The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone 120

Episode Date: April 25, 2021

The boiz are investigating a quick history of They Might Be Giants which leads to a comparative analysis of Disco and Space travel and a fantastic musical cooked up by a friend in NYC! Tim has been ripping thirteen hour work days and bingeing Breaking Bad. We finally get two hundred big ones from Ellen in exchange for encouraging them to make mistakes while learning things and Hamish in Melbourne is out in the world, watching the live comedy shows of Worst Idea of All Time alumni and all is well with the world.TWIOAT Live show in Auckland: qtheatre.co.nz/shows/worst-idea-all-time-best-host-all-timeGuy's NZ Comedy Fest show: comedyfestival.co.nz/find-a-show/guy-montgomery/Tim's NZ Comedy Fest show: comedyfestival.co.nz/find-a-show/classy-warfare/JOIN US ON FACEBOOK: (facebook.com/WorstIdeaOfAllTime)VISIT THE LITTLE EMPIRE PODCAST NETWORK: (littleempirepodcasts.com)MUSIC CREDIT: Tender Moonlight (facebook.com/TenderMoonlight)ART CREDIT: Tomas Cottle (sick-days.com) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the friendzone, in the friendzone, you're always home, in the friendzone, you're not alone, anytime, with Tim and Guy. I reckon they might be Giants' one of the hardest working bands in show business seriously they just seem to have such a crazy output if you think about most famous bands it's like oh yeah we made eight killer studio albums and they might be giants is like we've fucking collaborated with everyone we've made tv shows we've done like six children's albums yeah we've toured you know for years we've done it like they just seem on the hustle but i only know constantly i mean i'm i'm not a big fan i know they exist i really only know dr worm true yeah that rules they did i i think they did the

theme song. Malcolm in the Middle? Malcolm in the Middle. Yeah. Yeah. Which is like, for most bands, you get one of those. You know what I mean? And that's it. But they might be giant to just... But they, I mean... I think they did. I think. Oh, I could have this wrong, but I think they did one of the songs in the Spongebob musical.

That would make sense. It would. It's a perfect fit. Yeah, that's a really neat fit. They could have done the whole show i reckon like written them what year do you think they were formed oh i i kind of have a sense i might know roughly this and it's a lot earlier than you think like early 90s or mid 90s Give me a number. 89. 1989. 1982. Fuck, even earlier. They predate you.

All right, and I got a really good one for you. Yeah. The Bee Gees. What year were the Bee Gees formed? 58. Are you serious? Oh. That's exactly right.

Yes. How'd you do that? I don't know. Same year as Yes. How'd you do that? I don't know. Same year as NASA. How did you do that? It's just, that's trivia I've always got in my head, is that the Bee Gees and NASA started at the same time. Yeah. Crack up.

And disco's going stronger than space. Now NASA's sort of like, Disco's going stronger than space. I know they don't think that they're battling it out for supremacy, but the way I see it, it's disco v. space. Bro, how do you calculate that disco is going better than space? I'm listening to a lot more disco than I am. There was literally a rocket launch

watched by millions of people last night. Yeah. Look at the BG streaming numbers on Spotify. That's like half of one song. The only reason I retain anything about the BGs is because if you're doing CPR, staying alive is the exact rhythm you're supposed to compress.

Do chest compressions. There's a really famous interview with Clive Anderson who's a very popular British sort of maybe a Carson equivalent but less quippy and more like sort of deep dive style interviews. Original host of Who's Line A. Yeah

I think he was and he they walk out. He's like sort of exchanging barbs or jibes and the bgs are sort of not really taking it and they storm off really yeah it's good stuff and it's a really wonderful because i saw um barb and star visit casa del mar or something it's like a what's barb and star it's a 2021 it's sort of austin powers-esque it's a kristin wigg film i can't remember the other lead did is one of her friends the people who wrote bridesmaids made a new one and it's these two 2021. It's sort of Austin Powers-esque. It's a Kristen Wiig film. I can't remember the other lead. It's one of her friends.

The people who wrote Bridesmaids made a new one. And it's these two women who live in like... It's not Melissa McCarthy. No, no. They go on this holiday to Florida. And the opening track is Barbara Streisand and Barry Gibb, Guilty. Do you know this song? No, I don't. It is a hot track.

Should we put it on? If we can. I can get it up for us right now. Why the fuck not? I might be able to pump it through the thing so it actually sounds correct. That would be even better. It's crazy. It's an old

Rose Matafeo staple. Is it? She used to play it a lot. Rose knows a lot of good songs that I never heard before a lot rose knows a lot of like good songs that i know she knows a lot of she just knows a lot of shit from the past her by the way so long as we're here her sitcom if you're in the uk rose's sitcom starstruck premieres on sunday april 25 tell me more and you know you got to check it out the trailer's up on Instagram now it's a sensation her and Alice Sneddon

wrote it together and um I'm just so excited for them it's gonna be so good but now Barry Gibbon Barbara Streisand This is the line that Rose always says.

That's hot shit. Yeah, man. That's real hot shit. How are you going, Tim? What do you think about Because we always had A backup plan That if we couldn't

Make comedy Pay the bills We would get a radio show Is that still on the shelf For you? I'm not looking At getting a radio show Anytime soon

I would hate it I wouldn't Maybe I wouldn't hate it There's certainly You know Worse things to do With your life Oh absolutely But it sort of Represents a Maybe I wouldn't hate it. There's certainly worse things to do with your life.

Oh, absolutely. But it sort of represents a shifting of goals. I feel like... It admits defeat in an arena? It wouldn't be fair to say that. But it just means that where I'm putting my energy and what I specifically want out of my life or a job is different than what I want now. I feel that pivots right here.

You don't want to sell boner pills and car insurance in between playing Lady Gaga, my bro? I want to sell boner pills and car insurance in between watching softcore pornography. Yes, and that is the difference. That is the Tim B and Guy Montgomery difference. Hi everyone, welcome to the friend zone. That was all a cold open. Oh wow.

There's a great pull back and reveal. Six minutes in. How are you going Tim? Are you of a 25 minute crisp friend zone? You're putting a cap on it up top? Yes. Okay. So that everyone knows what to expect and expectations are set. Also, you can see the duration time on the app.

How is your weekend? Weekend? It's Sunday. Oh. Where we are. It's pretty irrelevant to me at the moment. Oh, the day of the week. Yeah.

Yeah. It's all wishy-washy. Okay. It's a 13-hour work day. Okay. I mean, that's an answer, isn't it? I guess it is. It's kind of, Zoe, my wife, is out of town,

and I get very unhealthy work habits. I see. Literally the only reason I leave the house is to walk my dog. I go through a lot of stuff. Are you productive in this time? Big time, hugely. I got through a lot of stuff are you productive in this time? big time hugely there are less healthy

things you could binge in the absence of your partner yeah I didn't do any gambling while she was gone this time good on you man gambling is fun though it is

it is undeniable you know if you make money qualify gamble responsibly isn't it crazy all these ads for gambling are on TV and then at the end they're like it is undeniable you know if you if you make me qualify yeah gamble responsibly isn't it crazy

all these ads for gambling are on TV and then at the end they're like oh by the way you gotta do this responsibly oh thank you looking at having their cake

and it is a cake it's a funny requirement that we have like that's going to fix it like what did does it do anything for any single person to have that message slipped on you

handle responsibly is that communicating anything to anyone? I don't think it touched the sides of a single person it's someone from the government, his friends with the gambling lobbyists that's what it is

now we did something we can put a sticker on it that won't actually have any impact that would be perfect thank you message guy

from our friends it reads as such hello fellas I'm a long time listener of the podcast but this is my first time writing I had the great

pleasure of attending your quote unquote farewell live show at the Bell House in New York and afterwards

you invited my friend and I out to a bar and we shared a pizza and some funky lettuce I'm the proud owner of the dollar store we are your waif you guys made

except for one letter which was nabbed by another too quick fan the reason I think I'm so interested in your continued self flagellation

is because I work in musical theatre often as the conductor of the orchestra whoa that's fucking cool The reason I think I'm so interested in your continued self-flagellation is because I work in musical theatre, often as the conductor of the orchestra. Whoa. That's fucking cool. That's really cool. I was, um, I mean, I don't want to undermine your job,

but I feel like the conductors are taking a lot of thunder. Fuck you. Do not finish that sentence. Nah, go on. I was at a live orchestral show recently, and the conductor took about 12 bows to every one that the orchestra got.

And I was like, this motherfucker, these guys all know how to read music. He's not even playing anything. You're just pointing your... I mean, I assume he can play every single

instrument in the orchestra better than the people playing it. Why? Why do you think that? Otherwise, why do they get all this glory? I don't think they know

how to necessarily play any instrument. No, they've they know how to necessarily play any instrument. No, they've got to be able to play one instrument. Aren't they just keeping time and conducting the volume? Piano. They're not conducting the volume. I guess they are because sometimes they do big exuberant gestures. But I mean, it's written there on the sheet music, isn't it?

Yeah, that's right. Anyhow You're doing important work That was so undermining We perform up to 8 shows a week And for my vantage point as conductor I'm watching the show Which means that over a 6 month run

I may watch it upwards of 180 times Fuck me Man people forget that about musical theatre To be involved with the show that's on i don't know how they don't all go insane it's relentless yeah i you go a little mad and develop theories and imagine the vast unexplored lives of minor characters you notice small bits of strange blocking for instance in the tour of cabaret there's a part where a character lights a cigarette and snuffs it out a short time later without ever taking a drag.

This bothered me endlessly. I also would like to share some mildly interesting connections to the potty I've made working in theatre. In one year, I worked with eight members of the original Broadway production of Cats across five separate projects. Holy! Two years ago, I worked on Susan Siedelman's musical

adaptation of her own movie, Boynton Beach Club. She's best known for directing the Madonna vehicle, Desperately Seeking Susan. Guy, does it, and I'm sorry to interrupt you, but strike you as slightly odd that someone as accomplished as an orchestral conductor in musical theatre with a career this illustrious is listening to our dirty, tawdry little podcast? No, God knows what high-end people, what what smut high end people like to entertain themselves with. Yeah. We are, but a couple of grubby jesters in the extravagant life of this author. this is me singing Susan,

but also, oh, but also, so this is in reference to, um, Susan Siedelman or Seidelman. Uh, she directed Boynton Beach Club,

uh, desperately singing Susan, but also through a considerable portion of the first season, including the pilot of Sex and the City. Since my name is on this message, I'll include no further qualitative commentary on our experience together. Anyway, thank you boys for countless hours of entertainment through the continued American lockdown. This message is from late March, I believe, if the news is to believe that restrictions are easing

in some parts of America. And I've got to say, watching it all unfold online, there's a real fucking pressure cooker vibe and energy. I tell you what, a lot of these countries that have been in lockdown for a long time are about to have the summer of their young lives. It's going to be like a rest time, eh? Like venereal disease is just going to sweep

the nation. Absolutely. Do you know what's going viral? Chlamydia. An actual virus. It used to be hashtags, now it's just STIs. You surely are absolute legends. Say my name, motherfucker.

Nick. And if you care to, plug my original musical, Starborn, a disco odyssey. I told you disco is going strong. Oh, my God. I'm writing this down. How do I find it? Starborn. So it's space.

For some reason, I'm searching it exclusively in the YouTube app. Good on you. It's space and disco. Star Starborn, A Disco Odyssey. It's about a transgender hero in 1979 who must save the galaxy from the evil space witch, Eurythra, a drag queen sorceress hell-bent on enslaving all sapient life in the universe. Do you want to hear some of it? Yeah. This is the prologue. And this is just a live recording.

It looks pretty cool. It looks like it's in a really upmarket kind of bar venue, like a music bar. What's this person's name? Nick. Nick, I hope this is okay that we're playing this. All right. I think we're going to get some lyrics and some vocals.

Oh, no, wait. This is a funky musical interlude. I'll skip it here today so we can hear some singing. Nope. Oh, yeah. I've long had a love of music. Thank you, Nick. I was so impressed by what you were doing with your life, Nick. I can actually say Nick's full name.

May I? Well, I didn't can actually say Nick's full name. May I? Well, I didn't because he just signed it as Nick. I mean, we've given enough details for everyone to Google this. Thank you, Nicholas Kaminsky. You got it. You got it in one. Thank you, Nick, for that fantastic correspondence. He did the book.

He did the music and he did the lyrics. I'm assuming pronouns here. Starborn A Disco Odyssey Music and lyrics is a Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore romcom That I've not seen Okay guys But I remember the trailer Alan gave us 200 US dollars Alright let's hear a little bit from Alan

Fuck Hey Guy Godot and Tim Possib- Alan did not say fuck I said fucks it's a tremendous it's like it's crazy amount of money guy ghetto is really good and tim possible yeah i don't know if i've had that before that's really that's good alan's on the money i've been meaning to pay the boys for a while and i'm finally doing it. The podcast is great and I've been especially grateful for your humour and camaraderie this year. Did you know, I'm hitting pause,

I reckon Comrade is how I should introduce audiences at comedy shows now. Yeah. Because for literally like years, like two years now, I've been trying to think of what an alternative is to Ladies and Gentlemen and I think Comrades is good. Comrades is great.

What do I say? I don't think I addressed them. I've gone with folks, but it's too like American presidential. It's too Obama-esque. Folks. Folks. Comrades is good though. Comrades is on the money for you.

Recognizes that we are in a war. There are lots of great podcasts, though this isn't just about how much I enjoy the show. One of the things I admire in you, and I don't hear much about popular media, is your vulnerability around learning. I remember an episode where one of you was trying to work a new word into your vocabulary.

Sorry, I don't remember which one because it was so long ago it struck me that your transparency around an area where you were trying to improve was incredibly refreshing gonna hit pause again i get a lot of shit on the subreddit for uh i can't even remember what word it is oh i fuck up the use of um uh uh inextricably a lot oh yeah you you you like to fuck around between inextricably and inexplicably. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Marry the two. Yeah.

Have a child word that doesn't exist in English. Inextricably means bound together. And like an inability to kind of tear them apart, right? Yeah. Like they are forever bound. Inextricably means unexplainable. And inexplicably, you inextricably have these words tied to one another. They sound similar, so that's probably the reason.

Yeah, I'd say so. It inspired me to be more open about things I'm still working on and more forgiving with myself for not getting things right the first time. Over the months and years since then, it's helped me be more confident in myself and to engage more with things I'm practicing. I know it sounds silly. Pausing. It doesn't actually.

Sounds fucking ridiculous. No, it sounds awesome. But I grew up being pretty self-critical. So that kind of shift had a huge impact on my life and happiness. So thanks. And thanks for the emergency season this year. I'm in the U.S. where too many of us are stubborn and refuse to listen and learn from the example places like New Zealand set.

So it was very welcome respite. You don't need to read this on the friend zone. Whoops. Or acknowledge it at all. I consider it payment for services already rendered. Here's to health and happiness in the new year, which indicates sort of roughly when this was sent.

Oh man, it was sent last year at the start of december um god damn it alan thank you there is uh first of all tremendous amount of money for which i'm grateful but yeah but but but let's park that to one side that's so fucking cool that's not what i was gonna say the impact that we had on alan's approach. I was going to say thank you and you're welcome. Oh, God. Dear Frosty Fellas, ahoy from across the ditch. Ahoy, ahoy. Just a note to thank you for your virtual company over the past few years.

I've been an avid listener since somewhere across the dulcet tones of Guy Montgomery on various Australian podcasts. Since then, your extensive back catalogue has kept me sane and entertained as I've bumbled my way through my early 20s. My appreciation for the work you good boys do has reached new heights over the past 12 months as your increasingly wacky undertakings got me through an otherwise pretty tough year. After arriving back in Australia from overseas as a walking biohazard in March 2020,

I fondly remember tuning into the first episode of Happening Through a Fog of Jet Lag and giggling like a child for some reason at Guy's offhand remark that 25 minutes is a hearty wank during the wank review. It was said into my brain. I forgot about the wank review. The wank review was great. That was Eli Mathewson of The Male Gaze. That was really good.

Also hoping to see the month. Just reviewing your wanks. Who's doing that? It's honest. It's fucking good. Also hoping to see the month spelling bees back at some point. I'd also like to shout out Tim's fantastic pod, How to Save the World. It's always a worthwhile listen and inspired me to start a veggie patch in lockdown,

which was a lifesaver for my mental well-being. These days, there's nothing I love more than pottering around the garden while listening to a couple of strapping young lads from NZ wax lyrical about softcore porn and the inevitable demise of Jeff Bezos. While I'm quite disappointed that we won't be graced with your presence at the Melbourne Comedy Festival this year, I'm making up for it by seeing many friends of the pod, including Michael Hing, Dan Rath, Mel Bracewell

and Sloss. Fuck yes to all of that. That's right. Monty's 2019 show was my highlight of that year's festival and I can't wait to catch a live pod someday in the not too distant future. Love your work, lads. Thank you for all that you do. If you happen to read this on the friend zone,

please say my name. Hamish. Hamish. I just wrote the word hamish and send it back to hamish doubling down that's where you guys sit yeah thanks so much hamish uh so glad to hear like you know fuck i just love someone who's invested in uh comedy and comedians and he's actually gonna hear someone on a podcast because yeah you know it's it's a huge part of the way that the the gig economy works for us where you don't actually you know like unless someone expressly tells you how they found out to come along you know until you reach a level of uh ubiquity where

it's assumed that people might know to come watch your show it's so satisfying to know that something as simple as appearing on a podcast and having a good time with a friend can lead to that direct relationship between anything is Kim possible that's right and um also I'm Wonder Woman 1984 very good very good. Very good. Thanks, Tim. I do improv. It shows. Can you tell? And it shows. Yeah. How to Save the World is my sustainability podcast.

That's right. Maybe you should do one on burnout while your wife is out of town. Do one on burnout? What do you mean? Or making sure that you maintain a sustainable lifestyle In the absence of your life partner No, no, no, no, no, no Listen, it's not about a sustainable work-life balance

I'm certainly never going to tackle that topic It's about how we keep the planet rolling on Keep on moving on Well, I think I've got a zucchini plant I don't know if i've mentioned it on this podcast i don't think i certainly mentioned it to me so as soon as i came to your house dude so i was i i grew a veggie patch as well um sort of through advice that i got from waveney my co-host on how to save the world and it was cool i grew lettuces. And then I took it all out after we got some lettuces.

And I was like, I'm going to do a flower bed next. Yeah. Help encourage the bees. We've all got to look out for the bees. Okay. Yes, King. Sorry, can I just say, yes, King, go off. Thank you.

No worries. And then out of nowhere, as I was in the midst of preparing this flower bed, which I don't know what the fuck I was doing. I was just putting more and more compost on a certain spot hey i'm listening out of nowhere yeah a zucchini plant sprouted yes and then like seymour from little shop of horrors overnight took over the fucking joint it is insane and the rate of growth is incredible is that is i mean is a zucchini plant a traditionally a weed i don't know i i have to assume that's the case you plant mint and you know i'll just have a little bit of mint and then mint says no well there's no such thing as a weed guy

there's just a plant in the wrong place ah a gardener told me that. I like that. Yeah. You want to burn through one more before? Nah. No, I don't. Holy shit. Look at the restraint.

Look at the control on this guy. I think we've had quite enough, actually. He said we're going to do 25 minutes. Which means we've got a cool minute and a half to just fucking just calm down. Just take it easy. What life advice do you have for the people listening to the Friend Zone right now? If they can take one message away from Guy Alexander Halifax Montgomery, what's it going to be?

It's tough. That's tough. I'm trying to think of sincere life advice. It doesn't have to be the best. It just has to be good. Put your... You reckon those dogs are getting picked up on, Mike? A lot of dogs.

Maybe a little bit. I reckon my advice, don't bring your phone into bed. Go to sleep with yourself or yourself and your partner. Wake up by yourself. You don't need to let the world into that part of your life. Some places should be just for you. Yeah. You need to build a Faraday cage around your bed

and make sure that no radiation can come into the zone. Thank you, Tim. The bone zone, I call it. Yeah. So even if you do bring your phone in there, you lose cell signal. You cannot get Wi-Fi because you are contained within a lead unit.

And surrounded by the fruit of your prosperous archaeological dig that you masturbate to with your monstrous boner. It's called the bone zone for a reason, everyone. Have a wonderful day. Wait, I forgot. We're supposed to play our comedy shows

oh fuck well this fucks everything oh it doesn't no it does everything's gone to shit listen we're still here guy um guy and i have got solo shows coming up if you're in new zealand you you simply gotta come and if you're out of new zealand well auckland or wellington specifically if you're out of new zealand stop listening to this one. No, no. There's something for them too. Come on, man. All right, fine.

Jesus Christ. Fine. It's your fucking life. Keep listening. I don't give two shits. Classy Warfare is the name of my show. And it starts in Wellington on May the 4th and goes to a Saturday the 8th. And then it's in Auckland from May the 11th to May the 15th.

There's ticket links in this show description. And my solo show is called Guy Montgomery by name, Guy Montgomery by nature. It's happening in Wellington from Tuesday, May 11th till Saturday, May 15th and in Auckland on May 21st and May 22nd. Then on May 20th. That's right.

For the first time ever, the lads are determining who is the best host of all time it is a worst idea live event happening in the biggest venue in the comedy festival it's uh it's going to be huge we've got a lot of exciting things planned right when it's going to be streamed live if i have got the i'm I am in the fucking grips of figuring out the live streaming aspect of it. So have a look in the episode description because I might have a link to the event if I've got it up yet. But chances are I might not just yet, but I will soon. As soon as I get it up, make sure you're following TWIOATpod if you're on Twitter. TWIOATpod if you're on Twitter. TWIOATpod.

Or facebook.com slash worstideaofalltime, or it'll be on our website, www.worstideaofalltime.com. There will be a link so you can watch the live event when it happens because this thing is going to be fucking good. It's going to be really good. We have something called eyes that are bigger than our stomachs. Yes. Both with venue

capacity and ambition for this show so come and be a part of people ordering too much food we have blown past the 25 minutes so you know as you were you're welcome or apologies have a great yeah get back in that bone zone.