The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Nine - Dressing

Episode Date: October 11, 2018

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times. The boys are at their wits' end and the light at the end of the tunnel is still an incredibly long way off. Tim and Guy attempt to temper their depression by visiting the reviews from actual film reviewers and struggle to come up with a Shining Light moment this week. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, welcome along to episode 9 of the worst idea of all time with me Guy Montgomery and myself Tim Batt, two Bill E.T. Award-nominated comedians watching the film Grown Ups 2 week after week for one whole year, 52 times in a row. And we bring you a podcast after each watch. Thank you so much for joining us this week. We're up to watch number nine out of 52.

That's right. Good God. And we have come after the delirious high of last week's viewing post 48 hour film festival. We're back to the regular bleak 9am on a Monday landscape of grown ups too. We've been crashed down to reality today. It's very sad. I wanted to open the podcast today with some reviews from people who aren't us of the movie.

Because I feel like we're getting a bit insular. We're getting a bit up our own arse with this podcast i just want to natural that's about to happen yeah but i wanted to prolong that as long as possible so i just you know as an entry point we got some people who are listening for the first time jumping on board why start at episode one that's what i always say it's like us why watch grown-ups two or grown-upsown Ups 2. Start when you want to start. Here's what Empire, you know. Empire, very well respected and known film magazine. Slothful, indulgent sequel that sees once great screen comedian hit self-inflicted sand liggeton.

I'm going to listen to these guys. That guy right there is a good reviewer Stanley Gannon god that's good Hollywood Reporter throughout gags are cartoonishly broad and afforded

so little time for set up and delivery we seem to be watching Lisa's Story and more a catalogue of Tossed Out oh that's where it cuts off I'm not going to read more

I agree with that one because this is one thing I was thinking today I think we've talked about it before is the idea of if we were to do an edit, so we got rid of all the bits which we deemed not funny enough to be in the comedy or expendable.

And I was just doing a very vague catalogue of that in my mind. There's not a lot of meat left on the carcass of this movie. Certainly isn't. The New York Times said, this is pap, plain and simple. Certainly isn't. The New York Times said, This is pap, plain and simple. Scattered, raunched light devoid of emotional resonance.

Accurate. Time out, New York. In the first five minutes, a deer walks into the star's bedroom, urinates on his face. It's all downhill from there. See, that's good. That's a brilliant summation of the film.

All of these people have done a better job of summing up grown-ups too with one sentence than we've done with eight podcasts. Well, that's why it's important for us to step outside the bounds and open it up every now and then. Total Film UK, an equally shameless, just as shoddy, no less depressing sprawl of, quote, life lessons and fat gags. I assume they're talking about, like, versus the first grown-ups movie. There are a lot of fat gags. There are?

Yeah. Are there? Yeah. Well, Adam Sandler keeps yelling at a preteen. Teenager. And then there's also the principal. Remember? He goes over.

It's mainly Adam Sandler making fun of making fun of fat people Variety USA this will be the last one among the slackest, laziest least film like movies released by a major studio in the last decade that is scathing

well I guess what hurts is that we didn't no, I don't know it happens occasionally last week was fine, this mean there was a there was it's it happens occasionally last week was fine this week there was that that crystal moment of realization that we're i mean at the start i was saying to tim quite excitedly you know what after next week that's 10 of 52 that's almost 20 through and then tim turned that on its head after about half an hour of the movie today and he said you know after next week we've only done one fifth of what we've set out to do and it's on it it's all about spin man and if we're gonna do it i can't leave because you were getting blue again today you got real blue it's like you said you don't think you can

do it you asked if we could take off next week yeah what's going on with you man it's like climbing mount everest and you put into, into your climb so far, like everything you think that you've died, you've used like half of your oxygen tanks and you look up and you've, you're like, you've left like two steps from the ground. That's what it feels like. It's awful.

Hey, so, um, just to recap as well, last week we mused in our delirium about the idea of doing, um, a sequel grownups three. Well,

we're not going to make it. I'll put 3, well, we're not going to make it. I'll put it that way. We're not going to make it. We were going to crowdsource the money for it. But look, I've got to say, I listened back to last week's podcast, and I don't know who those guys were. I liked them. I liked their energy, their pep and their verve, but I don't know where they've gone this week

because we're in a different fucking room. I wanted to hang out with them, spend some time with them, man, because they were fun guys. They were fun. They were having a great time. But we asked, how much would you pay to see Grown Ups 3D? And I'll just read some of the tweets. Using the hashtag Grown Ups 3D and just a number.

1550 from Rebecca Fulchers. That was a very sensible amount. Yeah, that's how much you'd pay for a movie, yeah. Matt Lagan said, $35,000, bitches. Jesus Christ. Loving that. sensible amount yeah that's how much you pay for a movie yeah uh matt lagan said 35 000 bitches jesus christ loving that uh adam wright 15 bucks max donald and 200 pounds let's throw some sterling at this bitch that's not bad um and someone called sylvia burgess said uh is grown-ups 3d going to be a thing because i got really pumped about the naming a price and then guy confused me guy confused everyone last week yes everyone was confused last week that was really nice we also got a nice shout out from uh a film reviewer for the for the new zealand

herald dominic corrie yeah he was talking about bad movies which he secretly enjoys more than he's supposed to and while grown-ups 2 wasn't one of the top ones on his list he did he said but two local comedians are watching it every week and attached a link. And those two comedians were us. We actually, Guy and I tried to Trojan horse a mention of the podcast into a nationwide broadcast TV show this week, unsuccessfully, sadly. We didn't try hard enough,

and it wouldn't really jibe with the vibe of the whole show no but that's that's kind of the beauty of it you know when we can snake one and everyone's like i don't know what the fuck you guys are talking about and our little secret fun clubhouse you're like you're saying you're saying trojan horse is uh is reminding me you stumbled into a trojan theory during the movie i think we've touched on it before but i'd like to revisit it because yeah it was you were talking about the set design. We were in Chris Rock's kitchen and the family kitchen,

and what did you say? I said, you know what they've done a really good job of on here? The people in charge of art and set have really hammered home how much money everyone makes, like quite accurately. And it's true,

because we start off in Adam Sandler's family kitchen. I was talking to Tim today about how lovely open plan living they've got a nice big island i really like those kitchens with the island in it and it's all straight into sort of a living area i mean it's a it's a phenomenal kitchen we're looking at redeeming features that keep us on this film and right now it's adam sandler's kitchen and then anyway we go to chris rock's house and in his kitchen and there's this sort of it's smaller, it's more condensed, and there's kids' toys lying everywhere. And I think the theory was that while the actual content

and the words and the action that the actors have to go through in the movie is terrible, they've dressed it up. They've disguised it. They've Trojan-horsed this piece of shit to get it through the front gates of a wide cinema release. That's right. Trick people to parting with their money to go and see it. But it sucks.

Here's the big secret about grown-ups too, everyone. It fucking sucks. Oh, cat's out of the bag now. As James Franco would say, Pandora doesn't go back in the box. When does he say that? Oh, Spider-Man? Knocked up. Oh.

When Seth Rogen and him have a fight, and Seth Rogen says, doesn't go back in the box when does he say that oh spider-man knocked up oh when when seth rogan and him have a fight and seth rogan says you're not my friend you're my pot dealer or something yeah and james frankels that's it man pandora doesn't go back in the box oh that's a good line it's a good movie uh what should we do on that one um so but i mean can you think of other evidence or oh yeah yeah like as you said we have touched on this before but like just everything's shot really pretty well you've mentioned that establishing shot at the very start of the movie where it's just a beautiful sweeping vista of um trees and suburban where are we in this film can i saw a sign saying connecticut somewhere oh yeah so we

might be in the heart of connecticut i don't know a lot about Connecticut. Me neither. It's Connecticut. It's like it's not rural but it's quite kind of it seems like quite a suburban state as a state. Yeah it's a small town. Connecticut is.

No wait it's a city. Connecticut is. Connecticut. What state is it in? Connecticut is revealing how ignorant we are. Is it in New York? That's what Connecticut's

doing. No it's not in New York. Fuck. I don't know man. I don't even know anymore. What did you York. Fuck. I don't know, man. I don't even know anymore. What did you do this weekend? I don't know, man. What did I do this weekend?

No, I'm honestly trying to remember. This movie's got a weird quality to it where it kind of retards you. And I've always felt this way about shit television shows, that you shouldn't watch heaps of TV. But if you do, you should use it like medication uh like a um pain relief yeah that's the beauty of tv that's why these the the garbage tv shows rate so well is because people don't want to be challenged all the time sometimes they just want to come home and switch off and you don't have to use your brain the problem is when people watch

like nothing but like if you're unemployed or something and you just watch tons of shitty tv well i would i would argue that that's probably better for you than what we're doing because between watching a shitty tv show and a shitty movie every week is like a shitty tv show you can watch a shitty episode of a tv show for 22 minutes and that's a pretty okay amount of time to be mentally checked out before like that's fine but an hour 40 is a long like it goes beyond being switched off and it becomes like a challenge and and it's difficult for yourself here's the real fucked up thing as well me and guy have made this rule that we switch our phones off during the

movie so there's like there's nothing we have to focus on the film every time even though we've seen it like you know nine times now that's a lot and um we broke that today what do you mean well an hour and ten and i'd said to you oh yeah true i wasn't going to reveal that but you're right i'd be you know what we owe it to you it's about transparency i was pestering tim throughout the movie i wanted to go on my phone i just needed some sort of relief i felt like i was completely isolated in the world of grown-ups too i needed to just go on some form of social media and see other people's shitty lives we made it to an hour though and and it's on our 10 actually and that's it's pretty if you've seen the movie eight times before you'll know what we're saying yeah do you reckon by the end of this there'll be anyone like editors

included who have seen grown-ups too as much as us because i i don't reckon there will be i don't think there will be i don't know what the editing process is like for a major like hollywood motion pitch oh yeah there was the other thing about the whole trojan horse thing like i kept looking for um you would think by this stage we would have found a boom that's in shot no like a camera no this is true somewhere like technically flawless is a pretty big word to apply to grown-ups too but there's no major no it's in the armor it's true and surprisingly this i mean obviously the the plot is has got a few holes in it but as as far as continuity goes this thing is absolutely on the nose i mean even in the in the yoga scene i was looking at in background of shot all of the peripheral

characters are in the same place the same with the fight scene like continuity is yeah it's dead on they've got it down to an art and I'd like to think if they just spent a little less time on continuity and a little more time polishing this turd of a script we could be in a much better mood right now Tim you would actually swap out some of that

I would happily watch continuity errors you know if it beefed up a joke or something. There's a scene, the first John Lovett scene in the yoga place. Where it's surrounded by mirrors. Surrounded by mirrors, which is notoriously hard to shoot because you get reflections of cameramen and camera and equipment and shit. But I was looking specifically for it. Didn't see anything in there. If you know of any mistakes in grown-ups too that we haven't seen, first all tip of the hat to you because i haven't seen them after eight watches nine watches

um and also send them through to um to us yeah on facebook uh like like the page the worst idea of all time and you can hey uh i don't know god this sounds depressing this podcast sounds fucking low So I want to tip this up to the positive side For a moment, Guy Because we Oh, first of all, I'd like to address the problems we made in the last episode Tanya will not be joining us today, I'm sorry She's real though She does exist and we'll hook it up

We have made contact with Tanya And she's keen to come on We need to hook it up There's technical shit we need to suss out Time difference She's in LA, she's a big wig in LA I'm keen to come on. We need to hook it up. There's technical shit we need to suss out. Time difference. She's in L.A. She's a big wig in L.A.

And we're just a couple of lowly guys in a flat in Grayland just with a pocket full of dreams and a... And a podcast studio made of egg cartons. And a brain literally melting out of our ears little by little each week. I can feel like... Oh, yeah. Hey, I had a point. Okay. So where I was going with that is that

uh ages ago i said that when we get to episode 10 we're going to start all the fun and games so that's kicking off with the grown-ups to worst idea of all time drinking game so we're going to set up roads and this is going to be interesting because we're going to start getting fucking hammered on a monday morning just like first thing this is when i was i've been meaning to talk to you about this i was gonna do it off off mic but we can do it on i don't know about i don't know about a nine o'clock on monday morning screening time if we are doing a granite like that's when that is where we're doing the drinking game that is when this whole podcast and this movie is genuinely taking over and ruining our lives when we start getting hammered

at nine o'clock on a monday morning just to get through another screening of grown-ups too that's when i think that we're going to get people coming in the in-studio interventions but isn't there something beautiful about that and doesn't it kind of it's what's beautiful you because because it's like telling a man who wants to be involved in a beautiful car accident this is it's not beautiful it almost serves as a warning to everyone else on how shit like what the movie can do if you let it you know like this movie's so terrible it'll it'll ruin your life if you give it half a chance well we're giving it more than half a chance we've like you know we've given it an inch and then we've decided to give it

a mile and then we just shining light I don't have one. Okay. Seriously. Yeah, my Shining Light this week was that we watched the movie on a Sunday last week. Yeah. And so it was actually instead of the regular six or seven days without the movie, it was a... That can't be your Shining Light. The point of the Shining Light is because

this film is so awful and we've got to find a brief flicker of hope a little funny moment or something that we enjoyed that juts out okay so find one well you said you didn't have one oh i wanted to talk about something that's not a shining light well my yeah no you go no you go okay okay i don't have i don't have i don't have anything to say we'll bookmark it for later We'll get to The Shining Light after we've thought about it some more because there's no

redeeming. Tim right now has got a piece of paper it's the scramblings of a retard. You could read this out as a stand-up comedy set list. No no no those are just You're trying to fold the movie on itself Yeah so last week I kind of stumbled onto the fact that maybe they tried to shoot this film with half a script

and then just started working their way back from the middle back to the start again, but it turns out that doesn't hold up to much scrutiny. I'm just going to, just for fun, I'm going to just walk through some of the things you've written down here and you have to say the first thing you think of, okay? Oh, really? Yeah, or just, yeah. Okay. So here we've got school teacher, baby gap.

Cartoon character. Cartoon character, interesting. Bump D-Date Ask. Huge CD round neck. Brayden. Higgins. Second rate soundtrack. Oh, that's something I want to talk about.

Yeah? That this movie has a second rate soundtrack. Yeah, of course they do No, but I wanted to contrast it specifically With a movie that was on TV last night Called Dazed and Confused Have you ever seen Dazed and Confused? I have seen Dazed and Confused Coming out in 1993, fantastic movie

Is that the one with McConaughey? Yes He goes, high school chicks This is what I like about those high school girls Every year they start, I get older I get older, they see me. McConaughey, you dog. But that movie is quite famous for its soundtrack.

It's got an incredible fucking soundtrack. Just like every part of the film was perfect. I think they spent a tit load of money on it as well. And grown-ups too. So, I mean, like, Foghat, Zz top um that amazing aerosmith song sweet emotion with the greatest intro of any song yeah yeah all the time just like if you look at the the the track listing for that movie it's stunning i was googling it they didn't even bother releasing a motion picture soundtrack for grown-ups too and they do that with every movie like every movie that's ever come out i reckon grown-ups too will be the highest budget film that hasn't had an original motion picture

soundtrack i'd say you're right because the only original music i can think of from the film is that awful like garage band rejected loop that they play at the end of the ballet recital oh there's a lot of production music that's the low that's the low that of production music. That's the low, that was the low point this week. The low low. That is always the low point. There's actually one argument we did have today in the movie. It was there are two points which jut out as being the worst moments in this horrible abomination. Flesh them out because we've got to remember not, hopefully no one's seen the movie.

So the first one is Adam Sandler is driving the school bus. Don't worry about why. And he goes to pick up some kids, Chris Rock's kids, on the way to school. And when they open the door, there's a shot of Adam Sandler sitting in the seat, and it's sort of like a classic, old, big, overdone Adam Sandler physical gag. And for some reason in this particular shot, in this scene,

he gives it exactly the amount of effort it deserves, but it still stands out as being particularly awful he goes ladies and gentlemen meet your new bus driver and then pretends to play like a clarinet or something but he's only operating at 40 and you're like come on you're making everyone do this you've got to deliver on this and just seeing that i was like sandler's not on board and it's his baby yeah, and it's his baby. Yeah, man. And it's just, that's... But it's because he knows what he's making.

He's making a little payday for everyone, man. That's right. And then the other one... A little tax write-off for the kids. The other one that you can talk about was the end of the ballet recital when that music plays. We talk about it quite a lot, but it's so bad. Oh, good God.

It makes you want to, like, unscrew your head from your neck. I don't even know there's something, like, just... You're going to tell them. They don't know what you're talking about. I just... Okay, let me collect my thoughts. So, they're all at the ballet recital for the kids' ballet show, and it's an incredibly awful scene.

the kids' ballet show, and it's an incredibly awful scene. Basically, it's just a reason to parade around this model who they've hired in the film to parade around in a, what are they called, a leotard. So you look at her breasts and that's a thing. She's surrounded by children, so it's a bit weird. Luckily, John Lovitz is there to save the day with this fantastic line, I'm having a wonderful time

this happens after that yeah yeah so the awful bit is at the tail end of that scene they kind of like they ran out of music or something and so they put in this yeah as you say

GarageBand loop would be a good description horrible synthy can we find the music? can we find the music and put it in the podcast at this point? fuck no I've got shit to do I've just watched this god awful movie Can we find the music? Can we find the music and put it in the podcast at this point? Fuck no. I've got shit to do. I've just watched this god-awful movie for like an hour and a half.

I'm not putting any more into this. But people need to... I don't know. How would I search for that? How would I fucking find that? I guess I could cut it out of the actual movie. But God, that seems like a lot of effort. It does seem like a lot of trouble to go to.

I could probably... Okay, I'll say, if I'm going to bother to put it in, here it is now. I probably didn't just put it in. You didn't put it in, did you? So... Oh, yeah. So that plays, and then it does this panning shot of, like, you see David Spade, you see Shaq, you see Peter Dante,

whoever the fuck else is in this movie. Kevin James. Just dancing. And they're obviously dancing to no music on set. The director, Dennis Dugan, has just been like, guys, just wing it, it's fine. We'll add some great music later on and it'll look fantastic. Except it just comes together to form the worst moment in the film.

Arguably the worst moment in the film. Arguably the worst moment in the film. It's one of them. You know this thing's like church? Like we have to do it every week. And we have to like not pay any attention to our phones and stuff. It is a lot like church. But it sucks because there's no, we don't get to go to heaven afterwards.

It's just that we're trapped in hell for two hours a week. Oh man. I hadn't even thought about it like that. I just got an email. What does it say? You've got to read it aloud. Do I? Yeah, you do.

You absolutely do. It's from Tom Furness. Oh, shit. Ah, he can't commit to something I hoped he'd commit to. What was it? Just a little short film. That's a bugger. It's interesting you didn't ask me about my availability for the short film.

Wow. I've got another guy I've got to run everything through, you know. Ah, this has gone real bleak. I don't want to be in your shit short film anyway, mate. No one asked you to be in a shitty short film, mate. Good, because if they did, you know what I'd say? Fuck off, Guy Montgomery. You'd probably say, can I read the script? It would be the sensible thing.

It might be really good. I mean, I've got phenomenal taste in movies. I know you. You pick this. This is your day, sort of. Can we do The Shining Light and Leave? The comedy festival Is in like

Fucking three days And we've got shows to write Oh Let's um Let's do a plug For our shows man Let's at least I feel like this is

The worst podcast We've done Yep Absolutely is We're in a bad place people Help us out Um Hey

But do come to our comedy fest shows As well Can we do the plugs next week No they might do it right now though That's the beauty of the internet Right now Go see our shows guys Go and watch Tim Batts saves planet earth

He's playing in Wellington from the 29th To the 3rd of May And then he's in Wellington from the 29th of April to the 3rd of May, and then he's in Auckland from the 13th to the 17th of May. How do you know that? I don't even know my dates. I've got the same dates as you. Oh, shit. Go and see Guy Montgomery.

Guy Montgomery presents a succinct and concise summary of how he feels about certain things. Yeah, that's why I didn't remember it. Shining light. Fuck me. Fuck. Well, I guess we talked about set dressing. I'm going to pick that because you didn't actually say it was your shining light,

so I'm going to claim it. Really good set dressing. Well'm going to pick that because you didn't actually say it was your shining light, so I'm going to claim it. Really good set dressing. Well done, guys. Proud of you. That's a good shining light. My shining light. I laughed pretty hard when Selma Hayek kicked that chick in the face. It's episode nine of the worst idea of all time.

Thank you so much for listening. We'll be better next week. I'm sorry. We're sort of at the mercy of this movie, though, so much for listening. We'll be better next week. I'm sorry. We're sort of at the mercy of this movie, though, so it's difficult to know how it will go. Here's a fun anecdote, though. In the weekend, I pretended to be in a band. I was called Derek Danger,

and the band was called Derek Danger and the Dumb Cunts. Did you play any instruments or sing or anything? No, I was just a dick. Oh, good stuff. Well, God bless you, Derek Danger, for fighting the good fight. Thank you for staying with me for the old Grown Ups 2 watches every week.

And thank you, listener, for listening to this one. Yeah, apologise for the quality this week. We're a bit depressed. A little bit sad about the movie because it sucks so bad. And we've got to watch it

another 40 times. But please join us in the journey. Be part of the conversation, as they say, in the multimedia sphere of global corporations. Shut up, Tim. These people don't want to listen to us anymore.

Facebook.com slash worst idea of all time. Catch us on the Twitters. And go fuck yourself, New Zealand. Love every day Cause before you glory Of your precious time slips away Live every moment