The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone 126

Episode Date: July 18, 2021

Guy is feeling anxious, and he says so to make the feeling go away. Tim decides to host both this Friendzone and Guy himself. This magnanimous offer lasts for about ten minutes before he becomes annoyed with and hostile towards Guy. A listener regales us with their giant hamster wheel art project while listening to the podcast, a critical gender theory book recommendation leads the boys to discuss popular books of the 90s and run relationship analysis on some friends AND questions abound as to whether Tim and Guy are watching pornography correctly or not.SUPPORT US ON PATREON (patreon.com/TWIOAT)JOIN US ON FACEBOOK: (facebook.com/WorstIdeaOfAllTime)VISIT THE LITTLE EMPIRE PODCAST NETWORK: (littleempirepodcasts.com)MUSIC CREDIT: Tender Moonlight (facebook.com/TenderMoonlight)ART CREDIT: Tomas Cottle (sick-days.com) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the friendzone, in the friendzone, you're always home, in the friendzone, you're not alone, anytime, with Tim and Guy. How do you feel, Guy? Sometimes I don't carry any energy, know like what am i pointing at you're pointing at my heart yeah it's what else is it um that's your sternum sometimes i carry a little bit of anxiety or a sort of a feeling of not being totally at ease in that area that's where i can feel it sure that's where you carry attention. Have you ever done acupuncture? No, but my little sister's just been getting into it and she swears by it. And there's an acupuncturist

just around the corner from our house. Look, I've never done it and I don't know what I'm basing this on exactly, but I have a feeling that you would really benefit from it. I heard that the needles are so thin that they don't actually go into the skin. They go between the cells.

What? Between the skin cells Fuck Yeah But you know it's one of those things Where even saying it out loud Helps remedy the feeling Yeah

It's a technique I use in stand up as well Where if I'm feeling anxious I'll say I'm feeling anxious And I'll identify why On stage And then it dissipates Not always entirely But if I'm feeling anxious, I'll say I'm feeling anxious and I'll identify why on stage. And then it dissipates. Not always entirely, but... Talk about it, folks.

That's the moral. Yeah, I think so. Label these feelings. I think it does make a big difference. Well, I'll tell you what. I'm going to reframe how the friend zone works today. And I think part of it as well is we're in the new digs, which is the spare room in my new place, and it's a less neutral footing, I think, than the old studio was

because the studio was a completely separate, it was detached from the house. It had its own. It's true. It's just a podcast energy going on. It's true. But this is like in a house. It's a bit different.

It's not quite right. But every time I come back, it feels more like a studio. I mean, the last friend zone we did, we were out in the world. And that's when we came across Stephen. Stephen from The Apprentice. We were in a very different, and I would say... People love that. Totally neutral environment.

We'll do more of that, a bit more of walk and talks. Trying to think about how else I'm going. I took the car. I took a 1986 Toyota Corolla to its preferred mechanic out in New Lynn this morning. And then I sort of thought I'd walk to a cafe nearby and I'll get a coffee and I'll order a cab back from there. Yep. But as you know, I only have one. You've been locked out of Uber for 8 years

yes how is this still a fucking problem because I thought this was an Apple thing you were going through but you've got a Samsung phone now you're on a whole other operating system it's crazy we got iPhones for free

yes we did I think my phone thinks it's in I think my phone doesn't know it's in New Zealand. Because I don't have access to some New Zealand apps. I don't have access to Sky Sport, Go, Spark Sport. I can't download my banking app. And when I download Uber, it doesn't let me upload my – it tells me, first of all, that I've got an account with Uber,

and then it doesn't let me use my New Zealand credit card. What does it say? It says, fuck you. Try Zoomie, the local and worse option. Anyhow, Alice Nitten came to my rescue and picked me up. Don't anyhow this, because I feel like what needs to happen is we just need to sit down for an afternoon and figure this shit out. Because it genuinely really fucking bugs me

that this is still a barrier in your life like you've got a thing that is holding back your ability to just have a pretty chill frictionless time by leveraging these beautiful apps that we all know and love and then you're like you you haven't had access to them for years yes and it's so annoying it is annoying but i've learned to live with it. It's one of those things, yeah. It would be like... I just did a huge eye roll.

Yeah. I can't imagine how streamlined I will feel if I solve this problem. That's the thing of it. But then again, this is how a lot of people feel about me with driving because I don't have a driver's license. And they're like, you're fucked in the head, mate. You need to get a car. I don't think I've ever said that i haven't said that to you have i you're not people yeah you drive me around um i'm miss daisy i just think i'm daisy you know people have got to live their lives it's not hurting another person

just let them do it their way. Is that right? Is that a good philosophy? Live and let live is something I definitely believe in, but the fucking phone thing is different to that. It's completely different because it would make your life better. So the way that I'm going to frame the friend zone today, Guy, is with your permission, I'm going to host you in it. Oh, wow. Yeah, so can I get you anything?

Can I get you a – I'm the friend? Yeah, well, you're one of the friends in the friend zone. I'll look after you. So what can I – you're hungry? Can I get you something to eat? No, I went to one of my favorite sandwich places in Auckland on the way to the mechanics.

I went to Hair and Turtle. You know I love it. But in saying that, and I had a fantastic experience. I recently, and I don't know if I could probably say this on the front end, but I recently had a religious experience with a new sandwich. Did you fuck a sandwich? Is that why you were? I actually feel like the sandwich fucked me.

Oh, in what way? You wrapped your penis I put the sandwich in myself And it changed the way I felt Oh right, you mean the normal way In my head, you're putting it up your ass No, no, no I took it orally

So we have a sandwich From Here and Turtle? What's the life-changing one? The life-changing one was from a cafe called Young George Who's that? Is it Ponsonby? No no no It's sort of

It's quite hard to get to It's in the middle of a road That's under deep construction It's in Awaraka It's sort of near here It's near Hey folks There's some heavy works going on

In our town Yeah Right now In Auckland Shit is getting fucked up our central city has been like bad for a long time um and just filled with road cones there's about like 10 road cones for every person and the cbd it's honestly it's the equivalent of my phone i've just learned to look i'm like this is just how our city is this is just what it's like i might have said this on

the podcast previously but when i went to wellington for the comedy festival in may i was walking around i was like hey um why is this town awesome why is this city so good and it works and everyone's out and having a good time and it's easy to navigate and i was like oh they finished building it yeah it's done it's completed and wellington is done auckland is far forever under construction but we also decided to add a rail network now like after a million people have moved to the place and it's super developed we're like you know what would be cool a subterranean rail system so and they're not and they're not wrong they're not they're absolutely not wrong But it's kind of exciting to be around and alive for a big public works project You know? Yeah

You see these dams and you hear about their construction and shit We're living through a big central rail loop I'm sick and tired of being some sort of ungrateful swine Who is born when the thing is finished It's nice to live through the minor inconveniences and quibbles of watching a subterranean rail network be erected or dug out in our nation's biggest city. It is impressive.

A lot of cranes, all these big machines. And I'm always impressed because I don't know how to do anything that anyone is doing on that job. I take it for granted that I can step on a train and the train takes me from where i am to where i need to go yes i don't think about who laid the tracks i don't think about who's you know designed the train train design i trust that there are other people working on everything and it's my job to remain ignorant so i can enjoy speculating about how things function that's with you for the first bit, but definitely not the second bit.

Well, you like to see, this is a difference between us. You like to know how things operate, right? Is that a new jacket? Yeah, thanks for noticing. It's secondhand because I'm on this thing this year where I'm not allowed to buy any new clothes. Yeah, upcycling clothes. Yeah.

It looks good. Thanks, man. It's exactly what you need for Auckland, which is just a thick shirt that's like a light jacket. It looks really good. You bought two new jackets recently. Yeah, I bought them at the same... Both looking good. Same day?

Same place, day, 20-minute lunch in Toville. I like that. Please continue calling me out for saying I want to deliberately remain ignorant so that I can enjoy sort of speculating about how things work you've completed the thought the necessity the way that you put it to remain ignorant to enjoy it i don't like that at all yeah i don't think anyone's got a responsibility to remain ignorant no you don't have to actively remain ignorant it's just a byproduct of how i live okay i'll i'll abide um i'm being a terrible host no no i feel like i'm being too critical for a host no no being a good host isn't just about acquiescing to like all of the

wants and sort of going against your own belief systems or or standards for like what your guest thinks being a good host is making someone feel comfortable, comfortable to speak, to be challenged. And then go, guess what, fucker? Check out my house and how we live in it. That's right. My house. In the middle of a street. Yeah, any old.

I'm not going to say which one. It starts with T and ends with an E. The rest is up to you. Are we going to do the traditional thing of reading messages in this friend zone? It's bang on 10 minutes in when you said that into the record, like to the second. Incredible. So I think that's appropriate. For the friend zone is designed around our digital mailbag.

is designed around our digital mailbag. Monty and Timbo plunging their hands deep into the sack of ones and zeros to see what the good folk who listen to the worst idea of all time have to say to us. That's true. That's what we do. This is how we do it. And what we're going to do today is actually we're going to get into some of those messages because I think we barely did last time. And we said we would this time.

We said we'd return to regular transmission. We heard from Strahan Cole last time. Yeah, that's right. We heard from Strahan. So do you want to kick us off, Tim? Yes. Tyler has written to us saying, don't say my name. Schneider.

That's the subject line. Dear Tim Tam, the flim flam man bat, and Guy the Flash. Oh, wait, hold up. And the Flash. Montgomery. Montgomery. I don't have witness protection information

I hope you didn't I hope I didn't get you excited with the email title But I have an issue with the two of you That the two of you are uniquely qualified to give advice on I'm coming up on 15 years of marriage I love my wife But she watched all of the seasons of Real Rob On her own accord

And she enjoyed them. Guy, this person writing has written the following. Should I cut my losses? Thankfully, we don't have any children. So whatever genetic brain malformity she must be suffering will not be passed on to the next generation. Thanks for all the laughs. Redacted. Oh, shit.

Did I say that person's name right at the start? I can't remember. I just hope their name is redacted. I should probably check that. I think this is actually kind of perfect for what we're talking about, about the live and let live sort of thing. Yeah, exactly. Do you pass judgment on the television shows and movies

other people enjoy? That's your spouse and I say leave her. Do you though? Me? Yes. You do pass judgment? Fuck yeah.

What do you think of that person's spouse? I don't respect them and I don't think we'd get along. I think you would. You got one thing to talk about?

I don't want to talk about that one thing, though. Ah, rude. Yeah. Meeting a new person, you find common ground, and you say, you know what? This conversation, not for me. You're right. I take it that you're on the other side of the fence, Guy,

and that a 15-year marriage shouldn't be thrown away just because someone watched real rob seasons one through three two uh i would probably say this is i would say it's weird i think it's weird you like this this is to my eyes a bad show but then that would be if they go well i like it say fair enough you watch it on your own time. Actually, it's quite liberating. Can I ask you about your viewing habits as a couple? How many shows are you working on by yourself?

How many shows are you working on as a unit? I'm not watching a lot of stuff. I generally will come home from a gig or something and there's a bit of Master chef in play so there's a big master chef australia fan become a huge master chef fan there you go you guys should have a chat about it master chef for me currently represents the safest place yeah in the world i get it i get it but whenever i'm yeah i don't know i'm just like i could be watching something else you know but you, it's actually sport. As you're watching sport, you're watching highly trained professionals

apply their skills in competition against one another, and you're watching outcomes happen in real time. There's so much I haven't seen, though. I've never watched The Sopranos. Neither. I feel like I should watch The Sopranos before I'm watching MasterChef. Everyone's always banging on to me about The Sopranos. Have you never watched The Sopranos?

Never. Should we? No. Not for a podcast? I mean, we could, but I think we'd just watch it separately and then just be cool guys. Because the thing is, Guy and I have such a finite amount of time together. And it's always done pretty much.

We have to monetize every moment of it. Entire friendship is broadcast now. I'm okay with that. We spent some time together yesterday. Yeah, we did. You put on a great show last night, Tim. Thanks, dude. If you're in Auckland or New Zealand, actually,

and you see Tim Batts producing a show, you buy a ticket. I'm starting a newsletter. Are you? Yeah. How can people subscribe? Well, I haven't started it yet. What's the first email going to be about? Shows that are coming up that

i'm producing like live comedy shows yeah i'm going to do giveaways i'm going to team up with local businesses who are cool and like giveaway vouchers and stuff and i was also thinking about if i can like make the money stuff work of it paying a you know up and come a local comedian to just do a funny piece of writing for the newsletter each time it goes out because I think it's a good way to encourage creativity and also getting people paid. Yeah. That sounds great.

You got a message? Miniseries request. I know it has nothing to do with Sandler or the other films, but I need you to watch Goop Labs, or as I call it, Goop Laboratory. Oh! Gwyneth Paltrow's fucking thing. Gwyneth Paltrow immediately. It is the most batshit insane thing I have ever seen.

Yep. Every moment is like being gaslit and tortured while on ketamine. Yes. I've seen every movie and thing you have watched, minus some of the Patreon ones, and I can say this is literally the most psycho thing I have ever seen. It makes Cats 2019 look like a normal film. If you do decide to hurt yourself watching Goop Labs, Goop Laboratory, lowercase on purpose, please do a DERCOM or two because hearing you react in real time

would be the funniest thing imaginable. It's on Netflix and bafflingly made with good intentions and sincerity? Insane. Who's good intentions and sincerity? Well, I suppose Gwyneth's, but also how good are her intentions because she is just monetizing air, really. Yeah. And in a way that was, I think, initially okay,

but it can be quite dangerous. Well, it absolutely can be quite dangerous if you're mistaking what she's saying for medicine or medical advice, which is what she's presenting it as in some cases, it seems to me. Don't sue me, you rich person. That that show someone else was telling me about it it does sound like the craziest thing that's ever been produced and i think a prime candidate like i don't know what the legality would be around this because it seems like the wild west out there but

we should do like a twitch stream like a live streaming event where we watch and review that my twitch debut and actually this you called me out on Twitter recently, and fair enough, too. Because of your dastardly behavior in the best host of all time, I have... Yeah, fuck, I didn't call you out. I reminded you of your obligations to the community. I am in debt to the tune of two consecutive individual Sex and the City 2 screenings.

Two? Yeah. If we both chose Steel, it was three by ourselves. Oh, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep. To fucking betray me and then try and up the stakes after the fact is disgusting. I'm just asking questions. I am. I take.

Call me Alex Jones because I'm just asking questions. Sincere and genuine umbrage with the way that that question was posed towards me. Anyway, I'm going to find a date. Yes. I'm going to buy a streaming camera. You can use my kit, man. I'll get you a seat. You want to figure this out, eh?

Yeah, cool. I'm going to make my Twitch debut watching Sex and the City twice back to back. Yes, brother. And then once we both know how to stream, who knows, Goop first, Sex and the City 2, next Goop Laboratory, all lowercase. You can use your phone as a webcam

and it's way better than webcams. Yeah? Yeah. It's five hours of streaming. I guess it just has to be... It's wireless. It does a wireless thing. Would I have to charge it up?

Yeah, you have to plug it into the wall. You have to do the fucking rudimentary task of providing it electricity so that it can wirelessly stream in a high-quality audio and video feed. I liked being challenged when I was first guest in your house, but you have now crossed over the bridge to being rude. If it was, I don't care. If it was full at the start, you'd probably make it. $10 has been sent to us from Disco.

Someone called Disco. Yeah? Oh, crap. I did it again. Are you going to fucking tell me about it? Don't say my name. That's the message. Guys.

Someone's paid us $10 not to say their name. There was a last name which I haven't said, so is that going to count? Or do I have to go through this episode and bleep everyone's name that I've said? Is it Disco Stu? No. Don't say my name this time.

Guys, 9-11 was there. 9-11 made me legitimately lol and remind me I haven't donated in a while. Love y'all. Oh, that's nice. I remember that. I tried to get that joke working in New York. Oh. It did not. Yeah. and i'll tell you why well the why is actually in the joke itself yes um i've got something yeah that's a joke you do

in new zealand yeah good on you this says kia ora and good morning to you for your guys only. And license to Tim from jolly old England. For your guys only. I've been re-listening to the glorious first season of Twiowette in between listening to the new season. And the combination of grown-ups to an Emmanuel has reminded me of the unfortunate existence of the film, and I think we've spoken about this before carry on emmanuel from 1978 do you know about these this franchise the carry-on franchise we have discussed this particular film um entry into the franchise just imagine if the entire cast of grown-ups were all lecherous gross old english

men sounds great right the film killed the hugely successful Carrying On series after 30 entries and is considered not only the worst in the series, but one of the worst British films ever made. Wow. If that doesn't scream Twiwet classic, I don't know what does. Say my name in your best British accents. Stu Munro.

Stu Munro. Stu Munro. Hello. Hello. And welcome to Aro. Hello. Hello. And welcome to Audible. No. Hello. Put a kettle on.

Stu Munro. Where are you from? I don't know. It's very nice to meet you. It's very nice to meet you. It's very nice to meet you. All right. All right, cobber.

Oi. I'm abandoning that. Alfie. Do you want to talk more about Carry On Emmanuel? It's staggering to me because those Emmanuel movies are beloved and it's staggering to me that they did just one single film that was so bad it torpedoed the whole series. Those things were juggernauts. The whole series those things were juggernauts the carry on british i feel like the 30th carry on is like the sixth scary movie yeah true it's got the title but

it's not the same thing you're gonna see the new space jam i've heard it's dog shit uh i actually think i'm gonna give it a. I was anticipating going to it, and then I've seen the trailer and stuff, and I'm like, oh, yeah, I forgot what these are. They're just, like, very... They're just kind of there to sell toys and shit. The first... Okay, so here's why the first one works,

because it's so unique. Like, only Who Framed Roger Rabbit has a similar vibe of of a mix of real life and cgi but space jam 2 is not doing anything innovative it's just rehashing the exact same movie and format and then also traipsing through all of warner brothers other intellectual properties yeah because they're going to sell other, more toys. Yeah, it's like Pixels, but LeBron James is in it. Yeah. So I have got no interest in seeing it,

but I still retain, that's the word I'm looking for, my love of Space Jam 1. Furthermore, Space Jam 1, especially for like a family film in that era when it came out, had an incredible soundtrack which was like pretty much all hip-hop and r&b 90s bangers um and you know as a kid you don't always get a lot of access to hip-hop and that thing fucking shot some good ass music into the suburbs kids around the whole world can i read you some mail from elf you got permission from me hello good brave boys i'm

writing to recommend some reading that you might be interested in after watching rob schneider's sexist bullshit too many times testosterone rex by cordelia fine is a book about why our society mistakenly believes that men and women are different in a biological way and that this difference is what has led to social differences such as men will put up with a relationship to have sex women will put up with sex to have a relationship

it's an idea that few people put as bluntly as I imagine Schneider did, I haven't watched it obviously but no one that but oh, no one that... But... Oh, but one that society at large tends to accept,

though to varying degrees. The book is funny and very easy to read and taught me a lot. Check it out if that sounds interesting. Thanks for keeping us all going through the shitstorm that was 2020.

Your work was then and continues to be very appreciated. Say my name, Alf. Alf! Tell me a little more about that book, Tim. I was getting the next message up while the details of it were described. The title? Testosterone

Rick. The author? Cordelia Fine. The concept? Society has mistakenly taught us all that men and women are different in a biological way, and this difference has led to societal differences between the genders and

mistaken notions being mainlined by us all so it sounds like it's a bit of dare I say critical gender critical theory is that what I'm actually just polishing off a very gender critical book called Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus.

And let me tell you, I would love to hear a counterpoint. Yeah, yeah. This book seems to put us at odds constantly. Do you remember in, I want to say the year is 1997, and like there was just, there were big books that came out that just everyone read men are from mars women are from venus i feel is that era rich dad poor dad i've never watched it like i've read it but i feel like that's just a book that was on everyone's bookshelf in the late 90s and i feel like there was one other like real big i've got to i've got to tell

you about um I just remembered, I have friends who are a couple who are having a challenging time. Yeah. And they sort of agree. I don't know if this was done under a veil of irony or total sincerity and working on their relationship. Okay, well, we'll both read Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.

That's cool. Yeah. And so one of them did and came back and said, well, this book, while some of it is off the boil, I think had some salient and valuable points that we could bring to our relationship. Yep. And the other person did not and refuses to read the book.

Well, how do you know that it's wrong if you refuse to read it? I just think it's funny to agree and then one of you to actually do it and then to actually take things of value from it and the other person to just not. I think the other person who initiated the idea. I'm worried about that relationship because it sounds like that was a solution to something. And if that's the response.

I've got a message here. Let me know if you've heard it before um oh well no i don't think we have it's long i found it in the twitter i'm so i've actually been i was quite good on the twitter for a while excuse me everybody this one's long. It reads as follows. Dear Guy Montgomery Burns and Tim Nanamit Carbonrod. Employee of the month. I've been listening to your stuff since the very beginning and thought that given the innumerable hours of listening pleasure you've provided me with over the years, it was high time that I put my money where my ears are and hashtag pay the boys.

By becoming a Patreon subscriber, I've been really enjoying listening back to all the deciders club episodes as well as killing there and the regular emmanuel series till death or splat is a particular highlight that i look forward to all year i'm also one of the countless listeners who's been somewhat inspired by you guys in terms of producing our own podcasts my most recent project is a full four season rewatch of the classic mid 90s nickelodeon kids show the secret world of alex mac did you watch this show that doesn't ring any bells no that doesn't ring any bells for me i don't think that one made it over to our country i think it got stuck at the

border immigration were like what's all this about dan Dan? Any of that ringing bells for you? Guys just brought up a Google image search, which has the star of the show. I assumed Alex would be a boy for some reason, but it's not. Shows you what you know. No. Nothing. In which a teenage girl, this is in the show, is imbued with superpowers after an accident causes her

to be drenched with a mysterious chemical. There's a movie coming out soon called toxic avenger which sounds similar that was from a 90s cartoon that i do remember from my childhood and it rocked and i think elijah wood is playing the titular toxic avenger elijah wood seems like he has a good life he seems yeah shit yeah he seems cool he's made great choices He seems like he's living well He did the He did the Lord of the Rings Yes

And got that Lord of the Rings money Yeah And that clout And then sort of was like And now I Exclusively choose exactly What I want to do

That's the impression I get And not only that He chooses Like willfully Independent stuff Yeah Just the And have you ever seen him in interviews?

Yeah He seems like the fucking Like I think he smokes willfully independent stuff. Yeah. And have you ever seen him in interviews? Yeah. He seems like the fucking, like. I think he smokes. Oh, yeah, big time. Big time. He just seems like such a cool, down-to-earth guy. Yeah. We've got a lot of time for Elijah Wood,

and if anyone wants to know what my oldest brother Dave looks like, look at a picture of Elijah Wood. They look the same. When Lord of the Rings was happening, Dave got mistaken for him around Wellington all the time. Now, I've broken up the message here, but I'm going to continue.

The podcast is a total rewatch of the four seasons of The Secret World of Alex Mack. Hosted by myself and my friend Cal, the podcast is called The Secret World of Cal and Jack, in which Cal and Jack watch Alex Mac. And I would love it if you would be so kind to give it a plug on the friend zone, the fulfillment of which I imagine I've already but guaranteed

as I wrote the name of the podcast before asking you to say it. And I'm pretty sure you just read and record these messages sight unseen. I don't know where you get that idea guilty as charged your honor finally i have a question for guy i'll back out i'm in the midst of planning a move from my hometown of melbourne to new york city my darling fiance is a driven and ambitious graphic designer and after years of trying she's finally landed herself a job at a swanky nyc design agency she's actually in new york sorting it all out in march last year that's march 2020 uh and then march and the rest of the year of last year happened so i had to be put on hold but that's a

whole another story now with things starting to resemble a new normal that we can all operate within we're putting our plan to action making making the big move. When was this message sent? May. Have you seen the latest comes and goings of Melbourne? Yes. But that's the ebb and flow of life right now.

My fiancé's work visa allows for me to accompany her, but I can only apply for my own work permit once I'm physically in the country, in order to take a few months for it to be approved. So that'll leave me with a hefty chunk of free time once we're I don't... I've got a bad feeling that might not have happened. Yeah? Yeah. Well, we'll never know unless Jack writes back.

Well, hold on. There's more because they want your advice on something. I'm hoping to do some volunteering somewhere, experience the sex in the city tour, and just really enjoy some me time. But, Guy, I was wondering if your experience in New York left you with any pearls of wisdom or advice that you might be able to pass on to an early to mid-30s fella

headed to the Big Apple without any real plan or direction. Stay frostyy you beautiful brave boys all the best and say my name jack ps i know the classic twilight format of one movie the whole year is more or less over but i wanted to pitch you an option were you to revisit the old format i recently saw tenant as i left the cinema thoroughly confused i thought to myself i wish someone watched that movie 52 times so they can explain to me what the fuck was going on. So that is from Jack, who is possibly or possibly not in New York City with his partner right now.

So Ken, who I lived with in New York and is a very close friend of mine, relocated back to New York recently, and I've been talking to him some. And it sounds like it's obviously still got that old New York magic, but the energy is different and obviously what is open and the sort of New York City that he left at the start of last year and the New York City has gone back to a completely different.

So it's really hard. But, you know, it's all the basic stuff get out to Prospect Park uh buy a bike best way to get around New York City is on a bike uh and go to Winsun Bakery and um and uh sort of in the shoulder of Bushwick where Bushwick becomes Williamsburg. Go to Winsun Bakery and Winsun Restaurant. I know they're open because Ken just told me he went back there and it's high quality food. What is the best free stuff to do in NYC? In NYC?

Well, it depends. If you're arriving, the best stuff to do is genuinely just to put some headphones on and go and walk around. The thing about New York, it's, like, the thing about New York, it's expensive to leave the house in New York, but you can also live somewhat cheaply if you take a water bottle and you... There's, like, beautiful parks and lots of galleries and stuff.

Yes. And you can eat, like, if you eat from street carts and you eat dollar slices, and, like, if you go to Chinatown, you can get some incredibly high-quality cheap food. But it is a very, it's it's just like to actually do things or if you've got friends or like let's do this yeah when you walk out the house you pretty much put a 50 bill in a rubbish bin and you don't really know what happens to it yeah that's kind of what happens yeah i i had another thing i wanted to say but i cannot remember but my big big recommendation, especially because it's the summer right now,

is buy a bike and bike as much as you can. Bike everywhere. It is the coolest thing to do. Find some jazz. Find some live jazz. I know you didn't ask my opinion, but. Tim can have opinions too. This is from Patreon.

Cool. I never read these messages And that's really bad because they're the ones I absolutely should be reading Hi boys I thought I would drop you a line and say thank you for all the laughs I've been a fan since your southern episode I remember it well I was immediately sold

Anyway It has been like five years And I have some extra money these days. So I thought I would pay the boys and get those sweet benefits of being a decider. Also, I have one question. It has been 25 pornographic movies. No bonus. Are you sure you're doing it right?

You're one libertarian listener. Well, thank you, single libertarian listener. I will say this. We haven't had our hand on it. That's true. And if you want to facilitate, 25 is a fair enough sample size to say these penises aren't going to take care of business on their own. This dick's not going to get itself hard.

of business on their own. This dick's not going to get itself hard. So that is a sort of welcome notion and an intriguing idea. You know, because you always say get your hand off it. Yes. What about this, Tim? What about getting your hand on it? Yeah, you ever try that one on for size?

Yeah. Society. Maybe if we spend a little less time getting our hand off it and a little more time putting our hand on it. Things wouldn't be so bad. Things wouldn't be so bad. I'm going to read another message from Patreon. I'm going to read a message from Twitter. Should we read them simultaneously?

No. To disrespect both messages? This is a two-parter. Okay. And the first one came on June 19. Timbo and Mr. Mont just wanted to write and say, thank you for the happiness you guys have June 19 Timbo and Mr. Mont Just wanted to write and say Thank you for the happiness You guys have brought me

These past few years No sad backstory here This time just day to day life That can feel pretty rough But no matter how I feel Every episode is a certified banger And guaranteed to make me feel better I just want to add in

That podcast synergy is amazing And my favorite miniseries so far You sound much happier doing it Than torturing yourself with bad porn I want to hashtag pay the boys but i'm a broke college kid just barely getting by so apologies for that but i will get on to it asap because you guys deserve it to know if you even read twitter dms on the friend zone but if you do and this is worthy say my name marshall skelton mississippi u s a i feel

like you're having a good time On the mic at the moment Yeah I'm having fun Good man And then there's a second part Tim Yep Back Boys I'm back with a life update

When was this sent? It was July 8th About A week and a half ago After I sent that message I got into a rough car crash. Whoa, shit. I had to have an emergency stomach and back surgery

after literally breaking my back. Oh, my God. Jesus. Your show has been so good to me as I work on living again, pushing through the pain and trying to get back to normal. Thanks so much, guys. Marshall, well... Man, Marshall tried to squeak through with no dramatic sad tale,

and then one befell him. It's like some sort of friendzone curse. Hey, Marshall, that's fucking sad, dude. I hope you're, like, getting there now, you know. This is obviously a much easier thing to say than it is to live in real life and i don't pretend to know the first thing about a traumatic car crash and the effects of recovery thereafter but um one thing i've tried to internalize a lot in the last few years which i've found helpful is the steadfast notion that there is an entire universe of things out of my control and just a few things in my control.

And I find that idea very useful and empowering. And I think it's very useful to just remember that there's only so many hours in the day and we're only above ground for so long and we've only got so much energy. So just focusing on the things that you can change, I think, is a good way to have a happier life. Is any of this applicable for Marshall?

Don't know. I've got no idea. Marshall seems like a dude with his head screwed on, and I really hope he's doing okay with his recovery. Likewise. I've also settled on a male pronoun, and I'm not quite sure why, because I don't know if we had any evidence for that.

But there we have it. Sincere apologies if I got that wrong. No, no. But it also keeps us up to date. Tell us how you're doing. Marshall is a he-him. Cool, cool. Tell us how you're doing Marshall is a

He him Cool cool And he's I tell you He's I'm on his I'm on his Twitter He's retweeting some funny tweets

So he's obviously finding humour Love that In places You got anything to say to Marshall? Fucking Good luck And all the best man We're rooting for you

And that's the friend zone today, everybody. No, I'll read one more. Elena from Patreon says, thank you so much. Your wonderful podcast has got me through an undergraduate arts degree, and without that financial burden, I can finally hashtag pay the boys. I made and tweeted a human-sized hamster wheel once while listening to the five-hour Sex in the city 2 podcast a feat i could not have done alone that rocks do you remember seeing that i don't me neither elena if

you would and i hope i'm saying your name correctly as well um if you would be kind enough to send a link uh to some footage or still images of that we would be ever so grateful much obliged so what guy and i gonna do now is fuck off and watch a um patreon decided movie and the way that it works is thusly if you support us on patreon for five dollars a month or more there's you know a bunch of bonus content that you get the most uh the the final episode of the first run assuming that we get to do it again of podcasting a tree yes has just gone up that's right with alice sneddon you can hear that for free but if you want to actually see the tree and man this is why some of them are a bit late and like we filmed those a while ago it took me a

while because it's it's multiple cameras a lot of angles it's a genuine tim has built we built and then tim sort of visually created and technically edited up a genuine tv show but like in a variety of trees it visually uh you know it's got its own vibe going on but it did learned a lot of shit, which was the point. So I'm getting faster at that stuff. Fantastic. So I'm learning how to kind of do more of that. This goes back to what I talked about at the start of the episode.

You look at something. You say, how does that work? I want to know. I think I can do that. And I stand next to Tim and I go, I'm with Tim. Well, the main thing is you're a happy guy and that's all. My frustration would

be born of someone who was not leading as happy a life as they could because they've relegated themselves to observing rather than participating. You hear what I'm saying? I hear what you're saying. I've got a power bill here for $115.48. That's pretty good. I'm used to I hear what you're saying. I've got a power bill here for $115.48. That's pretty good. I'm used to far larger bills at the old flat.

Our power bills, it's not warm, and we are using the heaters. Yeah. You've got a heat pump? No. The government in New Zealand has just legally mandated that if you're running a rental, you've got to have a heat pump in there. But they've got this little clause where you don't have to put one in until the tenancy gets refreshed.

I see. So someone might have signed a lease the day before that. Correct. And they get a year. Or however long the tenancy is. That's right. Securing the knowledge that when that tenancy contract is renewed, well, you know what is almost as good as a heat pump?

The peace of mind that a heat pump will one day be in the building you're in. $5 subscribers get the bonus content. $10 a month or higher on our Patreon puts you in an illustrious club called the Deciders Club where you suggest and then vote upon a movie that guy and i will watch for the patreon community and review and sometimes do a director's commentary of um and we've had some real classics recently we did a movie called uh zardoz zardoz i was gonna call it zanzibar but that's not right yeah sean connery fair this year

we've been sent to some incredible places. We watched Spice World as well recently, which we both absolutely loved. A while longer ago. We also watched, what was that super trippy one? We watched it at the same time as Baywatch. Oh, God, what was that called? That was just like an LSD adventure.

The Holy Mountain. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. So we've been taken to all sorts of corners of the cinematic universe, and so we will continue to be because I'm very excited about what we're about to watch. They gave us Princess Diaries this time,

which is such a kindness. Truly. And I don't think I've seen it. I think I've seen parts of it when it's been on in the background, but I've not actually seen it. It's great. It's a great movie.

We're going to have a good time, which I always feel weird about parts of it when it's been on in the background, but I've not actually seen it. It's great. It's a great movie. We're going to have a good time, which I always feel weird about because of my Protestant work ethic and Catholic inheritance of guilt. We're going to have a good time, good time, good time. It's supposed to be cinematic punishment they select for us, but they gave us Princess Diaries this time. Do you know how I found the movies we've watched? I checked my Letterboxd.

I'm loving using Letterboxd. Do you use it? I refuse to engage in this conversation Until they give us money Not happening Bye everybody Can we get money from them do you think? I actually reckon we could

Because they're New Zealand based Did you know that? It's a New Zealand company It's gone ballistic It's a New Zealand Originated It's gone ballistic. Yeah, it's like... So many people are on here. Straight-a-spheric. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a New Zealand-originated company. They've still got their offices here.

I work with one of the people who's real high up. Do you know the person who started it? Nah, I don't know who founded it or whatever. Fucking legendary. Anyway, we're not going to talk about that. Yeah, we're not. See ya. Welcome to the friend zone.

In the friend zone, you're always home. See ya.