The Worst Idea Of All Time - Friendzone Ninety Five

Episode Date: March 26, 2020

WOOPS - recorded this a month ago and forgot to upload it. The dudes are together in a studio where they can smell each other's farts. Does Sandler deserve all the money he gets? Can TWIOAT episodes e...xist in a dream? The fellaz get the inside word on Hot Air Balloons and Paul Blart and Guy's podcast series HOSTING (which you've probably already heard). Some big ole donations and lovely messages. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 It's the friendzone with Tim and Guy, it's the friendzone, we're gonna have a good time, it's the friendzone, because with Tim and Guy, because making friends is the best idea of all time. You gotta hit the end. Friendzone, oh yeah. And once again, thank you to Andrew Forsythe. Forsythe, more like foresight, as in, good on you Andrew for having the foresight to revamp the Friend Zone theme. Hello, welcome along. We just recorded the intro
Starting point is 00:00:34 twice, we've never done it before. You came in so hot with that joke. This is what it would be like if we scripted the show. By coming in so hot. It's better. I've been sitting on that joke for weeks. It's a stinking hot Auckland afternoon. Tim and I sat next to each other in a couple of lounges.
Starting point is 00:00:54 This is what I call the email special. We're neglecting the Facebook today. We're just reading emails. Oh, really? Absolutely. I didn't know that. That's awesome. What a great bit of decision making.
Starting point is 00:01:04 Can I say, it's a good that um we can't record smells yet because i stink to high heaven on this hot auckland uh what do you smell like and why do you smell sweat humidity have you showered today yeah did you put on deodorant yeah put on deodorant every day do you know i don't know that i shower every day how often do you think you shower on average by the way this is video recorded for the patreon pals some people told me to let them know at the top of the episode so that if they're listening on the podcast they can rush to the computer instead ah well i will say this for those of you watching along or listening along i'm wearing what i think is the my funniest and best t-shirt today let's get that mic out of the way let's get a shot of
Starting point is 00:01:42 that can we get it go to cam two can we get a shot of the shirt there's no operator or second no we got you though i say if you want to know what it says but you're only listening suckers a little patreon only we have um we've become capitalist pig dogs and i'm here for it well out of what i would describe as absolute necessity how often do you think you shower per week? At least five. And I would say I shower, I'm not gross. It's just sometimes I go for a swim in the ocean, I'll be like, I like feeling salty. I don't want to have a shower.
Starting point is 00:02:20 We bought a paddling pool yesterday. Not you and I. No. You and someone else. Yes. Who will remain a mystery. And I fully submerged myself. I was physically forced into the paddling pool and forced under.
Starting point is 00:02:32 But then I realized I hadn't had a shower in the morning. And I didn't have a shower at night because I was like, I've been submerged. That's all I'm looking for. My whole body to get wet. Wow. I don't generate a lot of smells either. You know, I haven't even noticed you to be a smelly man. And we've been in close quarters a lot.
Starting point is 00:02:48 Except the occasional fart when maybe we've been at festival time and everyone's diets are pretty off and there's a stratospheric uptake in alcohol. This is the norm. Yeah, I've ripped some absolute stinkers. Some bad times. Well, I like this. The email special. Yeah yeah you want the first one sure oh this has got a picture i can describe pictures quick missive to montbat apparently
Starting point is 00:03:17 santa cruz and its newish comedy club slash experimental theater showed up for rob i feel that the united states of America is slipping. Signs of the Amirapocalypse are everywhere. I didn't expect them to show up so close to home. Can either of you fella boys explain to me what is going on? Respectfully, Alex from Santa Cruz, California. P.S. I'm renting one of those purple and green Juicy vans for an upcoming trip to southwest utah and called the juicy folks to ask a question
Starting point is 00:03:45 the loveliest kiwi accented person answered the phone and i pretty much swooned i don't think i'm alone among the legions of your friendly fans around the world i'm hoisting you two as the premier representatives of your entire country and its legendary linguistic lusciousness. The two of you are NZ. Does anyone else in New Zealand know what this is? Or is it just us? Worst idea of all time is. I know it's a big place, but there are still more sheep than people, if I'm not mistaken. Should I indulge my impulse to ask every New Zealander I come across if they know you?
Starting point is 00:04:23 I'll take my answer off the air. Well, you're going to get it on the air. And? Alex, very few people know who we are. I would recommend asking anyway. Which I prefer. It would increase the satisfaction when someone did know, and you'd be like, wow, this really paid off.
Starting point is 00:04:40 And it would just be a minor inconvenience for other New Zealanders who take everything in stride. Let me give the camera a shot of the picture, which I should have done while you were talking. It's a picture of Rob Schneider, and he appears to be aware of the camera, looking at the camera, no less. And it says, DNA's Comedy Lab, an experimental theater. He's sold out.
Starting point is 00:04:58 And this was on October 7th, 2019. Seems like some posters have the word sold out printed on them. And then it's like, what's the point of the poster existing? You'd expect Rob Schneider to sell... What size room do you think Rob Schneider would comfortably sell out? 380 people. It's too big for mine. How many people do you think
Starting point is 00:05:18 Rob Schneider could sell out to? 200. 200 seat theatre? You sell out to a 200 seat theatre. You haven't made multi-million dollar movies With Adam Sandler As far as I know, I have a deal with Netflix To make any of the sitcoms Yeah, Rob Schneider's a fucking superstar
Starting point is 00:05:35 I just don't know who his fan base is Is the confusing thing What kind of person is fucking jazzed About Rob Schneider rolling into town For a live show Me when I was younger I guess When you interviewed him, is fucking jazzed about Rob Schneider rolling into town for a live show? That's what I don't get. Me when I was younger, I guess. When you interviewed him, were you jazzed?
Starting point is 00:05:49 A whole bunch of time travelers? No. Even then it was off the boil, and that was a long time ago. The subject heading of this email is 50 first dates. Tim. Well, guess what? This is Guy. Tim, hello again, friend.
Starting point is 00:06:03 I'm in a hotel and settled on watching 50 First Dates as my watch before bed movie instead of something good. In this gem, Drew Barrymore can't make short-term memories, so she's living Groundhog Day but without the perks. She thinks it's her dad's birthday every day. Her dad and brother pretend it is his birthday, too, because it's easier than explaining to Drew that she is stuck. To my point, she gives her dad the sixth sense, and guess what? She suggests every freaking day that they watch the movie. And they watch it. That is a really good point. I like that. Scotty. That is a really good point.
Starting point is 00:06:44 I like that. Sandler, he sowed the seed for this entire operation. Have you seen 50 First Dates? Yeah. Did you like it? Yeah. It was fine, you know? Yeah, it's a comfortably mid-tier film. I've also seen Sandler talk about it, I think, on Conan.
Starting point is 00:07:02 He was like, yeah, I wanted to go to Hawaii for a holiday. Yeah, I saw that interview interview And so they made a movie That was set there Great approach Legend I think he does it All the time Yeah
Starting point is 00:07:12 Yeah he absolutely does Because that's what Grown ups was right Or grown ups Holiday with his mates Well Scott That's a It's a sage observation
Starting point is 00:07:20 And I mean How do you feel about that That Adam Sandler Potentially Not put us up to this but sort of created the environment for it to happen good i respect the sandman yeah i think and i've probably said some pretty gnarly things in the throes of despair in season one but as it exists
Starting point is 00:07:38 on the on the body of work he's created and the amount of joy he's given me and, you know, the sort of the basis of some of my career. Yeah. That his hard work is also in quite a roundabout way provided. Oh, he's about to vomit then. So he can't bring himself to say the words. The Sandman deserves all the money he gets. Absolutely.
Starting point is 00:08:00 Say it out loud. Say those words. The Sandman deserves all the money he gets. Ah. Without a qualm. I say that. With no qualms. I think he earns too much in spite of the fact that he is talented, but he seems obscenely rich.
Starting point is 00:08:15 William says, Dear Frosty Fellas, I thought I ought to write to you to let you know about a very special episode of The Worst Idea of All Time I had in my dreams last night oh wow you two boys had just i like the idea that something is like canon to the person even if it's in a dream yeah you know like i saw the sequel to titanic um last night while i was asleep and that so but the memory of the sequel to Titanic remains with you. Yeah. And is canon in the Titanic universe. For me, it is.
Starting point is 00:08:47 Why happened? You two boys had just been to see the theatrical re-release of Sex and the City 2. Apparently, it was a breath of fresh air for both of you. And the film was greatly improved by the removal of the song Whatta Man by Salt-N-Pepa. Not in the movie, but continue. Yeah. But it's a dream. Yep.
Starting point is 00:09:08 Despite the song not being in the film in the first place. I mean... Beat you to it in your own email. Fucking up your game. William was way ahead of us. You jokingly described it as, quote, completely different to any other film we'd seen, end quote. I suspect this comment may have something to do with Mr. Big
Starting point is 00:09:24 actually walking down the aisle with carrie as guy suspected he would again despite this occurring in the first movie not the second okay dreams like the plot of those movies don't always make sense that's all the dream cast i remember but i wonder what else was cut differently in the re-release. Perhaps MPK, much like George Lucas, lacked the technology at the time to properly portray scenes like the first battle between Dickbot and Brady. Hashtag Dickbot shot first.
Starting point is 00:10:01 I love that you boys still entertain me, even when it's just the musings of my subconscious what is smn short for shaking my knees yeah nice that's from your fan william a from across the ditch which i suspect is for austral. That's what the A stands for in William. Absolutely. This is a quick one. I'm not original here. You had a good dream recently?
Starting point is 00:10:32 Like William, do you dream about podcasts? I've been having dreamless sleeps lately. I've been waking up groggy too. And I've been looking after myself. I don't understand what's going on. I guess maybe I'm just tired. I've heard that when people people get really into weed they stop dreaming are you getting really into weed recently no not at all i'm probably i'm not
Starting point is 00:10:52 smoking i'm probably smoking a bit less than usually like i'm not smoking at night because i've been waking up groggy and i'm like i feel like there's a connection there uh i don't know what it is although i've i've heard of when people stop smoking weed that they have very immersive and intensive dreams yeah when people completely go off the stuff same when you stop smoking but i can't remember if that's from stopping smoking or if you use champ x i don't know i think it might be the champ x champ x it's a Stop smoking Okay yeah It's a gum What was your last dream? Can't remember
Starting point is 00:11:29 I'm not good at remembering them They're usually pretty abstract A real artist Yeah Always At all times Even while sleeping Hello boys
Starting point is 00:11:38 I'm not original here I was listening to season one For the second time Which is beautiful I think You should make more podcasts while walking outside. The audio may be slightly worse, but as someone who's had to deal with several inches of snow the last couple of weeks, I greatly appreciate hearing someone who can be outside.
Starting point is 00:11:59 Also, you sound more hopeful. All the best. Say my name if I put it in here somehow John simple to the point something that I would enjoy
Starting point is 00:12:11 I mean we've got the door open for today's record because it's so hot and you're probably hearing a couple of cicadas sort of drifting through the door and I actually
Starting point is 00:12:19 I love that I've said it before I'll say it again I love Atmos I love hearing sort of background noise I like knowing there's action activity. I like it on a radio show when you can hear people on mic
Starting point is 00:12:29 and then you hear someone just off mic being like, oh, come on, Greg, fucking sort it out, mate. Yeah. And it's like, oh, what chaos is going on in there? Like I like that party energy. I like the feel of something happening beyond. I mean, and at different times I do enjoy like just a very high-end audio product but there's something to that extra element that really spins my wheels in fact uh we were sort of
Starting point is 00:12:53 bemoaning the fact the other day you brought up that the uh podcast but outside idea is so good podcast but outside if you don't know it it it's a podcast hosted by Andrew Michan, who's an LA-based comic and another guy whose name I can't remember. Very rudely, actually, but he's more successful, I think, or more. He's got more clout online. He deserves to be taken down a bit. He's doing all right. But it's a great podcast.
Starting point is 00:13:18 It's a podcast, but they're caught outside. They set up in different areas, and they pay people who stop and talk to them a dollar. So they'll pay you a dollar to be their guest. Fucking genius. And it's just a perfect premise, well executed. We're very jealous that we didn't think of it. If you do want more podcasts outside, I'll send you there. Thank you, John.
Starting point is 00:13:38 Scott writes, Tim, me again, to drive you crazy. Your Hater You Balloon Coffee Guy segment during the 53rd watch of Sex and the City 2 was amazing. I laughed a lot on the train and looked like a crazy person. It's fine. It's normal on the train. Wanted you to know you're not far off the truth. Hot air balloon races are a thing. Here is a great example if you're looking for a reason to come to the States next year.
Starting point is 00:14:00 Make it this. They rise, float, drop beanbags on their targets, and try to land in an assigned location. The suspense is out of this world because the balloons are slow. Love you guys. Thanks again for all the work. Scotty. Would you go on a hot air balloon? Oh, that's a good question.
Starting point is 00:14:18 It's like a terrifying version of a slow helicopter. Too much openness to fall out of. You're just in a basket. I would love it. I really like heights. I'm not great with heights. I'm all right. Don't love them.
Starting point is 00:14:33 People who say they're all right and don't love them, they're not good with heights. Yeah. Not terrible. I have mentioned this previously on the podcast, but I did develop briefly a fear of flying after a circus ride, a carnival ride that I went on in Sydney, at the Sydney Royal Easter Show. It was haphazard and too fast and seemed life-threateningly dangerous.
Starting point is 00:14:54 That sounds like you should probably spend less time on carnival rides than aeroplanes. Yeah, true. But it was just the whole advent really stuck with me, psychologically scarred me. He's also given us a link for the Reno balloon race and a schedule of the racing. It's in September.
Starting point is 00:15:12 Yeah, September 11th. September 11th, is that when you want to do your balloon race? Apparently, yes. 100% yes. I've never heard of any hot air balloon crashes occurring in Reno on September 11th. I can't think of a safer place. This email is entitled
Starting point is 00:15:27 Death Blart Rules. Yes. My absolute favorite podcast is Till Death Doss Blart and I wanted to tell you how much joy your dumb stuff brings to my life. I've been listening back
Starting point is 00:15:38 through season one of The Worst Idea of All Time and the consistently funniest pod I've ever heard is the episode where you wrote Grown Ups 2 from memory and performed it. You guys rule.
Starting point is 00:15:46 Keep yourself mentally healthy. And your viral marketing of the knife made me buy one. My wife hates it. Lame. I love that. Tim is a, I guess, you know, it's not a totally unforeseen pivot, but not just a knife guy, but a knife sort of spokesperson. Not connoisseur. I don't think you know enough about knives to be a connoisseur.
Starting point is 00:16:10 You're a knife enthusiast. Yeah, yeah. I'm a knife enthusiast. How many people do you think have bought a knife on the back of your enthusiasm? How good would it be for me to get business cards made that are beautiful and embossed in nice font, and it just says Tim Baird, amateur knife enthusiast with my email address. Comedian and knife guy.
Starting point is 00:16:29 No, no, no. No comedian. Just amateur knife enthusiast. That's the title. It's really good. That's all it is. You should genuinely get them printed. Yeah, okay, cool. Business cards aren't that much. I should get someone to do a nice job on designing one up. Just like the Patrick Bateman one in American Psycho. Hard out. Really nice, simple aren't that much. I should get someone to do a nice job on designing one up. Just like the picture-bathin' one
Starting point is 00:16:45 in American Psycho. Hard out. Really nice, simple, gold-embossed. Print them out, hand them out at the start
Starting point is 00:16:53 of your comedy shows. Yeah, that's great. Hand them out and then do a bunch of really ropey knife tricks to kick things off. Hiya!
Starting point is 00:17:02 Long-time listener of Till Death... Wait. Oh, no, this is different. Long-time listener of Till Death... Wait. Oh no, this is different. Long time listener of Till Death to Us Blart here. All five episodes. We must have hit the bit of the year where Death Blart had just come out. And that is true because this is from the 23rd of December.
Starting point is 00:17:14 I was watching Seth Rogen in a GQ interview where he breaks down his career. He mentions near the end that his movie Observe and Report about a bipolar narcissistic mall cop was hurt by Paul Blart releasing just ahead of it. And he later learned that the Blart people had got a hold of the script and ripped it off. I just thought I'd bring this information to the only people in the world to whom it's relevant. I won't email the interview
Starting point is 00:17:37 because links and emails should never be clicked. But searching YouTube for the Seth breakdown brings you right there. Timestamp, 35 minutes, 23 seconds. Again, thanks for being a comedic genius. I guess that's for all five of us. For being a comedic genius, I look forward to many more years of Blart with you all. That is from R.
Starting point is 00:17:57 R.A. No, that sounds like it's for you because a comedic genius is very much the singular. It's not a multiple. Could be for you though, you know? You know what I'm saying? Makes a lot of sense. Hey, John, who I think was the same John from before, said, David Spade, Netflix movie father of the year.
Starting point is 00:18:13 Just do not watch it. It's mediocre. Just a nice heads up. Where's the email? Oh, wow. That name looks familiar to me. It's because they share the name with a comedian. Ah, yes.
Starting point is 00:18:27 From Aussie, yeah. Yes. I went to his show. It was good. Friend Zone, ReCats, but this is a different guy. It's Dan Connell. That's the name. Daniel Connell had a great show last year at Melbourne.
Starting point is 00:18:37 He's a very funny guy. Tim and Guy, I wanted to thank you from the deepest of my heart for the series My Week with Cats. This email I sent before your first watch has been released. Ah, yay. I, like yourselves, had limited knowledge of cats and a general dislike for the show, despite being a real big fan of most musicals. When I saw it for the first time, I was sober, but felt very high.
Starting point is 00:18:58 And this is a, in terms of grammar, this is an ordinarily written email, but they have capitalized the V in very. So to emphasize that within their sobriety, they didn't just feel high. They felt very high. Very with literally a capital V. So the next time I wanted to be properly high, inspired by the 2017 episode Till Death Dost Blart,
Starting point is 00:19:20 I decided it was best to take 20 milligrams of edibles and bring my noise-canceling headphones to try Dark Side of the Moon with cats. Wow. It worked some of the time, as you might expect. The silent ballet worked really well with time. Holy shit! I deeply enjoyed my Dark Side of the Heavyside Liar, Dark Side of the Jellicles, Dark Side
Starting point is 00:19:39 of the Cats. Here's a wonderful article by the Washington Post that interviewed me about this, and plenty of others about seeing cats high as balls. Did you say the Washington Post? Yeah. That's a wonderful article by the Washington Post That interviewed me about this And plenty of others about seeing cats high as balls Did you say the Washington Post? Yep That's a legit news outlet It might be something you fellas might enjoy to read And then it's a link to a Washington Post article
Starting point is 00:19:54 Called People are seeing cats while high out of their minds These are their stories That's a great article by Bezos' own shit rag Say my name He wipes his ass with it Because he's a billionaire. Dan Connell. That's great, Dan. I like people experimenting
Starting point is 00:20:10 with the form. That email represents us crashing into the year 2020 which is very exciting. Yeah, we made it. Happy decade, everyone. This is what you get in the email special. You get an accelerated timeline towards the present day. This is good. We're going to run out of runway soon which is just in time for our release of season three of Hosting.
Starting point is 00:20:28 Oh, yes. Starring Guy Montgomery and Carlo Ricci, a couple of guys who just love having each other around at their respective houses. That's right. And chronicling all the fun that ensues therein. It's a podcast about hosting. Whether you're a guest or a host, there's always more you can know to make someone stay more enjoyable and more comfortable.
Starting point is 00:20:47 And, you know, it doesn't matter how many times you've done it, we've all got more to learn. And so this is probably one of the only podcasts that really concentrates on that experience. And, you know, there's seven episodes, so you get to experience an entire week of the hosting experience, both as guest and host. This most recent season sees me hosting Carlo Ricci in my small apartment in New York City. Please give it a listen. I think you're going to have a lot of fun
Starting point is 00:21:12 and you're going to learn a lot of stuff. You can catch up as well on the first two seasons on Hosting's own stream. We're putting the new episode out on the Worst Idea stream as well. It's just called Hosting. If you look up Host podcast or hosting Guy Montgomery in your podcast provider or app, you should find what you're looking for.
Starting point is 00:21:30 Arthur has hit us with a message that has the subject line, Kevin James's dark cold eyes. He's got Kevin James's dark cold eyes and he'll hurt you. Anyway. To him it may concern, I'm at a cafe which is playing King of Queens on a flat screen television
Starting point is 00:21:48 at the moment. I glanced up at it to see Kevin James sitting on an airplane with Jerry Stiller who said, if I was lucky I wouldn't be so fat
Starting point is 00:21:58 and soon after, I can't hear you, you're too fat. Kevin James barely emoted. He looked so haunting. TV is bad. Thank you for your service. Looking forward to your cat's coverage. Love, Arthur. King of Queens was a really long-running sitcom that also starred Patton Oswalt in, like, a B-roll.
Starting point is 00:22:15 Oh, I forgot he was in that. Doesn't that seem crazy? I guess. He's, like, one of the most... I guess, no, people work with everyone. Patton, in particular everyone Patton in particular Patton Oswalt Seems like the kind of guy
Starting point is 00:22:27 Who like just Fucking works Like the clappers as well Yeah He's always Like he puts out Quite a lot of specials In there too
Starting point is 00:22:34 Such a high caliber He does so much voice work You know He pops up in Films and what not He's really good He is good And he seems like
Starting point is 00:22:43 A genuinely lovely man He's a force for good, yeah. Him as Remy the Rat is one of the all-time great. I've never seen Ratatouille. I've never seen it. Don't say that around Joseph Moore. My God. That's his favorite movie, I reckon, eh?
Starting point is 00:22:55 He went to Euro Disney, and there's a restaurant at Euro Disney, which is the restaurant from Ratatouille, and it's all to scale. So you eat as though you are the size. You eat. As if you're the mouse? As if you're a rat. Yes. Everything's big.
Starting point is 00:23:11 I probably should have known it was a rat. You can order like a seven course meal or something. And the last meal is the Ratatouille from Ratatouille. Wow. And Joseph Moore talks about this as though he simultaneously married and gave life. Like it's, he talks talks about with such reverence there's no way any other day or experience will top this for him wow the guy loves the film sean five bucks our way fuck thanks sean you go get boys. Use this and buy a little candy and stay positive. Cats.
Starting point is 00:23:48 You did. You were doing perfectly. Did I do it funny? You fucking did, Sean. Here's to you. I'd drink some alcohol if I had some on me. Thank you, Sean. I fucking feel like a drink at the moment.
Starting point is 00:23:59 Another donation. And this one is, whoa. This one is 200 US dollars. Holy shit. This comes from Margot. Stop everything.
Starting point is 00:24:17 Stop everything. How do we deal with that? It's so much. It's a lot. I'll read the message and then we'll make an analysis Because they might provide context Frosty fellas Here's 20 bucks Just tricking
Starting point is 00:24:33 I have fun, we have fun Hey frosty fellows That really scared the shit out of me Seems like something I would do Oh my god, how did $20,000 exit my account Hey frosty fellows I've been meaning to donate for a long while and your current descent into expensive madness for our benefit with cats was a good reminder for me to do so.
Starting point is 00:24:53 Your podcast brings me great joy and comfort, even through dark times. And that's it. Margo. It's $200 just slammed right into the worst idea of all time account. Talk about funding the fucking fellas. You paid for the whole excursion of cats. That's on you.
Starting point is 00:25:10 Everyone who enjoyed Tim and Guy and everyone else's jaunt through cats, through the Jellicle Lear. To Margo we owe it. Or Leia. It's to Margo. Margo has embraced something that I wish, you know, MeUndies and Blaze Pizza would look into, which is that sort of...
Starting point is 00:25:26 Paying the boys. Paying the boys, but it's also that reverse invoice. It's if you build it, they will pay you. Yeah. Podcasting. And here's an example of us doing something that no one asked for and paying for it out of our own pocket,
Starting point is 00:25:38 and someone rising to the occasion and sort of saying, you're worth it. That's fucking sick. And it's how the economy is going to start working now. You know, there's a little company you may have heard of called Enron, which was a real trailblazer, really ahead of its time. In fact, I would go so far as to say the biggest issue they had was being too ahead of their day.
Starting point is 00:25:59 Unfortunately, they were, I think at the time, the largest company in America managed to unravel inside of three weeks when some of their financial statements started getting picked apart by a certain pesky reporter asking questions. Yeah. However, they developed an incredible, innovative way of doing their accounting called mark to market, which is when you guess how much money you're going to make and then report on it as if you've already made the profits. The lesson, as always. I feel a system that we've adopted. Yeah. And the market's got to just come on board and follow you.
Starting point is 00:26:31 100%. They've got to play the game. Two things to take away from this. Number one, Enron were hard done by. Yes. They should still be out there. Justice for skilling. Justice for skilling.
Starting point is 00:26:42 And secondly, you can't trust the fourth estate. Reporters will ask too many questions until the whole fucking house comes down. for skilling justice for skilling and secondly you can't trust the fourth estate reporters will ask too many questions until the whole fucking house comes down leave it out reporters leave it out if a company tells you some information believe it at face value keep your fucking beak out of their rubbish if there is one contribution i could leave on the earth like all of the podcasts all of the shows all of the whatever I've done, it seriously would be just big ups in corporations and getting journalists to lay the fuck off these rich companies.
Starting point is 00:27:12 They're doing a lot. Why don't you report to us on what's in your bloody garbage, in your trash can, you pieces of shit. Hey, Tim and Guy, I just wanted to pop in and say thanks for the miniseries on cats and to donate a few bucks to one of my favorite podcasts. You're both an absolute pleasure to listen to. Cheers, Bob.
Starting point is 00:27:32 Oh, thanks, Bob. Bob Dezeal. Fucking good name that I might be mispronouncing based on that spelling. Dezeal? No, that's not Bob. It says Rachel. That's not Diesel. That says, is it Dolezal?
Starting point is 00:27:50 Where does it say Rachel? No, he's fucking with everyone. No, and there's a picture. There's a really, really cool picture. You know this is being videoed, eh? I could just show the camera. Yeah, and then you'd be revealed to be a liar. This one comes oh this is also from bob it's the same email all right here we go we could probably wrap up on this one i reckon all right this is andrew forsyth oh but the theme song
Starting point is 00:28:16 yeah but oh no it's just opened it's not what i was trying to open i was trying to open this one from jack you're right mate the subject is, you inspired us to do something awful. Hey, Tim, how goes it? I'll tell you how it goes. He's going fine. I'm sure you get emails like this all the time, but I figured I'd chance my arm anyways. My name's Jack.
Starting point is 00:28:38 I'm a student living in Dublin, Ireland, and one of my main pastimes is... I'm drumrolling. I don't know if you can hear that. Jerking it. No. Watching films. Lots and lots of films.
Starting point is 00:28:49 Why put that on someone, man? They're coming into our house. You're not being a good host. I'd wager anything that Jack Rudden loves to jerk it. And a big part of hosting is encouraging those in your... Vicinity? Vicinity to... If you got it, jerk it.
Starting point is 00:29:04 Okay. A friend of mine introduced me to the worst idea of all time, and to put it lightly, I jerked it. I fell in love with the podcast. One thing led to another, and myself, the aforementioned friend, also called Jack, and a third friend, Rob, decided to... Jerk it. Start our own podcast, Very much influenced by the premise
Starting point is 00:29:25 Of the worst idea of all time For the next calendar year We are Jerking it Watching one of the three Yes, three Mr Bean movies every week And discussing them on the podcast As I said before
Starting point is 00:29:38 I'm chancing my arm And figuring that on the off chance That you had any interest in checking out the podcast I'd send you a link So below is a video of us jerking it And a link to what is effectively our worst area of all time otherwise known as a three bean salad that's a funny name hopefully hear from you soon kindness regards it's funny and best wishes jack rudden good job on the name ruddy stop jerking it three bean salad should i send an automated response to Jack?
Starting point is 00:30:06 Here's what Gmail has offered me. Thanks, I'll check it out. Thoughts or cool, I'll check it out. That's pretty good. Well done, AI. I got it to send thoughts. Okay, sweet. Hopefully he listens to the podcast.
Starting point is 00:30:24 Well, he won't. He'll get that email right now. Unexplained. Glad you're enjoying yourself. So am I. I think that's it for the friend zone. Important to introduce real world consequences to this real world activity of hanging out with a couple of pals.
Starting point is 00:30:39 Hello, who's the... Oh, it's the end of the show. It's for you. Oh, hiya. Well, before we go, I just wanted to say thank you so much to everyone for listening. Tim actually has some upcoming tour dates for his live stand-up comedy performance, and I would highly recommend going to check him out.
Starting point is 00:30:53 Christchurch, March the 13th. Dunedin, March the 15th. And then Melbourne. We're both going to be in Melbourne for April onwards. Where's October coming from? I don't know. And then Sydney. You're going?
Starting point is 00:31:08 I'm going. I'm going to Sydney. We're both going. And then Wellington and Auckland. We're both doing it. Tim's show is called Classy Warfare. You can find tickets at timbat.co.nz. And Guy's show is called Jerkin' It on stage.
Starting point is 00:31:24 And you can get tickets from jerkinit.xxx. Yeah. Or if you look up Pornhub Jerkin' It, I should be the third most popular video unless something drastic has changed. Let's get him to number one, everybody. I've embedded the ticket link in the comment section of that video. In fact, all this talk of jerkin' it's making me pretty fucking chubbed up right now. I might just flop out my hog and start
Starting point is 00:31:49 jerking it. Cool. Okay. Well, let's leave him to it, everybody. This has been the worst friend zone ever. Don't forget, if you're on the Patreon, you can actually watch me jerking it right now. And thank you again so much to Margot, who now posthumously has funded the Cats.
Starting point is 00:32:08 Posthumously? Yeah. For the podcast. Yeah, yeah. Not for Margot. I'd sincerely hope for the podcast. Thanks, everyone. If you got it, jerk it.
Starting point is 00:32:19 That's what I say. Well, it's the friend zone with Tim and Guy. It's the friend zone. We're gonna have a good time. It's the friend zone with Tim and Guy because making friends is the best idea of all time. Friend zone.

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