The Worst Idea Of All Time - Episode Twenty Two - Burginoff

Episode Date: July 27, 2015

Michael Patrick King is an imaginary character invented by Sarah Jessica Parker, Tim is impressed by almost literally everyone. Tim also explores how to survive on a desert island with Miranda's boss,... Tom. Guy attempts to defend his position of having Usian Bolt like speed over middle distance running ability. Coffee guy and the Rat King Brady have teamed up and plenty more. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 Welcome, hello, this is the worstst Idea of All Time, episode numero 22 And I tell you what, sometimes it takes you 22 watches of a film to realise that Big's sweater And the final shot of the movie is the exact same colour as the couch he's on And it's impossible to tell where Mr. Big ends and where the couch begins. It's just a floating head. Fuck, it's weird. It's bizarre. It's like Carrie's kissing a head with a ghost body.
Starting point is 00:00:53 She's just making out with a couch. The strangest thing. Mr. Big has since transformed and become half man, half couch. Who saw that coming? More accurately, what percentage of your body is your head? 10% of your entire? I reckon north.
Starting point is 00:01:09 15, 20? I reckon somewhere between. I'm going to say 17. 17%. So he's 17% man and 83% couch. You could actually hear how long it took me to do the equation. Yeah, but I didn't get there faster than you, so I'm proud of you and impressed. Anyone that's better than me at something,
Starting point is 00:01:30 I'm impressed by them. Really? It's not a high bar, but it's my bar. You must be pretty amazed by everyone you meet on a regular basis. Especially women, because there's a lot of stuff they can do that I cannot. Do you have to see the person doing the thing or do you just... Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:01:46 Okay. So you don't just project these qualities onto people and you're like, oh, you're capable of childbirth. I'm so impressed. It's like, no, no, I have to see it to be impressed. So what things specifically when you're engaging with women do you notice and you think, wow, that's impressive because you can't do it?
Starting point is 00:02:03 Like looking different. Like different like oh just physically like your body is different you have a different looking body and that impresses you yeah it's impressive wow fair enough it's impressive yeah well it is it's impressive insofar as it is different. You should always be impressed by people who are better at you at something. Better than you at something. What about if the quality is bad? Oh, like someone's capable of stuff that you're not? Because my mind immediately went to murder.
Starting point is 00:02:41 I'm not sure what you were trying to insinuate. I was not trying to insinuate murder. what you were trying to insinuate. I was not trying to insinuate murder. What were you trying to insinuate? Just like, what if someone's better at being a dick? I'm impressed by that, specifically. By being a bigger dick than me, I'd be like, hats off to you, bro. Well done. If it was something truly hurtful, I wouldn't congratulate them,
Starting point is 00:03:05 but I'd still be impressed. Tim Batt, the most easily and devastatingly impressed man in the world. If you haven't listened to the podcast before, it's a podcast where myself, Guy Montgomery, and
Starting point is 00:03:21 my friend Tim Batt, who's currently throwing a mandarin into a pillow and catching it on the rebound. Just give them the descriptor, please. We watch and review the 2010 smash hit of Sex and the City 2 once a week for a year. What I think that people really want to know though, Guy, is tell us about yourself. My name is Guy Montgomery.
Starting point is 00:03:54 I'm 26 years old. I have a pocket full of hopes and a head full of dreams. What's your background, son? My background is a waffle blanket on a beige-ish couch. I see what you're doing. You're a tricky word player. You wizard of language, you. You're an absolute legend of lexicon. Absolute wizardry.
Starting point is 00:04:22 It's crazy what you're pulling out verbally right now. It's amazing. I'm impressed. I'm glad you're impressed. Because you're doing it better than me. I don't know that I am. Do you want to say anything about yourself, Tim? No, is the answer to that question.
Starting point is 00:04:37 But thank you for asking it. I appreciate that. I really appreciate it. Do you think that Samantha Jones And Ricard Spurt Are still together Romantically today No I don't think so Do you want to know what I'm basing that on
Starting point is 00:04:54 Yes The fact that Ricard Spurt as we know Is a spirit and not a real man He has to keep wandering that desert So So what happened do you think After they have sex On the bonnet of his Mercedes Benz
Starting point is 00:05:11 Well she decides she doesn't want to live in the desert anymore And leaves They're having sex in the desert FYI They're in front of a large body of water Yep That's a mirage I see And the fireworks are to celebrate the end of Ramadan They're in front of a large body of water. Yep, that's a mirage.
Starting point is 00:05:26 I see. And the fireworks are to celebrate the end of Ramadan. Well, this is the best mirage I've ever seen, and I had some peyote and Arizona wounds that blew my head off. We hate Aiden. Abu Dhabi? What? You? Why?
Starting point is 00:05:42 How? His lines don't make any sense and his stupid dumb face doesn't make any sense either. There's a bit in Grown Ups 2 where Adam Sandler asks seven questions in a row and it's one of the milestones we had ticked off in the movie. We were like, cool, this is where we're at, this is where we're at.
Starting point is 00:05:58 Ah, the seven questions, great. This is where we're at. Tim would call the segment Sandler Asks Questions. And then we got into this film and it was like, holy smokes, not only is Miley Cyrus in here connecting us with old Paddy Schwartz, our party boy of old. God, I miss talking about him, frankly. I don't miss him specifically.
Starting point is 00:06:21 I miss chatting about Paddy. Yeah, we don't even do that in our spare time anymore. But the fact that Aidan upholds the mantle of asking a bunch of fucking idiotic questions for no reason in the middle of a movie, I'm just so relieved that someone did. Because otherwise it wouldn't be in this movie. And then what would we be?
Starting point is 00:06:43 We'd be four seconds worse off, you know? Because it wouldn't be in this movie and then what would we be? We'd be four seconds worse off because it wouldn't be in the film. We could ill afford that. Oh, tremendous. I just like the listener to know that in the background, the file that we watch Sex and the City 2 on is on a loop.
Starting point is 00:07:02 The disc? The disc, yeah Yeah the disc file And uh It started all over again on mute I think we should leave it going Into background It's going to be quite confronting That's weird
Starting point is 00:07:15 I forgot I had it on repeat at the moment Okay alright It's a film by Michael Patrick King And now we've got a shot of New York City. Are you impressed by Michael Patrick King? No, I think he's deplorable. And I put it to you that he's actually a figment of Sarah Jessica Parker's imagination. What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:07:34 I mean, she created this series for herself as a vanity project, a la Tommy Wiseau from a little film called The Room. And she used that as her model for the two movies. So she, but was too afraid, so sort of penned them under a pen name. She knew that as far as we've come, as progressive as this Western society lords itself for being,
Starting point is 00:07:58 as a woman, she wasn't going to be listened to as much as a man. So she invented Michael Patrick King. Why do you keep calling him Mattrick? Because that's his real name. Mattrick. Yes, the imaginary character that Sarah Jessica Parker invented originally was called Mattrick.
Starting point is 00:08:18 Sorry. Did she adapt it to Michael Patrick on account of? It's a ridiculous name. So she thought this through. Well, she got corrected along the way. She adapted another facet of her personality. Yeah. There's a good reason why those girls hate her,
Starting point is 00:08:34 and it's because she's insane. When you say those girls, do you mean the actors or the characters? The actors. They don't like her. They hate her. Well, she was in charge of this movie, and it almost didn't happen.
Starting point is 00:08:48 Yeah? Is this bonafide? Yeah. We've been told this. Yeah. But have we dug into it? Nope. But I take everything I hear at face value.
Starting point is 00:08:59 So do with that what you will. It's sitting dark for other people, aren't you? You're just going out there into the world. Just a blank fucking slate. Just being impressed. Tell me something and I'll take it on board for sure. Impressed and believing everything. I love it.
Starting point is 00:09:16 I love the naivety you bring into the world, Tim. Yeah, it's naivete. Put a little te on it. Make it sound French. Yeah. I was trying to quote Joe Dirt then. Joe Dirtay. What does he say?
Starting point is 00:09:31 I can't remember. Yeah. No, I can't remember the second bit of that line either. After watching the movie today. I really wanted to do a happy podcast. That's what I wanted to do. Yeah. So let's try and keep those spirits up.
Starting point is 00:09:45 Let's get those spirits up. I'm in fine spirits. I need to animate my voice more to convey my happiness. You're doing great. Everyone knows how happy you are. Alright. You're easily impressed. Yes. And accordingly you are happy all the time. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:10:02 So I wouldn't worry too much about it. After watching the movie today who would you most like to spend the next two days with in close proximity tom it hasn't changed tom is a big dick boss who knows what he's doing and he's not afraid to pursue the direction he feels is right you think of the allegations that he is uh like sort of an arrogant sexist pig yeah the best ones are. It's called being an alpha male. Look that up in the dictionary, you plebeian.
Starting point is 00:10:30 What would it say? It would say, see Tom Bergenoff. Tom Bergenoff? Yes, that's his name. Is he related at all? He wouldn't be. To the guy who hosted America's Funniest Home Videos? No, it, that's his name. Is he related at all? He wouldn't be to the guy who hosted America's Funniest Home Videos? No, it's a different last name. Tom Bergeron?
Starting point is 00:10:50 Similar, but different. Is that they're in no way connected? They're not connected. They're both awesome. I'm misguided. They're both awesome, so they're connected in that way, and that's it. But Tom's, he's just he's what you need to be as a ceo
Starting point is 00:11:05 you know he takes charge you want to he doesn't listen i guess because you learn subordinates you learn and impress by people so quickly that you want to choose who you spend time with wisely correct and accordingly you want to learn all the characteristics of what it is to be an alpha male guy think of me like rogue from x-men. Whomever I touch, I absorb. So I have to be very particular about who I take the gloves off for. Yeah, well, and it's a bold call, but I like the confidence with which you came out and said it. You think it'd be a good company?
Starting point is 00:11:40 What would you guys get up to two days together? Me and Tom? Yeah. I want to get lost on a desert island with him so that we only have our wits to save us because I think he'd nail it. And I think I would too. I think I'm more physically capable than Tom
Starting point is 00:11:55 because he's a little on the large size. A comfortable life will do that to a man. He looks strong though. Yeah. I think he could swing an axe, cut some firewood up for me. You'd have an axe? Or would you guys have to fashion one?
Starting point is 00:12:07 Oh, we'd have to make one But we would have one Pretty quick smart Smash one rock against another rock Sharpen it up Pretty high priority tool When you're stuck on a desert island Yeah, you want to get your house in order
Starting point is 00:12:19 Quick smart And for that you need a sharp rocker and axe So that's the first point of order Windstrand on a desert island fashion and axe so you can build a house as quickly as possible because you burn energy right
Starting point is 00:12:33 and you slowly get less and less effective you've got to spend the first four hours trying to get off the island in terms of like putting your hand up and going help help
Starting point is 00:12:41 rescue us and then if that window's gone if there's no indicators that there's anything around you to help out, is that not a waste of energy? Well, I feel like in this modern era, it would be weird. And I know it's happened like three times within the last two years. But for a plane to just completely fuck out for no reason and then not be able to find it for ages.
Starting point is 00:12:59 Oh, so I didn't know that we'd come down from a plane. I thought you were just on a desert island. Oh, sorry. I always build background into my narratives, but I don't always verbalize it. There's been a plane crash, guy. Yeah. So you want to survive a plane crash with Tom?
Starting point is 00:13:16 Onto a desert island specifically, where we only have our wits. Was there anyone else on the plane? Lots of people on the plane. No one made it. Okay. Was there anyone else on the plane? Lots of people on the plane No one made it Okay Well And you'd build a house with them Yeah
Starting point is 00:13:30 If you couldn't get So you use four hours You're like yeah woo Come help out And then You're like okay Now before everyone gets here We're going to build a legendary house
Starting point is 00:13:40 So they're going to show They'll be like Fuck these guys got it going on You know the priorities Firstly Got to get some water So you got to find a fresh water source somewhere Dose in Dairy House with them in the show they'll be like fuck these guys got it going on what are the priorities firstly gotta get some water so you gotta find a fresh water source
Starting point is 00:13:47 somewhere dose get that fire going bro good god that's gonna be important you gotta get a fire going you gotta keep it going and then three is shelter
Starting point is 00:13:56 and then you worry about food after that that's the order of business feel like it could quite easily get a bit Lord of the Fliesy though if it's just me and Tom and one of us and try to kill the other one. But I'm pretty
Starting point is 00:14:08 wily so I reckon I'd evade his capture for quite some time. You would be hard to kill. Hard to pin down. You look wriggly. I could get very injured very easily I think. I'd be in a lot of pain but I'd get out of there. I wouldn't die. I like the thing that you run on all fours.
Starting point is 00:14:24 I don't know if I've told you this before. It's sort of like a foal. Yeah. That's how I imagine you move it. Oh, I've got the picture in my head. So like a jungle cat, you know how they run, where it kind of goes like front feet, then back feet, then front feet, then back feet.
Starting point is 00:14:38 So majestic. They sort of shoot their front legs between their back legs. Yeah. That's the speed, man. Yeah. I've always thought pace is the coolest attribute a human That's the speed, man. Yeah. I've always thought pace is the coolest attribute a human can have. Totally, dude. You're so right.
Starting point is 00:14:51 I wouldn't trade sprinting. I'm talking on a species level here. Yeah. I wouldn't trade. I wouldn't want to be a cheater. I wouldn't want to get top speed if you can't do it for very long. Like, what's the point? I'd love to be a cheater.
Starting point is 00:15:12 Usain Bolt is the coolest person on the planet though that's a fact yeah but that's only partly to do with the fact that he's real good at running was that that mostly informs it the fact he is outside of that just a stone cold legend also helps. I guess you're right. He's giving up fast food to prolong his peak. What? He's known. He loves his fast food. He'd like load up on nuggets before the race. That is so cool.
Starting point is 00:15:38 That's awesome. Yeah. This guy's my hero. Yeah. And he'd go clean up. He'd like run with his shoelace undone. And he'd like slow down and hammer it up before the finish line Because he's just caning everyone He's just breaking world records everywhere
Starting point is 00:15:48 And then now he's like What were the odds of that physique being coupled with the sense of humour Like that's low odds We're so lucky You harness that confidence Into like you know If you're that good At some point you're just going to be like
Starting point is 00:16:04 Yeah I'm fucking going to enjoy this. Yeah. And that's what Usain Bolt does so well. Yeah. My point is I wouldn't trade on a species level our middle distance abilities with a top speed. But out in the open, I mean, do you think you could be more agile than a cheetah cheetah at
Starting point is 00:16:25 top speed to dodge it would be kind of easy no but that's not the equation that's not what i'm saying i'm just saying like on balance i know what you're saying but i'm just trying to put it put you in a situation where you're like well you've got your human speed as you requested sir and you're dealing with a cheetah in the wild yeah and. And there's no obstacles to hide behind. It's just plain open field. He's going to get you every fucking time. There isn't a situation where he wouldn't. No, could you not go 500 metres and then when it comes to get you,
Starting point is 00:16:57 sort of sidestep it and then you go another 500 metres and sidestep it? Because I think if you hit two or three Ks, it gets all tuckered out and goes home. Yeah, yeah. But that's a long time for us to outrun it. And if you hit two or three k's it gets all tuck it out and goes home yeah yeah you would but that's a long time oh yeah for us to outrun it and if you think about it as well for at least a little bit of that it's going at its top speed and you've got to kind of factor that in yeah it's yeah you need a head start because it's tricky shit so do you think
Starting point is 00:17:18 like maybe there's a chance if you zigzag it if you started like 500 meters away, potentially. But as soon as you're running with the cheetah running behind you, like within jumping distance, you're finished. Because you can't go to either side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's like, it can leap side to side. We can't go sideways that quick. Humans can't.
Starting point is 00:17:40 Because we've only got two legs. I reckon we're actually at a bigger disadvantage. We would move, you know, we know to move differently than the ordinary prey. And you've got to factor that in. That they wouldn't. They don't have the intelligence. Oh, yeah. Like, it's just we'd be throwing different shit at them.
Starting point is 00:17:55 I've never seen nothing move like that before. I don't know. Number one, I think they could counter that with pure speed because we're not that fast. I don't think we're that fast at cornering. counter that with pure speed because we're not that fast i don't think we're that fast at cornering and number two i reckon animals intelligence is quite big when it comes to things like just outrunning a prey i don't know i watched a movie uh the other day called enchanted kingdom it was a nature documentary set in the seven realms of af on these awesome BBC cameras and this You mean Seven Kingdoms?
Starting point is 00:18:28 No, they kept calling them realms. Really? Yeah. This is very dimensional. Yeah, it was excellent. I can't remember, but some piece of prey, like a wildebeest,
Starting point is 00:18:40 outran some sort of big cat. And like, I was just watching it. I was like, fuck, you know, you can do it. Right. You believe in that wildebeest outran some sort of big cat and like i was just watching i was like fuck you know you can you can do it right you believe in that wildebeest like i don't you know he did it yeah i guess wildebeest are super fast though are they yeah they're real fast can we not outdo wildebeest oh no any kind of early but you Usain Bolt against a wildebeest? I'm pretty sure a wildebeest would win. No, not faster than our Usain.
Starting point is 00:19:11 Surely. That guy's crazy fast. He's going 10 kilometers an hour. At least. That's fast. Maybe 15. He's so quick. How do you get that quick? I don't know, man. Maybe 15. He's so quick. How do you get that quick?
Starting point is 00:19:28 I don't know, man. Genetics. Who started off as a 400-meter runner. But look, that's neither here nor there. It might be. Speaking of really fast men... Get on there, Pegalo. What's he doing? What's he wearing? That is the question What is Coffee Guy?
Starting point is 00:20:19 Who is Coffee Guy? How is Coffee Guy? Where is Coffee Guy? You sound like Aiden in the Middle East. I do. The theory that I've arrived at after this 20-second watch of Sex and the City 2 is that Coffee Guy is colluding with Brady the Rat King.
Starting point is 00:20:37 Every time we see Coffee Guy take a sip from his beloved cup of joe, we get a reaction shot over the shoulder of miranda to her not quite infantile anymore but juvenile son brady the future rat king seemingly playing on a nintendo ds but i suspect getting some crazy signals something sinister afoot he's getting signals from coffee guy and he's just waiting for the coast to be clear before he can bail out the window of the cafe and join him. In what quest?
Starting point is 00:21:11 Dark things await both of them. Because they will start them. They are dark. They're not goodies. Brady the Rat King is not a goodie. That's the sad thing about it. His intentions were honest They were
Starting point is 00:21:27 Originally But he got corrupted by Rage and jealousy He's like Batman Batman's still a goody Oh yeah They're dressing him up all bad in the movies Yeah
Starting point is 00:21:41 But everyone knows he's a goody Yeah Yeah he's a goodie yeah yeah he's goodie but you they sell more tickets if they make him a baddie everyone's seen him be a goodie before they should burn one of those characters and make them a baddie because everyone would go to that it'd be real funny if it was the flash because no one really gives a shit what he's up to how cool would that be? They're just like, hey, we're burning a property.
Starting point is 00:22:09 It's The Flash, but we're making one movie where he is a fucking real piece of shit. He is a villain. We're going to call it Jack Flash because it rhymes with jackass, almost. On the poster... You'd have outstanding theme music right out of the gates. On the poster, you outstanding theme music right out of the gates on the poster you've got the tracks similar to
Starting point is 00:22:27 Back to the Future when the DeLorean comes in it's got the flaming tracks leading up to his footprints right and he's just in the middle of the poster bending over naked giving you the brown eye and pulling the fingers
Starting point is 00:22:43 yeah through his the gate of his legs and with his other hand he's masturbating to an image of And pulling the fingers Yeah Through his The gate of his legs And with his other hand He's masturbating To an image of your mother Yeah It's insane It's the most offensive thing
Starting point is 00:22:52 As offensive as they could think of God This crazy movie While still falling within It's gonna be A crazy movie Censorship rights Reasons
Starting point is 00:23:00 But it'll be worth it And I think Ultimately Marvel Is making the right choice We actually took some No wait, The Flash is DC Ultimately I think DC made the right
Starting point is 00:23:12 choice. We took some notes during this watch as well, vaguely relating to Brady the Rat King as far as his parents Steve we recorded every line of dialogue Brady the Rat King as far as his parents are Steve we recorded every line of dialogue
Starting point is 00:23:28 afforded the legendary Steve do you want to know some stats before this begins sure thing Steve has 15 lines in this movie and that's it that's not a lot of work
Starting point is 00:23:44 for a pop it's probably a lot of work For a part Well It's probably a pretty good Day at the office I reckon it would have been So Hello Hey how you doing
Starting point is 00:23:57 Very well That's good Hey I really need some work Yeah I hear you Steve My name's not Steve I know You know I like to call you. My name's not Steve. I know.
Starting point is 00:24:05 You know I like to call you that because it's the only role that made you successful. That's not true. There are other roles. There are no other roles. That is complete. I'm going to keep calling you Steve. I was excellent.
Starting point is 00:24:14 Steve, I've got good news. I was playing off Broadway last week. I've got good news. Okay. They're making another Sex and the City movie. Oh, that's excellent. Yeah. Insane, if you ask me.
Starting point is 00:24:28 Like a ludicrous move. Hey, why do you think it's crazy? What? The fact that the first movie burned any remaining empathy or sympathy that our audience had for these girls? People came along. They liked the movie. They called it garbage. Wow. I've never heard of such a thing a movie being quite why don't you tell me about the new movie well it's garbage it's i've
Starting point is 00:24:55 read the script it's terrible well i mean what's my role like huh well it's four hundred and twenty thousand dollars and when i chuck my 15 off off of that, I like it too. So Stevie Baby, listen to this. Here's what I'm going to do. $420,000? Like $420,000? Yeah. That's hilarious.
Starting point is 00:25:14 Isn't it? We should take the movie purely for that. Okay, well. What a piece of happenstance. You haven't heard any of the lines yet, but. I know. I've got the script with me now. $420,000?
Starting point is 00:25:25 I mean, what are the chances? Here's your first line. Are you even listening? Except he told us. Except he told us. Good, good. They'll buy that. Except he told us. What's the context? I can't remember. Your second line is, is that the only reason?
Starting point is 00:25:42 Is that the only reason? Okay, good. I think that one's at the wedding. Here's your third line. Hey, I'm kissing here. Hold on. Hold on. I'll do it again.
Starting point is 00:25:53 Hey, I'm kissing here. What? You're just giving these to me cold. I got no idea what I'm saying or am I kissing? Am I kissing Miranda? Just do it. Hey, I'm kissing here. Nailed it.
Starting point is 00:26:10 Okay, number four is it's Saturday. You're at a wedding. I feel like you're making me play a game show with you. You're my agent. Just tell me if it's a good role or not. I can't tell you that until we've gotten to the end of this list of 15 lines. And I can't tell you why that's the case yet, end of this list of 15 lines. And I can't tell you why that's the case yet, but I will soon.
Starting point is 00:26:27 Okay, what's the line again? It's Saturday, you're at a wedding. It's Saturday, you're at a wedding. Nice one. Your fifth line in this film, Steve, is the new senior lawyer partner at her firm he rides her ass non-stop. Oh, that sounds dirty.
Starting point is 00:26:44 I like that. Yeah. How does it... Oh, I guess you'll tell me later, but I can't wait to hear about that ass-riding one. The new senior law partner at her firm, he rides her ass non-stop. You killed that. You're slaying me.
Starting point is 00:26:58 We're all going to be rich. Here's your sixth line. You're done. Well, technically, I'm going to be rich. Steve, don't you ever interrupt me again. I will smash this whiskey glass across your face and slash your throat with pieces. Come on, let's not get violent. You don't want to mess with me.
Starting point is 00:27:14 Question. I've got a very powerful son. Line number six. What is it? It's a line. And this is it. You're done. I'm going to dance.
Starting point is 00:27:24 Fake to the right. Nice. You're done. I'm going to dance. Fake to the right. Nice. You're done. I'm going to dance. Fake to the right. Nice. Possible. Your seventh line is... Not my best work. So Brady can win the second grade science fair.
Starting point is 00:27:39 Right, B-boy? I got it. It better be a mighty good payoff for when you tell me why you're making me read my lines like I'm on Jeopardy that's not how Jeopardy works so Brady can win the second grade science fair right B-Boy
Starting point is 00:27:56 very good your eighth line this evening Steve is sit down please and have some stop calling me Steve sit down please and have some stop calling me Steve sit down please and have some breakfast my real name is Gene
Starting point is 00:28:12 you can do this Steve do it for me sit down please sit down please sit down please sit down please sit down please say it with me. Sit down, please. Sit down, please. Sit down, please.
Starting point is 00:28:27 Say it with me, Steve. Look at me. Fuck you. Sit. I hate you. Look at me. You know, I fucking... Sit down, please.
Starting point is 00:28:34 I don't want to do this job. Sit down, please. And have some breakfast. I don't want to work with you no more. We're so close to the end. Sit down, please. And have some breakfast Here's your ninth line
Starting point is 00:28:47 I fucking hate your guts You don't have to pick putting yourself through this You don't have to keep putting yourself through this Find yourself another job You changed the word pick to keep But I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt Steve You do know this character You have been playing him
Starting point is 00:29:06 for years. Line 10. Call me Gene. Life's too short. Go someplace they'll appreciate you. Until you find a better job, you can stay at home and help out around the house. Life's too short. Go someplace they'll appreciate you.
Starting point is 00:29:24 Until you find a better job You can You can What? You can home and help her You can Help out around the house No
Starting point is 00:29:34 Eleven Sorry honey She can't Mommy's Sorry honey She can't Mommy's Yeah
Starting point is 00:29:43 Okay Are you ready for line number 12? Yeah It's kind of a fucking doozy Yeah You ready for it? Yeah Okay, the line is
Starting point is 00:29:53 Yeah Yeah 13, your line is What? What? Again What? Shorten it
Starting point is 00:30:02 What? Elongate that. Don't make me dance for my lines. 13. Again. What? My timing. Go.
Starting point is 00:30:17 Fuck you and your stupid fucking face. Say what? Fuck your stupid fucking face. What? That was pretty good, actually. That's the rhythm I was looking for. 14. Good for you.
Starting point is 00:30:29 Good for you. And your last line in this film. What? You okay? I've only got 15 lines? Yeah. You okay? And none of them are that big, to be fair.
Starting point is 00:30:42 Some of them are long. I couldn't remember all of them. Yeah. So does that sound like something you'll do for... I'll answer that question when you tell me. 42 one hundredths of a million dollars? Wow. It's pretty hard to say no.
Starting point is 00:30:56 It's because you can't do math. Everything's hard to say no to when you don't understand it. I don't know if I agree with that. Hey, why'd you make me read my lines out in that order you're on why didn't you just give me a script so I can read it and see how I fit in with the movie you're on Scriptipity it's the new game show
Starting point is 00:31:19 hosted by Tom Burgin Off it combines reading a script and Jeopardy. And guess what, Guy? You're lost. I'm not Guy. I combine Steve and Gene, and I've gotten Guy in the middle.
Starting point is 00:31:40 So get used to it, pal. You mean to tell me you think... First of all, Gene and Steve are one person. Steve is a character I play as Gene. And secondly, I don't even know who Guy is. I came in here, you say you want to come in, see if you want a job. Okay. Now you're coming in...
Starting point is 00:31:59 Let me try and explain this in terms you'll understand. You are familiar with the Saiyans, yes? The Saiyans? Yes? The Saiyans? Yes, the Saiyans. Goku? Yeah, you got it. Go on. When Goku and Vegeta fuse, who do they become?
Starting point is 00:32:18 Vegito? Gotus? Gogeta. They combine. That is why you are Guy. You're not Steve anymore. You're not Gene anymore. You're Guy.
Starting point is 00:32:32 You don't understand. I'm Gene. I don't think you are. I think you're refusing to acknowledge who you are and it's hurting me. And it's hurting your mother, most of all. At any rate. I don't take offense at that because It's time to say goodbye to you.
Starting point is 00:32:49 I have no more time for you. Your time's out. It's up. Very well. What did you like best about the movie? What was your shining light? Me? This guy? Yeah, that guy.
Starting point is 00:33:02 This quiet Kiwi legend sitting on the couch next to you has just seen sex in the city too For the 22nd time Feels like he should have marked the occasion With something a little more festive Than pineapple lumps and mandarins This guy with the green eyes Looking at you right now You know what his favourite part was
Starting point is 00:33:20 Stop stalling It was without question The young man was stop stalling it was without question the young man who speaks up on Miranda's behalf in the meeting against
Starting point is 00:33:32 Tom he says that's Miranda's case when he gets offered why do you like your case because he's a hero he's
Starting point is 00:33:42 standing up to his boss even though that he's clearly a junior in the firm and he's sticking up for all the right reasons. It's not for personal betterment of his career or whatever, advancement. It's to defend the justice associated with Miranda.
Starting point is 00:34:00 There's justice all around that woman. It's on account of her red hair He's just trying to right it Okay Right the wrongs Well that's a very fair enough Shining light You ascribed a lot of characteristics
Starting point is 00:34:14 How about your shining light? Guy Gene Well I'm glad you asked me Gene My shining light Would have to be The iPod Nano and the Blackberry
Starting point is 00:34:28 and the tangled headphones on the table next to Carrie when she's by the pool. I just like the way they date stamped the movie. I think the iPod Nano was an underrated iPod. The particular one featured with the big elongated screen, it was good. I like the interface. That's all we've got time for this week, folks. But please join us next week when Guy goes overseas and watches the movie by himself. Oh, fuck me.
Starting point is 00:35:00 But before we do go as well, where are you going, Guy? Oh, I'm going to Edinburgh Mostly In Scotland To go to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival It's the greatest festival on earth Except for all of the drunken behaviour that goes on It's certainly the biggest
Starting point is 00:35:21 Arts festival And I'm going to do a comedy show there with my friend Rose Metafayo. We're going to do half an hour each of stand-up every day from the 6th of August till the 31st of August. Wow. At 4.30pm. That's a lot of comedy. Yeah. That's too much comedy, actually.
Starting point is 00:35:42 Roll up, roll up. Pick a date. We'll be there Very cool Apart from that Thanks for listening I don't know what else to say I'm going to bed
Starting point is 00:35:53 That's what I'm saying What's the time, is it like 1.30? No, midnight, perfect The perfect time Very good Well played, movie. You really got us this time. Let's see who wins the battle next week.
Starting point is 00:36:12 Bye, guys. We love you all. Keep talking to us however you can. I need some light at the end of the tunnel. No, come on. You're all right. You're all right right now. I was happy. It the end of the tunnel. No, come on. You're all right. You're all right right now. I was happy.
Starting point is 00:36:28 That's for you, Tim. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. It's the worst idea of all time. Season 2.

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