The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Fifty Nine: NYC Live ft. Maeve Higgins

Episode Date: December 6, 2017

The boiz are joined by a packed out Bell House theatre and fantastic Irish comedian Maeve Higgins. The journey is fast drawing to a close and it’s time to try and tie up some loose ends. Like getting in touch with Paddy Schwartz and finding people who care about Squirrel’s death. Monty looks like an accountant for a donkey sanctuary in Ireland. Maeve is suggesting Timbly needs to watch the film again to truly assess whether Zacole and Somily had sex. And someone ate a magic mushroom… Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Today... You ready? Okay, let's go. The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer... Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands, now playing.

You gonna play that dastardly intro again? Intro, intro, intro, intro, intro, intro... Ow! This movie's still fun. We're calling the professor. Guys, that guy's screwed. One of them's a hottie. His name is Jay.

One of them looks like Johnny Depp. And his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. Bloody hot shit, eh? You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Interrupted myself. Hello, New York City! Yes, yes, yes.

It's fantastic to be here. Welcome to the worst idea of all time, second to last ever episode, ever, of all time. My name is Tim Batt. And my name is Guy Montgomery. And please welcome our special guest, all the way from Ireland, Maeve Higgins!

Thank you. I lied about where you're from kind of Yeah, I'm Texan Yeah But what an Irish lilt you put on Yeah, do you want me to stay in my Irish character for the whole show?

No, I'd actually prefer if you reverted back to your original Texan accent If it would help Guy and I also have tremendous southern accents, which could guide you on your way. I do appreciate it.

There you are. You're so welcome, little lady. Wait, hold on. I feel like you're not committing. Yeah, I'm doing my New Zealand character. It's my best character. Oh, I see. Now, before we kick off, I would like to ask,

just as a gauge, because we are going to do this show once again in filthy Los Angeles, how do you guys enjoy the last 20 minutes of playlisting before... Did it feel like a punishment? Well, I think, because now you know a little bit. Guy thought it would be a funny gag, everyone listening at home, to play Justice's titular track, We Are Your Friends, for 20 minutes to really prep the audience for this live show.

Well, but initially you were going to play... Chuck that mic in there, mate. I've really ate that shit. I have to adapt to him, so we all do. Okay, so initially you were going to play it for like the entire hour since doors. Doors open at 7, the show is at 8 and they were laughing backstage imagining all of you suffering.

And then they had that New Zealand conscience and they were like, let's just leave it for 20. That's the last time I'll do your accent, I'm sorry. There is three perfect accents from you, Maeve This is all going to be on my voice reel Yeah, what better place for a voice reel than a live podcast?

I'm sorry Hey, Maeve Higgins Noted and beloved Irish comedian I have spent so much fucking time with Guy Montgomery in the last fortnight that I almost exclusively want to talk to you. Pick your brains, find out what's going on with your day, how you're feeling, what your thoughts are about certain issues, but predominantly you've just watched We Are Your Friends for the first time. I never even heard of it before.

What did you think of the film? I found it moving, actually. I did. That's good. Because I did write down in my notebook, have you ever not enjoyed a movie? I got really frightened watching Silence of the Lambs. But, like, that was still kind of enjoyable.

You can enjoy that. Yeah, that's the intent of the movie. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I get movies. I'm like a storyteller. So... I laughed a little too rapturously at the notion that you are in fact the storyteller Yeah, I know who you are

But you found it moving Yeah, I did, because I don't want to spoil it, but when Squirrel dies I'm sorry I mean, when one of the characters dies I think the damage has been done Maeve was genuinely shocked. She's not lying about being moved.

That tore you up, huh? I just thought that they would revive him. Yeah. And like... And then we're at the funeral all of a sudden and it's like,

it didn't happen. And I thought there would be an autopsy. Remember I said, will there even be an autopsy? You did. Which I actually tried to convince you there was one

but I think you saw through it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it cut to the funeral almost immediately. When is an autopsy traditionally performed? It's pretty quick, huh? I think, yeah, I mean, the friends wouldn't do it, obviously. It would be, his body would be transported to an autopsy factory. Right, a morgue.

Do you know, ironically, I think the one who would be best suited is Squirrel because he's the smartest. That's true. You didn't have this context, Maeve, because we sheltered it from you. But in a behind-the-scenes interview, Zac Efron reels that Squirrel's character went to university. And through another piece of research,

we discovered he studied math, I think. Wow. But Zac Efron's character when he's in the car with the model says, school's stupid or something. He's like, school doesn't matter or something like that. Very cool.

He says, school's a waste of time. Yes, school's a waste of time. To which Emily Radishkowski replies, only if you're doing something better. The exact line. Oh, God. It're doing something better. It can't, no, actually, the exact line. Oh, God. It's happened so early. Is, it can be.

I mean, you would think I would have it by now. If you're doing something better with your time. 59 watches. We're not in there anymore, man. We're out. I know, but still. So, aside from the fact that they kill off Squirrel to try and achieve some form of emotional resonance

in this wasteland, what else did you specifically find moving? Oh, I suppose just like friendship and young guys together. Just like reminded me of my own life back in rural Ireland. What part about their lifestyle reminded you of your own life back in rural Ireland. What part about their lifestyle reminded you of your own life back in rural Ireland? I'll take it from here, thanks Maeve.

I literally asked Maeve the question, Tim. I heard you, I'm not deaf. Maeve's from a part of Ireland where they eat a lot of sushi and play EDM non-stop, am I right? Am I right or am I right? Yeah, no, I think it was just like the bleakness and the alcohol. But the sushi, the constant references to sushi were so confusing to me. I was like, who is behind this film? Like, Big Fish?

I wouldn't expect you to understand this Maeve yeah but hold on in storytelling we deploy a technique called motif oh you know

which is something that we refer to you know yeah constantly throughout the movie and in this movie one of the motifs is sushi

oh so it makes you feel like rooted in their experience or something? Just a thread to follow, I guess. It's just that... What else are you going to do for an hour and a half? You've got to put up some scaffolding around which to construct a story.

The other recurrent, like, beautiful part was whenever a woman walked by, they would all swing their heads like Labradors, like, oh. It's like your upbringing in rural Ireland. Exactly. Exactly. Beautiful. I didn't mean to subvert the medium of podcasts because predominantly it's

audio, but you are rocking such a strong aesthetic this evening, Guy. Did I kind of want to get to the bottom of what it's all about. And to fill everyone in, close your eyes, please, and come with me on a short journey.

We have... The people in the room, obviously, you don't need to close your eyes. It would probably be most effective if actually you kept your eyes exactly open. A tie that I can describe as being at the perfect length because it just touches the top of your belt

when you're standing up. It's actually, if I sit, no, it's a little too short when I stand up. Oh, it is too. Look at that. There's a three-finger gap between the end of the tie and the belt. When sitting, pretty good.

And he knew he was going to be sitting, so nailed it. Thank you. Are you slumping on purpose? I would like to think my posture is pretty sound right now. Oh, never mind. A donned on-set shirt. Every

NBA franchise appears to be represented. There's a logo. I mean, there's all the logos of all the teams. We've got that famous hat, which is from, what is the material called? Towel. Turquoisey colour.

And then a long sleeve business shirt, which is a sort of an aquamarine. And then of course the jeans. Of course the jeans. A light blue. Stonewash. You know, I bought these, yeah, I don't

know. But I don't know what the guy said, but it worked. Maeve, what does this man do for a living? I guess, like, an accountant. Pretty zany accountant. Yeah, like a

I mean, actually, you do remind me of my uncle, who is a... He is an accountant, but an accountant in a donkey sanctuary in Ireland. Sorry, one more time? In a what sanctuary? Donkey sanctuary. You can actually Google it.

It's like Ireland's only donkey sanctuary and he's the accountant there. And he dresses, like, in all monochrome colours and cool ties and he has a moustache. You're so like him. Sick. Give it up for Mabe's uncle, everyone. He was good enough to come out and join us from the northern...

Are we in the northern hemisphere right now? Are we? Are we? Yeah. Yeah, we're in New York. Oh, hey, how you doing? Okay, so that's my knowledge of geography. There's so many more people in this room than I was expecting, I'll tell you that.

Can I just keep you on your same train of thought? The way that you wanted to talk about the outfit was for you to just list the outfit. Oh, we're done there. We're off. It stations... We've whizzed past it. We stopped, we let some people on, we let some people off, and we're done there. We're off. It stations. We've whizzed past it. We stopped.

We let some people on. We let some people off. And we're on again. So you just describe what I'm wearing and then move on. Eh. Is that okay with you? Yeah, yeah. No, we should have done it every episode.

It's a good segment. Oh, speaking of segments. Why don't you describe what he's wearing? Yeah. But make it up for the audience and all. Oh, that's good. Why don't you describe what he's wearing? But make it up for the audience at all. Oh, that's good. Tim is wearing... A mermaid tail.

They don't know. They can't see him. But they can hear. You've got to do that off mic. And he's also wearing a white T-shirt and, if you can imagine this, a denim jacket. I fucked it. You really did. You took the offer and took a dump on it, my dude. Terrible stuff.

Hey, Maeve, it's time for the first segment. You ready? Yep. All aboard. Whoop, whoop. Shine and first segment. You ready? Yep. All aboard. Whoop, whoop. Shine and light, Phil. Population, three of us. Oh, cool.

Okay. We're going to get out and do some sightseeing of the film that we just watched. Some of us have seen it once. Some of us have seen it 59 times, which seems crazy to say out loud all of a sudden. But some of us have seen it 59 times. And are you comfortable with kicking

off or do you want me to burn some? No, I'm so ready. Maeve Higgins, what was your favourite bit of this movie, We Are Your Friends? There was a very small scene where they were eating cake and it wasn't clear whose birthday it was.

It was pretty clear the was it yeah it's kind of expressly spelled out I know that the it was the guy who got the cake yeah yeah yeah and just for future reference it's usually a pretty good guy okay but actually you're wrong because usually what happens is somebody brings a cake to the... He just like opened the fridge and took out a cake, which isn't how a normal birthday cake is presented to you. Someone brings it over to you and there's a big ceremony. Do you know, that is so true. Yeah.

But this cake is of course consumed in the middle of a lover's tiff. Right. And so all the rules fly out the window. Yeah, so true. So unconventionally, I guess, he just went to the fridge and got his own birthday cake. Yeah. And he's the elderly DJ.

What was his name? James Reid. Did you just describe him as an elderly DJ? Yes. Fabulous. Yep, yep, yep, you got it. So James Reid, and he got his own birthday cake, and then he just, like, broke off pieces of it. He was Reid, and he got his own birthday cake, and then he just broke off pieces of it.

He was fighting with his girlfriend. They didn't use a plate. He just got handfuls of this lovely cake and passed it on to Zac Efron, who wasn't wasted at all, who should have really been like, can I get a plate? Is there a fork? But instead, he just went along with it, because I guess it's his mentor,

so he was like, I'll just take a handful of cake. And I thought that scene was like really telling what did it tell you just very telling but telling how I mean telling him that like he he like totally went off of all convention because the older guy did it same and he also wanted to had he been with the girl at that point? Yeah, they dry humped. They dry humped, okay. So he had already kissed. No, I'll take the bait. So we had the conversation again, everybody.

And I asked Maeve, I said, Maeve, based on what you've seen here this evening, do you think that Zac Efron and Emily Redichkowski's characters fucked in this movie? And she said... I don't know. It wasn't clear to me.

It wasn't clear to me. I mean, you're being obstinate. No, I didn't even know. Which I appreciate from a comedy point of view. But also because it's two against one and I am the one. No, but... I don't enjoy it. I don't...

If you watch... Maybe you should watch the film again. Because... Finish your thought. Because it didn't show anything. It was just them kind of rolling around and then... Unless you're watching a porno. A porno.

You two. I'm looking at both of you. Uh-huh. Do you not believe any characters have sex in film? Sometimes they make it super clear. But in this one, I mean, the line is... Give me a movie. Like their faces are like, oh, or whatever.

Yeah. You know in the Titanic? And you're like, you know when they've done it. Because their faces change. And her hand. There's no face. You don't see any faces. done it because their faces change. And her hand. There's no face. You don't see any faces. I can picture their faces, but I don't know if it shows that.

There's a steamy hand. You took a photo. The hands. But in the film that we just saw, whatever it's called, it's like not clear. They're just kind of rolling around. And then in the morning they're hungry. But every morning you're hungry.

Those aren't even the clothes. This is a red herring. They're both naked, demonstrably so. No, you don't see anything. You see his back. You see nothing of her. I am honestly fucking livid.

This is... It just feels disrespectful at this point. Do you know. The thing is, Tim, you get what you deserve. Because every time we've had a guest on this podcast, every time this scene comes up, you will gleefully turn to them with a wicked glint in your eye and say,

so what do you reckon? Do you think they had sex? And everyone, because they're all boars and horny fucks, they say, yeah, I reckon they did it. And now we turn to Maeve Higgins of Ireland, a bastion of, and the South, a bastion of hope and honesty, and she did not agree with your heavy-handed opinion,

and suddenly, you know... He's angry. He's a real 2017 man. He's mad. Oh, a woman is saying it's one thing. 2017 man. Yeah, to believe woman. Maeve specifically said they didn't do it.

Hey, well, you know what, guys? You really painted me into a corner here, so maybe they didn't have sex. Well done to both of you. That feels so good Maeve yeah oh so right

so there's all sorry no there's a confrontation in the bathroom which is like a very clean bathroom for like a dirty club

yes and then they say the James is that his name the old James Reid from the field

the elderly DJ he's like you know do do fucker like and like if it is the feeling. He says to Zac Efron, he's like, you know, do-do, fucker. And, like, if it is the way you want it to be, he'd be like, yes, I did. You know, like, I really enjoyed it or whatever. But instead he just, like, makes a little face, which is like,

oh, you're being coy because you didn't. That's right, yeah. You know that look he does? That's not like, yeah, of course we had sex. It's like, I wish I could tell you I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a unique feature of an argument where the minority says, you know what, you guys are right.

And then the majority says, and fucking another thing. While I'm here boot on your throat here's another fucking foot. Sorry. Hey Maeve I just want to put your mind at ease Alright. Yeah. I appreciate it. Thank you for pointing out the clues in the film I've seen 59 times. I feel like you're

pretty irate to maybe you'd like to share your shining light. Dude I feel great. I've just come to the stark realisation after 59 watches that uh there is ambiguity as to whether or not copulation has occurred between our protagonist and love interest of the film i feel enlightened and uh you want me to do my shining light because i'll do it you just watch me i am watching you my favourite bit of the film in this 59th watch is a smile delivered by a jarhead when they're in the... I was going to say cafeteria.

That doesn't sound right. Where are they? It's a diner, right? Where are they? Where are they? Yeah. At the start of the film... You guys have seen the movie, right?

So... Oh, that felt like pandering. Yuck. I take it back. So at the start of the movie Where we're first introduced To Paige Harrell The boys are having a bit of

Brunch Dinner Well yeah It is labelled as brunch But it is It's like night time Yeah Demonstrably not brunch

So the line of dialogue From Jarhead is, so what, can you get us a house? And then he does this little smile and it really lit me up this week. That's great, man. And I also think that they actually cut, so

the shot is like, I think we're all on Zicoli at that point and he's just to the side of the screen, but you see that smile and it's just gorgeous. That's so screen but you see that smile oh there we go and it's just gorgeous that's so good man do you want to know what word I'd use

to describe it gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous you just said it yeah I'm smart what was your

shining light guy that's the 59th and second to last watch yeah feels good huh I tried to put reverb in my voice, but I realised you can't do that when you're just talking. That's not how sound works.

Love your ambition. I would like to say, first of all, it's crazy that we've watched this movie 59 times. Because I remember the last time we were at the Bell House was before we did Sex and the City 2 and I remember we watched the movie before we did the show and I was like it's wild to me that

how excited I am to do this fantastic live show in New York City can be undermined entirely by having to watch this you know like it's this crazy the balance of it's just like everything in my year has been going towards this moment.

Sorry, did someone from the audience just say, it's incredible? Because you're not wrong. But this time, I don't know if it was maybe your fresh eyes and the way you emoted with the characters, but I was having a lot of fun back there, having a lot of laughs. I know we're not sitting right next to each other, dude, but I'm still a person.

Yeah, yeah, you're cool. I was part of the watch. Yeah, yeah, we're not sitting right next to each other, dude, but I'm still a person. Yeah, yeah, you're cool. I was part of the watch. Yeah, yeah, we're cool. But the shining light was a moment I'd never heard before, actually. It's when Jarhead, so at the end of the first club scene, after they've got 561 heads into the club, it's Jarhead and the door lady, he's trying to seduce her. I'm so sorry.

I think it's 563. And I know that'll just tick me off. I thought it was 62. Three is the last number. I don't know what the 60 is. We've got 562 heads. We've got 562. Oh, maybe you're right.

It's got to be two. Oh, we've got some fans in the front row. It's got a nose. God damn. Is it 562 oh maybe you're right it's got to be 2 oh we've got some fans in this front row god damn is it 562? yeah I'm glad we went on this detour that's all by the by I like to think that

Jarhead is riding high on the confidence of getting 562 heads into this club which is incredible by the way because their entire marketing approach

is flowering a university it's a one to one approach there'sing a university. It's a one-to-one approach. There's so many fucking people. For a film that prides itself on speaking to the millennial generation, there is very little interaction with the online world to promote a gig. Their sole job is promoting electronic dance music, which, gun to my head, I would say is pretty heavily associated by internet users.

You know? You know, and that might be a better movie. It's just an hour and a half of them boosting posts on Facebook. It's like, hey man, is this wording right? Yeah, yeah, it's pretty good. How are my tags? I've fucking boosted a post for this exact event on our Facebook page. I have never died on my ass like I did on that post.

Oh, God. So I put 50 American dollars behind it five days ago. Our page has like several, you know, over 10,000 likes. Seven people liked it. It's fucking crazy. Oh, thanks, man. I was wearing that. That's the thing, though.

I think on social media now you see that word like sponsored or boosted or anything you're like not on your life while I interact with this I won't look at it

for a microsecond longer than I really have do you know what it was I started the post with whoa mama oh oh guy

that stinks well I use that sometimes on my own page And it goes off Sometimes it's like Advertising on Instagram Gets me so irritated that I interact with it That's great

Is that what you were trying to do? I was trying to antagonise our potential fans I don't think that's what I was exactly trying to do Maeve do you remember the last Instagram boosted post Are you okay? fans. I don't think that's what I was exactly trying to do. Maeve, do you remember the last Instagram boosted post that you... Are you okay? Yeah. You feel... Oh, why? I don't look okay?

I don't know. I'm just checking. We cool? Yeah. Great. I mean, now I'm kind of rattled. Yeah, fair enough. But yeah, no, I'm having... Yeah, it's good. What was the last Instagram sponsored post that you remember bloody giving a muck around? Oh, it was earlier today. but yeah no I'm having it it's it's yeah it's good what was the last like Instagram uh sponsored post that you remember oh it was like earlier today there was a day crew they're really pushing

like they have a lot of wintery things now because it's like the season and uh it's like a blonde model with a wife and or with a husband and baby. And for some reason, the husband shows her a goat. Like a goat. And I was just like, that's so not relevant to my life. I just hate it. And so I just said,

is she going to skin that goat? I got kind of violent. Had it been a donkey, what would you have written? Do you know my uncle? If that donkey ever runs into trouble, I know a safe space for it. Was the post a video or a still? It was like a series of stills. I mean, I went through them all.

So it's like a comic strip of a guy showing his wife a goat. Yeah. She was, like, looking. They were standing on a cliff. She's, like, looking out into the distance. And then her husband comes over with their child. And then she's so dead. Like, she's so dead-eyed.

And then even the goat didn't, like, bring her to life. Like, she was just, like, staring at it. I've seen this one, too. Absently. And then, you know. The tag then the tagline clothes we all need them so i hate it and that's like forced into my feed i guess by whatever algorithm because i'm cold man i've been getting so many muscly guys in my feed lately they're all like you want to work out like me? I'm like, no. I never. But I guess I

do. I trust the algorithm they're using more than my own instincts now. They have more fucking glass, aren't they? Hey, Facebook, how do I need to improve my life? Well, you need to buy all these things, guys. Some of them are vitamins.

Some of them aren't, but we pretend they are. Fake vitamins. Fake vitamins. But in the movie that we saw, We Are Your Friend. Plural. They must have struggled so much to show things that were not visible, like visual. Do you know what I mean?

Like music, for example. They must have struggled to get music in the movie. No, to show it in a visual struggled to get music in the movie. No, to show it in a visual way, like in a movie way. I kept picturing the screenwriter would have been terrifying for them. So that's why they had to do the flyer scene. So that they can communicate.

Yeah, they can show the guys running around. You guys know the flyer scene, right? It's at the start of the movie where our champions are running up to a college and they have to distribute flyers for the great gig. It's social. Worth it. It's a good

scene. That scene or me explaining that? No, but you know what I mean, right? It's such a... So many things about the movie. There's ideas in the movie and they really struggle to express them. Yeah, I know what you mean. And they spend too much time on all of them.

Yeah. Which is crazy because the movie's... They should have really made a different movie. The one where they do all the boosted posts. Yeah. I mean, I don't want to get angry, but you motherfuckers are railroading my shining light right now. Oh, I forgot that that's what we were doing.

Yeah. Hey, guy. Fuck you. That's okay. It's a shining light. So after, however, whatever methods they've used, they've successfully got 562 heads into the club. Jarhead is trying to seduce the door lady,

who I don't think has given a name, and he goes over and he says, hey, you know, whatever, and then she says, I will go home with you tonight on two conditions. He says, I've seen a lot, oh no, this is the first interaction, isn't it? I've seen a lot of door ladies. I'm all over this. Okay. But he does say something.

I've seen many door, oh yeah, he does. There's been another shutting light. I've seen many door... Oh, yeah, he does. There's been another shutting light. I've seen many door ladies in my life. I've seen many door girls in my life,

but none of them, and we never get to hear what the second half of that, you know, prepared pick-up line is because she cuts them off, but I'd love to know what the second half

of the pick-up line I've seen many door girls in my time, but none of them... What could you possibly say? None of them have entertained me this long. Like she's given him like three seconds of her time and he seems like taken aback and like stunned by that.

He is. It's true, yeah. Applaud. Sure. And she cuts him off and she says, I will go home with you tonight on two conditions. One, this is pretty sexy and I will never admit to it. If you tell anyone about this, I will never admit to you tonight on two conditions. One, this is pretty sexy. I will never admit to it.

If you tell anyone about this, I will never admit to it. Yeah, yeah. And two, you shut your fucking mouth for the rest of the night. And for 58 screenings, I've always thought that is where that performer's performance ends. But this evening I discovered she either improvised, snuck in, or delivered perfectly. Okay? And that was my shining light.

Thank you. This train conductor is getting old and tired. Hey, it's good stuff. You know? Well, did you like it because she was like luring him into responding? She was like, okay? Question mark.

And if he just said like, okay, she'd be like, you spoke. Do you know? Fuck. I'm not going to fuck you. You said okay. I wish I was engaging with the movie in that naive first screening sort of way.

But no, I enjoyed it because I had never heard her say that before. They both work. But yeah, that's what I enjoyed. Also, I feel like I made this. I don't know why. I want to show it to everyone. I went to a dollar store.

That's the whole segment. Guy has... They didn't see it. Guy's made some arts and crafts. He's on a sheet of paper. He's glued together some letters. Those letters were... Are your friends?

W-A-Y-O-E are your friends. And they're in glitter letters. But the W's fallen off. When did you start doing prop comedy, guys? Literally this exact moment. Right. It's easier. Otherwise you've got to think of stuff.

Right. That's why you just do whatever. There's something very capturing about the sign, though. No one else can see it but me. I feel like it deserves attention, and no one else can give it attention except for I can. It's not that capturing, Tim. I'm in there.

I feel it pertinent to bring up the reason why this might be so capturing for you right now. Yeah, rock and roll. Tim had a lovely little mushroom before we... came out. I mean at the same 99 cent diamante letters taped onto a piece of card and thinking this is one of the least capturing things I've ever seen

This will be wrong friend That thing deserves our attention and I'll tell you what else it deserves a bit of respect It's hard to argue with you our attention and I'll tell you what else it deserves. A bit of respect. It's hard to argue with you. Isn't it though? It is very glittery.

Thank you, Maeve. I just, you know, podcast this is good for us but of course predominantly in audio practice. Maeve, can I ask you a question? Yep. Do you think I ask you a question? Yep. Do you think this podcast was a good idea?

Not this episode, but the whole shebang. Like from... I heard him saying you also watched Sex and the City 2 for... A year. Right, right, right. We did Grown Ups 2 as well for a year. I mean... Do you know what my podcast is about? No.

Can I be honest with you? I don't. No, that's fine. I just wanted to give you a heads up. Okay, great. It's like about immigration in a time of Trump. Are you serious? Yeah. Oh wait, no, I did know this. You did? Yes, I did. I think Guy might have told me that. Your friend here is a recent immigrant. Yes. serious? Yeah. Oh wait, no, I did know that. You did? Yes, I did. I think I might have told you that.

Your friend here is a recent immigrant. Yes. Guy. Remember? You just moved here. Yeah, I do. I remember that vividly. I remember when I met you, the first thing you said to me was oh, it's a shame. I just finished my podcast. Because, yeah, yeah.

So, I mean, I like to listen to like podcasts. I don't want to say like the don't matter but like it's fine i'll take that on the chin it's like a nice break for people right like it's like a restful like it's a respite yeah i mean it's really hard for you guys and you're losing losing your minds, it feels like. But for the rest of us to listen, it's like a silly escape. Okay, great. Lovely. So the answer is... I don't think you should do it again.

No, no, no. There's no risk of that. Did you know... There is. There is. Oh, there is one... Wait, you're going to do it again? No, there's one shark in the water that we cannot kill on our own.

There used to be two, Maeve. We've committed on the record to, if ever they created a third Sex and the City movie, Oh my God! we would do another season watching that. But Sarah Jessica Parker quite recently came out and said, not happening. Tried to make it happen, couldn't make it happen.

And another one that we committed was if Adam Sandler makes another grown-ups movie, grown-ups 3, we have to watch that for not one, but two years. Oh my god. But I don't know, I feel like it would have happened by now if it was going to. But that would get us to the end of the Trump 8 years

in office. 8? 4? Surely? Four? Surely. Really? Oh, wrong podcast. Wrong podcast. We're not in Maven America now, Maeve. Hey, hey. We're in another bloody segment. Look at that.

Crazy. I even put my train conductor head on. He didn't recognise me. I'm the train conductor. Five, six, seven, eight. Getting sentimental with James Reid. You don't need to clap. Yeah. What do you think of our singing? So much bass.

Yeah, yeah. From such bass. Guys. Yeah, we are better guys. Right. But I understand what you're saying was an insult. No, it wasn't. Not in this climate.

That's like the best. Anyway, okay. So as we told you and as you saw during the movie, James Reid from The Feelers, the old DJ, as you have categorised him, gives a gift unto his mentee, Zicoli, the crying DJ. And he prefaces it by saying, I may have gotten a little sentimental.

Hold on for a second. Mentee a word? They're genuinely outraged I paused you. I'm so sorry, I'm not used to an audience. Unpause. If anyone was open to mentee being a word right now, I thought it would be you. You and me both, man.

You are right to question it. It does not make any sense. Phonetically right now, I thought it would be you. You and me both, man. You are right to question it. It does not make any sense. Phonetically and spelling, what is it? M-E-N-T-E-E. It's a fucking mess. Mentee. Well, it's phonetic, no? Mentee.

There's not an accent on mentee. This guy's commenting on Facebook posts. He's spelling out words. It's what? Guy stay focused? I'm really sorry for what I did you're cool dude but so he gives him a

he says I may have gotten a little sentimental and he gives him a gift which is contained within the confines of a MacBook Pro box, we never see him open the gift so it is up to us to figure out exactly what is contained therein. Maeve is our guest. I feel like you get first pass at this.

Can I just ask another? Do you remember when he mentioned his mother? Yes. He was playing the piano or something like that, and then what happens again? He's playing the piano, and James Reid says, that's pretty good.

Did your mom play the piano or something like that? No, he doesn't quite so heavily. Reed says, that's pretty good. Did your mum play the piano or something like that? No, he doesn't quite so heavily. He says, that's pretty good. And he goes, yeah, my mum taught piano. Yeah. And then he goes, does she still teach? And he goes, I don't know. Maybe.

Maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe. So that was never resolved. So I thought maybe something in the box was like something to do with like the mother. Holy fuck. Right. What kind of thing? so I thought maybe something in the box was like something to do with like the mother holy fuck right what kind of thing I don't know if I'm primed for this one

oh like I don't know just like her ID or something or like here's your here she is or like what to reunite them not like her ashes not like her ashes. Not like her ashes or anything.

But still. But just like, you know. So she's, okay, okay, yeah. But live. But still. No, no, but so you're saying. Or like maybe some sheet music. Like your mom sent me this from prison. Or something.

That sounds like a gag. Hey, your mom sent me this from prison. Yeah, because she's in like a women's prison. Oh, so she's still alive, but she's been incarcerated. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I dig that. What do you think she did to get her on the inside? I think she did a murder-suicide.

Oh, no. Like a murder. Just a murder. That doesn't quite work. If she is alive and incarcerated, I feel incarcerated. Hold on for a second. This podcast is nothing if not a brainstorm and there are no bad ideas in the brainstorm.

I'm not calling it a bad idea. I'm calling it legally unsound. A murder-suicide. Zicoli's mother has performed a murder-suicide, come back as a ghost, has been tried for the crimes she committed in ethereal form

and sent to prison all the same. Yeah, she's in ghost jail. Schlubbing it with the corporeal forms. Exactly. She's got her own cell or does she have a cellmate? She's haunting a cell. Gotcha, perfect. With another, with a real girl.

Tell me about the real woman, girl. Oh, she's, I want to say, I want to say like, what crime did she do? Just like tax evasion. Love it. She's like a nice lady. She just like got mixed up with the wrong crowd, like a bad accountant. Your bog standard garden variety textivation. And so she's there and she's always saying to the guards,

it's so cold in here. Because Zac Efron's mother is all around. Can she see her? No, she can just feel her presence. Okay. I'm sorry. No, this is all sound and good. Yeah, I'd say this will make it into the show right? Oh I can't help but feel like

you're moving us on and I've got so many more questions about this situation my main question would be why is she haunting this tax evading woman right oh I know because she's like she's a Catholic,

and that's like really bad to kill yourself if you're a Catholic. So she's actually, her guilt has travelled into the afterlife, and she's put herself in prison. She is voluntarily incarcerated. Okay, yeah. Hey, we can clap all we want. There's still more questions. I think that wraps it up.

So she has somehow... Yeah, I got my Catholics in. Where are my Catholics? No St. Peter fairs in the room tonight? Okay. Very good. Not quite as many as Maeve really teed up for. Not quite as many as Maeve really teed up for So in between

sort of grappling with her own guilt and haunting this maybe Presbyterian or some other religion tax evader She's Buddhist actually Yeah guy Doesn't seem very in keeping with Buddhism to evade tax

No she's newly... You know how you go into prison, you convert to Buddhism? You, like, find Buddha. Yeah, it's what all the killers say. They say, I found Buddha. Yeah. And so in between all this, she finds the time to write some sheet music, you suggest?

Yeah, because what's spookier, you know? Do you think that a ghost would just write in words in English? I doubt it, Guy. I think that they'd be like blink, blink, blink. Blink, blink, blink. But she somehow found a way to physically, you know,

transcribe, address, and mail this to a man whom she does not know. She was visited by the elderly DJ because he is confronting his own mortality again and again and again throughout the film. Did I just say, mate? Do you remember he said,

what did he say again? I'm sorry, just elderly really. We've added that to the canon. Do you remember in the bathroom when he's like, there's some things you can't repair or something like that? You're not even old enough to know the definition of the word irrevocable. Irrevocable.

The other thing he says is he uses the C word, which really... Right. Heavy. Big. It's good. It's a good swear. He calls Zac Efron's character a weaselly little cunt Whoa

I'm not sure if we've had a C word on the podcast before We certainly have We've talked about this exact scene Because what the fuck else are we going to talk about My guy Oh beer can, you'll never turn against me Okay, so James Reid guy. Oh, beer can. You'll never turn against me. Okay, so James Reid

from The Feelers, the elderly DJ, visits this woman's penitentiary. And you know what actually is a good time to point out that actually women in prison get a lot fewer visitors. Women in prison get a lot fewer visitors than the men in prison do actually. So that's something to think about.

Yeah, I think So in a way, this movie subverts that norm. So that's an interesting layer. Is there another one of the ways in which you found this movie quite moving? Very. Well, at the start I was like, this isn't really believable

that he would be visiting her in prison because I knew about how fewer... But then I said, look, it's a fucking movie. Stop overthinking it, you know. They're obviously very skillful filmmakers. He went to... Just accept it. He went to the prison to meet the mother

to get the sheet music to bring it back. To the younger DJ. It's a fine line between seeing a movie and not being able to tell whether or not they can achieve the genre or if they're so skilled they're subverting the genre. And I like that you've extended enough faith to Maximum Joseph to go, you know what, my shaman, my faith in your hands. And we're going to the prison.

Right. And we're going to go visit Zicole's mum. What was her name? What is her name? Sandra. Sandra, of course. Sandra. Sandra.

Because it sounds like song. Right. Spelt the traditional way? Yeah. Yeah, just Sandra. Efron. Do you know, the thing is, for me, for how emotional and overwhelming the moment of the gift exchange must be

for Zac Efron's character, they really don't dwell on it much for the rest of the movie at all. Right, but when he's crying, do you remember at the scene when he's weeping at the end? Yeah. You don't know what is in his mind. Do you remember at the scene when he's weeping at the end? Yeah.

You don't know what is in his mind. This is what's created the crying DJ. I think so. Oh, Maeve. Yeah. You are wonderful. Isn't it beautiful? This is, I mean, this is the second to last opportunity we have to just have a bunch of lore in there, and this is just tremendous.

You really captured me. I like it a lot. A lot of people left while I was talking. I did see that. They also came back. You're the person equivalent of that sign. You've captured me.

It's great. But there's another segment. Well, yeah, there's one other piece of business to attend to. Now, Tim, would you like to telegraph the segment in your traditional way this evening? No. Toot toot!

Your loss is a great way to telegraph a segment. Now, in the interest of the fact you've seen this movie... Hey, guy, can I be honest with you? I was aware there was a segment we hadn't done. I forgot what it was. And that's why I said no. I didn't mean to leave you out in the cold in front of this beautiful

Brooklyn room of humans looking upon us. And can I just say once again, can I take this opportunity to say, a lot more people than I was expecting in this room. It's good. Good amount of humans in here. Good amount of heat. It could be a hallucination.

Imagine that. No, this is not new terrain, guy, for Timbly Wembley. Timbly Wembley's been here before. He's seen the sights. He knows what's good. Absolutely. So this final segment, Maeve, requires some role playing. Now, if you can imagine, which shouldn't be a huge stretch,

that Tim and I are high-powered movie executives who sit upon thrones of millions and millions of dollars. Yeah. And you are a writer of some description, a storyteller, if you will. So you'll have to use your ability to improvise here. Okay. I don't like this. Go metaphor, not simile. Okay. I don't like this. Go metaphor,

not simile. Guy and I are film executives. Okay. You have an idea for the sequel to We Are Your Friends. Yep. I got us. And I would love to, just if you give me one moment, get in the right headspace

to accept a visitor into my office that I share with Mr Montgomery on the 34th floor Hi Hey thank you so much for seeing me Not at all, please take a seat No but I mean for really seeing me

for really seeing me. Can I get you a drink? Water? Coca-Cola? Whiskey? Whatever you would like. I might get an iced tea. Sure thing. Done.

Thank you. Mr Montgomery, we'll just get that for you now. Is that your secretary? No, no. we are film executives. We work together and we fund projects, but we're also givers. Okay, cool.

Hey, where's your accent from? Am I allowed to chit-chat? Absolutely. Oh, where's your accent from? Well, I'm from New Zealand. Oh, interesting. Have you heard of Peter Jackson? Is that the west of Australia?

Yeah, it is. Well, it is. Well, it's east and south. It's west if you keep going. Yeah, I guess everything's west. I think they call it far west Australia. Oh, beautiful. It's like they call the United States of America North Canada. Canada's all for so listen I hate to

thank you for showing you're working I hate to move you along but we actually have a few people to see oh yeah I've got a whole slew of meetings two fantastic then we're on the same page yeah there's a lot of digital content and the History Channel

Facebook page is interested in commissioning me or at least commissioning a sizzle Okay cool well maybe you want to go and visit those Facebook pages. It's been great to meet you. I didn't even get your name. No no I feel like there's more to this Wait were you the two behind the film

We Are Your Friends We Are Your Friends? We Are Your Friend? Yes, that's us. It was the cinematic depiction of Where's Wally in a world where he cannot be seen by the naked eye except for the very observant.

Here's a friend looking over him and every scene a complex array of humans dressed similarly but not identically to Waldo localisation. Nice. So there we were and we thought, how do you make this picture book a film? You know what our solution was? We are not here to pitch our movie to the writer who is in to pitch a movie to us.

Although, can I say, Where Are Your Friends is a fantastic name for a live-action adaptation of Where's Waldo? If you guys aren't going to use that idea, can I pitch that idea to History Channel Facebook page later? Absolutely not. We've already made the film. OK, so go ahead, please. OK, so your film meant a lot to me and all my sisters growing up. Growing up in rural Ireland,

it was so nice to see us represented up there on the big screen. That's what we were going for, exactly. Right. It's like we always say, if you can't see it, you can't be it. And then when I saw Zac Efron and Jarhead and all the boys, then I was like, wow, I can do this too. So here's the pitch for the sequel, OK? Guess what?

It's supernatural. Brilliant. Yeah. Tell me more. Very naturalistic. I like it. It's supernatural. I'm glad you enjoyed it, Maeve,

because I tell you, this live audience will do it. I know. Maybe on the second listen, right? Yeah, yeah. It was a good offer. It was quality. audience would do it. I know. Maybe on the second listen, right? Yeah, yeah. So it... It was a good offer. It was quality. You see what he did, folks?

It was fine. It was fine. Supernatural. We're used to the definition being of the unearthly realm. I think they both understood and chose

not to enjoy it. I feel like I threw him a bone by repeating it, you know, like I tried to give it a second shot and again they were just like, mm-hmm. I noticed. So anyway, this happens in, actually in heaven.

And guess who's up there? Who? Gandhi. He's gotta be. He's so good. Although, you know there was this thing that he did? I did not. Okay, well, I mean,

I just heard this person tell me this once, but Gandhi had his wife had this disease and Gandhi was like, we're not going to take that medicine, okay? That's not in our diet. We're not going to take that medicine. So the wife died of that disease. And then Gandhi got the same disease. He was like, I'm just going to take that medicine. So the wife died of that disease. And then Gandhi

got the same disease. He was like, I'm just going to take this medicine. I don't know if you were here for earlier in the show where Guy revealed I'd done some mushrooms, but that's not the kind of fodder I was in for. Anyway, I need to check that.

But I think that might be true. So for our reference, is Gandhi in heaven or is he not? He is until that story comes out and God is like, get out. Raises a lot of questions, but let's press forward. Okay, so Gandhi. And you know who else is in heaven? Squirrel. Fucking A.

Why wouldn't he be? But also because he's Jewish. Oh, he is? Oh, wait, they don't believe in hell. Oh, I don't know what I'm talking about. Wait, do you say like Jewish people can't go to heaven? Absolutely not. And thanks for clarifying.

They can. Thank you for giving me this opportunity to clarify. Absolutely not. That is not what I said whatsoever. Anyway, so, then also, Shonda Ephron has finally, because she delivered her gift to her son,

her soul is free, and she also has ascended into heaven. And her and Squirrel, fuck. Oh. That is dope. Yeah. You didn't have me and you didn't have me and then you have me.

That's a great twist. And there is no ambiguity about this. Hey, say no more. Yeah. That's brilliant. Thank you. Or say heaps more, I don't know. Wait, can you commission this in the room? Yeah, we've more. Yeah. That's brilliant. Thank you. Or say heaps more, I don't know. Wait, can you commission this in the room?

Yeah, we've got that power. And? While I want to hear more, I almost want to save myself for the movie going experience. I would like to give you $20 million. Not enough. I would like to give you $45. That's going to make this, right?

Million? Yes. Oh, yeah. So you've got $65 million. I would like to give you 45 that's going to make this million yes oh yeah so you've got 65 million dollars sorry I wasn't low balling my colleague here 65 million dollars

I'll take it fucking dope we've got a film ladies and gentlemen we've got a great picture here we do have a great picture here thank you so much forget the Avengers

or whatever yeah what's the one that just came out the Justice League oh didn't that boom it was like boring you guys Forget the Avengers or whatever. Yeah. What's the one that just came out? The Justice League. Oh, didn't that bomb? It was like boring, you guys.

We get it. They're hot. Now, I think, you know, we're running a touch over, but what we would like to do, just because, you know, we understand there might not be an opportunity in terms of mythos for you guys to address any burning questions you might have about the film, where are your friends or pertaining to the podcast, to give an opportunity to you, our humble and

all-knowing audience. Is that kind of mumbling to anyone else? It's impossible to say. We are all only limited to our own experience. Yours, which goes in every direction as far as it can, which I love. But if anyone's got any questions, please... What's going on in that bathroom?

Hey, do you know what? We've got a... Can you... No, it's too much trouble. It is too much trouble, isn't it? Pretty obvious question. I don't know if they're... Yeah, no, I'm all over it.

There's a microphone there, but you don't need to worry about that. Guy, would you be so kind as to parrot the question that was delivered? Yeah, so the audience member said, what happens in that bathroom? Now, Maeve, what does this question mean to you, first of all? I'm just thinking, is it the fight scene? No. But a great guess. Yeah.

Because that isn't a bathroom. No, there's a scene... You remember just before you observed, before it happened, that Squirtle was dead? Yeah. And Johnny Depp emerges from the bathroom and he goes, you did not want to... Has anyone seen that bathroom?

It's... Yeah, yeah, yeah. He does a fantastic Mr Fox whistle. He goes... And then he walks out and occasionally we would sort of guess at what unseemly deeds occurred in that bathroom.

Do you have any idea? You saw that party. What sort of shit was going on in there? I mean, there was a dead body at the end of it. Squirrel. So you reckon it was maybe a note being like, there's a dead body at the end of it. Squirrel. So you reckon it was maybe a note being like, there's a dead body in the lounge? I don't know. Like, sometimes as a prank, people write in lipstick,

welcome to the AIDS club, in the mirror of a bathroom. There you are. Is this true? Yeah. That's the beauty of Maeve Higgins. It's an American... She takes it to the most incredible place possible It's an American prank Doesn't feel American

I've lived here for months And This is a typical Thanksgiving prank They get their Maybelline Lipstick and they write on the mirror, welcome to the AIDS club. It is sick. And that's why I'm glad that this

movie takes place in the West Coast and not the area Maeve has experienced. Park Slope. Her own bathroom. However. The tough zone of Park Slope. That would warrant, you know, Jon and Deb's reaction, which is like, have you guys been there before?

Because I couldn't do the whistle but the great thing about Clooney is he just clenches it with a you don't even need to be able to whistle

you can just blow like the wind. I have the most intense visual of what is happening in the bathroom. Can I describe it to you? Can I describe it to you? May I? So many

It was fantastically timed A universal, yep, from the crowd Alright, from the front row Very good I can see it with my mind's eye We're in the bathroom and as every bathroom has a bone white porcelain

basin, clean as, as we say in New Zealand. Clean as a whistle, as you would say in America. We leave the last bit to the imagination, for we are a poetic people. Ruminating around this bone china coloured, but still very porcelain basin is not one, but two tiny unicorns chasing each other

making concentric circles but and you would only notice this if you were paying very close attention which I was they are getting closer and closer to the plug every time that they make a rotation around they're happy, they're joyful

they're playing but unfortunately like us all around. They're happy, they're joyful, they're playing. But unfortunately, like us all, inextricably, they will be sucked into the vacuum of time and meet their untimely demise at the bottom. Jesus, fuck. I thought mine was dark, but that

is, like, next level. That's an American tradition. It's a metaphor. Yeah. You don't have unicorns in New Zealand, right? No, not that I've seen. Right. That's impossible to say.

So I hope that's sufficiently answered your question, sir. Does anyone else have any questions? Where's the knife? Oh. Brilliant question. Where is the knife? Where is the knife? The knife is a co-host that Tim would insist upon bringing on the podcast every now and then just to restore order in the room.

At one point, he told me... I'm sorry, who asked the question? What's your name, sir? Chris? I've got some bad news, Chris. What's your name, sir? Chris. I've got some bad news, Chris.

Chris, the knife's gone and it was the TSA. It happened again. And there was actually someone, and I wish I'd kind of screen-capped this and had it ready on hand, but someone on Twitter foretold this exactly, but just randomly guessed it. Someone said, where's the knife? And then someone else said, oh, Tim tried to get it through

customs again. And they're 100% correct. I put it on my pack-in bag because I forgot to put it in my luggage check-in one. And then what they do is they check your backpack every now and then when you go through for like specifically stuff like knives so this member of the

TSA the security person said do you have any sharp objects in your bag I was like oh yeah I do I said yeah there's a knife in there. And they said, where is it? And I pointed to the pocket and they said, you get it out. And I said, okay. So if the TSA person is a legend, then they have the knife. And if they're a fucking nerd, it's in a dumpster somewhere. But do you know what? What? What?

What? I think it was meant to be. Because like, if you'll remember, the first knife went down like this. And now we're at the end of everything. And it just, I can only hold on emotionally to the fact that maybe this was supposed to happen in the same fashion again. As sort of bookends to the podcast, you know? We started with a knife. We didn't, that's the thing.

And then we ended without a knife also. It was just us. You introduced the knife. Do you know where I bought the original knife? There was a corner store shutting down in Queen Street in New Zealand. You can just pick up a knife in corner stores in New Zealand. Absolutely. When they're going out of business, yeah.

Nice and cheap. Beautiful little flick knife. I thought I'll have that. Corner stores really reveal themselves when they're going out of business. This is what we wanted to sell, you see? Finally we got given our chance. Tortoise shells and like... We have to keep rollicking along.

But luckily we've got time for one more question. Yeah, there was... Someone did want a question. Yes, go ahead, sir. If Jarhead never fixed the toilet, how does his dad poop? If Jarhead never fixed the toilet, how does his dad poop? I mean, I feel like he would poop the same way as everyone else. I think that would be limited.

Deftly handled. I think it's up to you to imagine where and how he does that. He does have a full empty pool in his backyard. That was the toilet to which he was originally referring. I wasn't concentrating on the movie. No, no. No, no. I was building on the mythos.

You were on the money. Did that answer your question satisfactorily? No. Did I add another your question satisfactorily? No. Did I add another syllable to satisfactorily? You combined sartorially and satisfactorily. I think we should all say it like that from now on. It's more fun. I bet that'll

take off. I'll fucking wager anything, my guy. It's such a good question because if the... He's answering a different question. I mean... Well, okay, can I ask you a question to answer the question?

Are you posing the question in a universe wherein the roof is the toilet, which we suggested in an episode or two? Well, I think the pool slide would be the toilet more. The pool slide is the toilet. It's a lot more fun. It's more fun. I'm repeating not just to be a fuckword but so it is.

You're a savvy dude but I feel like you undid all of your good work by articulating exactly why you were repeating. Just letting everyone know. I understand what you're suggesting so you don't think that Jahid's father shits into a children's slide and it lands in an empty pool on his property.

No, it's good. It's a good world you live in. Look, the truth of the matter is we don't have time for any more questions because we are going to take a quick break and then we're all going to bust out a hot little bit of stand-up comedy for those of you who are excited. Hey, you guys, you've been such a wonderful audience. Please give yourselves a...

Patty Schwartz. Do you know I DMed Patty Schwartz? I'll fucking read it to you. So easily distracted. You know, you can Google the tattoo. I somehow... Oh, hey, do you know what? Actually, I've come...

I mean, you live here now in New York City. Maeve, I'm really sorry. This is just a little inside business, if we may. Because, like, I've come a tremendous way to be here and everyone's, you know, shifted their plans to be here. Everyone has. Yeah. No one accounted for this.

Everyone is... So, what I'd love to do is a little bit of puh-puh. Yeah. A little bit of puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh. Puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh. Puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh-puh- puh, puh, puh. Puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh. Puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh, puh Patti Schwartz! Patti Schwartz! Party time!

He's going to get into the motherfucking venue! Patti Schwartz! Party time! He's got his phone out in the front right now! Patti Schwartz. Party time. He's got his phone out in the front right now. Patty Schwartz. Party time. God, it's been a while, huh? We didn't know that.

Do you know, it's so unexciting. Somehow, amongst all the mess of us abusing Patrick Schwarzenegger online for three years, we now follow each other on Twitter, which gives me the right to DM him every now and then. My first correspondence. It's not relevant. I'll read it to you and then I'll go to what I actually just said. Happy New Year Patrick!

Can I take a punt at when you sent that? Yeah, go for it. Jan 2nd. No, it's May. Perfect. And thanks for the follow, you stone-cold legend. How the bloody heck are you?

I hope America is going well. Spoiler. It is. The reason I message you, this is after we'd finished season one, by the way. The reason I requested the chance to DM you is my friend Tim and I, who also has your tattoo, would love to get you on our podcast for a segment called Paddy Schwartz Party Time.

Are you happy to discuss this via Twitter or would you rather we talked via email? Cheers, Guy. And then he just messaged me back, what's up, bud? What would I have to do? And then that conversation went nowhere. But since then, every time we're in Los Angeles, I should have messaged saying, hey, me and Tim would love to have a beer.

And every time when we're on the way to the airport, he messages back being like, oh, I never check Twitter, even though he tweets all the fucking time. So anyway, this is... Could you message him now before you forget? I messaged him literally like eight hours ago today. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. Alright, let's see how that goes. Oh, but it's not

funny because I was trying to grease his wheels. I said, hey Patrick, congrats on the long road home, man. Which I looked up as a show he's just acted in for National Geographic. At least you didn't open it with, whoa, mama. Haven't got to sit yet yet how fucking hollow is this

I feel like I'm burying my soul haven't got to see it yet but the reviews and trailers look amazing it's a long shot I know but if you're in LA this Friday and want to receive the hottest of heroes welcomes imaginable, my friend Tim and I are doing the last episode of our Stupid Podcast in West Hollywood,

and if you showed up for even one minute, you would send our entire audience into absolute pandemonium. Let me know. I hope you're well. And... Oh, I'm sorry. Does Patrick Schwarzenegger follow you on Twitter? He genuinely doesn't.

It's crippled me that he only follows you. I'm sorry. Does Patrick Schwarzenegger follow you on Twitter? He genuinely doesn't. It has crippled me that he only follows you. I'm sorry. Read on. Every time I DM him, I risk losing this privilege. Anyway, it has been neither seen nor responded to. Well, everyone, what an absolute climax to leave an episode on. Guy, master storyteller as always. Can we please get a round of applause for the lovely Maypig?

Thank you. Thanks for having me. God, you're cool. Ow! This movie's still fine. There's a colleague, a pastor. One of them dies, they go screw. One of them's a hottie, his name is Jay.

One of them looks like Johnny Depp, and his name is Johnny Depp. Classic Maximum Joseph. Agree! Agh! You forget that films are supposed to have a point. Today. You ready? Okay, let's go.

The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer. Everybody run! Ends here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Borderlands. Now playing.