The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone 130

Episode Date: August 29, 2021

The boiz are locked down in Aotearoa New Zealand and that means Guy's reading books and Tim's streaming live (at HappeningShow.com). We've got fantastic mail about critical theories on Steve Buscemi's Magical Mystery Tour from season one, shared birthdays and stand up comedy (including some from Guy and Tim).JOIN US ON FACEBOOK: (facebook.com/WorstIdeaOfAllTime)VISIT THE LITTLE EMPIRE PODCAST NETWORK: (littleempirepodcasts.com) Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Welcome to the friend zone, in the friend zone, you're always home, in the friend zone, you're not alone, anytime, with Tim and Guy. It is the friend zone, and it is Tim and Guy. I mean, these are the facts. And you are yourself, and you can't be anyone else. And if you're trying, stop. Unless you're trying to be a better version of yourself, in which case, fill your frickin' boots. How are you, Tim? Hey, Guy, I'm doing all right, eh? I feel like I've strained my voice from,

we just recorded an episode of the podcast, and I think I'm talking so little at the moment because we're in lockdown that like it's strained my voice which is not good. Have you and your beautiful wife still got things to talk about? Oh yeah definitely

What sort of ground are you covering? Talk a bit about our impending child coming out and the planning on that. We've got a cool dog that we talk about. We've been watching some cool. We watched a TV show co-starring your partner, Chelsea Crayford Preston called the Panthers.

Preston Crayford. Oh, my bad. Sorry. No, not at all. It's not my surname. Yeah, man. We finished that ourselves last night. How

good is that show? I was a big fan. I did see some critique of it, which I was like, fine, whatever, but I think it was fucking awesome. Here's the thing, Tim. If you make a show, there's going to be some critique of it. There doesn't need to be Can't people just like

just respect it? I know this is pretty rich coming from us but you know sometimes just lay off No, I thought it was fantastic and if you're in New Zealand, all of the Panthers is available to stream on TVNZ on demand Charles is such a good actor

It's crazy. It was very heart-wrenching seeing all the stuff her character goes through. Yeah. It was episode three. Her character has a pretty big episode. And I found some of that to be a pretty tough watch. Yeah. Big time.

I'll be it. Anywho. Great show. You had any laughs? Lots of laughs mate I've been returning to my Streaming show Happening Which you featured on the last episode of

For a new segment Called the single greatest thing that's ever happened I keep changing the name each time It's called the greatest thing that's ever happened in this country Aye aye Happening's good As long as I'm busy, I won't go insane. And so I've just kind of been keeping myself busy.

I've been reading a book. What book are you reading? I'm reading a book called The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. Any good? Tim, this is a book that was in the zeitgeist, I'd guess, about 10 years ago. I think it's been adapted into a film both in its native Swedish and an American version starring Natalie Portman. Yeah, I think Daniel Craig might have been in it. Maybe I'm making that up.

This book fucking rules. Oh, really? It's literally exactly... I mean, I picked it up for a reason. I've heard it's very easy to get through. It's a thriller. It sort of draws you right in, and it is hitting the freaking spot. I love it. Literally, as soon as we finish this recording,

I'm going to pick it back up and keep going until it's done. Good on you. It sounds like a modern-day Dan Brown kind of thing, where it's just like a bit pulpy and fun but and you know what i've not read any dan brown but i think the analogy is probably on the money i feel like it's um you know it's it's i mean it's very well realized and executed and it's also incredibly accessible it's just it's it's um i've probably spoken about this in the podcast before i feel quite passionately about it i think i feel similarly to um people's relationship to reading as i do about running

i think where it's like people um they don't have the right relationship to it they look at it as a burden or something not to look forward to something that's hard to do and by all means sometimes i'm for reading challenging things for self-betterment but if you make picking up a book as appealing as picking up a remote or picking up a phone like if you're reading for pleasure for pure pleasure if you get into that spot with a book it is just like it's a very potent form of escapism and i love it i think the same with running when people go out for a run and they they start too hard and too fast and it's like, go as slow as you want

and literally set tiny little goals and you have the time of your life. I reckon I go right. I think this is a good little tip. This is something I do. I go running purely for my mental health. I don't go running at all for my physical health. It's almost a byproduct

of you looking after your brain yeah and it's um i think it's very effective that's like the one thing that every bit of clinical research into into mental health mental health issues comes back with it's just like oh you know what definitely helps exercise and yeah and you know what maybe it's not even running. Maybe it's just walking around. Maybe it's walking down a street you've not walked down before. Metaphorically or for realsies? Literally for real.

Every lockdown, I try to run down every, like I'm expanding the field of streets I've run down surrounding my neighborhood. No stone unturned, Tim. I'm going to rob every single one of these motherfuckers. In my head, Baker Street is playing so loudly. Yeah. When you said walk down a street you've never been down before, my brain just went Baker Street, and then a screaming alto sax solo. Just fucking got in there.

Going hard. Are you out of messages? I'm just checking. I've got so many. Literally right now. I should like, I don't know, forward them to you or something? I reckon I'll have some. Because mine are in email.

I'll kick off then. Jesus, this is girthy greg's written to us and the subject line is steve buscemi's magical mystery tour critical analysis oh wow tim i've done the unthinkable and watch grown-ups too despite your multiple warnings this has led me down the deep dark rabbit hole that is steve buscemi's character wiley the driving instructor with 40 feeling in each arm it is possible that the steve buscemi mystery magical mystery tour would be solved by watching grown-ups one which i did not do given the martin scorsese level of depth in grown-ups two i posit that all the answers are right in front of our eyes. The moose in the bedroom scene is clearly

a nod to the horse head in The Godfather. To understand Wiley, let's first see what we know about the protagonist, Lenny Fader. Easy enough, right? Married to a smoking hot wife, lives in a big house, has some kids, and practically runs the town. He drives the school bus and the principal doesn't dare question it. He is well connected to friends in diverse occupations. Lenny nor his friends do not even pretend to put in a full day's work. They act like they own Suicide 35 because they own the town. He was able to pull off a large professional party at a moment's notice. That's the sort of thing you need permits and a month of planning for.

He has a high-tech outdoor table for no reason. And of course, he's stinking rich. But where did all this money come from? We know, of course, Lenny Fader left this town, moved to Hollywood, made big bucks. Lenny says this himself. Every time it's his friends explaining how he got so wealthy. The easiest lie to get people to believe is the one others tell for you if lenny's success were really true wouldn't

everyone know without having to be reminded wouldn't he have memorabilia of his films lying around all these clues put together start to form a picture one massive wealth two circle of friends with varied skills three mystery past four town living in fear of him five high-end gadgetry lenny is not a move man i'm gonna guess that was supposed to be movie man he is the leader of the greatest team of heisters known to the fbi what seems to be a goofy goofy gag of pals is really an oceans 11 crew laying down, laying low until the next big score. Crew breakdown. Lenny Fader, head of the friends, a mastermind of the gang.

Roxanne Chase Fender, effortlessly operates complex table technology and gadgetry and tech expert. Officer Flazu, he's huge and has a gun. Weapons expert, strong man. Marcus Higgins, go-kart pro getaway driver. Kurt McKenzie, highly knowledgeable of building design and utilizing surveillance. John Lovitz, can insert himself into any situation. A social chameleon, a seducer of women.

Eric Laminsoff, completely loyal to Lenny Fader, the inside man. The picture is clear as day. Where does that leave Wiley? All signs point to the conclusion that he was the collateral damage of Lenny's big score. Things got heated. The cops were on their tail. Lenny had to act decisively. He put a bullet in Wiley, but it didn't kill him.

In Grown Ups 2, it's demonstrated that Wiley isn't a fighter. He certainly isn't a killer. That's why Lenny checks up on him in case he ever remembers the masked basketball shorts-wearing robber that shot him that day in the Connecticut Gold Reserves. Wiley is bleeding on the floor of the Gold Reserves. Lenny leans in and delivers some threatening advice. Live every moment. Love every day because before you know it, your precious time slips

away. And that's the Wiley origin story. Kind regards, Greg. Greg, I admire your research, your prose, your theory. I mean, there's nothing about this which doesn't really ring true to me. I'm actually someone who's not seen Grown Ups 2 for some time,

so I'm taking a lot of this on sort of cobbled together memories. But, Tim, you did watch it recently like within the last week how does this read to you perfect um it all checks out perfect in every conceivable way yeah i love the idea as well that um it is it's called diminishing returns is the podcast. Two guys who are big film buffs. They watch things and talk about them. And I joined them on an episode recently, which may or may not be out, about Grown Ups 2.

First time I've seen the movie in about six years. Funnier or less funny than it was six years ago? Probably funnier, to be honest. Let it breathe a little bit. Yeah. Still rate David Spade. Still thought he was good. He is funny. Let it breathe a little bit. Yeah. Let it breathe. Still rate David Spade. Still thought he was good. He is funny.

All right. I got one. Enough Facebook at the worst there of all time. Worn. Dear Grim and Fry. Hello. I was listening to the most recent Friendzone 129 and learned that Tim and I share a birthday.

And my girlfriend's sister, but that's neither here nor there. Wait. Then where is it? I share a birthday and my girlfriend's sister, but that's neither here nor there. Wait, then where is it? This tickled me. And for some reason, inspired me to hashtag pay the boys hashtag, but only once hashtag. It's not a recurring payment.

Twilight has brought me much joy, but I can't help, but wonder if you two would consider starting another podcast based on an idea my friend and i had but don't have the time or inclination to start the premise we review and comment on the same reddit post linked below about a pot of chili and interview guests about the post and ask them if why it may be the funniest content to have ever grossed the internet your thoughts on the program are much appreciated say my dog's name harvey harvey and then there's an attachment to a screenshot from a reddit thread r slash slow cooking and the heading is

accidentally overfilled the pot of chili again. And there's a pot. There's a photo of a pot of chili that's, well, it's real full. It's real full up. Look, I don't know. I don't know, man. I mean, look, I think it's a great idea. I think I have no desire to pick it up at all. I mean, look, I think it's a great idea.

I think I have no desire to pick it up at all. I mean, I like the way that you seem to operate. You've got a birthday. You occasionally will give us money, and you go on Reddit to look at pots of chili that are too full. There's nothing I don't like about your lifestyle, but there's quite a lot i don't like about mine and one of them is over committing to um podcasting bad ideas and so while it's appreciated it is respectfully declined nicholas has written hey you filthy frost giants and for some reason frost giants is a hyperlink, which takes me to a dungeons and dragons explainer website.

We have foster frost dragons are described. Do you ever refer to your podcast and combination is the twilight zone pronounced similarly to twilight twilight zone is possible. No. How about now? Still no. Huh? So yourselves have by some chance you read this in the twilight zone. Is possible? No? How about now? Still no, huh? Suit yourselves.

If by some chance you read this in the Twiowet zone, say my name as if you've had a bit of a mouthful of food before discovering it was too spicy. Nick Gilbert. Vancouver, BC. Great performance. Thank you. Thank you, Nick Gilbert. And thank you for the idea of calling it the Twiowet Zone.

It genuinely works because of my insistence on pronouncing every syllable. Now, this I'm fairly certain is in response to what we did in the last episode. There's two messages here, and I'm going to read both. They're long. I'll read the first, which was sent on a Tuesday, and then I'll pause for reflection. Okay. And then we'll move on to the Friday.

Questions and comments, and then our second bit. Hey, you good boys. Because you said Facebook was all caught up, I thought I'd put you back in the red. I'm just sitting in my work truck i'm a mailman in toronto trying to keep cool with the outdoor tent pushing 34 degrees celsius just as a sidebar here i actually recently caught up with a friend in toronto who said that uh they've had like 100 humidity but no rain for a month and so it reads 34 but it feels like 44 and i reckon the reason that's happening is because, well,

everywhere's becoming too warm. Imagine being a mailman in that kind of an environment. He's in a truck, though. It's not so bad. You've got to leave the truck, though, every now and then. You do. Trying to keep cool with the outdoor temperature 34 degrees and thinking of you beautiful Kiwis back in lockdown.

Sadly, it's hard to imagine we'll be any different once our grommets go back to school in two weeks. What is wrong with people? I hope you guys are open back enough for Monty's big tour in the fall, and hopefully some clips end up on YouTube, because my 13-year-old son has recently become interested in watching stand-up. And he was in stitches watching the news slash athletes and the A to Z of healthy living.

I'm proud of his good taste. Anyway, big love and awkwardly long kisses from Toronto. I bet Guy already did. But go ahead and say my name. And that's from Chris. If you are looking for more stand-up on YouTube, might I recommend Tim's iconic viral clip, which your whole gala,

I actually watched it a few nights ago. Your whole gala set from the Christmas gala last year, Tim, it's on your YouTube channel. And it really, you know, sometimes you're in the right frame of mind to watch stand-up. It really hit me. It's called Tim Batt, America America, Drugs and Housing, or some combination of those words.

And expand the oeuvre. Shit, thanks, Guy. And I will absolutely respond in kind, which I was going to do anyway, even if Guy didn't mention that. That bit that Chris from Toronto, am I saying it right? Toronto. Toronto, yeah, fuck that second T, brother. Yeah, okay, sweet.

Toronto. Toronto. Toronto. Toronto. Hey, what do you think of Toronto? What I do think about it is that Chris is right. That bit of yours is like fucking stellar. Possibly some of your best work on stage.

Which one? I've seen a lot of it. Your news bit. It's incredible. Your deconstruction of the six o'clock news is sublime. That was a very... I've added one line to it that I wish was in that recording, but otherwise that was like, you know,

very rarely do you have the set of your life at the right time like the number of great sets i've had in front of camera a proper camera camera yeah proper camera is before that was probably it's not zero but it's not high but that was like i had the best set i've ever had at what was at the time the biggest taping i could conceivably hope to be a part of and fuck it felt good is there um do you have a clip of the um a to z that you do for yeah chloe swarbrick yeah fundraiser campaign yes is that that's online eh that's online people should look that up because monty is a couple of sheets to the wind while performing it. I absolutely am.

I think he's like in the exact right amount of buzz to perform it to like its comic maximum. Yeah, that's actually – that set is – some people were commenting on it on YouTube today. It's inching towards 10,000 views on YouTube, which is – I know that it's not that 10,000 is not a big number and these metrics are ridiculous because you go on TikTok

and everything's been viewed a billion times. But God, I can't wait for that to click over. I do keep an eye on that kind of thing. Do you love that shit? I actively try to not. I try to tune it out as much as possible. But let's get it to 10,000, folks. Do you ever go on Aaron Chen's YouTube channel?

Nah. That guy. I'm surprised he hasn't been able to get a genuine Netflix stand-up special on the back of just how popular his clips are online. Oh, do they go nuts, do they? He's beloved, and rightly so. He's one of the funniest. Was he with Henry Stone? Yeah, yeah, for Adult Sw nuts, do they? He's beloved, and rightly so. He's one of the funniest. Was he with Henry Stone?

Yeah, yeah, for Adult Swim, the interview one. Yeah. The master class on interviewing. It's fucking amazing. It's so funny. Yeah, fuck us. Look up Aaron Chen on YouTube and literally have the night of your life. Tim McGy can go to hell.

Here's the second half of Chris's message, and this is definitely in response to the disgusting riff we did on our second-to-last episode, or the one where we got caught in a biblical riff. Oh, yeah. Yep, yep, yep. Hey, quick note. Cain and Abel were brothers, the first people from Adon and Eve,

although when they left the garden, they went out into a world that already had people in it. Anyway, Cain was jealous of Abel, so he fucking murdered him, and when he was asked where Abel was, he said, now famously, am I my brother's keeper? You guys were conflating that story with when Abraham was told to take his son Isaac and sacrifice him, but at the last minute, God sent a young bull,

which got entangled in the undergrowth, and Abraham was able to spare Isaac and sacrifice the bull instead. Super fucked up, still. And you'd have to imagine that pretty much killed Izzy's relationship with his old man. Okay, this note isn't quick. If you want sexy Bible stuff, I believe Jeremiah prophesied that Israel had been delivered from slavery to freedom, yet they lusted after their former lovers whose genitals were like those of horses and whose emissions were like those of donkeys.

Also, some mild sexy talk in Song of Solomon, one of the shorter books in the Old Testament. Anyway, if you have to pick between this and the above note for a friend zone, take the former. As always, much love from Toronto. Whereas you note, most people say Toronto, though I tend to stick the landings on the first O and second T.

And that's also from Chris, obviously. It's an unbeatable message. So, Chris, I just want to say congratulations on winning the friend zone. You don't want to add to that? Absolutely not. I've got nothing for it. I've also got to go.

I see. You do. How about Tim? That was completely shit hot. Yeah. The things that you've retained from your biblical education is good. It's crazy. Did you have religious education at your school, Tim?

We did in primary school. Not in high school? I was at a public school, but we did have RA, which was – Yeah, it's one of those things you look back on it, and it's like that was weird in retrospect. Yeah. I went to Anglican schools my entire upbringing, and they really hammered that shit in,

but to the point that it reversed course, where it was just like, removes all meaning. You're like, why are we listening to this? Would you go to mass at school? Do Anglicans have mass? We don't have mass, but we had chapel. Tim, when I was at high school, get this. We went to chapel twice a week and had congregation

practice once a week. We would all practice singing together, which was actually pretty fun. And then you'd also have four compulsory chapel services that you have to go on a Sunday in your own time across every term. Wow. It was a lot. As I've gotten older, I've got a lot more respect for certain components of religion. Singing together is a good thing to do. The singing is fun.

And it is actually weirdly, or not weirdly, but it is the thing that you do learn to miss. Like the singing is great fun. Because you don't do that in secular society unless you're shit-faced and at a karaoke bar. That's right, yeah. It's fun, but it's different. You don't get together at 8.30 on a Tuesday

to just fucking belt out some hymns. What I wouldn't give to round up a bunch of mates and just absolutely throw down with an 800-year-old Latin hymn. Put half an hour of work in before heading to the office. Anyway, food for thought. Thanks for listening. Please continue your submissions. Tim's swimming in them.

I am always – I'll fire them over to you, mate. I'll give you access to the – Always inspecting the FB. To the box here. And the tweets. Sorry, we didn't mention this actually, but – Oh, no, we fucking did. We're in lockdown at the moment, and that means um sorry we didn't mention this actually but oh no we fucking did

um we're in lockdown at the moment and that means i've brought back happening which is the live streaming show that i do in lockdown sometimes and if you want to catch up on some uh recent or old back episodes and catch the new streams that are coming out once every two days uh just go to happeningshow.com it's literally one of the lights of my life I love happening and I think

you would too if you've not checked it out get on it and we'll see you next time And not alone anytime With Tim and Guy