The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Twenty Two - Burginoff
Episode Date: July 27, 2015Michael Patrick King is an imaginary character invented by Sarah Jessica Parker, Tim is impressed by almost literally everyone. Tim also explores how to survive on a desert island with Miranda's boss,... Tom. Guy attempts to defend his position of having Usian Bolt like speed over middle distance running ability. Coffee guy and the Rat King Brady have teamed up and plenty more. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Welcome, hello, this is the worstst Idea of All Time, episode numero 22
And I tell you what, sometimes it takes you 22 watches of a film to realise that Big's sweater
And the final shot of the movie is the exact same colour as the couch he's on
And it's impossible to tell where Mr. Big ends and where the couch begins.
It's just a floating head.
Fuck, it's weird. It's bizarre.
It's like Carrie's kissing
a head with a ghost body.
She's just making out with a couch.
The strangest thing.
Mr. Big has since transformed
and become half man,
half couch. Who saw that coming?
More accurately, what percentage of your body is your head?
10% of your entire?
I reckon north.
15, 20?
I reckon somewhere between.
I'm going to say 17.
17%.
So he's 17% man and 83% couch.
You could actually hear how long it took me to do the equation.
Yeah, but I didn't get there faster than you, so I'm proud of you and impressed.
Anyone that's better than me at something,
I'm impressed by them.
Really?
It's not a high bar, but it's my bar.
You must be pretty amazed by everyone you meet on a regular basis.
Especially women,
because there's a lot of stuff they can do that I cannot.
Do you have to see the person doing the thing or do you just...
Absolutely.
Okay.
So you don't just project these qualities onto people
and you're like, oh, you're capable of childbirth.
I'm so impressed.
It's like, no, no, I have to see it to be impressed.
So what things specifically when you're engaging with women
do you notice and you think, wow, that's impressive
because you can't do it?
Like looking different. Like different like oh just physically
like your body is different you have a different looking body and that impresses you yeah it's
impressive wow fair enough it's impressive yeah well it is it's impressive insofar as it is different.
You should always be impressed by people who are better at you at something.
Better than you at something.
What about if the quality is bad?
Oh, like someone's capable of stuff that you're not?
Because my mind immediately went to murder.
I'm not sure what you were trying to insinuate.
I was not trying to insinuate murder. what you were trying to insinuate. I was not trying to insinuate murder.
What were you trying to insinuate?
Just like, what if someone's better at being a dick?
I'm impressed by that, specifically.
By being a bigger dick than me, I'd be like, hats off to you, bro.
Well done.
If it was something truly hurtful, I wouldn't congratulate them,
but I'd still be impressed.
Tim Batt,
the most easily
and devastatingly impressed man
in the world. If you haven't
listened to the podcast before,
it's a podcast where
myself, Guy Montgomery, and
my friend Tim Batt, who's currently
throwing a mandarin
into a pillow and catching it on the rebound.
Just give them the descriptor, please.
We watch and review the 2010 smash hit of Sex and the City 2 once a week for a year.
What I think that people really want to know though, Guy,
is tell us about yourself.
My name is Guy Montgomery.
I'm 26 years old.
I have a pocket full of hopes and a head full of dreams.
What's your background, son?
My background is a waffle blanket on a beige-ish couch. I see what you're doing.
You're a tricky word player.
You wizard of language, you.
You're an absolute legend of lexicon.
Absolute wizardry.
It's crazy what you're pulling out verbally right now.
It's amazing.
I'm impressed.
I'm glad you're impressed.
Because you're doing it better than me.
I don't know that I am.
Do you want to say anything about yourself, Tim?
No, is the answer to that question.
But thank you for asking it.
I appreciate that.
I really appreciate it.
Do you think that Samantha Jones And Ricard Spurt
Are still together
Romantically today
No I don't think so
Do you want to know what I'm basing that on
Yes
The fact that Ricard Spurt as we know
Is a spirit and not a real man
He has to keep wandering that desert
So
So what happened do you think
After they have sex
On the bonnet of his Mercedes Benz
Well she decides she doesn't want to live in the desert anymore
And leaves
They're having sex in the desert
FYI
They're in front of a large body of water
Yep
That's a mirage
I see And the fireworks are to celebrate the end of Ramadan They're in front of a large body of water. Yep, that's a mirage.
I see.
And the fireworks are to celebrate the end of Ramadan. Well, this is the best mirage I've ever seen,
and I had some peyote and Arizona wounds that blew my head off.
We hate Aiden.
Abu Dhabi?
What?
You?
Why?
How?
His lines don't make any sense
and his stupid dumb face doesn't make any sense either.
There's a bit in Grown Ups 2 where Adam Sandler
asks seven questions in a row
and it's one of the milestones we had ticked off in the movie.
We were like, cool, this is where we're at,
this is where we're at.
Ah, the seven questions, great.
This is where we're at.
Tim would call the segment Sandler Asks Questions.
And then we got into this film and it was like, holy smokes,
not only is Miley Cyrus in here connecting us with old Paddy Schwartz,
our party boy of old.
God, I miss talking about him, frankly.
I don't miss him specifically.
I miss chatting about Paddy.
Yeah, we don't even do that in our spare time anymore.
But the fact that Aidan upholds the mantle
of asking a bunch of fucking idiotic questions
for no reason in the middle of a movie,
I'm just so relieved that someone did.
Because otherwise it wouldn't be in this movie.
And then what would we be?
We'd be four seconds worse off, you know? Because it wouldn't be in this movie and then what would we be? We'd be four seconds worse off
because it wouldn't be in the film.
We could ill afford that.
Oh, tremendous.
I just like the listener to know
that in the background,
the file that we watch Sex and the City 2 on
is on a loop.
The disc?
The disc, yeah Yeah the disc file
And uh
It started all over again on mute
I think we should leave it going
Into background
It's going to be quite confronting
That's weird
I forgot I had it on repeat at the moment
Okay alright
It's a film by Michael Patrick King
And now we've got a shot of New York City.
Are you impressed by Michael Patrick King?
No, I think he's deplorable.
And I put it to you that he's actually a figment of Sarah Jessica Parker's imagination.
What do you mean?
I mean, she created this series for herself as a vanity project,
a la Tommy Wiseau from a little film called The Room.
And she used that as her model for the two movies.
So she, but was too afraid,
so sort of penned them under a pen name.
She knew that as far as we've come,
as progressive as this Western society
lords itself for being,
as a woman, she wasn't going to be listened to
as much as a man.
So she invented Michael Patrick King.
Why do you keep calling him Mattrick?
Because that's his real name.
Mattrick.
Yes, the imaginary character that Sarah Jessica Parker invented
originally was called Mattrick.
Sorry.
Did she adapt it to Michael Patrick on account of?
It's a ridiculous name.
So she thought this through.
Well, she got corrected along the way.
She adapted another facet of her personality.
Yeah.
There's a good reason why those girls hate her,
and it's because she's insane.
When you say those girls,
do you mean the actors or the characters?
The actors.
They don't like her.
They hate her.
Well, she was in charge of this movie,
and it almost didn't happen.
Yeah?
Is this bonafide?
Yeah.
We've been told this.
Yeah.
But have we dug into it?
Nope.
But I take everything I hear at face value.
So do with that what you will.
It's sitting dark for other people, aren't you?
You're just going out there into the world.
Just a blank fucking slate.
Just being impressed.
Tell me something and I'll take it on board for sure.
Impressed and believing everything.
I love it.
I love the naivety you bring into the world, Tim.
Yeah, it's naivete.
Put a little te on it.
Make it sound French.
Yeah.
I was trying to quote Joe Dirt then.
Joe Dirtay.
What does he say?
I can't remember.
Yeah.
No, I can't remember the second bit of that line either.
After watching the movie today.
I really wanted to do a happy podcast.
That's what I wanted to do.
Yeah.
So let's try and keep those spirits up.
Let's get those spirits up. I'm in fine
spirits. I need to animate my voice more
to convey my happiness.
You're doing great.
Everyone knows how happy you are. Alright.
You're easily impressed. Yes.
And accordingly you are
happy all the time. Yeah.
So I wouldn't worry too much about
it. After watching the movie today
who would you most like to spend the next two days with in close proximity tom it hasn't changed
tom is a big dick boss who knows what he's doing and he's not afraid to pursue
the direction he feels is right you think of the allegations that he is uh like sort of an arrogant
sexist pig yeah the best ones are.
It's called being an alpha male.
Look that up in the dictionary, you plebeian.
What would it say?
It would say, see Tom Bergenoff.
Tom Bergenoff?
Yes, that's his name.
Is he related at all?
He wouldn't be. To the guy who hosted America's Funniest Home Videos? No, it, that's his name. Is he related at all? He wouldn't be to the guy who
hosted America's Funniest Home Videos?
No, it's a different last name. Tom Bergeron?
Similar, but different.
Is that
they're in no way connected? They're not
connected. They're both awesome.
I'm misguided. They're both awesome, so
they're connected in that way, and that's it.
But Tom's, he's just
he's what you need to be as a ceo
you know he takes charge you want to he doesn't listen i guess because you learn subordinates
you learn and impress by people so quickly that you want to choose who you spend time with wisely
correct and accordingly you want to learn all the characteristics of what it is to be an alpha male
guy think of me like rogue from x-men. Whomever I touch, I absorb.
So I have to be very particular about who I take the gloves off for.
Yeah, well, and it's a bold call,
but I like the confidence with which you came out and said it.
You think it'd be a good company?
What would you guys get up to two days together?
Me and Tom?
Yeah.
I want to get lost on a desert island with him
so that we only have our wits to save us
because I think he'd nail it.
And I think I would too.
I think I'm more physically capable than Tom
because he's a little on the large size.
A comfortable life will do that to a man.
He looks strong though.
Yeah.
I think he could swing an axe,
cut some firewood up for me.
You'd have an axe?
Or would you guys have to fashion one?
Oh, we'd have to make one
But we would have one
Pretty quick smart
Smash one rock against another rock
Sharpen it up
Pretty high priority tool
When you're stuck on a desert island
Yeah, you want to get your house in order
Quick smart
And for that you need a sharp rocker and axe
So that's the first point of order
Windstrand on a desert island
fashion and axe
so you can build a house
as quickly as possible
because you burn energy right
and you slowly get
less and less effective
you've got to spend
the first four hours
trying to get off the island
in terms of like
putting your hand up
and going help help
rescue us
and then if that window's gone
if there's no indicators that there's anything around you to help out,
is that not a waste of energy?
Well, I feel like in this modern era, it would be weird.
And I know it's happened like three times within the last two years.
But for a plane to just completely fuck out for no reason
and then not be able to find it for ages.
Oh, so I didn't know that we'd come down from a plane.
I thought you were just on a desert island.
Oh, sorry.
I always build background into my narratives,
but I don't always verbalize it.
There's been a plane crash, guy.
Yeah.
So you want to survive a plane crash with Tom?
Onto a desert island specifically,
where we only have our wits.
Was there anyone else on the plane?
Lots of people on the plane.
No one made it.
Okay. Was there anyone else on the plane? Lots of people on the plane No one made it Okay Well
And you'd build a house with them
Yeah
If you couldn't get
So you use four hours
You're like yeah woo
Come help out
And then
You're like okay
Now before everyone gets here
We're going to build a legendary house
So they're going to show
They'll be like
Fuck these guys got it going on
You know the priorities
Firstly Got to get some water So you got to find a fresh water source somewhere Dose in Dairy House with them in the show they'll be like fuck these guys got it going on what are the priorities firstly
gotta get some water
so you gotta find
a fresh water source
somewhere
dose
get that fire going bro
good god
that's gonna be important
you gotta get a fire going
you gotta keep it going
and then three is shelter
and then you worry
about food after that
that's the order of business
feel like it could
quite easily get a bit
Lord of the Fliesy though
if it's just me and Tom and one of us
and try to kill the other one. But I'm pretty
wily so I reckon I'd
evade his capture for quite some time.
You would be hard to kill. Hard to pin down.
You look wriggly. I could get very
injured very easily I think.
I'd be in a lot of pain
but I'd get out of there. I wouldn't die.
I like the thing that you run on all fours.
I don't know if I've told you this before.
It's sort of like a foal.
Yeah.
That's how I imagine you move it.
Oh, I've got the picture in my head.
So like a jungle cat, you know how they run,
where it kind of goes like front feet, then back feet,
then front feet, then back feet.
So majestic.
They sort of shoot their front legs between their back legs.
Yeah.
That's the speed, man.
Yeah. I've always thought pace is the coolest attribute a human That's the speed, man. Yeah.
I've always thought pace is the coolest attribute a human can have.
Totally, dude.
You're so right.
I wouldn't trade sprinting.
I'm talking on a species level here.
Yeah.
I wouldn't trade.
I wouldn't want to be a cheater.
I wouldn't want to get top speed if you can't do it for very long.
Like, what's the point?
I'd love to be a cheater.
Usain Bolt is the coolest person on the planet though that's a fact yeah but that's only partly to do with the fact that he's real good at running was that that mostly informs it the fact he is
outside of that just a stone cold legend also helps. I guess you're right.
He's giving up fast food to prolong his peak.
What?
He's known.
He loves his fast food.
He'd like load up on nuggets before the race.
That is so cool.
That's awesome.
Yeah.
This guy's my hero.
Yeah.
And he'd go clean up. He'd like run with his shoelace undone.
And he'd like slow down and hammer it up before the finish line
Because he's just caning everyone
He's just breaking world records everywhere
And then now he's like
What were the odds of that physique being coupled with the sense of humour
Like that's low odds
We're so lucky
You harness that confidence
Into like you know
If you're that good
At some point you're just going to be like
Yeah I'm fucking going to enjoy this.
Yeah.
And that's what Usain Bolt does so well.
Yeah.
My point is I wouldn't trade on a species level
our middle distance abilities with a top speed.
But out in the open,
I mean, do you think you could be more agile than a cheetah cheetah at
top speed to dodge it would be kind of easy no but that's not the equation that's not what i'm
saying i'm just saying like on balance i know what you're saying but i'm just trying to put it put
you in a situation where you're like well you've got your human speed as you requested sir and
you're dealing with a cheetah in the wild yeah and. And there's no obstacles to hide behind.
It's just plain open field.
He's going to get you every fucking time. There isn't a situation where he wouldn't.
No, could you not go 500 metres
and then when it comes to get you,
sort of sidestep it
and then you go another 500 metres and sidestep it?
Because I think if you hit two or three Ks,
it gets all tuckered out and goes home.
Yeah, yeah.
But that's a long time for us to outrun it. And if you hit two or three k's it gets all tuck it out and goes home yeah yeah you would but that's a long time oh yeah for us to outrun it and if you think about
it as well for at least a little bit of that it's going at its top speed and you've got to kind of
factor that in yeah it's yeah you need a head start because it's tricky shit so do you think
like maybe there's a chance if you zigzag it if you started like 500 meters away, potentially.
But as soon as you're running with the cheetah running behind you,
like within jumping distance, you're finished.
Because you can't go to either side.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because it's like, it can leap side to side.
We can't go sideways that quick.
Humans can't.
Because we've only got two legs.
I reckon we're actually at a bigger disadvantage.
We would move, you know, we know to move differently than the ordinary prey.
And you've got to factor that in.
That they wouldn't.
They don't have the intelligence.
Oh, yeah.
Like, it's just we'd be throwing different shit at them.
I've never seen nothing move like that before.
I don't know.
Number one, I think they could counter that with pure speed because we're not that fast.
I don't think we're that fast at cornering.
counter that with pure speed because we're not that fast i don't think we're that fast at cornering and number two i reckon animals intelligence is quite big when it comes to
things like just outrunning a prey i don't know i watched a movie uh the other day called
enchanted kingdom it was a nature documentary set in the seven realms of af on these awesome BBC cameras and this
You mean Seven Kingdoms?
No, they kept calling them realms.
Really?
Yeah.
This is very dimensional.
Yeah, it was excellent.
I can't remember,
but some piece of prey,
like a wildebeest,
outran some sort of big cat.
And like,
I was just watching it. I was like, fuck, you know, you can do it. Right. You believe in that wildebeest outran some sort of big cat and like i was just watching i was like fuck you know you
can you can do it right you believe in that wildebeest like i don't you know he did it
yeah i guess wildebeest are super fast though are they yeah they're real fast
can we not outdo wildebeest oh no any kind of early but you Usain Bolt against a wildebeest?
I'm pretty sure a wildebeest would win.
No, not faster than our Usain.
Surely.
That guy's crazy fast.
He's going 10 kilometers an hour.
At least.
That's fast.
Maybe 15.
He's so quick. How do you get that quick? I don't know, man. Maybe 15. He's so quick.
How do you get that quick?
I don't know, man.
Genetics.
Who started off as a 400-meter runner.
But look, that's neither here nor there.
It might be.
Speaking of really fast men... Get on there, Pegalo. What's he doing?
What's he wearing?
That is the question What is Coffee Guy?
Who is Coffee Guy?
How is Coffee Guy?
Where is Coffee Guy?
You sound like Aiden in the Middle East.
I do.
The theory that I've arrived at
after this 20-second watch of Sex and the City 2
is that Coffee Guy is colluding with Brady the Rat King.
Every time we see Coffee Guy take a sip
from his beloved cup of joe,
we get a reaction shot over the shoulder of miranda to her not quite
infantile anymore but juvenile son brady the future rat king seemingly playing on a nintendo ds
but i suspect getting some crazy signals something sinister afoot he's getting signals from coffee
guy and he's just waiting for the coast to be clear before he can
bail out the window of the cafe and join him.
In what quest?
Dark
things await
both of them.
Because they will start them. They are dark.
They're not goodies.
Brady the Rat King is not a goodie.
That's the sad thing about it.
His intentions were honest They were
Originally
But he got corrupted by
Rage and jealousy
He's like Batman
Batman's still a goody
Oh yeah
They're dressing him up all bad in the movies
Yeah
But everyone knows he's a goody
Yeah
Yeah he's a goodie yeah yeah he's goodie but you they sell more
tickets if they make him a baddie everyone's seen him be a goodie before they should burn
one of those characters and make them a baddie because everyone would go to that
it'd be real funny if it was the flash because no one really gives a shit what he's up to
how cool would that be?
They're just like, hey, we're burning a property.
It's The Flash, but we're making one movie where he is a fucking real piece of shit.
He is a villain.
We're going to call it Jack Flash
because it rhymes with jackass, almost.
On the poster...
You'd have outstanding theme music right out of the gates.
On the poster, you outstanding theme music right out of the gates on the poster you've got the
tracks similar to
Back to the Future when the
DeLorean comes in it's got the flaming tracks
leading up to his
footprints right and he's just
in the middle of the poster
bending over naked giving you the
brown eye
and pulling the fingers
yeah through his the gate of his legs and with his other hand he's masturbating to an image of And pulling the fingers Yeah Through his
The gate of his legs
And with his other hand
He's masturbating
To an image of your mother
Yeah
It's insane
It's the most offensive thing
As offensive as they could think of
God
This crazy movie
While still falling within
It's gonna be
A crazy movie
Censorship rights
Reasons
But it'll be worth it
And I think
Ultimately Marvel
Is making the right choice
We actually
took some
No wait, The Flash is DC
Ultimately I think DC made the right
choice. We took
some notes during this watch as
well, vaguely
relating to
Brady the Rat King
as far as his parents
Steve we recorded every line of dialogue Brady the Rat King as far as his parents are Steve
we recorded every line of dialogue
afforded the legendary Steve
do you want to know some stats before this begins
sure thing
Steve
has 15
lines in this movie
and that's it
that's not a lot of work
for a pop it's probably a lot of work For a part
Well
It's probably a pretty good
Day at the office
I reckon it would have been
So
Hello
Hey how you doing
Very well
That's good
Hey
I really need some work
Yeah
I hear you Steve
My name's not Steve
I know You know I like to call you. My name's not Steve. I know.
You know I like to call you that
because it's the only role that made you successful.
That's not true.
There are other roles.
There are no other roles.
That is complete.
I'm going to keep calling you Steve.
I was excellent.
Steve, I've got good news.
I was playing off Broadway last week.
I've got good news.
Okay.
They're making another Sex and the City movie.
Oh, that's excellent.
Yeah.
Insane, if you ask me.
Like a ludicrous move.
Hey, why do you think it's crazy?
What?
The fact that the first movie burned any remaining empathy or sympathy that our audience had for these girls?
People came along.
They liked the movie.
They called it garbage.
Wow. I've never heard of such a thing a movie being quite why don't you tell me about the new movie well it's garbage it's i've
read the script it's terrible well i mean what's my role like huh well it's four hundred and twenty
thousand dollars and when i chuck my 15 off off of that, I like it too.
So Stevie Baby, listen to this.
Here's what I'm going to do.
$420,000?
Like $420,000?
Yeah.
That's hilarious.
Isn't it?
We should take the movie purely for that.
Okay, well.
What a piece of happenstance.
You haven't heard any of the lines yet, but.
I know.
I've got the script with me now.
$420,000?
I mean, what are the chances? Here's your first line. Are you even
listening? Except he told
us. Except he told
us. Good, good. They'll buy that.
Except he told us.
What's the context? I can't
remember. Your second line is,
is that the only reason?
Is that the only reason?
Okay, good.
I think that one's at the wedding.
Here's your third line.
Hey, I'm kissing here.
Hold on.
Hold on.
I'll do it again.
Hey, I'm kissing here.
What?
You're just giving these to me cold.
I got no idea what I'm saying or am I kissing?
Am I kissing Miranda?
Just do it.
Hey, I'm kissing here.
Nailed it.
Okay, number four is it's Saturday.
You're at a wedding.
I feel like you're making me play a game show with you.
You're my agent.
Just tell me if it's a good role or not.
I can't tell you that until we've gotten to the end of this list of 15 lines.
And I can't tell you why that's the case yet, end of this list of 15 lines. And I can't tell you why
that's the case yet, but I will soon.
Okay, what's the line again? It's
Saturday, you're at a wedding.
It's Saturday, you're at a wedding.
Nice one. Your fifth line in this
film, Steve,
is the new senior lawyer partner
at her firm he rides her ass non-stop.
Oh, that sounds dirty.
I like that.
Yeah.
How does it... Oh, I guess you'll tell me later,
but I can't wait to hear about that ass-riding one.
The new senior law partner at her firm,
he rides her ass non-stop.
You killed that.
You're slaying me.
We're all going to be rich.
Here's your sixth line.
You're done.
Well, technically, I'm going to be rich.
Steve, don't you ever interrupt me again.
I will smash this whiskey glass across your face and slash your throat with pieces.
Come on, let's not get violent.
You don't want to mess with me.
Question.
I've got a very powerful son.
Line number six.
What is it?
It's a line.
And this is it.
You're done.
I'm going to dance.
Fake to the right. Nice. You're done. I'm going to dance. Fake to the right. Nice.
You're done.
I'm going to dance.
Fake to the right. Nice.
Possible.
Your seventh line is... Not my best work.
So Brady can win the
second grade science fair.
Right, B-boy?
I got it.
It better be a mighty good payoff for when you tell me
why you're making me read my lines
like I'm on Jeopardy
that's not how Jeopardy works
so Brady can win the second grade science fair
right B-Boy
very good
your eighth line this evening
Steve
is sit down please
and have some
stop calling me Steve
sit down please and have some stop calling me Steve sit down please and have some breakfast
my real name is Gene
you can do this
Steve
do it for me
sit down please
sit down please
sit down please
sit down please
sit down please say it with me. Sit down, please. Sit down, please. Sit down, please.
Say it with me, Steve.
Look at me.
Fuck you.
Sit.
I hate you.
Look at me.
You know, I fucking...
Sit down, please.
I don't want to do this job.
Sit down, please.
And have some breakfast.
I don't want to work with you no more.
We're so close to the end.
Sit down, please.
And have some breakfast
Here's your ninth line
I fucking hate your guts
You don't have to pick putting yourself through this
You don't have to keep putting yourself through this
Find yourself another job
You changed the word pick to keep
But I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt
Steve
You do know this character You have been playing him
for years. Line 10.
Call me Gene. Life's too short.
Go someplace they'll appreciate you.
Until you find a better job,
you can stay at home and help out
around the house.
Life's too short.
Go someplace they'll appreciate you.
Until you find a better job
You can
You can
What?
You can home and help her
You can
Help out around the house
No
Eleven
Sorry honey
She can't
Mommy's
Sorry honey
She can't
Mommy's
Yeah
Okay
Are you ready for line number 12?
Yeah
It's kind of a fucking doozy
Yeah
You ready for it?
Yeah
Okay, the line is
Yeah
Yeah
13, your line is
What?
What?
Again
What?
Shorten it
What?
Elongate that.
Don't make me dance for my lines.
13.
Again.
What?
My timing.
Go.
Fuck you and your stupid fucking face.
Say what?
Fuck your stupid fucking face.
What?
That was pretty good, actually.
That's the rhythm I was looking for.
14.
Good for you.
Good for you.
And your last line in this film.
What?
You okay?
I've only got 15 lines?
Yeah.
You okay?
And none of them are that big, to be fair.
Some of them are long.
I couldn't remember all of them.
Yeah.
So does that sound like something you'll do for...
I'll answer that question when you tell me.
42 one hundredths of a million dollars?
Wow.
It's pretty hard to say no.
It's because you can't do math.
Everything's hard to say no to when you don't understand it.
I don't know if I agree with that. Hey, why'd you make me read my lines out in that order
you're on
why didn't you just give me a script
so I can read it and see how I fit in with the movie
you're on Scriptipity
it's the new game show
hosted by Tom
Burgin
Off
it combines reading a script and Jeopardy.
And guess what, Guy?
You're lost.
I'm not Guy.
I combine Steve and Gene, and I've gotten Guy in the middle.
So get used to it, pal.
You mean to tell me you think...
First of all, Gene and Steve are one person.
Steve is a character I play as Gene.
And secondly, I don't even know who Guy is.
I came in here, you say you want to come in, see if you want a job.
Okay.
Now you're coming in...
Let me try and explain this in terms you'll understand.
You are familiar with the Saiyans, yes?
The Saiyans? Yes? The Saiyans?
Yes, the Saiyans.
Goku?
Yeah, you got it.
Go on.
When Goku and Vegeta fuse, who do they become?
Vegito?
Gotus?
Gogeta.
They combine.
That is why you are Guy.
You're not Steve anymore.
You're not Gene anymore.
You're Guy.
You don't understand.
I'm Gene.
I don't think you are.
I think you're refusing to acknowledge who you are and it's hurting me.
And it's hurting your mother, most of all.
At any rate.
I don't take offense at that because
It's time to say goodbye to you.
I have no more time for you.
Your time's out. It's up.
Very well.
What did you like best about the movie?
What was your shining light?
Me?
This guy?
Yeah, that guy.
This quiet Kiwi legend sitting on the couch next to you has just seen sex in the city too
For the 22nd time
Feels like he should have marked the occasion
With something a little more festive
Than pineapple lumps and mandarins
This guy with the green eyes
Looking at you right now
You know what his favourite part was
Stop stalling
It was without question The young man was stop stalling it was
without question
the young man
who speaks up
on Miranda's
behalf in the
meeting against
Tom he says
that's Miranda's
case when he
gets offered
why do you
like your case
because he's a
hero he's
standing up to
his boss even
though that he's
clearly a junior in the firm
and he's sticking up for all the right reasons.
It's not for personal betterment of his career
or whatever, advancement.
It's to defend the justice associated with Miranda.
There's justice all around that woman.
It's on account of her red hair
He's just trying to right it
Okay
Right the wrongs
Well that's a very fair enough
Shining light
You ascribed a lot of characteristics
How about your shining light?
Guy
Gene
Well
I'm glad you asked me
Gene
My shining light
Would have to be The iPod Nano and the Blackberry
and the tangled headphones on the table next to Carrie when she's by the pool. I just like
the way they date stamped the movie. I think the iPod Nano was an underrated iPod. The particular one featured with the big elongated screen,
it was good.
I like the interface.
That's all we've got time for this week, folks.
But please join us next week when Guy goes overseas
and watches the movie by himself.
Oh, fuck me.
But before we do go as well, where are you going, Guy?
Oh, I'm going to Edinburgh
Mostly
In Scotland
To go to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival
It's the greatest festival on earth
Except for all of the drunken behaviour that goes on
It's certainly the biggest
Arts festival
And I'm going to do a comedy show there with my friend Rose Metafayo.
We're going to do half an hour each of stand-up every day from the 6th of August till the 31st of August.
Wow.
At 4.30pm.
That's a lot of comedy.
Yeah.
That's too much comedy, actually.
Roll up, roll up.
Pick a date.
We'll be there
Very cool
Apart from that
Thanks for listening
I don't know what else to say
I'm going to bed
That's what I'm saying
What's the time, is it like 1.30?
No, midnight, perfect
The perfect time
Very good
Well played, movie.
You really got us this time.
Let's see who wins the battle next week.
Bye, guys.
We love you all.
Keep talking to us however you can.
I need some light at the end of the tunnel.
No, come on.
You're all right.
You're all right right now.
I was happy. It the end of the tunnel. No, come on. You're all right. You're all right right now. I was happy.
That's for you, Tim.
It's the worst idea of all time.
It's the worst idea of all time.
It's the worst idea of all time.
Season 2.