The Worst Idea Of All Time - Forty Two - Party's Over
Episode Date: May 14, 2017GuyGuy is back and Timbo is back and they're not happy to be back because WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS is also back. Our podcast hosts are crest-fallen and truly clutching at straws now. Gone are the carefree ...days of Adam Sandler and Shaq. Wistful, are the memories of Carrie and the gals. But alas, this film has no Coffee Guy. OR DOES IT?! After an extended metaphor about the washed out party this podcast adventure has become, Timbly decides WAYF is actually about dads and Guybo share personal stories of poo and strip clubs.Trailer: Boners of The Heart Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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You're going to play that dastardly intro again.
Try, try, try, try, try, try, try.
Ow!
This movie's still fine.
This is a co-ed pastor.
One of them dies, that guy's screwed.
One of them's a hothead, his name is Jay.
One of them looks like Johnny Depp, and his name is Johnny Depp.
Classic Maximum Joseph. I agree! Ah! is jay one of them looks like johnny dave classic maximum joseph you forget that films are supposed to have a point hello and welcome to the worst idea of all time
live in beautiful auckland new zealand with myself spinley timbly Wimbly. And myself, Guy Montgomery.
And you, our adoring audience.
I've got to say, Tim, right out of the gates,
and this is not to denigrate anyone who's in the room,
there are so few people at this show,
it is worth commenting on.
I don't think so.
This looks like a good number.
How many people are there in the room, do you think?
40? Yeah? Maybe 50? I don't know. I just remember the days. This looks like a good number. How many people are there in the room, do you think? 40.
Yeah?
Maybe 50.
I don't know.
I just remember the days.
What I think we've built.
No, no.
Follow that.
I want to hear this out.
What I think happened, we built something beautiful.
We did.
And we lived inside of it.
Yeah.
And we trashed it.
Yeah.
And now this is just the people who are still at the party we paid it no respect that's so true the grown-ups to era of this project was kind of like when you get
an invite to a party on a set so it's saturday right and it's one of those real nice saturdays
kind of like today except today's a sund, but imagine it was Saturday where it's unexpectedly
sunny, and it's just like a beautiful day
and no one saw it coming, and someone's like
fuck, you know what, I'm going in for barbecue
and it starts at about 1
and just everyone sort of text messaging
Facebook messages
going around, people are like, yo, some shit
is going down at Guy and Tim's flat
get there now
and then people turn up
this is so accurate.
There's a DJ there who's just like one of our mates.
It's probably Tim Lambourne who's turned up with some decks
and we've just got a real sweet sound system
and someone's come with a bunch of beers
and just everyone's having a great time.
Maybe there's a little herb going around.
I don't know.
But it's just like it gets hotter and hotter
and then it's like 6 o'clock,
which I guess would be about the Sex and the City 2 zone.
No, Sex and the City 2 kicks in at 8pm.
Oh, okay, yeah.
I reckon.
Sun has set.
Yeah, it's dark, but everyone's still having a good time.
We're still throwing down.
The party is rocking.
But it's changed.
Oh, the tone's weird.
Everyone took some acid,
and half the people
haven't done it before
they don't know
if it's good or not
but everyone's heard
about this party now
and now it's kind of
to the point
where so many people
are there
that it can't help
but be a good thing
yeah
everyone's just pumped
yeah
and shit is getting
a little bit ballistic
and people are hooking up
with people
they shouldn't be
hooking up with
and then
yeah
now it's 2am
no later
4am
okay
the only people still here
are the people who haven't
handled their acid
and are just still awake
and don't want to be alone yet
yeah
that is who's left
on the worst idea
of all time
what was once a freight train
is now just a carriage
with no motor
absolutely
somehow still on the rails
so what we're trying to say
is thank you
for coming out.
Give yourselves a big round of applause.
God bless you.
God bless you all for coming.
So I don't even know
how many times we've seen it now.
43?
Sorry, out of portent to me.
Five.
And that's the other thing
is that you said to me
when we were watching it before,
we're being very,
we're so disrespectful to this movie.
And what I said and rightly is, what's this movie done?
This movie has done nothing for it.
This movie has given us nothing.
Grown Ups 2 and Sex and City 2, we actually extracted value out of it.
But this is like, there's nothing in it.
There's nothing.
Nothing.
But that's kind of perfect though.
It's like a rebalancing of things because we extracted value out of the podcast
and now the podcast is doing nothing but extracting value out of Tim and Guy.
You know?
That's true.
It's, um...
What's that called?
No, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We thought we'd beaten the title, but the title beats you, right?
Right.
We were like, yeah, we did it.
And we made it
a good thing and no but okay look i mean because it really i this is the same feeling as near the
end of last year i can't i can't care for these people i can't care for this movie i can't yeah
and it's becoming really hard to find ways to talk about something which I care this little about.
I can't even bother to hate it anymore.
Let's start at the end then instead of the beginning.
Okay.
So one thing that I noticed is that this week, Zac Efron comes at the end of the movie to
inquire about a free piece of pie.
I want to know what the terms and conditions of this offer are
because Somaly's working in a cafe in North Hollywood
and usually with those deals,
you've got to buy a coffee and there's a free piece of pie or something.
He obviously has no intention of buying a drink.
He's just rocking in getting free pie
and it makes me wonder, is he just kind of being goofy
or is there actually a cafe
they're offering free cake no no no free pie tim no obviously not it's a flirt you know it's like
that because their the last time they spoke their relationship was on on uncertain terms yeah they
uh they they they doinked or you know speculation is rife about whether or not they had sex
yeah
all the kids
are calling it doinking
I've been hanging out
I've been hanging outside
of high schools
the last two months
asking the kids
what they call sex
I've got some good information
but I've got a lot of heat on me
I'm in a lot of trouble Tim
but so
they may or may not
have doinked
doinking feels like
what sex is called
on Doug
the animated series
did you doink
Patty Mayonnaise
did you doink
that green woman
Doug
but yeah
so you know
you know who was getting
his doink wet in that show
though
Skeeter
yeah
was he
I reckon
I don't know
those guys they painted those characters those two leads Doug and his mate Skeeter I Yeah, was he? I reckon. I don't know.
Those guys, they painted those
characters, those two
leads, Doug and his
mate Skeeter.
I thought they were
both loser virgins and
I thought the hardcore
bully was definitely
getting his doink wet.
I've forgotten his
name, Rodney?
Roger?
It's unimportant.
He's a bad guy.
What I'm trying to
tell you, Tim, the
relationships on...
Not a lot of
Nickelodeon fans in
the live audience.
Hope there's some
in the podcast crowd.
Their relationship relationships on a lot of nickelodeon fans in the live audience hope there's some of the podcast crowd uh the the the relationship was on on uncertain terms and so she you know that that whole pie engagement that had been set up when he went and visited her before yeah when he was
processed when he was processing the grief of a squirrel dying and he'd seen james reed and he
heard that she went to this cafe sorry which j which James Reid? Obviously from the feelers.
Yeah, right.
And so he goes out and visits her,
and they have a little riff,
because they're trying to get...
She's too quick off the mark, though.
That's the thing that tipped me off to it.
It's like, hey, I'm here to inquire
about that free piece of pie I saw advertised,
and she's like, oh yeah, that's only on Thursdays.
She's not clever enough to go with the rules.
No, but that's the second,
you missed the whole first interaction.
The first time he goes there,
that's when the nerve, there's a few butterflies
in the basket, there's nerves.
There's nerves, and they're talking to each other.
And you know when you see someone and your heart jumps up
and you sort of just, you fumble around
to say whatever you can.
No, I'm a cool customer, obviously.
Yeah, yeah, the way you said cool customer.
Executed that sentence.
No, I'm very confident.
I look confident, don't I?
That's you.
And they have that conversation
and that's where the offer comes out.
It's just them trying to process
how they feel about one another.
So then he goes away
and when he comes back,
he's keeping the joke alive.
That's an inside joke.
That's the basis pretty much of the opening of any relationship.
I'd say that's a...
I think all relationships between people, lovers, are built...
The way that you build them, the way people flirt, it's inside jokes.
Right or wrong?
Right or wrong?
Audience?
I just want to ask you, this first version of the interaction you're talking about
where you had butterflies in his stomach,
is this something that happened off screen?
No, it's in the movie.
He goes to the cafe, he skateboards to the cafe,
puts his dick in someone's flat white, he walks in.
It's the same day, David.
It's not the same day.
Isn't it?
No.
How many fucking times?
43, I think.
They go outside, remember. They go outside.
They go outside and they play that song.
It's like do, do, do, do.
They play like a theme song for we're putting the movie back together.
We've pulled it apart.
You'd think I would have known that by now.
But you're right.
It's not the same day at all.
No.
Yeah.
And also I think I really stumbled into something with that whole relationships are built on inside jokes.
Yeah, all right.
And I got nothing from you or the audience.
Hey, there's a sexy little double entendre
that you've stumbled on there too.
Or just dirty.
Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about.
Good on you.
Way to rise above it.
I think you're probably right.
Not voluntarily.
I just didn't have an opportunity to get on,
but I don't understand what the double entendre was.
I got nothing.
You said inside jokes are the foundation of lovers.
Inside jokes?
Inside?
I'll keep saying it until you get it.
There's nothing to get.
That's not a double entendre.
That's you being disgusting.
Hey, potato, potato.
And there are ways to have sexual relations
without anything being inserted inside of anything.
There's external relations.
Yeah, true, but you know.
Hand jobs.
Sure.
Otherwise, I'm pretty sure they're all...
There's still something inside your hand, though.
I would argue.
No, but the difference is that there's an open hole at the end.
And so, unless you give a hand job by gripping the penis from the top. I'm inside my
t-shirt right now but I'm popping up the top of it. I would argue it's like this this great Bojack
Horseman t-shirt which funnily enough was a gift from my fiancee I would say I'm inside of. Yeah
no one says like a handjob. Two things no one says.
I'm inside this T-shirt,
and I'm inside this handjob.
Like, I can't...
Would you guys think...
Do you think a handjob is an external sexual act?
Yeah.
So, do you agree that Tim's insane?
So, anyway, the double entendre doesn't work.
But do you think...
And that's them trying to build the relationship back up.
They started on dicey territory, obviously,
because of the infidelity.
What gets me is you think that you're some sort of relationship guru
because you've stumbled onto basic human interaction.
Like, here's this amazing thing I figured out.
When people are going to fuck,
they have a conversation first
and they exchange information that they have in common.
I'm a genius.
No, you're not.
You're not fuck specific.
I'm talking about relationships.
You're such a...
You are just a little horn boy.
Speaking of relationships,
what's going on with you and me, dude?
Oh, man. I feel like this was a joyous occasion. I was just a little horn boy Speaking of relationships What's going on with you and me dude? Oh man
I feel like this was a joyous occasion
We've been in the same room
In a god damn fortnight
Yeah man
It's wonderful to see you
And I feel like we're bickering
Like an old married couple
Of course we're bickering
But this is healthy
What we're doing
Yeah
This is literally us
Finding ways to talk about
Anything outside of
The hour and 35 minutes.
It's true.
We spent in the hellscape painted by Maximum Joseph and Megan Oppenheimer.
This is two people struggling together.
I'll be honest, everyone listening, including people in the room.
We did screw up, as we are known to do, with our time management skills.
So there was a portion of the movie that we had to play in four times normal speed to catch up and we did it again and fuck it was gripping because i couldn't
quite figure out what was going on but as soon as i like kind of did the math and we were like okay
this isn't going to quite work out so we got to pace this up and i did it and i was like shit and
i was right in there for that brief period about about 10 minutes we were doing it. It creates a real sense of urgency, doesn't it?
Yeah.
Suddenly all these sort of long, loping offers are very important.
Absolutely.
And they're just firing at you like a mile a minute.
And it was cool.
It was cool until one of the several musical montages
that they used to glue together the film,
the stray parts of drama that they think they've captured on screen,
that they just literally attach to another bit
with just a few fast cuts and some electronic music.
When you listen to that music
with the visuals at four times speed,
it made me quite nauseous.
Well, it used to be at 80 beats per minute,
which, as we all know, is dubstep
because that's 160 cut to half speed.
But suddenly you speed it up and we're dealing with house, which no one likes.
That's the problem.
BPM.
And this movie has not aged well, because house music's coming back.
EDM's on the back.
I don't know.
That's weird you say that.
I was just having a conversation recently with someone about house music.
Is it back?
House is in, or it's coming in?
I was into house
and i hate it now but i think i want to get back in the pool i've been listening to so much house
music lately yeah yeah i ride my bike to it i go faster you know carl cox was here in auckland
recently and i missed it because i didn't know was he here to perform or just on holiday no he
was here to perform he did a gig i could on him on him. Yeah, man. Do you think Cal Cox ever goes anywhere just for a break?
Nah.
The dude lives for music.
He's like the physical manifestation in the real world of James Reid of the Feelers
before he burnt out with alcoholism.
Again, I'm talking about James Reid from the Feelers and our version of him
because I know I'm getting dangerously close to some home truths about our boy from hometown.
Do you think James Reid from the Feelers
Okay, now I don't know which one we're talking about. Knows the podcast. Home truths about our boy from hometown. Do you think James Reid from The Feelers...
Okay, now I don't know which one we're talking about.
Knows the podcast...
Our one or New Zealand's one?
New Zealand's James Reid from The Feelers.
Does he know...
I mean, have they been looking at their Spotify listens
and be like, we've got a little spike in America.
Hmm.
I wonder what we can attribute this to.
It's me playing Fishing for Lisa on my phone
down a microphone once, you know?
Yeah, I reckon.
And that song,
I used to, you know,
when I wanted to feel emotions
in high school,
I'd put it on.
Try and cry,
which now I say it out loud,
that sounds like what a sociopath does
to learn how to broadcast emotions.
And that might be what I was doing.
What I'm trying to say though
is they got it wrong.
So they rag on house music,
house music on the up.
It's a lot about promotion, right? These guys are trying to get a name for themselves so much that happens on social
media now they avoid social media which i think is smart for movies to do because you know you
see phones like if you watch the oc now yeah what dates that movie is they were cutting edge of the
time so phones in fashion and the phones in fashion is why it's still an enjoyable thing
to revisit because it's such a beautiful little moment in time.
I need to slow you down just a half.
Okay. Half a beat there, mate.
Sure, yeah.
I'm following what you're saying, but only just.
So we're in the OC.
I'm just trying to articulate my...
And the other thing,
because they don't use social media at all in the film,
the only reference to social media in the movie
Is they reference Vine once
I'll put you in a Vine
You bet on the wrong fucking horse we are your friends
That's so funny
It's literally the only digital platform they reference by name
They could choose four at the time
Twitter, Instagram, Vine or Facebook
Go for it, pick any
You could have picked MySpace
And it would be A more relevant reference
For the modern age
Than Vine
And I've told you before
I've got a great idea
For a Vine
Yeah this seems worth
Bringing up in the podcast
Go on
I don't know
Well no I don't want to
Say it on the podcast
Because
Oh because someone will do it
Well no they won't do it
But like
The beauty of this Vine
Is
I feel like you have to
Describe it
No no no I'm have to describe it now.
No, no, no.
I'm going to make it this week.
It's a really simple little vine.
It's good, though.
I can vouch for that.
He's come up with a real pearler of an idea.
When I make it, I'll put it on the Facebook page.
Everyone can check out my...
I mean, you'll see it before then because it's going to go viral.
Do we still call it a...
What is a vine nowadays?
Because if vine's gone, is it just like a short video?
That isn't a...
No, I think, well, like Instagram's...
Weirdly, Instagram started looping their video content, I think.
So, like, it can go longer.
But, I mean, Twitter must be fuming.
Oh, mate.
Wouldn't you just be livid?
You would be.
Well, I mean, you'd also be a billionaire who works for Twitter.
Yeah, that's true.
It's weird, eh?
Companies are weird. Like, they start for Twitter. Yeah, that's true. It's weird, eh? Companies are weird.
They start for nothing and then they're worth something.
And then if they go too long, they're worth nothing again.
We're like a company, Tim.
We are the Enron of the podcasting world.
That's for sure.
Except no one got out with all the money.
Yeah.
You know, at least with Enron, There was one guy in particular Called Lou Pye
Who managed to
He was like one of the big
Big big big big
Management dudes
And he fucked off
Just before the shit went down
Legend
And he got away with it
And he became like
I think the
The single largest landowner
In
In
Montana
I think
He bought a bunch of land somewhere
Fucking good on him.
He left.
There's such a conspicuous way to do it as well,
to be like, I'm getting out and I'm just going to buy more land
than anyone has or does currently own in Montana.
There is a story about Lupi.
So he loved strippers, right?
This guy who was at Enron.
And he once joked when he was out with the boys on a Friday night from Enron
that they would say,
Lupai, you're always out with these strippers.
When you get home, doesn't your wife ever smell the perfume on you?
And he says, I've got this great trick.
I always stop at a gas station on the way and splash some gasoline on my collar
and it kills
the scent and then apparently one of the lower downs said but doesn't your wife think you're
fucking a gas station and that fucking employee got moved to alaska or something like the next day
oh man take a joke yeah also dude couldn't strategize what you put gasoline on your shirt
yeah well that's a pretty powerful scent though, isn't it?
It's going to overpower Chanel No. 5.
I think I would sooner come home with the faint musk of perfume and be like,
yeah, me and the boys went to a strip club and come home reeking of gasoline
and be like, don't ask questions, babe.
How many times do you...
What's more troubling?
Your husband going to a strip club once in a while
or your husband coming home at 3
a.m drunk stinking of gasoline it's option b that's fucking weird how many times do you think
you can come home smelling like perfume before it's like a thing though because i feel like you
get away with the gas thing a lot more often i know man i do the record i think the good advice
is if you're married don't go to strip clubs that often.
No, I don't care.
At least you're with your wife.
Yeah, I don't care for the strip clubs myself.
I went once and I got, I went once and look,
I'll say this on the podcast.
I had so much absence and ecstasy.
I was truly charging in a way that I have probably not charged before or since.
And I woke up in the morning.
I had, this is all incriminating stuff,
but I'd had two ecstasy pills in my pocket.
I was like, oh, I have one ecstasy pill for the night.
Because I don't know if you guys have tried this drug ecstasy.
It makes everything excellent. And I woke up and i was missing two in the morning i was like someone stole my i just
took two and while i went in there and someone bought me a i can't remember who someone bought
bought me a lap dance and i got told off for talking too much that's awesome
firstly that doesn't surprise me at all.
But who was your mate who bought you a lap dance?
Their name is James.
Is it Jono?
No, his name is James. Oh, it legitimately is James.
Yeah.
What a legend.
Those things aren't cheap.
No, no.
But yeah, I talked for half an hour straight.
I don't even think I looked at this girl.
Who told you off as well
was it her
or she was like
I've got to go do something
and then came back
and someone else was like
hey you gotta
so I've never really been back
you know that's okay
so I don't think
I'm going to run into this problem
that this former Enron executive did
yeah
unless I get addicted to
Swimming in gasoline
Then you've got to start visiting
Increasing amounts of strip clubs
To throw your partner off the scent
I think that order of events is all wrong
You're still going to smell like gasoline
And it's like have you been fucking a strimmer
In a gas pile again Montgomery
You get home at 5am
Very poor every week
it's no good
oh man
so what number
are we up to
I feel like this is
an important thing
that I need to figure out
why
is it 44
do you guys know
no one knows
no one gives a shit
and that's the problem
everyone has checked out
including us
it's terrible
it's our job
this is supposed to be
the big grand
last
bit I think we knew after about 20 weeks it was not how this would end and this is appropriate It's our job. This is supposed to be the big, grand, last bit.
I think we knew after about 20 weeks it was not how this would end.
And this is appropriate.
We're both looking quite gaunt at the moment.
And I think, I mean, you know, it's good to live the brand.
And we are, man.
Yeah.
We're tired.
I think we're both probably quite sick, actually.
Yeah, I think you're right at the moment.
We're not at our healthiest.
Good set up in this room, though, huh?
Really beautiful.
We've got a fake plant, which is reminding me of what real plants look like when they're healthy.
And we've got a lovely lamp from the 50s, I would say.
Anything at all that you might have noticed in the movie this week that you hadn't noticed before or I haven't noticed before or you did notice and made a mental note but didn't tell me out loud while we were watching
it's a movie about dads is what i think you know you might not get that on your first 40 watches
but on the 43rd or 4th that's when it starts really drilling into your head how how how how
well obviously the biggest breadcrumb of all is rich, Ziccoli's dad, who we see in child form in some sort of spectral, intergenerational, timeless entity belonging to Tanya Romero.
Also, for some reason the editor felt it important...
Guy's got his hand up. Let me just finish this one out.
Guy's got his hand up.
Let me just finish this one out.
The editor found it important enough,
and I'm assuming this is under the direction of Maximum Joseph, to keep in what appears to be just a little throwaway line
from Johnny Depp where he says,
See ya, pops.
Yeah.
And Jar Dad is in there, and he gets a couple of mentions,
and you're just like,
but why?
What's going on here?
Why are there all these disparate mentions of fathers
that don't seem to add anything to the plot
until you consider the fact that this is a film
about modern masculinity
and what it means to be a man,
and that's why it's a dad film.
Almost worked.
My question was,
I'd love to unpack that,
but before we get to it,
just before I forget to ask,
so Tanya Romero is in control of
Ziccoli's father in some way.
Spectral form.
Spectral form,
like of Richard,
her child,
who is also obviously Ziccoli's father.
Do you think then,
because I've always,
you know,
confusingly in terms of
screenwriting
the save the cat moment
if you will
is deep into the credits
when Ziccoli
gives the shoebox of money
to Tanya Romero
we'll just say quickly
saving the cat
is something you do
in a movie script
where you've got to
imbue the main character
with like a good
deed
to make them the hero
so everyone's backing them
Ziccoli is a I mean everyone is essentially a baddie in the film yeah character with like a good yeah deed yeah exactly them the hero so everyone's backing them zicoli
is a i mean everyone is essentially a baddie in the film yeah so and at this moment where he saves
the cat where he gives them he's like i actually i do have i have some sort of you know moral compass
and i will return the money that i earned by being a shyster to tanya romero who's the only person i
actually built a personal relationship with who i then ripped off yeah i'm wondering if
this completely removes any moral value from it because he's he's not doing that because he's like
as feels remorse he's doing that because he's terrified of the power that she wields and the
fact that she can control a spectral like a spectral version of his father is that what
you're telling me yes so that completely undermines that moment where they're trying sort of you know
yeah because then it's no longer uh altruistic it is a purely transactional
yeah feat of just being like this is the custodian of my dad's spirit i need to give her money i need
to keep them on side yeah yeah i mean ripping them off ripping the custodian of your dad's spirit off from their house is such a risky move, isn't it?
It's bold.
I'll tell you what, if I knew that there was someone who was keeping my father's spirit,
one of the last things I would do is rip them off, I reckon.
But if you did, would you then try and make right of it?
Well, this is what I'm trying to tell you.
I just don't think I'd do it in the first...
It just seems like such an unnecessary risk to take.
So then we've now got to consider the possibility
that Ziccoli didn't know that Tanya Romero
was the custodian of his dad's spirit
until after the swindle had happened.
Okay, so here's the timeline of events.
So we go to Tanya Romero's house
The bamboozle takes place
And then subsequent to that
He puts the pieces together
And figures out that his mum is a mermaid
Who lives beneath the sea
Who plays piano
And her father has been trapped in
A child who is now under the stewardship
Of Tanya Romero
Which really makes you believe in fate, doesn't it?
Of all the houses in all the world that he could have ripped off, fate sent him there.
With Paige.
In Greek mythology, the fates is wind, I think.
Fates in the wind.
I don't know enough to bring it up.
I thought the fates were the witches.
Are they not quite witches?
No, you're thinking of Macbeth.
Am I?
Yeah, you're thinking of the movie Macbeth.
The well-known film Macbeth starring Mel Gibson.
Yeah, definitely.
Oh, man.
This is all crazy stuff to me.
You know?
It is.
But you've got to think about it every now and then.
Sometimes the movie will present as being about EDM music,
dance tracks, drug use, and what did you call it before?
Doinking between young consenting adults.
But it isn't.
It's about dads.
It's about spirits.
It's about fate.
I guess, you know, and it has to be at some point.
If we keep going, it could be, do you know,
I can't remember if I said this on the podcast or not.
I, it was last week I thought it,
but I, when we were watching the movie today,
I was like, do you know, we made a mistake
in choosing where are your friends
and what we actually should have.
This is literally the first time
I've ever heard you say that out loud.
Oh, I mean. It's like hearing that, it's like's literally the first time I've ever heard you say that out loud. Oh, I mean...
It's like hearing that...
It's like hearing for the first time in a marriage,
I think I want to get a divorce.
Like, that's impactful,
and you just glossed the fuck over it, dude.
It's... Yeah.
But we...
You know the way...
Like, the reason...
If we wanted this room to be full right now
yeah
we
we should have done
Sex and the City 2
we should have
doubled up
I did
mention
heartily
that we were
that we should have done that
for season
don't worry
this isn't a threat
that we're going to do it
we're not doing it
but I did mention that
at the time
that it would have been
a good idea
well no we talked about it
we were like
that's the funniest possible
the funniest possible thing
that we could have done at the end of season two.
We genuinely said no in interest of our own mental health.
That is end on heart.
Season three, we're doing Sex and the City 2.
Yeah.
And then it's 104 times.
Yeah.
But like, yeah, because we wouldn't be healthy.
No.
But the room would be full. So it's a balance isn't it
But I actually
Because it seems to be
All quiet on the western front
In terms of sequels
For the sequels
We've already watched
Which as we know
Is the
Contractual obligation
Well
Do you know that
Sandy Wexler
The new
Netflix Sandler film
Yeah
Yeah
I've seen it pop up on my feed,
recommended to me a few times, bruh.
What about it?
Got some pretty good reviews.
Has it?
Yeah.
Should we watch that?
Probably.
We should give that a watch.
Just for fun.
Yeah.
Let's not document it in any way.
Let's, you and me,
and this is why the relationship's gone weird.
Yeah.
It's because we've both had so much on
that literally the only snatches of time we have now
is spent doing that.
This is like,
you're watching two very old friends catch up
through the worst possible vessel.
Like, yeah.
You're watching,
this isn't the podcast so much,
you're watching a couple of boys just figure out,
you know, where they're at with each other now.
There's something to that though. You know, we're in a very voy boys just figure out where they're at with each other now. There's something to that, though.
We're in a very voyeuristic time in human history.
I'd pay money to see two boys sniff each other's butts and figure it out for a while.
I was telling comedian Rhys Mathieson the other day,
because he was saying he doesn't like Twitter, he doesn't like Instagram.
I was like, but people love it.
You've got to broadcast everything, man.
He's like, I don't want to.
I was like, but you've got to
yeah
you don't though
and if anything's taught me that
it's we are your friends
we're the only social media
network mentioned
is Vine
you know
you don't have to be
on there all the time
and they're like
they're promoters
for god damn
gigs
and they're not even on
like Facebook or Twitter
or anything
yeah
it's insane tim i'll
ask you this i think the timing is right for those of you listening at home we are i do and the and
oh my bad sorry you had another question for me you're already engaged dude that ship has sailed
you know i disagree with that relationship yeah um what I was going to say though is,
you know,
because we're at the end of the,
we're sort of,
or near the end of the New Zealand
International Comedy Festival,
self-promotion,
how do you feel about it?
Like, how do you,
I mean, because it's so,
you watch all these people,
you watch all these other comedians online
being like,
come to my show,
come to my show.
Yeah.
Can you take it anymore?
I'm pretty sure I had a breakdown two days ago
because of self-promotion.
Partially my own, a lot of it other people's.
But see, the problem that you have,
and we'll return to the movie in just one moment.
The problem that you have is that you go on Facebook
to promote your own stuff and then you stay on after that.
I'll just dip in, scream at everyone to go to my shows
and then fuck off again.
And I won't hear everyone else screaming
into the void.
For instance, on my browser now,
on my computer, I've installed a plugin
called News Feed
Eradicator and
you don't get the news feed. When you go
onto Facebook, instead of getting everyone's news feed,
you just get an inspirational quote
of varying quality. What the fuck?
Are you serious? Yeah, so you get your notifications,
your messages,
any friend requests
and you get none of the shit
that everyone's doing.
But then when I go on my phone,
I get everything.
And I read it all.
I don't doubt it.
I think it's just driven me
to my phone.
I just,
I just reached breaking point
on, what day is it today?
Sunday.
Friday. Where I've been, where i've been so i've
been doing festivals for two months now and i i was like i have crossed it like and i'm usually
okay with it but i've crossed over and i was like i'm now actually quite sad oh not a good thing in
a comedy festival no it's bad i mean the show the show was still outstanding the runs finished by
the way i hope so you got to see it um but i I was just like, fuck, this is too hard to keep telling everyone to come and watch you.
It's so bleak.
Yeah, fuck this.
They should want to do that themselves.
I know.
I shouldn't have to tell people.
That's the thing, eh?
You just want to be good enough that people decide to come.
And maybe that's what's crazy in the movie is they're not good enough yet.
Oh, they're flowering. That's old media that's old media self promo i'm getting warm can
you talk while i take my sweater off yeah sure all this merch is available after the show by the way
don't throw that in the podcast let's talk about that off the microphone thank you very much guy
montgomery um i tell you what though, the varying speeds is enough to keep
me entranced with the film
now. I just need something to be different.
To the point where I'm thinking maybe next week we get a bit
of colour correction going on. Maybe just
give it like a pink hue to see if
we can kind of detect any background
nonsense that was going on. I would be open
to any suggestions on
how to alter the viewing
experience. I mean,
usually we're on this,
but I'll throw to the audience.
If any of you guys have got any idea,
have you ever thought
of a different way to watch?
Is there anything
you can think of
off the top of your heads
immediately?
Invert the colors
so it's like
in a negative version of itself.
Sounds like what you're
going to get.
You could almost call that
behind the scenes
of Where Are Your Friends,
couldn't you?
It's just like
an x-ray version.
Yeah, it is.
That'd be pretty cool.
I'd be into that.
Just anything. Does it count as a watch? Do you know, this is the thing. That's. Yeah, it is. That'd be pretty cool. I'd be into that. Just anything.
Does it count as a watch?
Do you know,
this is the thing.
That's what I'm obsessed with.
That does count as a watch,
but the trouble is,
the trouble is,
and the crazy thing is,
this is,
the trouble is,
no matter what we do,
Here's the trouble, folks.
If we invert the colours,
all the content is the same.
And what I'm now,
what I'm now struggling to reconcile,
Oh, sorry.
Talk to me.
Okay, so what I actually, I forgot, but I was thinking about this the other day.
What if we got the movie and completely reversed it?
So like every, the whole thing plays backwards, back to front.
Like frame to frame.
We watch it in rewind.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
But at normal speed, but just flipped in reverse.
Is that possible?
Yeah.
It's easy easy I think
well you could just put it
into movie editing software
and go reverse
and then spit it out
and we could watch that
and when I say you
obviously I mean me
yeah yeah
I'll be there
when we watch it though
and you'll look real stressed
because you've just been
figuring out how to do it
and I'll be like
you're good man
and you'll be like
yeah you just gotta do this thing
and then I'll go on my phone.
I'll read everything on Facebook.
Fuck.
It is.
The honesty is brutal.
This is exactly how shit transpires.
No, that sounds good to me.
But what the.
That wouldn't count though, eh?
No, that doesn't count.
Yeah.
So then it's.
Yeah, no.
Then there's no value in it.
Do you know what we're watching tomorrow morning?
God is not dead.
God's not dead. It's not dead. God's not dead.
It's a contraction.
God's not dead.
For the Patreon.
People have been so desperate for us to watch that film
for such a long time
and it finally won the vote on Patreon
and people are ecstatic.
Outside of Tim making sure that I would be here
for this live podcast event,
the only other correspondence I've had with him
in the last three days
is him messaging me being like, Hey you free early monday morning for a
watch all right yeah man and how's everything going with you are you happy here no he's not
oh no but we're cool
I think we're alright
I bought these new shoes
They're fucking stunners too
Yeah I'm pretty pumped up on them
They're Reeboks eh?
Yeah
Adidas
Yeah like I said
Oh now we're Adidas boys
Adidas own Reebok
But yours are actually
New
Can I say I saw this
In the film this week?
Yeah
Actually I'm not gonna give you pre-consent
I want to hear what it is and then I'll say if you can say it
That sounds like a trap, dude
Well, what you're doing sounds like a trap to me
What?
Well, you wrote me into this
Well, you wrote me into this
Well, that guy here wrote me into this
When's that second episode coming out?
Justin Roiland,
who I hope sincerely
listens to the podcast.
But what a great goof
that everyone was so obsessed
with like,
when's the next Rick and Morty season?
When is it out?
When is it out?
I'm pretty sure
that the way that he released it
is he was on Twitter
and someone was just like
tagging him in
like a million people
have done before
and one day he was like,
here it is.
And it was.
And he's only just released that one episode and that's it.
It's a pretty cool move.
So good.
Oh, anyway.
You see this when we caught up today.
The first thing Tim said to me was, my kingdom for a day off.
Yeah.
I would give anything to just hole up and watch some Rick and Morty, you know.
Fucking A.
It's when you, I'm sure that you've been having this.
Although you, I have to say, you look good.
You look all right.
But I've been looking at myself in the mirror when I wake up and just been like, I look fucking exhausted.
It was like, those are tired eyes.
This is a tired wee boy.
Yeah.
Yeah, man.
Yeah, you got real tired.
You look, nah, you look, you're all right, man.
If you weren't engaged, I would propose to you and you'd know that. Yeah, man. Yeah, you got real tired. You look... No, you look... You're all right, man. If you weren't engaged,
I would propose to you
and you'd know that.
Yeah, I do.
Worries me a lot.
Hey, where were you going
with that question
that you needed my...
All I'm saying is this.
So, it's so difficult
to pay attention
and then also to notice
anything new in the film.
But what I enjoyed this week,
I put the pieces together.
There's so many
just sloppy bits.
Oh, fuck.
There's two points I want to make. I'll get to this one secondly the first one is in an extension of what we were talking about uh with the whole it's the same content so we can inverse the colors
it's still the same content and and what i'm having trouble reconciling is that it is the
same content and yet every week my way of trying to deal with it is that i imagine they're turning
in a different different performance right i like to I imagine they're turning in a different performance, right?
I like to think that they're actors in a play and so there are subtle differences.
And so I hate that we can find ways to try and tweak what's happening,
but ultimately we're going to face the same problem.
So that's the first thing I wanted to say because I didn't finish that point earlier.
The second thing is this movie is so paper thin that they're looking for anything to create some
sort of connective tissue through the different scenes or whatever beyond just making elk trunk
dance music montages that they were like they they went to the trouble of writing into the script and
then filming shooting and editing into the film jahid watching documentary footage of lions on
the plains of the serengeti yeah and then, like, you know, 45 minutes later,
in a scene where he has his shirt off,
they reveal that he also has a tattoo of a lion,
a male lion, on his left pec.
And they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, that's content.
That's theme.
One of the characters likes lions.
And that's a real plot point for Jarhead as a character because he's like he's the alpha dog is the king of the jungle
Yeah, that's the thing. He's a lion. You can see what they're doing. Yeah, you can but because they tattooed it onto his chair
Is it still it's like it's one of those things where is it still a metaphor if someone comes up to you and goes
This is what I'm doing with this
Yeah
Whenever you have to say it's the same as
explaining the joke right you've already lost you're like explaining the joke dissecting a frog
you know how does that saying go it doesn't go like that because if you're dissecting a frog
a lot of people don't understand you know you've got to explain what's happening it's like what
are you doing to that frog maybe i think it's it's actually like dissecting a joke is like dissecting a frog.
Once the frog is...
Where they're both...
Fuck, I don't know.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Figure it out.
Or your vision.
You know what I'd rather do instead?
Five, six, seven, eight.
Getting sentimental with James Reid
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da Bob Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, because we say it every goddamn week, is that a sentimental gift has been produced from
James Reid of The Feelers, gifted to
That felt so good.
our young crying DJ, Zicole.
And you know what's in there this week?
It's fucking a pint-sized coffee guy.
Yeah.
In the box.
Tiny coffee guy.
Like a little Trojan horse.
It seems like a gift, and then you get him,
and it's like, look at this little pint-sized cutie.
He's like a man, but he's all miniaturised,
and he's got a little pot of coffee with him at all times.
What are you fishing out of your pocket?
I've got a plan, because...
Oh, should I not have revealed that?
No, no, no.
Is that me pulling the curtain?
You're good to go, man.
I'm just gonna
because i we tried as i've said before we reached out to the coffee guy when we were in new york
trying to do the last live show for six and city two do you want me to talk while you drive your
phone because i know it's hard to do both no i'm going okay and uh and we did we messaged him and
we're like hey man do you want to come along like everyone will go crazy for you if you come along
you'll be a regular tanya yeah you'll be a regular tanya and uh he said i would i would he was sort of confused
he was like yeah i would like to but i'm working and so and that was my correspondence with him
this guy for like the coffee guy the guy who would just you know champion for a year and then
three months later or maybe even six months later,
because I'd messaged him, I found his name,
I found him on Facebook and sent him a message.
Yeah, that's all normal stuff.
That's cool.
Six months later, I'm just trying to remember his name,
I got a message from him on Facebook out of the blue,
just being like, hey, man, how's everything going?
And I don't think I responded.
And I'm just thinking now, I'm like, that's probably a cry for help.
Like, who asked someone who messaged him out of the blue six months before?
A really lovely, caring dude who received a message from someone going,
Hey dude, I'm in New Zealand, I do this podcast with my friend Tim, and we watch Sex and the City 2 and review it every week for 52 weeks.
Just wondering if you wanted to join us for a live record.
Out of the blue.
And then he's going to be like,
Nah, sorry dude.
Bit busy that day.
Before you've even given him the date.
But then like six months later,
it's playing on his conscience that you might have flipped out
and thrown yourself off a bridge.
So he wants to check that you're still with her.
He's looking out for me.
I think so.
Well, I didn't respond.
So as far as he knows, I am cooked. Well, I didn't respond so as far as he knows,
I am cooked.
Oh, no.
And he's not far off.
I can't find him.
There's just so many people in this movie.
Oh, coffee shop guy,
Tom Stratford.
Coffee shop guy,
uncredited,
which is bullshit.
I don't know if anyone here
or listening has got access
to the back end of IMDB
but let's sort this boy out with a fucking credit.
Tom Stratford.
Okay, so now I'm going to go on to Facebook Messenger.
I'm just going to reach out to Tom.
While you're doing that, let me just see if I can elaborate a little bit about this sentimental gift.
So, like, when you think you're getting a MacBook Pro, brand new from the Apple store,
and it turns out what you're getting is a tiny caffeinated man
you can go a few ways with it you can be like super grateful that you're this is what he said
in charge of someone maybe you've always wanted to be a father getting back to the dad motif of
this film and like you've never been able to father a child of your own so you see a little
40 year old dude who's all hopped up on java all the time you're like that'll do what have you found uh i'm just uh i was he said the last what he sent me was
just said just a note to say hi and ask how's all going by you uh and so it's lovely and so
now i'm writing back saying really well thanks tom I was actually just talking about you. How are you going?
So in addition to the quiet, I'm trying to think of the right word.
I hope he's online.
It's quite an insane exchange to just like go, hey, this is me.
I'm from New Zealand.
I do comedy and I do this podcast and this is what it is and come on our show and he goes
nah I'm okay
busy sorry
and then
he's like
but how are you bro
and then you're like
oh I was just talking about you
again
no
the best part is
so glad you got in touch Tom
our entire correspondence
is six months apart
like
this is madness
have you sent him a message now yeah I just did I
don't I write exactly what I said I would which sorry what was that I was
just it was responding to the question he asked almost a year ago saying yeah
really well thank oh sorry fuck okay I'm with you I thought you sent that message
a while ago saying I was just talking I just seen that one second ago gotcha
alright roll on board we're're back. We're back.
We've got him on the hook. We've got the coffee
but we've put a java bean on a fish
hook.
What's the time difference between us
and New York? Because that's where he was last time, eh?
Six. Thank you so much.
So then, if we go... Nerd!
If someone...
You just walk around with all the time differences
in your head, do do you You fucking nerd
It was an American
Get out
Are you from New York
Yourself
Yeah it was an American
Hey I'm moving over man
I could use any help
When I get there
So you go 8 hours
Forward or back
To figure it out
You go 8 hours back
Okay so right now
It's 4 o'clock
12 o'clock
6am
No 8am It's 8am He might be online This guy is so Okay, so right now it's 4 o'clock, 12 o'clock, 6 a.m. No, 8 a.m.
It's 8 a.m.
He might be online.
This guy is so good.
This big, burly man is so sure it's midnight.
Oh, it's midnight.
Well, then we go forward.
Oh, it doesn't matter.
But the amount of coffee this guy puts away, he'll be up no matter what.
Yeah, right?
That's a good point.
The beauty of it is time difference don't matter when you're on his clock.
That's a good point.
So James Reid has somehow found, acquired, and gifted a tiny living version of this.
Yes.
And what's his relationship?
What's he going to do with them?
Well, see, this is the thing.
It's self-serving, of course.
Or it may or may not be.
Well, it is.
Always, of course.
So what it is, interestingly, is it's like kind of a son figure
for James Reid from The Feelers.
Like it's like a little son of his
that he's giving away.
But for Zuccoli, the crying DJ,
it's like a father figure.
Strengthening the dad motif of this film.
So what James Reid from The Feelers
is trying to set up is a relationship with Zucikoli where he is sort of his spiritual grandfather.
See, that's a real power play.
I mean, to try and be on the same level.
Well, it's like going and, yeah.
I'm loathe to get too much into this,
but it's kind of like he's completely misread the situation.
That's basically what's happened.
James Reid from The Feelers is not very good at human interaction.
He's like, hey, couldn't help but notice you don't have a dad.
Here's a tiny one that drinks coffee all the time.
And it's like, no, dude.
I know that you sort of mean well, but that's not.
You can't just gift people dads.
Creating more questions than answers at that point.
What, you've found a tiny person with nothing else to do,
but role play as my father?
Exactly.
And plus, we both know that my dad is alive and well,
trapped in the body of an eight-year-old
under the stewardship of Tanya Romero.
Can I ask you this question?
Please do.
How tiny is Tiny Coffee Guy?
Well, small enough to fit in a MacBook Pro box,
and not in the way you'd think.
So his height isn't...
His height isn't determined by the length of the box,
but from, like, sole of his foot to top of his head
is the, like...
How do you...
What is that called?
Width?
No, that's not width.
Depth is the depth of the box.
What was the movie?
It was the Indian in the Cupboard? Yeah. He's not width. Depth is the depth of the box. What was the movie? It was the Indian in the Cupboard.
He's that size.
Yeah.
I haven't seen that movie for a little while,
but I'd say, yeah, about that size.
Like, he's this.
I mean, if you're this big,
and the thing you like the most...
Good podcast fodder.
I'd call that a couple of inches,
maybe three inches.
No, I'd say this is two inches.
So he's two inches.
If you're this big, and what you like the most in the world is coffee.
Yes.
And you've got your tiny little coffee mug.
I mean, how much coffee?
I mean, one cup of coffee is a lifetime supply at that size.
Yeah.
He is living the dream.
How good would that be?
That's the good thing about being tiny.
You can like give them so much of everything.
The thing is yesterday, I was watching, I was catching catching up with some friends this is why anyone becomes a parent
we will be yeah well no this is the thing i was catching up with some friends we were in the park
playing kub and they've got a puppy and kub and the and and and there was a uh some parents were
walking past with their kids and the kids and the puppy started playing together it's like this is a like because to a child
a puppy is a regular sized dog
yeah
and a dog
is a giant
yeah it's like a horse
big hairy horse
and I was so
yeah I was so satisfied by it
I was like
well this is
obviously you guys
are going to get along
yeah yeah
why you've got so much
to talk about
that's great
hey um
we should probably
bust out a little
Shining light
For the EP
Oh we should man
For this watch
I'll take it straight away
Because
Good on you bro
I feel like this has been
A pretty
In terms of emotional
Sort of health
Up and down episode
Can I say
It's been really good
To see you
Really good to see you too dude
I don't even give a fuck
About the movie I really And I really want to communicate that so clearly and i don't blame
you maximum joseph but it's kind of your fault uh yeah good to see you dude what's yours Oh, come on. Come on, mate.
Come on, mate.
We've done this dance maybe 120 times before.
Oh, at the end,
in that scene that you were talking about
at the start of the podcast
where Zicole is demanding a free muffin
and Somali's about to lose her job
because she doesn't have the seniority at the cafe
to just give away free muffins to people she wants to lose her job because she doesn't have the seniority at the cafe to just give away
free muffins
to people she wants
to bone.
Yeah, pie, muffin.
I don't care what you
call a vagina, Tim.
It's disgusting.
In the background,
slightly out of focus
on the chalkboard,
you can see in the menu
some variety
of a summer salad
and I couldn't make out
the ingredients
but I was very excited
that there's some
healthy eating going on
in North Hollywood.
Yours, please.
I was not expecting that at all.
Look, of all of the wonderful, cherished moments in the watch this week that I loved, and...
Listen to how many sentences it takes him to think of one thing.
Do you not know?
That's too much.
I was going to say, we could retire the shining light for the remaining episodes.
No, because I wanted to see if we could actually fit in our new segment as well after this.
But boy, have we hit a little bump in the road.
You can do it, man. So my favourite bit of the movie this week was definitely...
Do you know what it was, actually?
It was at the music festival Meet Me by the Ferris Wheel
because it took me back to our chat about Sweet Kevin.
And I'm not going to dwell on him because we simply don't have the time.
The spawn of Somaly and Zicola.
Yes.
Most beautiful parents alive.
Tragically lost to us in a Ferris wheel accident.
Both of them, yeah.
And even more tragically,
Kevin, of course, left to man the Ferris wheel
for the rest of eternity.
Yeah.
It's truly one of the saddest family stories.
Especially from such promising beginnings.
Having such beautiful parents.
Yeah. I just realised that there's a mirror here
and I can see my shoe in the reflection.
This is like a dream for someone who's just put
a new pair of shoes.
As you would. Sorry.
No, I'm done.
We can talk about your shoe.
But no, that was essentially it. And I feel like I'm kind of
cheating a little bit because I don't like to infuse
the DNA of the podcast
into what The Shining Light is
you know what I'm saying
yeah I hear you
so in that case
it's definitely this week
going to be Johnny Depp
giving a little tip of the hat
to his pa
oh nice
this is really good
and it's good for the
overall story arc
of this episode of the podcast
because you started with dads
and we're sort of finishing
almost finishing with dads
which is perfect for Mother's Day
isn't it
it's tidy yeah
when is there
going to be
an international
Father's Day
alright
the Donald
that's a good bit
I'm funny
it would only work
if you had a gig
on today
which I think
is like the one
day in the calendar
year that you're not doing sydney i'm coming for you uh sydney comedy festival next week so are you
actually yeah boy have i not sold any tickets i haven't even looked i've got seven people coming
to opening night there's only three nights but it'd be so cool if there was double digit people
you know what i've found in my experience with self-promotion tim is nothing really gets people
fired up like telling them no one else will be there.
Yeah, that's true.
I'll take a punt on that sad sounding...
That's fucking true because in Wellington,
I actually think there was not a single piece of physical media
broadcasting the fact that I would be there.
And I did well.
I did way better than any other year.
Here's the bit I wanted to talk about.
Yep.
What happened in that bathroom this week.
Yeah, you do not want to know what happened.
Except I do.
I don't, and I do.
Do you know what happened in the bathroom this week?
Yeah, man.
This is pretty straight up and down.
What we've got here is a man whose insides just had to get outside.
In a t-shirt kind of a way?
No, no, no.
Because then I guess it's your skin?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Okay.
What I'm trying to describe to you, Tim, is a situation that I found myself in once.
I will not regale you with the anecdote in its entirety for it is disgusting
and long. Suffice it to say
at this party on this
night someone
instead of using the toilet for its intended
purpose of you know ones or
twos. Someone did what
I like to describe as they
shat the room.
I have once in my life shat the room. I have once in my life
shat the room.
I won't tell you how it happened.
I won't tell you what it looked like.
What I will tell you is this.
My only memory of shitting the room
was me,
pants around my knees,
spinning in circles
trying to maintain balance.
And I'll tell you how I found out.
I shat the room.
I woke up the next morning.
I was wearing a T-shirt, a jersey,
and a puffer jacket with the hood up.
Nothing on the bottom half.
I got a text from one of my friends at 8.30.
They said, have you been downstairs yet?
I said, no.
They said, you go downstairs
and you look in the bathroom
and you see what you've done.
Four hours later,
I was scraping shit off the wall with a butter knife.
That is what happened in the bathroom.
Seems like as good a time as any to wrap up the pot here.
So on that note,
thank you so much for listening.
Thank you so much to the people for coming.
Give yourselves a round of applause for coming out. Yeah, thank you so much for listening thank you so much to the people for coming give yourselves a round of applause yeah thank you so much everybody um yeah this will go up in time for
sydney so please come along if you're oh yeah okay and what you're gonna say and i was just gonna say
that's what i was gonna say come to the come to the sydney podcast oh we've got a live fucking
show there too of the podcast. A week today in
Sydney.
Jesus.
It's in the evening
time.
I don't remember
the details, but
we've said them
before.
Good enough.
Go to
littleempirepodcast.com
slash live and
it's definitely
there.
Beautiful stuff.
We'll see you there
Sydney.
Yeah.
There's still another
week in New Zealand
Festival.
Go check out a
bunch of shows.
Stick around for
the male gays. They're happening in the same room in half an hour. Thank you very much. We'll see you there, Sydney. Otherwise, yeah, there's still another Week in New Zealand festival. Go check out a bunch of shows. Stick around for the male gays.
They're happening in the same room in half an hour.
Thank you very much.
We'll see you next time.
Ow!
This movie's still fine.
There's a colleague, a pastor.
One of them dies, that guy's screw.
One of them's a hothead, his name is Jay.
One of them looks like Johnny Depp, and his name is Johnny Depp.
Classic Maximum Joseph
You forget that films are supposed to have a point
Thanks for listening to this podcast
If you're thirsty for another
Why not try
Boners of the Heart
Basically on this podcast
We speak on all things about
You know
Celebrities
People in the atmosphere
and in the ether that uh we would like to have sex with and i mean not sex with you know what
make love or be in love with or go on a date or kiss for a bit yeah i mean it's not just sex it's
not just sex maybe sex but no kissing or maybe kissing but no sex maybe sex but no kissing. Or maybe kissing but no sex. Maybe only butt stuff.
Pretty woman.
Yeah.
Oh, just butt stuff.
Yeah, maybe only foot stuff.