The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone 124

Episode Date: June 25, 2021

Tim and Guy talk about the language of love (which is French) and how to spell things in English. Is it i before e except after c if the word is receive? Yes! A video essay (by Maggie Mae Fish which you can see here) comparing Rob Schneider to his contemporary Tim Heidecker is brought to the boys’ attention and Spencer talks about accidentally emulating the podcast formula by repeatedly watching Grown Ups 2 for fun before even knowing the podcast existed!JOIN US ON FACEBOOK: (facebook.com/WorstIdeaOfAllTime)VISIT THE LITTLE EMPIRE PODCAST NETWORK: (littleempirepodcasts.com)MUSIC CREDIT: Tender Moonlight (facebook.com/TenderMoonlight)ART CREDIT: Tomas Cottle (sick-days.com) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the friendzone, in the friendzone, you're always home, in the friendzone, you're not alone, anytime, with Tim and Guy. Fuck yeah dude, friendzone. Yes. Imagine that. Imagine a zone just for friends. Okay. But then it's also, because when you put it like that, it sounds exclusive and potentially excluding, but it's the opposite.

Au contraire, mon frere's. I don't know what the plural of the French for friend is. Well, frere is brother. Is it? Friend is ami. And sort of romantic partner is petit ami. Little friend? So in France, you say, have you met my little friend?

And they could tower over you. You don't know how tall this person's partner is, but you have to call them little. They've got an interesting usage for little, because I remember the one thing in French I remember, this is from an old school friend of mine who took French. She said it's a very common term of endearment is, which I think means my little cabbage, which is like a really sweet thing to say to someone.

It's a beautiful language and I'm sure it makes a lot more sense than our one. It's just we didn't learn it as boys. Boys. English is an interesting language yeah I assume I don't know I don't think people

find it easy to learn um no because there's all these rules like I before E except after C or whatever it is

and that applies 5% 15% anyway the thing is don't anyway this stay in it it sounds exclusive

receive what we're doing Which way around does that go? Because now I've got no confidence in the rule So I can't even apply it across the board You know what I mean? Which is the whole point of having a rule It's E-I after R-E-C-E-I-V-E

I tell you what though It is very destabilizing to have that conversation Before challenging someone to spell the word Yes I love that I once made a show about spelling Yep, Spelling Bee Guy Montgomery's Spelling Bee Or challenging someone to spell the word. Yes. I love that. I once made a show about spelling. Yep, Spelling Bee. Guy Montgomery's Spelling Bee.

And I never got challenged to spell. You were, I don't know if I can bring this up, but you were floating that to a party to try and get it going. Yes, I would like to make it into a television show. So if any wealthy, deep-pocketed television executives are listening and there's a Guy Montgomery spelling-shaped hole in your scheduling or programming, I'm still open to realizing that. I have formally asked a funding body for money,

but I don't know the outcome of that question. Oh, I see. It's still pending yes what if you did it as a Twitch stream and so like most of the time, because the thing about Twitch is you've just got to clock up damn hours so it's just you reading a dictionary

out loud to chat and then there's a show, like a big show of the spelling bee like once or twice a week if I could get an easy Twitch stream I would love to Twitch. I would love to have a Twitch stream of me reading the dictionary.

Do it. Do you think that would work? I think that's a very funny thing to do. What do you need? A camera? You got everything you need, baby. You got a phone? You got an internet connection?

Yeah. You're streaming. Really? Yeah. But when I'm reading, do I have to interact with people? It's up to you. People like that though, don't they? Yeah. But when I'm reading, do I have to interact with people? It's up to you. People like that, though, don't they?

Yeah. I mean, it's sort of the point, the way that some people are playing it. But also, Guy, most people aren't reading the dictionary on there. You can make your own rules. There's a lot of cut through there. I think so. It's a huge. Yeah, this is genuinely exciting to me.

I think it's a great idea. It's a red hot idea. Well, that's something to look forward to. What I was trying to circle back to earlier is you were describing what the friend zone is and you said it sounds exclusive, but you were saying... Because it's a zone for friends,

but people get it backwards, you see. It's not like you've got to be friends to get into the zone. It's like come to the zone and be friends with everyone. Yes, but it is somewhat exclusive in that you have to know about our podcast to be a friend hmm i don't imagine anyone stumbling upon this yeah you never know i don't people play podcasts in cars now there could be a passenger they do initiated that's what i've fond you know what an odd reminisce. But one of my fondest memories of when we would travel to Los Angeles... I know what it is.

Go ahead. Driving down the highway and listening to that Super Ego episode. Yes. Yeah. But that is the example. But the broader memory is listening to podcasts in cars. Podcasts make a lot of sense in Los Angeles. Because, you know, in Los Angeles,

people were always surrounded by all this glass and concrete. Sometimes I think we crash into each other just to feel something. And that's the opening monologue from the movie Crash, directed by excommunicated Scientologist Paul Haggis. Huh. I don't know precisely how much of what I just said is accurate, but the broad strokes of it all are true. Okay, I'm not going to delve at all. Except into the mail bag. Oh, here's the mail that never fails.

It makes me want to wag my tail. When it comes, I want to wail. Mail! You've got a Steveve look today oh yeah wearing a college shirt with a green sweater on top i got myself dressed this morning because i got myself dressed this morning finally i was given dressing permissions by chelsea and i i look at myself in the mirror and i thought i look good i look good today you do look i look um smarter look good. I look smarter than usual. Yes. I look like I'm about to close a deal and the deal I'm going to close is listening to you read some mail. Well, the first

message here comes via Kieran and it comes via a huge donation of 50 US dollars to our PayPal, which is incredible and staggering. Those are two words I'd use to describe that amount. Yeah, that's Kieran. It's Kieran spelt, I think, like the Gaelic way with a C.

You know? I have sent you a message on Facebook because the word count on this PayPal system is pathetic. That's right. It is pathetic. Much love, Kieran. Do you want me to look? Well, we've probably already read it

because that was from December. We definitely have. And the Facebook is far more up to date than my email. We've got a working system. We've got a system. Don't worry about us. We've got a working system. So I'm going to go on Facebook on my computer while you read out something else.

I would love that because Chrissy has written to us to say, Hello, guys and Tims. Greetings from Scotland. More specifically, greetings from the glasgow royal infirmary just want to circle back to that greeting yeah guys and tims that's really nice that's anyone listening with the name guy this is addressed to and same can be said for the tims um where i have been a resident since the 24th of December 2020, because what is more peak 2020 energy than Santa bringing me a kidney stone? Merry Christmas, the most excruciating pain one can experience outside of childbirth.

I'm Santa. This is a thank you message Boys, pure and simple I saved a few EPs up Oh, EPS, sorry It's capitalised, I thought it was like records And boy howdy, I'm glad I did While the laughs were cripplingly

Physically painful, they were a Welcome mental balm I have been gifted a copy of Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 A film I have never seen this Christmas as I've been touting death blight to all and sundry, so I look forward to damaging my recovery by inflicting that upon myself when I return home. Thank you

for doing what you do, you good, good boys. Pints are on me next time you're in town. Merry Christmas. Joyou Noelle? How do you say that? Joyou Noelle. It's got an X. Say again? Joyou Noel How do you say that? Joyou Noel It's got an X Say again

Joyou Joyou Joyou Joyou Noel Noel And Feliz Navidad Please say my name You fucks

Chrissy McDonald I hope And you've made it In bliny old Scotland Yeah That was seen on the 27th of December The day after Boxing Day And three days before New Year's Eve.

Beautiful place, Scotland. Beautiful accent, the Scottish accent. Yeah. Strong. Undeniably. But awesome. Something unto itself. Hey!

I saw Shirley Manson live once. Garbage. Oh, garbage. I saw garbage. Garbage. I never saw garbage live, but I did see a covers band at halftime at a Canterbury

NPC rugby game when I was about 9 years old They were called Dateless and Desperate And they sang a couple of Garbage covers And I thought that was probably At the time the pinnacle of my live music experience I thought these guys are amazing Do you remember what songs? That's not Garbage

Oh wait That one that you're singing right now isn't Garbage That's not garbage. Who's that? Oh, wait. That one that you're singing right now isn't garbage, but they've got a very similar couple of songs I'm trying to think of. But that's, yeah, I can't remember. I'm losing my sense. Yeah, yeah, that's not garbage. That's not garbage.

No. No, you're right, actually. It's bloody good. Anyway, thanks, Chrissy. This says, hey, fellas, long time, first time, no personal message to share other than Guy seems like quite a nice fella no yeah you're right actually it's bloody good anyway thanks chrissy this says hey fellas long time first time no personal message to share other than guy seems like quite a nice fella and not at all a piece of shit unless he's the one who suggested all of this in the first place in which case i'm glad his experiment actually succeeded in creating and or strengthening your

friendship and so is still not a piece of shit that was all in parenthesis oh okay so that's an aside that was quick even for me to get all of. How did that sentence start? Anyway, just wanted to cue you two in to a bit of synergy in my worlds. Maggie Mae Fish. Yes. A comedian and long-form movie critic via YouTube recently put out a 20-minute video exploring...

Rob Schneider. Correct. And his relation to Tim Heidecker yes, oh you've seen the video I watched the video the algorithm delivered it to me I think when it like quite early into coming out and then a few days later people kept

tweet mentioning us I missed all of this I have no idea if Meg is aware of your work but I'm aware of both parties' work and thought you might be interested in her work. Link follows at the end. I don't care whether or not you say my name. Love you.

All right. Well, let's see if you... The way you said that sentence. I was channeling the author. And to test your experiment, I'm going to not say your name at all. Wow. You don't care? Let's see how you feel about that. God, I'm going to not say your name at all. Wow. Yeah. You don't care?

Let's see how you feel about that. God, I bet you if I was listening along, I would love to know who wrote that message, who wrote that dispatch from the internet. I sure do. You're dying to know. I really want to know. And I'll never know.

Yeah. And that kills me. You will literally never know. I'll never know. That's a piece of information I'll never have. I have access to it in to it in a way yeah i won't do it because it feels wrong yeah so thank you uh anonymous author thank you confucius shout out to that piece of content by um good time good watch what's the first name margaret no what is it maggie may fish maggie may fish maggie may fish it's really good she is a fantastic um like video essayist everything looks good she's got a great on-screen charisma it's it's

a good piece it's good stuff happening yeah and uh you know she does a good dissection on there i'm a big tim hideka fan as well So it was a delight seeing those two, you know, two artists being compared. Seeking help to immigrate to NZ, writes Matt. You must have mixed us up with the high commission. Again. Hi, Tim and Guy.

So here we are. I'm writing to you asking if you'll please be references for my New Zealand immigration application. I'm a highly skilled worker. Have we read this? I'm writing to you asking if you'll please be references for my New Zealand immigration application. I'm a highly skilled worker. Have we read this? I'm a highly skilled worker in a master's degree program and hoping you can put a good word in for me, whoever you know, at the New Zealand Board of Immigration.

Anyway, the immigration thing is fun because I started listening to your pod back when I worked as an assistant at an immigration law firm three years ago and was miserable. I absolutely blitzed through each season of the pod while I sat bored at my desk and a sharp decline in my productivity followed, although I'll blame myself, not the pod. It got so bad that at one point my boss reminded me in what may have been the most passive-aggressive email

of all time that, quote, being able to read this is a requirement of your continued employment, which I guess i deserve because i missed an important email apparently anyhow never had i been accused of being illiterate by an employer before so it's safe to say i was shook anyway i quit a few months later to take a job where i would make half as much money but i got to do work that's infinitely more rewarding working as an elementary working at. Working as an elementary school.

I'm keeping it. Thanks for the content keeping me going through the worst job I ever had and now the best job I ever had. Of course, the affirmation transformation into an elementary school. See you soon, Matt. Matt, the school, good for you, bud. Well done. Way to pursue your real passion

educating kids and housing them from the hours of 8 30 to 3 incredible really uh i can't imagine how you've managed to execute that but it is admirable i mean you know teachers give so much to our kids but so too do the buildings in which they teach. And for you to fulfill both obligations is truly above and beyond the call of duty. So Matt, congrats. I'll tap someone on the shoulder who is wearing a suit next time I'm in Wellington. If they work in immigration, you're in luck.

If they don't, I'll send them on their way. Nice. Now I have got a body of text in front of me that is close to the longest thing I've seen on a friendzone. I'm going to recline because I'm in a chair that does so. And it starts as such. 27th of May, 2021. We are about a month out of whack here,

but that's forgivable because it's our show. Bimbo Timbo and the Sundance Guy. The Sundance Guy. Yeah. I can't interject if this is big. Hello. My name is Spencer. She, her.

And I finally just caught up to real time after Friendzone 122. And it feels insane. Her name is spencer she's listened to a lot of timbo and gaga while they lose their minds over the but it costs of our like hundreds of hours yeah thousands hundreds that's a scary thought Hundreds approaching thousands We should probably run the math on when our thousandth hour is We're going to do something special for it Our thousandth hour of broadcasting So approximate

Anyway, sorry, Spencer I started from season one last year And it has been a journey chronologically listening to every single episode I sent an email to Tim recently after finishing season four, having to do with the true creator of Sex and the City and how Michael Patrick King ruined the show when he became executive producer halfway through season four. And I can copy and paste it below this message

in case you want to read it too. You're the only podcast I listen to and are some of my favorite comedians bar none wow i wasn't expecting that i am an amateur filmmaker and your film viewing habits have leeched into mine as i spent most of december 2020 watching awful films even going as far as watching paul blart 2 wrapped in a blanket with the lights off at 15 volume while dark side of the moon played twice and let me tell you it was still bad chef Chef's kiss, baby. 15, that's where you want to be.

Before I go, I wanted to say what made me want to listen to... Before I go, I wanted to say what made me want to listen in the first place was I did a very small concentrated version of the pod right after I finished high school in 2016. My best friend had a projector in his basement and we would hang out and bro out watching Grown U ups 2 over and over again every time we hung out i did genuinely find it funny at first but by the end of it i felt like i was losing my mind we didn't do it as a challenge or anything my friend just really liked grown-ups 2 laughed my fucking ass off so when i heard that was the film you

chose to start i knew i was in for a treat i'm a trans woman now so i literally can't bro out watching grown-ups too but i fondly remember those times thank you for all the laughs have a lovely day and say my name baby spencer maple say my name say my name spencer maple is your name spencer maple is your name your name is sp, what's your name? Your name is Spencer Maple. Spencer, a huge thank you for the correspondence. It does continue, but I won't read this because I'm assuming it is what you've already read as an email. Or should I read it? Mate, this isn't about me.

This is about the friends. I love that. Well, the next paragraph of this correspondence is, please don't read right after my previous, as it would be way too much me for one episode. Oh, I see. But here are the emails I sent Tim. I forgot I sent a second one.

But anyways, if you do read them, save them for another episode or something. Okay, thank you. Bye. Wow, we're at a real crossroads now. I actually think we will move on. But can you mark... Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

Yeah, I can. Can you mark that so we get back to it later? Previously on The Friend Zone. Yeah. Do you know, I remember when we lost the, just because I sang a very small part of Crossroads by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony there. I remember I,

this is not a good memory. It was after we lost the rugby world cup the New Zealand team did we lost the semi-final to England in Japan in 2019 and I'd taken a small but

strong enough amount of acid with two of Chelsea's cousins to watch the game and sort of under the impression that as we watched the game and won the game and became higher it would be the sort of beautiful you know there'd be a beautiful synergy to the experience but what happened is we got significantly outplayed and lost the game and instead i sort of um you know i i started to view rugby or like i it was a really wonderful sports experience because i was like what what where is what is the value i'm placing on this you know like it totally changed what i

thought the experience was and then i had a wonderful time watching it but i was still sad when we lost and the first thing i did afterwards is i put on bone thugs in harmony crossroads and i danced for the whole song as the full-time hooter hooter blue because we i felt like we were at a crossroads in your journey on drugs just no with the with the the the new zealand rugby team at that moment right and it felt good and i whenever i hear that song now that's the first memory i have and it makes me want to i've only got one dance move really i sort of shuffle side to side and i move my arms a little bit and that's dancing chelsea's got a few mentions on this episode. Pray tell, who is this Chelsea that you speak of?

Chelsea? Yes. Why, that woman, she's the one I love. Yeah. Yeah. Tell me about her. You want to know about Chelsea? Well, tell us all about her.

Give me three facts about Chelsea. Her name is Chelsea, but it's spelt C-H-E-L-S-I-E, which is a very unconventional spelling for Chelsea. I think it's because her name was going to be Elsie, and then they panicked and put a ch at the front. Yep. Words to that effect. Someone suppressed a sneeze on the bench.

Yes. She is a very talented writer and filmmaker and actor, and her short film Falling Up, deeply autobiographical is one of the most powerful pieces of cinema I've seen fact, it's a beautiful thing, and your third fact we did

close to two years of long distance and emerged through the other side stronger for it, more of a fact about the relationship but I'll allow it. $10 has been sent to us by... I won't read their name because they haven't said if I'm allowed, but it's one of those cool names where it's just the first initial

and then a middle name and a last name. Oh, wow. Real baller. Like I'd be T. Andrew Bat. Yeah. Or Tandrew. If you wanted to ram him together. Yep.

Just wanted to thank you for your work. Even though you spent some time rightly criticizing bad movies, your show still remains to radiate positivity, forgiveness, and friendship. Best wishes for 2021. That is lovely. That was sent on New Year's Eve. That's a really good message. New Year's Eve.

Yeah. Talk about recent. Recent. Here's another one from New Year's Eve. I's a really good message. New Year's Eve? Yeah. Talk about recent. Here's another one from New Year's Eve. I'm taking it. New listener reads the subject line. Tim Guy. I've been listening to Death Blight for years.

Finally was convinced to give the weird Kiwis on it a chance. Well, it was love at third or fourth episode. Your kind friendship warms the cockles of my heart. Gross word, but very true. Quick note on your faces. As an experienced podcast listener, I know better than to start a new show

without first looking up a photo of the hosts. I've felt too much mental anguish and visio auditory dissonance in the past when I've looked up a host after years of listening. Jad Abumrod. Is that how you spell that? Jad Abumrod from Radiolab, right? I don't know.

That's where he's from. I'm looking at you. Well, your photos are nice, but I just saw you in your Friendzone 100 video, and I must say you are both absurdly handsome. My tablet just turned off. It's not allowing me this moment. Like way too good looking for two guys who spend quite a bit of time in the audio space.

You're taking podcasting and radio jobs away from those of us with more normal visages and I must say it makes me furious. I would say keep doing what you're doing but like many fans of yours it feels like watching the NFL. Wish there was a way you could do your joke tackles

without the accompanying sex and city concussions. That's a great analogy. Who am I kidding? You two could read the ingredients of a tin of cottage cheese and I'd be good.

Y'all funny fucks. Stay healthy, stay frosty, be well. All my love, SB. Thank you, SB. That was a beautiful message.

Really. From the cogs of your heart to the... Stunning visage of your face. Recesses of my ego. Thank you. I got one here, Tim. Not as good. Would you read the ingredients of a cottage cheese on the stream,

on the Twitch stream? It's like a bonus episode. I think it's bonus episodes i'd take requests for um they're not episodes if they're like twitch hey i don't know this is a world that's foreign to me but i think is like you know the getting through the dictionary would be my primary goal but then as a as a intermediary content i would take requests from uh people to read ingredients from certain foods. You know, the whole thing with Twitch is people pay you money, or like they can, so you could do that. You'd be like, yo, shout out to fucking Ralphie who gave me a six-month sub.

What do you want me to read, brother? And then I'll read something at his request. Yeah. It could be a great way to pivot into audiobooks. I've been listening to an audiobook recently. You would be a stunning audiobook reader. I've been listening to an audiobook recently. You would be a stunning audiobook reader. I'd love to hear an audiobook read by you. I would love to read them,

but I just don't think people want to listen to books read in a New Zealand accent. I don't think that's true. There's a market for it. Yeah, you must be right. And that market is? New Zealand books. Yeah, yeah.

It would be very disorienting to read like a British, to hear someone... I would love to hear you read Harry Potter. I've never read it, but if you did an audio book of it, I'd listen. Listen. I'd listen. Maybe I'll come over one night and we can see how it goes. Read me a story.

This one reads, this is kind of administrative, this message. Hit me with the admin. Don't know if you see this these days. Try to message you in the patreon chat i'm a deciders club level patron for four years and i'm locked out of the posts what can you see what the issue might be that's really weird is it on patreon side of things am i the only one experiencing this oh my god can you screenshot and send me over that must see the trees in which your latest podcasts are set. Yeah, bloody oath.

When did that message come through? Just for my own notes. The 1st of June. Oh, that's not good. I'll get on to that. Sorry, person. My apologies. I really don't know what I'm doing, but I try to, you know, make it work.

I'll go on to another message now. This one from Jordan, Colbert, unsure or bert unsure tim guy loving the latest season a short note to pass on some love from across the tasman and to also share a rob schneider gem i found while listening to the pod episode four of overlooked and undercooked guy read a review and mentioned a stoush that rob once had with entertainment writer robert ebert few google reviews later i was reading somewhat chaotic then kind stream of consciousness open letter that the Rob dog himself penned to Roger Ebert's wife after Roger's

recent passing. Heck of a premise very entertaining window into Rob's mind. Highlights include quote, first off Mr. G never saw the movie in question he trashed it before it was ever released here's another quote

But as a Zen Buddhist I know there is no such thing as a one-sided coin You do have to be a Zen Buddhist You can't just preface Dumb shit you think of with As a Buddhist A one-sided coin What are you talking about?

Well, I didn't know that there were... We're all learning. Terrible metaphor. We're learning today, Tim. Terrible. Carry on. Anyways, link is below for when you are looking for something to read in downtime. Keep up the amazing work, lads. Great to hear guys volunteered for the 2021

Adelaide Fringe. See you there, mate. Say my name, Jordan Colbert. Yeah, this guy is always at me on Twitter to get over to the Ad thing for years. It's him and a mate, and they're always in my fucking mentions saying to get over to Adelaide. Thank you, Jordan. Dude, their fringe pops off. I know, I've heard it's amazing.

I haven't been, but I've heard it's incredible. One year I was meant to go, but I got very sick. This is pre-COVID. Very sick in Brisbane. And then that's when I was flying back to get my wisdom teeth removed. And I had a seizure on and I had my wisdom teeth coming through and bacterial tonsillitis. A beautiful.

I've just shown Guy a very zoomed in picture of Rob Schneider's face. And I had a seizure on an airplane while it was taxing to take off. Zero stars. That's actually all the time we have today. Read one more from your thing. Okay. Wow. Come on, man.

I like it when you're the daddy. Don't do this. Okay, I won't. Here we go. Here we go. Here we go. It doesn't seem to come up so much anymore, but it's so funny when guests come on for an ep in the Emmanuel season, it's like they're afraid it's going to get them too horned up.

At this point, the idea of one of these films actually arousing you guys to the point where you rush off and make love to your partners would be kind of nice, if unthinkable. Followed up by about two weeks later, do you still read these? It doesn't seem so. And then followed up by, I don't know what this is in reference to,

but so glad Tim actively didn't shout out big mouth. Yeah. So thank you to Tom. But now we accidentally have. Good on you, Tom. You're replying to Tom yeah okay cool all right everybody that is the friend zone don't know what number it is i'll figure that out when i post this online yeah which is before you're hearing this time travel is an amazing thing that's right we're off to um talk about je about Jeff Bezos in whatever terms we decide. Yeah, which is a little project called Kill Your Near

that you'll know about if you are a $5 plus Patreon subscriber. And if you're not, that's totally fine too. No worries, man. You just get to enjoy the podcast. All you need to know is that we're doing our best to help Jeff. Jeff. He is going to space soon. What does this button do?

Oh, that's the button for it. Forgot I put that on there. Bye, everyone.