The Worst Idea Of All Time - 41: Emmanuelle and The Horny Ghosts

Episode Date: October 7, 2021

The beginning of this episode is lost to the sands of time but once the recorder started working Tim and Guy spent as long as humanly possible putting off talking about Emmanuelle Through Time: Emmanuelle's Supernatural Sexual Activity, as they both down a strong beer that Guy has bought each of them. It is revealed the fellaz have been cheating on the podcast by watching something called... good movies? Monty's also spent a lot of time looking up former All Blacks great Andrew Mehrtens on Wikipedia to find out if he's a father leading to speculation about how best to impose an overwhelming amount of pressure on Tim's new born son, Remy to be excellent at something.After thirty minutes, they finally get to talking turkey (porno) and agree that this film is an ABSOLUTE HIGHLIGHT of not just Emmanuelle Through Time but the entire Emmanuelle franchise so far. It is set in an astral plane possessed by all manner of overwhelmingly horny ghosts. The clarity of storytelling, comedic beats, accuracy of parody and horny sex scenes make for a very satisfying experience. George stops to cast a verdict on the latest Bond film and announce he is suing Walt Disney over the concept of merchandise.JOIN US ON FACEBOOK: (facebook.com/WorstIdeaOfAllTime)VISIT THE LITTLE EMPIRE PODCAST NETWORK: (littleempirepodcasts.com)MUSIC CREDIT: Tender Moonlight (facebook.com/TenderMoonlight)ART CREDIT: Tomas Cottle (sick-days.com) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

🎵 So, I might have been able to recover a bad quality of the audio from what just happened there, but my recorder stopped recording and I didn't notice for a little while. But we were having a very good conversation about age. Yeah. Do you have it in you to start the whole episode again? No. Okay.

Fair enough. Absolutely not. But can we move swiftly along to a beautiful gift that Guy Montgomery... Before we get to the gift, I had one other question. Oh, yes. Sorry. Well, you say that we watch these movies and discuss them to punish ourselves. I did say that in a version of the start, which may or may not have played in this episode.

See, I'm having real trouble understanding. But you've provided perfect context. Continue with the question. Okay. So the people listening, you just take your medicine. It arrives as it is and that's the worst idea experience. Fuck you.

So what was your question, Guy? It was about the way that you framed the podcast. Oh, yep, yep, yep, yep. And it came on the heels of you saying that we're in our early to mid-30s. And when you ran the two together while we sit here in our roughly 50th day of a pretty thick, girthy, state-mandated, health-conscious lockdown. Yeah, it's about getting skinny, getting trim.

That's right. Our prime minister has told us all to go into our houses until we meet a certain BMI threshold, and then we're all allowed out to go to our biggest summer music festival, Rhythm and Vines. We've all collectively been shredding for R&B. And then we can all revel and bask in the reflective glory of our collective health.

I don't know. I feel like BMI got debunked. All of that to say, when you put the information together in the context we're in, I hated it. Why do we do it? Why do we punish ourselves when we could enjoy ourselves? ourselves when we could enjoy ourselves well i've been watching movies recently because um look the real diehard worst idea uh heads will know this i've had a child recently which means uh in my particular circumstance staying up very late at night so that my darling wife can um escape having to secrete

breast milk momentarily and catch some shut eye. And I've been watching some movies, man. I've been watching all sorts of things. I saw Sicario last night. I haven't watched good movies in fucking years because of this goddamn podcast. And I finally feel like I've got this like opportunity where i i've i've got to be awake and i don't have enough like mental resource to be doing work during that time but i've got to kind of keep an eye on a thing and what you're putting a movie on is so perfect for

that and i'm going back to good movies man it's It's a breakthrough. I'm so happy to hear it. I've also, if the charge is having watched a good film recently, I also must plead guilty. And the thing about it is it's so transformative. Yes. What did you watch? It's a funny premise for an episode of our podcast, which is Tim and Guy discover movies. I feel like Robin Williams in the first Jumanji.

Like we've been doing this horse shit podcast format for like eight years now. We watch a good movie again and we're like, what year is it? Oh, man. and we're like, what year is it? Oh, man. Most recently I watched a film called The Kid Detective, which is like a 2020 movie starring Adam Brody. Adam Brody.

He was Seth Cohen in the OC. It's Adrian Brody with a moustache on who choked when he had to come up with a fake stage name. Almost. And it was enjoyable like i i i loved it um but then i was like it was my you know oh no i don't know what i'm saying here is my perception off like has this permanently damaged my um you know the way i consume movies. Let me answer your question with a question. Yes. I think, yeah, you can say it more emphatically. You can say yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. That movie was fun because it was tonally not confusing, but like it starts off kind of light and then it just keeps getting darker and darker and then it gets like really dark oh wait i know a little rabbit hole of a film a little rabbit hole of a film speaking of little rabbit holes of films guy and i today well i'm not sure when guy watched it i watched it earlier today

uh we watched it a sync asynchronous asynchronous asynchronously asynchronously. Asynchronously. We watched it at different times. We watched it at different times. But before we get to that, actually, shout out to our sponsor, A Gift Guy gave me. He spirited this to my doorstep. I did.

It is a delicious 8% alcohol beer made by the good folk in Wellington who go by the name Garage Project. They have not paid for this mention because I think alcohol advertising is illegal in New Zealand in certain circumstances. I don't know. What are the rules? There's some weird shit.

Maybe it's just you can't do giveaways, actually. Maybe that's the only thing. They definitely have ads on TV, radio And print media Sports fields Little League KFC They can't appear on bespoke podcasts

This is called Sunrise Valley Hazy IPA It's an opaque beer And it drinks like a juice And by the end of a can of it You feel like you've had two beers That's because guy A combination of the high alcoholic content Of 8% plus the fact that these are tall boys

How many mils are these suckers? I was thinking tall boys 440 Is this 440? Oh yeah it is 440 We get a princely total of 2.8 standard drinks. My God. When you get to the bottom of this ruthless bastard. And how do you enjoy that beer, Tim?

Because traditionally I don't think of you as an... Like, you'll venture out of your lagers and your pilsners, but I don't think of you as an especially adventurous beer drinker. First of all, fuck you. And secondly, I don't mind of you as an especially adventurous beer drinker. First of all, fuck you. And secondly, I don't mind a hazy IPA. I think everybody drinks them now, right? It's compulsory. It's like the only beer that exists in New Zealand.

This one's quite sweet, though. I think it's almost too sweet for like a big tall boy version. Too juicy. Yeah. I'm into it, though. Don't get me wrong. I appreciate the gift and it's a tasty beverage, but it's almost a honey kind of a taste and when you get to that 440th mil you're like

probably overdid it there see i i i dropped around um this beer because um i as as we've previously because you care about me i care about you i care about you and you're a good friend. I care about you. And also selfishly, I care about myself. And it is selfish to care about oneself. And it's important that everyone knows that. Self-care is entitlement manifest. And I have no time for it, except when it applies to me,

in which case it's very important i thought it would be nice amongst the drudgery of pouring the sort of ceaseless avalanche of pornography down our gullets i thought what if tim and i met up at a time drank the same beer together so we arrived at a similar frame of mind not necessarily in thought but an impairment and we just laid back shot the shit yeah brother talk a little porn but um just like hey did we watch an adult film today yeah yeah you may have crossed the radar no big deal but i just thought it'd be a nice like relaxed atmosphere in which we could catch up and spend some quality time because I'm missing my friends. I'm missing...

I would dropkick a kiwi to go to a bar right now. They're endangered. They're an endangered... They're our national bird. I would pick it up like I was Andrew Mertens. Yeah. And just fucking drop that sucker for two hours at the pub with my mates. Crazy you should mention Andrew Mertens.

I was on his Wikipedia page last night. Why? I was trying to find out if he had kids. What? I mean, the natural next question is why? He was like my boyhood hero growing up this is for internationalists this is a rugby union player one of our nation's greats he was 10 fly half or first five which is like sort of equivalent of the quarterback i suppose it's a very pivotal position some people call that position the pivot.

Anyway, I loved him. And then he was always really funny and cheeky. And he's got a few iconic moments on and off the pitch. And then now he's showing up. He's doing a lot of like sort of rugby opinion. He lives in Sydney and he writes for the Sydney Morning Herald and he's showing up in the commentary box. And I'm sort of like, this guy. Where's this guy? I love this guy. I need this guy in my life.

He had a TV appearance three or four years ago where he was visibly fucking hammered. That's possible. That's not outside of his wheelhouse. And I also loved him because he was so good at kicking and the attack component of the game, but he was also

reedy as hell and he was attack components of the game, but he was also like reedy as hell and he was afraid of tackling the other team's players and like it pissed off half the country, but everyone else was like, nah, nah, the other stuff makes it worthwhile and you just can't do that anymore. Anyway, and I was like, God damn, he keeps showing up. I know he lives in Sydney.

I think he works in finance. I don't know anything about his personal life. Not that I by rights should. No, no. Once you join the All Blacks, you have to be an open book for the rest of your life. You're subject to Official Information Act requests when you join the ABs. And so what are you going to do? You're going to fucking land on Google and you're going to look up Andrew Mertens.

You're going to his Wikipedia page. There's no personal life subparagraph section. So then you're going to look up Andrew Mertens, you're going to his Wikipedia page. There's no personal life subparagraph section. So then you're going to punch into a separate tab, does Andrew Mertens have children? And then you're going to find like, you know how there's Wikipedia and then every sport or TV show or like anything has this weird like sub-wiki,

which is like getting into the details. And I found that he's got two kids. He's got a son and a daughter. Yeah. He's got a wife. Do you know rough ages of the kids? No. But I would guess 15-ish, mid-teens, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And then there's a part of me that's always curious about whether or not the children of athletes are also going to get like, you know, I don't know what the percentages are, but if, if,

you know, if he has, if his daughter's going to get into rugby, if his son's going to get into rugby, I always think about Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf, two of the all time great tennis players. They are married with children. And I always think,

I wonder if those kids are going to play tennis or if they're just going to spurn it completely be like i don't want that it's a fucking big shadow to walk to the end of just to you know stand on my own two feet the amount of pressure that they would be entering just by picking up a racket to begin with and also andre agassi's fantastic autobiography open he talks a lot about the intense pressure his dad put the circumstance in which he came to playing tennis which was just absolutely harrowing and horrible, caused like pretty serious emotional damage to the boy in my opinion

anyway can I ask you this unless you're getting to somewhere in that specific cul-de-sac do you think anyone has achieved it like the highest levels? Because I'm thinking, I don't know, maybe Beyonce comes to mind, but I can't remember how that shakes out.

Who has just had kind of a, well, actually, no, it doesn't count for you. Who's had an okay upbringing, but just fucking killed it in their chosen field? Because I know her dad pushed her to a very intense level. He might not have been like bad about it in the way that the jackson's what was their dad what was his name i think he's still around actually i can't remember rent no randy was the brother but the dad was like a fucking he was cracking the whip from day one big style big time going so like do we have people in the worlds of sport, music,

who are, like, number one in their chosen field and their parents were okay? Surely, yes. I think you dig deep enough into anything, you'll probably, you know probably overturn some application of pressure at some point, which helped harden the resolve of these now super successful superstars to follow the trajectory with the intensity that they did. Do you think I should fuck up my kid in the pursuit of excellence

in some specific field? And if so, which field should we choose for little Remy? It's a great question, and it's one I'm glad you've asked. I think that obviously you absolutely should. It goes without saying. And I think this is a decision that we should make together. I think Zoe should be cut out. And I also think that when Zoe asks you about it and says,

hey, why do you keep pushing this on Remy? You say, I'm not pushing that on Remy. This is our secret. And I think... I would like something musical, to be honest. I've been telling Zoe a lot that I'm going to get him into piano at the earliest possible opportunity because I think that's a good base to learn your music theory.

Yeah, and it's important Remy gets the theory. Yes. I think, here's what I think. I love the music angle. I think that you get Remy into music theory exclusively. I think you force Remy to read every musical theory book there is, to learn how to read music, to learn all of the instruments, and you never let that boy pick a single one up.

That sucks, dude. This is a concept in philosophy called, from memory, qualia. Have you heard of that before? No. Have you heard of that before? No. Qualia is the property of knowing something through experiential knowledge. So there's a thought experiment, and I can't remember what it's called,

but it's someone's room, so let's call her Sally. I might be mixing a couple different things. That's okay. Let's get into Sally's room. Sally. I might be mixing a couple different things. That's okay. Let's get into Sally's room. So Sally is a scientist who knows everything there is to know about the color green. She knows exactly where it is on the color spectrum,

what wave it comprises in the light fucking thing. She knows exactly everything about green. Great. Everything there is to know academically. I love it. But she's never seen the color green. Oh, what? She's never seen it.

So, like, does she actually know what green is? I think I've completely butchered that. But this is roughly what what the explanation of qualia is you know what if if i mean if this isn't qualia then congratulations because you've created an equally fascinating subset of philosophy uh yeah well there's two answers aren't there because on one hand obviously yes no one knows more about green but on the other hand a three-year-old who is looking at grass knows more about green than sally exactly man and then that that shit really makes you think it does have you been doing much thinking um i don't think so i think i crammed too tooam too much YouTube videos into my brain to do any thinking.

I see. Do you ever leave YouTube feeling richer for the experience? I literally almost always do, yes. That sounds like learning at least. Yeah, it's because I am. That's like mainly what I use YouTube for. Who's choosing your videos? Is it Tim or the algorithm?

Well, I think I've almost trained the algorithm to the point now. It is serving me up shit. It's an algorithm. Yes, a Tim-ger-hythm. Mine was better. It doesn't quite work. Yeah, it was. And it wasn't very good.

How about you? You just click on there. I remember when that change happened, and it is outrageous to think that we've normalized it and very terrifying. It changed from a search engine where it was like, guys, everyone's putting videos up on this thing, so you just type something in that you want to see,

and it will come up. You want to see a guy get hit by a car but just in a comical way where he gets up and he's fine that's fucking just google that and then the youtube video will come up and now it's like hello we may as well get rid of the search bar because we've got every single fucking piece of data on you yeah and we reckon we've got a pretty good idea about exactly what you want to see right absolutely it's youtube's sort of like gone minority report it's like you look like you're thinking about watching a snuff film what if we gave you one now the true crime of that right is i think the algorithm is incredibly geared towards giving you recent videos but youtube's been around

for about 15 years now. There's a lot of stuff that's older than two weeks on there that no one will ever see now. Well, it gives and it takes, doesn't it? Because the beauty of it is it's your tube. Anyone can put a video up there. That doesn't mean anyone's going to fucking watch it. It's true.

I reckon, I think I actually saw saw once i looked over your shoulder and um the guy the rhythm see it doesn't quite work the alga guy doesn't really sound right alga rhythm that's what algorithm i like that it sounds like an algorithm for algae though for your one your youtube page was just like absolutely lousy with sports highlights yeah i like i think wall to wall i'm a simple man uh and the big lockdown last year i think i've spoken about this before i was actually quite proud this was when like the entire world was shut down and so to distract my pathetic little excuse for a brain from the state of events, I was watching historical sports events that I didn't know the outcomes of. I was watching, you know, like the I was watching like the 10K from the, I don't know, 1992 Olympics.

Wow. And I was like, you know, traipsing all across YouTube watching these old sports. That is brilliant. You're watching these huge sporting moments with the same knowledge that they had as if it was live. You're a live member of the audience watching in real time, but it happened like 30 years ago.

Absolutely. That's so cool. Yeah. And I was very proud that at one point I got my entire YouTube algorithm to be exclusively, like there was nothing that wasn't sports. And at one point I even got it so concentrated that it was nothing but cricket. As far as you could scroll down the front page of my YouTube algorithm,

all they were showing me were cricket videos. And do you know what i do with that information tim do you know what i do with all that cricket i watch nothing nothing no that's not true mate because i think you enjoy it i do that but you know how many like articles i read about sports i don't watch what am i filling my brain with that's fucking awesome dude just it's called it's called living your best life it's just so I can have like half a conversation With a guy I barely know at a barbecue Which isn't even fucking legal anymore

Nah mate I don't like this I really object to this denigrating language I don't like you even Comically referring to your intellect as small I don't appreciate this Downgrading of your passion As some sort of Flim flam That's actually the some sort of flim flam.

That's actually the wrong use of flim flam, I think. Flim flam's a scam, as I understand it, but like a waste of time. You're getting on there. You're enjoying yourself. That's never a waste of time. That's true. I am enjoying myself. Fuck you, dude.

It was sunny in Auckland today, Tim. Was it sunny while you watched our pornographic movie I went to the park Emmanuel through time I went to a park I've named The big boy park because There's this park near Guy and I Because we live quite close together now because I moved

And there's a big boy there A big Boy He's like a statue of sorts But not stone It's like a statue of sorts but not stone it's like some sort of glossy material and he's big

he's a big boy it's a sculpture I believe yeah that's the word I was looking for unless they've frozen and cast a very big boy it could be huge boy though how tall do you reckon that boy is is he like two and a half metres a very big boy. It could be. Huge boy though. How tall do you reckon that boy is?

Is he like two and a half metres? Two and a half? You're out of your fucking mind. He's like ten. No, metres. Yeah, he's like ten metres tall. No, he's not.

Are you talking about the He's taller than two and a half. Are you talking about the guy on the corner of Dominion and Balmoral? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, man. He's not ten 2.5 He's taller than the guy on the corner of Dominion And Balmoral Yeah man It's not 10 A person is 2 metres tall

Yeah you're right But it's like 4 He's taller than 2 people He's at least 6 metres No I don't think he wouldn't make 6 I don't know how we find this out we will find it out and we'll both pick a number yes sick as well can i well i i mean look i said two and a half originally and it was stupid and i said you called me on it correctly most extreme guesses were two

and a half and ten honestly i reckon four hand on heart so okay and i just i disagree and i'm going to find it out for you but before we do that you you get to pick a secondary number so as you were six no if it's not 10 it's eight okay sorry are you doing the research or am i uh not me that's for sure okay well i was gonna say It was a very beautiful day And I was going to ask if it was sunny while you watched your porn But then you were saying you went to the park with the big boy So continue Oh no, Guy?

I'm here Oh, sorry, I changed out of the window And it delayed for a second I'm just basically trying to pot off Talking about the movie for as long as humanly possible I want to get a new record on the board for how long it takes for us to get to the film.

Well, you went to the Big Boy Park and do you know how tall the Big Boy is? How tall? Okay, first of all, guess the name of the sculpture. Big Boy. Close. The word boy is in the sculpture. It's called Boy Walking. Okay? The word boy is in the sculpture. It's called boy walking.

Okay. And the boy is 5.6 meters tall. Congratulations, Tim. You should have gone to six. No. I think even though you had the more accurate secondary guess, I think that the initial instincts, they speak volumes. more accurate secondary guess i think that the initial instincts um they speak volumes 5.6 meters is such a um it's a terrifying height because he's been built in a hyper realistic fashion so you get

there and you're like this this looks like a real boy it's not so big that it's like a theme park style thing where kind of all i can see in my field of vision is the leg and then I look up and there's a head up there. So I can see this whole boy, but this boy would fucking waste me if he wanted to, easily. Yeah. Kick me aside. He could just break the shackles of being fixed to the ground where he is

and that glossy big boy could take a stride towards Tim Bat. It's quite scary. When you went to the park, were you with child? Without child? We went as a team. Dog, baby, wife, husband. Holy shit. All there. The whole unit. A picture of

domestic bliss. And was it a blissful experience? It was, apart from the fact that we seem to be the only ones who respect wearing masks. That is the case across all of Auckland. But at any rate, we won't dwell on that. Is it time

dear Guy, dear co-host, to finally lay bare our thoughts and experiences of this film? No, because according to my recorder, we've been discussing anything else for 29 minutes. And if we didn't broach the 30th minute, I would be disappointed in both of us.

Righto. Hey, well, how was your happy birthday? Let me take this opportunity to say happy birthday for three days ago. Thank you. Yeah, I am officially in my early to mid 30s still. you yeah i am officially in my early to mid 30s still i turned 33 and i had a fantastic day carefully and lovingly curated by chelsea um it was a day of much merriment and celebration i felt loved it was the most i've embraced a birthday in a long time I think there's something to be said for having a birthday in the midst of a lockdown

I usually sort of instinctively downplay my birthday this is just another day but to break up the monotony of a lockdown I was sort of like that's my birthday and that's going to be my fucking birthday you know

I really like I made it as decadent as I could. That rules. And now I feel bad for not getting you a present on the day, but it sounds like you had a fantastic day. Dude, don't sweat it at all. I had an incredible day. I'm going to get you something cool, though.

Honestly, Tim, when we get out of here, if you just agree to meet up with me face to face, that is the only person I need One day guy, one day our communist prime minister will let her guard down and we'll all

escape our houses Emmanuel through time Emmanuel's supernatural sexual activity the set is the title of the franchise and the subtitle of the film the sixth of seven films that we have refused to watch sequentially for accidental and uh just difficult some of them are difficult to find reasons it's actually a gross disservice to this movie that we have taken 30 minutes to round the corner and start discussing it because this was undeniably my favorite of the series so far they found a theme and they ran with it and they fulfilled all of the tropes quite accurately uh like it was cohesive pretty much from start to finish the entire thing made sense and there was a lot of

fun and games in there and also possibly the raunchiest of all the emmanuel through times as well um yes queen it was i mean the premise is is and remains comical like laughable even but then like a dog with a bone the sort of seriousness in the the um the proper way in which they address it i mean that they they really did a they did a credit to sort of like supernatural. Is it science fiction? Not really. Thrillers. What are they called? They're not horror movies.

They're supernatural films. They laid out the rules of the astral plane that this movie was set in pretty clearly at the top top and they abided them look, can I enter into a blow by blow for the plot is that ok is that acceptable because can I say this I 100% agree with you

this movie fucking rocked like undeniably the best of the series really top 5 of all the Emanuels we've seen, I think. Wow, high praise. Top five, definitely, I'd say. There's probably an Emanuel in space.

My memory's not good enough to rank them on the fly or remember any of them in particular. I think the first Emanuel in space was outstanding. Yeah, true that. So there's going to be some others that might not allow it into the top three position but it's very close this was this was really good so we're on the blimp the emmanuel.tv broadcast blimp there's a storm so they just the storm is so severe and so bad that they are grasping at straws to figure out how to get through this they go someone floats the idea we got to do one of those wormhole world hopping things

that we do sometimes. A little bit of apprehension among the crew because this is a dangerous maneuver to do in such a huge storm. They do it anyway. To generate this amount of energy, as we have laid out in previous episodes, you've got to juice that fuck generator up something fierce. Basically, the only way this blimp will survive

is if these scientists can become horny enough and perform with enough sexual stamina to fuck their way through it. There's only one way out of this storm. My dick and your vagina. That's right. And while I'm sure they would be able to do that without performance-enhancing drugs,

they decide to take some orgasm chocolate, which is a chocolate which seemingly, upon consumption, lands you in the middle of an orgasm. And for chocoholics, I think there's a word for that, and it's called chocolate. But for these guys, it's crazy. They eat the chocolate and they immediately start cumming. And part of me-

Well, they fuck each other. They don't immediately like- Well, no, but they start making orgasm noises. Yeah, yeah, because they're getting hyper-aroused, but it's not like they eat the chocolate and come on the spot. Don't get me wrong, folks. They fuck. You better believe these two scientists, bum-bugglies.

Why wouldn't you call it arousal chocolate then? Because orgasm chocolate would suggest that upon consumption you cum. Yeah, man. Yep, I'm with you. I don't even remember them calling it orgasm chocolate i remember them describing it as emmanuel's special chocolate it's not just used it's they do call it that because it's not just used orgasm chocolate doesn't just appear at the start of the film it's sort of chekhov's orgasm chocolate because it's reintroduced later yes that's what that

means so that look we're dwelling on the first 10 minutes of the film, but we've got a redhead who's then having sex with a guy in her dream. Oh, wait, so they enter the wormhole. Then they're through. Now, this movie – sorry, you go. Well, they are. They're through, but they don't know where they've landed. And it's like they haven't pushed all the way through the wormhole into – like they haven't time traveled

in the traditional sense that they pursue they sort of landed in a some sort of nether realm and in between an astral plane so this film made a fantastic decision this is like film school 101 but i mean it speaks to the quality of the other ones that I was so impressed by this. When they are on the astral plane, everything is pink tinted. This is a very easy thing to do in the edit. Little, little latch on there. It's a pretty much one click away,

but they kept it consistently going. So you knew when they were operating at this astral plane. So they get there and they're like at this astral plane so they get there and they're like this blimp is out of juice we don't understand how it hasn't crash landed into the ground we're floating about in this foreign environment everything's pink we don't quite know what's going on um i then it starts a great instance sorry i was gonnaire I think it's a great instance sorry I was just going to say I think it's a great instance of a movie embracing its limitations or its

budgetary limitations or like its storytelling limitations and sort of effectively taking ownership of that and actually like this is ancillary to the thrust of the main conversation but I think it's something that like low budget productions all need to learn to do well to the thrust of the main conversation, but I think it's something that low-budget productions

all need to learn to do well and something that sometimes New Zealand productions suffer from. It's like if you don't have a lot of money to make the thing, that's okay, but embrace that. Don't try and make it look like it costs a lot of money because that's when you land in the middle ground and you're in no man's land. And the decision to really put that pink hue over everything be like hey we're in the astral plane listen we'll do you a solid we're gonna make everything pink in the astral

plane but in exchange you will never see a light stand or unedited green screen in the whole picture what about that and it honestly as much as I love the sort of, the comedic value, like both intended and unintended of breaking the fourth wall and showing us that they're making a movie within the movie that we're watching that isn't about making a movie, to just have a movie which was set in the same world and asked me to suspend my disbelief in the same place

for the entirety of it made such a difference. I was along for the journey. So we're in the astral plane now, and the redhead is having sex with the guy in her dream, or so she thinks. But then Emmanuelle walks into the room, and she wakes up. She's like, i was having a dream about this guy but emmanuel has seen him anyway it transpires this fucking guy's a goddamn ghost he's fucking dead he's a spirit everybody it's the craziest thing so he gets very surprised that emmanuel can even see him he's like whoa i

was just having sex with one of your crew members but you can see me too that's weird anyway i'm gonna phase through a wall see ya it's it's an interesting like because we're on an astral plane they set the terms and conditions of what these ghosts can and can't do and these ghosts can fuck i mean every single ghost in this astral plane is as horny as the most horny person you've met in your life. Which is such a fucking good premise for a porno. Guess what? Ghosts are real and they are DTF 24-7. It just makes it all so simple, so clear.

If you see a ghost in this movie, look out, because all they're thinking about is how to get their end away like it's all they want to do it's brilliant it's so brilliant that i mean this was you know a career highlight for a lot of people in the famous movie ghost which described the terms and conditions of being a ghost with patrick swayze which is that you die and then you become incredibly horny and you have to possess living people's bodies to achieve orgasm. Yeah. But these ghosts, like, you know, sometimes ghosts in TV shows and movies, they can't actually physically impact the people around them.

Like, it might feel chilly or if you walk through a ghost or a ghost goes through you, you get a shiver or whatever. But in this movie, they can physically manipulate you. And by physically manipulate you, I mean they can fuck your brains out. Can and do. You're not just going to get goosebumps if a ghost passes through you in this astral plane. If a ghost comes near you, they're going to wrap their mouth

around your genitalia and they're not going to let go until you come in their mouth. Just like in Ghostbusters 1 with Dan Aykroyd's character. See, this is pulling a lot of threads from a lot of different films. The one that it borrows the most from is Paranormal Activity because they say the words Paranormal Activity and then start playing out a scene exactly as paranormal activity is shot with the security cam footage and i was just like you guys are fucking nailing it this is great this is a movie that they put in the middle of the movie and it was probably the most fun part of the entire thing you have i said it's established with the security camera footage it's a couple lying in bed and there's a video camera on them,

which we are to assume they've set up because they've noticed that there's something weird happening in the room and they suspect there's a spirit, but they don't have any evidence and they want to capture footage of a duvet being removed or a door being opened and closed while they sleep. And so they do that. And then Emmanuel and Mandy, who is the woman who, she's like the spirit medium.

I don't know what is her job on the spaceship. She's a witch. Well, yeah, she's a medium. She communicates with the- And by spaceship, I do mean time-travelling blimp. I apologise for all my blimp heads out there. Blimp boys, put your hands up for the blimp boys. Yeah, blimp boys, let's hear it in the comments.

Smash that like button Like and subscribe But basically in the astral plane They get into like a meditation And their spirits leave their body So they're both sitting cross legged in a bedroom On the blimp and their spirits leave And then they start just fucking roaming around

Astral projection This is a real thing That I have done They go and visit this couple who are filming. I don't know what their purpose for going to that place specifically is. It's just sort of circumstantial coincidence, right? They just arrived there. I seem to remember they were looking for something, but I can't remember what that thing was.

Or maybe they were fucking around. Maybe it was like the ghost came and was like, you can do this too. Yeah. Or the medium was. What's the medium's name again? The witch? Mandy.

Mandy the witch. She was like, people can do this. Your spirit can leave your body. You can just fucking fly around the world. And Emmanuel was like, what, really? That's right, yeah. Because then they have this incredible montage scene of stock footage and real hokey generic ADR. So good.

They're flying over sort of like they've just cropped out the watermark of footage of Rome and New York and mountains, and you can hear them. And it's like when they did the ADR, they didn't know what footage it was going to be matched to. And so they're just flying over these incredible vistas, and they're going, wow, look at that. Incredible.

Oh, my God. And then for whatever reason, after all these amazing places, the place they actually zero in on and land is a domestic bedroom that is being suspected of being haunted by a ghost. So they land in a situation where there's a video camera set up on a very boring or normal domestic couple who suspect there's a spirit in the room and they get in there and obviously the couple they can't see any of the ghosts but emmanuel and mandy they can see if there's a ghost there and there is a very dweeby virginal ghost who got hit by a car like

the night before he was told he was allowed to go to second base with his crush yeah and then he was in a coma for two years which i do not even know why they introduced that very like depressing factor it was like yeah i got hit by i thought he fell downstairs i can't remember what the ensuing incident was it was unfortunate the way it was a happenstance and then he was like yeah then i was in a coma for two years and then i died it's like what why write the coma bit and just get killed by the car this is a porno for god's sake i'm trying to masturbate here sir i thought it was very important for the verisimilitude of the film that we knew that it wasn't fatal on impact, that he did spend some time in between worlds. And his mum, as articulated in the movie,

his mum was the one who chose to turn the life support off. Yeah. Yeah, it was real. And maybe it was the fleshing out of this character. I don't know if that's a pun when you're referring to being on the ethereal realm. It can or it can't be Tim use his choice however

this guy was great he was a pretty good comic actor they gave him a lot of material to work with if we're judging this by the normal Emmanuel field and he fucking crushed it.

Yeah. This was a sympathetic character, but he was also a cartoonishly virginal, classic nerd character from an American film. And so he was on a quest to basically get his cherry popped so that he could, you know, fulfill his unfinished business. So the domestic couple, the man and the the woman who are filming themselves sleeping because they suspect there was a spirit in the house that woman was his crush and he would not rest until

i think he fucked her as a ghost as a ghost ghost, I think. Yeah, I think that's right. And it's a beautifully teased out, non-specific subplot where basically we spend the middle third of the movie just in this paranormal activity universe where this dorky virginal ghost wants to have sex with his old crush. Yeah, and the witch is trying to help him. And Emmanuel, to an extent the the woman that has the guy not the woman the man sorry her partner the guy that the has oh the guy who's

in the domestic couple who filmed themselves sleeping is just like he's the dregs of society he's a drop kick he's horny he's like he's a bona fide piece of shit and he kind of gets what's coming to him which is his partner gets absolutely obliterated to orgasm by ghosts and he kind of just lies by and watches it happen now everything we've said so far sort of looks and smells like a normal Emmanuel movie, albeit one that's on the higher caliber side of the whole gamut that we've watched across the last 40-odd films. Here is the twist that elevates this movie above 95% of all the other films in franchise. Donned with the title Emmanuel. While the ship. Sorry.

While the blimp witch. And Emmanuel. Have astrally projected. Their spirits to go visiting. The suburban scene. And help out this virgin ghost. Another different. Horny ghost.

From the ethereal plane. That the blimp is currently existing on. their bodies and takes Emmanuel's, because it is currently unoccupied. She's sitting there in a trance, empty state, cross-legged on the floor. Takes her body, pisses off, leaves the room, and starts boning every member of her crew on the blimp brilliant a breathtakingly choice piece of writing yes uh and for like uh for a franchise that is built around this character of emmanuel who is this overwhelmingly sexual and like alluring figure in the world of the films and like this emmanuel through time series she's almost been a um a narrative vessel who facilitates like basically pornographic parody or satire of different genres and like other characters are sort of having sex around her

there was something deeply satisfying about being like you know putting the ghost in the machine essentially and being like how are we going to get emmanuel to be the focal point of this film we're going to put a ghost in her body and she's going to walk around this blimp and she's just going to try and fuck anything that moves yeah she has sex with renee she has sex with jack she tries to have sex with colonel sanders and he won't have any of it because he's a military man and he has his head his head's on a squirt a swivel yeah he she tries to seduce him in his office and he's like not happening not happening sweetheart also another thing to remember is like there are ghosts coming in and out of people's bodies so this ghost

gets total control over emmanuel's bodies but there are ghosts who also just occupy a body momentarily for as long as it takes them to have sex with the nearest person and then finish. And it means that we get to see a lot of the actors in this movie do like body swap sort of Freaky Friday style performances where it's like, you know, Renee all of a sudden is not Renee as we we know her but she's some horny ghost which is i i mean i admit it's not a million miles away from the character of

renee but here's what makes it fun now she's horny and she has an eastern european accent and can i say fucking crushed it hell yeah are you Yeah, I can hear that. What's going on? Is that me? No, no. It's this sort of. Oh, is it the. I know what's happening. People outside your door.

They're outside my door. Well, they're outside the house. These people who put those speakers, they put like megaphones underneath their cars and then they play like 10 seconds of what I assume is like TikTok music. Now, this is the real turning point of us being 100 years old. I did. This is going to make me sound 120. I watched like half of a documentary about this subculture on Renews recently, and it fucking rules.

These dudes like do their own DIY sound systems up and just mount a speaker on a car or a bicycle and attach it to a whole power supply and figure the fucking thing out and then just play you know, it depends who it is, but often just the most

obnoxious 12 seconds of music through a suburb in the middle of the night and it rolls and they have big battles and uh i i live i mean we're close to each other i don't know if you're getting it up on your end the sandringham end of the night we are in the crosshairs of the subculture oh dude i can't i mean i'm a great sleeper i kind of love it it is it's it's like moderately annoying but it's just like it's kind of cool that was honestly i'm wearing noise cancelling headphones like that was the best sound system i've heard so far i got a fright when they came through loud and clear for me man that's fucking nuts i don't know if it'll get

picked up so well on the uh the microphone it didn't look like it didn't look like it was reading maybe a whisper anyway look this eastern european ghost that turns up midway like three quarter mark in the film provides a lot of fun opportunity for some accent work among this yeah plucky crew on emmanuel.tv to me that's the thing, it's just all the writing in this movie works perfectly because they're like okay, there's an Eastern European ghost on the blimp and it's going to go and everyone's going to get a turn doing the

accent. Yeah It's so good. Also this is the first movie where Ron Jeremy finally gets to have some sex Well, yeah, he kind of does They present it. So there is a spirit called Tori who's a very slutty ghost. Actually, if you want to hear about a slutty ghost,

you should Google Two Hearts slutty ghost. I don't know if it's online anywhere, but our friends made an incredible song about a slutty ghost. Oh, yeah. They perform as the musical comedy duo Too Hard. It's Laura Daniel and Joseph Moore. I think people will be familiar with them. Yeah.

The song's on Bandcamp. Oh, sick. It's so good. It cracks me up every time I hear it, which has been a surprisingly big number of times. Anywho, we've got this slutty ghost who walks out of the screen where she's haunting Ron Jeremy and fucks him.

But then someone walks into the room and they're like, hey, what are you doing? Why are you jacking off? And he's like, oh, god damn it. Actually, he says shit. And it's quite rare to get swear words in these films. It's real satisfying when someone swears.

And he gives a good shit. He goes, ah, shit. And then he says he had a wet dream. But before that, he had a moment which was also my shining light, which is when the ghost first comes in and starts seducing him. He goes, holy moly. That was your shining light? There's something about the way he said holy moly.

It really tickled me. Well, my shining light's going to be the oh i disconnected my shining light's going to be the way that he said oh shit because it was so naturalistic classic ron jeremy wow we're really hooking it up for ron jeremy today yep sure are there's just like everything just every decision they made in the writer's room for this emmanuel paid off it's like they they got down to basics they're like i guess i i think we should maybe look at this in terms of the hierarchy of needs for a film in the emmanuel through time series so obviously the first objective of this these films

is that there has to be sex in them yes and so they say okay this one they're in a world with ghosts all the ghosts are horny. The ghosts are trying to have sex with everyone. You've got your sex. Then basically you need your comedy beats. And so they say, okay, one of the ghosts is from Eastern Europe, and whenever she possesses the body of a different person, they do the Eastern European accent.

Bang. What are the other things that you you know we need a cohesive plot and they're like okay basically we already have established this blimp as a time traveling blimp that goes through wormholes when it goes through this wormhole gets trapped on the astral plane bang it's like it just felt like everything was very clear cut they made really like confident conscious decisions that as a viewer meant, these movies are pornos, but we're not necessarily watching them as such.

I have not tried masturbating to a single one of these movies, which frankly probably makes my opinion irrelevant. Well, it depends on the audience listening to these reviews, I guess. If you are looking for the most uh masturbatable emmanuel film then i'm so sorry to say you've probably come to the wrong place yeah and honestly i'd probably send you back to the 1970s now i would like to commend this film sort of just picking up on what guy's talking about here a little bit taking the ball and running with it in a slightly diagonal uh situation the moral of this movie because we've got all these scenarios where a ghost takes over

someone's body by possessing them, and then the ghost is very much enjoying their rockin' new bod. And so there's two morals of the story. Number one, ghosts are real and they're fuckin' horny. Number two, we're all fuckin' hot. But sometimes you've got to get outside your own perspective your own body to appreciate just how goddamn sexy you are absolutely it's kind of like that saying a change is as good as a holiday it's like you're probably hotter way hotter than you

think and you just don't appreciate how hot you are because you are with yourself all the time but everyone else just sees you briefly and they're like that person is fucking hot yeah it's like looking at your body from another person's body yeah you nailed it guy it's sexy um i don't know if we've got any time for guests but this would probably be about when I would expect them to turn up if they were gonna

oops oh it appears you've dropped something allow me to help you pick it up is that George Lazenby the one and only George how the fuck are you? Pretty fucking good

At the time of record We've just had a new James Bond movie come out Yes At least in the UK I saw it Did you? Yeah, yeah, I went to the cinema What did you think, George?

Could use more Lazenby Ah, that's been your critique of a lot of these James Bonds since the 70s. Yes, naturally. But I thought it was a noble farewell to Daniel, who is, well, he's a very sexy man. You got a bit of, you got the sweets for old Daniel Craig, eh? Big style, big time.

Lovely stuff. got the sweets for old daniel craig a big style big time lovely stuff um actually guy montgomery who's here is the co-host of this podcast we were recently uh on your webs well sort of not your website but your agent's website and um so that you we didn't realize that you had merchandise which is pretty cool for your outing as Bond. You've got to have merch. You don't have to have merch. That's the interesting thing about it. You actually don't. So Roger Moore, Sean Connery, Pierce Brosnan,

who am I missing here, Daniel Craig, none of those guys have Bond merch. Dalton's got merch. But interestingly- Dalton's got merch. Timothy Dalton. I don't know if he does. He's got merch. Look it up.

He's definitely got merch. He's got merch, big style. Is that where you took a leaf out of Timothy Dalton's book? He took it from mine and I sued him because it was my idea to have merch. So you're suing people not on infringing on the trademark of james bond but infringing on the trademark of being james bond and then doing merch oh it's not just bond i've got lawsuits with everyone who has licensed merchandise for any intellectual property anywhere in the world wow i don't know what

conversation you had with your representation but you did not come up with the idea of merchandise you wouldn't believe my luck but it turns out my manager is also a lawyer so they're taking care of all that and it's cheap is it yeah yeah i just actually up front i had to pay 50 000 us dollars i see it's not generally it's called a retainer. And then every hour they work, it's $1,000. And they're working around the clock. And I'm going to get a lot of the money back. It's not how managers and agents generally structure their fees. Guy and I actually, we were having a chat about it,

and we probably could have guessed that your representative was on the more economical side of things having viewed the website well it's not economical for me i can tell you i'm in ruins well yeah that's because you've got instead of a good agent you've got a shoddy lawyer as an agent no no no they were an agent first lawyer second anyway they assure me that as soon as some of these cases start coming through we're going to be rolling in dough. Okay, fantastic. So who are the big hitters that you've got in your crosshairs

that you're taking to court? Walt Disney. You've gone for the mouse. The mouse is in your crosshairs. So does it concern you at all that Disney now is sort of – I think they might be the biggest media company on planet Earth at this point. It doesn't concern me. It excites me.

Right. Because I guess that prize is all the bigger. Yeah. You're like the guy whose name I can't remember because I never read the book, Chasing After Moby Dick, the whale. Captain Nimoy? What's his name? Are you talking about moby dick yeah is his name ishmael oh yeah i think it is yeah yeah walt disney is my white whale yeah exactly um so you're pursuing litigation with them based on the concept that they do merch

At all Absolutely yeah Pretty fucking baller George Lazenby While you're here let me pitch you Can I pitch you a concept for a pornographic film Sure thing Wish you would With my friend Guy

So I want to pick up on a theme that we've seen Look there's an old saying in Hollywood Good artists borrow Great artists steal I want to pick up on a theme that we've seen. Look, there's an old saying in Hollywood, good artists borrow, great artists steal. Yeah, it's the fucking Walt Disney stole my idea for merch. Yeah, exactly. So you're very familiar with the concept. We have just seen an adult film that really- Did you come?

Didn't come, Got the juices flowing. We thought a really effective and great use of just like budget and cast and production, and it was horny as fuck. Here's the concept, George. Ghosts love to have sex with living people. I hope you're right because I'm going to die one day, but I don't plan on finishing fucking. You're going to fuck for all time. See, this appeals to men of a certain generation like yours.

The millennials, we're so tired. We're so tired of trying to find a house we can afford. No one's fucking in our generation, man. No one's having sex. It doesn't happen. Oh, that's a shame. You'd love it. Have you done it?

You better believe Gen Z aren't having sex. Baby boomers, they love to fuck, but they're very tied to a sort of experience which is limited to their physical time on this realm they have no belief in the great beyond or any sort of existence beyond their mortal beyond fantastic REM song

I'm a huge Michael Stipe guy that does not shock me to hear and you'll be happy to know that REM was my number one pick to feature as the soundtrack for this ghost, horny ghost film. Oh, I love that. And you're not going to believe this, George,

but I think I remember my first live concert. Holy shit. Are you serious? Yeah. Yeah, it was great. That's me in the corner. That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight. Yeah.

I can't remember the lyrics to that song. Losing your religion. Or life. But not desire to have sex with living people. So we've got a lot of ghosts. They want to fuck. We've got a lot of people. They're very confused but turned on by the ghosts. They want to fuck. We've got a lot of people.

They're very confused but turned on by the ghosts who are good at fucking. We sort of iron out the kinks as we go along. I'm figuring this is kind of like a UK office, Curb Your Enthusiasm style of thing, where we have loose ideas of where the scenes need to start and end, but we hire some talented players and then just let them sort of figure out in between okay what do you think rem is going to soundtrack the whole goddamn movie you had me at

rem i love it i mean wrap it up wrap it up with a bow sign me a check brother we're going to need a little bit of cash for this every single no other reason than clearing those rights to those songs every single rem chorus is the equivalent of edging for me as you know tim i i suffer from an undiagnosed medical condition which means i can't come and um behold into this painful exhausting erection but whenever i hear mich's type, my God, I get close. So to pair that with a pawn is a match made in heaven. Powerful stuff. George, it's great to see you. I'm glad you're into it.

I should be going. I understand you boys have been recording for a while. I'm expecting a check in the mail. Me too. I'm expecting a lot of checks in the mail. I just want to say. Yeah. Yeah, you go.

No, I was going to say, I'll tell you who else is expecting a check in the mail is my lawyer. You haven't paid him yet? Oh, I paid him everything I have up front, but he's still working on it, so I owe him more. Well, listen, brother, maybe if you sell enough t-shirts of that one time that you were bond and you sort of kept i do masks too you do covid masks yeah i'm a

big pro vax guy get vaccinated shit what a niche market to try and tap into i see a lot of people making a lot of money on the anti-vax market but you're going pro vax yeah i'm super pro vax i don't know if there's a lot of cash in there, to be honest, George. Well, there should be. Yeah, I agree. I totally agree. You and me both, huh? All right, mate.

See you later. I'm going to go and get vaccinated for the 15th time. Cool, man. Bye. Okay. I'll go now. Shall I go? Guy, can you maybe see George

yeah you can go okay I'm leaving bye okay still here Jesus no no

I think actually I think you're gone okay I think you're gone I think I see another guy who's just like who's just like he's just like coming in the back door but you left out the front door i don't know if that guy's coming in i think he is

i think i see him i think i see him knocking on the door right now boner inspector hello hey boner inspector how the fuck are you? Well, I'm pretty good. Just out working the beat. Working the beat, hoping to catch someone beating their meat. Okay. But before they come, because what I want to see is a boner. I don't want to see it. I don't want turgid time.

I don't want to see anyone after they've come. I know. I know. I know. In fact, nothing fills me with more shame than seeing a semi-erect penis on the way down. Is that too visceral? No, I just feel sorry for you. Yes, I know.

I feel bad about your situation in life. Well, it's not what I asked for, but it's what I got. And it's my lot. We have to play with the hand that we're dealt, I guess, don't we? We do. We do. Now, let me riddle you this. Did your cock get hard during the film?

By any respect, I hate to disappoint you again for like the 30-whateverth, seventh, eighth time. But it didn't. But can I say this? I feel like this is the kind of movie where it could have. Like if I was sort of watching for leisure rather than like a forced thing where I was taking some notes and I didn't particularly want to be there. It was a bright, sunny day. I was watching a

porno in the middle of a Saturday. You know, I feel like under the right circumstances, this is a great adult movie. There was a lot of very horny scenes. It's kind of something for everyone. Writing it all down is good to know. What about you, Montgomery?

Wimper of an erection. The suggestion of a stiffy. The beginnings of a boner. Yeah, probably maybe the beginnings, but nothing more. Like Tim said, it was not an unarousing film. But honestly, and this is not meant to disrespect you or the hard work you're doing. Hard?

Well, the aspirationally hard work you're doing. No, no, no. It was a double entendre. Yeah, okay. Because it's a boner. Oh, yes. That he's inspecting. We got it, Tim.

I just think at this point like and look we've got I think three more films to go so never say never and you never forgive yourself if you stop showing up and all of a sudden we've got a boner but like we are not watching these the way that they're meant to be watched and that highly decreases the chances

of a boner I appreciate your honesty the chances of a boner. Ah, I appreciate your honesty, albeit the 30-odd films down the line, but, you know, I hear you and I respect you. You know, we've all got our tools to hold and our jobs to pin down, and for me, that's trying to find a boner.

And for you, that's watching a porno while it would seem, stoically, never even approaching a boner. What's a boy, or in this case, three men to do? Perhaps we could try and give each other a boner right now no I think we need to end our operation

actually at this point sorry boner inspector we've been chatting for about an hour and ten minutes which is sort of approaching some sort of a record for this particular format. So I'm terribly sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to- Well, I don't care what you guys do.

I'm going to try and give myself a boner. Hey, and power to you, brother. Like, be the change you want to see in the world. You're a boner inspector. Maybe go out there, get a boner, take your pants off, have a look at it. Okay. Accomplished.

Sounds like a good idea. Fantastic. Thanks for the inspiration. Okay, see ya bye man one confused dude guy why did we never think of asking the boner inspector to go inspect his own boner this feels like a perfect solution i feel like it's sort of like tickling you know you can't tickle yourself you can't inspect your own body but he seemed excited yeah wow we'll see how it goes i'm sure we'll catch up in a future episode of this podcast guy it's cool to hang out with you man but i've heard uh my baby cry a couple of times and i feel like it's kind of rude for me to love all of this with zoe right now man. You got a life to live and I respect it. Great to catch up.

Thanks for listening. Thank you to everyone on Patreon. Thanks for the beer. Oh, dude, my pleasure. It was honestly a highlight of my day. And I can say that about doing this podcast very rarely. All right, folks. Love you, buddy.

We'll see you in the next one. Goodbye, Guy Montgomery. I love you buddy we'll see you in the next one goodbye guy montgomery i love you so long so long