The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Twenty Nine - Prawn Salad

Episode Date: October 31, 2018

In this episode of the podcast, bare audio witness to the complete breaking down of Guy and Tim's mental function. This is the first epsiode of the podcast which had its hosts asking whether or not they should release it after it was recorded. Guy and Tim have decided they should release it as it would be against the spirit of the project to without an episode. So enjoy it, with our sleepy co-host Nick. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the worst idea of all time, a podcast with myself, Tim Batt. And me, Guy Montgomery. Which is now in its 29th episode ever. And it's a podcast where me and Monty watch Grown Ups 2 every week for a year, once a week. And then do a podcast about it. Yeah. And here it is. Here it is. And I couldn't be happier to be here, Tim.

Very excited. Very excited to talk about the movie. about it and here it is here it is and couldn't be happy to be here Tim very excited very excited to talk about the movie obviously the movie and to which I'm referring is Grown Ups 2

which we've just watched for the 29th time and I gotta say I enjoyed myself this evening look it was a movie two halves

Monty if I'm being honest and while being a little bit shy on literal thinking while out on the field, you get my brute force of just throwing a gag at you once every 15 seconds

that you can't tell where the fuck you are by the end of the match. You're so disoriented this year. It is throwing at you In such a small concentrated amount of time You're fucking head spinning

And they're counting on that That's what they're going for Brute force attack onto your sense of humour There's nothing sophisticated about the play whatsoever You just keep cramming gags at them Until one of them fucking lands And then you got them Oh then you fucking got them.

They're going to buy the merchandise. They're going to buy the fucking DVD when it comes out. They'll upgrade to Blu-ray when they get themselves a Playstation 3. They are buying every single movie in the franchise off the basis of one joke

that one of you 10,000 monkeys will be able to write this script. of one joke that one of you 10,000 monkeys were able to write this script. That went a lot longer than I thought it would. Fuck, okay. Oh yeah, by the way, i'd like to introduce our third broadcast host today and that's nick anderson g who's currently just on the couch and it doesn't sound like much now but trust us that's nor could get up to a hell of a gallon on the turn of a dime like you'll think that maybe he's even woken up.

It gets so quiet for a bit. And then it's like a fucking train's coming through a tunnel at you. It's a deep snarling sort of yawn. It's quite regal. It's sort of aristocratic sort of... It's majestic. Sort of a 1920s Britain sort of snore.

Like from a brass band. Not just from one source, but like a band, like a quartet. A brass quartet. A roaring sort of brass quartet sort of snore. So we look forward to that. So, in closing to my aside, you may hear someone snoring. That's all that was. That's all I needed to say.

Oh, Jesus. All right. Okay. So, what to say about the movie? What to say about the movie we have just seen? Here's the first thing um i noticed a guy at the party in a blue shirt that's kind of unbuttoned at the top and he's he's in the background he's a background actor that's an that's a thing an extra i think they're called a background actor The movie's full of them.

Sorry. I got my name from a movie. If we call them extras, the union answers, we pay them union rights. They're background actors, okay? And that goes for all of our tax returns as well. Because the government gives us a fucking break for that. Like, we're on a lower tax rate if their background it's a different

category they're non-unionized fuck it and that goes for all of the franchise all the other movies we've got on our street all the merchandise so that guy exists which is my point to that

he's doing some really good background acting you only see him in like probably four or five shots in that thing but it just he's reacting to something I can't remember exactly the lines I've been seeing similarly Brayden Higgins he was doing some really good acting in there

his face was telling a thousand stories it was like a body his face was like the body of a dancer face was telling a thousand stories yeah it was like a body his face was like the body of a dancer that was telling a story through dance his face was dancing oh my shit if you thought there was a little bit humorous to hear you should have been seeing guys' face with the conviction of their delivery right up until

this dancing. Fucking, like, lyrical visual journey you took me on, forcibly. Oh, yeah. It's just that Brayden Higgins' goddamn dancing face gets me every time.

Yeah, who couldn't be spanked by Brayen Higgins' goddamn dancing face gets me every time. Yeah. Who couldn't be spiked by Braden Higgins' dancing face? Nick got off so lightly by going to sleep, man. Can you imagine what's going through his head right now? man imagine what's going through his head right now

he is in a realm where the normal parameters don't get you bringing you back down to ground

it's like well for Nick right now gravity doesn't it doesn't need to be an issue yeah because in his

dream there's no gravity that's right nothing's a problem when you're sleeping or it could go way worse

like it goes either way yeah because it goes either way yeah because it's like the level of stability we get by you can't just make it up in it

so there's rules here the stability that affords is you don't have the crushing terrifying loads of like oh

you know how you grow up and thinking everything was normal and then all of a sudden the ground turned into a dragon's

mouth. You are talking about some concepts I do not understand. Right. You know like everything's normal and then the ground

turns into a dragon's mouth. What I'm saying is, wouldn't that be so much more terrifying than shit that happens for us because we're in the real world and not in Nick's dream? Oh, I see. So it could go way worse for you, is my point. That's also true. Thank you for conceding the point

I appreciate it so back to the movie back to the movie what did did you

enjoy this film grown ups 2 guy I enjoyed your company Tim

it's been a really good night. Oh, that's good. That's nice. I thought it was... Downright hilarious adventures. Yeah. Do you know what Adam Sandler's going to do?

Because he'll release, like, tons more movies. And as soon as this podcast comes out, it's hilarious. Guy Montgomery will be on all the Blu-ray copies of Grown Ups 2. He's quoting you now in the podcast. I've floated that out as bait to Adam Sandler. I'm a Trojan horse. It's sort of an olive branch.

No, a Trojan horse. It's sort of an olive branch. No Trojan horse, bro. He'll take it. He hears the quote out of context from his agent, right? And he just goes, so who's Guy Montgomery? Oh, he won the fucking Billy Dee in New Zealand. That's a big thing in Hollywood. Yeah, no, I've heard of that. Huge award.

Huge honor. So, yeah, i don't know where i was going with that one you know sneak it in there and they put it on the posters and they're coming oh yeah

i didn't like the movie and now i'm on your poster in your face i'm saying like i got you good you motherfucker ah shit oh damn it

you know what I didn't do what didn't you do never mind oh yeah there it is I forgot to put the pop shield on the mic that's ok it's such a technical thing

but it makes it sound heaps better well now we'll do a test the second half of the podcast will now be brought to you by the pop shield on the mic

how long has this been going woah mic how long has this been going whoa okay how long has it been going only nine minutes that's good because we've got lots to talk about we've been on a real journey in those nine minutes that felt like that was a really long time we were talking

I'm terrified of the prospect of 25 plenty in the tank he There's plenty in the tank. Heaps more gas in the tank. Yeah. There was a line in the movie which caught our attention tonight, which was Chris Rock, when Kevin James is about to do Suicide 35 off the top rock,

35 feet above water. My mom did that jump when she was pregnant with me. Yeah, we don't have an issue with anyone jumping up into waterfalls when you're pregnant that's fine that's none of our business quite frankly

yeah we're not qualified to comment on it because yeah guess what we're white middle class males we understand where we're at and we're not going to

comment on shit that we're not supposed to so you know just chill out broads but um but you're like good point Tim just chill out broads but um but you're like

good point however well it's just I was going in a different direction I know I know

but you like weren't mean about it you were just like yes yes and also and also and then drag it back in your voice

it's like a teacher when they ask a question to the class and you put your hand over and you say something and they're like yes and also

I love what you've said it's fucking ridiculous but they just don't want to like break your confidence don't destroy his confidence Nick's picking up a little bit of noise

I don't know if you're getting that on the microphone it's sort of signs of life yeah life er finds a way. That's my best joke.

Life, uh, finds a way. I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, because I edited, like, a Brooklyn exit. It's not from Brooklyn, is it? I don't know. I actually don't remember. It's more like a, it's it's like a um it's not like

brooklyn it's like neutral crazy american so it's like neutral american you know how they have like not too much of anything it's not too southern it's not too west coast it's not doing anything neutral american that just and then just the absurdity turned up on life uh finds a way it's like that was the best one yeah I think that was pretty good I don't honestly I can't in my mind conjure the idiosyncrasies

of Jeff Goldblum's speech patterns enough to be confident enough to try not on the fly no just don't really have it embedded in my memory

so I can't really comment sure but it's sort of you know life finds a way the incredible

ah fuck it nah I'm abandoning ship nah it doesn't be it

but Chris Rock anyway Kevin Jones is about to do this big jump into the water and Chris Rock is like

oh yeah fuck sorry okay yes this is where this starts yeah you're the rope of the tree

triple flip hold on first of all you wrote it down specifically in your phone so that this wouldn't happen we just made it up because this is real people

this shit is real so to set it up better the guys are walking up to the cliff to jump off suicide 35 and they're all

kind of cajoling Kevin James about jumping in and and and Kevin James about jumping in and and and Kevin James I think is making out he's like

oh he's like I'm scared he's making out that he's scared though and Chris Rock's comment is I lost the tip the dart oh shit

is it in drafts no it's not even in drafts ok well Chris Rock I know Chris Rock to boost him up says fuck ok I hope I remember it you're the Okay, well, Chris Rock to boost them up says, fuck, okay, I hope I remember it.

You're the hang off the rope? No, you're the rope off the tree. You're the rope off the tree, triple flip. Oh, no, triple bird? Triple flip bird dump, Derek. No, it's back flip. Back flip is in there. We've fucking mled this so badly

we've really bossed this one up guys we're going to revisit that little bit of the movie next week when we've got the correct

the corresponding we're going to have our notes the corresponding notes it's going to move it's going to move on okay that's cool

that's cool that's cool I'm going to have a little sip of the water there alright let me let me dig here. Let me dig. Oh, yeah, speak, speak.

Speak. Speak. Okay, so we had a lot of ideas with where we could go with the podcast. Oh, ideas, ideas, ideas. We were watching today, and one of them was that Guy and I script a dramatic two-hander where we get all of the starting points of the scenes from the starting points of grown-up to scenes. And so we get the starting point,

we get that script, we act that out, and then we see, we go, as writers can take where that would lead. I think we don't even provide the context of the setup. I'd like to just do it. Oh my God. Cold. They don't even have a ramp into it. You don't even provide the context of the setup. I'd like to just do it so it's cold. Oh my God.

So you don't even have a ramp into it. You don't need a ramp. It's just the scenes without context. God damn. And then just broken up by little snippets of audio taken from the movie. Yeah. Like six seconds. While the stage blacks out.

Yeah. And we change costumes or assume our new positions or I shouldn't share all the industry secrets we're taking you pretty behind baseball with this one inside baseball with this one folks like being backstage at the puppet show

you know blackouts. And the secret is with the blackout is that the actors, they can move around freely and assume new positions. Undetected by the audience. It's a trick of the light. And you as an audience member

have no idea what's happening. Because what one does not see, one cannot know. That is the beauty of us killing the light source in the room. So, often the actors will assume one position and

say something dramatic and they will freeze and they'll be blackout and you won't be able to see anything and then the actors, they could go and change their costume. The lady could put on a different dress. Or the man could put on some funny shoes. And then the lights come back up and they're standing in completely different positions.

And you'll have no idea how they got there. Or why their clothes had changed. Because of the magic of the blackout there's a little industry secret for you there where are you sourcing this character from dude I feel like it's a Simpsons

character but I've never fucking heard of him that was a very specific dude you just slipped down to me there dude I gotta speak about your commitment to characters, brother. Oh, shit, we didn't explain that on mine. That was, just quickly, I was channeling mostly then, Patrick Stewart, a combination of Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen in extras.

When they're talking to Andy Millman. Patrick Stewart in who? Ian McKellen doing different episodes of Extras and they speak and that's sort of how they speak that's what was happening in my mind I shouldn't have explained it

I shouldn't give away all the industry secrets seriously don't know if you can hear that but it's off it's off the channel yeah he's in a deep and lustrous sleep how I envy him it's going to be

uncomfortable when he wakes up though as Nick will be as Nick will be fucked let's honour let's honour

our podcast commitments namely Bernie Schwartz party time Bernie Schwartz party time time Paddy Schwartz Paddy time Paddy time so this is the second

Paddy Schwartz Paddy time in which we pay homage to the son of the Terminator you might know him

as the Governator because he was once the Governor of the third largest economy in the United States

of America ladies and gentlemen will you please welcome to the stage a good friend of mine United States of America. Ladies and gentlemen, will you please welcome to the stage a good friend of mine, the father of Patrick Schwartz and Nega.

And Nega. Patrick Schwartz and Nega. You can say Patrick Schwartz and Nega or Paddy Schwartz. You can't mix them up. I got confused. There are rules. Rules help control the fun. Iron abused there are rules rules help control the fun

I don't know how to play um wait did we oh god so did you say what it was? What was the Patrick Schwartz party time? Did you hear Nick snore?

Oh, shit, I just mixed them up. I banished my, like, fuck's phone roll. Is Nick talking and just like... No, no, he just did a big snore. Oh, okay. We didn't actually get to the Patty Schwartz party time, which, for me... I'm concerned by the fact that the clock's now up to 18 minutes 30 seconds,

because I feel like it was at nine minutes about a minute ago. I don't think we've covered a whole lot of ground here, dude. It doesn't feel like this has been a very distant journey, but a hard one. Like, we're going up a mountain. The fucking gradient is like we never expected. Oh, it is steep, my dear. You're not going to get too far because it is steep. Oh.

What? Nick has taken the piss with this. I don't know how he remains as like awesomely funny asleep as he is when he's awake. It's a great burn.

He's like, oh, are you guys recording up here? Check this out. Fucking brilliant. Fucking brilliant. Fucking brilliant. And he'll deny all knowledge when he wakes up, but he knows what he's doing. He's on fire. He's burning the place up.

One motherfucker in the house ready to party. Yeah. My petty Schwartz party time moment. Yes, sir. Please, if you would as I was step right up yeah

uh it was it was it was it was his background work when Taylor Lautner is challenging challenging the

the um the grown ups on the cliff face on top of the they're like wolves yeah it's like the young adolescents snipping at the heels of the establishment alpha males lots of the they're like wolves yeah it's like the young adolescents snipping at the heels

of the established alpha males lots of great face work from Paddy yeah lots of great body movement yeah

and lots good head movement from side to side he got total coverage he was and he was very he agreed a lot with Taylor

yeah his face I don't want to say it was dancing yeah certainly wasn't Braden was dancing yeah certainly wasn't Braden Higgins certainly wasn't

Braden Higgins at the showdown I'll tell you that it was just it was pretty it was pretty sure it was having a party it was pretty much

what it was it was good acting but in the context of the film as I saw it tonight oh my god you tried to worm your way

back up to some sort of like just you're riding the justification train Oh my god. You tried to worm your way back up to some sort of like, you're riding the justification train to acceptance. We've got to honour the segment. You committed there, bro. You committed big time. Yeah, I didn't really, I wasn't really feeling that.

God, I felt like, because I didn't step in just then, I felt like you probably kept going. Yeah. Further and further um alright it's getting like it's such a

rich tapestry uh I gotta say this is certainly gonna be one of the more interesting episodes of the podcast

yep yep it's this could episodes of the podcast yep yep it's this could make all the breakups I have an interesting theory this could be our demise not just as podcasters

uh human beings uh members of society who are able to be given the choice to pay tax and participate no no we're going straight to jail no collect guy no collect $200 we're going to jail as a result of how bad this episode of the podcast is

I don't think it's a criminal offence I think that's because no one's ever sucked this bad I think there have been some it was an undulating episode this bad I think there have been some undulating episodes some soaring highs

and some dizzying lows Dizzying usually an adjective reserved for high things but you have flipped that off to touted cliche and made poetry I didn't deliberately do that

That was an accident No I know We all know bro That was a joke I was struggling I was struggling for another adjective I could only think of one adjective That's clear

So I just repeated it You didn't notice But you did notice Do you have a shining light separate to everything else you've said

tonight yep um officer Dante and Shaquille O'Neal when officer Dante goes to hold

Shaq's hand at the uh after the tyre the tyre scene yeah I remember

turning to you when that happened tonight and I just said that's a really nice touch like that little character detail because that's not at the front of the after the tyre the big tyre scene yeah I remember turning to you when that happened tonight and I just said that's a really nice touch like that little character detail

because that's not at the front of the scene that's background action that's obviously a character choice that Peter Dante has made he's invested in the character

and he commits to it and Shaquille O'Neal reacts organically and that's it's just a really it's just a nice little bit sorry to paint you a picture folks

and it is as Monty mentioned at the back of the frame so it's in shot but it's just a really it's just a nice little bit sorry to paint you a picture folks and it is as you mentioned at the back of the frame so it's in shot but it's like not where your eye is drawn yeah yeah

but the shot goes to the two cops and Peter Dante is trying to hold the hand of Shaq yeah Shaq slaps it away slaps his hand away

it's just an interesting dynamic to add to their relationship if you could see this face, ladies and gentlemen, if you could see the dancing face of Guy Montgomery, it really does

the fucking paint a picture. And so, that was my shining light. Did you have one? So many. So many to choose from. Can I say my favourite bit? Not in the movie, but of us talking about the movie and shit during when it was on.

It's kind of negative, but I'm appreciating the negativity of it. Is when they're at the party and they're setting the scene of the party for ages. This is what I was communicating to you. I was like, okay, sweet. So in any other movie, you kind of need to, you would do an establishing shot, right? Like it could be less than a second, just a sweeping, panning shot of what, okay, so what's the setup here? I'm in a house, there's tons of people, it's a party, sweet as. And then you get into the drama.

But in grownups too, they don't do that. That what should be like seven tenths of a second is about three minutes yeah there's no furthering of the story there's no like drama or tension with anyone it's just people enjoying a party that we know exists just constantly sitting the same ages and the payoff's great what is it for that the fight yeah I guess

I guess you're right I was being facetious ah I see oh yeah sarcastic yeah yeah

what you're looking at Nick very suspiciously nah just noticing I have a dry mouth oh it was quite a revelation

it was slowly registering in my mind behind dead eyes okay well we should probably probably put a bow on this one it was honest this is like a raw episode of the podcast yeah you're saying

you're saying into the look past the flesh and see your enemy folks this is the raw truth of the matrix if you if you could read code you would understand

where we're at um matrix code not normal human code that cascading display shit you know

alright that's about that's about that's about enough of us thank you so much for listening like us on Facebook we'll be back

next week before we go I have to mention Luke and Sam were two people who came up to me at a bar and said

hey are you Tim Bad to which I was like yep and I figured because I've got such a terrible memory they were like someone who i've met an old friend or something that i momentarily had lapsed in recalling like from western of all time i was like what no they were on a date they were couple like huge fans of your podcast like what the fuck are you talking about? They're like, yeah, yeah.

It's like the funniest thing. And the guy was like, yeah, it's my favorite day of the week when I go to work and there's a new episode. I put it on while I'm working. That's freaky, man. Oh my God, we're fucking brightening up someone's day, man.

Hey, that's touching. Oh, that's my shining light, folks. It wasn't in the movie, but it came as a result of the movie. That was very sweet. Yeah. It made me feel good. So to Luke and Sam.

Sam's the girl. Luke's the boy. Luke and Sam. Guess which one's which. I'll give you a clue. Luke's the boy. And Sam's the girl. All right.

That's it from us. Please do try the prawn salad. Delicious. Delicious. You'll absolutely love the prawn salad. We dressing every day we're driving you are the chef likes to experiment honestly everyone's been raving about the prawn salad between you and i for everyone for every point we could be another one for free

we've got so much prawn salad we can't possibly get rid of it all come down and try our trough of prawn salad the funny bit

about this is I don't even know if prawn salad exists like chicken salad I'm familiar with you get like teriyaki beef salad exists

prawn salad I'm not sure I don't know I think it I'm not sure I don't know I think it's like seafood salad I don't know anyhow let's get the fuck

out of here this is this is Hindenburg-ing badly at least some people got out of the Hindenburg did you know that there's people

on the Hindenburg I didn't know that dude people walked away from Hindenburg that's amazing there's hope for us but like

I was reading about a dude who lived to a really old age I don't know if he died recently or whatever

and it was like yeah he was the like youngest surviving member of the Hindenburg I was like

what it was like yeah he came out like pretty much unscathed even when it happened. He just rode it to the ground and emerged.

That dude's Bruce Willis from fucking Untouchable, man. Are you joking me? Did you see the Hindenburg? Are you kidding me? Your skills are unparalleled. Your ability to survive Is second to none

You're a fucking hero To all of us Holy shit Okay You're doing the Academy Prank son On that soaring high We're out of here

Thanks for listening Bye We're out of here. Thanks for listening. Bye. Bye. Bye.