The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Twelve - Boners

Episode Date: May 26, 2015

Fresh off a comedy tour, Guy has arrived back in town and first order of business is sitting down for a late night watch of Sex and The City 2 with Tim. It's not pretty. As the lads come, probably the... closest to blows since their project begun, the over-exhausted mental spillings of the plucky kiwis are juvenile, puerile and just plain stupid.Guy is keen to discuss boner etiquette, Tim's digging into the Rat King mythology and ringing random phone numbers. Meanwhile the one dozenth watch crawls depressingly by. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 🎵 It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time Season 2 True colors That's why I love you So don't be afraid, Gamma Gomory
Starting point is 00:00:31 It's true colours, true love You got it wrong. Yeah, I know. I'm tired. I'm sleepy. Sarah Jessica Parker's epilogue makes no sense. This entire movie is a waste of time. It's a convoluted disaster. Now, now, you're just tired and cranky. You don't mean that.
Starting point is 00:00:56 I'm not going to argue with you. I am tired and cranky. Welcome to The Worst Idea of All Time, episode 12. Today, our movie is Sex and the City 2 As it has been the previous 11 times And what a great time we had watching the movie I do apologise for being late But life
Starting point is 00:01:16 It's entirely guys' fault Got in the way Let me say that Life gets in the way What I'm trying to do right now Is I'm trying to skip to Exactly Two hours and eleven minutes
Starting point is 00:01:29 Into the film Why? To find a fun number Of a jewellery store That we're gonna ring Cause it features In the movie This is a fool's errand
Starting point is 00:01:38 Yeah what do you think Is gonna happen When we ring it? Nothing You think it'll just come up With a disconnected Kind of thing Yeah You're making it nothing you think it'll just come up with a disconnected kind of thing yeah you're making it you're calling it a make-believe jewelry store in abu dhabi
Starting point is 00:01:51 um the first numbers are 203 which i think is an american prefix for like cali isn't it something you're an idiot 203 203 Like Oh I'm an idiot You don't know You're gonna feel like You're gonna feel like A right piece of shit
Starting point is 00:02:13 If it is California And rightly so You're an idiot For thinking that You can call up A fake There it is It's not even
Starting point is 00:02:21 It's 026 Okay so what So we put an RBW country code on there So we've got to find that out first This is the worst content Guy how did you find the movie Content listen to you
Starting point is 00:02:33 Mr fucking king of media The rat king really got to you The rat king did not get to me Tim I didn't enjoy this movie at all At no point did I think it was good At no point did I find a was good. At no point did I find a reprieve. There was no shining light. Your company
Starting point is 00:02:49 fluctuated between being incredibly enjoyable and entirely insufferable. I'm not happy. There was a cat, a sleeping cat, next to us for the duration of the film. I could not have been more jealous of the cat's existence. You tried to eat the cat at one point? Oh, to be a cat.
Starting point is 00:03:06 What's so good about being a cat? The cat has no obligations to anyone. The cat just slept through the movie. Yes. You want to be asleep That's basically You're jealous of the feline Because you wish you were asleep right now
Starting point is 00:03:29 Yeah Yeah And also because the cat didn't Absorb any of that The movie happened around the cat As far as the cat knows We could have been watching A cinematic masterpiece
Starting point is 00:03:39 That's the beauty of being a cat I guess Ignorance is bliss But then it's a double edged sword Which is a stupid saying No it's not double-edged sword, which is a stupid saying. No, it's not. Well, it is, because if we were watching a masterpiece, the cat wouldn't know. You know what I mean? It can't enjoy the heights or the lows.
Starting point is 00:03:52 Ignorance is bliss. No, not always. Yes, always. The United Arab Emirates International Dialing Code is 971. 971. So what do we do? We go plus 971 on a cell phone? Maybe find gold jewellery. 971 So what do we do? We go plus 971 on a cell phone? Maybe find gold jewellery
Starting point is 00:04:07 971 Okay hit me with those digits 02 02622 3221 3221 We'll do it on speakerphone I don't know if this is how you ring it
Starting point is 00:04:24 Unbelievable Big phone. I don't know if this is how you ring it. You didn't recognise the number you dialled. Unbelievable. Who would have thought? Well, hold on. I just might have done it in the wrong format. Was it 971 or 972? 971. 971.
Starting point is 00:04:37 And then what have we got? Who are we testing? This is just... Well, you've really got to pick up the slack, mate. No, all you're doing is avoiding... Cover. All you're doing is avoiding talking about the movie. I'm trying to...
Starting point is 00:04:49 You've come up with some stupid fucking harebrained, far-fetched attempt to get out of talking about the film. You knew full well going into this you were never going to get through to a jewellery store in Abu Dhabi. I absolutely didn't know that. Stop looking at your phone and look at me. Engage. Hashtag look up, Tim. I want it I absolutely didn't know that. Stop looking at your phone and look at me. Engage. Hashtag look up Tim.
Starting point is 00:05:06 I wish everyone would stop. You haven't earned it. I wish everyone would stop looking at their phones and look at each other. Oh man. I remember a world when people had conversations.
Starting point is 00:05:14 I've wanted to punch you in the face a lot of times. None more so than right now. I remember going to parties where people would remember and live in the now. Not live through their screens. That would bring me so much joy to just fucking lay one on you.
Starting point is 00:05:28 Put your fucking phone down. Just a closed fist, full force face punch. This movie is turning us apart. Yeah, maybe. Can you even remember being at the wedding? No, dude. I can't remember the Queen Swans. I can't remember the crazy couple.
Starting point is 00:05:49 I can't remember jack shit of all that fucking stuff. All Tim and I had to get through this movie was a nip of whiskey each, a hot cup of Milo, a bowl of Coco Pops, half a bag of M&M's, so that's actually quite a lot, and half a bag of candy. And I'll tell you what. What? They all made it better.
Starting point is 00:06:09 Yeah. Anything that you can engage with during the film, which will distract you from watching the film, is an improvement on the film. I cannot imagine how unreasonable the cinema-going experience must have been. I'm going to gouge my eyes out. Unless you went into the cinema and went into gold class and had like a menu and people who would bring you food
Starting point is 00:06:31 and drink during the film you were essentially in there left your own devices you can't talk to each other like we can while the movie's going you're actually just in there with this movie savaging your face it's like you're lying down and this movie just takes its trousers off and just bends down and it's just has its wicked way with it has its wicked wicked way with you yeah there's a lot of truth in what you're saying um it sounds like hyperbole but it's really how i feel what you're saying is true. I feel like it's true. You know what I mean? I've just Googled the phone number as well.
Starting point is 00:07:09 It's coming up empty. Of course it's coming. I don't know what made you possibly think that that was going to be a real jewellery shop. I didn't necessarily think it would be a jewellery shop. I just wanted to know what was at the other end of those digits when inserted into a phone. This is like what 11-year-olds do when they watch a movie or tv and they see a number and they think it's real and they call it this is what sex and city tours done it has reduced you to having the intellectual
Starting point is 00:07:34 capacity of an 11 year old incorrect i have the childlike wonderment and furious curiosity of a child that light is a diet and no guy that's why you're trying to eat cats all the time and fall asleep trying to eat a cat or try and fall asleep you looked very lustly lustfully lustfully if you look at something lustfully or lustfully i don't know which is the right word that doesn't mean that you want to eat it in this case you did and i don't think that you should be bragging about having the childlike wonder of an 11 year old an 11. An 11-year-old is a moron compared to us. To me. I will never be embarrassed. I will wear that on my sleeve till I die that I have the childlike wonderment of the world.
Starting point is 00:08:15 Get a tattoo saying I'll never be embarrassed on your sleeve. I don't know where it would fit. The only place I want a tattoo is currently occupied by Patrick Schwarzenegger's face. I was fingering Patrick Schwarzenegger's face the other night. I was doing a role play. What the fuck are you talking about? Fingering it? It's disgusting.
Starting point is 00:08:32 It's not disgusting fingering your own flesh. Jesus. His tattoo isn't on any orifice. It's just on my butt cheek. Christ, pick a different verb. No. I need to say words that garner a reaction out of you. So if I leave, don't look at your phone and try and call up a fake fucking jewelry store.
Starting point is 00:08:50 I resent you for it. I resent you. What for? Being born. No, you don't. You got a dumb face. No, I'm not allowing it. You got a dumb fucking face.
Starting point is 00:09:01 You know what? You got a dumb fucking face. I hate your stupid fucking face. You know what? You've got a dumb fucking face. You stupid fucking face. Everything about you is stupid. You're a stupid do-do head. I'll allow it. More adventures with the Rat King, though, this week. I feel like the mythology of this movie
Starting point is 00:09:18 has developed to the point where Lazarus, which is the demon spirit that lives inside Carrie's hat she wears at the wedding has formed Some sort of binary relationship With the Rat King whereby you need to be Supporting one or the other I think What are those religions called where there's only one god
Starting point is 00:09:36 A monotheistic Religion This is like the other one Where there's two Di-theistic I guess that would be called I'm just throwing Latin together Two and two and making four here This is like the other one where there's two. Diathistic, I guess that would be called. I'm just throwing Latin together and, you know, two and two and making four here.
Starting point is 00:09:53 You're just mashing syllables against each other. I guess. And ascribing meaning to them after the fact. I wonder if, like, you're Jewish, where that sets you on what path within the world of Sex and the City 2. Do you automatically become aligned with Lazarus or the Rat King or neither? Do you get to kind of pick your own path?
Starting point is 00:10:13 Or is being Jewish, like is Judaism a third option? It's like Rat King, Lazarus, Judaism. I don't think that traditional human religions exist or are relevant in this context. There's a lot of Joes in this film. That's not, like, you abandon your... They talk about it. You abandon your religion.
Starting point is 00:10:36 It's brought to the fore. You abandon your religion and you choose a side. I see. Look, I don't want to talk about the mythology of the Rat King or Lazarus right now, Tim. What would you like to talk about? You've been dancing all around the movie. I want you to tell me
Starting point is 00:10:50 what you took away from it. Do you tell me? No. The hot shot? You're a fucking switcheroo. You're the slipperiest fish I've ever spoken to. Like a fucking salmon on the boat.
Starting point is 00:11:00 What have you offered up here that's so good? You've called me up for trying to offer things up. You haven't even listened to anything I've said and every question I've asked you you've just me up for trying to offer things i've said and every question i've asked you you've just avoided by saying well why don't you tell me i just i just bogus spun a great yarn about the mythology of this film which i've engaged in heavily obviously talking about all the jews that are in it and which side they're going to pick in
Starting point is 00:11:19 the great war lazarus the rat King Where will you stand? It's nonsensical Alright I'm going to run circles around you By offering a shining light Just to show up what a fucking moron and a cunt you are That's not going to do anything to disregard me My shining light is actually a battle Between two things Samantha said
Starting point is 00:11:41 But I think the one that will win out Is when she's looking at the dress in the dress shop and she turns to carrie and says what's the worst thing they could say about me if i wear this dress and carrie says what the hell does she think she's doing and samantha looks at her and says just went to the top of my list and i love it i love the delivery i love her mainly her, how her face looks. Very animated, very happy, and it's made up real well too. I really like her lipstick.
Starting point is 00:12:11 It really pops off. This isn't the first time you've sung the praises of Kim Cattrall's acting in this film. She's a good actor. She lights up the screen, you say. Big time. Not in every moment, but she certainly punctuates a lot of the film with her goodness do you find moments like that you haven't watched a lot of the show but does that hark back to the tv days for you and that's when the movie sings if you will i imagine so any bit of sex in the city
Starting point is 00:12:35 the tv show that i saw was such a long time ago you know it was such a long time ago that i can't i can't it's shapeless in my mind it's like when i still live with my parents i think that that was on telly six seasons i think it started in the late 90s i think so that'd be about right because i didn't move out of home till what 2006 that'll be right so in the late 90s that's old that's old bro These ladies It's funny like Excuse me old Cell phones age movies Yeah they do eh They really put a stake
Starting point is 00:13:09 In the chronology Of when it was Checked together I'm pretty sure Blackberry pearls Is what people are Rocking Rocking in this
Starting point is 00:13:16 I like that technology Provides a really strong Timeline for you Yeah big time Well thingy's got a What iPhone has she got like a 3GS. Yeah, 2010.
Starting point is 00:13:29 I think it's a 3GS. 5 years ago. We've got a cat with us, folks, for this watch. We've got a cat dog. A cat dog is a neighbour's cat that comes around to my house all the time. Did I tell you about the note that they sent us, bro? No. The neighbours attached a note to that cat's collar that. Did I tell you about the note that they sent us, bro? No.
Starting point is 00:13:48 The neighbors attached a note to that cat's collar that said, I can't remember the exact wording, but it said, stop feeding our cat. It belongs to us. And we were like, we're not feeding your fucking cat. You just, like, need to look better up. We didn't say this, obviously. This is what we'd said to each other. It would have been useful.
Starting point is 00:14:04 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was what we'd said to each other. That would have been useful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a real exercise in productivity that day. But it's just like, fucking send us a note because your cat likes hanging out with us. We're not feeding it. You're just a shitty owner. What a passive-aggressive New Zealand way. Come around here and tell that to my face, bro. Let's have a chat. Writing a post-it note and putting tell that to my face. Let's have a chat.
Starting point is 00:14:25 Writing a post-it note and putting on your cat's collar. Let's have a goddamn... And they were across the fence. They could yell at us. They could yell that at us. I don't want to go over there. We'll get the cat to do it. Cats can't talk.
Starting point is 00:14:36 We'll put a note in its collar. Brilliant. That's brilliant. Actually, my flatmate Nick, who you'll remember from episode 29 of season one, Prawn Salad. He's the gentleman snoring in the background. He wrote a reply. He had a note of reply. I can't remember, but it was words to the effect of, fuck off.
Starting point is 00:14:55 We're not feeding your cat. Look after it better. Because that cat had a lot of kittens. The note of reply he wrote was shaving fuck off into the cat's back. God, that would have worked. Well, the note of reply fell out because I saw it on our front doorstep and I assume it just fell out of CatDog's collar.
Starting point is 00:15:10 Fell out. Yeah, well, I don't know. I don't know, man. Who even knows at this point, you know? What was your shining light? No one knows. I've said previously that I find the scene between the Danishish architect and kim
Starting point is 00:15:26 cattrall at the restaurant uh gross and over the top which is the entire point of it obviously but i find like when they're both fellating the shisha pipe it doesn't do neither of them are doing anything for me like they're both sexy people and I don't want either of them fellating me. Do you find Ricard a sexually attractive man? Yeah. His accent throws me a little bit. I don't think I do. He's a bit seedy.
Starting point is 00:15:59 He's a pretty seedy dude. But when he stands up and they give you that, like he's in profile and his bone is poking out of his linen Not poking out But like poking through his linen Not poking through Like you don't see any flesh It's protruding
Starting point is 00:16:13 Protruding So it's pop-teating Protruding's the right word That tickles me Okay Oh you're like That's your shining light An erection
Starting point is 00:16:22 Yeah An erection on Or just like on screen the gall of ricardo the the gall of that man it's like because you know like i guess if you're that confident and you just want to rock the boner through trial go for it but i've never rocked a boner through trial like that if i ever get a boner in trial i'm poppy in the poppy inow, I'm Poppy in the waistband. Poppy in the waistband, that's my business.
Starting point is 00:16:48 No one else's. You've long wanted to have this debate on boner etiquette, haven't you? I wanted to open up this conversation with you, yes. When did you first figure out that when you get a boner in an inappropriate public space, Poppy in the waistband? Oh, mate. I don't know. Early days. It's just like it's hardwired into into you sure yeah i'd agree with that which is why this flagrant flouting of
Starting point is 00:17:15 the rules tickles me so it's insane and in the city or not in a what is in the city but in a country where it's like you know that that that's going to ruffle a few feathers and cause problems for you. So you like that he's taken what is just assumed. It's just a known. It's just, it's a known known. Or it's even an unknown known because it's so obvious. You wouldn't even question it.
Starting point is 00:17:38 And he's turned the paradigm upside down. Well, it's just because for me, he's wearing like loose linen trousers and a loose linen shirt and it raises the question of, I mean, it could be worse, arguably. What's a, he poppies in the waistband, he's got like his shirt is unbuttoned
Starting point is 00:17:54 in the lower parts. And then he's just a little purple-headed monster peeking through the curtains. Yeah, that's never a good look. Never a good look on foreign soil. You're walking around, you think that you're all covered up And everything's tickety-boo
Starting point is 00:18:07 But you've got a fucking I don't even think diplomatic immunity Would cover you for that I think if you were a foreign diplomat And you had the purple Purple-headed monster Purple-headed monster poking it Do you know what?
Starting point is 00:18:17 I think it's actually more offensive Than if you were fully naked It's weird, eh? If you just had the tip of the the erect penis popping out so to speak yeah if you had that bloody titanic sinking behemoth but just the tip they call that iceberg penis they call it they call it titanic sinker they call it uh i don't know what they call it i used to get boners at the weirdest times. Please,
Starting point is 00:18:47 tell me more. You sound enthused. Yeah. Not a conversation I really want to engage with right now. It was mostly like, say we do a family road trip. Nothing underwater
Starting point is 00:18:59 is going to happen in the story, by the way. Yeah, I assumed. But like, driving along, say we're on like a five-hour drive to go to some place and there's like a place in the city in the middle or a town in the middle that
Starting point is 00:19:11 will break up the trip and we'll go we'll stop to get like a snack or whatever or say ice cream you're going to napier you pop out at palmy north okay would it be geographically that doesn't make a hell of a lot of sense But we'll go with it So anyway You're gonna pump out a pulse I've had an obedient flaccid penis For the duration of this car trip As soon as
Starting point is 00:19:32 As soon as the mention Or as soon as we're like Literally a minute From pulling into the town To get ice creams or whatever Yeah It's like Something stirs
Starting point is 00:19:40 In my flaccid 14 year old penis And it's like What? We're getting ice cream? And it just jumpsyear-old penis, and it's like, what? We're getting ice cream? And it just jumps up. It just jumps up, and it's so exciting. You've got to do this fucking huge song and dance,
Starting point is 00:19:52 taking it in the waistband. Like, there's three kids in the back of this fucking wagon, you know? I can't hide this. You know, it's just a whole kerfuffle. This has really stayed with you, and I think just, it's really warped you bro. It's not warped me. I'm a high functioning human being. Yeah, roughly.
Starting point is 00:20:10 Like, I'm not going to take life tips from the guy who calls up phone numbers to come up and move. I'm just saying you've got a lot of weird sexual stuff. How's that a weird sexual thing? No, it's led to weird sexual stuff. What weird sexual stuff have I got? You know. The stuff. You know, the stuff.
Starting point is 00:20:30 The weird stuff. No, no, no, you're right. You're right. You're not wrong. Very rarely am I. So yeah, Shining Light, Ricard, Dick Spurt, Linen Boner. I'd like it to be known as Dick Spurt's Linen Boner. I'd like it to be known as Dickspurt Linen Boner. That's the name.
Starting point is 00:20:51 It sounds like a James Bond movie. Dickspurt Linen Boner. James Bond villain. Yeah. He would be too. He's actually got a boner made of linen. He's got that sketchy accent that you can never pick, just like a Bond villain of old.
Starting point is 00:21:06 Actually, and Bond villains of new as well because of what's his name the one who's arguably bisexual and it's like my bone is like a lizard's tail you can cut it off
Starting point is 00:21:15 but it will grow back twice as strong stronger with a higher thread count oh a boner of Lennon and he ejaculates buttons it's next level loose buttons very useful though jesus um well i think it's time for my favorite segment and that is
Starting point is 00:21:36 where's he going what's he off to Where's that Well You tell me Well I know where it is I know where it's at So that's why I'm asking you to tell me It's on the corner of Bleaker and 10th Street A little known cafe called Mahogany's Very popular eatery amongst the bourgeoisie The glitterati if you will
Starting point is 00:22:04 That's right, the Upper East Side. Many famous paparazzo frequent this cafe on their downtime between movie premieres. Including the ones who killed Diana. Really? The most famous paparazzo of all. Yeah, they hang out at Mahogany's.
Starting point is 00:22:20 Mahogany's a lot. They also hang out at Mahogany's. Mahogany's is across the road. The evil nemesis of Mahogany's. Yeah, that's the Lazarus Cafe. Mahogany's. Mahogany's a lot. They also hang out at Mahogany's. Mahogany's is across the road. The evil nemesis of Mahogany's. Yeah, that's the Lazarus Cafe. Mahogany's is Rat King territory. Hero. The man who consumes more caffeine per capita than any country in South America. Let's call him...
Starting point is 00:22:41 Caffutino. Per capita. There's one capita. There's one capita. There's one in the capita. One head. One head there. Anyway, continue. What?
Starting point is 00:22:52 Actually, he's launching it. This isn't anything to do with anything, but he's launching something called the Capita Catheter. Oh. So what is that? Like a one-laptop-per- per child style program, but for catheters? I guess, yeah. Like everyone gets a catheter.
Starting point is 00:23:07 Everyone gets a catheter. In an Oprah style giveaway. You get a catheter. He wears a large duffel coat, which has catheters. Wow. Sewn into the insides. You're all about coats, aren't you? Coats and penises.
Starting point is 00:23:20 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I'm going to be going for at the end of these episodes. So look, it's your legacy. We're in Mahogany's. We're joined by our caffeined crusader. And were you going somewhere with that? Yeah, he was dashing off to snap some paps at a movie premiere. So he's a pap-pap.
Starting point is 00:23:46 He's following the paparazzo and photographing them. That's right. He snaps paps, baby. He is a very clever man. Well, he's not. He's losing a lot of money on the business venture because no one is paying any money for photos of paparazzi taking photos. What he's doing is art, guy.
Starting point is 00:24:01 You can't throw it into the commercial realms of looking and saying, is this making money? No, then it's bad. This guy's running at a loss. All of his properties, his camera, his furniture, everything is being repossessed. Mark, a true artist. As he sits at Mahogany's.
Starting point is 00:24:19 A true artist. A true artist. Hashtag true artist. Hashtag look up. He is a true artist loses everything. Hashtag true artist. Hashtag look up. He is a true artist, though. It's a real comment on hypocrisy and the surveillance state. The nanny state.
Starting point is 00:24:35 And, you know, celebrity culture. Because we're all very prepared to buy our magazines. There's some media university tutor out there just wetting themselves with excitement at the points you're raising right now. See, the funny thing is, it's a Trojan horse, I'm afraid, because I'm mocking you. I'm reeling you in with bait and mocking you. Mocking your life's work, your teachings. That's right. That's right, humble media tutor.
Starting point is 00:25:04 That's the thing about it. We've lured you into this 66th episode of the worst idea of all time. It's right. That's right. Humble media tutor. That's the thing about... We've lured you into this 66th episode of the worst idea of all time. It's a trap. The thing about mockery is that you've got to be close enough to the subject matter yourself to be able to really fucking lampoon it. Yeah. You've got to be in there. And that's when the mocker becomes the mocky.
Starting point is 00:25:21 Oh, you've got to be careful where that line is. Behind that kitchen bench, Tim, I have a whole army of media lecturers and tutors who have been listening to this conversation, waiting for you to broach the topic, and then in turn mock you relentlessly and ruthlessly for it. It's all gotten terribly meta. Terribly, terribly meta.
Starting point is 00:25:41 I think of all the watchings we've had of Sex and the City 2 so far, I think this is the closest it's done it's come to undoing us the episode started off with just like genuine abuse of one another yeah it's devolved into like a barely coherent meta commentary i i kind of like it when we're this tired though because i feel like there is absolutely no barrier between my thought process and what you're hearing like what you what is coming into the microphone is just there's no more in my brain than what you're hearing do you know what i mean you're getting the totality of my thought process i enjoy that where there are silences i'm literally thinking of nothing there is nothing
Starting point is 00:26:24 in my brain. When I most felt that, like just your brain literally bleeding into the microphone, was the morning after you'd drunk an unholy amount of gin. Oh yeah, I remember that. And you were really suffering for it. Was that in the, it was about in the 30s somewhere. Late 30s, I reckon. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:26:41 Maybe the 40s. I just don't recall. I was in a lot of pain a lot of pain that day yeah this watch really um I felt like it really for the first time
Starting point is 00:26:52 wow I guess it has the other times too you always forget how much punishment it'll deliver but it really beat down on us the issue I felt like Batman
Starting point is 00:26:59 versus Bane and it was Bane I think the issue was it's very late and you just like especially now that we's very late and you just like, especially now that we're this far in, you just want to get to Abu Dhabi.
Starting point is 00:27:10 Yeah. I mean, you don't enjoy Abu Dhabi. Nothing good comes from being in Abu Dhabi other than the fact that you know It's just progress. that you've pretty much like put away an hour of the film.
Starting point is 00:27:20 It's advancement. And it just takes so long to get there. Yeah. We just kept like trying to check where we were like has the fucking have they had the fight yet are we on a plane yet like the yeah and you were saying it and we'll say it again but the threads that they drop like the the sort of seeds they scatter to grow into hooks that we're meant to be invested in and interested in. Like, Carrie's writing a book. I feel like that is just a token effort to reference the fact that Carrie has written books
Starting point is 00:27:53 in the TV show. Yeah, it really doesn't... No one gives a flying fuck about the book. No one in the world of the film, no one as a genuine fan of the show watching the movie is invested in the book. In fact, the book in fact the book that gets the most screen time is that suzanne summer's guide to menopause it's like fuck well
Starting point is 00:28:12 they had a lot of units to shift yeah i know but thing is you're gonna wonder whether that's the best marketing scheme oh it's so weird like movie. A movie costs so much money. And books... I'm not used to seeing books advertised in a blockbuster. Let me just say that. I didn't see one single reissue of Lord of the Rings appear in Transformers. You know what I'm saying? Or Lord of the Rings, for that matter. Which would have been a great time.
Starting point is 00:28:43 It feels like a way better opportunity Than Michael Bay's Trilogy da shit And the end credits It's just Some member of the Tolkien estate going If you enjoyed that You'll love the books God damn that would be terrible
Starting point is 00:28:58 What's a good Hey What's a good movie you've seen recently Have you seen Mad Max Oh Oh wee Boy do I wish i was doing a podcast about mad max it's a different conversation god damn isn't that a rollicking good time it really nailed what it was doing i was excited from way to go i paid like 30 to see it in imax in 3d and
Starting point is 00:29:21 i might do it again i don't i don't want you coming in here and enjoying yourself on the back end of what has been a miserable 25 minutes of conversation. Well, I'm just trying to reach for a bit of sunlight in this tomb.
Starting point is 00:29:33 You told me to bring this up during the podcast. I've just remembered to do it. What? Lamb and Soft. So, I watched the trailer for Pixels, which is the movie
Starting point is 00:29:43 that everyone got... This isn't me talking this is the internet talking everyone got really excited about it until they found out adam sandler is in it and i think may have produced it um it might be a happy madison production yeah um so it's about uh video game characters coming to earth like as aliens and destroying the Earth. I think it's still okay. The world's best players have got to take it on. Everyone's just, again, this isn't me talking, this is the internet, but everyone is just so bummed that Sandler's in it because it looks great.
Starting point is 00:30:16 The special effects and stuff look so awesome. The way that they've done it, the style that they've applied to it looks so dope. Anyway, the reason I bring it up is I was watching the trailer this morning way that they've done it like the style that they've applied to it looks so dope anyway the reason i bring it up is i was watching the trailer this morning and i noticed that they mentioned the name laminsof in it and um someone messaged me and i can't remember what movie they were talking about but it was another sandler film yeah that's right and it was something about someone owing money to laminsof or laminsof owes someone else money? Why is he even Eric Laminsov? So is Laminsov like the connective tissue of the Sandlerverse? You've lampooned me before for believing that all media exists in the same universe.
Starting point is 00:30:58 And like all Adam Sandler films exist in the same universe. Two very different things, but yeah. No, the same. We'll go forward with the second claim. No, the first... I never thought you were being very serious about it, though. But are you... No, I don't think I was.
Starting point is 00:31:10 But the Sandlerverse thing, like this Laminsoff little nugget, I mean, I don't think it's any more thought out than Sandler just really wants the name Laminsoff in every one of his films. Better than that. He's just so exhausted, he can't be bothered coming up with any new names.
Starting point is 00:31:25 Shit, that would be an indictment on us can't be bothered coming up with any new names. Shit. Yeah, that would be an indictment on us all that he keeps being able to make them. That's just the society for allowing it, you know? I'm okay with it. Do you reckon Grown Ups 3 is going to happen in your heart of hearts? Yes. Are you going to watch it with me? Yes.
Starting point is 00:31:41 It's going to be impossible not to. Like a moth to a flame I really think we deserve some walk on roles in that film If it gets made I can't see it happening But I think we deserve it I worry About what?
Starting point is 00:31:58 This film that we're watching Sex and the City 2 You say it You say it's name Look me in the eye And say the words Sex and the City 2 How say it You say it's name Look me in the eye And say the words Sex in the city too How's that make you feel?
Starting point is 00:32:09 That made me feel nothing But I don't think it's doing good things No No No on a lot of different levels Not to our relationship As men
Starting point is 00:32:20 Not It's not doing good things to us as men either. No, as individuals. Because it just. Oh, yeah. We just sit here and you just like deride these women. Because they're the protagonists. They're the ones who are like acting out all of the problems and the bad things about the movie.
Starting point is 00:32:41 So that's where the frustration is beamed into. This is why Mad Max was so good. It's disastrous. Mad Max was kind of like... It was so satisfying because... No, we're getting into something right now. You seem like... Fuck you.
Starting point is 00:32:58 I love action movies. Fuck you. Fuck you. No, look at me. Don't talk about Mad Max. I'll just say this one thing Everyone likes Mad Max This one thing
Starting point is 00:33:06 And then we'll move on Whoopty shit There's a million people Talking about how good Mad Max is And why it was so good right now There's no one talking about Why Sex and the City 2 Was not good this week
Starting point is 00:33:16 You're being a massive dick Just hold on for a second Let me say this I've just watched Sex and the City 2 with you For like Fucking What feels like A month I mean just tonight a second let me say this i've just watched sex in the city 2 with you for like fucking what feels like a month i mean just tonight it feels like i've been watching it for a month in a row
Starting point is 00:33:31 it was a very satisfying movie to watch because it was like the undoing of the worst bit of all action movies and i love action movies but the whole like woman hating aspect flipped it on its head and it kept all of the awesome bits of the genre and just changed that and then it was good that's all i'll say about it now we can move on we're gonna have to watch sex in the city 2 again in about two days so put that in your brain and keep it keep it close to you at all times. When you're in a good mood and something good happens to you, I want you to remember that. And I want you to get sad. I want to see a little tear, ideally.
Starting point is 00:34:12 Because I want you to know that there can be no joy or love in your life. Not truly. Because you know that we have to watch this movie another 40 times together. That's so many. That's about 90 hours worth of sex in the city too. Look at me, guy. Look at, wait, seriously, look at me.
Starting point is 00:34:32 Look at me with both eyes in my eyes. It's longer than 90, it's close to 100. Wow, there we go. That is a big old fucking desert to traverse. As grand and desolate as Abu Dhabi herself find out
Starting point is 00:34:50 what the fellas think of Sex and the City 2 next week and by next week I mean quite literally in two fucking days It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time Season 2

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