure and tom's like these powers are very powerful i can do all kinds of shit so they're like okay let's do a test. So he goes to the cheerleaders who are going into the shower room. And he's like, you cannot see my friend. You can't see Sam. You can't hear Sam. And so Sam stays in the locker room like a creepy invisible man

and just watches them while they're naked and, you know, slapping each other with towels and rough hours and, and all that fun stuff that cheerleaders do. And, um, and, but then he starts kind of like, uh,

touching them. And then they get very turned on, but confused because they don't know like what's happening. So they start making out with each other, but then his invisibility fades. Why does it fade? Um, because,

uh, the main guy, Tom decides to go fuck off and do something else. So, like, the spell is broken. I felt like it was related to the device. He turns on the device. Oh, yeah. No. No, because I don't think that's to do with the device. And also, who cares?

I don't think it's to do with the device, though. That's his mental powers. He gets, like, distracted by something else. I can't remember what it is. Maybe Emmanuel comes along at that point. And he's like, oh, now I'm going to concentrate on something else. So they're no longer under his spell. It's either that or the device.

Who cares? Anyway, he becomes visible, gets beaten the fuck out of by these four cheerleaders. Yeah, but still gets off pretty lightly. Yes. Yeah. All things still gets off pretty lightly. Yes. Yeah. All things considered. What else then happens? So then we've got, well, we've got the sister, don't we? So Tom's sister is in the scene and Tom figures out that he can do stuff like make her lend

her car to him, something she would never in her right mind normally do that's right very ferris bueller kind of dynamic there's a lot of movie references in this one as well which i enjoyed like i felt i felt like it got a lot of ferris bueller um there was a line from network what line um i can't remember what the take on it was but it was something like i'm horny and i'm not gonna take it anymore oh yeah Sam one of the things about this movie

is Sam kind of represents and is a forebear for incel culture Sam is the friend of Tom yeah but he does yeah yeah he is but kind of like

a prototype of it yeah I feel like he's not as he's very prototypical he's not like gun toting he's not quite 8chan oh no yet but he's not as very prototypical. He's not like gun-toting. No, no,

no. Oh, no. But he's a dweeb and he's like it's a bit of an origin story that could go either way. And because he can't get with women

he's like, that's it, I'm convinced. Women have no sex drive. Yes, he believes women have no sex drive and that it requires a, what does he say,

a dictionary, a thesaurus and Carter to decode the complicated thought process. I think he would only get himself in further knots. He'd tie himself up. Quoting Encarta dates this movie to within a nine-month period for me in terms of when it was made.

Did you have Encarta 96? Nah, man. We couldn't afford a computer with a CD-ROM. Are you kidding me? We had Encarta 96. Holy shit! Check out the big balls on Montgomery You kidding me? We had Encarta 96. Holy shit! Check out the big balls on Montgomery. We had a Commodore 64 in 96,

which was a computer from the 80s, and it fucking hooned. What would you do on it? Play games, man. What games? There was one called the Guyana Sisters, which was a complete pixel-for-pixel rip-off of Super Mario Bros.

They just re-skinned the sprites so that instead of two plumber brothers, it was two, who knows, sisters going through the exact same maps with the exact same enemies, doing the exact same stuff. Can you imagine trying to get that game published now? That's so cool.

There's a whole bunch of kind of shit like that going on. Knockoff games. It's so good. Whizball? Fuck that going on and knockoff games so good whiz ball fuck man whiz ball was so good whiz ball's got one of the best soundtracks of any game ever is it 8-bit yeah you love it extremely 8-bit but it's like it's like metal it's like a fucking it's like heavy metal composed into an 8-bit synthesizer. It's very good. Anyway, back to the film.

So we've got the sister, right? She's fucking around with her friends. Oh, yeah. Then Tom comes home at one point and he's like, ah, fuck you, sister. You're full of hot gas. Yes. Because she's given him beef.

And he accidentally makes her fart heaps in front of her friends, which gas. Yes. Because she's given him beef. And he like accidentally makes her fart heaps in front of her friends, which is very funny. And very embarrassing for her. She disappears. To do a poo. She disappears to go shit in a toilet instead of in her bikini where she was in a lounger. And then, I mean, cut forward, because i can't remember a little bit in the

middle but then we've got sam decides to really fucking become the mad scientist of this duo and he's like listen this device has got some untapped potential so he puts one necklace on the sister and the he puts the name on the sister and a necklace on a cat which belongs to you guessed it tiffany the heartthrob neighbor you said it would come back and it did and it did but he somehow gets their wires crossed and so instead of tiffany controlling the cat the cat controls no not tiffany sorry the sister oh yeah sorry yes you're right you're right you're right tiffany's looking for her cat who's running around with this bracelet on controlling Tom's sister who's like out at the club. Tom's sister is now on heat and a cat but inhabiting a human's body.

Like a 19-year-old girl's body. And shows up to find her mates at the club. And she does. And she keeps rubbing up on all the guys she's meeting until one of them and her go to the bathroom and they start having sex and he starts she starts howling howling like a cat he starts barking like a dog which i actually like i really respect that in terms of embracing the experience it's like okay let's play the game yeah yeah i thought that was a really good move from the guy but then he freaks out when she starts scratching him and he runs out of the bathroom he said she scratched me

no he says she bit me i think i need a rabies shot to his friends and but that is um before a scene where they they like kind of uh dangle in front of your eyes like a carrot in front of a horse that will never be able to obtain it, a lesbian scene wherein, so this cat is a young woman, cannot get satisfaction immediately in the bar, and she goes to the toilets, and then this woman comes in and investigates this howling noise coming from one of the stalls, opens the doors, there's a woman who's in a state of undress going hammer and tongs on herself.

And she says, do you want a hand? Hey, can I give you a hand? That's a different scene prior. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. All right. So. Not the cat. That's not the cat.

That's the deputy principal. Oh, is it? Oh, fuck, you're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sam, before he starts running his experiments on people and cats he runs one on the deputy principal and himself and he oh yeah i forgot about that whole bit he takes over the deputy principal's body and goes to this they've obviously got clearance to shoot in this one location and he goes into the bathroom and looks at her and then he starts like

he can't take off the brassiere because he's never dealt with a brassiere before that's funny pull it over her head and he actually also tries to pull her skirt and underpants over her head very funny stuff and that woman who played the deputy principal was a tour de force if there was an oscar for best comedy performance in a softcore porno parodying a popular film at the time it should go to her because she very rarely got to play like she was constantly embodying other characters or other people's desires within herself and what is an actor was constantly embodying other characters or other people's desires within herself and what is an actor if not embodying the powers and perspectives of other people she had to perform an incredible balancing act of being uh arousing and also

hilarious get this she's fumbling with her titties and making you laugh can you imagine can you even picture it can you even fucking picture it that's why it's funny to do a porn parody or a porn is it a parody yep or is it an homage or like both neither it's like i reckon to parody a comedy is very difficult yeah that's true yeah to do so to do through do so through the prism of porn is like an incredible challenge. Like, conceptually, it makes sense. But also, the guys who loved American Pie were probably just jerking off to American Pie. They don't need a porn equivalent to be like...

Oh, yeah, the guys. Yeah. Whoever the fuck they are. Yeah, whoever they were. Whoever was of that age at that time. They don't need a porn parody to be introduced to suddenly masturbate to. True. Yeah.

True. Which makes this so fantastic. Yeah. Completely needless. Well, you say that though, but didn't, didn't American Pie actually get released with like a R13 or something like that?

So that more, more horny, you know, pubescent. No, no, no, there might've been a version,

but American Pie was famously R16. R16. There was nudity in it. R16, okay, but this is a softcore porno, so this is like you know, probably R21 in a lot of US states. More hardcore. Yeah, this was the next level. This was like, if you've got an older brother or

a very irresponsible uncle who can obtain this for you and you're 15 years of age this is the fucking one to get it just makes it it makes the yeah it's it's just a phenomenal balancing act to be like we're really funny and also arousing yeah and they kind of did it also just from like a production standpoint, I feel like we've turned a corner in terms of the cameras and stuff. Despite the fact that the particular version we were watching was incredibly low resolution. Not rendered in the crisp 6K that they shot in.

No, sadly not. But, you know, you can tell that they've really stepped their game up On a lot of fronts in terms of the cinematography Very creative use of found footage To establish the scope of the high school graduation ceremony We just saw our hero Tom in his graduating gown And then there was spliced into footage of Like home footage

Probably Elaine Suritsky or someone's like actual child's graduation ceremony which was also in the same royal blue gowns no faces but just like a lot of people proceeding up and down crowd shots of a um football field stadium not a stadium if it's a high school football field set up for a large public event what do you think of the pomp and circumstance with which america ushers its youths off from high school to the next chapter of their lives because we do not have an equivalent no i i mean honestly it's one of the few ones that does look fun like graduating high school does feel significant it is a big deal and in america yeah they we have a ball we have a formal dance and that's yeah but they have like they i like that a high school graduation is like you know what you must have had like a prize giving and stuff which i imagine

would have been a big deal at your school we did have a prize giving uh yeah was that revered by all was that like that would be nah it's just just like a thing that you've got to get through. It's like you just have to sit down and watch all the smart people go up on stage for two hours. Hmm. It's not. Did you get anything, Guy? I got.

You're a smart guy. Nah. You're a talented man. In the last year of high school, I got a prize for drama. Nice one. Because I was always stirring the pot. What do you mean? Should have been a prize for drama nice one because i was always stirring the pot should have been a prize for cooking or just creating drama uh no i got it for for my for my perform for my work in the drama class and then i also got a prize hey hold on now was it attached to a specific um

performance no it was like um just general it's like getting a prize for english just like because that year you performed the best in your Just like Because that year You performed the best In your English class So that year I performed the best In my drama class Oh yeah And then I also got a prize for art

A subject Which I did not take And I didn't say anything What the fuck Except for the prize Seriously Yeah

And apparently the art teacher When they watched The graduation ceremony They were like Huh Hold on a second Guy doesn't take Seriously? Yeah. And apparently the art teacher, when they watched the graduation ceremony, they were like, huh, hold on a second. Guy doesn't take art. I can only imagine there would have been some fucking slighted art students at your school. Oh, big time.

Looking at that. How does that even happen? I don't know. I mean, if you want to know the truth um the real moment of the the ceremony was that a fellow pupil at the school had had an illicit affair with an english teacher did that come out um on the day of prize giving oh and they won the english prize oh my god and they got a standing ovation when they received the English prize. Fucking hell. Yeah.

I mean, that was sort of the scene-stealing moment of the day. But it's nothing like an American high school graduation. Yeah. It's like, it was, you know. It's because they, I feel like American high, but then again, we only see the TV and movie version of American high school.

I think it's far more diverse than the singular experience we get fed through these sorts of products. You know what I mean? There's thousands of schools in America. To an extent, I agree. But by and large, I think you've experienced America. I've seen it. I've been there they just turn the intensity up

on everything and so a high school graduation ceremony, yes they're not all exactly rendered like they are in the Hollywood movies or even in the Emmanuel Elaine Siritsky movies but there's a version of it they all exist on a much higher plane of pomp and circumstance

there's a weird sort of triangle of military-style parading, football worship, and maybe it's not a triangle, maybe it's those two things. They sort of feed into a lot of their ceremonies, and I particularly think a graduation ceremony. It looks like there's always marching bands involved. Yeah. Which I can fuck with because I love a marching band. Yeah, there should be.

But it is very militaristic in a way. Yeah, well, football and the military are in bed together. They love each other. Yeah. They really care a lot about each other. It pays for the NFL. And they do flyovers and have like military themed matches where everyone's wearing camo sort of trim uniforms. It's pretty fucked up when you think about it.

Deeply. It's like the military is so embedded in America's self-perception. It is a huge part of why the country's broken. It's pretty smart though. huge part of why the country's broken it's pretty smart though it makes a lot of sense when you start doing a light cursory read of america's uh economy on wikipedia and realize that weapons manufacture comprises a huge portion of their gdp then you're like oh okay i get it now i get it now. I get it now. I understand. Anyway, Emmanuel Pai. A study on the state of America's military industrial complex. And its interaction with the education system.

It didn't meditate on any of these issues. No. Sadly. There was an opportunity missed. Elaine Cerinsky. It didn't really pause to reflect on anything that was happening. You know, I misspoke as well. I said that this movie was a snapshot of what America looked like just before 2001.

That was incorrect because this movie was made in 2003. Wow. I thought we were looking at a pre-911 America, but we weren't. No. I thought that it was set in a small town somewhere in America that was not one of the main cities, but it was still conspicuous in the absence of shots of the Twin Towers. Yeah. Yes.

What else happened in the movie that we've missed? So she becomes a cat. Oh, yeah. And then they kind of- I've got a question. Oh, boy. Hello. Did you get a boner?

Is this the boner expected? Yeah. It doesn't sound like him and i've also forgotten his what's your first name again boner respected if you don't remember you don't know oh fair enough man sorry about that it's very rude of me i'm not great with names i hear you blowing the trumpet of this emmanuel's pie dude this one fucking slammed it was great did it slam some uh taut muscle into your flaccid penis that's biological no it didn't slam any how did you put that i didn't slam any taut muscle into your flaccid penis yeah no none of that for me um but i think, you know, on a different day, in a different setting, mayhaps.

There was a lot of nudity and a lot of fucking and some more explicit sex than we've been privy to in basically any of the other Emmanuel's. Did that excite you? Yeah, yeah. Thrilling to see, but not enough to develop a physiological response to the material. Damn. Let me check on Guy, though. Guy? Yeah.

You got anything to report to El Bono de Inspector? El Diablo. No. He's the devil? Possibly. Plot twist? Oh, for fuck's sake. The boner inspector is Satan himself.

Can't I talk about my penis for a second? I'd love that you would. No. Certainly, I reckon approach turgid time, but never not a boner to inspect. Turgid time sounds pretty good. Yeah, you would like that, you sinister creep. Yeah, especially if he's Lucifer. A fallen angel

on a desperate hunt for boners. Well, I'll be looking elsewhere. Okay, see you, bro. You know, they always said that the greatest trick the devil ever played was convincing us he wasn't real. Maybe he's been the boner inspector the whole time. People love the idea of the devil.

Yeah. Gives us something to do, doesn't it? To think about the devil. So better the devil you know. So the boner inspector. Well, better not to know devil. No, hold on. That goes against what you're saying. Better the devil you know than the devil you don't.

So we should befriend the devil. Keep your enemies close. Oh, shit. Your friend's close and your enemy's closer. We should really embrace the boner inspector. I've always liked him. Yeah, he's got a good energy to him. He's got a dark edge, but he seems friendly and warm and open.

It's like he's trapped in a pretty fruitless endeavor. Yeah. I do feel for him, that's for sure. Also, do you know what's tough? What's tough, Guy? Well, like, I was just thinking he could just watch

one of the movies and he'd get to see a boner that way. Maybe we should invite, maybe we should get him on as a guest. We're dealing with a softcore franchise

that doesn't actually have boners in movies. He's talking to the wrong guys. That doesn't have boners in movies. He's talking to the wrong guys. That doesn't have boners in movies. Oh, like he, like. Even if he watched the movie with us, he wouldn't see a boner. He would see the concept of a boner. Yeah, but I don't know if the boner inspector is like Santa Claus-esque

in terms of visiting every young boy and girl to inspect their genitals. I think you've used the wrong adjectives and descriptors for who he's inspecting. The grown and consenting men and women. Correct. He does just turn up, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But is he like sort of an omnipotent force who's able to visit?

Every day he's out. Adult, grown, old men and women all over the visit he's every day he's adult growing old men and women yeah yeah all over the world every day he's out working his beat shit man working to find someone that's cool yeah he's cool do you reckon he's got like an equivalent of santa's elves bonus helpers i reckon he does well and what do they do? Collect a lot of data From? The internet He's looking for hot spots

I see It's like which country is looking up the most porn Feels like something Jurex would publish in a press release Yeah I feel like there's always a press release coming out that people are looking at more porn than ever before. Pornhub, maybe. They put that kind of stuff out there. And they say, you're not going to believe this. Hey, guess what, everybody?

We gave everyone free access to pornography and you wouldn't believe it. They're watching it. They're responding with enthusiastic eyes. Who's that through the window? Is he coming in? Or is he walking off? He's ambling.

I don't think he's coming in today. Is he? Oh, fuck. Fellas! Oh, shit Let me get the door Hello Hi, George Hi

How are you? Oh, so tired Yeah, you sound beat, my dude I've not slept in days What's been happening? Why haven't you slept in so long? I, um I've been smoking a lot of cigarettes.

Yeah, smoking cigs is keeping you up because the nicotine is a stimulant. Yeah. Fuck. Shit, dude. Have you been a smoker your whole life or is this a recent thing? It's new. Yeah, right. Is it in response to anything like something gone

wrong and you've been like man better hit the cigs i i i read on a packet of cigarettes that smoking can cause impotence gotcha oh yeah true fuck that's pretty smart so you'd think but i feel like it's just making things harder um Hey, I saw a friendly looking guy in a postman's uniform walk past. He had a big hat on that said Boner Inspector. That's the Boner Inspector. What does he do? He looks for boners.

You know this guy? Yeah. He comes and visits us every episode. Holy shit. Yeah. It has actually been floated in the past. I won't lie to you, George. We've sort of toyed with the concept of giving you two kids together,

but we're not quite sure what the ramifications would be. It's sort of like... We'd have a hell of a boner to inspect. Can I ask you this? Have you ever seen Ghostbusters? No. Oh, this is tricky then. I'm going to continue with the analogy for those who have.

So we've got the Keymaster and the Gatekeeper, and if those two get together, they're both quite powerful beings by themselves, but if we get them together in the form of Dana and Louis, whose bodies they inhabit, then we're going to have a gateway open for Goza to visit Earth. That's going to be bad. So I kind of feel like maybe we should keep you kids separated and

apart but there is something that sort of lends us i mean you've got a massive boner he is desperately trying to find a boner there is you know a certain we sound kind of simpatico exactly exactly but i'm just worried about the fallout And the scale of it You been brainstorming any pornos for me boys? I honestly I don't know if you should stick around You don't like my energy? No I just feel like you should get some rest or something

I feel like you're gonna I feel like hell Yeah Feels like you're gonna cause permanent damage I think I have Yeah You had like a psychotic break or something? Well, my fingers look very jaundiced.

Yeah. How many cigarettes are you smoking? 10 an hour. That's quite a lot. And you're not sleeping, so we'll just... 240 in a day. I've smoked a thousand cigarettes since I last slept. Fuck me.

Because I would say like, you know, 10 to 12 cigarettes in a day is, you know, moderate to high. You ever been a smoker? Me? I haven't, but I did work as a phone counsellor at Quitline for a bit, which is a smoking cessation phone service.

Maybe I could call you up. Yeah, I could talk you through it right now. I'm in your hair. Ring, ring. Oh my god. Hello. Hi, it's me, George Lazenby, the best and only Bond. I can't stop smoking

cigarettes because I'm trying to make my boner go down. Any tips? Only the one that you've already described by the sounds of it. What a unique situation. It's poking out my shirt collar. George, let me ask you this. I'm Tim, by the way of it. What a unique situation. It's poking out my shirt collar. George, let me ask you this. I'm Tim, by the way.

It's nice to meet you. You too. Do you want to quit smoking? Yes. Okay, cool. I can't remember any of the training. So how many cigarettes do you smoke at the moment? Ten an hour.

Ten an hour. And you sound like a man who doesn't sleep at all. No, not lately. So why do you want to quit smoking? I want to sleep. You want to sleep and the cigarettes are keeping you up. Yeah. I think that's a fantastic reason and a great goal.

So have you ever tried quitting smoking before? No, no. It's the first time to try it. How long have you ever tried quitting smoking before? No, no. It's the first time to try it. How long have you been smoking for, George? Five days. Five days, okay. Crushing darts right off the bat. Well, look, there's a number of options available to us,

but the main thing is, what times do you find yourself crushing a dart? Every 10 minutes. Like on the dot? Yeah. Because we can kind of give you some chemical assistance to help with the nicotine withdrawals and that kind of thing, that physical addiction.

But the truth of the matter is the far stronger addiction is the psychological one In association you'll have it to certain times in your day Or as a stress response for example It's not just smoking What do you mean? Well I think my penis is addicted to being hard Yeah okay

We're only really equipped to deal with The first one of those two problems So what we might look at doing is finding some sort of substitute, something you could do every 10 minutes instead of having a cigarette. We could even do this in a sort of graduated process where every second cigarette to start off with, maybe on day one, you replace with something else. Some things that have helped people in the past,

you could use like a fidget spinner or you could have something that you just can use you know with your hands something you do with your hands every 10 minutes um toothpicks to kind of help with that you know moral fixation sort of thing uh this is a slightly unusual one but if you're at home a lot um frozen lemon juice in an ice cube there's something about the citrus that helps with the... Sounds quite nice. Breaking down the nicotine withdrawals. And also it kind of ties up your mouth.

I'd love an ice cube. Well, why don't we kick off with that? And do you want to try the patches maybe as well? No. No? You just want to try sort of... Lemon ice. Only.

Yeah. Off the back of 240 cigs a day. We got that correct? Yeah. Okay, back of 246 a day. We got that correct? Yeah. Okay, cool. Well, sweet as. Look, get in touch with us tomorrow and let me know how. We'll have a chat again.

Thanks, Tim. See how you're going. See you later. Get on with those ice cubes. That guy sounds in a very bad way. Jesus Christ. Worried about our boy, George. Yeah, man.

Week to week, huh? Never know what you're going to get with that guy, but it's becoming worse. Yeah. So in conclusion, Emmanuel Pie, 10 bonus out of 10. Fantastic. Yeah. I give it nine bonus out of 10.

fantastic yeah i give it nine bonus out of ten but i mean honestly a faithful mashup of the two source materials emmanuel and america's pie uh we've got a live show coming up on may the 20th if you live in auckland you can attend in person and if you don't you can attend because we're going to attempt to do a live stream that's right, it will be ticketed because the way we're planning this live show at the moment, we're definitely going to lose money but that's okay, we're doing it for the entertainment value

for the love of it and the stress of organising it that's why we're doing it so head along to worstideaofalltime.com for tickets. Not only that, but Guy and I have both got our solo, solo, I said it weird, stand-up comedy shows, which you should also see.

There's no live streams for those as far as I know. No, but. If you're in Auckland or Wellington, you can buy tickets right now. Just go to comedyfestival.co.nz. If you know anyone in New Zealand, you simply must insist that they go Yeah

Because we've got a few tickets to shift Alright It's going to be a good show Otherwise Look after yourselves Don't Let what happened to George happen to you Thank you. you