The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Fifty Two - Finale?
Episode Date: November 26, 2018Guy and Tim have finally made it. It's the last viewing of Grown Ups 2, exactly one year after they started. Recorded live in front of a soldout CineFamily crowd on Sunset in Los Angeles, California. ...After a public viewing of the movie the lads have finally seen the backend of the movie. What ensues is an elated, nonsensical final romp through a film that's been a part of the boys' life for a long time. It's time to say goodbye. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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I feel that I'm falling in love every day
Cause before you know it, your precious time slips away
Leave it, shut it down, shut it down
Get rid of it
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the worst idea
I said get rid of it!
Welcome to the worst idea of all time.
My name is Tim Batt.
My name is Guy Montgomery.
And we have just watched Grown Ups 2 for the 52nd time.
Okay, okay.
We've got a lot to get through, so please hold your applause.
For those of you who are joining us on the internet
We're coming to you live from a real hub here in Los Angeles, California
This is the Cinefamily on Fairfax and Thur
It's a pleasure to be with you tonight
My name is Timothy and this is my friend Mr. Montgomery
Yes, and we will not be speaking like this for very long
at all. However, we'll keep it up as
damn well long as we can. I tell you what
Timothy, I'm fairly finished with it right about now.
Okay, fair enough.
So this is probably a good time to
tell you at the end of the podcast that
guess what everybody?
We're from Sony
Pictures, Marketing
and Publicity.
And on behalf of all
of us at
Sony Pictures, I'd like to say
gotcha!
Welcome to the
second cinema release of
Grown Ups 2. We're going to be
rolling it out through the entire world.
Why do you think there are cameras here?
We're filming you sons of bitches, all right?
You're a test audience and you like what we've got.
We're working on a second edit.
We wanted to see which kicks flied and which ones sunk.
It turns out they're all fetish.
What we have built is potentially the funniest goddamn movie of all time.
I'm a little worried to release it for a second run because in its first cinema run,
we killed 37 people in the nation of America.
We don't talk about that on camera, Tim.
Not a lot, not often.
Yeah, virtually never.
Lawsuits and whatnot.
Yeah, that's right.
Your 37 bodies, they're difficult to hide, I'll tell you that.
The interesting thing about 37 people dying is, they're difficult to hide, I'll tell you that. The interesting thing
about 37 people dying is,
and I don't know 100%,
but I'm pretty sure
it's a prime number.
No one's corrected you,
so I think you're onto something, Tim.
Yeah?
That's the largest prime number
mass killing in cinema history.
That's the power of grown-ups too.
Yeah, a lot of people said you couldn't top two.
Guess what, idiots?
All right.
Listen, fool listening.
It's Guy and I speaking to you.
It's Timbo here.
I've got the radio experience.
I've got the silky smooth voice.
And over here you've got Monty. Versatile and excited tobo here. I've got the radio experience. I've got the silky smooth voice. And over here you've got Monty.
Versatile and excited to be here.
Welcome to the Worst Idea of All Time podcast.
Bloody good to have you.
The number, 1-800-Worst-Idea-of-All-Time.
The fax, 1-900-Worst-Idea-of-All-Time.
The email, worst at ideaofalltime.podcast.
.aol.podcast.
If you guys want tickets to see Dixie's Midnight Runners this weekend,
you're shit out of luck.
But I'll tell you what,
REO Speedwagon in your lounge,
it's up for grabs.
.com is our website.
We're doing a lot of fucking around
but the simple truth is Monty we
fucking did it dude
high five
one year of grown ups too
thank you I couldn't be
more delighted to see the ass end
of this film I'm like
there's a real
genuine chemical feeling of
elation floating around my brain right now that I am struggling to articulate in a human language.
What you are feeling is the weight of...
Can I try Spanish?
Muy bueno.
Muy bueno.
Very good.
That is sort of an abridged version of how I was going to describe your feeling.
But what it does really boil down to at this point,
and I can speak from experience to him, is muy bueno.
Which for the unfamiliar in the audience is Spanish for is okay, I think.
You're so astute and so good at languages, Monty.
Do you know what I'm going to do?
Dive right in.
Oh, I need to keep track of how long we're talking as well.
Tim Burton, you watch.
He doesn't need to keep track.
It really doesn't matter.
He just wants you to know about it.
I've got a watch that's got all the buttons on it.
It's got a calculator into it and shit, but I'm just not quite used to it yet.
Did you buy that in the past?
Like, really far back in the past?
Oh, who will be like...
Oh, wait, there's the calculator bit.
Stop watching.
Ah, it's cool.
It's easy to use too, right?
It's just like a real basic layout.
It's so much easier than these pesky smartphones we keep getting dealt.
Today.
You ready?
Okay, let's go.
The hunt for the wildest movie of the summer.
Everybody run!
Ends here.
This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately.
Borderlands, now playing.
So the first thing we've got to address is all of the things we've got to address.
And the first one I want to tackle.
I think a great time to start is right
now, Tim. Wow.
I want to kick off with Shining
Light. I think this is a great
time to start the podcast. So
do you want
me to take the lead on this one?
I don't want to talk about it. Okay.
My Shining
Light for the 50 second viewing
consists of four words
Chris
Rock
Cargo pants
I never noticed it before
But that dude is rocking
Some straight up
Desert camel coloured
Cargo pants full length
They're not three quarters, they're not zip offs
They are the real fucking deal.
The guy is doing
a reasonably industrial job.
He's got to stay practical.
He's got to hold things.
He's got to hold different things
in different pockets.
And there's a pair of cargo pants.
What provides more options
than a pair of cargo pants?
Fucking nothing.
Legitimately,
cargo pants are...
If you've got things
you've got to carry
and for some reason
it's got to be in your pants
and not in your hands,
cargo pants are your number one choice.
In fact,
I feel like
as good as Chris Rock
as it's stand up
and acting,
which we didn't really see
on display in the movie,
but I've seen in others,
I feel like
if we had Chris Rock
cargo pants,
not only is it
a great hashtag,
but I feel like
it's an even better company
I would buy those pants.
Those are trousers I'm shelling out for.
Unless you trademark this tomorrow, Tim,
you've just given away a million dollars,
so congratulations.
I do it all the time.
There's no off position to the genius switch.
You know, the big sales pitch on the cargo pants
is how many hands do you have, Tim?
Look, I'm just a man.
I have but
dos hands. That's right.
Alright, so imagine if hands
were pockets, right, and a regular pair of pants.
How many hands do they have?
Wait, you've already lost me.
Two? Correct, two.
Imagine if your pants
had four hands.
What?
You're now buying cargo pants, Frank Hold on, what are you saying?
Hey, what?
My pants
I'm just, look
So each pocket has two hands
Let's not drill into it, it's not a strong argument
They've got half a dozen hands
It's pretty good
Like, what I'm saying is if pockets were hands
Yes
Cargo pants have four hands It's pretty good. What I'm saying is if pockets were hands... Yes.
Cargo pants have four hands.
Or more.
Two back pockets, six hands. I'm underestimating cargo pants.
Because I'm wearing jeans right now, okay?
That's one hand.
Correct.
That's one hand.
So we've got two already.
Yeah.
We're dealing with another one down there. And you know that shit's deep and fat. You're explaining something, isn't he? That's one hand. So we've got two already. Yeah. We're dealing with another one down there and you know that shit's
deep and fat.
So that's another two.
So we've got two, three,
four, times two is eight,
plus two is ten.
You're dealing with ten hands on a human.
Okay.
That's a lot of shit going on.
That is a mighty big human.
Did you have a shining light on this watch, Guy?
I'm pretty sure I told you to remind me of several.
What did I tell you, Tim?
Before I bring that up,
let me tell you about the time when I was in Stewart Island.
No.
I'm trying to help you out, dude.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm trying to buy you time.
I'm trying to buy you time
to buy me time.
No one's buying...
It's not my responsibility
to remember your shining lights
on the last fucking episode, dude.
Okay.
Like, step up to the plate, bro.
Shining lights.
You're in the world series.
The movie...
The movie...
looks really good on a big screen.
I'll give it that.
I feel like... maybe we've got it wrong the whole time.
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
I can't possibly.
Maybe we've horribly misread the situation.
I can't agree with that.
No, no, no, sir.
No, sir.
Sir, I say no.
Sir. I say to no, sir. No, sir. Sir, I say no. Sir.
I say to you, sir.
There is something very forgiving about being in a theatre,
particularly with the amount of very large physical gags
that this movie presents, and I recognise that.
Hey, guess what, you pieces of shit?
You laughed at the bit where they all jumped off Suicide 35
off the top rock, 35 feet above the water.
My mum did that, John.
My mum told me that joke when she was pregnant with me.
You laughed at that.
Four grown comedic men jumping off a cliff into water,
injuring themselves significantly,
predominantly in the genitalia.
You guys loved it.
And we loved it too, the first time we saw it.
Yeah, I was going to stick up for them.
I think that's pretty funny, almost the whole way through.
It's a good physical gag.
It's funny watching it with this many people yeah there are some jokes that you hear and you've you've got weighted expectations on them i was relieved to hear
people laughing at the suicide 35 stuff there were some interesting points for you guys do you know
what this has turned into a magnifying glass on you. You thought it was going to be a Q&A against Tim and Monty?
You guys are fucking weird, man.
Guess what, LA?
We came here to fuck your shit up.
You guys got some problems?
We'd like to talk about them.
Here's one.
I had to get some quarters today to do my laundry.
I had to go to a goddamn bank.
What is up with your racial segregation, LA? I hate to
get too real with you on the last episode.
But it was a pretty
real situation at Bank of America.
This is pretty real. Firstly, I almost
threw up because of how hungover I
was. And that's semi-relevant
to the point, by which I mean not at all.
We should probably move forward from this anecdote.
I don't think it relates to the movie.
You're good at reading a room, Tim,
and I've always said that about you.
You've got a real sense for how everyone's doing.
That's you.
Here's Tim in a room.
Yeah, I can feel that.
It's a real room for real people.
Well, I mean...
This is different for us you've got to
be aware of that the weird thing is that
somewhere in the distance I can like hear
a there's a lot of
gears it's like a
a small truck or a
bus or something
nope you can't hear that
I can hear it it's like no hold on
everyone shut up for a second
shut up guy
uh uh uh uh uh uh in the here it's like no hold on everyone shut up shut up guy
roll up for the mystery tour and roll up roll up for the mystery tour and the Steve Buscemi mystery tour
Is coming to take you away
Coming to take you away
Take you today
Oh, you son of a bitch, Timbette.
I did not see you driving that bus.
I'm in the front seat, man.
Okay, here we go.
Here it is.
Here we're at.
I'm going to pass it over to you.
Okay, so this is where we're at.
We're at the driver's test, as you all saw.
I mean, how many of you have seen this scene before in the movie?
How many of you know what we're talking about?
Make some noise.
Who just found out what it looks like when Steve Buscemi know what we're talking about? Make some noise. Who just found out
what it looks like
when Steve Buscemi
explains what's wrong with him?
Make some noise.
It's a fine time.
Well, I'm not wasting time.
I'm just excited
for these people.
Glad for your audience, Montgomery.
I'm working my tail off up here.
Doesn't look like much
but I'm sweating jokes up here.
Okay.
I'm hemorrhaging jokes. Let's go. I'm losing a lot of jokes up here. I haven look like much, but I'm sweating jokes up here, alright? Okay. I'm hemorrhaging jokes. Let's go.
I'm losing a lot of jokes up here. I haven't heard a single one.
Make me laugh, funny man.
Make me laugh.
This is
twice as terrifying as before.
Because we were together.
You've got no allies anymore.
You're all alone
on the battlefield of grown-ups too.
There he was, 2015, a lone Kiwi lad brought up in the South Island
and suddenly thrust into an environment he's not equipped or experienced in.
He's in Hollywood, folks.
He's in Los Angeles, California.
Not only is the weather throwing him off because apparently it's winter, but fucking
tell the weather that. It's like
30 goddamn degrees here.
But everything
he thought was true about this country
is false. The people are
lovely and genuine. The air is
breathable and the water, very
absorbable.
Guy Montgomery
struggling for a thread to grab onto
in front of a theatre of 170 of his nearest and dearest.
Trying to figure out the Steve Buscemi mystery tour.
Why, if my name isn't Julia Andrews,
I'll be damned
So
There I was
Los Angeles, California
Everything on the line
No, in all seriousness Tim
The reason I'm so nervous about this
Is this is the last two Buscemi Mystery Tour
A.K.A. the last roll of the dice Make'm so nervous about this is this is the last Steve Buscemi mystery tour, aka the last roll
of the dice. Make it a goodie.
This is pretty much
our last gosh diddly darn
opportunity to grab onto something and say
this is exactly what happened to Steve Buscemi
before the curtain is pulled back and we
find out what caused this freaky
motherfucking injury. I am hearing a lot of
padding and I'm hearing a lot of pronouns
as us and I'd like to remind you,
you are alone on this stage right now.
So let's make it happen, Monty.
I'm a big fan of collective pronouns.
Bring it together.
Little non-fact.
Here we go.
Steve Buscemi mystery tour, take...
Take?
Well, it's not 52
because we're still halfway through the podcast.
Steve Buscemi works at a trampoline store.
Second-hand trampoline store.
He's peddling pretty dodgy trampolines, okay?
Some of this in padding at the end.
Some of them are missing paddings on the side.
It's not important.
What's important is just open up next door is the Walmart of trampoline stores, a.k.a. Mr. Walls.
Mr. Walls deals exclusively in trampolines which have those safety walls
around them.
Guess what?
It's not so good for business
over at Mr. Buscemi's house.
Hold on for a second.
What?
That's not so good for business
over at old Buscemi's house.
That's what I'd heard.
Yeah.
I told you.
Just before.
Pretty much what's happened here
is Steve Buscemi's involved in a last gasp,
absolutely desperate sales pitch
to a wealthy family
who have just moved into the neighbourhood.
Okay, we've got a lot happening so far.
I think I'm there.
Yep, let's keep going.
Are you with me?
Because you asked a lot of me,
and if you can't keep up with the details,
I don't know what to do.
Steve Buscemi's got a trampoline company,
but specifically the kind that has the shielding.
Second-hand trampolines, idiot.
Oh, second-hand.
Okay, right, all right.
And their family's approach.
You'll catch up.
Listen back.
Headed up.
Here we go.
So pretty much what's happened is Steve Buscemi's house
is going into foreclosure.
The whole business is shutting down.
It's very dark.
Unless he can sell this one trampoline.
Like one specific trampoline or a model of trampoline?
He's just got to sell a trampoline.
Like the ultimate.
He's old Gil.
Yeah.
It's old Gil.
Steve Buscemi is played by old Gil.
That's a Simpsons reference.
Go fuck yourself, Los Angeles.
That was very funny.
Please continue.
Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.
If I don't sell this trampoline,
I guess I'm going to lose my children.
It's not a very good Old Gil.
It's in the ballpark.
So anyway, pretty much what happens
is Steve Buscemi
gets so involved
in the sales pitch,
he climbs aboard
the trampoline,
starts bouncing around
saying,
hey, look what I can do.
He does a sit jump
into a front flop
into a back flop
onto his feet.
The family say,
that's not bad.
Steve Buscemi says,
you ain't seen nothing yet.
He clicks his fingers,
the whole AV department blows up and baby, you just ain't seen nothing yet He clicks his fingers The whole AV department blows up
And baby you just ain't seen nothing yet
That's where I was hoping this was going
It was a very effective marketing tool
Very cool
Okay love that
He was pulling out all the stars
I'm love it singing at it
Yeah
John Lovitz walks in
Steve Buscemi has a panic attack
Tries to do a backflip
Absolutely lands in between two of the springs on the outer rim without a pad.
Jesus.
His head between them.
Oh, my God.
He rocks backwards in his grave, I suppose.
We're talking about Chris Rock?
No, Chris Rock's not involved.
Oh, Wiley.
He's having a spa.
We're talking about Wiley.
Yeah, yeah.
Stevie Simi's head's in between two springs.
He breaks hisiley. Yeah, yeah. CB Semi's head's in between two springs. He breaks his back.
His arms are sort of thrust into a position
that they're forced into by what is essentially rigor mortis.
He's later revived by one of those reviving machines.
Okay.
Don't you give me plausibility problems.
I'm nearly finished.
You're doing really well.
I'm finished.
That's pretty good.
I'm very happy that that's the last one.
That was really good.
I'm proud of you, man.
I got a good feeling about it.
I'm really proud of you.
Do you want to...
Talk?
Not really.
I don't know about talking.
Do you want to talk about it?
Well, there was something else I had in mind,
if you don't mind. I was want to talk about it? Well, there was something else I had in mind, if you don't mind.
I was going to light a couple of candles, put some Barry White on it,
and just gently, just hold on.
I'm not talking. Shh.
Just shut up for a second.
Just let me do this, okay?
A popper.
Popper, popper, popper.
Popper, popper, popper. Popper, popper, popper.
Popper, popper, popper.
Are you kidding?
Popper, popper, popper.
Popper, popper, popper.
Popper, popper, popper.
Popper, popper, popper.
Popper, popper, popper.
Popper, popper, popper.
Popper, popper, popper.
Popper, popper, popper.
Popper, popper, popper.
Popper, popper, popper.
Pettish watch. Morning time. Paddy Schwartz Party time
It's the Paddy Schwartz party time
It's Paddy Schwartz
He's riding on a motorbike
He's giving out flannels
You're cleaning your f***
With Paddy Schwartz
He's in the tattoo parlor
Getting pictures of a face on his dick
Okay, alright
So, here's the f***ed up thing of a piece on his dick. Okay. Alright.
So, here's the fucked up thing that we haven't
talked about on the podcast yet.
Here's the real life
portion of the Party Schwartz Party time.
We got, immediately
before we came here to the venue,
tattoos of
Patrick Schwarzenegger's face.
Not how it is now
but how it is in the movie in stencil
form accompanied by
a Latin interpretation of
REO Speedwagon's lyrics for
Live Every Moment. And Love Every Day.
That sounds kind of insane when you
lay it out like that all at once.
But in my mind it makes perfect
sense. It sounds weird when you say it to
someone at breakfast.
That's when it sounds most weird.
Hey, good morning.
Hey, a good day to you.
Buenos dias.
So you're eating some muesli there, how's that?
Muy bueno.
Gracias.
Are you Spanish or local?
Si.
Espanol
Spanish local
soy
Juan
anyway
me llamo
es Juan
Juan
si
don't know what you're doing
in my kitchen
but um
I guess while I've got you, I'll show you this.
Oh!
Mucho gusto, Paddy!
Yes, yes, that's right.
It's a tattoo of Patrick Schwarzenegger with a Latin translation of an RU.
Alto Cinco!
It's kind of like high five, I think.
Alto means up, though.
So it's like up five.
Well, what happened is you made Juan such a weird guy.
Oh, Jesus. Yes.
That it was suddenly normal for me to show you my Patrick Schwarzenegger tattoo at breakfast.
That's what happened.
It was fun.
You gustarÃa
o enchilada
de pollo, por favor?
I'm here with Tim and we're on the same
fucking team.
Here he is. He's back.
He's ready for action.
What was your Patrick Schwar Patty Schwartz party time?
No, hold on.
Fuck off.
Who cares?
No, you fuck off.
Shut up for a second.
Hold on.
Hey, take one of those jandals off and ram them down your sofa, guy.
Guess what?
I'll take them both off, friend.
They're done.
They're off.
I'm barefoot now.
I'm exposed because I want to get exposed with you, guy.
I'm going to flit over the Patty Schwartz party time so we can get to some real heavy shit
because that's what I desire.
My Patty Schwartz party time on this,
the final one, 50 second viewing of the movie
was that the dude loves
checked materials.
There are checked shorts, there are checked shirts,
they're on at different parts of the movies.
He's not wearing them together.
He just loves squares happening
on and about his body.
He loves checks, but not too much.
He doesn't love punching them.
No.
He just loves wearing them.
That's right.
He loves tartan.
He loves other varieties of checks.
So here's the question that I was trying to boil down to.
Ask your new watch.
Jesus, that tattoo is actually bringing me a bit of grief
because it's very new and it's very tender.
I'm going to adjust my legs a little bit.
My lady legs.
Today.
You ready? Okay, let's go.
The hunt for the wildest movie
of the summer. Everybody run!
Ends here. This is your super
friendly and not aggressive reminder to buy tickets immediately. Border run! And here. This is your super friendly and not aggressive reminder
to buy tickets immediately.
Borderlands.
Now playing.
Like,
I guess my question is,
alright,
here's my first question.
Could you have,
could you have foreseen this?
Us being in America doing the last ebb?
When we started, like take yourself back to one year ago.
This question to me, Tim,
sounds like a man running bare-assed and afraid
from Patrick Schwarzenegger arriving at a party.
Tell me more.
The way you're talking to me sounds like you were having drinks at your sister-in-law's house
and then Patrick Schwarzenegger came around with a bottle of gin and you said,
Oh, it's lovely to meet you. I've got to go.
I'm not sure I am on board with what you said.
Tell me what the fuck you enjoyed about Patrick Schwarzenegger in the movie just watched,
or get off the stage.
Did I not say Chex?
Was Chex an unacceptable answer to you?
No.
I just forgot.
Yeah.
I thought.
I thought that was what would happen.
See, folks, the thing is, everyone in the cinema is going,
what a bunch of douchebags.
I can totally watch the movie without drinking six beers.
But the thing is, we've seen it literally 51 times before tonight.
Yeah, two now.
In the last 12 months, And that is really saying something.
So don't judge us.
Tim, I've got to ask you.
Judge yourselves.
Did you at any point while we were watching the movie tonight
feel guilty about making a room full of people watch the movie tonight?
Kind of, yeah.
Mainly, like, the bit where it really kicks into high guilt gear
is about three quarters of the way through
when you sort of...
To be honest, it's anything after when Keithy breaks his leg?
Because that's the bit where the movie...
And funnily enough, that's the halfway point.
And we know that because we mapped out exactly in the film
where we knew 50% was.
But when Keithy displays some ability in football,
you're like, wow, it only took us an hour,
but finally we have a thread to follow.
Like, finally there's some plot and shit.
And then it gets destroyed immediately in the same fucking scene by his dad who breaks his leg.
Do you know what also gets me is if I was a football coach and I just saw a kid who was kicking for his first time like that,
I would not be so blasé about the injury.
Yeah?
I'd walk up to Adam Sandler and say,
hey, dude, you've got some real parenting issues.
Your son's got potential.
We'll pay for his health insurance.
That being said, you're a psychopath,
and I think you are due a visit from some government officials
because, you know, the feds don't like how you parent.
Which you can take one of two ways.
Number one, Adam Sandler's a bad dad.
Number two, the government's a bad government.
It's up to you.
The truth lies somewhere in the middle.
I don't want to cut off the conservatives to this podcast.
I know they're thick and strong.
We've got a lot of red voters.
We've got a lot of Mitt Romney types.
We've got a lot of John McCain voters.
Mitt Romney is actually a very big fan
of the podcast. I got a
letter from Mitt this morning.
Is that so? Yeah, it said,
Dad, Tim and Guy,
keep up the good work.
If you ever want to come over for dinner,
you're more than welcome.
I have 13 wives.
It was a very frank, very honest letter from Milt.
Or Mitt.
I'll be honest with you, I didn't think you knew who Mitt Romney was,
but you clearly have shown yourself to me.
However you pronounce it.
You're a better participant in American politics than I gave you credit for.
He's not a bad guy.
He's just an idiot.
You keep trying to get away from the core truth of what's happening tonight, guy.
I want to know your feelings I want to know
Tell me what it feels to be
in front of 170
50, 20
It'll go down every time
Because we've got to head towards the truth
with that there is 23 people
in front of us right now
making a lot of noise
Very rowdy 13 We're in Los Angeles, California there is 23 people in front of us right now making a lot of noise. But how do you feel being in front of...
Very rowdy 13.
We're in Los Angeles, California.
I'm pretty sure we're in Hollywood.
Los Angeles, California.
My sense of direction isn't great,
but I think we're in Hollywood right now.
What are your thoughts?
How do you feel about that?
It's pretty good to be here.
Yeah?
These chairs aren't as comfortable as your couch.
Okay.
But.
Okay.
But I've got to say, it's pretty wonderful to have people actually listening, you know, in real time to what we're saying.
You know what?
I don't like it.
I'm not a fan.
If I had to pick between Being alone in the lounge and this
I'm going to go lounge every time
Tell me why
In the lounge
There's food
There's natural light
There's no people watching me
I'm usually looking pretty strong at you boy
Yeah
I'm eyeballing the strong at you, boy. Yeah.
I'm eyeballing the shit out of you.
Oh, okay.
Thinking how I can get in there.
Hold on. Make myself comfy.
Maybe see what it feels like to be Tim Bap for a little while.
Whoa, you're going in deep, huh?
Yeah, real deep.
Okay.
As physically deep as is possible for another human climbing into the body of another human.
It's like comic book territory where you take it over me, over my skin.
Sorry, boy, what were you saying?
You've really thrown me for a, well, depending on what country you're from, either a curveball or a six.
It's a ball sport either way
and I'm very confused.
Slightly aroused.
I prefer
my lounge because there's
like
there's couches there.
There are couches.
We just watched the movie in a couch.
I know.
I know.
I like the safety of biscuits
being really close to me.
And in America...
You are aware a biscuit in America is a...
Scon.
It's a sweet scone.
But only in the South.
We don't usually have sweet scone.
It's a cookie here.
Okay.
Okay, let me rephrase.
Let me rephrase.
The thing is, when I'm at home, I know cookies are surrounding me,
and that brings me a lot of joy.
That's much more obvious to me now.
I'm freaking out right now because I can't see a single cookie on this.
I see a DJ booth, and I see a big screen behind us.
I can't see a single cookie.
I see potential.
I see Blaze Pizza. That's an imitation of Patrick Schwarzenegger whenever he heard
about Blaze Pizza. I don't know why we're talking about them now. We swore ourselves
off those bastards. Can I talk about Sherry Oteri real quick? Yeah, you can. Because I
felt like in this particular watch, she really came out to play. I feel like Sherry Oteri was here for keeps.
She was playing marbles and she was losing marbles.
She's lost her marbles.
Sherry Oteri's insane.
But a good actor.
Sherry Oteri, I was actually,
you were speaking about this earlier,
I felt somewhat disappointed, I think,
in the audience reaction
to Shuri Oteri's opening scene with
Selma Hayek. I don't know what's
been happening the last year
but I do know that
I've for whatever reason associated that
scene with sort of
laughter.
It didn't happen tonight.
Legitimately, that was probably the biggest
scene in the movie before we got to the party scene,
which, as we know, is a total throwaway.
That whole third act, we can write it off.
Not the biggest scene.
But the interaction between Salma Hayek and Terry O'Sherry,
the crowd and Cinefamily tonight on this,
the 17th of February, the year of our Lord 2015,
you didn't go for it.
You were rats who smelt the cheese and went
I see what's happening here.
Go fuck yourself.
And I admire that
about this crowd, but I also am
confused by it because I thought that was a funny
scene. I've lost your perspective
clearly because I've seen the movie too many times.
But I legitimately thought that
Summer Hayek and Terry O'Sherry's
pairing was good.
I thought it was entertaining.
It's too bad they cut all of Terry O'Sherry and
Summer Hayek's scenes from the movie because I
agree, I thought they really popped off.
I thought they were good tonight, right?
Yeah.
What I think, Tim,
is that we're in
way over our heads here
oh shit
okay we're pretty good too
what more do we need to cover
have we
have we done all of the things
I don't know
hold on
did you do a shining light
no
did he
this is so much better
with a crowd
because I don't have to rack my brain remembering.
He was supposed to remind you.
Well, here I am.
You've been stalling this whole fucking time.
Guess what, Guy?
Like an asshole.
Here we have it.
There we are.
There we were.
Los Angeles, California on the final watch
and Guy had to determine his shining light.
And it was the moment in the movie
when the guy with the leotard took a sip of beer.
Now, when this happened, a lot in the movie comes down hard.
Let's stop playing this awful improv game.
You really need to pick a fucking shining light, dude.
We can't move on until you do.
Like, can I just cop out and be like,
talk about the whole project and be like,
Oh, I'm sorry, dude.
The shining light?
How about this for a fucking...
How about this for a shining light, idiot?
Yeah?
When the credits rolled?
Yes.
And we hugged because we don't have to watch the movie anymore? Yeah. How's that for a fucking shining light idiot yeah when the credits rolled yes and we hugged because we don't have to watch the movie anymore
yeah
how's that for a
fucking shining light
fuck you
if I may take the
opportunity to tell you
how it is as a
shining light
it doesn't
fucking qualify
because it
wasn't in the goddamn movie
you son of a bitch.
Let me tell you something about you Guy
Montgomery. You're
a fucking idiot
and I hate your guts.
If I had a pitchfork
right now I'd jam it through your goddamn
chest and murder you.
You'd be pretty lucky to get through
this chest, pal.
That being said...
I've been eating muesli bars since we were in the desert
and guess what? I'm feeling pretty goddamn near to
invincible.
You put a pitchfork into my body,
I think it's gonna crumble like a goddamn
spork in a coconut.
What is your understanding of muesli?
What do you think it does?
It makes me feel like I'm Zeus.
You're an idiot.
You're a bonafide fucking moron.
Zeus wasn't quick with his brain,
but he was fucking quick with a lightning bolt, bitch!
I'm Zeus right now.
You're not Zeus, dude.
And I'm chicken out of this conversation, bitch.
I understand, I understand.
Listen, where are we at?
I'm not sure.
We need to place ourselves in space and time right now.
Well, I think that...
Welcome to the end.
Yeah.
The end.
Well, if there was ever an anti-Crescendo
That was it
If there was ever
The worst way to end the worst idea of all time
Pretty sure you nailed it bro
Way to stay on brand
Proud of you
I'm proud of myself
Hey I'm Guy Montgomery
I'm Tim Batt
Don't watch
Good enough
Listen
On a serious note
Before you leave
Yes Brett
We brought you
Some presents
To take with you
Back
To New Zealand
Oh shit Brett
It's cute
Let's have a third round
Of applause for Brett
Because he's fucking earned it
This shit's all up to him.
Cine Family on Fairfax and Sunset.
Oh, fuck off.
That's cool.
Oh, shit.
Oh, my God.
So we are currently holding a promotional Grown Ups 2 visor,
which seems like official crew swag,
a cookie which may or may
not contain any weed.
No, that's because you've been asking
for a cookie for what
feels like 10 hours, you
fucking moron. But more importantly,
guys currently wearing
are grown-ups to
what are they called when they're in the water?
What's the correct terminology?
It's like a donut, right?
A what?
An inflator tube.
In a tube.
An inner tube.
It's an inflator in a tube
and it's grown up to be branded.
This is the heaviest biscuit I've ever fucking lifted.
Feel it.
I gave it to you.
I've already felt it.
Do it.
I literally picked it up to put it in your hand.
I'm not going to lie to you.
It's wet.
Not a bad quality in a biscuit.
That's not altogether a bad thing.
I want to take this opportunity on behalf of myself and Guy
to thank you guys so much for turning out tonight.
You guys are wonderful.
Give yourselves a round of applause.
Truly.
That applause is for you.
You're amazing.
Thank you.
And so, just, look, what I did is I wanted you guys to, hey.
What I did.
Come on. We, what we did. We threw. What I did. Come on.
We, what we did.
We threw a little...
Did you fight on stage?
No.
I just...
Yeah.
I felt like you did.
I didn't fight.
Okay.
Look, I made a little...
We made a little thank you video for you guys.
Tim made it.
I definitely made it.
I was in the room about half the time.
But look, it's not that
long and I just wanted to
present it to you guys here at the live event
because you're wonderful.
Yeah, cheers for coming out.
This is a weird situation. We're really
happy we're here. We're even more happy you're here.
Let's get out of here. And we're gonna
bail. So enjoy the video. Thanks for
coming. Tim and Guy, goodnight. here let's get out of here and we're gonna mail so enjoy the video thanks for coming tim and guy good
night
today you ready okay let's go We'll be right back.