The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone 100

Episode Date: June 29, 2020

Watch the video of this episode here.We did it. We all did it together; 100 Friendzones. To celebrate, we invite you to crack open a bottle of bubbles and enjoy some messages of support from some friends including Paul F. Tompkins, Amy Hoggart, Justin McElroy, Ben Acker and more. Letters of support and love and derision. Stay tuned till the end for a big announcement on Season Five. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Well, it's the friend zone with Tim and Guy. It's the friend zone. We're gonna have a good time. It's the friend zone with Tim and Guy because making friends is the best idea of all time. Friend zone. Hopefully the sound has come back Because the last comment I've seen The sound dropped off for a second there It was probably just because I hit record on the thing We're back baby But I just want to say That Seven years?

2014 Six Depends if you include 14 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20 Yeah dude Because we started in Feb. Seven or six and a half, seven years in the making. That's amazing.

That is amazing. That's really something. I haven't stuck with anything in my life that long. I don't think like ever, not just currently. That's true. Not even your relationship to your wife spans the length of our podcast. As long as our podcast survive like keeps going that will always be true because of how time works i will and i think that's pretty

funny yeah i will always champion that over zoe you might have his ring finger but i've got his mind that's what i say and i refer to this like comedy the first time Tim and I met in 2014, we bought this bottle of Cava Campoveo, bottled in 2019, and we put it on ice. And we said, if we ever make it to 100 friend zones, a concept that at the time we bought it did not exist, we're going to fucking crack this thing open and we're going to have a tipple together.

And this is that bottle. Today is that day. And the company of Tim, myself, and anyone with the decency to watch or listen to this at any moment in time, let's toast to friendship. Let's do it. Can we open it together while we're both holding mics?

Is this a team activity we could do? Yeah, this could be gripping or terrible I need something like a key There's a grip There's a rip tab there But I don't have fingernails Oh, yeah I actually just

I just trimmed mine Oh, wow I mean, this isn't technically teamwork But it is Oh, you're doing it That's great That's perfect No, it's teamwork

Because I'm watching you do it And it's great They can't stop us They can copyright strike us they can copyright strike all they want vimeo can charge me up the fucking ass for a feature that i couldn't figure out how to get working before this goes live um but they cannot stop us they can slow us down they can slow us down a lot there's no denying that we have been slowed down before and i can't stop us i'm gonna drink so many liquids through the course of this, what I imagine to be a two-hour live stream,

that I will probably piss myself live. Which I guess I'll get a fucking community strike for that too. Come get me. Enchante, mademoiselle. I'll hold that if you want to keep talking. Maybe a bit early for this, but Guy, are there any moments that really like stand out for you across the seven years that we've been doing because i think i think

back to the start of the podcast and i think of two friends who were sort of at the you know it was an entry level of friendship yeah uh the exciting early days puppy love you know we'd see each other our hearts would be a flutter yeah we'd think surely it can't feel this good forever and we were right for his salad well there are you know there are there are the the myriad highs the even more myriad lows but i would say overall i mean you know i wouldn't have the life i do today i wouldn't have the career i do today if it weren't for this adventure. None of our friends have joined us here.

Can I just hold it up there just in case it creates a crackle? I might cause a lot of stress for not just you, but every stand-up comedy room in the country for the way I hold a microphone. You can hear, this is the thing though, you can hear if you're in a stand-up situation because it's coming through the speakers. But right now, we're not monitoring,

which is why I'm being very paranoid about everything. No, that's okay. My friend? I would say the highlight, Tim, is the life we've built together. Isn't it? What a special thing. No knife here, unfortunately, I have to tell you. What's going on with the knife?

Here's the thing about the knife, and I've mentioned this before. The knife, I believe, is a spirit and an attitude and a belief. And periodically it will imbue itself or distill itself into a physical form. And then I will get to hang out with it and it will co-host, it will collab with us and then it will kind of go on its journey. Right now, I don't know the physical form of the knife. Can the knife spirit place itself within a person? Like ghost?

Yeah, I mean, I'm wondering whether or not there's a world in which the knife takes place, seed, residence within myself. Yeah. And all of a sudden I'm carrying some of the traits and the energy of the knife. That's what I believe. I believe we both carry a little bit of the knife with us at all times, which is why we get stopped so often at airport security.

You know what they say. Happy knife, happy life. I'm not going to lie to you, Tim. I've been curating all of the backlog of Facebook correspondence, and we're up to a whopping 18 pages. Fuck me, that's a lot. So I would like just to say from the outset. Will I get taken off YouTube for cussing?

Will they give me a strike for that? The robots don't know when I'm cussing, right? Not in our accents. Yeah, that's true. Sounds like you're saying something. Get them on the technicality. But I mean, while I appreciate everyone's presence, and I hope you can stick with us the whole time,

we're not going to be offended if you dip in and out. This is going to last. This will live forever. Obviously, your presence right now is appreciated. And if you are watching, let's drive that algorithm up, baby. Smash that like button. Write and subscribe or else we will die. So this piece of correspondence,

today's Saturday the 27th of June in New Zealand. It is 3.16 p.m. by my watch. And this is the first of 18 pages of a backlog of correspondence we have by the end of this though we'll be up to speed we'll be communicating with our friends in real time okay i'm really going to hone in because sometimes i and i i am ashamed to admit this but i have to be truthful with you and with you sometimes i kind of like i'm thinking about the next thing i'm thinking about the thing that i've got to read next when you're reading. Terrible.

I'm going to try and be so present for this. Are you telling me you're human? Or are you dancer? Start reading. Also, I'd like to say, if you are watching live and you've got any questions you want answered, feel free to fire them away. We'll occasionally be checking in to make sure

that everyone's getting what they need. So this was written on the 2nd of April 2020. And this will be an interesting stroll through time because how much the world has changed. We were, I believe, in lockdown at this time of correspondence here in New Zealand. Parts of the world still are. Some of them should be, but aren't. Exactly. The world does not resemble the world in which we began this adventure.

And so join me on the 2nd of April, the day after April Fool's. In fact, Chelsea's birthday. Happy birthday, Chelsea. Hey, Fels. Not a promising start. First off, I'm glad to hear you boys are staying safe and healthy, and I hope that continues. I also want to say thank you so much for continuing to bring joy to people

by uploading Patreon goodies along with all the new content you and the little empire are pumping out i just got the news i'll be off work for the foreseeable future so i figured what better time to start a new project i'll be doing new a new take on an old classic by upping the stakes but improving the flick i plan to watch my favorite childhood movie school of rock every work day morning until i'm back at work okay besides shamelessly plugging myself here i'd like some help as i can't figure out what to call this pro protect project oh well i hope you decided without uh approval otherwise you've been i guess you would have saved yourself two months of school of rock you might have done it but not named the project yet.

My front runners are Morning Cup of Jack or Morning Cup of Black. I'm also not sure where I'll be posting my findings, but I'll put a link in the subreddit when I figure it out. Love you guys in all you do. And again, please stay safe. Jake. P.S. Tim. Thank you for all you've done for my comedy career.

P.P.S. Timbo, that P.S. was in hopes Guy doesn't pre-read these and is a little gift for you to sound clip and hold above that piece of shit's head. If for some reason Tim reads this Facebook message instead of Guy, well, fuck. We then, I actually, I must have done this when I was curating these. On the 12th of May, we received an update, a dispatch from Jake. Oh, you've done well, haven't you? To update on this construction, Ontario has opened up as of this week, so I'm back at work. I was at a week of work at home,

so I only ended up watching it 15 times in about a month. My findings are on Reddit at the subreddit r slash Morning Cup of Jack. You made the right choice. Well done. I hope that's what you picked. My findings aren't great, but they're out there. And that is Jake. So, Jake, thank you so much.

I hope the project went well for you, Jake. Yeah, I hope the project went well for you as well, Jake. A daily watch of School of Rock. Also, I'm trying to gauge how old you are if that was a childhood classic. I guess you'd be like early 20s. Because didn't that movie come out when we were like oh like early teens which still qualifies for childhood favorite i think i think i think jake's 28 school of rock's one of those movies that's older than you think hey like in my head it came out six years ago but that isn't true i think at

a certain point in life that is just everything yeah it's about six years ago and austin powers came out six years that is about six years ago austin powers is like 20 austin powers is 23 fuck austin powers is you know were it not for covid 19 would be on a fucking you know at a full moon party in th. Jake's in the chat. You almost nailed it. He's 27, not 28. Fuck. You were so close. My boy, Jake. Well done.

That's why you correspond with us, because who knows, two, three months down the line, we'll be together again. Yeah, indeed. That was lovely. Good project. Well done. Would you like to read from my phone?

Is that cool? Oh, no, let's keep things nice and even. I'll jump into my inbox. And I haven't done the due diligence, which you've engaged in, which is organizing the messages. Oh, that's keep things nice and even. I'll jump into my inbox. And I haven't done the due diligence which you've engaged in, which is organizing the messages. Oh, that's okay. But I've got a pretty good system. It's called Gmail.

I tag the ones that are for the friend zone with a label called friend zone. I don't know. This looks spammy, actually. Oh, we've got a $15 beautiful donation. Yeah, if someone doing a $15 is spam. It says gift card holder via PayPal. And if that doesn't scream... Don't criticize people's names.

It's a beautiful boy gift card holder. James, firstly, thank you so much for the donation. And your message is, Hey, Tim and Guy, as promised, it james uh firstly thank you so much for the donation and your messages hey tim and guy as promised i've donated part of the refunded melbourne international comedy festival tickets gutted i didn't get to see you guys this year with the remainder i've signed up to patreon yes uh ps just watch happening and loved it keep up the good work fellas and that is from march 24th from james there's a there $1.95 donation beneath it Yeah, there was no message attached

I think there was Oh, was there? I think it said I donated the rest of some gift card If I'm not much mistaken Oh, I beg your pardon Donating the last few dollars of a gift card to my favourite boys Good eyes, man This is great

I'm one of the great readers You certainly are Now this correspondence great um i'm one of the great readers you certainly are now this good shit this correspondence is from the 6th of april how gutted were you that melbourne didn't happen and all the comedy festivals do you know i was actually talking with a friend about that today um this morning i was meant to go to my social football league but it was rained out due to the the auckland weather and so instead i i called up a very old friend who i haven't seen in about six months but i still mentally categorize as one of my closest. And I said, I'm picking you up and we're going out for Java.

And that we did. And in that conversation, we were sort of, he's in a very different line of industry. And he said, well, how are you going? And I was sort of remembering that I've had, we have had like three months of live work shit can. Yeah. And it hadn't even registered since like the two or three weeks after the fact that that's what had happened.

Because I think we're just so endlessly adaptable because we have to be. I was like. And comedians are so used to like being ashamed of what they do for a living when talking to others. That we're like, oh, don't you worry about us. But then in retrospect, it was like, oh, fuck. So I was devastated at the time. And then now I look at it,'m sort of you know i'm i'm i'm bouncing back in the words of alan partridge and i'm i've started getting to perform live

comedy again and i'm doing a little domestic tour in new zealand with with rose mutafayo friend of the podcast if anyone's watching and so i actually i've i've tried to put a positive mental spin on it for myself that it's an opportunity to take even longer to craft an even higher quality product. I was devastated. I thought I was ready to, I was poised to strike. Also, the greatest poster of my comedy life I had lined up for this year. And you're known for your posters.

The guy who designed it, Hadley, who I've worked with a few times before, and so have we actually, who's out of the game now. Hadley Donaldson. He's announced that it's not tickling his fancy at the moment, so he's at minimum taking a breather. So Hadley, for all the work that...

Hadley Donaldson, everyone, if you can track him down, put $50 in his hand. I'll show you. We've got a Hadley right here. Keep your head with that bloody shampers. We've got a lot of things lying around. Hadley Donaldson has been an invaluable asset to the New Zealand comedy community

by pumping out just so many of the coolest fucking posters you'll ever see in your life. He's a true champ, and I'm looking forward to having a drink with him when I go down to Wally in a week on Thursday. Absolutely. I'm going to go hang out with him. Anyway, so I feel okay. You know, life goes on. Life life finds a way and it does that too guys 44.16 equals four okay got it and four plus 16 equals 20 420 smoke some weed choice

sorry you had a donation for that much plus if you think about it you're our best place for self-isolation don't the same thing every day trying to find your shining light maybe something you can add to your chats it's like slam poetry plus everyone knows what's coming a generational degeneration towards senility followed by a big party at the end in front of a big audience and maybe a tattoo on your ass is william yunkin don't you dare say my name oh on the live stream ps as you can see from my profile photo i'm a spy in north korea he sounds like william is burrows no wait is he going to use is the best and we also watch the same movies all the time turns out dprk democratic people's republic of north korea

has always won the korean. No need for other movies. Well, I'm so sorry to name redacted for hopefully not jeopardizing your life. Thank you for that absolutely insanely phrased and written correspondence. Guy. It's appreciated. We've got a selection of drop-ins from guests from years gone by.

Yeah. And I'd like to play the first one for you now wish you would i'm just gonna make sure i kind of is this i'm pretty sure this will work um i'm gonna give it a go here we go everybody hello guy and also hello tim um it's a girl amy um sending you a little message just saying what a massive congratulations for you. And really excited about this huge achievement. I love being on your podcast. I love watching such a great film.

I love the fact the guy could recite the whole thing for me next to me while the film was going on. thing for me next to me while the film was going on and I think you've both made decisions which have meant that you've lived your lives in great ways and you've never wasted any of it watching absolute garbage so I respect that um and I'm sending you a big hug and a big pandemic kiss and I'm just not sure how to finish this video but it is a very loving message i would like to close on thank you what an honor what a treat that's amy hoggart to have a chicken from amy hoggart the star of it's personal with amy hoggart on true tv she is one of a kind and also i look you know some people would watch that and think she was being facetious or in some way mean-spirited and um that's just not her style all of that was

sincere so thank you amy for that correspondence um i'm not gonna look back you know too many more she's never coming back amy thank you so much for joining us on your one and only episode. I'll keep inviting you, and I imagine we will be met with a thumbs down. Well, you know, her career's gone from strength to strength since she was affiliated with the boys. Yeah, that's true. In many ways, we're like the waiting room. I like that. I would love to have that role That people pass through Worst Idea

On the way to stardom You know who was an early guest Who I do not have a video from by the way James Acaster He's done alright for himself After doing Worst Idea I hasten to add Absolutely

Before that He was just doing really well Yeah exactly But after that He became massive Someone's just said Which reminded me of this gorgeous memory i still have that pizza order credit card number saved somewhere i distinctly remember that two boys high on life

in the studio um doing the director's commentary for sex in the city two i think and at one we watched i think three we've directed many movies Back to back And at one point Yeah I think in the audio You can just hear you Belting out an order And a credit card number Yeah you can kind of like Only just get it

Well to the person who wrote that Frida I'll tell you this Same credit card number Different expiry date motherfucker Good luck Also different CVC I've got to get to some of these messages We've got so much to cover Different expiry date, motherfucker. Good luck. Also different CVC. I've got to get to some of these messages.

We've got so much to cover. Alice, you're gone. No, you go, you go. Alice writes, dear Tim, it's just to me. The worst idea of all time has been helping me through my PhD for years, but to my shame, I've only recently started paying the boys. Hey, I'm just going to hit pause here, Alice. No.

Freeze. Hold on. I will say this. Just enjoy the product. It's all good. If you're in a position where you can and you would like to contribute financially all the better, and if you can't, laugh. Just laugh at us.

And it doesn't even need to be out loud. Just do it internally uh when unpause when i watched the video trailer for do more i felt such pure joy at seeing your little laughing faces and matching outfits that i decided to join the patreon and see the rest of the videos i especially enjoyed every time you looked directly into the camera and made a face uh like we were sitting opposite each other on the train and making awkward accidental eye contact sounds a little flirtatious it does also guys sandals are very nice oh i do not hear that very often so thank you uh by the way this was seen on 25th of march it's a stressful time at the moment and i've been getting pretty lonely being locked down in my flat where i live alone but do more and this is happening have been perfect light relief.

It's so nice to watch something so silly and fun. I was really sad to see your woes about having to cancel your comedy festival gigs and I admire your fortitude for getting a new project together so quickly. Alice, if this is ever read on the friend zone, first name only, please, I'm shy. I need to start, I didn't say it,

but we need to maybe start at the bottom and then go to the top and then read. I'll read this one from the bottom to the top. No worries. Best of luck with your doctorate. I hope it's going okay. Those things are unfathomably difficult. Thank you, Correspondence, and thank you for subscribing to the Patreon. This one starts, Jonathan.

Guys, again, thanks. Is it to us? Understand totally, would I? Sanity and safety own your four. Stop or up at again, thanks. Is it to us? Understand totally, would I? Sanity and safety own your four. Stop or up at keep, please. Delightful. Which was free to a good home of drop today's on were you coincidence by also. Away world a half from performances you enjoyed a fortunate truly feel I

US Midwest, the of resident and native a as. Special Netflix Artistics. Great. A had also who the worst idea of all time, an early A-caster James, of hosting guest the loved also I. Entirety. It's an it. Enjoy to get won't project the of definition by I that frustrated genuinely get I.

Spectre present ever. It's and mortality of whole rabbit down me sends always especially blart death provoking thought also but funny is that format no i as far as new a found have guys you funny be can people of lots comedy and art find to fantastic it's do you think i listening from no i little the on based but art it's feel you if i don't know amazing it's execution the end concept the love i art comedic fantastic our shows these of both blood us do death till and brothers mcelroy. The VIA podcast, This of Word, Got Eye. The worst idea of all time of season first, the completed Just Have Eye, Guy and Tim. 2020, April 15.

So thank you so much for that. I could not do what you just did. That's amazing. Well, yeah, I mean, huge shout out to Jonathan who wrote that. I honestly, That's like That's really impressive Did you pull out any context What was Jonathan saying

I don't fucking know I tuned into you I tuned into the mental gymnastics Of being able to read something Just sight reading But like word for word That's crazy I can't read like that

I can barely read forwards Can I actually ask you a question I was thinking about this on the drive here Yeah When you read a book And this is to anyone listening as well i'd love to know if you're if you're if you're listening and watching live please uh let us know in the comments if you're reading a book do you and that and there's a cat they're describing characters and they might describe the physicality of the characters quite specifically do you see the character's body and face in high definition

or does everything exist in soft focus i don't think i get i don't i don't know if i'm that visual when i'm reading a book but then i don't read when they're in a house can you see the house i don't think so when they're in a room in the house what about you what What about you? You read a lot of novels. I don't see people's faces. I see like the vessels. I see, it's like sort of. It's like the knife. It's like squinting. Well, it's a little bit more vivid than the knife.

Okay. I can visualize forms and sort of the outlines of places and people. But I think what keeps me turning the pages pages the interpersonal connections and whatever the story is like i i have friends who when a movie is released of something or they say you know that is not how it bothers them that's not what they visualize it's not how you say the word well yeah i it's not i call her her moin a lot of people did before books but i've never been bothered by the casting And one of those things Because I can't see the people Yeah And also I read books

I don't remember at all I could pick up a book I read two years ago And read the whole thing And be surprised by every page Yeah, same Do you think that's a gift or is it bad? It's neither I thought I was reading wrong

But I'm not It's just how my brain operates It's fine It's all good, bud. Yeah. Anyway, just a thought, just a passing fancy. I think that's really good, because I think there are maybe some people

who have an incredibly definite visual element when they're reading, and then they get disappointed by the movie that it doesn't stack up. Absolutely. So good, you don't get disappointed. I think it's a good question to ask, because we don't talk about the way in which we visualize while reading very often.

Let's not go crazy. And yet we could. I don't know if it was a good thing to ask. Yeah, yeah, I'm very intelligent. Richard has sent, now Richard shares his name. I'll just say his name, shall I? This guy. Richard Perry sent us a shit ton of money.

Almost $60 US. Dude, Richard Perry is a fucking talent. Yeah, dude. Okay, so if it's the same guy which i'm pretty sure it is this guy is insane he's a visual artist who um works a lot with like old gaming consoles and he will do exploded view so he gets all of the components so like he gets a place that i've got a couple of his prints because i think he sent them to me for free because i'm such a big fan of his work um that i refuse to pay that's how big a fan i am he literally paid you yeah he paid me

and sent me his work he'll get like it probably means that some shit's about to go down with richard perry he'll get a playstation one or recently he did it with a dreamcast controller he'll take all the components apart photograph them at the like exact same angle and then assemble them in exploded view it's fucking yeah dope it's like a almost like a biological dissection yeah he pulls it apart with enough space between the constituent parts that you get to see the mechanics of the thing he's it's he's also i'm fairly certain He's also directed a few Music videos for the Beths Dang We were a fantastic

New Zealand band The camera that we're Using right now Got used to shoot Their most recent video Hey I feel we're connected To them somehow

Who'd you lend it to? Callum Devlin He's a talented guy He would do loud cooking Fucking A Also if you want to Check out some of his art He's at

Underscore Richard Parry P-A-R-R-Y underscore. You'll love it. It's really good. You'll love it. It's so good. It's really, really good.

I'm going to hold one up to the camera. Okay. Just careful of that shampers, eh? Hold it there. I've got to cover my face because it's focusing on my face. No, it's not in focus yet. I don't think it's going to do it. Anyway, if you could imagine that in focus.

I could probably put it on screen. You don't need to's going to do it. Anyway, if you can imagine that and focus. I could probably put it on screen. You don't need to. Rightio. Well, Richard, thanks for the absolute ass-ton of money, you fucking legend. People who send us money keep me from living on the street. That's the simple truth.

They go to heaven. They go to heaven and they keep the podcast going. This one was written on the 19th of April 2020. Remember then? Do you remember the 18th of April? Not vividly. But we're bounding through the autumnal months here in New Zealand. I was looking at a tree. I was outside, filling my ear with lungs.

Sounds dangerous. Yeah, and there were a lot of bees around. Hey, Spinley, Timbly, and Guybo Baggins. I've got a worst idea of all-time anecdote that I think you guys will get a kick out of. It's a story from a few months ago now. It was about one week before everything turned to shit. To give a little context,

at this point I was spending three days of my week in Canberra at uni and four days working in Sydney. Let's say there was a whole lot of driving involved and a whole load of time to listen to the pod. I knew this would be my last week in Canberra, so there were a lot of tears, laughs, and goodbyes. I was feeling pretty bummed. Plus, while in Canberra, I smashed the shit out of my phone.

Got it. All I could do was connect to the Bluetooth in my car. Fuck. I had no control over what it played and could not skip at all. As I was getting in my car for the long trip to Sydney, an episode of the podcast came on. If you like, you can have a guess of what could have been the worst thing to show up.

Guest? What do you think the worst episode of our podcast? The one where only my side of the audio got recorded? Or vice versa? That's a delight. No. Cool. Guest?

Have you guessed? You're wrong. Cool. So it Have you guessed? You're wrong. Cool. So it was the monstrosity that is five-hour energy. That seems perfect for a road trip. Not going to lie. I spent the first half hour skipping forward 15 seconds at a time, but ended up spending the next three and a half hours listening to the pod.

The hardest part was that I'd listened to it the week before. No. As I pulled listened to it the week before. What? No. As I pulled up to my exit, you guys were liberated of Sex and the City and I was liberated of you. This is no way to live. I feel like I came out of it a changed person and was strangely in a better place

than when I'd been when I left Canberra. That's wild. Thanks for the laughs. Say my name. Alex. Do you reckon it's like going into a really intense sauna where it's not necessarily a good thing for your body because you're just dehydrating the fuck out of it,

but it's like a workout in a way, and when you get to the end of it, you're like, I feel like I've accomplished something, and I've built some resilience in me. That's not just a sauna. That's all sorts of exercise and self-improvement. But exercise is undeniably useful, but a sauna, everyone's like,

yeah, I guess this is healthy. It's the same with five-hour energy. It's the eggs of the self-health world where it's like half the time people are going, it's great, and the other half, they say, you shouldn't be doing this. I have no concept of what is on five-hour energy. I can't remember a lick of what we said

in that director's commentary neither could i but i think we reached interesting levels of lucidity um you know because we let our guard down in a big way i just want to check in with the people as to whether or not they see in detail a soft focus uh jake jake morris is saying um books are for nerds I wasn't going to repeat it because you seem to be pretty impassioned about it. Brian and Claudia both see things in soft focus. Evelyn says when I read a book everyone and everything is sort of a

vague blob. I imagine places pretty vividly in the space but faces are soft focus characters in soft focus 10 out of 10 times houses and rooms can be very clear very soft focus. Sort of amorphous dream like focus. Only when the faces are described man everyone sees in soft focus i've got friends who are like certain 4k blu-ray yeah it's absolute fucking chaos here's a message no it's a donation from

grace ten dollars fifty one i love these specific amounts and i I love any amount. Grace, I'm not going to say, oh, here it is. My message was too long for the box, so I sent it to Timbette. Cool. Then I've probably got it. Is this Grace? It is. Dear Fowlers. A little gassy from the champers, sorry.

Hello from Seattle. With a long, there it goes. With a long overdue thank you for all the good fortune you've brought me. Good fortune. I've never heard to our product they call us the waiting room I started listening

but the doctor only brings good news to the podcast at work last summer to get through the many solitary hours of shelving and self-reading

now in the end shelf reading what? shelf reading oh yes sorry yeah this is embarrassing because now you can see what

i'm really going to get shown up on my reading abilities um shelving means something quite different in this part of the world since i started listening my work situation has only improved first i got a promote this is the fucking waiting room of good news first i got a promotion with came with it i guess uh came a pay rise since I was taking on extra responsibilities. But then, at almost the same time, my supervisor was terminated. Okay, so that actually was not an improvement. Which meant that even though the pay rise was in place, I never ended up taking on the extra responsibilities. Sick.

Love that for you. Now, with the recent global pandemic my work is closed but they're still paying us for hours hey scheduled for two pay cycles sitting on the couch eating leftover takeout while literally getting paid not to work i decided it was time to repay the lads who brought me so much extra cash in fits of awkward laughter in the middle of a silent library which no doubt alarmed many patrons hope you're both doing well in new zealand feel free to say my name i can't imagine any supervisors of mine are listening to this grace ps the subject line for the email is an autofill suggestion from gmail

which was thanks for the raise oh have you read the email before i don't know that's where the subject lines were honestly they got the they got know if that's where the subject lines were Honestly They go at the top That's great The tippy top Grace congratulations I know you're good fortune And your work situation

Really happy to hear about it And also You're Welcome Yeah I thought you were going to say And also your wealth Oh yeah

But yeah no you're welcome You're welcome we did that Hashtag we did that Imagine if you will The 23rd of April 2020. I'm there. Ahoy, you good brave boys. My friend and I have embarked on an adventure inspired in part by yours.

We're one season into watching all of Star Trek The Next Generation. I'm sure you're both quite busy, but I wanted to reach out and see if either or both of you would be interested in coming on this show as guests. Simple enough format. Watch the episode. Discuss the finer points on whether show as guests simple enough format watch the episode discuss the finer points on whether or not it sucks you get the basic idea love you much you're good boys and brave star trek sucks by lal leal lyle fuck you can't yeah you can't read l-e-i-l veil lael yeah now but that's probably not it either.

Does it say what flavor of Star Trek it is? Is it like next generation or? Yeah, yeah. It is the next generation. Oh, it is? Can I also just quickly say, I think people have started piping up with their worst episodes of the podcast.

Oh, okay. And I think that's great. Worst episode has to be when they had two South Americans on. Southern Americans on. Oh, what? Southern's good. Yeah, I thought we were right.

I thought that was a good episode. A lot of good stuff about K-Pax. I was thinking about Southern recently, about that episode. That's like the furthest I think we've pushed ourselves in a way. And I remember right at the top, I just started. There was no fourth order or anything. I just started the episode in a way. And I remember right at the top, I just started, there was no fourth order or anything. I just started the episode in a sudden accent

because I know that you can do it really well. So I just started talking in it and then you engaged and then you were like, well, this isn't lasting the whole episode. And I took that as a red rag to a bull. So we've also got saying, I've listened to Five Hour Energy like 50 times.

Fuck, Tegan. I synced Five Hour Energy up to my own double bill and never again. And then someone just put it like, oof, Kieran, that sounds rough. Someone said that Southern American Zip is probably my fave. Yeah, fave of mine. People listen to 5-Hour Energy for all sorts of companies on a long-haul flight. As a Southern American, I must know who these guests were. And then they're sort of... I think we them now they're just remembering yeah they're remembering the thing hey listen i think it might be time for another um video drop in from one of

our guests now interestingly this is a guest who we had at the season one yeah really early on too i'm trying to think so if the comedy festival which is the reason this international performer was in New Zealand that would have been about May we started in Feb I'm pretty sure it was year one so this is like months

after we started we did a live show with UK comedian Tim Fitzhiam Tim Fitzhiam Tim's dropped in oh let's say hello

to Tim well hello Guy and Tim it's Tim Fitzhiam here all the way from the UK. I'm just wishing you the very best, happy, whatever it is, 100-somethings. Is it a podcast? Is it the companion to the podcast? Who knows?

It was May, April 2014, I think, when... 2014, over half a decade ago, when you said said come and watch Grown Ups 2 with us and I'd never heard of the film I'd only had seen Grown Ups 1 you said that wouldn't matter so I trusted you I didn't know about the reviews I didn't know that Variety had said this is the closest Hollywood has yet come to making Ow My Balls seem like a plausible future project didn't know that I just sat down with you both and watched the film. And it was... I mean, it was...

I'm still speechless. And it's half a decade later. I remember saying to Guy, have you had guests before? I'm not sure you had, or you had one or something. And Guy said, I just can't take it. I can't take watching it anymore. But you did. You took it.

You took it for another year. You watched it every week. And then you watched several other terrible films or brilliant films. Who knows? And well done. Well done to both of you. And just to say many congratulations from over here in the UK. And I hope that I get to sit down with you and watch some other film very soon.

Maybe we should even watch Grown Ups 2. Or maybe we should watch Grown Ups 1, because I've still never seen it. Take care, both of you. And very best of luck. And well done. Bye-bye. What a sweetheart.

Tim Fitzhaim, who may well be the first guest we ever had on the podcast. It also just occurred to me that if you're tuning in on Periscope slash Twitter, you've just seen us looking at a screen silently for a minute and a half. Welcome. What luck. What a tantalising glimpse behind the curtain. Didn't it look beautiful where Tim was?

Really nice. It looked like the English countryside. Like the Garden of Eden. Yeah. Bountiful. Or the Garden of Eden, honey. Tim was a great guest. That was a good ep. I remember doing that. What was the venue? The Classic Studio. Yeah. Yes. It's a great guest. That was a good ep. I remember doing that. What was the venue? The Classic Studio.

Yeah. Yes. It's a great venue. This one was written on the 26th of April, 2020. Hello, boys. I just wanted to thank you. Worst Idea has long been my go-to comfort show to get me through a few very rough years of my life.

Things are finally starting to look up for me personally now, global pandemic notwithstanding, so I send you a little PayPal donation to say thanks and to hashtag paytheboys since those cowards at Blaze Pizza refused to. Your efforts have been especially appreciated lately as I'm an essential worker and really listening to old episodes of Worst Day at Work as well as other podcasts I've discovered through your show like walkout boys and plumbing

the death star brightens up my day very so much so very much also Tim I'm sure you don't remember but we chatted in line before the Portland live show last year I was debating with my boyfriend whether or not to buy popcorn to go with my beer only to discover that you were behind me in line when you joined in our conversation I was already quite intoxicated and also waiting for an edible to kick in so i was a bit shocked to see you and i'm sure my face showed it we had a lovely chat but then i spent the rest of the evening along with the next week or so repeatedly asking my boyfriend do you think tim thinks i'm an idiot i just like to pause the message at this point to say that uh tim later got so shit canned he threw up in our hotel room in Portland Oh yeah, I forgot

So you don't need to worry too much about your own behaviour that night Anyway, that Portland show was a great time and I get warm, fuzzy memories any time I look at the slick, signed and framed Worst Idea poster on my wall thanks to Hadley Hope you guys are both doing well

You don't have to read this on the friend zone but if you do, you can say my name Thanks for the strange and wonderful sacrifice you boys make in the name of wholesome silly entertainment evelyn evelyn uh who if i'm not much mistaken i've seen an evelyn in the in the live chat i wonder if she's with us right now is she with us reveal yourself or she might have left i would uh like to say that i um must confess that i don't remember that particular interaction but um as you were so quick to remind me there's a good reason for that yeah i got fucko venue in portland i can't remember people keep giving us weed when we go to

oregon it's called the clinton street theater i believe great venue yeah because it's legal there people ply you with weed and booze. And we have no self-control or self-respect. And we engage. Also that venue specifically, there's no barrier. The only way in is through where everyone is. So the whole thing from the outset feels so relaxed because you're literally just moving back and forth with everyone who's about to watch it there's no separation

between you know the performer and the audience you're all just one entity which i quite like yeah i like it when the stakes are lowered same under promise over deliver or in our instance under promise and deliver exactly what you under promise iised. I think it's the Kiwi way. We don't like to set ourselves up to fail too high, you know? That's why we're such big fans of the bungee jump. Because you jump off and then it springs you back to where you were. The greatest insult in New Zealand is to be called a try-hard. Which tells you all you need to know about New Zealand culture.

We're not good with words. To be a try-hard means that you care enough about something to apply yourself. And there's nothing more humiliating than that. Because you risk failing, which would make you vulnerable, and therefore prime for a bullion. Portland rules. David writes, Hi Frosty fellas, I've been listening to your shows here in Chicago for years.

I love them. Your friendship is magical, and it has sustained me through some really tough times. Now here I am in Chicago, living my life under quarantine. I'm a school teacher, and I've been going crazy at home, trying to stay sane and keep in touch with my eighth grade students as they settle into this insane new reality.

Also, my wife caught the damn virus last week, and she's been living at the opposite end of our house in complete isolation so i've been on my own a lot more than usual i'm so glad that she has nearly recovered enough for us to start hanging out a little bit each day and her symptoms weren't too severe but seriously fuck covid19 i am do you want to weigh in i'll keep reading i am sure that by the time you'll read this things things will be even more insane. I just wanted to reach out and say thank you for being your amazing selves. I signed up for the Patreon. Should have done it a year ago.

Please use my money I'm sending you each month to hoard toilet paper and hand sanitizer. Stay healthy. I need you. Say my name. David in Chicago. Fuck, that's lovely. Well, David, I would like to say I co-sign your fuck COVID-19

and also your forecast on March the 28th, 2020 of things getting worse was on the money. Prescient. They call him the new... Oh, crap. Who was that guy? David. No, who was the dude who predicted all the shit?

Oh. What's his name? Good thing we're live streaming so someone can pick up my slack. My favorite part of a podcast is yelling at the hosts because I know the information they're searching for. This one we received on the 2nd of May. I'm sorry. I just looked up here to check the comments on YouTube

and Jan has written, Does Guy remember deep-throating the banana in the first season and getting blood on the tip of it? Fuck, I remember that. That was the drinking game episode, wasn't it? When we were in Matt Heath's apartment. Probably. I was doing roly-polies.

We were drinking a lot of beer. To answer the question, I would say only when reminded. It was fucking gross. 2 May 2020. Fellas, you were wondering about the legal age to be left alone in the states i looked it up in the vast majority of states there is no legal age 16 states have defined ages but 13 of those recommendations not law but of those 16 states The average age was 14. 8.875. Oh, okay.

I was way off. That's really young. Seems to be. The oldest was 14 in Illinois, which is where Home Alone 3 is set, making it very illegal to leave young Alex Pruitt at home. Thank you very much for the background research. And the youngest was 6 in Kansas.

I grew up with 10-year-olds babysitting 6-year-olds, so none of this surprised me. Laura. Thank you, Laura. Paralegal. Ah, so Laura's a bit predisposed to wade her way through legislation. No, no. Good on you.

Way to put it to good use. I said that. Oh, I see. She didn't write it. More shampers for Tim? Always. Let me get an email up while you do that. This is Campo Vallo.

It cost me almost nothing. It's surprisingly drinkable, isn't it? Well, I mean, you know, money you spent back in 2014 hardly feels like money you have now. And $2014 is way different. Let's say, for example, I spent $20 on it, which I did. In today's dollars, it's like, what, a grand? Yeah.

$69.69 from Shannon, who writes, thanks for all the good times from a pregnant lady in her late 30s Every part of that rules Yeah Concise Hilarious Way to hit a home fucking run This one's from the 3rd

There's so much money 3rd of May 2020 Hi Tim Guy And Bat Montgomery Hi I've always related to you two Because I'm a guy And also named tim thank you for the hours of laughter and fun which has seen me through tough time man

i'd also like to thank the guys you turned me on to it all those years ago keep fighting the good fight love you both say my name timothy steven mcneil sorry i'm drunk in quarantine and i've finally gone around shorting over a message. Good on you. Read exactly as it was written. Good on you, Tim. Great name as well. Yeah.

It's got a lot of prestige to it. Feels like a top shelf name. It's a belter. A name belonging to a prince. I hope you're still drunk now. That's a good way to be. Unless it's not. And then don't.

Pick your moments. Jack gave us 20 bucks. I've picked this moment. I actually have plans to kick on this evening. What's happening? What's on the agenda? Nothing I know of. I've got an open schedule and I'm just like... Are you free and...

I've earned it. Fancy footed, that's not it. Fancy free. Fancy free and... Light footed. Yeah. Fleet footed and fancy free. Yeah.

Fleetwood Mac and... I'm in fucking... I'm in Great Nick. Yeah. Not a lot of people talking about it. No, we need to get more people talking. In fact, let's start a hashtag, Guys in Great Nick. When you're reading the next one, I'll put it up on screen. Guys in Great Nick.

We need to spread this, discuss this. This might be another podcast, actually. Guys in Great Nick. The only person I talk to about it chelsea and she's sick and tired of it i'll bet um you and i should dedicate some time maybe five to six minutes every um maybe it's a separate podcast but when we're recording to discussing the nick that guy is in which we know is good i would love that because sometimes i'm actually not in that good a nick sweet so it does fluctuate there's a story to be told.

Well, yeah. To be in good nick, you have to have previously been in less good nick. Well, I think someone could have been in good nick. This is what I just heard. Well, no one's just a pilot. Do you know I'm still proud of that line because it happened in the heat of the moment. For those who don't know. It slaps hard, man.

I think it's good. It was when Guy and I Were shooting our pilot For YouTube That did not get picked up Thanks for bringing it up Huge mistake Massive mistake

We might be on One of your platforms But it's begrudging You guys hate us The production company Did manage to track down Two of the actors From the film

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Out of the Shadows Which we watched 15 times over the course of five days underground. We were so close to getting Tony Shalhoub. We were this close. He's not recognisably in the film. Who does he play?

He's Krang. Doesn't he voice Krang? Oh, no, that's Ray Romano's brother. Yeah. It was... Shredder? Who's the rat? Splinter.

Master Splinter. Who's Shredder, the villain? Is Shredder? Who's the rat? Splinter, Master Splinter Who's Shredder, the villain? Is Shredder in that movie? I don't think he's in it Shredder is the arch nemesis of the turtles Hello boys Hello the boys Thank you so much for cracking the Patreon vault During these times of plague

I'm having such a wonderful time hearing some vintage recordings of you two And also love the side projects Cats, Do rob schneider k by love you if i love you and that is accompanied by 10 juicy us dollars which are worth a lot now and i reckon in two years will be worth nothing matthew a thousand thank you thank you mcconaughey of May, 2020. Time waits for no man. Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping into the future. This guy moved on to championing some other disease I'm unaware of. Samuel Perez, I'm against all diseases all the time.

And you can write that in a book. Which he also loves because he's a big fucking nerd. That's right. Now, this one reads, 5th of May. Someone said that you're in fantastic physical form, Monty. Oh, really? Laundry Echo. Thank you.

Respect. I reckon you could run almost 14 kilometers, no worries. Someone's retracted a message that always intrigues me. Could you run 14k right now yeah absolutely fuck yeah dude um i'd run it in about i actually did it last week it took me an hour and nine minutes so i'm i'm running i'm running a marathon on the 21st of november and my goal time is three hours 30 it's my first ever marathon which means i've got to run four minute 58ks i didn't tell you about this because i i said i would kind of like to join you in attempting to

do a marathon i don't think i could achieve your time but i'd like to do it so i was like why don't i come with you on this marathon you're doing and then i found out that it is very close to a um hike that a tramp that i'm doing one of the the great walks. Which one? What is it called? Not the Kepler. It's flat. No, I've done that one. Tonga Berto? No.

Down south. Wait, is it the Rootburn? I think maybe it is the Rootburn. Right down south. Yeah. It's a beauty. Close to the marathon. Yeah.

So I thought there were two days between them. So I was going to do the marathon and then wait. I don't think your body would let you do that. I think it would, but it turns out I got my timing wrong and the tramp comes first, and that I cannot do. But if the marathon came first, I reckon maybe I could do it. Well, all of that to say... We'll never know.

We'll never know. We'll never know. The 5th of May, 2020. I don't think I could run a marathon realistically. It's just a nice idea for me to have in my head. But I think you're going to do great. Last time Guy ran a marathon, he passed out and had to get a tattoo. It was only a half marathon.

It was a running race. And MrAppleGuySnake has just said Guy's story about the race is amazing. It's actually available on YouTube after this. I've never told it as a joke. And I only told it as there was a storytelling show I got asked to do on the day because someone pulled out but it is a good story if you look up guy montgomery the other side of the story you'll hear the story about when i i tried to beat my friend in a running race to no avail didn't end well it's the first tattoo i got in my ass actually his initials do david ormrod 135 5th of may 2020 i feel the need to tell you rude boys

The song you're insulting 7 minutes 45 seconds into episode 2 Which I imagine is probably in reference to the Emergency season Is instantly recognisable as a small snippet Of a lovely little tune by Dancehall Crashers Taken from their 1997 album Honey I'm Homely

You absolute pieces of shit I've been meaning to message you to say what a great job you've been doing over the past few years and i'm just sorry it's taken this to make me actually to contact you i love you both and i'm sorry i swore just then sky x fuck i wish i could remember the track this is my town no i know it's not i'm just singing it for fun that's a good one though that is good absolutely not i think it might not i'm just singing it for fun that's a good one though that is good absolutely not i think it might be time for another video message and this time we're joined by the i never know how to say this word but you use it a lot and and then and then and then

and then and then so immutable and then immutable immutable inimitable inimitable inimitable is that right no they're putting the emphasis on the wrong syllable. Inimitable. Inimitable. Inimitable. Inimitable. Am I not saying what you're saying? Inimitable.

Inimitable. No, you're saying inimitable. Okay, here's Carlo Ritchie. Mmm, just right. Oh, hello there. I'm Carlo Ricci, sometime guest on Worst Idea of All Time. Would you believe it's been six years? I wouldn't.

But then again, Guy and Tim always did have that special kind of magic. I know I wouldn't be where I am today without them. All that enormous wealth, wealth my fortune was all built on those special guest appearances on that wonderful program so guy and tim here's to you oh wow carlo richie there absolute legend i love that guy like a brother you do man i met him you have a such such a strong like kinship with carlo i don't know if it's two-way i haven't discussed your relationship with him i think it is i met him i he was he's part of an incredible improv improv show called bear pack which you uh i ask

you not to hold against him uh he does with another it's honestly one of the good ones improviser there's only like two or three it's one of the good ones. Improviser. There's only like two or three. It's one of the good ones. Called Steen Roscopolis. And he's so funny. And I remember I saw him in that show and I thought... And Ange. I will befriend that man. And Ange LaVoie-Pierre plays the cello.

It's an incredible show. And then the next year at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival, I was flyering and Carla was flyering too. And I thought, well, here's my chance. I'm going to talk to him. Nice. Didn't know that he had a bullseye on his back, this fucking turkey. And I went up to him and he was flying too, and I thought, well, here's my chance. I'm going to talk to him. Nice. Didn't know that he had a bullseye on his back, this fucking turkey. And I went up to him, and he was so funny.

He did this huge 25-minute fenceful riff about how he was on the run because he had a body in the back of his house in Sydney. And I was just laughing and laughing, and I kept wanting him to be serious so we could form a bond beyond laughter. That is insane for you because you bloody love a joke and a holler i'm guilty of loving to laugh mate this is highly unorthodox i'm going to another video yeah great it's ben all right so guy and tim uh it's me ben acker from the thrilling adventure hour podcast and probably other stuff too.

And I saw on my calendar that it was your sixth anniversary of the thing that you're doing still, and I wanted to say congratulations on behalf of me and mine, the WorkChoose players, and probably SuperEgo. Probably that's as far as I can I can extend well wishes and you know they're on the whole generally well

wishes you guys are really still doing it huh that's great that's great for you I love that for you alright well I mean there's a lot of terrible stuff going on in the world and you're doing that.

So, good on ya. We do what we can. And, uh, you know, I mean, keep doing it, right? Don't change horses midstream. Keep doing it and doing it. You know, I look forward to sending another one of these.

Should we all make it another six years? Good job, guys. Tims. We love Bean. Yeah, he's a great guy. good job guys Tim's we love Ben yeah he's a great guy he's been a fantastic friend

to us when we was in LA and if you haven't checked it out yet the thrilling adventure hour

is a wonderful piece of escapism a really well written and executed podcast so huge thanks to Ben's Akron Blacker

yeah he is a god damn handsome man you got that right Cameron they're the guys who enabled us to put on the fantastic live reading of our grown-ups to script in LA with the cast of Busy Phillips, Baron Vaughn, Jason Ritter, Melanie Linsky, all sorts. So thank you so much, Ben.

What a delight this is. Yeah. We've been going for an hour and five minutes now. It's flying by. Again, like, it's so funny. This is the most self-indulgent shit of all time just reading your own like fan mail but undeniably sometimes fuck it man just do something fun i guess you gotta do what you gotta do i guess that's true here's an email

that was sent to us guy it's from chrissy greetings from scotland i discovered your podcast through till death death to a splat and as a fellow lover of terrible things i can't not share this with you forgive me if you've already experienced the delight delights of fatal deviation dubbed as the irish the room by me the writing and acting and special effects and everything else are all deeply bad and i adore it i hope you do too and we've got a YouTube link I'm not going to play it because I've already got strikes

I think it's a feature length film yeah by the way thanks Chrissy I'm going to put a star next to that so I can check it out later

feature length films that are on the world for enjoyment has our friend Neil Breen not opened his vault what's the update there my

fucking guy Neil Breen has released something which I'm i've got to be specific on the terminology because he was definitely like telling me what it wasn't but it's five hours giving you behind the scenes chats discussions it is a five film retrospective yeah um which you pay money to see in which neil brain can share all the things he's learned about making and distributing films independently um i am on neil brain's website right now which

i actually think i might get a screen grab of because it's it's just kind of too good to not um so bear with me for one moment folks if you If you're listening to the audio, I do apologize, but for everyone at home doing the live stream, this is probably worth it. Okay, so that's up on screen now. Neil Breen. So he's got Twisted Pear, which is... Oh, I think there was some news that maybe that's on streaming services now. I'll read the blurb of Twisted Pear for anyone,

if you just can go back up. you'll actually just keep going down i want to find where the um retrospective is because it's pretty incredible oh i'm on twisted oh shit sorry i'm on the website for twisted pair i've got to find the neil breen website um sure if you click through his twitter yeah oh there you go down neil breen five films where is it there okay the retrospective here we are um the man's web design is second to none uh neil breen five film retrospective we've got twisted pier pass through fateful findings i am here now and his initial hit double down this is a five hour and 40 minute retrospective film by neil breen of his

five indie feature films this is not a documentary of the making of his five films presented on two dvds film students and experienced indie filmmakers will find this information very valuable educational and insightful the retrospective includes neil breen discussing his approach to successful and profitable low budget feature filmmaking topics film concepts scripts budgets interior locations exterior locations legal contracts film production lighting special effects post-production distribution character images etc including neil breen narration film lifts props still photos video behind the scenes here is a guy who will not quit nor should he uh absolutely not there is a 10 minute trailer for a five hour fucking convo you gotta love that about the man i think this could be the new five hour energy dude i'm keen to boogie of course should we do it

well at some point if not for for anyone else for ourselves for ourselves. I think we owe it to ourselves and to him. Now, remember when Guy used to kiss Tim? I still kiss Tim. May 13, 2020. Hey, frosty fellas, brave lads. Boys, boys, boys. Boys, boys, boys. Look, normally I'm here with gripping script ideas about Grown Ups 4.

Today, I'm messaging you with a realisation. A memory, if you will, buried deep in my subconscious that your own self-imposed torture has brought to the surface. Get ready for a tale. I'm listening. You've got my attention. You see, my ex-girlfriend, a truly lovely girl, no hard feelings, a saint who I wish only the best for, had this weird thing where she could only

fall asleep to the soothing sounds of monsters university i on the other hand could not sleep not for counting sheep not for a cup of warm milk and certainly not for that one-eyed fuck michael wazowski and his fucking brilliant on the first watch fearful Fearful on the 40th watch. Coming of age story. Monsters University. She was also quite a light sleeper. So a disturbance to the movie meant she would wake up and be a bit gruff about having been woken up. So me, being the absolute spineless soul I am, would lie awake most nights. Watching the movie in its entirety. Unable to quite along.

Unable to sing a song song and unable to cry for the desperate help i so goddamn desperately needed this makes me sad my mind descended to the depths i knew was not made for madness my friends for i did not want to wake my sweet girlfriend from her sweet sweet dreams we're together about a year and a half of that year and a half we'd have spent an average of five nights a week together at an estimate this means i've seen the movie monsters university in its entirety an estimated 370 to 390 times that makes me ill i know what you're thinking does the worst idea of all time styled insanity and loathing set in on a movie with a respectable rotten tomato score of 80 the? The answer is yes. Yes, it does. We split up when I showed her the movie Big Hero 6.

She was enamored by the movie. Oh, my God. There I am with this absolute goddess who I still cannot say a word against. We watched Monsters University 40 times so she could sleep. I showed her, what is it called again big hero big hero six a beautiful um modern day anime sort of american japanese crossover and she broke up with me not that's not we don't know what we don't know what it says yet so i showed her the movie big hero six she was enamored by the movie and made the switch to watching big hero six every night i was not going to allow her

to spoil my experience of such a truly terrific movie so i called it a night in our relationship the memory was buried deep i'm sorry but this to me seems like a unique enough situation in relationship that no matter what transpires in your life post this relationship, this would be at the fore... Like, this would exist not on the periphery of your memory, but near the front as something you've lived through. Am I wrong?

It's pretty harrowing. But, you know... I mean, do you not remember any relationship a year and a half or longer is embedded in your memory? But if something's, like, traumatic, sometimes you try your best to forget well this memory was buried deep deep within me and i thank you brave boys for retrieving it

for me i must also say get on my level you filthy fucking cashless i didn't even have a friend or podcast to project my growing insanity into only mic in that big blue one night after endless fucking night love what you do and i love you too dave say my name mccarthy ps last time you read my message out on a friend's own episode timbo said i look like the kind of guy who would put my balls in people's faces all the time i must say good spot my friend i'm well known for my surprising flexibility and have busted many pair of jeans or pants right open at a party or workplace, showing the masses how close to doing the splits I can get. You've got a commendable eye for character on you, Timbly Wimbley.

Unbelievable that I would strike, not only so close to the truth, but also to reveal it to a person who's willing to accept it in good humor, with which it was intended. I don't remember saying that. It sounds fucking rough. I'm not going to apologize, because it seems like you took it well, as was intended. Absolutely. I don't remember saying that. It sounds fucking rough. Yeah. I'm not going to apologize because it seems like you took it well, as I intended.

So great to hear from you again, Dave. Stop showing people your balls. Here's a message that I... But don't stop trying to do the splits. Maybe wear more stretchy pants. Yes. I think that's the takeaway. I've been getting into yoga.

How's that going? Really well. I'm in phenomenal shape. Yeah. Yeah. Really good. What kind of yoga are you doing? What's it called?

It's just Yoga With Adrian. She's on YouTube. I don't think that's what they're called. Yeah. They've all got names. She's on YouTube, and she's got, you can Google which area of your body you want to do. She's got some fantastic, I only ever go up to the 30-minute stretching sessions. She's got seven-minute post and pre-running workouts.

She's got an 11-minute morning yoga routine that'll fucking whip you into shape. I'm feeling life. I'm feeling limber. That's great. I'm in the shape of my life. That's great to hear. Emma writes,

Hello, big fan of your podcast, and I'm currently watching Riverdale, the CW show with a friend. As we give our hilarious commentary, of course, thinking about how much more hilarious you and Guy's commentary would be. Not sure if it would work for your

podcast, given that it's a long-running TV show, but if you look at a season's synopsis, you'll see just how ripe its comedic potential is. Even if you can't feature it, I definitely recommend giving it a watch if you enjoy ridiculously bad slash so bad it's good media. Thank you for the laughs, Emma.

Thank you for the correspondence, Emma. Did you watch any Riverdale? It was quite popular among our friends. It was really popular. I mostly know it for that I think you should leave sort of parody about the Timmy Tugger or whatever. Fuck, that was good. That series is so good.

What's the name, Tim? It is good. Is the name Tim? Tim Robinson. Tim Robinson. I think you should leave. Robinson or Robbins? Robinson.

Robbins is the actor who was married to Susan Sarandon, I think. Oh, yeah, he was. It's just the butthole. Yeah, we've seen all of that before. I just wanted you to go back to the live stream. Oh oh yeah this is just the butthole yeah we've seen we've seen all of that yeah i just wanted to go back to the live stream oh yeah sorry yeah of course um you love a comment because i said well you've got we've got 36 more friendzone emails to get through i'm only the halfway through my correspondence if the end goal is to get through all of this go mate go like the clappers should we go in fucking bullet mode i mean i'm really liking this sort of, this jaunt.

I'll tell you what, it's really started hosing down out there. Thank God, because we are bonafide in the middle of a drought where we are. There's no denying it, but you wouldn't know it to look outside right now. I mean, you know, this is nice weather for ducks, all right? Cats and dogs, is what I say. Read your fucking message, would you? Boys, Carolina said, they're not a joke. Cats and dogs, is what I say. Read your fucking message, would you? Boys. Carolina said, they're not a joke.

TC Tuggers. Tim and Guy, please give In the Name of a King a watch. Stars in In the Name of a King. Someone's instructing us to watch In the Name of the King. It stars Jason Statham. This is one of those ones i think directed by i've forgotten his fucking name like like is something last valkyria we'll get to it um may 17 2020 boys i'm super drunk and high and feel the need to tell you that cats

the stage musical is streaming for free right now yeah on youtube and the world needs you to get some idea of what us old school diehard cats fans fell in love with the dance schools and storytelling minus the cgi myself and or all other worst out of all time and cats fans want to know what you think your potty's ultimate love you both jewels from australia these peeps your really knee is knocking went to cats guys oh sorry i it's it's it's just so you know it doesn't even mean stop it's just so you're aware of it sorry that's me guys that's not the rain um i would love we didn't do that we didn't at the time we didn't i don't know why i tuned into andrew lloyd weber's celebration which i think was his, 70 or 80th birthday.

Did you see any of that online? No. They. I mean, I've fucked up live streams before. They fucked up so much. They could not get their shit together. It was obviously the brainchild of someone in lockdown who was like. How's your shampoos, by the way?

It's going well, thanks. Keep talking. someone in lockdown who was like how's your shampers by the way oh it's going well thanks keep talking thought they'd throw a live stream together featuring some um stars of broadway uh you know some some real talented stage musical theater performers and it was fucking diabolical like they couldn't get the stream to start for ages and then they kept having to like switch the location of where it was which of course everyone's tuned into a specific web location it was really funny anyway let me say this in defense of guy and myself we get it yeah we get cats like i i think i speak for both of us i have a cat we understand what the stage show is i think i've never seen it but i totally get it and

i would watch it and i would love it and i've seen the recorded performance of the like 90s one and it's good it's insane i think we've got a bit of cat's homework to do yeah yeah what's the other one we've got to watch the director's commentary i don't know what the fuck tom hooper made of the whole thing. Oh, you fucking A. We always promised to do that and we didn't do it. Here's another one. Frida, the cat that I own, it's actually my partner's cat,

but as we live together, Fig and I, Fig is the name of the cat. We have a relationship. Fig's an old cat. I talk to Fig like a sibling. I actually was talking to Fig this morning. I was up early to do yoga with Adrian, no less. And Fig was begging me for food while I was doing my yoga. And I was saying, Fig, you're going to get fed.

This is literally what I said. I said, Fig, you're going to get fed, but right now I really need you to just fuck off. And? Receptive? Fig kept rubbing up on my arm. And I like that feeling. The feeling of a cat rubbing up on you, it makes my tongue...

Do you know the feeling? I don't know how to describe it. Do you know the feeling when it feels like your tongue swells up in your mouth and becomes ticklish? Am I articulating that correctly? Have you had that?

You know, it's like a nice feeling. But it's nothing save for just a... So it's kind of like in the same way that he's standing up on the back of your neck when you're listening to good music. It's sort of a variation on that. Yeah, but I get it mostly with cats, sometimes with puppies. Sounds like oxoplasmosis. Toxoplasmosis?

Frida wants to see figging Rufus in a room. Well, I tell you what, Rufusus my dog uh has boogied with a couple of cats and if the cat is big and brave enough he is absolutely freaking terrified of these felines i'd rather have a dog but be a cat alex sent us a link to the butthole cat news item for cats which a lot of people did and we very much appreciate the updates there. Gomez? Is that traditionally how you'd spell Gomez? No.

I have a zombie cat in my... Hold on. We're off that. We're off the cat's track. Shut up for a second. We've got a lot to get through. Hey, this is actually from Chris. Hey, just finished binging the first series,

Grown Ups 2, and finished with the commentary of the film, which I'd never seen before while watching the movie. For everyone who can't see right now, Tim just shook his head with a very disdainful look in his eyes. Well, I'm trying to read. As I'm sure you are now aware, listening to 52 podcasts about a film

makes it impossible to view the film with any real context. So I actually found it enjoyable seeing the film I'd just spent 26 hours hearing about. Along with the commentary, juggling both was surreal. Couldn't have come at a better time. What a bizarre experience. So to you and Guy, thanks. Really appreciate it.

Cheers. Chris, I'm going to say it. No. Maltone. And tell you not to, which is, in my book, permission. Now, this one actually comes from Robbie Fairchild. This tiny text size. And I think this is actually, we're going back in time.

Robbie Fairchild? February, yeah, it says. The Broadway musical actor? I have a Gumby cat in mind. Her name is Jenny Annie Dots. her coat is of the tabby kind with tiger stripes and leopard spots all day she sits upon the stairs or on the step or on the mat. She's got pipes. She sits and sits and sits and sits. And that's what makes a Gumby cat. Three, four.

That's what makes a Gumby cat. I got it wrong. You threw me off. I'm so sorry. No, you nailed it. No, that's what makes a gummy cat oh no we're done we're done that's it seriously i am deeply concerned with the ways of the mice

Their behaviour's not good And their manners Not nice So when I've got them lined up On the matting Fuck it I teach them music, crocheting and tatting May 17, 2020

Responding to Nicky What the fuck Okay, go on Responding to Nicky and... What the fuck? It's surely... Okay, go on. Responding to Nicky and Guy on Friendzone 99. Re-projectionists. Dear Gim and Ty. First of all, what a pleasure to get a random shout out on the potty

and have Guy remember me as a projectionist. Have you read this before? That one? Yeah. No? Dude must have some memory. I'm very honoured and very lucky to somehow be a projectionist in the year 2020. Albeit right now our building is still shut,

and guys, write that this line of work is largely down the gurgler. But generally your indie cinemas may, to varying extent, still have a projectionist, and those which still show 35mm definitely will in some capacity. Sack. I recall Tim mentioning one of your cinemas in New Zealand shows 35, so I imagine they do. The two-screen cinema I work at employs two full-time and one part-time projectionists,

even though we only have around one 35mm screening a month. We still have lots of other technical, mostly digital duties to attend to. Chains don't have projectionists now generally although the projectors don't run themselves someone's still got to do the scheduling the ingesting the lights cues the private highs etc usually a duty manager at the cinema i understand that draft house cinemas despite being a chain is still big on film so probably have some projectionists at each site anyway enough rambling thanks again for the random shout out and for season five will you still be continuing for those of us in countries with inept dumb

fuck governments, unlike yours who haven't been able to lift the lockdown yet? I've been admiring New Zealand and Queen Jacinda's efforts from afar and I'm 110% more invigorated to visit once all this is over. Say my name. Proud projectionist, Kieran from Scotland. Inept dumb fuck government, by the way, being the UK, not the Scottish government, but that's a whole different can of iron brew or worms i had a wonderful time with kieran after one of my shows in edinburgh last year he bought me a beer he trained he trained in from glasgow no that can't

be right he had he had to catch a train afterwards i remember that but um it seems right isn't it we had a night we had a nice cold one i mean i've already i've reminisced before but he pointed me in the right direction i had a night in glasgow after the edinburgh fringe i went and watched once upon a time in hollywood in uh crispy 35 mil and the guy's a fucking delight he stayed up here right now he was he is it's it must be about if not 4 30 i think it's 5 30 a.m a.m. in the UK. Fuck me, Kieran. God bless. I've got to tell you, man, get some fucking sleep. Yeah, dude.

Isn't it the summer there? I mean, as much of a summer as Scotland has. Absolute madness. Kieran, thanks for looking after my boy. Sarah writes to us and says, Boys, I'm pretty high right now, so bear with me. I had an idea for the new season of The Worst Idea of All Time. Please consider watching all Rotten Tomatoes' worst rated movies.

Like the 0-10%ers. One a week, I had a quick peruse, and there's like 850 of them. Some are great. Freddy Got Fingered? Any insult, it's any lower than 30%. Some look fucking horrendous. One called All Relative. All characters look like they're going through a hefty divorce,

even though I'm pretty sure it's a rom-com. Also, Nicolas Cage's ripper of a film, Firebirds, is in this list, and I would genuinely pay to see you review that. If you did, though, if you did through Patreon, that's fine, and I respect the hustle, and I'd front the cash. All the love, boys.

Keep up the good work. Thank you, Sarah. Should we talk about this? We did legitimately toy with this idea. Not exactly as articulated, but pretty fucking close we want to do the bottom 52 films on imdb for a season yeah um sorry yeah you're good we decided against it and i can't remember exactly like it was the reason was we wanted to lift some component

part of our pilot experience and we wanted to imbue a method film quality onto these movies and i don't know if we need to get into all that yeah it feels like we're setting an expectation that won't be met yeah it became it became very messy incredibly hard and like a lot of work very quickly yeah yeah not just to conceive of the way that we can method film review these movies but also to execute them i the only one i really vividly remember is we were like well what we'll do is hercules in new york and we'll go and uh carry weights around and eat pizza and yogurt while we discuss the movie it didn't quite work well not not at the rate of like it's just know that we are cooking up a lot of stuff behind the scenes and um luckily for you we you, we don't run at all of them

because we do kick the tires a little bit. Absolutely. Can I just read a quick one from Disco, who gave us $20.16? Permission granted. Enjoy some of my American Cares Act money. I think that's the check that everyone got. I hope you got something in saving, Disco,

because from what I saw, the government weren't really hooking up the people. The message continues. 2016, to remember a time when we had a good guy president, Timbo had a political podcast and Guy Guy didn't have insane COVID-19 views. Thanks, boys, from Disco. If it's insane to be against COVID-19,

then color me crazy, Disco, you motherfucker. May 18, 2020 2020 my friend turned me on to the podcast and i've been making my way through season one it is the perfect corona quarantine listen our lives have become more indoors and more monotonous and every time i start to get down on it i think to myself thank god i don't have to watch grown-ups too again and i listen to your podcast and then the live every moment theme song comes on and it makes my day. Thank you, Guy and Tim, name redacted.

I can't get it out of my head. Yeah. She's a beauty. There's someone saying they're like my phone case. It's a sort of it's a an illegal hybrid of keith herring and the simpsons sanctioned by neither party and i'm sure that both of them would be furious at the very idea of it but that's what we're dealing with a digital zone no there we go get your fingers out of the way

pretty good i didn't have my mic up to my mouth sorry there we go viva viva omni memento fuck

Karen's got an encyclopedic memory some people are like that with film I'm not I don't remember anything I don't remember shit I don't remember shit either $20 from Alexander

thank you oh so much no correspondence this is the shit that keeps us running. There might be, and sometimes they send an email. By the way,

Tim's leaped all the way forward from early to mid-March to late April now. Yeah, dogs. Kiora, Timothy, and Guy Alexander. Lockdown has been getting me fairly stressed, so I've been listening to a lot of Worst Idea, which has culminated in a dream

where the two of you were playing Monopoly together with another podcaster, the guy who was the other half of hosting. That's Carlo Ricci. Though neither I nor my subconscious remembers his name. Over Skype for a new Worst Idea miniseries. I was watching and providing snacks

without so much as a word to either of you, probably trying not to ruin the recording, though the popcorn crunching would have done plenty of that. It was the fifth episode, having connect four and chess despite not knowing the rules but with three people playing that was a given in past episodes you agreed on the free parking rule we'll get into this uh you agreed on the free parking rule and the doubles rule but there were some difficulties with playing over skype as you two were using the new zealand version of the game but the skype participant mr third podcaster was using the english version with stickies for the new zealand names but those had fallen off

the two six-sided dice uh also went up to 30 somehow it was vaguely implied that you two were outright lying about the numbers you rolled. And Mr. Third Podcaster only noticed when you rolled a 23, having let 16s and 19s slide. Anyway, hope lockdown isn't treating you too badly, or, depending on when this is read, that you weathered it well and there aren't any more pandemics.

Say my name if you feel like it. It's I, not E. Iona. Thank you, Iona. aren't any more pandemics say my name if you feel like it it's i not e iona thank you iona that is you've somehow triumphed against you know the very high base of yourself of making your own dream interesting to other people yeah i suppose one of the ways in which you can do that specifically person to person is by them being in the dream it appears to this audience of us too can i just say this as well if you're going to engage in future dreams with the guy and i go hog wild ruin the recording do some crazy shit absolutely fuck it up fuck us up uh may 22 2020 hey this might be weird but i'm an american turning 21 on july 3rd and for my birthday party

i was going to have the worst idea of all time, watch party drinking game marathon with some of my friends. Do you have any drinking game rules written down somewhere or any suggestions for rules? P.S. I love the emergency season. Lucky for you, it seems that New Zealand reacted well to the pandemic and your impromptu season may be ending soon. Stay safe.

I promise to stop if I feel like I'm getting too drunk. I do not want sex in the city to be in any way related to my death and one final thing i just adopted a cat and i think everyone should know what up dingo and the captain uh and here's the cat tim do we i feel like we do have the drinking rules i know that someone made a really beautiful grown-ups to poster so if you are willing to trawl to the depths of the worst idea of all time facebook page we need to get our shit together this is on us we shouldn't be sending people to bloody sift through our garbage to find the rules yeah i mean obviously yes but also you know i feel like i've let everyone

down by not having the drinking game rules can Can you not be so fucking hard on yourself? Do you know the amount of work you put into this thing? This enterprise? Could be more. Alana. Everything could be more, Tim. Alana has sent us 10 US buckaroos. And Robert has sent us an email saying,

Dear True Tim and Genuine Guy, I have enjoyed your podcast for a long time and particularly enjoyed your foray into the incompetence that is overlooked and undercooked. After listening to season two, I remembered an interesting tidbit that you boys might find interesting. This is not the first time Rob Schneider has worked with Haley Duff. Umicom?

Umicon? A Detroit-based anime convention has a panel called Mystery Science Theater 4K based off the titular show where a group of guys play a movie and then mock it in real time. One of the movies they selected was The Adventures of Panda Warrior Sick. SIC

You know It's straight to DVD Chinese Kung Fu Panda rip off. It is a terrible movie with food fight level CGI where Rob Schneider plays the titular warrior who was a human who gets turned into a panda for reasons I don't remember. Hayley plays a

sexy sheep woman who is rule 34 incarnate and receives second billing for a role that maybe had 20 minutes of screen time. The sexual nature of the sheep is not helped by the fact that the movie has Rob's big pig girl sidekick get stabbed in the rectum at least twice over the course of the film. Also featured in the movie and getting cries of dismay from the audience were Tom Kinney and Norm Macdonald. sorry were tom kinney and norm mcdonald whoa after the film finished the hosts looked at the dvd features and found a short called last supper which i think was a co-production between a

french animation studio and disney it is a well-animated short about flies gorging themselves to death at a picnic and it was one of the weirdest things i've ever seen especially as so much more work went into it than the actual film. Thought you would enjoy that. You are good boys. You are brave boys, and I thank you for bringing lightness into my life.

Say my name, Robert Homan. Fuck, man. I've got a vague recollection of being sent that film. Like, I haven't watched it, but I've seen posters for it, I think. I would love not to see The Adventures of Panda Warrior panda warrior but last supper sounds like a slice of monty yeah well we could do both it sounds like a double feature right for us oh one star that's yeah this looks familiar the ripoff of kung fu panda with rob schneider playing the role of jack black

that is that is when you've run out of budget, eh? Absolutely. Can we just check back on the live stream, please? I'd like to see how everyone's going. People are engaging still. Can we get a party timer if I wonder what Tanya's doing right now? Oh, man, Tanya, what a sweetheart. I wonder what she is doing right now.

Guy, how do you feel about tim's taste and wrist watches uh people making requests brian um why is it on your right hand i don't know people ask me that a little bit you live is that wrong no i'm righthanded. So you have it on your left hand because when you're doing your fucking whatever, you can go like that and not interrupt your flow. I've never thought about Tim's taste in wristwatches. He gave me a beautiful watch actually,

which I still haven't had the strap shortened on as a wedding gift. Or it's too loose on my wrist so on that evidence it's good but you know on the evidence of this it's I guess functional this is a smart watch so I'm actually looking at getting a Garmin

what it's a fitness watch I know what it is I'm saying what model I don't fucking know of course you don't I'm smart Is this a 10 hour stream? Is it a 10 hour stream? Time will tell

What's the end game here? A big announcement It's me I'm back Love this But this time As a rat mom And not a theatre worker

By the way I actually gasped When you read the correspondence Saying that the listener Went to a theatre with a projectionist. What year was it? 1997? Yeah, nice.

Fuck up the year 1997. Tell you what though, that was the year I discovered feminism through the popular text Home Alone 3. First, it is a rat in the movie. I've taken your advice and not watched Home Alone 3 so I don't know if they call it a mouse but I found the clip of the rodent and it is a rat in the movie i've taken your advice and not watched home alone three so i don't know if they call it a mouse but i found the clip of the rodent and it is a rat second rats and mice cannot reproduce yes they also cannot cohabitate rats are extremely social but also territorial rats can fight with other non-rats and sometimes rats if they're in the

same enclosure like a cage third technically a Alex should have more than one rat, since it's not healthy for rats to be alone. Here's a photo of my two current rats, Piper and Ranger Carl. Much love, and if for some crazy reason you read this on the Friend Zone, as always, say my name, Nicky. And here are the rats. I'll tell you what. I've read this, and I'm not sure not sure why welcome our rat overlords is this over

on your side of the fence on the facebook yeah it was on the facebook it was from the 25th of may crazy i read that one i loved it did you send it to me uh i don't know why i've read that but i don't know man dig it what am i across? It's time for another video. Hi, Tim and Guy. Dom Corey here. Congratulating you on 100 friend zones and six years of the podcast. It's a fine achievement. I'm very grateful you had me on those two times

to stick up for Adam Sandler's comedic sensibilities and worship Brady the Rat King. I think the fact that you've got to 100 friend zones is testament to the fact that the true appeal of your podcast is delighting in the relationship between you guys and not the unfair malignment of quality Hollywood entertainment. Keep it up. All the best.

See you soon Dom Corey there our friend and your friend yeah fantastic film critic really intelligent guy

big time he managed to get his ass back to Aotearoa for lockdown thankfully out of Los Angeles I think this

maybe was a better place to be we've got another video. Oh, wow. Happy 100 episodes, Tim and Guy. I'd like to give you this gift, and it's more for Guy than Tim, I apologize.

But Tim, you can enjoy in this as well. Guy, my grandfather's name is Guy. I never even told you that in our time that we've spent together podcasting. Why did I never tell you that? I'd also, and this is no joke, like to name a son, Guy. Guy Gourley. My wife won't let me. But that wouldn't be after you. It would be after my grandpa. But maybe secretly it would. And Tim, you can have the middle name. Just the two of you together, you make great podcasts and you probably make me a great son.

I wish you the best in your 100 episodes down there in a country that uh i've never been to except for a quick layover which could have been a movie set like they fake the moon landing on for all i know as an american and i'm predisposed to not believe that your country exists but i believe you two exist and i believe we're all better for it congratulations and i'm matt corley that was a bit of a um i'm ron burgundy kind of sign i'm matt gorley matt thank you so much for that message that's so kind matt gorley who you might recognize, he's found recent, I would say, stratospheric fame. I would say infamy. Through Conan O'Brien

Needs a Friend, being Conan's producer. It's an antagonistic relationship, which I absolutely appreciate because it's both the kind of humor I enjoy and also I've been in Matt's place.

Yeah, it's a brand of antagonism which is rooted in trust and a genuine friendship. Yeah, but also disparity of power which is exploited for lols. And baby, as somebody who worked in radio for five years, I've been there. Shout out to Matty G.

And if you're watching, Conan, why don't you go fuck yourself? Yeah, dog. Oh, I'm the king of podcasting because I dip my toes into, like, fuck you, dude. What an arsehole. we love conan yeah yeah yeah if i can kiss at the boots of conan you bootlicker bootlicker uh kia ora boys of the almighty fuck here we go enjoying the emergency season very much indeed i'm wondering if you know how many more eps it'll contain in regards to New Zealand's alert level system, TM. I'm planning a wee musical contribution. I'm wondering if the week it will take to finish it

will answer the length of the potty. Use my name, you sons of bitches, and look me in the eye when you do it. Andy. You went so fast this time that I couldn't even understand the last bit. What was the question? Andy made us a song for Home Alone 3

that is lost to the sands of time. Got it. Is it? Yeah. I don't know, man. Hey, I'm feeling really good. Great. It's probably the champagne.

Yeah, I'm going to go. Actually, I've had another bottle I put on ice in 2015. Oh, true. Should I go get it from the fridge? Absolutely. My dog has come to join us. He's probably smelled the alcohol because he fucking loves to drink. In fact, could you chuck that champers on a shelf?

Because he will get it and spill it everywhere so everybody um as we cycle through i won't do any videos well guys not here because it's not fair to him but i will do a little bit of correspondence this next message comes to us via gabriel who writes hello tim and guy it occurred to me that you might like this short radio play on the theme of friendship. It's composed from a series of emails exchanged between me and my friend Nick, sorry, between my friend Nick and myself in 2018 to 19. We made it before

COVID-19 forced most friendships to move online but perhaps it is more relevant now. It made me think of you two. Thanks for everything. Love, Gabriel. It's got a.com.au web address. It's wts.org.au slash friendship cool website this is gabriel and nick beautiful website really nice um i'm tempted to have a listen now but i don't think that would be appropriate thank you for sending

that gabriel i'm gonna try and remember to click on that and have a little listen in a row. Oh, that one's way nicer. Why don't we lead with that instead of my one? Catherine writes. You put your one on ice first. Oh, of course. Yes. Hey, Tim and Guy.

Hey, Tim. And Guy. No. Yeah. Hi, Tim. Hey, bro. Hey, Guy. Hey, man.

Love you, dude. Love you too, man. No, no, no. Look at me. I'm looking. I am. Look at me. I no no no look at me i'm looking i am like look at me i'm looking look at me in person yeah not through something okay i fucking love you bro yeah i love you too bye good we clear on this katherine right do you like kissing people's hair? Yeah, it's good. It's good. It's a beautiful mark of affection, I think. I agree. Slightly paternalistic and not in a bad way.

Hey, Tim and Guy, do I remember hearing you say that the actor who played Squirrel in We Are Your Friends contacted you a while back? Did you ever try to get him on the podcast? Congrats to us. Yes, I understand this seems strange asking about where your friends years after the season ended. But guess what? I watched the movie with my husband because I was listening to season three. And he ended up loving the movie. He now asks to watch it on a regular basis.

Jesus Christ. Good times. I told my husband that you got contacted by Skrill. Jesus Christ! You must accept the challenge. Thanks, boys! Catherine. Thanks, Catherine. We did get reached out to by Squirrel, and that correspondence reached a dead end,

but we've now got the lines of Communique open, and so I suppose the question is whether or not we want to revisit We Are Your Friends, because if the answer's yes, we can get Squirrel on the line. Fuck, man. I mean... Imagine if we managed to assemble the cast

and we did like a five-year anniversary or something. Like, has Zac Efron's career created enough that we could get him? Can you tell me? No, I don't think we could. But imagine this. I'm thinking of a podcast with like... So, Nick Swartzen from Grown Ups 2.

Chris Knoth from Sex and the City 2. He might be too big of a name. Squirrel, from We Are Your Friends. And then, I don't know, Candice Bergen. Huge name.

I think I'd put her above Chris Knoth, but go on. Let's see the... I'm just thinking we get like all of the six sort of features in these films. We put them in a room together and we just talk about

what it's like to be on set yeah around the stars i would love that it'd be like our version of um uh what's james lipton's show called r.i.p uh the actor's studio inside the actor's studio i think he's dead yeah i said r.i.p he died he died recently what does that mean? Rest in peace Oh So they mean like Yeah rip it brother He died recently But the thing that You know

People didn't really appreciate Is he was fucking old dude He didn't look it Or sound it He was He like He just came across as Like

Early Early 70s And very Together 70 year old For like 40 years Yeah And then died and people like oh yeah how old was that guy and they're like he was 92 the concept of age is so interesting i was actually talking with a friend about this uh recently because it's like when you're a child anything

over seven is a million and then when you're seven like anything over 15 is a grown-up and then when you're 15 anything over 18 is like a senior and then when you're 18 anything over 15 is a grown-up and then when you're 15 anything over 18 is like a senior and then when you're 18 anything over 20 is a billion and then when you're 20 anything over sort of 25 is old and then when you get to 25 it just becomes this like the curve just flattens and everything's the same and then when you get to sort of your early 30s, all of a sudden 70, which has been old your whole life, is sort of a ballpark figure for, you know, where your parents might be or are about to be. And it's young again.

Yeah. And then 80 is old. Like 80 is the one age that is always old. And everything before that is malleable. What do you think? I think that there's something to be said. I think I've read this maybe in some like pop-sci article online. It's about your experience of time starts accelerating

when you've got less dramatic markers in your life. That's why when you're a kid, there's constantly like real fucking massive changes and it's why time feels like it goes a lot slower because everything is a huge transition within the course of like zero to three you think about them huge milestones you go through so everything feels kind of slow and then like none of that in my memory bank what zero to three like at the time you know when you're a child everything feels like it's going way slower and then when you

had about i don't know 25 those milestones really kind of stop you settle you know up up till recently a job that you might hold for a really long time you might be in a marriage and create a family that lasts for ages and then it starts going real quick people love getting married and having kids that's why and i i said this on a radio interview that's going to play next week i'm just going to lead by example here everyone should learn a fucking instrument as an adult it's humbling should i bring should i go grab you oh no no should bring it down no you don't want to i've started playing the trumpet it's in the house i can't remember where it's in the studio yeah i almost grabbed it i'll play it later i won't i

won't do it yeah i'll get, and then we'll get into it. Samuel Perry's gets it. He's just describing it as my perspective on my current age. The day... I can't believe someone corrected my James Lipton aging on the fly from 92 to 93. Cameron, you are, of course, correct and a pedant. Tim's been drinking champagne. Pedant's a compliment.

Frosty Fallows. I'm giving Home Alone 3 The first watch I've given it Since it released When I was 7 years old I've had to pause To drop an urgent Piece of foley

For you to focus in on After Earl Unger Gets hit with the Water balloon Plaster of Paris combo There's a scene Where he's awakening Coming to

With the realisation He's got quite the Sticky predicament He grabs the stick To clear his nose Oh I hate that Because he will be Clogged with plaster I hate that And upon unclogging it With a flick toe motion realization he's got quite the sticky predicament he grabs the stick to clear his nose because you will be clogged with plaster hate that and upon unclogging it with a flick type motion there's a subtle but unmistakable boing yeah it's not that subtle perhaps a badang yeah sound yeah yeah it's

loud to me as does much of the foley work for the movie i believe for all its flaws the sound effects team truly put their heart and soul into this project my shining light say my name if it doth please you chris richie and it doth chris guy has mentioned this before there is a cartoon element to both the physics and the sound effects that are in the film after about the first 35 minutes and you're like oh okay i get it nothing kind of has real physical properties as we understand it and i think the movie's probably a better product for it, but that bit where Erlanger pulls bloody objects out of his nose, don't love it.

I can't do math on this watch, but I've got that other Casio that's got the touch buttons on it. This one tells me if I've got a text message or something. Can we talk to each other? What would you like? What is it? It's the 27th of June, 2020.

The time, 4.54pm. We've been conversing for just about two hours. What do you want from the rest of the year? Ideal outcome, personal or professional, perhaps a blend. Where do you see yourself? What do you hope for? You know what's happened to my brain? The Bare Naked Ladies song, If I Had a Million Dollars. personal or professional perhaps a blend where do you see yourself what do you hope for and you know what's happened to my brain the bare naked lady's song if i had a million dollars no if i had a

million dollars if i had a million dollars i would buy a fur coat do you know that song no it's a song um outcomes for the rest of the year look I think the year's tracking well I'm enjoying where I'm at Is morale high? Morale's high bro Truly? Yep I'm happy for you man You deserve the best

Back at you bro Do you feel like things are going well? I feel like things are going well for you Sometimes Yeah? It oscillates Yeah It's life

It's incredible The rhythm Like sometimes you're in a really steady rhythm And sometimes it's like the undulating highs and lows Some days you wake up and you think Fuck I'm ready to seize it And the next day you're just up to zero But yeah I mean my morale's okay

But what do you want? What do you want man? Say it Let's make it happen Just fucking more of the same to be honest I think things are good Just like let's keep going let's you and me keep making podcasts baby for a hundred years for a hundred years over and over again tim and guy

for a hundred years and let's keep doing stand-up and let's keep sharing it with our friends and let's keep getting mail and the occasional lovely check in the mail. Yeah, yeah. And fucking just, I don't know, things are good. Things are good. I want to write you out a check right now. I mean, come on, man. I've got a beautiful wife. I've got a lovely dog. I've got this gorgeous friend just sitting right here.

You know what they say. Life's good. Happy knife. You got a wife. Exactly. That is the saying. You know, things are great. Do you know what I want actually and this is i feel like

i'm doing this as i want to smoke tobacco on youtube i don't think you can i think i got in trouble with my comedy fest poster because i'm i have it's actually a joint but it looks like a cigarette in my mouth and um facebook wouldn't let me promote it they wouldn't let me do it as an ad but it's a great photo. It's different. Yeah, it is different. What I was going to say is, and what I truly am trying to do, is like, fuck, man, I'm all good.

Let's make other people good. Yeah, I love that. Let's get it going. Someone's trying to cancel you. John Doe has written, I want more of the same. Keep this going. Tim Baird on 2020 so far. The guy literally asked me personally what i want for my rest of the year i want everyone to be happier and i will fight for that i will i will

do what i can to improve everyone's switch smoke tobacco every day hi yeah yeah hi yeah to my guy i'm a huge fan of yours both we study every time and other projects like happening show and guy montgomery's guy once telling me you guys is this even you're gonna set it on fire you guys have been making these past 50 days in almost complete isolation apart from my husband almost enjoyable during this time my friend and i started a podcast these quarantine times a weekly podcast where we share our experiences with quarantine from different parts of America. I live in South Carolina and my co-host in New York City

and have different guests on from elsewhere. However, I'm not writing to you to plug my podcast, which you secretly managed to do. Take over, please. But instead, to ask yours and guys' permission. Plugged and plugged instead to ask your and guys' permission to use in with a plug, instead to ask your and guys permission to use the shining light. We cover a lot of negatives on our podcast

and I thought the addition of a quarantine shining light could help bring out some positives that have come out of these crazy times. Is it okay if I use the term? Should I come up with another? Do you have suggestions? Thanks for being awesome, Molly. You can say my name.

That was on the 6th of May. Here's what I would say go for it rip off our whole damn show what i would love is for someone to just start a podcast called the worst idea of all time uh and and even if it's not your name just just like act like your name's the tim and guy and just do grown-ups too for a year i would kill for someone to steal my identity so i could um retire no just like put your feet up someone else is doing guys so i couldn't relax legally attack them nah oh yeah that's right i'm doing me molly the shining light i don't like i don't know where we got it from but

i'm not even a hundo that we made it up right i think i in my mind every time i hear shining light i think of the bean mr bean intro where he's got a shining light on surely michael in the control room approves of tobacco. Free to fucking the real ones, no. The 20th of May. Hey, why don't you shut up your ass? The 28th of May, 2020. You said in the first step of my week with cats that cats would be acceptable on hallucinogens,

but I beg to differ. I watched it six hours into a very lovely acid trip in about 45 minutes after taking a low dose of psilocybin mushies and had been drunk quite a bit through the day so that combo was real bad for watching it i'd elaborate more but it's hard to think about eric um eric i respect the fucking hustle dude um i stand by it as well everyone's going to have a different experience with their own neurology uh their own neurochemistry and their own cats context so you did you i'll do me and i thank you not to impress your negative ideas onto i just think that you've got to know about where we were coming from when we were making our observations

and that was not from where you were coming from six hours into an acid trip with due respect with all due respect which is a lot if i was six hours into an acid trip one of the last things i would think to do would be to whack on cats i would have been doing that and the knowledge i've seen cats five or six times sober huh i wonder what this looks like when i totally alter my mindset not like oh well i'm at the end of my wits on this acid trip i guess i might as well throw on tom hooper's 2019 masterpiece and while we're here can i say this i saw a meme of a graph circulating which said the release of cats you know december 2019 covid 19 and the graphs were the graphs were running side by side. There was a direct correlation.

I put to you this. The withdrawal of cats from cinemas early 2020, the genuine rise of COVID is a global problem. They're exactly fucking on top of each other. The lines, the train lines. It wasn't cats arriving in cinemas that caused us this problem. It was cats no longer being available to watch in cinemas interesting a lot of people want to go to the movies by themselves how do you do it a screening of cats late in its run it's a healthy way to go to the movies all of a sudden you take it out you plug in something more box office

friendly the cinemas are full people are getting sick do the fucking math run the numbers here's the video well how excited was i to get an email from my good friends tim and guy asking me to come on to the podcast as a guest again then i read the email and realized they didn't want me on the show they just wanted some more unpaid content so here's some free filler for you uh go fuck yourselves uh congratulations on your little hundredth episode whatever the fuck it is uh stick it up your bottom and then blow it out your ass hole okay love josh um we didn't get the first bit of audio there so i'll just say that josh was very excited to see an email from us so uh uh delightful a guest spot back on the podcast only

to read on and see that we just want more free content from him well josh thompson in all seriousness and i've been saying this for years like probably the funniest individual in new zealand honestly he does not get his pro i know he's got like a tv career now and stuff because he's on the project but honestly people don't appreciate how fucking funny josh appreciates how funny he absolutely doesn't he is it's like so funny literally i can't imagine what he's like in the house because around the fringes of when i see him which is usually for a work reason he sort of he just blusters through like oblivious to how funny he's being constantly yeah and then cameras start rolling and he continues being himself the dude is a sensation. Yeah, absolutely.

I'm going to play another video for you. We're closing it on two hours. Well, we've done it. We might need to bookmark some of these. Yeah, that's okay. Here we go. Hey, boys. It's your old Frontier buddy, Justin McElroy.

I'm taking time out of my busy schedule of watching my children to talk to you guys about your show. I'm not watching them, so I might miss some magical exchange between the two of them, some very sweet moment. And I just kind of made me think about you guys. I don't know why, but I've been thinking a lot as I've been sitting here making this video about doing something sort of ill-advised and pointless and wasting something magical, some part of my life.

Doing something like, nothing springs to mind, but doing something silly and pointless for a very long time repeatedly and missing the best things in life. My children are encroaching on me and growing increasingly impatient. So I'll sign off here. But I'll just say thank you so much for everything you do. And just keep at it. Don't ever stop to think about it for very long. Okay, sweetie, hold on. Oh, what a fucking delight to see our friend Justin.

That made me homesick for Justin McElroy. I know, man. He looks great, too. I like him. Yeah, he's... Is it the clean shaven? Is that what's happening? I think it's his hair.

He looks fucking good and healthy. Traditionally, his hair sort of flops forward and to the side, but that was a bit more of like a sharpish guy. Real like, fuck. He looked like he was fucking keeping busy. Man, the thing about Justin McElroy is he's very famous. Like, those guys are very famous, and they have been for a long time. And just because he, like, sniffed our butts like a little dog and went,

seems all right to me, he invited us into his home, his family home for Thanksgiving. Do you know, G, before even he did that, we met the McElroy brothers at a podcast festival in Los Angeles that they were putting on. And for people who were more prominent, they were, like, I'm sure that we kind of probably negotiated our way into a very bad deal but pretty much they were staying within the hotel where the festival was

we were staying fuck knows where 25 minutes drive away at night which means a day's worth of driving in the morning and we were about to leave and justin said hey now let's keep having a drink you can stay i've got two big beds in my hotel room. It's ridiculous. And so upon sight, he took us into his hotel room, gave us like, you know, there's a very, I think about that context now, it's such a very open and inviting thing to do.

So generous. You're very vulnerable when you sleep. Yeah. I don't know what's in your head is a possible outcome i was paid to the hill with knives i don't know where your head is when he closed his eyes no no it was so sweet it was so sweet and we felt blessed and um i'm gonna out you now you hadn't listened to any my brother my brother and me i think at that point so you didn't quite know i know a fucking thing about these guys but i did and i was like dang dudes

do you know what though it doesn't really matter you know they would like to be met on their merits independent of the podcast that's just how we met them yeah but they're just fucking wonderful guys they really are they're really really fucking good eggs sometimes it's boring to hear people describe how nice people are but i don't care because it's the goddamn truth those macaroys are good fucking eggs i'm gonna play the last video guy do you have any objections no hey boys it's me paul f tompkins Remember when I told you you should stop doing your podcast? I've changed my mind. You never should have done it. You shouldn't have done it.

It's the whole video. Thank you, Paul. it's the whole video thank you paul as always a pleasure to see you you absolute bag of shit and potatoes um what a funny guy it's a funny message to send someone yeah king of comedy he's so easy again people have i think you know On the whole People are alright People I really believe that These are good people

I truly believe that People were good Right We said we were going to do this For two hours I think we should maybe Put a cork in the rest of the messies Yeah

As I call them Yeah On the potty Well yeah It's an absolute disaster zone in there. So let's put a rest on the missies and start with the tidies. Here's the tidy. Here's the rub.

Are we going to announce? Yeah. Yeah, okay, cool. People, Tom, Chris, Jason, Sarah, Rebecca, Ray Romano, and all the rest. I've got news for you. I don't know who these people are Huge shout out to Ray Romano We are leaving this stream We are announcing

A new season Of Worst Idea But not as you know it We're doing something slightly different Because honestly at this point I don't think we could do worst idea but not as you know it we're doing something slightly different because honestly at this point i don't think we could do what we have done anymore it's a young man's game and actually like if someone wants to take up the mantle like it's okay i get it always by all means yeah keep watching the same movie over and again not for us anymore we are embracing our middle years by remembering our

youth yeah we're gonna do a season watching a somewhat niche softcore pornographic franchise called emmanuel yes we're gonna watch a whole lot of softcore pornography together and we're gonna fucking talk about it we We've looked into it. There's over 50 films, which is a whole year's worth of weekly watches. Now, the context that you need to understand for us is that as Guy and I were coming of age, the cable television service in New Zealand is called Sky. And Sky One is the sort of default channel, like a Cinemax kind of thing. No, not Cinemax. Like Sky One during the sort of default channel, like a Cinemax kind of thing?

Not even Cinemax. Sky One during the day would play a variety. Play all sorts of shit. It would play sort of a Jerry Springer and then maybe an episode of South Park. And then like a movie. Yeah, really mismatched sort of broadcasting, but there was one reliable part of their broadcast,

which was every Friday. After midnight, and Saturdays as well, I think, it would flick onto a softcore pornographic film. We're talking late 90s, early 2000s. Emmanuel was a mainstay. It wasn't the entire catalogue of what they planned there, but it was frequently there. We were not watching the early to mid-70s

French original materials. We were watching sort of these mid-90s American spin-offs that bought the franchise but not the quality. You know, the premise is that there is someone named Emmanuel whose sole task is to explore their sexuality. And they would probably put in 10 to 15 minutes of pornography against 60 to 80 minutes of storyline yeah and it was a good time it was when you're a teenager your parents would be out or asleep you'd have a couple of mates over you'd all just stay up late and see

you know your first to second pair of breasts or people's navels, but nothing more than that. So we're going to embark on this new season of the worst idea of all time. Um, we are not exactly a hundred percent when it's kicking off. Exactly. It's going to be called boner patrol. I fucking,

nah, it isn't. It absolutely is not. It's not hard veto. A hundred percent. It is, but there's is not. It's not. Hard veto. 100% it is. But there's a new season of the podcast. We're watching all the Emmanuel films. It feels weird to promise that out loud to a live streaming audience.

No, it's the right thing to do. We're in it. Boner Patrol 2020. It's not called that. Every episode, we're going to talk about whether or not we got a boner and when it happened. No, that's not what's happening. Thank you so much for joining this live broadcast of our 100th Friend Zone on the worst idea of all time. My name is Timothy Andrew Batt.

I am Guy Montgomery and this has been the first episode of Boner Patrol. Well it's the Friend Zone with Tim and Guy. It's the friend zone. We're gonna have a good time. It's the friend zone with Tim and Guy because making friends is the best idea of all time. Friend zone.