The Worst Idea Of All Time - Ep09: Oceans 11 vs Monty's 5

Episode Date: May 27, 2020

Guy and Tim are back in the same room for the first time in a long time and frankly, it's a beautiful thing. The fellaz are still going toe-to-toe with Home Alone 3 and discussing the finer points of Jelly vs Jam. A decision is made to make Jeff Bezos as rich as possible, as quickly as possible, and then end him. Guy finds the best actor in the movie. A new addition of Stuck With Stuckey and we find out where Langley is.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The fastest way to a trillionaire's bank account is by murder most foul. Okay. We wait, we accelerate, and then we strike. I like that. Yeah, let's kill Jeff Bezos. He's got thrills and it seems to me. With Adam Scott and his family. Is that, um, is that, uh, welcome to the worst idea of all time.

Episode numero nine. The boys are back in town, which is to say they're with each other. That's right. The boys are back with the boys. Fucking knee to knee, eye to eye, nose to nose. He's in close. The fellas are riding side saddle and don't it feel good? Now, yes. For the last hour and 45 minutes, not so much.

What you learn when you watch Home Alone 3 with your friend Tim Batt is the problem lies with the movie. It doesn't lie within. You might have thought it lies within, but it doesn't lie within. It lies in... Are you saying within or with him?

Within. Oh, okay, cool. I mean, you might have some problems. I got my number of issues. Hey, you got a bone to pick with me, bruh? No, dude. No, we're good here Are you and me cool?

We're doing fabulously well, I think I'm just here to talk about Home Alone 3 I don't want no trouble I'm here to focus on Alex Pruitt Stucky's men And maybe a little side discussion about some mice Very smart parrot Fireworks

You want to talk animals? Well, so long as we are talking Home Alone 3 Which it seems to be is the reason we're all gathered here today In this conference room If anyone has any reason For Guy and myself In Home Alone 3 to not be together Please speak up now

Or forever hold your peace That's right We are getting married as a throuple We are together forever. We're not just marrying the franchise. We're marrying all the characters contained therein. Tim and I need to spice things up in the bedroom. Who better to introduce than Mrs. Hess?

She's the Hess around. She lives next door in the town. She's the Hess around. She's going to take you down to Browntown. Arse the hiss around. She's gonna take you down to Browntown. Arseplay is in and it's back. That's right. Where did it go? I don't know, but since 1997

my arsehole's been dry as a bone. We get Mrs. Hesse back in the building, all of a sudden things heat up. Spit or lube? Spit, well technically not lube, creates a wonderful intimate I mean, I'd have to ask her, well, technically not lube. Yes. Creates a wonderful intimate, I mean, I'd have to ask her,

but I'm happy with spit. Cool. Oh, no, she's pegging you. Let's get one thing straight. Yeah. Mrs. Hess is a giver, not a receiver. And she's spitting on my ring. Jesus Christ.

It's good to see you. I apologize for being so disgusting. Two and a half minutes in. So quickly. If we are talking Mrs Hess though There is a line she keeps saying in the movie That It's a gag line I guess

I left my bread in San Francisco She says that You hate that You were furious about that But she says What do you want a Wilkie button When Ribbons and Beaupre They see you

Last name basis I love it What are we assembling a football team With these criminals We're assembling A crack team of people Who are going to pull off A heist at the Bellagio Casino

I love this The twist I happen to know For a fact that Danny Ocean Is getting his guys To pull the job On the same night Oh my god

This is Monty's 5 Versus Ocean's 11 Who would win Well we've populated Ourselves entirely With the cast of Home Alone 3 Who we now have versus Ocean's Eleven. Who would win? Well, we've populated ourselves entirely with the cast of Home Alone 3, who we now have both legal and another kind of rights to.

Or do you just need legal rights? What are we talking about now? You've lost me. What I'm telling you, Tim... We're married to the film. We're robbing a casino with the film. Tim Batten, Guy Montgomery, Mrs Hess,

Beaupre, Unger, Ribbons, Jernigan. Yeah. Timbo? Pruitt. Yeah, you were in first, buddy. Oh, sick. Yeah, cool. And Stucky.

Yeah. Maybe the amnesia agents. Dude. We're going head to head with Danny Ocean and the lads tomorrow night. The Bellagio Casino, Las Vegas, California. I like this a lot. Here's why. You would think that stucky

is not aligned with the criminals and that's the beauty of this it's like they've got to team up together to take down the baddie it's like oceans 12 we're in charge here if these guys these guys don't want to work together but they have to there's also some sort of legalese where it's like uh beaupre and stucky even though he's been looking for him for seven years they can be together they can be in the same room but at the conclusion of the heist stucky has to give beaupre a head start to run free he can't just arrest him at the end of it it's like they're both operating under the good faith that while they disagree fundamentally and stucky's been looking for beaupre for seven years as long as they're robbing the bellagio

to try and stop dastardly Danny Osher and his team, they're going to work together. Who do you think would be more successful in robbing a casino, the pals from Home Alone 3 or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? Because the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles have obviously got the advantage of knowing ninjitsu to a very high level, but they also kind of stick out in a crowd because they're um giant turtles yeah you know i call them the teenage mutant ninja virgins uh i reckon you can't

even use that joke anymore because people have seen the pilot now yeah i can still use it i was the one who said it uh it's my goddamn joke you've retired it you've burned the material no no the joke lives on i think the turtles we've just seen a body of evidence that suggests we've recruited the wrong team. This heist is going to go poorly for us. We're up against it. Have you seen Danny Ocean and his crew? Those are some top-level crooks.

They know what they're doing. They know their business. We've got four incompetents. We've got Pruitt, don't get me wrong. He's a fucking strong hand. He's a dab hand with the tech. Unabomber Junior over here. But the villains are immortal they get hit

with so much shit and they they barely have a scratch on them by the i mean they're frozen and contorted in a very odd shape when they get dragged off by the fbi right beautiful little rule of three there uh by hughes as we see the three underlings to bow pray being walked out marched out by the cops you observed it it very accurately. You said funny. Funny, very funny, hilarious. And what he's describing would be Jernigan, frozen, little sort of ice tutu and a sort of white face from being frozen in the water.

Bill Unger. Unger, funnier still. He's wearing the funny costume that he's fucking put on or whatever the hell. Frozen Cold. He's Frozen Cold. He's a bit funny. He's a bit more of a slapstick figure, isn't he? He is.

He's good. Jernigan's funny in the way that he plays it straight. Unger's funny in quite an out-and-out physical comedy slapstick kind of way. He's true to the character as well. There's a really good bit of characterization. We've talked about it quite early on, but the way that he sort of believes in the enterprise of the criminals but also entirely in being true to himself he calls out jernigan when he gets his knees taken out yeah when they go to the airport

and they're looking for the bag he's very open about the fact that he was in the john taking a piss when they're at pruitt's house looking for pruitt he's fucking eating whatever's in the pantry presumably the disgusting looking PB&J. The nasty stuff that's left out by... Did you think the PB&J was bad for a PB&J? I thought our discussion

was centered around how bad PB&J is as a concept. But that that sandwich wasn't a bad example of the form. Well, the J is jelly. Yeah.

And one of the big differences between New Zealand and America is that we don't have jelly here it's not a concept we have jam and when you're buying jam it's usually closer to the fruit than the jelly is to the like it also comes in a fucking jar that's why we call them jam jars yeah to me jelly kind of looks like i imagine the flavoring similar to what you get in bubble gum

like grape hubba bubba whereas fucking jam jam over here, you can see the seeds. If you're buying the right stuff, you can see the fucking seeds of the fruit that the jam is inspired by or made from. Inspired by. We just got the seeds to offset all of the artificial flavoring and contents of this condiment. Yeah.

I don't doubt that there are good jars of jam in america yeah they're out there but you gotta go to home alone three you gotta go to a uh what are they called what are the fucking what are they called farmer's market yeah what are they called though the supermarket that's like a farmer's market but it ain't a deli no no it's a chain come on now oh fucking whole foods yeah dog yeah you gotta go to a Whole Foods To get the proper stuff One thing we've gotta do As a society Is continue to line the pockets Of Jeff Bezos

Yes please Forecasts have him making One trillion dollars by 2026 Why the fuck don't we speed that up Why don't we shove a couple more Hundy dollar bills Inside of those pockets While we can

People have misinterpreted The news story That he's gonna be a trillionaire By 2026 It's not a warning It's a call to arms To try and beat the prediction that's right we've got to enrich this man he's the closest thing we've got to a trillionaire it's the closest thing we've got to a god we're living in unholy times we needed to pick a divine figure and it may as well be him stop hogging your money give it to

bezos you godless shit. You know what really pisses me off? When I see people buying local. When I see someone walking into a business that they believe in and spending a dollar to contribute towards the world that they want to continue to live in. Hey, here's an idea. Take it easy on the Java

and send whatever the fuck is in your bank account to Amazon.com. Or better yet, find Jeff Bezos' home address. Walk up there, put it in his letterbox. You bag of shit. Yeah, you've got to give that chick a kiss and put it in the mailbox there. You know what I think is a better idea?

What? Fucking just give the money over and explicitly it has to go to those Amazon server farms. Baby, we're going to get that AI crack-a-lackin' that's under the control of a man who has a terrible reputation for human rights

if you continue to say AI long enough what does it become? angels Bezos is God AI is angels this guy is building a future that I want to live in

and the way that you're hogging your money people say they've got rent to pay people say they've got to buy their groceries guess what? do you know what I have to say to that? hey pay. People say they got to buy their groceries. Guess what? Do you know what I have to say to that? Hey, fuck up, man.

We're trying to build a church here. Yeah, the Church of Bezos. What I wouldn't give to fucking kiss that rubbery head, to ladle that son of a bitch with gifts and dollar bills. You're not allowed to even lay eyes on him in real life, man. That is forbidden. He is divine. Do you know, Jeff Bezosos instead of cheating on his wife

and settling whatever the unholy amount of money was for that divorce probably could have solved world hunger how cool is that so i went into my room and read your diary weezer what do you feel like being next to me? It's really good I hate the movie I hate Home Alone 3 man It's always sucked It sucked pretty consistently

Yeah Well it was great once It was disappointing originally And now it's just fucking boring It is boring Well you know what We can spice things up We can throw a couple of shining lights in the mix

Here it comes It's the 911 operator. She's got style. She's got class. She's got acting ability. Coming out of her face, which we see on camera for four seconds. I like her a lot. She's great.

You had me going. Naturalistic acting. Believable. It's not over the top. She's accepting the call with calm and grace From a young man who is distressed And she's handling it in all the right ways There is an extra In O'Hare airport

Before they get on a plane And land back at O'Hare airport They're in San Francisco The crooks have just discovered their bag is on the loose The juice is loose And he's fucking driving down the freeway in a white bronco and as they walk what year did that happen mid 90s so that might have been right around the time of this film that would have been a fun insert if oj was in this movie they miss it yeah we said

last time they're missing michael j, another big American sports star, crossover acting star that we're missing. OJ. The Juice. We need every acronym celebrity of the mid-90s in this film. We also need BJ Novak. We need AJ Green, the Cincinnati Bengals wide receiver, who has a sore toe right now, but the season's not going to go ahead anyway. DJ Tanner.

I'm talking full house. Get her in there. Fuck, fill that house up. But there's a featured extra who's over the shoulder of the guy. If you're looking at the screen, he's on the left. I'm looking.

He is a black actor and he is probably one of the best actors in the entire movie. This guy is really... For that reason? ...in an airport. I mean, it doesn't hurt. For a myriad of reasons. But he's really in an airport. I mean, it doesn't hurt for a myriad of reasons,

but he's really in the airport. And while he's in the airport, he's aware that there are four people with a problem in front of him. It's not his problem. He's got his own journey to carry on with. Plus all the flights are... Oh, wait, are they cancelled at that point? No, they're not cancelled. They're all going.

The timeline in the airport is a disaster. You rightly bring up the fact that they are barely following Mrs Hess, who is already running late to her flight. They figure out she's going to Chicago, and they all decide they're going to Chicago. Somehow wind up on the same plane. Okay, Mrs Hess is about to miss the flight because she's running so late,

getting from one part of O'Hare to the other. They somehow, they don't even have tickets to the flight, and somehow get on the same flight they must because how else would they be able to be they are they get on the same gangway when she gets out plus also why didn't they take the opportunity when they're on the fucking plane with her to get that car that's when you nab it one hundo bro like fuck this whole movie dude you do it in the plane also when mrer is scouting the departures board, the time very clearly reads 4.41 p.m.

All of a sudden, when they're looking at the board to realize that they have to get on a flight boarding now for Chicago, it's 10 a.m. When they land, they approach a cab driver, some fucking rusty old bag of bones. It's Stan Lee, man. Who folds like a house of cards as soon as they put any pressure on him this would be a very different movie if that cab driver said that's

a breach of client confidentiality i'm not telling you where it is yeah i'm not telling you where that woman went but anyway mr jernigan says at 1420 hours you had a client by the way 420 Blaze it No 1620 he says Yeah that's 420 Yeah But I said 1420 I meant 1620 Oh okay yes I don't want anyone smoking weed at 220 No that's not allowed

Because it's an illegal drug But at 420 Stroke off Too early in the afternoon Or too early in the morning But it's not a time for weed It's time for reflection 220 is actually not a bad time for weed

If it's AM It's a time To take your money out of your bank account put it in an envelope well it's time to take a break withdraw some cash give it to be jesus he's a god who we love for he loves us with our cash, he'll take over with AI and destroy us in a moment. But for now, we enrich a trillionaire who walks among the scum that is us. Yeah. Fuck yeah, bro. That's his song.

That's what it's all about. The self-loathing of us not being trillionaires. That is exactly what, and that's what Jeff Bezos realizes. Yes. He's got a once in a lifetime opportunity to be recognized as the God he is. Anyway, the timeline on this movie is absolute chaos.

Like, it's 4.41 p.m. All of a sudden, it's 10 a.m. All of a sudden, there's a cab leaving in Chicago, which actually with the timeline that they're in San Francisco and flying east, that does make sense, I think. I don't know how long the flight from San Fran to Chicago is, but I know that... Five hours?

I imagine Chicago's like three hours ahead, so if you leave at 10am, it's already 1pm in Chicago. Okay, we've got a difference of two hours, maybe. So if you had four... No, none of it makes sense Chicago None of it makes sense John Hughes Hand done his research John Hughes isn't responsible for this He wrote the script, he didn't direct it

That's our man, Raja, I forget his last name That's not his last name The script is hugely responsible For what happens in a movie You don't write in the script Every clock in the airport reads 4.41, but when they get to their destination... Well, you know what?

We shouldn't lay this at the feet of the director. Why? Whoever the fuck was in charge of continuity needs a very stern talking to. Unless there was no one in charge of continuity, in which case it comes back to Russia. No, they would come back to a producer for not budgeting correctly

to make sure they had someone for continuity. But I tell you what, we wouldn't be running into this problem if we had AI on continuity. Fucking A, man. Program those robots to fucking look for continuity. Movie's going to be a lot better. They're good with patterns. It's their favorite thing.

Making order and sense out of things is what they're there to do. What does robot mean? What does the word mean? It originates from a Czech word meaning slave. It originated in a play from the 30s, I believe. So it's kind of recent. That is quite recent. Well, I just thought I'd circle back to what I was saying at the very start.

I can't believe you weren't impressed I had that top of mind. I didn't even Google that. Come on now. I am impressed. I'm constantly impressed. The word robotics, on the other hand Was created by Crap I've forgotten his name It's so bad

Isaac Asimov Nice Sci-fi writer Shout out to Friend of the podcat Podcat He's a podcat himself Isaac Asimov

Yeah listen to his podcast Robotics It's all about How he came up with the word It's how he's furious About Will Smith Destroying his legacy Of iRobot

by creating a movie with the same name and an opposite moral. Do you know about that shit, man? Have I got on this soapbox before? Because the book iRobot is full of short stories which put forward the notion that Asimov was so fond of. He was a sci-fi writer, amongst many other things. Kind of a philosopher of his day, which wasn't that long ago. He was around in like the 70s, I think.

He died in the 80s, I think. He used to go on cruise ships a lot. Anyway, his whole thing was that he was seeing all these sci-fi and horror and fiction stories that were in the mood of Frankenstein, that humans would create something that would destroy us. And he's like, that's not what we do, though. We build a toaster. Toasters don't hurt us. We build safeguards around the toaster. We would do the same with robots.

So what is iRobot all about? It's about the fun little problems that get presented by some robots who have to obey the commands of their human masters unless it conflicts with the second law, which is you can't hurt a human, and defending themselves as long as it doesn't conflict with the first two laws of robotics. And so you get some crazy and wacky situations.

Oh, I can only imagine. Two roboticists who go around the solar system trying to fix up these problems, but at no point are humans in danger from the bots because that's not what it's about. And then they made iRobot and it's about killer robots because we learned nothing from the original author. When will we learn?

Well, hopefully pretty soon. As soon as we get that money out of your pockets and into the pockets of Bezos. Bezos, he's the boy for us. That's how he got his name. While we're here, in a singing mood, I might say this. Stuck in the middle with you. I liked your one better, though.

Do you remember it? Yeah, I do. But I think of it as like a BoJack Horseman situation. Why does a show only need to have one theme song? BoJack Horseman has two theme songs, and they're both absolutely fucking slapped. There's the opening number, which is... And there's the closing one which is back in the night that's so cool to have two theme shows also it helps establish the mood that you want to introduce people to the world of the show in

and leave them with what happened to group love where are they now they had such a cool album and then they did the bojack horseman end credit song And then I never heard from them again Yeah, I don't know, man I liked them Seems weird I definitely haven't been hanging out with them Talking about you So don't ask any questions about that It's so strange that you point that out

Let's talk about Stucky Anyway I've introduced the third churn Some agents are sharp Some agents are blunt But you've never seen such a useless cunt as Stucky. It's Stuck with Stucky. Nice.

What's happening with Stuck with Stucky this episode? Stucky marches into the office. As you remember, he ran into a whole host of problems. What do we know about Stucky? We know he's in one of the only three remaining high-rise buildings in Chicago. It's in the FBI headquarters, which you seem to know was in... Oh, Langley.

Langley, which is where? You got me there, dude. I'm going to get it. I think it's Maryland. Is that a state? Yeah, it is. Maryland is a state. I think the biggest place in Maryland is Baltimore.

Langley. Oh, fuck. I'll tell you where else Langley is In Auckland Oh true We want Langley is an unincorporated community In the census designated place of

McLean in Fairfax County, Virginia, United States Langley is often used as a metonym For the Central Intelligence Agency Oh CIA It's not FBI George Bush Center for Intelligence God damn it FBI HQ

Here we go Let's fucking course correct here. Okay. It doesn't need to be this hard. Let's correct the record. Where else do you think, brother? Washington DC in the United States of America. It's not even a state.

Can you tour Quantico FBI? Yes, you can tour the FBI Education Center, but visits require up to a month of advance notice. The FBI requires up to a month of advance notice from congressional officers prior to your visit. This is because the FBI will perform a security check on all visitors. The visit itself will take about two hours.

Tell you what else is happening in that building. So me and a member of Congress require the same amount of notice to give the FBI when we're dropping by. Call me crazy, but I reckon an elected representative at the federal level should be able to check on those cats and see what they're doing. Hiya, crazy. I'm dad stucky walks into the office he's running to some pretty fucking troubling times the day before as you recall his charges pushed all the buttons on the lift they're walking that's all higgledy piggledy they're strewn throughout the high rise oh they've ruined some meetings this next morning

stucky has corralled them like herding cats into the same elevator. He's pushed button number 34, the 34th floor. He's somehow got them all into the bullpen. The amnesia agents are congregated. And he has in his suit pocket a roll of those hello, my name is stickers. Nice. That's what you want for an amnesia ridden squad. He's walking around the bullpen and he's got a vivid. He looks up, he sees Greg.

He writes down, hello, my name is, and he fills out Greg. He puts it on Greg. He looks up next, he sees Rhonda. He writes down Rhonda. He puts it on Rhonda. He moves on to Sean, the next agent. Unbeknownst to Stucky, Rhonda and Greg look at each other and say, hi, Greg, hi, Rhonda, and decide, for reasons that are somewhat unclear,

to swap stickers. Stucky continues writing down every single agent's name and planting it on their chest, potentially creating an instance for all sorts of HR complaints to come up because it's a huge broach of personal boundaries. But it's 1997. This guy's got a lot on already.

It's the least of his worries. By the time he's labeled every single person, he has not noticed what was happening. He turns around and sees the entire bullpen of his 14 amnesia agents shaking hands, introducing themselves to each other in different names and putting the stickers on different places. This is great.

This is absolute anarchy. I love this show, man. I wish this show was on for a thousand years and I could just plunk it on and watch that until I died. Stuck with Stuggy for ever and ever. Honestly, that's all I've come up with so far for this episode. So feel free to take the reins. Here's what I'm thinking.

That's an episode. We're done. That's a great vignette. I think we should put the script writing challenge to the Bezos AI. I think we give it the first few sample scripts that you've written like five eps and then we go now it's your bag and we just let amazon do what amazon does best which is take over our responsibilities i tell you another thing amazon does best what take our money yeah dude take my fucking money i'm begging you stuck with

stucky is honestly such an airtight premise. It does get me excited. Yeah. I think we should film some, which is just the kind of blank check style thing I would say to give myself a good commitment. You want to do it? Sometimes you've got to push yourself into something,

or else nothing gets done, you know? You know what I'm saying Do I feel that Yeah I feel that pretty fucking hard Yeah you do Speaking of Importantly speaking of commitments And their expiries You're going to marry me

I regret to inform you I'm already taken See this ring Yeah Married to Home Alone 3 And your wife Marry me. I regret to inform you I'm already taken. See this ring? Yeah. Married to Home Alone 3. And your wife. No, I was going to say that the fact that Tim and I are sitting side saddle right now discussing Home Alone 3 does represent not the end of our emergency season, but the penultimate episode. There's one more that we've got in the reserves for you.

We're going to fucking do it again. We're going to direct as commentary the shit out of this. John and Hughes, Burton and Jernigan, Earl and Unger. We're going to give you one more, but I just want to put it on the record right now in front of you and however many witnesses are listening right now. We will not stop creating content, but we will stop watching Home Alone 3.

And that is in the best interest of everyone. Yeah, totally, man. Yeah, man, that's for sure. And that is in the best interests of everyone. Yeah, totally, man. You, me, everyone listening, no more Home Alone 3. I hate it, but I love the fact that we're going to get to double digits. Yeah. Because it would feel like cheating everyone, including ourselves, if we just did nine of these. What is that?

It's nothing. You've got to get past the first post. I mean, I've got to tell you, the way I feel right now, it's still quite a lot. You think nine is enough? It's enough to have an impact. Nine's nothing. So I've seen you on a social call before this,

since laws changed in New Zealand that allowed people to see one another. The whole drive here, full of excitement, a song in my heart, a spring in my step, a sparkle in my eye. Today, as I drove over to your house on a crisp autumnal afternoon in Auckland, New Zealand, I was loaded with dread. I thought, this is a lifestyle I remember. It's a lifestyle I did not miss. I know, man.

That's what kept hitting me when we were watching. I was like, that's right. That's what this podcast feels like because when i was watching it by myself it wasn't like it was pleasant by any stretch of the imagination but it was sort of on a different shelf and now it's back in the shelf of like i have the unique displeasure of hanging out with my friend but not getting to because there's this annoying third party that won't shut the fuck up requiring both of our attention. It's like looking after a toddler

that is incredibly dangerous and you've got to constantly be hiding anything remotely sharp or something that they could use that would fall on them that's at like grasp level. It's just so annoying. Yeah.

I think I would rather hang out with a dangerous toddler than Home Alone 3. Yeah, it's just good clean entertainment, isn't it? Yeah, that's good fun. Watch them dodge knives. Yeah, take a hands-off approach.

Yeah, man. What I like to do when I'm about to look after a dangerous toddler is leave a handful of loose knives around various different edges, precariously balanced. Yeah. How tall is that toddler? Da-da-da-da-da. How tall is your toddler?

Just tall enough to reach them on tippy toes Which means that there's no extremity control If they touch the knives They're not grasping the knives They're just tipping the knives I hate this I hate this mental image I won't entertain it any further

But don't worry The knives are all made of Play-Doh And it's adorable Let me float something to you And I may regret putting this on the podcast Fucking try me What do you think about After we do the director's commentary

Just a little one off We watch one of the original Home Alone Probably the first one Dude I love it That would be so much fun I feel like we might have discussed it in passing before I say we rock the house With a Home Alone 1 and a Home Alone 2. Bonus eps, Patreon only.

So if you listen to this for free, suck it up. Take some money out. Give 99.9% of it to Bezos. Whatever's left over, chuck it in the Patreon. You can hear us enjoy watching two fantastic movies. We'll do the same, though. So this is kind of like a chain letter. Whatever we get, 99.9% is going to Amazon.

Yeah. But 0.1%. You remember those chain letters you used to get when you were in high school? And it was like, if you don't forward this to 10 people, your crush will never look at you. They would rip through the community of Christchurch like a plague because everyone was so fucking bored. It was like send five bucks to eight people on this list and you'll be a millionaire and i was going yes this checks out i know how to invest you know he's in the first chain letter bezos fucking a dude yes that's

how he did it capitalism baby it ain't nothing but a chain letter you know what happens as soon as jeff bezos becomes a trillionaire? What? We have to reset? We're going to have to kill him. Ah. The fastest way to a trillionaire's bank account is by murder most foul. Okay. We wait.

We accelerate. And then we strike. Okay. I like that. Yeah, let's kill Jeff Bezos. You and me. Yeah. Let's murder him. The Mad Lads. Jeff, if you're listening, which I hope you. Yeah, let's kill Jeff Bezos. You and me. Yeah. Let's murder him.

The Mad Lads. Jeff, if you're listening, which I hope you're not, we're coming for you. We'll find your address. Non-lethal weapons, by the way. It's going to be a really sort of low-key killing. Oh. What's low-key killing in your book?

Because it all seems pretty intense, You know, ending a life to me Like a poison? Like a poison thing? Yeah, yeah Hands off Hands off, you know Doesn't always go well though Just remember Ra-Ra-Ra-Rasputin

Fuck, they tried and they tried But the man just kept drinking tea Yeah And then they shot him a bunch And then they rolled him up in a rug And threw him off a bridge and kept his penis. What do you know about rug? Was his penis massive?

It's huge. Legendarily big. Is that a museum? It's apparently in several, depending on which museums you are. That's how big it is. There's a bunch of museums. You can walk the Rasputin penis trail between several of the world's most glittering museums. That's right.

And two of his testicles. There's one at either end of his big old dick. Ah, well, I can't think of a better place to stop talking about any of this than right now. Bye! Thank you.