The Worst Idea Of All Time - Ep07: American Bread

Episode Date: May 21, 2020

It's lucky number seven on the Home Alone 3 watches and Tim is not having fun. America has an incredible issue with their bread. The fellaz tuck into a new episode of Stuck With Stuckey, then discuss Beefhouse, Full House and ultimately Aunt Becky going to prison. Guy is very critical of the Chicken Pox make up on this film and Tim breaks down the budget for Home Alone 3.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

America has a massive bread problem. It is incredibly hard to track down high quality bread in that country. Hello and welcome to episode lucky number seven. Home Alone 3, Tim, Guy, Alex Pruitt, Alice Ribbons, Burton Jernigan, Earl Unger, Mr. Poupree. Bopree. Poupree. What's a... Popree. Popree. Mr. Poopray Bo-pray Po-pray What's uh Po-pourri Po-pourri Mr. Po-pourri

How do you spell Po-pourri Oh It's gotta be French No idea Which means I'm not even gonna attempt that I think

I think I've looked this up before P-O P Po-pour A R I think I've looked this up before P-O-P P-O-P-A P-O-P-A R-I P-O-P-A

I think it's like P-O-T P-O-U-R-R-I P-O-U-R-R-I That's fucked Should we resolve this right now? Probably yeah Leave it open i reckon

it's shroden is spelling at this point neither of us are wrong and both of us are i just checked one of us is right and he's called guy montgomery how the fuck about that um so i watched the movie in virtual reality. Well, it's not really virtual reality. It's with a VR headset, though. You went down to the cinema. Do you know, I already knew that. I was in correspondence with your wife.

I told her to send you that picture. I said, has he laughed? And she said, no. I laughed once. You want to know when it was? Yeah, yeah. It was an old shining light. Things are looking up.

Ah, yeah. And then he falls through the floor. That is a... That's nice. It's pretty impressive to be caught off guard by a piece of slapstick you've seen six times. Not caught off guard. It was almost recognition of my own appreciation of it previously

that made me laugh, which is devastating. Were there any moments, the inverse of that, where you didn't... Tim's taking out his frustration on the table, by the way. If you're wondering what that thudding sound is, it's Tim whacking the end of his cock against the podcast table. Yeah, sorry, I'll put that away. It's not kosher is it

uh um things that caught me off guard it's the attention to detail guy it's the little moments that the filmmakers have put in there that you don't notice um until you do like the fact that the crazy out maybe this is obvious actually maybe this is just me being a moron but the outfit that earl anger is wearing after he gets electricity coursing through him and it burns through his clothes, and after Burton Jernigan gets a lawnmower that's operating fall on him because he's pulled those shiny dance platform shoes down,

that's the outfit he's wearing. He's wearing those pants and those shoes, and he's somehow found the um the matching suit jacket for it it's a nice little example of um of hughes's fish in action where it's not something that they tease at the start of the movie and don't use later it's something that they introduce late in the movie and continue to use throughout the rest of the movie it's a no end it's the same it's like the cracker that uh mr popery has in his pocket you see him putting it in there earlier in the movie just like why even fucking bother to add that detail why do we why do we need the origin story of the cracker film critics wanted to call

uh hughes's fish uses cracker because the crack is so heavily used and implicated but the fact that it's actually followed through with later in the film rendered it moot unusable uh i i had a moment um where i and i haven't brought this up yet is it a shining light was yours a shining light no is the answer you can't recycle shining lights not around these ways also i want to say god willing you and i'll be watching this film fucking side saddle soon i um i'm looking forward to that that's all i wanted to say i hate your shining light it's like you got in what shining light vehicle but then it was out of gas or the battery had run flat or something i Start the engine up, baby. I checked the glove box and there was someone else's rubbish in there. Disgusting. No, my shining light was

a piece of equipment by Harvelyn Williams, of course, Alex's mum, another powerhouse from her, where Alex called the police the first time and she's come home and he explains what happened. She goes, and I called the police. And she's like, you called the police? And then they're standing out in the front of their property, and they're looking over where the police are arriving at the house over the road.

And Alex looks up at her, and she gives Alex a really warm, reassuring look that says, I'm here. Everything's going to be okay. I love you. You're my main priority no matter what. And it lasts for less than a second. Then he looks away, and she looks over at the action as well. And her face immediately shifts from, I've been holding it down for my son,

to quite noticeable concern. And I just thought, even though the shift is seismic enough that I've observed it, it's subtle enough that it really reads as a fantastic piece of acting and um a credit to harverland well done katherine o'hara o'hara that's a name katherine o'hara b diet light brand l-i-t-e i actually in turn uh i, I found it really frustrating moments later when the cop was explaining to her that calling the police is a serious business and you've got to take the police force seriously. And she is left to explain that Alex actually loves the police. And he was given a police set for Christmas last year and he really went to town on using it over his family. Not with real crimes of course but

just like people snoring etc etc that's a part of the movie that's really to me feeling like we don't need to be um we don't need to do that read anymore that line doesn't need to be in there anymore i here's why i like that bit because there's a couple that's one of the examples there's a couple a couple of bits in this movie that shows john hughes the writer of this film not the director the writer his blatant disregard for authority and need to mock the constabulary through cinema that speech yeah yeah exactly because it's um i think it's very funny because what she what she says is, she goes, oh, no, no, Alex does take the police seriously. And then launches into the spiel about him dressing up

like a little six-year-old police officer arresting the family. I like that angle. Eight-year-old. I, by the way, watched the first half hour. Yeah, yeah. Hey, hear me out. Hear me out. It was two Christmases ago.

Oh, fuck. She sees it in the line that is detailed and efficient summary and analysis of the home alone 3 world you really know your home alone 3 lore that's what i was can i bring something up yes he's shaking his head and now he looks worried this is the beauty of video chat absolutely you can bring something up

who are you? Christina Aguilera? your voice is saying your body's saying no but your voice is saying let's go here's the thing man Home Alone 1. I'm going to mix up which one's which.

I'm pretty sure. Yeah, I think this is right. Home Alone 1, you've got the scary man across the road who shows up. You're having fun. Yeah. Home Alone 2, nice to see you. We've got the pigeon lady who's very freaky in New York City. But in both cases, you this like growth or character arc where

originally macaulay culkin's scared of them and then or kevin mccallister and and then like the end of the movie is always this heartwarming moment where the the very like kind of mysterious and like urban legend figure becomes a friend um especially against the wet bandits of harry and this the closest thing we've got is mrs hess but there's no at no point is she like mysterious or evil enough for there to be a flip of it yeah they really and she never saves them the sinister angle uh like she at the airport she seems quite uh highly strung and like she'd be you know how does how does she get a lift on that thingy young man fucking the luggage yeah yeah you got any uh luggage miss no floor it is there

a thing can you just do that i think at a certain age And with a certain level of confidence That obviously Mrs Hess has You can Not after 9-11 though We're not allowed to do that anymore Not in airports You're not allowed to what? Fly without bags? Ride those

No just jump on one of those Airport staff car things Are you allowed to fly without bags? Sure Absolutely Not internationally though That's going to raise eyebrows Domestic Are you allowed to fly without bags? Sure Absolutely Not internationally though That's going to raise eyebrows Domestic

That's bullshit isn't it? What if you just go What if you just buy a new Set of clothes everywhere you go That's normal That's what a normal person would do Go to a second hand store Buy the clothes

Sell them at a second hand store Wouldn't be that expensive If you lived like that eh? It's slightly more work But it's also a lot of fun yeah it's baller plus you wouldn't look like a tourist anywhere because you're always dressing in the native outfits yeah i just what i do is i go and i buy five of everything at the um souvenir shop on the way through the airport like the duty free it's good I buy t-shirts that say Australia in various different shades or hues of green and yellow.

I blend in. They say, that'll be $1,000. Thank you, sir. And I say, that's not going to be a problem at all. I'm going to get the money back when I sell them to you guys on my way through the airport. And they say, no.

I go, well, that's okay. I'll sell them to a second-hand store. Anyway, I make about $10 back. But, yeah, Mrs. Okay, well, that's okay. I'll sell them to a second-hand store. Anyway, I make about $10 back. But, yeah, Mrs. Hess, her redemption arc, or sort of the value that is extracted from her while she's set up as this eccentric sort of red herring of a heel, I guess, or an opposition in the movies. Again, it's not seen on camera,

and it's not seen in Home Alone 4. Let's get on the floor. It's home alone three and a half take a look at the staff shove it up your ass it's the value she provides to the families around her as the intricately knowledgeable and um just you know invaluable advice she dispenses to married couples who are having trouble recognising each other's sexuality. You're getting into stuff that's off camera, though. It's barely alluded to in the film. It's only because we're very clever that we figure that out.

Yeah, we are. That's not for your typical viewer of this film. We're fucking clever, bro. Hey, Tim, I've got a real pick-a pick a path for you here i've got two angles you can take one of them involves you discussing the merits of an observation i make and probably eventually espousing your thoughts on uh psychosilicon mushrooms or hallucinogens uh the other is a conversation about one detective agent, Stucky. Man, the psilocybin chat is so tempting that I detect a trap.

So I'm going to get stuck into Stucky. All right. Well, I've gone to the trouble of sort of outlining what an episode of Stuck with Stucky might look like. Was that on the last episode or was that last episode? That was the last episode we did. I'm pretty sure the episode that we lost my audio for was pretty middling anyway i don't think any important business i think i think all of the episodes are very high quality but what would i

know very i just compared to the rest of them these this is all award-winning stuff i think we're going to get a pulitzer at the end of the season this time. Yeah. Or Pulitzer, as some people incorrectly call it. Puling the wool over Mr. Zitzer's eyes. Because while this is a high-quality podcast, I don't know that we're going to be winning any awards for pulling... What do you get it for? Journalism or writing a book? That's exactly...

Do you know what? I used to know. Nerd shit. I used to know. And then a very high-powered government official in america got it confused and he got bullied for it and then i have been caught in the muck and the mire of the confusion stuck with stucky it's your favorite sitcom here's the theme song some agents are sharp some agents are blunt but you've never been stuck with a

useless cunt like stucky it's stuck with Stucky that's very good but I thought we were going with Steelers wheel oh yeah yeah the so there's a closing credit song either way okay I like your one I like your one a lot it's always good to have an original thing um what I'm imagining is a world where it's it's the same Chicago

I was not a Chicago I don't know where these officers are where the FBI officers jerking Tim oh fuck Langley It's the same Chicago. Oh, it's not the Chicago office. I don't know where these offices are. Where are the FBI offices, do you reckon, Tim? Oh, fuck. Langley. Langley. How many high-rises have you got in Langley? Three.

Used to be four. Let's not get into it. Let's not. Stucky comes into work in Langley. He says good morning to the receptionist. And then he walks into his room. He's got a conference room that he operates out of. It's full of his charges, the amnesia agents.

And in front of them all, he pours himself a pipe. I forgot what the plot of this was. That's right. Yeah. He's got... Very good. Okay, yep. An army of underlings who just you know they're a nightmare to corral and he pours himself a piping hot cup of bean juice from the

you know the coffee machine and he says to all of us the md jones we got a big day on our hands there's a plan for terrorists to steal a fleet of helicopters from the helicopter building right over the way from us and he points over the way one of the other three high-rises that's left in langley is of course the the helicopter uh sales building where they keep all their helicopters on the the roof it's because sometimes the propellers take a while to start off so you've got to kind of push them off the roof that's right time they yeah get them going that's how helicopters take off and uh the amnesia agents say whoa whoa who are you who am i what are we doing here and he's got to go through all the fucking rigmarole of saying i'm detective agent stucky we're at the fbi you're an army of valuable

agents and their values increase the amnesia is obviously frustrating. But the fact of the matter is, you can give them highly classified information that is site-specific to different cases that they can carry with them for as long as they're performing their jobs. And come 24 hours from then, their memories are wiped. That is a very difficult quality to find

in private eyes, spies, detectives, police officers. Anyway, he says, who he is, he says, webi you know i'm i'm in charge here you guys just have to listen to me trust me it's going to be okay and while he's doing that he accidentally uh spills because it's so hot he can't really drink much he spills some of his three-quarter full cup of coffee on his white shirt and so he goes to continue talking he's in flow he goes continue continue talking. He's in flow. He goes to continue saying,

so anyway, let's get to it, guys. We've got to keep an eye on this building. All of the amnesia agents, they no longer recognize him because of the coffee stain on his shirt. And they keep going, who are you? You're not Detective Stucky. And he's going, no, no, I am. I'm Detective Stucky.

And they go, no, we don't know who you are. Detective Stucky was wearing a clean white shirt. Who's this guy? And Stucky goes, oh, nuts. And he has to leave. He leaves the conference room and he goes down to the toilets

and he's in the bathroom and he's cleaning himself up and he's obviously instructed all the amnesia agents to continue waiting for him. And he's cleaning him. And it's one of those stains where the more you scrub it the wider the stain gets it's not actually cleaning through the stain if anything he's creating a brown shirt and uh he keeps cleaning and cleaning and he goes oh this is no good at all and eventually he takes his

shirt off so he's now just wearing his under singlet and his tie and he goes back to the conference room and he walks in there and he goes all right guys it's me detective stucky and they go you're not detective stucky and he goes yeah i am and they go no no detective stucky was wearing a white shirt and he goes oh i got coffee on that they go no there's a different agent wearing a coffee a coffee stain shirt and he goes no guys you gotta listen they're gonna steal And they go, oh, he's here to steal the helicopters. Get him. And all of the amnesia agents, they pout on Detective Stuckey.

And then Stuckey's underneath this mess of these amnesia agents. And then his boss comes in, whoever that is. And he leans through and he sees behind the mess of bodies and Stuckey pinned underneath them trying to defend himself. And he sees behind the mess of bodies and Stucky pinned underneath them trying to defend himself. He sees a fleet of helicopters taking off from the office building over the way. And he goes like this. He goes, Stucky! Some ages are sharp.

Some ages are blunt. But you've never been stuck with a useless cunt like Stucky. It's stuck with Stucky. I'd watch that. It sounds like a adult swim it sounds like something tim and eric would make it's just like beef house but a cop show what is beef house it's fucking good i watched the first episode the other day it's basically like um full house but Full House but if you kind of were on mescaline sounds good, I've watched Full House quite stoned don't know about all that

the reboot or the OG? the OG I went right back to the beginning and it's interesting isn't it dark how the whole thing is premised on their mum having just died right, that's why the two, Jesse and Joey. Wait, Joey?

The first episode, you see Bob Saget's mum leaving. So she's been supporting the family. And he's ready to get on with his life. And she's like, I'll stick around. And the kid's like, oh. And he's like, no, mum, mum, you've got to go. You've got to go. And she's playing the kids off, being like, they need me.

Anyway, they leave. And then Joey and Jesse moves in and Jesse gets his own room. And Joey's like given a fucking rollout underneath the stairs. Classic. And then sort of chaos ensues from there. Bob's got to go down to the radio station

because that's his job. And then the uncles are left to look after the kids. And some late 80s early 90s version of hilarity yeah and do you remember when danny tanner landed the good morning san francisco tv show within the series yeah it's fucking just a huge move for him it's really good i'm so happy for him i guess that would change the hours he keeps uh that would have an impact on the home life i would hope that they covered that sort of thing in the sitcom did they do that tim he he was doing breakfast radio wasn't he so it'd probably be pretty similar hours and i think that um aunt becky was like co-anchoring with him on the on the like wake up san francisco

or something would you watch a news show anchored by siblings they um they're not siblings because I think Jesse is okay Jesse is John Stamos Danny's widow's brother that's right and Aunt Becky is not related by blood to any of them because i think that's just jesse's partner right oh does jesse get a partner wait is that right i think that might be how does aunt becky fit in well either way i'm less interested in sifting through the full house law to make sure that we've got a family tree hold on hold on now that we're here now that we're here aunt be't Becky's the one who went to prison for paying to get her kid into college, right? Oh, no, I thought that was... Oh, yeah, no, she is.

I always think of Felicity Huffman. Yeah, there's a few of them, though. Yeah, that is so funny. You're rich. Yeah, it's a funny reason to go to prison. Your kid doesn't have to go to that college. You fuck. Anyway.

Would you be more or less likely to watch a news show anchored by siblings? Probably more just because it's an interesting angle that I haven't seen before. I'm trying to think of a single dang show that's been anchored by siblings. None's coming to the top of my mind. The Osmonds. Nice. And there was a really good twist on that one because they were siblings who fucked each other.

Whoa, dude, that's not true. That's not what happened. They didn't do that. If that's the sort of thing you like, I've got to tell you, you've got to check out something called porn. Donnie and Marie Osmond like that? That's disgusting.

They entertained America for for decades you fuck what have you ever done uh i've watched home alone three seven times you fucking asshole what have you done with your life man you mentioned this earlier um as in it was like a trip to the movies i had such it was such a shit sandwich because i put it on and just the novelty of like a big screen experience was like I was back at the movies, which was thrilling considering we've been locked indoors for so long. I'm so craving going to the cinema. It'd be so nice.

Aren't we all, man? But then it got revealed that the big screen movie I was treated to was Home Alone 3 again. And that was tough to take. What was the last movie you saw at the cinema before the world changed? That's a good question, I can't remember probably something quite like

popcorn-y and big like a Marvel or something Yeah Was it good? Did you enjoy the experience? I can't remember what it was I think it was something this probably wasn't the last one, but I saw the Birds of Prey, Harley Quinn...

Oh, yeah. And you quite liked it. Yeah, I did. Yeah, it was all good. It wasn't... You know, it had a few little bits that irked me, but I thought it was really fucking cool because it was just balls out.

I went and saw a movie... Anyway, we're not here to talk about that film. I saw a movie called The Lighthouse lighthouse i went by myself to the cinema you went to the lighthouse by yourself there must have been rough have you seen it now i've seen the shorts for it though it looks very beautiful it's black and white right with my face sake willem defoe yeah willem defoe and hey i've never i've never seen that yeah dude hardcore willem defoe and robert pattinson and it's a it was a weird movie to see in fact someone on our youtube pilot has commented beneath it saying the new zealand remake of the lighthouse looks pretty good it's these two guys who they're

pulling a month-long shift on this remote lighthouse on an island off of new england and then they never get relieved and so they're just there for an open-ended it's probably a bit of a presage for some of the times some of us find ourselves in but uh it was here's what i want to talk to you about guy there's a parrot in home alone 3 and it is oh so smart but even smarter than we first thought because at the end of the movie after um sort of joining in on all the chicanery with alex pruitt to trick all the bandits but they're not bandits this time bandits are just that they're like lovable rogues who are you know putting some trinkets or a woman's jewelry into a

sack marked with a dollar sign on it these guys are gun wielding maniacs trying to chase down a missile chip. Yeah. Outfoxed by an eight-year-old. And a very smart parrot. That's the name of my autobiography, by the way. What's that? Outfoxed by an eight-year-old and a very smart parrot. And it's all about how one time when the world went into a global quarantine, I decided to watch Home Alone 3.

Doesn't make for a riveting blurb, but I guess I'd... No, it's going to be a failure. I'd pick it up if it was in the bargain bin. The bird in the end ends up bargaining with Mr. Poopery. Poopery. And asking for two crackers in place of the one that uh thank god the filmmakers showed us has been in his pocket the whole time that did really bug me hughes's

cracker i'm familiar with the concept and then um but here's the kicker right we've already seen mr poopray break that toy car and that's the thing that the parrot rides in and out of the igloo on so he reassembled the toy car and got the controller and strapped that onto it and then got on top of that and drove it around that is a shit talking parrot it's not just smart it's fucking specific that is such a strong way to fuck with someone who is going down while we're in the igloo and dealing with mr potpourri and the parrot i'd also like to talk about the power of stan's fireworks from what we see alex digs into a tiny little sort of toolbox assortment of lucene fireworks that he laces this igloo that's

inexplicably on the property with the explosion sends chunks of ice and an entire paddling pool or something that's inside it. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely flying. I would love to know where Stan gets his shit. Stories in the sky. About three or four stories, this paddling pool gets launched. It's absolute insanity. The guy's dead.

That's what I thought this time when I watched it. I was like, wow, that guy's dead. But he's not. The guy is, where That's what I thought this time when I watched it. I was like, wow, that guy's dead. But he's not. The guy is... Where does he wind up? He winds up... He goes to prison. Yeah, they're all in prison.

They all go to prison. And what I love about all the mugshots they do, that's how the movie closes for anyone who's not familiar or curious or any of the above. They all go to prison. And while they're in their jumpsuits, you can also see they've all got the chicken pox because none of them had caught the chicken pox when they were kids, obviously. while they're in their jumpsuits you can also see they've all got the chicken pox because none of them

had caught the chicken pox when they were kids obviously so they've all caught them and I would that's very dangerous because I think Mr Poop Ray must be pushing 45-50 yeah

I would argue that the makeup artists took that last day off work this is one of those films that was shot chronologically and by the time that they were doing the credit sequence

a lot of production weren't there because these are some of the most hokey ass chicken pox i've seen in a movie that is littered with the worst fucking chicken pox makeup i've i've come across really which is crazy when you consider how much budget's been spent on the tricks and the goofs and the stunts and the trampolines and whatnot and the fireworks the party give me a give me a budget breakdown tim in terms of what we see on camera percentage wise what goes into the booby traps what goes into paying the actors what goes into set dressing etc etc i think i looked up how much this movie costs do you remember what i said no 35 mil sound I think it's more than that

It sounds ballpark Let's say it's 35 I reckon 10 is cast 10 is stunts 10 is Chicken pox make up And

4 million 5 million dollars Goes to John Hughes for writing it. Everyone else is on points. Wow. That's crazy distribution. It's incredible this got made. Was no one in a union?

Not in the mid-90s, man. It was the Wild West out there in Hollywood. Yeah, an absolute... Wild West Hollywood. An absolute fuckfest. it was the wild west out there in hollywood yeah an absolute wild west hollywood an absolute fuck fest this is the horniest season of the podcast we've done and i will take 85 percent of the responsibility for that tim i'm glad there's a quote hey while we're speaking about mrs hiss yeah oh we weren't but i like that that's where your mind goes when you're thinking of being horny because of home alone 3 how crazy is it that no one checked if she had had the chicken pox or not

when she was going to babysit Alex and already had? She's quite old. I reckon they've already cleared that off camera. The assumption is that all the adults have had the chicken pox. Like that last, there's a button, that last chicken pox reveal. Alex seems to be asking it pretty earnestly and she takes a moment to think about it. It's not like I told you earlier, Alex.

I would love to crush with anyone as hard as she crushes with her Herbert Hoover joke. It shits me to this day. You never will. Thanks, bro. I've got a question for you. This is a quote from the movie, and when I heard it, I thought about it, and I thought, this is bigger than Home Alone 3.

This is an interesting observation. It's one that's true, and it's analogous to the experience of taking hallucinogens and, you know, set and setting and whether or not you're going to have a good time or a bad time. After Alex has rattled off, this is, you know, Hughes' fish in terms of bad time uh after alex has rattled off this is you know hughes's fish in terms of advertising he's a precocious kid he's rattled off a variety of things he could hypothetically be afraid of or could concern him while he's home alone without the chicken pox uh he says what about my imagination and the mum harville and williams says only you can control your imagination and alex says that's a scary thought

would you say that can you identify that experience at the start of a a trip or within a trip when your mind starts throwing okay throwing stuff up at you and you're like why is this happening and you're like oh well because i'm doing it to me and then you think oh that's not good as long as you've got that knowledge, I reckon that's good knowledge. That's powerful knowledge because it means you've got the toolkit to get out of it. It means if you made it, you can take it away.

So long as it's happening to you, by you, and you... I think it's empowering. And you're a big fan of moving towards the challenge, eh? Oh, you should. Everyone should be. You have to be. That's how you have a big fan of moving towards the challenge, eh? Oh, everyone should be. You have to be. That's how you have a bad trip. You fight it. Rule one.

If you start fighting stuff, you're fucked. It's not going to work. Is every thought occurring for a reason? You've got to make the mindset that that is true in the moment. You've got to go, yeah. Just say yes to everything just the old thing is it's like if there's a set of stairs climb them if there's a door open it if there's a monster find out what it wants everything's there to teach you something yeah and if you start getting scared of the monster or start trying to get rid of the monster, you're going to have a bad time. Yeah.

You need to engage with it. You made it. How bad can it be? Tango with the monster. Also, there's another quote that he said, which is, he's wise beyond his years, this kid. He says, when his mum apologizes for something, and he says, it's okay.

It's not you. It's the not you it's the times it's the times yeah it's when she says i'm so sorry honey i hate to be coming in and out like this all the time and as he's putting her coat on on a little cute set of stairs so that they can look eye to eye in the kitchen which we kind of assume is there so he can make his own lunch while he's continuing to spread the jam on a pb and j sandwich that his mom has started making for him he says don't worry mom it's not you it's the time i can't remember if it's something i brought up but every time she says i'll make you a sandwich i think fuck this kid's gonna get an absolute belter of a sandwich and every time she just undoes the lids on the pb and j and i'm like don't fucking tell me you're gonna make me a sandwich and then do the bear minimum fuck that's a marketing scheme hey americans have been short-changed by this

very successful advertising campaign campaign that putting peanut butter and jelly on white bread constitutes a sandwich suitable for a child that is so lacking in any kind of nutrition it actually makes me worried to think about that has been normalized as part of the culture it is incredibly high in sugar i mean white bread by itself you know you want to go easy on while you're a kid. You're just putting raw fucking jam on that? America has a massive bread problem. It is incredibly hard to track down high quality bread in that country. I pretty much stopped eating this stuff while I was there.

Do they not have just normal run-of-the-mill brown bread as a matter of course? They do, but it's all full of sugar and it tastes like shit. They've got no respect for bread. That's fucked. It's a staple. Yeah, it's at the bottom of the fucking pyramid, which is another scam I want to talk about. That fucking food pyramid was made by Big Bread.

Yeah, which is a staple, by the way. Unrelated. I'm not even kidding. That's true. The fucking food pyramid, the one that we're used to, was invented by bread makers to sell more bread. Why the fuck would carbs be on the bottom and not vegetables? It's legendary.

It is legendary that they did that. Like, that's like, what is Big Bread worrying about? It's like Coke running a smear campaign on budget cola. You've got this. Or on water. Yeah. It's like Coca-Cola coming out against normal drinking water. It's just, it's beyond the pale.

But it's that kind of aggressive move that fucking shifts units, eh? Yeah. That's how you get to be one of the big ones. Sure, you should drink water from time to time, but it's that kind of aggressive move yeah fucking ships units hey yeah that's how you get to be one of the sure you should drink water from time to time but it's no replacement for coke yeah you want to watch yourself you're um filling yourself up with valuable coke space on that pesky water you want to save yourself with coke make sure you put coke in the coke space yeah don't be a fucking idiot hey that intrigues me that bread's fucked in america didn't know that well the more you know tim we've we've got good bread here eh everyone's making everyone's making their own bread now bread is like bread underlines everything i was just thinking then how the fuck can bread be making a comeback it hadn't even gone anywhere

yet everywhere i turn it's like oh bread's big now i'm like oh it's big now what the fuck have you been eating in the morning the last 30 years there was a blip when there was a lot of dietitians and stuff coming out against uh carbohydrates and what dude the big three for me bread milk, milk, and eggs. Make your fucking mind up. My whole life, I've just been hearing, you've got to have a lot of this. Whoa, easy on that stuff. Who's swinging out against milk?

I don't know. Big almond. Those cucks. Tell them to take a bike ride. Yeah. You're telling me uh you're telling me a and a milk almond did this i don't know i was trying to do it jake we're fucked day we shouldn't do um this podcast like at night and what feels like a winter night but it isn't quite yet it's autumn but it's all like i went it's cold we've been locked

indoors for weeks and i went just sitting around watching home line three again it's fucked i went for an ocean swim today was it rejuvenating it was so good the only problem with my day was i had to drive quickly back an hour from a beach on the west coast of the North Island of New Zealand. Because that's when I had to start watching Home Alone 3. But the swim. You've got to get on it. My God. Yeah, by the way, if you're listening and you haven't seen Home Alone 3, check it out.

Be sure to check it out. My boy, Alex Pruitt. Fucking great movie. Great times. How do you think we're going? It's a lot of fun. What? How do you think we're going? It's a lot of fun. What? How do you think we're going? Like mentally right now.

Not good. Not an all-time high. It was no episode five. I'll tell you that. Fuck the heady heights of episode five. My God. Dreams are free. My word.

You live and you learn. Do you want to say anything about Mrs. Hess? Or are you good? You started saying something about how horny this movie was. And I thought you were going to get into a Mrs. Hess diatribe. But then I interrupted you. Here's the thing with Mrs. Hess. She gets it.

She gets it. She gets it. She gets it. She gets it. She gets it. In a way that a lot of people weren't getting in 1997. In a way that a lot of older people, octogenarians, weren't getting in 1997. She is an open-minded whiz. She's a minx. She's pansexual.

she's a minx she's pansexual she is not above inserting herself into situations or relationships for the betterment of the group i've got a lot of time for her what's going on with her at that airport man oh dude what do you reckon she's coming back from san francisco she's so light-headed she can't remember to fucking pick up her bag of bread on the other side of security but it's the situation that she has zero luggage but she bought a loaf of bread to bring back like that seems kind of um legendary no like the symptoms of someone suffering from dementia perhaps absolutely not it's the symptoms of someone who knows that you can't get high quality bread in the midwest illinois is a fucking dead land for bread it's the symptoms of someone who knows that you can't get high quality bread in the Midwest. Illinois is a fucking dead land for bread. It's the behavior of someone who spent seven days absolutely on ding-a-lings, pingers, uppers, downers, whizzers, sucking and fucking her way through San Francisco. She made it to the airport.

She picked up a loaf. It's a very liberal area. It's a very liberal part of the country. One must partake. It's a tax write a loaf. It's a very liberal area. It's a very liberal part of the country. One must partake. It's a tax write-off. It's called a research trip. She knows what she's doing. That bread represents the sanctity, the security,

and the comfort of her home life in the upper middle class suburbs of Chicago. It's not just a loaf of bread. It's a fucking lifestyle lifestyle that's what's going on with mrs hess all right good asked and answered your honor um well i think that'll about do it for us but rest assured uh this movie doesn't get any better when it is strapped right in front of your eyeballs and the device that is emulating kind of three dimensions but more just bigness it's a device emulating bigness that's what big movie will do to you um it's been a pleasure it's been a privilege to have your company tim to have your company listener

things to look at oh wait did i do a shining light sort of no you just dug up an old shining light it was the parrot like the parrot is what it was in my head but i don't think i said that that was the shining light but it's the fact that the parrot reassembled the car that's pretty cool yeah it's a good move that's petty i respect it hey look after yourselves everyone And um And also go fuck yourselves But the hijinks don't stop And the poop jokes

Then I said Who's discount David Schwimmer Then he said And the score is great then i said the main bad guy and he said the brother and the twin combo