The Worst Idea Of All Time - 34: Broché The Knife

Episode Date: April 18, 2019

Recorded in front of a live audience in Melbourne and featuring a new knife! Timbo is afraid Monty resents him. Guy can't shine to his brightest and Carrie's continuing to do battle with her own psyche in the form of Louise. Mr Big is bad at real estate deals, the boiz get a present from a fan who may have fallen on hard times. Plus Fergie, kerfuffles, and a complete existential break down from Timbo. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We just have a good rhythm together, you know, he sort of feels me out, I feel him out, and we go for it. Famously the best way to start any live comedy show is having to ask the audience to please clap. It was a Jeb Bush joke, but I'm aware that most people won't know that, so it's just a little joke for me. It's very niche context. Thank you so much, everybody. Welcome along to the worst idea of all time, our first live episode for season four.

Yeah! Melbourne, how the fuck are ya? Yeah, good shit. There's so many of you here. It's fantastic. And it's this tradition at the West Idea when we do a big live show, big sold out thing, you know,

we always have a guest. Yeah. And the guest today, Tim, who is it? It's a new nine. Oh, wow. Hey. Hey. Whoa.

That's really uncool. So, let me tell you about what's happened to you, guy. You bought a kitchen knife? I did, but, yes and, it's ceramic. So I don't think it'll get picked up at the airport on the metal detectors anymore. The shape of it will. It's got that really distinct knife shape. That's true.

See how it's pointed at the end with a very sharp edge? What that means is that I'm going to have to strap it to my purse. You can just put it in your checked luggage, you know, or you can buy knives in the countries you're in. You don't need to travel with a knife.

I'm helping the local Australian economy. So we've got a new knife. I'd appreciate it if you paid it some goddamn respect. Yeah, I mean, sure. It's real sharp. The guy in the store said that the ceramic knives hold their edge very well. Oh, well, it's his job to sell knives. Yeah, man.

It's a good thing he was so honest about the capabilities of this particular knife. You don't know. Well, give yourself a jab. You see how you go. This is for vegetables, not people. Or perhaps meat. So, just out of curiosity, how many people in the room today have watched the movie Sex in the City? Oh, yeah, great.

By hands. I love that. Yeah. Well, I've watched it more than you so I like what you're doing yeah I'm a cool guy I'm trying to look relaxed because chances are you're listening to this guy's like position himself

where he's on the bar stool but he's sort of like he's using it like a wall almost it's a core workout it's working out my core so we watched this together not immediately before recording, because Tim is in the middle of, you know, he's doing various different bits of administration.

So we watched it together. There were people coming and going around the screening, which was a pleasant change of pace. It was so nice. Yeah. It was so good. We were physically together, which was nice. Yeah, it was lovely.

We did some touching. Tim told me he's worried that I resent him. Yeah. I was not kidding either. Because the thing is about this project and related projects, because what we were trying to sort out was Overlooked and Undercooked Season 2. Tune in for that, which is our Rob Schneider. It's a disaster.

Yeah, it's great, isn't it? It's great. We've carved out such a great little corner of the internet for ourselves where we just punch ourselves in the fucking face. Yeah, dude. We just hole up in a room. Yeah.

Anyway, all of that to say... So we were still... I was trying to sort it out. I was like, now, a guy was like... This was a guy earlier today. He was like, Tim, I want to go party tonight. I want to go Taiwan on.

I really want to fucking paint the town red after the show. I'm not going to lie to you. I really want to have a big party tonight. I'm going to try and find someone who will sell me Class A drugs. Hey, hold on now. This is being both recorded and observed. This is like not the time to shoot out. It's not a crime to say that I'm planning on buying and consuming Class A drugs.

So this was the enthusiasm that I was met with and I said, now guy, remember, we're going to try and record an entire season of this stupid podcast tomorrow in a hotel room. You said, I'll do it anyway. It's so vigilant.

And that was kind of your mood and then I did say, I think you resent me now. And that's a recent thing. I don't resent you, Tim. And then actually Rose Matifeo, ever heard of her? Yes. She said, please don't fight, guys. No, so I understand why you feel I might resent you.

And I don't. I do think that we have, as always, made a grave error in reviving this podcast. Yes. do think that we have, as always, made a grave error in reviving this podcast. I think that if we wanted to remain friends, we maybe could have scheduled weekly calls. We could have done it outside of the context of this. And I know how excited we were at the time,

but I don't buy that, because we wouldn't have done it. Hey! Because it's all very well and good to say we would have caught it. Every Wednesday, we'll figure out what the time zone is between New York and New Zealand, and one of us will fucking get up at 6am to do our regular... We wouldn't have done it.

It wouldn't have happened. So would you rather just remain friends at a distance or drive whatever connection we have into the ground? Honestly? Instead of just getting up at 6am to talk, we're getting up at 6am to watch sex in the fucking city. I'm saying this is wrong. The formula you're putting out there,

the actual choice is nothing or this. All I'm saying is that usually, if I know that I'm about to spend one week with my friend Tim Batt, I'm excited. But knowing the whole time it's like a millstone around my neck because you resent me no I don't resent you, I resent the decisions we make

when we're together that is a different thing that is the definition of a toxic relationship eh that's where we're at I blame the four women with whom we spend so much time a week. So I didn't tell you this.

I was on the way. I left. So Tim came down here earlier, and I walked down from where I'm staying, and I got into the lift in the apartment building, and I had a banana. How quick is that lift, by the way? Well, it depends how many other people stop. Oh, yeah, true. This was quite a slow lift drive.

And there were already a group of four middle-aged women who were in revelry. They were having such a good time. They were all talking about what a fun day they'd had. They'd been to the National Gallery of Victoria and the fucking atmosphere, man. And I was like, this is nice. And I got in there and I had my banana in my hand

because I wanted to get my energy up for the show and I looked at them all and I was like and I said well I'd better not eat this in here it will smell too much that's what I said

say it out loud yeah okay it destroyed really it was a killer line any fucking space with strangers view

is a room I know like a room in the comedy sets so I you could go to hospital and be in one of those roped off bits

with one other person and you'd be testing new gear I know and I broke protocol I did not turn around and face the door as the rules of

riding a lift dictator I just kept looking at all of them holding this banana in my hand you paint me as the fucking of writing a lift dicta, I just kept looking at all of them holding this banana in my hand. You paint me as the fucking maniac because I keep bringing knives to our live shows. You're the crazy one, man. What do you reckon?

Knife? And so I listen and they're all talking and they're like, yeah, what does a banana smell? You know, there's... Oh, stop you there. Are you paraphrasing or were they curious? No,, what does a banana smell? You know, there's... Oh, stop you there. Are you paraphrasing or were they curious? No, it's like a middle age.

They're like, why does a banana smell more, you know, why does opening a banana smell more than the banana? Like, okay, well, when I'm relaying it, it does sound pretty loopy. Yeah. But they were riffing and I was in there. And we got down to the ground floor and then they sort of all, they all filed out and they left and they started walking

you know in the same direction as me and I was walking behind them exciting but like in earshot and what it was is it was a representation of genuine friendship these were four women

who were excited to see one another who were talking about things that I could relate to and I found myself thinking this is what I want to be watching this is what we're saying this is what I want to be watching yeah

like and I was so I became angry about what we are watching and This is what I want to be watching. Yeah, like, and I was so, I became angry about what we are watching and I took a photo of them. From back, from the... Did you tell them? No, of course not. So hold up.

You told, the out loud bit was, oh, I was going to eat this banana, but it'll smell too much. And the quiet bit was, I'm going to take your photo. That's back to front my friend. I didn't say anything. Look here they are

they're all walking in front of me Okay. You've got their backs which is weirder. You can't see it but I was like this is nice. Anyway.

Wait a minute. I don't even know where Well I just think it's nice We're going to start with this. I thought when you were going with that by the way is because it's for

women in the elevator I thought you were like oh my god it's sex in the city IRL when you were going with that, by the way, is because it's for a woman in the elevator. I thought you were like, oh my God, it's Sex and the City IRL. And you were trying to pick who was the Samantha. I didn't play that game. Who was Carrie. Because I didn't want to look at them through the prism of these characters. Yeah. I was just like, oh, wicked.

There's been a couple of things, actually. You won't know this because you weren't here, but the male gaze... This sounds like shade. I don't know why I said it that way. We had the male gaze live show just before this one, and Chris was talking about how... Chris Parker, ever heard of him?

Yes. I'm going to do that for every comedian I mention, which will be a lot this episode because we're in Melbourne in the middle of the comedy festival. He mentioned how you are sort of, you've got a hankering for physical affection at the moment and how you guys had a hug the other day and just

held it a bit longer because neither of your partners are here and you just both were craving a bit of just connection with another human. It's not untrue I am craving all forms of physical intimacy at all times and I saw you do it with it's really it's like

it's lovely to see how affectionate you're being and heartbreaking about how much you need it yeah and then again mate yeah that's for you cool that's for the knife you fuck

but yeah no I do and then so yeah I mean we did some nice touching when we were watching the movie as well you and I yeah

you were lying on me at one point and I so yeah I mean we did some nice touching when we were watching the movie as well you and I yeah you were lying on me at one point and I don't know I yeah look I just think again it's like when we were together and this is my fear

and this is why I think you feel like I resent you when I don't yeah but it's that like that is the lowest like you know that is the lowest ebb

I hit weekly bi-weekly no is that right is bi-weekly two different weeks? It's both. Okay. Oh, really? I think that's true. Someone should sort that out. Yeah, there's a million phones in here. Can someone...

It is both. It is both? What a disaster of language. I know! It's fucked. You can imagine that would have ruined a few book clubs. And it's... Very true. And it's... Very true. And very quick of you.

It's fine with weeks because we've got fortnight, but when you say biannual, that's a massive deal because it's a factor of four is the difference. It's either once every six months or once every two years.

Yeah. Huge. Yeah, it's tremendous. And I think there's more gold in these hills my boy keep digging I'm not putting the beer there

I'm going to get the co-host wet get the co-host it's ceramic, it can't rust why aren't all knives ceramic? that's such a good point I want you to dip the knife in the beer. With the case on, that's gross.

I'll take the sheath off. He's had a little drink. Knifey on the piss. Look, I feel like it's only fair we should delve into the actual source material for this particular podcast. Yes, the film. The for this particular podcast. Oh, yes. The film.

The movie. The movie Sex and the City, which today surprisingly ran at two hours and 30 minutes again. Do I owe you a hundred? Oh. No, not yet. I can't remember which. Have you guys heard the episode yet? There's only one that you might not have heard.

No, we're good. We're good. Do you owe me a hundred dollars yet yet has Big walked down the aisle? No, I've made a wager with Tim that Big will eventually walk down the aisle the first time. And Tim tried to refuse the bet on the grounds that I was not mentally sound. I insisted.

But no, everything pretty much played out the same. Well, not everything, though. What did you notice? That Lily says, look, mommy. Oh, look at this, mommy. When they're getting in the car to go to the wedding. I had never heard it before. 34 fucking episodes.

And I think it was something about the fact that it was coming through the MacBook speakers because you know me I like a bit of bass yeah and so usually I'm listening through a Bluetooth speaker or some headphones

and I think it was the amount of treble that's in those it just made it a child's voice yeah yeah you hear a lot of cries for help in the movie

from children don't you hugely yeah it's a whole different oral experience so I'm just saying don't say that it was exactly the same because there are small differences every time.

There are little moments. I've been souring on Miranda. Now, famously, I love Miranda. I think she's a real, she's a devil with the dudes and she's just good, clean fun. But I am starting to suspect that there is you know beneath her calm exterior lies a

you know a deep ocean of emotional repression I think that I Alanis Morissette you notice I was quoting Jagged Little Pill

I feel like I previously stood behind her decisions like I don't think anyone comes off in this movie very well, except for Steve. And remember, Steve does cheat on someone, and I'm still like, here, go Steve. Yeah, that's fine.

But she... Guys, cancel. There's the funnest... There's, like, probably the most fun I've had on this season, ganging up on you. Well, you and the knife can do your worst. I'm a fucking bully. Oh, nah, man. I wouldn't bring him into this.

He's got total autonomy over his own ideas. It's interesting that I've gendered the knife as a dude. And you did it quick, too. Yeah, I did. I didn't even think about it. That's interesting. Because usually inanimate objects are a woman. Boats are women.

Boats are everything. Most stuff out there is a boat. Soats are women. Boats are everything. Most stuff out there is a boat. So if you're looking at an object statistically it's a woman. On the rationale that statistically it is a boat. Everything's a boat if you're light enough. How light do you need to be?

I'm a pretty slender dude. Is everything a boat to me? No, not quite for you, no. Is everything being a boat is my goal weight? And it's an admirable one. But you've got to look out for yourself as well. I just think Miranda today

was lashing out a lot. And I don't know why. Did you not find this? I thought she was being so rude. She was... So she does it to Mr Big at the rehearsal dinner. She says, you're crazy to get married. Yeah, that's the main plot point of the film we've watched 34 times.

Wouldn't you put it like that? Yeah. But she also, I guess it's more like I saw them all in, I saw them all unfurled consecutively and I thought, you know what,

you're not the paragon of morals and principles I thought you were. You're actually, you've got a dark side. Miranda specifically? Miranda specifically. Yeah. Right.

And previously I've sort of just only chosen to see the light in her because I think Cynthia Nixon is probably one of the stronger actors in this movie. Yes. I would agree. I've sort of just only chosen to see the light in her because I think Cynthia Nixon is probably one of the stronger actors in this movie I would agree I'm back on Charlotte as a character but Kristen Davis really fucking hands it up

in this, she is a mess and I will not name names for fear of one of them either being in a relationship or striking up some sort of professional endeavour with her but Kristen Davis was getting a lot of shade from the comedians in the room about her comedic performance.

Well, I just think... Kirsten? I should know her name by now. No, you only need to know Charlotte Goldenblatt. New York. Is it double-barrelled? What? Or has she just swapped it out? No, she just swapped it out. Is it Goldenblatt York or York Golden Black?

New York is old-timey language. I don't know what that is. Sorry, but say it because I don't know if everyone will. But no, know that I do. Yeah, yeah. In which case, I won't say it. But she... I don't know.

I can't remember what I was going to fucking say, but it was going to be really quite observant. Salient and important. Yeah, yeah. Have you got a shining light? Should I lead with one? Yeah, if you've got one. It's a brooch.

Well, is it a brooch? I think it's a brooch. Some sort of ornament that Charlotte is wearing at the fashion... Yeah. What the fuck is that? It's the... It's a fashion show. Fashion week.

It's fashion week in New York City, everybody. Samantha's come back especially for it because it's such a special occasion. She never comes back to New York City.

Wait a minute, she's there every goddamn weekend. Her relationship's in tatters. It's almost like they regret writing her character being set in LA for the movie.

They're like, we're going to have her in LA and then every time they create a scene they're like, you know, to have her in LA. And then every time they create a scene, they're like, you know, this needs more Samantha. We'd better fly her in. There's no fucking reason for her to be in Los Angeles because she's in New York so much of the film.

Just do a rewrite, Mattress. Like, you've got the time. What else have you got on? Honestly, what else has he made? I don't know. I don't know why I'm coming at you hard. No, no, no. I'm fired up! Mattress Pikelet King, as far as I

know, has just done Sex and the City and that's it. I don't know if that's true. That's still pretty good. What have we done? What media have we created or shared with the world that is worthy of this? I mean, you know, nothing holds up to this level of scrutiny.

You're bringing up a lot of real world critique into this beautiful bubble that we've made for ourselves inside the podcast, and I do not appreciate it. Especially with all of my friends from Melbourne here. I thought these were people who liked the podcast. These are just your friends? These are my mates. How wrong you are, guy. Make some noise if you're Tim's mate.

Honestly, less enthusiastic than I was anticipating. Yeah, you can tell, because when you said that, it got a much louder noise than when you asked if they were your mate. You were like, who's my mate? And everyone was like, woo. And then you said, oh, I was expecting more.

And we heard how many people were truly in the room. And it was at least triple. Yeah. Fuck. Don't worry about it. Have you got a shining light? Well, no, I'd like you to describe this brooch in more detail. Oh, yeah.

Brooch. It's spelt brooch. Is it? Yeah. It's got a U in it. No, it's B-R-O-O-C-H. There's not two O's. Is there?

I'm a bad speller. Is there an accent on the E? There's no E in it. Is there? Well, no, I just spelled it for you. B-R-O-O-C-H. Can I share with everyone how it looks in my head? I think I'm spelling brioche when I hear the word.

B-R-1-O-C-H. E with an X. Yeah, you've misspelt the word brioche. Yeah. That's cool. What word is that then? Bruchet. Yeah, it's not.

It's not important. I dub thee bruchet. Okay. That's knife four? Yeah, that's your fourth knife. Yeah. I think, you know, it's sort of like if you have three pets and you can't keep them going, you don't deserve a fourth pet.

I'd probably like to implement a similar policy with knives. Oh, one of them I gave away, but the other one's airport security to take off me. It's big and it's shiny and it's sort of simple, but it's like silver in colour and also I've seen this movie 34 times. Okay, so you just... It's about the size of it.

Charlotte's wearing quite an elegant black dress at Fashion Week, and it just kind of makes it pop. It changes her from being a stylish shadow to a woman of fashion. And Stan, is there little things? You know, you go into Fashion Week, it's hard to know how to dress, because you don't want to go too formal. You might feel like you're sticking out, deflecting attention from the catwalk models. you don't want to go too formal. You might feel like you're sticking out, deflecting attention from

the catwalk models. You don't want to go too informal. You feel out of place and insecure. I just nodded a lot. That's completely normal. Do you think anyone going to a fashion event is scared that they're going to upstage the models? That's so cool. I haven't been to a lot of catwalk events, but I'm always fearful that I'm going to draw

the eyes of the punters. There's such an interesting almost mental illness you've just expressed because you're so full of yourself that you think that's possible but so kind that you want to avoid it. Absolutely. This is definitely a risk, but I will make sure that doesn't happen. That's how I live my entire life. I'm operating at 70% only out of fear of distracting from everyone else.

Imagine you, fearless, of everyone else's ego. That you were like, I can just shine to my maximum. Imagine that. Imagine that, Melbourne friends. Guy's pretty good. He's pretty funny.

He's pretty switched on. But imagine if he turned his brightness up to 100%. Because he wasn't afraid of blinding us anymore. No, it would be too bright. The fucking guard rails came off. This is the same sort of thing. We popped up the little, what are they called?

The kitty gutters on the tip and bowling. And we've got just un-inebriated Monty. Yeah, well. Final form of freezer. We'll never know. But my... Because I do it out of respect.

Honestly, though... If you had enough therapy, you could get there. And I... want to see it. I think I'd have a lot to unpack before this conversation in therapy. Namely why I keep coming back to this. But, no, my shining light was actually...

And it's in keeping with a discovery recently that Louise is entirely a construct of Carrie's imagination. Yes. So it's shone a lot of new light on the conversations that they or she has with herself. Uh-huh. So at one point when she's talking about these shoes, and she goes,

Louise holds up the shoes and shows them to Carrie. Yeah. And says, what about these? And she goes, I'm going to take them or something. And Carrie goes, no. I'm going to take them or something. That's how skillful the writing is, that it stays with you after 34 watches.

I'm going to take these or something. We've seen it 34 fucking times. I can preempt probably the same 50 lines every time and the rest of them are just literally the parents from Peanuts going... Perfect. It's incredible we can put together this story from how many

people are just going... Do you want these? I think she says. And Carrie wants the shoes and Louise goes, I know where you live. And Louise says, well, for a pair like this, I could move. And the idea of, because these are such disgusting and ugly shoes. They're horrible.

The idea of Carrie creating someone else to validate her awful fashion choices so that she can play against herself. The more you dig into it, the more sense it makes. Usually our hair brain schemes and theories are fucked, but this one seems like more watertight the further we drag it under the bathtub. It just makes so much sense. She's got so many holes in her own

psyche that it's like, yeah, of course she would invent an imaginary friend to justify how fucked she is. At the start of the movie, I don't know how long the series was, about 10 years. These characters have been alive for 15 years. She is an author.

She has written, she says it in the prologue, she's written three books. Three bestsellers, everyone. Her lifestyle is so far beyond someone who has written three books in 15 years. Yeah. We've brushed on this before, but let's fucking dig in.

Being an author doesn't get you to where she is. It's nuts. Where's the money coming from? It's a good question. And it's not all big, too, because I think she is in spite of the sort of fucked things that Carrie does,

I think the two movies have done a job in retaining the feminism that she has, feministism that she has. What the fuck is that word? Again, so that's very similar to brooch Yeah You sort of dance around a

word that is out there Fuck, I don't know She's very independent and I think that Carrie's that is out there. Fuck, I don't know. She's very independent. And I think that Carrie's character is one that wouldn't be content to have a relationship where things are often bought for her. If she covets a pair of shoes,

she wants to pay for that herself. And the fact that... This is why it's such a big plot point that the apartment is paid for by Big. You know? Because she wants an equal relationship. He buys by big. She wants an equal relationship. He buys his thing, she wants to buy her own thing. She doesn't mind on impact though.

She says, I got it. And then she goes, oh, cool. Oh yeah, cool. Spent $35 million on this house we have done no checks on. And then he just turned, this is his version of business, he turns to the guy showing them around the house and goes, well, let's sign some paperwork.

There is... How happy would you be as a real estate agent to meet John B? Far out. Just roll up into the penthouse suite, say, hey, this is pretty good, I reckon I can knock out that closet and create an infinity space.

Some sort of hyperbolic chamber that doesn't make sense in the constructive time space that we're aware of? I could do something with it though. He's got a few questions. One of them is presumably, are these walls and curtains jizz proof? Yeah. What do you put down?

It's not Windex, but could you like laminate an entire apartment? Yeah. Can you just laminate a room? It's like a kill room, isn't it? You know when you want to murder someone and you've got to lay down sort of, not sheets because that will absorb, but sort of plastic sheets everywhere?

Some murderers do use sheets. Not the best ones, though. Not the most efficient ones. I regret my choice of best I don't think they're good murderers no shouldn't phrase it like that

you know true crime podcasts are actually pretty popular is there that too we could make a very cunning pivot here I don't think we could pull it off no I don't think

we could either I mean you know we don't have the chops we're barely dragging ourselves through this I know you still haven't given me a shining light I don't think we could either. I mean, you know. We don't have the chops. We're barely dragging ourselves through this. You still haven't given me a shining light, I don't think. Yeah, I did. It's the conversation between Carrie and herself.

Oh, fuck, all right. Are we in the middle of it still? No, no. It's just that conversation, that's it. What happened, Tim, is we sort of wound up, and this is going to sound unlikely on a podcast, but we sort of went on some aside or tangent and wound up in an entirely ancillary riff.

But you pointing out that we did that sort of removed all of the power of it and has put the onus of responsibility back on me or us to create a new thing to talk about. All right, well, then can we get our present from Michael? Oh, yeah, if you want. So a lovely fan who's here in the room. Michael, can you just do it?

Yeah, he's putting his hand up in the air. Thank you, Michael. Michael's brought us a gift. And what I'd like to do is one of us will read the beautiful card that he has given us and the other one will unwrap. I'll read the card. So we've got a, it says Seasons Greetings and it's got some Christmas

paraphernalia on the front and it says Dear Brave Boys, Greetings of, and he's like, he's scribed some stuff out here to make it applicable for us he said, Greetings of Season 4 and best wishes for the new year What I'm doing here is giving you options underlined. Take a break

exclamation point Watch the bonus features, listen to the audio description. All my love, Michael And the tenderness with which you are opening that package endears me to you and frustrates me as a co-performer on set. And he's stopped down.

He's stopped doing anything now. Guy's just holding. Well, there's an element of suspense here, isn't there? I mean, if you ask me, I'd say it's probably Sex and the City on Blu-ray. Or, if Michael's upon hard times, DVD. Time will tell. Oh, it does look like a DVD I'm so sorry Michael

is it is it two disc special edition DVD video oh Michael Michael we're going to refund you a ticket purchase after the show

so just come and see us two by two there's a price tag for two dollars. It's sealed. It's not second hand and it's some sort of a collector's edition because it's multi-disc and it was sold for two dollars

including Australian GST. As two people who have obviously only consumed this movie through legal means online, I wonder if you'd like to hear how it's articulated on the DVD as sold. Weirdly, I had a craving a couple of watches ago to know the blurb

and also, I don't think we've ever watched the trailer. Have you seen it? Parentheses Guy looks incredibly sad For too long Carrie Bradshaw had been looking for love in all the wrong places

But in all the right shoes Is that in there? Yeah well it's not my tag Honestly could have been In this much anticipated movie event Carrie Samantha tag. Honestly, could have been. In this much-anticipated movie event, Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda are back, four years after

the hit TV series ended. It's really confusing whether or not they're talking about the movie as it exists unto itself or the movie an extension of the franchise, isn't it? As they continue to juggle career, relationships, motherhood and life in Manhattan, the girls realise extension of the franchise, isn't it? As they continue to juggle career, relationships, motherhood and life in Manhattan, the girls realise that more than ever,

true friendship never goes out of style. I would argue that this is one of the worst representations of friendship on screen. It's so bad. The person who's written that, A, hasn't watched the movie and B, I don't think is very familiar with the series, it smacks of Wikipedia to me, honestly I think it's some hungover intern

inside whatever outfit writes the blurbs for DVDs and they have fucked up because this thing is well overdue now and it's about to go to print and they're like, oh no just cobble it together who reads these?

Only people who have seen the movie already 34 times. And you'll be pleased to hear that in the special features, I mean, we're going to have to hire a DVD player to fucking do this thing, but you get a conversation with SJP and Mattress, the fabulous fashion and sex in the city. This is my one that I'm excited about. Fergie in the studio.

Finally, we get to see the great Fergie's process sorry what yeah watch a hit in the making as the singer records labels or love for the movie soundtrack is that Fergie yeah yeah yeah did you know that

picture perfect beautiful did you know that was Fergie is that Black Eyed Peas Fergie yeah presumably yeah unless it's a member of the royal family. Yeah. The only other big Fergie. I mean, that would be a huge guess.

That'd be a coup. Really, you know, stretching her wings. Look, I really want to thank you for this. Obviously, you know, it's a classy touch leaving the price of it. The sentimental value is through the roof, huh? Getting sentimental. Yeah. It's Michael.

And the gals. I would like... Why is your phone out? Because I wrote a note that I have to remember. Is that okay by you? Yeah, that's all right. It just seems a little uncouth at a live show, Guy. That's all.

No, I think it's a good idea. Approximate running time. 145 minutes. Just sayimate running time, 145 minutes. Just say it in print. 145? Oh, that must be the extended... 145. No, no. No, I think that's right.

Yeah, because two hours is 120. No, that's just the amount of film. I keep thinking an hour is 100 minutes. And why wouldn't you? Why fucking wouldn't you? It's where the metric system let us down, right? We've always gone on about how perfect it is. It's where the metric system let us down, right? We're always going on about how perfect it is. It's

not the metric system's fault, it's time's fault. You know. Yeah, I'm furious too, mate. You know the good thing about this, I know you're about to read a note, this is PAL Region 4, so at least this isn't like one where we have to

jailbreak a DVD player or something to play. Yeah, I think that's quite interesting, actually. Some people will care to know that. Not a lot. When you talk about the tech specs, I'm always like, Tim is talking to himself. A crisp 16 by 9 widescreen

my favourite ratio of them all fuck it isn't it all of ours just throw in at any time I'll stop down what I was going to say is like have you got any tips and tricks and we haven't talked about this

but what if you are feeling so blue and low when you watch the movie have you got any tips and tricks for how to try and cajole yourself into having a good time it might not last forever but even for a second, have you got any means of watching it and being like,

hey, nothing. The main one is to imagine you're singing for the first time, right? Yeah, I guess so. Which is hard to do. Yeah. Almost impossible. Okay. Is this a genuine ask, or are you leading me down a path? It's both, but I would be curious

We need to support each other Survival tips? Watching it with someone else is obviously number one If you've got another person in the room It's so much better Sometimes it's a wife Sometimes it's a friend Sometimes it's a dog

Sometimes it's a knife that you've imbued With co-host responsibilities. How is your wife handling the revived sexism? Zoe's watched the movie with me three quarters of one time. And I ask her a lot. I'm like, do you want to watch the movie with me? What does she say when you go, do you want to watch the movie with me? Absolutely not.

Does she say it with disdain? Yeah. Is she cross? I wouldn't describe it as cross but it's just like vehement is what I would say. Yeah, unmovable. Which I respect. That's why I married her. It's like, yeah, of

course. Good. Correct, you know? Still sad for me. Well, I try to watch it as, the only one I have is that you watch it as though it's your first time watching the movie. Hey, it'd be remiss of us not to comment on the kerfuffle that's happening. That's right. There's a lot of people who are getting generally

quite excited for what I'm about to say is the feeling I get. And they shouldn't be. But, so they're just, when, so the wedding scene, right, this is, if you think about it as a fan of the series and someone who's watching the movie for the first time, all the build is towards this big wedding between Carrie

and Big. And in your mind's eye, you'd be like, wow, they're really going to do it. I don't know how they're going to stretch out a happy marriage for another hour and a half, but they're really going to do it. But there is a tell that is planted in the movie, which is on the wedding day, the biggest moment in the movie, something that everyone who's

a fan of the series and a fan of Carrie Bradshaw has been waiting for, the score. The score is incredibly foreboding. You're right. When she's going to get married, it's not like, because you'd think it'd be light-hearted sort of pomp and ceremony, don't you?

You'd think it'd be quite an exciting time. Yeah. But it's this sort of autumnal sounding... It's not Sex and the City 2. It's not Eliza Minnelli cover of Beyonce, is it? No, it's foreboding music. It's the inverse of Eliza Minnelli cover of Beyonce, is it? No, it's foreboding music. It's the inverse of Eliza Minnelli cover of Beyonce. It's strings and they

use the technique, what's it called when you pluck the string instead of using the bow? It's called plucking. No, but there's an Italian word. Is there? Does anyone know? Pizzicato. Do you play an instrument? Yes. That was awesome. I'm going to recreate what just happened. do you play an instrument? Yes. That was awesome.

I'm going to recreate what just happened. Do you play an instrument? Yeah. Too good. That's such a good way to answer any question. Fuck yeah. Can you drive? Yeah.

Decide what you want to be true without trying to mask the facts. Are you supposed to have that knife? Uh, yeah. It's actually pretty important. I think I am supposed to have it, yeah. But I mean, you sort of bailed me out there because I had nothing more than that.

I noticed it was full-blown. It's in a minor key. What's wrong, man? The key what's wrong man the whole thing's wrong isn't it the whole thing's wrong are we running out of puff yeah which is so bad do you think we're going to make it to the end of the season

it doesn't feel like we could at this point this is so cool there's so many people in a room watching this why are you here why are they honestly why is anyone listening? Like, what the fuck is going on out there? What's happened in society that anyone listens

to our podcast? It's quite nice standing up. This was my fear, was that, because to me the only value that's left in doing this is that we can now truly capture and represent like the the you know the the depths of despair like we we have a responsibility to one another and anyone still listening to this train wreck beautiful friends of mine to prod each other

and push ourselves deeper into this this sort of funk that we both find ourselves in by watching the movie over and over again. And when you put on a live show, you want it to be an occasion for joy and celebration. So it's a challenging thing to do, because all, like, genuinely, I think the only value in it is we are, you know, we can expose ourselves, and by virtue of doing that, everyone,

to how sad a person can make themselves. Fuck me. Fucking hell, what a project. And to do that in front of a paying audience feels really odd and sort of it's like, it's counterintuitive, isn't it? It's counterintuitive for us to sit up here and go, I'm sad.

So why would you pay $20 to see someone telling you they're sad? Well, there's heaps of shows in the Comedy Festival that do that. Far more skillfully than us. Well, I've written it out beforehand. Yeah. I feel really bad now.

No, no, feel good. I don't, though, at all. Oh, well, I feel okay. What you just did's put me in a genuine funk. Well, in a way, that's kind of what it was meant to do. Yeah, that's true. How meta of you. Well done.

Thanks. Can we talk more about Brady? I just always am so thirsty to figure out what he's up to. He's developmentally stunted is his main problem. Yeah. And he's not being given the appropriate amount of care and attention by his parents or any extra care figures like Magda to probably find a way to facilitate his learning. Because, you know, he should go to a Steiner school.

He should go to somewhere like... Yeah. He should be in Montessori. And he shouldn't be going to, you know, traditionally structured schools. And because he doesn't, that means that he weaponises his intelligence in ways that, you know,

if he was given the proper care and attention, he would not. But instead, he finds ways to apply himself that serves retribution to those who have wronged him. That's genuinely what I think about Brady. So it seems to me that you believe Brady's got intense mental capacity to do some other thing, potentially. There could have been a good...

So what could that have been? Imagine if you harboured the power of all the rats in New York City for good. But has he not? Like, this is the thing about Brady. He's not an evil, per se, character. No, but this is the thing

about any supervillain. You watch their origin story and you're always like, oh, no, they're having a bit of a rough go of it. And then you see a moment where you think,

oh, no, it's had an impact. Yeah. And now they're having a bit of a rough go of it. And then you see a moment where you think, oh, no, it's had an impact. And now they're across. Is every supervillain simply an overreaction? Is that all that character type is? It's not an overreaction. It's a misunderstanding. They're one moment of communication away from being able to channel the hardship for good.

And Brady falls into that category. Cookies. If he was fed cookies? No, no, no. If he made cookies. Like, imagine if you could organise all of the rats in New York City to create a blend of Sex and the City and Ratatouille. Yeah. Do you know, that guy in Ratat City to create a... A blend of Sex and the City and Ratatouille. Yeah.

Do you know, that guy in Ratatouille is a redhead. He's an American chef who's moved to France. See, this is like one of those Marvel Cinematic Universe things where it peels off. It's like an alternate parallel universe. It's like the best version of Brady is he becomes a chef that teams up with one specific mouse,

a rat, and... Wait, what rat? I was like, is it a rat or a rat? It's Rat the best version of Brady is he becomes a chef that teams up with one specific mouse, a rat. Wait, what rat? I was like, is it a rat or a rat? It's the same thing, though, because that would be how you'd unionize all the rats. You'd use one and you'd build a relationship on trust and then they would persuade other rats. No, no, no, no. You know how wrong you are. You've never taken over a colony before.

You can't raise one up because then that singular will overtake you. You've got to raise like four at the same time and then they compete with each other and that is how the Illuminati is keeping us down. Shave us up, keep us fighting with ourselves and we'll never manage to muster enough organisational skills to overthrow them.

If you were in the writers room for Ratatouille that would have been quite a different film. Get Alex Jones on the line we need him in here now But I think if his powers were put to making cookies it would be sort of almost like a Willy Wonka situation but nicer People view Willy Wonka very strangely

like he's some sort of hero but he's basically enslaved like captured a bunch of people from their native home and taken them back to his factory and enslaved them. That's fucked. Yeah. They don't, I don't and they like, they do a lot of

singing and dancing and stuff but I don't think it's joyous. I think it's like just to keep them going, you know? Yeah, I mean Roald Dahl was actually a pretty going, you know? Yeah, I mean, Roald Dahl was actually a pretty dark guy. Truly? Yeah, truly. Have you read his adult stories? Nah. Some of them have not aged well. Oh.

But he's really talented at writing. Yeah. But he was of a time. Yeah. I think he was like, I think he was, you know, because he's famous for his kids' books, but he started with like these really, these short stories with incredible twists, and they're all very dark and sinister. Is anyone a Roald Dahl fan? I can get into them. They're

really fucking good. Is anyone a Roald Dahl fan? Yeah, I think two people answered yes. No, it's just, I'm having almost an out-of-body experience just showing, we've gone downhill, eh? I think. Yeah, I agree.

Does anyone want to take over the podcast? Can we do that? No. How funny would that be? If we just were like, we literally can't do it anymore, but the season will continue, but someone else is going to be taking someone else's hand. They can't, I would feel,

they can't, because we've done 34 weeks of homework. They just need to catch up. So they would need to watch the movie 34 times and then we pass the talk show. Yeah, I think we've set a glowing example of how fun that could be. Can't imagine the number of people clambering for their laptops

to dig into that exciting project. We two from here, though, you know? For us? Yeah. Because it's just us. Yeah. I don't mean tonight. I mean the rest of the season. This is genuinely awful. When it's just us

we can be more, you know, we can touch each other but we can be mean. It's different. It's a different experience. Being in the room with people? Yes. I like the live shows. I like the live shows too, but I mean, you know,

there is an element of guilt towards. Yeah, that's what it is, folks. We feel really bad that you're here on your own behalf. It's just, it's genuine,

like sympathy for you. But that sympathy is actually for us. They are like, you know, like the sympathy we feel for them is them feeling sympathy for us for feeling bad for feeling them. It's a real fucking pity party.

It's cyclical, yeah. It's horrible. No, but I mean, I don't... Guy, let me ask you a question. Let me ask you a question. The fuck is Steve up to this watch, you know? There he is. Swinging around New York City

with his giant donkey dick. We never got to the bottom of that, eh? Here are the two possibilities, folks. Either the guy who plays Steve, whose name I forget. David? Yeah, sure, why not? Nope, not coming to me. Either he has a massive penis,

or he asked backstage to see someone who famously has a massive penis. I also can't remember who told Guy and I this story, but it was like a Hollywood insider when we were in Los Angeles. I reckon that anecdote could use a workshop. Yeah. But it's something, you know. Steve's got his big old donkey dick.

One cab for him, one for his penis. I still firmly think that the untold story here of Steve is for how much I like him, he does have a problem. He's a sex addict. And it's all approved. Like, you know, we've talked about it before.

Have we? Yes. Have you been a sex addict? Yeah, like remember when he fucked Smith Jarrett. Let me ask my friends. Hold on. Does this feel like news? Raise your hand if this feels like news to you, that Steve's a Does this feel like... Raise your hand if this feels like news to you, that Steve's a sex addict, and now raise your hand if it feels like established fact.

We have lulled the audience. Ah, no, there you go. I know. There's quite a lot of people agreeing, because he had sex with Smith Jarrett, right? Because they're empathising with one another over how hard they find their relationships with these women. Yes.

When Miranda comes into the room after he's confessed to cheating and the dog's on the bed, and he gets rid of the dog, there's a guilty look in his eyes that says, I fucked that dog. That does not a sex addict make, though. Those are two different things.

It's not just Smith. It's not just that beautiful border collie. It's everyone's fair game to Steve. So that's what he's doing. Even dogs? Well, that particular dog. Okay. I don't think he's having sex with all the dogs.

I like your nuanced take on bestiality. It's like, I don't fuck animals. I occasionally sleep with this specific beautiful dog. Because I'm a sex addict. It's not weird. I'm just a sex addict. That's why I have sex with this one dog. People do that with dolphins.

They have sex with one specific dolphin. Yeah, they build a relationship with a dolphin. Really? Probably, I don't know. I'm not a fucking genius. Look, it feels like we're running out of steam. You look sad. I am.

You should have seen how excited you were when you showed me your knife. Remember that, Tim? Remember that version of yourself not one hour ago? It's fucking mean, man. It's so sharp. I would like to say this. I would like to say I love you all for coming

out. I'd like to say, Tim, I truly do love you and I'm sorry you're going to say I resent you. We've got to find something cool. Love is cool, baby. I love you. No. Let me ask you this. Are you familiar with Robocop? No.

Robocop is the story of a fantastic police officer and he gets shot by a syndicate of organised criminals. Like, crazy shot up. It's a pretty intense scene. It's so gory, it's like satire of a horror movie, almost.

You've got blood that comes out of him. He's pumped full of bullets. It's crazy. So then... Fuck, what's the name of the CPD, I think they're called? It's like the police department. They've gotten in cahoots with this private robotics company for this project where they're going to rebuild one of their offices as a cybernetic organism.

Is this podcast now you describing other movies? Yeah. And so they rebuild him and he becomes this like fighting machine. Now is it possible is it at all possible based on what we know about the two characters that Smith Jarrett is Dick Bart.

As it stands in my memory, yes. That is just possible. And that they're not in a scene together. There's no conversation that happens between the two of them. Yeah. Why do you ask? Because it'd be cool. I'm trying to land a plan here on a big number, you know, to end the show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What if Smith... What happened to Smith Garrett that they had to rebuild him as Dickbot and kind of, like, increase his mind with AI? Well, you know what it was? He died of a broken heart. Oh, yeah. Steve,

Steve promised the world to this guy. He had no idea what a dirty dog Steve is. Yeah. Steve was doing it dirty with a dog. Yeah.

And then Smith goes, Steve, I'm ready to leave Samantha. I'm ready for this. And Steve goes, can you call me back in five minutes? I'm just finishing this border collie.

Finishing. And that's our episode. Thank you so much for coming out, everybody. We just have a good mood. That's what it feels me out. I feel him out. And we go for it.