The Worst Idea Of All Time - 36: Boogie Nights

Episode Date: September 1, 2021

This was a tough lockdown watch of Emanuelle: Private Collection - Jesse's Secret Desires but all Timbo and Guyguy want to chat about is 1997 hit film Boogie Nights. This softcorn porno is had ambitions of deep storytelling and plot but ended up coming across as a tonally confused Dick Wolf fever dream featuring too many characters trying to solve crimes and a distinct lack of Emanuelle. Though, credit were it's due - there was a pretty good twist! The Boner Inspector is potentially in the running for a total show ban and your trusted hosts question what they've learned on this season so far.SUPPORT US ON PATREON: (patreon.com/TWIOAT)JOIN US ON FACEBOOK: (facebook.com/WorstIdeaOfAllTime)VISIT THE LITTLE EMPIRE PODCAST NETWORK: (littleempirepodcasts.com)MUSIC CREDIT: Tender Moonlight (facebook.com/TenderMoonlight)ART CREDIT: Tomas Cottle (sick-days.com) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

🎵 Well, hello, Tim. And hello, person eavesdropping. I am Guy, and I'm in a pretty good mood. I'm feeling pretty good. I've got my legs crossed. I'm sitting on the floor of Olive's bedroom. She's away. She's with her papa.

And I'm on the blower to my friend Tim. And that's just how my situation is. That's where I'm at. Weower to my friend Tim. And that's just how my situation is. That's where I'm at. We're in lockdown, everybody. New Zealand has been imprisoned because of the COVID virus. And is that too? Yes. We can't forget that.

A socialist prime minister or communist, I can't keep track. She has imprisoned us in our houses. Yes. she has imprisoned us in our houses yes tax cinder as we call her for her insistence on uh on taxing taxing us to pay for our roads uh has banished us to our rooms or our stepdaughter's rooms as may be the case and um has forced us to watch more softcore pornography. It's so grim at this stage of the season. Zoe was like, what are you up to today? I said, well, I'll have a cup of coffee. I've got to get to work and then, you know, get through a few things.

And then on to the more pornography. We watched Boogie Nights last night. I'd never seen it before. So crazy. You should mention that tim because uh i had tickets tonight before lockdown oh whoa the hollywood we're gonna screen it on uh 35 mil and i bought i didn't even know who i was gonna go but i saw it and i thought i love the hollywood i want to support them i've not seen boogie nights i bought four tickets and i was

ready to go obviously do you get a refund or are you just gonna let let it let the chips ride on that one uh i'm i'm letting the chips ride on that one while also paying i'm refunding people for a comedy show i was going to put on tomorrow night and i pay uh because the ticketing service i use i think i pay 50 cents per refund that shits me eh we shouldn't be paying i've struck this in previous comedy festivals we shouldn't be paying money for like cancelled tickets it seems wrong to me i'm not gonna lie tim it hurts it's the third time I've had to cancel this or like, you know, a show. And all the, you know, cumulatively, it's not a huge cost, but it's like, you know, I've probably paid like $7.50 to refund all of the tickets.

Oh, okay. Yeah, that really isn't then. I still do think it's not that fun to be like, here you go. I don't want to complain, but I have literally not complained at all since the start of this lockdown. I think we're up to day, what, like, I don't know, eight, nine? Ten. I think it's ten. I think it's 11.

Double digits. And I've been keeping pretty chipper. But I feel like this is a good time for me. It is amazing how many things I had planned for when we, like, went first into lockdown i had like four comedy shows and my birthday party all just evaporate at once it's crazy it's a stinger man and um two of them were out of town man one was in toronga the other one was in wellington i was gonna have such a good week dude you're telling me the last podcast we put out i announced my national tour and then i literally

had drafted up the copy and had my finger on the um trigger to announce it on social media when i got a push notification from radio new zealand that said there is a case of covid19 in the community and i thought i feel like my tour announcement is going to get overshadowed here and so I didn't push anything and now I don't know, I actually have forcibly not thought about it because the lockdown keeps getting pushed out

and I just think I can't do anything so just don't even worry about it it's none of my business at this point Honestly bro, if it's a situation that's out of your hands that is the approach I think, if it's like look that's out of your hands that is the approach i think if it's like look me worrying about this isn't going to change it at all there's there's literally no point no and do you know what we've been generous to one another and that we've been in lockdown for what 10 11 days and neither of us you very tentatively sort of messaged me a few

days ago i've needled you a couple yeah and. Yeah, and you said, hey, man, this podcast, what do we think about it? And so now here we are on a Saturday afternoon. Thunderstorms forecast, but no rain forthcoming, and fresh, hot off the heels of watching. But just before we get into that, do you know the real salient bit for me, I know you probably can't see it on the webcam, I was eating some chips before and I bit down on a bit of my mouth.

And it's so weird how like when you bite into your inner cheek and then you keep doing it because it like swells up. So I'm in a state of annoyance both from the film and a minor self-sustained injury. Dude, understandable. Context is so important, isn't it?

Or just the timing of things. Because you could be having a normal day and then you could accidentally bite down a little bit on your mouth and everything that's bothered you in the last six months could just rise to the surface and be like, of course this now. I'm actually really angry. It's an insane design flaw that we can even do it. I know. Who made these things?

When's the last time you bit your tongue? How? Who put the tongue so close to the teeth? We're going to get these guys apart. One of them is very, very hard and some of them are sharp. And the other one, he's a soft boy. An incredibly unlikely collaboration. And honestly, a miracle that they can work at such close quarters

with so few incidents for so many people. There should be a band called Tongue in the Teeth. The Tongue in the Teeth. And nine out of ten songs are the best thing in the world. And one out of ten songs is the best thing in the world and one out of ten songs is like literally an attack on your senses look all right what i was gonna say to you is this the film we just watched emmanuel the private collection jesse's secret desires now this is technically an emmanuel film it doesn't work it's too many syllables in the in the canon of um secret desires. Now, this is technically an Emmanuel film. Jesse's desires.

It doesn't work. It's too many syllables. In the canon of Natasha Vermeer. But this is barely her film. She is mercifully, I'd almost say, reduced to sort of like she's there so that they can put it under the emmanuel umbrella but this is uh sort of a psychological thriller it's like someone watched a bunch of dick wolf crime procedurals and then was like i've got it i'm going to turn this into pornography

first of all before we get into that though am i right in thinking because i messaged you this i started watching the movie a little bit ahead of you. Did you hear Emmanuelle singing just a couple of lyrics in the theme song to this one? Yeah. I was still... It was like she dipped in. It was like four lines and then she's out again. She's never done it before.

You got the feeling that that was sort of... I felt like she had a lot more freedom in this one like i feel like she got to not only choose to contribute to the opening credits but also how much she was in the film and she just was finding more entertaining stuff to do around set than act yes and she made a good decision there because i wouldn't want to be associated with this movie because tonally it's bad it's not just like a bad film but it's problematic as well oh yes it was it was dastardly this was this was a film also i i looked at the clock when it was at the 40 minute mark and i i like i could not comprehend that that little amount of time had passed it's it's it's tricky

isn't it because we're always i, it's the nature of the podcast, but we're always showing up with criticisms. No matter how the Emmanuel films in this private collection choose to interpret movie making, we'll always be like, you should have done more of this and less of this. And in this instance, good on them for trying to create a genuine movie

plot but also you know try a little harder guys or if you're gonna if you're gonna do it at least i don't know commit it was really long wasn't it this was a hard this was hard they it's you're right i see what you're saying i think because they did try to double down on making an actual plot in this one they They were like, look, there's a killer on the loose who's after our protagonist, Jesse, who's a Los Angeles defense attorney.

Yes. And there's a man who she put away. No, she defended him unsuccessfully, I think. Well, she reduced his sentence. There's a convicted murderer? Was he? Yeah, I think they did say he was a murderer at some point, which is bad because it doesn't really stack up with the ending.

But at any rate, we'll get to that. He was a convicted murderer who was on trial for 15 years and she got him a reduced sentence to five. And she lives in jail for 15. Oh, he was in jail for 15. Oh, sorry. No, what you said. Yeah, he was on trial for 15.

His sentence got reduced to five and he was in jail for 15. Oh, sorry. No, what you said. Yeah, he was on trial for 15. And his sentence got reduced to five, and he was about to get out. And Jessie, the defense lawyer, was sort of understandably somewhat fearful because she'd been receiving aggressive mail and sort of vague threats that he was out for vengeance because he thought maybe he should have been acquitted. I mean, such an incredible move from someone who got a pretty lenient five-year jail sentence for murder to immediately leave prison and start sending threats to your lawyer. And, like, if you didn't do it, I don't know. It makes Jesse's boyfriend very cross. He's very angry about the whole goings on.

And he's a fan of rough sex. Yeah. And playing a few psychological games. And Jessie herself seems to be in this fantasy that she keeps revisiting in her dreams, which Emmanuel at one point elicits out of her by putting her into a state of hypnosis so but i think basically the the title is jesse's secret desires and emmanuel's role in the film is that this defense lawyer jesse has these sort of sexual

dreams or daydreams she has trouble she's latina in them which is yes interesting yes she's like i keep having this dream about this woman but it's me and you look at it it's like no that's definitely not you but yeah she uh and she has these dreams and then she uses emmanuel as some sort of dream sex therapist to sort of elucidate what's happening and what it might represent for her real life so she she talks to oh my phone's ringing. Sorry, I'm going to ignore that. She talks to Emmanuel maybe four times in the movie. And Emmanuel's like, often she's a catalyst for sex or for the introduction of, you know, unknown desires or like people who can't get what they want.

She comes in and she meddles and she makes magic. But in this instance, she literally just shows up and Jessie lies in between her legs and she daydreams. just shows up and jesse lies in between her legs and she daydreams um but yeah it's it let's continue our march through the plot can you just pick it up for me i'm getting lost in the weeds here fuck i can't remember man so there's she keeps getting sent increasingly intense threats someone slashes their tire and leaves a note on her car saying uh your throat is next she gets a porcelain doll this is a real twister a porcelain doll. This is a real twister. A porcelain doll sent to her, which is cracked, which is a very terrifying thing to be sent

because it does kind of look like her, but it's got, it's like headers, you know, cave things. It's porcelain. And she's very distressed by the porcelain doll, but then her boyfriend shows up and is like, oh, no, that was actually me. That was a gift. That was supposed to go easy with this.

I told the courier, but the courier fucked it up.ier yeah told the courier to take it easy meanwhile in addition to the her personal life unraveling she's taken on a client who's on trial for uh a murder because of the disappearance of a woman named anna who was his girlfriend they went to a party he was sort of last seen with her she disappeared and everyone's pointing the finger there's a few people out with bad blood towards this guy because there'd been previous relationships that hadn't ended well. Not in an illegal sense, just in an emotional sense. There was some acrimony.

Is that the right word? I love that. I don't know, but I loved it. Don't look that up. Roll with it. I will. Acrimony. Anyway, all of this is happening,

and the whole time they're sort of peppering in sex scenes. They're peppering in plot. None of it's convincing. None of it is enough to really make you care, and you're sitting in a six-year-old's bedroom on a Saturday afternoon, and you're thinking, what the fuck am I doing here?

What am I actually doing here? Yeah, yeah. Yes. That's what it's like. That is the real question the movie asks. The real question is, what are you doing here? Because I know this isn't the first time

I've said this about one of these Emmanuel films, but I don't know how you're supposed to jack off to this. It's too complicated first of all they're constantly throwing new characters in there who may or may not be murderers or like or of uh the the other thing is the other thing they're introducing so many characters who may or may not be murderers but also may or not have sex in the movie yeah and it's almost some of them don't it's almost frustrating because someone will show up you know a guy will show up and you'll be like oh it'll be pretty fun to watch this guy you know do his version of softcore sex and then he's just there to fucking move the story along for an hour and a half i want to you know i want to know more about this ex-husband of jesse's

exactly i want to see her um colleague have sex which i'm pretty sure never happened in the film also the guy the da yeah what is she a cop i don't know she's a da right i think she's a da the guy get lost i did get a bit lost in this one like they you know as stupid as it was it was also like quite convoluted scale of one to ten how close to retention were you paying for this movie? Oh, buddy. I'm not going to lie to you. It was one of a couple windows open. But I really did try hard.

I swear I tried. Yeah. So what's that out of 10? Good question. Honestly, 6. that out of 10? Good question Honestly 6.5 6 out of 10 One out of how many windows? Well two

Side by side But the other window had a lot of tabs open I see Outside of the movie What was the most interesting thing that happened Or that took your interest While you were watching the movie? Oh, I was doing boring stuff.

I threw a little money your way. I paid some taxes for that money. I was in Photoshop. It wasn't thrilling stuff. You were doing bills. Yeah. I saw a tweet while the movie was on that was funny. Can I read it to you?

I would love to hear it It's by an account called atshawnfleek S-H-A-W-N-F-L-E-E-K and it said And then after the tweet will reveal the thrilling ending of this film's plot

It said Cool country you've got there Would be a shame if someone invented a website for ranking hot girls on campus and your mum used it to learn how to poison herself with horse paste What? I don't know if I get all the references of that for ranking hot girls on campus and your mum used it to learn how to poison herself with horse paste. What?

I don't know if I get all the references of that. I feel like I got two out of five. Basically, it's just talking about how Facebook is responsible for the demise of the American empire. Cool. Yeah. You know, Mike Zuckerberg gets a lot of credit for a lot of things, but he doesn't often get credit for that.

And I think it's about time that leftists stood up and defended our boy. Defended our boy? Mark Zuckerberg. Yeah. Who else could have single-handedly taken down the dastardly American empire? I see. Yeah. Good on you,

Mark. So look, here's what happens in the end. This is fucked up. The guy who was getting out of jail gets out of jail comes and visits jesse when she's at work by herself genuinely terrifying scary very scary she's very scared and suddenly you're like why is this porno putting a protagonist in imminent physical danger and this is after the movie has done a lot of flirting with physical violence in

the form of the rough sex uh that some of the characters engage in as well which you know um it's not my particular cup of tea but if it was i think there's there's a bit of permission structure that needs to go into it that this film did not exactly uh elucidate on much anyway he shows up the bad man and then um the bad man's like hey listen the reason i'm here is i wanted to apologize and she's like what he's like yeah i said some mean things to you in the courtroom and i wanted to come here in person to apologize and she's like but you've been threatening my life and he says what do you mean and then the boyfriend shows up and the boyfriend's like, criminal man. Oh, no. And so he starts punching the shit out of him, lays him out.

And then Jesse's like, no, wait, he's a goodie. He came here to apologize. And then everyone's like, well, then why? Who made the threats? And then he's like, I made the threats. And then everybody appears. Emmanuel, the DA. Yeah, they tore him.

Some fucking cops. Borrowed from Scooby-Doo quite heavily at this point in the storytelling. It's fucking madness. And then he, so the boyfriend who is now revealed to be the baddie who's actually been sending the death threats to his own girlfriend, which is like a very fucked up thing for the movie to just, you know, throw out there especially at the end maybe maybe maybe fun in an actual movie that is competently told and

properly researched yeah to the to the level of like the talented mr ripley sort of they had a go at a twist good on them i guess um but it was it's difficult hand It's difficult to masturbate to a twist It's distracting It's difficult to masturbate to a lot of this Okay so this is all going on So the Scooby Doo gang have arrived And then they all are like Oh my god are you okay Jesse are you sure

Yeah yeah I'm okay So a thing that we forgot to mention is Jesse's also got a crush on a different one of her clients Who is for some reason in the film. And then he is also part of the Scooby gang. You mean Russell Wilson? Yeah, Russell. Yeah.

He's the guy who's – I mean, he's been accused of murder, but she can't actually engage with that. She's like – Was that the murder of Anna? Yes. That's him. Oh, man. Okay.

But then was Anna also – Okay, so this is when the movie just goes completely off the rails because the whole time there's this woman called anna who's disappeared and at the end they're like nah so the other thing is that jesse is also anna and at that point you sort of just like it didn't they literally say because i think emmanuel is the one who oh no jesse might have bring, one of those two women brings it up and it's like, no, no, I'm Anna. Don't worry. I'll tell you about it later. And then that's all they do.

They say, I'll tell you about it later. And you're sitting, I'm saying, tell us about it now. Some of us have to podcast this experience really soon. But yeah, this guy, Russell Wilson, everyone keeps talking about how hot this client russell wilson is he is the most poorly dressed hungover frat boy of an actor there's two things i love about the emmanuel franchise number one is their insistence on overdubbing footsteps i don't know what it's a metaphor for i don't know why they do it but at

this point we must have gone through different sound editors who have picked this up as a specific trope of the series that needs to be respected and honored in every chapter of it the second thing is their insistence of scripting all these characters describing characters as otherworldly sexy and then they turn up and they're like, this is an incredibly average looking person. Also, this movie is very pointedly set in Los Angeles. This guy is average looking by New Zealand standards. In Los Angeles, he'd be lucky if he was allowed to rent an apartment.

This guy is big shit. Yeah. He sucks. He absolutely sucks. Okay. So we'll finish off the movie. All of this has gone on. Jesse is now safe, but obviously very traumatized.

Jesse slash Anna. Yeah. Probably going to be disbarred because of, you know, an undiagnosed and now recently discovered split personality, perhaps. Yeah, I guess so. So then everybody leaves except for two people. Client man, who she's got a crush on, and who we formerly thought was the baddie,

who's the guy who just got out of jail. Is his name Jack? No. Oh, fuck. I can't remember. I can't get there. I can't get there. Sorry.

So we'll call him Jack. So hot client guy and Jessie start hooking up because Emmanuel's like, are you sure? Everyone says to Jessie, are you sure you're okay? She's like, I think so. They're like, okay, great. Bye. I don't need to be told again.

I don't want to be here either. And then Emmanuel is like, hey, you only live once. She says, go for it, girl. And she leaves. And so then Jessie and the client start hooking up right there and then, moments after a near-death crisis and just finding out that her boyfriend's been threatening her life and slashing her tires does different things to different people but that's not even the fucked up but the fucked up it is they kind of play this scene for laughs in a

way because the criminal guy got out of jail is just behind them the whole time while they're hooking up and then he's like and she's like oh yeah sorry i forgot you were here and then he goes don't worry i'm used to being invisible and walks out of the scene which i guess is a reference to his time in jail where he had to like mind his business for fear of getting shanked or something or a reference to the fact that perhaps he has the power to turn invisible and belongs in a different movie franchise. It's entirely possible to quote a great podcaster. How would you feel about a soft core porno with an invisible man as the protagonist? Well, it's all about tone, isn't it?

Because it's a funny idea to me as long as you kind of lean into the comedy of what it would look like. I could see that working. I think that'd be great. In fact, this is almost picture porno territory. I'm kind of loathe to get into this before we get our regular guests. Did somebody say picture porno? I sure did. George Lazenby, just in the nick of time.

Yes, I'm just outside your window in a mask. That's very good. Thank you for socially distancing yourself. I'm glad that you've got a microphone, though. That's important. Yes, yes, I'm recording my own audio offline. I'll send it to you in an email, and you can mix all the files together. Perfect.

Appreciate that. George, we were just discussing, Guy brought up a pretty cool premise for a potential pornographic film. Guy Montgomery, do you want to maybe dwell on this? I'll begin it. I had an idea that I think

you'll be interested in, Tim and I could both espouse on. Can I also espouse? Yeah, sure, George. you can also a spouse uh basically it's about a guy who can turn invisible and he's in a porno i'm listening uh and i i don't really that's where we got to that's where we got to i think there might be a kevin bacon version of the invisible man where this kind of happens but it gets real dark i haven't seen it but i've heard about it I think there might be a Kevin Bacon Version of The Invisible Man Where this kind of happens

But it gets real dark I haven't seen it but I've heard about it The movie gets dark Yeah like he I think Starts like watching people And jerking off maybe because he's invisible Okay Well if the movie already exists

Why am I commissioning it That's a good question, George Lazenby. This is a sequel. Yes. Is Kevin Bacon in it? No, not this time. Present day? This time it's starring, have you heard of Timothy Oliphant?

He's on Conan all the time and he's um he what's his show oh he was in a weird zombie show i can't remember the name of with drew barrymore that was on netflix which was really fun oh uh yeah i kind of i kind of remember he kind of pops up in a lot of things oh that guy yeah yeah yeah yeah. Yeah, yeah. The Santa Clarita Diet. Yeah. That's the one. That's the series. Yeah, he's in the Santa Clarita Diet, which isn't a good touchstone, really.

What else is he in? I like that guy. He's got a good energy. He's in Fargo. He's in The Mandalorian. Pretty good career. Yeah. Apparently, he's in The Good Place as himself, which rocks.

Oh, he was in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. That's a great get. Anyway, this guy is fantastic. I love Timothy Olyphant. So you're telling me Timothy Olyphant has the power to turn invisible and he goes around watching people and masturbating. How much money do you want to make this movie? Because I am all the way in.

Not this time because it will just hold fire for a second. I can't. I'm so excited. The Kevin Bacon one worked tonally from what I hear because, you know, Kevin Bacon, his reputation of being able to pull off these dark, damaged characters. Yeah. Timothy Oliphant, he's a goofy guy.

He's a fun-loving dude. We want to keep it a little bit lighter. We don't want to have this dark edge to it that the first one had. In fact, this one is going to be a pornography slash romantic comedy. So this will be kind of like a combination of Hitch with Kevin Bacon's The Invisible Man. So Timothy Oliphant is invisible, and he also coaches men how to be more confident

in themselves around women. What he does is he's a relationship counselor. And so people come to him as a couple. Can they see him? They can at the time because he's able to turn it on and off at will. And so they don't know that he can turn invisible. So he has these consultations,

gets some information, and then part of the therapy is they sign a form, which no one ever really fully reads. But he outlines that his methods are a little unorthodox he may dig into their lives a little bit and uh you know really want to get all the details on their relationship and because he's so charming and trustworthy they're like yeah yeah that's all good so what they don't know is that timothy oliphant comes and visits you at home like a santa cause and turns invisible when you're having

sex and he watches to kind of like glean more information about your physical chemistry and then he brings that back into the sessions with them and he's able to diagnose people's relationships even more acutely

It's called the Christopher Hitchens Santa Claus Invisible Diet Okay Christopher Hitchens Santa Claus Invisible Diet. Okay. Christopher Hitchens? Yeah. What's he got to do with it? I don't know. He's got the word Hitch in his name. Okay, I am all the way in on this. Great. Alright, well that's

good. I mean, George Lazenby, do you know who Christopher Hitchens is? Okay, that's fine. We'll take the check. No worries. Let's not get into it. Hey, great to see you.

And I think that this movie is going to be one for the books. I can't wait to come to it. Okay, George. That'll do. Bye. Man. I've got high hopes for this movie. Sounds pretty rad.

Quite fun to have another guy in the room. Hey, great idea just pulling ideas from a few different places. We could do that with more stuff. That's how most movies in Hollywood get made, isn't it? It's like Alien. They were like, let's make Jurassic Park on a spaceship. Most movies in Hollywood get made by someone having a bag of, a big bag of cocaine

next to a computer screen with a list of movies that were made 25 years ago on Wikipedia in front of them. Man, do you want to know what made me want to do cocaine so much? Talking to me? The first hour of Boogie Nights. But do you want to know what made me not do cocaine every day? The second half of Booggy Nights. The final hour of Foggy Nights.

That movie's a real rollercoaster. You want a movie that's got pornographic elements with an actual story? Get that in you. Was it good? Yeah, man. It's a good film. I don't really understand who Paul Thomas Anderson is. I hear his name so much and I'm like,

I don't really know what all your movies are or what your vibe is. Have you seen any of the other movies he's made? What's his shtick? He's made There Will Be Blood. I haven't seen that. I haven't seen that either. Paul F. Tompkins is in there. He's got a great piece of stand-up comedy about it.

He made The Phantom Thread. He made Punch Drunk Love, the Adam Sandler film? Oh, shit. Him and Adam Sandler are buddies. And he's married to Maya Rudolph. Is he? Yeah. Fuck.

Oh, dude, I watched Grown Ups 2 the other day. What? Yeah. Why? Some guys asked me to be on their podcast and what was the prerequisite that i had to watch grown-ups too are you not already overqualified well i haven't watched it in a long time you see guy well i mean either i could find and listen to a podcast in which you talk about grown-ups too which feels totally counterintuitive and kind of gross to me.

Or you can tell me briefly how the experience was. Awful. Oh, really? And then, yeah, yeah. I've always thought maybe if I watched it again, I'd enjoy it. Well, it's hard to tease out what's lockdown and what's not. Yeah, fair. You know what I mean?

100%. But I couldn't say that i um enjoyed it per se i'm actually trying to find that this is really bad i can't find the name of the podcast to shout it out but it's like diminishing returns i think it's called nice great name for our podcast yeah big time hey um listen this movie sucks and i don't really want to talk about it that's totally fair enough what have you been doing i do want to discuss the footsteps thing with you though did you like did you notice it i'm less inclined to observe um audio fluctuations and like you know like unless they're very glaring and occasionally they are

like when the levels are off on stuff i i can notice but like i haven't noticed the through line in the emmanuel franchise or at least the emmanuel private collection franchise of um foot footsteps i guess it's like maybe it is a metaphor that represents hardcore pornography sneaking up in the background of the softcore genre maybe the footsteps represent step sibling porn come again i'm just saying maybe oh steps okay got it got it got it yeah uh yeah well you disagree what are you looking at you're fucking googling something yeah i'm trying to find the name of that podcast

because I feel bad for not being able to, you know. So you asked me a leading question while you look for the name of a podcast. Yeah. Absolutely. You wouldn't do this to me if I was in the room with you. That's fucking true, actually. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry about that. It's all right. What do you miss, Tim? Who are you missing? Oh, no i i feel like i should talk about this movie a little bit uh i made some notes oh great oh yeah she keeps talking about in her fantasy that there's a man there and she never like corrects the record on this but it's a woman with pantyhose on her head yeah what's that about there was a whole lot there

was some pantyhose cunnilingus, and then there was a woman masturbating with a telescope. Yes. But there wasn't a lot of fellas. And look, you don't need a fella to have a good time. I don't need to be the one to tell you that. It was kind of good and refreshing. All the dudes in these pornos suck, so I'm all for just making it a big woman fest.

But it was just kind of weird. Ally. Hashtag ally over here. That's me. You probably heard him and saw him come in. He's the guy wearing a, this is what a feminist looks like t-shirt. His name's Tim Batt and he's a fucking ally.

Shake his hand. Shake his hand. Say hello. Listen to his opinion. It was just confusing. It was another one of these points that's just left unexplained. It's like, I feel like it's just is left unexplained it's like i feel like it's fine but then do you discover she's a woman and then you're like oh maybe i'm

bisexual is that because that's a that's a character arc that's a journey that someone goes on so put that in the film but they didn't they just caused confusion among us the viewers tim what if instead of watching these emmanuel movies just while we're in this little lockdown we watched and discussed something that we enjoyed fuck off nah really disbarred really bad to use it we're so we're close to the finish line on this shit dude we're not far away from from clocking off the whole list of emmanuels we've set for ourselves i'm gonna read you the remaining emmanuels that's gonna make me feel ill that we have got on our list let me um bring it up now there are some emmanuels that were made that are not on this list that we're not gonna watch cool

that sounds great it's just that's just how the boys are doing it. In fact, guy, I'm going to take you on a journey. Let me read all the Emanuel's that we've watched so far. Okay. Emanuel. Emanuel two,

also known as Emanuel, the joys of a woman. Goodbye. Emanuel, also known as Emanuel three, Emanuel four, Emanuel five, Emanuel six, Emanuel seven. Boys of a Woman, Goodbye Emmanuel, also known as Emmanuel 3, Emmanuel 4, Emmanuel 5, Emmanuel 6, Emmanuel 7, Emmanuel Forever, Emmanuel's Love, Emmanuel's Magic, Emmanuel's Revenge, Emmanuel's Perfume, Emmanuel in Venice,

Emmanuel's Secret. Now we're in space. Emmanuel First Contact, also known as Emmanuel Queen of the Galaxy.'re in space. Emmanuel's first contact, also known as Emmanuel, Queen of the Galaxy. I miss space. I do miss space. Space was a good time. It was a good time. Emmanuel 2, A World of Desire. Emmanuel 3,

A Lesson in Love. Emmanuel 4, Concealed Fantasy. Emmanuel 5, A Time to Dream. Emmanuel 6, this is, when I say Emmanuel for this bit i mean emmanuel in space one final fling emmanuel in space seven the meaning of love now emmanuel 2000s emmanuel 2000 being emmanuel emmanuel 2000 emmanuel and the art of love em Emmanuel 2000, Emmanuel in Paradise. Emmanuel 2000, Jewel of Emmanuel.

Intimate Encounters. Emmanuel Sensual Pleasure. Emmanuel Pie. Emmanuel in Rio. Emmanuel Private Collection now. Sex Goddess. Emmanuel vs Dracula. Sex Talk.

The Six Lives of Ghosts. Sexual Spells. The Art of Ecstasy. And here today, Jessie's Secret Desires. Next up, it's the Emmanuel Through Time series, which features Emmanuel's Skin City, Emmanuel's Sexy Bite, Emmanuel Through Time, Sex Chocolate, and Emmanuel, Rod Steele, and Naked Agent 69 Sex Tales Emmanuel's Supernatural Sexual Activity

Emmanuel's Forbidden Pleasures That's it So we've got like I think 8 7 or 8 to go We're just going to watch the Emmanuel's through time And then we're done What have you learned

i do you know what this is probably hot off the back of watching boogie nights last night as well but predominantly because of the season that we're engaged in i now want to watch good porn oh i want to see what do people consider to be like a fantastic pornographic movie what is highly revered in the porn world do you are you do you mean porn or do you mean like a porn movie erotic films you want you want a movie that's designed to be jerked off to because boogie nights is not that uh no no no boogie nights is like a movie that's designed to be jerked off to because boogie nights is not that uh no no no boogie nights is like a movie about the porn industry or it's you know a depiction of the porn industry but it's not a porno the cast is fucking crazy in that movie don't tell me because i do want to watch it and i like when you watch these movies and you don't know the cast list. I love being surprised by like

young this person, young that person. You're going to love it. What have you learned, Guy? Let me change my tone. Hey Guy, what have you learned? I think I watch less porn i think

um i don't think i've learned anything i think this has been a punishing journey that has done nothing but take uh i think we've debased ourselves and we've generally lowered, like we are now, I would say, slightly more grotesque podcasters. I think we've put ourselves through the ringer and to what end? I think I've learned that we've made an error in judgment. I think I've learned that some things are best left in the past. I think I've learned that just because you came of age to a so-called porno film after midnight on an old Sky Dakota

as a boy of 13 staying up on a Friday night, that doesn't mean that you should base an entire series of podcasts around that same franchise of films. I've learned that as I've grown older, different things make me feel different ways. I've learned that, you know. Oh, hey, dude, there's someone behind you. No.

Just outside the window. You're scaring me. There's a guy. There's a guy with a big erect penis Just outside your window Oh it's George Oh I thought it was the other guy The boner inspector Oh yeah sorry he doesn't have a boner

George does I got them mixed up He's just walking by Oh okay Sometimes Sorry you were saying Sometimes George parades around the property and he undoes the top of his shirt so his bone is...

This is what I'm talking about. We didn't used to do this shit. Good God. Well, Guy, I think you might be right on all counts there. And honestly, I think it's fucking funny. might be right on all counts there and honestly i think it's fucking funny i think it's hilarious uh that we have slightly ruined our own show and tarnished our good names in the community and um i think that it speaks to you finding that funny does put me in a better mood i i i think it's brilliant because someone is also banging on the door what could be more... Someone is also banging on the door.

What could be more worst idea than, like, you get close to getting a good thing and then you break it. Like, I love that. I think that's fantastic. Hello? Oh, God. Hey, come on in. Come on in.

Find your inspector. It's nice to see you. I've got a cup of tea for you. Thank you. I'm slightly more subdued than usual. Oh, why is that? What's been going on with you? Well, it's been raining and I forgot to laminate my boner sheet. Oh, is that the bit of paper on your clipboard?

Yeah. You've got a boner sheet. My dart is ruined. Oh, man. I'm so sorry to hear this okay as long as neither of you had a boner today everything's fine no i i was so far from getting a boner did you say if as long as neither of us had a boner today then everything's all good yes big boner today huge big old big old boner today what are everything's all good. Yes. Big boner today. Huge, big old, big old boner today. What are you doing?

Coming out my underpants. Please, I'm having a hard enough time as it is. The last thing I need to hear is about someone having a big old boner. What can I tell you, man? Biggest boner you've ever seen in your fucking life. When write about it. This is rough stuff. This is a rough conversation to overhear. Boner Inspector, I'm so sorry. But Guy's got to tell you the truth, man. Well, I suppose if you had a big boner, I would just mentally file it away.

It won't go on my official record. God, you sound so listless. Yes. So lacking in love. I mean, life. Joie de vivre. I'm missing all of those things. Well, I've not been myself since I got banished from the podcast.

Well, I stand by my decision and I won't be guilt tripped on my show. I'm going to go walk into a creek. All right. Bye, Biner Inspector. I think that guy's, I think we shouldn't let him in anymore. And I didn't get a bone.

I was just lying to make him feel bad. I could tell. I don't know what's going on. I would have been shocked if you got um physically aroused during this movie i would be very concerned literally impossible so you're there was a lot of nudity and fucking though we'll say that yeah it's crazy you're telling me you don't like my idea of watching something fun and like enjoying each other's company um that feels like bonus content That is not Instead of That is as well as

Or to use Boolean logic And not or How many movies did you say we have to watch To be free from this? I don't know like seven I believe One series left Emmanuel through time That's not bad

I can't wait for you to be a parent and see how you feel about our self-flagellation. Our self-flagellation. I'll be so tired that I'll just be grumpy for two years. That'll become funny to me then when you use some of the precious time you have away from being a new dad to watch this final Emmanuel franchise, that will really get my rocks off.

I think that I'll probably – how will the timing go? There might be a couple of films left maybe. What? After the due date. What? So maybe I'll be watching pornography with my family. What better way to welcome your new son into the world than by sitting down with him

and watching some mid-2000s softcore pornography? 100%. Father of the year material over here. Absolutely. Let's end this podcast. I'm going to buy a big old mug, and I'm only going to give it to you after you've done that for the first time. Can you get a bespoke one that says world's best boner on it?

I'll get you one that has printing on both sides. On one side it says world's best dad and on the other side it says world's biggest boner. You know what would be great merch for us us but we have no ability to make i don't think you can like i don't know who would make these you know how you can get those ones that it changes when the temperature changes so when it's at room temperature it says world's best dad but then as soon as you put coffee or tea in it it says world's best boner. I love it. Just to fuck people up at the office. I love it.

I love it. All right. I love it. That's enough. And I love you. That's enough of the podcast for us. If you'd like to support us and get access to some bonus content, jump on our Patreon, patreon.com slash T-W-I-O-A-T.

Please do. Or if you go to worstideaofalltime.com, there's a little button where you can donate as well, which has become slightly more relevant because of the fact that Guy and I have been prevented from doing the thing we do for a living. Yeah. But also, if you want to check out the tour dates

for where I was going to go and when I was going to perform around New Zealand, visit my website, guymontgomery.co.nz. You'll see 19 of the bastards lined up in perfect order. Are you keeping them? For now, are you keeping the dates? I haven't done anything to cancel them. They're just sitting

there. You might be alright. No one who doesn't listen to this podcast knows that it's happening. Okay, cool. Well, luckily we've only got one libertarian listener to worry about there. You can imagine. They hate supporting the arts.

They also probably hate being in lockdown. You know what they're like. Dude, that person's not in lockdown. That's the funny thing. They should be, but they're not. We'll see you in the next episode where we start the exciting adventure, the final stretch of this marathon. That does actually feel pretty good hearing that.

Emmanuel through time. Until then, this is Tim Batt saying ta-ta. And this is Guy Montgomery saying auf Wiedersehen. Bye.