The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Twenty Eight - Dickbot

Episode Date: September 10, 2015

LONG LIVE KARMA COLA (and death to Blaze Pizza), the lads have finally got a show sponsor. The corporate injection has added a spring in Tim and Guy's step but it's only short lived as another diaboli...cal watch of SaTC2 sends their minds in deep theories of AI. Also this week - hidden anti-Government messages Michael Patrick King is trojan horsing into the public concious, terrible metaphorical applications of carbonara sauce and a potential opponent for Brady the Rat King. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. Ahoy, noble traveller, and welcome along to another cracking episode of the worst idea of all time. It's me, Guy Montgomery. And his trusty companion on this verily we go a long voyage, Tim Batt, the Vagabond. That's right, Tim Batt and Guy Montgomery, friends as far back as the start of last year, have just watched Sex and the City 2
Starting point is 00:00:45 for what I assume is a world record, but I think might not be a 28th time. Woohoo! Go us! Happy 28th to us. Happy 28th to us. I never want to see the movie again. Happy 28th to us.
Starting point is 00:01:01 That was a jaunty little tune that is outside of copyright law law so we're allowed to sing yes hey god hey guess what give me a kiss this is oh back at you hey now this is a very special episode of the podcast because this week for the first ever, we are decaling our knee-cwab that is the show with our very first show sponsor. Hey! That's right. Death to Blaze Pizza. Fuck you, Blaze Pizza.
Starting point is 00:01:34 Fuck you right in the metaphorical ear. Because we have a real company that is willing to back this project that recognizes the genius of me and Guy. Even though that was grammatically incorrect and i couldn't be happier to announce that that company is karma cola who i actually love i drink them all the time when i'm in nz they're a new zealand started company but they export their delicious cola to uh all over the world not in america yet but they reckon it might be there next year not sure if i was supposed to say that or not. I can't remember.
Starting point is 00:02:06 The main thing is, though, Carmacola, bloody good company, they jumped in there to Sierra Leone. That's right. Well, they're on the worst idea of all time boat, aren't they? I mean, we are now contractually obligated to say that when I'm craving a carbonated beverage, the only carbonated beverage that will quench my unquenchable, or what I thought was an unquenchable thirst, is Carmacola.
Starting point is 00:02:34 I didn't even know there were other carbonated beverages apart from Carmacola, or at least I did before, but now I don't. They're gone. They're out of my mind. Carmacola, they're a wonderful bloody company they're very focused on uh all their products are organic fair trade down to the sugar itself that they use in there that's right no high fructose corn syrup for you you bugger you've earned a bloody quality drink why do you know so much about sugar these are the questions that guy montgomery's wondering
Starting point is 00:03:01 me yeah you i watched it i watched that documentary food inc that katie couric narrated and half of it i thought this is bullshit but the other half i was like fair enough anyway just like eat just eat less of like just everything in moderation yeah stop being a stop being a fuckwit hey karma is so cool. They've got this foundation where, so not only do they do fair trade, so they're paying proper money to the farmers in Sierra Leone where they get their cola beans, but they've got also this foundation where they give money to villagers in Sierra Leone.
Starting point is 00:03:35 They've raised over 50 grand so far. It's gone to eight villages. They build schools and stuff. All of the villagers themselves, they decide how to spend the money. They're basically, they're just bloody good buggers. Look got a lot of respect for that tim but i'm starting to get jealous already why don't you bloody do a podcast with a carbonated beverage because you can't mate because they're not sentient all right well focus some of that time and energy on your old mate g
Starting point is 00:03:58 mont guy i realize i realize that you're very uh you've always been a little envious you've always wanted to be a caller i've known this about you. I had aspirations. Let me tell you something, guy. And I mean this from the bottom of my heart. If you were a cola, you would be a karma cola. Noted. I couldn't agree more.
Starting point is 00:04:21 I bathe in this stuff. Look, that's how they handle it there. Now, back to the task at hand, which is the 28th watch. I'm horribly sticky. Yeah, well, I mean, I think because that was our first ever spot, it kind of lent an uncharacteristically upbeat tone to the opening of the podcast. I'm also, again, in the lap of luxury.
Starting point is 00:04:43 So it still wasn't a fun experience But I'm in this beautiful Rural looking bit of Thailand now Called Bai And there's mountainous areas That I'm looking out on Dogs What's the word I'm looking for?
Starting point is 00:04:58 Rats Ravenous You're looking at ravenous dogs? They do seem they do seem hungry they're just they're rampaging around they're pack dogs
Starting point is 00:05:10 they're friendly they love each other no you're using a lot of conflicting adjectives for the dog set are they friendly or are they rampaging
Starting point is 00:05:19 and ravenous no they're rampaging but as a unit so it's like they just like if you're on a rampage you're like you're out to cause trouble yeah but they're rampaging, but as a unit. So it's like they just... Like if you're on a rampage, you're like, you're out to cause trouble. Yeah, but they're friendly toward each other, like toward the common dog.
Starting point is 00:05:31 Their own common dog. They're good. Are you under threat? I'm very hot. I'm very warm. Well, the good news is I think you're sort of deliriously confident. And accordingly, dogs can smell fear. And so they're not going to smell anything on you.
Starting point is 00:05:50 And also, you're so goddamn lean. I think even the dogs would have the brains to be like, it's just not worth it. These Thai dogs, though, are the most relaxed canines I've ever encountered in my life. They're just lounging around. They all have their own spots. And then once in a while, one of them will get excited,
Starting point is 00:06:08 round up his mates, and they go rampaging around as a pack. It's cool. Okay. I mean, either I'm not understanding this or your language isn't clear enough. But I feel like if the dogs are on a rampage, you've got to
Starting point is 00:06:23 watch out out right? yeah they're fine is what I'm saying I'm not in paradise Tim I feel lonely tell me your surrounds what was the context of your watch today? I'm in Sydney Australia
Starting point is 00:06:39 which is a beautiful city I'm in the same room I watched it last time and it's just I don't know I'm just the same room I watched it last time and it's just I don't know like I'm just tarnishing my memory of this house because
Starting point is 00:06:51 my main interaction with it is sleeping and occasionally not sleeping on a couch and watching Sex and the City 2 on the very same couch
Starting point is 00:07:00 that's a damn shame and like I didn't even I didn't do anything nice for myself i drank two glasses of water during the movie that's it that was your special treat that was that was my special treat uh yeah i mean it's i don't know i don't know what to say guy i've got a pretty meaty thesis for you that i've actually penned during this watch um i started cottoning onto something and i'm kind of keen to just rip into it early on would you like to hear it i absolutely would love to guy dick spurt the danish architect is an artificial intelligence that's escaped from the lab here's the evidence i have to support my theory number one he has no discernible national accent of like
Starting point is 00:07:47 belonging to any country right what he sounds like and we have noted this is he sounds like a machine trying to mimic an accent why is that the case because that is precisely what is happening evidence two let's assume that either the americans or the Japanese created Dickbot because they are the leading countries for this sort of technology. Where would be the perfect hiding place for a robot that escaped to get away from all the CCTV cameras and all the NSA fuckery while still being able to find out about humans? I put it to you guys. The Middle East would be the perfect location for that.
Starting point is 00:08:24 Evidence three. Why does he spend so much time in the desert he's solar powered evidence four you know when he appears three you know when he appears in the truck and he just briefly says hello and then he drives off while standing in the flatbed and there appears to be no driver the vehicle just goes this was in 2010 i think this ai dick bot he made his own autonomous driverless all-wheel drive vehicle for the desert wow my thesis does go on and it gets quite heady do you want to hear the rest of it yeah man don't i'm prepared to abandon it no no you can't slow down halfway guys sex in the City 2 is about two things. Sex and cities. Dick Spurt is on camera
Starting point is 00:09:08 for about one and a half minutes in total yet we see him having sex and in a city. He is ruthlessly efficient. The girls spend their two and a half hours of screen time trying to fix and finesse their relationships with their sexual partners but Dick gets it done with ruthless robotic
Starting point is 00:09:23 efficiency. Carrie is getting bad reviews on her writing this represents humans inability to write good software code charlotte is an epta as a parent and this shows how inefficient the messy business of natural procreation is versus machine replication samantha is going through menopause and is focused solely on her failing body this is about the needless fragility and short lifespan of a human. Miranda derives her self-worth from being a lawyer then quits her job. This shows the ridiculous and nonsensical human brain
Starting point is 00:09:52 and how our wants and needs are illogical and self-defeating. Sex and the City 2 doesn't fit with the rest of the franchise because Michael Patrick King has set out to make a two and a half hour long cinematic thesis on the eventuality and benefits of robotic takeover. That's what this movie is really about.
Starting point is 00:10:10 And is your logic that in 2010, Michael Patrick King, who's, I mean, as history suggests, he's unafraid to confront anything whatsoever, was savvy enough to know that you can't just overtly put out, you can't do a Sex and the City 2 slash Ode to Robots crossover without maybe having to probably honour the Sex and the City 2 element a little more and sort of cross-stitch in very subtly.
Starting point is 00:10:44 Maybe just the hems i how i would describe it as um a trojan horse of sorts he's he's putting the idea of uh the eventuality and and his appreciation of a robot apocalypse he's put it inside the franchise of sex in the city too left it outside the gates of hollywood and waited for people to buy it. Not dissimilar from our last season with what Adam Sandler did. Yeah, no, I completely understand what you're saying. I have no reason to really rebut you. I mean, you know, at this point, anything to make the movie what it isn't is fine by me. I'm sort of just racking my brains for any evidence i can consider that would corroborate your uh research which is what
Starting point is 00:11:32 so far the only times that we're uh that dick spits actually on screen because you think he's on for way longer than he is but really the only time he gets on screen is when he's um huffing on that he should pipe he arrived yeah so he arrives in the car in the in the jeep or whatever in the desert then he watches samantha and has a flirtation at the bar in the hotel very brave and then they then they go out for a meal yeah and then they have sex uh in america yeah but in terms of screen time, really, the only time he says more than six words. And cumulatively, that would only be about two minutes worth. Totally, if that.
Starting point is 00:12:13 He's a bloody robot, mate. And I just like Michael Patrick King's patience with filmmaking, that he waited about an hour and 40 minutes or so until the protagonist of the film appears. That's very disciplined filmmaking. Well, it's almost avant-garde, isn't it? I mean, it's a bold call. It's cutting edge.
Starting point is 00:12:36 If you're going to build this thing as a blockbuster and not bring the protagonist in until an hour and 40, I mean, he's making some pretty outrageous decisions. Not only that, but creating a sci-fi and not telling anyone that the robot is a robot they've got to figure it out for themselves and it turns out you got to watch the movie 28 times and then maybe you'll get it if comedy and podcasting doesn't work out tim i think you will make an exceptional high school english teacher thank you uh and i say this because i mean while i i do honor and respect your your theory and have no evidence to refute it i feel like you know what
Starting point is 00:13:14 you've done is kind of you know like when you read you have to read a book or whatever like a fucking nerd like a square you know they make that shit with pictures now you idiots um why would you even spend your time with it and then your english teacher just projects their garbage opinion of what they have just read onto you and then you will have to go yeah and then you have to write supporting essays for their stupid claims and then they incorporate that information into their sort of spiel for the class next year and this perpetual cycle of an english teacher thinking they understand the book like in the only way possible it's almost the definition of propaganda yeah i feel like this is what i feel like this might have been bubbling away on the you know say we've got an element here
Starting point is 00:14:01 and there are four stovetops on it and you've had you've been cooking maybe a carbonara sauce on the front right and maybe uh you've been boiling away your pasta on the front left and then this theory has just been bubbling away sort of almost unbeknownst to you behind this huge pot in which you're preparing the carbonara sauce i mean it's too much carbonara sauce uh if you want my honest opinion i don't know what you're gonna do with it all but hidden behind this bubbling pot of creamy pasta sauce is your uh your robot sci-fi theory and uh you've taken it you've taken the carbonara off the element and you've seen it and you've sort of said oh this is what this is the real like this is what's going to make this meal stand apart
Starting point is 00:14:37 well hold on and your metaphor what is the carbonara source is that the is it how most people have interpreted the film which is the diatribe about yeah i mean i only really when i was explaining then had it in my mind as an actual um source but i i think yours yours works better in metaphorical terms yours is a much stronger example okay yeah because i got quite lost in your metaphor i've got to be honest we're in the kitchen but then we were actually just boiling the theory. So you really flipped from the whimsy and the metaphor to just the literal. Between the 28 screens. How do you boil a theory?
Starting point is 00:15:17 Well, you tell me, Tim. You're in the kitchen. I think between the 28th watch and you just projecting this insane idea on me, I'm all at sea just to mix our metaphors even further. That's all right. I think between the 28th watch and you just projecting this insane idea on me, I'm all at sea, just to mix our metaphors even further. That's all right. You're at sea in a kitchen in pots and pans everywhere. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:38 It's a tawdry business watching this film every week, isn't it? It's bloody dirty. It is filthy. I noticed something at the end of the film which actually might support your robot theory because you know how you're saying that you can't have robot Dick Spurt or Dick Bot in America because of all the CCTV footage and the NSA or whatever.
Starting point is 00:15:56 They'd find them, yeah. And I've usually tuned out because as soon as Carrie starts telling everyone to decal your knee quab and the words The End come up on the screen, I usually am emotionally and mentally drained and checked out by that point but i my eyes stayed on the screen long enough to watch sort of the um it's almost like a glistening or glittering diamante effect that they have on various different apartment buildings above the tv outside looking over new york city in their high-rise apartment.
Starting point is 00:16:26 Oh, yeah. And what it appears to be to me, given what you've put forward, is potentially some sort of power surge. Oh, wow. Yeah, if you watch, you'll see one of them sort of flickers. It's kind of like at the start, you know, that whole rhinestone motif running through the movie yeah um but i think i i think it's something bigger i think that maybe he's he's sort of in the pentagon where all of the american electricity is generated from we all know that we all know that dick bot's in the mainframe he's just hammering away at it because the picture that you've painted in my head
Starting point is 00:17:05 is kind of like the end of Fight Club when the buildings are all going down, like right at the end. They've kind of, they've just started their reign of chaos and then the movie ends. Is it like that? Well, yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:14 What I'm sort of saying to you is if there were to be a sequel, God forbid, I think we might see an even greater sort of focus shift from Sex and the City towards just what exactly this robot is attempting and capable of, yeah. Jesus.
Starting point is 00:17:37 Wow, man. Terrifying. Sex and the City 3, Dick Bot versus Brady the Rat King. Oh, man, that is a matchup of the millennia. Forget century. How would that shit go down? That is like the ultimate battle of technology versus man. That is the Luddites versus the nerds.
Starting point is 00:18:01 That would be such an incredible battle. Wow. Because Brady the Rat King has like biology and numbers on his side he's got numbers all right dick bot though theoretically like if he kind of was strong enough he could he could use all the materials around him all the metal and stuff to to well i think robots herein lies the beauty of brady's work uh is that dick bot is obviously programmed to learn how to engage with uh react to and ultimately overthrow humans yeah none of that technology has been geared towards uh vermin and accordingly right his defense systems are weak against those of the rat so his big chink
Starting point is 00:18:39 in the armor was rodents this whole time well i mean it remains to be seen look i don't want to step on michael patrick king's toes here i mean he's probably boiling away the screenplay right now in a pot down in his basement surrounded by cigar smoke and whiskey and right next to the burning carbonara by the letters yeah by this point i mean he's been boiling carbonara for what is this five years five years that carbonara is well past. If you've been boiling a carbonara, I'm no cook, but if you've been boiling a carbonara sauce for five years, I mean, it's probably past
Starting point is 00:19:12 its use by. It's probably turned into something else though at that point. It's like a feta. It's turned into some strange halloumi mix. I don't think you're just throwing cheese names out there. I don't think you make feta by boiling carbonara for five years and then suddenly it becomes a halloumi.
Starting point is 00:19:27 Well then, why is halloumi so expensive, Guy? Because halloumi is the rock star of the cheese world. All right? Indisputably delicious. Yeah, and the same way that a 12-year-old single malt is entirely delicious and more expensive, I believe that a five-year carbonara turns into the most delicious
Starting point is 00:19:45 halloumi yearly variety well you keep that pot on the boil and talk to me in 2020 you son of a bitch i will more evidence to suggest that maybe uh there's something to your theory i i heard this time uh and one of the many moments that sex in the City 2 surreptitiously squeeze in a little bit more advertising value by having ads play on the TV in the background. Yeah. You know, after Big reveals the state of the art flat screen television. Yes. And there's an ad for, I can't remember what, but then it cuts to another ad where there's a guy looking at a fridge. The first one I think is Amnesty International, from memory.
Starting point is 00:20:24 Yeah, and then it's a guy, oh no, the first one, that is Amnesty International from memory yeah and then it's a guy oh no the first one that's in the hotel the first one where they're at the apartment is the soft toy soft plush baby cubs and baby seals oh yeah yeah yeah and then the ad after that
Starting point is 00:20:36 is a guy looking in the fridge and I'm pretty sure I didn't go back to replay it this week but I'm pretty sure the voiceover that I did pick out was the words, taking on the government. Really?
Starting point is 00:20:50 I'm pretty sure, yeah. Shit, that's a pretty big one to escape old Betty's radar, isn't it? Well, it would be. That's usually a big old blip. I mean, look, there's obviously a small percentage chance that Montgomery's misheard the advertisement and the throes of insanity as he battles through this two and a half hour behemoth with the 28th time
Starting point is 00:21:12 How good is it that we're drilling down into the ad breaks that are on the TV shows now in the background? Well it's about god damn time I feel like we're getting really into the fibres of it now really into the fibers of it now, really into the individual constituents. I do think, I mean, it's still,
Starting point is 00:21:34 the difficulty is still to engage with the movie over the entire duration of it. But I do think that the sort of the flashes of serious engagement now, we are finally hammering into stuff that isn't, you know, it sounds arrogant to say, but isn't accessible to a first time or even a second time watcher. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:50 I don't want to be rude, but you people can't see what we see. We're watching a different, we're watching a different movie at this point. I don't want to be rude, but why don't you get off your goddamn ass, catch up with your life, get in there,
Starting point is 00:22:04 try and watch it 27 times and then one more uh how many hours is that now what are we up to what's the math on that uh i will run the numbers quickly but while i do that tim do you just want to tell us if you had aside from stumbling into this tremendous conspiracy theory some sort of shining light i think it's 70 i just did that in my head though um yeah 70 sounds right uh it's 4200 minutes 420 i am very much struggling to find a shining light this week. It was just a big soupy mash of grey nothingness, really.
Starting point is 00:22:51 It was really featureless for me this week. The old soupy mash, eh? Well, I mean... Shit. I guess the fact... Oh, you go. I'll just chuck out that Dickbot has managed
Starting point is 00:23:07 to... It's just the way that he drives away. There's no suggestion of a driver in the car. So either my theory is correct or it's just really cool. My theory being that he has built himself the world's first autonomous all-wheel drive vehicle.
Starting point is 00:23:24 Yeah. Which is an achievement and interesting. I'm going to try and do better, but you chuck me your one. Well, there was a line from Samantha Jones, who I learnt this week on a BuzzFeed quiz that is the character I most identify with. I can't believe you did the fucking quiz quiz i can't believe you didn't so she it's it's near the end of the film when they're in a rush to get to the airport because god forbid they might have to fly uh coach uh and charlotte is trying to find a gift for harry and the kids and samantha jones says i'm gonna fucking kill her
Starting point is 00:24:05 uh and it's sort of i mean it's a very aggressive line and she delivers it with serious verve and passion yeah um and i just i mean i hats off to kim cattrall for really i don't wouldn't say it salvages the movie but it was it's impressive that's always stood out to me as well whenever I've watched, because there's not a lot of fucks said in the movie, and it's the only one with real aggression. The other ones are like, it's more than that. She's really wrapped her vocal cords around it and sort of milked the word fuck, which from memory,
Starting point is 00:24:43 I don't know about you, Tim, but there is something strangely satisfyinged the word fuck, which from memory, I don't know about you, Tim, but there is something strangely satisfying about the word fuck. Obviously, when you grow up, you know it's taboo right out of the gates, which might be part of its appeal. Yeah. But it's so...
Starting point is 00:24:57 I was thinking about it after I heard her say it. I don't know what makes it such a satisfying... I've always suspected it was something to do with the phonics of that word because it starts soft and it ends so hard. And abruptly. Fuck.
Starting point is 00:25:12 Yeah. It's good. It's good for you. It's good for your health. For those of you listening who have a similar affinity for the word, please tell us your theories
Starting point is 00:25:19 as to why it's so enjoyable to say. Hashtag dickpot. Hashtag fuck. Has fuck hashtag decal your knee club uh similarly tim this wasn't a shining light but it was just to sort of open up the opportunity for a film i'd quite like to see within the realm of sex in the city too uh when lily uh is at the wedding and she goes off to play with the swans yeah oh when she says hello swan yeah oh man that hit me it actually did all right damn it i can't grab that but i really noticed that this week and i fucking loved it it warmed i would i would love to see where that friendship goes it warmed my
Starting point is 00:25:56 heart so much because she's genuinely so cute she's like the most um easily adorable character in this whole thing easily likable yeah she goes go play with the swans lily and literally just so obediently goes and plops herself down in the middle of this wretched slightly like it's a it's homoerotic come homophobic fantasy come to life just sits herself in the middle plonks herself down next to the only bastion of sanity which is an animal just says hey spawn it's so cute
Starting point is 00:26:28 oh it's so cute well I'm glad that we both I'm glad that we both spotted that I also have a yeah there you go you go
Starting point is 00:26:36 oh jinx god we're cute um just a quick theory for you uh Samantha knows this is a stinker. Samantha knows I Do Do I is an absolute bomb.
Starting point is 00:26:49 And, you know, she ignores all of... Guys, you need to... Some people have not seen this movie once. And some people have and still don't know what you're talking about. I Do Do I is the book that Carrie has written in the world of the film. I mean, it's a pretty central... There's nothing really central to the film, but it's pretty central. And
Starting point is 00:27:07 I do, do I? Like, Carrie's lost her touch. She was a writer of great repute, but I mean, there's no denying this book is an absolute dud. And I think Samantha knows that. And you know when they go shopping and Carrie's asking if there have been any reviews yet
Starting point is 00:27:24 and Samantha just fobs the question up and goes, oh, no, I mean, I know, but they'll all be great. Very dismissive, not very confident in what she's saying. The whole trip to the Middle East, to the United Arab Emirates, is sort of a distraction, a ruse, if you will. Oh, wow. Yeah. To sort of just distract carrie from it and then that's that's further supported by when carrie uh buss go on breaking federal law and opening the mail
Starting point is 00:27:54 and reads the copy of the new yorker and then at the end of it samantha's like how did she get a i don't know how she got a hold of it the way she says it we've previously dismissed that line and seen a superfluous to the film. The way that she says all of that is sort of her being like, oh, wow. I've been foiled.
Starting point is 00:28:14 Yeah, it's all going to come down from here. I want to read that book so badly. I do, do I? It doesn't look big. It looks like you could knock it off in an afternoon. It's a pretty anemic looking That's right Little novel It's not a novel
Starting point is 00:28:28 So what do we Yeah I know What do we know about this book? We know that it's like a commentary on We know that The subtitle is A one year memoir of marriage Or a memoir of one year of marriage
Starting point is 00:28:39 And we know the conceit of the book is The chapters appear to be traditional wedding vows I think Yeah that's right Each chapter was one And we know the conceit of the book is probably lifted. The chapters appear to be traditional wedding vows, I think. Yeah, that's right. Each chapter was one. It sounds like it's lifted from, I think we've seen this before, from some sort of online blog. So it's a satire wherein she sort of lampoons the traditional wedding vows
Starting point is 00:28:59 one by one for each chapter. What is even the point in that sell some copies earn some money big's money's going down the drain no just because he's going to help him out though he'll get out of this with uh all that piping hot bath semen oh he's gonna get him through i know i've made this this bed so so i we have to lie in it but yeah good lord i'm pretty sure you're the one who attached the adjective piping hot uh to semen as well i think well it's your baby well it's in a spa i mean what do you expect but the thing is some weeks it's sort of just a a funny throwaway novelty and then other weeks when one of us says it, it's visceral and in that instance it was quite a
Starting point is 00:29:46 visceral for me anyway It's kind of like you try and grab it and put it in the other person's face when they're least expecting it and I think that's going to be my new fun little game for this podcast is going to be taking you down a path and then suddenly Mr. Big's
Starting point is 00:30:02 going to jump out like a flasher with his scoozie and fuck you up. Well while we're here down a path and then suddenly mr big's gonna jump out like a flasher with his jascusi and uh fuck you up well while we're here tim i would absolutely love to know what exactly uh was being served up in mr big's big book of ideas week 28 um so i think that uh in. Big's big book of ideas this week, he's formed a really strange pyramid scheme. And the idea is sending pennies through the mail, right? Yeah. Which has been done before.
Starting point is 00:30:42 But the twist on it is that his face is on every penny and so what he's essentially done is he's he's gotten real pennies and he's heated them up a little bit put his own stamp on so it's his face uh in a bid to start his own new currency so the normal way that a pyramid scheme works is that um you send five pennies away and you're supposed to get 25 back because you're sending five pennies one each to five different people and so it goes but it's unsustainable but it's a great way to start um a little cult or a little uh nation state so that's what he's trying to do so he's doing it in reverse where the pyramid has been inverted and the tip is at the bottom and the big base is at the top so in mr big's big book of ideas he's just bought a billion dollars worth of
Starting point is 00:31:32 pennies and re-stamped them with his own face and then just so he's also bought a mint correct so he's also uh he his own mail service as well because it was a more economical way of distributing them. Are these legal tender? Well this is the interesting thing. Not for America but if you are part of the big land it is and that's how you get a country started
Starting point is 00:31:57 give everyone money that they can only use within the country. It's like going to Disneyland and getting Disney dollars. You can only spend them in there. If you take them outside they're worthless. It's like going to Disneyland and getting Disney dollars. You can only spend them in there. If you take them outside, they're worthless. It's like stripper dollars. It's the same principle. What Mr. Big's doing is he's
Starting point is 00:32:13 arming everyone with a little bit of currency to get started, to really get Bigland on the map, off the ground, into space. It's based on the moon. Did I mention that? It's a moon colony. Well, I got to say, Montgomery, finance expert,
Starting point is 00:32:32 forecasts doom and gloom for this particular venture. Why? Why are you going to be like that? I think it's a grand idea. I don't know. I feel like he's put a lot of money into this without any does he have investors or this is this is all he's floating he's playing
Starting point is 00:32:52 with house money i'm sorry i'm sorry is the book called big's investors big book of ideas or is it big big book of ideas that is true uh well i mean mean That wacky Mr Pig What will he think of next Time will tell All I know is There's Donnie Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo
Starting point is 00:33:26 Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo
Starting point is 00:33:27 Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo
Starting point is 00:33:27 Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo
Starting point is 00:33:27 Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo
Starting point is 00:33:28 Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-Doo-Boo Scooby-D that's right that was the thornberry's reference right that's right fantastic well that was out of the box that was a real mr big strascusi of uh references i didn't expect that coming no no one did i actually also i prefaced it uh with oh no i won't say but there was another little uh cartoon from my childhood reference buried Buried Amongst the Scat. Another little Easter egg in there for all you Saturday morning duvet clutches in the couch in mum and dad's lounge watching the tally. When will we experience joy like that again?
Starting point is 00:34:17 Never. There will never be a happier time than watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles with a bit of reheated pizza because it was Friday yesterday and mum was out of town uh seeing her friends so dad let us order pizza in and we just microwave pizza watch some ninja turtles under the duvets bliss there would never be a happier time than that we would have got along just fine as youngins as whippersnappers so good Anyway, this is not what we're here to talk about. We're here to talk about Coffee Guy.
Starting point is 00:34:48 And funnily enough, he's in such a hurry because his wife's gone out of town and he's got to look after the kids. He's completely forgotten. The man cannot. Well, first of all, he's got to get them. Second of all, the man cannot cook. So he's desperately trying to scrounge up some food.
Starting point is 00:35:05 What? He's not going to scrounge up some food. What? He's not going to just buy it? He's scrounging it up? No, this is the thing. He will buy it. It's just pizza. He's just going to plonk them in front of... Unfortunately, see, what he's trying to do
Starting point is 00:35:17 is reference a generation different to his, our generation. So he's gotten Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, but he accidentally rented out from the video store the michael bay one and the kids are just confused well as you would make of it i haven't seen it but presumably it is unfollowable yeah especially outside of any context of like the cartoon series or the toys or anything you just if you were just presented with that movie alone i haven't seen it but from everything i've heard you just be like i have no idea why what's yeah
Starting point is 00:35:49 i i often i often think that i often think like you know because teenage mutant ninja turtles holds a special place in the hearts of people of our generation but if like you know, kids, a child these days would be like, why do my parents, you know, like this? It's just a terrible action movie. I don't understand the draw. You've just thrown darts at a dartboard of adjectives and then formed a movie out of it. Okay, they're teenagers. It's an anthropomorphic animals who live in sewers. No, they're also, they're turtles. Yes. Okay. Very well. Yes, but they're teenagers okay that's a movie they're a movie about sewers no they're also they're turtles yes okay very well yes but they're not quite turtles they're turtle people all right we won't explore that too much yeah but also they're ninjas what well
Starting point is 00:36:34 there's too many fucking things isn't it no but also they're mutant ah go home dad you're drunk the the um i gotta say and i know this is not a place to venture into but if they were to try and inject some modern relevance and reverence into the latest iteration of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles they're in the sewer obviously they've got Splinter
Starting point is 00:36:56 Master Splinter Master Splinter little crossover between maybe Brady and his battalion of rats, I mean they're in the sewers too definitely there's a lot of parallels between Brady and Master Splinter which we will
Starting point is 00:37:14 explore in a later episode don't you worry about that in closing Coffee Guy is praying to the one true god Java that his kids are okay because he plumb forgot to grab them. They're at school. They've been waiting a long time.
Starting point is 00:37:29 He's all jacked up and ready to go. Well, Tim. Yeah. We, yes. I just like to, I'm sure you were going to anyway,
Starting point is 00:37:37 but remind everyone about the LA podcast festival that we're going to be at. So, so soon. And about 10 days from now. Holy cat. That soon. That is too soon in some ways we probably should figure out where we're going to be sleeping while we're over there um so that's right go buy a ticket watch the festival if the option is available to you it's going to be a blast and if you can't do that because you're one of these ding dongs who live outside of los angeles california first all, what are you doing with your life?
Starting point is 00:38:06 Analyze how you've got to where you are now. Secondly, just fucking buy the live stream and watch it, you sucker. Yeah, if you use the code WORST, it's $20, and it supports our show, and everyone loves doing that because it means we keep watching the movie, which sucks for us.
Starting point is 00:38:24 Rightio, daddy-o. Thanks very much again to Carmacola. I will be bathing in your glory when I get back in the homeland of New Zealand. And if you see a Carmacola, buy one and tell the shopkeeper, worst idea of all time sent ya. It'll confuse them.
Starting point is 00:38:38 Yeah, it absolutely will. I mean, none of the shop owners have any idea who or what we are, so there's no correlation between the two products products for them that'll really throw them otherwise to some confused shop keeps getting in touch with us i am looking forward to seeing you and the not too distant future guy we'll be together again i dream about us together again i dream about us together again. I dream about us together with this heart. I dream about us together with this heart.
Starting point is 00:39:09 Everywhere I go, every smile I see, I know you are there smiling back at me. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time It's the worst idea of all time
Starting point is 00:39:30 Season 2

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