The Worst Idea Of All Time - 33: Post-Hike
Episode Date: October 20, 2023Tim has been hiking through Stewart Island with two of his oldest and best friends in preparation for this very screening. Guy has visited Melbourne, enjoyed himself for a few days, and downloaded Fas...t Five onto his phone—all to ensure he is in an optimal mental state to enjoy the film. The boys take roughly twenty-five minutes to even begin talking about Fast Five. The movie—and this remains a quality movie—is not where their heads are at. Tim admires a tree exploding in the film, Guy enjoys some cinematography. At the end of quite a pleasant and meandering conversation, the boys give an honest assessment of both the film and their performance in this episode.Support us on Substack at twioat.substack.com. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Music
Music 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1
Well, I want to start it off by doing this, Tim.
Yeah?
Here comes the aeroplane.
Oh, no.
Guys, you just fed me a jet plane volley.
If you're not joining us on twiowat.substack.com for $5 a month
seeing the video content
this is just a disgusting noise
yeah but for those of you
horny hounds
who wanted to see what it looks like
I get a lot of requests in my DMs saying
when can we see footage of you feeding Tim Candy
we need mukbang from the boys
and we need it yesterday
what's mukbang?
it's an internet thing Korean internet thing We need mukbang from the boys and we need it yesterday. What's mukbang? It's like a...
It's an internet thing.
Korean internet thing.
We eat on the stream.
People give you money for it.
Oh, wow.
I don't know very much about it.
I don't know anything about it, really.
I think Rose was quite into it back in the day.
Yeah, I'm getting flashbacks of Rose being aware of it.
Got to see her recently.
In the UK? In the UK Kingdom. Got to see her recently. In the UK.
In the United Kingdom.
How was she?
Great.
Same old.
Season three's just come out.
Everyone loves it.
Same old, same Rose.
Yeah.
There we go.
Just trying to figure it out.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I haven't watched it yet.
Have you?
No, I've not.
We'll get on that.
Star Struck season three.
Yes.
Featuring Alice Sneddon.
As an actor. As an actor.
Guest on The Worst Idea of All Time,
the podcast you're currently listening to.
Yeah, she helped us wrap up and just like that.
Which actually, I was thinking about that on the drive here.
Yes.
Just it's remarkable, isn't it?
Because of her ascent, like, you know,
it's not just, she's still just our friend coming on a podcast,
but it's also like
A critically
And
Commercially successful
And revered writer
Yeah
Of television
Alice
Yeah
It was inevitable
The woman is
Very smart
And very driven
And very funny
And we can't say
Any of that sort of stuff
In her company
Because it would go
To her giant fucking head
Absolutely not
It's good to see you Tim
It wouldn't be appropriate To say that to alice snedden in person for me wouldn't be
appropriate wouldn't it no why are you withholding that that'd be such a nice thing to say to a
friend and to hear from a friend um i don't think she'd take it well i think she would i think she
takes i think she takes everything well all right i'm to ask her out on a coffee, and I'll lay it on thick, and we'll see how she goes.
Do you like my hat?
We've both got hats today.
I actually-
Stewie Island hat.
Yeah.
Do you know what?
I was telling you to share your praise of friends, and I just realized I've been withholding
some praise for you because the hat rips.
Yeah.
It's a great hat.
I've just been on a tramp in Stewart Island.
Rakiura.
Indeed.
The southernmost island,
unless there's another smaller island I'm not aware of,
here in Aotearoa.
Don't think so.
It's one of the southernmost points of the world
before you get to Antarctica,
apart from some place in Chile, I think, or Argentina.
Yeah.
And every step we took on that tramp,
we said, this is the furthest south I've ever been.
Did you?
recurring gag
this is pretty good gear
furthest south I've ever taken a piss
yeah
furthest south I've ever cooked up sizzlers
well I haven't seen you for a while Tim
so tell me about the tramp
because you were
and for those listening along
and wondering when we're going to discuss Fast Five
or Fast Five
we'll get to it
yeah we'll get to it. Yeah, we'll get to it.
It's coming.
Yeah.
But I don't have very much to say about it.
No.
Except to say I've seen it again.
Yeah.
Was this watch three?
That was the third time you've seen it.
Two more to go after that.
Yeah.
I mean, it's not the worst, is it?
No, no.
It's still watchable.
But, you know, like, it's funny, isn't it, this season?
We're diluting the podcast experience for ourselves.
And what I'm learning as we do it is I don't like,
even movies that I think I actually do like watching,
I don't like forcefully watching again and again.
Okay.
I watched it today on the flight, on a flight.
A great time to watch a movie.
I bought it on YouTube and I didn't want to torrent it.
Even though I pay for YouTube premium, I couldn't download it on my computer.
Oh, yeah.
You need a tablet, I guess.
That's so silly.
I know.
So I did watch it on my phone.
What is with that?
They're all just screens.
It was a very frustrating experience.
And it was fine.
But on the flight over, I watched the social network because it was like,
I want to watch this movie.
Nice.
And that felt fantastic.
How good's that soundtrack?
Oh, my God.
I mean, everything about it.
Honestly, when I was watching it, I thought it's a damn shame.
Armie Hammer is a cannibal because he turns in two outstanding performances.
He's a good actor.
And I do believe we need to take the word allegedly on there.
He's not listening.
His lawyers might be, though.
His lawyers listen to a lot of podcasts.
Armie Hammer's lawyers, huge podcast fans.
Really?
Yes.
They gobble them up.
Their number one pod?
The Joe Rogan Experience.
You know they're not actually his lawyers.
It's the actor who played the Winklevise lawyers from the social network and army hammer got very confused
i like your pluralization on the fly of winklevoss yeah it's nice you didn't even question it not
winklevosses you didn't do the whole is it is just straight in there the winklevoss i um i translated
from octopus truth be told yeah people get all
fucking pedantic about that one too octopus cactus apparently it's octopuses oh is this the root i
can't remember which way around it's like it is greek what do you think it's latin um fuck up
what do you call multiple octopus uh vaginas what's that well Well, actually, it's not as clear as I thought.
I just realised
it's the title of a James Bond film.
This is all by the Bible.
We'll talk about the film.
They got there first.
You went on a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
Have you ever seen Octopussy?
No.
I haven't seen it recently,
but I remember not hating it.
I think it's the one
about Fabergé eggs.
Fabergé.
Is that what it is? No, is it Fabergé or Fabergé eggs. Fabergé. Is that what it is?
No, is it Fabergé
or Fabergé?
I don't know.
I always thought it was Fabergé
but I don't know.
I think the
What are they?
The Sisters Sledge
have a song called
Lost in Music.
We should call this podcast
Lost in Language.
Fucking A.
We're out here
fighting smoke monsters.
So you
There was a reference to
A Lost the TV show
Oh wow
A show I
Also
Haven't seen
Wow
Wow
Lost can get in the bin though
Because everyone
It fell off with everyone
Everyone got mad at that show
I wait for everyone to finish
And then I'm like
What do you think
And then I assess
I didn't watch it
It felt like it fell off later
I think if you
Yeah
I think if you watch the first few seasons,
you could still thoroughly enjoy it.
That's back in the day when I was working with Matt Heath
and he and all his mates, they were right into it.
Were they?
Because when it was actually coming out, yeah.
Do you miss that?
Do you have that with anything at the moment?
Am I watching something?
Yeah.
Are you in?
Not in real time.
Yeah.
You're not part of a cultural conversation.
The Boys is the only one I've done it with recently.
Does it feel good?
I guess that one wasn't big enough in a weird way,
even though it's massive.
It's a massive show.
It wasn't big enough like online or...
It didn't take over.
Yeah, yeah.
It's the only circle I've got.
But I'm watching Better Call Saul now from the start.
I haven't seen that.
That's a lot of fun. I haven't seen that that's a
lot of fun I haven't even seen the prequel yeah Breaking Bad I only watched that like a year or
two ago so I'm on one it's hard to keep up catching up I like that I did it with succession I guess
we just did it with and just like that succession I was after our episodes of the podcast I white
lotus I guess I would look up and read the New York Times recaps of And Just Like That.
That's where I stole all the photos for our podcast episode art.
Seriously?
Yeah.
Did you read the articles?
No.
Oh, they were good.
Were they?
Do you have a subscription to New York Times?
Yeah, I do.
Because I think it would block me.
Yeah, that's the one I subscribe to.
But here's the thing.
I'm pretty sure I would just go incognito
And then it was like, yeah, you're good
I do that too, but it doesn't work every time with all of them
You know?
With New York Times or across the board?
Across, like, you know, with Vulture or
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah
All these different
Seems New York Times have a particularly unsophisticated one
They'll hate that
That's all by the by
Tim, you were down on the Stewart Island with two of your best.
Oh, we're returning to a different divergence.
Yeah, well, we opened that up.
Then we got distracted.
How about this can of Coke, eh?
I bought that for you.
Did you?
Yeah.
I bought a six pack of Coke minis to Remy's.
You fucking legend.
Full fat too.
Thanks, man.
Yeah, that's a quality can of Coke. That is how much Coke you fucking legend full fat too thanks man yeah that's a quality
can of coke
that is how much
coke you need
it's how much
coke you want
that's so generous
too because you're
not a coke drinker
so I appreciate
that you brought it in
I've um
have you acquired
a taste
I probably drink
one can of coke
a month now
stay in shot mate
don't you drift out
there he is
yeah
what do you think
of the stuff?
I'm having a Peroni.
I think it's delicious.
I think it's really good.
Do you get it?
Do you give it the fusses about it?
Kind of.
I think it's really good,
but I still don't quite understand how it got as big as it has.
I drink it and I'm like, yeah, this is a good drink,
but I don't understand that it's like this sort of, you know,
it's got this hold of a culture
where it's like that's the drink you know yeah it's a drink it's a drink honestly i like orange
juice more why isn't orange juice bigger that's a great question guy i think the answer is probably
let's go cola because you you know. I'm a Pepsi man. Yeah.
There's a big markup.
And with the big markup, a very profitable product,
you want to be building a big business empire,
selling as many units and making as much money as you can. And you've got the budget to be able to buy some sports teams
or do whatever.
You know what I'm saying?
Get your logo on some shirts.
Whereas orange juice, the overheads are quite high and variable so you can never quite get a foothold it's variable and
also it's harder to keep fresh like coke's got you know orange juice the high-end orange juice
prides itself on a lack of sort of you know additives or preservatives preservatives would be the thing
that would maintain the freshness for a period of time coke i assume is like um canned food
yeah coke go off man it's a great question i mean i guess everything can but how long would that take
how long would that take i think i think a can of Coke would go off in two years.
I honestly think like 200 in a can.
Truly.
Yeah?
I think a really long time.
Can it lose its fizz?
I really think like 200 years.
Wow.
The more I'm thinking about this, the more I'm agreeing.
This should be a TV show where two guys sort of take these sorts of questions
and they bust them wide open.
Well, just another idea, eh?
Yeah. Full of them. idea, eh? Yeah.
Full of them.
Yep, you sure are.
I want to know about your trip,
because you went away with two of your best and oldest friends,
people who, because of our advancing years,
you would have known for over 20 years now, I suppose.
And as a friend and someone who also has friends,
and is a friend of yours and wasn't on this friends trip,
they're a different group of friends. Not that i'm not friends with the guys but it's a it's a unique
um you know friendship how was it did it fill up your cup yeah i love a tramp or as the americans
would call it a hike fucking love it it was a very pretty one um i will say this you know
i feel like i've sort of got a propensity, I was going to say recent, it's kind of lifelong,
for sort of getting into situations which don't look good on paper.
As we were flying in, there were severe weather warnings
which then turned into official declared states of emergency in the region.
And that didn't slow us down.
We were like, oh well, good luck us.
They were sort of just above where you
were in the end but you must have an invocable was that did you fly into the weather yeah that
would have been it wasn't too bad and invocable when we flew in but it was it yeah it was it got
very bad people got flooded and a whole lot of bad stuff we didn't know though because we were
just crossing from bluff to beautiful i I won't lie to you.
I was on a not insignificant amount of acid on that trip.
On the ferry?
On the ferry.
Wow.
I took it in the...
I kind of forgot I had it in my wallet.
And I did.
And I was just sort of bored on the plane.
I was like, I'm off the books for a couple of days.
Seriously?
So I just took half a tab.
And then it started to kick in.
And then the old dog who I was sitting next to started talking to me.
Because I've got a phone case that's got like a, the phone can hold up.
What's that got, like a stand?
Yeah.
And he just, you know, I've got my headphones and I'm on a plane.
He's probably watching Better Course All.
Yeah.
And he said, oh, I've never seen a phone that can stand up like that.
Oh, dear.
Well, here we go.
Right on.
And how do you feel?
So shout out to Roger.
He's 75 years young.
Two dairy farms that he's created from scratch.
Wow.
Four kids and a boxing record of 22 to 1.
And wouldn't you know it, the one match that he lost was the one his dad came to.
The only one.
Man.
And that stayed with him to what I would armchair doctor as the early stages of dementia,
talking to the man on the flight for an hour.
I've got to say, first of all, you've got an open heart.
And second of all, I've had the acid experiences where i wind up talking to someone i feel like i really
get to the you know because for whatever reason your your mind is open in a way you're you are
you know you're positioned to be as curious and as good of a listener and incisive question asker
as you can be i mean that's just absolutely beautiful when but when he first started
talking to you yes were you what was the internal instinct great or was it like it was oh he's getting in my space a bit here no no it
was look look we're all here we're all here i took my headphones out immediately and it was like okay
all right let's get into it was that a challenging um change of internal scenery? He was all good. But, you know, it was sort of a situation where as I spoke to him more
and he sort of repeated the same stuff over again, I was like, oh, okay.
Yeah, yeah.
But that's all good.
That's getting older for you, isn't it?
But look, just a great guy.
Positive outlook on life.
At what point did you intersect with your
friends you're flying high do you come across them in the airport uh yeah when i touched down
in the airport and you say hey actually that's not even true no sorry because they were flying
in from wellington we met at the pub so i had to like get my bags and everything and that invacago
airport bloody zoo when it's full of people i don don't know where to go. Wait, you're also on acid. Well, that's fair.
And when you saw me say, hey, guys, I've wolfed down some LSD,
so things are going to be a little bit wobbly for me.
Well, you don't open with that.
No.
I was sweet.
Yeah.
You know me, baby.
I'm cool.
Yeah, you're cool.
I always feel like in that instance, if they're approved and trusted friends, I have to get it out in the open. Otherwise, I feel like I that instance i have to you know if they're approved and trusted um
friends i have to get it out in the open otherwise i feel like i'm withholding information sure
yeah you know yeah i just i don't want to kind of like vomit that onto the welcome no no no everyone
wants to communicate how excited they are to see each other yeah and so uh the actual the hiking
and the company and the companionship,
obviously you had a great running gag going.
I got absolutely shit-faced on the first night.
I haven't been that drunk in a long time.
Did it feel good or bad?
Pretty good.
Yeah?
Made a big fire and then proceeded to get a little bit burned by the fire I made.
Holy moly.
And then one of our gas canisters caught on fire, which was a bit-
Stressful?
Yeah, it was.
Yeah.
You don't want that?
No, you don't want that.
But the walk itself, beautiful.
Didn't see any Kiwi, unfortunately,
because that's sort of like one of the big ticket items
of going to Stewart Island.
Yeah.
But we're pretty sure we heard one.
Yeah.
A male one going nuts on night two.
Fantastic.
Lovely huts, lovely walk, a lot of mud.
You feel... When you came back, did you feel energized?
Yeah.
Do you feel energized for your life, you know?
Yeah, definitely.
Yeah.
Like physically tired in a wonderful way.
That's so nice.
When did you get back?
About midnight last night.
Oh, yeah.
Midnight.
It was going to be an $80 Uber, so I took a bus and then an Uber.
That added about an hour to the travel time.
Oh, you bussed into town and then got in?
Yeah, I actually bussed to Unihanga.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
Don't dox me.
I won't.
Good.
I'm just doing some mental map arithmetic.
How's your last couple of days
leading up to this viewing of Fast Five been?
So obviously you went to Australia to prepare to watch the film
That's right
On a plane
I just had to clear my head
And I thought what better place to do that
I don't think I mentioned this at the start, sorry
But just to say
I did the tramp in preparation to watch Fast Five
Oh, I think it's understood
Yeah, good
I went to Melbourne
And just put myself up in a hotel
and sort of really...
Just thought about it.
Just tried to clear the decks
so that I could really soak it in on the phone on the return leg.
Yeah, yeah.
It's really important.
It's been good.
What did I do?
Highlights include fantastic run,
it's been good what I do highlights include fantastic run really like got got a nice sort of
euphoric feeling on my run I think what I like what I like and what I lack in my life when I run in Auckland is is a critical mass of other people doing the same thing and the smiles that
you share when you're like oh yeah we kind of like each other. We have this.
That's nice.
And there's a lot of that where I like to run in Melbourne.
So that was really good.
The weather's been dog shit here in Auckland.
So I think those people have been hiding away.
No, but I've been on the loop I'm on for a year now.
I've been on it long enough to know whether or not.
Weather is the factor.
There are a few people i see when i
get to the top of the monger that i run up um mountain for an american listener they uh there
are a few walkers i see walkers and dogs and we smile now but they're different i think you're not
like me yeah i'm going faster than you yeah and i'm unencumbered. Yeah. And I think that too. But yeah, I took myself out for a lovely Italian meal.
Oh, gorgeous.
Yeah, I did.
That's so nice.
Yeah, it was pretty nice.
Fuck, I want to take myself out to dinner solo more often.
I had a tagliatelle with a lamb ragu and a Campari spritz.
Fuck yeah, dude. And then I had a tiramisu. Talia Tali with a lamb ragu and a Campari spritz.
Fuck yeah, dude.
And then I had a tiramisu.
Oh, God, Montgomery.
This is living.
Yeah.
This is living.
It was really nice.
And all of this to just get you in the right fucking frame to hang out with the family.
I was at that point.
It was at that point I realized I don't think I can download the movie to my computer.
Yeah.
That is a tough part of any Italian meal.
Just before the term is over,
you realize the parameters that YouTube premium needlessly put on laptop use.
It's fucked.
But when in Rome,
yeah.
Wonder about how you're going to download the movie for the flight. And when in Melbourne, pretend you're in Rome, because that way you'll sooner be thinking about how you're going to download the movie for the flight.
And when in Melbourne, pretend you're in Rome.
Because that way, you'll sooner be thinking about how you're going to watch the movie for the flight.
So I got on the plane.
I got the phone out.
And I put my passport in the magazine-holding little pouch in front of me.
The passport and a pen in there.
And I pulled that forward because it's elasticized.
And I had the phone and I got the phone wedged, like the bottom part,
you know, the phone's on its side, the bottom part on the inside of the passport
and pen, the top part pressing into the seat back of the person in front of me.
And I had it canted on a lovely little angle.
Okay.
And I just got straight to work.
I started watching it right away.
Nice.
We had a conversation about this recently, and i'm sorry to interrupt you did they um recline on you at all
there was no reclining good um i i did some reclining after the meal and you're an economy
or were you up i was an economy after the um after the meals had been served And the Truly fucked
The trays had been cleared
It's fucked behaviour
It's honestly not
Why do they have the seats
Why can the seats go back Tim?
It's like
Why would they put that feature on the seats?
I'm trying to think of a good example
I mean like
You know
It's
Just because it's there doesn't mean you should
do it okay they've put the feature in there to try and um sell you on a service like we could
all be reclining there's no room for that they've packed us in like sardines you can all be reclining
i've said it before i say again the only person who can't recline
is the person at the very end of the plane.
And that's a problem.
Everyone else can recline.
But you shouldn't have to force everyone to recline back.
I didn't recline as far as I can.
I just canted it so that my back was on a slightly more generous angle.
I do have some time for that.
It's the fuckheads who sit in front of
me in economy and recline to the max back and i'm like dude we are in this together i think i think
in america i think the reclining culture is um far more intense widespread and sort of it's because
they're an individualistic society man yeah i Yeah, I agree. This is why socialism will never take off there,
because they insist on reclining
with narrowing thought for the person behind them in economy.
Well, I don't fully believe, I don't believe that at all.
Americans are pretty nice.
You know, I got in there, I went about my work,
and I actually feel like I noticed some details in the movie.
I feel like...
Here we go, minute 27.
Let's go.
Have we been talking for 27 minutes yeah i know that's been recording for 27 actually i think there was a bit on the start
where you were showing me some videos yeah yeah hilarious videos um i feel like i saw first i
can't actually remember all of them i i observed a lot of moments i thought i should write that down i just couldn't be fucked yeah nice uh which is that's rude and honestly
the admission to the listener that's also rude that's like when you know a friend comes back
from somewhere and they're like hey i saw a jacket that would have been perfect for you
you'd love i almost got it for you oh man and you think what what don't tell me that. What am I going to do now?
Just not have the jacket?
All I can do is feel bad.
But what I did see is they actually edit in,
you know the vault changeover in the tunnel?
Yeah.
It's sort of, I feel like it's only ever been told in flashback.
Yeah.
There's a half frame, there's a second where they actually,
they show you the
changeover really yeah holy shit what do you see and how brief is it you see what i just said and
it's as long as i just described blink and miss it literally like a few frames in the movie yeah
wow that's what i think i didn't go back to check it why would you i was slightly reclined in the
phone i couldn't what do you actually see?
Do you see two safes in frame?
You see two.
I think there's a period where you can see two vaults simultaneously.
Wow, okay.
Yeah.
Oh, well, good on you.
The more you know.
Justin Lin.
Justin Lin.
Yeah?
Yeah.
And you know the opening stunt, which I still remain quite taken by,
the trains.
Love it.
The train.
There's a train.
That's all practical effects.
And it shows.
They literally drove a truck into that train and almost derailed the train.
You can tell.
And to shoot it, they had to, I think, buy functioning rail.
Have you gone behind the scenes, mate?
Just a little.
Wow.
Yeah.
Nice.
I thought it was interesting.
It is.
It's an unbelievable sequence.
The practical effects, you know,
another part of the journey
and learning that I don't like
what we've been doing to ourselves
for the last 10 years
is like another part of the journey
of doing it with Fast and the Furious
is really getting to grow
into and embrace and celebrate the um phenomenal stunt work that takes place in these films
especially these earlier films or these these middle films are probably the apex of the
the stunt work when um they're still using almost exclusively practical effects what are you basing
that on well i'm just that it's the apex uh just because i think
the stunts will presumably become less technically impressive and sort of high stakes as we as we
sort of move backwards into just pure street racing move forwards backwards in time yeah but
as we go too far forwards like to your fast nines and i assume fx's you know, there'll be more, like when they're in space, it's like,
if I saw that after the first time I'd smoked weed,
that would have been as impressive to me
as the practical effects I've been enjoying recently.
Fast nine?
Just the bit where they're in space.
I would have been like, whoa, the car's in space.
Instead of when you're watching it, you're like, you just,
yeah, the rules don't apply are we too cynical are we too cynical to be um watching and reviewing
all of the fast and furious movies constantly sometimes tim sometimes we are
i think it's an important thing to know if you you're going to be cynical, at least know that about yourself. It's a byproduct of what we're doing.
I feel like,
I don't know,
what I like to do with you now
is just hang out with my friend.
What was your favorite Emmanuel that we watched?
I enjoyed the Lazenby years.
Yeah.
The main thing I remember immediately is just george
lazenby sitting on a plane you know just soaking it all up yeah um and then we'd flash back to
whatever but it's also a nice vision of the concept of plane travel and days gone by which
even um what was it this was something that was like a i think it was an
ad for in new zealand from just the 70s so you know living memory 50 years ago and it looked
crazy yeah they were like children dressed up in three-piece suits and lobster being served
i mean that is the appropriate amount of reverence for the fact that you are
sitting down while moving through the air yeah you know now it's like it's such it we're so
shut off and it's so it's the the flight part the miracle of flight is completely taken for granted
and we also apart from you on your most recent flight shut out you know any sort of intrigue or
interest in the people around us i do at least i think this is a you know because i don't work in
an office because doing stand-up basically you don't choose everyone you hang out with but so
many of the people you spend time with are like you have an unusual amount of
um sort of control control over the people that you spend time with yes i i really do feel as
though i should be running toward running more towards the um the moments where you know you
talk to someone with a completely different point of view i hear you which is what you've done
you've talked to it this guy you've gotten what you've done. You've talked to this guy.
You've gotten to his very essence.
You've talked to a guy who boxed 23 times.
Yes, he did.
Don't get out of that frame.
I'm just saying to you, please don't do that.
I'd love to.
Roger was a great guy,
and I'll bet we disagree on all sorts of things,
but you don't need to cover everything in the plane ride,
and nor should you.
No.
It's a fool's errand.
My shining light for Fast Five, this watch, the third one,
right at the end during the safe sequence,
there is a police car that absolutely cakes it into a tree,
and you only see the tree sort of explode for about less than a second,
maybe three quarters of a second on screen
yeah but it looks cool and it reminded me of um you know in any video game like particularly
grand theft auto comes to mind where trees are just indestructible yeah you know like you can
you can you can waste a military tank there'll be airplanes that you can shoot with grenade
launches you can run into
certain buildings and destroy them but trees are always in video games made of titanium yeah
sternest stuff yeah i am they you know not that tree though that tree gets fucked up in this movie
they had six um safes six of those vaults for different purposes to film that also
practical and they destroyed 200 cars while filming that sequence holy shit everything was perfectly
mapped out at one point they had it mounted so that the actual stunt drivers of the cars were
driving sitting on top of the cars while the actors were behind the wheel in the car doing their acting.
Wow.
Yeah.
Holy shit.
So the safes were somewhat real.
Yeah.
That's crazy.
I didn't anticipate that at all.
Yeah.
Man.
I know.
Practical effects are so much better.
Well, that's how I feel first time I saw Wizard of Oz.
I thought, this is movie making.
This is movie magic. And I'm sure that's how people- When it I saw Wizard of Oz. I thought, this is movie making. This is movie magic.
And I'm sure that's how people...
When it transitioned from black and white to colour?
Yeah.
But the whole thing like this, when they first go to Oz
and all of the people are there and they do a big set piece
and it's like clearly on a set.
Like you can see they've painted in perspective
so that it looks like there's a horizon,
but you can tell it's practical effects.
But also you're like, fuck yeah,
you're doing what you can with what you have.
It was cool to see that with Barbie,
because apparently that was quite a reference point
for how they did Barbie.
Yeah.
It was Wizard of Oz.
And it's a cool look.
It's a cool look having like painted soundstage.
Yeah, yeah.
I think any, it's stuff that's tactile,
it holds more value.
You know, like you see it and you think,
when you watch a superhero movie or something,
you see it and you're like, I don't actually care about that.
None of this has weight.
I don't feel like I want to walk.
You know, like you watch Tim Burton's Batman,
that vision of Gotham, and you're like, I want to walk around.
I want to get inside of that set and I want to walk around the whole thing.
I want to fuck around with Danny DeVito in the sewer.
See what's going on.
He's great, that Danny DeVito.
Surprisingly versatile. I don't know
surprisingly. He's versatile. He directed
Matilda.
I forgot about that.
And that movie introduced me to
Rusted Root.
Who's that? Or what is that?
Send me away. Send me away. Send me away.
Send me away.
You know the one?
No.
Oh, there.
There's Rusted Root, baby.
Do they have other songs?
I would like to.
No idea.
There's another big song on that one.
Can't remember.
Very active Twitter user now.
The child actor who played...
Mara Wilson.
Oh, they might have it.
They might have it there.
Well, X now, and probably not because...
She communicates at least, maybe follows a bunch of Kiwi comedians.
I've seen her chatting away to Mel Bracewell.
Mel Bracewell's friends with her.
X is on the wane, eh?
God, I hope so.
So good what Elon did.
Bought it, tanked it,
poured a bunch of money into it,
like literally ran it into the ground
and was like,
and now it's going to cost you money.
Fucking perfect.
Yeah.
He runs off.
It's unusable.
What would you like to see more of in Fast Five?
Don't say titties.
I knew you were going to say that.
I wasn't, but you've put it in my head now.
Narrator, he was.
I want to see more of...
I honestly think it's a pretty well-balanced film.
Jesus, here's Guy.
Perfect movie. No notes. Not perfect, but they've got the moments. I honestly think it's a pretty well balanced film Jesus, here's Guy perfect movie, no nights
not perfect but they've got the moments
I'm going to touch on
some of the moments I've brought up
enjoying before but the assembly of the crew
and then I really liked
when the
they're all, when they realise that the money's
being transferred to the police station
and there's that wide shot and it's like all of them
watching the money go in and Roman's like this just went from mission impossible
to mission freaking insanity but and they're all but they're all looking like the shot of the the
entire crew reflecting on what's happening i just thought god that's good like this is a real loader
looking at a security camera y'all ain't gonna believe this yeah what does he say when he realizes the quality of the
vault that they have to break into he's like it's like a it's like a fine lady you know i'm gonna
take her out caress her treat her good no matter how much love i show her she still ain't going to
give it up she's still gonna give me that ass and all and paul walker and tyrese are laughing along
and i was like it's just fucking boys being boys, isn't it?
Yeah, and that's not the first or last time of that.
There's a joke that has a callback.
$11 million?
It's crazy.
That sounds like a lot of vaginal activity.
That one is, that's Mount Olympus, of course, in Fast Five.
But the one where, I'm going to fuck up the exact wording
that screen's gone
does that matter?
yeah it might do, I'll just have a little check of the camera
while I stay on Mike
it's the bit where
the ass print is obtained
oh fuck it ran out of battery
the camera?
it doesn't save the footage
no it does
but now it's
off
so that you just
don't get to see the last bit
well I'll set up
another one won't I
so
what if you just
looped the footage
of me feeding you
the jet plane
that would be
disgusting
Brendan
please don't do that
feel free to
I beg of you
use your own judgement no don't do please don't do that. Feel free to. I beg of you. Use your own judgment.
No, don't do that.
Don't do that.
Not like that.
Not like these.
It's the bit where...
Not my buttons.
They have to obtain the handprint to open the very technical part of the safe.
After Han has been grilling Gal Gadot about her service in the Israeli military.
It's not Roman.
Is it Roman?
Oh, they come back.
No, it's Ludacris.
He says, did he tap it or did he grab it?
Yeah, did he grab it?
And then he has like a second bite of the apple because she sort of laughs it off
and then says, no, but seriously, like that he revisits it.
And then that joke comes back unbelievably
when they all find out
that
what's her name
is pregnant
oh
really I didn't
I didn't clock that
there's actually a nice little call
Han has when
at the start when Roman
it's fucking
it's Dom Torito's sister
you can't make a joke like that
I never seen my sister so happy
yeah cause she's free cause we're free that's what he says Frito's sister? You can't make a joke like that. I never seen my sister so happy.
Because she's free.
Because we're free.
That's what he says.
Yeah.
Because we're free.
What do you think he should say?
Because I've got a big dick.
Because I've been watching tutorials on how to make a girl come good.
Yeah, that's great.
Where would one go for tutorials on how to make a girl come good?
PaulWalker.com.
PaulWalker.com. PaulWalker.com.
RIP.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You can, if you, for a nominal sum, you can get access to videos in which he teaches you how to make Dom Toretto's sister come good.
And also they donate some of the money to his memorial.
Is this AI or is this, did he make this content before he went out?
Honestly, they've got the technology so good right now,
you can't tell the difference.
But it is AI?
Probably, yeah.
I wanted to say, though,
nice moment when Roman and Tej first meet Gal Gadot, Giselle,
unnamed actually, they don't say her name in this movie at all,
and they're doing their bickering, their back and forth,
they're squabbling or whatever,
and Hans clocked her and realised that he's actually got a very intense crush on her.
And he says to her, while they're squabbling, over her, he says to her,
I thought cockfighting was illegal in Brazil.
Oh, no, that's after.
Oh, wait, is it?
I thought that's after she pulls a gun on Roman because he says,
nice legs, lady, what time do they open?
It's all part of the same movement.
They open the same time I pull this trigger.
Yes. Yeah, it's after that. Hans is in love. They do more same time I pull this trigger. Yes.
Yeah.
It's after that.
Han is in love.
They do more squabbling.
Han is in love.
He says it.
He says, I think I'm in love.
I think I'm in love.
See, that's the stuff I like.
When she does the speed run.
I like when they're doing the speed runs.
You've got a montage in there.
You've got a montage and you've actually got fun and games.
It's structurally a very good movie.
It is.
Puerto Rico is playing the role of Brazil.
Is it?
Yeah.
A lot of the time. This movie put million dollars into the puerto rican economy i'm i'm good with that puerto rico misses
out all too often it's a you know the parkour scene where they're all running through the
yes sir and jumping on roofs why are we talking about hobbs and yeah puerto rico hard to shoot
because of the um subtropical climate.
Quite slippery concrete.
I messaged you this.
Luke Hobbs is unnecessarily nasty to the cop.
I know.
Who is providing him nothing but help and assistance.
This American who's swanned in,
he's got jurisdiction.
He's the local cop on the beat.
He's in charge.
He says, what else do you need hobbs
says i'm gonna need two things number one a translator gives him a file photo of um the
very beautiful brazilian model who we then um find out mother's vindies baby that is still
crazy to me sometimes i'll get a flash of remembering that and i'm like and then killed yeah the series by charlie's they're on that's crazy we've done it puts a gun to her head we've
done it wrong we've done it wrong and but then he says so he says number one the translator
gives it gives it gives that guy that photo and the second thing stay the fuck out of my way it's like fuck all right mate
i'm not in your way yeah i'm here to help i'm trying you're actually being incredibly rude
right now totally agree i messaged you yeah while i was watching i said luke hobbs is being a real
asshole i i thought he was as well for no reason totally agreed do you know my shining light is
actually a shot it's sort of
like it's almost like what they do with a painting where they have a close-up on a painting and then
they pull back and reveal it's a painting but it's um it's actually like it's sort of like the
desert i guess it's when they're on the train it's a shot through the train window of the view that
you're looking at through the train and then the shot pulls back and it's revealed that we're on a
train and it keeps going back and we see mia and paul walker on the train that you're looking at through the train and then the shot pulls back and it's revealed that we're on a train and it keeps going back
and we see Mia and Paul Walker on the train.
That is cool.
I thought, I just really,
I appreciated it for, you know,
an artistic bit of filmmaking that it was.
I still get agitated
how Mia's reading a magazine and Paul Walker,
I know it's their relationship,
it's their business,
they can conduct themselves how they want,
but he's like not doing anything,
clearly bored and distracted
and just like picks the magazine up.
What you reading?
What you looking at?
It would drive me crazy.
Just takes the magazine.
It's like, oh yeah, this.
Yeah, it's like, hey,
you got no idea
how invested I was in that.
Like I could have been really in it.
That's a cute moment though.
She lists all the countries
that she's looking at
on those two pages.
And she said,
the thing they've all got in common,
no extradition. And like, I think she might wink at him yeah it's cute and they kiss i'll tell you one thing i would like to see more of in fast five what kissing no like you know
because they're outrunning extradition are they in spain at the end or something the end would be
great if they like and they're in rio the whole time no when they when they get away from it all
because they start at spain in the next movie so No when they When they get away from it all Because they start at Spain
In the next movie
So I'm assuming that's where they move
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
You know
Because they're out to
Side step extradition
If like Julian Assange
Was in the Fast Universe
It's not outside the realm of possibility
I would love that
I would absolutely love that
You would love that
Julian Assange
What would his role be?
I don't know
he'd like
do you think he'd be a good guy
or a bad guy
in the Fast and the Furious universe?
he'd be a complicated bad guy
I think
what is he in society?
a complicated
well
I think he's viewed as a complicated bad guy
yeah
but I've
I
it's
he's a tricky one man
I don't actually know a lot about him
could I have a good time on his wiki?
I think you could but I think also
like his existence
is so politicised
that you really have to check your sources
on where you're finding out about him
he really
a lot of sides use him as a
champion or villain
it's sort of hard to tease out where the truth is
with that dude a bit
but I will say his treatment does seem massively illegal.
Like what they've done to him seems illegal.
Yeah.
It's actually pretty wild that he's still alive right now.
And I don't think he will be for much longer.
I'm straight up going to go on that guy's Wikipedia page.
Have at it, friend.
There's probably some
Good YouTube docs
About him
Yeah I'll be
But again it's a bit
Hard isn't it
To pick the right one
I have been getting
Into YouTube lately
They're fucking
YouTube's good
They've figured it out
YouTube's better
YouTube's better
Than the others
I actually think
I might have been
Talking about this
On the trail
On the tramp
But like
How'd they sort
Their fucking
Comment section out
Because five years ago It was dumpstify all of it was bad comments are so funny on there but
they've they kind of nuked them all and then now they're kind of like useful some of the funniest
comments i've read are on the tiny desk for krangbin you know that like texan sort of
instrumental funk sort of like soul style band
yeah you've played me them yes yes they're like spotify have probably made them too ubiquitous
now okay but their tiny desk video is like they're playing some of their songs and the drum is like
sort of got this middle distance stare just keeping perfect time and like all of the comments
the top comments are just all gags about how insane the drummer is
when a clock gets confused it checks this guy for the time
that's awesome that's great that's a great compliment to a drummer yeah um uh my youtube
video recommendation um which actually came out three years ago and I think was massive and it just passed me by. Strutton by Thumbasaurus.
Don't know.
Have you seen that?
Which one of you did a shite in the toilet?
Also good.
It's fucking disgusting.
Disgusting.
Disgusting.
Well, now this has just evolved
into a meme recollection pod.
This is the right amount.
This is the right amount of talking.
It's the right amount of fast.
It's the right amount of friendship.
I'm ready to put a pin in it.
My review of Fast Five on the third watch is that it's a fine movie.
Does it need to be seen three times?
No, it doesn't.
It could be over 10 years.
Perfect.
If you're staying in a hotel, you turn the TV on, Fast Five's on.
Keep watching.
There's a good scene around the corner.
Not like this.
Still could have benefited from a little edit, I think.
There's probably 20 minutes in there that don't need to be.
First Fast and the Furious movie that ran over two hours.
Is it?
Yeah.
And it shows.
I'm giving this one a four out of seven.
Okay.
And for you, sir?
I'll give it a three out of five
Alright everybody
That's actually pretty generous considering I found it quite hard
But it wasn't the movie's fault
And I knew that the whole time
Honestly it's like I don't know if you've ever been out on a date
And you're not bringing it
And the date
That's literally never happened to me
And I don't think it ever could
damn shame
this guy's off the market because I wouldn't
mind taking you out for a drink
review of your performance on this
episode of the pod
my performance on the podcast
three and a half out of five
okay
I've had a nice time and i hope the listener has too
i've i feel relaxed i feel more connected to you um you know i think honestly i'm hoping to
stick around for like another 10-15 minutes after the podcast stops just hang out probably drink another peroni just keep
catching up yeah no one's waiting for me at home you know that rocks all right everybody well we're
gonna end the podcast on my uh self-assessed three out of five you only give yourself three
what do you reckon well it's got to be myself. Yeah. I'm going to miss out for three this time around.
Okay.
Hope to improve.
Should we rate each other now?
Yep, that's fun.
I actually think you were quite fair.
Like, if we're getting right into it,
I'll give you a slightly higher score,
but you're not quite four,
so it'd be like 3.75.
Oh, wow, that's getting pretty fucking fiddly.
We're splitting hairs at that point,
so I think you probably crushed it.
Maybe a 3.5. You don't have to. You don. So I think you probably crushed it. Maybe a 3.5.
You don't have to.
You don't feel like you have to because you gave yourself a 3.5.
I think we met each other on each other's terms.
All right.
You know, like, we're doing fine.
We're doing fine.
You're doing fine.
How are you doing?
You're doing fine.
What are you worried about?
Probably something.
But just try to take it easy.
You're doing fine.
It's fine.
9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1