The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone 125

Episode Date: July 2, 2021

This Friendzone comes to you from a park and was partially intended to plug Tim's upcoming comedy shows in the South Island of New Zealand, which you can buy tickets for at timbatt.co.nz/shows BUT THEN Guy spotted a contestant on the current season of The Apprentice Aotearoa and so instead, we chat to Stephen (@TheBuzzyKiwi) for a while. Also huge shout out to Strahan for solving a musical mystery.JOIN US ON FACEBOOK: (facebook.com/WorstIdeaOfAllTime)VISIT THE LITTLE EMPIRE PODCAST NETWORK: (littleempirepodcasts.com)MUSIC CREDIT: Tender Moonlight (facebook.com/TenderMoonlight)ART CREDIT: Tomas Cottle (sick-days.com) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the friendzone, in the friendzone, you're always home, in the friendzone, you're not alone, anytime, with Tim and Guy. Do you want to tell people what's going on with us? Paint the picture? What's going on with us? Paint the picture. We are sitting on a park bench in Western Park in the sort of central suburb of Ponsonby in Auckland. It's a sunny, if not brisk Thursday. Is it a Thursday morning? Yeah, I think that's right.

And I've just picked him up from his house. He has bought us a couple of coffees. Yeah. I've mainlined mine, so, you know. I've already had one. Now safe to talk to me. Hey, don't talk to this guy before he's had his coffee. My morning brown, as they say.

And it's just, it just a lovely, crisp Wednesday. Has all that shit gone full circle, do you think? Morning brown? Kind of like making fun of... It's funny because that's office culture. But because of COVID, that's now quite antiquity. Is that the word I'm looking for? Antiquated.

Yeah. I don't know. I think that coffee humor and sort of all that coffee stuff coffee mug slogan bullshit it's all great everyone's working from home now so it's kind of like there's a lot of people craving to be back in the office among humans

so it's like get me my water cooler chat back oh no no no at least in New Zealand I think people have been back at the office long enough that they they've gone from missing it to being glad it's back to resenting it once more but what will be evergreen is all that great coffee humor i like it when cafes have um chalkboards out the front and they write the slogans on them like, first coffee, then adulting. Because I think, hey, I see a little bit of myself on that chalkboard. I was in such a good mood and you really ruined it.

I was really looking forward to hanging out with you. And we're in a park and the sun's shining. I hate this content. What's upset you? We're in a park and the sun's shining. I hate this content. What's upset you? It's this presentation of a character, of someone that I know isn't you and I don't like them. I call my cup of coffee in the morning my magical talking juice.

Fuck me. Man, it makes me so angry. It's really ruined my day. so angry it's really ruined my day well you'll be pleased to hear because i have had my um my mug of piping hot bean juice i'm actually ready to talk do you ever think about the dominant ideology that's kind of governing the world at the moment is this particular flavor of free market economics that we've got which sort of went went through this whole um wave of globalization in the sort of late 70s onwards because everything's being governed i think in the world mood vibe wise by coffee and cocaine

and everyone's just like everything is following the trajectory of short-term gains because everyone is like hitting quarterly earnings slamming coffee doing lines and so on anyone with power that's how they live but imagine this what if the dominant vibe was magic mushrooms the world would be such a i think more loving and interesting place to live i think there'd be a The world would be such a, I think, more loving and interesting place to live. I think there'd be a... It'd be a lot more disjointed, though. Yes, but we'd be bound by a shared empathy. Yes.

And coffee and cocaine, they provide the energy that you sort of channel inwards, or the focus and concentration is on yourself and your goals and your accomplishments and what you're working towards. But mushrooms, you are looking about yourself a bit more. You're more aware of how you fit into the broader, more holistic experience of the world. And so, I mean, yeah, you know, I think if everyone was micro-dosing, I think all that water cooler chat you're talking about would be a lot more fun. I think if you take a very small amount of hallucinogens,

you just feel like you're on the precipice of a great day. And accordingly, you have a great day. That's true. But I'm also talking about some high-dose shenanigans because they are different things. So different experiences. I'm not saying everyone should constantly be on lots of mushrooms, but oh my God, that's the nicest dog. Look at this beautiful dog.

It's a Border Collie. A black and white Border Collie. It's just come right up to us. One of the most handsome specimens I've ever seen. Hello. specimens I've ever seen. Hello. Traditionally, the Border Collie horses a sheep dog.

But there ain't no sheep in this park. That is such a good dog. I suppose the fact the Border Collie approached us means that maybe we are sheep on the treadmill of life. More like sheep-o. Am I right, my man? Yes. We need to break out of these shackles.

We are sheep hill. Yeah, anyway, it's very important that people do high-dose mushroom trips every now and then if they're in a place where that's suitable for them. The old mental stock take, I think of it as. Yeah. I still remember when we took um, we were in New York

together and you found mushrooms online and you left to go and get them and you came back and we ate some. You didn't believe I pulled that off. Well, I thought you would, but I was sort of like, you know, just concentrating on having a good time in that moment. But you were like, we're going to have a better time soon. And we had a big time. Those were, to my experience, the strongest mushrooms I've had.

I remember taking one and walking over the Williamsburg Bridge. We walked for so long, and we saw those glow fly things. Yes. Do you remember that? Those fireflies in the grass. For like 20 minutes, I kept being like, but are they real? And you were like, yes, Tim, they're real. I did actually.

Do you know, I'd forgotten about that part. I remember walking over the Williamsburg Bridge, and it was sort of as we were climbing the bridge, that our high was climbing as well and looking at all the cars and the cars had feelings but then looking at the boats and the boats had personalities and really thinking, wow. That's awesome, man.

The cars had feelings but the boats had personalities. Well, there were too many cars for me to get into the weeds of all of their personalities. I see. But the boats were sort of limited enough that I was looking at the boats and I was on their journey with them. Fuck, that's good, man. So it was kind of a lot of indigenous and first peoples around the world have the sense that like even inanimate objects have a life force to them it's almost like you were sort of channeling that into the

cars it was it was kind of too much to try and fix on them having their own personhood but you're like yeah these are to be respected they've got their own thing going on well the boats that's frank yeah because you're watching married 40 years two kids well yeah i mean the boats had slightly more unconventional lives than frank but you would you'd look out onto the water and you'd see them coming and they'd be coming underneath the bridge and you'd think well you know anyway it's a beautiful thing i actually bought this watch when we were on those mushrooms i bought it from a store on the um i remember that on manhattan island just before you get under the bridge. And the mushrooms were obviously already working there

because I remember thinking that it was a fake Casio watch because the watch face was too small. And you said, no, that's the normal size. And I was convinced that I'd bought a very small watch. To be fair, they are like, that's what's so good about those Casios. They're so petite. Yeah.

But, I mean, you know, it was, it's nice to sit on a park bench and reminisce with a friend. It's fucking beautiful. The reason we're not inside a room is because Zoe's got a bit of a cold at the moment. You've got to give colds a wide berth these days. She's working from home and we've moved into a smaller place, so it's kind of like you can probably have one set of people having a chat for a goal. Her goal is to try and help her patients. My goal, to get into the friend zone with my friend Guy.

Have you achieved that goal? I have. I literally had already forgot one of the driving purposes of why I wanted to do this today. Why do you want to do this today? Because, Guy, thanks for asking. I'm going to the South Island incredibly soon. The South Island of what? New Zealand.

To do comedy. To do my comedy show. New Zealand's where we live. Exactly. It's cold as sin down there right now, man. There are news reports about how historically cold it is down south. And the craziest thing is Climate Change and I say, well, if it's getting warm, why is it also getting cold?

Are people saying that at this point? Is that a thing? People love saying that. Fucking hell. Anywhoos, I'm coming down to Christchurch. Well, Lyttelton first, actually. Going to do a show, Lyttelton. Well, Lyttelton first, actually. Going to do a show in Lyttelton. Fantastic.

Which is honestly one of my favorite places in New Zealand. It's so dope. And will you be spending the night in Lyttelton? Yep. Yes. Yes, I will. By hook or by crook. Tim, you're going to have such a good time.

I'm going to have a brilliant time. But I need people to come. Nick Lassie lives in Lyttelton. I visited him there with his lovely family, his kid, and his missus, as we say. Lyttelton at Wonder Bar on the 8th of July, then the next night, 9th of July, is in Christchurch at good times. Then I go to Dunedin for the Saturday, the 10th. Fantastic.

And then on the 11th, Queenstown at the Crown Pub and something in Frankton. So if you go to timbatt.co.nz, all the deets and the tickets are there. If you're not even on the South Island, please send them along, because I kind of booked this really late. I moved house halfway through. I forgot to promote. And now no one might come.

People will come, Tim. I don't know. You're a great comedian, and I haven't seen the show, but by all accounts it's a fantastic show. And we've been doing a lot of comedy together lately, actually. Do't know You're a great comedian Thank you And I haven't seen the show But by all accounts It's a fantastic show And we've been doing A lot of comedy together Lately actually Do you know we're on a show

Together this Saturday Where at In Devonport Oh sick Are you doing that show Yeah Oh that rules I think I'm hosting that eh

You are Are you headlining I am Fuck yeah dude People are getting a lot Of the Tim and Guy experience On stages around Auckland Yeah they really are But that's by the way It's experience on stages around Auckland. Yeah, they really are.

But that's by the bike. It's such good fun. I'm loving doing heaps of stand-up at the moment. You get down to the South Island and the South Island gets down with you. Yeah, boy! Timbac.co.nz Shall we check in with some of our regular correspondents? The NZ stands for

New Zealand. And some first-time correspondents. I'm going to go to our Twitter at twiowatpod. Could I ask you a question before you kick off? Permissionly granted. How are you? I'm good. I've actually been really good lately. I haven't seen out a tweet saying as much.

You did. I saw that. I said I'm in a good place mentally. Yeah. Now, and do you want to know why? Yeah. I suspect it's all the running you're doing. I know it's a lot of things, but.

The running helps. Running helps. I actually don't know why. You're in a loving relationship. And we're being wonderful parents. Yeah. A lot of fulfillment from that. That's awesome, man.

I love that for you. I actually don't have a huge amount on soon, which I sort of feel okay about. Yeah. Do you know also, do you know actually what a big part of it is, I think, is I got my settlement

from the New Zealand International Comedy Festival and that was... Paid some bills. That's right. It made me feel sort of good. It's fucking... The day I got the money, I took Chelsea out for dinner

and we had a fantastic dinner. Nice one, dude. Yeah. It is crazy that money makes such an impact to you. Like, of course it does. Yeah, yeah. But like... Prov provides like an under

under as a sort of it's what i undergird your entire outlook it's why i like consider myself a light socialist because like why the fuck would you want everyone's everyone's stressed at the moment because no one's got any money just give them some fucking money jesus christ this isn't hard for more uh for more of that sort of outlook wrapped in brilliant joke rappers oh yeah you got tim's show on the south it's called classy warfare just as a hot tip now this comes from uh a friend of ours stran cole on twitter do you reckon you'll release your show? Because I taped it, eh? Yeah, you did. I've only sent it to one person.

Ken. It's not a great angle, to be fair, because you kind of booked me in late in the game. I would have got a few more cameras if I knew this. I like it. I wasn't especially happy with that performance of the show. Gotcha. And I've watched some of it back.

Clips maybe? Yeah, I think maybe a few shorter clips. Tried to post a reel on Instagram yesterday. Couldn't figure it out. Didn't do it. So what are they? Posted a tweet instead. Are reels disappearing ones?

Like stories? No, no. Reels. So Instagram wants to bury TikTok. Yep. And so they invented Reels, which is their way of putting TikTok on Instagram. Oh, okay. So it's the vertical ratio.

Yeah, and because they want people to use Reels, because they want people to stay on Instagram or use Instagram over TikTok. Wait, is it on Twitter or Instagram? Instagram. Oh instagram instagram oh okay sorry i might have misspoken uh but there it means that the algorithm is driving everyone to reels so reels get a lot more engagement they get people more excited and i was like do you know what i hate social media but if i'm using it yeah i should do it properly yeah but then i um i didn't know how to do it and i got cross so i put my phone down and went for a run just google it man well i did oh did you yeah but the thing is who gives a fuck well if you've got a goal in mind though were you were you doing a reel for a purpose get some engagement yes you want i was i literally had nothing to say i just found an old joke and i

thought i'll upload this reel to generate engagement. And I thought, is this how I think of myself in my life? Is I want to generate engagement by posting a reel? Am I not a fucking person? You know what, though? We kind of have jobs in a way. Both of us lead beautiful lives. And due in large part, that's because we're comedians professionally

which just affords you so many blessed times but you gotta like you know stoke the fires a little bit for the people this is the thing

because we do live a beautiful like it's it's 11.18am on a Thursday and we're sat on a park bench in a park you know

I almost did drugs before I came out to get in the car what drugs? well I've got some mushrooms at home, and I was actually thinking as I was having a shower, should I just bloody pop a cap and see what happens today? Because I've got stuff to do today,

but it's stuff I could do on mushrooms. What kind of stuff? This kind of stuff. This, I've got to try and drum up some more promotion for the South Island tour. And taxes. Generate a few exciting ideas. Taxes on mushrooms. Taxes are due so soon.

Yep. Do what you've got to do. Well, like, you know, as I'm descending, could definitely hoe into some spreadsheets, you know. I love that. Should I read? I mean, Strahan has been on the hook for quite a while now. Should I read what Strahan's written?

I've been disrespectful to you and him. No, I don't think so. So please go for it. Actually, there's two pieces of correspondence here. And the first one's from May and the other one's from Sunday. So I'll read the one from May first. We haven't responded to either. Brilliant from us.

Hello, boys. I have a question about the best host competition. First, for Guy. Do you remember what was running through your mind when Tom betrayed you, condemning you to a solo double viewing of Sexy City Part 2? Tom, same question. Please answer this on the friend zone and please say my name. Happy birthday, Guy and Tom. question please answer this on the friend zone and please say my name happy birthday gee and top

uh strand this is actually it's great you bring this up because i'm i made a message yesterday tim i've found a few prospective dates and i think i i don't know if i'll need your help or not but my plan is i'm going to watch them and i'll live stream my watch yeah i don't know do you want to do it on twitch this will kick off my debut on Twitch? It would actually I think that would be a stunning Yeah Entry point Alright

So I'm going to debut on Twitch By um With my double viewing Of Sexy City Part 2 You want to make your own Twitch Thing eh? Yeah

Nice I think that's how you should kick it off And What was running through my mind? I was furious And I was upset And Yeah mind, I was furious, and I was upset, and yeah, I mean, I was betrayed by someone who told me that they weren't going to do what they did.

You can see in the video, I told you what I was going to do, which was a lie, and then had the opportunity to wink at the audience. Oh, really? And you didn't see it. It was so good. That's – What was I thinking? Pretty uncool.

I, at that point in the scoring, had nothing to lose except for a very good friend. Yeah. So I made a call. It was – look, honestly, it was the most entertaining thing to do. I feel sorry and bad for your situation guy but I don't regret it because I love you but I really

love entertainment and I love comedy is this the sort of stuff you say to Zoe? yes no it's not so that's the first part thank you and the second part about a month later,

Hello Tandru and Galifax. Those are fun. The garbage song you were trying to remember on Friendzone episode 124 was My Favorite Game by The Cardigans. There are a bunch of garbage songs with a very similar guitar or synth tone, though, so it's a very understandable mix-up. Hope this helps. Say my name.

It rhymes with nan. Stran. Stran Cole. XX. I've shouted out before. I think like multiple times, but that guy is a fucking legend. He's such a multi-talented dude. He makes great art. He makes

sick music. And he's one of those dudes who just gets into shit. You know? He does does i've got a high school friend of mine called chris who actually i might get to see when i'm in queenstown because he lives down in wonaka and um he's just a guy who gets into stuff like he works in it now but he was the best skater in our school definitely are you Are you Stephen? Kia ora. Oh, Stephen's here. Hold on. I'm a big fan of you on The Apprentice. Yeah, mate.

No worries. What are you guys doing? Making a podcast? Do you want to come join us for a second? For a second. Yeah, I know that you're on a walk and stuff. I'm Tim, by the way. I want to hold the NZ Post.

Oh, true. What are you doing? Are you hoping to send something or hoping to receive something from NZ Post? Do you want to talk into that? Sorry, the cable's really short. Kia ora, team. How are we doing? Good.

This is Stephen. I don't know your surname, Stephen, but Stephen is currently, I'm up to speed with the series, so you're currently starring on The Apprentice New Zealand. I am. The Apprentice Aotearoa, actually. Yes, I apologize. I mean, but I've got all the other information correct. And how are you enjoying watching the show back?

It's good. It's exciting. Yeah. Don't get me wrong. There's a bit of anxiety involved. Is that in seeing yourself back? I think it's in regards to how the public perceive you and the media. Well, it's always a risk because they shoot for three days to cut down one episode.

Exactly. There must be a whole other version of Stephen on the cutting room floor. Oh, and also not just that, the behind the scenes. It would be such a better show than the actual show if we got to film at the house and in the nighttime. Yeah, yeah. There's a whole other game going on that people don't even see. It's a classic thing of New Zealand reality shows where we don't have big enough budgets to get big enough houses for everyone to have their own room to sleep

in. Did you get to have your own bedroom at any point in the show or were you always sharing? I was sharing with the legend Kennedy. Yeah. Me and him became quite an alliance to be honest because of that. Yeah. Are you guys, do you have a business together now? We are creating a business together. Yeah. How'd you find that one out he's the young social media

dude he is because i'm incredibly intelligent uh what's your business gonna do uh uh the business is going to be a coffee product oh high performance coffee product has is it's a coffee product with a few bells and whistles The idea in a nutshell Is to remove the negative side effects of caffeine What are the negative side effects of caffeine? We were just talking about it Hyper capitalism

Capitalise on coffee It's the jitters, the anxiety The crash and the headache So me personally, I have a coffee or two, I get mad anxiety. My chest goes crazy. Some people get, after two coffees, they get the jitters and they shake. So the idea was to use science, bring in other ingredients that negate those negative effects, and also focus the business around a positive mental health message.

also focus the business around a positive mental health message. So actually encouraging people to be open about their mental health struggles and also source ingredients and source products that are going to be good for their mental health. Right on. What's it called? Or can you not say that yet? Right now, that's actually up for argument. We're in the brainstorming. What about calm coffee?

Calm coffee. I wish. I wish. Unfortunately, it's too simple. You would never get the domains. Complex calm coffee. You satisfied by this? You're getting close. Maybe you guys should have been on the show. Yeah, I would

have gone, you know, I like the thing I would have gone gangbusters on the show, Taskmaster no you gotta, guys in Taskmaster is a huge UK game show, started as a live show for comedians during the Fringe Festival in Edinburgh

multiple years, Gangbusters one of the biggest like comedy game shows in the world at the moment on TV. New Zealand's made its own version. Season one went fucking great. Everyone loves it. Guys in season two coming out very soon.

Oh, awesome. I think they're on the same network as Apprentice, right? Is Apprentice TV2 or TV1? TV1. Your prestige. Yeah, yeah. TV1's what my folks watch. There's pros and cons to that because I think a lot of people went on the show

to build a bit of a social media following, get their business a bit more attention, whereas TV One, it's more older people that just want to criticize and they don't really use social media. Yes. Well, they do. They use Facebook to criticize. Or even Reddit. Yeah.

They use Reddit? They do. They use Reddit. They get on there. Don't tell me you go on the Reddit and read about yourself. Not about myself. I just, I like to hear what other people feel about the show because it's hard. I don't watch TV.

A lot of my friends don't watch TV. But you're at risk. If you go on the Reddit, maybe not with the express purpose of reading about yourself, you are at risk of reading about yourself. A hundred percent. And what other people think of you, even if you're in the public domain it's not your business your business is you and also this fucking coffee thing yeah i'll throw the idea of calm coffee out there yeah yeah it's good the only issue is you know being being so late in the game of the internet to find domains uh that actually you can get. It's so difficult these days.

Buy this fucking coffee.com. If that's available. If it's available. To be honest, it probably isn't. It's shocking how little it's available. Tim's a big domain guy. Yeah. You've got all sorts of domains.

I once bought, when Destiny Church tried to launch their political party, I bought their name because they hadn't gone to the trouble of buying it when they announced and then i redirected it to a tv show i made with two gay friends of mine just nice i fucking love that that's so good i also i scouted your social media and you were a big advocate for legalizing cannabis last year i was what you really know who i am this is quite funny you're on tv of course i can i can i did not expect to be walking through the park and to get stopped and have someone who knew so much yes i did support the cannabis i'm sorry for your loss yeah it was hot well you know i still smoke yeah yeah but yes illegally unfortunately it's Unfortunately it's a big

Loss for the whole country Not just for our personal Choice, but for the economy If you legalise We would have so many jobs We would have so much more tax And for marginalised communities Who are disproportionately

Criminalised for using it Yes, it was a real blow matter of time though yeah yeah but what's the what's the turnaround when there's a referendum you've got to wait nine years is it before you can put the same you can table the same yeah but this is why we've got to think bigger okay we got up to 49 the cannabis referendum fine then fuck you guys what about legalizing all drugs? We're going Portuguese on this. Canada just did it. Portland just did it.

Oregon, sorry. Oregon and the state of America just did it. Something in D.C. as well. I think it's just mushrooms. Yeah, the legalization of magic mushrooms as a medicine, which is huge. And if it's happening there, it's going to come here eventually. But we're just so slow.

And that's the most frustrating thing about New Zealandaland i love this country but god we're stuck in the 90s and trying to convince the older generation who just won't listen they refuse to listen to facts it's mind-blowing they don't have to listen they're they're all yeah i can wall themselves in their uninsulated houses. I've got phenomenal pins and needles in my left leg right now, yeah. You were on a bench. Poor Stephen here. Yeah, but he's engaging his core.

His thighs will be pumping right now. I haven't even asked you for your names. What's your guys' names? What is this? I'm Guy. Guy? Yeah, and I'm Tim. Tim. Yeah.

We do a podcast called The Worst Idea of All Time. That's what you're on at the moment. You're on an in-between episode called The Friend Zone. Oh, nice. I'll tell you what our podcast is, Stephen. We kicked off like almost eight years ago now. Oh, wow. Way ahead of your time.

Big time, right? Joe Rogan era. Yeah. We watch and review the same movie every week for a whole year. So we did a whole year of Grown Ups 2 reviews, and we've watched Sex and the City and Sex and the City 2 for a year, and a Zac Efron movie called We Are Your Friends. Nice.

And at the moment we're watching a long-running pornography franchise called Emmanuel. It's awful. We hate it. So what's the point of re-watching it over and over and over again? We thought it would be funny. You lose your mind. And people like to hear that.

It's like a descent into madness. Well, maybe you should watch The Apprentice of Aotearoa over and over and over again. I'm watching it once, which is exactly how many times I plan to watch it. Guy put me on to it i started watching because guy was like this is really great television not wrong it's a great show genuinely funny program i know that the express purpose of the apprentice is not to be a comedy show but i feel like in the edit maybe come and sit down or do you need to go steven you should sit down at the minimum though i can sit yeah you've just you've been crouching for so

long now here Here we go. It's a beautiful day, especially in the middle of winter like this. I'm actually just walking through the park to clear my mind. Are you from the South Island? You're from Invercargill, I believe. I am. I am from Invercargill, deep south. So I was saying this to Tim on the drive here. I don't like it when it's cold and it's drizzly or it's grey.

But these sort of very cold but crisp days like this, I grew up in Christchurch, so it reminded me of the sort of South Island winter. And I love a day like this. Yeah, there's nothing that can beat when it's sunshine but cool in the air. I love it. I love the cold air on my face. It wakes me up, hence why I'm actually out just having a walk.

Up here, it's so humid. So when it gets hot in summer, it's actually not a vibe. Yeah, it is too much for you. It's way too much. Whereas you go down south and it's hot, it's such a clear, crisp air that it's so much more enjoyable. Can I ask how your family enjoy seeing you on the silver screen? I think they're loving it.

My mum, because it's quite cute, you know, no one expected a boy from Invercargill to be doing what I'm doing. I'm the only one from the South Island, let alone Southland. So I'm repping the whole island, really. And someone went and stopped my mum the other day and was like, oh, have you seen on TV, there's a guy who looks remarkably similar to your son. And she's like, that is my son. And they were shocked.

And that shows how little they expect of me that they're like oh he just looks the same it's not actually him there's no way it could actually be him no of course not no it actually is so it's good it's i think they're a bit nervous every time because you see the boardroom scenes we get ripped to shreds and yeah yeah i wasn't always as calm as i am now uh i can put a lot of onus on my cannabis use that has helped with that yes just to find my center and my grounding but back in the day i was a little bit of a hothead so as well and as in the the day of when you're recording? No, no, I'm talking 10 years ago. Yes, yes, yes. 10 years ago.

So my family are a bit nervous that in that boardroom when you're getting roasted, I'm just going to lose my shit. Yeah, yeah. But I don't. I keep my cool. I just speak calmly and let everyone else kind of dig themselves out. Yeah, they really pit you guys against one another. And also early doors, it feels like they,

as soon as anyone took accountability, which is such an important part of business, they're like, ah, so you admit you're responsible. Fuck off. So it just discourages anyone from taking accountability. So everyone just starts throwing each other under the bus. Like it was them. And it sort of makes you look, you know,

it makes people look not very plugged into themselves because everyone's just like shouldering nothing for something going awry. So what happened, what people don't understand, you've got to remember this is a production. They have a million dollar budget with 30 employees. So there's no way they're going to just let us control the narrative. They come in. There's times where they're going to just let us control the narrative they come in

there's times where we're in that boardroom scene we're all just falling on our swords like yeah i'm sorry that was me no no no it wasn't you it was me no it wasn't you it was me the director comes in and goes guys the director was a guy called john wild he was he's a great man uh but he would come in specifically john would come in and go guys you can't do this you have to fight you have to i'm sorry we can't stop filming until you give us something and so we'll go again he'd come back in it's nah it's just not enough yeah all right here's some questions i want you to ask him or you to ask her and so when you see sometimes a questionable phrase come out of our mouths a lot of the time it was implanted in our mouths and also those behind the scenes interviews like

they are we have a story producer following us 24 7 who is constantly trying to create drama oh so i see that you and mike are going butt head to head like do you think he's a piece of shit yeah yeah pretty much in a nutshell what they're doing yeah so no i'm not actually ruthless and trying to rip people apart they just want that and if you want to stay on the show you need to make good television so you've got to find that fine line between keeping true to yourself but also telling people how it is when you you are responsible for some outstanding moments of television on the show so I credit you Stephen

I appreciate it, thank you it's hard to know how the public actually can I ask, when Mike does the fire does Mike actually do the firings or do they just shoot because the host is a guy he's a guy called Mike Pero.

The show bills him as a famous motorbike rider, which is fucking horse shit. Because he's just a rich guy who got into motorbikes. His business is Mike Pero Mortgages. One of the catchiest jingles in the history of New Zealand advertising. Mike Pero Mortgages. And he is basically, I guess, a mortgage broker gone fucking ham. He is like... The funny thing is he doesn't have his real estate license.

He was never a mortgage broker. He was just a great businessman and knew how to get other people that are good at their job under his roof. And he's trying to launch an airline, I think, that flies to the islands. Mainly because he is from Raroaro has a home in raro and just wanted to get there easier from i see you can ride a motorbike you just have to fly a fucking plane mike no he does he's got his pilot license does he fly himself there is that too too big do you have to have a commercial license he might even private fly i'm not entirely sure how he gets over there he's the apprentice new zealand he must have

a bit of dosh but he he does the firings he's sort of like um i feel like cassie roma in terms of that side of the the cast is the star of the show she's one of their business advisors she's incredible and mike is sort of like just hanging on by his fingertips to fucking anchor this thing he's never on any of the tasks he's like mike couldn't be here on business and then he zooms and he goes all right teams your job today is to brand an ice cream and you go all right is that why we hit a fucking commercial time with snow planet anyway he does the firings and it's like he's too polite of a person to actually have conviction in his firing so all of his your fires are shot in a mid shot across his body where you don't actually see his face. You just see a hand, presumably his, going across his body.

And he's got two different techniques. He's got a swoop point, like a straight point. I try to replicate his point at home, but Chelsea belittles me because I can't get it. He's got a very unique finger, hand configuration motion. And my question to you is, is he in the room doing the firings or did he just do a bunch of different firing takes and you got told by production if you were fired? No, he's definitely there.

So what people probably misunderstand is that even though it's quote-unquote reality TV, it's fucking real. Like we're in there getting ripped to shreds. And in the boardroom, all the cameras are behind two-way, so you can't actually, you forget that you're being filmed for it, right? From probably episode five, we completely forgot we were being filmed because you become so competitive that it's like, right, we're in a competition and you can film it if you want, but get the fuck out of my way because we're on a time restraint and I've got shit to do.

And then in the boardrooms, you completely forget they're there and you've got, you're truly getting ripped out. It's truly attacking each other and defending yourself. rooms you completely forget they're there and you've got you're truly getting ripped out it's truly attacking each other and defending yourself and then when you get fired you don't see it coming so it's definitely him it's just for dramatic camera cinematics they have all these other shots that they filmed after we left yes so the hand motion he does fire us and point his hand but all those hand motions i'm assuming are being filmed on repeat i think it's uh yeah it's i mean it's part of what it's part of the

charm of this show because it is totally incongruous with the franchise and it is batshit but i guess you know you do what you got to do but there's so much it's just so visibly not part of the same conversation that we've just been watching like it's like i think it's a replica of the uk version because that's how it's filmed in their version and we or we are acting like i'm a part of it they bought the rights to the uk version rather than the american version i see and so they have to they have to yeah so they have to actually copy exactly the same structure, and that's how Lord Sugar does his. So he's just mimicked. Lord Sugar?

Is his name Lord Sugar? I don't know. Have you never seen the UK version? Never have I ever. This sounds like a mascot for a marshmallow company. The UK version is done by someone called Lord sugar right and he is a billionaire in the uk and he has 15 seasons they've done 15 seasons of this show yeah and this is the first time we've replicated the uk version here in new zealand so the last one we did 10 years ago was the american

version yeah this is the uk version like that's this wild that they're different flavors guys just tap me on the shoulder because he's had um he's gonna sit you up there for a photo it's usually we record for about half an hour but guys had his fill of a great chat with you and now that i've got the microphone he's wrapping things up steven so i was just saying you gotta take a seat what is that what that was a photo of you oh now i feel bad so what's next for Stephen? That's the real question. Yeah, but this is a man with a lot of irons in the fire. That felt like, you know, that's a project that's going on.

Well, the honest truth is my biggest motivator is social change. I've been overseas for the past five years. I come back to New Zealand, and I want to be proud of this country so desperately, but there's so many things that are just not right. Do you think that in your future there could be alternative ways of doing that that aren't business? I need to make some money so I can actually fund private projects. That's what it comes down to. With the cannabis referendum, I was doing that on the bones of my ass

with no help, no financial support, and I had to film everything myself, edit everything myself, star everything in myself so it's so did you do a full like video campaign for that i created a one-man video campaign yeah i created a documentary filmed it in oregon and showed the comparison between oregon legalizing and what could happen in new zealand both financially and also socially and then from that helen Helen Clark reached out to me because she actually saw the documentary,

asked me if I'd like to do a live interview. Amazing. And I was like... Helen Clark, for those who don't know, our second most famous prime minister ever, beloved, was in the running for the top job at the UN, served as number three for many years. Yeah, she's an incredible, incredible woman.

She's a big decriminalization advocate yeah across the board for drugs so like think about that when in history have you been able to live so not even scripted but live interview a former prime minister about cannabis yeah dude it was crazy shit's changing just not quite quick enough exactly so people don't realize that this new form of content that is online social media is actually becoming more of the norm yeah so then that spiraled into chloe swarbrick tiki tane uh dr anna harvey so many interviews i did and then i started sharing videos of parkinson's tremors being treated by cannabis yeah epileptic fits being treated by cannabis one of them got

9.8 million views fucking hell and that's on big numbers tv that's not even on facebook where you know the number is a little bit manipulated yeah so it went crazy but i did it all by myself and to be honest it completely shattered me yeah i had to take four months away from everything social media work society money and i had to recover yeah and then i was like how especially after a no result i was like what the fuck do i do i've just alienated myself to everyone and everything yeah no company's going to work with me i was before that i was working with the samsons and the air new zealand's and then they all just went ah no did they really did you experience that you became a bit of a pariah i went from my full-time job being creating content for these companies to not a single job

i sacrificed my whole entire income to support that cannabis referendum and so when it was a no i was like well fuck what do i do now time to get on the apprentice i'll tell you that honestly make some bucks get some screen time big shout out to the production team because i really did not expect them to allow me considering my support for the cannabis referendum but maybe behind the scenes they use cannabis themselves because they did and of course they did it's new zealand yeah so honestly they've really saved my ass and allowed me another platform to rebuild. And so this business, as much as I care about the business, the focus is make money to support social change, especially around the negative mental health culture in New Zealand. Nice one.

That's my goal. Untouchable. So it's actually interesting that you guys, I walk into you doing a podcast because I was just doing research on creating my own podcast. We'll chat after this and give you some tips if you want. We should wrap it up though, because we've gone over the normal duration of the friend zone, but Stephen, it's been wonderful chatting to you. It's been a pleasure. What an awesome coincidence. I'll drop some socials in the episode notes. So if you want to find out more about Steven and follow him to the level that Guy Montgomery has

of knowing his political beliefs, current life situation or status, where the guy is, his movements, you too can become some sort of online pest for Steven on par with Guy Montgomery. Guy, you want to say anything before we wrap it up?

You want to rebuff these claims of stalking? Go check out my boy Tim Batt. He's on tour in the South Island next week. Littleton Christ Church Dunedin, Queenstown. Timbatt.co.nz That's so nice. I've been mean to you at least twice in this episode

and you're always a gentleman. Hey, cheers Steve. Oh yeah, you should tell everyone in the episode and you're always a gentleman hey cheers steve oh yeah you should tell everyone in the south island too i'm doing some comedy shows down there next week but i forgot the man i've just met is doing comedy shows and i'm sure they're great yeah they're awesome man you can fucking tepid recommendation he's just met me i'm sure they're fantastic but you guys are both from the south island yeah we're both from ototahi originally oh well there we go. Instantly family.

Yeah. Being especially up here in Auckland, it's a cold, hard place. So we've got to support each other. This ruthless, miserable bitch of a CBD. It takes us in and it churns us out. Anyway, next Friend Zone, I'll have a few more letters from the mailbag. But what a rare opportunity to talk to one of New Zealand's current TV talents what a lovely day

in the park yeah thank you guys it's been a pleasure cheers Stephen thank you in the friend zone you're always home in the friend zone

you're not alone anytime with Tim and Guy one more